102087 Students name: Hue Nghi Tran

Secondary Curriculum 1A: English Students ID: 17370673

Assignment 1

Lesson plan rationale

In my three lesson plans, I focused on the aspect of craft creating an atmosphere of

tension by Atwell (1998) within a Unit of work on Creative Writing. The three lessons were

designed for Stage 5 Year 10 English and based on the novel Life of Pi (2001) by Yann

Martel. Nine different extracts were taken from the novel as modelling samples for students

to learn from. Besides the chosen materials, an array of activities was designed to scaffold

students in developing their creative writing skills in creating the atmosphere of tension.

In the selection of texts, I believe novels and fictions are good sources to teach atmosphere

creation as most stories and narratives follow the sequence of a narrative which starts with a

beginning i.e. settings; the middle i.e. complication, climax; and the end i.e. resolutions

(McCabe & Peterson, 1991). In the complication and climax section, different sorts of

atmosphere will be depicted to draw the events to the climax. Thus, by using novels and

fictions to teach creative writing in general and in creating an atmosphere in particular, I

decided to choose different extracts from the Canadian novel Life of Pi (2001) by Yann

Martel as modelling texts.

To develop my lesson plans, I referred to the Stage 5 Outcomes for English in the NSW

English Syllabus for the Australian Curriculum K-10. A thorough reading of the syllabus and

careful selections were conducted to choose the outcomes which I believed were achievable

through a Unit of Creative Writing. I designed and developed three one-hour lessons to

progressively scaffold the students from reading, analysing the modelling texts, learning

language features, mimicking modelling texts, and creating their own writings.

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102087 Students name: Hue Nghi Tran
Secondary Curriculum 1A: English Students ID: 17370673

The majority of activities designed are group-based and collaborative. Boas and Gazis (2016)

state that humanitys comprehension and interpretations of texts are shaped through

reciprocal communication; thus, collaboration plays a crucial role in the English classroom in

a way that it fosters students understanding of texts. Moreover, Fox (2015) remembers Don

Graves has said that real writers manipulate others brains to write, and that they seek out

others in informal conference to bounce their writing off. Therefore, integrating group-based

activities in teaching creative writing might assist students in articulating their writing pieces.

In the English classroom, effective collaboration may result in the enhancement of students

abilities to use language to think critically and create meanings (Boas & Gazis, 2016).

Besides, Think-Pair-Share is repetitively employed to encourage and strengthen collaborative

learning. Also, peer-review and peer-editing are also employed to help students with writing

check. Instead of checking each students work individually, which could be time-consuming

and laying a heavy burden on the teachers shoulder, conducting group revision and editing

could help save time and makes work editing less intimidating for students. Furthermore, in

these three lessons, the teacher plays the role of a facilitator rather than a corrector so that

students can actively learn and share their knowledge (Atwell, 1998). Moreover, in the real

world, writers need audience; thus, providing students with their classmate-audience might

help encourage writing (Gannon, Howie & Sawyer, 2010). In conducting peer-editing,

students are asked to read out loud their works to their peers instead of giving their works to

their peers to check. This avoids the embarrassment of any skill errors such as grammar and

spellings. Additionally, editing should be focusing on creativity and ideas rather than writing

mechanisms with spellings and grammar.

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102087 Students name: Hue Nghi Tran
Secondary Curriculum 1A: English Students ID: 17370673

As Graves (1978) states that the real problem with writing is no writing, it is paramount that

the ultimate goal of a writing lesson is to get students to write. However, the terrifying initial

paralysis of the blank page may hinder the writing process from happening. Thus, Gannon

(2008) suggests that games should be integrated into the lessons to make learning fun and

engaging. Therefore, I integrated two writing games, i.e. Writing Leads and Serial Stories

games in my lessons to make writing activities free of assessment pressure and encouraging.

My rationale will now focus on the links between my lesson activities, student learning and

the outcomes from Stage 5 Outcomes from the NSW English Syllabus fir the Australian

Curriculum K-10.

Lesson 1 - Activities 1.4, 1.5

In these 3 activities, students engage with the modelling texts and analyse the language

features and writing techniques which the author used to create the atmosphere of tension.

This helps serve as a foundation for students to build up their knowledge of atmosphere

creation and tension, which prepares them before starting formal writing.

Stage 5, Outcome 1

Engage personally with texts - Appreciate, explain and respond to the aesthetic qualities and

the power of language in an increasingly sophisticated range of texts.

Develop and apply contextual knowledge - Analyse and explain the ways language forms and

features, ideas, perspective and originality are used to shape meaning.

Stage 5, Outcome 2

Understand and apply language forms and features understand that authors innovate with

text structures and language for specific purposes and effects.

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102087 Students name: Hue Nghi Tran
Secondary Curriculum 1A: English Students ID: 17370673

Lesson 1 - Activity 1.6

Students participate in a group analysis and presentation activity of the language features that

the author used in creating tension.

