Transcript of the talk "The value of Speech.

" by Swmi
Paramrthananda SaraswatiJi. Grammatical and typos are mine &
shall not be attributed to Swmiji.
Into the talk,
Last New Year I talked about, "The value of silence" and I thought this New Year I will talk about,
"The value of speech." Just as, silence is very important, speech is also extremely important and
therefore I should judiciously use the faculty of speech and the faculty of silence also. If we use
them inappropriately then it will cause lot of problems.
Where I should be silent, I keep on talking, and where I should be speaking, I observe silence,
and both of them are unintelligent use of the faculty of speech. Therefore, we should appreciate
the importance of speech also. The faculty of speech, like the faculty of intelligence is unique to
the human being. These are 2 faculties which make the human beings far superior to all the
other living beings. Of these 2 faculties, if you try to analyze which faculty is more important, it is
very difficult to choose one of them because, both of them are extremely important and both of
them complement each other.
They did some research to find out whether animals have the speaking power. They tried training
different animals and they found that some of the animals especially of the monkey species, and
that too, of the baboon variety of monkey has all the infrastructure to speak like human being.
But in spite of having a complete organ of speech, exactly like human-being they are not talking
in spite of repeated training. And the researchers were wondering why they don't use the faculty
and they understood it is because they don't have a well developed intellect to appreciate the
value of speech, the thoughts occurring in the intellect and the speech that we can produce
through the organ, the thoughts and words are inter-convertible is a very important principle.
What is the principle of verbal communication? I'm converting my thoughts into words and my
hope and prayer is that, "You are able to convert the words into thoughts." This inter-convertible
nature of thinking and speaking, the baboons did not know, because they have a well developed
organ of speech, but they don't have well developed mind. Therefore, if the speech faculty is
there and the intellect is not developed, there is no use.
Imagine vice versa, suppose we have a well developed intellect but we don't have the faculty of
speech, then also it will be useless because the full potential of the intellect nobody can draw
because we all will be isolated individual having lot of knowledge but no method of sharing or
communication.
We can never have educational institution, we can never have libraries, we can never have
internet all these things will be impossible, each one will be an island of information not useful to
others. It is like a huge reservoir of water without the canal for transporting the water. It is very
difficult to say which faculty is more important.
Intelligence is important, the organ of speech or the faculty of speech is also extremely important.
Therefore, in our culture, they appreciated the importance of these 2 faculties. We have got the
most important devat to preside over both buddhi and speech. One and the same sarasvat
devat among the female deities, one and the same bhaspati among the male deities. There
also they didn't want gender discrimination. One can be primary devat another can be deputy.
So thus, bhaspati and sarasvat they are most powerful devat in the vedic pantheon
representing the faculty of intelligence and the faculty of speech.
If we use the faculty very intelligently and judiciously we can make our life as well as other
people's life wonderful and enjoyable. It only requires an awareness regarding certain important
principles in certain areas. I'm going to talk about 5 areas in which we have to pay attention with
regard to the intelligent application of the faculty of speech. I'm not talking about special or
extraordinary use of the faculty of speech, I'm only talking about day-to-day affair in which we
can observe these 5 areas and make a very important difference in our lives and other's life.
These are all known to you, but only requires some awareness and mind application. First I will
enumerate the 5 areas, and then I will briefly share my thoughts. The first area is, "Information
sharing", the second area is, "Acknowledgement", the third area is, "Appreciation", the fourth
area is, "Consolation" and the fifth area is, "Connection". For remembering this you can coin a
word, "IS (Information Sharing) A (Acknowledgement) A (Appreciation) C (Consolation) C
(Connection) - ISAACC". You remember Newton. Newton talked about 3 important principles, we
are talking about 5 important principles.
Now, we will take one by one. The first one is, "Information sharing". When we start our day, we
program our day's activity. After chalking out day's program, generally we start implementing
them, but before starting to implement first we should ask the question, "Who are all the
concerned people with whom I should share information regarding today's program. ?" we
generally don't think of sharing the information regarding our program with other concerned
people, because information sharing does not make any difference to us.
But, we should remember that sharing this information can make a big difference to the other
people and lack of sharing or lack of this information can cause lot of inconvenience to other
people. Therefore, the first thing is, "I should think of other concerned people who will be affected
by my daily activity."
