2016 Broadway Cast Recording

MJODPMO!DFOUFS!UIFBUFS Act One: March of the Falsettos

Andr Bishop 1. FOUR JEWS IN A ROOM BITCHING .................................................... Whizzer, Marvin, Jason, Mendel, Trina
Producing Artistic Director 2. A TIGHT-KNIT FAMILY / LOVE IS BLIND ................................................... Marvin, Jason, Whizzer, Mendel, Trina
Adam Siegel Hattie K. Jutagir
Managing Director Executive Director of 3. THE THRILL OF FIRST LOVE ....................................................................................................... Marvin, Whizzer
Development & Planning 4. MARVIN AT THE PSYCHIATRIST (A THREE-PART MINI-OPERA) ................... Jason, Mendel, Whizzer, Marvin
in association with Jujamcyn Theaters 5. MY FATHER'S A HOMO / EVERYONE TELLS JASON TO SEE A PSYCHIATRIST ...... Jason, Marvin, Trina, Whizzer
presents 6. THIS HAD BETTER COME TO A STOP ...................................................... Marvin, Whizzer, Jason, Trina, Mendel
7. IM BREAKING DOWN .............................................................................................................................Trina
8. PLEASE COME TO OUR HOUSE / JASONS THERAPY ....................... Mendel, Trina, Jason, Whizzer, Marvin
9. A MARRIAGE PROPOSAL / A TIGHT-KNIT FAMILY (REPRISE) .................................... Mendel, Trina, Marvin
10. TRINAS SONG / MARCH OF THE FALSETTOS ................................... Trina, Mendel, Marvin, Jason, Whizzer
Music and Lyrics by William Finn
11. THE CHESS GAME ................................................................................................................. Marvin, Whizzer
Book by William Finn and James Lapine 12. MAKING A HOME ............................................................................................. Mendel, Jason, Trina, Whizzer
with (in alphabetical order) 13. THE GAMES I PLAY ............................................................................................................................ Whizzer
Stephanie J. Block Christian Borle Andrew Rannells 14. MARVIN HITS TRINA ........................................................................... Marvin, Mendel, Jason, Trina, Whizzer
Anthony Rosenthal Tracie Thoms Brandon Uranowitz Betsy Wolfe 15. I NEVER WANTED TO LOVE YOU ........................................................ Marvin, Mendel, Jason, Trina, Whizzer
16. FATHER TO SON ........................................................................................................................ Marvin, Jason
Sets Costumes Lighting Sound
David Rockwell Jennifer Caprio Jeff Croiter Dan Moses Schreier
Music Direction Orchestrations
Act Two: Falsettoland
Vadim Feichtner Michael Starobin 1. FALSETTOLAND / ABOUT TIME ..................................................................................................... Company
Casting Mindich Chair 2. YEAR OF THE CHILD ................................................... Jason, Trina, Marvin, Mendel, Dr. Charlotte, Cordelia
Tara Rubin, CSA Production Stage Manager Musical Theater Associate Producer
3. MIRACLE OF JUDAISM ......................................................................................................................... Jason
Eric Woodall, CSA Scott Taylor Rollison Ira Weitzman
4. THE BASEBALL GAME .................................................................................................................... Company
General Manager Production Manager Director of Marketing General Press Agent 5. A DAY IN FALSETTOLAND ............................................................................................................. Company
Jessica Niebanck Paul Smithyman Linda Mason Ross Philip Rinaldi 6. EVERYONE HATES HIS PARENTS ..................................................................... Mendel, Jason, Marvin, Trina
Choreography 7. WHAT MORE CAN I SAY? ................................................................................................................... Marvin
Spencer Liff 8. SOMETHING BAD IS HAPPENING / MORE RACQUETBALL ........... Dr. Charlotte, Cordelia, Marvin, Whizzer
Directed by 9. HOLDING TO THE GROUND ................................................................................................................. Trina
James Lapine 10. DAYS LIKE THIS .............................................................................................................................. Company
11. CANCELING THE BAR MITZVAH ................................................................................... Jason, Mendel, Trina
Lincoln Center Theater is grateful to the Stacey and Eric Mindich Fund for Musical Theater at LCT
for their leading support of this production. 12. UNLIKELY LOVERS ........................................................................... Marvin, Whizzer, Dr. Charlotte, Cordelia
13. ANOTHER MIRACLE OF JUDAISM ...................................................................................................... Jason
LCT also thanks these generous contributors to FALSETTOS:
14. SOMETHING BAD IS HAPPENING (REPRISE) ........................................................................... Dr. Charlotte
The SHS Foundation The Blanche and Irving Laurie Foundation The Kors Le Pere Foundation
Ted Snowdon The Ted and Mary Jo Shen Charitable Gift Fund 15. YOU GOTTA DIE SOMETIME ............................................................................................................ Whizzer
American Airlines is the Official Airline of Lincoln Center Theater. 16. JASONS BAR MITZVAH .................................................................................................................. Company
17. WHAT WOULD I DO? ............................................................................................................ Marvin, Whizzer
Playwrights Horizons,
Horizons, Inc.,
Inc., New
New York
York City,
City, produced
producedMARCH
MARCHOFOFTHE
THEFALSETTOS
FALSETTOS
Off-Broadway
Off-Broadway in
in 1981 and FALSETTOLAND
1981 and FALSETTOLAND Off-Broadway
Off-Broadway in 1990.
in 1990. 18. FALSETTOLAND (REPRISE) ................................................................................................................ Mendel
(in alphabetical order)

Trina Conductor / Piano

STEPHANIE J. BLOCK VADIM FEICHTNER

Marvin Associate Conductor / Keyboard

CHRISTIAN BORLE DAVID GARDOS

Whizzer Reeds
ANDREW RANNELLS RICK HECKMAN

Jason Drums/Percussion
ANTHONY ROSENTHAL JAY MACK

Dr. Charlotte
TRACIE THOMS

Mendel
BRANDON URANOWITZ

Cordelia
BETSY WOLFE
The idea of a Broadway revival of Falsettos seemed intriguing, exciting, and daunting. Intriguing because the show had not been produced in New York for over twenty-five years, and
there was a whole generation of young men and women who had never seen it and may have never even heard it. Exciting because the sung-through score, the shows generally buoyant
nature, and its galaxy of articulate, confused, witty, urban characters amounted to the kind of show that is rarely seen these days. And finally daunting because the question of whether or
not the show would feel dated after such a long time and so many changes (the evolution of gay rights, an accepted new sort of family, the knowledge and treatment of AIDS) these were
all questions to be pondered. Why now?

Well, as it turned out, why not now? The show revealed itself in 2016 to have been amazingly prescient, ahead of its time in both content and form. In fact, the world had caught up to the
show and the critical and audience reception to the reappearance of Falsettos on Broadway has been miraculous. Laughs like youve never heard before, tears flowing like youve never seen
before: a whole new audience discovering the little miracle that William Finn and James Lapine created so many years ago. And those who saw the show on Broadway in 1992 or even
those who saw March of the Falsettos (Act One) in 1981 and Falsettoland (Act Two) in 1990 were pleased to reconnect with an old friend and view it from a slightly different perspective. As
Adam Feldman wrote in Time Out magazine, the show is set in the early 1980s, but its truths resonate. Seeing it now is like opening a time capsule and finding a mirror.

One of the challenges, one could even say daunting challenges that faced director Lapine in 2016 was to retain the sprightly energy and the simple elegance of the original productions
and yet do the show differently not just repeat previously successful stagings. One of his wonderful ideas was to involve a choreographer for the first time, and the brilliant Spencer Liff
(a young guy who had no knowledge of the show) was brought on board to give the show a slightly larger dance element. David Rockwell, architect and set designer, came up with an
ingenious system of blocks that could be used by the actors to create the shows many scenes, and do these shifts quickly and fluidly. Finally, the cast oh, the cast. Fresh and talented, all.
They approached the show and the development of their characters with love and intense devotion. They are a tight-knit family onstage and off, and their voices as you will hear on this
recording are sublime. There are indelible moments from all of them: Christian Borles (Marvin) tenderness as he urges his son to sing for us all at the end of Act One; Andrew Rannells
(Whizzer) facing death with humor and defiance; Stephanie J. Blocks (Trina) plainspoken admission that her life did not turn out as planned; Brandon Uranowitzs (Mendel) middle-aged
cartwheels as he attempts to teach Marvin and Trinas son an important life lesson; Anthony Rosenthals (Jason) plea to God to spare the life of his friend Whizzer; Tracie Thoms (Dr.
Charlotte) warning to Marvin that this unnamed disease can spread from one man to another; Betsy Wolfes (Cordelia) delight in her cooking skills that quickly turns to sadness you will hear
all these moments and many more in this wonderfully captured recording of Bill Finns witty and lyrical score.

To go back to the beginning: the word daunting. What does Falsettos mean today as opposed to what it meant all those years ago? Quite simply, the world has caught up to its vision:
what was unconventional in the 1980s and the early 1990s is widely accepted now. There has been progress! Todays modern family is no longer such a teeny tiny band. The family unit
consists of men and women of all races, all sexual orientations, all religions, all ages. A family in the early years of the 21st Century is simply an extension of those you love, and the world
was not particularly ready to hear that when Falsettos was first produced. That vision of family, ultimately, is the message of this beautiful show, and it is one we must dearly cling to as
we face the future.

You will hear all on this first complete recording of a show that many people call The Holy Grail of contemporary musical theater scores.

The late Wendy Wasserstein, a dear friend of Finn and Lapine, was once asked by an indelicate audience member if she was going to enjoy Wendys newest play. Wendy replied oh darling,
youll laugh, youll cry, youll love it! We hope, no we are convinced that you will feel this way when you hear this wonderful recording of an iconic, groundbreaking show.

