Вы находитесь на странице: 1из 129

0

00:00:51,280 --> 00:00:52,315


''Principal's office''

1
00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:55,190
Enter

2
00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:01,312
Excusing me please lady

3
00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:04,474
Yes, what is it?

4
00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:07,319
l am coming to be learning the English

5
00:01:07,440 --> 00:01:09,396
- You're early - No, l am Ali

6
00:01:11,360 --> 00:01:12,236
l beg your pardon?

7
00:01:12,360 --> 00:01:14,396
My name is Ali. Ali Nadim

8
00:01:14,760 --> 00:01:17,069
- l am coming to be learning the English

9
00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:19,350
- Yes, yes! You wish to join our new class

10
00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:21,908
- English as a Foreign Language - Yes please

11
00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:24,190
l am hopping to be unrolled

12
00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:27,948
Hopping to be unrolled?!

13
00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:30,355
Like it say in your sillybus

14
00:01:31,360 --> 00:01:37,515
You mean you're hoping to be enrolled That
is what l say-hopping to be unrolled

15
00:01:38,320 --> 00:01:43,633
l'm afraid you cannot be unrolled... enrolled
until the English teacher arrives

16
00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:45,917
She should be here in a few minutes

17
00:01:46,320 --> 00:01:48,595
Meanwhile, perhaps you'd
care to wait in the classroom

18
00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:52,318
Just go down the corridor, turn left at
the bottom and wait in room number five

19
00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:55,236
- Understand? - No

20
00:01:57,560 --> 00:01:58,913
l'll start again

21
00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:02,238
- Go down the corridor - Down the corridor

22
00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:03,309
Good

23
00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:05,237
- Turn left - Turn left

24
00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:06,270
Right

25
00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:09,237
You are confusing me

26
00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:13,355
- Left or right? - Left

27
00:02:13,480 --> 00:02:20,511
Look! You just go down the corridor, turn
left and wait in room five! Room five!

28
00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:23,916
- l am understanding you now! Room five - Yes

29
00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:25,268
Thank you

30
00:02:29,040 --> 00:02:32,316
Oh dear, l am not going where l am looking

31
00:02:32,440 --> 00:02:34,954
No, no! l wasn't looking where l was going

32
00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:37,878
That makes the two of us! Excuse me sir

33
00:02:40,480 --> 00:02:41,549
Enter

34
00:02:42,440 --> 00:02:44,317
- Mrs Courtney - Miss

35
00:02:44,720 --> 00:02:48,508
Oh sorry! l'm your new
teacher Jeremy Brown, B.A. Oxon

36
00:02:48,640 --> 00:02:50,551
- You're a man - Yes

37
00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:53,433
This is most unsatisfactory! This
won't do at all

38
00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:55,312
l assure you my credentials are impeccable

39
00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:59,274
Academically perhaps, but l'm talking about sex

40
00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:02,551
l also assure you that my
morals are perfectly respectable too

41
00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:05,638
l'm referring to the fact that you are a man

42
00:03:05,760 --> 00:03:09,309
l distinctly requested the Local
Authority to send me a woman teacher

43
00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:12,637
Especially after the unfortunate
incident involving Mr. Warburton

44
00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:14,398
- Mr. Warburton? - Yes

45
00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:17,273
He was teaching English to
foreign students last term

46
00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:20,915
l'm afraid he only lasted
a month, then he departed

47
00:03:21,440 --> 00:03:23,271
- Dead? - Demented

48
00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:27,510
Yes, the strain was too much for him

49
00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:30,632
Typical of the male sex! No stamina

50
00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:34,630
He seemed to be able to cope at
first, but one day he just snapped

51
00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:37,593
- lt was really quite disgusting
- Really? What did he do?

52
00:03:38,360 --> 00:03:40,430
Climbed out of the classroom
window and on to the roof

53
00:03:40,560 --> 00:03:43,233
Took all his clothes off and
stood there stark naked

54
00:03:43,320 --> 00:03:45,959
Singing ''l've got a lovely bunch of coconuts''
55
00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:50,318
How distressing! Still you
musn't worry on my account

56
00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:52,317
l'm not likely to climb out
of the classroom window

57
00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:53,509
l know you aren't

58
00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:56,598
- Thank you for your confidence
- lt's got nothing to do with confidence

59
00:03:57,440 --> 00:03:59,908
We've had the window frames nailed down

60
00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:04,512
How very thoughtful! Well, l
would appreciate the job Mrs. Courtney

61
00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:05,629
- Miss - Miss Courtney

62
00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:09,275
l am qualified and l do need ajob! What
with the economic situation and inflation and...

63
00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:11,356
Alright, there's no need to whimper!

64
00:04:11,480 --> 00:04:13,311
- You can start immediately - Thank you

65
00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:15,271
- On a month's trial - Thank you

66
00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:18,278
- lf you last that long - l'll do my best

67
00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:20,314
Where will l find my students?

68
00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:23,477
- Room five down the corridor
and turn left - Right

69
00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:27,149
l'm looking forward to meeting them! l'm
sure we're all going to get along extremely well

70
00:04:34,720 --> 00:04:35,630
Good evening

71
00:04:37,280 --> 00:04:38,349
Good evening

72
00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:41,355
Quiet please!

73
00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:45,238
Silence

74
00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:50,320
l am pleased to meet you all

75
00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:53,395
We are also pleasing to be meeting you

76
00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:57,917
- l am Brown - Oh, no

77
00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:04,637
- You are committing a mistake - Mistake?

78
00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:09,556
Yes, you are not brown! We
are brown! You are white

79
00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:13,591
My name is Brown! l'm your teacher

80
00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:16,314
- Ah, you Proffessori - Yes

81
00:05:21,440 --> 00:05:23,237
Silenzio

82
00:05:25,280 --> 00:05:26,395
Thank you

83
00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:31,478
Would you all like to sit down! Sit down!

84
00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:42,514
ln fact, l'll take a note of all your
names, nationalities and occupations

85
00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:50,551
- Por favore Senor - Yes

86
00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:52,318
Es la primera ves que vengo

87
00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:55,512
Es esta la clase para aprender ingles?

88
00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:57,913
Well, l haven't the faintest
idea what you're saying

89
00:05:58,280 --> 00:06:00,350
But l'm sure you're not trying to
find the needle-work class

90
00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:03,514
- Por favore - lt doesn't matter! Have a seat!

91
00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:07,390
- Por favore - Sit down

92
00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:08,635
Ah, si

93
00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:16,398
- No, not there - Por favore

94
00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:18,317
Over there

95
00:06:20,520 --> 00:06:23,353
Right! l'll just go round the
class and take your names

96
00:06:24,280 --> 00:06:26,350
Yes, what is your name?

97
00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:29,558
Maximillion Andrea Archimedes Papandrious

98
00:06:32,280 --> 00:06:34,316
Yes, l'll just put you down as Max

99
00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:38,153
- l take it you're Greek?
- ls right! From Athens

100
00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:42,272
- And what is yourjob? - l walk with sheeps

101
00:06:44,760 --> 00:06:46,273
You walk with sheeps?

102
00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:49,510
- A shepherd! You work on a
farm - No, no, no! Not farm

103
00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:54,551
- But you said you work with
sheep - No, no! Sheeps. Big sheeps

104
00:06:59,280 --> 00:07:03,273
- Ah, ships - Yes, Sheeps, Tonkers

105
00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:08,153
- Tonkers! Ah, tankers - ls right

106
00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:10,949
- l walk in office - Thank you

107
00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:15,355
- And your name? - Anna Schmidt! Jairman au pair

108
00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:19,590
- Ah, the usual German efficiency
- Jairmans are always efficient

109
00:07:19,720 --> 00:07:21,551
Not so
110
00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:28,275
Japanes much more efficient

111
00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:30,311
Nein, Jairmans are zer best

112
00:07:30,440 --> 00:07:36,390
Japanes make much better terevision and camelas

113
00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:40,356
Please, please, let's have no racialism

114
00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:42,914
ln this class, all are equal

115
00:07:43,480 --> 00:07:47,917
- Your name? - Giovanni Cupello! ltalian

116
00:07:49,440 --> 00:07:52,910
- What do you work? - l work
inna Ristorante dei Populi

117
00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:55,429
- A waiter? - No, not a waiter. A cookada

118
00:07:58,760 --> 00:08:03,959
- A cookada? - l cookada
raviolo, daspaghetti, dalasagne

119
00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:06,157
l cookada everything

120
00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:09,952
A chef

121
00:08:14,320 --> 00:08:15,309
Your name?

122
00:08:16,640 --> 00:08:18,198
What is your name?

123
00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:23,551
Me, Jeremy Brown! You?

124
00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:34,879
Max, Anna Schmidt, Giovanni Cuppello! You?

125
00:08:52,080 --> 00:08:54,548
Yes, yes, write your name down! Good, good

126
00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:14,193
No good! l need your name in English

127
00:09:14,360 --> 00:09:17,477
- No good! - No good!

128
00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:36,555
Certificate of registration! Jamila
Ranjha! Housewife

129
00:09:37,080 --> 00:09:38,149
Thank you

130
00:09:42,440 --> 00:09:47,309
- And your name? - l'm Ali Nadim! From Lahor

131
00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:51,233
l am working at the moment not anywhere at all

132
00:09:56,440 --> 00:09:58,874
- You are unemployed? - Yes please

133
00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:02,231
Only one day a week, l am working

134
00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:03,914
And what do you do then?

135
00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:09,478
l am going to the unemployment
exchange to be collecting my money

136
00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:15,516
Cor blimey! l get more money for
not be working than when l'm working

137
00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:20,309
And before you discovered this secret
of eternal wealth, what did you do?
138
00:10:21,280 --> 00:10:24,556
l worked at the Taj Mahal

139
00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:27,316
- ln Delhi? - No, Putney

140
00:10:27,680 --> 00:10:29,272
The Taj Mahal Tandoori Restaurant

141
00:10:29,640 --> 00:10:31,551
Very good chapatti and popadom

142
00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:36,319
A thousand apologies for my lateness

143
00:10:36,440 --> 00:10:38,317
The omnibus was going backwards

144
00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:42,516
l'm sure there must be a
more logical explanation

145
00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:48,556
lt is the absolute truth! l was
told to be talking a number 27 omnibus

146
00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:52,390
And l complied, but it
went in a backward direction

147
00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:54,917
l think you meant it was going the other way

148
00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:58,556
That is the gist of what l am
saying! A thousand apologies

149
00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:01,554
lt's all right! Perhaps you'd like to
sit next to Ali, your countryman

150
00:11:01,680 --> 00:11:03,636
l cannot sit there! lt is impossible

151
00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:05,395
Why is it impossible?

152
00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:07,238
- l am Sikh - Oh dear

153
00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:12,911
l hope it's not contagious! Perhaps you
ought ot come back when you're better?

154
00:11:13,280 --> 00:11:15,953
l do not comprehend the
gist of your conversation

155
00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:17,229
You said you were sick

156
00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:27,318
- How do you feel about Roman
Catholics? - l treat them like my brothers

157
00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:29,271
Good, go and sit next to Giovanni

158
00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:30,549
- Barbarian - lnfidel

159
00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:34,311
Gentlemen please! You are here to
learn English not start a holy war

160
00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:38,431
- What is your name? - Ranjeet Singh

161
00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:41,510
- And from which country? - Punjab

162
00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:43,509
Good, what is yourjob?

163
00:11:43,640 --> 00:11:47,918
l'm a very important member of
the British underground

164
00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:52,359
- The underground what? - Just the underground
165
00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:54,949
Mind the doors

166
00:11:56,520 --> 00:11:59,159
Oh, that underground

167
00:11:59,640 --> 00:12:04,236
- And your name? - Taro Nagazumi

168
00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:12,551
My name card! Japanese

169
00:12:12,680 --> 00:12:17,151
Reprensentative of Bushedo Electronics

170
00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:22,355
- Vely good! Very good and
finally your name - Por favore

171
00:12:22,720 --> 00:12:25,917
- Your name, what is your name? - Por favore

172
00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:28,315
- Nome - Ah nome, si

173
00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:32,479
Juan Cervantes para Seville

174
00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:35,914
- No need to ask what nationality
you are - Por favore

175
00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:38,917
- Spanish - Por favore

176
00:12:39,560 --> 00:12:42,393
- What is yourjob? - Por favore

177
00:12:44,280 --> 00:12:48,432
- Trabaje - Ah si! Tree laggers

178
00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:56,908
- You lag trees? - Si, 1 Jeentonic,
2 whisky, coka tree laggers
179
00:12:58,440 --> 00:13:00,317
- Three lagers - Si

180
00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:02,158
- You work in a bar - Bar, si

181
00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:04,431
- Well, Mr. Brown - Yes thank you

182
00:13:04,560 --> 00:13:06,630
Apart from one attempted
murder and a possible race riot

183
00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:08,951
l think we're coping reasonably well

184
00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:12,909
l've come to inform you about the
registration fees for the students

185
00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:14,913
lt's 5 pounds per head!

186
00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:18,317
l'll be grateful if u would collect the money
and bring it to my office in your tea break

187
00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:19,589
Right, l'll do that

188
00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:22,393
Well we have one thing to be grateful for anyway

189
00:13:22,520 --> 00:13:24,909
Sex won't be rearing its ugly little head

190
00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:26,514
l beg your pardon?

191
00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:30,315
From past experience, it isn't
race or religion that causes problems

192
00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:33,238
lt's usually the presence of some foreign beauty
193
00:13:33,320 --> 00:13:35,914
Jealousies, intrigues - all that sort of thing

194
00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:39,197
Yes, well looking at my class, l dont think
we'll be too bothered with anything like that

195
00:13:51,040 --> 00:13:54,953
l come to learn English 'Ave
l come to ze right place?

196
00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:12,470
Enter

197
00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:14,998
- Mrs Courtney - Miss

198
00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:18,238
Miss! l've just brought the
registration fees for the students

199
00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:20,959
- Good! Now how many students have you? - Nine

200
00:14:21,080 --> 00:14:25,312
- So there's 45 pounds in here
- That depends on the rate of exchange

201
00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:26,873
l don't quite follow you

202
00:14:27,440 --> 00:14:30,477
Not all of them had 5 pounds in English money

203
00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:34,639
So l collected 29,50 in Sterling and the
rest is made up of 2000 yen, 3000 lira

204
00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:39,357
250 pesetas, 75 drachmas, 50
francs and 12 deutchmarks

205
00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:44,632
According to this morning's financial paper,
that should give us a profit of 1045,5 pounds
206
00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:49,996
Then l suggest you take it to the bank in
the morning and convert it into English currency

207
00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:51,235
Right, l'll do that

208
00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:55,349
- By the way, how's the femme
fatale? - Ah, yes! Danielle

209
00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:57,471
At the moment, she's in the tea
room with ltaly, Spain and Greece

210
00:14:57,600 --> 00:14:59,352
Trying to establish diplomatic relations

211
00:15:00,360 --> 00:15:03,909
- l hope she's not going to cause any
bother - Oh no, l'm sure she won't

212
00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:07,915
- Look, l am going to sitta here - No,
it is me who is going to be sitting here

213
00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:11,989
- Before you were sitting over dair -
And before you were sitta over dair

214
00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:15,230
- You takeadamick - Who, me?

215
00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:16,634
You go back and sit where u were before

216
00:15:17,040 --> 00:15:18,632
- No, l sit here - you not sitt here

217
00:15:19,080 --> 00:15:21,230
- Who is gonna be stopping me? - Me

218
00:15:23,040 --> 00:15:27,238
Yourself? You think you're tough! Come outside
219
00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:29,955
Hokay

220
00:15:31,760 --> 00:15:34,558
- Where are you going? - We
go houtside to havada punch down

221
00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:36,352
You mean a punch up

222
00:15:36,440 --> 00:15:39,238
l'm going to - How you say
- knock his bloody block off

223
00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:42,953
We see who's bloody blocka is knockered off

224
00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:47,639
- Now just a minute! What is all
this about? - l tella you Mr. White

225
00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:51,912
- Brown - Scusi! ls about where we sit

226
00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:53,553
What's wrong with where you're sitting before?

227
00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:58,318
Ltsa my eyes Professori! l
gotta sitta nearer da front

228
00:15:59,320 --> 00:16:00,230
Here

229
00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:05,436
l see! And l suppose it's got nothing to do
with the fact that Danielle is sitting here too

230
00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:06,950
She is?

231
00:16:10,560 --> 00:16:12,232
l never noticed

232
00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:16,318
You see itsa my eyes! l'm
a little shorta sighted

233
00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:19,311
And also a much beega liar

234
00:16:19,440 --> 00:16:22,238
- lt's not true Mr. Green - The name is Brown

235
00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:25,557
You see! l'm a colour blind as well

236
00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:30,550
And Max, l suppose you've got
trouble with your eyes as well

237
00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:34,309
No, no, no! My eyes are hokay! lt's my hears

238
00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:37,635
- l am not hearing very
well - That's a likely story

239
00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:40,399
What you say?

240
00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:44,233
l say you both go back and sit
where you were sitting before now

241
00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:56,312
l hope you don't think l was
- How you say - too forward

242
00:16:57,040 --> 00:16:59,998
No, no! l'm sure you weren't
in any way to blame at all

243
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:03,555
Teacher please!

244
00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:08,351
- Mr. Blown - Yes

245
00:17:09,280 --> 00:17:13,353
Prease folgive my rateness! l
apologize but l rost my way

246
00:17:13,440 --> 00:17:14,919
Not to worry! What is your name?

247
00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:18,318
- Chung Su Lee - Su Lee

248
00:17:18,440 --> 00:17:21,352
- Where are you from?
- Democlatic Lepublic of China

249
00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:26,952
- And what is yourjob?
- Secletaly! Chinese Dipromat

250
00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:28,595
Very nice

251
00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:31,311
Right! Where shall we put you?

252
00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:34,910
Taro! How are relations between Japan and China?

253
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:43,559
Depends on political viewpoint!

254
00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:53,314
Japan light wingo! China refto wingo

255
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:58,318
l see! Are you light wingo or
reft wingo? Right or left?

256
00:17:58,520 --> 00:18:00,954
l forrow teaching of Chairman Mao

257
00:18:01,360 --> 00:18:03,510
ln that case, You'd better sit
next to Jamila, the lndian lady

258
00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:04,629
- Alright? - Thank you

259
00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:09,511
Right, now we will start by
learning a few basic English verbs

260
00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:13,235
And firstly, we will take the verb 'to be'

261
00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:17,319
- Ta be - To be

262
00:18:17,440 --> 00:18:26,348
l am English, you are Chinese He
is ltalian! She is French

263
00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:28,239
He is barbarian

264
00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:33,277
And you are asking for a
kick up your big brown backside

265
00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:35,960
Pay attention please

266
00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:38,598
- l am - l am

267
00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:41,470
- You are - You are

268
00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:47,311
- He, she, or it is - He, or she or it is

269
00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:50,475
- We are - We are

270
00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:53,389
- You are - You are

271
00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:55,954
- They are - They are

272
00:18:57,400 --> 00:19:04,431
Now i'll go round the class and ask you each to
give me a sentence using the verb to be
273
00:19:05,120 --> 00:19:09,193
Taro, 'l am'

274
00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:21,518
l amo very happy to be learningo English

275
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:30,350
- Good! Giovanni, 'he is' - He isada fool

276
00:19:32,360 --> 00:19:35,511
Good but not isada! He is a fool

277
00:19:36,360 --> 00:19:37,952
Yes he is a fool

278
00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:41,275
Max, 'she is'

279
00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:51,232
She is beautiful! She is wonderful

280
00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:55,350
- She is... - Yes, yes,
thank you Max! That will do

281
00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:59,910
- Juan, 'it is' - Por favore?

