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Written by
Ben Padgett
INT. ROOM
A boring room.
HITLER
(German accent)
And I hate zoes Jewz, they all diez, but who
I really plan to kill, you know to REALLY
pizz off all zose countries were fighting,
too many to rememberz now, iz zat ugly old
woman in zat country England, ze Queen. What
kind of country iz zat? Ze have democrazy,
which iz zhit, so I kill zier leader. Simple
az zat.
ENGLISHMAN
(British Accent)
Thats all jolly good, but Im British.
HITLER
But zoure my only friend
ENGLISH
I still am, Adolf, but I really must disagree
with you on this, the queen is a nice lady
once you meet her.
Long silence.
HITLER
Is zshe Jewish?
ENGLISHMAN
No.
HITLER
I killz her anywayz.
ENLGISHMAN
You cant!
HITLER
Zhutup you pommy Jew.
ENGLISHMAN
Im not Jewish.
HITLER
Do you know where zis queen lives?
ENGLISHMAN
I wont let you!
ENGLISHMAN
Oh, sorry, chap, but I always thought you moe
was fake! And I couldnt let you go and kill
a major member of the united nation.
HITLER
United zwhat zwhat? And I still kill Queen.
NAZI
Ztop! Zit skit iz to silly!
HITLER
Get out and stay out, Frederick.
FREDERICK
Sorry. Heil Hitler!
HITLER
Yes, hail me. Now where were we?
Frederick leaves.
ENGLISHMAN
UmYou were just about to stop world war
two
HITLER
Ah, yes, get my banana phone so I can inform
Madonna of ze changes.
English is confused.
HITLER
Itz code talk, get my cell so I can call
Bush.
BUSH
Yes?Ofcourse I would like to buy some
towelsAre they blue?So theyre not blue
BUSH
What war?Oh yesSure whatever.
MAN
HEY EVERYBODY! THE WAR IS OVER!
WOMAN
Dont cry for me Argentina!
She falls off the balcony onto the ground. She stands up
again.
WOMAN
Everybody! I just remembered! The war
finished!
Everyone cheers.
KANGAROO
I think the war is over.
FARMER
Fairdinkum.
FADE OUT