THE MARRIAGE PREPARATION COURSE

SESSION 1: Communication

7:30pm Welcome, notices and ice-breaker

See The Marriage Preparation Course Leaders and Support Couples Guide for
suggestions.

7:40pm Talk: The value of marriage preparation

For many engaged couples organising a wedding is more expensive than they had thought. I
looked up marriage in the Guinness Book of Records.

The most expensive wedding which is recorded is the wedding of Mohammed son of Shaik
Rashid Bin Saeed Al Maktoum to Princess Salama in Dubai in May 1981. It lasted seven
days and was held in a purpose built stadium for 20,000 people and cost an estimated 22
million. (I hope that makes yours seem more reasonable!)

Some of you are planning a short engagement, while others will be engaged for longer. I
looked up the longest engagement and it was recorded as being between Octavio Guillen and
Adrianna Martinez. They were engaged in 1902. They finally took the plunge in June 1969 in
Mexico City after sixty-seven years. Both were then aged eighty-two. (And they probably
thought by that stage, Why not?!)

Whether you are in your twenties or your eighties, engaged for a short time or a
long time, we are so glad to see you here.

Our experience is that marriage is the most exciting and the most challenging
adventure we can undertake.

Sila and I have been married for over twenty-five years. When we first got married we were
both students. Then I became a teacher while Sila was still at art college. We have now got
four children aged between sixteen and twenty-three.

We have been doing this Marriage Preparation Course since 1985. It has been so exciting for
us. We are very excited for you and for your future. We hope that over this course your
excitement will grow and that you will develop a vision for your marriage.

You may have seen a recent advertisement for Kit-Kat biscuits with the strap
line: No one on their deathbed was ever heard to say, I wish Id spent one
more day at the office. But it is equally true that many people at the end of
their lives have felt that building a strong and lasting marriage has been their
greatest achievement, because it has brought much joy and benefit, not only to
Session 1: Communication 1
themselves, but also to many others their husband or wife, children if they
have them, friends and their community.

A strong marriage does not develop automatically. On this course we will look at
the attitudes and values, the tools and habits needed to build a marriage. We
want to help you to establish good patterns now. You will be reaping the effects
of the choices you make today in five, ten, twenty years time.

There will be pressures in every marriage. Some of these come through the
changes and adjustments we need to make. When we get married we move
from being independent to becoming interdependent.

I happened to bump into a male friend of mine recently who had been married for just four
weeks. I asked him how things were going and he told me his latest difficulty was that as a
bachelor he had always been in the habit of hanging his shirts to dry on radiators around the
flat. And for some unfathomable reason his wife hated it. He could not see the problem. It
seemed to him an entirely sensible way of drying the washing.

Some couples find that the first year to two years of living together can be really
hard because of the adjustments that need to be made. If that is so for you, you
are not alone.

Then there is the pressure of not having enough time for all the people you want
to keep up with, all the interests you both want to pursue, all the changes you
want to make to the house or flat. This pressure of insufficient time increases if
and when children come along. So in the next session we are going to look at
how we establish a pattern of investing time into our marriage relationship early
on.

There can be the pressure from worry maybe about jobs, redundancy, money,
health, or looking after a tiny baby. These pressures can either push us apart or
draw us closer together. We are going to be looking at how we encourage and
support each other through times of anxiety and pressure.

The value of marriage preparation lies in knowing how to make a marriage work.

The current national level of marriage breakdown is 40 per cent for first-time marriages. For a
moment look at your fianc(e); then look at the couple on your right; now look at the couple
on your left. If as three couples you have no understanding of how to make a marriage work,
if you leave it to chance, then one of these three marriages will split up.

We live in a consumer society where, if something is not working, it is easier and

generally cheaper to throw it away and get a new one.
Session 1: Communication 2
Alvin Toffler, the sociologist and author of the bestseller Future Shock, wrote about how today
we have a throw away mentality. This means we not only have throw away products but we
make throwaway friends and this way of living produces throwaway marriages.

But it is not hit and miss. It is not true that a marriage only works out if we
happen to marry the right person. A marriage can be made to work if we
know what it takes. A marriage can be made to get better and better.

For this to happen we need commitment and the necessary skills. We need to
know:
how to communicate effectively
how to resolve conflict
how to meet each others emotional needs
how to build a friendship
how to develop our sexual relationship
how to decide who does what.

