THE WANGS

"TRAIN DAY" (S1E3)

Written by

Harry Jonathan Chong

9/13/2015

The Wangs hitch a ride on a train, and meet an intelligent alien

nicknamed E.D.
EXT. TRAIN YARD DAY

Somewhere South of Washington. A conglomerate of trains sit

quiet atop a maze of railroad tracks.

We hear the sound of sneaking footsteps, and then the Wangs

appear. As usual it's CHANG, MINDY, EMILY, HARRY, AND CRAIG.

CHANG
(whispering)
Alright, what do we say if we get
caught?

EMILY
You tell anyone about us, and I'll
bite off your wiener!

Emily chomps the air, with her mouth, and shakes her head as
if trying to tear something off. Chang is perturbed.

CHANG
What? Ew! Gross. That's it, Emily.
Y-you're banned from putting
anything in your mouth that looks
like a wiener, sausage, link,
banger, bratwurst, frankfurter,
kielbasa, or salami.

EMILY
What about pepperoni?

CHANG
Especially pepperoni!

MINDY
Chang, keep your voice down.

The Wangs spot a security guard. They hide behind a large

crate subtly marked snakes.

The security guard slowly walks past them. He pauses to

scratch his ass, and then continues on, and disappears.

HARRY
Whew. That was close.

CRAIG
I am a robot.

CHANG
Thanks. We know that already.
 2.

CRAIG
I have x-ray vision. I can scan the
area for an empty railcar.

CHANG
Since when?

CRAIG
Since you began wearing panties.

Craig looks down at Chang's trouser area.

CHANG
W-w-what? I, no, I, I ran out of
clean men's underwear. Alright? I'm
not some sort of freaky cross
dresser.

Craig pats Chang on the shoulder in a patronizing manner.

CRAIG
Sure you aren't...

Craig uses his x-ray vision to scan for an empty railcar.

Looking into the numerous railcars he sees many different
things: Banned books, pirate treasure, a dinosaur, nuclear
waste, two skeletons having sex, etc.

CHANG (OS)
Find anything yet?

Craig spots a boxcar that's almost empty. There's only one

item it, something that looks like a casket.

CRAIG
I've spotted an almost empty
railcar.

MINDY
Almost empty?

CRAIG
There's something in there. One
item. It's long, and boxy. Looks
like it could fit a person - but
not comfortably.

CHANG
Alright then, it's just a box.
Whatever. Let's go already.

Craig leads the way, and takes Chang, Emily, Mindy, and Harry
over to the nearly empty boxcar. Chang tries pulling open the
sliding door to no avail.
 3.

CHANG (CONTD)
It's locked! Why would they lock
it?! Don't they watch movies?
You're supposed to leave these open
for traveling hobos.

CRAIG
Move out of the way, puny human.

Craig pushes Chang out of the way, and gives the boxcar door
a shot. He tries pulling it open with a hnnnnnnnnng! But
nope. Not working.

CHANG
Ha-ha! Loser! You're just as weak,
and useless as me!

CRAIG
Harry, may I borrow your shirt?

HARRY
Umm, sure. Why not?

Harry gives Craig his shirt. Craig wears Harry's shirt, rolls
up its sleeves, then goes back to the boxcar, gets a grip on
the door, and tears it clean off. He tosses the door, and it
goes sailing through the air.

EMILY
Impressive.

Craig does a dusting off of his hands gesture.

MINDY
Wait, we need that door to hide
ourselves.

CHANG
You foolish robot, you've doomed us
all.

Craig frowns, and runs away.

MINDY
Where's he going?

HARRY
(to Craig)
Come back! I need that shirt to
cover my boobs!

Chang gestures a dismissive wave.

 4.

CHANG
Forget it. We have to go.

HARRY
But... My boobs.

EMILY
And the door.

CHANG
Stop whining. This is life, okay?
We'll just have to make do.

HARRY
I hate making doo. It hurts my bum.

Chang clambers into the boxcar, and gestures for everyone

else to follow.

