1

00:00:02,150 --> 00:00:04,484

<i>The Simpsons</i>

2
00:00:33,148 --> 00:00:34,647
D'oh!

3
00:00:42,958 --> 00:00:45,058
What? What?!

4
00:00:45,093 --> 00:00:46,326
Hey!

5
00:00:46,361 --> 00:00:48,561
Up your... Oh, sorry.

6
00:00:48,596 --> 00:00:50,463
Yes, sir.

7
00:00:50,498 --> 00:00:52,031
Who are these guys?

8
00:00:53,034 --> 00:00:54,634
Meh?

9
00:00:58,173 --> 00:01:00,073
<i>The Simpsons</i>

10
00:01:01,376 --> 00:01:03,142
Sir, please, don't do this!

11
00:01:03,178 --> 00:01:05,778
Oh, stop your Smithering.

12
00:01:10,574 --> 00:01:14,574
<font color="#00FF00"> The Simpsons 27x17 </font>
<font color="#00FFFF">The Burns Cage</font>
Original Air Date on April 3, 2016

13
00:01:14,598 --> 00:01:21,098
== sync, corrected by <font color=#00FF00>elderman</font> ==
<font color=#00FFFF>@elder_man</font>

14
00:01:23,465 --> 00:01:24,831
That was easy.
15
00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:39,445
I did it.

16
00:01:39,481 --> 00:01:41,881
All by myself.

17
00:01:41,916 --> 00:01:44,851
Oh, Smithers, do you always
have to be underfoot?

18
00:01:44,886 --> 00:01:45,852
Sorry, sir.

19
00:01:45,887 --> 00:01:47,020
If there were a less spectacular

20
00:01:47,055 --> 00:01:48,021
way to save your life, I...

21
00:01:48,056 --> 00:01:49,155
I should've found it.

22
00:01:50,959 --> 00:01:52,592
You see

23
00:01:52,627 --> 00:01:55,995
This guy

24
00:01:56,031 --> 00:01:59,565
This guy's in love
with you...

25
00:02:01,870 --> 00:02:03,536
Mr. Burns, coming down, I...

26
00:02:03,571 --> 00:02:05,071
I thought we weren't
gonna make it,

27
00:02:05,106 --> 00:02:07,006
and I thought I'd never
get to say something

28
00:02:07,042 --> 00:02:08,441
I've always wanted to.
29
00:02:08,476 --> 00:02:10,843
The truth is, sir,
I'm in love with...

30
00:02:10,879 --> 00:02:11,878
The sound of your own voice?

31
00:02:11,913 --> 00:02:13,346
Yes, well, no dogwood I,

32
00:02:13,381 --> 00:02:15,848
listening to the nightingale
trill her unending tune.

33
00:02:15,884 --> 00:02:18,317
Don't take this the wrong way,
but you mean nothing to me.

34
00:02:18,353 --> 00:02:20,219
Someone I give less thought
to than the little piece

35
00:02:20,255 --> 00:02:21,521
of popcorn stuck in my tooth.

36
00:02:21,556 --> 00:02:22,556
Ooh, can you remove it?

37
00:02:24,259 --> 00:02:26,225
I'll see you back at the office.
Don't be late.

38
00:02:31,966 --> 00:02:34,934
I've lived

39
00:02:34,969 --> 00:02:37,637
Half of my life

40
00:02:37,672 --> 00:02:41,074
Living half of a life

41
00:02:41,109 --> 00:02:46,412
Waiting for U-234

42
00:02:46,448 --> 00:02:48,581
Can't you see the fire

43
00:02:48,616 --> 00:02:54,020
Burning in my core?

44
00:02:54,055 --> 00:02:57,423
Is there a half life
for hope?

45
00:02:57,459 --> 00:03:00,393
I know the answer is,
"Nope"

46
00:03:00,428 --> 00:03:03,396
I've failed at my mission

47
00:03:03,431 --> 00:03:06,232
No fusion, just fission

48
00:03:06,267 --> 00:03:09,135
And now I'm here wishin'

49
00:03:09,170 --> 00:03:11,838
To be

50
00:03:11,873 --> 00:03:14,607
Decommissioned

51
00:03:14,642 --> 00:03:17,844
Have you ever felt down?

52
00:03:17,879 --> 00:03:21,147
Much worse than a meltdown

53
00:03:21,182 --> 00:03:24,250
My heart is covered in

54
00:03:24,285 --> 00:03:28,454
Burns

55
00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:46,926
Larry, Moe and Curly,
get out here now!

56
00:03:49,897 --> 00:03:51,831
So, you like fun and games?

57
00:03:51,866 --> 00:03:55,034
Well, games can be fun, so, uh,
that's kind of redundant.

