Narrative Two: Values

This process of identifying three of our core values was very difficult because I
found myself cutting out things that I thought I valued. After this process I found that the
three values left could in fact incompass many of the other valued I had cut out. For
example I could include joy in my self- awareness value. And spirituality could fit into
the environmental value. Family and relationships could easily fit into my value of
love. These three things, self-awareness, environment, and love are things I value
above all. I feel that these things could very accurately describe what I believe to my
very core.
My value for the environment built up from many different experiences of being in
the outdoors and having a connection to something very far from beyond myself. The
most vivid memory I have of this connection is also the most recent memory I have. It
came from the walk I took yesterday evening. I had been feeling a little down for
reasons I didnt know so, I decided to go experience the outdoors. As I stepped out of
Braiden Hall I could already feel the weight of depression lift off of me. With every step I
took the feeling got lighter and lighter. I couldnt tell you why the feeling of the wind
blowing my hair away from my shoulders, weaving in and out of it almost as though it
was playing with it, made me feel better. Or why the beautiful colors that reflected the
sunlight in a perfect manner made me smile. I couldnt tell you how the nip of the chilly
air on my nose almost seemed to say dont fret yourself, its all in your mind. It simply
did. My value for environment, like all my other values, is reinforced almost on a daily
basis. When Im sitting up at horsetooth in awe at how the sky could be painted such
magnificent colors. Or after climbing and complaining up a hike, only to be met at the
top by a picture perfect scene. A scene that could make the most egotistical man forget
about himself. This forgetting of oneself is the most important part of living in my
opinion. The realization that you are not an individual being. You are the wind, the
beautiful colors, and the chill of an autumn air. You are nature or the environment and
she is you. To me the environment is the only real and KNOWN spiritual being or
god. Without her we would have absolutely nothing. So in order for me to feel okay
being alive on this earth I need to do everything in my power to take care of myself, or
the environment. This includes living my everyday life in a way that makes the smallest
eco footprint possible. I also plan on starting my class every year what they think we
could do to make our classroom eco friendly. Hopefully encouraging my students to be
conscious of how what they do has an impact on our planet.
Its hard for me to narrow down a specific memory that showed me how love is
one of my values. Ive grown up with my heart on my sleeve, spreading love and
hoping for others to do the same. Ever since I can recall my mom has taught me to treat
others the way I want to be treated. When I was in my junior year of high school I met a
boy who would, very slowly, become the love of my life. We had a long process of
getting to know each other, going back and forth playing 20 questions. This game
stretched across a few months and we would occasionally hang out and go on a hike in
between. There was one hike that had been quite a bit different though. We had
started to climb up a mountain inside of deer creak vally when suddenly, it started
pouring rain. We ran back to the car laughing the whole way. We hoped in the back of
the car to, I thought, continue with our games. But when I looked at his face I knew that
I had been mistaken. All traces of laughter were gone and he sat there with an
expressionless expression. Whats wrong? I asked him trying to sound calm and
normal. Was he going to break up with me? Well I guess it wouldnt be break up. We
hadnt even started officially dating yet. He just looked away from me and mubbled
something under his breath. What was that? I said, leaning closer. He proceeded to
tell me that his mom had died when he was in the first grade. I looked away, not
knowing how to respond to this horrid statement. I had never delt with losing anyone
close to me, let alone my mother. I looked back at him and he had tears slowly rolling
from his eyes. Not only was he crying, but he was giving me a look that made him
seem like he thought I would disappear at any second. I opened my arms for him and
he collapsed in them, sobbing. Shh, I whispered, rocking him back and fourth. Its
okay, youre okay. Im here. I am. That day I learned that you cant, no matter how
much you wish you could, understand everyones problems. In these situations the only
thing you can do is show them that you care. Loving people is one of the greatest gifts
we have been given as humans and I think many people take this for granted. To me
love is so much more than the literal definition. Its listening deeply and intently to what
other people have to say. Its going beyond the shallow conversations to get to the nitty
gritty of knowing someone. Very simply its the act of putting a warm, genuine smile on
someones face when they believed they couldnt smile. I plan on continuing to show as
many people as possible my love for them. I hope to have a class of students who
know I care about them and who know that they are the reason I am there. It may
sound kind of strange, but I dont plan on having kids. I plan on giving all the love I
would give my own children to my students instead.
Finally, there is the self-awareness value. To me self-awareness is recognizing
who I am on a daily basis and what I could do to be a better human. Its also about
being who I am no matter what the occasion. There was one day I remember when I
was feeling depressed for probably the third week in a row. I wasnt really talking to
anyone about how I was feeling or even acknowledging to myself what was going on. I
just ignored it all and continued on in my sluggish state. Eventually Connor- the boy I
mentioned above- reached out to me. He could recognize this state of me better than
most people. I tried to brush him aside but he persisted. Eventually I broke down into a
sobbing fit, begging to know why I was the way I was and why I couldnt just be
normal. No. He said pulling my chin up to him. I looked at him feeling very confused
now. Dont make this your fault. You are not your emotions. I swear I will always
remember that. You are not your emotions. I had never thought of this before. You are
just Madison. He said smiling at me. I think this was the point I realized that I didnt
mind having any emotion out there as long as I was aware of how I felt and as long as I
never defined myself by them. If I realize how Im feeling I can either catch myself
before falling into a deep hole or know that I will come out of the hole eventually. This is
something that keeps me sane and helps me realize that I dont always have to be
perfect. I just have to understand myself. Because no one else can.
I think all of these values can help me be a better teacher. They all are very
important things that younger kids should know and understand. Or they will all at least
help me, help students.