Wei r d Con spi r acy Th eor i es!
By Br ian Taliano
Volu m e 48B | Issu e 8 | Fr i, 8/ 4/ 17
Fr iday Th em e Issu e:
CONSPIRACY THEORIES of CRCAP
W hy Do Peopl e Even Com e Up W i t h
Con spi r acy Th eor i es?
By Sar ah
W hy do people even com e up w ith conspir acy
theor ies? W hat does conspir acy even m ean?
Questions like these ar e often answ er ed w ith
conspir acy theor ies. Don?t ast m e w hy, I can?t
answ er that question. Tw o r easons for that, I
don?t have an advice colum n, so you have no
w ay to ask m e, and I sim ply don?t know. So ask
that to som eone else in the Daily Double
(som eone w ho has an advice colum n). I can tell
you my opinion on conspir acy theor ies, they
ar e just a bunch of r andom stuff that people use
to m ake them selves feel better. They ar e useless
to sane people. W hat is your opinion on
conspir acy theor ies?
Spoon s Ar e Th e Sou r ce of Al l Ev i l - A
Con spi r acy Th eor y
By AnoNYm OuS777 (Ben Cr able)
We m ay use spoons in ever yday lives, BUT NOT
M E, I WAS IN M Y BASEM ENT FOR THE PAST 20
YEARS AVOIDING SPOONS. I m ay have lost out
on the oppor tunity to r aise a fam ily, but w or th
the fact that the gover nm ent can?t get to m e
w ithout their pr ecious spoons. Spoons ar e used
by the gover nm ent to spy on you, using the
distor ted r eflection of you as data sent to the
gover nm ent thr ough connections that I am not
sur e of yet. Avoid spoons at all cost, childr en!
We m ust not let the gover nm ent spy on us any
m or e! If you guys need m e, I?ll be in my
basem ent eating beans in a can w hile w ear ing a
tinfoil hat.
You?ve hear d of the Illum inati and
flat Ear th, but have you hear d of
these?
1. The gover nm ent r adio-contr ols
shar ks to spy on ships. (Does this
m ean the gover nm ent w as behind
Jaw s, and they paid Steven Spielber g
to distr act the public w ith a nice
hor r or m ovie so that they w ouldn?t
figur e out the tr uth?)
2. Fluor ide is actually a substance
that the gover nm ent uses to decr ease
the IQ in childr en so that they ar e
easier to m anipulate. (They m ust
have to br ainw ash tons of dentists to
keep that one fr om being discover ed.)
3. Dinosaur s helped build the
pyr am ids. (If dinosaur s w er en?t alive
at the sam e tim e as hum ans, though,
then w hy did they feel m otivated to
build r andom tr iangular str uctur es?
M aybe they just w or e them as giant
hats or som ething. Dinosaur s had a
sense of fashion, pass it on.)
4. The w or ld is r un by lizar d people.
(Walker is obviously a lizar d.)
5. Rober t Kar dashian and Ted Cr uz
ar e actually the sam e per son. (Of
cour se, Ted Cr uz has been claim ed to
have m ultiple identities, including
but not lim ited to M r s. Doubtfir e,
War io, Kevin fr om The Office, the Tin
M an, and a blobfish. Ted Cr uz is
ever ything and ever yone. Ted Cr uz is
you and m e. Ther e is no point in
denying it.)
6. The tr ails of vapour that planes
leave behind in the sky ar e
?chem tr ails.? (Appar ently the
gover nm ent is contr olling the
population by using special chem icals
r eleased by planes. That?s nice and
r eassur ing, isn?t it?)
7. Nick Cage is a vam pir e.
(No duh.)
Con spi r acy Th eor i es Abou t Cam p
By Chloe and Ava
Chloe: Ok so w e have looked far and w ide to find som e
conspir acy theor ies and r eview them .
Ava: So w e ar e going to tell you them .
C: The only per son w e actually got an idea fr om that w e
decided to use w as Aar on.
A: Let's star t w ith the fir st conspir acy,
?Walker Is Not Hum an?
C: OK w e all know this is tr ue,
A: and it is obvious
C: Soooooooo next conspir acy.
?Aar on is the illum inati CONFIRM ED?
C: Ok w e talked to him ear lier to get som e ideas and he
acted like he w as the ILLUM INATI
A: And he said that he w as head of som e-
C: DON'T REVEAL TOO M UCH AVA
A: Ok fine
C: Sadly w e m ust m ove on in life. NEXT CONSPIRACY!!
?The School Photos in the activity center next to the locker
r oom s, W HAT DO THEY M EAN?!
C: Ever ything. They m ean ever ything
C: Oh fun fact Walker is in about 9 of those photos
A: UH you do know that they have the school kids in
them ...
C: Yeah I said school photos.