CHANG
Come on.

EXT. GREEN AREA DAY

Craig is on a grassy hilltop, sitting under a tree, hugging

his knees. A shadow of a man casts over him. He looks up.

There is a man with a walking cane, smiling. He has a strong

resemblance to Colonel Sanders. His name is PETER.

PETER
Why, hello, there! What's a young,
attractive robot like you doing all
on your lonesome?

CRAIG
My dad hurt my feelings, so I ran
away.

PETER
Aw, that's sad. Y'know if you were
my boy, I'd never in a brazillion
years treat you mean.

CRAIG
Yeah?

PETER
Heck yeah!
 5.

CRAIG
Oh, that's really sweet of you,
mister.

PETER
Well now, are you low on energy, my
friend? I can charge you up for
free.

CRAIG
I do need a good charge. You
got batteries on you?

Peter, using his cane, points down the hill at the white van.

PETER
Plenty of batteries in my van.

CRAIG
Let's go then!

Craig runs down hill before Peter. Peter follows. The two
convene at the white van. Peter opens the van door. It's
dark.

PETER
Alright, friend. Have at it.

Craig goes inside the van, looks about.

CRAIG
Hey, there are no batteries in
here. It's empty.

Peter laughs.
PETER
Mwah-ha-ha! That's right!

Peter closes the van door shut. He then gets inside the
driver's area, and takes off.

EXT. TRAIN YARD DAY

A steam whistle goes off, and the ORIENTAL EXPRESS, the train
to which Chang's boxcar is attached to, begins rolling along
the track ahead.
 6.

EXT. TRAIN, COUNTRYSIDE DAY

The Oriental Express is on the countryside, moving at a good

pace. At the very back is the boxcar in which the Wang family
is in.

INT. BOXCAR, COUNTRYSIDE - DAY

The open doorway yields a view to enjoy, but the Wang family
seems in the dumps. Harry, Emily, Mindy, and Chang are just
sitting around, not doing much of anything (other than
talking.)

HARRY
I miss Craig.

EMILY
How could we leave him behind?

CHANG
We didn't leave him behind. He left
us.

MINDY
Don't worry, kids. We'll find him
later on. Chang, you said Craig has
a tracking device on him?

CHANG
Eh, yeeeeah, I lied about that.

Emily and Harry are surprised, outraged.

EMILY
Dad! You lied to us?

CHANG
Don't act like I'm a bad guy. You
lie too. When that security guard
caught us in here you said you'd
bite his wiener off. Did you do
that? NO. Although you did scare
him off.

Emily folds her arms in annoyance. Harry is still shirtless.

HARRY
I'm cold.

EMILY
I gave you a t-shirt to wear.
 7.

HARRY
I'm not wearing that.

MINDY
Wear your shirt, dear. You don't
want to freeze your nips off, do
you?

Harry takes out a t-shirt, and puts it on. It's one size too
small, and it's pink, and the front of it has a unicorn
barfing rainbows.

HARRY
I feel so stupid. I mean, who
designed this shirt? Hitler?

EMILY
Why would Hitler design a shirt?

HARRY
For your information Hitler had a
lot of different interests. He was
quite a smart person. Did you know
Hitler invented the mustache comb?
Before he came along people were
all like: Ooh, my mustache is not
looking so great. What should I do
to make it look better? Should I
use a fork? And that's what life
was like in the early 1900s.

EMILY
Hm, interesting.

Harry nods.
CHANG
It's not interesting, and I want
all this talk about Adolf Hitler to
stop. Adolf Hitler was a jerk.

HARRY
Whoa, hang on a minute. I wasn't
talking about Adolf Hitler. I was
talking about the inventor of the
mustache comb, Joseph Hitler. You
know, Hitler's just a last name.
There's more than one Hitler. Not
now, but before there was.

CHANG
Oh, okay, then. Uh, carry on, I
suppose.
 8.

HARRY
So, yeah, Hitler, what a guy!

