SAMPLE ARGUMENT ESSAY REVIEW

QUESTION
SuperCorp recently moved its headquarters to Corporateville. The recent surge in
the number of homeowners in Corporateville proves that Corporateville is a
superior place to live than Middlesburg, the home of SuperCorp's current
headquarters. Moreover, Middleburg is a predominately urban area and according
to an employee survey, SuperCorp has determined that its workers prefer to live
in an area that is not urban. Finally, Corporateville has lower taxes than
Middlesburg, making it not only a safer place to work but also a cheaper one.
Therefore, Supercorp clearly made the best decision.
Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions
of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on the
assumptions and what the implications are if the assumptions prove
unwarranted.

STUDENT RESPONSE
The argument has a fallacious] structure due to numerous reasons. The argument has been constructed
upon a weak assumption about the economics of Corporateville and Middleburg which would render
the main conclusion that SuperCorp has made the best decision to move its headquarters to
Corporateville, as invalid.

First, there is no indication regarding the surge in the number of homeowners in Corporateville in
"comparison" to the population dynamics in Middleburg. It might be the case that there has been a
uniform surge throughout the country. Also, it could happen that the surge in Middleburg is less than
the surge in Corporateville. We would need to analyze the population dynamics of the both the cities in
terms of both, the current population and the rate of change of population.
Second, there is no indication of how much of the area of Corporateville is urban and how much of it is
rural. It might be the case that urban region of Corporateville is greater in proportion than for
Middleburg. Also, the survey could be biased. It should be re-inspected whether the survey was
uniform/unbiased or biased. If it was biased, then the decision should be signaled on hold and a fresh
survey must be taken.

Third, the kinds of taxes are many. It is not clearly mentioned regarding which taxes they are talking
about. If only a particular kind of taxes are low, then we need to consider the tax rates for all the
categories otherwise it might happen that the net tax rate is even more for Corporateville than for
Middleburg. Also, there is a slight correlation, if not at all, between tax rates and safety of a given place.
They have correlated lower tax rates with higher safety, which is clearly flawed.

Finally, there are many other small factors that one needs to keep in mind while relocating its
headquarters. It could be linked with the competitive environment of the latter place. If the competition
is fierce then it might not be a well-informed decision to relocate your headquarters. Also, the
customers' analysis needs to be performed for the latter place. Last but not the least, the firm should
also analyze the costs of land and capital while relocating its offices to a new location.

Hence, in conclusion, it can be remarked that the argument's conclusion has been built on a weak
theory/hypothesis that the surge in the number of homeowners in Corporateville, the predominance of
urban area in Middleburg, and lower taxes in Corporateville implies to the fact that SuperCorp must
move its headquarters to Corporateville.

Expert Feedback
Lets first break the argument into parts-

Claim: SuperCorp made the best decision by transferring headquarters from M to C.

Premise:

i) Recently many people are moving to C.

ii) Employees prefer not to live in an urban area (as M), so C, being not urban, is the
best choice
iii) C has lower taxes than M, so its a safer and better place to work.

Now lets try to understand what went through the guys head when he made the
mentioned claims! The task asks you to: identify what assumptions worked behind
these claims and comment on the consequences if these assumptions are proven
unjustified.

Claim 1: Recent surge of population to C makes it a better choice. So, he assumes that
as more people are moving to C it must be a great place! But he doesnt mention
anything regarding the condition of M. Is the place also having such a surge? Or people
are tired of the place and are moving out? If many people are moving away from M, and
preferring C, the argument may become defendable! But we just dont know anything
about the situation of M! It could be the case that M is having even greater population
surge! So just based on the recent population surge at C we cannot confirm that
moving to C leaving M will be the best choice.

Claim 2: Employees want to move to an area which is not urban and thus C is the best
option. He assumes that moving headquarters to C will please the employees and bring
greater success to the company. But we dont know anything regarding the
organizational structure of SuperCorp. We dont know other implications of leaving an
urban area. One possible case could be: if the company moves its headquarters, it will
make employees happy but other shareholders unhappy. For example, it may have
foreign buyers who prefer urban headquarters. So, although employee satisfaction is an
important issue, it should not be the only consideration to ensure success. We do not
know what would happen to other shareholders if such changes are made.

