Sexual harassment is defined as any form of unwanted
They are labeled masochistic or
verbal, non-verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature
which occurs with the purpose or effect of violating the
dignity of a person, in particular when creating an
intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating or offensive
environment.
Gender based violence can be understood as violence
directed against a person because of that persons gender, or
violence that affects persons of a particular gender
disproportionately.
The concept of male entitlement created by gender roles is
associated with domestic violence. Men have been taught
through social roles modeling and the media that they are
entitled to the attention and services of women. Women are
required to listen, be supportive, enhance their partners
status with other men, fulfill the mans sexual needs, and
care for their children. Traditional gender roles maintain the
expectation that women are required to cook, clean and
maintain the household. Gender roles have created a
dynamic within intimate relationships that maintain women
as subservient and men as power holders and decision
makers, which is ultimately detrimental to the health and
survival of women. Often in an abusive relationship, if a
woman does not live up to these unrealistic and strict
expectations, it is license for the batterer to be violent.
These roles are deeply engrained in many men and women so
that it is difficult to uncover the extent to which behavior has
been influenced by socialization.
Some men are struggling conscientiously to divest in the
benefits offered to them based on their gender. Gender roles
are so pervasive and insidious that men (and women) dont
even realize how seriously they affect and inform our
behavior. There are men who have chosen non-violence, are
actively participating in equal relationships with women and
working to challenge male privilege. It is encouraged that all
men take a greater role in challenging violence and sexism.
Women are indoctrinated with the notion that they are only
valuable if a) they are in or seeking out heterosexual
relationships and, b) they have children. In addition, the
pressure of maintaining a family is evident upon many
women in our culture. The threat of losing a family is a
grievous one. Women are taught to believe that they are
responsible for their family, and charged with its health and
well-being. Again, gender roles suggest that women are to be
nurturing, caring, and self-sacrificing.
These beliefs work against women who become trapped by
violent men. When women do what they have been taught to
do (stand by their man; take care of their kids) and are then
blamed for staying.
codependent.
Some battered women stay because in addition to being
women and being battered, they are from another historically
disenfranchised population.
The Women and Child Development minister, Krishna Tirath,
recently announced that the government will conduct a study
on "what kind of (sexual) harassment of males is prevalent at
workplaces." This has prompted many to wonder - male
sexual harassment - is that really a thing? From Michael
Douglas in Disclosure to Akshay Kumar in its Bollywood rip-off
Aitraaz - there have been cases of men being victims to
sexual harassment in the reel and real-life workplaces in the
past. But why is the topic still not taken seriously? That's
probably because though many agree that subjecting men to
involuntary groping and touching is certainly not a laughable
matter (ask John Travolta's last masseur and victim!), many
are still used to seeing men as the harassers rather than the
harassed. However, not only is male sexual harassment 'a
thing' - it has been legally addressed in countries across the
world, and has precedents in several workplaces.
Legal definition
The definition of sexual harassment, as per the US Equal
Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) is "Unwelcome
sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal
or physical conduct of a sexual nature" at the workplace. See?
Completely gender neutral! In fact, in most countries, the
definition is applicable to both sexes and falls under two
categories for men - female-on-male harassment and male-
on-male harassment.
The first ever reported case of male sexual harassment was in
the United States in 1995, when a female supervisor at
Dominoes pinched the male manager's butt. The EEOC
sued the outfit and the manager was paid $237,000 in
damages.
However, in India, where the Sexual Harassment at
Workplace Bill was passed only in 2012, the provisions were
restricted to women and their modesty. Is this because men
don't get molested in Indian workplaces? Nope, because as it
turns out, men do get sexually harassed in India... a lot!
Male harassment in India
Judging from the findings of a recent Economic Times-
Synovate survey, the men need to be incorporated in that bill
ASAP. Of the 527 people queried across seven cities -
Bangalore, Chennai, Delhi, Hyderabad, Kolkata, Mumbai and
Pune - 19% said they have faced some kind of sexual
harassment at office. In Bangalore, 51% of the respondents
had been sexually harassed, while in Delhi and Hyderabad,
31% and 28% of those surveyed said they had been sexually
harassed. Around 38% of the respondents across 7 cities in
India said that in today's workplaces, "men are as vulnerable
to sexual harassment as women."
The biggest reason why these cases were never reported was
"social ridicule" and because they felt they wouldn't be
believed due to India's social beliefs.
Across the world
During 2009, 16% of all sexual harassment cases were filed by
men in the US (and more than 2,200 men filed complaints in
2008).