EXT. CABIN, IN THE WOODS - DAY

There's a cabin. In the woods. Nearby is Peter's white van.

INT. CABIN, IN THE WOODS DAY

The cabin looks like a high tech torture dungeon. It's filled
with all sorts of painful looking items, dangerous gizmos,
and computers running Microsoft Windows.

At the back of the cabin Craig is bolted down to a metal

crucifix, and (obviously) cannot move.

Peter appears, carrying a screw driver.

CRAIG
Augh, what are you gonna do with
me?!

Peter uses his screwdriver to pick at his teeth.

PETER
Just the usual.

Peter places his screwdriver on Craig, and seductively runs

it up, and down. Craig can't sweat, but if he could, he
would.

CRAIG
Omigod. You're a robosexual.
PETER
Why? You have a problem with that?
Are you robophobic?

CRAIG
What? No. That doesn't make sense.
I'm a robot.

PETER
Then what's the problem?

Peter starts unscrewing a panel on Craig's body.

CRAIG
Hey, stop! That's my special area!

Peter finishes unscrewing the panel. He hooks up some wires

to the exposed area, then goes to a switch nearby.
 9.

PETER
Do you like electricity, my friend?

CRAIG
I don't know what love is, but if I
did, I would tell you that I love
it.

PETER
Then you won't mind if I pump you
full with electricity?

CRAIG
I'm already here. Might as well.

PETER
How about 1.21 Jigatwatts worth?

CRAIG
1.21 Jigawatts?!? That will
overload my system!

PETER
I know - wah-ha-ha-haaa!

Peter goes over to a large switch, and pulls it down, pumps

Craig full of electricity. Craig shakes and convulses as he
is shocked.

INT. BOXCAR, COUNTRYSIDE - DAY

Were back with the Wang family: Chang, Mindy, Harry, and
Emily.
HARRY
I wonder what Craig is up to. He
must be having the time of his
life.

EMILY
DAD, can we please go inside the
train?

CHANG
We are inside the train.

EMILY
I mean the part that's made for
people, not cargo.

CHANG
I'm sorry, Emily. We can't. We'll
be caught for sure.
 10.

Emily groans. She goes over to the rectangular box, and sits
on top of it. She rests her head in her hands.

EMILY
This sucks.

MINDY
Emily, please watch your language.
And, yes, it does suck.

Emily frowns, then the box she is sitting on begins making a

noise. Sounds like someone banging on a door.

Emily jumps up, and stands back.

EMILY
Whoa, what was that?!

Chang, Mindy, and Harry stand up. They gather around Emily,
and they all stare at the box. The banging noise is heard
again. Everyone takes a step back.

The banging noise repeats.

MINDY
W-what do you think is in there?

CHANG
I don't know. Harry, go, and check
it out.

HARRY
What? Why me?

Chang shrugs. He doesnt have a real answer.

HARRY (CONTD)
Okay, fuck. I'll do it.

Harry slowly walks over to the box. He looks down at in a

guarded manner.

HARRY (CONTD)
(to the box)
Hello? Is anyone home?

The banging from the box is heard again.

HARRY (CONTD)
Do you want me to open this box?
Bang once for no, and twice for
yes.
 11.

Silence... And then we hear the voice of the individual

inside the box. He is an alien named E.D.

E.D. (OS)
Listen to me. If you don't open
this box in 10 seconds, I'll break
out on my own, and then I'll visit
your house, and take a shit on your
rug, mister.

Harry glances back at his family, who are just as confused.

E.D. (OS) (CONTD)

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5....

HARRY
Okay, okay! I'm opening the box.
Just chill out for a second.

Harry looks at the box in a confused manner.

HARRY (CONTD)
Uh, how do I open the box?

E.D. (OS)
I dunno. You're the one on the
outside. Think of something. Use
your head.

So, Harry rams the box with his head, like a rhino. The
impact makes him reel back, and he gets sat down on his
bottom.
But the box by some miracle opens up. The sides fall out.
Harry stands, and looks.