282
00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:06,359
- lt is - Por favore

283
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:09,951
lt is raining

284
00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:12,311
lt is raining

285
00:20:16,320 --> 00:20:17,355
lt is raining

286
00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:24,880
- We'll skip you for the moment - Por favore?

287
00:20:25,280 --> 00:20:26,508
lt doesn't matter! Sit down

288
00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:32,193
Su Lee, 'it is'

289
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:38,434
lt is duty of evely citizen to
overthlow lmpelial Warmongers

290
00:20:38,560 --> 00:20:40,357
So say Chairman Mao

291
00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:44,312
Yes, well that's his opinion! Good, good

292
00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:46,351
Danielle, 'we are'

293
00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:56,916
We are lucky to 'ave such
a good 'andsome teacher

294
00:20:57,280 --> 00:21:01,319
Quiet please! Thank you

295
00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:06,592
Ali, 'you are'

296
00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:15,237
- You are... - You are waiting
for me to speak an answer

297
00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:17,509
Well done!

298
00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:21,353
Unfortunately, l am
not understanding the question

299
00:21:24,680 --> 00:21:27,478
l want you to give me a sentence using 'you are'

300
00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:29,189
l am

301
00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:33,551
No, not 'l am', 'you are'! For
example you are from Pakistan

302
00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:38,511
- l am from Pakistan - Yes but now use 'you are'

303
00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:42,519
But l cannot say you are from
Pakistan because you are not, are you?

304
00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:48,912
- Repeat after me - you are English
- No, l'm not! l'm from Pakistan

305
00:21:49,280 --> 00:21:52,352
- What am l? - You are confusing me

306
00:21:53,320 --> 00:21:55,356
You are stupid poof

307
00:21:56,360 --> 00:21:59,318
- Don't you call me poof - Poof

308
00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:10,397
Sit down please! Quiet!

309
00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:15,357
There's really not much more we can do

310
00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:21,395
Until you all get your text books! But what
i would like you to do is some homework

311
00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:23,556
Alright, l want you each to write an essay

312
00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:27,276
A short story about your life here in England

313
00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:29,351
The things you do, the things you like

314
00:22:30,360 --> 00:22:32,316
l'll see you all on Wednesday
315
00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:37,999
Ah, Mrs. Courtney

316
00:22:38,360 --> 00:22:39,918
- Miss - Miss

317
00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:42,238
l've just dismissed the class for tonight!

318
00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:44,595
l think we've covered all
we can for the first session

319
00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:46,278
You look a trifle under the weather

320
00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:50,313
- Job getting you down already?
- No, no l'm fine! Never felt better

321
00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:52,272
- There's just one thing though - Yes

322
00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:55,233
That window you nailed down! The
one Mr. Warburton climbed out of

323
00:22:55,360 --> 00:22:56,270
What about it?

324
00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:59,153
l think l ought to put a few more nails in it

325
00:24:49,880 --> 00:24:52,314
- Excuse me young man - Si senora

326
00:24:52,440 --> 00:24:54,829
- Are you in Mr. Brown's class? - Por favore

327
00:24:55,320 --> 00:24:59,472
Mr. Brown's class! Brown! Mr. Brown

328
00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:02,433
Ah si! Juan Cervantes
329
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:07,832
Yes, but are you in Mr. Brown's class?

330
00:25:08,360 --> 00:25:11,193
- English as a foreign language? - Por favore?

331
00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:14,270
Are you really as stupid as you look?

332
00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:17,469
Excuse me

333
00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:19,556
You are in Mr. Brown's class, aren't you?

334
00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:21,713
Are you or aren't you?

335
00:25:25,360 --> 00:25:28,238
- Doesn't Mr. Brown teach
you anything? - Por favore?

336
00:25:29,280 --> 00:25:31,396
- You - Yes please Missy

337
00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:35,239
Can l be assisting you in any way whatsoever?

338
00:25:35,320 --> 00:25:37,072
At last a breakthrough

339
00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:42,833
- Are you in Mr. Brown's
class? - No, l'm in corridor

340
00:25:44,360 --> 00:25:47,238
- Do you think you could give
him a message - Certainly

341
00:25:47,400 --> 00:25:51,518
- l am Miss Courtney - l am Ranjeet Singh

342
00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:55,236
Just at this particularl moment, l'm
not really bothered in who you are
343
00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:57,356
l just want you to give Mr. Brown a message

344
00:25:57,480 --> 00:26:00,313
l will be very happy to comply with your request

345
00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:02,351
Would you tell Mr. Brown l
would like a word with him

346
00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:03,475
Most certainly

347
00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:05,474
Which word would you like?

348
00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:09,714
Just say l want to speak to him

349
00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:13,079
Foreigners!

350
00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:15,155
Quiet please!

351
00:26:16,280 --> 00:26:17,235
Settle down!

352
00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:23,838
Good evening

353
00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:29,237
So we appear to be some missing l
hope they haven't dropped out

354
00:26:29,360 --> 00:26:31,396
Please it would not be surprising me

355
00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:37,358
l am always thinking that Sikh, son
of Guru, was a Punjabi drop out

356
00:26:37,920 --> 00:26:41,356
l am hearing what you are saying, you
miserable spawn of ajackal

357
00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:44,834
Don't you two start again! Actually, you're late

358
00:26:45,320 --> 00:26:49,313
A thousand apologies for
this unforgivable tardiness

359
00:26:49,440 --> 00:26:53,513
But we were all unavoidably detained
in the corridor by a lady

360
00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:54,550
Si, si

361
00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:58,317
Do l take it Juan that you
understood what Ranjeet was saying?

362
00:26:58,440 --> 00:27:00,351
- Por favor? - Sorry i asked

363
00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:03,436
Who was this lady who
detained you in the corridor?

364
00:27:03,560 --> 00:27:07,758
Oh blimey! l am forgetting her name

365
00:27:08,360 --> 00:27:11,796
She was big lady. Very large bosoms

366
00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:15,276
Grandioso, very good!

367
00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:19,198
Yes, well while you are trying to remember her
name, perhaps you'd better sit down

368
00:27:20,360 --> 00:27:24,069
Now l hope you've all done your homework

369
00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:31,278
Excuse me please! l am
remembering the name! Missy Courtney
370
00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:33,834
- Miss Courtney - Yes absolutely

371
00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:36,270
The lady with the large bosoms

372
00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:40,153
- She is wanting to see you -
Well, she'll just have to wait

373
00:27:40,280 --> 00:27:43,397
Excuse me please! She is already waiting

374
00:27:44,320 --> 00:27:47,517
She may be the principal but l have a
class to teach! Now as l was saying...

375
00:27:49,400 --> 00:27:54,269
Ah Miss large... Miss Courtney

376
00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:58,109
- l was just on my way to see you
actually - That's not the impression l got

377
00:27:58,240 --> 00:28:00,515
- l shan't be a moment class
- lt's all right, don't bother

378
00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:03,473
l'm here only to tell you that
you can expect another student

379
00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:07,832
- Jolly good! The more the merrier
- You're not here to make merry Mr. Brown

380
00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:09,519
No, it was just a figure of speech

381
00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:12,313
You'd better try to teach a few
figures of speech to your students

382
00:28:12,440 --> 00:28:14,795
- They seem to be in need
of it - l'm doing my best

383
00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:18,397
- Miss Courtney? - Yes

384
00:28:18,520 --> 00:28:21,273
This new student! What nationality can l expect?

385
00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:24,278
- African - African! Thank you

386
00:28:24,920 --> 00:28:29,789
Remember, i asked you to write an essay or
short story about your life here in England

387
00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:32,117
l hope you've all done so, have you?

388
00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:36,279
Good, good! l'll go round the class and
ask each of you to read out what you've written

389
00:28:36,400 --> 00:28:38,118
Anna, should we start with you?

390
00:28:39,480 --> 00:28:43,268
- My life in England by Anna
Schmidt - Good! Very good

391
00:28:46,360 --> 00:28:48,794
- Yeah but go on - There's no more

392
00:28:49,360 --> 00:28:50,509
- You mean that's all there is? - Ya

393
00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:54,519
l half no time to write more! Always
that Mrs. Valker is keeping me busy

394
00:28:54,880 --> 00:28:59,271
Anna do this - Anna do that! She
is a slavedriver that Mrs Valker

395
00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:00,549
- Walker - Vat?
396
00:29:00,920 --> 00:29:05,198
W is pronounced 'Weh'! Your
employer's name is Walker

397
00:29:05,320 --> 00:29:06,230
Ya, Valker

398
00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:10,475
Do you know how many shirts Mrs
Valker make me iron last night?

399
00:29:10,840 --> 00:29:13,274
- Walker - Ya Valker

400
00:29:13,400 --> 00:29:16,517
Twelve! Then l had to
prepare a meal for the bitch

401
00:29:20,360 --> 00:29:24,353
Anna, she may be a hard taskmistress but
l don't think you ought to call her that

402
00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:26,271
- Who? - Mrs. Valker... Walker

403
00:29:27,440 --> 00:29:31,399
- l vas meaning the dog bitch - Oh l see

404
00:29:32,200 --> 00:29:35,237
That is vy l am having no time for the homework

405
00:29:35,360 --> 00:29:39,148
Well, not to worry! You really
must concentrate on those 'double u' sounds

406
00:29:42,200 --> 00:29:43,792
Danielle, would you like to read us your essay?

407
00:29:45,440 --> 00:29:46,475
Oui

408
00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:53,230
What l like about England! By
Mamselle Danielle Favre

409
00:29:53,360 --> 00:29:56,796
Telephone 2468021

410
00:29:57,440 --> 00:29:59,271
Good! Carry on!

411
00:29:59,400 --> 00:30:01,277
- Scusi - Yes, Giovanni?

412
00:30:01,400 --> 00:30:04,278
Was it 8021 or 8012?

413
00:30:05,880 --> 00:30:08,394
8021 ! Look, never mind what number it was

414
00:30:08,520 --> 00:30:11,478
You're here to improve your
English not chat up other students

415
00:30:11,600 --> 00:30:13,511
You are absolutely right Professori!

416
00:30:13,640 --> 00:30:17,235
lt's just l'd like to improve my French as well

417
00:30:17,360 --> 00:30:18,475
You can do that in your own time

418
00:30:18,600 --> 00:30:20,556
- Carry on Danielle - Zank you

419
00:30:21,600 --> 00:30:26,799
l like England because ze grass is
so green, and ze pople are so nice

420
00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:28,269
- People - Yes

421
00:30:28,400 --> 00:30:32,313
Especially ze men

422
00:30:33,320 --> 00:30:34,799
Quiet! Quiet

423
00:30:35,920 --> 00:30:42,473
Englishmen are so charming, so
handsome and so sexy

424
00:30:45,400 --> 00:30:46,355
Silence please

425
00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:49,236
Yeah, l think that will do Danielle

426
00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:53,831
But l have written much more... all
about the things l like to do at night

427
00:30:56,560 --> 00:30:58,357
Yes well, l don't think we'd
better go into those

428
00:30:58,960 --> 00:31:00,473
l'll be reading all your essays later

429
00:31:01,400 --> 00:31:03,516
Jamila... l don't suppose you've
written anything, have you?

430
00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:08,514
Written... anything?

431
00:31:08,640 --> 00:31:10,198
- No - No

432
00:31:10,320 --> 00:31:15,075
You really must start to speak
a little, Jamila... Speak

433
00:31:18,520 --> 00:31:23,435
No, no! ln English! You
must try to speak in English

434
00:31:23,560 --> 00:31:25,471
Look! Try saying Good evening

435
00:31:28,200 --> 00:31:31,829
All right, lets start with 'good'! Good, Good

436
00:31:32,880 --> 00:31:38,273
lt's not difficult! Come on! Good, Good
437
00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:41,474
You nearly said it then! Come on! Good

438
00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:44,114
Please! No prompting

439
00:31:49,360 --> 00:31:50,475
Gud

440
00:31:51,600 --> 00:31:53,113
Excellent! Well done

441
00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:55,071
Now try 'evening'! Evening!

442
00:31:56,240 --> 00:31:59,391
lt's not difficult Jamila! Go on! Evening

443
00:32:00,320 --> 00:32:01,435
Yes, yes! Come on

444
00:32:02,600 --> 00:32:03,510
Gud!

445
00:32:04,280 --> 00:32:08,512
l know you can say
'good'! Say 'evening'! Evening

446
00:32:11,400 --> 00:32:16,394
Efening! Efening! Efening

447
00:32:16,520 --> 00:32:17,839
- Good - Efening

448
00:32:17,960 --> 00:32:20,520
Now put them both together! Good evening

449
00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:25,391
Gud efening

450
00:32:26,840 --> 00:32:28,273
Good efening

451
00:32:33,600 --> 00:32:35,272
Very good Jamila

452
00:32:35,400 --> 00:32:37,311
Well done

453
00:32:37,840 --> 00:32:39,353
We'll try some new words later

454
00:32:40,280 --> 00:32:42,475
- Now Su-Lee, have you
written anything? - Yes, yes

455
00:32:49,400 --> 00:32:51,516
What l rike about England

456
00:32:52,920 --> 00:32:57,550
England is becoming more porriticarry minded
and gladually more reft wing

457
00:32:58,440 --> 00:33:03,275
The overthlow of decadent
capitaristic government will soon take prace

458
00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:06,278
As working crasses become more educated

459
00:33:06,400 --> 00:33:09,437
And emblace Communism as the tlue way of rife

460
00:33:11,360 --> 00:33:14,477
Workers levolution getting nealer

461
00:33:14,840 --> 00:33:18,276
With inevitable corrapse of
lmpeliaristic bougoise interrectual society

462
00:33:18,920 --> 00:33:20,273
Yes! Well if thats what you like about England

463
00:33:20,400 --> 00:33:22,277
l wouldn't want to hear what you didn't like

464
00:33:23,320 --> 00:33:25,356
- Excuse pleaso - Yes Taro
465
00:33:34,400 --> 00:33:41,078
May l have small observations on
youngo radies discourse

466
00:33:41,560 --> 00:33:49,240
Which will also irrustrate
incleased knowledge of Engrisho

467
00:33:49,360 --> 00:33:52,318
- Certainly Taro! Go ahead - With lespecto

468
00:33:53,440 --> 00:33:58,275
Youngo rady speak road of cobras

469
00:34:00,360 --> 00:34:03,238
Attitude typical of Fascist Nipponese

470
00:34:03,320 --> 00:34:08,348
Japan civilised countly noto
rike China lun by peasanto

471
00:34:08,960 --> 00:34:13,476
- Chinese not peasants - Japanese not Fascisto

472
00:34:15,400 --> 00:34:18,233
Su Lee! Su Lee! Come back

473
00:34:18,360 --> 00:34:20,191
Taro, please go and apologize

474
00:34:20,320 --> 00:34:21,469
- Apologize? - Yes

475
00:34:21,600 --> 00:34:24,319
Noto my faulto

476
00:34:24,440 --> 00:34:29,275
Never mind whose faulto it was! Go and apologize

477
00:34:30,880 --> 00:34:31,790
Ah prease

478
00:34:32,400 --> 00:34:33,469
Waito
479
00:34:33,600 --> 00:34:35,238
Waito

480
00:34:36,280 --> 00:34:37,269
Waito

481
00:34:51,400 --> 00:34:53,277
- Mrs. Courtney - Miss

482
00:34:53,400 --> 00:34:56,437
l'm Roger Kenyon... from the Education Authority

483
00:34:57,600 --> 00:35:00,319
l was told they were sending an inspector round

484
00:35:00,440 --> 00:35:03,238
- But l really didn't expect - He would be black

485
00:35:03,360 --> 00:35:05,476
- He would be so young - My apologies

486
00:35:05,920 --> 00:35:08,514
But the authority likes to check that
the standards of the evening classes

487
00:35:08,640 --> 00:35:09,834
are up to par

488
00:35:09,960 --> 00:35:13,111
l can assure you that my
standards here are well over par

489
00:35:13,240 --> 00:35:14,355
l'm glad to hear it

490
00:35:14,600 --> 00:35:17,273
Well Mr. Kenyon, if you'd like to
come with me, l'll show you round

491
00:35:17,400 --> 00:35:21,279
No, no please! l'd ratherjust
wander around on my own, if you don't mind

492
00:35:21,400 --> 00:35:24,073
l usually get a much clearer picture that way
493
00:35:36,320 --> 00:35:39,232
- Everything all right? - Everything's okay

494
00:35:39,600 --> 00:35:42,239
- We have agleed to differ - Good

495
00:35:42,360 --> 00:35:44,555
- Excuse me - Ah, our new African

496
00:35:45,200 --> 00:35:47,316
- Pardon? - Yeah, l've been expecting you

497
00:35:47,440 --> 00:35:49,271
- Me? - Yes, l was told l'd have a new pupil

498
00:35:49,400 --> 00:35:50,310
Look, it's nearly time for our tea break

499
00:35:50,440 --> 00:35:53,477
So why don't you just sit at the back for a
moment, and l'll get your particulars later

500
00:35:53,840 --> 00:35:56,434
- But please... - Be a good
chap! Don't argue, just sit down

501
00:35:56,560 --> 00:35:58,357
- All right? - Yes, but...

502
00:36:04,840 --> 00:36:06,796
- Sit? - Yes please

503
00:36:12,640 --> 00:36:17,270
O.K. Me sit!

504
00:36:36,440 --> 00:36:38,192
There you are!

505
00:36:38,320 --> 00:36:41,278
10 p! Thank you, that's it

506
00:36:42,400 --> 00:36:43,389
Next!
507
00:36:43,600 --> 00:36:46,319
- You sitta here - Merci

508
00:36:50,200 --> 00:36:52,077
- l get coffee - Merci

509
00:36:52,320 --> 00:36:54,515
- Coffee black? - Sank you please

510
00:36:54,920 --> 00:36:56,239
Coffee black

511
00:36:56,320 --> 00:36:59,312
- l'm gettada coffee for Danielle - Too bad

512
00:37:00,200 --> 00:37:01,792
- Sugar? - Merci

513
00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:04,311
How about a biscuit? You like a biscuit?