58
00:03:55,069 --> 00:03:56,569
Would you like to
rethink the question?

59
00:03:56,604 --> 00:03:57,970
Here's a game for you--

60
00:03:58,005 --> 00:03:59,572
properly stack
and store those rods

61
00:03:59,607 --> 00:04:00,906
then perform
a complete turbine

62
00:04:00,942 --> 00:04:02,041
maintenance procedure.

63
00:04:02,076 --> 00:04:03,042
Routine maintenance?

64
00:04:03,077 --> 00:04:04,310
We never do that.

65
00:04:04,345 --> 00:04:06,111
Lots of us never
get to do things.

66
00:04:06,147 --> 00:04:07,112
Yeah, we know.

67
00:04:07,148 --> 00:04:08,148
We heard your song.

68
00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:16,989
Jacqueline Jones,
reading for the part of Ilsa.

69
00:04:17,024 --> 00:04:18,024
Oh, I like this one.

70
00:04:18,059 --> 00:04:19,391
A cool girl.

71
00:04:19,427 --> 00:04:21,126
Plus her father
owns a print shop.

72
00:04:21,162 --> 00:04:22,127
Free playbills.

73
00:04:22,163 --> 00:04:23,195
Four color.

74
00:04:23,231 --> 00:04:25,130
Yeah, yeah, smart. Yes.

75
00:04:25,166 --> 00:04:27,399
I can't fight it anymore.

76
00:04:27,435 --> 00:04:29,902
I ran away from <i>you</i> once.

77
00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:32,004
I can't <i>do</i> it again.

78
00:04:32,039 --> 00:04:33,205
Strange choices.

79
00:04:33,241 --> 00:04:34,740
Maybe that scrunchie's
too tight.

80
00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:36,308
Well, you can
teach acting.

81
00:04:36,344 --> 00:04:37,910
You can't teach popular.

82
00:04:37,945 --> 00:04:39,178
We've got our Ilsa.

83
00:04:39,213 --> 00:04:41,080
Are you sure?
Even by school play standards,

84
00:04:41,115 --> 00:04:42,181
she's terrible.

85
00:04:42,216 --> 00:04:44,216
Skinner, I'm setting down
my clipboard

86
00:04:44,252 --> 00:04:46,185
to signify that
all future auditions

87
00:04:46,220 --> 00:04:47,786
are just a formality.

88
00:04:47,822 --> 00:04:51,123
Lisa Simpson,
reading for the part of Ilsa.

89
00:04:51,158 --> 00:04:52,424
The egghead?

90
00:04:52,460 --> 00:04:54,360
Pass. Hard pass.

91
00:04:54,395 --> 00:04:55,995
Can I tell you a story?

92
00:04:56,030 --> 00:04:58,364
It's about a girl who came
to Paris and met a man,

93
00:04:58,399 --> 00:05:00,699
a very great and courageous man.

94
00:05:00,735 --> 00:05:02,067
She's good.

95
00:05:02,103 --> 00:05:04,403
Yes, better than
Little Miss Print shop...

96
00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:06,005
and there you are.
97
00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:08,841
Guess what, you've just
been promoted a grade.

98
00:05:10,111 --> 00:05:11,677
Everything she knew
or ever became

99
00:05:11,712 --> 00:05:12,978
was because of him,

100
00:05:13,014 --> 00:05:14,980
and she looked up to him
and worshipped him

101
00:05:15,016 --> 00:05:17,583
with a feeling
she supposed was love.

102
00:05:23,524 --> 00:05:24,490
That's it!

103
00:05:24,525 --> 00:05:25,991
I'll audition for Rick.

104
00:05:26,027 --> 00:05:28,227
Co-stars are always
falling in love:

105
00:05:28,262 --> 00:05:30,963
Brad and Angelina,
Kermit and Miss Piggy,

106
00:05:30,998 --> 00:05:33,365
Mrs. Brady and Greg.

107
00:05:34,869 --> 00:05:37,603
The role of Ilsa
goes to Lisa.

108
00:05:37,638 --> 00:05:39,038
Yes!

109
00:05:39,073 --> 00:05:41,340
The role I was
anagrammed to play.

110
00:05:41,375 --> 00:05:42,541
And since only one child

111
00:05:42,576 --> 00:05:44,543
auditioned
for the lead role...

112
00:05:44,578 --> 00:05:47,980
I am proud to announce
Rick will be played by...

113
00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:50,149
I'm looking for
a down-on-his-luck heel

114
00:05:50,184 --> 00:05:51,450
named Skinner.

115
00:05:56,190 --> 00:05:57,890
Who are you?