According to a 2006 government study in the United
Kingdom, two out of five sexual harassment victims in the UK
were male, with 8% percent of all sexual harassment
complaints to the Equal Opportunities Commission (Britain's
EEOC), coming from men.
When it isn't all about work
Two 20-something professionals anonymously reveal to DT
why going to work became a "horrible" experience after their
respective bosses and colleagues took office flirting to a new
level, and in one of the cases, refused to back off even when
confronted.
She grabbed me; I wanted to slap her, but couldn't, as I've
been taught to respect women
I started working as a trainee accountant with my firm in
2008 and through the years, I've managed to gain the respect
of my colleagues and my seniors. Sheena(name changed)
joined my firm in 2009 and from the beginning, everyone
knew she was the flirtatious type. We all took it in good
humour and she was fun to be around at first, but things
weren't the same when she started openly flirting with me. It
seemed like I had become her target in office, and it was very
embarrassing. Once, she spread her legs in front of me and I
could see that she was wearing a thong. This happened in my
cubicle, and as much as I would like to believe it, it wasn't a
mistake. She sat like that for a long time, and kept flirting
with me. She would make excuses to take coffee breaks right
when I'd have to step out for a smoke.
All of this was fine, up until one day she grabbed my butt. I
was speechless. She was fishing for compliments and I told
her she was hot, so she replied by saying I was pretty hot
myself, and grabbed me from behind. I could only smile at
her in embarrassment, but somewhere deep inside, I just
wanted to slap her. Being brought up in a household that
respects women, I didn't react. I am just looking to out her in
front of my other colleagues one day, as I'm sure she will try
one of her tricks on me.
She made me feel like a misfit, and it did nothing for my self
confidence
I work at a job consultancy firm and Disha (name changed)
has been running this little sham of a place since 2010. I've
been here since the very beginning; in fact, I was one of the
first people to get hired. Disha always leaned towards me as
compared to my other colleagues. She would always oversee
my mistakes and that made me feel good. I thought it was
because I was one of the older people working at the firm.
One day, while working late in office, she made a pass at me
and told me she really liked me. I told her I wasn't interested
and made it sound good because I didn't want to offend the
boss. Her behaviour became a bit cold after that. But only
recently, while we were working till late again, she came out
of her cabin with her shirt unbuttoned. Throughout the day,
she was dressed in that shirt, buttoned up to her neck, and
suddenly this! She walked up to me and asked me why she
was paying me if I was being mean to her. I felt like a
complete misfit in that office. I resigned the next day and I
am looking for a job now
While over half of all women in the workplace report
experiencing some form of sexual harassment on the job, the
issue of sexual harassment of men is starting to get more
media attention.
According to a recent survey, about one-third of all working
men reported at least one form of sexual harassment in the
previous year. Of the 7,809 sexual harassment charges filed
in 2011 with the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity
Commision (EEOC), 16.1 percent were filed by men. By 2013,
this had risen to 17.6 percent.
Despite the serious consequences that can stem from sexual
harassment, whether it involves men or women, sexual
harassment against men is often not taken that seriously.
There has been extensive research looking at how sexual
harassment can affect women, both in terms of the
emotional consequences and reduced job prospects, but
fewer studies have looked at how men are affected.
But what is sexual harassment exactly? Though it can take
different forms, it generally falls into three distinct
categories:
Sexual coercion involving job-related threats or bribes to
force unwilling workers to enter into a sexual relationship
with the harasser. One example of this is when an employer
threatens to fire an employee if he/she doesn't agree to sex.
While often the most damaging, most harassment tends not
to be this blatant.
Unwanted sexual attention involving unwelcome sexual
advances towards someone else in the workplace that that
are regarded as unwelcome or offensive. This can include
sexual touching, and pressuring for a date. Since it can involve
threats or bribes, there can be considerable overlap between
this category and the first one.
Then there is gender harassment involving hostile behaviour
aimed at undermining workers simply due to their gender.
This can include denigrating comments, off-colour jokes that
are intended to be offensive, mocking, and even violent
threats. Women expressing strong feminist ideals are often
targeted this way. While this is the most common form of
sexual harassment in the workplace, it is also the least likely
to be seen as harassment.
Both women and men have reported experiencing these
three forms of sexual harassment in the workplace with other
men being most likely to be the perpetrators. Men belonging
to sexual minorities are particularly vulnerable to this kind of
treatment which can also overlap with displays of outright
homophobia. As I've already mentioned, women expressing
strong feminist beliefs about issues such as birth control,
abortion, or anything that can challenge existing gender
biases are especially vulnerable to being harassed. But what
about men whose behaviour challenges the existing gender
hierarchy?