514
00:37:04,920 --> 00:37:07,798
- l would like that! - Good

515
00:37:08,320 --> 00:37:09,389
l'll be back

516
00:37:11,520 --> 00:37:13,112
A packet of biscuits, please

517
00:37:13,240 --> 00:37:17,472
Wait your turn! There's a queue here! Go on

518
00:37:20,320 --> 00:37:21,196
Next

519
00:37:21,600 --> 00:37:23,716
Gud efening

520
00:37:24,600 --> 00:37:30,357
- Yes, good evening! Tea
or coffee? - Gud efening

521
00:37:31,920 --> 00:37:36,277
l heard you the first time! Tea or coffee?

522
00:37:37,520 --> 00:37:39,511
- Char - Ah, tea

523
00:37:41,320 --> 00:37:45,074
- Ten p. - Gud efening

524
00:37:45,320 --> 00:37:50,110
- Ten P. - l'll pay for that

525
00:37:50,240 --> 00:37:52,196
- And a coffee for me - And a coffee for you

526
00:37:53,920 --> 00:37:55,478
- Are you Mr. Brown? - Yes

527
00:37:56,200 --> 00:37:59,795
l've got a message for you from her ladyship

528
00:38:00,200 --> 00:38:03,272
- Lady who? - Miss Courtney!

529
00:38:03,400 --> 00:38:05,709
She's just been in here! She wants to see you

530
00:38:06,320 --> 00:38:08,390
- l know what she does want - Yes, Mr. Brown?

531
00:38:10,320 --> 00:38:11,514
You want to see me

532
00:38:11,640 --> 00:38:13,471
ln my office! Lmmediately

533
00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:18,115
- Careful, thats coffee!
You'll spill it - Por favore?

534
00:38:18,240 --> 00:38:20,276
- That's coffee! - Gracias

535
00:38:25,440 --> 00:38:28,193
- Same again, please - Here you go Mr. Brown
536
00:38:28,320 --> 00:38:29,469
- Thanks - Thank you

537
00:38:30,240 --> 00:38:34,392
- A packet of biscuits, please!
- l'm sorry, we haven't any left

538
00:38:36,320 --> 00:38:39,312
Good! You've come to have a cup of coffee?

539
00:38:40,320 --> 00:38:44,074
- Coffee? - Yes! Coffee, this stuff

540
00:38:45,200 --> 00:38:46,394
Thank you

541
00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:52,389
Enter

542
00:38:54,440 --> 00:38:58,797
lt has taken you 2 min 38 sec
exactly to come to my office immediately

543
00:38:59,440 --> 00:39:01,317
l'm glad l didn't ask you to take your time

544
00:39:01,640 --> 00:39:03,312
l'm sorry! l was detained

545
00:39:04,240 --> 00:39:07,277
l thought l'd better tell
you that an inspector has arrived

546
00:39:07,400 --> 00:39:09,516
- Well my conscience is
clear - l beg your pardon?

547
00:39:09,640 --> 00:39:12,473
Apart from the odd parking ticket, l've never
been in any trouble with the police

548
00:39:13,200 --> 00:39:18,274
- An education inspector
- Oh, l'm sorry! How stupid of me

549
00:39:18,400 --> 00:39:22,234
Yes! Well he'll probably want
to call in on your class

550
00:39:22,320 --> 00:39:24,276
Don't worry, l'll deal with him

551
00:39:24,400 --> 00:39:27,392
You don't deal with inspectors from
the local authority, Mr. Brown

552
00:39:27,520 --> 00:39:30,318
You cossett them, flatter them and
agree with everything they say

553
00:39:30,440 --> 00:39:32,271
Yes, l'll do that as well

554
00:39:32,400 --> 00:39:35,312
- l expect he'll want to see
your register - My register?

555
00:39:36,200 --> 00:39:40,193
- You do have a register?
- Oh, that register! Yes of course

556
00:39:40,320 --> 00:39:42,311
You'd better call it as soon
as you get back to your class

557
00:39:42,440 --> 00:39:44,715
By the way while you're here

558
00:39:44,840 --> 00:39:47,479
The local authorities want me to fill
in a few details about you on this form

559
00:39:48,320 --> 00:39:50,117
- l've got your name - Yes

560
00:39:50,240 --> 00:39:51,275
- Address - yes

561
00:39:51,400 --> 00:39:52,515
- Sex - Occasionally

562
00:39:57,400 --> 00:39:58,276
- Sorry - Married?

563
00:39:58,400 --> 00:40:00,789
No, l was engaged once!

564
00:40:01,200 --> 00:40:03,475
As a matter of fact, l proposed marriage
but it didn't really work out

565
00:40:03,600 --> 00:40:04,828
There was quite a lot of opposition

566
00:40:05,240 --> 00:40:06,309
- Her father? - No, her husband

567
00:40:06,440 --> 00:40:07,714
l didn't realize she was married

568
00:40:08,640 --> 00:40:12,315
- What do you do during the day?
- Nothing at the moment, l'm afraid

569
00:40:12,440 --> 00:40:15,273
- l'm waiting for a suitable position
- And what was your last position?

570
00:40:15,400 --> 00:40:17,516
l was teaching at a
secondary modern school but l left

571
00:40:17,920 --> 00:40:19,512
l couldn't stand any more beatings

572
00:40:19,640 --> 00:40:21,710
l didn't think teachers beat children any more

573
00:40:21,840 --> 00:40:23,193
They don't! lt was the other way round

574
00:40:24,400 --> 00:40:27,392
l think you'd better take this form, fill
it in yourself and give it to me later

575
00:40:27,520 --> 00:40:28,475
Right
576
00:40:28,600 --> 00:40:30,318
And do be careful what you say to the lnspector

577
00:40:30,440 --> 00:40:31,316
Of course!

578
00:40:31,440 --> 00:40:33,271
Oh, by the way... the new student has arrived

579
00:40:33,400 --> 00:40:37,109
You wouldn't forget to add the
name to the register, would you?

580
00:40:41,320 --> 00:40:46,713
Danielle, what you do hafter class?

581
00:40:47,240 --> 00:40:51,279
- l go back home to learn ze English
- Hey l'm going to learn English as well

582
00:40:51,400 --> 00:40:52,799
Maybe we learn together

583
00:40:53,200 --> 00:40:55,236
- Yes but what about poor Max? - Yeah

584
00:40:55,320 --> 00:40:57,117
What about the poor Max?

585
00:40:57,240 --> 00:40:59,071
l'm crying my eyes out

586
00:41:00,320 --> 00:41:04,518
- l have an idea - l have lots of ideas

587
00:41:04,640 --> 00:41:07,712
Why not you and Max study together?

588
00:41:12,640 --> 00:41:15,473
All right class! Settle down please! Quiet!

589
00:41:15,600 --> 00:41:19,229
Now, the first thing we have to do
before anything else is to call the register
590
00:41:19,320 --> 00:41:21,311
- Sorry - That's quite all right

591
00:41:21,440 --> 00:41:24,318
l expect you'll have a bit of
difficulty finding your way round at first

592
00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:25,395
Things will seem rather strange

593
00:41:25,520 --> 00:41:28,273
- Yes, very strange - Yes

594
00:41:28,400 --> 00:41:30,391
lt must be quite a change coming from
one of the under-developed countries

595
00:41:30,520 --> 00:41:32,317
To our more advanced way of life

596
00:41:33,240 --> 00:41:36,198
- Oh yes - Still, your people
are doing remarkably well

597
00:41:36,320 --> 00:41:39,312
- Did you fly here? - Fly?

598
00:41:39,440 --> 00:41:41,192
What do you mean, Bwana?

599
00:41:43,200 --> 00:41:45,270
Fly! ln a big iron bird

600
00:41:47,400 --> 00:41:49,311
Quite a change from riding an elephant

601
00:41:50,520 --> 00:41:52,317
Unless you came by Jumbo

602
00:41:54,640 --> 00:41:59,270
- English joke - Very funny

603
00:41:59,920 --> 00:42:01,319
Perhaps you'd better sit down
604
00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:03,317
Now, l'm gonna call out your names

605
00:42:03,440 --> 00:42:06,273
- Will you please answer present - Present

606
00:42:08,200 --> 00:42:10,714
Yes Ali, but wait until l call your name out

607
00:42:10,840 --> 00:42:11,795
Sorry please

608
00:42:11,920 --> 00:42:15,435
- Ranjeet Singh - Present and correct please

609
00:42:16,240 --> 00:42:18,470
- Giovanni Cuppello - Si proffessori

610
00:42:18,600 --> 00:42:21,273
- No Giovanni! Not proffessori - No proffessori

611
00:42:21,400 --> 00:42:23,311
No, you should address me as Sir

612
00:42:23,440 --> 00:42:24,395
- Sir - yes

613
00:42:25,240 --> 00:42:28,391
Now l understand

614
00:42:31,520 --> 00:42:34,080
You have been togetta knotted

615
00:42:41,400 --> 00:42:43,391
Come again

616
00:42:44,440 --> 00:42:47,318
To become a Sir! You got Knotteda by the queen

617
00:42:48,920 --> 00:42:52,230
The word is knighted! And
l'm not that kind of sir

618
00:42:52,920 --> 00:42:54,399
Maximillian Papandrious

619
00:42:55,240 --> 00:42:56,798
Maximillian Papandrious

620
00:42:57,200 --> 00:43:00,112
- Mr. Brown is speaking to you - ls he?

621
00:43:02,600 --> 00:43:08,311
- Oh sorry, you want
something? - Are you here or not?

622
00:43:12,600 --> 00:43:14,318
Sure l'm here

623
00:43:14,600 --> 00:43:17,273
- Taro Nagazumi - Ah so

624
00:43:21,920 --> 00:43:23,194
Plesento

625
00:43:23,440 --> 00:43:25,317
- Anna Schmidt - Ja, present

626
00:43:25,440 --> 00:43:27,829
- Su Lee Chung - Plesent

627
00:43:28,440 --> 00:43:31,113
- Ali Nadim - Gift

628
00:43:34,320 --> 00:43:37,278
- Gift? - l'm surprising you, no?

629
00:43:38,440 --> 00:43:41,796
Each day l am learning new English word

630
00:43:42,440 --> 00:43:47,070
And l am finding that gift is
another word for present

631
00:43:52,400 --> 00:43:54,789
- Very ingenious - Thank you very much

632
00:43:54,920 --> 00:44:00,313
- Danielle Favre - Presente and l'm all here

633
00:44:02,400 --> 00:44:03,276
l can see that

634
00:44:04,320 --> 00:44:06,390
- Jamila Ranjha - Ranjhi

635
00:44:07,200 --> 00:44:10,078
Gud efening

636
00:44:10,520 --> 00:44:14,274
- Yes, you're here! And Juan
Cervantes - Por favore

637
00:44:14,640 --> 00:44:16,392
- Present - Por favore?

638
00:44:16,520 --> 00:44:18,397
- You are here - Present

639
00:44:20,240 --> 00:44:23,198
l'd better take down your
particulars otherwise l may get into hot water

640
00:44:23,320 --> 00:44:26,073
You are going to have a hot bath?

641
00:44:27,440 --> 00:44:30,318
No Ali, it's just another way of
saying l may get into trouble

642
00:44:30,440 --> 00:44:35,275
Oh dear! You have been
committing some grievous misdemeanour?

643
00:44:35,640 --> 00:44:39,394
Not at all! There's an inspector from the
local Education Authority coming round

644
00:44:39,520 --> 00:44:41,317
- The big boss - Yes

645
00:44:41,440 --> 00:44:42,236
l suppose you could say that
646
00:44:42,320 --> 00:44:44,788
But from my experience they're
usually interfering old fogies

647
00:44:46,600 --> 00:44:48,795
- You don't like them? - Not particularly

648
00:44:48,920 --> 00:44:51,798
Frankly, they're quite useless and they are
as outdated as their teaching methods

649
00:44:52,400 --> 00:44:54,197
l mean, what is the point of
learning past participles

650
00:44:54,320 --> 00:44:55,799
Cognate objects or subordinate clauses?

651
00:44:56,200 --> 00:44:58,316
Far more useful to try to teach foreign students

652
00:44:58,440 --> 00:45:00,476
how to order a meal or find accommodations

653
00:45:00,600 --> 00:45:03,797
- You appear to have some unique
ideas - l suppose l have

654
00:45:04,200 --> 00:45:07,795
- You know you speak English
fairly well - Thank you

655
00:45:08,600 --> 00:45:09,828
What is your name?

656
00:45:10,320 --> 00:45:13,312
- Roger Kenyon - Roger Kenyon

657
00:45:13,840 --> 00:45:15,273
Ah Miss Courtney!

658
00:45:15,400 --> 00:45:17,789
l'm just completing the register and
getting the details of our new student

659
00:45:17,920 --> 00:45:20,718
Before that inspector chappie pokes his nose in

660
00:45:21,240 --> 00:45:22,275
Oh, no!

661
00:45:22,400 --> 00:45:24,311
- Mr. Brown - l shan't be a moment Miss Courtney

662
00:45:24,440 --> 00:45:26,476
- What is yourjob? - lnspector

663
00:45:27,400 --> 00:45:28,719
What local transport?

664
00:45:31,400 --> 00:45:33,709
Local Education Authority

665
00:45:37,520 --> 00:45:39,238
l thought he was the new student

666
00:45:39,320 --> 00:45:42,835
- The new student is a female -
ls she? You didn't tell me that

667
00:45:43,320 --> 00:45:47,393
My apologies Mr. Kenyon, l do assure you that
Mr. Brown will be severely dealt with

668
00:45:47,520 --> 00:45:50,512
l can't remember when l
last enjoyed myself so much

669
00:45:50,640 --> 00:45:52,471
- l beg your pardon - Enjoyed yourself?

670
00:45:52,600 --> 00:45:55,797
You know Miss Courtney, your
Mr. Brown is a remarkable man

671
00:45:56,240 --> 00:45:57,468
- l am? - He is?

672
00:45:57,600 --> 00:46:02,469
Yes! His teaching methods may be
revolutionary but they appear to work
673
00:46:02,920 --> 00:46:06,230
l've always encouraged my
staff to be forward thinking

674
00:46:09,600 --> 00:46:11,318
l'll pass on your comments to the Authority

675
00:46:11,440 --> 00:46:13,476
Perhaps they'll revise their textbooks

676
00:46:13,600 --> 00:46:17,513
Now if you'll excuse me, l must put
in an appearance at the other classes

677
00:46:20,320 --> 00:46:21,389
Very well

678
00:46:21,520 --> 00:46:26,071
Keep up the good work, Mr. Brown and
thank you very much for the coffee

679
00:46:26,920 --> 00:46:28,273
l'll come with you Mr. Kenyon

680
00:46:31,440 --> 00:46:34,273
Blimey you are dropping a clinker

681
00:46:37,200 --> 00:46:40,112
- You mean clanger - Yes please

682
00:46:40,320 --> 00:46:43,118
Yes right! Let's continue with our lessons

683
00:46:43,240 --> 00:46:45,800
Get out your textbooks! l'm going to
give you all a few exercises

684
00:46:45,920 --> 00:46:48,514
Scusi professori sir! l cannot do any exercises

685
00:46:48,920 --> 00:46:51,195
- Why not? - l gottada bad back

686
00:46:53,320 --> 00:46:55,276
Excuse me! l was looking for...

687
00:46:55,400 --> 00:46:58,278
Ah, at last! A pity you didn't
arrive half an hour earlier

688
00:46:58,400 --> 00:46:59,469
Why?

689
00:46:59,600 --> 00:47:00,510
You might've saved me a
great deal of embarrassment

690
00:47:00,640 --> 00:47:02,119
With a certain African gentleman

691
00:47:02,440 --> 00:47:05,193
Yes, he was the inspector but
l mistook him for you

692
00:47:05,320 --> 00:47:07,356
- You thought a gentleman was me? - Yes

693
00:47:07,520 --> 00:47:10,512
The silly fool pretended to be a
student, sit in the back to catch me out

694
00:47:10,640 --> 00:47:12,073
But l saw through him

695
00:47:12,440 --> 00:47:14,317
l gather you think he was a bit stupid

696
00:47:14,440 --> 00:47:16,271
Definitely, thick as a brush

697
00:47:16,400 --> 00:47:18,118
- Was his name Mr. Kenyon? - Yes

698
00:47:18,320 --> 00:47:20,276
- Do you know him? - l should do

699
00:47:20,400 --> 00:47:23,472
l've come to collect him! l'm his wife!

700
00:47:25,200 --> 00:47:29,113
Oh blimey yes!

701
00:49:25,480 --> 00:49:29,712
- Oh Max, can u help me?
- Sure, anything you want

702
00:49:30,320 --> 00:49:33,198
- l am in very big trouble - l kill him

703
00:49:34,680 --> 00:49:37,274
- Who you kill? - The man
who put you in big trouble

704
00:49:37,480 --> 00:49:40,517
- There's no man - Dio Gracias

705
00:49:41,680 --> 00:49:46,037
- lt's my homework! l have not finished
it - And l am haven't started it

706
00:49:46,920 --> 00:49:50,549
- Mr. Brown he is going to
be very angry - Don't worry

707
00:49:50,680 --> 00:49:53,478
- Giovanni, he's gonna fix everything - Yes?

708
00:49:53,920 --> 00:49:54,955
Buona Serra

709
00:49:55,760 --> 00:49:58,718
Hockay! Who wants the homework! Only 10 p. Each

710
00:50:03,920 --> 00:50:06,559
10 p. No peseta

711
00:50:08,600 --> 00:50:09,715
Whose next?

712
00:50:10,480 --> 00:50:15,634
- Giovanni, how we know answers
right? - Sure answers right

713
00:50:15,760 --> 00:50:19,309
My landalady's little boy write
them down! He's a clever kid

714
00:50:21,680 --> 00:50:25,514
Quiet please

715
00:50:26,680 --> 00:50:29,513
- Where is Mr. Brown? - Mr. Brown not alived

716
00:50:30,160 --> 00:50:32,549
This is too bad! He should be here

717
00:50:32,680 --> 00:50:34,671
You want l give Mr. Brown a massage?

718
00:50:37,520 --> 00:50:41,149
- l presume you mean message - Collect

719
00:50:41,280 --> 00:50:42,269
No thank you

720
00:50:42,840 --> 00:50:44,956
l shall wait until he arrives

721
00:50:45,480 --> 00:50:47,994
lt will give me an opportunity to
find out how much you have learned

722
00:50:48,480 --> 00:50:50,675
Which is precious little l suspect

723
00:50:50,800 --> 00:50:53,314
- But Madame, we learn a
lot from Mr. Brown - Yes

724
00:50:54,400 --> 00:50:56,550
Quiet now! Quiet, quiet!

725
00:50:57,800 --> 00:51:02,112
Very well! Let's see if we can find out
how much you've learned from Mr. Brown

726
00:51:02,560 --> 00:51:08,032
Can anyone give me a sentence containing
the word... 'catalyst'?

727
00:51:08,800 --> 00:51:11,712
Come along somebody! Catalyst

728
00:51:12,360 --> 00:51:13,998
- Por favore senora? - Yes

729
00:51:14,840 --> 00:51:21,029
ln my country Spain, most of
the people are Roman Catalyst

730
00:51:25,640 --> 00:51:27,278
l don't believe it

731
00:51:28,480 --> 00:51:30,550
- That's not right - No?

