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Shakti​ ​Shankar​ ​Nath​ ​has​ ​invited​ ​applications​ ​for​ ​his​ ​​Swayamvar​ ​Ceremony​ ​Programme.

The​ ​profiles​ ​offered​ ​are

1.​ ​​Wife

2.​ ​Girlfriend

3.​ ​Gay​ ​Companion

Application is mandatory for all female candidates having Wife or Girlfriend as one of the first two preferences. If a candidate has both Wife and Girlfriend in her first 2 preferences, she may apply for more than one profile. Interested male candidates may also apply. Application is also mandatory for all Helios members, irrespective of whether they are male,​ ​female​ ​or​ ​both.

Steps​ ​to​ ​be​ ​followed​ ​for​ ​Application:

1.​ ​Registration​ ​is​ ​online​ ​at​ ​​http://69.143.69​ ​(Open​ ​in​ ​Internet​ ​Explorer​ ​only). a)​ ​Register​ ​by​ ​going​ ​to​ ​the​ ​link​ ​View/Apply​ ​Groom b)​ ​Select​ ​the​ ​Wife​ ​/​ ​Girlfriend​ ​Area. Note:​ ​The​ ​system​ ​would​ ​not​ ​allow​ ​uploading​ ​of​ ​a​ ​resume​ ​unless​ ​registered​ ​as​ ​above. 2.​ ​Upload​ ​the​ ​Swayamvar​ ​format​ ​Resume​ ​(given​ ​in​ ​the​ ​next​ ​page) File​ ​name​ ​for​ ​Swayamvar​ ​Resume​ ​format:​ ​Ooh_Shakti_Wife_U108(9)XXX.doc​ ​/

Ooh_Shakti_Girlfriend_U108(9)XXX.doc

3. Submit hard copies outside C-113 (Shakti’s lair). Deadline for submitting hard copies: 23:59 hours,​ ​20th​ ​March,​ ​2010​ ​(Saturday).

The hard copy of the Swayamvar format that is to be submitted outside Shakti’s room should be a print out of the typed format that you have uploaded on the website. It should not be handwritten. Please refrain from exercising your influence by including phrases such​ ​as​ ​‘Ooh​ ​Shakti’​ ​or​ ​‘I​ ​Love​ ​You​ ​Shakti’​ ​in​ ​the​ ​resume.

Please​ ​ensure​ ​adherence​ ​to​ ​naming​ ​convention​ ​for​ ​all​ ​resumes

There will be an initial shortlist based on the form followed by GD and then the interview process to be conducted thereafter via VC. The exact details will be communicated as and when available

For​ ​any​ ​further​ ​clarifications,​ ​please​ ​contact​ ​Me​ ​(?)

SWAYAMVAR​​APPLICATION​​FORM

PERSONAL​ ​INFORMATION

NAME

AGE​ ​(NOTE:22​ ​year​ ​old​ ​kids​ ​are​ ​debarred)

HEIGHT WEIGHT CQPI CTC

SEX:​ ​​​ ​(_)​ ​Male ​ ​(_)​ ​Female ​ ​(_)​ ​Unsure

Do​ ​you​ ​have​ ​a​ ​current​ ​Boyfriend?​ ​(_)​ ​YES​ ​(_)​ ​NO

Do​ ​you​ ​snore​ ​in​ ​your​ ​sleep?​ ​(_)​ ​YES​ ​(_)

Do​ ​you​ ​sweat​ ​profusely​ ​or​ ​foam​ ​at​ ​the​ ​mouth?​ ​(_)​ ​YES​ ​(_)​ ​NO

Are​ ​you​ ​HIV​ ​positive?​ ​(_)​ ​YES​ ​(_)​ ​NO

(NOTE: If you have answered ‘YES’ to any of the above, please discontinue the application and​ ​get​ ​out!​ ​Thanks​ ​for​ ​applying​ ​though,​ ​amigo)

ESSAY​ ​SECTION

Describe Shakti in less than 50 words (NOTE: references to his ‘The Eyes’ T-Shirt will fetch additional​ ​brownie​ ​points)

In not more than 100 words, describe any incident concerning Shakti which has impacted you greatly

Whenever I see Shakti, my eyes immediately wander towards his…(answers beginning with A or C​ ​will​ ​be​ ​awarded​ ​bonus​ ​points​ ​for​ ​honesty​ ​and​ ​obscenity)

ADDITIONAL​ ​INFORMATION

Favourite​ ​superhero​ ​(_)​ ​Superman​ ​(_)​ ​Batman​ ​(_)​ ​Spiderman​ ​(_)​ ​Sun-God

Colour​ ​of​ ​hair​ ​(_)​ ​Black​ ​(_)​ ​Brown​ ​(_)​ ​Grey​ ​(_)​ ​N/A-this​ ​is​ ​Bharadwaj​ ​here

Colour​ ​of​ ​teeth​ ​(_)​ ​Yellow​ ​(_)​ ​Brown​ ​(_)​ ​Yellowish​ ​brown​ ​(_)​ ​Black

PSYCHOMETRIC​ ​TEST:

1).​ ​How​ ​many​ ​times​ ​a​ ​week​ ​do​ ​you​ ​bathe/shower?

