Pastor Brett:

Epiphany United E-mail: brettisernhagen@vaumc.org

Cell phone: 912-674-4935
Methodist Church

May 1, 2017 Sharing Gods Light With All People Volume 2, Issue 17

From the Publisher and the Editor

This week brought a very big deal to Epiphany welcoming six new members into our church
through the rite of passage we Methodists call Confirmation. Confirmation isnt easy; it
requires a commitment of time by the confirmands and their family, and stepping into the adult
world of church leadership and participation. More important maybe most important the
decision falls exclusively to each confirmand to take this step. So a hearty and proud Welcome
and Well Done! to Brooke and Ethan deKramer, Ella Austin, William and Owen Buhrman, and
Andrew Thompson.
So just how is the big church run, and by whom? Pastor Brett gives us some insight and
background in this weeks X files. Earlier this week Pastor Brett also shared a separate email
with his insights and observations into recent decisions by the church Judicial Council. All of this
merits our attention.
And another church family activity is coming over the horizon Epiphanys 1st (or at least, most
recent) Open Mike Night (aka, Family Coffee House). Whatever; check out Youth Group
News.

Contact us at epiphanynews@epiphanyumc.com
Lonnie Futrell, Publisher
Chuck Rushing, Editor

During the childrens message, the Pastor asked, What is grey, has a bushy tail, and gathers nuts
in the fall? One five year old raised her hand. I know the answer should be Jesus, she began,
but it sounds like a squirrel to me.

A tourist, standing in front of a magnificent church asked, What are those statues on the roof?
Beats me, came the reply. Wait until five oclock. If they move then, theyre workmen.

Inside this issue:

Pastors Corner Page 2 The Lighter Side Page 5

Committee Report - Communications Page 2 Preschool News Page 5

Youth Group News Page 3 Humor Page Page 6
Sebastian's Spot Page 3 Recent Events Page 7

X-Files Page 4 Upcoming Events Page 7

Words of Wisdom Page 5 Church Calendar Page 8

 Page 2

Pastors Corner
Yesterday Epiphany was blessed to have six of our young people decide to profess their faith and
be received into membership in the United Methodist Church for themselves. This was no small
decision, and it came after a six week period of learning, questioning, and reflection (and pizza,
lots of pizza). Do you remember the promises we made to each other, and to the whole church
visible and invisible through each other when we professed our faith or joined this congregation?
Just in case, heres a little reminder: we promised to accept Gods power to reject all forms of evil,
we promised to support the ministries of the Church with all that God has given us and all that
God has made us to be, and we promised to nurture each other in grace and perfect each other in
love.
The reception of confirmands gives us a wonderful opportunity to renew these vows and put
them first in our lives. Get to know our newest members. Look for Christ in them, hear their sto-
ries, sit with their questions, give them room to exercise their gifts. But dont stop with just them!
Good Methodists arent supposed to gamble, but Id put money down that theres at least one
family or person who worships with you on Sunday that you dont know as well as you should.
Theres also many folks who cant join us on Sundays who you might not know well either.
Change that! Invitee them out or invite them over! We cant keep our vows by ourselves because
they involve other people. On the road to Emmaus Christ only drew near to the disciples when
they were talking. Start a conversation, see where God has been in someone elses life- its only
then that we are making room for Christ to come near to us!
Easter Blessings,
Brett

2017-2018 Church Directory by Lonnie Futrell 20172018

The deadline for submitting changes to your 2016 directory information is

Tuesday May 9, 2017.
Submit any changes to epiphanynews@epiphanyumc.com
The image to the right is the new cover design (for now). I want it to be different
from the 2016 directory so that it would be easily distinguishable.
 Page 3

Youth Group News

Sunday, May 7
Grades 4-7: Youth Group Meeting at 6 pm
Grades 8-12: Youth Group Meeting at 7 pm
Sunday, May 21
All Church Event: Coffee House, starting at 7:00 PM. Well have an open microphone for
all who want to share their gifts and talents! Grab your harmonica, perform a zany skit
and come for fun! Bring a dessert to share. There will be a surprise guest performer that
you will NOT want to miss.

Sebastians Spot
Hey, Kids!