Employers and employees often expect men to act as
masculine as possible and anything that deviates from that is
more likely to get them harassed. For example, men who
take time off to care for their children may experience more
gender harassment in the workplace as a result. Since
women are expected to do most of the actual childcare, men
may find their careers affected if they deviate from
traditional gender roles. Also, men who openly support
feminist causes or who are seen as "unmasculine" may get
harassed as well.
Probably the strongest predictor for sexual harassment in a
workplace is whether there is widespread tolerance for this
kind of treatment. Companies that have strong anti-
harassment policies in place provide the best protection for
men and women who otherwise find they have no choice but
to quit their jobs to escape harassment. While there are
federal and state protections in place, they often involve
pursuing a case through the courts and many people simply
don't have the resources to see this through. For people who
can't afford to quit, staying silent may be seen as the only
option.
Again though, most research looking at sexual harassment
focuses on women with relatively few studies dealing with
men who are harassed. A new research study published in
the journal Psychology of Men and Masculinity tries to
address this gap and examine some of the factors that can
increase the chances of men facing harassment on the job.
Carried out by Kathryn J. Holland of the University of
Michigan and a team of fellow researchers, the study
surveyed over six hundred men and women recruited online
and questioned about their own experiences with
harassment. Along with looking at the different ways that
men can be harassed, the research studied also explored
some of the factors that can increase the likelihood of
harassment. And the results can be surprising.
In the study, data was collected using Amazon's Mechanical
Turk platform. Of the 655 men and women surveyed, all of
whom reported previous experience with harassment, 326
men were used in the study. Of these, the average age was
thirty-two and most worked full-time in a wide range of
different jobs. Twenty percent of the men sampled made
$25,000 a year or less and only eleven percent made more
than $100,000 a year.
On average, the people in the study reported experiencing at
least one form of gender harassment as part of their working
lifetime. This included things such as having someone
associated with their work (whether supervisor, coworker, or
workplace visitor) engaging in one of eight gender
harassment activities such as "Repeatedly told sexual stories
or jokes that were offensive to you, Referred to people of
your gender in insulting or offensive terms", etc. Also, the
men in the study reported experiencing at least one form of
sexual advance harassment in the previous year, including
activities such as "Touched you in a way that made you feel
uncomfortable or Implied faster promotions or better
treatment if you were sexually cooperative, etc.
As expected, the likelihood of experiencing either gender
harassment or sexual advance harassment rose sharply
depending in organizations that were more likely to tolerate
that kind of behaviour. Men who deviated from
"traditional" stereotypes of masculinity, whether by
belonging to a sexual minority or who were actively involved
in feminist causes were far more likely to experience some
form or harassment. These study results also demonstrate
that backlash was particularly common against heterosexual
men who challenge traditional gender roles.
Not surprisingly, sexual harassment, whether in the form of
verbal or physical abuse, had a negative effect on job
satisfaction and psychological well-being. Still, being active in
feminist causes can also help protect against the negative
effects of this kind of harassment since it can make men feel
empowered about their basic rights.
One key finding for this study was to demonstrate how
important organizational policies against sexual harassment
are for women and for men. People wroking for
organizations that tolerate harassment are most likely to
experience these kinds of incidents and the negative effect
that harassment has on employees can't be underestimated.
Developing gender-fair policies and training programs to curb
sexual harassment needs to focus on all the different ways
that harassment can occur, including gender harassment of
men and women.
Though this particular study was limited to sexual harassment
as it occurs in the United States, it is important to develop a
better understanding of the kind sexual harassment of men
and women found in different cultures. Also, this study
provides some insight into the impact of widespread ideas
about masculine roles and how it can affect people at work.
As organizations develop better policies to protect employees
from different forms of sexual harassment, it will be
important to understand these kind of attitudes and what it
can mean for how people relate to each other in the
workplace.
What Is Sexual Harassment?
Workplace sexual harassment is defined by the Equal
Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) as unwelcome
sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal
or physical conduct of a sexual nature that explicitly or
implicitly affect an individuals employment, unreasonable
interferes with an individuals work performance; or creates
an intimidating, hostile or offensive work environment. .
Examples of sexual harassment might be as straightforward
as unwelcome touching, being pressured to go on romantic
dates, or being called an offensive sexual nickname. It can
also include less obvious behavior, like making derogatory or
offensive remarks about others, posting sexually explicit
pictures or regular conversation of a sexual nature.