Through this course we aim to give you those tools so that you, and the couples
on either side of you, have a lifelong and wonderful marriage.

Becoming more aware of the differences between you

One of the benefits of doing marriage preparation will be discovering whether

you are coming into marriage with different expectations. Some of our
differences are the result of our different personalities and it is only once we
start to live together that we realise what we care deeply about.

One couple we know discovered a subtle but important difference between them with regard
to their home. She liked their flat to be clean but wasnt worried if it was untidy. He
meanwhile liked their flat to be tidy but didnt mind if it was dirty!

Many of our different expectations come from our parents. It is sometimes only
when we get married that we realise that many of our deeply-held assumptions
are not universally shared. I will give two relatively trivial examples from our
own marriage.

It took us some time to discover the reason for these two differences between us.

Sila came into marriage expecting that I would always want to keep the car filled up with
petrol - because her father does. I have rarely if ever seen the gauge in her parents car drop
below half. My father on the other hand would go to the garage to fill up with petrol as

Session 1: Communication 3
infrequently as possible. I think he thought it was a waste of time to go too often and was
quite prepared to take the risk of running out.

I find I am quite happy driving around on reserve I think it makes the journey more exciting!

A second difference is in our attitude to cling film and kitchen paper. I found it very difficult to
come to terms with how much Sila used (and still uses) of both because my mother never
used them. She regarded them as incredibly extravagant. She could not see the point of
cling film as she would use pyrex dishes or tupperware to put leftovers in the fridge. And she
could not see the point of spending money on kitchen paper if she could use a jay cloth which
she could then wash and use again. Consequently a roll of either lasts her at least five years.

Silas mother on the other hand must have used several miles of both. Sila understandably
takes after her mother. When we were first married, if our household account went into
overdraft, I was convinced that it was because Sila had used too much cling film and kitchen
paper.

We didnt at first realise why these issues caused friction until we reflected on the difference
in our respective homes as we were growing up.

There are likely to be much bigger differences between you if you come from
different cultures. You need to identify where these lie and face them together.

We cant go into marriage expecting to change each other. We must accept our
differences and be prepared to accommodate ourselves to our fianc(e)s way of
doing things.

The structure of the course

The course is very practical. Over the five sessions Sila and I will talk about
different issues and then get you as a couple to discuss them. We will be
speaking from our own experience and also get another married couple each
evening to talk about their experience of building their marriage.

We have given you The Marriage Book and will be recommending particular
parts of it so that you can read about some topics in more detail. If you already
have it, do give it away to another couple who might be interested.

At the back there is a book table on which we have put a number of books on
marriage that we recommend and we will be quoting from some of these.

[Only include the following two sections if you are using FOCCUS as a
part of your Marriage Preparation Course]

Session 1: Communication 4
Support couples

I want to introduce our support couples. These are married couples who have
kindly come to help us. We are very grateful to them. They have mostly been
married for five years or more. They are all, like us, still learning and are
committed to continue to work on their own marriages.

We have trained them to help and support you as engaged couples, particularly
by taking you through the results of the FOCCUS questionnaire. If you get stuck
over an issue that comes up on the course, do ask them and take the
opportunity to learn from their experience.

Marriages today are often so private and couples can become isolated. A
marriage needs a network of support in order to grow and to thrive.

The FOCCUS questionnaire

The questionnaire that we ask you to complete has been well-researched and
will help you tremendously as a couple to recognise any issues that you ought to
discuss prior to marriage.

Each statement is an important issue for your marriage

- some issues you will have thought about and discussed
- some will never have occurred to you (perhaps how you organise
your money or whether you are planning to have children and, if
so, how many you would like to have).
You need to do it on your own without discussing the questions first,
and it is best not to think for too long before answering each question
By comparing your answers (and with the help of a computer
programme) the questionnaire shows you where you have different
expectations and different views
I want to stress that your answers are completely confidential. The
person who compares your answers has only a number and your
initials and will certainly not know you personally
The questionnaire is not an exam there is no pass or fail
It is not a test of compatibility
It is not designed to see if you are right to get married
Rather it highlights issues you need to discuss
40 per cent of the benefit is in doing the questionnaire and then
discussing the issues that have been raised with your fianc(e)