732
00:51:30,680 --> 00:51:32,716
ltaly is a much bigger catalyst country

733
00:51:36,640 --> 00:51:43,318
Quiet... Quiet! Sit down!

734
00:51:43,800 --> 00:51:45,279
Quiet please!

735
00:51:45,680 --> 00:51:47,113
Good evening Miss Courtney

736
00:51:47,440 --> 00:51:49,795
- lt's almost goodnight - l'm sorry l'm late

737
00:51:49,920 --> 00:51:51,399
l was detained at the paper shop

738
00:51:51,520 --> 00:51:55,069
Mr. Brown, l know the times are hard but
do you have to deliver newspapers?

739
00:51:55,200 --> 00:51:58,158
Oh no! l've bought them! They are for
the students as part of their education

740
00:51:58,280 --> 00:52:00,350
Well they certainly need some education

741
00:52:02,280 --> 00:52:03,110
Good evening

742
00:52:05,480 --> 00:52:09,473
Excuse me please! l am just this moment arriving

743
00:52:09,600 --> 00:52:11,955
- Excuse me again! l go - What?

744
00:52:16,520 --> 00:52:17,396
l come back

745
00:52:18,720 --> 00:52:21,234
- Are you moving house? - Not at all

746
00:52:21,480 --> 00:52:24,199
l am coming here straight from my work

747
00:52:24,320 --> 00:52:26,151
- You've got ajob? - Yes please

748
00:52:26,280 --> 00:52:29,716
l'm a travelling salesman! l
go round knicking the doors

749
00:52:31,600 --> 00:52:33,238
- Knocking - That is correct

750
00:52:33,480 --> 00:52:35,675
- And what are you selling? -
Oh blimey, everything

751
00:52:35,800 --> 00:52:39,031
For a master or mistress! l
show you some example

752
00:52:39,480 --> 00:52:41,118
Maybe you'll be wanting to buy something

753
00:52:44,640 --> 00:52:46,153
No thanks, l don't think that's my size

754
00:52:46,280 --> 00:52:47,190
So sorry please!

755
00:52:47,600 --> 00:52:49,955
This case is for the lady people only

756
00:52:50,440 --> 00:52:54,752
This case is for the man people! And
everything very good price

757
00:52:55,840 --> 00:52:57,512
Look this please

758
00:52:57,880 --> 00:52:59,313
You not have to be tying it

759
00:52:59,920 --> 00:53:05,233
And also, if you are dropping
soup, you'll be whiping it off

760
00:53:06,560 --> 00:53:09,313
- lt's jolly good plastic - Yes very ingenious

761
00:53:09,880 --> 00:53:13,190
- Only one pound 50p! You
wanting one? - No thanks

762
00:53:13,920 --> 00:53:15,592
l am telling you what l am doing!

763
00:53:16,280 --> 00:53:19,192
- To you only one pound - l don't want one Ali

764
00:53:19,720 --> 00:53:22,154
How about ajelly good shirt?

765
00:53:22,920 --> 00:53:26,310
Guaranteed one hundred percent substandard

766
00:53:27,840 --> 00:53:28,750
No thank you

767
00:53:29,360 --> 00:53:31,555
Ali, you got any socks?

768
00:53:31,680 --> 00:53:35,150
Plenty socks! Fifty p. Only! Plenty woolly

769
00:53:35,480 --> 00:53:37,471
- Ali - Excuse, l'm serving

770
00:53:38,200 --> 00:53:44,196
- l have 2 - Right, two! Money, money, money

771
00:53:45,240 --> 00:53:50,553
Now tell me! Anybody wanting undertrousers?
All different colours

772
00:53:50,680 --> 00:53:52,636
- How much? - Only fifty p.

773
00:53:53,200 --> 00:53:54,189
Ali! Please

774
00:53:54,320 --> 00:53:55,435
- Ah, you are wanting one? - No

775
00:53:55,560 --> 00:53:57,232
l am finding you very good pair

776
00:53:58,480 --> 00:54:02,519
Lovely, lovely, lovely! Red, white and blue

777
00:54:03,120 --> 00:54:04,951
Just like Union Jack

778
00:54:05,840 --> 00:54:07,796
Very patriotic! No, thank you

779
00:54:07,920 --> 00:54:10,434
- Have you any scarf? - Most definitely

780
00:54:11,120 --> 00:54:14,510
For you only one pound! Made in Honk Kong

781
00:54:14,880 --> 00:54:19,715
Hong Kong? l not buy from Capatalist state
where workers are exploited as cheap labour

782
00:54:20,360 --> 00:54:24,114
- Anyone else is wanting
something else? - Ali please

783
00:54:24,560 --> 00:54:27,279
- Ah, you are exchanging your mind - No l'm not

784
00:54:27,600 --> 00:54:30,592
Put these cases away! This is not Petticoat

785
00:54:30,720 --> 00:54:31,709
Just sit down everybody

786
00:54:32,840 --> 00:54:35,752
Taro, sit down

787
00:54:36,720 --> 00:54:40,235
Now, before we do anything else this
evening, l want to find a monitor

788
00:54:40,560 --> 00:54:43,711
O.K. You tell us where to look! We find one

789
00:54:45,280 --> 00:54:48,670
Giovanni, a monitor is a person who can
take charge of the class during my absence

790
00:54:48,800 --> 00:54:51,314
Somebody intelligent enough to
assume responsibility

791
00:54:52,200 --> 00:54:54,634
On second thought, perhaps this
is not such a good idea after all

792
00:54:54,760 --> 00:54:57,354
Please l think l am making good monitor

793
00:54:58,360 --> 00:55:00,271
l think we'll alternate, have
a different one each week

794
00:55:00,400 --> 00:55:03,233
lt'll be a good experience for you! All
right, Anna we'll start with you

795
00:55:03,600 --> 00:55:04,555
Danke!

796
00:55:04,680 --> 00:55:06,193
- Thank you - Zank you

797
00:55:06,320 --> 00:55:07,719
lf you'll hand these
round and collect the homework

798
00:55:08,120 --> 00:55:09,109
Ja

799
00:55:09,240 --> 00:55:10,673
- Yes Anna - Yes

800
00:55:10,800 --> 00:55:13,997
And from now on, l want to hear no
more foreign language spoken in this class

801
00:55:14,440 --> 00:55:17,512
From the moment you come in
here you speak English all the time

802
00:55:17,640 --> 00:55:18,595
ls that understood?

803
00:55:19,640 --> 00:55:22,712
- Por favor? - No por favor

804
00:55:22,840 --> 00:55:25,479
Por favor finito! English only

805
00:55:25,880 --> 00:55:27,233
- lts alright - Yes

806
00:55:28,280 --> 00:55:30,271
Now, have you all got a newspaper?

807
00:55:31,680 --> 00:55:34,638
l'm going to ask you each to
read a passage from the newspaper

808
00:55:34,760 --> 00:55:36,637
Then we'll discuss it together, O. K?

809
00:55:36,760 --> 00:55:37,749
Max, you start

810
00:55:40,800 --> 00:55:45,715
Hamerican Embassy bugged

811
00:55:48,480 --> 00:55:50,118
No Max, bugg'd

812
00:55:51,320 --> 00:55:55,313
Hey, my boss! He all the time say is bugged

813
00:55:58,160 --> 00:56:01,550
That may be so Giovanni but the
word we're dealing with is bugg'd

814
00:56:01,680 --> 00:56:03,113
Read it again Max correctly

815
00:56:03,600 --> 00:56:07,354
Hamerican Embassy Buggde

816
00:56:08,160 --> 00:56:09,752
Good! Now does anybody know what that means?

817
00:56:10,440 --> 00:56:11,555
Ah, Taro

818
00:56:18,760 --> 00:56:24,517
lt means american Embassy full of little insects

819
00:56:26,560 --> 00:56:29,711
No Taro! They're not that sort
of bugs! Listening devices

820
00:56:30,160 --> 00:56:32,310
Jamila, can you read
anything from your newspaper?

821
00:56:33,280 --> 00:56:35,032
Read something!

822
00:56:41,560 --> 00:56:45,473
- 8 p. - Yes, that's a start

823
00:56:51,320 --> 00:56:53,754
- Late again, Ranjeet - Oh, Mr. Teacher

824
00:56:53,880 --> 00:56:55,711
l'm apologising most humbly

825
00:56:56,320 --> 00:56:58,231
Perhaps next week, you'll
try and get here on time

826
00:56:58,680 --> 00:57:01,672
l'm thinking next week l
am not being here at all

827
00:57:02,200 --> 00:57:06,637
- Are you leaving us? - l will
be joining honourable ancestors

828
00:57:07,800 --> 00:57:10,553
- You mean you're going to
die? - Most definitely

829
00:57:11,320 --> 00:57:12,992
l'm going to die by my own hand

830
00:57:15,200 --> 00:57:16,758
lf you are wanting some assistance

831
00:57:17,160 --> 00:57:21,199
l am happy to be helping

832
00:57:23,200 --> 00:57:24,315
l thought you didn't like Sikhs

833
00:57:24,880 --> 00:57:27,110
That is why l am happy to be helping

834
00:57:28,200 --> 00:57:30,156
Alright Ali, this is not a laughing matter

835
00:57:30,280 --> 00:57:32,714
- l think Ranjeet is
serious - Most certainly l am

836
00:57:33,120 --> 00:57:36,396
- But why are you thinking of killing
yourself? - l'm forced to be getting married

837
00:57:36,840 --> 00:57:39,354
You randy old chapati

838
00:57:41,400 --> 00:57:44,676
You are putting some innocent
lady in the pudding club

839
00:57:44,800 --> 00:57:46,756
l am doing nothing of the sort you Muslim twit

840
00:57:46,880 --> 00:57:49,110
All right, that will do! l
don't understand Ranjeet

841
00:57:49,240 --> 00:57:50,992
Why you're being forced to get married?

842
00:57:51,360 --> 00:57:56,753
According to the Sikh tradition, l
was betrothed when l was twelve to Surinder

843
00:57:56,880 --> 00:58:00,634
The ten year old daughter of
the best friend of my father

844
00:58:00,760 --> 00:58:08,110
She was a beautiful girl with hair
like silk, eyes like black diamonds

845
00:58:08,520 --> 00:58:11,478
And a figure like a tender bamboo shoot

846
00:58:12,400 --> 00:58:15,790
And now her father is saying it
is time for me to be marrying her

847
00:58:15,920 --> 00:58:18,070
Well if she's got eyes like
black diamonds, hair like silk

848
00:58:18,200 --> 00:58:20,714
And a figure like a tender bamboo
shoot, what are you complaining about?

849
00:58:21,160 --> 00:58:23,037
Blimey that was twenty years ago

850
00:58:23,880 --> 00:58:25,757
Now, she is putting on so much weight

851
00:58:25,880 --> 00:58:27,996
That from behind she is looking like an elephant

852
00:58:29,120 --> 00:58:32,510
As a matter of fact, she is looking
like elephant from the front also

853
00:58:34,240 --> 00:58:36,151
Can't you just tell her that
you've changed your mind?

854
00:58:36,480 --> 00:58:39,756
Not at all! Only a lady can change mind

855
00:58:39,880 --> 00:58:44,954
- l am up the creek without a puddle - Paddle

856
00:58:45,400 --> 00:58:48,278
You not do it! lt's a sin to kill yourself

857
00:58:48,400 --> 00:58:51,233
lt's the only call which is left open to me

858
00:58:51,760 --> 00:58:54,638
- When you do this killing yourself? - Tonight

859
00:58:56,240 --> 00:58:57,593
Can we come and watch?

860
00:58:58,880 --> 00:58:59,756
This is ridiculous!

861
00:59:00,160 --> 00:59:02,754
People don't go round killing
themselves rather than break off an engagement

862
00:59:02,880 --> 00:59:04,233
lt is my religion

863
00:59:04,360 --> 00:59:07,670
- ln that case, why don't you marry?
- That will be worse than killing myself
864
00:59:07,800 --> 00:59:08,710
Go and sit down

865
00:59:08,840 --> 00:59:10,956
We'll discuss whether you kill
yourself or not during the tea break

866
00:59:11,480 --> 00:59:12,356
Mr. Brown

867
00:59:13,160 --> 00:59:17,233
There's an lndian lady in my office who
wishes to speak to Mr. Ranjeet Singh

868
00:59:18,280 --> 00:59:22,239
Excusing me Missy! This lady,
is she resembling an elephant?

869
00:59:23,600 --> 00:59:26,751
l wouldn't exactly put it like
that although she is rather large

870
00:59:26,880 --> 00:59:28,393
Oh blimey, it is Surinder

871
00:59:28,520 --> 00:59:31,080
Ask her to come along here Miss Courtney

872
00:59:31,200 --> 00:59:33,236
- That's very irregular - lt is rather important

873
00:59:33,360 --> 00:59:34,713
Very well, but don't make a habit of it

874
00:59:36,640 --> 00:59:37,675
What are you doing that for?

875
00:59:37,800 --> 00:59:39,711
So that we can talk to
her! Perhaps make her see reason

876
00:59:40,120 --> 00:59:42,953
lt is not anyway possible! l keel myself

877
00:59:43,320 --> 00:59:44,230
Put that knife down

878
00:59:44,480 --> 00:59:46,118
Max, Giovanni, hold his arms

879
00:59:46,480 --> 00:59:48,516
- Where is it? - He's not here yet

880
00:59:48,920 --> 00:59:51,992
l am waiting for him in the corridor

881
00:59:52,560 --> 00:59:57,714
He is promised to me and l swear by
the Holy Guru he is having me

882
01:00:19,280 --> 01:00:20,759
Well, what am l telling you?

883
01:00:20,880 --> 01:00:22,757
Yes, l quite see your point about an elephant

884
01:00:24,280 --> 01:00:26,589
Still, don't worry Ranjeet, l'm
sure some elephants are very nice

885
01:00:27,320 --> 01:00:28,639
Can l have knife back, please?

886
01:00:28,760 --> 01:00:30,512
- Promise you won't kill yourself? - l promise

887
01:00:31,160 --> 01:00:34,118
- Killing myself is not going to
help me - That's the attitude

888
01:00:34,720 --> 01:00:37,154
l have much better idea

889
01:00:37,480 --> 01:00:41,109
- l kill her - No

890
01:01:11,920 --> 01:01:16,232
- Ah, you're still there? - Yes, l am still here

891
01:01:16,480 --> 01:01:20,678
- l really think you ought to go
home - No, l wait for Ranjeet

892
01:01:20,800 --> 01:01:24,156
- l don't think Ranjeet will
be coming tonight - l wait

893
01:01:32,280 --> 01:01:35,078
- ls she still being out in
corridor? - Yeah l'm afraid so Ranjeet

894
01:01:35,480 --> 01:01:38,199
Miss Courtney won't be very pleased when
she finds out about all this

895
01:01:38,440 --> 01:01:40,556
Oh, dearie me! What am l going to be doing?

896
01:01:40,680 --> 01:01:42,796
Can't you just tell her you're
not going to marry her

897
01:01:42,920 --> 01:01:45,275
But l am not going to be marrying Miss Courtney

898
01:01:46,600 --> 01:01:50,513
- l'm referring to Surrinder - Oh, no

899
01:01:50,880 --> 01:01:53,758
lf l'm telling her that, she
is surely going to kill me

900
01:01:53,880 --> 01:01:57,634
- You said you were gonna kill
yourself - That is correct

901
01:01:58,200 --> 01:02:04,753
Pleaso! ln my country when
a person commits hara kiri

902
01:02:04,880 --> 01:02:08,793
lt is custom for besto friend to be presento

903
01:02:09,440 --> 01:02:12,591
- To chop off heado - Chop off head?

904
01:02:17,560 --> 01:02:22,759
- l will be happy to assisto
- You will do nothing of the sort

905
01:02:23,160 --> 01:02:24,718
Now please everybody, just sit down

906
01:02:25,280 --> 01:02:27,794
You're here to learn English! We've
had enough disruption for one night

907
01:02:27,920 --> 01:02:29,558
You should leave your personal problems at home!

908
01:02:29,680 --> 01:02:31,159
Now please all look at your newspapers

909
01:02:31,520 --> 01:02:34,114
- Juan, read out a headline - Por favor?

910
01:02:34,680 --> 01:02:37,035
- The newspaper - Si

911
01:02:37,680 --> 01:02:40,990
- Newspaper? - Read something out

912
01:02:45,280 --> 01:02:50,638
''lncrease ln London rats''

913
01:02:53,640 --> 01:02:59,476
- ''London rats''?! - lncrease ln London Rats

914
01:03:00,600 --> 01:03:01,476
Rates

915
01:03:05,920 --> 01:03:08,673
Perdon

916
01:03:10,800 --> 01:03:12,153
Anna, your turn

917
01:03:13,400 --> 01:03:16,278
''Vestern Vorld Velcomes Vind of Change''

918
01:03:19,360 --> 01:03:21,715
Vunderful! Very good

919
01:03:23,160 --> 01:03:24,354
Danielle?

920
01:03:28,280 --> 01:03:33,479
- ''Prime minister sold a pup'' - Good

921
01:03:33,880 --> 01:03:36,269
Now that is a very good
example of a figure of speech

922
01:03:36,400 --> 01:03:38,118
Prime minister sold a pup

923
01:03:38,440 --> 01:03:40,032
Can you tell me what it means Giovanni?

924
01:03:41,280 --> 01:03:42,349
He's buying a dog

925
01:03:44,760 --> 01:03:46,637
No, it's a figure of speech

926
01:03:46,760 --> 01:03:49,797
Let me give you another
example! Prime minister sold a dummy

927
01:03:49,920 --> 01:03:51,273
- You know what that means? - Sure

928
01:03:51,480 --> 01:03:52,959
- Did you understand it? - Yeah

929
01:03:53,320 --> 01:03:55,515
Just one thing l not understand

930
01:03:55,640 --> 01:03:59,189
Does he buy the dummy before
or after he buy the pup?