Can Men Be Sexually Harassed?
While the vast majority of sexual harassment cases filed with
the EEOC are filed by women, an increasing number of men
are filing their own claims. In 2015, 6,822 sexual harassment
claims were filed with the EEOC. 17.1 percent of those cases
were filed by men.
There are a number of cases involving female on male
workplace sexual harassment that have resulted in significant
awards for the male employee. These include instances of
retaliation for refusing sexual advances, unwelcome touching
and caressing, and being subjected to offensive sexual
comments and jokes. Male on male workplace sexual
harassment claims are becoming more common, starting with
a 1998 ruling from the United States Supreme Court that held
that men are protected from workplace sexual harassment
under Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964. These cases
may include both sexual advances from male co-workers and
supervisors and sexual-based hazing that can be equally
damaging.
Why Many Men Dont Report
There are no exact statistics on how many men are sexually
harassed at work, and how many of these men actually file
claims for sexual harassment. However, it is likely that the
cases filed with the EEOC represent just a portion of the total
number of men who are sexually harassed at work.
Some men may not report their harassment or file a claim
with the EEOC because they are afraid of being mocked by
coworkers. They may believe that men cant truly be sexually
harassed by a woman, or that being harassed by another man
implicates their own sexuality. They may fear being
embarrassed if details of the harassment were leaked,
particularly if they believe that they should be able to handle
the issue themselves. Whatever the reason, it is evident that
many men are simply not filing claims of sexual harassment.
Women can sexually harass men. A reminder of that obvious
truth came this week with the report that Suzanne Barr, a top
aide to Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano, has
been placed on leave following allegations that she made
lewd comments to male subordinates. Among other
indiscretions reported by Michael Isikoff (of Clinton-Lewinsky
fame) Barr allegedly offered to perform a sexual act on a
male Immigrations and Customs Enforcement attach in
Bogota. (Coming so soon after this springs Secret Service
Cartagena scandal, it appears that traveling to Colombia has a
dangerously disinhibiting influence on American government
officials.) The investigation is ongoing.
Whatever Suzanne Barr did or didnt say in South America, it
shouldnt be news that women can harass men in the
workplace. American case law shows that men have sued
successfully after being harassed by women. Regal Cinemas
and LensCrafters have both paid recent settlements to male
employees who were subjected to inappropriate sexual
come-ons from bosses or fellow employees. The EEOC, which
tracks sexual harassment under Title VII of federal
law, reports that men now make up 16.3% of complainants,
up from 11% in 1997. What the EEOC crucially doesnt do is
provide data about the sex of the accused harassers. We
dont have the numbers that distinguish man-on-woman
harassment from woman-on-man. That makes it difficult to
figure out just how many Suzanne Barrs there are in public
and private workspaces.
The fact that women harass men so infrequently doesnt
mean that the consequences are any less devastating for the
small number of men who are the target of inappropriate
sexual conduct by their female bosses. We need to remember
that women can be predatory and that men can be
victimized. Just as we now acknowledge that boys can be
raped, the law now recognizes that men can be harassed.
Being male significantly reduces the chances of being
victimized, but it doesnt serve as a prophylaxis against the
pain that can result.
Of course, the flip side of raised awareness is the dangerous
claim of false equivalence. As the EEOC numbers reveal,
women are more than six times as likely to be sexually
harassed as men. Though woman-on-woman harassment is
not unknown, it too remains rare in case law. Even as women
have broken through the proverbial glass ceiling to reach to
the highest levels of corporate and political power, man-on-
woman remains the most common type of sexual
harassment. It would be a gross misrepresentation of
statistical reality to claim that sexual harassment isnt still
largely a gendered behavior. Even in 2012, it remains
something that can be done by anyone to anyonebut in
practice is overwhelmingly done by men to women.
Like the infamous Mary Kay Letourneau story, the Suzanne
Barr affair attracts attention because it is both mildly
titillating and becauselike the apocryphal man bites dog
headlineit reverses what we think we know about how the
sexes behave. One takeaway ought to be the reminder that
anyone can commit sexual misconduct. But even as we
acknowledge that harassment may not always be a one-way
street, its important to remember that the bulk of traffic
flows in a single direction. Suzanne Barr may not be unique,
but her (alleged) behavior remains statistically very
uncommon. While she should be disciplined without regard
to sex if the charges prove true, her case shouldnt be
allowed to obscure the reality that the overwhelming
majority of harassers are men.
While we talk about how wrongly feminism is portrayed
across the world, and how the safety measures taken to
safeguard the women of our country are just not
adequate, some light needs to be shed on how the
scenario is equally scary on the other end of the spectrum
as well.
