Confidence is a tricky, tricky little thing.

Feeling good about yourself is so easy

to put at the will of others when it should only be up to you. The good news is
that you're driving this self-assurance train and it's ready to depart from the
station.
Part 1
Appearing Confident

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1
Look the part. Or, as the saying goes, "fake it 'til you make it." If you know
that you look like a confident, capable person, eventually you'll start to feel it,
too. You should dress how you feel best -- not what you think confident is. Try
these tricks:
Devote a little time each day to personal hygiene and making sure you're
presenting yourself well. Shower daily, brush and floss your teeth, and groom your
skin and hair.
Dress for confidence. You don't have to buy a whole new wardrobe to feel
better in your clothes. As long as you're clean, comfortable, and feel good, you're
set up for confidence! Remember, you look more confident when you are enjoying what
you wear!
After all, you wouldn't wear a three-piece suit on a pizza delivery. If you
think you look good, odds are you probably do.
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2
Perfect your posture. How you carry yourself communicates a lot to other
people, so make sure you're telling them that you're confident and in-charge. Keep
your shoulders back, your spine straight, and your chin high. Walk with purpose
instead of dragging your feet, and sit up straight. When you look like a confident
person on the outside, you'll be approached as one by the world around you.
You won't only fool everyone else -- you'll fool yourself too. Recent
research shows that the positioning of your body cues your mind to feel a certain
way -- so positioning yourself confidently will make you genuinely feel in charge.
And to top it off, having confident body language has been linked to lower levels
of stress, too. [1]
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3
Smile. Keep your grin in easy reach -- you'd be surprised how even the smallest
of smiles can disarm many a social situation and make everyone feel more
comfortable. In fact, research shows that smiling reduces stress hormones in the
brain. Can you imagine approaching someone who's scowling? No, thank you.
If you're worried your smile is fake, keep it small. A fake smile can be
spotted from a mile away. On the other hand, if you're genuinely happy to see them
-- or just happy for the chance to practice your new confidence skills -- flash
those pearly white teeth.
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4
Make eye contact. It's a subtle change, but it can work wonders on how other
people perceive you. Don't be afraid to meet the gaze of someone else; it shows not
only that you are a person worthy of communicating with, but it tells them you
respect them, acknowledge their presence, and are interested in the conversation.
You don't want to be rude, do you?!
Our eyes are uniquely human. They are windows to the soul, if you will, and
showcase our attention and feelings. By making eye contact, you will improve the
quality of your interactions in addition to appearing more confident. In fact,
you'll come off as more likeable and trustworthy and those who converse with you
will feel more appreciated.[2] If you can't do it for you, do it for them!
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Have approachable body language. If you see a person huddled in the corner
pretending to play games on their mobile phone, are you really going to come up and
say hello? Probably not. If you want others to approach you, make sure you're
approachable!
Keep your body open. If you have your arms and legs crossed, you're telling
the world that you're not interested in welcoming them in. Same goes for your face
and hands -- if it's clear you're preoccupied with something else (be it a thought
or your iPhone), people will take the hint.
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6
Hold your gaze. Now that you've got the eye contact thing down, it's time to
put it into practice. Did you know that other people are just as shy about eye
contact as you are? Try this out: make eye contact with someone and see who lasts
longer. Do they avert their gaze before you? See?! They're uncomfortable too!
wikiHow isn't advocating staring someone down, you know. Staring intensely
at someone until they feel your gaze and shrink accordingly due to palpable
awkwardness is not the goal. The goal is, however, to recognize that other people
are just as nervous about you looking at them as you are about them looking at you.
If you get caught, just smile. You're off the hook.

Score
0 / 3

Part 1 Quiz

Which of the following statements is true about looking more confident?

Don't worry about what's on the outside--worry about what's on the inside.
A big, fake smile is better than a small, fake smile. The bigger, the better.
Make eye contact, smile, and keep your body open.
Don't worry about your posture--stand however you feel is most comfortable.
Part 2
Thinking Confidently

