12 Most Annoying Bad Habits of Therapists

By John M. Grohol, Psy.D.

~ 4 min read

12 Most Annoying Bad Habits of TherapistsPsychotherapy is a unique relationship, a kind of

connection that is unlike any other kind of relationship a person has in their life. In some ways, it
can be more intimate than our most intimate relationships, but it also paradoxically values a
vestige of professional distance between therapist and client.

Therapists, alas, are just as human as the clients they see and come with the same human foibles.
They have bad habits, as we all do, but some of those habits have the very real potential of
interfering with the psychotherapy process and the unique psychotherapy relationship.

So without further ado, here are twelve things you wish your therapist didnt do some of which
may actually harm the psychotherapeutic relationship.

1. Showing up late for the appointment.

Therapists will usually charge a client for an appointment if they fail to cancel it with less than 24
hours notice. Yet some therapists seem perfectly oblivious to the clock when it comes to showing
up on time for appointments. While the occasional lateness may be excused, some therapists
seem to be living in another time zone altogether and consistently show up late for their
appointments with their clients anywhere from 5 minutes to even two hours! Chronic lateness
is often symptomatic of poor time management skills.

2. Eating in front of the client.

Unless you have enough for everyone, eating and drinking during a psychotherapy appointment is
considered ill-mannered. Some therapists offer clients the same access to coffee or water that
they themselves enjoy. (If youre going to drink something in front of a client, make sure you offer
your client the same.) Eating while in session by client or therapist is never appropriate (its
therapy, not mealtime). And asking, Do you mind if I finish my lunch while we get started? is
inappropriate clients dont always feel comfortable enough with expressing their true feelings.

3. Yawning or sleeping during session.

Yes, believe it or not, there are therapists who fall asleep during session. And while an occasional
yawn is a normal component of our daily functioning, non-stop yawning is usually only interpreted
one way by a client they are boring the therapist. Therapists need to get a good nights sleep
every night, or else they cannot be effective in their job (which requires constant and consistent
attention and concentration).

4. Inappropriate disclosures.

Inappropriate disclosures refer to the therapist sharing a bit too much about their own personal
difficulties or life. Most therapists are warned about doing too much disclosure in session with
their clients, because its the clients therapy, not the therapists. Therapists shouldnt plan their
vacations while in session, go on endlessly about their graduate school training or research topics
(especially if they were focused on rats), or share how much they enjoy their summer house on
the Cape. Therapists should keep personal disclosures limited (even when the client asks).

5. Being impossible to reach by phone or email.

In our ever-more connected world, a therapist who doesnt return phone calls or an email about
an upcoming appointment or insurance question stands out like a sore thumb. While no client
expects 24/7 connectivity to their therapist (although some might like it), they do expect timely
return calls (or emails if the therapist allows that modality of contact). Waiting a week for a return
phone call is simply unprofessional and unacceptable in virtually any profession, including
psychotherapy.

6. Distracted by a phone, cell phone, computer or pet.

Therapists will often ask their clients to silence their cell phone before entering session. The policy
has to go both ways, or it shows disrespect to the client and their time in session. Therapists
should virtually never accept any phone calls while in session (except for true emergencies), and
they should turn away from any other distractions, such as a computer screen. In a world that
increasingly values inattention and multi-tasking, clients seek refuge from such distractions in the
psychotherapists office.

7. Expressing racial, sexual, musical, lifestyle and religious preferences.

Although an extension of the too much disclosure bad habit, this one deserves its own special
mention. Clients generally dont want to hear about a therapists personal preferences when it
comes to their sexuality, race, religion or lifestyle. Unless the psychotherapy is specifically
targeting one of these areas, these types of disclosures are usually best left alone. While it might
be fine to mention something in passing (as long as its not offensive), a therapist who spends an
entire session discussing favorite musicians or love of a particular religious passage is not likely
helping their client.

8. Bringing your pet to the psychotherapy session.

Unless cleared and okayed ahead of time, therapists should not bring their pets to the office.
While sometimes therapists see clients in a home office, pets should stay out of the office while
they are in session. To the client, a psychotherapy session is a refuge and a place of peace and
healing pets can disturb that peacefulness and calm. Pets are generally not an appropriate part
of psychotherapy.

9. Hugging and physical contact.

Physical contact between client and therapist must always be expressly spelled out and okayed by
both parties ahead of time. Yes, that includes hugging. Some clients are disturbed by such
touching or hugging, and want no part of it (even if its something a therapist might typically do).
Both therapists and clients should always check ahead of time with the other before attempting
any type of physical contact, and respect the other persons wishes. At no time is a sexual
relationship or sexual touching appropriate in the psychotherapy relationship.
10. Inappropriate displays of wealth or dress.

Psychotherapists are first and foremost professionals, and any displays of wealth and style should
be discarded in exchange for dressing in an appropriate and modest style. A therapist slathered in
expensive jewelry is a put-off to most clients, as are blouses or dresses that show too much skin or
cleavage. Too casual of dress can also be a problem. Jeans may suggest too casual an approach to
a professional service that the client is paying for.

11. Clock watching.

Nobody likes to feel they are boring to another person. Unfortunately the therapist who hasnt
learned how to tell the time without checking the clock every five minutes is going to be noticed
by the client. Most experienced therapists have a good sense of how long a session has gone
without having to look at a clock until late in the session. But some therapists seem obsessively
compulsive about making note of the time, and the client notices (and internally, they may tell
themselves what theyre saying isnt really important to the therapist).