The first point is, "I should think of other concerned people who will be affected by my daily
activity." If we are not aware of this fact and if we don't share this information, we are putting
many people into lot of inconvenience especially family members. Even now, many housewives
especially are going through daily agony which many people are not aware of.
Especially the housewives are going through agonizing days simply because the family members
refuse to share their program with the concerned people. I came to know this when some of them
shared their problem with me, otherwise how do I know? When I heard this, I could not imagine
how people can be so gross, irresponsible and immature. You know what they say? "Swmiji,
every day is agony for me because no member in the family share any information with me."
Since, the so-called head of the family, irresponsible head of the family himself doesn't
understand other's difficulty, the children also develop the same habit and she complains,
"Swamiji, I don't know when the members will go out, I don't know when the members will come
in, absolutely no communication. I'm totally in dark, I don't know whether breakfast should be
prepared or not, how many people are going to eat breakfast, when are they going to come for
breakfast I don't know, I don't know when will they take lunch, how many people will take lunch or
whether they will take lunch or not, I don't know similarly for dinner, I don't know whether they are
going out of station, absolutely no communication and no consideration about the difficulties
faced by the others. One day I prepare food, they never come at all, and food goes waste. One
day I'm tired and make simple food and that day they come with 3 guests also and absolutely no
information is given", this is happening in the 21st century in many families because the people
are educated in material sciences alright, and they occupy high position but they don't have
sensitivity to understand the difficulty of others.
The first lesson in our scriptures is "Ahis paramo dharmaha", never give trouble to others,
especially never take your family for granted, your family members for granted, and your dear
and poor wife for granted.
The unfortunate thing is when she inquires once when you will be back, the moment she raises
this issue there is huge flare-up and they talk dharma-sastra when I go out, you are not
supposed to ask question. We are very clear about what the wife should do and what she should
not do, but this person doesn't understand that I'm supposed to share the information because
lack of information affects others and we do experience this, many people complaint, "Swmiji, I
have dropped doing rddha because the priest never gives the information when he will come",
I'm just giving an example of how lack of information creates lot of agony, "I'm ready from 7 O'
clock till 12 O' clock I will be walking up and down, not taking any food, the priest doesn't inform
me whether he will come or when he will come", thus we are all going through lot of problems,
simply because the other people refuse to share the information.
When I don't share information with concerned people, I should know that I'm giving pain to other
people, silence in this regard is a ppa karma, judicious silence is puya karma, but when I don't
share relevant and important information the very same silence becomes a ppa karma, because
it is a form of his to other people. When in my day-to-day program I have decided to visit
some people, I should know that I can visit other's only after informing those concerned people,
gate-crashing into other's house are into other's office is a crime, somehow many people do not
understand, without fixing up an appointment, not only an appointment, even the duration of the
appointment, I have to fix. Many people don't fix up and even if some people fix-up, many don't
keep up the appointment and the general excuse is, in Chennai traffic is unpredictable.
Keeping up of an appointment may be difficult as the time becomes worse, but communicating is
becoming easier and easier and if I'm not able to maintain it is my responsibility to inform, it is not
a favor I'm doing to others, first I should fix an appointment, and next I have to keep up the
appointment, and I should also fix the duration of appointment, for many people 5 minutes
appointment means 50 minutes, because zero has no value according to them. Zero has no
value if it is on the left hand side, but zero has got lot of value when it is on the right hand side.
Therefore, let us use the organ of speech to inform the concerned people about our visits, and
about the duration, gate-crashing is a sin, and if I want to change the time of appointment, it is
not a unilateral decision, it is my compulsory duty to call and inform, it is all important use of the
faculty of speech, gate-crashing into another person is a type of ppa karma, we should know.
In Indian culture, it is very difficult for the other person to handle when I go without information.
Because, his program is upset and therefore, he is on a hot plate, he doesn't know how to handle
me, and at the same time, he cannot turn me away because our veda says, "Atithi devo bhava",
a gate-crasher in veda is called atithi, athithi means the one who goes without appointment, "na
vidayate tithihi yasya saha atithihi ", and it is said, you should honor a gate-crasher. And
therefore, he cannot turn me away and he cannot entertain me because I'm not in his agenda
and I don't tell how long I'm going to stay, we forget a very important thing, "Honoring an atithi is
a puya karma, but becoming an atithi is a ppa karma.