E.D. pushes off the wood panel atop his body, and reveals
himself. He gets up, and greets the Wangs. They don't know
how to respond to this alien from outer space, who has a
really huge head.

E.D. (CONTD)
Hello, you primitive, ass backward
animals! My name is E.D.

EMILY
God. You're so ugly. Your head is
the size of my brother's belly.

HARRY
Eh, she's got you there.
 12.

E.D.
So, Earthlings, is this your first
time seeing an alien? Pretty
impressive, huh?

CHANG
It is our first time -- but were
not impressed. Constant exposure to
media has raised our standards for
what is, and isn't impressive. The
bar for impressing people these
days is rather high.

E.D.
Aren't pictures of cats doing silly
things wildly popular with humans?

CHANG
I stand corrected.

MINDY
Wait, what were you doing in that
box?

E.D.
Long story short, I broke into the
White House, and tried eating one
of their cats.

EMILY
Why?

E.D.
(matter of fact)
Cats are delicious.
HARRY
Sooo, now that youre free, will
you be...going home?

E.D.
No. I first have to get my
spaceship.

MINDY
Where would that be?

E.D.
According to my calculations this
train should take me there
eventually. I just have to bide my
time, and keep a low profile.
 13.

INT. CAR 1, TRAIN DAY

The blinds are pulled down to make it dark. There's a party

going on, with pumping music. There's a disco ball hanging
from the ceiling, and colored lights flashing.

E.D. is in the middle, wearing sunglasses, and dancing like

it's 1999. He's drinking booze, surrounded by people, who
also are having a good time.

Chang, Mindy, Wang, and Emily are just standing, watching,

waiting for him to stop.

CHANG
I thought you said you were going
to keep a low profile, and you said
you had a surprise for us!

E.D.
Bro, this is the surprise. Welcome
to the fucking party.

CHANG
What if we get caught? We're not
supposed to be here.

E.D.
Bro, chillax. I got everyone here
high on drugs. By the time we
finish they're not even going to
remember what happened. So, come
on, bro. Join the party, bro.

CHANG
Stop saying bro. It's annoying.
I'm not your bro. And doing drugs
is bad for you. Man, I didn't even
know aliens could do Ecstasy.

E.D.
Surprise, surprise, mother fucker!

CHANG
Im not a mother fucker...

EXT. CABIN, IN THE WOODS NIGHT

A full moon is out. An owl on a tree branch goes hoo.

 14.

INT. CABIN, IN THE WOODS - NIGHT

Peter is wearing a black leather, S&M outfit. While Craig is

handcuffed, suspended on a pipe Taken style, Peter whips
him with a short, bondage whip.

PETER
(whips Craig)
You naughty, little robot!

CRAIG
Ah, please, let me go! What have I
done to you to deserve this?

PETER
Nothing, actually, I'm just a bad
person.

Craig is whipped by Peter some more.

CRAIG
Well, if you insist on torturing
me, I think I should return the
favor.

PETER
How? You're handcuffed to that
pipe.

Craig suddenly swings up his legs, and uses them to grab

Peter by his neck. He chokes him, and makes him pass out, and
drop to the floor.

INT. CAR 1, TRAIN - NIGHT

E.D is still partying on the train. Nothing has changed,
except that Emily, Harry, and Mindy are seated.

Emily, and Harry are reading, while Chang stands with his
arms folded, tapping his foot impatiently. Mindy calls out to
him.

MINDY
Chang, why don't you come, and sit
down?

CHANG
He's still partying! He said he'd
be done four hours ago!
 15.

MINDY
Let it go. He's gonna do what he
wants. He has his own mind.

CHANG
Ergh, getting sick of this.

Chang stops folding his arms, and goes to sit by Mindy. Mindy
puts a hand on his shoulder. He lets out a breath, and closes
his eyes.

As soon as he does the music stops, the disco ball stops

spinning, and the lighting goes back to normal. Everyone
around E.D. drop to the ground, passed out.

E.D. takes off his sun glasses, looks around, wondering what
happened.