A: THEY COULD BE THE M INDS CONTROLLING
CAM PERS!!!!!
C: Because Walker is in them . Next conspir acy.
?Ar e the star s kids spider s? They clim b so w ell.?
C: Inter esting.
A: I know 3 of them and they clim b like spider s!!!!
C: Okayyy then. They tr uly m ight be spider s.
A: M y sis taught her self how to clim b a tr ee!!!
C: Alr ight then. So tr ue, so tr ue cause Ava is so evil, so evil.
NEXT CONSPIRACY!
?Ar e the letter s in the cafeter ia that r ead ?You ar e w hat you
head to your head to your feet?, evil?!?
C: Alr ight.
A: THEY ARE M ADE OF FOOD!!!!!!!
C: NO CAPS LOCK AVA
C: OH NO I CAUGHT IT TO
C: Oh ok all better. And Ava is r ight. They ar e m ade of food.
A: THEY have M cDonalds
C: Alr ight then? tim e for the LAST CONSPIRICYYYYYYY
?Ar e m e and Ava tr ying to take over cam p w ith our anim al
ear s??- Aar on Gelb
C: UHH NOTHING SO NOT TRUE
HEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHEE HAHHA SO NOT TRUE
C: psst Ava help m e out her e
A: .....i HEAR THAT..but that not tur e
hahahahahahahahahahahaha
C: Okkkkkkkk sooo Yeah Aar on is w r ong it?s not tr ue
hehehee.
A: bye!!!
THE ENDDDDDD? .
M y m om w as f r am ed f or a cr i m e
(M i sadven t u r es of m y M ot h er Par t 3)
By Tillie Vslosser aptor
The day w as sunny, per fect for a
w edding. M y gr andad, the m inister , w as
m ar r ying a couple, befor e they w ould go
to my m om ?s house to have the par ty. M y
m om w as ar ound 5, w hich, as it tur ns
out, seem s to be her age of getting in
tr ouble. M y gr andm a had baked a
beautiful w edding cake, nicely fr osted
and ever ything. As the w edding par ty
goer s r ounded the cor ner into the
backyar d, a gasp r ose fr om the cr ow d.
The w edding cake, w hich had been
sitting out on the table, had a lar ge
chunk m issing out of the side. Of cour se,
given her tr ack r ecor d, ever yone tur ned
to my m om . ?Honey!? They gasped, ?How
could you do this!? M y m om , of cour se,
pr otested her innocence. W hy w ould she
w ant to eat the cake, besides the obvious.
She w as in deep tr ouble, and she knew
it. But then, fr om ar ound the cor ner ,
cam e Jenny, the fam ily poodle. Jenny
w as ver y happy, w agging her tail.
?SEE! I didn?t do it!? my m om
cr ied. She pointed at Jenny, w ho had
fr osting fr om ear to ear. Ever yone
laughed it off, im m ediately for getting the
m assive injustice to my m om , w ho w as
pr om ptly sent out to the gar den to pick
som e flow er s. M y gr andm a cut out the
par t of the cake that had been bitten, and
ar r anged som e flow er s on to the side to
cover it up (PSA: M y gr andm a invented
decor ating cakes w ith flow er s).
Side note: Anim als m ake good
scapegoats so even if you did com m it a
cr im e like this, you can just pin it on the
dog.
An I n t er v i ew W i t h Noah M cVi ck er
(Basi cal l y Th e Cr eat or Of Pl ay-Doh )
By Gabe And M atan
Before we start this article, let?s have a brief
recap of previous Play-Doh scandals:
-Brian Goldner supports bringing back
M K-Ultra
-Parents sue Hasbro, Play-Doh?s creator, for
$400,000,000 after traces of Dopamine, a
highly addictive drug, were found in some
containers
-Traces of Ethylene Glycol, an extremely
harmful drug, were found in some Play-Doh
products
-Hasbro has been transporting illegal
immigrants into the United States
-Hasbro supporting communism in the U.S.
Q: W hen and why did you make Play-Doh?
A: I m ade Play-Doh to be a w allpaper
cleaner in the 1930s.
Pi ct u r e Peopl e
By Abby
Cam per s ar ound CRCAP have been r epor ting
str ange things happening. One day I noticed the
pictur es in w r iting r oom 1 m ove, so I asked
ar ound. Her e ar e the r esults...
Have you seen the eyes m ove?
Answ er #1: No, I have not seen the eyes m ove.
But if they ar e m oving it?s pr obably because
som eone cut holes and is looking in,
Answ er #2: No. You?r e cr azy- the lights ar e
tr icking you.
Answ er #3: Yes! They?r e w atching m e! They?r e
w atching M E!
Answ er #4: Yes! They?r e star ing thr ough my soul!
Answ er #5: No. It?s not tr ue. They?r e not m oving.
Answ er #6: Yes, it?s Aar on? I m ean the
Aar on-illum inati! No. No! CRCAP-illum inati!
W hat?s your vote, cam per s?