​ ​0 (I​ ​am​ ​scared​ ​shit​ ​of​ ​being​ ​sucked​ ​down​ ​the​ ​drain)

​ ​1-3 (hi,​ ​Binayak​ ​here)

​ ​4-6 (in​ ​the​ ​eternal​ ​hope​ ​that​ ​Shakti​ ​will​ ​finally​ ​give​ ​me​ ​some​ ​​ghaas​ ​)

​ ​>7 (have​ ​every​ ​brand​ ​of​ ​soap​ ​on​ ​the​ ​market​ ​and​ ​not​ ​enough​ ​days​ ​in​ ​a​ ​week​ ​to​ ​try​ ​them​ ​all)

2)​ ​​ ​What​ ​are​ ​your​ ​views​ ​on​ ​cleanliness?

​ ​I’m​ ​allergic​ ​to​ ​soap

​ ​I​ ​consider​ ​dirty​ ​clothes​ ​and​ ​utensils​ ​as​ ​works​ ​of​ ​art​ ​and​ ​stack​ ​them​ ​as​ ​decorations

​ ​I​ ​clean​ ​my​ ​room​ ​only​ ​on​ ​Solar​ ​Eclipses

​ ​Only​ ​when​ ​I​ ​sense​ ​that​ ​Shakti​ ​is​ ​around

3) You are lying on your bed, watching a movie on your laptop and sneeze a juicy one,​ ​what​ ​do​ ​you​ ​do?

​ ​Wipe​ ​my​ ​nose​ ​on​ ​my​ ​sleeve​ ​then​ ​give​ ​someone​ ​a​ ​great​ ​big​ ​hug.

​ ​Wipe​ ​my​ ​nose​ ​with​ ​the​ ​mouse.

​ ​Get​ ​myself​ ​a​ ​tissue,​ ​then​ ​stuff​ ​it​ ​under​ ​my​ ​bed​ ​when​ ​I’m​ ​done​ ​with​ ​it.

​ ​Maintain​ ​Status​ ​Quo​ ​i.e​ ​do​ ​nothing.

4) Suppose you & Shakti were to have a baby daughter/son and the adorable little thing​ ​accidentally​ ​shits​ ​upon​ ​your​ ​dining​ ​table,​ ​what​ ​would​ ​you​ ​do?

​ ​Wait​ ​for​ ​2​ ​days,​ ​wrap​ ​it​ ​up​ ​and​ ​parcel​ ​it​ ​to​ ​XIMB.

​ ​Ignore​ ​it​ ​and​ ​wait​ ​for​ ​it​ ​to​ ​turn​ ​into​ ​petrol.

​ ​Mix​ ​it​ ​in​ ​the​ ​neighbourhood​ ​cat’s​ ​meal

5)​ ​What​ ​would​ ​you​ ​prefer

​ ​Walking​ ​in​ ​the​ ​rain

​ ​Puking​ ​on​ ​the​ ​beach

​ ​Spitting​ ​in​ ​the​ ​wind

6)​ ​Would​ ​you​ ​rather

be

killed​ ​by​ ​a​ ​herd​ ​of​ ​stampeding​ ​African​ ​Elephants

be

strangled​ ​to​ ​death​ ​by​ ​a​ ​Python

be

eaten​ ​alive​ ​by​ ​a​ ​school​ ​of​ ​Piranha

​ ​listen​ ​to​ ​Abhinav​ ​Gupta​ ​sing​ ​‘JAI​ ​HO’

7) Which​ ​best​ ​describes​ ​your​ ​cooking?

​ ​I​ ​must​ ​be​ ​an​ ​excellent​ ​cook​ ​because​ ​even​ ​Sanjay​ ​Bhaina​ ​eats​ ​in​ ​my​ ​room.

​ ​Even​ ​the​ ​dogs​ ​outside​ ​the​ ​main​ ​gate​ ​reject​ ​my​ ​offerings.

I hereby attest and verify that the information I have provided in this application is absolutely false and misrepresented. I understand that any true information which may be deliberately provided by me may lead to disqualification and subsequent penalty by way of death, dismemberment​ ​of​ ​limbs,​ ​crucifixion,​ ​electrocution​ ​and​ ​the​ ​Rakhi​ ​Sawant​ ​kiss​ ​torture.

​ ​(Signature)

Thank​ ​you​ ​for​ ​your​ ​interest.​ ​Please​ ​allow​ ​us​ ​2-24​ ​months​ ​for​ ​processing.