E.D.
Hey! Who turned on the lights?

Two men in black suits enter the train car. There is a black
guy, and an older white guy. One is named KIP, and one is
named JAY.

They are wearing matching sunglasses, and both carrying

silver, futuristic-looking rifles. These rifles have dials on
them to adjust their firepower.

The settings are: Casual Assault Suspicious Minority

Social Justice School Shooting Massacre Genocide and
Holocaust.

Kip and Jay point their weapons at E.D.

KIP
Alright, you alien scum. You're
coming with us.

E.D.
You and what army?

Kip shoots Chang in the shoulder.

CHANG
Owww!

In pain, Chang holds his wounded shoulder. The Wang familys

in shock.

KIP
(to Chang)
Come on! Get up! I won't be asking
you a second time!
 16.

CHANG
You didn't ask the first time.

KIP
Why, you insolent, son of --

Kip is ready to shoot again, but E.D. stands in front of the

men in black suits to block them.

E.D.
Stop! These are my friends. I won't
let you hurt them.

JAY
Get out of the way.

E.D. gestures with his hands, motioning them. At that precise

moment Kip and Jay's guns fly away (through means of
telekinesis).

JAY (CONTD)
Goddamnit.

KIP
That's it! We can do this the old
fashioned way, bitch!

Kip rips off the top of his suit, so that he's topless.

KIP (CONTD)
Let's go!

E.D.
My anus is ready!
KIP
You what?

Kip shakes his head.

KIP (CONTD)
Never mind!

Kip rushes E.D. and punches him in the face - a few dozen
times. E.D. is battered, but somehow still standing with his
dukes up. He wipes some blood off his mouth.

E.D.
Is that all you got?

Kip windmills his arm, and does an uppercut on E.D.

E.D. drops to the ground, unconscious. The Wang family is

horrified.
 17.

Kip and Jay pick up their weapons, then walk over to Chang,
Mindy, Emily, and Harry, who seem to be trembling.

KIP
Please, follow me.

Chang reluctantly nods.

EXT. CABIN, IN THE WOODS - NIGHT

The cabin sits quietly. Quietly, and creepily.

INT. CABIN, IN THE WOODS - NIGHT

We find Craig has broken free. The pipe he once was suspended
by is busted, and his handcuffs are on the ground.

Craig walks over to a fancy machine with LED lights, and a

cord attached to the front. He presses one of the buttons to
activate it, and then sits down in something that looks like
a dentist's chair.

He takes the cord from the machine, and plugs it into the his
forehead. A stream of indecipherable green characters, run
over his eyes.

INT. VIRTUAL DOJO - DAY

Craig materializes in the dojo. There is a cool looking,

black, Kung-fu dude standing in front of him.

This is ORFEUS. Orfeus bows.

ORFEUS
Hello, Craig. Shall we begin?

Craig strikes a martial arts pose, and does a come here

gesture.

INT. CAR 2, TRAIN - NIGHT

The door at the back opens up. Kip, and Jay come through,
leading Chang, Emily, Harry, and Mindy. They slowly walk down
the aisle.

Unlike the previous train car, this one is clean, and there
are no other passengers.
 18.

CHANG
What are you guys going to do with
us? Are you going to rape us?

JAY
What? What kinda question is that?
No. We're sending you all back to
Taiwan, where you will all be put
into prison for breaking the law.

MINDY
Prison?

JAY
Don't worry. You'll be free after
25 years. Maybe 30.

HARRY
You're joking, right?

KIP
Son, illegal immigration is taken
very seriously in this country.
Except California. Goddamn hippies.

EMILY
California. That's where we're
headed.

KIP
Not anymore, little girl. You'll
be in prison, making hot steamy
love to other equally attractive
lesbians.
EMILY
I'm not a lesbian... I think.

CHANG
(to Kip, Jay)
Hey, listen. I won't have you
threatening, and scaring my family.
We are not going to prison.

JAY
What makes you so sure about that?