Q: Did you predict that it would be as successful as it was/is?

A: No - I thought it?d be a nor m al w allpaper cleaner ; I never expected it w ould tur n into a childr en?s toy
of all things.

Q: W hat is one thing about Play-Doh you would change if you could?
A: I?d change the shape of the m ountain m aker. I?d also set up a com pany know n as the Play-Doh
Com pany - I don?t like how Hasbr o has taken my cr eation and m ade it their ow n.

Q: W hat is your opinion on Hasbro?s Transformers movies?

A: M y gr ave doesn?t have a TV so I?ve never w atched it.

Q: W hich movie would you say is the best Hasbro movie.

A: Uhh? Tr ansfor m er s? I?ve never seen any of Hasbr o?s m ovies, so I?m just going w ith the only one I?ve
hear d of.

Q: Have you ever played Dungeons And Dragons?

A: W hat?s Dungeons and Dr agons?

Q: Was this interview annoying?

A: Extr em ely.

Q: W hat do you think about the recent Play-Doh scandals that we told you about?
A: M y w allpaper cleaner has been disgr aced. [C E N S O R E D] you, Hasbr o!

[Editor?s note: This article is about to get M ETA.]

[Author?s note: Agreed.]

Q: W hat would be two questions you would ask yourself? Then answer them.
A: How am I answ er ing these questions if I?m dead, and w hy did I let you inter view m e?
I have no idea how I?m answ er ing these questions, and I think I?m letting you inter view m e because
you br ibed m e w ith a toad in the hole.

(Toad In The Hole is a type of food)