Stage 5, Outcome 3

Engage personally with texts Analyse and evaluate the effectiveness of a wide range of

sentence and clause structures as authors design and craft texts.

Stage 5, Outcome 9

Respond to and compose texts use and assess individual and group processes to investigate,

clarify, critically evaluate and present ideas.

Lesson 2 Activity 2.2

This activity serves as a mini-lesson of applying metaphors in creative writing. Students

participate in a Think/Pair/Share activity to scaffold and learn about using this language

feature.

Stage 5, Outcome 4

Understand and apply knowledge of language forms and features investigate and

experiment with the use and effect of extended metaphor, metonymy, allegory, icons, myths

and symbolism in texts, for example poetry, short films, graphic novels, and plays on similar

themes.

Lesson 2 Activity 2.3

A mini lesson where students participate in creating their personal writing style by

responding to given opening sentences.

Stage 5, Outcome 5

4
102087 Students name: Hue Nghi Tran
Secondary Curriculum 1A: English Students ID: 17370673

Engage personally with text create literary texts that reflect an emerging sense of personal

style and evaluate the effectiveness of these texts.

Lesson 2 Activity 2.4

Students work collaboratively to peer-check and edit their writing works. This activity gives

students an audience, which motivates and propels them as writers.

Stage 5, Outcome 2

Engage personally with texts evaluate their own processes of composition and response

and reflect on ways of developing their strengths, addressing their weaknesses and

consolidating and broadening their preferences as composers and responders.

Understand and apply knowledge of language forms and features review, edit, and refine

students own and others texts for control of content, organisation, sentence structure,

vocabulary, and/or visual features to achieve particular purposes and effects.

Lesson 3 Activity 3.1

A writing game where students participate in building up a piece of writing work by

synthesizing reciprocal ideas.

Stage 5, Outcome 5

Engage personally with text create literary texts that reflect an emerging sense of personal

style and evaluate the effectiveness of these texts.

Lesson 3 Activity 3.2

Students write their own paragraphs individually by using the learned writing techniques and

language features from previous lessons.

Stage 5, Outcome 5

5
102087 Students name: Hue Nghi Tran
Secondary Curriculum 1A: English Students ID: 17370673

Engage personally with text create literary texts that reflect an emerging sense of personal

style and evaluate the effectiveness of these texts.

Lesson 3 - Activities 3.4, 3.5

Students work collaboratively to peer-check and edit their works before submitting final

works to the teacher.

Stage 5, Outcome 2

Engage personally with texts evaluate their own processes of composition and response

and reflect on ways of developing their strengths, addressing their weaknesses and

consolidating and broadening their preferences as composers and responders.

Understand and apply knowledge of language forms and features review, edit, and refine

students own and others texts for control of content, organisation, sentence structure,

vocabulary, and/or visual features to achieve particular purposes and effects.

In conclusion, embedding collaborative and game-based activities in teaching writing makes

writing in general more fun and less intimidating. Additionally, teachers modelling and

guidance through model texts are crucial in scaffolding students writing skills and

knowledge of complex language forms and features necessary for composing texts in a

particular genre or theme. In teaching the craft of creating the atmosphere of tension, a

combination of analysing sample texts with tension-driving language features; together with

consistent/ continuous writing practice either individually or collaboratively; and peer-editing

might facilitate students understanding and incorporation of a range of complex language

features in their own creative writing practice.

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102087 Students name: Hue Nghi Tran
Secondary Curriculum 1A: English Students ID: 17370673

References

Atwell, N. (1998). In the middle: New understandings about writing, reading, and learning.

Portsmouth: Boynton/Cook.

Boas, E. & Gazis, S. (2016). The artful English teacher: Over 100 practical strategies for the

English classroom. Kensington Gardens, Australia: The Australian Association for

the Teaching of English.

Fox, M. (2015). Sense and sensibility in the Donald Graves writing curriculum: An

exploration, a remembering, and a plea, in J. Turbill, G. Barton & C. Brock (eds),

Teaching Writing in Todays Classrooms: Looking back and forward (pp. 3-25).

Norwood, South Australia: Australian Literacy Educators Association.

Gannon, S. (2008). Coming to writing. English in Australia, 43(1), 33-46.

Gannon, S., Howie, M., & Sawyer, W. (2010). Charged with meaning: Re-viewing English

(3rd ed.). Australia: Phoenix Education Pty, Ltd.

Graves, D. (1978). We wont let them write. Language Arts, (55) 636.

Martel, Y. (2001). Life of Pi. Canada: Knopf Canada.

McCabe, A., & Peterson, C. (1991). Developing narrative structure. Michigan, U.S.A: L

Erbaum Associates.

NSW Syllabus for the Australian Curriculum. (2012). English K-10 syllabus: English years

7-10 (volume 2). NSW, Australia: Board of Studies NSW.