CHANG
Well, as you know, I...

Chang pushes Jay, who ungraciously falls over onto Kip.

 19.

CHANG
RUN, EVERYBODY, RUN!

Chang, Emily, Harry, and Mindy make a run for it, and doing
so they trample Jay, and Kip. They head for the door ahead of
them.

INT. VIRTUAL DOJO DAY

We come back to Craig and Orfeus in the virtual dojo.

Orfeus has Craig against a wall, and is punching his metal

gut in rapid fire succession like a jackhammer.

After meting out this punishment, Orfeus takes a big right-

hang swing at Craig's head. The impact throws Craig to the
floor.

Orfeus takes a few steps forward, and stands in front of

Craig, and grins, waiting for him to get up.

ORFEUS
Had enough?

Craig screams, and runs toward Orfeus. Orfeus hops over him,
and avoids his attack. Craig misses, and crashes to the
floor.

Orfeus casually turns around to face Craig. Craig charges

Orfeus a second time. Orfeus jumps up into the air, and crane
kicks him in the face.

Craig flies back, and twists about in the air, and then falls
with a great THUD!

EXT. TRAIN, COUNTRYSIDE NIGHT

Between two train cars, we see a door open. From it Chang,

Mindy, Harry, and Emily hastily peek out.

The wind blows in their faces. The Wang family take pause,
hesitating to go forward.

MINDY
This is a bad idea.

CHANG
Trust me on this, Mindy. They won't
find us here. It's totally idiotic,
which is why they won't expect it.
 20.

Chang climbs up a ladder, leading his family onto the train's

rooftop. As they begin walking forward they hear two sets of
footsteps. They pause, and look back.

It's Kip and Jay.

CHANG (CONTD)
Aw, crap.

Kip and Jay move ahead, and, intimidating with their weapons,
push Chang, Emily, Harry, and Mindy to the back of the train
car's roof.

CHANG (CONTD)
Now, now, fellas, let's not do
anything irrational, huh.

Kip and Jay adjust the dials on their weapons, setting them
to: Massacre.

Chang, Emily, Harry, and Mindy huddle together, and hold each
other. As Kip and Jay are about to attack they are
interrupted by the voice of Craig.

CRAIG (OS)
Yo! Jerk wads! Why don't you pick
on someone your own size? Because,
you know, Asian people are pretty
small.

Kip and Jay turn around to face Craig, and immediately start
blasting laser beams at him.

Craig bends back like he's doing the limbo, and avoids each,
and every shot in super slow motion.
Kip and Jay are astonished that they missed, but they have a
second go. They start shooting once more.

Craig moves forward with front flips, and cartwheels, and

avoids all of their laser beams.

Now, Craig is inches away from these men in black suits.

Craig jumps up into the air, and hurricane kicks Kip off the
train, then goes over to Jay, in an instant, and gives him a
double dragon uppercut.

Jay plummets to the ground BELOW.

Chang, Emily, Harry, and Mindy are quite surprised. We can

see it on their faces.
 21.

HARRY
You came back.

CRAIG
I'm like Herpes. I never go away.

CHANG
Well, we're glad to see yah.

MINDY
We missed you.

EMILY
You're the best robot a girl could
ever have.

The Wang family walk towards Craig to give him a welcome

back hug, but then they pause when they see one of their
assailants, Kip, behind in the nearby distance.

Kip is climbing back up onto the train. The skin on his face
is torn off, revealing his red eye, and metal frame, that he
is actually a robot.

Chang points as Kip sneaks toward the oblivious Craig.

CRAIG
Why are you pointing? Don't you
know pointing is rude?

Suddenly Kip springs onto Craig, and pulls him down in a

choke-hold. Craig holds Kip's forearm, unaware what to do.
Kip is crushing Craig's neck.

CRAIG (CONTD)
Oh, God! I forgot to learn Jiu
Jitsu!

The Wangs try to go to Craig's aid, but are stopped when Jay,
also revealed to be a robot, jumps onto the train roof, and
blocks their way, threatening them with his rifle.