M y Hai k u s
By Zachar y Ian Levine
The lake:
I dr op a stone in the hot
Water dr ip dr op dr ip
Rings slow ly m oving outw ar d
Natur e:
The w ind is blow ing, sw oosh sw oosh
The bir ds ar e chir ping,
Tw eet tw eet. Natur e's beautiful.
Iced tea:
The taste, r ich and sw eet, it just
Com pletes m e. The iced
Bever age, the taste is beauty.
The ear th:
The ear th, just r otating and
Rotating ar ound
The sun, and m oon ar ound ear th
How t o m ak e St r aw ber r y Lem on ade
By Kalie
On hot sum m er days this str aw ber r y
lem onade is so r efr eshing. I hope you
like it!
Take a glass and w et the r im of the
glass w ith w ater. Take sugar and dip
the r im in the sugar. (this par t is
optional). Next pour lem onade over
ice halfw ay in the cup. Blend
str aw ber r ies and r aspber r ies in a
blender. Add the str aw ber r ies and
r aspber r ies to the lem onade and m ix.
The lem onade should tur n pink . Add
fr esh blueber r ies and a m int leaf to
the dr ink . On the r im add a lem on
slice.
Str aw ber r y Lem onade Cake ? Follow
the dir ections on a vanilla cake box.
Add cup of fr esh blended
str aw ber r ies and lem on zest and juice.
Follow the baking dir ections and your
let cool. Take a jar of vanilla fr osting
and add cup of blended
str aw ber r ies and lem on zest and juice.
Fr ost cake and then eat.
Ret r act i on f or Th e M yst er y of t h e Dog Th i ef ?s
Tr easu r e
By Jacob Rast
In the ar ticle ?The M yster y of the Dog Thief ?s
Tr easur e?, the note the dog thief leaves r eads ?To find
my tr easur e beneath the gr ound, take thr ee steps back
and flip it ar ound! If m or e than tw ice you get it w r ong,
my loot w ill blow up w ith a bom b!
Uhqur fw pplhkw qr hor khkw. ~Dog Thief ?. This w as a
pr inting er r or. The note should say ?To find my
tr easur e beneath the gr ound, take thr ee steps back and
flip it ar ound! If m or e than tw ice you get it w r ong, my
loot w ill blow up w ith a bom b! Uhqur fw kjlusr w. ~Dog
Thief ?. M y deepest apologies for this er r or.
An sw er t o Th e M yst er y of t h e Dog Th i ef ?s Tr easu r e
By Jacob Rast
The seem ingly r andom str ing of letter s in the note,
?Uhqur fw kjlusr w ?, is, in actuality, the location of the
tr easur e w r itten in code, w ith the instr uctions on the
note being clues to decipher it. ?Take thr ee steps back?
m eans, for each letter , m ove thr ee letter s back in the
alphabet. For exam ple, ?D?, the four th letter of the
alphabet, becom es ?A?, the fir st letter of the alphabet,
and so on. This is actually one of the m ost com m on
for m s of encr yption, com m only r efer r ed to as ?Caesar ?s
code? or ?Caesar shift?. Decr ypting this str ing of letter s
r esults in a new str ing of letter s, ?Renr octhgir pot?. The
instr uctions on the note continue w ith ?...and flip it
ar ound!?, m eaning that the code m ust be r ever sed,
r esulting in the answ er. Doing this r esults in the
location of the tr easur e, ?top r ight cor ner ?. You find the
tr easur e in the signified hole and r etur n the tr easur e
to the com m unity, m aking you a local her o and
secur ing your pr om otion (w ith a nice bonus, to boot)!
Sol ar Ecl i pse on t h e 21st
By AnoNYm OuS777 (Ben Cr able)
So unlike my other ar ticles, w her e I use only a few
r eliable sour ces, I have over w helm ing pr oof that ther e
is going to be a solar eclipse on M onday, August 21st.
This event w ill happen ar ound 2:21 pm , but the bad
new s is that it?s on a M onday and ever ybody hates a
M onday, also this solar eclipse w ill only appear as a
par tial eclipse to us up her e in M assachusetts, if you
w ant a total eclipse, visit Colum bia, South Car olina.
Don?t believe m e? Look it up w ith your par ents/
sm ar tphone. Would I m ake up som ething THIS
am azing?
Ask Li n k !
By Link and Lita (but m ostly Link)
W hat is Hyrule? You are a hero?
Hyr ule is w her e I live! It's a beautiful place w her e
ever yone w ho lives ther e has pointy ear s and lives
in the w oods. Yes I am a her o, and I have saved the
land of Hyr ule m any M ANY tim es!
Do you like fun?
We elves in Hyr ule LOVE to have fun! I like to r ide
my hor se, and play my ocar ina. I like to sleep in
sun patches and cook . (and eat. YUM !) M y fr iends
back in hyr ule ar e Sar ia, Ilia, and Zelda.
(And Lita of cour se).
Remind me, what is a Bob Johnson again? - YOUR
WORST NIGHTM ARE
Um m m , isn't he a dr um m er ? I hear d he br oke his
dr um m ing r ecor d at CRCAP yester day.
Is this Ganondor f w r iting to m e? Or my bad hair
days w r iting to m e? Those ar e my w or st
nightm ar es.
W ho are your friends?
M y fr iends ar e Sar ia, Zelda, and Ilia. I m et Sar ia in
Kakar iko village, and I m et Zelda at my school,