ANDR BISHOP
IRA WEITZMAN
Lincoln Center Theater
November 2016
 Act One ALL
AND THEN THE RED SEA
FOUR MEN
THE BED IS
FOUR MEN
FIVE JEWS.
THE DATE WAS SET
MY FATHER LET ME MARRY.
JASON
DADDY IS A PRICK.
TRINA
IVE A SCALPEL UP MY SLEEVE.
SPLIT BEFORE US FOUR JEWS IN A ROOM BITCHING I MARRIED. I
NO MORE TSURIS. (WHEEE!) MEN
WE GOT OUR FOUR JEWS TALKING LIKE JEW-ISH MEN.
A TIGHT-KNIT THEN MARVIN CAME FROM WORK.
SAT ME DOWN ON THE BED.
MENDEL
WHAT? WHAT A DAMAGED GIRL.
IM NEUROTIC, HES NEUROTIC, FAMILY / LOVE HE TOLD ME HOW HE LOVED ME,
MENDEL MARVIN JASON WHIZZER THEYRE NEUROTIC, WERE NEUROTIC. HOW HE NEEDED AND/OR VALUED ME. TRINA MENDEL
WE GOT MIRACLE! BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH IS BLIND I HAVE HE SAID DO NOT EVER SLIT YOUR WRISTS.
OUR FUNNY FUNNY FUNNY FUNNY.
MARVIN MENDEL MENDEL TRINA
WE GOT WE GOT MARVIN WELL, THE SITUATIONS THIS IVE MISSED HIM, HES STILL MISSING.
WHAT? YES?
OUR OUR IM NAUSEOUS. I DO NOT WISH TO OFFEND DONT MAKE NOISE, BUT DADDYS
FOUR JEWS IN A MIRACLE! WE GOT MIRACLE! I DIVORCED MY WIFE, MARVIN, TRINA JASON
KISSING
OUR WHIZZER BOYS.
ROOM BITCHING MIRACLE! IM NAUSEOUS.
I LEFT MY CHILD
AND I RAN OFF WITH A FRIEND.
SYPHILIS. DADDY ISNT MINE.
MEN
ALL JASON TRINA MENDEL PETTY, PETTY, PETTY, PETTY.
FOUR MEN BUT I WANT A TIGHT-KNIT FAMILY.
FOUR JEWS ITCHING FOR ANSWERS IM SIMPLE. HE SAID. GOOD.
FOUR JEWS IN A ROOM BITCHING. I WANT A GROUP THAT HARMONIZES.
FOUR JEWS IN A ROOM PLOT A CRIME. FOUR JEWS BITCHING THEIR WHOLE LIFE I WANT MY WIFE AND KID AND FRIEND MENDEL
IM BITCHING. HES BITCHING. LONG. MENDEL TO PRETEND MENDEL TRINA DO NOT EVER SLIT YOUR WRISTS.
THEYRE BITCHING. WERE BITCHING. IM JEWISH. TIME WILL MEND GOOD. HE FILLED MY COATS WITH
BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH WHIZZER OUR PAIN. CANDIES AND NOTES WITH, TRINA
FUNNY FUNNY FUNNY FUNNY IM WHIZZER. TRINA TRINA WILL YOU BE MY VALENTINE? IVE MISSED HIM, HES STILL MISSING.
SLAVERY. SLAVERY. SO ITS NINETEEN SEVENTY-NINE, I HAVE DONT MAKE NOISE, BUT DADDYS
BITCHBITCH JASON AND WE DONT GO BY THE BOOK. MARVIN KISSING
BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH IM JASON. FOUR MEN WE ALL EAT AS ONE MENDEL WILL YOU BE MY VALENTINE? BOYS.
ALLTHE BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH WIFE, FRIEND, AND SON. YES?
TIME MENDEL FUNNY FUNNY FUNNY FUNNY. AND I SING OUT AS THEY COOK: (To WHIZZER) MEN
IM MENDEL. IM NEUROTIC, HES NEUROTIC, MARVIN, TRINA PETTY, PETTY, PETTY, PETTY.
MENDEL OTHER MEN THEYRE NEUROTIC, WERE NEUROTIC. I LOVE MY TIGHT-KNIT FAMILY. SYPHILIS. TRINA
OOOOH. MARVIN I LOVE THE WAY THEY COOK LINGUINE. THIS GETS HARDER TO BELIEVE. MENDEL, TRINA
WHADDA THEY DO IM MARVIN. WHIZZER/MENDEL/JASON MARVIN ISNT IT GREAT, WERE ALL SO SWELL. TRINA LOVE IS BLIND.
FOR LOVE? IM NEUROTIC, HES FOUR JEWS SUCH A DEAR CLIENTELE. ITS TRUE. MENDEL LOVE CAN TELL A MILLION STORIES.
OOOOH. FOUR MEN NEUROTIC, IN A ROOM YOURE A DAMAGED GIRL. LOVES UNKIND,
WHADDA THEY DO BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH THEYRE NEUROTIC, WERE BITCHING I SWEAR WERE GONNA COME THROUGH IT. MENDEL SPITEFUL IN A MILLION WAYS.
FOR LOVE? FUNNY FUNNY FUNNY FUNNY NEUROTIC. I FEAR WELL PROBABLY FIGHT
GOOD.
BITCHBITCH BUT NOTHINGS IMPOSSIBLE
FOUR MEN BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH WHIZZER MENDEL MARVIN/ TRINA LIVE BY YOUR WIT
TRINA
FOUR JEWS IN A ROOM RIGHT OR WRONG. JASON KID, WIFE, AND LOVER WILL HAVE TO
I HAVE SOMETHING ROTTEN
IM BITCH ADMIT
I WAS RIGHT. WHICH APPEARED
MENDEL JASON NEUROTIC BITCH
IN CASE OF SMOKE, PLEASE CALL OUR HES BITCH IM JEWISH I CUSHIONED THE FALL. THOUGH NOW ITS WELL FORGOTTEN.
BITCHING
MOTHERS ON THE PHONE NEUROTIC BITCH HES FOUR I WANT IT ALL.
JASON AND SAY THEIR SONS ARE ALL ON FIRE. THEYRE FUNNY JEWISH JEWS I WANT IT ALL. MARVIN
BITCHING NEUROTIC FUNNY IN A ROOM I WANT IT MAYBE, DARLING, SO DO YOU.
MARVIN, WHIZZER WERE FUNNY THEYRE I WANT IT ALL.
MARVIN WE ARE MANIPULATING PEOPLE AND WE NEUROTIC FUNNY JEWISH TRINA
BITCHING NEED TO KNOW FOUR JEWS IM JEWISH WERE MENDEL MAYBE, DARLING, SO DO YOU.
OUR WORST SIDES ARENT IGNORED. IN A ROOM HES JEWISH FOUR SIT DOWN, MY DEAR,
WHIZZER BITCHING JEWISH JEWS I HEAR YOU HAVE A PROBLEM. TRINA
BITCHING MENDEL IN A ROOM IM SURE YOURE NOT DISGUSTING OR I AM PROBABLY DISEASED.
THE GUILT INVESTED WILL, IN TIME, PAY THEYRE FUNNY INDISCREET
FOUR MEN WISELY. JEWISH FUNNY TAKE A LOAD OFF YOUR FEET. MENDEL
FOUR JEWS IN A ROOM STOOP WERE FUNNY YOURE A LOVELY GIRL.
WHIZZER, JASON JEWISH FUNNY TRINA
MENDEL WE DO NOT TIPPY-TOE. BITCH BITCH SLAVERY Thank you. TRINA
THEY STOOP BITCH AND SO EASILY APPEASED.
WHIZZER BITCH BITCH FOUR MENDEL
FOUR MEN WE CHARGE AHEAD TO SHOW BITCH JEWS HAPPY OR SAD? MENDEL
TO PRAY. BITCH FUNNY IN A SLAVERY WHAT A LOVELY GIRL,
MENDEL FUNNY ROOM TRINA
THOUGH SHES POSSIBLY DISEASED.
JASON WERE GOOD IN BED. BITCH FUNNY BITCHING Well
IM JEWISH. FUNNY
TRINA
WHIZZER MENDEL
HE TOOK PAINS TO NOT EXCITE US.
MARVIN EXCEL IN BED. FOUR MEN Thats a question with no answer.
HE EXPLAINED IVE
IM JEWISH. FOUR JEWS IN A ROOM BITCHING
MARVIN LETS NOT DISCUSS THE WEATHER; LETS
WE SMELL IN BED. MARVIN FACE THE FACTS. MARVIN, TRINA
MENDEL
IM JEWISH. IN A ROOM BITCHING MARVINS WIFE MUST RELAX. HEPATITIS.
JASON
WHIZZER WHERE IS THE BED? FOUR MEN TRINA TRINA
HALF-JEWISH. BITCHBITCH LOVE ISNT SEX. TOO.
MENDEL BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH THATS A THING MY HUSBAND ONCE
FOUR MEN I LOVE THE BED. NOW AND THEN. TOLD ME. MARVIN, JASON, WHIZZER
BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH MARVIN, MY EX HEPA-, HEPA-
FUNNY FUNNY FUNNY FUNNY JASON FOUR MEN YOUVE SEEN HIM FOR YEARS HEPATITIS, HEPATITIS
BITCHBITCH WHO HAS THE BED? CANT LOSE. TOLD ME OVER THE PHONE TO TELL YOU HEPATITIS.
BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH LOOSE SCREWS. MY FEARS.
NIGHT AND DAY. WHIZZER FOUR DO YOU ONLY TREAT QUEERS? MENDEL
I WANT THE BED. LOVE IS BLIND.
TRINA WHIZZER MENDEL LOVE CAN TELL A MILLION STORIES.
SLAVERY. SLAVERY. JASON ONE, No. LOVES UNKIND,
WHO STOLE THE BED? SPITEFUL IN A MILLION WAYS.
FOUR MEN JASON BREATHE DEEP, MY DEAR
WE CROSSED THE DESERT MARVIN TWO, YOULL FIND ME UNDERSTANDING. TRINA
RUNNING FOR OUR LIVES WHO STOLE THE BED? YOUR PAIN IS A PRIORI; THEN I STAYED HOME FROM WORK,
FLEEING FROM THE PHARAOH MARVIN UNFOLD YOUR UNTOLD STORY. TOOK GOOD CARE OF MY MEN.
WHO WAS UP TO NO GOOD. WHIZZER THREE, NOW TO BREAK BREAD THEY FAKED DESPAIR; THEY WET THEIR BED.
NOW WERE AT THE RED SEA I LOST IT TWICE. LOOSEN YOUR GLANDS; THEY COMBED THEIR HAIR; THEY ACTED
PHARAOH IS BEHIND US MENDEL PUT YOUR HEAD IN MY HANDS. DEAD.
WANTING US EXTINCTED. MENDEL FOUR
THE BED IS MINE. ONE SAID
TRINA
JASON TRINA IM EVERYTHING HE WANTED.
What we need is a miracle! WHIZZER FIVE! MENDEL
ITS TIME I PUT IT ALL TOGETHER: YES? Christian Borle
THE BED IS NICE.
ALL MARVIN BUT I LOVE HIM
LOVE IS BLIND. TEN MONTHS. MARVIN AT THE AND I NEED IT.
LOVE CAN TELL A MILLION STORIES. PSYCHIATRIST IF HE LOVED ME,
ID CONCEDE IT.
LOVES UNKIND, WHIZZER
SPITEFUL IN A MILLION WAYS. NINE MONTHS. (A THREE-PART
MENDEL
MARVIN OTHERS MARVIN
MINI-OPERA) DONT DESPISE WHAT YOU FEEL.
LOVE IS CRAZY. LOVE TEN MONTHS. LOVE THE FRIEND, NOT THE HEEL.
LOVE IS OFTEN BORING WE ARE THE SALT OF THE BOURGEOISIE. JASON
LOVE STINKS LOVE MY FATHER SAYS THAT LOVE MARVIN
IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING IN THE HEEL.
LOVE IS PRETTY OFTEN DEBRIS. WHIZZER
WHEN YOU FIND LOVE WHILE I PUT THE STEAK IN... WORLD.
I THINK GAMES ARE. MENDEL
WHAT YOU FIND,
I THINK CHESS IS THE MOST HES SOMETIMES WORTHLESS.
THEN NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, LOVE MARVIN
BEAUTIFUL THING.
NEVER, NEVER I BRING HOME THE BACON.
NOT LOVE. MARVIN
DO IT OVER AGAIN SOMETIMES EVIL.
LOVE READS LIKE A BAD BOTH
WHIZZER
BIOGRAPHY; LOVE AND WERE PROUD TO SAY WE LOVE IT MENDEL
Marvin at the Psychiatrist, a three-part
ALL THE NAMES ARE CHANGED TO HOW WE... SOMETIMES SMARMY?
mini-opera. Part one.
PROTECT THE INNOCENT. LOVE
WHIZZER MARVIN MENDEL WHIZZER
ALL ...WONT... ...DONT... DO YOU LOVE HIM? Part two.
LOVE IS BLIND. ...WONT... ...DONT...
...WONT... ...DONT... MARVIN MENDEL
MENDEL SORTA KINDA. EXPLORE, MR. MARVIN
MY NAME IS MENDEL. BOTH YOUR CORE MR. MARVIN,
I TREAT HER HUSBAND. AGREE. MENDEL NOTE HOW YOUR WIFES
I THINK SHES VERY INSECURE. DO YOU NEED HIM? YOUR EX-WIFESSUBTLE GLORIES
BUT SO AM I. WHIZZER COUPLED WITH HER TRAGIC STORIES
EVERYTHING HE OWNS IS VILE. MARVIN MOVE ME IN UNREPORTED WAYS.
IVE NEVER MARRIED. MARVIN DOESNT CARE A WHIT. SORTA KINDA.
WORK WORK IS MY PASSION. MARVIN DOESNT SHARE MY DEVOTION HE MAKES ME SMILE A LOT, AT HER VERY FIRST SESSION,
OR PERHAPS THATS AN ALIBI. TO STYLE. ESPECIALLY AT MEALTIME. SHE MADE QUITE AN IMPRESSION.
MAKES ME FEEL IM
SORTA SMART. DO YOU MIND THAT
MARVIN MEN FROM FRANCE CAN CANCEL A
SHE WAS HERE TO SPEAK OF JASON
Perhaps it is. DEBT.
MENDEL AND I FIND THAT
MEN IN CUFFLINKS MAKE ME FORGET
IS HE SPECIAL? I HOPE JASON ACTS OUT MORE.
MENDEL MY NAME.
CAUSE THERES A FEW MORE THINGS WE
I dont care to discuss it. I INTEND TO UPSET
MARVIN NEED EXPLORE.
THIS REGRETTABLE GAME.
HES DELIGHTFUL.
I THINK SHES CHARMING. MARVIN
I THINK SHES NEEDY. MARVIN Good.
MENDEL
IN JUST FIVE SESSIONS ON MY COUCH, WHIZZER TAKES ME BY THE NECK. AND ROMANTIC?
SHELL BE LIKE NEW. MENDEL
WHIZZER MARVIN Good.
ALL (Except MENDEL) WHAT IS THIS? WASH AND WEAR? YES, AND SPITEFUL.
HIS NAME IS MENDEL. BUT YET IT SEEMS THAT SO AM I. YOU SAID SHE WAS WITHHOLDING.
MARVIN
WHIZZER WHIZZER HAS UNLIMITED KNOWLEDGE MENDEL MARVIN
AH OF DRECK. JUST ENJOY WHAT YOU CAN RIGHT.
LOVE THE BOY, NOT THE MAN.
ALL (Except MENDEL) WHIZZER MENDEL
Christian Borle, Andrew Rannells
AH. SEND ME FLOWERS. MARVIN WELL THATS NOT QUITE TRUE.
MAN.
MENDEL MARVIN SORTA STYLISH. MARVIN
RETURN NEXT FRIDAY. MENTION IS MADE. WE STAND TO PASSION AND DRINK THIS WHIZZER BOTH NO?
I ADMIT I ADMIRE YOU. TOAST. WHAT I LOVE, I DEVOUR. IN FACT, WEVE ALMOST SURVIVED A MENDEL
WHIZZER YEAR. KINDA VERY. MENDEL
MAKE THEM ROSES. WHIZZER MARVIN PERHAPS SHE HELD BACK LOVE FROM YOU
THE THRILL OF STILL ITS AWFULLY TRYING... WHAT YOU LOVE, YOU DEVOUR. WHIZZER MARVIN
WHAT I COVET, I KEEP. TRUE, BUT VERY, VERY SORTA. MARVIN
FIRST LOVE MARVIN
MARVIN ISNT THAT RIGHT, WHIZZER? DID SHE REALLY?
ATTENTION IS PAID
AND WERE NOT DENYING LETS BOTH FIGHT, WHIZZER. BOTH MENDEL
IN FULL.
WHIZZER WHO IS COUNTING? AND KINDA HARD TO DESCRIBE. MENDEL
HANG UP ALL YOUR CLOTHES. BOTH WHIZZER WERE TOO BUSY MOUNTING I JUST KNOW WHAT IM TOLD.
WHIZZER I WAS TRAINED IN KARATE. A DISPLAY OF OUR AFFECTION CAUSE WHEN I MET YOUR WIFE
THAT OF ALL THE LESSER PASSIONS, MARVIN
SEE HOW QUICKLY HE SOURS. THAT IS SO SINCERE. SHE WAS ANYTHING BUT COLD.
MARVIN WE LIKE FIGHTING MOST. Yes, yes. I think that is very true.
WHIZZER BEGS. MARVIN
MARVIN IM BEST WHEN I CHEAT, BOTH IT WASNT QUITE PRECISE
MARVIN MENDEL
WHIZZER WHEN HE PUSHES, I PULL. SO ILL CHEAT, WHIZZER, AND ILL SHOVE, PASSION DIES. WHEN HES NAKED TO SAY THAT SHE WAS ICE.
WHIZZER SCREWS TOO MUCH TO SEE
WHIZZER KNOWS. WHAT A JOYS MONOGAMY, AND ILL KILL FOR THAT THRILL OF FIRST PASSION DIES.
WHIZZER LOVE. MARVIN WHEN I MET YOUR WIFE
WHAT A JOY IS SAVING HIS
MARVIN HANG UP YOUR CLOTHES, MARVIN WHIZZER MARVIN YES. SHE WAS VERY NICE.
JOYS FOR ONE MAN.
SHAVE YOUR LEGS. BREEDING SHOWS, MARVIN. WHIZZER I WOULD KILL FOR VERY, VERY, VERY
WHIZZER WEVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR NINE THAT THRILL MENDEL
WHIZZER MARVIN LEAVE ME. MONTHS. OF FIRST LOVE. I WOULD KILL FOR DOES HE THRILL YOU? MENDEL
MAKE ME SICK. I WAS RICH, THAT THRILL WAS SHE FAITHFUL?
HE WAS HORNY MARVIN MARVIN OF FIRST LOVE. MARVIN BE OBJECTIVE.
MARVIN LOVE ME. TEN MONTHS. I WOULD KILL FOR YES.
YOURE A PRICK. WHIZZER THAT THRILL MARVIN
WE FIT LIKE A GLOVE. WHIZZER WHIZZER OF FIRST LOVE. I WOULD KILL FOR MENDEL YES.
WHIZZER DONT BE A FOOL. NINE MONTHS. THAT THRILL IS HE VICIOUS?
GOD, YOURE IMPOSSIBLE. MARVIN MENDEL
WEVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR NINE CLOSE YOUR EYES, WHIZZER. MARVIN MARVIN BOTH MARVIN SHE WAS FAITHFUL.
MONTHS. WANT ME. WEVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR TEN I WOULD KILL FOR THAT THRILL OF FIRST YES.
MONTHS. MARVIN
WHIZZER
MARVIN WHIZZER LOVE. MENDEL YES.
PASSION DIES.
TEN MONTHS. FEED ME. WHIZZER LOVE. WOULD HE KILL YOU?
BUT ID KILL FOR THAT THRILL OF FIRST
NINE MONTHS. LOVE. MENDEL
LOVE.
WHIZZER MARVIN MARVIN AND YOU WANTED TO
NINE MONTHS. NO ONES SO CRUEL AND CHEAP. MARVIN YES. IMPRESS HER?
BOTH. TEN MONTHS. I THINK HES SORTA KINDA MEAN.
WE ASK FOR PASSION AT ALL TIMES.
MARVIN MARVIN AND I ADMIRE HOW HE ACTS. MARVIN MARVIN TRINA, WHIZZER
YES, SIR. YES, SIR. IS THAT MY FAULT, THOUGH? NO ONE IS SAYING YOURE A SICK IF HE COMES HERE? BRAINS. IM NOT SO BRAINS OR MONEY?
BUT IMPRESS HER I DID NOT. SHOULD I BE BLAMED FOR THAT? NEUROTIC, RICH,
BUT YOU COULD FIND SOME HELP. TRINA BUT HELL, IM SMART.
MENDEL JASON HEAR ME OUT, PLEASE. HE MIGHT COME HERE. LOVE ME.
DID SHE SWEAT A LOT? EXPLORE MUSEUMS. YES, YOU COULD FIND SOME HELP.
HE COULD HELP YOU RE-A-LIZE MARVIN TRINA, WHIZZER, JASON, MENDEL
MARVIN MARVIN HOW CONFUSED YOU ARE. THEY DONT MAKE HOUSE CALLS. No.
What? ADMIRE ART. ITS VERY CLEAR:
DADDYS SINCERE, WHIZZER MARVIN
MENDEL JASON BUT A SCHMO. Oh! LOVE ME, PLEASE
WAS SHE RUTHLESS? WE STAND TOGETHER. YOU AND I MUST TRUST OUR EMOTIONS, OR BREAK MY HEART.
MAKE NO COMMOTIONS.
MARVIN MARVIN WILL YOU GO?
THIS HAD BETTER TRINA, WHIZZER MARVIN
Huh? BUT WE STAND THERE LOOKING MILES COME TO A STOP THIS IS ALL THIS IS ALL VERY NEAT.
APART. JASON VERY NEAT. THIS IS ALL VERY NEAT.
MENDEL HOW DO I REACH HIM? No.
NARCISSISTIC? WHAT WORDS OF WISDOM? WHIZZER THIS IS ALL THIS IS ALL VERY
WHAT SHOULD I DO NOW? MARVIN LATE FOR DINNER, LATE AGAIN. VERY SMART. SMART.
MARVIN JASON, PLEASE SEE A PSYCHIATRIST.
Who? JASON HES JUST A PSYCHIATRIST. WHIZZER, TRINA MARVIN
MY FATHER SAYS THAT LOVE ILL PAY THE BILL LATE FOR DINNER, LATE AGAIN. THIS HAD BETTER COME TO A STOP,
MENDEL IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING IN THE UNTIL MENDEL.
LET ME VARY THE MOOD WORLD. YOURE OLD. ALL (Except WHIZZER) DONT TOUCH ME.
I THINK GAMES ARE. LATE FOR DINNER, LATE AGAIN. DONT CONDESCEND.
MARVIN I THINK CHESS IS THE MOST MARVIN TRINA JASON LATE FOR DINNERLATE, LATE, LATE, LATE. THIS HAD BETTER COME
Yes. Please. BEAUTIFUL THING, JASON, DARLING, PLEASE THIS HAD BETTER COME TO A
NOT LOVE. LISTEN TO LATE FOR DINNER, LATE AGAIN. THIS, THIS, THIS, THIS,
MENDEL YOUR FATHER LATE FOR DINNER, LATE AGAIN. THIS HAD BETTER COME TO AN END.
DOES SHE SLEEP IN THE NUDE? WHIZZER PLEASE HERE. LATE FOR DINNER, LATE AGAIN. THIS HAD BETTER COME TO AN END.
Marvin at the Psychiatrist, a three-part SEE A HES NOT A NO I LATE FOR DINNERLATE, LATE, LATE, LATE.
MARVIN mini-opera. WONT TRINA
No. PSYCHIATRIST. GENIUS TYPE, GO. MARVIN CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP,
MENDEL LORD KNOWS, WHIZZERS SUPPOSED TO ALWAYS BE HERE, I CHOPPED IT
MENDEL The end. BUT HE MAKING DINNER, SET TO SCREW. I SERVED HIS FOOD.
Does not sleep nude. Okay. Going on. HES JUST A KNOWS WHATS I WILL THATS WHAT PRETTY BOYS SHOULD DO. THE ASSHOLE FORCED ME.
TRUE. NOT GO. CHECK THEIR HAIRLINES, MAKE THE
I HAVE QUESTIONS
MY FATHERS A PSYCHIATRIST. HE CHOSE A DINNER, WHIZZER, MENDEL, JASON
AND LOVE ME.
THAT SHOULD PROBLY GO UNANSWERED HOMO / EVERYONE MAN CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP
BUT THEYRE QUESTIONS, WHO I THINK CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP.
LIKE, DOES SHE WEAR A NEGLIGEE? TELLS JASON TO SEE KNOWS THIS IS GOING NOWHERE AND FAST,
COULD YOU BLOW AND IT WOULD BLOW ILL PAY THE THE ANSWERS WHIZZER. TRINA
AWAY?
A PSYCHIATRIST BILL TO ALL YOUR NEVER, THIS LITTLE THING THAT WE HAVE WILL AND STILL THE BASTARD DIVORCED ME.
NEVER NOT LAST.