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102087 Students name: Hue Nghi Tran
Secondary Curriculum 1A: English Students ID: 17370673

UNIT OF WORK CREATIVE WRITING

CREATING AN ATMOSPHERE OF TENSION

This unit of work consists of 3 lessons with each lesson lasts for 60 mins.

Lesson 1 Length: 60 minutes

Craft Create an atmosphere Tension

Lesson focus

This lesson introduces students with the knowledge of craft creating the tension atmosphere

and providing students with 3 extracts from the novel Life of Pi by . Students learn to

analyse modelling texts by looking at language features and writing techniques that help

create the atmosphere of tension in fiction writings.

Links to syllabus outcomes

Stage 5, Outcome 1

Engage personally with texts - Appreciate, explain and respond to the aesthetic qualities and

the power of language in an increasingly sophisticated range of texts.

Develop and apply contextual knowledge - Analyse and explain the ways language forms and

features, ideas, perspective and originality are used to shape meaning.

Stage 5, Outcome 2

Understand and apply language forms and features understand that authors innovate with

text structures and language for specific purposes and effects.

Stage 5, Outcome 3

Engage personally with texts Analyse and evaluate the effectiveness of a wide range of

sentence and clause structures as authors design and craft texts.

Stage 5, Outcome 9

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102087 Students name: Hue Nghi Tran
Secondary Curriculum 1A: English Students ID: 17370673

Respond to and compose texts use and assess individual and group processes to investigate,

clarify, critically evaluate and present ideas.

Lesson activities and sequence

Activity Time Activities Purposes/ Syllabus

No. Outcomes achieved

1.1 10mins Teacher informs class of the unit of work DARTS activities

Creative Writing

Introductory game Survival Kits

Students are asked to imagine being left on an Engage students in

isolated uninhabited island. They have to think the context of texts,

of a survival kit of 3 necessary items for them which helps students

to survive. Then they need to imagine being on understand the

the island with one dangerous animal/ plant/ context and create

thing. curiosity to learn.

As a whole class, students share their survival

kits and explain why. Teacher randomly picks

5 students to talk about their kits.

1.2 10mins Pre-reading Prediction Engagement using Scaffolding activity

Think/Pair/Share activity

Teacher shows students the book cover and the Initial responses.

back of Life of Pi Using high-

Students individually scan the cover and read preference tasks to

the quote at the back of the book One boy, one draw students

boat, one tiger. attention and

Teacher asks students to predict engagement.

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102087 Students name: Hue Nghi Tran
Secondary Curriculum 1A: English Students ID: 17370673

What is the story about?

Who are the main characters? Think/Pair/Share

What is the theme?

What atmospheres will there be? Student-centered

Then students discuss in pairs with the one learning

sitting next to them before sharing with the

class. Collaborative

learning

1.3 5mins Teacher introduces the aspect of creating Teacher-centered

tension in creative writing. learning

Teacher explains several ways to create the

atmosphere of tension.

Tension is depicted through

surrounding settings.

Tension is achieved through sudden

changes in weather and contexts.

Tension is achieved through fast-pace

actions.

Tension is achieved through sudden

interruption of actions.

Ask students for other techniques that they Student-centered

know. learning

1.4. 10mins Teachers gives students one sample extract Teacher-centered

from Life of Pi and analyses on the white learning

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102087 Students name: Hue Nghi Tran
Secondary Curriculum 1A: English Students ID: 17370673

board the techniques that the author used to Stage 5, Outcome 1

create tension. Engage personally

Extract with texts -

Where were the officers and the crew? What Appreciate, explain

were they doing? Towards the bow I saw some and respond to the

men running in the gloom. I thought I saw aesthetic qualities

some animals too, but I dismissed the sight as and the power of

illusion crafted by rain and shadow. We had language in an

the hatch covers over their bay pulled open increasingly

when the weather was good, but at all times the sophisticated range

animals were kept confined to their cages. of texts.

These were dangerous wild animals we were Develop and apply

transporting, not farm livestock. Above me, on contextual

the bridge, I though I heard some men knowledge - Analyse

shouting. and explain the

(Life of Pi, Yann Martel) ways language

Suggested answer forms and features,

Using a sequence of self-ask questions and ideas, perspective

combinations of different events without any and originality are

connecting devices increases tension. used to shape

meaning.

Stage 5, Outcome 2

Understand and

apply language

forms and features

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102087 Students name: Hue Nghi Tran
Secondary Curriculum 1A: English Students ID: 17370673

understand that

authors innovate

with text structures

and language for

specific purposes

and effects.

