5 Ways Men & Women Communicate Differently

By YourTango Experts
~ 4 min read

This guest article from YourTango was written by Richard Drobnick.

Men and women are different in many ways. They see the world through completely different
perspectives. The key to understanding their differences is in the way that men and women
communicate.

Here are six important communication differences that you should be aware of, to help improve your
communications with your partner and make them smoother and more effective.

1. Why Talk?

He believes communication should have a clear purpose. Behind every conversation is a problem that
needs solving or a point that needs to be made. Communication is used to get to the root of the
dilemma as efficiently as possible.

She uses communication to discover how she is feeling and what it is she wants to say. She sees
conversation as an act of sharing and an opportunity to increase intimacy with her partner. Through
sharing, she releases negative feelings and solidifies her bond with the man she loves.

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2. How Much Should You Say?

He prioritizes productivity and efficiency in his daily life, and conversation is no exception. When he tells
a story he has already sorted through the muck in his own head, and shares only those details that he
deems essential to the point of the story. He might wonder, Why do women need to talk as much as
they do? Often he will interrupt a woman once he has heard enough to offer a solution.

She uses communication to explore and organize her thoughts to discover the point of the story. She
may not know what information is necessary or excessive until the words come spilling out. But a
woman isnt necessarily searching for a solution when she initiates a conversation. Shes looking for
someone to listen and understand what shes feeling.

3. What Does It Mean To Listen?

He is conditioned to listen actively. When a woman initiates conversation he assumes she is seeking his
advice or assistance. He engages with the woman, filtering everything shes saying through the lens of,
What can we actually do about this? Learning to listen patiently not just passively doesnt come
easily to him.

She sees conversation as a productive end in and of itself. If she feels sufficiently heard or understood
she may not need to take further action to resolve a problem or make things better. The fact that she
has been listened to assuages her anxieties and dulls the pangs of negative feelings. Sharing with
someone who understands and loves her heals her from the inside and equips her with the emotional
tools necessary to handle the trials and tribulations of the outside world.

4. When She Is Feeling Down

He will want to tackle her problems head on, like a fireman. He feels impatient to put the fire out as
quickly as possible. For him, the quickest way to put the fire out is by giving solutions. Because he wants
so badly to provide for his spouse, he may take her mood personally and defend himself. He might hear
things literally, not realizing that when his spouse is upset she will use words as tools to explore and
express difficult emotions.

By using words as tools to explore and express her difficult emotions when she is upset, she is able to
process her negative emotions and let them go. She values support and nurture, and is most fulfilled by
sharing, cooperation and community. When he shows interest in her by asking caring questions or
expressing heartfelt concerns she feels loved and cared for. He is fulfilling her first primary love need.

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5. When He Is Feeling Down

He will often withdraw into his cave (becoming quiet and withdrawn) when hes upset or stressed. A
mans cave time is like a short vacation: he reduces stress by forgetting about his problems and
focusing on other things like watching television, reading the newspaper, or playing video games.

He might avoid communication with his spouse during times of duress. If she persists with nurturing
questions or criticism, he withdraws even further, fearing that his partner doesnt trust him to take care
of business on his own. However, with her support and understanding, a man will return and be more
emotionally available, caring, and loving.

She might interpret her spouses silence as a sign that she is failing him or that shes losing him. She
instinctively tries to nurture him through his problems by asking an abundance of caring questions. Or
she may react defensively out of fear that her own need for healthy open communication is not being
respected within the relationship.

Ultimately, she can do more for him by appreciating his space, which shows him that she trusts him to
work out the problem on his own. Trusting is one of the greatest gifts she has to offer him. In the
meantime she should do something nurturing for herself, so she wont resent him when he emerges
from his cave time.

And a bonus reason:

Communication Breaks Down When

He feels like hes being told what to do. The most important thing to a man is doing a good job. When
his competence is questioned hell not only feel hurt, but hell throw up a wall of resistance, and
communication begins to breakdown. He thrives in an environment where hes the expert. Rather than
being told, You should do X he is likely to respond better to, What do you think of X? The trick to
improving him is to resist telling him what to do.
She hears from her spouse that her problems arent as real and pressing as they seem in that very
moment. Her spouse may mistakenly think hes being helpful in providing reality checks like: Youre
making a mountain out of a mole hill or Youre getting overly emotional about it. To her it feels like
he is attempting to minimize her feelings or talk her out of having them.