116
00:05:57,925 --> 00:05:59,291
Name's Jack Deforest,

117
00:05:59,327 --> 00:06:00,993
and of all the schools
in all the districts,

118
00:06:01,028 --> 00:06:03,429
I had to get transferred
to this one.

119
00:06:04,665 --> 00:06:07,232
You've got the part.

120
00:06:07,268 --> 00:06:09,068
Well, that fills
out the cast.

121
00:06:09,103 --> 00:06:10,803
Milhouse,
you're the understudy.

122
00:06:10,838 --> 00:06:11,937
Understudy?

123
00:06:11,973 --> 00:06:14,640
Both those words are horrible.

124
00:06:17,378 --> 00:06:19,278
Hey guys, my, uh,
head's a little wet

125
00:06:19,313 --> 00:06:21,080
from the
decontamination shower.

126
00:06:23,584 --> 00:06:24,984
Thanks.
<i>De nada.</i>

127
00:06:26,787 --> 00:06:28,854
Let's see how
that thing's working.

128
00:06:34,395 --> 00:06:35,894
Not again!

129
00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:41,767
Bring it back,
get it working,

130
00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:43,168
screw it on tight.

131
00:06:43,204 --> 00:06:44,303
Both screws?

132
00:06:44,338 --> 00:06:45,771
Yes.

133
00:06:45,806 --> 00:06:47,406
He's chewing our ass
'cause he's unhappy.

134
00:06:47,441 --> 00:06:48,774
What are we
gonna do here?

135
00:06:48,809 --> 00:06:50,042
I know the answer.

136
00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:52,511
We have got to get
that guy a woman.

137
00:06:52,546 --> 00:06:55,748
A woman who can find him a man.

138
00:06:58,003 --> 00:07:00,603
Okay, guys, to get Smithers
off our backs,

139
00:07:00,639 --> 00:07:02,572
I'm gonna find him
a boyfriend

140
00:07:02,607 --> 00:07:04,307
on this.

141
00:07:04,342 --> 00:07:06,176
Homer, I'm a
long-haul trucker,

142
00:07:06,211 --> 00:07:08,945
who's home-straight
and highway-gay,

143
00:07:08,980 --> 00:07:11,281
but, uh, how do you know
about Grinder?

144
00:07:11,316 --> 00:07:12,782
My wife put me on to it.

145
00:07:12,817 --> 00:07:14,984
I was looking for an app
for pepper grinders,

146
00:07:15,020 --> 00:07:16,219
and I found this.

147
00:07:16,254 --> 00:07:18,354
Uh, doesn't Smithers
dig Burns?

148
00:07:18,390 --> 00:07:20,590
Yeah, but Burns
doesn't want Smithers.

149
00:07:20,625 --> 00:07:23,826
Isn't it sad, Marge,
when somebody really,

150
00:07:23,862 --> 00:07:27,130
really, really,
really wants somebody,

151
00:07:27,165 --> 00:07:28,998
and they're sitting
across the bar from you

152
00:07:29,034 --> 00:07:30,300
married to Homer?

153
00:07:30,335 --> 00:07:32,869
Moe, this is why
I don't come here much.

154
00:07:32,904 --> 00:07:34,103
Oh, yeah,
you're right, Marge.

155
00:07:34,139 --> 00:07:36,406
Hey, uh, I'm sorry.

156
00:07:38,843 --> 00:07:39,976
Oh, yeah.

157
00:07:41,379 --> 00:07:44,647
Can we just find
a boyfriend for Smithers?

158
00:07:44,683 --> 00:07:47,250
Finally, a use
for the Internet.

159
00:07:47,285 --> 00:07:49,118
Hmm, no.

160
00:07:49,154 --> 00:07:50,119
No.
161
00:07:50,155 --> 00:07:51,120
Too smoldering.

162
00:07:51,156 --> 00:07:52,188
Too lumberjack.

163
00:07:52,224 --> 00:07:53,690
Too "look how fun I am."

164
00:07:53,725 --> 00:07:55,124
George Takei?

165
00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:58,828
Click me and we will
boldly go to Yogurtland,

166
00:07:58,863 --> 00:08:02,599
but be warned: I don't care
for people who <i>cling on.</i>

167
00:08:04,703 --> 00:08:06,603
Hey, why am I on this?

168
00:08:06,638 --> 00:08:08,104
Well, only one way
to find out.

169
00:08:08,139 --> 00:08:09,606
Swipe.

170
00:08:09,641 --> 00:08:12,609
Maybe we should just
invite them all to a party

171
00:08:12,644 --> 00:08:14,677
and see
who Mr. Smithers likes.

172
00:08:14,713 --> 00:08:16,179
Good idea.

173
00:08:16,214 --> 00:08:19,249
Did somebody here swipe me?