1.5 10mins Randomly divide students in groups of 5. Collaborative

Give each group one different extract from the learning

modelling text Life of Pi. Student-centered

Ask students to work in group to annotate the learning

language features of writing techniques that the Stage 5, Outcome 1

author used to create tension in that extract. Engage personally

Teacher assists and circulates among groups. with texts -

Only give prompts when necessary. Allow Appreciate, explain

students to freely discuss and go all out with and respond to the

their imagination. aesthetic qualities

Teacher still leaves the annotated model on the and the power of

white board. language in an

increasingly

sophisticated range

of texts.

Develop and apply

contextual

knowledge - Analyse

and explain the

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102087 Students name: Hue Nghi Tran
Secondary Curriculum 1A: English Students ID: 17370673

ways language

forms and features,

ideas, perspective

and originality are

used to shape

meaning.

Stage 5, Outcome 2

Understand and

apply language

forms and features

understand that

authors innovate

with text structures

and language for

specific purposes

and effects.

1.6 10mins As a whole class, ask each group to share the Collaborative

writing techniques or language features that learning

they have analysed in the given extracts.

Give each group a piece of A2 paper to dot Student-centered

point their ideas. Then the whole group has to learning

present to everyone in class.

Teacher shows the extracts on PowerPoint Stage 5, Outcome 3

slide for easy viewing. Engage personally

Suggested answers for extract analysing with texts Analyse

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102087 Students name: Hue Nghi Tran
Secondary Curriculum 1A: English Students ID: 17370673

Using a sequence of short, simple and evaluate the

sentences without any connecting effectiveness of a

devices in between to create the rise of wide range of

tension. sentence and clause

Using a sequence of short, brief actions structures as

being interrupted in a sudden to create authors design and

the atmosphere of tension. Description craft texts.

of surrounding horrors/ dangers/ Stage 5, Outcome 9

settings Respond to and

Using a sequence of fast-pace actions compose texts use

suddenly stop in dead silence. and assess

Silent/still atmosphere being broken by individual and

sudden interrupting actions group processes to

investigate, clarify,

critically evaluate

and present ideas.

1.7 5mins Lesson wrap-up

Questions & Answers

Teacher gives homework: Students read all 3

extracts and analyse the extracts by using the

analysing techniques learned in class.

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102087 Students name: Hue Nghi Tran
Secondary Curriculum 1A: English Students ID: 17370673

Lesson 2 Length: 60 mins

Craft Create an atmosphere of Tension

Lesson focus

This lesson is designed to build up upon the previous lesson where students analysed the

modelling extracts of the novel Life of Pi. After scaffolding students with the

understandings of how different language features are used to create the atmosphere of

tension in a text, this lesson focuses on guiding students to use the learned writing

techniques from the extracts to create their own fiction writings.

Links to syllabus outcomes

Stage 5, Outcome 4

Understand and apply knowledge of language forms and features investigate and

experiment with the use and effect of extended metaphor, metonymy, allegory, icons, myths

and symbolism in texts, for example poetry, short films, graphic novels, and plays on similar

themes.

Stage 5, Outcome 5

Engage personally with text create literary texts that reflect an emerging sense of personal

style and evaluate the effectiveness of these texts.

Stage 5, Outcome 2

Engage personally with texts evaluate their own processes of composition and response

and reflect on ways of developing their strengths, addressing their weaknesses and

consolidating and broadening their preferences as composers and responders.

Understand and apply knowledge of language forms and features review, edit, and refine

students own and others texts for control of content, organisation, sentence structure,

vocabulary, and/or visual features to achieve particular purposes and effects.

Lesson activities and sequence

15
102087 Students name: Hue Nghi Tran
Secondary Curriculum 1A: English Students ID: 17370673

Activity Time Activities Purposes/ Syllabus

No. Outcomes achieved

2.1 5m Teacher reviews previous lesson.

Ask random students for their understandings

of previous lesson and what they have learned.

Put students answers on the white board and

discuss as whole class.

2.2 15mins Craft mini-lessons Mini-lessons

Language features Metaphor (Atwell, 1998)

Teacher uses the metaphor from the Life of

Pi text moon catching fire to show students Scaffolding activity

that metaphor is a language feature that is used

in writing to create vivid description. Teacher-centered

Teacher pairs up students and ask them to write learning

down any metaphor they know or have learned

previously; or students can come up with their

own metaphors. Think/Pair/Share

Suggested answers

Laugh a drink from the deep blue cup Student-centered

of sky. learning

Heaven is the head that wears the

crown Collaborative

Her eyes are fireflies learning

Stage 5, Outcome 4

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102087 Students name: Hue Nghi Tran
Secondary Curriculum 1A: English Students ID: 17370673

Hes a rolling stone, and its bred in the Understand and

bone. apply knowledge of

Laughter is the music of the soul. language forms and

Let your eyes drink up that milkshake features

sky. investigate and

Life: a lighted window and a closed experiment with the

door. use and effect of

The light flows into the bowl of the extended metaphor,

midnight sky, violet, amber and rose metonymy, allegory,

icons, myths and

symbolism in texts,

for example poetry,

short films, graphic

novels, and plays on

similar themes.