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1
Recognize your talents and good qualities and write them down. No matter how
down you feel, try to pat yourself on the back a little and remember the things you
excel at. Focusing on your better attributes will distract you from perceived flaws
and boost your sense of worth. Think of your good qualities in looks, friendships,
talents, and most of all, personality.
Think back on compliments from other people. What have they told you about
you that you otherwise haven't noticed or acknowledged? Maybe they've remarked on
your smile, or your ability to stay cool and collected in stressful situations.
Remember past accomplishments. It can be something other people recognized,
like being at the top of your class, or something only you know about, like a quiet
act of service to make life easier for someone else. Realize how great this was.
You go!
Think about the qualities you try to cultivate. No one's perfect, but if
you're actively trying to be an honorable, good person, give yourself some credit
for effort. The fact that you think about bettering yourself at all says that
you're humble and good-hearted, and those are positive attributes.
Now write down everything you can think of and refer back to it next
time you're feeling down. Add to it as you remember more things you can take pride
in doing.
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2
Think of the obstacles that stand in the way of your confidence. Take a piece
of paper and write all the things that you think are keeping you from becoming
confident, e.g., bad grades, introversion, not many friends, etc. Now ask yourself
this: Is that valid or logical? Or are these just assumptions on my part? FYI, the
answers are "no" and "yes," respectively. How in the world does it make sense that
one thing determines your self-worth? It doesn't!
Here's an example: You didn't get good grades on your last math test, so as
a result you're not confident when it comes to your next test. But ask yourself
this: If you studied really hard, worked with the teacher, and prepared for the
test, would you do better?! YES. That was just one event and has nothing to do with
you. You have absolutely ZERO reasons not to be confident.
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Remember that everyone struggles with confidence. Some people are good at
hiding it, but nearly every person has struggled with his or her self-confidence at
one point. You're not alone! And if you can think of someone who's confident, odds
are there's a situation they're not confident in. Confidence is rarely universal.
Here's a true fact for you: Most people are too preoccupied with how they
appear to be constantly judging you. Ever notice how people love talking and
looking in things that are even just barely reflective? 99% of people are inwardly
focused. Breathe a sigh of relief and recognize that you don't have to be perfect
all the time.
Stop comparing yourself with everyone else. Not everything is a
competition, and viewing life that way will wear you out. You don't have to be the
smartest, prettiest, most popular person in order to be happy. If you have a strong
competitive streak that you can't completely ignore, try competing with yourself
instead and strive to keep getting better.
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See confidence as a process, not a singular achievement. Having confidence
isn't a finish line you cross once, and the process won't always move forward
there will be days when you feel like you're starting from square one. Take a deep
breath, remember the self-confidence hurdles you've already cleared, and resolve to
keep going. In the toughest of times, it is good to make it your duty to pat
yourself on the back even if you didn't do anything.
Odds are you won't really realize you're confident until you already are.
Was there a day you realized you were smart, funny, resourceful, or punctual?
Probably not. So if you don't see immediate changes, know that it's just because
you're too close to the painting. Can't see the forest through the trees, type of
thing. You get it.
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Remember you were born with it. No, it's not Maybelline. When you popped out of
your mother's womb, you didn't really care who heard you crying or how soft your
head was. You just were. It was society that pointed a finger at you and made you
feel as if you had to measure up. It was learned. You know what they say about
learned things? They can be unlearned.
Tap into that confidence that you were born with. It's there, it's just
buried under years of exposure to praise, threats, and perceived judgments. Take
everyone else out of the picture. They don't matter. They have nothing to do with
you. "You" is good. "You" exists apart from any other judgment.
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6
Get out of your head. A lack of confidence has nothing to do with the external
world, so you have to get out of your head. If you catch yourself having an inner
dialogue, just stop. The world is swirling around you -- swirl with it. The only
moment that exists is now. Don't you want to be a part of it?
So much of the world exists outside your head (if we're going with the
assumption that reality is as it seems). Constantly thinking about what you feel or
look like takes you out of the moment. Practice not thinking about the past or the
future. Concentrate on what's in front of you -- there's probably something
exciting about it.
Score
0 / 3

Part 2 Quiz

True or False: Most people are too busy worrying how they appear to others to look
at you and judge you.
True. Most people really are too concerned with themselves to pay others much
attention.
False. Everyone is constantly looking at other people, silently judging them.
Part 3
Practicing Confidence