174
00:08:19,284 --> 00:08:20,383
Here's five bucks.

175
00:08:20,418 --> 00:08:21,751
Visit my Dad.
Say you're me.

176
00:08:21,786 --> 00:08:24,420
Finally, I'm paid to act.

177
00:08:25,924 --> 00:08:27,190
Tell you what,

178
00:08:27,225 --> 00:08:29,092
if you buy a half-page ad
in the program,

179
00:08:29,127 --> 00:08:32,629
Sam plays "As Time Goes By"
with Hulk hands.

180
00:08:32,664 --> 00:08:34,063
You have a deal.

181
00:08:36,668 --> 00:08:39,135
I'm glad someone's getting
something from this play.

182
00:08:40,739 --> 00:08:42,639
As an understudy,
all I get is to watch

183
00:08:42,674 --> 00:08:44,841
Lisa and Jack fall in love.

184
00:08:44,876 --> 00:08:47,343
Oh, you're still here.

185
00:08:49,147 --> 00:08:51,814
Look, Milhouse,
if anything happens

186
00:08:51,850 --> 00:08:54,050
to that kid playing Rick...

187
00:08:54,085 --> 00:08:55,285
you get the part.
188
00:08:55,320 --> 00:08:57,053
If you catch my drift.

189
00:08:57,088 --> 00:08:58,821
You know I can't catch.

190
00:09:00,859 --> 00:09:03,259
Don't judge me.

191
00:09:04,729 --> 00:09:06,129
Jack, you're amazing.

192
00:09:06,164 --> 00:09:08,665
You're blowing away
everyone else in the play.

193
00:09:10,168 --> 00:09:13,870
You despise me, don't you?

194
00:09:13,905 --> 00:09:15,772
If I gave you any thought,

195
00:09:15,807 --> 00:09:17,940
I probably would.

196
00:09:17,976 --> 00:09:19,742
I'll be in my trailer.

197
00:09:21,112 --> 00:09:22,679
This isn't Fiji water.

198
00:09:22,714 --> 00:09:26,649
Yo, dingus, someone doesn't
want you in that play.

199
00:09:26,685 --> 00:09:29,252
Who let you three gorillas
out of the zoo?

200
00:09:30,288 --> 00:09:31,254
Gorillas.

201
00:09:31,289 --> 00:09:33,523
It's not funny.
202
00:09:34,726 --> 00:09:35,858
How'd you get the bullies

203
00:09:35,894 --> 00:09:37,327
to take out Jack?

204
00:09:37,362 --> 00:09:38,995
The most powerful bribe
in the world:

205
00:09:39,030 --> 00:09:41,931
a free full-page ad
in the play program.

206
00:09:43,802 --> 00:09:46,269
It's a funny thing about fists,
everyone gets them,

207
00:09:46,304 --> 00:09:48,971
but not everyone gets
the instruction manual.

208
00:09:49,007 --> 00:09:53,309
Oh, no, his mouth wrote checks
his fists <i>could</i> cash!

209
00:09:56,681 --> 00:09:57,880
Someone is using the go-round

210
00:09:57,916 --> 00:09:59,682
for non-merry purposes.

211
00:09:59,718 --> 00:10:02,819
in <i>Casablanca,</i>
the part of Rick Blaine

212
00:10:02,854 --> 00:10:04,287
will now be played by Milhouse.

213
00:10:04,322 --> 00:10:06,656
Also, the cafeteria
is out of buns,

214
00:10:06,691 --> 00:10:08,224
so for hamburgers
we will now be using

215
00:10:08,259 --> 00:10:09,926
two slices of day-old toast.

216
00:10:09,961 --> 00:10:11,527
That is all.

217
00:10:15,266 --> 00:10:18,167
Where you're going,
I can't...

218
00:10:18,203 --> 00:10:19,203
Line!

219
00:10:19,237 --> 00:10:20,703
Follow!

220
00:10:20,739 --> 00:10:22,105
Sounds weird to me.

221
00:10:22,140 --> 00:10:23,339
"I can't follow."

222
00:10:23,375 --> 00:10:25,007
"I can't follow."

223
00:10:25,043 --> 00:10:27,910
Also, why would Nazis
respect letters of transit

224
00:10:27,946 --> 00:10:29,278
signed by De Gaulle?

225
00:10:29,314 --> 00:10:31,447
I may be pulling on a thread,
but hear me out...

226
00:10:36,388 --> 00:10:37,987
Everything looks
great, Marge.

227
00:10:38,022 --> 00:10:39,956
That cheese is
cubed perfectly.
228
00:10:39,991 --> 00:10:40,991
Thank you.

229
00:10:41,025 --> 00:10:42,191
I get queasy when I see

230
00:10:42,227 --> 00:10:43,826
cubes that are cut
on the bias.