Honouring an atithi is a puya karma, but becoming an atithi is a papa karma. In the olden days,
it was required because when they had long pilgrimages they had to travel on foot for several
days, k rmevara ytr and when the night falls, they have to stay somewhere, therefore
whichever village they reach there, they go to some house, because those days there were no
boarding, lodging, hotels were not there and food cannot be sold at all, therefore, they had
thinnais were available, they will just sleep overnight and whatever little food is there, they share
and they walk, they won't stay there for 10 days and all.
Therefore, an atithihi is, the one who doesn't have a second night, "na vidyate dvitya atithihi
yesyasaha", but now we need not become atithi of anyone because plenty of hotels are there,
lodges are there, therefore we cannot become atithi even if we want to stay somewhere, we
should become only satithi, satithihi means on-invitation or after getting informed consent, even if
they hesitate better not to go, unless I'm invited, I don't go. So, let us use the precious organ of
speech to avoid inconvenience to others.
There is humorous loka in sanskrit where a son-in-law is advising other son-in-laws of the world,
he says, staying in father in law's house is a heavenly experience because son-in-law is a VIP,
he is the 10th planet who can influence the life of the father-in-law and therefore, generally he is
a VIP, therefore he says, "Staying in father-in-law's house is a heavenly experience, but I would
like to give a warning, if you are intelligent stay only for few days, however, if you are shameless
you can manage for one month, but the quality of hospitality will gradually come down from leaf
to plate, and no honey or ghee or curd, that way you can shamelessly manage for month, but
after one month never stay, you will be driven out.", "sosuragha nivsaha svargathulyo
narnam, yedhibhavati vivek pacavashad dinni".
Therefore, share the programs, fix the appointment, keep up the appointment, if you cannot
keep-up inform the person, don't alter the appointment unilaterally and fix-up the duration of the
appointment also and then after fixing the duration, maintain.
Especially in the Indian culture, this is absolutely non-existent and I'm one of the victims as a
Swmi. This is not only to be maintained in direct visits, even in telephonic conversation this rule
is important, when I call someone the first thing I should do is, "I need few minutes", make it
clear. So without fixing up the duration, if I start talking, the other person is absolutely in darkness
as a speaker I may know how many minutes I want to speak, but the other person is in absolute
darkness and he goes through agonizing hot plate experience, first ask, "I want to talk for 10
minutes or 15 minutes, Is it a right time ?" Therefore giving information is part of ahis, giving
all this information is part of ahis and remember in Indian culture " Ahis paramo
dharmaha", even though we don't intentionally hurt, but unknowingly we are hurting others by not
observing the simple rule.
The second area to employ the faculty of speech is "Acknowledgement". When I'm writing an
important letter to someone because the letter is important, I want to make sure that the letter
reaches the other person, therefore what do I do, registered post in the olden days.
Not only we send a registered post, along with that there is a card called "Acknowledgement", we
have to paste the special stamp, "Acknowledgement Due" so that we get the "Acknowledgment"
card, so that we are relaxed that the communication has reached.
This we generally use when we are writing letters, but we should know this problem is there even
in direct communication. When I'm talking to someone, I only know that I'm communicating to the
other person, but I have no idea of knowing whether the other person is listening or not because,
listening and registering is a mental job, and mind is an invisible instrument.
Now, I'm talking to all of you with the hope and prayer. It is a one-sided action in total darkness.
Remember, I'm communicating in utter darkness because I have no way of knowing whether
your mind is in stika samjam or not, that is the first thing and even if your mind is here whether
listening is taking place or not, whether the message that I'm trying to communicate is registered
as I want it to be registered, I have no way of knowing. Remember, every verbal communication
is an exercise in darkness
Remember, every verbal communication is an exercise in darkness. Like drawing a picture in a
dark room. After drawing a picture, you switch on the light, perhaps Vinyaka might have ended
up as Ajaneya. Because I have no way of knowing what is happening on the paper. Remember,
every communicator face the problem of working in-darkness and because of this reason only
there is a stress and strain on the part of communicator. More important the message is, more
there is anxiety and especially when the future is dependent on the success of my
communication, there is intense anxiety on the part of the communicator.