knight academy. I m et Ilia in Or don village. And
they'r e all super nice.
W hich Divine Beast is your favorite?
I liked divine beast var uta. She w as the r ight
am ount of challenge for m e! And Ganon w as a bit
har d to defeat, but I felt so satisfied once I beat the
divine beast. I HATE the stupid cam el though. That
one is so har d to beat.
Do you have a journal? And if you do, tell us about it.
Yes! I have a jour nal. Her e's the entr y I w r ote
yester day.
Dear diar y, today I cooked a lot of food. But then I
accidentally put a m onster toe nail into one of my
dishes. It w as absolutely DUBIOUS. It w as too gr oss
to look at. An odd sm ell issued for th fr om that
heap. It w on't hur t m e if I eat it. Pr obably.
Biggest pet peeve?
W hen my w eapons br eak w hen I?m in the m iddle
of a battle. How com e my ENEM Y'S w eapons never
br eak?
Do you have any pets?
Yes, I have a loyal steed nam ed Epona. She is the
bestest hor se I could EVER w ish for. She loves
sugar cubes, car r ots, apples, and som etim es even
bananas w eir d, r ight?
M or e I dea Box Rev i ew s
By Chloe Cr able
Hello fr om the other side? I m ust?ve done
idea box r eview s a thousand tim es. I w anna
tell you I?m sor r y for doing this to you. Yeah
? you like my intr oduction? I tr ied har d..
Don't m ake m e sad if you didn't like it ?
Just r oll w ith it ? Today, I'm answ er ing five
idea box questions. Her e w e go ?
Question Number One: Sculpt Seth?s likeness
out of pepper jack cheese & pears.
Okkkkaaaaay? . One, how can w e sculpt
Seth? He is to aw esom e. And I am assum ing
that pepper jack cheese is cheese, LET GET
SCULPTING KIDS
Question Number Two: DON?T trust nobody.
Explain your findings.
Kids, r em em ber w e need to be logical her e
ok? I don't tr ust the per son w ho w r ote this..
ARE THEY THE ILLUM INATI?!
Question Number Three: Be yourself, then be
someone else?
Logic. Rem em ber logic. But i w ill tr y to do
this question, Hi i'm Chloe.
* w eir d voice* Hi i'm Walker
Question Number Four: Is a hotdog meat?
No one w ants to know this answ er.
And last question I w r ote this 8 m inutes
ago?
Question Number Five: Write a interaction
between two characters technically
singing/saying the lyrics of the song called
?Hello?
I got this her e w e go:
Kai: Hello Katelyn,
Katelyn: Fr om the other side
Kai: I m ust?ve called your nam e a thousand
tim es..
Katelyn: Hey Kai i need to tell you
som ething
Kai: Yeah?
Katelyn: I'm sor r y
Kai: For ever ything that you?ve done?
Katelyn: Exactly.
Well I?ve alw ays w anted to w r ite that yay
m e I'm so happy now yay.
Anyw ay that's m e signing off fr om my
thir d..? Idea box r eview !!
M y Fave Fi ves Cou n sel or /CI T Fan dom Nam es
By Cadence Rosenblum By Roxanne V. Glassenber g (W hose fans ar e
called Glassenbur ger s)
Welcom e Back to M y Fave Fives! Ever y couple of
days I list my favor ite five things in r andom M ost fandom s have a nam e r ight? Think
categor ies. If you w ant to subm it a categor y you Potter heads, etc. But w hat about
can w r ite it dow n and put it in a r ed pouch that counselor s? They need fandom nam es, too.
says ?Cadence?s Fave Fives? in the Activity So her e w e go!
Center in the hallw ay by the bathr oom s. Today, I Bar r ett?s fans: Bar r ett-ster s
picked a subm ission out of the pouch, and w ill David Baler ?s fans: Hay Bales
be listing my favor ite five childhood TV show s. David Colem an?s fans: Handler s
I?ve been thinking about the show s I used to Walker ?s fans: The Ander -sons (And
w atch, though, and som e of them seem so Daughter s)
absur d to m e now. The concepts of these TV M ojo?s fans: W hite Belts
show s ar e so str ange, yet they alw ays m ake Olive?s fans: Calm attas
sense to toddler s. For exam ple, looking back as Anna?s fans: The Sum m er -Guar d
a teen, the fact that m ost toddler s cher ish a m an Stephanie?s fans: Ste-Fan-Ies
in a giant pur ple dinosaur costum e is a bit Adr ianna?s fans: The Adr i-Aunties
concer ning. This ar ticle is m e basically m aking Ow en?s fans: the I. Ow en. U.s
fun of old show s I used to w atch. Anyw ays, her e Har r ison?s fans: Hair balls
ar e my old favor ites: Rachel Shufelt?s fans: Shoes
M addie?s fan: M addie Hatter s
5. ?Cur ious Geor ge? ? This show w as a classic. I Kelsey?s fans: Fish in the Kel-sea
couldn?t m ake a list of the best childr en?s TV Cam ?s fans: Cam -per s
show and not m ention banana guy and his Sally?s fans: Sally-m ander s
m onkey fr iend. M y fr iend and I w er e talking, Angelique's fans: Angels
though, and w e r ealized that Cur ious Geor ge Lis?fans: Lis-ar ds
doesn?t have a tail. Is he supposed to? Is he not? Por k?s fans: Por k Chops
I don?t know.