Session 1: Communication 5
 60 per cent comes through going through your results with your support
couple
We dont give the results back to you as the questionnaire is designed
to facilitate a conversation between you and your support couple
You will have an opportunity to spend an evening at their home over the
next four to six weeks if you would like to
Again, nobody will look at what you have put unless you want to it will
remain confidential to you
The results are helpful, very interesting and occasionally a surprise
but it is better to know what your fianc(e) thinks on important issues
prior to getting married
98 per cent of the couples on each course go through the results with
their support couple and all have talked of the benefit of doing so. Here
are some of their comments:

[You may wish to include comments from people on your own course who
have done FOCCUS instead of the following comments]

What came up was something we had not expected and were able to chat about it before it
became a huge issue.
You discover that there are issues you never thought of discussing but need to be dealt
with prior to marriage.
It was fun and provoked discussion.

The answers you put are certainly not set in stone. Your answers may
change after one conversation or by the end of this evening. This is a
snapshot of your relationship. If your relationship is a film, then this
questionnaire represents one frame of that film
The questionnaire is now being used all around the world. And I
understand from its author that it is currently being translated into
Chinese
If you have not yet done the questionnaire we can let you know exactly
how to do it at the end of this session.

8:00pm Discussion (if using FOCCUS)

Spend a few minutes talking to your support couple about the FOCCUS
questionnaire and ask them any questions you may have about it.

8:05pm Talk: Learning to communicate

Session 1: Communication 6
[The lengths of this and the next talk are different to the Leaders and
Support Couples Guide timings, but the two added together come to the
same length as in the guide]

We start this course by talking about communication because it really is a vital

aspect of any healthy relationship.

According to J.John:
Communication is the blood supply of any relationship: damage it and the relationship starts
to die.

J. John, Look Before You Leap (Authentic Publishing, 2002).

Communication involves talking effectively and listening effectively we

have to learn and go on learning how to be good communicators.

Marriage is a very good as well as a very challenging training ground.

Its helpful to recognise at the outset that we are all different in the way we
communicate.

Our communication is affected by several factors I want to look at three in

particular.

The first factor that affects our communication: our personality

Some of us are extroverts

- we tend to think out loud.

Others of us are introverts

- we like to organise our thoughts in our head first before we speak.

Some of us are more logical

- we work things out methodically sometimes slowly.

Some of us are more intuitive

- we act on hunches possibly jumping to conclusions.

During the course youll find out quite a lot about Nicky and me. You will probably
realise that I am more of an intuitive extrovert while Nicky is more of a logical introvert.
Thats about as different as you can get! If Im worried about something I need to talk
it out as soon as possible. Nicky needs time and space to sort it out in his head first on
his own and then talk about it.

Session 1: Communication 7
 So, before weve even started to express our own points of view, our ways of
communicating are very different because of our personalties.

The other day we were in the car and I was chatting to Nicky about my parents
approaching fiftieth wedding anniversary and all the different relations who were
coming for the lunch party. I wanted him to help me work out the dynamics of who sat
next to whom, but he seemed a little distracted.

When I asked him what he was thinking about he paused for a moment and then rather
sheepishly told me he had been trying to work out in his head whether it was cheaper
to pay the congestion charge to go into Central London or to go on the Underground.

8:10pm Exercise: How we communicate

Take five minutes to tell your fianc(e) how you think their personality affects the
way they communicate.

8:15pm Talk: Learning to communicate

The second factor that affects our communication: our background

No two families are the same:

Some families air their differences immediately; others delay, or avoid

talking about their differences altogether
Some are quiet; others are louder
Some are more volatile; others are calmer
Some take it in turns to talk; others frequently interrupt.

A couple called Robert & Melissa discovered their family styles of communication were quite
different:

Melissa said, Robert came to one of my familys get-togethers, but he hardly spoke. If
somebody interrupted him in the middle of a story or a comment, Rob would just shut down.
It drove me mad.

Robert said, It took a while to catch on. In Melissas family interrupting is a sign of
involvement. It means they are listening to you and that was completely new to me. In my
family everyone politely takes turns responding to the previous comment. I never understood
why Melissa thought my family was so boring and stilted.

Melissa said, It helped us both to realise that there are not right or wrong styles of
conversations; there are simply different styles.

Drs Les and Leslie Parrott, Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts (Zondervan, 1995), pp.7374.

Session 1: Communication 8
In Roberts family interrupting is seen as rudeness; in Melissas family
interrupting shows youre interested.