931
01:04:01,680 --> 01:04:06,310
- He doesn't buy anything -
Newspaperman is a big liar

932
01:04:08,480 --> 01:04:09,469
lt's a figure of speech

933
01:04:09,600 --> 01:04:12,558
l told you it's a figure of
speech lt doesn't mean what it says

934
01:04:12,680 --> 01:04:17,037
Typical of lmperial poriticians who
distort truth and suppress working classes

935
01:04:17,640 --> 01:04:18,675
Thank you

936
01:04:18,800 --> 01:04:22,554
A figure of speech is a way of expressing an
idea by way of contrast or comparison

937
01:04:22,680 --> 01:04:25,114
lf you are being sold a pup or sold a dummy

938
01:04:25,240 --> 01:04:26,673
You are being cheated or deceived

939
01:04:27,160 --> 01:04:29,196
ln England, we use figures of speech quite a lot

940
01:04:29,320 --> 01:04:31,151
For example, we say 'as quick as lightning'

941
01:04:31,280 --> 01:04:33,430
As light as a feather As clean as a whistle

942
01:04:33,840 --> 01:04:36,752
- As blind as a... Su Lee? - As brind as a bat

943
01:04:36,880 --> 01:04:38,757
Good! Because bats cannot see

944
01:04:38,880 --> 01:04:42,634
- Max, as deaf as a... - Postman

945
01:04:48,360 --> 01:04:53,354
- No Max, posts! Because posts cannot
hear - Neither can my postman
946
01:04:55,640 --> 01:04:59,269
- Ali, as sly as a... - Sikh

947
01:05:01,280 --> 01:05:05,193
- Fox! Ranjeet, as mad as a... - Muslim

948
01:05:06,720 --> 01:05:10,713
- Hatter! Taro, as drunk as a... - Newto

949
01:05:12,480 --> 01:05:14,152
Lord is more correct

950
01:05:14,280 --> 01:05:16,794
- Jamila, as white as... - You

951
01:05:17,400 --> 01:05:24,112
Snow! Ali, as smooth as?

952
01:05:25,280 --> 01:05:26,713
A baby's bottoms

953
01:05:28,440 --> 01:05:32,718
Alright, we'll break for tea now and
continue with the newspapers when we come back

954
01:05:33,680 --> 01:05:38,276
Please, how am l going to be getting
out without being obsreved by the fat one?

955
01:05:38,880 --> 01:05:40,472
That's your problem

956
01:05:40,600 --> 01:05:43,512
My problem is to get her off the
premises before Miss Courtney finds her

957
01:05:48,600 --> 01:05:53,390
- Look l really think you
ought to go home - No, l stay

958
01:05:54,280 --> 01:05:57,158
- What is going on? - What is going on?

959
01:05:57,480 --> 01:06:01,155
- What is going on? - Yes,
l'm talking to this lady

960
01:06:01,280 --> 01:06:03,555
- Why is she here? - She's talking to me

961
01:06:04,480 --> 01:06:07,756
- Why is she sitting in the corridor?
- Why is she sitting in the corridor?

962
01:06:08,160 --> 01:06:09,593
Must you repeat everything l say?

963
01:06:27,320 --> 01:06:30,437
l could have sworn that
woman wasn't pregnant yesterday

964
01:06:34,840 --> 01:06:36,034
You are safe now

965
01:06:39,480 --> 01:06:41,118
Thank you Jamila! Thank you

966
01:06:41,440 --> 01:06:43,715
What you do now?

967
01:06:46,160 --> 01:06:47,718
Maybe l can jump out of the window

968
01:06:48,200 --> 01:06:50,350
You'd be lucky! We're on the third floor

969
01:06:52,440 --> 01:06:55,671
Mr. Brown, l have a feeling that
something very peculiar is going on

970
01:06:55,800 --> 01:06:58,109
No, no! Everything's perfectly
all right l can assure you

971
01:06:58,640 --> 01:07:00,551
- Are you going? - Yes

972
01:07:01,360 --> 01:07:02,634
To get a cup of tea

973
01:07:09,680 --> 01:07:12,274
Oh blimey! lt's Surinder

974
01:07:14,840 --> 01:07:17,070
That was sounding like my Ranjeet

975
01:07:17,480 --> 01:07:19,471
- Where is he now? - l told you he's not here

976
01:07:20,120 --> 01:07:22,111
Excuse me dearie

977
01:07:22,240 --> 01:07:26,153
Are you looking for the darky fellow with
a beard and a bandage round his head?

978
01:07:26,520 --> 01:07:30,195
- Most definitely - He's just
crawled behind those curtains

979
01:07:39,320 --> 01:07:40,435
Come out Ranjeet

980
01:07:41,120 --> 01:07:42,712
l am knowing you are there

981
01:07:43,760 --> 01:07:44,715
Come out

982
01:08:08,560 --> 01:08:10,118
What is the meaning of this?

983
01:08:10,520 --> 01:08:13,796
l am noticing windows very
dirty so l am cleaning them for you

984
01:08:13,920 --> 01:08:15,717
l like very much cleaning windows

985
01:08:16,360 --> 01:08:17,634
ln the pitch dark?

986
01:08:18,440 --> 01:08:22,274
- Come in off that window ledge
at once - Most certainly
987
01:08:25,520 --> 01:08:27,033
A thousand apologies

988
01:08:39,480 --> 01:08:40,708
l kill myself

989
01:08:40,840 --> 01:08:42,273
Well hurry up! Tea break's nearly over

990
01:08:42,480 --> 01:08:44,471
- l am meaning it - Go on

991
01:08:44,600 --> 01:08:48,229
- l am going to join my ancestors
- Don't keep them waiting too long

992
01:08:48,360 --> 01:08:50,237
- ByeBye everybody - Bye

993
01:08:51,160 --> 01:08:53,469
- l am doing it now - So you keep saying

994
01:08:53,600 --> 01:08:55,033
This is it then

995
01:08:57,120 --> 01:08:58,553
Come on! Hurry up please

996
01:09:03,600 --> 01:09:06,512
Maybe l am having a cup of coffee before l do it

997
01:09:06,640 --> 01:09:10,758
Ranjeet, we all know you've not the
slightest intention of killing yourself

998
01:09:11,160 --> 01:09:13,720
So put the knife away and
let's discuss this properly

999
01:09:13,840 --> 01:09:15,239
Now Surinder as l understand it

1000
01:09:15,480 --> 01:09:18,438
You and Ranjeet here were both
betrothed when you were children
1001
01:09:18,560 --> 01:09:22,155
Most definitely and now
he's not wanting to marry me

1002
01:09:22,280 --> 01:09:24,157
You can't get married unless you love each other

1003
01:09:24,280 --> 01:09:28,558
lt is his duty to be marrying
me otherwise l am losing my face

1004
01:09:28,680 --> 01:09:30,318
l think she's lost it already

1005
01:09:32,280 --> 01:09:33,269
You wouldn't be happy together

1006
01:09:33,480 --> 01:09:36,233
Can't you just agree to
release Ranjeet from his promise?

1007
01:09:36,360 --> 01:09:39,193
- And what will become of me?
- l'm sure you'll meet somebody else

1008
01:09:40,360 --> 01:09:46,196
lf l think l would meet another
man l most gladly release Ranjeet

1009
01:09:46,600 --> 01:09:49,239
- You would? - Most certainly

1010
01:09:49,760 --> 01:09:51,591
But who is going to be having me now?

1011
01:09:52,200 --> 01:09:56,318
You know Surinder there is
something Mr. Brown is not telling you

1012
01:09:56,680 --> 01:09:59,433
- There is? - Oh, yes indeed

1013
01:09:59,560 --> 01:10:04,156
He has a special reason for
wanting you not to be marrying me
1014
01:10:04,280 --> 01:10:08,512
- l have? - He is wanting to marry you himself

1015
01:10:10,680 --> 01:10:14,753
- He is wanting to be marrying
me? - l am wanting to marry her?

1016
01:10:15,240 --> 01:10:16,275
l accept

1017
01:10:26,400 --> 01:10:28,834
- Ola Mr. Brown - Good evening Gladys

1018
01:10:29,680 --> 01:10:33,229
- When is the happy day then?
- There's not going to be any happy day

1019
01:10:33,360 --> 01:10:35,271
lt was a complete misunderstanding

1020
01:10:35,400 --> 01:10:39,712
What a pity! l thought you and
Surinder made a lovely couple

1021
01:10:41,480 --> 01:10:44,119
With all due respect, she
was a couple on her own!

1022
01:10:47,760 --> 01:10:50,115
Good evening

1023
01:10:52,640 --> 01:10:53,789
Now before we start

1024
01:10:53,920 --> 01:10:56,354
l checked your homework last night

1025
01:10:57,640 --> 01:11:00,313
And l have a feeling there have
been some sort of chicanery going on

1026
01:11:01,400 --> 01:11:03,152
We not know what you mean

1027
01:11:03,280 --> 01:11:04,679
Well Giovani! l'll tell you

1028
01:11:05,280 --> 01:11:08,352
Firstly, there's the fact that five
of them are written in the same hand

1029
01:11:09,480 --> 01:11:12,119
lt's a sheer coincidence

1030
01:11:13,600 --> 01:11:17,559
And is it also a coincidence that you
all answered question seven as follows

1031
01:11:17,680 --> 01:11:20,194
Question: Explain what is
wrong with the following sentence

1032
01:11:20,520 --> 01:11:23,159
'My dogs is in the garden'

1033
01:11:23,840 --> 01:11:26,479
Answer: 'l do not have a garden'

1034
01:11:27,920 --> 01:11:30,798
- Give me 10 p. - l want my 10 p. Back

1035
01:11:30,920 --> 01:11:34,071
You will all receive extra homework tonight

1036
01:11:35,280 --> 01:11:38,113
And please this time make
sure you do it yourselves

1037
01:11:39,280 --> 01:11:43,273
l am apologizing again! But
l am delayed by Surinder

1038
01:11:43,560 --> 01:11:46,199
l thought she'd agreed to
release you from the marriage now

1039
01:11:46,320 --> 01:11:51,519
Yes, she has! But her father is coming here
to see you about your marriage now

1040
01:11:51,640 --> 01:11:54,518
Look, there's not going to be
any wedding l've broken it off

1041
01:11:54,640 --> 01:11:57,279
Oh dearie me! How painful

1042
01:11:58,880 --> 01:12:02,714
l've written to Surinder's parents explaining
that
l couldn't possibly marry their daughter

1043
01:12:03,120 --> 01:12:06,157
l pointed out the differences between our
religious and cultural backgrounds

1044
01:12:06,280 --> 01:12:09,078
And the fact l have no
intention of marrying anyone

1045
01:12:12,480 --> 01:12:14,789
- He should've got the letter
this morning - Oh yes he did

1046
01:12:14,920 --> 01:12:18,993
That is why he is coming! He is
hoping to be slicing you into many pieces

1047
01:12:19,600 --> 01:12:20,635
Pardon?

1048
01:12:20,760 --> 01:12:23,718
He say you are bringing disgrace on his daughter

1049
01:12:24,200 --> 01:12:27,556
Don't be ridiculous! This isn't
Punjab! lt's England, a civilised country

1050
01:12:27,680 --> 01:12:30,399
People just don't go around slicing
each other up and l shall tell him so

1051
01:12:30,520 --> 01:12:35,548
Where is this illegitimate
offspring of a six-legged camel

1052
01:12:35,680 --> 01:12:37,238
Blimey, l am not knowing where he is

1053
01:12:37,480 --> 01:12:39,994
He is not here! He has emigrated

1054
01:14:27,280 --> 01:14:31,990
- lsn't it time we went back to the
classroom? - We okay yet - we wait for Giovanni

1055
01:14:32,120 --> 01:14:33,235
Come sit down Sid

1056
01:14:33,600 --> 01:14:40,278
- This is Sid the caretaker
- Most happy to make your acquaintance

1057
01:14:40,920 --> 01:14:42,035
Nice to meet you

1058
01:14:42,600 --> 01:14:44,192
You want a cup of coffee, Sid?

1059
01:14:44,320 --> 01:14:46,993
- Cup of coffee? - No thanks

1060
01:14:47,120 --> 01:14:50,271
- l wouldn't mind a fag though
- Sure you can have the fag

1061
01:14:50,400 --> 01:14:53,198
- Max, a cigarette for Sid - Okay

1062
01:14:53,880 --> 01:14:54,869
That's very kind of you!

1063
01:15:01,120 --> 01:15:05,398
- Sid is gonna talk to us - What
is he going to be talking about?

1064
01:15:05,560 --> 01:15:08,074
Anything! lt's to improve our English!

1065
01:15:08,200 --> 01:15:12,034
lnstead of us all the time speak
to each other, we speak with Sid
1066
01:15:12,160 --> 01:15:13,798
l think is very good idea

1067
01:15:14,600 --> 01:15:17,319
- What we're gonna talk
about? - You'll have to talk up

1068
01:15:17,440 --> 01:15:18,953
l'm a bit Mutt and Jeff

1069
01:15:19,360 --> 01:15:23,114
Excuse me! Who are these Mutt and Jeff?

1070
01:15:24,080 --> 01:15:26,310
Mutt and Jeff is deaf

1071
01:15:26,600 --> 01:15:30,115
Scuse! What we gonna talk about?

1072
01:15:30,240 --> 01:15:33,391
l don't mind! l'm just happy
to rest my plates of meat

1073
01:15:34,920 --> 01:15:37,992
Excuse please! l am not
seeing any plates of meat

1074
01:15:39,080 --> 01:15:41,992
Plates of meat is feet

1075
01:15:42,920 --> 01:15:46,469
- Your feet are plates of meat? - Yes

1076
01:15:46,880 --> 01:15:50,759
lt's slang you see! lt's
easy if you use your Uncle Ned

1077
01:15:51,880 --> 01:15:55,998
- l am not having an uncle
Ned - Uncle Ned! Your uncle Ned?

1078
01:15:56,120 --> 01:15:58,759
- Uncle Ned? - Yes

1079
01:15:59,280 --> 01:16:03,239
- You mean he's crazy?
- No but l think you lot are

1080
01:16:03,320 --> 01:16:06,232
- l think you're taking the mick - No

1081
01:16:06,320 --> 01:16:09,039
We are interested in everything you tell us!

1082
01:16:09,160 --> 01:16:11,958
Already you are teaching
us words we not learn before

1083
01:16:12,080 --> 01:16:13,752
- Please teach us more - Yeah

1084
01:16:14,120 --> 01:16:16,839
- l'll tell you about what
happened last night - Yes please

1085
01:16:17,400 --> 01:16:20,870
Well first of all, l had a bit of a
bull and a cow with the trouble and strife

1086
01:16:21,320 --> 01:16:23,311
lt was all over the dustbin lids!

1087
01:16:23,440 --> 01:16:27,319
l went down the frog and toad into the
rub-a-dub and l met my old china plate

1088
01:16:27,440 --> 01:16:31,956
He looked a bit Unce Dick so l get him a
Jack the Dandy and l had a Vera Lynn

1089
01:16:32,360 --> 01:16:36,194
One thing led to another and
we were both Brahms and Liszt

1090
01:16:37,320 --> 01:16:41,233
So l staggered back home, took
off my Dickie dirt and my daisy roots

1091
01:16:41,320 --> 01:16:44,710
And passed out like a
light on the apples and pears
1092
01:16:48,440 --> 01:16:51,989
Blimey l think we are better
off talking with each other

1093
01:16:52,600 --> 01:16:54,830
lsn't it time you were all
back in the classroom?

1094
01:16:54,960 --> 01:16:57,235
Sorry professori, we've
just been talking with Sid

1095
01:16:57,600 --> 01:17:00,876
l've just been helping them with
their English Mr. Brown

1096
01:17:01,000 --> 01:17:02,399
That should set them back a few weeks

1097
01:17:02,560 --> 01:17:04,039
- l beg your pardon? - lt doesn't matter

1098
01:17:04,160 --> 01:17:05,070
Alright!

1099
01:17:05,960 --> 01:17:08,918
We are not understanding a
word he's saying Mr. Brown

1100
01:17:09,040 --> 01:17:11,190
He's telling us about his Uncle Dick!

1101
01:17:11,320 --> 01:17:15,074
Somebody called Jack the
Dandy and Brahms and Liszt

1102
01:17:16,120 --> 01:17:17,997
He was speaking in rhyming slang

1103
01:17:18,120 --> 01:17:20,953
And all the time we think he's English

1104
01:17:21,600 --> 01:17:24,068
He is English! He's what is known as a cockney

1105
01:17:24,200 --> 01:17:28,159
Rhyming slang is merely using words that
rhyme with the word you wish to use

1106
01:17:28,280 --> 01:17:30,999
For example, mince pies are eyes

1107
01:17:31,120 --> 01:17:33,031
- Plates of meat are feet - Yes

1108
01:17:33,160 --> 01:17:36,357
- l understand, Uncle Ned is head - That's right

1109
01:17:36,440 --> 01:17:44,233
- And what is Uncle Dick?
- l presume that's sick

1110
01:17:44,360 --> 01:17:46,476
- And Jack the Dandy? - Brandy

1111
01:17:46,920 --> 01:17:52,870
- Brahms and Liszt? - Drunk

1112
01:17:53,840 --> 01:17:55,796
- That's not rhyme - lt's near enough

1113
01:17:55,920 --> 01:17:58,832
Come along, we have a lot of work
to do! Back to the classroom

1114
01:17:59,320 --> 01:18:01,993
What is going on in here? Where is Mr. Brown?

1115
01:18:02,120 --> 01:18:04,873
He will be here any minute! He
is coming from the tea room

1116
01:18:10,840 --> 01:18:13,991
Ten minutes is the normal
time to have a tea Mr. Brown

1117
01:18:14,120 --> 01:18:16,111
Yes of course! We were
discussing parts of speech

1118
01:18:16,240 --> 01:18:18,231
Well in future, l'd be obliged if
you'd do it in the class

1119
01:18:18,320 --> 01:18:19,230
Certainly!

1120
01:18:19,840 --> 01:18:22,195
How are your students coming
along with their English?

1121
01:18:22,320 --> 01:18:23,275
Extremely well

1122
01:18:23,400 --> 01:18:25,231
Good, l shall stay and listen for a few minutes

1123
01:18:26,400 --> 01:18:28,038
Don't worry! l shan't interfere!

1124
01:18:28,400 --> 01:18:32,029
l make it a practise to drop on
the classes from time to time

1125
01:18:32,160 --> 01:18:34,151
To see what sort of progress is being made

1126
01:18:34,280 --> 01:18:37,158
lt's Beef Stroganoff in
the cookery class tonight

1127
01:18:37,280 --> 01:18:40,955
- Are you trying to get rid of me?
- No, l just thought you might fancy a bit

1128
01:18:44,400 --> 01:18:46,914
l don't, so will you please begin?

1129
01:18:47,040 --> 01:18:52,194
Right! For the rest of this period we're
going to talk about shopping

1130
01:18:52,320 --> 01:18:54,276
l like him! He's very good!

1131
01:18:56,600 --> 01:19:00,070
- Pardon? - Shoppin! l like his Polonaise
1132
01:19:06,360 --> 01:19:08,874
Giovanni, that's Chopin!

1133
01:19:09,000 --> 01:19:09,989
He must have misheard me!

1134
01:19:10,120 --> 01:19:12,839
We're going to talk about
shopping, buying things

1135
01:19:13,240 --> 01:19:17,233
l have here various items which, at some time
or another you will probably purchase

1136
01:19:17,360 --> 01:19:20,193
So l'm gonna hold them up and
ask you to identify them

1137
01:19:20,320 --> 01:19:21,833
And we'll see how well you do, alright?

1138
01:19:21,960 --> 01:19:24,030
- Now who shall we start with? Ali - Yes please

1139
01:19:24,160 --> 01:19:25,798
- What is this? - Apple

1140
01:19:28,080 --> 01:19:32,232
- Lovely! Jelly good -
You're not supposed to eat it

1141
01:19:32,320 --> 01:19:35,118
l am most sorry! l only had a small bite

1142
01:19:36,320 --> 01:19:38,311
You might as well finish it now!