2.3 15mins Writing practice mini-lessons- using Mini-lessons

Writing Leads strategy (Atwell, 1998)

In the same pairs, teacher randomly gives out a Scaffolding activity

number of opening sentences extracted from

text Life of Pi. Students work in pair to write Collaborative

5 more sentences to complete the paragraph. learning

Students need to use the language features and

the techniques learned from modelling extracts Student-centered

as well as metaphors to create tension in their learning

writing.

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102087 Students name: Hue Nghi Tran
Secondary Curriculum 1A: English Students ID: 17370673

Extracted opening sentences Stage 5, Outcome 5

A shiver went through my body (Life Engage personally

of Pi, p. 140) with text create

My eyes immediately fell upon what I literary texts that

was looking for (Life of Pi, p. 141) reflect an emerging

An epic battle began (Life of Pi, p. sense of personal

219) style and evaluate

But I could not stay still (Life of Pi, p. the effectiveness of

219) these texts.

I noticed the presence of sharks

around the boat (Life of Pi, p. 124)

Dawn come and matters were, worse

for it) (Life of Pi, p. 124)

2.4 15mins Group students who have the same writing Collaborative

leads sentences together. learning

In turn, each pair read out loud their work and Peer-check activity

the others verbally give their comments and Student-centered

feedbacks on their friends works. activity

Stage 5, Outcome 2

Engage personally

with texts evaluate

their own processes

of composition and

response and reflect

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102087 Students name: Hue Nghi Tran
Secondary Curriculum 1A: English Students ID: 17370673

on ways of

developing their

strengths,

addressing their

weaknesses and

consolidating and

broadening their

preferences as

composers and

responders.

Understand and

apply knowledge of

language forms and

features review,

edit, and refine

students own and

others texts for

control of content,

organisation,

sentence structure,

vocabulary, and/or

visual features to

achieve particular

purposes and

effects.

19
102087 Students name: Hue Nghi Tran
Secondary Curriculum 1A: English Students ID: 17370673

1.5 10mins Lesson Wrap Up

Questions and Answers

Teacher reviews the language feature

metaphor and give generic feedbacks to

students works and performance.

Teacher gives homework: each student to write

down on their notebooks all language features

and writing techniques that they have learned

in the last two lessons.

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102087 Students name: Hue Nghi Tran
Secondary Curriculum 1A: English Students ID: 17370673

Lesson 3 Length: 60mins

Craft Create an atmosphere of Tension

Lesson focus

This lesson is designed to fortify and strengthen students writing skills on creating the

atmosphere of tension in fiction writings. The lesson is closely linked to the previous two

lessons where students analysed sample texts and learned the language features metaphor in

creative writing. This lesson is going to build upon the previous lessons in a way that students

can utilize all knowledge and skills they acquire previously to start writing their own fiction

works.

Links to syllabus outcomes

Stage 5, Outcome 5

Engage personally with text create literary texts that reflect an emerging sense of personal

style and evaluate the effectiveness of these texts.

Stage 5, Outcome 2

Lesson activities and sequence

Activity Time Activities Purposes/ Syllabus

No. Outcomes achieved

3.1 10mins Teacher reviews previous lessons by asking Writing games that

students for what they have learned. develop students

Game activity Serial stories games confidence and

Arrange students to sit in a circle. move them past the

Give each student a piece of blank paper. paralysis of the

Each student is asked to write one or two blank page

sentences regarding the creation of the tension (Gannon, 2008).

atmosphere. Students can choose any of their

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102087 Students name: Hue Nghi Tran
Secondary Curriculum 1A: English Students ID: 17370673

favourite themes (romance, sci-fi, fiction, Collaborative

adventure, exploration, etc.) learning

When finishing writing their sentences,

students fold their paper to cover what they Student-centered

have written. Then they pass their paper to the learning

person sitting next to them. The paper will be

passed til the activity stops. Game-based

Students have to follow the structure below: learning

1. Setting: place and time

2. Complication tension rising actions Stage 5, Outcome 5

3. Climax Engage personally

4. Falling actions with text create

5. Resolutions literary texts that

At the end of the game, teacher randomly picks reflect an emerging

3 or 4 students to read out loud their final sense of personal

works. style and evaluate

the effectiveness of

these texts.

3.2 15mins Individually, students write their own Stage 5, Outcome 5

paragraphs using the writing techniques and Engage personally

language features learned from the modelling with text create

texts (Life of Pi). Students are allowed to literary texts that

reflect an emerging

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102087 Students name: Hue Nghi Tran
Secondary Curriculum 1A: English Students ID: 17370673

refer to the modelling extracts to build up their sense of personal

own works. style and evaluate

Teacher reminds students that they can not use the effectiveness of

tension-descriptive words to create tension but these texts.

instead, they have to manipulate sentence

organisation, language features (e.g.

metaphors), and arrangement of events to

create tension.