Men and women desire to satisfy their partners, but they may miss the mark because it is truly difficult
to understand and accept our partners different ways of communication. Men and women need
education on these differences to help their relationships, so they do not end up in a frustrated state of
resentment and feel stuck.

If a couple is feeling stuck, I suggest they read or listen to couples self-help bookstogether. If the couple
still feels stuck, then they should always seek professional counseling and get back on the road to better
understanding and communication.

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unicarea dintre barbati si femei

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Femeile si barbatii sunt diferiti in numeroase privinte. Pentru ca femeile vin de pe Venus si barbatii de
pe Marte, vad lumea complet diferit. Cheia descifrarii acestor diferente consta in intelegerea modului in
care femeile comunica cu barbatii.

Pentru a putea deslusi mai bine misterul comunicarii intre femei si barbati este recomandat sa tineti
cont de diferentele prezentate

1. De ce si cand comunicam?
Barbatii comunica doar atunci cand au ceva de transmis. In spatele fiecarei conversatii exista o problema
care trebuie rezolvata sau un punct de vedere ce trebuie sustinut. Comunicarea este folosita pentru a
descoperi radacina problemei cat mai eficient posibil.
Femeile folosesc comunicarea pentru a descoperi si a explora ceea ce simt si ceea ce doresc sa spuna.
Femeia vede conversatia ca pe un act in care isi impataseste cele mai adanci sentimente si o
oportunitate prin care dezvolta si creste intimitatea in cuplu.Comunicand la acest nivel, se elibereaza de
sentimentele negative si isi intareste relatia cu partenerul de viata.

2. Cat comunicam?
Barbatul este productiv si eficient in viata de zi cu zi, iar conversatiile nu fac exceptie. Atunci cand
povesteste ceva are ideile clar definite si imparteste doar acele informatii care sunt esentiale pentru
poveste. Barbatii se pot intreba de multe ori De ce femeile simt nevoia sa vorbeasca atat de mult?
Deseori se intampla, ca barbatii sa intrerupa o femeie atunci cand vorbeste, dupa ce a primit suficiente
informatii pentru a putea oferi o solutie.
Pe de alta parte, femeile folosesc comunicarea sa isi exploreze si sa isi organizeze gandurile. Atunci cand
poveste, o femeie impartaseste mai multe detalii, axandu-se pe descrierea amanuntita a evenimentelor.
Femeile nu cauta neaparat o solutie atunci cand initiaza o conversatie. Ea are nevoie de cineva care sa o
asculte si sa o inteleaga.

3.Cum ascultam?
Barbatii asculta activ. Cand o femeie initiaza o conversatie, barbatul presupune ca aceasta doreste
solutii si sfaturi. El filtreaza informatiile pe care le primeste astfel incat sa poate oferi o rezolvare la
problema expusa.
Femeile atunci cand comunica vor sa se simta intelese si ascultate, iar daca acest scop este indeplinit nu
este intotdeauna necesar sa recurga la o actiune propru zisa pentru a face lucrurile mai bune. Prin
impartasirea problemelor cu cineva care o asculta cu atentie, o iubeste si o intelege femeia se elibereaza
de anxietatea si sentimentele coplesitoare de tristete pe care le resimte.

4. Cand apare comunicarea ineficienta?

Cel mai important pentru un barbat este sa stie ca face o treaba buna, atunci cand competenta sa este
pusa la indoiala se va simti ranit si va ridica un zid in jurul lui, comunicarea fiind precara si dificila.
Femeia intrerupe comunicarea atunci cand considera ca partenerul ,care incearca sa ii explice ca
problemele ei nu sunt asa de grave, nu o asculta si nu empatizeaza cu nevoile ei. Ea simte ca acesta
incearca sa ii minimalizeze problemele.

Barbatii si femeile doresc sa-si satisfaca partenurul/a. Probleme pot aparea atunci cand este dificil sa
ascultam, sa intelegem, si sa acceptam modurile diferite de comunicare intre noi.