In a study conducted by M.A.Straus in 1977, a professor at
University of New Hampshire, a man is assaulted by his
wife/girlfriend every 14.6 seconds. Sexual harassment of
men, even though shoved under a dirty carpet, is a
serious problem. No denying the fact that the number of
incidents might not be close as to the numbers of the
fairer sex, but it is still common. Call it dark comedy, but
the Indian legislation completely negates the fact that
men can be victims too. In fact IPC section 354A, 354B,
354C, 354D, deal with sexual harassment, disrobing,
stalking and voyeurism, and clearly state a man being the
perpetrator, and the woman being the victim. Even
sections 376 and 509 speak about rape of a woman, and
outraging the modesty of a woman. Of a woman. The
question of modesty, if at all, only exists in women. We
are talking about a country with over 1.5 billion people. A
country that's apparently on its way to becoming a
superpower in the coming years. You must also know that
this is a country where the only form of any recognised
sexual wrongdoing towards a man is sodomy, under
section 377 of the IPC. So basically a man needs to be
sodomised for the government to take notice. It's called
the Sexual Harassment of Women at Workplace
(Prevention, Prohibition and Redressal) Act of 2013. The
complete ignorance of men makes it much more of a
problem in our society.
At the risk of inviting unwarranted comments on how
India doesn't need western influence, here's the legal
definition of sexual harassment according to the US Equal
Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC),
"unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors,
and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature" is
deemed as sexual harassment. Completely gender
neutral, it fits perfectly for any gender.
Anonymous: "She grabbed me; I wanted to slap her, but
couldn't, as I've been taught to respect women."
"I started working as a trainee accountant with my firm in
2008 and through the years, I've managed to gain the
respect of my colleagues and my seniors. Sheena (name
changed) joined my firm in 2009 and from the beginning,
everyone knew she was the flirtatious type. We all took it
in good humour and she was fun to be around at first, but
things weren't the same when she started openly flirting
with me. It seemed like I had become her target in office,
and it was very embarrassing. Once, she spread her legs in
front of me and I could see that she was wearing a thong.
This happened in my cubicle, and as much as I would like
to believe it, it wasn't a mistake. She sat like that for a
long time, and kept flirting with me. She would make
excuses to take coffee breaks right when I'd have to step
out for a smoke.
All of this was fine, up until one day she grabbed my butt.
I was speechless. She was fishing for compliments and I
told her she was hot, so she replied by saying I was pretty
hot myself, and grabbed me from behind. I could only
smile at her in embarrassment, but somewhere deep
inside, I just wanted to slap her. Being brought up in a
household that respects women, I didn't react. I am just
looking to out her in front of my other colleagues one day,
as I'm sure she will try one of her tricks on me."
Anonymous: "She made me feel like a misfit, and it did
nothing for my self confidence."
I work at a job consultancy firm and Disha (name
changed) has been running this little sham of a place since
2010. I've been here since the very beginning; in fact, I
was one of the first people to get hired. Disha always
leaned towards me as compared to my other colleagues.
She would always oversee my mistakes and that made me
feel good. I thought it was because I was one of the older
people working at the firm. One day, while working late in
office, she made a pass at me and told me she really liked
me. I told her I wasn't interested and made it sound good
because I didn't want to offend the boss. Her behaviour
became a bit cold after that. But only recently, while we
were working till late again, she came out of her cabin
with her shirt unbuttoned. Throughout the day, she was
dressed in that shirt, buttoned up to her neck, and
suddenly this! She walked up to me and asked me why she
was paying me if I was being mean to her. I felt like a
complete misfit in that office. I resigned the next day and I
am looking for a job now."
There may not be laws supporting the men, but there are
support groups for the victims of the skewed laws.
We often talk about sexual harassment against women in the
workplace but for this column Im going to address the
growing problem of sexual harassment against men in the
workplace.
Are you laughing? You probably are. Thats what happened
recently when I discussed the topic with friends and
colleagues. Few seem to take this issue seriously.
But for quite a few men, sexual harassment is indeed
becoming a serious issue, and some men are deciding not to
just brush aside the unwelcome advances from women and
men.
Many people mistakenly believe that harassment is limited
to females, says Roberta Chinsky Matuson, a human
resource expert. The truth is that this type of experience is
just as damaging to men.
While the number of sexual harassment cases overall has
consistently declined in the past few years, sexual
harassment filings by men have consistently increased,
doubling over 15 years, says David Grinberg, a spokesman
for the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, or
EEOC.