Claim 3: Lower taxes make a place better. He assumes that lower taxes mean lower
costs, so better atmosphere to work in. But only taxes do not necessarily contribute to
the life style in a place. For example, this place may have lower taxes, but poor
transportation, no marketplace, anti-social activities like illegal drug dealing! We simply
do not know the other aspects of this place. If all other things besides lower taxes are
fine, then the argument may become valid. Again, the author does not provide any such
evidence and hence, we cannot put all our faith in this argument!

COMMENTS ON THE RESPONSE

Your entire response was based on fault finding rather than assumption and implication finding.
Thats the major problem I find with this response. At first, you need to consider why the guy made
these claims, then explain your reasoning: why you are not convinced by these claims. That is the basic
thing for this type of arguments.

This response should get a score of 4. You presented some reasonable arguments, some
weak or unwarranted arguments as well! You displayed decent sentence variation and grasp on
vocabulary. But, you need a well-focused structure and better arguments (consider the argument
breakdown above) to get beyond 4! See the colored comments in your response

The argument has a fallacious [unconvincing would be a better choice; you need to be diplomatic about
word choices] structure due to numerous reasons. The argument [Use pronoun it] has been
constructed upon a weak assumption about [on] the economics of Corporateville and Middleburg which
would render the main conclusion that SuperCorp has made the best decision to move its headquarters
to Corporateville, as [omit as] invalid.

First, there is no indication regarding the surge in the number of homeowners in Corporateville in
"comparison" to the population dynamics in Middleburg. It might be the case that there has been a
uniform surge throughout the country. Also, it could happen that the surge in Middleburg is less than
the surge in Corporateville. We would need to analyze the population dynamics of the both the cities in
terms of both, the current population and the rate of change of population. [Good paragraph! But could
be a little more focused to the prompt directions]

Second, there is no indication of how much of the area of Corporateville is urban and how much of it is
rural. It might be the case that urban region of Corporateville is greater in proportion than for
Middleburg. Also, the survey could be biased. It should be re-inspected whether the survey was
uniform/unbiased or biased. If it was biased, then the decision should be signaled on hold and a fresh
survey must be taken. [You cannot question the survey here! You have to assume it is fine! Here they
didnt mention any percent or ratio of survey takers. When any evidence is explicitly mentioned you
cannot question that, and need to consider what would happen even if it is 100% true]

Third, the kinds of taxes are many. It is not clearly mentioned regarding which taxes they are talking
about. If only a particular kind of taxes are low, then we need to consider the tax rates for all the
categories otherwise it might happen that the net tax rate is even more for Corporateville than for
Middleburg. Also, there is a slight correlation, if not at all, between tax rates and safety of a given place.
They have correlated lower tax rates with higher safety, which is clearly flawed. [The paragraph began
with great promise! But you could not live upto the expectation! The ending seems a little vague]

Finally, there are many other small factors that one needs to keep in mind while relocating its
headquarters. It could be linked with the competitive environment of the latter place. If the competition
is fierce then it might not be a well-informed decision to relocate your headquarters. Also, the
customers' analysis needs to be performed for the latter place. Last but not the least, the firm should
also analyze the costs of land and capital while relocating its offices to a new location. [Arguments in
this paragraph are much generalized. You just mentioned some possibilities but did not elaborate on
them. That is not a good idea if you aim at high score. You need to analyze everything you mention in
the essay]

Hence, in conclusion, it can be remarked that the argument's conclusion has been built on a weak
theory/hypothesis that the surge in the number of homeowners in Corporateville, the predominance of
urban area in Middleburg, and lower taxes in Corporateville implies to the fact that SuperCorp must
move its headquarters to Corporateville. [Your conclusion restates preceding paragraphs, which is a
good thing. But, earlier paragraphs were not upto the mark; hence, conclusion becomes the same
automatically]

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