4. ?Wor d Gir l? ? Wor d gir l w as a super gir l w ith

special pow er s including her ability to defeat
villains w ith vocabular y. This show w as r eally
enter taining, and out of all the show s on this list, it w as pr obably the m ost nor m al. Yet im agine in r eal
life som eone tr ying to stop a bur glar by shouting som e fancy w or d like ?per vicacious? in their face.
That w ould stop em .

3. ?Fetch w ith Ruff Ruffm an? ? If you don?t know w hat this is, it is basically a gam e show for ten year
olds w her e they let a vir tual dog on a scr een boss them ar ound and tell them to go places and com plete
challenges. This w as one of my favor ites because it took place in Boston. Fun fact, I had alw ays w anted
to go on the show , and they even sent us a letter telling us w her e the auditions w er e, but by the tim e I
w as old enough the show stopped r unning. :/

2. ?Cyber chase? ? I loooved this show. It w as about thr ee kids fr om ear th w ho get w ar ped into space to
defeat a hacker. A bit intense for toddler s, I know , but it w as a lot m or e enter taining than som e of the
other s.

1. ?Dinosaur Tr ain? ? Befor e I keep w r iting, let m e just tell you that I am now ver y asham ed by the
fact that this w as my all tim e favor ite. Ver y asham ed. Dinosaur s on a tr ain. I w ish I could have sat in
the m eeting w her e som e guy pr oposed the idea: ?Let?s take a bunch of Dinosaur s and put them on a
tr ain?. Because ther e w ould be tr ains 200 m illion year s ago. Som ehow , I loved the show.

Random PSA: Caillou didn?t m ake the cut, but I?ve noticed that ever yone hates him . I get it, he?s w hiny
and annoying, but m aybe he?s upset because of his inability to gr ow hair. #suppor tCaillou2017

Rem em ber to subm it categor ies!