Nicky and my families are very similar in many respects. But their styles of communication are
very different. My family is definitely of the loud variety while Nickys is much quieter. At
mealtimes that difference is very obvious.

I remember so clearly the first time Nicky met my family at my parents house over a meal.
My family all talked at the top of their voices, all at once, while eating at 100 mph.

Nicky on the other hand listened intently to everyone, always put his knife and fork down
while he talked and never talked with his mouth full. As the new boyfriend, my family were
plying him with questions. So by the time wed finished eating, Nicky was only on his second
mouthful! Then, after wed sat and waited for him to finish, my mother offered him a second
helping. Not wanting to appear rude he accepted, at which point I inwardly groaned.

The third factor that affects our communication: our circumstances

Various different circumstances put pressure on our communication. For

example:

it could be the circumstances of our job

- having to travel or do shift work
it could be small children
- broken nights, not just being the two of you any longer
it could be circumstances within your marriage
- illness, miscarriage, infertility
it could be circumstances from outside
- financial struggles, unemployment, bereavement.

When were under pressure from different circumstances what most of us do is

revert to the behaviour we learnt when we were growing up.

That could be either shutting down and hiding emotionally or getting stressed,
moody or going on the attack.

These three dimensions of personality, background and circumstances are all

key factors in the way we communicate with one another. Sometimes they are
positive; sometimes they are negative. As we build on the positive and learn to
recognise and deal with the negative, our communication will get better.

8:25pm Exercise: Family styles of communication

Session 1: Communication 9
 This exercise is to help you to think about the way your own family
communicated as you were growing up and how this has affected the way
you communicate now as an adult and then to help you consider how
different this is from the way your fianc(e)s family communicate
First mark with an x where you think your own family comes on the
line between the two extremes. Do this on your own and then discuss with
your fianc(e) what you have each put
While you are doing it, coffee, tea and dessert will be brought to you
by your support couple.

[Please break for ten minutes for the exercise Family styles of
communication. Play background music and serve coffee, tea and
dessert during this period]

8:35pm Talk: Learning to communicate

Barriers to effective communication.

One stumbling block is insufficient time

we have to set aside time for meaningful conversation on a regular basis,

time that is good for both of us that is the best investment you can make
for your relationship
we have to plan this sort of time into our lives it doesnt just happen (we
are going to be talking about how to make this happen next week)
planned time together stops a backlog of non-communication or mis-
communication, and opens the door to better understanding
there are some moments, however, that cannot be planned when we have
to drop everything and listen to our partner.

A friend of ours called Ali told me about a time when she had a crisis at home. So she rang
her husband Will at his office. He was particularly busy but he realised it was an important
moment for him to give her his full attention.

Ali said how amazing it was for her when he said, Hang on and Ill go somewhere private so
we can talk. She said that, even before she had told him the situation, she immediately felt
so supported as a result of his response.

failing to make time to talk together is the first stumbling block to good
communication

A second barrier is failing to talk about our feelings

Session 1: Communication 10
Stephen Covey, author of the bestselling books, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families, said:

There is no way to have rich and rewarding family relationships without real understanding.
Relationships can be superficial. They can be functional. They can be transactional. But they
cant be deeply satisfying unless they are built on a foundation of genuine understanding.

Stephen Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families (Simon and Schuster UK, 1992), p.206.

Theres a danger in marriage of communicating only about the day to day

nuts and bolts of life, of talking only at the most superficial level: Oh no!
Its raining again, or, The trains seem to get less and less reliable, or
Would you like me to go to Tescos and get food for the weekend?
Failing to talk about our feelings prevents meaningful communication
Being open with each other and sharing our innermost thoughts is
essential if were to build a strong marriage
Many people, however, find it difficult to communicate at the level of their
feelings for a number of reasons:
o perhaps we feel inadequate and think to ourselves, If you really
knew what I was like, you might not like me
o or we feel vulnerable and think, If I told you my real feelings, Im
afraid you might laugh at me or reject me
o or were fearful and think, If I told you why Im worried or upset or
why I feel hurt, you would get angry.

If you know you find talking about your feelings difficult, we suggest:

1) Be honest with your fianc(e) and have the courage to tell them that
you find it difficult

Some friends of ours whose marriage very nearly failed explained to us why that was:

Anna said, Our marriage collapsed because we failed to share our real feelings with one
another.