1143
01:19:38,560 --> 01:19:41,279
- Su Lee, what is this? - lt is olange

1144
01:19:42,040 --> 01:19:46,238
- Rrrr, Rrrr Orange - Olrange

1145
01:19:46,840 --> 01:19:50,230
- That's better - You really
must work on those R sounds

1146
01:19:50,360 --> 01:19:53,272
- l tly velly hard - Try saying...

1147
01:19:53,560 --> 01:19:58,793
''Around the rugged rocks the ragged rascal ran''

1148
01:19:58,920 --> 01:20:02,276
''Alound luged locks, lagged lascal lan''

1149
01:20:04,080 --> 01:20:08,232
You're gonna have to keep practising

1150
01:20:08,840 --> 01:20:11,229
- Anna, what's this? - A paper bag

1151
01:20:12,040 --> 01:20:17,114
- Yes, but what's inside it?
- l don't know! l cannot see inside

1152
01:20:17,600 --> 01:20:21,991
- lt's flour! You know what flour
is? - Ja, what you wear at wedding

1153
01:20:25,160 --> 01:20:28,391
No, no, no, this isn't that kind of
flower! This is flour to make pastry and bread

1154
01:20:28,560 --> 01:20:30,790
- Veismal - Yes

1155
01:20:31,960 --> 01:20:33,234
- Jamila - Yes

1156
01:20:33,360 --> 01:20:34,952
What is this?

1157
01:20:37,000 --> 01:20:39,355
l'm sure you're right but what is it in English?

1158
01:20:41,320 --> 01:20:44,039
Have you ever heard of a carrot?

1159
01:20:44,400 --> 01:20:46,914
- Carrot? - Yes carrot

1160
01:20:47,280 --> 01:20:51,239
Horse and carrot

1161
01:20:55,200 --> 01:20:56,918
- lncredible! - No, no Jamila

1162
01:20:57,040 --> 01:21:01,238
That's horse and cart! This is a carrot!

1163
01:21:02,320 --> 01:21:05,198
Who can tell me what these are?

1164
01:21:05,880 --> 01:21:08,189
- Fish fingers - Good, well done Danielle

1165
01:21:08,320 --> 01:21:10,117
- Excuse please - No Ali, don't say it

1166
01:21:10,240 --> 01:21:11,309
What don't l say?

1167
01:21:11,440 --> 01:21:13,908
You weren't going to say
anything about fish not having fingers

1168
01:21:14,040 --> 01:21:15,792
- Yes please - Well don't bother

1169
01:21:17,560 --> 01:21:19,869
- Max - Tomato

1170
01:21:20,000 --> 01:21:23,709
- Good, Taro! - Potarto

1171
01:21:24,440 --> 01:21:27,000
- Potato - Ah so

1172
01:21:31,040 --> 01:21:32,792
Giovanni!

1173
01:21:33,160 --> 01:21:34,798
- Lime Juice - Good
1174
01:21:35,200 --> 01:21:37,111
- Juan - Cow Juice

1175
01:21:42,320 --> 01:21:45,392
- Milk - Si, milk

1176
01:21:46,280 --> 01:21:52,389
- Do you know where we get milk
from Juan? - Si senora, milkman

1177
01:21:54,360 --> 01:22:00,071
- Quiet please! We get milk
from cows - Si, cows! Vaca!

1178
01:22:01,880 --> 01:22:04,872
- Ranjeet! - Corn flakes

1179
01:22:05,960 --> 01:22:08,190
- No oats - Oats

1180
01:22:09,120 --> 01:22:10,473
So that is oats!

1181
01:22:10,880 --> 01:22:12,836
My friend who l am working with

1182
01:22:12,960 --> 01:22:17,954
Every morning he is telling
me last night he is having his oats

1183
01:22:22,080 --> 01:22:26,995
- He is telling me he likes them
very much - l'm sure he does

1184
01:22:28,080 --> 01:22:31,197
- Who can tell me what this is? - Bacon

1185
01:22:31,320 --> 01:22:35,279
- Good, and where does
bacon come from? - Milkman

1186
01:22:37,840 --> 01:22:42,914
- Bacon does not come from the milkman
- Every week l buy bacon from milkman
1187
01:22:43,320 --> 01:22:47,916
- Pig, pig - Are you calling me pig?

1188
01:22:48,360 --> 01:22:55,232
- You are a pig you ltalian
ravioli - Shut your plates of meat

1189
01:22:56,200 --> 01:22:58,191
That'll do!

1190
01:22:58,320 --> 01:23:02,233
What Giovanni was trying to say
was that bacon comes from a pig

1191
01:23:02,600 --> 01:23:04,113
lt's alright

1192
01:23:05,200 --> 01:23:09,193
Can anyone tell me what we call
a pig after it has been killed?

1193
01:23:09,320 --> 01:23:15,714
- Yes please, it is dead pig! - Amazing

1194
01:23:16,320 --> 01:23:18,993
No Ali, that's pork!

1195
01:23:19,360 --> 01:23:22,238
- What is this? Anybody? - A tin of meat

1196
01:23:22,360 --> 01:23:29,948
- Yes, actually it's a tin of dog meat - Oh
blimey, you're putting dogs in tins to eat

1197
01:23:30,920 --> 01:23:33,480
- l think l've heard enough
- They are better than they were

1198
01:23:33,920 --> 01:23:35,751
They could hardly be worse!

1199
01:23:38,560 --> 01:23:41,233
She's absolutely right you
know! Some of you are very behind

1200
01:23:41,320 --> 01:23:43,231
l spend a lot of time preparing these lessons

1201
01:23:43,360 --> 01:23:45,954
And some of you don't take
them half as serious as they should

1202
01:23:46,080 --> 01:23:47,957
lt's time you put your shoulders to the wheel

1203
01:23:48,080 --> 01:23:50,310
- What wheel please? - Learning

1204
01:23:50,840 --> 01:23:52,796
l think you better stay an
extra half hour tonight

1205
01:23:53,440 --> 01:23:57,956
- lt's Friday night! l got a date - l don't care

1206
01:23:58,080 --> 01:24:00,992
l want you to do the
exercises on page 53, all of them

1207
01:24:01,120 --> 01:24:02,917
And you don't go until you've finished

1208
01:24:20,600 --> 01:24:21,715
So long!

1209
01:24:27,880 --> 01:24:31,077
- l've locked up the tea room Sid - Thanks Glad

1210
01:24:31,440 --> 01:24:34,796
- Fancy a drink Girl? - No l want to get home

1211
01:24:34,920 --> 01:24:37,275
l must have a pint! My throat's spitting fevers

1212
01:24:42,320 --> 01:24:45,198
- What was that? - l think
it is somebody at the door

1213
01:24:45,320 --> 01:24:46,196
Come in!
1214
01:24:56,600 --> 01:24:59,239
Hello, is anybody there?

1215
01:25:07,160 --> 01:25:12,154
- Cheerio Sid! See you on
Monday - Good night Gladys

1216
01:25:45,920 --> 01:25:47,433
lt's no good! l can't get it open

1217
01:25:48,080 --> 01:25:50,992
l know! Why not we smash the door up?

1218
01:25:51,120 --> 01:25:54,396
No, no! lt's worth a try,
alright! Stand back everyone

1219
01:25:55,840 --> 01:25:56,875
Careful of splits!

1220
01:26:06,320 --> 01:26:10,313
- You haven't opened the door
- l think l've broken my arm

1221
01:26:10,920 --> 01:26:15,072
- We are all going to die - Don't be so dramatic

1222
01:26:15,200 --> 01:26:16,428
Maybe we shout again

1223
01:26:16,880 --> 01:26:18,359
l don't think my throat would stand any more

1224
01:26:18,440 --> 01:26:20,192
Hey look! There's a man in the street!

1225
01:26:21,360 --> 01:26:25,239
Help, help!

1226
01:26:25,360 --> 01:26:27,237
He won't hear us from up here! Wave to him

1227
01:26:29,320 --> 01:26:31,231
- He has seen us - Good
1228
01:26:31,840 --> 01:26:33,114
He's waving back

1229
01:26:35,080 --> 01:26:36,991
He obviously thinks we're just being friendly

1230
01:26:37,600 --> 01:26:38,919
He's gone

1231
01:26:39,320 --> 01:26:43,438
- We are all going to die
- Nobody is going to die

1232
01:26:44,240 --> 01:26:47,710
What we need is something to be
attracting the attention of passer by

1233
01:26:48,160 --> 01:26:51,948
Yes, Danielle should wave from window by herself

1234
01:26:52,080 --> 01:26:54,992
lt still may not be sufficient to
attract enough attention

1235
01:26:55,120 --> 01:26:56,235
lt would be if she took all her clothes off

1236
01:26:58,160 --> 01:27:00,355
- That's a good idea - No it isn't

1237
01:27:00,440 --> 01:27:03,193
Now, just sit down everybody!

1238
01:27:03,960 --> 01:27:05,234
We'll just have to think this one out

1239
01:27:06,200 --> 01:27:07,918
There must be a simple solution

1240
01:27:08,360 --> 01:27:11,909
And if there isn't, we'll just have to
wait until somebody misses one of us

1241
01:27:12,040 --> 01:27:14,713
But what if nobody is missing anybody
1242
01:27:15,200 --> 01:27:18,909
We could be being stuck here
together until Monday morning

1243
01:27:19,440 --> 01:27:22,193
We are all going to die

1244
01:27:23,080 --> 01:27:26,390
Ali, nobody is going to
die! Only you is going to die

1245
01:27:26,840 --> 01:27:27,909
- Me? - Yes

1246
01:27:28,040 --> 01:27:30,235
Because if you say we are all going to
die once more, l shall strangle you

1247
01:27:30,920 --> 01:27:31,989
There are eleven of us here!

1248
01:27:32,120 --> 01:27:34,395
lt is obvious that sooner or
later, one of us will be missed

1249
01:27:35,080 --> 01:27:38,834
- Will you be missed sir?
- Well no but l live alone in a flat

1250
01:27:38,960 --> 01:27:43,033
- But for example, take Danielle
- l would love to take Danielle

1251
01:27:44,440 --> 01:27:46,317
l'm sure that, being an au pair

1252
01:27:46,440 --> 01:27:48,237
Your English family will
miss you when you don't return

1253
01:27:48,320 --> 01:27:50,880
No, they are away for the weekend

1254
01:27:52,240 --> 01:27:54,276
Well Anna, what about your English family?
1255
01:27:54,400 --> 01:27:55,435
- Are they away? - No

1256
01:27:55,880 --> 01:27:57,359
- They'll obviously be worried! - No

1257
01:27:57,440 --> 01:27:59,078
- No? - lt is my weekend off!

1258
01:27:59,200 --> 01:28:04,069
- l was spending it with
Danielle - We are all going to die

1259
01:28:04,320 --> 01:28:09,713
Ali! Taro, what about you? You're
married! Won't your wife miss you?

1260
01:28:10,320 --> 01:28:14,233
- Wife already missing me - There you are

1261
01:28:14,840 --> 01:28:20,915
Unfortunately, she is with parents in Tokyo

1262
01:28:22,160 --> 01:28:25,232
What about you Giovanni? You
work in a restaurant

1263
01:28:25,360 --> 01:28:28,238
- Surely your employer will miss
you - Sure he's gonna miss me

1264
01:28:28,360 --> 01:28:34,799
- So presumably, he'll do something about
it - Yes, he's gonna give me the sack

1265
01:28:36,920 --> 01:28:39,115
Somebody's bound to miss somebody

1266
01:28:39,240 --> 01:28:44,314
And if the worst happens, then... Don't
worry we can survive the weekend!

1267
01:28:44,440 --> 01:28:45,395
We've got plenty of food and drink!
1268
01:28:46,120 --> 01:28:48,270
We'll just have to keep our
spirits up! Try and be cheerful

1269
01:28:48,400 --> 01:28:50,311
Think of things to do to pass the time

1270
01:28:50,600 --> 01:28:52,238
- l tell ajoke! - Good idea Giovanni

1271
01:28:52,360 --> 01:28:55,318
We'll all tell jokes! That will
help pass the time! Go ahead Giovanni!

1272
01:28:56,160 --> 01:29:00,711
Ok, there was this man and
he has gangrene in the leg

1273
01:29:01,840 --> 01:29:06,914
- Are you sure this is a
joke? - Sure, it's very funny

1274
01:29:09,440 --> 01:29:12,432
Anyway, he goes into the
hospital to have the leg chopped off

1275
01:29:13,320 --> 01:29:17,996
After the operation, when he's
come back to being conscious

1276
01:29:18,120 --> 01:29:25,196
He sees the doctor looking very
worried! 'What's the matter doctor', he say

1277
01:29:25,880 --> 01:29:32,228
The doctor replies, 'Senor l
have bad news and l have good news'

1278
01:29:33,320 --> 01:29:39,270
So, the man say, 'OK, give me the bad news'

1279
01:29:39,400 --> 01:29:44,997
The doctor say, 'l have
chopped off the wrong leg'

1280
01:29:45,120 --> 01:29:49,238
Santa Maria, the man
say, 'what is the good news? '

1281
01:29:50,080 --> 01:29:54,312
The doctor say 'Your
other leg is getting better'

1282
01:30:00,080 --> 01:30:02,992
- Well go on - That's the joke

1283
01:30:04,360 --> 01:30:08,319
- Very droll - Another Uncle Ned

1284
01:30:09,320 --> 01:30:11,231
Does anybody else got a funny story?

1285
01:30:13,320 --> 01:30:18,155
Do you know it take two Sikhs to milk one goat?

1286
01:30:18,280 --> 01:30:19,918
- Two? - Yes please

1287
01:30:20,040 --> 01:30:26,229
One to be holding the tits and one
to be lifting the goat up and down

1288
01:30:27,960 --> 01:30:33,876
And did you know that in
Pakistan they have no ice

1289
01:30:34,000 --> 01:30:37,993
Because the man who is knowing to
be making ice has emigrated

1290
01:30:40,280 --> 01:30:45,400
- Are you saying all Pakistanis
are stupid? - No, just you

1291
01:30:47,040 --> 01:30:49,793
Sit down! No more racialistjokes please

1292
01:30:50,200 --> 01:30:52,395
- Has anybody else got a
funny story? - Por favore

1293
01:30:52,920 --> 01:30:54,433
A funny story, ajoke!

1294
01:30:54,920 --> 01:30:58,708
- Chista - Ah, chista! Si, si

1295
01:32:02,280 --> 01:32:06,239
l'm sure that was extremely hilarious, lf
only we knew what it was about!

1296
01:32:06,920 --> 01:32:10,117
Taro, what about a Japanese
joke in English please

1297
01:32:15,400 --> 01:32:18,710
Old Japanese ploverb say...

1298
01:32:19,240 --> 01:32:26,237
''Man who seduces girl on
hillside, not on the level''

1299
01:32:31,120 --> 01:32:32,314
Very clever!

1300
01:32:33,080 --> 01:32:37,949
Su Lee, what about a sample of Chinese humour?

1301
01:32:38,080 --> 01:32:42,232
ln democlatic repubric of China, we
have no time for decadent bourgoise humour

1302
01:32:43,360 --> 01:32:44,998
No, l don't suppose you do!

1303
01:32:45,440 --> 01:32:47,237
Danielle, what about you?

1304
01:32:47,360 --> 01:32:49,794
- l have a French joke for you - Good

1305
01:32:50,160 --> 01:32:53,232
- l tell you about the catholic
priest! - Yeah, that sounds better

1306
01:32:53,360 --> 01:32:55,316
- Yes? - Come on
1307
01:33:03,080 --> 01:33:08,029
There was the priest out walking and
a gendarme come up and say

1308
01:33:08,160 --> 01:33:11,232
Father, come quickly, there is a
man on the top of the Eiffel Tower

1309
01:33:11,320 --> 01:33:12,958
And he is going to jump!

1310
01:33:13,080 --> 01:33:16,311
So the father goes to the tower and sees the man

1311
01:33:17,000 --> 01:33:18,991
What are doing? You're mad!

1312
01:33:19,120 --> 01:33:22,078
Think of your family! Think of your wife

1313
01:33:22,200 --> 01:33:28,230
So the man says 'My wife has left
me! l have no family! So l jump'

1314
01:33:28,360 --> 01:33:31,318
The priest, he tries one more time

1315
01:33:31,840 --> 01:33:36,197
So he says, lt is a
sin against the catholic church

1316
01:33:36,320 --> 01:33:39,118
The man says 'l am not catholic'

1317
01:33:39,280 --> 01:33:41,714
OK, says the priest, jump!

1318
01:33:49,080 --> 01:33:53,312
- Yeah Anna, what about a
joke? - l don't know any jokes

1319
01:33:53,440 --> 01:33:56,796
Professori, why don't you tell us ajoke?

1320
01:33:59,600 --> 01:34:02,239
All right, i'll tell you
one l heard at my last school

1321
01:34:02,840 --> 01:34:04,273
One of the boys was sent home one day

1322
01:34:04,400 --> 01:34:06,868
And his father asked him why he'd
been sent home, he refused to tell him

1323
01:34:07,000 --> 01:34:08,228
So his father went to see the Headmaster

1324
01:34:08,600 --> 01:34:10,875
The Headmaster said 'l'll tell
you why your son was sent home'

1325
01:34:11,000 --> 01:34:13,912
When the teacher asked him who
pushed down the Walls of Jericho

1326
01:34:14,320 --> 01:34:15,309
He said it wasn't me

1327
01:34:15,880 --> 01:34:18,917
So the father said if he said he
didn't do it, then he didn't do it

1328
01:34:20,400 --> 01:34:22,231
Excuse please

1329
01:34:22,320 --> 01:34:24,231
What is the matter Ali? Didn't
you understand the joke?

1330
01:34:24,320 --> 01:34:30,111
Yes but what l didn't understand is
who did push down the Walls of Jericho?

1331
01:34:32,320 --> 01:34:37,917
Anybody else got ajoke?
No? What about a sing song

1332
01:34:38,360 --> 01:34:44,230
l am knowing good English sing song all
about rolling me over in the clover
1333
01:34:45,360 --> 01:34:47,430
l don't think we want that one! Thank you

1334
01:34:47,920 --> 01:34:51,390
- Does anybody know Daisy? - ls she beautiful?

1335
01:34:52,360 --> 01:34:55,397
lt's a song, Daisy! lt goes like this...

1336
01:34:55,600 --> 01:35:05,714
'Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer
do l'm half crazy, over the love of you'

1337
01:35:21,200 --> 01:35:23,111
Excellent!

1338
01:35:27,320 --> 01:35:30,835
What shall we sing next?

1339
01:35:30,960 --> 01:35:34,032
- Can't we have a rest?
- l don't know that one! ls it French?

1340
01:35:35,080 --> 01:35:39,710
Yes, l'm sorry! Can anyone
tell me the exact time?