SINCE THE SESSIONS NEARLY THROUGH JASON UN- PROBLEMS. NEVER, DONT FEEL RESPONSIBLE. TRINA MARVIN OTHERS
TELL ME WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOU? MY FATHERS A HOMO. NEVER AFTER ALL, ITS THROUGH. CHOP CHOP
MY MOTHERS NOT THRILLED AT ALL. TIL MENDEL NEVER, CHOP CHOP
MARVIN FATHER HOMO UNDERSTANDS NEVER WHIZZER CHOP CHOP
Oh so now youre interested in me? WHAT ABOUT CHROMOSOMES? YOURE WHATS NEVER, IM NOT RESPONSIBLE. CHOP CHOP
DO THEY CARRY? NEVER. LATE FOR CHOP CHOP
MENDEL WILL THEY CARRY? OLD BOTHERING MARVIN DINNER,
Of course. WHOS THE HOMO NOW? YOU. LIFE CAN BE WONDERFUL. IT ISNT LATE AGAIN CHOP CHOP
MY FATHER SAID THAT ONE DAY Anthony Rosenthal, Stephanie J. Block ISNT THIS WONDERFUL? LIKE HE SAID.LATE FOR CHOP CHOP
WHIZZER ILL GROW UP TO BE PRESIDENT, JASON AND THIS HAD BETTER COME TO A STOP, DINNER,
Part three. AND THAT IDEAS NOT SO WILD. Forget it. WHIZZER. YOU PROBABLY LATE AGAIN CHOP CHOP
I DONT LEAD THE LIFE OF A NORMAL MARVIN MARVIN NOW, WHIZZER HURT HIS LATE FOR CHOP CHOP
MARVIN CHILD. ALL THREE No. Oh, my God. CIAO, WHIZZER. PRIDE. DINNER,
MY SONS DISTRESSING. CAUSE IM TOO SMART FOR MY OWN GOOD, WHAT A MESS THIS IS, BEND. HES GOTTA LATE AGAIN CHOP CHOP
AND IM TOO GOOD FOR MY SORRY THIS FAMILY. JASON MARVIN, TRINA, JASON THIS HAD BETTER COME TO AN END.
JASON LITTLE LIFE. EXPERTS CAN SEE JUST BECAUSE YOUVE FAILED AS WHIZZER. HAVE IT ALL. LATE FOR CHOP CHOP
MY FATHERS SNIDE. MY MOTHERS NO WIFE THIS IS SO. PARENTS. WHIZZER. TRINA DINNER,
AND MY FATHERS NO MAN, PHOTOGRAPHS CANT WHIZZER. I WAS SUPPOSED TO MAKE THE DINNER, HES LIKE A LATE AGAIN CHOP CHOP
MARVIN NO MAN AT ALL. CAPTURE OUR MAGIC, TRINA WHIZZER. MAKE IT PRETTY ON HIS PLATE. BABY LATE CHOP
GET THEE TO A PSYCHIATRIST. EVERY WIFE SHOULD PULL HER WEIGHT.
IM CONVALESCING. WERE SIMPLY TRAGIC. WHOS DENIED.
TRINA JASON HAVE IT READY, MAKE IT TASTY
MARVIN WHIZZER, DO YOU THINK I SHOULD AND LOVE HIM.
JASON Honey, why dont you go out and play? MARVIN, TRINA HEY KID, LISTEN. WHIZZER, MENDEL, JASON
HES MORBID AND DISSATISFIED. WILL YOU GO? SEE A PSYCHIATRIST? THIS HAD BETTER COME TO A STOP,
JASON THIS HAD BETTER COME TO A STOP, MARVIN.
JASON WHIZZER DOCTOR.
MARVIN No. JASON I DONT NEED IM NOT SURE, JASON. THIS HAS BEEN A TRAGIC AND HORRIBLE
WHAT SHOULD I DO NOW? No. ALL (Except MARVIN)
TRINA FLOP. THIS HAS BEEN A LOUSY BUT FABULOUS
MARVIN, TRINA (MARVIN flicks WHIZZERs head)
JASON SWEETHEART, I WORRY. MARVIN, TRINA HE NEEDS A PSYCHIATRIST. FLOP.
HE LOVES ANOTHER. SWEETHEART, I DO. JASON, PLEASE SEE A PSYCHIATRIST. MENDEL
Ow! DONT FEEL RESPONSIBLE.
I WORRY A LOT, HES NOT JASON WHIZZER
MARVIN I WORRY A LOT, I WANT AFTER ALL, ITS THROUGH. WHY IS IT ALWAYS OURSELVES WHO HAVE
JASON, MAYBE SO.
I AGREE. I WORRY A LOT. JASON TO CHANGE?
I WONT SAY BOO. MARVIN, TRINA TRINA
(TRINA clears throat) WHO IS RESPONSIBLE?
JASON I could take you to the Jewish center. A PSYCHIATRIST. MARVIN
I LOVE MY MOTHER. MARVIN, TRINA ABSOLUTELY, JASON. This is incredibly boring.
I THINK YOU LIKE PLAYING CHESS ALONE. EXORBITANT. JASON MENDEL
MARVIN THATS NOT NORMAL. AND HES VERY SMART. I WANNA SPEAK WITH WHIZZER. DONT ASK ME QUESTIONS. WHIZZER, TRINA
JASON
WHY NOT ME? IM FRIGHTENED OF QUESTIONS YOUVE GOT A TEMPER THAT REDEFINES
OKAY, ILL GO.
MARVIN BUT GRATEFUL THAT ITS
JASON JASON TEMPER AND
SPEAK WITH WHOM? COME TO A STOP, TRINA.
WE GO TO BALL GAMES. WHAT IS NORMAL? IF INTELLIGENCE WERE THE ONLY WHIZZER
CRITERION, HELL GO. SMILE, TRINA. ALL (Except MARVIN)
JASON ILL HELP YOU MEND.
JASON TRINA THEN I REALLY WOULDNT NEED A WITH WHIZZER. THIS HAD BETTER COME TO A STOP,
THE BALL IS TOSSED. I wouldnt know. PSYCHIATRIST, JASON MARVIN.
WOULD I? ILL GO. TRINA, WHIZZER WHY, MARVIN
MARVIN
MARVIN WHY DONT YOU SPEAK ON THE I MET THIS MAN TODAY. TRY, MARVIN.
WITH WHIZZER?
THE PITCHERS HANDSOME. TELEPHONE TRINA TRINA HE WASNT VERY SMART. BEND.
WITH ANYONE? No. HELL GO. BUT HE WAS RICH, MARVIN.
TRINA
JASON JUST GET A FRIENDANYONE. WITH WHIZZER. WHICH, MARVIN, THIS HAD BETTER COME
YEAH, AND OUR TEAM LOST. JASON JASON DO YOU PREFER I LUST FOR THIS HAD BETTER COME TO A
DARLING, PLEASE SEE A PSYCHIATRIST. Would I? JASON IF HE COMES HERE. BRAINS OR MONEY?
HES QUITE A GUY WITH WHIZZER.
THIS THIS THIS THIS IM BREAKING DOWN. OR RATHER, HASNT DONE. I THINK SHES HOLDING IT SO TENDERLY MENDEL WHY DONT YOU FEEL ALL RIGHT TRINA
THIS HAD BETTER COME MARVIN DOWN. DOWN. Trina, how ILL PROBABLY FAINT. STOP. FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE? Good.
TO AN END THIS HAD BETTER I ONLY WANT TO LOVE A MAN WHO CAN are you? IF SO, LOOK AROUND YOU.
COME TO AN END. LOVE ME YOU MUST EXORCISE A DEVIL ID RATHER DIE IN THIS POSITION NO ONES SCREAMING AT YOU, WHY DONT YOU FEEL ALL RIGHT MENDEL
OR LIKE ME CAUSE IT INHABITS MARVINS SON THAN REMAIN THE SAINT SO YOU FEEL ALL RIGHT FOR ABOUT TEN FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE? BUT ILL LOVE YOU UNTIL
ALL OR HELP ME. Help me! YOU THINK MINUTES. LOVE YOU UNTIL
THIS HAD BETTER COMING TO AN END. TRINA YOU KNOW. IF YOU FEEL ALL RIGHT FOR TEN MINUTES, JASON, MENDEL I DIE.
MARVIN WAS NEVER MINE. PLEASE COME TO OUR HOUSE IM NOT, FEEL ALL RIGHT FOR TWENTY MINUTES? WHY DONCHA [DONT I] FEEL ALL RIGHT
HE TOOK HIS MEETINGS IN THE BOYS AND TALK A BIT WITH JASON. ALTHOUGH FEEL ALL RIGHT FOR FORTY MINUTES? FOR THE REST OF YOUR [MY] LIFE? MARVIN
IM BREAKING DOWN LATRINE. ITS A SLIGHT EXAGGERATION, I MUST BE SHOWING BETTER-THAN-THE- DROP IT AND SMILE. WELL, THE SITUATIONS THIS:
I USED TO CRY. BUT HES SICK IN THE HEAD. NORM RESTRAINT. WHY DONT YOU FEEL ALL RIGHT ALL I DONT WANT TO CAUSE A STINK.
TRINA HED MAKE A SCENE. OH, SURE, FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE? WHY DONCHA [DONT I] FEEL ALL RIGHT I DIVORCED MY WIFE,
ID LIKE TO BE A PRINCESS ON A THRONE, ID RATHER DIE THAN DRY CLEAN SOMETIMES YOULL THINK HES ALL THREE FOR THE REST OF YOUR [MY] LIFE? SHE DRIED HER EYES,
TO HAVE A COUNTRY I COULD CALL MY MARVINS WEDDING GOWN. WONDERFUL, OH, WHAT A LOVELY TABLE. WHY DONT YOU FEEL ALL RIGHT THEN SHE RAN OFF WITH MY SHRINK.
OWN. IM BREAKING DOWN. BUT HES WILD. SUCH A ROMANTIC TABLE. FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE? WHY DONCHA [DONT I] FEEL ALL RIGHT
AND A KING IM BREAKING DOWN. IM SURE HES MARVINS CHILD. KNIVES IN PLACE, FOR THE REST OF YOUR [MY] LIFE? BUT I WANT A TIGHT-KNIT FAMILY.
WHOS LUSTY AND REQUIRES A FLING ITS SO UPSETTING WHEN I FOUND LOTSA SPACE WHY DONT YOU FEEL ALL RIGHT I WANT A WIFE WHO KNOWS WHAT LOVE IS.
WITH A FEMALE THING. THAT WHATS RECTANGULAR IS ROUND. JASON TO SPREAD OUT AND EAT. FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE? WHY DONCHA [DONT I] FEEL ALL RIGHT MAYBE SHE DOES.
GREAT MEN WILL BE MEN. I MEAN, IT STINKS. WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO THE MAN? NOTICE HOW OUR EYES DISCREETLY FOR THE REST OF YOUR [MY] LIFE? IM TOO DAMN PEEVED,
(LET ME TURN ON THE GAS.) I MEAN, HES QUEER. SHOULD I BE MEAN TO THE MAN? JASON SELF-ABSORBED,
I CAUGHT THEM IN THE DEN AND ME, IM JUST A FREAK PLEASE COME TO OUR HOUSE. Is this therapy? JASON, MENDEL OTHERS SELF-DECEIVED.
WITH MARVIN GRABBING WHIZZERS ASS. WHO NEEDS IT MAYBE EVERY OTHER WEEK. TRINA THE DINNERS ON THE TABLE. FEEL ALL RIGHT FOR FEEL FEEL FEEL WHO KNOWS?
IVE RETHOUGHT THE FUN WE HAD JUST BE YOURSELF. WE WILL TALK IF WE ARE ABLE TO, TRINA THE REST OF YOUR LIFE
OH SURE, IM SURE HES SURE HE DID AND ONE FACT DOES EMERGE: BUT PROBLY WE WONT. CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP FEEL ALL RIGHT FOR FEEL FEEL FEEL MENDEL
HIS BEST. IVE PLAYED A FOOLISH CLOWN. JASON WE SIT. I CHOPPED IT. THE REST OF YOUR LIFE I SHOULD WORRY WHAT HE SAYS,
I MEAN, HE MEANT TO BE WHAT HE WAS THE ALMOST-VIRGIN WHO SINGS THIS ILL BE MYSELF. ITS A GOURMET VERSION OF CHICKEN FEEL ALL RIGHT FOR FEEL FEEL FEEL LIKE HIS WORDS COULD HURT ME WORSE.
NOT. DIRGE
MENDEL MARENGO. THE REST OF YOUR LIFE MARVIN ACTS BEREFT.
THE THINGS HE WAS ARE THINGS WHICH IS ON THE VERGE OF BREAKING DOWN. TRINA THE KID LOOKS PRETTY MISERABLE. TOOK ME ALL DAY. FEEL ALL RIGHT FOR FEEL FEEL FEEL MY ACTS OF THEFT
I FORGOT. IM BREAKING DOWN.
STOP ASKING QUESTIONS. BE YOURSELF. ILL SAY TWAS WORTH THE TIME. THE REST OF YOUR LIFE ARE INCREDIBLY PERVERSE.
HES A QUEEN. DOWN. DOWN.
JASON I LIE. FEEL ALL RIGHT FOR LI
IM A QUEEN. JASON UNINSPIRED. THE REST OF YOUR I MARVIN
WHERE IS MY CROWN? THE ONLY THING THATS BREAKING UP
ILL BE MYSELF. MARVIN REST OF YOUR You said it.
IS MY FAMILY.
MENDEL WHY IS HE ALWAYS HERE? LI-I-IFE! IFE!
IM BREAKING DOWN. TRINA AINT THAT THE TRUTH? MENDEL
IM BREAKING DOWN. THE ONLY THING THATS BREAKING UP
DONT BE DISGUSTING. BE YOURSELF. WHIZZER Its embarrassing, but
MY LIFE IS SHITTY IS MY FAMILY.
ALL THREE THE PSYCHIATRIST RETURNING,
A MARRIAGE
AND MY KID BUT ME, IM BREAKING DOWN.
SEEMS LIKE AN IDI
JASON WERE TIRED. RETURNING. PROPOSAL / IVE GOT A NICE TIGHT FAMILY:
HELLO TO MY HOUSE. FIVE SESSIONS LATER. SON WITH A BRAIN AND NICE BRIGHT
OT TO ME.
I MEAN, THATS SICK.
PLEASE COME TO SO GOOD OF YOU TO TRAVEL. MENDEL A TIGHT-KNIT MOTHER.
ON ACCOUNT OF MY UNRAVELING. I THINK THE ROOM LOOKS JUST A WEE MENDEL YES, I FEEL GUILT.
I MEAN, HES GREAT. OUR HOUSE / NOW LETS EAT SOME FOOD. BIT SMALL. TRY TO FORGET ALL THINGS HOMELY.
FAMILY (REPRISE) YES, IM ANNOYED.
ITS ME WHO IS THE MATTER,
TALKING MADDER THAN THE MADDEST JASONS THERAPY TRY TO FORGET ALL THINGS SNIDE. SO WAS JUNG.
MENDEL TRINA NOTHINGS AS GOOD AS YOU RECALL. JASON SO WAS FREUD.
HATTER.
LETS TALK. THIS GIRL AGREES. COUNT WHATS GOOD, THEN DIVIDE. This is how you make a marriage proposal.
IF I REPEAT ONE MORE WORD, TRINA MENDEL IF YOU COUNT, ITS ALL RIGHT. MENDEL MARVIN
I SWEAR ILL LOSE MY BRAIN. Hello.
WHAT ELSE SHOULD I EXPLAIN? TRINA MENDEL, JASON YOU CAN FIGURE OUT THE WORLD. MENDEL BUT I,
DR. MENDEL, PLEASE. I THINK BEFORE THE FOOD GETS COLD ADIEU. YOU CAN ADD AND SUBTRACT AT WILL. I LOVE YOU, DEAR. I KNOW YOULL COME I... I CANT BELIEVE
OH YES, ITS TRUE I CAN CRY ON CUE This is Mendel
BUT SO CAN YOU. YOU CAN COVER UP THE PAST. I THINK YOURE SWELL. THROUGH IT SHE LOVES YOU.
Weisenbachfeld. MENDEL TRINA YOU CAN KILL THE PAIN YOURE NEVER NEAR ME CLOSE ENOUGH IF SO, WHY,
IM BREAKING DOWN. DR. MENDEL, VISVIS
IM BREAKING DOWN. TIME TO JAW. ILL WAIT OUTSIDE VERY EASILY. TO TELL
WHAT MARVIN DID, FIRST ILL EXTEND MY PAW. AND HOLD THE FOOD. IF IM DELIGHTFUL OR NOT. YOULL END LOOKING IM SURE SHE
DOWN. DOWN.
YOU ASK ME, IS IT FUN TO CRY OVER JASON I CRAVE YOUR WRIST. RICH. CANNOT LOVE YOU.
NOTHING? MENDEL IS THIS THERAPY? I PRAISE YOUR THIGH.
IT IS. I DO NOT EAT AT ALL THERES NOT A GUY, MARVIN
IM BREAKING DOWN. IN TIMES LIKE THESE. ALL EXCEPT JASON THERES NOT A PIECE OF PAPER, BUT NOTHINGS IMPOSSIBLE.
RIGHT, THIS IS THERAPY. THERES NOT A MAN IN PANTS
NOW LETS CONSIDER WHAT I MIGHT TRINA WHO COULD LOVE YOU THE SAME AS I. MENDEL
DO NEXT. THE WORST IS THROUGH. JASON LOOK WHOS GOT POWER.
I HATE ADMITTING IVE BECOME So scram. OFTENTIMES LOVERS ARE CRAZY PEOPLE.
PERPLEXED. MENDEL SOMETIMES THEY KILL EACH OTHER. MARVIN
IM BEREAVED. THERES WORK TO DO. JASON JUST LIKE A BIBLICAL BROTHER KING OF THE LOSERS.
IVE CRIED, IVE SHOOK, MR. MENDEL, DID TO HIS BIBLICAL BROTHER
IVE YELLED, IVE HEAVED, TRINA AS REGARDING YOUR INTENTIONS TO BACK IN BIBLICAL TIMES. MENDEL
I HAVE BEEN DECEIVED. ILL WAIT. MY MOTHER. AT EIGHTY AN HO-UR.
ARE THEY EVERYTHING A WOMAN WOULD TRINA HE CAN BITCH, I CAN STALL.
AS ENEMIES GO MENDEL DESIRE? Biblical times?
WHIZZER IS NOT SO BAD. SHELL WAIT. HER HAND IS READY. MARVIN
ITS JUST HES SO DAMN HAPPY IT ONLY NEEDS A RING. MARVIN I WANT
THAT IT MAKES ME SO DAMN MAD. JASON ILL BUY CONFETTI AND SING. (Giving MENDEL a thumbs-up)
THEYLL WAIT. IM EMBARRASSED. MENDEL
I WANT TO HATE HIM, BUT I REALLY CANT. ITS NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY TO ASK YOU, Biblical times. I GOT
ITS LIKE A NIGHTMARE HOW THIS ALL TRINA BUT I WONDER IF ITS EVER CROSSED
PROCEEDS. ILL WAIT FOR YOU. YOUR MIND. MENDEL MARVIN
I HOPE THAT WHIZZER DONT FULFILL HIS Biblical times! I WANT
NEEDS. JASON MENDEL
DONT IS WRONG. MR. MENDEL, WHADDO I SAY? MENDEL BOTH
SING ALONG. I GET APOPLEXY THINKING OF MY FATHER. WHERE DO I LOOK? OH, THOSE BIBLICAL TIMES! IT ALL.
WHAT WAS THE NOUN? I RESEMBLE HIM IN FAR TOO MANY WAYS. WHY DO I LAUGH?
HIS SAD DEMEANOR, HOW DO I ANSWER? I LOVE YOUR EYES. IM SURE WERE GONNA COME THROUGH
IM BREAKING DOWN. THE WAY HE ACTS THE SWINE; IS IT MY MIND? I LOVE YOUR FACE. IT.
IM BREAKING DOWN. AT LEAST HIS ROOM IS CLEANER THAN LOVE ISNT FREE. I WANT YOU BY MY SIDE NO DOUBT THE BASTARD PREPARES.
ILL SOON REDECORATE THESE STALLS. MINE. LOVE ISNT BLIND. TO TAKE MY PLACE WERE NEEDY AND WANTING.
ID LIKE SOME PADDING ON THE WALLS. IS IT FATAL? WHADDO I SEE? IF I GET SICK OR DETAINED. WERE GREEDY AS SWINE.
DO YOU SEE REAL SIMILARITIES BETWEEN DONT TOUCH YOUR HAIR.
AND ALSO PILLS. US? JASON YOURE PERFECT. MENDEL
I WANNA SLEEP. HE AND WHIZZER LIVE LIKE STOP. DONT START TO CRY. I JUST GOT A FAMLY.
SURE, THINGS WILL PROBLY WORSEN, WELL, I THINK ITS CLEAR. LOOK AROUND YOU. THERES NOT A GUY,
BUT ITS NOT LIKE IM SOME HEALTHY WHADDO I DO? A LOTTA NICE FURNITURE. THERES NOT A HORSE OR ZEBRA, MARVIN
PERSON. WHADDO I SAY? SOMEONES BRINGING YOUR DINNER. THERES NOT A GIANT MAN THE FAMLY WAS MINE.
IVE RETHOUGHT MY TALKS WITH MARV HOW DO I ASK? SOMEONE BROUGHT YOU YOUR LUNCH. WHO COULD LOVE YOU THE SAME AS I.
AND ONE FACT DOES EMERGE: WHADDO I HOPE FOR? SOMEONES WASHING YOUR LAUNDRY. FORGET THAT GIANT MAN. BOTH
I THINK I LIKE HIS SHRINK. IS IT MY MIND? WASHING YOUR SOCKS. HE CANT LOVE YOU THE SAME AS I. BUT WHO DARES
SO THAT IS WHY I MIGHT TURN TO DRINK. LOVE ISNT FREE. JESUS CHRIST! IM NOT A GIANT MAN DARES TO BRAWL.
IM ON THE BRINK IF LOVE ISNT BLIND.
OF BREAKING DOWN. Stephanie J. Block
WHADDO I SEE?
 MARVIN WHIZZER SINCE YOU NEED A MAN WHIZZER
FOUR NO, I DONT. THIS HAS BEEN A LOUSY BUT
I CAN THINK IT THROUGH MYSELF. MARVIN
WHIZZER WHAT? BOTH
YOUNG MARVIN FABULOUS FLOP.
START AGAIN. WEVE SEEN THE WORST. WHIZZER
MENDEL WHOS BRAINY. MARVIN
MEN WHIZZER ANYONE UNDERSTAND?
ILL GO FIRST. MARVIN ALL I WANTS A KISS.
ALL FOUR OR ANYONE UNDERSTAND?
ALONE IN THE NIGHT. MARVIN
MOVE A PAWN. BOTH WHIZZER
MARCH. MARCH. WITTY. DONT START EXPLAINING. IM SICK OF
MARCH OF THE FALSETTOS WHIZZER EXPLAINING.
MARCH OF THE FALSETTOS. NO, SIR. MARVIN
MOVE. BOTH
WHO IS MARVIN AND THIS HAD BETTER COME TO A STOP,
MAN ENOUGH TO MARCH TO MOVE. WHIZZER MARVIN [WHIZZER].
MARCH OF THE FALSETTOS? WHAT SHOULD I DO NOW? NOW, MARVIN [WHIZZER].
WHIZZER CIAO, MARVIN [WHIZZER].
MARVIN, JASON MENDEL, WHIZZER WHERE? MARVIN BEND.
ONE FOOT ONE FOOT, OOOH! MOVE. THIS HAD BETTER COME
FOLLOWING THE FOLLOWING THE MARVIN THIS HAD BETTER COME TO A
OTHER! OTHER! THERE. WHIZZER THIS THIS THIS THIS
PRACTICE IT ON PRACTICE IT ON WHERE?
ONE ONE WHIZZER WHIZZER MARVIN
ANOTHER ANOTHER. HERE? MARVIN THIS HAD BETTER
MARCH. MARCH. MARCH. MARCH. THERE. COME TO AN END THIS HAD BETTER
MARVIN COME TO AN END.
WHIZZER, JASON MENDEL, MARVIN MOVE A PAWN. WHIZZER
MARCH OF THE MARCH OF THE HOW SHOULD I BEHAVE MYSELF? BOTH
FALSETTOS FALSETTOS WHIZZER MAYBE WE SHOULD CALL IT QUITS? THIS HAD BETTER COME TO AN END.
WHO?
MARCH OF THE
FALSETTOS
MARCH OF THE
FALSETTOS MARVIN
MARVIN
THIS GAME SHITS.
MAKING A HOME
NOT THE QUEEN.
ALL FOUR WHIZZER MENDEL, TRINA
Stephanie J. Block, Brandon Uranowitz
MARCHING WHIZZER LET ME WIN. WELCOME TO OUR HUMBLE PLACE
HOME. WHO? WERE CONCERNED WITH SETTING A TONE,
MENDEL MARVIN ILL LAUGH, ILL SMILE, ILL WELCOME CHEER; MARVIN UH-OH! MARVIN WITH FILLING THE SPACE:
I GOT IT ALL I WANT IT ALL THE TIME IS RIGHT, THE MEN ARE NEAR. MARCH. MARVIN YES, SIR. MAKING A HOME.
I GOT IT ALL I WANT IT ALL NOW HAPPINESS AND LOVE APPEAR. TRINA JESUS.
I GOT IT ALL. I WANT IT ALL. MENDEL PLEASE FORGIVE MY FORMER WHIZZER MENDEL
MEN MARCH. SPIELING BOTH PLEASE. SHE BECOMES A HAPPY WIFE.