This is a tricky place to live. One day it is sunny and bright, and the next day it is cold and rainy.
Im not fully convinced it wont snow again, too! I lived in New Orleans before I lived in Geor-
gia, and I lived down south in Georgia before I lived here. It was always hot down there, but at
least I knew what to expect! I dont know how you do it. Do you bring your rain boots to school
or do you where shorts? How can you tell?

Even if everything around us changes, there is one thing that never changes: God loves you. God
made you, and God thinks you are really, really neat. Everyone is Gods favorite person! Some-
times we are like the weather. Sometimes we are bright and sunny, and sometimes we are cold
and gloomy, but God loves us either way. So if youre having a rough day (or a ruff day, get
it??) remember that whether we feel like it or not, God loves you and nothing can change that!

Love you all!

Sebastian
 Page 4

- Files
By Pastor Brett

The Greek letter Chi or X was used as an abbreviation for Christ by early Christians. In this
column, well explore difficult or mysterious questions that we have about our religion, our
faith, or our world. If you have something thats bothering you or confusing you, submit it to
have it anonymously answered here by Pastor Brett. No one speaks for God and some holy
mysteries cannot be thoroughly explained but together we can probe deeper!
Today we dont have a question but I thought with all the news around our denomination it
might be good to explore another deep mystery together: United Methodist church govern-
ment.
Who runs the church? Simply put: we do. United Methodism is a very bottom up model, and
what sets us apart from other parts of the Church is our connectionism. That means that we
make decisions for our denomination together: pastors and lay folk, men and women ranging in
age from those newly confirmed to those who remember back before we were called even the
Methodist Church, folks from the middle of nowhere in Oklahoma and those from cities like
San Francisco, people from Nigeria, Russia, Germany, the Philippines we make decisions to-
gether. The only body authorized to speak for us and make decisions for us is the General
Conference, a legislative body of over 1,000 people from all around the world. Those delegates
were chosen by the members of each annual conference and central conference. The General
Conference meets every four years. So its the General Conference made of up people like me
and you who are in charge of the denomination and who call the shots.
Just like our United States government, there are divisions of power. We also have a Judicial
Council that acts very much like our own Supreme Court- deciding questions of law that could
not be resolved in more private settings. Bishops also interpret the Book of Discipline (the how to
book for being the United Methodist Church) for their Conference, and cases only go to the Judi-
cial Council if they cannot be resolved.
We also have something like an executive branch in the Council of Bishops. This is a body made
up of all the bishops -past and present- from around the world. They are responsible for guiding
the denomination, keeping the Discipline as established by the General Conference, and seeing to
the unity of our global connection. The Council of Bishops dont run the church though. We
dont have a pope. Its the people of the church in the General Conference who set the agenda
and write the rules. The Council of Bishops and the Judicial Council work together with the
General Conference to listen for God and lead us together into the future in the most godly way
they can discern.
Have a particular question about recent events or our United Methodist Church in particular?
Feel free to reach out to Pastor Brett! Your question can be answered here, or privately if you
prefer.
 Page 5

from George P. Burdell (*)

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6
(*) George P. Burdell is a fictitious Georgia Tech student, first enrolled in 1927 as a student prank. Since then
George P. has earned every degree offered by Georgia Tech and has even been recognized for his military
service. So in his honor, we will publish in this space Words of Wisdom submitted by any member of our
congregation, where we can post words, thoughts, quotes, prose, or poetry that we may wish to pass along. Please
try to keep it short. Contributors will be identified only upon their personal request. Otherwise, credit will go to
George P. Please submit your contribution to epiphanynews@epiphanyumc.com with the subject Words
of Wisdom.

The Lighter Side by John L. Burdell(*)

Art Linkletter: What do we learn from the story of Jesus turning water into wine?
Young girl: The more wine we get, the better the wedding is.
Art Linkletter, Kids Say the Darndest Things
(*) John L. Burdell is believed to be George's lesser known younger brother who struggled mightily at Georgia Tech
and, in fact, never got a degree, but had an interesting way of looking at life.
Believing all voices deserve to be heard, we offer this space in John L. Burdells honor where our members can pass
along lighter words and thoughts that may not ever appear in a sermon, but help us to keep life in perspective.
Please submit your contribution to epiphanynews@epiphanyumc.com with the subject The Lighter Side. If you
prefer to remain anonymous, John will be happy to take credit for your work.