If we understand this truth, as listeners we can do a wonderful service to the communicator. If we
understand the stress and the strain of the communicator, as listeners we can do a great service
to the speaker. What is the service? Just as, we sign the acknowledgement card and send back,
we can do verbal acknowledgement of the message clearly communicating to the communicator,
just to relieve him of the tension and anxiety. I have clearly received and registered the message.
I know well how important this message is for you and I'm aware of the emotion involved.
Because when he speaks not only the words are involved because of the facial expression,
sometimes fear is involved, sometimes pain is involved, I can clearly tell I'm able to understand
the pain, fear, your anxiety and if I have to do something through my co-operation, I can clearly
communicate that I'm going to co-operate.
If this message is highly emotional and important, it is our duty to spend a few minutes, clearly
reproducing the message that the other person has communicated. It can make a fantastic
difference in the mind-set of the other people. So, this is very useful area for intelligently using
our faculty of speech which will relieve the anxiety of others. Not only that, when somebody has
communicated something emotionally, suppose if I immediately I talk about some other topic,
that is not going to be registered by the other person, because the other person's mind is in
turbulence. When I'm giving my reply or comments, the other person is not going to listen,
therefore, instead of commenting on the speech or instead of giving a reply, first few minutes I
can spend in simply acknowledging the message the other person has given, sometimes, the
message may be criticism of me. Maybe, the spouse has given one hour lecture saying, "You are
useless" through logical proofs. Even when that is the topic, the intelligent approach is not
defending, intelligent approach is not denying, intelligent approach is not even silence, the most
intelligent approach is by "Acknowledging" and repeating all the charges.
Remember "Acknowledgement" is not acceptance, I need not accept the charges, I need not
defend the charges, I can simply acknowledge, in-fact the interesting thing is, by the sheer
acknowledgement the other person is relieved. In-fact, there are some people conducting
programs charging Rs.5000 or Rs.6000 in five star hotels and in those programs, one of the item
is, "Husband and wife should sit facing each other and half-an-hour is given to husband to tell
whatever he wants to tell to wife and wife should also observe with absolute silence, wife should
not get up and go, and the next half-an-hour the other person, and both of them come relaxed
after the program." they pay Rs.5000 for that. I tell you, "You need not defend or reply when
somebody wants to anxiously communicate, simple acknowledgement can make a big
difference." Therefore, the second area of the faculty of speech application is
"Acknowledgement" when people are speaking.
The third area is, "Appreciation". Appreciation is one thing which everybody loves, whether we
deserve it or not. Everybody loves to be appreciated, even animals love, and even Gods love.
That is why on ivartri day before asking boon from Lord Siva, we do one hour nmaka,
nmakam means appreciation of the Lord and Lord is so pleased, even the Bhagavn who is
praha, becomes pra tharaha, and is so happy, immediately we follow that with chamakam.
It is not the prayer for other people, it is, "Oh Lord! Give me my daily bread." and since
everybody loves appreciation, and not only that appreciation is a nourishment for the internal
personality. Just as food nourishes the physical body, appreciation nourishes the inner
personality of our own children, the children will go in leaps and bounds when they are
appreciated, even grown up grows internally.
Therefore, our dharma astra says, "Liberally use your organ of speech in appreciating other
people.", any good conduct or any good deed you look for something to appreciate, even if there
is nothing, that doesn't matter, appreciate the existence of the person, " priyavkya pradnEna
sarvE tushanti jantavah - Oh man! Note this. By using pleasant words of appreciation all people
are happy and they grow internally..", therefore, let the proportion of appreciation increase, and
words of criticism, complaint let it be reduced.
Now our condition is, the proportion is the other way round. Words of appreciation is 0%, words
of criticism and complaint is 100%, may you watch your words and let the proportion be tilted and
let there be more and more words of appreciation, "tasmt tadeva vaktavyam vachane k
daridrat - Why are you stingy in the words of appreciation..?" with regard to money, you can be,
you are worried about your future that I'm living only on pension, we can be stingy with regard to
money. Dharma astra asks the question, - Why are you stingy with regard to the words of
appreciation?