TRINAS SONG / MARCH. MARCH.

MARCH OF THE FALSETTOS JASON
IT DOES NOT CONCERN THE MAN.
AS FOR DOUBTS THAT IVE BEEN FEELING,
LIFES A SHAM AND
EVERY MOVE IS WRONG. MARVIN TRINA
MARCH OF THE MARCH OF THE FALSETTOS. MARCH. ILL IGNORE THEM WHEN I CAN. WEVE EXAMINED YES. HE DECIDES THE ROLE TO ASSUME.
WHO IS AND THE THINGS THAT I MUST DO. EVERY MOVE AS WE MOVE ALONG. BUILDING A LIFE,
FALSETTOS MAN ENOUGH TO MARCH TO WHIZZER ILL DO TO MAKE THIS ALL SUCCEED. WHIZZER
MARCH OF THE FALSETTOS? MARCH. ILL COMMIT. THATS AGREED. MARVIN THANKS. MENDEL
TRINA ONE FOOT AND WITH WIT AND PRECISION WINNING IS EVERYTHING TO ME. SHAPING A ROOM.
IM TIRED OF ALL THE HAPPY MEN WHO FOLLOWING THE OTHER. JASON IVE MADE A DECISION MARVIN
RULE THE WORLD. TEACH IT TO YOUR BROTHER. DOES THIS MEAN THAT IM A FAIRY? TO GET THE THINGS I NEED, WHIZZER WAIT! MENDEL, TRINA
THEY GROW, OF THAT IM SURE. MAKE HIM GOD, ILL TRY, TRY, ILL CRY. NOTHING IS EVERTHING TO ME. WHAT IT NEEDS IS PEOPLE,
THEY GROW, BUT DONT MATURE. MARCH MARVIN WHIZZER MEN AND WOMEN TALKING.
ID LIKE THE CHANCE TO HIDE IN THAT MARCH MARCH. NO. ILL LAUGH AND UNAFRAID, MARVIN WHIZZER WINS. MEN AND WOMEN THINKING OUT LOUD
WORLD. MARCH OF THE FALSETTOS ILL LAUGH AND HIRE A MAID. WINNING IS EVERYTHING TO ME. HOW FAR TO GO.
IM LISTNING MARCH OF THE FALSETTOS. MENDEL ILL FIGHT THE GODS, ILL FIGHT MY EX, MARVIN VISIT WHEN YOU PLEASE;
TO THESE MEN WHO ARENT QUITE MEN MARCH A LITTLE BIT MARCH. ILL BEAT THE ODDS, AND HAVE GOOD SEX. WHIZZER WAIT! YOU ARE NOT REQUIRED TO PHONE.
YET, BUT ARENT BOYS, MARCH A LITTLE BIT MY FUTURES NOW ON TRIAL. NOTHING IS EVERYTHING TO ME. WELL BUY THE CHEESE.
MAKE NOISE, MARCH A LITTLE BIT JASON I SMILE. EXCEPT SEX WHIZZER GOD BLESS OUR HOME.
AND THROW THEIR KNIVES; ON. MARCH. WHIZZER WINS.
TRINA
THEIR TOYS ARE PEOPLES LIVES.
THEY FIGHT TOO HARD FOUR MEN SWAYING WHIZZER
THE CHESS GAME MARVIN
MOVE A PAWN. MARVIN BOOKS ABOUND
AND PLAY TOO ROUGH; IN PHOSPHORESCENCE, MARCH. WAIT! TO SHOW WE READ.
THEY SOMETIMES LOVE, BUT NOT ENOUGH. KEEP REPLAYING MARVIN WHIZZER THE DOGS BEEN FLEAD
MY HEART WILL BEAT AT WILL, BUT STILL THEIR ADOLESCENCE. MENDEL THATS THE KING. TREAT HIM NICE. AND MONEY. WHIZZER AND SENT OUTSIDE TO PLAY.
FOUR MEN MARCHING WHAT A STUPID THEORY. USE SOME BRAINS; NOW PROTECT HIM. CHECKMATE. I HOPE IT RUNS AWAY.
ITS CRAZY HOW THEYRE ACTING BUT NEVER MINCING, MARVIN
ITS CRAZY MY RESPONSE. FOUR MEN MARCHING MARVIN WHIZZER GOOD FIRST MOVE. BOTH MENDEL
ITS STUPID HOW I LOVE THEM, IS SO CONVINCING. MARCH. YES, I KNOW. HERE I GO. LIFES A SHAM SO DO I.
SO DUMB WHIZZER AND EVERY MOVE IS WRONG.
HOW I ANTICIPATE THEIR WANTS. MEN MENDEL MARVIN QUITE ALL RIGHT. WEVE EXAMINED JASON
BUT AS LONG AS THEY AMUSE ME, ITS A GODDAMN SURETY MARCH. PLAY THE GAME. TAKE A TURN. EVERY MOVE AS WE MOVE ALONG. SO DO I.
THAT ALONE IS WHATS REQUIRED. WERE LACKING IN MATURITY.
JASON WHIZZER MARVIN WHIZZER MENDEL, TRINA
SO ILL ROAR MARVIN MARCH. PLEASE DONT WATCH ME. THANK YOU KINDLY. WHIZZERS SUPPOSED TO MAKE THE AFTERNOONS WE MAKE HORS DOEUVRES
LIKE IM WIRED, MARCH. I CAN DO IT. DINNER, AFTER AFTERNOONS WE RECEIVE.
ILL EXPLORE WHAT IM FEELING, WHIZZER WHIZZER BE A PATSY, LOSE AT CHESS,
EXCEPT WHAT IM FEELING MENDEL MARCH. MARVIN MOVE THE PAWN. ALWAYS BRAVELY AQUIESCE. WHIZZER
IS TIRED. MARCH. HAVE A LITTLE SCOTCH. MOVE THE PAWN. CLIP THE COUPONS, MAKE THE DINNER WE DECEIVE.
IM TIRED, WHIZZER AND LOVE HIM.
SO TIRED OF ALL THE HAPPY MEN WHO JASON WHIZZER SAYS IT DOESNT, DEARIE. WHIZZER TAKE MY HAND. MENDEL, TRINA
RULE THE WORLD. MARCH. DONT BE SCARED, SHIT. I BLEW IT. PLAY THE GAME. THIS HAS GOTTA COME TO A STOP, MARVIN. THIS IS THE PRICE.
HAPPY, FRIGHTENED MEN WHO RULE THE DONT GET TIGHT. MAYBE YOU COULD SHOW ME WHERE
WORLD. WHIZZER ASSES BARED. I FEAR MARVIN MARVIN
STUPID, CHARMING MEN. MARCH. MY DELIGHT IVE LOST MY HEAD. GOD, YOURE PRETTY. THIS HAS GOTTA COME TO A STOP.
SILLY, CHILDISH JERKS. SHARED
THAT SAID, ILL BE HIS WIFE. MENDEL MARVIN WHIZZER
ILL WED AND CHANGE MY LIFE. MARVINS ALWAYS WARY. JASON DO YOU WANT MY HELP? MORES A PITY,
WITH
 MEN HERE WE STAND.
THE GAMES I PLAY LOVE HIM UNTIL YOU BOTH DIE. TAKE MY HAND. FATHER TO SON
GOD, IM DISTRESSED.
WHIZZER MARVIN HOW I LOVE YOU. JASON
I DONT LOOK FOR TROUBLE, YOU DIE ON MY FATHER SAYS THAT LOVE
I DO NOT ACCEPT BLAME. JASON IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING IN THE
IVE A GOOD AND A BAD SIDE, MEN I HATE THE WORLD. WORLD.
BUT THEYRE ONE AND THE SAME. MAY TWENTY-SEVENTH AT EIGHT. I THINK GIRLS ARE.
ASK ME TO AROUSE YOU, TRINA I THINK GIRLS ARE THE MOST
I WILL RISE AND OBEY. WHIZZER TRINA HE HATES EVERYTHING. BEAUTIFUL THING,
THESE ARE THE GAMES I PLAY. HE HAS LOST HIS MIND. NOT LOVE.
MARVIN IS NOT SO JASON
I SCREW EVERY MORNING, UNCOUTH. I LOVE MY DAD. MARVIN
THEN BATHE AND DRINK TEA. MARVIN IS NOT KID, BE MY SON.
IVE BEEN PLAYING CANASTA
SO UNKIND MENDEL PLANS TO WHIZZER WHAT IVE DONE TO YOU IS ROTTEN.
DISASTA-ROUSLY.
RUB MY BACK. HE LOVES HIS FATHER. SAY, I WAS SCARED.
ALL MY RECREATION SEEMS TO SUIT ME
MENDELS NOT A MANIAC. I KEPT MARCHING IN ONE PLACE.
OKAY.
JASON MARCHING IN TIME TO A TUNE ID
THESE ARE THE GAMES I PLAY.
TRINA I LOVE THE THINGS IVE NEVER HAD. FORGOTTEN.
ITS TOUGH WITH LOVE, AND HES SWEET I LOVED YOU. I LOVE YOU.
LOVES TOUGH TO SHOW. AND HES WARM TRINA, MARVIN I MEANT NO DISGRACE.
LET ME FACE THE MUSIC. AND HE LOVES ME SO. LOVE OUR FAMILY. THIS HERE IS LOVE.
ITS A SONG THAT I WAS WHEN WERE TALKING FACE-TO-FACE.
WAITING TO HEAR SO LONG MARVIN JASON FATHER TO SON,
SO LONG AGO. TELL ME, TRINA, WHAT WAS THE IMPETUS? LORD, HEAR OUR CALL. I FOR ONE WOULD TAKE LOVE SLOWER.
BUT THEYRE ONE AND THE SAME. SORRY, TRINA, LOOK IN MY EYES. IVE MADE MY CHOICE.
ASK ME TO AROUSE YOU, REALLY, TRINA, THIS IS RIDICULOUS. MENDEL YOU CAN SING A DIFFERENT SONG.
I WILL RISE AND OBEY. JESUS, TRINA, HOW I DESPISE HELP US ALL. WATCH, AS YOU SING,
THESE ARE THE GAMES I PLAY. HOW YOUR VOICE GETS MUCH LOWER.
YOUR NEED FOR STUPID CONVERSATION. TRINA, WHIZZER YOULL BE, KID, A MAN, KID
I SCREW EVERY MORNING, YOU ARE HELP US ALL. IF NOTHING GOES WRONG.
THEN BATHE AND DRINK TEA. SING FOR YOURSELF
IVE BEEN PLAYING CANASTA MEN MARVIN, JASON AS YOU MARCH ALONG.
DISASTA-ROUSLY. TRYING TO RUIN MY SLEEP. HELP US ALL. A MAN, KID, YOULL BE, KID
ALL MY RECREATION SEEMS TO SUIT ME WHATEVER YOUR SONG.
OKAY. MARVIN MENDEL SING FOR US ALL
THESE ARE THE GAMES I PLAY. IM SURE YOU HELP US ALL. AS WE MARCH ALONG.
ITS TOUGH WITH LOVE,
MEN TRINA, MARVIN
LOVES TOUGH TO SHOW.
CHOSE HIM TO MAKE ME LOOK BAD. HELP US ALL.
End of Act One
LET ME FACE THE MUSIC.
ITS A SONG THAT I WAS
MARVIN WHIZZER
WAITING TO HEAR SO LONG
HOW COULD YOU I NEVER WANTED TO LOVE YOU.
SO LONG AGO.
I NEVER WANTED TILL DEATH DO WE
I BET ON THE HORSES. MEN TWO PART.
I DIE BY DEGREE. EVER DENY WHAT WE HAD? CONDESCEND.
I AM SURE HIS DIVORCE IS STAY MY FRIEND.
A TRIBUTE TO ME. WHIZZER, TRINA HOW DO I START
ASK ME IF I LOVE HIM, WE HAD FIGHTS AND GAMES. NOT TO LOVE YOU?
IT DEPENDS ON THE DAY, MARVIN CALLED US FUNNY NAMES.
THESE ARE THE GAMES I PLAY. MARVIN ALWAYS PLAYED THE CLOWN. TRINA
IM EVERYTHING HE WANTED.
ITS TOUGH, MY FRIEND, MENDEL ITS TIME I PUT IT ALL TOGETHER.
LOVES LOOKING STRONG. MARVIN ACTS LIKE HES UNTRAINED. OUR HANDS WERE TIED.
PLAY AGAIN THE MUSIC. MARVIN, I AM SO ASHAMED. MY FATHER CRIED: YOULL MARRY!
ITS A SONG THAT IVE BEEN WAITING WE MARRIED.
TO HEAR WHIZZER, TRINA
FOR MUCH TOO LONG. AND HES SWEET. AND HES MEAN. MARVIN TRINA, JASON
YEARS, I NEVER WANTED TO HES MINE.
YEARS TOO LONG. WHIZZER LOVE YOU.
DO I LOVE HIM? I ONLY WANTED TO
IT HURTS NOT TO LOVE HIM. SEE MY FACE IN YOURS
IT HURTS WHEN LOVE FADES. No.
ITS HARD WHEN PART OF HIM
JASONS WILD. HES MINE.
IS OFF PLAYING FAMLY CHARADES.
MARVIN SAVE THIS CHILD.
ASK ME IF I NEED HIM.
I AM SO DUMB. HOW HE ADORES
GET HIM OUT OF MY WAY:
AND HATES ME.
THESE ARE
THESE ARE THE GAMES THE OTHERS MARVIN
THESE ARE THE GAMES DUMB. DUMB. IT REALLY KILLED ME
THESE ARE THE ONLY GAMES DUMB. DUMB. WHY? WHEN YOU TOOK THOSE VOWS.
I PLAY. DONT MISUNDERSTAND
Andrew Rannells (MARVIN hits TRINA)
IM IN DEMAND,
MARVIN HITS TRINA
WHIZZER MENDEL, TRINA TRINA
I NEVER WANTED AND ANYHOW, WERE THROUGH.
I NEVER WANTED
THIS IS THE PRICE. YES, WE LOVE THE BED. LIKING OUR...
MARVIN
TO LOVE YOU I WANTED
YES, WE LOVE TO FIGHT THE UNKNOWN. I NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER
MENDEL, TRINA, WHIZZER WHIZZER, JASON HELLO, TRINA. THANK YOU FOR SENDING
NEVER NEVER WANTED TO LOVE YOU.
MAKING BELIEVE. TRINA HATING OUR... THIS. TRINA I NEVER WANTED TO LOVE YOU.
BAKING THE BREAD. GOODNESS, TRINA, I AM RELIEVED. I NEVER WANTED TO LOVE YOU.
WHAT IT NEEDS IS PEOPLE. ALL FOUR FRANKLY, TRINA, NICE OF YOU SENDING I ONLY WANTED TO LOVE AND NOT BE MARVIN TRINA,WHIZZER,
MEN AND WOMEN LAUGHING. MENDEL ...LIVES. THIS. BLAMED. JASON, MENDEL
MEN AND WOMEN THINKING OUT LOUD. SHARPENING KNIVES. THANK YOU, TRINA. LET ME GO. I NEVER WANTED TO
MENDEL, TRINA WHIZZER I HAVE RECEIVED YOU SHOULD KNOW LOVE
TRINA MENDEL WHIZZER MENDEL, TRINA MAKING A YOUR NEW-SENT WEDDING INVITATIONS. IM NOT ASHAMED YOU. LO
SHOULD HE FORGING AHEAD. HOME. MAKING A HOME. THEY ARE TO HAVE LOVED YOU. LOVE VE
LOVE ME? SHOULD SHE
YOU. YOU.
LOVE ME? COULD HE MENDEL MAKING A MEN MENDEL
LOVE ME? LOVING OUR... HOME. MAKING A HOME. PSEUDO-ROMANTIC AND SICK.
I LOVE YOU MORE THAN I MEANT TO.
MAKING A HOME.
IN MY PROFESSION, ONES LOVE STAYS
MARVIN UNEXPRESSED.
YOU SAY YOULL
 Act Two WOMEN
CONGREGATE IN CENTRAL PARK.
AND THIS TALL.
THATS ALL ID LIKE TO BE, THATS ALL.
MARVIN, TRINA
THIS IS THE YEAR OF JASONS BAR MITZVAH.
ALL
WELL HAVE FLOWERS GALORE. WHOO!
JASON
THATD BE THE MIRACLE OF JUDAISM.
THE MOST PATHETICAL ERRORS.
WERE WATCHING JEWISH BOYS
AND THE BAND WILL SOUND FINE. WHOO! WHO ALMOST READ LATIN
MEN ITS ABOUT GROWING UP, MARVIN TRINA THERELL BE CHANDELIERS SET ROUND UP BATTIN
PRETTY BOYS ARE IN DEMAND. GETTING OLDER, WERE MORE EXCITED THE ROOM, THE BASEBALL AND BATTIN BAD.
FALSETTOLAND / ALL
LIVING ON A LOVERS SHOULDER,
LEARNING LOVE IS NOT A CRIME.
THAN WE SHOULD BE. WERE MORE WITH THE MEN IN TUXEDOES.
EXCITED
GAME MENDEL
WELCOME TO FALSETTOLAND.
ABOUT TIME HEEY!
ITS ABOUT TIME. WERE MORE EX THAN WE THERELL BE FOOD LIKE FOOD NEVER
SHOULD BE. BEFORE. MARVIN, MENDEL, TRINA,
REMEMBER SANDY KOUFAX.
YOU CAN DO IT
HOOO! ALL (Except JASON) WHAT A DAY TO REMEMBER! CORDELIA, DR. CHARLOTTE IF YOU WANNA DO IT.
MENDEL ITS ABOUT TIME. BOTH THIS IS THE YEAR, WERE SITTING TAKE HEART FROM HANK GREENBERG.
HOMOSEXUALS. WHAT A WORLD WE LIVE IN! ITS ABOUT TIME. THIS IS THE YEAR OF THE CHILD IS THE YEAR, AND WATCHING JASON PLAY BASEBALL. ITS NOT GENETIC.
HEEY! ITS ABOUT WHEN HE SPREADS OUT HIS WINGS. IS THE YEAR OF JASONS BAR MITZVAH. WERE WATCHING JASON PLAY BASEBALL. EVEN YOU CAN BE COPACETIC.
(Pointing his huge flashlights to various places HOOO! WERE WATCHING JEWISH BOYS
THERES MUSIC IN HIS HEART, I THINK
in the orchestra and entire mezzanine) WHAT A WORLD WE LIVE IN! JASON WHO CANNOT PLAY BASEBALL
HIS LIFES ABOUT TO START I THINK
YEAR OF HIS BODYS GOING WILD. THEYRE MORE EXCITED THAN THEY PLAY BASEBALL. I THINK YOU CAN.
WOMEN WITH CHILDREN. MARVIN
ITS ABOUT TIME, DONT YOU THINK? THE CHILD MY CHILD. SHOULD BE. WERE WATCHING JEWISH BOYS
WHO CANNOT PLAY BASEBALL
I THINK YOU CAN.
(Again, pointing to women and children) ITS ABOUT TIME TO GROW UP,
MARVIN ALL PLAY ALL THE SPECTATORS
DONT YOU THINK? JASON MY CHILD. THIS IS THE YEAR OF THE CHILD, WERE SITTING
SHORT INSOMNIACS. ITS ABOUT TIME TO GROW UP BARUCH WHEN HE SPREADS OUT HIS WINGS. MARVIN AMD WATCHING JASON PLAY BASEBALL.
AND FACE THE MUSIC. BARUCH ATAH TRINA THERES MUSIC IN HIS HEART. I HATE BASEBALL. WERE WATCHING JASON PLAY BASEBALL.
(Points to HIMSELF) ITS ABOUT TIME. BARUCH ATAH ADONAI OUR CHILD. HIS LIFES ABOUT TO START I REALLY DO. WERE WATCHING JEWISH BOYS
SINCE WE LAST SPOKE
BARUCH ATAH ADONAI ELOHEINU HIS BODYS GOING WILD UNLIKE THE REST OF YOU, WERE WATCHING JEWISH BOYS
AND A TEENY TINY BAND.
TWO YEARS ARE WANING.
MELECH HO-OLAM. MENDEL MY I HATE BASEBALL. WERE WATCHING
ASHER KIDSHANU CHILDREN, PLEASE. SLIDE, JASONSLIDE, JASON, SLIDE!
COME BACK IN, ILL TRY EXPLAINING
JUST WHAT YOUVE MISSED.
ASHER KIDSHANU VTZIVANU THROW THE KID A CELEBRATION AND JASON, MARVIN CORDELIA, DR. CHARLOTTE
THE WELCOME MAT IS ON THE FLOOR.
LHITATTEF BATZITZIT. RELAX. CHI-ILD. WE REALLY WISH HED TAKE THIS MORE
LETS BEGIN. (WHIZZER arrives)
THIS STORY NEEDS AN ENDING. WE CALLED A TRUCE ILL BRING WOMEN SERIOUSLY.
AND FITFULLY WE COEXIST. TRINA FROM THE WRONG SIDE OF THE TRACKS. CORDELIA MARVIN
IM STILL LOOSE. JASON, DEAR, HELLO. WELL HAVE A BALL. CHI-ILD. MENDEL WHAT IS HE DOING HERE?
HOMOSEXUAL.
FATHER WITH CHILDREN. SHES STILL WITH THE PSYCHIATRIST. ARE YOU PACKED AND WAITING? I GUESS ILL HAVE TO RAISE THIS JASON ITS WEIRD HOW HE SWINGS THE BAT.
ONE BAR MITZVAH THAT BUT BEFORE WE GO, MYSELF. TRINA TRINA
IS SCRUPULOUSLY PLANNED. SO I DONT HAVE A PSYCHIATRIST LET ME SPEAK WITH FATHER ALONE. CHI-ILD. MARVIN WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
EXCEPT ON THE JEWISH HOLIDAYS. TRINA MARVIN MENDEL ITS WEIRD HOW HE SWINGS THE BAT.
ALL BUT I STILL HAVE MY SON ON THE NOW AS THE BAR MITZVAH NEARS ISNT HE AN MY OWN BAR DR. CHARLOTTE, MENDEL AND WHY DOES HE HAVE TO THROW WHIZZER
LOVERS COME AND LOVERS GO. WEEKENDS, JASON, PUT YOUR WALKERMAN ON AND ASSHOLE? MITZVAH CHI-ILD. LIKE THAT? JASON ASKED ME TO COME.
LOVERS FIGHT AND SING FORTISSIMO. JUST ON THE WEEKENDS, HUM WAS SINCE HE ASKED ME TO COME, I CAME.
AND SOME VERY GOOD FRIENDS. SINCE THIS IS THE LAST LOVING THING
GIVE THESE HANDSOME BOYS A HAND.
WELCOME TO FALSETTO BUT I DONT HAVE A LOVER ANYMORE. WELL PROBABLY EVER DO TOGETHER,
YES HE IS. ISNT HE A MISERABLE MIRACLE OF ALL THE SPECTATORS
WERE SITTING
TOO OCCASION.
OH MY GOD. LETS ACT ADULT AND NOT GO CRAZY. MUCH. JUDAISM AND WATCHING JASON MAKE ERRORS.
MARVIN, MENDEL, TRINA, WHIZZER YES, BUT SO THE CAUSE
JASON WHEN AM I GOING TO GET OVER THIS? MARVIN ARE YOU FOR SUCH
LAND NANCY REAGAN, WHEN AM I GOING TO GET OVER THIS? HAVE YOU CHOSEN YET WHOLL CATER? JASON
ABRASION DOT NARDONI.
WHEN AM I GOING TO GET OVER THIS?
REALLY, WHAT AN IN MYTIFFANY AXELROD.
TRINA, WHIZZER TRINA KIDDO, ASSHOLE! FAMILY.
MEANEST AND THINNEST OF THE FIRST WHIZZER, CORDELIA, DR. CHARLOTTE WHAT ABOUT IT? ZOE FEINSTEIN.
SO ARE YOU. JASON, IT STILL
ANGELINA DELLI-BOVI.
LADIES, HOMOSEXUALS.
WHERES MY GIVES ME BUNNY DOYNE.
MOVES INTO THE WHITE HOUSE. MARVIN HUG?
TRINA, JASON I KNOW A PERSON WHO SHOULD CATER. OR WHATS HER NAME?
WHERES MY HIVES. MO CHRISTAFARO.
TRINA, WHIZZER MARVIN, MENDEL, WOMEN WITH CHILDREN.
HUG? AND ELLIE MAISIE ROSENTHALS
JASON TRINA WHERES MY
YABBA DABBA. MARVIN, TRINA, WHIZZER ITS A PERSONAL DECISION WHO SHOULD REALLY WELL BUILT.
ITS THE EIGHTIES. EX-EX-LOVERS. WHEN HEATHER LEVIN STARES AT ME
CATER. MARVIN, TRINA MENDEL WHY DO I WILT?
ALL MENDEL THIS IS THE YEAR I LIKE WHEN JULIE JOHNSON
MARVIN FOR JASONS BAR THIS IS THE YEAR DOES SPLITS IN HER KILT.
YABBA DABBA. AND A TEENY TINY BAND.
CAN WE CONSIDER WHOS GONNA MITZVAH. FOR JASONS BAR
ALL CATER? MITZVAH. OF THESE GIRLS,
TRINA, WHIZZER
OOOH THE EIGHTIES. WELCOME TO FALSETTOLAND. THIS IS THE YEAR THIS IS THE YEAR WHICH SHOULD I INVITE TO MY BAR
TRINA FOR JASONS BAR FOR JASONS BAR MITZVAH?
MARVIN, MENDEL, JASON CORDELIA SHH. MITZVAH. MITZVAH. IVE A PROBLEM TO FLAUNT:
YABBA DABBA. KOSHER CATERERS. I DONT WANT THE GIRLS I SHOULD WANT.
MARVIN DR. CHARLOTTE
ALL + MENDEL, JASON PLEASE. LOOK LOOK LOOK LOOK LOOK VOICE
WHAT A WORLD WE LIVE... SHORT INSOMNIACS. ITS A LESBIAN FROM NEXT DOOR. BATTER UP!
TRINA
TRINA MEN + DR. CHARLOTTE UGH. CORDELIA JASON
IN! MARCH. MARCH. HYPOCHONDRIACS. FOLLOWED BY HER LOVER, I WANT GIRLS FOR WHOM I LUST.
MARCH OF THE MARVIN WHOS A LESBIAN FROM NEXT DOOR, TOO. GIRLS WHO WEAR A LOT OF MAKEUP.
FALSETTOS. + MARVIN PLEASE. AND IVE GOT FOOD FOR YOU, GIRLS WHO SMOKE AND SHOW THEIR BUST.
MARCH OF THE YIDDISH AMERICANS. DELICIOUS FOOD FOR YOU, GIRLS WITH WHOM I ALWAYS WAKE UP.
FALSETTOS. TRINA NOUVELLE BAR MITZVAH CUISINE.
WHAT A WORLD WE WHO IS + WHIZZER SHH.
VOICE
LIVE IN! MAN ENOUGH TO SPIKY FAMILIES. TRINA STRIKE ONE!
MARVIN OH!
WOMEN + TRINA PLEASE.
JASON
OOOH MARCH TO RADIOLOGISTS. CORDELIA WOULD THEY COME, THOUGH,
MARCH OF THE FALSETTOS? MENDEL HERES DIETETIC KNISHES, IF THEY WERE INVITED?
ALL STOP! GEFILTE FISHES. AND NOT
ALL THIS IS SO MUCH CRAP. FOOD THATS FROM THE HEART.
INTELLECTUALS. LAUGH AT MY HEBREW,
YABBA DABBA DABBA. THROW A SIMPLE PARTY. SO TAKE A BITE AND SEE
NERVOUS WRECKS. AND NOT
AH! RELIGIONS JUST A TRAP IF ALL YOUR FRIENDS AGREE LAUGH AT MY FATHER AND HIS FRIENDS?
DR. CHARLOTTE, CORDELIA THAT ENSNARES THE WEAK AND THE DUMB. ITS GOOD.
WELCOME TO FALSETTOLAND.
SPIKY LESBIANS. STOP WITH THE PRAYERS. VOICE
MARVIN ALL STRIKE TWO!
DR. CHARLOTTE YUMMY, YUMMY, YUMMY, YUMMY,
ITS ABOUT TIME, DONT YOU THINK? TRINA
WOMAN INTERNIST. YUMMY, YUMMY, YUMMY, YUMMY,
ITS ABOUT TIME TO GROW UP, HOW CAN YOU STOP WITH THE PRAYERS JASON
DONT YOU THINK? AT A BAR MITZVAH? YUMMY, YUMMY, YUMMY, YUMMY, YUM. EXCLUDING THEM I FIND EXCITING
CORDELIA
ITS ABOUT TIME TO GROW UP WELL HAVE ONE PERFECT TIME. AND IM LEFT WITH THEM ILL BE INVITING.
KOSHER CATERER
AND FACE THE MUSIC. MENDEL WELL SPEND BILLIONS OF DOLLARS. SELECTING GIRLS FOR ONES BAR MITZVAH
DR. CHARLOTTE, CORDELIA ITS ABOUT TIME. THE WHOLE THINGS VOODOO, GOD, THATS THE MIRACLE OF JUDAISM.
AND I KNOW MORE THAN YOU DO. TRINA
WHO IS TRYING TO EXPAND.
ONE DAY ID LIKE TO BE CONGA! VOICE
ALL AS MATURE AS MY SON, STRIKE THREE! YOURE OUT!
EVERYBODY ON YOUR MARK. WHO IS TWELVE AND A HALF Anthony Rosenthal
TRINA
JUST WHAT I WANTED AT A LITTLE LEAGUE
GAME:
MY EX-HUSBANDS EX-LOVER.
ISNT THAT WHAT EVERY MOTHER
DREAMS ABOUT HAVING
AT A LITTLE LEAGUE GAME?