3.3 5mins Teacher asks students to finalize writing and Skill lessons:

double check their works for grammar and grammar and

spelling errors. spelling

3.4 10mins In pairs, students read out loud their work to Collaborative

their partner. The partner listens and gives learning.

comments, feedbacks and use the rating sheet Student-centered

(see below) provided by teacher to give a rating learning.

of the tension level created in that students Peer editing and

work. feedbacks.

Stage 5, Outcome 2

Engage personally

with texts evaluate

their own processes

of composition and

response and reflect

on ways of

developing their

23
102087 Students name: Hue Nghi Tran
Secondary Curriculum 1A: English Students ID: 17370673

strengths,

addressing their

weaknesses and

consolidating and

broadening their

preferences as

composers and

responders.

Understand and

apply knowledge of

language forms and

features review,

edit, and refine

students own and

others texts for

control of content,

organisation,

sentence structure,

vocabulary, and/or

visual features to

achieve particular

purposes and

effects.

24
102087 Students name: Hue Nghi Tran
Secondary Curriculum 1A: English Students ID: 17370673

3.5 10mins Students edit and revise their works using Stage 5, Outcome 2

comments from their peers. Engage personally

Teacher circulates among pairs to assist. with texts evaluate

Teacher refrains from interrupting pair work their own processes

and avoid correcting students grammar and of composition and

spelling. The focus must be on students response and reflect

creation and the flow of ideas. on ways of

Teacher collect students works at the end. developing their

strengths,

addressing their

weaknesses and

consolidating and

broadening their

preferences as

composers and

responders.

Understand and

apply knowledge of

language forms and

features review,

edit, and refine

students own and

others texts for

control of content,

organisation,

25
102087 Students name: Hue Nghi Tran
Secondary Curriculum 1A: English Students ID: 17370673

sentence structure,

vocabulary, and/or

visual features to

achieve particular

purposes and

effects.

3.6 10mins Lesson Wrap Up, Qs & As Lesson revision

Teacher revises the writing techniques and Lesson clarifying

language features for creating the atmosphere and catching up.

of tension.

Allow students to ask questions.

Randomly ask some students questions about

the lessons and what they have achieved in the

whole unit of work.

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102087 Students name: Hue Nghi Tran
Secondary Curriculum 1A: English Students ID: 17370673

Peer Review and Editing Form

Writers name

Reader/ Audiences name

Story genre/ theme

Language features/ writing

techniques used to create

tension

Comments

Rating

(please circle the rating you

give for the writers work)

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102087 Students name: Hue Nghi Tran
Secondary Curriculum 1A: English Students ID: 17370673

Annotated English texts for teaching the craft

Creating an Atmosphere of Tension

Using a sequence of short, simple sentences without any connecting devices in between

to create the rise of tension.

#Extract 1

I think there was an explosion. But I cant be sure. It happened while I was sleeping. It woke

me up. The ship was no luxury liner. It was a grimy, hardworking cargo ship not designed for

paying passengers or for their comfort. There were all kinds of noises all the time. It was

precisely because the level of noise was so uniform that we slept like babies. It was a form of

silence that nothing disturbed, not Ravis snoring nor my talking in my sleep. So the

explosion, if there was one, was not a new one. It was an irregular noise. I woke up with a

start, as if Ravi had burst a balloon in my ears. I looked at my watch. It was just after four-

thirty in the morning. I leaned over and looked down at the bunk below. Ravi was still

sleeping. Commented [Office1]: A sequence of simple sentences/

quick actions without any connections in between increases
the tension and triggers curiosity.
I dressed and climbed down. Normally Im a sound sleeper. Normally I would have gone

back to sleep. I dont know why I got up that night. It was more the sort of thing Ravi would

do. He liked the word beckon, he would have said, Adventurous beckons, and would have Commented [Office2]: Again, a sequence of short, sharp
actions with the subject I linked together without any time
words, connectors, or scene description get readers to focus
gone off to prowl around the ship. The level of noise was back to normal again, but with a on only the point of view of the character I

different quality perhaps, muffled maybe.

#Extract 2

A shiver of cold went through me. I decided it was a storm after all. Time to return to safety. Commented [Office3]: Description of the surrounding
forecasts the sense of tension and danger.
I let go, hotfooted it to the wall, moved over and pulled open the door.

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102087 Students name: Hue Nghi Tran
Secondary Curriculum 1A: English Students ID: 17370673

Inside the ship, there were noises. Deep structural groans. I stumbled and fell. No harm done.