Even though women filing charges makes up the bulk of the
EEOCs sexual harassment workload, men are becoming a
bigger piece of the pie, with nearly 2000 filing charges last
year.
And thats cases that get to the EEOC. Many labor experts say
men are less likely than women to speak up about such cases
of harassment for fear of being mocked by coworkers, and
even fewer would take the charges to a government agency
and risk widespread knowledge of their plight.
Thomas, who works in academia but didnt want his full name
used, found himself in an office made up of mainly women
who would routinely share and copy each other emailed
jokes and emails about men. A few, he adds, made fun of
mens unique anatomy, if you know what I mean. The
behavior, he says, made him feel isolated. When he finally
addressed the matter with the women in the office, the
women were stunned, generally with a Youve got to be
kidding, kind of attitude. And they kept doing it.
There are a host of reasons the number of men complaining
about harassment may be up.
There are more female bosses in the workplace today than
there were just 10 years ago; and unfortunately men dont
have a corner on the rude-behavior market.
Also, a ruling by the Supreme Court in 1998 involving a
Louisiana man who claimed he was sexually harassed by his
male manager while working on an oil rig in the Gulf of
Mexico, made it clear that men are protected from such
harassment at work under Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of
1964.
The first ever court case involving sexual harassment of a
man in the workplace was in 1995. The EEOC sued Domino
Pizza after a female supervisor of a male store manager
sexually harassed him and then fired him.
She would caress his shoulders and neck, and pinched his
buttocks, the EEOC said in a statement.
The case went to trial in Tampa and the male manager was
awarded $237,000 in damages.
Last year, the EEOC filed a lawsuit against a Mississippi real
estate company on behalf of a man who they say was
sexually harassed and retaliated against by his female
manager. The agency said the man, a maintenance worker in
an apartment complex, rebuffed sexual advances from his
female manager. As a result, she began a pattern of
retaliation against him, culminating in his firing.
And just this past February, a federal jury granted a $225,000
verdict to three men who said their manager at an Oxford,
Miss., construction company sexually harassed them.
The three male employees were truck drivers and they all
complained about one manager whose behavior included
sexually offensive comments and unwanted physical
contact.
The EEOCs Birmingham regional attorney C. Emanuel Smith
noted in a release about the ruling: Some employers may
view male-on-male harassment as horseplay or boys being
boys but this kind of intentional discrimination can cause
needless suffering and permanent scars for employees not
to mention creating liability issues for employers who violate
federal law.
So hopefully youve all stopped snickering, and realize such
claims are definitely serious.
The biggest challenge for men is figuring out what to do when
this happens.
Some men, says relationship psychiatrist Paul Dobransky, will
deal with the harassment head on and then shrug it off; while
others get all tied up in knots and feel stuck. In the latter
case, things will only deteriorate and probably lead to more
harassment. The key, he adds, is to set personal
boundaries.
You should first confront the harasser. Tell them clearly and
without wavering that you do not appreciates that type of
behavior and you want it to stop. Dont joke around with the
individual and dont be wishy-washy, harassers can smell
fear.
If it doesnt stop talk to your manager, but if the harasser is
your manager, go above his or her head to their supervisor.
Your next step if nothing is resolved is the HR office and then
the EEOC if you get nowhere with that.
If youre looking for confidentiality, dont hold your breath,
says employment attorney Michael Cohen. Once you go
beyond the harasser, the company will be forced to
investigate the claim and surely your name will end up the
talk of the office on IM.
I would be remiss if I didnt address another big issue
bogus sexual harassment claims. Yes, men can make those
too.
Not everything is considered sexual harassment under the
law. (And Im saying this to not only men but women as well.)
Just because a guy or gal asks you out doesnt mean youve
been harassed. And just because someone has a photo you
might deem inappropriate on his or her computer, or tells an
off-color joke in the office, doesnt mean you should be
running to your human resource department.
Weve all become quite touchy in the workplace and often
take what our colleagues say the wrong way. But remember,
were working in close quarters with a mixed bag of
individuals that do and say stuff we might not like.
Lets keep this all in perspective. If a boss asks you out, say
no. If he or she demotes or fires you, then youve got a
serious sexual harassment claim on your hands. If a coworker
or coworkers keep inundating you with sexually explicit jokes,
photos, etc., and continue to do it even when you ask them
to stop, you may have a case as well if you can prove they
created a hostile environment for you.
Taking your case all the way to the EEOC, or even to HR isnt
the best option for everyone. If things dont change at your
job, you can always choose to move on. A place with that
kind of attitude is probably bad career karma anyway.