231
00:10:44,863 --> 00:10:47,697
Oh, Mr. Smithers.

232
00:10:47,732 --> 00:10:49,098
Come in, come in, come in.

233
00:10:49,134 --> 00:10:50,867
Can I get you
a Tom Collins?

234
00:10:50,902 --> 00:10:53,169
Hello, Tom Collins.

235
00:10:54,305 --> 00:10:56,172
Hmm, I see
what's going on here.

236
00:10:56,207 --> 00:10:58,875
Fix up your boss
so he won't be so hard on you.

237
00:10:58,910 --> 00:11:01,344
Well, nice try.

238
00:11:01,379 --> 00:11:04,981
I want a vodka tonic,
and then I'm gonna leave.

239
00:11:05,016 --> 00:11:08,151
Mr. Collins, would you be
charmed by horror stories

240
00:11:08,186 --> 00:11:09,819
of working
with Bill Shatner?
241
00:11:09,854 --> 00:11:11,053
Uh, who?

242
00:11:11,089 --> 00:11:12,488
I like you already.

243
00:11:12,524 --> 00:11:13,956
You know what?

244
00:11:13,992 --> 00:11:16,159
I don't think that attitude
is the real you.

245
00:11:16,194 --> 00:11:19,195
I believe you have
a pinched nerve in your neck,

246
00:11:19,230 --> 00:11:20,463
and guess what?

247
00:11:20,498 --> 00:11:23,866
You're in luck,
because I give great massage.

248
00:11:23,902 --> 00:11:24,967
Sorry, not interested.

249
00:11:26,104 --> 00:11:27,370
Wow, wow.

250
00:11:27,405 --> 00:11:28,971
How did you do that?

251
00:11:29,007 --> 00:11:32,108
Would you like to discuss that
over Peruvian tapas?

252
00:11:32,143 --> 00:11:33,943
Simpson, I'm stealing
your bartender.

253
00:11:33,978 --> 00:11:35,144
Take the next
couple days off.

254
00:11:35,180 --> 00:11:36,180
Woo-hoo!

255
00:11:36,214 --> 00:11:37,647
Three day bender!

256
00:11:39,918 --> 00:11:42,819
Are there any gay-themed songs
about celebrating?

257
00:11:42,854 --> 00:11:45,221
Celebrate

258
00:11:45,256 --> 00:11:46,522
Good times, come on

259
00:11:46,558 --> 00:11:49,025
Let's celebrate

260
00:11:49,060 --> 00:11:51,427
Did you used to jog
with Monty?

261
00:11:51,463 --> 00:11:53,496
Mm, sort of.

262
00:11:53,531 --> 00:11:57,733
Come on, let's celebrate

263
00:11:57,769 --> 00:12:01,404
There's a party going on
right here

264
00:12:01,439 --> 00:12:04,207
A celebration to last
throughout the years...

265
00:12:10,081 --> 00:12:12,014
Smithers, where have you been?

266
00:12:12,050 --> 00:12:13,549
I'm dictating my autobiography.

267
00:12:13,585 --> 00:12:16,085
Chapter One: A Commotion
at the Telegraph Office.
268
00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:17,954
I'm afraid I have other plans.

269
00:12:17,989 --> 00:12:19,288
There are no other plans.

270
00:12:19,324 --> 00:12:21,090
Now take my picture
for the back cover.

271
00:12:22,227 --> 00:12:24,160
No, sir, I don't think I will.

272
00:12:24,195 --> 00:12:26,896
In fact, what I'm going
to do is...

273
00:12:26,931 --> 00:12:28,598
quit!

274
00:12:28,633 --> 00:12:31,334
My God, I did it.

275
00:12:31,369 --> 00:12:32,335
I actually quit.

276
00:12:32,370 --> 00:12:34,403
No one quits me.

277
00:12:39,444 --> 00:12:41,110
One more button.

278
00:12:42,447 --> 00:12:45,014
You're forgetting
who installed this system.

279
00:12:47,307 --> 00:12:48,307
Ahoy-hoy!

280
00:12:49,825 --> 00:12:52,190
So, you want time off
for your sister's funeral?

281
00:12:53,316 --> 00:12:54,316
Miss Naegle,

282
00:12:54,350 --> 00:12:56,651
release the hounds.

283
00:12:56,686 --> 00:12:57,563
Wh-What do you mean?

284
00:12:57,564 --> 00:13:00,131
Send vicious dogs
to rip him to shreds.

285
00:13:00,167 --> 00:13:02,267
But wouldn't I be
criminally liable?

286
00:13:02,302 --> 00:13:03,268
I said release!

287
00:13:03,303 --> 00:13:04,436
Release, release!