I got up. With the help of the handrails I went down the stairwell four steps at a time. I had

gone down just one level when I saw water. Lots of water. It was blocking my way. It was

surging from below like a riotous crowd, raging, frothing and boiling. Stairs vanished into

watery darkness. I couldnt believe my eyes. What was this water doing here? Where had it Commented [Office4]: Again, using a sequence of simple
sentences describing the characters actions, the
surrounding without any connections in between depicts
come from? I stood nailed to the spot, frightened and incredulous and ignorant of what I tension and chaos

should do next. Down there was where my family was.

I ran up the stairs. I got to the main deck. The weather wasnt entertaining any more. I was

very afraid. Now it was plain and obvious: the ship was listing badly. And it wasnt level the

other way either. There was a noticeable incline going from bow to stern. I looked overboard.

The water didnt look to be eighty feet away. The ship was sinking. My mind could hardly Commented [Office5]:

conceive it. It was an unbelievable as the moon catching fire. Commented [Office6]: Metaphor moon catching fire
describes the chaotic and dangerous situations and
surrounding. The situation is briefly described in one simple
sentence, which creates the atmosphere of fast increasing
tension, leaving a tense feeling in readers.
#Extract 3

Where were the officers and the crew? What were they doing? Towards the bow I saw some

men running in the gloom. I thought I saw some animals too, but I dismissed the sight as

illusion crafted by rain and shadow. We had the hatch covers over their bay pulled open when

the weather was good, but at all times the animals were kept confined to their cages. These

were dangerous wild animals we were transporting, not farm livestock. Above me, on the

bridge, I though I heard some men shouting. Commented [Office7]: There is no unity and coherence
in this paragraph. Every single sentence narrates and
describes different things. They move from the crew to
the animals to the hatch, the cage, to wild animals, farm
livestock, then the bridge and men shouting.
#Extract 4 By organising different details together, it creates chaos,
confusion, and tension.
Short simple sentences make the reading beat/ speed go
The ship shook and there was that sound, the monstrous metallic burp. What was it? Was it faster, increasing the tense atmosphere.

the collective scream of humans and animals protesting their oncoming death? Was it the

29
102087 Students name: Hue Nghi Tran
Secondary Curriculum 1A: English Students ID: 17370673

ship itself giving up the ghost? I fell over. I got to my feet. I looked overboard again. The sea

was rising. The waves were getting closer. We were sinking fast.
I clearly heard monkeys shrieking. Something was shaking the deck. A gaur an Indian wild
ox exploded out of the rain and thundered by me, terrified, out of control, berserk. I looked
at it, dumbstruck and amazed. Who in Gods name had let it out?
Commented [Office8]: Similar to the above paragraph,
the use of self-ask questions What was it?, Was it the
collective scream of humans and animals protesting their
oncoming death?, Was it the ship itself giving up the
ghost?. All the self-ask questions are clustered in a
sequence to accumulate the feeling of tension. Also,
frightening words scream, death, ghost draws the tension
even higher.

#Extract 5

I ran for the stairs to the bridge. Up there was where the officers were, the only people on the

ship who spoke English, the masters of our destiny here, the ones who would right this

wrong. They would explain everything. They would take care of my family and me. I

climbed to the middle bridge. There was no one on the starboard side. I ran to the port side. I

saw three men, crew members. I fell. I got up. They were looking overboard. I shouted. They

turned. They looked at me and at each other. They spoke a few words. They came towards Commented [Office9]: Repetition of the subject They
would and they indicates the characters hopelessness in
the chaotic situation and seeking for help, and how much
me quickly. I felt gratitude and relief welling up in me. I said, Thank God Ive found you. hope he has on these officers.

What is happening? I am very scared. There is water at the bottom of the ship. I am worried

about my family. I cant get to the level where our cabins are. Is this normal? Do you think-

Using a sequence of short, brief actions being interrupted in a sudden to create the

atmosphere of tension. Description of surrounding horrors/ dangers/ settings

#Extract 6

It looked up at me. Its mouth was red. Orange Juice lay next to it, against the dead zebra. Her

arms were spread wide open and her short legs were folded together and slightly turned to

one side. She looked like a simian Christ on the Cross. Except for her head. She was

beheaded. The neck wound was still bleeding. It was a sight horrible to the eyes and killing to

30
102087 Students name: Hue Nghi Tran
Secondary Curriculum 1A: English Students ID: 17370673

the spirit. Just before throwing myself upon the hyena, to collect myself before the final

struggle, I looked down. Commented [Office10]: Again, a sequence of short

Between my feet, under the bench, I beheld Richard Parkers head. It was gigantic. It looked
the size of the planet Jupiter to my dazed senses. His paws were like volumes of
Encyclopedia Britannica.
simple sentences depicting the chaotic, terrifying scene. The
paragraph suddenly finishes at I looked down,
prognosticating a surprise coming up next.
Tension will be created by using language in this way as the
flow is suddenly stopped by an unknown event, causing
readers curiosity to find out what happens next.

I made my way back to the bow and collapsed.

I spent the night in a state of delirium. I kept thinking I had slept and was awaking after

dreaming of a tiger.

