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Planes, Trains, and Plantains

The story of Oedipus.
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Gordon M Winner

November 12th, 2002


A man can justify his actions if he regards his demeanor with

deductive thinking. This man was not Oedipus mainly because he was a
fucking douche bag. One must know who Oedipus was to understand the
period in which it was written. This is my thesis statement. The Greeks
contributed many things to our culture, such as olives, gyros, Lenny
Kravitz, anal sex, and Oedipus. Oedipus will be remembered though out
time because he suffered from Lou Gherigs disease, and thats why he
couldnt play base ball in the first Olympic games. He will always be
remembered for his journeys and his love for the New York Yankees

1821, Associated Press

Lou Gehrig is smiling because

He got daily rim jobs from the girls at Scores.


Laius and Jocasta were king and queen of Thebes, a town in

Greece. They were fucking around and Laius forgot to strap his shit.
One day they had a baby boy. An oracle prophesied that the boy would
grow up and kill his father and marry his mother. Laius was like fuck
that shit, thats gay. To thwart the prophecy, Laius and Jocasta
decided to kill their baby. They fingered his butt hole and sent him on
his way. In those

days, it was usual to leave an unwanted or defective baby in the

wilderness. Laius and Jocasta did this. To be extra-sure, they pierces
his little feet and tied them together. (Dont worry about this detail,
which makes no sense. It must have been introduced to explain the
heros name.) A kindly shepherd found the baby in a pool skimmer. He
gave the baby to a friend, who took it to Corinth, another town.
(Corinth reappears in the New Testament. Under the category of
DVDA, versus 63) The king and queen of Corinth couldnt have a baby
of their own. The king has a bad case of the limp dick. So they adopted
the foundling. Nobody ever told little Oedipus that his mother was
never pregnant. She aborted a kitten into a toilet in the back of a
Denver Dennys. One day, after he had grown up, a drunk mentioned his
being adopted. Oedipus killed the bum. Oedipus questioned his parents
but they denied it. Oedipus visited various oracles to find out whether
he was really adopted. All the oracles told him instead that he would
kill his father and marry his mother. He told them that they were
dissin him so he grabbed his 12-sided double dildo and left town. (None
of this makes much sense. Again, dont worry about it. This is a folk
tale not a god damn Oxy Clean Commercial) To thwart the oracles,

Oedipus left Corinth permanently. He then sought out Billy Mays and
had gay sex with him, at the time it was considered polite. (Again, dont
worry. Yes, Oedipus should have considered that. since he might be
adopted, any older man might be his father and any older woman his
mother. But this is a folk tale.) Travelling the roads, Oedipus got into a
traffic squabble and killed a stranger who (unknown to him) was King
Laius. Oedipus snorted two lines of pure cocaine off his dead dad. In
one version, there was a dispute over right-of-way on a bridge. In
those days, high rank got to go first, Oedipus identified himself as heir
to the thrown of Corinth, and for some reason (again, dont worry about

This is page 3.

Laiuss people simply attacked instead of explaining that he was king of

Thebes. They were dumb Greek Dudes, what did you expect an atomic

bomb? Some versions say that the rude Laius drove over Oedipuss sore
foot, making him lose his temper. This is bull shit dont believe it or
OEDIPUS WILL FUCKING KILL YOU. And thats what Oedipus told his

One should ANALize the Poetry on page 43, when Oedipus is

rollin in his benzo and he has to bust a cap on some flagrants in the
under city.

Riding in the benzo, poppin my colla

See some fine wenches, I hafta holla.

Diamonds, god, and the all mighty dolla

Im Oedipus bitch , the original balla.

I bust out my 9 to light up your impala

Fuck that police!

Dr. Dre got most of his inspiration from the Greek story of
Oedipus. Soon Oedipus;s smarts saved the town of Thebes and he was
made king. Infact the only reason Dr. Dre produced The Chronic
because the Bible tells you to smoke lots of pot and Oedipus used to
blaze with the markers of Aqua Fresh tooth paste.

Took like 4 hours in paint to do this so.

Oedipus married Laiuss widow, Queen Jocasta. So basically he

was fuckin his own mom which was fuckin nasty. He ruled well and they
had four children.Eventually, Oedipus and Jocasta found out what had
hreally happened. Imagine your like jamming your mom and like you have
4 kids then the feds come to your house and say that she wuzz your
mom and you were like ya? So? And they were like, well thats gross and
illegal. (You must assume that accidentally killing our father and
marrying your mother is a disaster.) Jocasta committed suicide with a

pimento and Oedipus blinded

himself and became a wandering beggar, because The Beetles did it and

that was cool. In the version which must have been the favorite of
Sophocless Arian audience, Oedipus found sanctuatry at Colonus,
outside of Athens. The kindness he was shown at the end made the city
itself blessed. Which is the gayest ending ever. The greeks invented

anal lube.

This is my conclusion The end.

Works Cited:






Yes I do sign autographs only $40 per tit


The game.