MENDEL
LOOKING AT WHIZZER IS LIKE
EATING TRAYF.

CORDELIA
THE KID WAS OUT!

DR. CHARLOTTE
THE KID WAS SAFE!

CORDELIA
THE KID WAS OUT.

DR. CHARLOTTE
THE KID WAS SAFE!

WHIZZER
HEY, I LOVE BASEBALL.
I LOVE JASON.
THATS WHAT IM DOING HERE.

DR. CHARLOTTE
Hey! Where the hell did they get that umpire?

MARVIN
LOOK WHOS HERE.
SAY HELLO.

WHIZZER
Hello.

MARVIN
YOURE LOOKING SWEETER THAN A DONUT.

WHIZZER
Marvin.

MARVIN
Whizzer.

WHIZZER
IS HE STILL QUEER?

MARVIN
AM I QUEER?

TRINA
I DONT KNOW.

MENDEL
DOES IT MATTER?

MARVIN
ITS BEEN SO LONG SINCE I COULD TELL.
SIT IN FRONT OF ME.
I WANNA SEE THE BALD SPOT.
CMON, CMON, MOVE IN FRONT OF ME.
IT GIVES ME PLEASURE TO SEE THE BALD
SPOT.
SINCE ITS THE ONLY PHYSICAL
IMPERFECTION
THAT YOUVE GOT,
I WANNA SEE IT.
I WANNA TOUCH IT.
I WANNA RUN MY HANDS THROUGH IT.

MENDEL, WOMEN
WERE SITTING AND WATCH THE KID AS
HE MISSES.
WERE WATCHING MARVIN THROW KISSES.

+ WHIZZER
WERE WATCHING SIXTY-SEVEN POUNDERS,
WATCHING JEWISH BOYS MISS GROUNDERS.

+ MARVIN
WATCHING BOYS FIELD, BOYS BAT,
BOYS THIS, BOYS THAT.
WATCHING JASON ON DECK
SWINGING THE BAT.

WHIZZER
Hey, Jason.