After approaching his harassing coworkers, Thomas spoke to
his bosses and someone was brought in to intercede, but no
one was formally disciplined. Some behaviors ceased but
others did not. Resentment in all directions festered and
over the course of a couple of years the events really blew
apart the office, and most everyone was working elsewhere
within a couple of years, he adds, including himself. Ive
moved on with a very successful career.
2013 msnbc.com. Reprints
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Perceptions That Men Welcome Harassment Are Bullshit
When The Guardian made this video showing a woman
approaching men on the street and making inappropriate
advances, it told a different story. One of the men asked
whats wrong with you? while another responded you cant
speak to us like that.
Some interesting research that analysed sexual harassment
complaints made in Australian offices surfaced last week. It
showed that women were accused of sexually harassing men
in five per cent of cases, and men accused other men in 11
per cent of cases. Less surprisingly, complaints raised by
women against men made up the bulk of the grievances (78.4
per cent).
Professor Paula McDonald, who headed the research, said:
Men are overwhelmingly responsible for sexual harassment
against women in the workplace, but men are also the targets
of sexual harassment far more commonly than typically
assumed by researchers or the community at large.
If we needed more evidence of Prof. McDonalds findings in
July, bar staff at a popular venue in Inverness, Scotland, were
forced to stop wearing their traditional tartan kilts as female
patrons would not refrain from groping them. The manager
of the venue, Hootananny, described the situation as pure
sexism.
Pop Culture Isnt Doing Male Victims Any Favours
Remember when Drake was the victim of an unsolicited and
non-consensual kiss at Coachella this year? As he sat on a
chair on stage, with his hands on his lap, Madonna planted
one on his lips and started rubbing his chest as the crowd
cheered in delight.
After the incident Drake addressed the audience and asked
what the fuck just happened?
If a man did that to a woman it would, quite rightly, be
described as wholly unacceptable and he would justifiably be
called out about it. People on Twitter highlighted the obvious
sexism at play in this incident. But this is unlikely to be the
last instance of a guy getting harassed before our eyes and
nothing be done about it.
Guys Shouldnt Be Ridiculed If They Call Their Harassers Out
The fact that men become the victim of sexual harassment at
the hands of women so infrequently doesnt mean the results
of such actions cannot have a profoundly negative effect on
their wellbeing. Guys shouldnt feel afraid to call perpetrators
out for fear of being ridiculed.
Sexual harassment is an abhorrent act that should be directly
challenged and fought at every opportunity. But we need to
remember that, although it is nowhere near statistically likely
to be that way round, women can be predatory, and that
men can be the victims.
What Does Sexual Harassment Look Like?
Sexual harassment comes in many forms, says Susan Fineran,
PhD. She's a professor at the University of Southern Maine who
studies this problem.
Sexual harassment includes:
Name calling. Insults related to a person's sexuality are
a form of sexual harassment. This includes calling
someone a "slut," "gay," or a "fag," Fineran says. It
doesn't matter who's saying it, or whether the person
being harassed is gay or straight, male or female. What
matters is that you're using those words to insult them -
- that makes it harassment.
Unwanted touching. If someone touches a girl's breasts
and she's not OK with it, it's harassment. If someone
grabs or hits a guy in the genitals -- even as a prank --
that's harassment, too.
Unwanted behaviors. This includes someone asking you
on a date or pressuring you for sex repeatedly after
you've said no. If someone stalks you, gets in your
personal space, or acts threateningly, that may be a
form of sexual harassment, too.
Pressure from authority figures. Harassment doesn't
just come from other teens. Adults may sexually harass
you, too. If a teacher offers to give you a better grade --
or a boss offers a better work shift -- in exchange for sex
or some kind of physical favor, that's harassment. It's
still "absolutely" harassment if a teacher is just looking
or making comments "in a sexual way that makes the
student uncomfortable," says Melissa Holt, PhD, an
assistant professor at Boston University.
Hassling. If a classroom is mostly made up of guys who
start picking on one of the few girls during class and
making her life uncomfortable, that could be termed
sexual harassment, Fineran says.
Harassment often takes place in person. But it happens online too
-- like if someone emails or texts photos of you in which you're
not dressed or you're in a sexual situation, Holt says.
Take Action to Protect Yourself
If you feel like you're being sexually harassed at school, here's the
first step to making it stop: Call it sexual harassment, not bullying,
Fineran says.