288
00:13:04,471 --> 00:13:06,771
That sounds vaguely sexual.

289
00:13:06,807 --> 00:13:08,573
I'm gonna have to file
a grievance.

290
00:13:08,609 --> 00:13:11,576
Also, let's just see how you've
been treating those hounds.

291
00:13:11,612 --> 00:13:12,310
What the...

292
00:13:12,346 --> 00:13:13,411
Okay, we're gonna have

293
00:13:13,447 --> 00:13:15,313
to shut this all down.

294
00:13:15,349 --> 00:13:17,382
You know, he doesn't
give me health insurance...
295
00:13:17,417 --> 00:13:19,884
and I, uh,
I think I have rabies.

296
00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:21,453
Okay, that's it,
Mr. Burns.

297
00:13:21,488 --> 00:13:22,554
I'm gonna need to speak

298
00:13:22,589 --> 00:13:24,222
to your head
of Human Resources.

299
00:13:24,258 --> 00:13:25,657
It's this guy.

300
00:13:31,365 --> 00:13:33,231
Um... what are you doing?

301
00:13:33,267 --> 00:13:34,432
Oh, sorry.

302
00:13:34,468 --> 00:13:35,634
I used to do that
for Mr. Burns.

303
00:13:35,669 --> 00:13:37,636
Ah, forget about Burns.

304
00:13:37,671 --> 00:13:39,004
Ancient-a history.

305
00:13:39,039 --> 00:13:41,573
I left-a the Italy
40 years ago,

306
00:13:41,608 --> 00:13:43,375
but do you see me-a crying

307
00:13:43,410 --> 00:13:47,412
in my <i>pappardelle rustiche</i>
<i>con salsiccia e porri?</i>

308
00:13:47,447 --> 00:13:49,781
Waylon, just what
did you see in him?

309
00:13:54,988 --> 00:13:58,657
Now to set her down gently
on the golf course.

310
00:14:03,964 --> 00:14:05,630
You're right, totally.

311
00:14:05,666 --> 00:14:06,865
I'm here for you.

312
00:14:06,900 --> 00:14:09,434
Listen, I'm making
a trip to Cuba, okay?

313
00:14:09,469 --> 00:14:11,436
My homeland,
where my accent

314
00:14:11,471 --> 00:14:13,571
is not so reedickoloss.

315
00:14:13,607 --> 00:14:15,507
Come with me to Havana.

316
00:14:18,845 --> 00:14:20,645
<i>W-wait a minute.</i>

317
00:14:20,681 --> 00:14:22,480
<i>I'm... not sure.</i>

318
00:14:22,516 --> 00:14:24,282
But this is the route
we're gonna take.

319
00:14:24,318 --> 00:14:25,450
Oh, what the hell,

320
00:14:25,485 --> 00:14:26,718
this is gonna be
the time of my life.

321
00:14:26,753 --> 00:14:28,553
I'm in!

322
00:14:31,458 --> 00:14:33,725
Milhouse is the worst actor
I've ever seen,

323
00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:36,661
and I have to play
opposite him!

324
00:14:36,697 --> 00:14:38,496
He's so bad.

325
00:14:38,532 --> 00:14:40,565
Look at his headshot.

326
00:14:42,736 --> 00:14:44,469
Whenever I'm dealing
with someone who

327
00:14:44,504 --> 00:14:45,904
isn't doing a great job,

328
00:14:45,939 --> 00:14:48,873
what I do is treat them
like they're perfect.

329
00:14:48,909 --> 00:14:50,108
Really?

330
00:14:50,143 --> 00:14:51,943
If they sense
you believe in them,

331
00:14:51,978 --> 00:14:53,178
they'll get better.

332
00:14:53,213 --> 00:14:54,779
Did our taxes, Marge.

333
00:14:54,815 --> 00:14:57,148
The government
owes us $2 million.

334
00:14:57,184 --> 00:14:59,584
That is really, really great,
335
00:14:59,619 --> 00:15:01,119
but maybe
you should check again.

336
00:15:01,154 --> 00:15:02,120
What?

337
00:15:02,155 --> 00:15:03,521
Oh, I... my mistake.

338
00:15:03,557 --> 00:15:05,023
We owe them $37.

339
00:15:05,058 --> 00:15:07,058
That's some nice adding.

340
00:15:07,094 --> 00:15:08,793
Yeah.

341
00:15:15,769 --> 00:15:17,001
I've done it.

342
00:15:17,037 --> 00:15:18,002
I'm happy.

343
00:15:18,038 --> 00:15:19,504
I'm in a new world

344
00:15:19,539 --> 00:15:20,805
and completely
forgotten about...