Dharma astra asks the question, "Why are you stingy with regard to the words of appreciation"
and one of the indications of sarjanaha, Bharthruhari says in Nti ataka, one of the indications of
a Mahtma is, he has always words of appreciation for everyone, "manasi vachasi krye
puyapeya pra stribhuvan mupakrashreni bhih prEnayante paragua parmnan
parvatEkrutya nityam Nijhrudi vikasantah santi santah kiyantahA" even if there is an atom of
virtue in someone, they take a huge magnifying glass and they talk about that parmnu guaha
and even if they have got hundreds of doa, they use a concave lens, they don't talk about that
too much. When and where it is required briefly they may indicate, they don't dwelve and
magnify, but they have words of priya vkya.
Appreciation is the 3rd area of organ of speech and there we should not follow the value of
silence and our argument is, the family members are after-all doing their duty, why should I
appreciate? Remember it is not the right of a person to seek appreciation, but it is the duty of
every person to offer appreciation. We mix up these 2. We should never seek appreciation but
remember it is the duty of every person to offer appreciation and when we fail in our duty, we are
not using the organ of speech judiciously and when we don't do that Bhagavn will decide that
since the organ of speech is not intelligently used, he will decide to take it away. When you have
wonderful mouth, you don't appreciate the other people, especially family members, we take for
granted.
The fourth area is, "Consolation". When we have got a physical pain, general massage of the
body gives a relief even if that doesn't cure the body, cure the problem, but it gives a relief.
Similarly, when there is mental pain, words of consolation serve as a mental massage.
Therefore, it is one of the Paca maha yjya, when there are people in pain and especially near
and dear one, even if there is no cure for that pain, we can happily relieve that pain by spending
some time, by expressing words of consolation. But, the only point we should remember is,
"Words of consolation should not be converted into words of fault finding", you did that, you did
not obey my advice, because of which you suffer now.
The words of consolation becomes counterproductive. No comments regarding their past
activities, no advice, and consolation must consist of only words of sharing the pain,
acknowledge the fact that I'm aware of the pain the other person goes through and I share the
pain, Klidsa says, "Pain shared is pain relieved." There words of consolation should be part of
our day-to-day activity.
The last one is "Connection". Maintenance of relationships requires exchange of words. Because
we cannot do anything physical to maintain the relationship, all the relationships are maintained
by sharing words of conversation, and it is very important that the sharing of words, we should
avoid all the uncomfortable areas. If I bring-in a topic which is uncomfortable to the other person,
the conversation will end-up in complaint, argument and fight. Instead of reinforcing the
relationship, it ends up in weakening the relationship. But, if intelligently if we spend some time in
conversation in which we only share the topic, in which both are comfortable.
Therefore, each one should know, what the comfortable topics are. We also should know, what
the uncomfortable topics are. Never talk about mother-in-law, never talk about father-in-law, they
are touchy areas. Avoid all the touchy areas, talk about music season, mutual things, spending
time in exchanging words, this is also extremely important, otherwise relationships become
weaker and weaker and maintenance of relationship is important in family life.
A sanys may avoid in the name of port reduction, but a ghastha will have to maintain some
important relationships. I call it, "Connecting conversation" or "Connection". Thus, if we use our
organ of speech intelligently it becomes an ornament, we have got a beautiful loka which says,
"keyUrANi na bhooshayanti puruShaM hArA na chandrojjvalAH na snAnaM na vilepanaM na
kusumaM nAlaMkRitA mUrdhajAH vANyekA samalaMkaroti purushAM yA samskR^itA dhAryate
kshIyante khalu bhUShaNAni satataM vAgbhUShaNaM bhUShaNam", the best ornament of a
person is an organ of speech which is very judicious used in these 5 areas. If this ornament is
there, he becomes a most popular person. He will attract everybody to himself as somebody
said, "There are 2 types of people, those who give happiness wherever they go, and those who
give happiness whenever they go away." and one of the brahmacris has given special title to
those people, he called them, "MSM" - means Mobile Saw Mill. Let us not becomes MSM's, let
us use our faculty of speech intelligently, for us, let the ornament be the organ of speech. This
will make our life and other's life a happy life.