JAY
Stay back, meat bags!

Meanwhile, Kip is squeezing the life out of Craig. Craig's

view of the world is fading; his vision is scrambling. He
reaches his arm out as if trying to touch someone.

CRAIG
Mommy! Help me! I'm sorry I ate all
those memory chips!
 22.

As Craig is about to go offline a flying saucer, with a

transparent dome top, appears out of the sky.

Inside is the alien named E.D.

E.D.
Die, you robot wankers!

A huge gun comes out of the flying saucer and blasts Kip and
Jay with pinpoint accuracy. The two are decimated, turned
into metal scraps so small that they are blown by the wind
off the train's rooftop.

E.D. lands his flying saucer. The dome top flips up.

Craig stands, and faces E.D. along with the Chang, Emily,
Mindy, and Harry.

E.D. (CONTD)
Greetings, you intellectually
inferior beings! How do you do?

CHANG
Not bad, thanks.

HARRY
I like your flying saucer.

E.D.
You want a ride?

CUT TO:

Chang, Mindy, Harry, Emily, and Craig are all in E.D.'s

flying saucer. It shoots up, and disappears into the sky.

EXT. SKY NIGHT

E.D.'s flying saucer is flying past the moon.

CHANG
So, what kinda mileage does a
vehicle like this get?

E.D.
50 miles per gallon, city. 56 in
outer space.

CUT TO:
 23.

EXT. GROOVE STREET, COMPTON, CALIFORNIA - NIGHT

E.D.'s flying saucer touches down in the hood. E.D. lets out
Chang, Mindy, Harry, Emily, and Craig; they look around
suspiciously.

Groove Street looks real gangsta, with graffiti, rusting gas

guzzlers, and houses that have bars on the windows.

CHANG
Uh, is this really California?

E.D.
Of course. You ever heard of
Compton?

MINDY
We're in Compton?

E.D.
Yup! Enjoy yourselves!

E.D.'s flies off in his flying saucer. Chang runs after it a

bit, then stops, and shake his fist angrily.

CHANG
Come back, you idiot! You've left
us in the middle of America's
Glasgow! This is a death sentence!

MINDY
Calm down, Chang. We'll be OK.

At this moment we hear the thundering sound of hip hop/rap,

and then a bunch of gangstas in a lowrider convertible come
down the street.

They stop in front of a family that looks exactly like the

Wangs.

But they aren't the Wangs!

The gangstas shoots up this doppelganger family, and drop

them dead.

We pan over to the actual Wang family.

CHANG
Thank Goodness that never happened
to us, huh?

Mindy puts her arms around Harry and Emily.

 24.

MINDY
Okay, kids. I think it's time to -

Suddenly the gangstas drive up to the Wang family, and stop

in front of them. Chang, Mindy, Emily, Harry, and Craig are
caught in their headlights.

GANGSTA #1 stretches his neck out.

GANGSTA #1
Yo! What are you suckas doing out -

Gangsta #1 glances over his shoulder, at the dead

doppelganger Wangs, and then back to the real Wangs.

GANGSTA #2
Whoa, shit! The, the ghosts of the
family we just murdered!
Eaaaghhhhhhhhhhh!

Gangsta #1 reverses, and spins his car around, and then in

his frantic pace to escape crashes into a tree.

CRASH!

Gangsta #1 and his homies, who aren't wearing seat belts, are
tossed out of their car, and meet a gruesome death.

They're all dead!

Meanwhile, the Wang family is alive, and well. However, Mindy

is shocked, and puts her hand over her mouth. Craig, Emily,
and Harry, and Chang do not seem phased.

Just the very opposite for Harry. He walks to the crash site,
and looks down at the corpse of Gangsta #1.

HARRY
Boyyyyy! You just got knocked the
fuck out!

Harry turns around, and gestures two reverse peace signs,

with a grimace on his face.

Freeze frame!

The words Thug Life letter by letter stamp onto screen.

THE END