From Karen Frick:

Epiphany Preschools annual SPRING FESTIVAL will be held Saturday, May 6th, from 3:00 -
5:00 p.m.
This is a fantastic end-of-the-year celebration! Games, prizes, cake walk, photo booth, chil-
dren's artwork everywhere.
I hope you'll be able to join us!
 Page 6

Humor Page

One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her son and tell him it was time to get ready for
church, to which he replied, "I'm not going."
"Why not?" she asked.
"I'll give you two good reasons," he said. "One, they don't like me, and two, I don't like them."
His mother replied, "I'll give YOU two good reasons why you SHOULD go to church. One,
you're 54 years old, and two, you're the pastor!"

There's a little fellow named Junior who hangs out at the local grocery store. The manager
doesn't know what Junior's problem is, but the boys like to tease him. The boys say he is two
bricks short of a load, or couple fries short of a happy meal.
To prove it, sometimes the boys offer Junior his choice between a nickel and a dime. He always
takes the nickel, they say, because it's bigger.
One day after Junior grabbed the nickel, the store manager got him off to one side and said,
"Junior, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more
than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?"
Junior said, "No sir, you see if I took the dime, they'd quit doing it!"

Johnny had been misbehaving and was sent to his room. After a while he emerged and informed
his mother that he had thought it over and then said a prayer. "Fine", said the pleased mother. "If
you ask God to help you not misbehave, He will help you." "Oh, I didn't ask Him to help me not
misbehave," said Johnny. "I asked Him to help you put up with me."

A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The
attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in front of the service station.
Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
"Preacher," said the young man, "I'm sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until
the last minute to get ready for a long trip."
The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."

Three Pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner. One of them said, "You know, since
summer started I've been having trouble with them flying bats in my loft and attic at church. I've
tried everything, but nothing seems to scare them off.
Another pastor said "Yes, me too. I've got hundreds living in my belfry and in the narthex attic.
I've even had the place fumigated, and they won't go away!"
The third pastor said, "I baptized all mine, made them members of the church, and they haven't
seen one back since!"
 Page 7

Epiphany welcomed six new members into our church last Sun-
day (from left to right): Brooke and Ethan deKramer, Ella Austin,
William and Owen Buhrman, and Andrew Thompson.
Confirmation was led by Pastor Brett and witnessed by the church
membership, family, friends, a couple of visitors, and of course -
God. A special day for everyone!

Sunday May 21, 2017

Family Coffee House (Open Mike) - 7:00 PM

 We serve our community and the world by nurturing and
Epiphany UMC making disciples of Jesus Christ through worship, study,
fellowship, evangelism and mission Page 8

1014 Country Club Drive NE Email: office@epiphanyumc.com

Vienna, VA 22180 Website: www.EpiphanyUMC.com
Phone: 703-938-3494 Facebook: www.Facebook.com/EpiphanyUMC

Sunday Apr 30, 2017

Adult Sunday School: 10:00 AM10:45 AM
Confirmation Sunday: 11:00 AM12:00 PM
Monday May 1, 2017
Jam Session: 6:00 PM 7:00 PM
Tuesday May 2, 2017
Spice Up Your Spiritual Life: 7:30 PM 8:30 PM
Wednesday May 3, 2017
Bible Study: 11:00 AM12:00 PM
Confirmation Class 6:00 PM 7:30 PM
Thursday May 4, 2017
Prayer Circle: 12:30 PM 1:30 PM

Sunday May 7, 2017

Adult Sunday School: 10:00 AM10:45 AM
Worship Service: 11:00 AM12:00 PM
Worship Committee 12:15 PM 1:30 PM
Monday May 8, 2017
Jam Session: 6:00 PM 7:00 PM
Tuesday May 9, 2017
Spice Up Your Spiritual Life: 7:30 PM 8:30 PM
Wednesday May 10, 2017
Bible Study: 11:00 AM12:00 PM
Confirmation Class 6:00 PM 7:30 PM
Thursday May 11, 2017
Prayer Circle: 12:30 PM 1:30 PM

Sunday May 12, 2017

Adult Sunday School: 10:00 AM10:45 AM
Worship Service: 11:00 AM12:00 PM