12. Excessive note-taking.

Progress notes are a standard part of psychotherapy. Many therapists do not take notes during a
session because it can be distracting to the process of psychotherapy. They instead rely on their
memory to cover the highlights of the session after the session has ended. Some therapists,
however, believe they must capture every detail of every session in their notes, and obsessively
note-take during sessions. Such constant note-taking is a distraction for most clients, and some
may find that the therapist uses the behavior to keep an emotional distance from the client. If
note-taking is done during session, it should be done sparingly and discreetly.

7 More Bad, Annoying Habits of Therapists

By John M. Grohol, Psy.D.

~ 4 min read

7 More Bad, Annoying Habits of Therapists

Back in 2009, I wrote an article detailing some of the most annoying bad habits of therapists. It
included things such as showing up late for a clients appointment, eating, sleeping or yawning in
front of a client, or being distracted by a phone, text, email or pet.

Yes, these are all real things that happen every day in some therapists offices. But generally, they
are not signs of a good therapist, especially if they occur with regularity. (A once-in-a-while yawn is
only human, after all.)

Here are seven more bad habits of therapists, habits that signal there may be a problem with your
therapists attention, focus or even career choice.

1. Not giving you the allowance of being a few minutes late once in awhile

As bad as it is if your therapist is a few minutes late and thats perfectly fine, since not
everybodys clock is guaranteed to be in sync its even worse when your therapist is a stickler
for punctuality. Im talking about therapists who check their waiting room at the appointed hour
(at exactly 10:00 for instance) and if youre not there, act as if when you come in at 10:01 or 10:02,
youre late. Ive even heard of therapists who wont check again, and patients who are too afraid
to knock on the therapists door (for fear of interrupting a session that has run long, for instance).

Yes, its the patients responsibility to arrive on time. But a good therapist understands people are
not perfect, and that being a few minutes late once in a while is not the same as being 10 minutes
late.

2. Terminating therapy without a referral or followup plan

Psychotherapy Stories
Some therapists seem tone deaf when it comes to the end of a clients therapy with them.
Whether due to retirement, change of insurance coverage, or just the belief that the therapist can
no longer be of help to the patient, some therapists seem to end psychotherapy poorly.

Good therapists will help their clients transition to their next therapist. At the end of therapy, a
termination plan should always be in place and include next steps for the client, with a clear plan
forward. Good therapists shouldnt leave their client in the lurch or feeling confused about where
they should turn to next for treatment.

3. They listen but dont hear

Sometimes therapists get caught up in the details of a patients story, missing the larger picture or
why the story is important to the patient. They ignore the patients emotional content, and
instead focus on unimportant minutiae of the story, or details that dont fit in with the narrative
the therapist has already written inside his or her own head.

Everybody, at one time or another, has nodded their heads when told something, listening
without really hearing. A good therapist will focus not so much on your words all the time, but the
hidden meaning behind those words; the irrational thoughts youre telling yourself; or the
emotional issues youre grappling with. Good therapists will listen not only with their ears, but also
with their eyes to catch nonverbal cues. Those cues can tell a therapist a lot about the meaning of
what youre talking about.

4. Indirect questions or beating around the bush

Therapy is the one place you hope and expect your therapist to provide you clear communication.
But some therapists seem to have a difficult time with direct questions, or a line of inquiry that
gets to the point. Instead of, Are you guys having sex yet? you get, So, when was the last time
you went out on a date with him? and And did anything happen that night? and so on. A good
therapist will not waste your time beating around the bush or being indirect.

5. Tangents that never come around or explanations that go off the deep end

Its okay to go off on a tangent every now and again in therapy its normal and cant be avoided.
Good therapists will bring the conversation back to core issues youre seeing them for, while a bad
therapist will waste 10 or 15 minutes of your time pursuing a tangent without end. Small talk
about how your team did last night, the latest episode of a favorite TV show, politics or even the
weather is normal. Letting it go on for more than a few minutes is a bad habit that therapists
should avoid.

Related to this issue are lengthy explanations that go off the deep end. If you find a therapist
talking for 10 or 15 minutes non-stop each session, thats a sign that perhaps your therapist enjoys
listening to his or her own voice more than yours.

6. Not giving you the grace of allowing your session to run a few minutes over once in awhile

This is the same problem as #1, but in reverse. Of course, patients should stick to their 45 or 60
minute allowance as often as possible. And if you try and run over your sessions allotted time
every single week, youre likely pushing boundaries with the therapist (thats a separate issue that
should be addressed).

But if you dont ordinarily run over your allotted time, yet find yourself finishing up a very
emotional disclosure or insight and need an additional minute or two, your therapist should
respect that occasional need. Therapists who ignore their clients needs at a time like this are not
looking after the best interests of their clients.

7. Therapists that Engage in Personal Grooming, Etc.

Ive heard stories of therapists doing all of these: eating, picking their teeth, rolling their eyes,
fidgeting, cleaning their nails, filing their nails, chewing gum, and compulsively clicking a pen. Also,
we live in a modern age and many people find the old ticking of a clock annoying, as every second
of their limited time with the therapist is counted down. Please get a clock that doesnt tick.

If these habits dont annoy you, then thats cool. The key with any therapy relationship is finding a
good, caring professional who fits both your expectations and needs.