345
00:15:21,842 --> 00:15:23,174
What, the buzzard of death?

346
00:15:24,444 --> 00:15:26,077
It reminds you of him!

347
00:15:26,113 --> 00:15:27,078
I'm sorry, sir.

348
00:15:28,448 --> 00:15:30,181
You address me
like I am him.
349
00:15:30,217 --> 00:15:32,083
Everything reminds you
of him!

350
00:15:32,119 --> 00:15:34,452
I bet that mural of him

351
00:15:34,488 --> 00:15:36,654
being driven out
of Cuba in 1959

352
00:15:36,690 --> 00:15:38,990
reminds you of him!

353
00:15:39,025 --> 00:15:43,628
Waylon, I am a man who needs
100% commitment, okay?

354
00:15:44,831 --> 00:15:46,731
Okay, well, maybe not 100,

355
00:15:46,767 --> 00:15:49,434
but at least, like, 20,
you know, which is

356
00:15:49,469 --> 00:15:51,436
the percentage that
your cell phone needs

357
00:15:51,471 --> 00:15:52,570
to stay in the green.

358
00:15:52,606 --> 00:15:54,038
So tell me now, Waylon.

359
00:15:54,074 --> 00:15:56,141
Am I in the green?

360
00:15:57,043 --> 00:15:58,877
I'm afraid not.

361
00:16:00,514 --> 00:16:04,983
Beneath this mask
I am crying.
362
00:16:05,018 --> 00:16:06,151
Everyone who's
replaced Smithers

363
00:16:06,186 --> 00:16:07,652
has been nothing
but trouble.

364
00:16:07,687 --> 00:16:09,387
You're my lawyers,
tell me what to do.

365
00:16:09,423 --> 00:16:12,724
Sir, I think your only option
is to get Mr. Smithers back.

366
00:16:12,759 --> 00:16:13,925
You'll have to give him money.

367
00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:16,327
Lots of money,
but it won't be enough.

368
00:16:17,631 --> 00:16:19,664
Yes, I suppose
what this calls for

369
00:16:19,699 --> 00:16:23,134
is a personal apology
straight from my heart.

370
00:16:23,170 --> 00:16:25,904
Have it on my desk
first thing tomorrow...

371
00:16:25,939 --> 00:16:28,973
and write yourselves apologies
from me to you

372
00:16:29,009 --> 00:16:30,608
for making you work late,

373
00:16:30,644 --> 00:16:33,912
and they'd better
sound sincere.

374
00:16:41,455 --> 00:16:43,455
You're going to be great.

375
00:16:43,490 --> 00:16:44,923
I already am...

376
00:16:44,958 --> 00:16:47,058
because you just
told me so.

377
00:16:47,093 --> 00:16:48,093
Oh.

378
00:16:49,196 --> 00:16:50,628
Thank you.

379
00:16:50,664 --> 00:16:54,098
So, what brought you
to Casablanca?

380
00:16:54,134 --> 00:16:56,835
I came here for the waters.

381
00:16:56,870 --> 00:16:59,904
There are no waters
in Casablanca.

382
00:16:59,940 --> 00:17:02,173
I was misinformed.

383
00:17:03,977 --> 00:17:06,778
Is it just me or is Milhouse
really killing it?

384
00:17:06,813 --> 00:17:09,013
He's like
a young Noah Wylie.

385
00:17:11,551 --> 00:17:13,117
If that plane
leaves the ground

386
00:17:13,153 --> 00:17:15,420
and you're not with him,
you'll regret it.

387
00:17:15,455 --> 00:17:18,423
Maybe not today,
maybe not tomorrow,

388
00:17:18,458 --> 00:17:21,092
but soon and for the rest
of your life.

389
00:17:22,128 --> 00:17:23,962
You did it, Marge.

390
00:17:23,997 --> 00:17:25,997
This earns
my highest praise:

391
00:17:26,032 --> 00:17:27,699
get through-able.

392
00:17:31,905 --> 00:17:34,472
Milhouse,
you were incredible.

393
00:17:34,508 --> 00:17:36,508
Maybe that's because...

394
00:17:36,543 --> 00:17:38,576
I'm not Milhouse.

395
00:17:40,180 --> 00:17:42,180
Oh, but,
is Milhouse okay?

396
00:17:42,215 --> 00:17:44,115
Is Milhouse ever okay?

397
00:17:44,150 --> 00:17:45,483
Good point.

398
00:17:45,519 --> 00:17:47,585
Now let's go
to the soda fountain

399
00:17:47,621 --> 00:17:50,021
and ask the jerk
for a float with two straws.

400
00:17:50,056 --> 00:17:51,589
What year are you from?

401
00:17:52,626 --> 00:17:54,125
Oh, who cares?