JASON
Oh, hi, Whizzer. Glad you came.
WHIZZER ALL THE SPECTATORS NOW I JUST SNORE. DID YOU HEAR THAT DR. CHARLOTTE
KEEP YOUR HEAD IN THE BOX, WERE SITTING AND WATCHING JASON, CAUSE IM SO EXHAUSTED MARVINS BACK WITH WHIZZER? THERE WERE JUST
DONT THINK OF A THING. THE BATTER. LISTENING TO THESE YUPPIE FARTS MARVINS BACK WITH WHIZZER. HEART ATTACKS AND GALLSTONES;
KEEP YOUR HEAD IN THE BOX, WE KNOW OUR CHEERING WONT MATTER. COMPLAIN, LIGHT BULBS UP THE ASS;
YOUR EYE ON THE BALL, IT IS THE VERY FINAL INNING LISTENING AS THEIR SHALLOW HEARTS MENDEL FAKE APPENDICITIS WHICH WAS GAS,
TAKE A BREATH, AND THE OTHER TEAM IS WINNING. EXPLAIN DROP IT, SWEETHEART. WHICH I DIAGNOSED;
THEN LET IT OUT AND SWING. AND THERES TWO OUTS, TWO STRIKES, THEIR LIVES. GIVE IT UP. PEOPLE OVERDOSED AND I SAVED THEM.
BUT THE BASES ARE LOADED AND YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU. I SAVED YOUNG PEOPLE,
CORDELIA DR. CHARLOTTE WHATS THE MATTER, OLD PEOPLE, ONE PRIEST AND ONE
WOOT WOO! MARVIN Trina works it out. TRINA, DARLING? HIGH SCHOOL PRINCIPAL.
WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE TO SEE YOU I DONT GET IT. SAVING LIVES I FEEL INVINCIBLE.
DR. CHARLOTTE OR TO KISS YOU TRINA WHY CANT YOU LET GO? YES I DO.
Thats what Im talking about. See, thats how OR TO GIVE YOU A CALL? MARVINS BACK WITH WHIZZER. DO YOU KNOW HOW GREAT MY LIFE IS?
its supposed to look. JUST LIKE HOW IT WAS. TRINA DO YOU KNOW HOW GREAT MY LIFE IS?
ALL THE SPECTATORS IF I DONT LIKE WHIZZER, MAYBE IN A MILE ILL BE OKAY. SAVING LIVES AND LOVING YOU.
WHIZZER OTHER SPECTATORS ANYTHINGS POSSIBLE. ITS BECAUSE MY EX ILL BE HAPPY WHEN WE FINALLY HAVE
KEEP YOUR HEAD IN JASON HIT THE BALL! SURE DOES. THIS BAR MITZVAH. CORDELIA
THE BOX. KEEP YOUR HEAD IN WHY SHOULD THAT UPSET ME? YOU SAVE LIVES
THE BOX. (JASON hits the ball. Hes in shock and SOMETIMES IM A LOUT. MENDEL AND I SAVE CHICKEN FAT.
DONT THINK OF A doesnt move.) MENDEL SERENADES AND JASON CALMS ISNT IT ENOUGH I CANT FUCKING DEAL WITH THAT!
THING. DONT THINK OF A ME.
THING. RUN! WHY SHOULD I BE WILTING I WANT YOU EVERY NIGHT? DR. CHARLOTTE CORDELIA MENDEL,
KEEP YOUR HEAD IN WHEN THEIR PRECIOUS LOVE TRINA
THE BOX, KEEP YOUR HEAD IN IS NOT IN DOUBT? TRINA DO YOU KNOW
THE BOX, A DAY IN WORK IT OUT! Who? HOW GREAT
YOUR EYE ON THE YOUR EYE ON THE
BALL, BALL, FALSETTOLAND JASON
MY LIFE YES, I
MENDEL IS? KNOW EVERYTHING
The neighbors relax after work. EVERY OTHER NIGHT. HOW WILL BE
ALL THE SPECTATORS WHIZZER GREAT
TAKE A BREATH, A day in Falsettoland. Dr. Mendel at work. CORDELIA TRINA YOUR LIFE ALL RIGHT.
THEN LET IT OUT AND SWING. HOW WAS YOUR DAY AT THE HOSPITAL?
Me? IS.
MENDEL DO YOU KNOW
WHIZZER I DONT GET IT. DR. CHARLOTTE
MENDEL HOW GREAT
Okay, go get em. I DONT UNDERSTAND. UNBELIEVABLE.
EVERY THIRD NIGHT. MY LIFE YES, I
IN THE SIXTIES, WHAT IS THAT SMELL?
LETS DROP IT! IS? KNOW EVERYTHING
JASON EVERYONE HAD HEART. EVERYTHING WILL BE ALL RIGHT. HOW GREAT WILL BE
Thanks, Whizzer. IN THE SIXTIES, CORDELIA
NOUVELLE BAR MITZVAH CUISINE. DO YOU YOUR LIFE ALL RIGHT. Betsy Wolfe, Tracie Thoms
WE WERE ALL A PART
TRINA KNOW IS.
MARVIN OF THE SAME TEAM. IVE BEEN PRACTICING.
EVEN BALD HE LOOKS GOOD. EVERYTHING WILL BE ALL RIGHT. HOW GREAT
IN THE SIXTIES, CUISINE, BAR MITZVAH NOUVELLE.
MY LIFE YES, I WHIZZER WHIZZER
WE HAD A NEW WORLD TO START.
WHIZZER MENDEL BOTH IS? KNOW EVERYTHING ONE-TWO-THREE-FOUR. YES IT DID.
COULD THIS
JUST REMEMBER HES PSYCHOTIC. Hi, honey. EVERYTHING WILL BE ALL RIGHT. HOW GREAT WILL BE THE GAME IS THROUGH.
OH GOD, DONT SAY IT IS
ALL RIGHT. MARVIN
COULD THIS BE THE NEW WORLD WE
MARVIN CORDELIA CORDELIA ONE-TWO-THREE-FOUR. MARVIN
STARTED?
HE LOOKS DAMN GOOD WELL? HOW WAS YOUR DAY DR. CHARLOTTE THATS NOT NICE.
HERE I SIT BROKENHEARTED.
BUT HES CHEAP AS DIRT. AT THE HOSPITAL? SAVING LIVES WHIZZER
AND
TRINA ONE-TWO-THREE-FOUR. WHIZZER
WHIZZER PATIENT Hi, honey. DR. CHARLOTTE DR. CHARLOTTE, CORDELIA NO IT ISNT.
EVEN MANIACS CAN CHARM You go out on the street and there are all IT WAS WONDERFUL. AND LOVING YOU. MARVIN
WHICH HE DOES, these people asking for a handout. Then you MENDEL FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MONTHS ONE-TWO-THREE-FOUR. MARVIN
SO BEWARE. go home, you open your mail, and its full of HOW WAS YOUR DAY? NOBODY DIED. (Bright lights come down at the GOD, YOURE A PAIN IN THE ASS.
people asking for a donation. Then you turn racquetball court) WHIZZER
MARVIN on the TV and theres pictures of starving TRINA CORDELIA ONE-TWO-THREE-FOUR. WHIZZER
AND JUST BE CAREFUL. children in Ethiopia. IT WAS TERRIBLE. Yay! WHIZZER PLAY IT RAW.
IT BOUNCED TWICE. MARVIN DONT PLAY PRETTY.
WHIZZER MENDEL ONE-TWO-THREE-FOUR. SEX AND GAMES IN NEW YORK CITY
WHEN HE SMILES THAT SMILE, AVOID HIM, How does that make you feel, Diane? MARVIN HAVE GOTTA BE PLAYED WITH FLAIR
OR ELSE SOUND THE ALERT. NO IT DIDNT. WHIZZER AND PASSION,
PATIENT LUCKY DINK. WITH PASSION AND FLAIR.
MARVIN Caroline! WHIZZER
Whizzer. ONCE, THEN TWICE. YOU KNOW IT DID. MARVIN MARVIN, WHIZZER DR. CHARLOTTE
MENDEL IM FINESSING. CORDELIA
WHIZZER CAROLINE? MARVIN DO YOU KNOW? DO YOU KNOW
Marvin. THATS NOT NICE. WHIZZER HOW GREAT MY
PATIENT SOMETHING STINKS IN HOW YOU PLAY. LIFE IS?
MARVIN Yes, my name is Caroline! WHIZZER ALL I WANT IS YOU.
Do you think theres any hope for the kid? NO IT ISNT, MARVIN
MENDEL BUT YOURE A PAIN IN THE ASS. DONT YOU THINK ITS A BLESSING ANYTHING YOU DO. DO YOU KNOW
WHIZZER I DONT GET IT. IM SO PATHETICALLY BAD. IS ALL RIGHT. HOW GREAT MY LIFE
I love Jason, but this is not his venue. IVE BEEN LEFT BEHIND. MARVIN IS?
HALF MY PATIENTS. YOURE A BEAST, WHIZZER
BOTH YUPPIE PAGANS. BUT AT LEAST JUST STAY BACK. MARVIN, DR. CHARLOTTE, TRINA,
HOW COULD I KNOW MODELED ON THE WHEN YOU PLAY ME YOU WIN. SERVE WITH FORCE. WHIZZER CORDELIA MENDEL
WITHOUT HIM RONALD REAGANS. ILL ATTACK YES, ITS ALL EVERYTHING
MY LIFE WOULD BE NOW THE WORLD IS TOO PATHETIC WHIZZER AND, OF COURSE, WILL BE
BORING AS SHIT? AND I DONT GET IT AT ALL. YOU GIVE UP. I WILL WIN. RIGHT. SAVING LIVES ALL RIGHT
JUST GIVE IN AND LOVING YOU.
VOICE PATIENT MARVIN TO BLISS.
BATTER UP! Now that I got the promotion, can I finally I PERSPIRE. AND KISS MARVIN
stop sleeping with my boss? EVERYTHING EVERYTHING EVERYTHING
MARVIN WHIZZER MARVIN WHIZZER WILL WILL WILL
BUT IT IS MENDEL WHERES THE HEAT? LETS GO. BE ALL RIGHT BE ALL RIGHT
Times up! WHERES THE FIRE? DO YOU KNOW? Down the alley
WHIZZER USED TO BE YOU DESIRED ALL I WANT IS YOU. High lob WHIZZER
Jason, you gotta stand a little closer to PATIENT A FIGHT. ANYTHING YOU DO Low drive EVERYTHING EVERYTHING EVERYTHING
the plate! You always do this! SO FIGHT. IS ALL RIGHT. Ceiling shot WILL WILL WILL
YES, ITS ALL RIGHT. Into the corner EVERYTHING BE
MARVIN MENDEL MARVIN DO YOU KNOW? Four walls WILL
YES, IT IS AT LEAST THERES TRINA AT HOME. SO PLAY. ALL I WANT IS YOU. Dink.
TRINA IN BED. MARVIN, WHIZZER
Hes gonna get hit by the ball! TRINA OBSESSING WHIZZER WHIZZER EVERYTHING WILL
AND SORT OF CARESSING ONE-TWO-THREE-FOUR. HIT YOUR SHOE. EVERYTHING WILL
BOTH MY HEAD WITH HER FEET.
PLEASE, GOD, DONT LET ME MAKE THE I ONCE THOUGHT IT WAS SWEET
MARVIN MARVIN ALL
SAME MISTAKE. BUT I DONT ANYMORE. Brandon Uranowitz
ONE-TWO-THREE-FOUR. NO IT DIDNT. FEEL ALL RIGHT
 WHADDYA MEAN YOU DONT WANT A BAR MARVIN JASON, MENDEL THATS THE SIMPLE TRUTH.
MITZVAH? GO AHEAD AND KILL YOUR MOTHER. AND HATE LESS.
HOW DO YOU THINK WE CAN YOU TELL
HOW DO YOU THINK WE TRINA JASON I HAVE BEEN REVISED?
HOW DO YOU THINK WE FEEL ABOUT THAT? NOT WITH GUNS, BUT KILL YOUR MOTHER. Flip me! ITS SO SWELL,
DAMN IT, EVEN IM SURPRISED.
MENDEL MARVIN MENDEL WE LAUGH,
JASON. RATHER THAN HUMILIATE HER, You got it. WE FUMBLE,
I AM AGITATO GRANDE. WE TAKE IT DAY BY DAY.
JASON, I AM MUY DISGUSTANTE MARVIN, TRINA JASON, MENDEL WHAT MORE CAN I SAY?
AND MUY DISAPPOINTE KILLING YOUR MOTHER IS THE MERCIFUL AND HATE LESS.
AND MUY NAUSEATUS THING TO DO.
AND MIMITZRAYIM SOMETHING BAD IS
HOTZIANU
MENDEL WHAT MORE HAPPENING / MORE
DAYENU.
Oh my god! CAN I SAY? RACQUETBALL
EVERYONE HATES HIS PARENTS.
EVERYONE HATES HIS PARENTS.
DONT BE ASHAMED. MARVIN
YOULL GROW UP, NOW I SEE WHY. DR. CHARLOTTE
BUT IN TIME ITS BEEN HOT,
YOULL COME THROUGH, PEOPLE MIGHT THINK
THEYLL COOL OUT ALSO VERY SWEET.
YOULL HAVE KIDS IM VERY DYKISH.
AND YOULL THINK AND IM NOT
AND THEYLL HATE YOU TOO. I MAKE A BIG STINK
THEY WERE ONLY FOOLING. USUALLY INDISCREET.
OH, EVERYONE HATES HIS PARENTS, WHEN I MUST, BUT GODDAMN;
BUT I CONFESS, ITS A STRANGE THING ABOUT PARENTS. BUT WHEN HE SPARKLES,
IM JUST PROFESSIONAL
YOU GROW UP, PUSH TURNS TO SHOVE THE EARTH BEGINS TO SWAY.
NEVER TOO NONCHALANT
YOU GET OLD, WHAT WAS HATE WHAT MORE CAN I SAY?
IF IM A BITCH
YOU HATE LESS. BECOMES MORE OR LESS LOVE. WELL, I AM WHAT I AM.
HOW CAN I EXPRESS
JASON MARVIN, TRINA HOW CONFUSED AM I BY OUR HAPPINESS?
JUST CALL ME DOC.
BUT I DONT WANT IT. JASON, PLEASE SEE A PSYCHIATRIST. I CANT EAT BREAKFAST,
DONT CALL ME LADY.
NOTHING THAT GIVES THEM PLEASURE I BARELY TIE MY SHOE.
I DONT LIKE TO TALK
ILL DO. MENDEL WHAT MORE CAN I DO?
WHEN IM LOSING THE GAME.
I DONT WANT A BAR MITZVAH, Im a psychiatrist. Get lost. BACHELORS ARRIVE SICK AND FRIGHTENED.
STUPID BAR MITZVAH, IF I SAY I LOVE HIM,
THEY LEAVE WEEKS LATER, UNENLIGHTENED.
ANY BAR MITZVAH, EVERYONE HATES HIS PARENTS. YOU MIGHT THINK MY WORDS COME CHEAP.
WE SEE A TREND, BUT THE TREND HAS
WOULD YOU? THIS TOO SHALL PASS. LETS JUST SAY
NO NAME.
YOULL GROW UP. IM GLAD HES MINE AWAKE,
MENDEL ASLEEP.
EVERYONE HATES HIS PARENTS. SOMETHING BAD IS HAPPENING.
JASON SOMETHING VERY BAD IS HAPPENING.
THATS IN THE TORAH. ILL COME THROUGH. ITS BEEN HOT,
ITS WHAT HISTORY SHOWS, SOMETHING STINKS,
ILL HAVE KIDS. ALSO ITS BEEN SWELL.
IN FACT, GOD SAID TO MOSES, SOMETHING IMMORAL,
MORE THAN NOT,
MOSES, EVERYONE HATES HIS PARENTS. SOMETHING SO BAD THAT WORDS
MENDEL ITS BEEN MORE THAN WORDS CAN TELL.
THATS HOW IT IS. HAVE LOST THEIR MEANING.
AND THEYLL HATE YOU TOO. I HALT.
AND GOD KNEW RUMORS FLY AND TALES ABOUND,
I STAMMER.
BECAUSE GOD HATED HIS. STORIES ECHO UNDERGROUND:
MENDEL, JASON I SING A RONDELAY.
SOMETHING BAD IS SPREADING
OH, EVERYONE HATES HIS PARENTS. WHAT MORE CAN I SAY?
MARVIN SPREADING
YOU ARE GONNA KILL YOUR MOTHER. SPREADING ROUND.
MENDEL ILL STAY CALM.
DONT FEEL GUILTY
Andrew Rannells, Christian Borle BUT, KID, I GUESS UNTIE MY TONGUE.
KILL YOUR MOTHER. CORDELIA
YOULL GROW UP. AND TRY TO STAY
RATHER THAN HUMILIATE HER, TELL ME HOW IT TASTES.
BOTH KIND AND YOUNG.
KILLING YOUR MOTHER IS THE MERCIFUL TELL ME IF ITS GOOD.
FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. EACH FRIDAY NIGHT MENDEL THING TO DO. JASON TELL ME, DEAR, IF YOUD LIKE SECONDS.
FEEL ALL RIGHT TRAVEL TRAVEL TRAVEL Well, who wouldnt? ILL GROW UP. I WAS TAUGHT
FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. FROM HER HOUSE TO HIS HOUSE. TRINA NEVER BRAG OR SHOUT.
DR. CHARLOTTE
FEEL ALL RIGHT FIRST TAKE THE 104 TRINA JASON, DARLING, DONT GET NERVOUS. MENDEL STILL ITS HOT,
STOP!
FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. WITH MY COMPUTER. HAVE THE APPLEBAUMS. IM RIGHT HERE AND AT YOUR SERVICE. YOULL GET OLD. JUST LIKE HOW YOU READ ABOUT.
IM JUST A LITTLE KID, LOOK, IM CALM AND SELF-DELUDED. CORDELIA
FEEL ALL RIGHT NOT A COMMUTER. MARVIN GRATEFUL CAUSE I HOPE YOULL DO JASON AND ALSO CARING,
GO AHEAD AND WOUND MY PRIDE.
FEEL ALL RIGHT AND EACH SUNDAY NIGHT SCREW THE APPLEBAUMS. WHAT I PRAY YOULL DO. ILL GET OLD. AND NEVER TOO UNCOUTH.
MOTHER COMES TO GET ME THATS THE SIMPLE TRUTH.
DR. CHARLOTTE
MARVIN, DR. CHARLOTTE, TRINA, AND I HEAR THEM FIGHT. JASON JUST STOP!
WHIZZER CORDELIA MENDEL EVERYBODYS YELLING ABOUT THE BAR PLEASE DONT DO THIS.
FEEL ALL WELL MITZVAH. CORDELIA
RIGHT ITS NOT A WRESTLING MATCH. MARVIN YOURE FEELING VERY SICK INSIDE.
FOR THE EVERYTHING FEEL FEEL WHY ARE THEY SWEATING? SAULS A JERK. WELL OKAY.
REST FEEL ITS NOT A FUNERAL. SO YOUVE HAD A BAD DAY.
OF YOUR WILL FEEL WHATS SO UPSETTING? TRINA I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
LIFE. ITS A CELEBRATION JUST HAVE THEM. LOOK WHATS BECOME OF MY DOCTOR.
BE ALL RIGHT WERE WHERE I GET PRESENTS. SHES MY DOCTOR, AND I LOVE HER.
GONNA BUT EVERYBODYS YELLING MARVIN SHES GOT PASSION.
FEEL ALL BE AND EVERYBODYS RUINING IT. NIX THEM. SHES INTELLIGENT, AND, JESUS CHRIST,
RIGHT ITS A CELEBRATION A DOCTOR. VERY WEALTHY.
EVERYTHING FEEL FEEL WHERE I GET RICHER. MENDEL AND I LOVE HER.
FEEL BUT EVERYBODYS YELLING LONG LIVE THE APPLEBAUMS! DOCTOR OF INTERNAL MEDICINE.
FOR THE REST WILL FEEL AND EVERYBODYS RUINING IT. ARGUING TAKES WORK! IM HEARTSICK YOURE UNHAPPY.
OF YOUR LIFE BE ALL RIGHT. WERE EVERYBODYS RUINING IT.
GONNA WHY OH WHY. JASON DR. CHARLOTTE
FEEL ALL RIGHT EVERYTHING BE WHAT HAVE I DONE THAT I HATE THIS. LIFE IS CRAPPY.
WILL FEEL FEEL THEYD RUIN MY BAR MITZVAH?
FEEL MARVIN CORDELIA
FOR THE REST FEEL. THE OTHERS BLAME HER. AND YOU ALWAYS SEE THE GLASS HALF-
OF YOUR WERE GONNA WHAT HAVE I WHAT HAVE WE IT IS ALL A WASTE. FULL.
REST OF YOUR BE DONE DONE IM NERVOUS.
THAT THAT TRINA
ALL THEYD RUIN MY BAR WED RUIN YOUR BAR YOURE GONNA BLAME ME? DR. CHARLOTTE
EVERYTHING WILL BE ALL RIGHT! MITZVAH? MITZVAH? YOU HAVE PAINTINGS OF DICKS. THIS IS FUCKING RIDICULOUS.
DONT TALK TO ME ABOUT TASTE.
TRINA
EVERYONE HATES I WANT THE APPLEBAUMS. JASON
CORDELIA
SHES MY DOCTOR, AND I LOVE HER.
HIS PARENTS THEYRE LOVELY, AND THEY LIKE ME. STOP! I DONT WANT A BAR MITZVAH! SHES GOT
OKAY! I DONT WANT A BAR MITZVAH!
MARVIN DR. CHARLOTTE CORDELIA
JASON THEYRE BORING, SHE JUST LIKES THE WAY MARVIN, TRINA
JUST LOOK AT ME: MY SPIRITS SAG HEART!
YOU DRESS. WHADDYA MEAN YOU DONT WANT A BAR WHEN I READ THE MAGAZINES
IM A WORLD-CLASS TRAVELER. MITZVAH?
Christian Borle, Andrew Rannells
MEN DRESSED IN DRAG
NEXT TO THEIR MOMS. WHIZZER LIFE IS MOMENTS YOU CANT UNDERSTAND. HOW CAN I HELP? SAYS THE WIRY ALL MENDEL ARE YOU SLEEPING YET, OR
FASHION AND ONE-TWO- AND THAT IS LIFE. PSYCHIATRIST. GOD TRYING TO KEEP SANE AS THE RULES WHAT IS WHAT?
PASSION AND FILLER; KEEP CHANGING. WHIZZER, BUT
BUT NOT A WORD Good serve, Marvin. HOLDING TO THE GROUND AS THE TRINA I CANT HELP BUT FEELING
ABOUT THE KILLER. GROUND KEEPS SHIFTING. HELL MAKE YOU WELL.
CANCELING THE BOTH IVE FAILED.
I LIKE THE BALL GOWNS, MARVIN
ONE-TWO-THREE-FOUR.
TRYING TO KEEP SANE AS THE RULES KEEP BAR MITZVAH KEEPING UP MY HEAD AS MY HEART LETS BE SCARED TOGETHER.
BUT JESUS CHRIST! CHANGING. WHIZZER FALLS OUT OF SIGHT. LETS PRETEND THAT NOTHING IS AWFUL.
KEEPING UP MY HEAD AS MY HEART FALLS Right. EVERYTHING WILL BE ALL RIGHT.
SOMETHING BAD IS SOMETHING BAD IS WHIZZER OUT OF SIGHT. TRINA WHIZZER
HAPPENING. HAPPENING. ONE-TWO- MENDEL JASON, IF YOU WANT A BAR MITZVAH THERES NOTHING TO FEAR.
SOMETHING VERY HIT MY HEEL. EVERYTHING WILL BE ALL RIGHT. ILL MAKE YOU WELL. GOD KNOWS YOU CAN HAVE A BAR UNLIKELY LOVERS
BAD IS HAPPENING. EVERYTHING WILL BE ALL... MITZVAH. MARVIN
SOMETHING STINKS. MARVIN JASON, DR. CHARLOTTE BUT I HAVE TO KNOW MARVIN THERES NOTHING TO FEAR.
DONT BE BITTER. AND I HAVE TO KNOW NOW
WHICH SHED WHIZZER, HELLO. WHOD BELIEVE
NEVER SAY.
DAYS LIKE THIS JUST WHAT IT IS YOU WANT. THAT WE TWO WHIZZER
WHIZZER IVE ADDRESSED THE INVITATIONS;
SOMETHING IMMORAL, JASON WOULD END UP AS LOVERS? JUST STAY RIGHT HERE.
NO BIG DEAL. HERES YOUR CHANCE TO GIVE ME HELL.
SOMETHING SO BAD WHIZZER GEE, YOU LOOK AWFUL.
