Self-esteem problems

Personality problems

Anger management difficulties

Learning

Bullying is best defined as a form of abuse, be it emotional, verbal or physical.

It involves repeated and increasingly aggressive or manipulative behavior that
is intentionally directed toward asserting power over another individual or
group. When we think of bullying, we often think of the playground or high
school, but bullying among adults is also shockingly common. For example,
49% of U.S. employees have either been the target of bullying or witnessed it
in their work lives. Whats more, bullying has dire consequences, with the
targets of bullying at increased risk for depression, anxiety and stress-related
maladies.

Previously, we reviewed the two types of bullies that you or someone you care
about, such as your girlfriend or kid, will most likely encounter. Here, we return
to this topic for an in-depth exploration of the factors that create and maintain
a bully. So, read on to figure out whats going on inside the head of the bully in
your life and what exactly you can do to put an end to the bullys behavior.

What makes a bully?

Self-esteem problems
Although it is a popularly held belief that bullies suffer from low self-
esteem and are acting out in order to compensate, some research suggests
that these individuals actually have high self-esteem. Rather than having a
healthy level of positive self-regard, however, bullies have pathologically high
self-esteem that is also unstable (Baumeister, 2001). When a bully feels that
they have been emotionally or psychologically slighted or insulted in some
way, this ego threat provokes extremely negative feelings that they are unable
to tolerate. The result is that they lash out defensively in anger in order to
preserve the image they have of themselves as in control, powerful and
superior to others.

Personality problems
Studies of adult bullying provide converging evidence that bullies tend to have
certain personality traits in common, including authoritarianism, a strong need
for control and a desire to dominate. Other research has suggested a small
but consistent relationship between bullying and narcissistic personality
disorder, which is characterized by a perception of oneself as a special, elite
person deserving VIP treatment, a lack of empathy toward others and a
tendency to be exploitative.

Bullies may possess additional troublesome characteristics found in other

personality disorders including superficial charm, insincerity, a propensity to
manipulate, rigidity, stubbornness, dictatorialness, and obsessive-compulsive
leanings. Finally, extremely dangerous bullies have much in common with
psychopaths, in that they feel little to no remorse over their actions. While all
of these personality problems may have a genetic component, they frequently
have roots in a disturbed childhood in which emotional needs went unfulfilled.

Anger management difficulties

Bullies have thought processes and emotional reactions that differ markedly
from those of other people. They are inclined to view their interpersonal world
rather negatively, often misinterpreting other peoples behavior toward them
as being hostile. This distorted perception of reality makes it extremely difficult
for them to enter into healthy relationships with others and leads to deficits in
social functioning. Emotionally speaking, bullies have a short fuse, becoming
aggressively angry quicker than most people. Trouble with managing
emotions may stem from a variety of factors, including physiological
differences and improper socializing as a child, when their aggression went
unchecked.

Learning
Some bullies simply learn early on that this behavior is the No. 1 way to get
what they want. In these cases, bullying behaviors may not be generalized to
all spheres of the bullys life, meaning that he or she may only be a bully in
certain situations but act like a regular person everywhere else.

Among coworkers at the office, for instance, bullying behavior could be used
as an attempt to climb the corporate ladder by preventing competitors from
doing the same. Or, bullying tactics can be employed by management in an
attempt to make subordinates take on heavy workloads. Unfortunately,
however, wherever it takes place, complying with a bullys request only
reinforces their learned tendency to behave aggressively in order to get their
way.

what you can do about bullying

Ultimately, what fuels bullying is a relational cycle involving the contribution of
both the bully and his or her target. To the cycle, the bully contributes
aggressive behavior. In an attempt to survive vicious interpersonal attacks, the
target responds to aggression in a defeated way. The targets reaction is
typically a defense mechanism that was learned early on. More specifically,
its not uncommon for targets to perceive themselves as a victim in stressful
situations.

The good news is that this destructive cycle can be broken. While it requires
less work to nip bullying in the bud when it first occurs, it can be stopped even
if it has been going on for a while, so its never too late to take a stand against
an aggressor. Essentially, you need to take action to show the bully that his or
her attempt to dominate you simply wont work. How you do so will depend on
your particular situation, but what is crucial is that you demonstrate that you
respect yourself enough not to tolerate the bullys behavior.

Bullying wreaks havoc on the lives of those who experience it. Now you know,
however, that bullying actually has very little to do with the victim in particular,
and much more to do with the bullys own personal difficulties arising from
personality problems, self-esteem issues, poor emotional control, and learned
tendencies. Mustering the courage to stand up to a bully can be tough, but it
must be done because the behavior wont go away if one endures it -- and
everyone deserves to be treated with dignity.

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