James said, If I had to identify one reason for our separation it would be ineffective
communication. Effective communication must mean revealing all parts of our lives, in my
case the parts which I am well practised at keeping hidden. For me, at least, it requires more
than time; it requires courage.

2) Dare to trust each other and start disclosing your feelings to each other.
We will only do that, even to our husband or wife, if we feel accepted.

Session 1: Communication 11
I remember a good friend of ours telling me that she could talk to her mother about anything
in the world because she was the most nonjudgmental person she knew.

We must be sure not to be judgmental towards our partner when they disclose
personal things to us.

8:45pm Testimony: a married couple

Ideally within their first five years of marriage, who talk about their own
experience of learning to communicate effectively in their marriage.

For example: We want you to hear from a couple called Carl and Paula, who have been
married for three years, about some struggles they had with communication. We met them
when they came on The Marriage Course (a course very like this one that we run for couples
who are already married).

Paula explains why she finds talking about her feelings difficult: Unlike Carl, my family has
never been able to handle or resolve conflict. People deal with disagreement by withdrawing
and pretending it never happened. This left me with a great deal of fear feeling that if you
admit somethings wrong, thats the beginning of the end of a relationship. I used to get
extremely tense when Carl would try and push us to talk something through.

Carl described how his relationship with Paula was transformed as they were able to discuss
issues: We have a foundation of mutual trust now that we never seemed to have before.
Paulas willingness to come on the course meant a lot to me, because it represented her
willingness, despite family pressure, to invest in our relationship. Shes much more willing to
tell me what is going on when she starts to feel unsettled about something and so our
conflicts are far less frequent and far less serious. I dont feel so rejected by her inability or
refusal to communicate and little misunderstandings are quickly cleared up they dont
escalate as they used to.

I would say that being able to talk things through in an atmosphere of trust and mutual
understanding has also made it easier for me to forgive and to give Paula a lot more grace
and freedom to be her, for good and bad.

I no longer need to make Paula sit down and talk about whats up. I can trust that she will
do so when she feels ready, and because she has taken the initiative she no longer feels
threatened; this makes me feel valued and loved.

Paula concludes: The Marriage Course helped me to discover that actually talking about
difficult issues doesnt destroy a relationship but allows you to strengthen and improve it.
Ive gone from feeling like almost everything is too dangerous to discuss to feeling like we
would be able to get through talking about more or less anything. Because of this, I feel much
more relaxed and secure, and able to give and receive love more freely.

8:50pm Exercise: Effective talking

Session 1: Communication 12
Ask your fianc(e) how difficult or easy it is for them to talk about their inner
thoughts, attitudes and emotions. Find out if they were encouraged to talk about
their feelings during their upbringing.

9:00pm Talk: Learning to communicate

A third barrier to effective communication is holding onto hurt and
resentment

Resentment is a negative emotion which can be stored up and left to fester

sometimes for hours, days or even over years. If this becomes a habit, it can
lead to a complete breakdown in communication.

If you know you have a habit of holding onto resentments whether big or little

o the first step is to recognise the cost to your relationship

o the second step is to recognise you can do something about it.

When we got married my way of dealing with being misunderstood or hurt was to go into a
sulk. It wasnt very nice for Nicky and our communication really suffered my mood affected
everything.

I learnt that I had to deal with this way of behaving and, instead of holding onto the
resentment, I realised I had to be open with Nicky and tell him why I was feeling resentful.

Discovering that we could talk about it together and that Nicky would listen and try to
understand why I was feeling upset helped me a lot. By doing that again and again I broke
the habit of going into a sulk, and that transformed our communication and our relationship.

(Were going to talk more about the power of talking about our feelings and of forgiveness on
Session 3.)

The fourth and final barrier to effective communication is failing to listen

to each other

Listening is of huge importance, not only if were to communicate effectively, but

also in building a foundation of understanding and intimacy in our marriage.

Someone said this:

The gift of being a good listener, a gift which requires constant practice, is perhaps the most
healing gift anyone can possess. It doesnt judge or advise the other, but communicates
support at a level deeper than words.