THE GAME IS YOURS. IF YOU THINK ITS BUST,
THAT WORDS Good morning. I THINK YOU NEED TO PLAY SOME CHESS. WHIZZER BOTH
HAVE LOST THEIR THEN ITS PROBABLY JUST DO YOU WANT ME TO REPLY? I LOVE YOU.
MARVIN AS WELL.
MEANING. LITTLE THINGS DONT MARVIN WHIZZER
ITS UNREAL,
GET IN HER WAY. WHIZZER, JASON, SIT DOWN AND BEGIN. MARVIN DR. CHARLOTTE
YOURE A QUITTER. JASON
RUMORS FLY AND KID, YOURE LOOKING VERY GOOD TODAY. HIM AND ME. (Almost offstage)
TALES ABOUND. WHAT CAN IT BE? YOU HAD TO SEE YOURSELF A FEW DAYS JASON CANT WE WAIT TILL WHIZZER GETS YOU AND I.
WHIZZER
STORIES ECHO WHAT CAN IT BE? BACK. ILL LET YOU WIN, WHIZZER. BETTER? PASSIONATELY LOVERS. SHHH. MAYBE HES TIRED.
I CANT GO ON ANYMORE.
UNDERGROUND. I HAD A HEART ATTACK. CANT WE WAIT TILL HES OUT?
SOMETHING BAD IS JESUS. WHIZZER THATS WHAT BAR MITZVAHS SHOULD BE WHIZZER CORDELIA
MARVIN
BUT TODAY YOU SEEM TO BE DONT LET ME WIN. ALL ABOUT. PLEASE DONT GET MORBID. SHHH. MAYBE HES WAITING FOR US.
BE A JERK,
BOTH ON THE WAY TO RECOVERY. GOOD FRIENDS CLOSE AT HAND
MY SWEET BRUISER.
SPREADING OH, WHIZZER, I WANT TO APPLAUD. JASON DONT YOU UNDERSTAND? MARVIN DR. CHARLOTTE
TRY TO BE A DECENT LOSER.
ITS DAYS LIKE THIS I ALMOST BELIEVE
SPREADING AT LEAST YOU COULD GIVE ME THAT. ILL LET YOU... RIGHT. SHHH. MAYBE HES WAITING FOR A VISIT?
IN GOD. MENDEL
SPREADING ROUND.
DAYS LIKE THIS I ALMOST BELIEVE IN GOD. WE CANT BE SURE WHEN
WHIZZER MARVIN, CORDELIA MENDEL, JASON WHIZZER BOTH
DR. CHARLOTTE EXCUSE ME, IM READY TO GO. CHARLOTTE TRINA HELL GET BETTER, ITS JUST IS IT A BAD TIME?
CORDELIA WHEN OR IF
LOOK, A VIRUS HAS BEEN FOUND. IM READY WHIZZER, RUGELACH. ILL MAKE WIN. WELL COME BACK. IF ITS A BAD TIME,
Hello. HELL EVER GET BETTER.
STORIES ECHO UNDERGROUND. YOU MARVIN WELL COME BACK.
SOMETHING BAD IS Im sorry. WELL. BUT THE HALL IS BOOKED DONT FIGHT. WELL COME IN.
WHIZZER AND THE BANDS BEEN RETAINED.
Hi. Food? KID, YOURE GEFILTE HELL WHIZZER
BOTH MARVIN MAKE SO JASON, PLEASE, WHIZZER (DR. CHARLOTTE and CORDELIA enter
SPREADING DO YOU KNOW LOOKING FISH. YOU HELLO. WHAT WELL DO IS YOUR DECISION. THAT I HAVENT DIED YET. the hospital room)
CORDELIA
SPREADING ALL I WANT IS YOU? VERY THERES NO RIGHT AND THERES NO
RUGELACH. GEFILTE FISH.
SPREADING ROUND. ANYTHING YOU DO GOOD ITS SO WELL. ILL WRONG. MARVIN MARVIN
SO GOOD YOUD THINK ITS ITALIAN.
IS ALL RIGHT. TODAY. JUST SAY YES OR NO JUST STOP IT. LOOK AT US.
ALSO A SOUP MADE FROM CHICKEN
(At the racquetball court) THAT, THOUGH UNEXOTIC, GOOD MAKE AND WE PROMISE TO GO FOUR OLD FRIENDS.
MARVIN CORDELIA, ALONG.
IS ANTIBIOTIC. YOUD YOU WHIZZER FOUR UNLIKELY LOVERS.
DR. CHARLOTTE,
WHIZZER OH, IM UP TO MY ASS YOU HAD THINK ITS WELL. GEE, YOU IM SICK BUT KICKING.
TRINA JASON
IT BOUNCED IN! IN A KOSHER MORASS. TO CORDELIA
YES, ITS ALL RIGHT. EVERYTHING WILL FINALLY NOW ITS ALL MY DECISION.
FOR ACHES AND CROUP, SEE ITALIAN. HELL LOOK MARVIN WE DONT KNOW WHAT TIME WILL BRING.
BE ALL RIGHT. LIKE ITS MY BAR MITZVAH.
MARVIN TRY MY CHICKEN SOUP. YOURSELF GEEZ
YES, IT IS. EVERYTHING WILL JUST LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED.
NO IT DIDNT. BE ALL RIGHT. A MAKE AW WHIZZER
MARVIN CORDELIA YOU HELL, LETS HAVE A PARTY, WHIZZER IVE A CLUE.
WHIZZER WHIZZER, SO LETS BEGIN. ITS FEW DAYS ALSO A WELL. ILL FUL. JUST LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED. ALL RIGHT.
TRINA
HIT THE LINE KID, YOURE LOOKING MEDICINE. BACK. I HAD SOUP MAKE WHY DONT YOU MAKE THIS DUMB MARVIN
EVERYTHING WILL BE
YOU KNOW IT DID. VERY GOOD TODAY. IT COULD BE WERE A MADE YOU DECISION YOURSELVES, MARVIN I HAVE TOO.
ALL RIGHT.
YOU HAD TO SEE BOTH GONNA TO HEART FROM WELL. OKAY? LOUISE!
MARVIN YOURSELF A FEW CURE YOU. ATTACK. WHY DONT YOU MAKE THIS DUMB WOMEN
JUST BEGIN. HOLDING TO THE DAYS BACK. ME WITH MY SOUP, CHICKEN HELL DECISION YOURSELVES? WHIZZER LETS LOOK LIKE WE HAVENT.
I HAD A HEART SHE WITH HER
WHIZZER
GROUND ATTACK. MEDICATION.
THAT
THOUGH
MAKE
YOU MENDEL
GOOD NIGHT.
ALL FOUR
JESUS. SUCH ELATION. WELL HAVE THE BAR MITZVAH.
YOU KIDDING? JESUS. UNEXOTIC, WELL. ILL I THINK MARVIN AND EACH SAY NOTHING.
TRINA BUT... BUT...
WHOS TELLING WHO HOW TO PLAY? IS MAKE YOU IM STAYING HERE IN THIS SPOT
I WAS SURE GROWING UP I WOULD LIVE YOU NEED TO JASON WHETHER YOU WANT ME TO OR NOT, WHIZZER
THE LIFE MARVIN, CORDELIA No.
MARVIN PLAY IM STAYING. SKY.
MY MOTHER ASSUMED ID LIVE: TODAY
LET ME LIVE, YOU SEEM TO BE SOME HERE I AM
PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR WINNING ONE VERY JEWISH, ANTIBIOTIC. WELL. CHESS. TRINA BY YOUR SIDE DR. CHARLOTTE
VERY MIDDLE CLASS, ON THE WAY TO RECOVERY. THEN WELL CANCEL THE BAR MITZVAH.
GAME. OH, WHIZZER, I WANT TO APPLAUD. ONE OLD HORNY LOVER. ITS BLUE.
AND VERY STRAIGHT. ALL (Except WHIZZER)
WHERE HEALTHY MEN ITS DAYS LIKE THIS JASON
WHIZZER WE ALMOST BELIEVE IN GOD. BUT TODAY YOU SEEM TO BE WHIZZER MARVIN
SERVE IT UP. STAYED HEALTHY MEN ON THE WAY TO RECOVERY. No. PLEASE GO HOME AND DONT BE SCARED. I LOVE THE SKY.
AND MARRIAGES WERE LONG AND GREAT. DAYS LIKE THIS WE ALMOST BELIEVE IN
OH, WHIZZER, I WANT TO APPLAUD.
MARVIN ITS DAYS LIKE THIS WE ALMOST BELIEVE MENDEL, TRINA MARVIN CORDELIA
I SMILE. CORDELIA
I ATTACK. IN GOD. WELL WAIT UNTIL YOU MAKE A DECISION. WHATS THE FUSS? I LOVE THE TREES.
I DONT COMPLAIN. GEFILTE FISH.
DAYS LIKE THIS WE ALMOST BELIEVE IN GOD. IM NOT SCARED.
IM TRYING TO KEEP SANE TRINA
WHIZZER MARVIN DAYS LIKE THIS WE ALMOST BELIEVE IN GOD. WHAT GOOD IS A LOVER MARVIN
AS THE RULES KEEP CHANGING. Now what do we do?
HOLD HIM DOWN, FAMILIES ARENT WHAT THEY WERE. GOD. DAYS LIKE THIS WE ALMOST BELIEVE IN WHOS SCARED? I LOVE BAD WEATHER.
KEEP HIM BACK, THANK GOD, THERES A HUSBAND AND A HIT ME IF YOU NEED TO.
SOMETHINGS GONE OUT OF WHACK. CORDELIA TRINA MENDEL SLAP MY FACE, OR DR. CHARLOTTE
CHILD WHOM I ADORE. WHY DONT WE TELL HIM
BUT THEN THERES MORE. KNEIDLACH. What is this? HOLD ME TILL WINTER. I LOVE THE EARTH BENEATH MY FEET.
MARVIN THAT WE DONT HAVE THE ANSWERS? OH, BABY, PLEASE DO.
SO MANY MORE.
I HIT TRINA CORDELIA AND THAT LIFE CAN BE GRIM I LOVE YOU TOO, WHIZZER
THERES ALWAYS MORE.
Hi. GEFILTE FISH. LIFES NOT ALL ABOUT HIM MY LOVER. I LOVE FRIENDS
WHIZZER AND THINGS RARELY GO THAT HOVER.
LIFE IS NEVER WHAT YOU PLANNED
ACCORDING TO PLAN.
AW, SHIT. LIFE IS MOMENTS YOU CANT UNDERSTAND. WHIZZER MENDEL WHIZZER
AND THAT IS LIFE. Hi. GEFILTE FISH! TELL HIM THINGS HAPPEN MARVIN, JUST GO HOME AND ALL FOUR
MARVIN FOR NO DAMN GOOD REASON TURN ON TV. GEE, WE LOVE TO EAT.
MY GAME. IM PLAIN. TRINA MARVIN AND HIS LACK OF CONTROL DRINK A LITTLE SOMETHING TILL YOURE AND WE NEED SOMETHING SWEET
I DONT ASTOUND. WE HAD TROUBLE PARKING. RIGHT. KILLS WHATS BEST IN HIS SOUL DEAD. TO LOVE.
ONE-TWO-THREE-FOUR. I HOLD TO THE GROUND JUST LIKE ON OUR SECOND DATE. THIS MAY BE THE START THINK OF ME AROUND
AS THE GROUND KEEPS SHIFTING, TRINA TO HIS BECOMING A MAN. SLEEPING SOUNDLY IN OUR BED. WHAT A GROUP
KEEPING MY BALANCE SQUARE. MENDEL
WHIZZER HES LOOKING VERY GOOD TODAY. MARVIN, WE FOUR ARE.
TRYING NOT TO CARE ABOUT THIS MAN I HYPERVENTILATE. TRINA
ONE-TWO-THREE DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID? FOUR UNLIKELY LOVERS.
WHO MARVIN LOVES. BUT SINCE IM PARKING IN THE CITY, HOLDING TO THE GROUND AS THE
JASON AND WE VOW THAT WE WILL
BUT THATS MY LIFE. IVE IMPROVED. GROUND KEEPS SHIFTING.
Dammit. OR ELSE THE HYDRANTS MOVED. Your turn MARVIN BUY THE FARM
HE SHARED MY LIFE. SHUT YOUR MOUTH. ARM IN ARM.
MARVIN YES, THATS MY LIFE. (WHIZZER yawns) GO TO SLEEP. FOUR UNLIKELY LOVERS
YEAH, GO AHEAD.
ONE-TWO-THREE-FOUR. LIFE IS NEVER WHAT YOU PLANNED. TIME I MET A SAILOR.
BE GOOD AND PISSED.
 THATS MY REPRIEVE: CORDELIA OH, SING. WHIZZER BUT WHAT WOULD I DO
TO GO OUT I PASSED AROUND THE FOOD OH-OH, SING. DO YOU REGRET-? IF YOU HAD NOT BEEN MY FRIEND?
WITHOUT CARE, THEN DUMPED SOME EXTRA FOOD
MY HEAD HIGH CAUSE, LORD KNOWS, WEVE GOT PLENTY. JASON MARVIN WHIZZER
IN THE AIR, VIE-EME-LOH YEI-O-LEH. ID DO IT AGAIN. THERE ARE NO ANSWERS.
ITS THE LAST LITTLE MOUNTAIN ILL DR. CHARLOTTE HEH-OH-NON VLOH. ID LIKE TO BELIEVE THAT ID DO IT AGAIN BUT WHAT WOULD I DO
CLIMB, SHES COOKED FOR SOME TWO HUNDRED AH-YIS-IS-OOH AH YISRAEL. AND AGAIN AND AGAIN
ILL CLIMB. GUESTS. HA-OOH LOH TOH VO-OMEEM ABBA. AND MARVIN
YOU GOTTA DIE SOMETIME. WHAT MORE CAN I SAY? NO SIMPLE ANSWERS.
YOU GOTTA DIE SOMETIME. CORDELIA BUT WHAT WOULD I DO
YOU GOTTA DIE SOMETIME. WE NUMBER NOT THAT MANY.
WHAT WOULD WHIZZER IF YOU HAD NOT BEEN
YOU GOTTA DIE ACTUALLY WERE I DO? WHAT MORE CAN I SAY? MY FRIEND.
SOMETIME, SOMETIME, SEVEN. MY FRIEND.
SOMETIME, SOMETIME, MARVIN MY FRIEND.
SOMETIME, SOMETIME, DR. CHARLOTTE MARVIN HOW AM I TO FACE TOMORROW?
SOMETIME, SOMETIME. MAYBE ITS NOT DUMB WHAT WOULD I DO
THE WAY THIS WHOLE THING ENDS. IF I HAD NOT MET YOU? BOTH
FALSETTOLAND
WHO WOULD I BLAME MY LIFE ON?
JASONS BAR THE FOOD TASTES REALLY YUMMY.
ONCE I WAS TOLD
AFTER BEING SCREWED OUT OF TODAY. (REPRISE)
TELL ME WHATS IN STORE.
THAT ALL MEN GET WHAT THEY DESERVE.
MITZVAH CORDELIA
OH, MUMMY. WHO THE HELL THEN THREW THIS CURVE? MENDEL
MARVIN
THERE ARE NO ANSWERS. YES, ID BEG OR STEAL OR BORROW HOMOSEXUALS.
JASON DR. CHARLOTTE, TRINA BUT WHO WOULD I BE IF I COULD HOLD YOU FOR WOMEN WITH CHILDREN.
WHIZZER, HEY, CORDELIA IF YOU HAD NOT BEEN MY FRIEND? ONE HOUR MORE. SHORT INSOMNIACS.
SUDDENLY IT ALL CAME CLEAR. THE FLOWERS SEEM LOVELY. WERE A TEENY TINY BAND.
Betsy Wolfe, Andrew Rannells, Christian Borle, Tracie Thoms
I SAID, LETS HAVE MY BAR MITZVAH HERE! YOURE THE ONLY ONE,
TO SPARKLE WHIZZER MARVIN LOVERS COME AND LOVERS GO.
CANDELABRA SETS THE I MUST MAKE ONE OUT OF A THOUSAND OTHERS, ONE HOUR MORE. LOVERS LIVE AND DIE FORTISSIMO.
ALL (Except WHIZZER) ONLY ONE MY CHILD WOULD ALLOW.
WITH HEART. PHRASES LIKE TONE. THINGS ONE HOUR MORE. THIS IS WHERE WE TAKE A STAND.
SURPRISE! THE WINE IS VERY SOOTHING. WHEN IM HAVING FUN, WELCOME TO FALSETTOLAND.
LETS BE SCARED TOGETHER. YOULL PASS AWAY, ONE HOUR MORE.
LETS PRETEND THAT NOTHING WHAT COULD I SAY? SOOTHES THE LOVELY. YOURE THE ONE I WANNA TALK TO. ONE HOUR, ONE HOUR,
MARVIN WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
IS AWFUL. MARVIN I SAID, DOCTOR, SOMETHING PUT ONE HOUR ONE HOUR
THIS WAS JASONS BRILLIANT IDEA. WHERE ARE YOU NOW?
THERES NOTHING IN PLAIN ENGLISH, SOMETHING EVERYTHING MORE. MORE.
AND I BROUGHT THE PRAYER SHAWL.
TO FEAR. THERES NOTHING TO TELL ME WHY WAS I CHOSEN, SOMEONE NEEDED SOOTHING.
FEAR. WHY ME OF ALL MEN? WHO WOULD I BE MARVIN
ALL IF I HAD NOT LOVED YOU?
JUST STAY RIGHT HERE. DOCTOR, OOOH DR. CHARLOTTE WHAT WOULD I DO
I LOVE YOU. HERES THE GOOD PART: ITS JASONS BAR MITZVAH! I THINK PERHAPS IM IN ITS PLACE. HOW WOULD I KNOW WHAT LOVE IS? Words and Music by William A. Finn
I LOVE YOU. AT LEAST DEATH MEANS OVERDRESSED. GOD ONLY KNOWS, TOO SOON WHIZZER 1990 WB Music Corp. (ASCAP) and
I LOVE YOU. ILL NEVER BE SCARED ABOUT DYING ILL REMEMBER YOUR FAULTS. WHAT WOULD I DO Ipsy Pipsy Music (ASCAP)
MENDEL
I LOVE YOU. AGAIN. CORDELIA MEANWHILE, THOUGH, ITS TEARS AND All Rights Administered by WB Music Corp.
DONT YOU MOVE.
EVERYTHING WILL SOON BE GREAT. I THINK PERHAPS READY FOR THE SCHMALTZ. MARVIN
ALL FOUR LETS GET ON WITH LIVING WHILE WE CAN CLOSE YOUR EYES. IT DOESNT THERE ARE NO ANSWERS. IF I HAD NOT SEEN YOU?
WHOD HAVE THOUGHT AND NOT PLAY DUMB. WHILE WE REDECORATE. MATTER THAT YOU BUT WHAT WOULD I DO
THAT WE FOUR DEATHS GONNA COME. ARE, BUT IF YOU HAD NOT BEEN MY FRIEND? WHIZZER
WOULD END UP AS LOVERS? WHEN IT DOES, SCREW THE NERVES, CORDELIA IF I HAD NOT SEEN YOU?
ILL BE EATING HORS DOEUVRES, ILL UNWRAP THE BILLION BOTH WHIZZER
ITS THE ROLL OF THE DICE AND NO HORS DOEUVRES. HERE WE ARE, BAND. ALL YOUR LIFE YOU WANTED MEN, BOTH
ANOTHER MIRACLE CRIME, AND SOMEONE PLEASE EAT THEM. JASONS BAR AND WHEN YOU GOT IT UP TO HAVE THEM,
WHO KNEW IT COULD END YOUR LIFE?
WHO WOULD I FEAST MY EYES ON?
YOU GOTTA DIE SOMETIME. MITZVAH LOOKS ONCE I WAS TOLD
OF JUDAISM ALL LIKE NO BOOKS THAT GOOD MEN GET BETTER WITH AGE.
DEATH IS NOT A FRIEND OOOH SAY IT SHOULD. MARVIN
JASON BUT I HOPE IN THE END, ITS JASONS BAR MITZVAH! CHEERS. CHEERS. I LEFT MY KID AND LEFT MY WIFE MARVIN
HELLO, GOD. HE TAKES ME IN HIS ARMS AND LETS ME EVERYTHING IS AND ARENT THINGS TO BE WITH YOU, WERE JUST GONNA SKIP THAT STAGE.
HOLD HIS FACE. TRINA LOVELY. LOVELY? TO BE INSULTED BY SUCH HANDSOME MEN.
I DONT THINK WEVE EVER REALLY
HE HOLDS ME IN HIS ARMS AND WHISPERS LOVELY. I FEEL MORE I FEEL MORE THERE ARE NO ANSWERS.
SPOKEN. FLOWERS MAKE THINGS LOVELY.
IF YOUD KINDLY ALLOW, SOMETHING FUNNY. HELPLESS HELPLESS
CHAMPAGNE MAKES THINGS LOVELY TOO. THAN I HAVE IN THAN I HAVE IN
HOW ABOUT A MIRACLE NOW? HE LIFTS ME IN HIS ARMS AND TELLS ME
EVERYTHINGS AMISS. YEARS. YEARS.
I DONT KNOW IF YOU EXIST. TO EMBRACE
I CANT HEAR YOUR FINGERS SNAPPIN. HIS ATTACK.
MENDEL
ARE YOU JUST A BIG PSYCHIATRIST? THEN THE SCENE TURNS TO BLACK. DRINK UP.
(JASON walks out in his talis)
OR CAN YOU MAKE THINGS NOT HAPPEN? ANYONE FOR BUBBLY?
DO THIS FOR ME LIFE SUCKS. MENDEL, WHIZZER
AND ILL GET BAR MITZVAHED. PEOPLE ALWAYS HATE A LOSER HERE HE COMES.
TRINA
IN EXCHANGE FOR: AND THEY HATE LAME DUCKS. PROBABLY ITS DOUBLY
COULD YOU PLEASE MAKE MY FRIEND SCREW ME AND SHUCKS. USEFUL AT A TIME LIKE THIS. MENDEL
STOP DYING? THATS IT. CHEERS. FIX HIS TIE.
I AM NOT NAVE. THATS THE BALLGAME. TRINA, TRY
IT WONT BE EASY, I DONT SMOKE, DONT DO DRUGS, ALL (Except JASON) TO MAKE HIM SMILE MORE.
BUT IF YOU COULD MAKE MY FRIEND AND THEN COMES THE BAD NEWS. Cheers.
STOP DYING, I QUIT. ALL (Except MARVIN, JASON)
GOD, THATS THE BALLGAME TRINA DONT KNOW WHY
THATD BE THE MIRACLE OF JUDAISM. ITS THE CHINK IN THE ARMOR, AND ARENT THINGS LOVELY? BUT HE LOOKS LIKE MARVIN.
THATD BE THE MIRACLE OF JUDAISM. THE SHIT IN THE KARMA, I FEEL MORE HELPLESS THAN I HAVE IN
THE BLUES. YEARS. MARVIN
HOW DID YOU TURN OUT SO GREAT?
SOMETHING BAD CAN I KEEP MY COOL DESPITE THE URGE MARVIN WHO DO I THANK FOR THE MAN YOU
TRY THIS ON. TURNED INTO?
IS HAPPENING TO FALL APART?
HOW SHOULD I START? MENDEL, GET THIS THING IN GEAR. KID, DO YOU KNOW
(REPRISE) I WOULD CRY IF I COULD. HOW PROUD I AM?
BUT IT DOES NO DAMN GOOD WHIZZER IF I DONT SHOW
TO EXPLAIN IM A MAN IN MY PRIME. PLEASE EXCUSE ME HOW PROUD I AM
DR. CHARLOTTE IF I INTERFERE, YOU HOLD MY DREAMS,
YOU GOTTA DIE SOMETIME.
SOMETHING BAD IS HAPPENING. BUT I FEEL THAT SINCE IM THE HOST, KID, I BURST AT THE SEAMS
SOMETHING VERY BAD IS HAPPENING. ITS ME WHO SHOULD TOAST HIM. CAUSE OF YOU.
DEATHS A FUNNY PAL
SOMETHING THAT KILLS.
WITH A WEIRD SORT OF TALENT.
SOMETHING INFECTIOUS. ALL EXCEPT JASON MENDEL
HE PUTS HIS ARMS AROUND MY NECK
SOMETHING THAT SPREADS OOOH, OOOH. SON OF ABRAHAM, ISAAC, AND JACOB.
AND WALKS ME TO THE BED.
FROM ONE MAN TO ANOTHER. SON OF MARVIN, SON OF TRINA,
HE PINS ME UP AGAINST THE WALL AND
KISSES ME LIKE CRAZY. WHIZZER SON OF WHIZZER, SON OF MENDEL,
YOU GOTTA DIE THE MANY STUPID THINGS I THOUGHT TO JASONS BAR MITZVAH.
ABOUT WITH DREAD ALL (Except MENDEL)
SOMETIME NOW DELIGHT. DR. CHARLOTTE AND GODCHILD TO THE LESBIANS FROM
THEN THE SCENE TURNS TO WHITE. I NOTIFIED THE NURSES. NEXT DOOR,
WHIZZER TOLD THEM PLEASE DO NOT INTRUDE.
MENDEL Andrew Rannells, Christian Borle,
OKAY GIVE ME THE BALLS TO ORCHESTRATE
A GRACEFUL LEAVE. SING. Anthony Rosenthal, Brandon Uranowitz, Stephanie J. Block
WHEN THE DOCTOR STARTED USING