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1
Embrace your interests. If there's a sport or hobby you've always wanted to be
good at, now's the time! Improving your skills will reinforce that you are
talented, and subsequently boost your confidence. Learn a musical instrument or a
foreign language, take up an art form like painting, start building
projectswhatever it is that catches your interest.
Don't get discouraged if you're not immediately awesome. Remember that
learning is a process, and you're in it for the small victories and the relaxing
recreation time, not to be the best ever.
Take up a hobby you can do with a group. Finding like-minded people who
share your interests can be an easy way to make friends and build confidence. Look
around your community for groups you can join, or find kinship with fellow
hobbyists.
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Talk to strangers. Straight up, confidence is more than just a state of mind --
it's habit. That's all humans really are. So in order to be confident, you've gotta
do confident things. One of those is making conversation with strangers. It's
intimidating at first, but with each time you'll be more and more unfazed.
No, that won't creep strangers out unless you're a smelly, aggressive
Quasimodo-looking KKK member. If someone says, "Hey!", smiles at you, and asks you
whether they should go to Starbucks or Coffee Bean, how are you going to feel?
Probably good. Everybody likes to be the hero, talk to other people, and be
spontaneous.[3] You're just brightening up their otherwise dull day.
You don't have opportunities, huh? How about the barista at your coffee
shop? The girl at the check-out counter of your grocery store? Random strangers you
pass on the street?
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Don't over-apologize. Being able to say you're sorry is a good trait (and
something too many people struggle with). However, be careful to say it only when
necessary. Apologizing when you've slighted or inconvenienced someone is polite;
apologizing when you haven't done anything wrong, though, can make you feel
subordinate and like you should be sorry. Before it slips out of your mouth, take a
second to make sure this is a situation that actually needs an apology from you.
Use workarounds. You can express your sympathy or regret without actually
apologizing. For instance, if you're worried about inconveniencing someone, you
could say "I hope this hasn't been too much trouble" instead of automatically
reverting to "I'm sorry."
Apologizing needlessly makes you seem unsure of yourself. That doesn't make
sense because you are inferior to no one. Why apologize if you didn't do anything
wrong? After all, do you really mean it? And if you apologize all the time, it
loses value. Being sorry for everything means you're sorry for nothing. Think of
"I'm sorry" like "I love you." It should only be said with care.
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 4
Accept compliments gracefully. Don't just roll your eyes and shrug it off own
it! You deserved it! Make eye contact, smile, and say "thank you." Being nice about
it when someone else wants to compliment you doesn't compromise your humility; it
shows that you're polite and have a secure sense of self-worth.
Pay a compliment in return. If you're still uncomfortable taking
compliments, try giving one back after you've accepted. This can help you feel like
the score is "even" and you haven't been too prideful.
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Build your confidence by helping others. Take time to pay someone else a
compliment, or do an unannounced good deed. You'll brighten their day, and you'll
feel better about yourself. When you become a source for positivity, others will
seek to be around you, bolstering the good vibes.
Lots of people aren't good at receiving compliments. Odds are if you give
someone one they'll respond with one in turn. Just make sure you mean it or they
might respond skeptically -- "Hey, I really like that shirt you're wearing. Was it
made in China?" might not get the best response.
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Drop those who bring you down. It's hard to be confident in a group of people
that you feel are constantly judging you. You could naturally be the most
extroverted, loud, self-assured person, but with these people, you turn into a
puppy dog that hasn't been cared for well enough. Those people need to be dropped
like a bad habit. And now.
It's important that you surround yourself with others who you feel make you
feel like you're the best version of you there could possibly be. It's only around
these people that you'll be able to make the growth you want to (and can!) make.
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Slow down. A lot of people don't do crowds. Even more people don't do public
speaking. If you find yourself in one of these arenas, it's important to slow down.
When we're nervous, we tend to speed up just to get everything over with. Don't do
that. It's clue one that you're nervous. And you're cuing yourself that you're
nervous too!
Point number one is breathe. When we take short, sharp breaths, we're cuing
ourselves to fight or flight. Cut that out and you calm down a notch automatically.
Humans aren't rocket science, luckily.
Point number two is to consciously slow down your actions. Think of a six-
year-old on a sugar high -- that's you right now. Match your actions to your
breathing. Bingo. Serenity.
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Expect success. A lot of life is a self-fulfilling prophecy. When we think
we'll fail, we don't really try as hard. When we think we're not good enough, we
often act not good enough. If you expect success, you may just draw it out.
Pessimism can actually undermine your abilities.[4]
Right now you're probably saying, "I'm no accurate predictor of the future!
Expecting success isn't logical -- weren't you just pushing logic a second ago?!"
Well, yes, but think of it this way: you often expect failure, so why not expect
success? They're both possible circumstances and in most, one is not more likely
than the other. BOOM. Schooled.
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Take risks. Sometimes the only way out is through. In order to get good at
life, you've gotta encounter experiences that force you to learn. You can't be
awesome at it right off the bat. If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll
never get better at...anything. You gotta take chances to grow.
Failure is inevitable. It always happens. And it doesn't matter. The only
part that matters is that you get back up. Everyone experiences set backs, but not
everyone gets back up. It's the getting back up that builds confidence, and you've
got to fail in the first place to do so.