Using a sequence of fast-pace actions suddenly stop in dead silence.

#Extract 7

Now came the dangerous part. I needed the life jackets. Richard Parkers growling was now a

deep rumble that shook the air. The hyena responded with a whine, a wavering, high-pitched

whine, a sure sign that trouble was on the way.

I had no choice. I had to act. I lowered the lid again. The life jackets were at hands reach. Commented [Office11]: 3 short sentences with the
subject I increase the tension that the character needs to
act fast and quickly because danger is approaching.
Some were right against Richard Parker. The hyena broke into a scream.

I reached for the closest life jacket. I had difficulty grasping it, my hand was trembling so

much. I pulled the jacket out. Richard Parker did not seem to notice. I pulled another one out.

And another. I was feeling faint with fear. I was having great difficulty breathing. If need be,

I told myself, I could throw myself overboard with these life jackets. I pulled a last one out. I

had four life jackets. Commented [Office12]: Again, a series of actions done
by I increase the speed of the story, creating tension.
Pulling the oars in one after the next, I worked them through the armholes of the life jackets-

in one armhole, out the other-so that the life-jackets became secured to the four corners of the

raft. I tied each one shut.

31
102087 Students name: Hue Nghi Tran
Secondary Curriculum 1A: English Students ID: 17370673

I found one of the buoyant ropes in the locker. With the knife, I cut four segments. I tightly

lashed the four oars where they met. Ah, to have had a practical education in knots! At each

corner I made ten knots and still I worried that the oars would come apart. I worked

feverishly, all the while cursing my stupidity. A tiger aboard and I had waited three days and

three nights to save my life!

#Extract 8

I cut four more segments of the buoyant rope and tied the lifebuoy to each side of the square.

I wove the lifebuoys rope through the life jackets, around the oars, in and out of the

lifebuoy-all around the raft-as yet another precaution against the raft breaking into pieces.

The hyena was now screaming at top pitch.
One last thing to do. God, give me the time, I implored. I took the rest of the buoyant line.
There was a hole that went through the stem of the boat, near the top. I brought the buoyant
Commented [Office13]: Without describing where the
tiger is and how the fight is going on between the tiger and
the hyena, the sentence still alerts readers of the increasing
tension of danger. Also, instead of describing the scene, the
sound top pitch notifies extreme danger.

rope through it and hitched it. I only had to hitch the other end of the rope to the raft and I

might be saved.

The hyena fell silent. My heart stopped and then beat triple speed. I turned.
Jesus, Mary, Muhammad and Vishnu
I saw a sight that will stay with me for the rest of my days. Richard Parker had risen and
emerged. He was not fifteen feet from me.
Commented [Office14]: A sequence of short, fast-pace
actions being interrupted and stopped all in sudden. The
sound effect top pitch now turns to silent, intensifies
tension and danger.
The similar language pattern is reused here. (refer to the
above annotation). The paragraph finishes abruptly with I
turned, drawing all readers attention to the next event.

Silent/still atmosphere being broken by sudden interrupting actions

#Extract 9

I was on the tarpaulin, wrapped in a blanket, sleeping and dreaming and awakening and

daydreaming and generally passing the time. There was a steady breeze. From time to time

spray was blown off the crest of a wave and wet the boat. Richard Parker had disappeared

under the tarpaulin. He liked neither getting wet nor the ups and downs of the boat. But the

32
102087 Students name: Hue Nghi Tran
Secondary Curriculum 1A: English Students ID: 17370673
sky was blue, the air was warm, and the sea was regular in its motion. I awoke because there
was a blast. I opened my eyes and saw water in the sky. It crashed down on me. I looked up
again. Cloudless blue sky. There was another blast, to my left, not as powerful as the first.
Richard Parker growled fiercely. More water crashed against me. It had an unpleasant smell.
I looked over the edge of the boat. The first thing I saw was a large black object floating in
the water. It took me a few seconds to understand what it was. An arching wrinkle around its
edge was my clue. It was an eye. It was a whale. Its eye, the size of my head, was looking
directly at me.
33
Commented [Office15]: Using adjective words steady,
blue, warm, regular, cloudless to portray a peaceful,
still, calm, and tranquil scene, which relates to a quiet and
safe environment. However, tension arises just from the act
of Richard Parker had disappeared, the blast, and
unpleasant smell. The weaving of a peaceful, still, quiet
scene with some destructive facts/ acts rises up the tension
of danger approaching and destroying the peaceful
scene/place.
Commented [Office16]: The separation of the whales
details the eye, the whale, size, looking directly in 3
sentences instead of putting them in 1 sentence brings up
the tension. e.g. It was a big whale with eye of the size of
my head and it was looking at me. The use of full stop .
Helps reader to see the scene from the view of the
character.
This effect also creates a slow motion effect which slowly
builds up the tension of the situation.