ORCHESTRATIONS & VOCAL ARRANGEMENTS:
ALBUM PRODUCED BY
KURT DEUTSCH
ALBUM CO-PRODUCER:
LAWRENCE MANCHESTER
RECORDED AND MIXED BY
LAWRENCE MANCHESTER
ASSOCIATE ALBUM PRODUCERS:
STEVE NORMAN AND GREG BRUNSWICK
PRO TOOLS ENGINEER:
TIM MARCHIAFAVA
ASSISTANT ENGINEER:
NATE ODDEN
DIGITAL EDITING:
IAN KAGEY
MASTERED BY
RYAN SMITH AT STERLING SOUND, NYC
Christian Borle, Andrew Rannells
MUSIC DIRECTION:
VADIM FEICHTNER
MICHAEL STAROBIN
ADDITIONAL VOCAL ARRANGEMENTS:
ALISON FRASER
KEYBOARD PROGRAMMER:
TAYLOR WILLIAMS
ASSOCIATE KEYBOARD PROGRAMMER:
JEREMY KING
KEYBOARD TECH:
RANDY COHEN, COHEN KEYBOARDS
MUSIC COORDINATOR:
MICHAEL KELLER
MUSIC COPYIST:
EMILY GRISHMAN MUSIC PREPARATION
COMPANY MANAGER:
MATTHEW MARKOFF
ASSOCIATE GENERAL MANAGER:
MEGHAN LANTZY
MANAGEMENT ASSOCIATE:
LAURA STUART
PRODUCTION STAGE MANAGER:
SCOTT TAYLOR ROLLISON
PACKAGE DESIGN:
STEPHANIE LAYTON
KEY ART PHOTOS:
MATTHEW MURPHY AND JOAN MARCUS
PRODUCTION PHOTOS:
JOAN MARCUS
PRODUCTION ASSISTANTS:
JOSH GORDON, JORDANA JUDD,
EMILY TURNER, SAVANNAH OCCHIOGROSSO,
NICCOLO PAOLUCCI AND LEE FRIEDMAN
RECORDED NOVEMBER 6-7, 2016 AT
AVATAR STUDIOS, NYC
MIXED AT AVATAR STUDIOS, NYC
This production of Falsettos opened on Broadway at the
Walter Kerr Theatre on October 27, 2016.
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