1341
01:35:41,120 --> 01:35:48,037
- Three minutes past eleven
- only 58 hours until Monday morning

1342
01:35:54,320 --> 01:35:58,996
So l said to the wife 'You're
lucky, l'm still living'

1343
01:36:02,840 --> 01:36:03,829
What's up?

1344
01:36:03,960 --> 01:36:05,279
- Lord - What's up?

1345
01:36:05,400 --> 01:36:07,231
l must be as drunk as you are

1346
01:36:07,920 --> 01:36:11,276
l can see the teachers in the
school waving at me out of the window

1347
01:36:11,400 --> 01:36:13,231
lt must be worse than l thought

1348
01:36:13,320 --> 01:36:16,232
l can see him and l don't even know him

1349
01:36:22,080 --> 01:36:24,435
l hope you haven't dragged me
down here on a wild goose chase

1350
01:36:24,880 --> 01:36:28,316
- l tell you! l definitely saw
them - lt's most inconvenient

1351
01:36:28,440 --> 01:36:33,036
- lt's not my fault, l lost the front door key
- Of course, it's your fault you silly little man

1352
01:36:35,360 --> 01:36:36,839
At last!

1353
01:36:37,320 --> 01:36:38,992
Miss Courtney, how nice to see you

1354
01:36:39,120 --> 01:36:40,872
l'm afraid l can't return the compliment

1355
01:36:41,000 --> 01:36:43,116
Come along!

1356
01:36:43,600 --> 01:36:46,990
Good night

1357
01:36:50,160 --> 01:36:52,469
l'll go and see there's nobody else anywhere

1358
01:36:53,960 --> 01:36:56,349
- l'm terribly sorry - l should hope you are

1359
01:36:56,440 --> 01:36:59,830
- l hope it hasn't inconvenienced
you - Of course it inconvenienced me
1360
01:36:59,960 --> 01:37:02,918
l was quite happily curled up
in bed with Daphne du Maurier

1361
01:37:04,920 --> 01:37:06,319
l am really sorry about this

1362
01:37:07,160 --> 01:37:09,958
- Now what's the matter? - l've
left my shopping in the class

1363
01:37:10,080 --> 01:37:11,798
For heaven's sake, hurry up and get it

1364
01:37:20,920 --> 01:37:23,275
- You're gonna take all night? - No, No, no

1365
01:37:23,400 --> 01:37:25,038
Well hurry up!

1366
01:37:33,840 --> 01:37:34,716
Sid!

1367
01:37:35,280 --> 01:37:39,193
Sid, Sidney!

1368
01:37:41,040 --> 01:37:42,109
We're locked in

1369
01:37:42,240 --> 01:37:44,276
Now we mustn't panic! We can last
out until Monday morning! Have a carrot

1370
01:37:44,400 --> 01:37:49,190
Let's have a sing song!

1371
01:39:36,880 --> 01:39:39,440
- Good evening everyone - Good evening

1372
01:39:39,560 --> 01:39:42,757
- Good evening - Good heaven Ranjeet

1373
01:39:42,880 --> 01:39:43,949
You're actually here on time
1374
01:39:44,400 --> 01:39:45,992
- Yes - Well done

1375
01:39:46,560 --> 01:39:50,997
Yes, thank you Juan and
thank you for carrying it

1376
01:39:53,720 --> 01:39:55,312
Yes, thank you very much

1377
01:40:02,880 --> 01:40:07,351
- You spanish creeper - You ltalian

1378
01:40:07,480 --> 01:40:08,435
All right, settle down everybody!

1379
01:40:08,560 --> 01:40:10,596
We've got a lot of work to do tonight

1380
01:40:12,640 --> 01:40:13,993
Excuse please

1381
01:40:14,120 --> 01:40:16,236
- Just sit down a minute Ali,
will you? - No thank you

1382
01:40:16,360 --> 01:40:18,351
l am only coming to tell you l am not coming

1383
01:40:18,480 --> 01:40:20,277
- Not coming? - Yes please

1384
01:40:20,640 --> 01:40:22,358
You can't leave in the middle of a term

1385
01:40:22,440 --> 01:40:24,271
l mean you were doing quite
well! Why do you want to leave?

1386
01:40:24,400 --> 01:40:28,234
- Oh blimey, l am coming up on the
puddles - Coming up on the puddles?

1387
01:40:28,360 --> 01:40:31,830
- Yes please, the football
puddles? - The football pools

1388
01:40:31,960 --> 01:40:35,270
Yes please! l am getting eight scoring draws

1389
01:40:35,640 --> 01:40:38,791
- How many draws on the coupons?
- Only the eight l am getting

1390
01:40:39,560 --> 01:40:40,913
Hey how much you win?

1391
01:40:41,040 --> 01:40:44,032
Oh blimey, it could be half a million pounds

1392
01:40:44,640 --> 01:40:46,278
Santa Maria

1393
01:40:46,640 --> 01:40:51,714
l'm very happy for you! Because
you're my best friend

1394
01:40:52,640 --> 01:40:54,392
He's also my friend

1395
01:40:55,880 --> 01:40:58,314
And mine

1396
01:40:59,720 --> 01:41:03,315
- l am the true friend of Ali - You?

1397
01:41:03,800 --> 01:41:07,315
But of course! We are
practically bloody brothers!

1398
01:41:08,560 --> 01:41:11,916
- l thought you didn't like
Muslims - l love Muslims

1399
01:41:12,040 --> 01:41:14,554
Especially when they are having
half a million pounds!

1400
01:41:15,120 --> 01:41:16,348
Well, l don't know what to say Ali
1401
01:41:16,480 --> 01:41:18,232
l mean l'm very pleased for you of course

1402
01:41:18,360 --> 01:41:20,999
- l am also being very pleased
for me - What will you do?

1403
01:41:21,120 --> 01:41:23,350
Oh blimey, l am going to bed

1404
01:41:23,720 --> 01:41:25,438
- To bed? - Yes please

1405
01:41:25,560 --> 01:41:29,269
With all that money, l'm not needing to
be working, so l'm going to bed

1406
01:41:29,400 --> 01:41:32,836
- You mean you're going to
retire - Most definitely

1407
01:41:32,960 --> 01:41:34,678
You're quite sure you've got eight score draws?

1408
01:41:34,800 --> 01:41:36,916
Oh yes, l got the copy

1409
01:41:37,040 --> 01:41:39,395
Here please, the ones l'm ticking off

1410
01:41:40,360 --> 01:41:43,511
Ali, l don't think you're
going to retire just yet

1411
01:41:43,640 --> 01:41:45,995
- He's not gotta eight draws? - Oh yes

1412
01:41:46,400 --> 01:41:47,958
- He's gotta eight... he's
got eight draws - Good

1413
01:41:48,400 --> 01:41:50,516
But they're not all on the same line!

1414
01:41:50,640 --> 01:41:53,234
- What difference is that making?
- lt means you haven't won anything

1415
01:41:54,120 --> 01:41:56,509
- Notting at all? - Notting at all

1416
01:41:57,360 --> 01:41:58,475
Bellos!

1417
01:42:00,280 --> 01:42:02,475
Loco!

1418
01:42:04,640 --> 01:42:08,394
That is typical of that Muslim
twit! No brains whatsoever

1419
01:42:08,560 --> 01:42:10,915
Oh blimey, you are changing tune

1420
01:42:11,040 --> 01:42:14,669
When you are thinking that l am very
wealthy you are being my bloody brother

1421
01:42:18,360 --> 01:42:20,828
Don't you call me stupid you bearded baboon!

1422
01:42:20,960 --> 01:42:22,996
Quiet the pair of you and sit down

1423
01:42:23,120 --> 01:42:25,350
l presume you're staying now Ali

1424
01:42:25,960 --> 01:42:28,349
- l'm staying now, yes - Good

1425
01:42:28,800 --> 01:42:32,509
Now this evening l thought we'd try some
practical use of the English language

1426
01:42:32,640 --> 01:42:36,553
By acting out various situations that
you might come across in real life

1427
01:42:37,040 --> 01:42:39,952
- Now, we'll start with you Taro - ''Aso''
1428
01:42:43,800 --> 01:42:48,669
- Now, you are going to the bank - Banko, yes

1429
01:42:49,640 --> 01:42:52,359
- Where are you going? - Banko

1430
01:42:52,880 --> 01:42:56,236
- No, it's only a pretend bank - Pletendo?

1431
01:42:56,360 --> 01:43:01,275
Yeso! We'll imagine this table is the
bank counter and l am the bank clerk

1432
01:43:01,400 --> 01:43:04,358
And you are a customer and
you're coming to cash a cheque

1433
01:43:04,480 --> 01:43:06,391
- All right? - Ok

1434
01:43:07,040 --> 01:43:11,272
- Good morning Sir - lt is not good morning time

1435
01:43:11,720 --> 01:43:14,678
lt is good night time

1436
01:43:14,800 --> 01:43:17,997
Yes, it is now! But we are just pretending

1437
01:43:18,400 --> 01:43:20,960
- Aso, Cally on - Thank you

1438
01:43:21,400 --> 01:43:22,992
- Good morning Sir - One moment

1439
01:43:23,120 --> 01:43:26,874
- What is it now? - Are
you Barclays or Midlando?

1440
01:43:28,040 --> 01:43:30,235
lt doesn't really matter! Midland if you like

1441
01:43:30,360 --> 01:43:32,635
- Good morning Sir - Goodbye
1442
01:43:35,800 --> 01:43:37,313
Goodbye?

1443
01:43:37,880 --> 01:43:44,672
Midlando not my banko! Barclays my banko

1444
01:43:44,800 --> 01:43:46,916
All right, it's Barclays

1445
01:43:47,040 --> 01:43:49,508
- Good morning Sir - Good morning

1446
01:43:50,040 --> 01:43:52,918
- You wish to cash a cheque? - Yes pleaso

1447
01:43:53,040 --> 01:43:54,678
Good! How much? Ten pounds?

1448
01:43:54,800 --> 01:43:56,756
- Twenty? Thirty? - Thirty

1449
01:43:56,880 --> 01:43:59,792
- And how do you want it? - ln money please

1450
01:44:00,960 --> 01:44:04,236
Yes but do you want thirty in
tens, ones or fives or what?

1451
01:44:04,360 --> 01:44:09,434
- Can l have thirty fives?
- No, that would be 150 pounds

1452
01:44:09,560 --> 01:44:12,677
- Solly for mistako - Not to worry

1453
01:44:12,800 --> 01:44:14,358
Thank you Taro! That wasn't too bad

1454
01:44:14,480 --> 01:44:16,596
Now, who should we have next? Ah, Danielle

1455
01:44:21,280 --> 01:44:24,955
You are the nicest banker l've seen

1456
01:44:25,400 --> 01:44:28,915
Yes, well we're not in the bank now!
l want you to imagine something different

1457
01:44:29,480 --> 01:44:32,995
- l have a very good
imagination - l'm sure you have

1458
01:44:33,120 --> 01:44:37,398
Now you are going into a post
office and l am the assistant

1459
01:44:37,800 --> 01:44:42,999
- Excuse me, can you help me?
- Certainly Madam! What is it you wish?

1460
01:44:43,360 --> 01:44:45,476
How much is it a letter to post?

1461
01:44:45,960 --> 01:44:49,748
- ls it someone in England?
- No, no it's a Swiss letter

1462
01:44:49,880 --> 01:44:53,509
- A Swiss letter? - Yes, l write
to my boyfriend in Switzerland

1463
01:44:53,640 --> 01:44:56,996
Well, it's more correct to say you want to send
a letter to Switzerland not a Swiss letter

1464
01:44:57,120 --> 01:44:59,759
lt could be very embarrassing if
you were writing to somebody in France

1465
01:45:01,640 --> 01:45:03,517
- Excuse me? - lt doesn't matter

1466
01:45:03,880 --> 01:45:06,997
l am thinking l need some extra English lessons

1467
01:45:07,120 --> 01:45:09,509
Maybe l could stay here with you after the class

1468
01:45:09,640 --> 01:45:11,676
l don't think we could do that
1469
01:45:12,040 --> 01:45:15,919
Well l come home with you and
you could teach me a lot

1470
01:45:16,040 --> 01:45:19,430
Yes l'm sure l could! But l think
you know quite sufficient already

1471
01:45:19,560 --> 01:45:25,749
- Now, is there anything else you
want? - Yes but l cannot tell you here

1472
01:45:27,280 --> 01:45:31,717
- From the post office - No, nothing

1473
01:45:32,280 --> 01:45:34,635
Well alright, thank you Danielle, that will do

1474
01:45:36,400 --> 01:45:39,233
- Now, Juan - Si senor

1475
01:45:39,360 --> 01:45:42,432
- You're going to the Employment
Exchange - Por Favore

1476
01:45:42,800 --> 01:45:46,679
- You are going to get a
job - No, l already have ajob

1477
01:45:46,800 --> 01:45:48,995
Yes l know that, we're assuming you don't

1478
01:45:49,120 --> 01:45:51,236
And you're going to the
Employment Exchange to get one

1479
01:45:51,360 --> 01:45:54,670
- As l explained to Taro, we're
pretending - lt's alright

1480
01:45:55,800 --> 01:45:58,553
- Now, what is your name?
- You already know my name

1481
01:45:59,720 --> 01:46:01,995
l do but the clerk at the job desk doesn't
1482
01:46:02,120 --> 01:46:06,432
Ah, si! Juan Cervantes para Serville

1483
01:46:07,120 --> 01:46:10,032
- Are you married? - Si

1484
01:46:10,800 --> 01:46:15,351
l married to Gina Lollabrigida

1485
01:46:17,720 --> 01:46:22,032
- Don't be ridiculous - Pretending

1486
01:46:23,800 --> 01:46:25,233
Touche', alright!

1487
01:46:25,640 --> 01:46:29,872
- What sort of ajob are you
looking for? - Plenty money job

1488
01:46:30,360 --> 01:46:34,239
l see and what is the work you want to
do in order to earn this plenty money?

1489
01:46:34,360 --> 01:46:35,679
Plenty little!

1490
01:46:36,800 --> 01:46:39,598
Alright Juan! Thank you! That will be sufficient

1491
01:46:39,720 --> 01:46:42,632
Pity, l like it! A very good game!

1492
01:46:44,040 --> 01:46:47,271
Thank you! Now, Ranjeet

1493
01:46:50,040 --> 01:46:51,996
What is it you are wanting me to do?

1494
01:46:52,360 --> 01:46:56,353
- You are going to the Doctor's
- What is the nature of my complaint?

1495
01:46:56,480 --> 01:47:00,359
- Let's just say you don't feel
well - But l'm never feeling better

1496
01:47:00,440 --> 01:47:03,989
- Pretend you have a cold - A cold what?

1497
01:47:06,120 --> 01:47:07,917
Alright, let's forget about the cold

1498
01:47:08,040 --> 01:47:10,952
- Just imagine you have a pain - Very well sir

1499
01:47:12,640 --> 01:47:13,629
Well go on

1500
01:47:14,400 --> 01:47:18,837
A thousand apologies! l am
waiting for you to say 'Next please'

1501
01:47:18,960 --> 01:47:24,318
- Doctor always say 'Next please' - Next please

1502
01:47:25,720 --> 01:47:27,995
- Good morning Doctor - Good morning

1503
01:47:28,120 --> 01:47:31,749
- And what seems to be the
trouble? - l have a terrible pain

1504
01:47:31,880 --> 01:47:34,314
- Where? - ln my imagination

1505
01:47:36,400 --> 01:47:38,789
You're supposed to be
pretending it's a real pain

1506
01:47:39,360 --> 01:47:41,715
A thousand apologies again!

1507
01:47:42,400 --> 01:47:45,039
- l have a real terrible pain - Good

1508
01:47:45,400 --> 01:47:48,437
- Where is this pain? - ln my foot

1509
01:47:50,640 --> 01:47:52,471
His brains are hurting

1510
01:47:53,880 --> 01:47:58,351
- Your backside will be hurting in a moment
- Blimey you can't even crack a pompadom

1511
01:47:58,480 --> 01:48:01,313
- l give you bunches of fivers
- l give you bunches of tenners

1512
01:48:05,480 --> 01:48:06,754
Miss Courtney

1513
01:48:06,880 --> 01:48:08,438
What on earth is going on in here?

1514
01:48:08,560 --> 01:48:10,516
We were just having a few practical lessons

1515
01:48:10,640 --> 01:48:14,428
- What in, unarmed combat?
- lt might come in useful

1516
01:48:14,560 --> 01:48:19,680
Well l'm afraid your students will
have to do without you for a little while

1517
01:48:19,800 --> 01:48:22,917
- You're wanted down at the police
station - The police station?

1518
01:48:23,040 --> 01:48:24,996
There's no need to look so
guilty! lt's nothing you've done

1519
01:48:25,400 --> 01:48:27,994
lt's about one of your students! The lndian lady

1520
01:48:28,400 --> 01:48:30,994
- Jamila? Has anything happened to her? - Yes

1521
01:48:31,360 --> 01:48:34,318
She's been arrested for shoplifting!

1522
01:49:02,120 --> 01:49:03,473
Hello
1523
01:49:04,120 --> 01:49:05,269
Constable Wilkings?

1524
01:49:05,640 --> 01:49:08,313
Where the devil are you? You
should've been back here by now

1525
01:49:08,760 --> 01:49:12,594
Pardon? No i will not send a Panda car for you

1526
01:49:13,000 --> 01:49:16,356
l don't care if somebody has pinched your
bicycle! Pinch somebody else's

1527
01:49:19,040 --> 01:49:21,315
Would you like a cup of tea?

1528
01:49:25,480 --> 01:49:29,359
Tea, cup! ''Char''

1529
01:49:29,480 --> 01:49:35,715
Char, yes please no thank you! 4 sugar

1530
01:49:35,840 --> 01:49:37,512
Don't run away

1531
01:49:40,880 --> 01:49:42,598
Jamila! Are you all right?

1532
01:49:46,760 --> 01:49:47,715
What did she say Ali?

1533
01:49:50,640 --> 01:49:53,234
- ln English - Excuse me please

1534
01:49:53,320 --> 01:49:56,437
She is saying she is very glad we
are coming to help her escape

1535
01:49:57,480 --> 01:49:59,038
Ask her what she stole

1536
01:50:08,440 --> 01:50:09,759
- Well? - Nothing
1537
01:50:10,160 --> 01:50:11,957
She must have said more than that

1538
01:50:12,440 --> 01:50:15,477
Yes please! She is saying she
only took a book from the newspapershop

1539
01:50:15,600 --> 01:50:16,874
But the book was free

1540
01:50:17,000 --> 01:50:19,230
There's obviously been some misunderstanding!