Happy Bi r t h day, Obam a! ! !
By Ryan Kane
It?s that tim e of the year again, the
legendar y Bar ack Obam a gr acefully ages
one m or e year. This year he?s tur ning 56
year s young. Let's look at som e of the
highlights of his extr avagant life so far.
His life begins in Honolulu,
Haw aii on August 4, 1961. He w as bor n in
the sam e year as m any fam ous people,
such as Geor ge Clooney, Eddie M ur phy,
and M ichael J. Fox. He w as the fir st U.S.
pr esident to be bor n outside of the
contiguous 48 states. He lived in Haw aii
up until 1967, w hen he m oved to Jakar ta,
Indonesia. He then r etur ned back to
Haw aii in 1971 and stayed ther e until he
finished gr ade school in 1979. He w ent to
Occidental College in Los Angeles his
fr eshm an and sophom or e year s and then
m oved to Colum bia Univer sity in New
Yor k City for his junior and senior year s.
After he r eceived his bachelor ?s degr ee,
he w ent to Har var d Law School for 3
year s and gr aduated in 1991. He then
ser ved on the Illinois State Senate fr om
1997 to 2008. In 2008, he r an for
pr esidency and w on by 192 elector al
votes, and then r an again in 2012 and
w on.
Even though our lor d and savior
Bar ack Obam a is no longer the U.S.?s
br ave leader , he w ill alw ays hold a
special place in our hear ts.
Editor?s Note: We miss Obama!!!
M y Dog i s a Goat
By Kylie O?Hear n
M y dog is a goat because she eats gr ass!
M y dog (M ochi) is supposed to go to the
bathr oom outside, but instead w e see her
licking and biting gr ass. M ochi also licks
shoes. She is r eally funny! She goes up to
a shoe and licks it! She w ill eat alm ost
ever ything. M ochi is a ver y str ange dog,
so she m ust be a goat. I think M ochi is
also a chicken. That is because she looks
like one! The fur on her head sticks up in
a lot of dir ections. But, M ochi does not
have w ings, so she m ust be a goat.
5 Bad Jok es
By Addison Kane
Q: W hy did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the other side
Q: W hat did the turkey say to the person when he
sneezed?
A: Gobble-es you
Q: W hy did the rabbit cross the road?
A: ?Cause he w as stapled to the chicken
Q: W hat do you call an alligator in a vest?
A: An in-vest-igator
Q: W hat do you call a seagull that flies over the
bay?
A: A Bagel
Har m on Qu est
By Zachar y Levine
Har m on Quest is a funny TV show about a
bunch of people, Dan Har m on, Er in M cGathy,
Jeff Davis, and Spencer Cr ittenden. Dan Har m on
is the cr eator of Com m unity, Rick and M or ty,
Har m on Quest, and Har m ontow n. In Har m on
Quest all the people I m entioned ear lier all play
pathfinder , a gam e that's basically the sam e as
d&d; they play pathfinder and anim ate it.
SPOILER: In Har m on Quest, they have to
pr otect the ar cane cr ystals, that have the pow er
to unleash a giant m anticor e. The people or
dem ons w ho ar e tr ying to unleash this beast ar e
the her alds of the m anticor e, and the char acter s,
Fondue Zoobag, Bonew eevil, and Beor O'Shift,
tr y to pr otect the cr ystals, one w as the necklace
on Beor O?shift, one w as the dem on seal to keep
the dem on aw ay, the other w as hidden in a
libr ar y. The her alds collect the ar cane cr ystals
and unleash the m anticor e, later they send the
m anicor e into a por tal to pr obably the double
hockey sticks. Bonew eevil is accidentally
tr anspor ted to the place too.
Er in M cGathy and Dan Har m on in r eal
life used to be m ar r ied for like a w eek or a
m onth. The second season w as supposed to be
r eleased on July 2, 2017, but it w as canceled, and
bought by a differ ent com pany. Har m on quest is
r ated PG.
Qu est i on s 5
By Baseball and Special Guest, Hor sey
Baseball: Hello, and w elcom e to our 5th
questions! Tigger is off today, so w e have a
special guest, hailing fr om Los Angeles, It?s
Hor sey! Hor sey, I hear you?r e the Dodger ?s
baseball cat! How does it feel for your team to
be 75 - 32?
Hor sey: Um m m ? Pr etty good I have to say.