Session 1: Communication 13
Think for a moment what it feels like when you are listened to. [Pause to allow
the guests to think about it for themselves before asking them to say out loud
words that come to mind, such as: valued, loved, understood, supported]

Now think what it feels like when you are not listened to. [Again pause before
asking for words or phrases that express what it feels like, such as: frustrated,
ignored, taken for granted, unloved, undervalued or even rejected]

Not being listened to has negative consequences in a relationship, whereas

being listened to has very positive consequences.

But being a good listener is difficult because its costly. It takes time and
patience.

Most of us have developed at least one bad listening habit such as:
o interrupting our partner when theyve just started talking
o going off at a tangent with a story of our own
o giving advice
and as someone who is not a good listener I am quite likely to do all three and
probably some others as well!

These bad habits can have serious consequences.

Gary Chapman, a marriage counsellor, in his book The Five Love Languages
tells a story about a man called Patrick who came to see him .

I met Patrick when he was forty-three and had been married for seventeen years. I
remember him because his first words were so dramatic. He sat in the leather chair in my
office and after briefly introducing himself, he leaned forward and said with great emotion, Dr
Chapman, I have been a fool, a real fool.

What has led you to that conclusion? I asked.

Ive been married for seventeen years, he said, and my wife has left me. Now I realise what
a fool Ive been.

I repeated my original question, In what way have you been a fool?

My wife would come home from work and tell me about the problems in her office. I would
listen to her and then tell her what I thought she should do. I always gave her advice. I told
her she had to confront the problem. Problems dont go away. You have to talk with the
people involved or your boss. You have to deal with problems.

Session 1: Communication 14
The next day she would come home from work and tell me about the same problems. I
would ask her if she did what I had suggested the day before. She would shake her head and
say no. So Id repeat my advice.

After three or four nights of that, I would get angry. I would tell her not to expect any
sympathy from me if she wasnt willing to take the advice I was giving her.

I would withdraw and go about my business. What a fool I was, he said, What a fool! Now I
realise that she didnt want advice when she told me about her struggles at work. She
wanted sympathy. She wanted me to listen, to give her attention, to let her know that I could
understand the hurt, the stress, the pressure. She wanted to know that I loved her and that I
was with her. She didnt want advice; she just wanted to know that I understood. But I never
tried to understand. I was too busy giving advice. And now shes gone.

Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages (Northfield Publishing, 1992), pp.6163.

Effective listening is something we can all learn and practise.

It means putting aside our own agenda and seeing the world through our
fianc(e)s eyes and making the effort to understand them when they think or
feel differently to us.

To quote Stephen Covey again:

This means not just listening with your ears, but also more importantly, listening with your
eyes and your heart, listening for feeling, for meaning.

Steven Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (Simon & Schuster UK, 1992), p.241.

9:10pm Leaders demonstration of effective listening

Sila: Nicky and I are going to have a conversation now in front of you to demonstrate effective
listening before we get you to do it by yourselves.

Im going to ask Nicky to tell me about something thats bothering him I have no idea what it
is!!

Then when hes told me Im going to try to reflect back what hes said that is, repeat back to
him what hes told me, particularly the feelings hes expressed.

If I havent understood properly, he will tell me again.

Then Im going to ask him, Whats concerning you most about what youve just told me?

Then Ill listen and repeat back to him again.

Session 1: Communication 15
Then Im going to ask him, Is there anything you could do (or, if appropriate, youd like me or
us to do) about what youve just said?

Then Ill listen and reflect back again.

And finally Im going to ask, Is there anything else youd like to say?

Here goes!

9:15pm Exercise: Effective listening

Youll see the instructions for the exercise called Effective listening are in your
manual.

This is not just a contrived technique. This is a wonderful way of showing were
listening and seeking to understand our partner, to empathise with them to get
inside their skin. It really works! But we dont learn it overnight it needs lots of
practice.

We want you to take this opportunity to listen to each other about something
thats clearly important for your fianc(e) (but may not be for you). It could be to
do with the arrangements for your wedding or something else they are worried
about.

9:30pm Conclusion
The homework that we have put in the manual is not the sort we take in
and mark! It is designed to help you to follow up the topic of that (or the
next) session on your own.
We will finish each evening by reading one of the passages suggested as
a possibility for your marriage service in Appendix IV of your manual.
Read Colossians 3:1217.
Close the session with a short prayer eg Lord, thank you that you are the
God of love. Thank you that you always listen to us. Please help us to put
on love and to be good at listening to each other. Amen.

Session 1: Communication 16