The government has clearly told schools that they are responsible
for stopping sexual harassment at school, she says. You could file
a federal lawsuit if a school doesn't do its job to protect you from
sexual harassment. That's a very big deal. So your school may
take your concern more seriously if you call it sexual harassment.
And remember, the law protects you so that no one can retaliate
or take revenge for you reporting him or her.
You can take these other steps to confront sexual harassment at
school, Fineran says:
Speak up. Tell your harasser to stop. Say that the words
or actions are making you uncomfortable.
Keep a record. Take note of who harassed you, what
the person said or did, and how you responded. Write
down when and where it happened. Keep any harassing
emails, texts, or online postings, too.
Tell a parent or trusted adult. Sometimes it's hard to
know whether events cross the line from teasing to
sexual harassment. Talking to an adult can help you
figure out what's happening and how to deal with it. If a
boss starts scheduling you for early in the morning or
late at night so the two of you are working alone, an
adult in your life should know.
Report it. Tell a teacher, staff member, or your school
principal. Share your records of what has happened. If
the people at your school aren't helpful, then tell the
school's superintendent. Your parents can help with
this.
Go legal. If you don't get relief, consider whether a
lawsuit is necessary. Again, your parents should be
involved in this.
Tell your boss. If your boss is the problem, then tell his
or her boss. Businesses can be sued for sexual
harassment, too, and many will take action if they're
concerned about a lawsuit. If you are afraid to do this
alone, get your parents or another trusted adult
involved.
Consider quitting if you feel unsafe.
How You Can Avoid Being the Harasser
If you're checking someone out, joking with your friends, or being
persistent in asking for a date, is that harassment? It may
sometimes seem tricky to tell. Here are some pointers:
Remember where you are. Jokes or comments that you
could make with your close buddies may not be OK with
someone you don't know as well, Holt says.
Don't label people. Never call anyone a "slut," and
never use "gay" as an insult.
Hands off. Don't touch people -- especially in a personal
or sexual manner -- unless they have told you it's OK to
do so.
Be respectful. If someone asks you to stop doing
something that's bothering them, stop immediately. It
doesn't matter if it's someone you're dating or someone
you don't know -- if they say "stop," stop.
Don't spread rumors. Respectfulness also means not
spreading rumors. Don't share personal details or sexy
photos that would embarrass someone.
Watch for signals. If someone seems uncomfortable or
afraid when you're trying to start a conversation or ask
for a date, stop.
What is sexual harassment?
Sexual harassment includes any unwanted
sexual behaviorincluding touching or even
making comments of a sexual nature. But
sometimes the line can be blurred between
teasing, flirting, and sexually harassing.
Do you know the difference between them? Take
our sexual harassment quiz and find out!
Sadly, sexual harassment doesnt always stop
when you graduate from school. However, if you
develop the confidence and skills you need to
deal with sexual harassment now, youll be
prepared to deal with it when you enter the
workforce. And you might even stop a harasser
from hurting others!
So, theres a ton of talk about sexual
harassment at school, in the work place, when
youre WALKING to school, when youre
WALKING to your workplace . . . but what really
counts as sexual harassment and what
doesnt? Maybe youve had something weird
happen to you but you werent sure if it was
serious enough to really qualify as sexual
harassment.
Well, lets set the record straight. Any kind of
unwanted behavior thats sexual and makes you
feel uncomfortable is sexual
harassment. Whether its something someone
says to you, something you are made to look at,
or a way someone touches youit counts and its
not okay. Here are a list of things that totally
qualify as sexual harassment. I couldnt list
everything, but this should give you and idea:
* Someone calling you babe, honey, sugar
tits, you get the idea
* Cat calling of any kindincluding whistles and
hollers
* A dude asking if its that time of the
month because he thinks youre being bitchy
* Raunchy jokes that you have to listen to
* Unwanted neck/back/shoulder massages (ick
ick ick)
* Requests for sexual favors in exchange for
better grades/a job/more money
* Comments about your body, even if
theyre complimentary!
* Gross, porny emailseven if theyre just a
joke
* Any kind of touching that gives you the heebie
jeebies
Get the idea? It doesnt matter what the
intention really is, what matters is whether or
not you are uncomfortable. If someone is
sexually harassing you, first tell them theyre
making you uncomfortable and that they need to
stop. Hopefully, theyll be horrified at
themselves, apologize, be a better person from
then on, and never ever do anything like that
again. If thats not the case, though, and the
person continues to harass you, tell a parent, a
counselor, your HR rep or another authority
figure you trust. Sexual harassment is NOT your
fault (no matter what you wear, how you walk,
or whatever else people blame girls for!).