402
00:17:55,428 --> 00:17:57,829
Mr. Burns, Mr. Smithers,

403
00:17:57,864 --> 00:18:01,866
I make-a something
very special for your reunion.

404
00:18:01,902 --> 00:18:03,501
One cheese pizza.

405
00:18:03,537 --> 00:18:04,669
Well, Smithers,
I got here

406
00:18:04,704 --> 00:18:06,104
as soon as I heard
you wanted to meet.

407
00:18:06,139 --> 00:18:08,439
Took something called Uber,
which I thought would be

408
00:18:08,475 --> 00:18:10,542
a Wehrmacht staff car,
but turned out to be a...

409
00:18:11,611 --> 00:18:12,677
Prius, driven by a...

410
00:18:12,712 --> 00:18:13,978
woman.

411
00:18:14,014 --> 00:18:15,413
Now, down to business.

412
00:18:17,284 --> 00:18:18,917
<i>It's all here.</i>

413
00:18:18,952 --> 00:18:20,218
<i>Everything it'll take</i>
<i>to get him back.</i>

414
00:18:20,253 --> 00:18:21,786
<i>Oh, no, forgot</i>
<i>the Starbucks card.</i>

415
00:18:21,821 --> 00:18:22,787
<i>Is it too late to...</i>

416
00:18:22,822 --> 00:18:23,855
Sir, before you start,

417
00:18:23,890 --> 00:18:25,356
let me say I don't want money,

418
00:18:25,392 --> 00:18:28,126
and I don't want some letter
written by your lawyers.

419
00:18:28,161 --> 00:18:29,661
I want to know
why you want me back.

420
00:18:29,696 --> 00:18:32,063
I see.

421
00:18:32,098 --> 00:18:33,831
Well, the thing is,

422
00:18:33,867 --> 00:18:36,267
you really care about me,
don't you?

423
00:18:36,303 --> 00:18:38,870
Maybe a little, still.

424
00:18:38,905 --> 00:18:40,204
All right, Smithers.

425
00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:41,773
There's one thing
I've never given you.

426
00:18:41,808 --> 00:18:44,108
I kept it bottled up
inside all these years
427
00:18:44,144 --> 00:18:45,209
and here it is...

428
00:18:45,245 --> 00:18:46,711
your performance review.

429
00:18:47,747 --> 00:18:49,581
It's... excellent.

430
00:18:49,616 --> 00:18:51,783
Amazingly, that's enough.

431
00:18:51,818 --> 00:18:52,850
Thank you, sir.

432
00:18:52,886 --> 00:18:56,220
You must remember this

433
00:18:56,256 --> 00:18:59,157
A kiss is just a kiss...

434
00:18:59,192 --> 00:19:00,959
No music!

435
00:19:04,290 --> 00:19:06,123
I heard you serve
10-year-olds.

436
00:19:06,158 --> 00:19:08,258
That's referring to the age
of the pickled eggs,

437
00:19:08,294 --> 00:19:10,193
but, uh, I'll get you a milk.

438
00:19:11,664 --> 00:19:14,064
Mr. Smithers,
why do guys do

439
00:19:14,099 --> 00:19:16,667
such stupid things
when it comes to dames?

440
00:19:16,702 --> 00:19:19,002
Hey, you been talking
to that weird Bogart kid?

441
00:19:19,038 --> 00:19:20,904
He came around here
trying to talk me

442
00:19:20,939 --> 00:19:23,307
into an expedition
to find some gold.

443
00:19:23,342 --> 00:19:26,043
Yeah, so I'm getting
the mules.

444
00:19:26,078 --> 00:19:27,811
Let me tell you about dames,
Milhouse.

445
00:19:27,846 --> 00:19:29,980
I know nothing about them,
but as for love,

446
00:19:30,015 --> 00:19:32,015
what keeps you going
is the thrill of the chase.

447
00:19:32,051 --> 00:19:33,650
The possibility
that one day you

448
00:19:33,686 --> 00:19:35,552
might get what you want,
even though the reality is

449
00:19:35,587 --> 00:19:37,654
you probably never will.

450
00:19:37,690 --> 00:19:39,656
That's why I don't
chase dames.

451
00:19:39,692 --> 00:19:40,891
Just gold.

452
00:19:40,926 --> 00:19:42,559
I'll be back in six months
453
00:19:42,594 --> 00:19:43,894
with one-third
of the biggest treasure

454
00:19:43,929 --> 00:19:45,729
you ever saw.

455
00:20:03,449 --> 00:20:09,949
== sync, corrected by <font color=#00FF00>elderman</font> ==
<font color=#00FFFF>@elder_man</font>

456
00:20:53,589 --> 00:20:55,556
Shh!