Baseball: Gr eat! So, w e?ll have som e gr eat
com m entar y fr om a differ ent view point today!
We have 1 question today, so w e?ll get star ted.
Question: I like basketball better.
Baseball: If you like basketball better , than w e?ll
accept that. We just w on?t let it sit pr etty on our
or ganization. Ask som e other advice colum n.
They?d know m or e.
Hor sey: I agr ee it?s fine, but please ask som eone
else. Baseball is gr eat to you should tr y it! You?ll
get hooked soon enough. Also, all of us LA
citizens love that the Red Sox ar e beating the
division. You m ay have hear d the Yankees ar e
also one of our biggest r ivals, so w e appr eciate
you w inning the division.
Baseball: Thank you, Hor sey. But It hasn?t been
a gr eat year w hen w e play the Yankees. They?ve
beat us in both of our ser ies. :(
Hor sey: Ver y tr ue baseball.
Tigger : Haha!
Baseball: Tigger !!!! You?r e supposed to be off
today!!!
Hor sey: Oh gosh!! W hat is happening!??!
Baseball: Tigger ?s tr ying to disr upt our gr eat
guest appear ance!!! This can?t happen!!!
Hor sey: Oh I get it. OH NO I GET IT!!
Tigger : M w ahahahaha...
Baseball; But you can bet that w e?r e going to
beat their butt for the r est of the season.
Hor sey: Kick their BUTTS!!!
Tigger : You can tr y, donkey-m an.
Baseball: Tr y!?!?! DO!!!!
Hor sey: I AM NOT A DONKEY!!!! Offensive!
Baseball: Tigger , you need to lear n how to r ead
the r oom . Have you ever hear d about that? M y
m other taught m e that. We bostonians ar e
sm ar t and w itty, let alone pr oud hosts of the
best AL team .
Hor sey: YEAH, TIGGER!!!
Tigger : Sm ar t and w itty? Haha, hahaha,
hahahahaha, oh stop hahahahahahahaha it
hur ts hahahahahahahahaha
Baseball: M or e than New Yor ker s!
(ohhhhhhhhhhhh, bur n)
Tigger : That w as liter ally the w or st bur n.
Baseball: W ho car es. We all know that the only
thing that m atter s is the quality of the baseball
team . W hich Boston still w ins.
Hor sey: Even I can r ead the r oom !
Baseball: See, Tigger , even Hor sey can r ead
r oom s!
Hor sey: Yes, Boston is ver y sm ar t and w itty!
Baseball: Yes, even m or e than all of New Yor k
doubled.
Hor sey: I'm on Baseballs side.
Baseball: Thank you, Hor sey.
Hor sey: You?r e w elcom e.
Hor sey: This is getting out of hand!
Baseball: I know !!
Hor sey: Is Tigger gone?
Baseball: I think so. W hat a r elief. Tigger butts
in all the tim e at the w or st tim es.
Tigger : Like now ! Hahahahahahaha I?m back!
Baseball: TIGGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hor sey: TIGGER!!! W HY!!
Hor sey: I w ish ther e w as som eone to back us
up!
Tigger : You w ish you had som eone to back YOU
up? It?s tw o against one! I?m the one! You?r e the
tw o! You don?t need anyone else!
Hor sey: TIGGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I? .I? I CAN NOT
EVEN!
Baseball: I just m et a M ets baseball cat fr om the
good side of NY. It?s nam e is ? Fluffy! Fluffy
hates the Yankees and ever ything about them .
Fluffy: (over a phone) Hey, Guys. I love the
M ets. The Yankees stink and alw ays w ill.
Hor sey: Yay! FLUFF!
Baseball: Hor sey. Calm dow n.
Hor sey: Ok . I'm calm . Baseball, I'm just so
annoyed!
Baseball: You have ever y r ight to be annoyed.
Tigger can be annoying at all tim es (w hich is
ever y day).
Hor sey: You?r e r ight. Fr om now on I w ill keep
my cool.
Hor sey: I feel this m atter is now getting absur d!
Tigger : W hatever. I?m out of her e. You guys
ar en?t playing fair. See ya.
Baseball: You do not know your r ivalr ies. The
Rays ar e you?r e #3 r ival. Good thing Tigger ?s
gone. And w e ar e playing fair. You never gave
us any r ules. Oh, Tigger left. Good thing, too.
She w as supposed to be on vacation.
Hor sey: I'm so Baffled r ight now !
Baseball: This happens in ever y set of
questions. We ar gue just like that, except m or e
violently som etim es.
Baseball: And this w r aps up our issue. This is
Baseball, Red Sox fan, signing off.
Hor sey: Bye signing off!