1541
01:50:19,320 --> 01:50:21,038
l'll sort it out with the police

1542
01:50:21,440 --> 01:50:24,557
- Will they be sending her to prison?
- No, no! l don't think it's that drastic

1543
01:50:24,680 --> 01:50:26,910
l'll have a word with the
sergeant! Five pounds ought to do it

1544
01:50:27,440 --> 01:50:29,396
Ah, l'm understanding! That is a fine

1545
01:50:29,520 --> 01:50:32,318
No, no, no! Not exactly a
fine! Let's say it's a little gift

1546
01:50:32,680 --> 01:50:33,749
- Gift? - Yes

1547
01:50:33,880 --> 01:50:36,553
lt's an old English custom! l
scratch your back, you scratch mine

1548
01:50:36,680 --> 01:50:39,990
- You scratch my back, l
scratch yours - That's right

1549
01:50:40,400 --> 01:50:41,469
Very well! Where are you being itchy?
1550
01:50:41,600 --> 01:50:42,828
No, no, never mind!

1551
01:50:43,400 --> 01:50:48,554
- Char - Good evening

1552
01:50:50,000 --> 01:50:51,797
- Good evening - Good evening

1553
01:50:51,920 --> 01:50:54,434
- Are you Mr. Brown? - No, he is Mr. Brown

1554
01:50:54,560 --> 01:50:55,959
l was speaking to him

1555
01:50:56,640 --> 01:50:58,232
ln that case, you were right first time

1556
01:50:58,360 --> 01:50:59,713
- Who are you? - Ali Nadim

1557
01:50:59,840 --> 01:51:02,798
No, l am Ali Nadim! You are Mr. Brown

1558
01:51:02,920 --> 01:51:05,878
Yes Ali, l'll do the talking,
alright? You just leave it to me

1559
01:51:06,440 --> 01:51:08,476
Now l'm sure we can sort this out, inspector

1560
01:51:08,840 --> 01:51:11,434
The Commissioner looks after promotions here sir

1561
01:51:11,560 --> 01:51:13,551
Yes, you look like an lnspector

1562
01:51:13,680 --> 01:51:14,908
l'm sure it's only a question of time

1563
01:51:15,040 --> 01:51:17,998
May l compliment you on your station and
what a wonderful job you're doing

1564
01:51:18,120 --> 01:51:19,030
Thank you sir

1565
01:51:19,280 --> 01:51:21,316
- Now about this young lady? - Ah yes

1566
01:51:21,440 --> 01:51:24,034
l expect you'd like to have a
look at my driving licence

1567
01:51:24,440 --> 01:51:26,590
- What for? - To verify my identity

1568
01:51:26,720 --> 01:51:29,712
- You said you were Mr. Brown - Yes
but you want some proof, don't you?

1569
01:51:29,840 --> 01:51:32,832
Look if you tell me you're Mr.
Brown l accept that is the truth

1570
01:51:32,960 --> 01:51:35,269
- Yes but l could have been
lying - Were you lying?

1571
01:51:35,400 --> 01:51:37,311
No, he's definitely Mr. Brown!

1572
01:51:37,440 --> 01:51:39,431
- He is telling the truth - Ali

1573
01:51:39,560 --> 01:51:43,394
- l insist you look at my driving licence
- Oh very well, if it will make you happy

1574
01:51:47,120 --> 01:51:48,838
- ls this yours sir? - Pardon?

1575
01:51:48,960 --> 01:51:52,316
This five pound note was
inside you driving licence

1576
01:51:52,440 --> 01:51:54,749
Are you sure? lt could have dropped
out of your trouser pocket

1577
01:51:54,880 --> 01:51:58,270
Oh yes! And dropped upwards l
suppose on to the desk?

1578
01:51:58,480 --> 01:52:00,277
Perhaps you had it tucked up your sleeves

1579
01:52:00,400 --> 01:52:03,278
Yes and l could have a couple of
doves up the other but l haven't

1580
01:52:03,400 --> 01:52:05,675
lt was definitely in your licence

1581
01:52:05,800 --> 01:52:09,031
Yes sergeant is correct! l remember you
putting it there not a moment ago

1582
01:52:10,800 --> 01:52:11,789
l forgot

1583
01:52:11,920 --> 01:52:15,754
lt was just before you said ''You
scratch my back, l scratch yours''

1584
01:52:15,880 --> 01:52:18,838
- Thank you George Washington - No l'm Ali

1585
01:52:18,960 --> 01:52:21,474
Yes Ali, just be quiet please

1586
01:52:22,040 --> 01:52:25,430
- Now sergeant, about this
young lady - Yes the accused

1587
01:52:25,560 --> 01:52:28,996
Remember British Justice! A person is
presumed innocent until proven guilty

1588
01:52:29,400 --> 01:52:31,436
- And this poor lady is innocent - l know that

1589
01:52:31,560 --> 01:52:34,518
Just because she's an immigrant you
can't go picking on - pardon?

1590
01:52:34,640 --> 01:52:38,394
Oh she pinched the book all
right but she thought it was buckshee

1591
01:52:38,800 --> 01:52:40,518
See what it says on the front cover?

1592
01:52:40,960 --> 01:52:43,793
- Free inside! Colour supplement - That's right

1593
01:52:43,920 --> 01:52:46,912
- And she thought the whole book was free - Yes

1594
01:52:47,040 --> 01:52:48,473
So it wasn't her fault

1595
01:52:48,600 --> 01:52:51,751
lf anyone's to blame, it's the
person who's teaching her English

1596
01:52:53,720 --> 01:52:56,871
lt's not always easy! Well if that's
all we'll be getting along! Come along Jamila

1597
01:52:57,560 --> 01:52:59,869
Before you go sir

1598
01:53:01,360 --> 01:53:04,796
Would you like to make a
donation to our Police charity fund?

1599
01:53:04,920 --> 01:53:07,434
Well as a matter of fact, you've
caught me at a rather awkaward moment

1600
01:53:07,560 --> 01:53:08,549
What about the fiver?

1601
01:53:09,120 --> 01:53:11,793
You remember sir, the one
you thought you never had

1602
01:53:12,400 --> 01:53:13,230
Oh, that fiver!

1603
01:53:13,360 --> 01:53:15,715
You know what they say sir, what
you've never had you never miss

1604
01:53:16,680 --> 01:53:19,433
Unless you knew it was there all the time

1605
01:53:19,560 --> 01:53:23,314
ln which case it would
come under bribery and corruption

1606
01:53:24,600 --> 01:53:28,513
You scratch my back and l'll scratch yours

1607
01:53:33,360 --> 01:53:34,918
l see Mr. Brown is not back

1608
01:53:35,040 --> 01:53:36,268
What are you doing at the moment?

1609
01:53:36,400 --> 01:53:38,834
- We are studying our English Glammar - Good

1610
01:53:38,960 --> 01:53:41,349
And how far have you got? Let me see your book

1611
01:53:42,560 --> 01:53:46,235
Giovanni, Miss Courtney would
like to see your book

1612
01:53:46,360 --> 01:53:48,920
l want to see your book

1613
01:53:53,080 --> 01:53:53,990
Thank you

1614
01:53:56,920 --> 01:53:59,388
''The affairs of a Call Girl''

1615
01:54:00,600 --> 01:54:04,559
l thought it was about the adventures of
a telephone operator! Honest

1616
01:54:04,680 --> 01:54:05,999
A likely story!

1617
01:54:07,840 --> 01:54:10,912
Well, until Mr. Brown
returns l shall take the class

1618
01:54:11,040 --> 01:54:18,469
- Senora, where are you taking
us - l'm not taking you anywhere

1619
01:54:18,960 --> 01:54:21,520
l shall ask you a few
questions on general knowledge

1620
01:54:21,640 --> 01:54:27,397
Now first of all, can anybody tell
me who said ''To be or not to be''?

1621
01:54:28,040 --> 01:54:31,510
- Please you just said it - Yes

1622
01:54:32,000 --> 01:54:35,356
But before l said it, who said it?

1623
01:54:35,480 --> 01:54:37,311
- Excuse prease - yes

1624
01:54:37,480 --> 01:54:38,390
Chairman Mao

1625
01:54:40,440 --> 01:54:44,558
lt may come as a surprise to you, but
other people wrote things besides Chairman Mao

1626
01:54:44,680 --> 01:54:46,272
Chairman Mao lite everything

1627
01:54:46,400 --> 01:54:52,270
He certainly didn't lite - write - ''To
be or not to be''! Does anybody know?

1628
01:54:52,880 --> 01:54:56,031
- William Shakespeare - Correct

1629
01:54:56,400 --> 01:54:59,915
Excuse please! Who is this William Spearshake?

1630
01:55:01,400 --> 01:55:04,631
- Shakespeare - A thousand apologies

1631
01:55:05,360 --> 01:55:07,635
Are you not familiar with Shakespeare's works?

1632
01:55:08,280 --> 01:55:11,238
- ls it a big place? - ls what a big place?

1633
01:55:11,640 --> 01:55:13,358
These works of Shakespeare

1634
01:55:15,400 --> 01:55:18,790
- l'm referring to the things he wrote - Scusi

1635
01:55:19,360 --> 01:55:23,512
Can anybody tell me what
the population of England is?

1636
01:55:24,160 --> 01:55:25,912
- Miss Shmidt? - Ja, English

1637
01:55:29,120 --> 01:55:30,712
Not any longer

1638
01:55:32,280 --> 01:55:35,352
However, what l really
meant was how many there are?

1639
01:55:35,480 --> 01:55:38,278
l don't know, l haven't counted them

1640
01:55:38,760 --> 01:55:40,796
Let me ask you a simple question

1641
01:55:41,280 --> 01:55:43,350
- Mr. Nagazumi - ''Aso''

1642
01:55:46,400 --> 01:55:49,437
Can you tell me how many
P's there are in a pound?

1643
01:55:50,120 --> 01:55:52,509
Depend on size of peas

1644
01:55:54,880 --> 01:55:58,919
l think you'd better all go back to
studying your books until Mr. Brown returns

1645
01:55:59,800 --> 01:56:01,836
He surely can't be much longer

1646
01:56:15,360 --> 01:56:17,396
l wish she'd tell us why
she's brought us back here

1647
01:56:17,520 --> 01:56:19,909
She just said she was
having something to show you

1648
01:56:27,600 --> 01:56:30,319
She is saying thank you for
saving her from the police

1649
01:56:30,440 --> 01:56:32,829
And hopes you'll do the same next time

1650
01:56:32,960 --> 01:56:34,996
Well let's hope there's not
going to be a next time

1651
01:56:42,440 --> 01:56:44,317
Free Offer! 2 p. Off each tin

1652
01:56:44,880 --> 01:56:46,916
- Supermark - Supermarket

1653
01:56:47,360 --> 01:56:50,272
They've obviously been having... Oh no!

1654
01:56:50,400 --> 01:56:53,631
Free offer! You haven't been taking
things from the supermarket

1655
01:57:01,440 --> 01:57:02,475
Oh dearie me!

1656
01:57:02,600 --> 01:57:05,672
- You can say that again - Oh dearie me

1657
01:57:07,040 --> 01:57:10,669
We must be going back to see the
Police Sergeant and scratch his back again

1658
01:57:11,720 --> 01:57:13,995
We can't do that! He'll never
believe this was a mistake

1659
01:57:14,120 --> 01:57:15,235
Pinching a magazine is one thing

1660
01:57:15,360 --> 01:57:18,397
But knocking off half a supermarket is
rather a different matter

1661
01:57:18,840 --> 01:57:22,549
On the other hand, we can't let Jamila keep
all these stolen goods! lt's dishonest

1662
01:57:23,000 --> 01:57:24,479
She can give them to me!

1663
01:57:24,600 --> 01:57:28,513
- l do not minding being
dishonest - Yes, l'm sure you're not

1664
01:57:28,640 --> 01:57:30,790
Now listen Ali, l want
you to go back to the school

1665
01:57:30,920 --> 01:57:34,708
And ask all the students to meet Jamila
and l outside the supermarket

1666
01:57:35,080 --> 01:57:39,278
- What are we going to be doing?
- We're going to put all these things back

1667
01:57:41,880 --> 01:57:44,872
- Gladys, is everything locked
up? - Yes Miss Courtney

1668
01:57:45,000 --> 01:57:48,231
By the way, l don't suppose you
could give me a lift

1669
01:57:48,360 --> 01:57:50,351
l'm afraid l'm not going straight home tonight
1670
01:57:50,480 --> 01:57:52,835
There's a few things l need from the supermarket

1671
01:58:04,520 --> 01:58:08,399
Right, now you all know what to do! Just
be very careful that nobody sees you

1672
01:58:49,400 --> 01:58:50,230
What are you doing here?

1673
01:58:50,960 --> 01:58:54,475
l suppose you could say it
was an extra curricular activity

1674
01:58:54,600 --> 01:58:58,479
- Sir, excuse me! lt's stuck
- What are you doing with thatjar?

1675
01:58:59,320 --> 01:59:00,309
Trying to get it out

1676
01:59:00,440 --> 01:59:02,590
lt's a long story, Miss
Courtney! l'll explain later

1677
01:59:02,720 --> 01:59:03,630
Let me give you a hand

1678
01:59:10,960 --> 01:59:13,918
All right, l've been watching you! Just
what do you think you're doing?

1679
01:59:14,520 --> 01:59:16,590
Would you believe we're putting things back?

1680
01:59:16,720 --> 01:59:19,792
- No - l didn't think you would

1681
01:59:20,800 --> 01:59:24,873
Well, well, well! Regular
little Fagin, aren't you?

1682
01:59:25,600 --> 01:59:27,352
l can explain Sergeant

1683
01:59:27,440 --> 01:59:29,476
You're not going to show me
your licence again, are you?

1684
01:59:29,600 --> 01:59:31,238
That's a relief

1685
01:59:31,320 --> 01:59:33,470
See, we were actually
trying to return these goods

1686
01:59:33,600 --> 01:59:34,510
Ask the students

1687
01:59:36,280 --> 01:59:37,395
Quiet

1688
01:59:37,520 --> 01:59:40,671
Now look, Sergeant, lt was
obviously just been a misunderstanding

1689
01:59:40,800 --> 01:59:43,234
l see no reason why we should
pursue this any further

1690
01:59:43,360 --> 01:59:45,954
- l'm sorry Madam - Miss if you don't mind

1691
01:59:46,280 --> 01:59:50,717
Yes! Well l'm afraid l shall have to
make a report out on this affair

1692
01:59:50,840 --> 01:59:53,354
- Now couldn't you forget it ever happened? - No

1693
01:59:53,640 --> 01:59:57,838
l'm sure your Police Charity Fund wouldn't say
no to another contribution Sergeant

1694
01:59:57,960 --> 02:00:00,838
Well, we're always grateful for anything, sir

1695
02:00:00,960 --> 02:00:04,999
- Shall we say another five
pounds? - That's very generous of you

1696
02:00:06,440 --> 02:00:07,793
Come along everybody

1697
02:00:08,840 --> 02:00:10,353
Just a moment Mr. Brown

1698
02:00:10,880 --> 02:00:13,997
Where are you going? l
haven't made out my report yet

1699
02:00:14,120 --> 02:00:17,351
Yeah but l've just given
you five pounds to forget it

1700
02:00:17,440 --> 02:00:18,270
Oh no sir

1701
02:00:18,400 --> 02:00:21,790
You've very kindly donated five
pounds to our charity fund

1702
02:00:22,400 --> 02:00:26,313
- lt wasn't meant as a bribe, was it sir? - No

1703
02:00:26,560 --> 02:00:29,552
Good, now let's take a few names

1704
02:00:30,600 --> 02:00:34,639
- You Madam, sorry Miss - Courtney

1705
02:00:36,560 --> 02:00:39,791
- Thank you! You sir - Si

1706
02:00:39,920 --> 02:00:41,399
- What is your name? - Por favore

1707
02:00:42,680 --> 02:00:46,719
- How do you spell that? - That's not his name

1708
02:00:47,120 --> 02:00:49,998
- Giving me a false name, eh? - Por favore

1709
02:00:50,360 --> 02:00:53,830
l'll come back to you, Mr. Por
Favore or whatever your name is
1710
02:00:55,560 --> 02:00:57,391
- You - Yes please

1711
02:00:58,400 --> 02:01:02,518
- What is your name? - No, Watt is not my name

1712
02:01:03,680 --> 02:01:05,671
l don't want to know what your name is not

1713
02:01:06,360 --> 02:01:10,512
- What is your name? - And
l am telling you it is not

1714
02:01:10,960 --> 02:01:14,669
- You, what is his name? - Nein

1715
02:01:15,480 --> 02:01:19,359
Now we're getting somewhere Mr. Nine

1716
02:01:19,480 --> 02:01:21,675
- That is not his name? - You just said it was

1717
02:01:21,800 --> 02:01:24,268
You ask me if his name is
Watt, and l tell you Nein

1718
02:01:24,400 --> 02:01:26,834
His name is not Watt but also not Nein

1719
02:01:27,360 --> 02:01:28,634
l'm going around the bend

1720
02:01:29,080 --> 02:01:31,594
- What is his name? - Absolutely not

1721
02:01:31,720 --> 02:01:32,789
Not what?

1722
02:01:32,920 --> 02:01:34,273
That is correct

1723
02:01:34,400 --> 02:01:36,356
- What is your name? - Wrong again

1724
02:01:36,960 --> 02:01:38,871
- He's not here - Who's not here?

1725
02:01:39,000 --> 02:01:43,278
- Watt - Pardon

1726
02:01:43,400 --> 02:01:45,675
Who is not here and Watt is not here neither

1727
02:01:46,280 --> 02:01:48,032
You're all barmy

1728
02:01:48,520 --> 02:01:55,039
Mr. Brown, if l promise not
to proceed with this report

1729
02:01:55,880 --> 02:01:58,440
- Will you do me a favour? - Yes what is it?

1730
02:01:58,560 --> 02:02:02,678
Take these crackpots out of here and
promise never to bring them back

1731
02:02:03,080 --> 02:02:05,275
Even if they've committed a murder!

1732
02:02:14,560 --> 02:02:17,632
Good evening Miss Courtney or should l say Miz

1733
02:02:18,400 --> 02:02:21,233
Please don't remind me of last
night's unfortunate incident

1734
02:02:21,320 --> 02:02:22,309
Sorry

1735
02:02:22,440 --> 02:02:26,592
l hope you've explained to your lndian lady the
difference between Free and Free Offer

1736
02:02:26,720 --> 02:02:29,359
Yes, she understands it! Don't
worry, it won't happen again

1737
02:02:29,840 --> 02:02:33,628
Excuse me! l'm looking for a Jamila Ranjhatt
1738
02:02:34,600 --> 02:02:36,750
- Are you thinking what l'm
thinking? - l hope not

1739
02:02:36,880 --> 02:02:38,279
Why do you want Jamila?

1740
02:02:38,400 --> 02:02:41,676
She ordered a mini bike from us over
a month ago and she hasn't paid us

1741
02:02:41,800 --> 02:02:43,028
We've sent her three invoices

1742
02:02:43,440 --> 02:02:46,318
- She actually ordered the bike
- Oh yes, she sent in the coupon

1743
02:02:46,440 --> 02:02:48,795
- Here it is - Oh no, she's done it again

1744
02:02:48,920 --> 02:02:53,789
Seven day free trial