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  • Pratt Identity Skin Blood Heart

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    Mateo Valderrama Arboleda
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    Identidad, conocimiento situado

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    64 просмотров26 страниц

    Pratt Identity Skin Blood Heart

    Загружено:

    Mateo Valderrama Arboleda
    Identidad, conocimiento situado

    Авторское право:

    © All Rights Reserved
    Скачайте в формате PDF или читайте онлайн в Scribd
    Отметить как неприемлемый контент
    из 26
    Identity: Skin Blood Heart Tine in pa ot Weahgtn, DC, ht hte butane She gi dar gti ureters kraltinon When ia hetoan hated Set NE, top int theta lcwe my Sond hee patent ahop lam ncualy Cnty hte pon nh ve sen Gterhte women he yee ed fe is nau wae leh 2 psytrance See EE know the "Soe ‘When I walk thee blacks ina slightly Psy wnt depts aeie Seca Sina enon ferent dieton, down Maryland uenue to goo my ners hose, ‘pas yards of Black fll: the yard ofthe lady who keep children, ‘with is Blue-anded windlass of Sharon; the yar ofthe ‘man who delves vegetables, with is stacked slated cats the yd the people nex to the Righteous Branch Commandment Church ‘of God (Seventh Dy), with its mates in the samme is colads ‘nthe fll. Inthe summer fll it out on thes porches o ps ot shdewalis When wale it my head an ook toad them and speak Fey they may speak sa, "Hey" or "How you doin?” or pe ‘haps ust nod. In the sping was aad to stile when | spoke, be- ‘cause that might be too familia, but by the end of summer had walked back and arth cen, Ine fargo somelines we shared comments about the mean wether, am comforted by any ofthese peaking fort tellyou the uth, they make me fee at hore. Car ving far from where | was bom: ithas been twenty years since have lived in that place where ks, Back and white, spoke teach ther when they meton the set ot inthe road. Sowhen two Blackmen dispute country mates, iling ross the comers of 8th Sueet “Hey Roland cid you ever ste hog ‘ach ara? seen ahogcatch ante How about aa? Ever sce ‘one caicha mi?™ Lam gatelul tobe ving within undo thir oes, tohearajoking that reminds me with stared pain, of my fer ting on his tales forks ends, the whe men gathered atthe dag Store in the momings ‘The pain ofcourse isthe other sid ofthis speaking and the sr row when Thavecnly to turn two comers ogo backin the basen door of my building, to meet Me Boone, the aor, who doce ise hiseyesto ming ori head, when we peak Hels adiskred town ‘man rom the Yemasoee in South Carolia —that swampy land In- tan esitance and armed communis ofugve slaves that iy land athe heedwaters ofthe Combahee, once ie of enormous rice plantations and loation of Harriet Tubmaris sacesfl tility at tion tht freed mary slaves. When we meetin the halloron th el var, even though I may have jus herd him speaking in his own oie to another man, he “yesarlams” me na sing song; Thea ny oie repving inthe hori choerfl aces of white dy. And ate ny white womanhood that drags betven us the lng ter history of our region, think how Ijust want fel at home, where people know me Instead [remember when meet Me Boone, that home was place of forced subservience and Tow that my wich is that of an adult ty St Wot tat 3 wanting to stay a child: tobe known by others but to know nothing, tofel no responsibility. Instad I recognize, when [walk ot in ‘neighborhood, that each speaking another person has become ‘rough, forme, with the istry ol ace and sex and dass AST walk Thave a constant interior discussion with msl, questioning how 1 _scknowledge the presence of another, what know or dant know ‘bout them and what how they acknowledge me mean. It isan ex haustng process this moving fom the experience ofthe “unkon= ing majnty” (as Maya Angelou has called i) into consciousness. Ik would be aie to say this process comforting ‘meet white man on Maryland Avenues ena ight, for in stance: Hedoestoak gay, and hes younger and bigger than mest because fs wearing a three pice suit dest mean he wort y something, What's He doing waking here anyway? One ofthe ne senerytakang over? Maybe thats what the Black neighbors think bout ‘me. speak, hel probaly assume ifs about ex, no abt being, neighborly. don fel neighborly toward iy anyway. fhe speaks to mis that about sx? Or does he stl think skin means i? Or ‘maybe he was alsed someplace where someone could say, “knew yourmamay if he dirt behave. But hes probably not ging think About her when he does whatever he does he: beter be cael Inthespaecf thee Heck, on oneevening Ican debate whether the yourg Black woman diet speak because she was ied, urban raised ot hates white women; and ask mysaf why Twoulat speak to the young profesional white woman on her way to ork nthe ut do atnight (and she does speak at all). Ish bout ‘who I think may need for physical safety? ‘And make myself speak toa young Black man; ido it wil be the old aia-seual fear Damn the past. When speak deci ‘usualy gta espectl answer Is thatthe esporse vielen ered byhistory the taboo on white women? Last week the group of lack ‘enon Ith Stet started inn "Can have some” when fon and walked by. Ws that because they were three? We were white? We were lesbit? Or because we dirt peak? What about tis man? He aman. And I would speak o him inthe deine ‘Alter speak and he speaks Ishin how my smallstore of man ner the way Iwas taught be “respec” of others, my mide. das, white-woman, rural Souther Christan manners, gave mem Ideas ona past Sunday afternoon, inthe northwest par ofthe oy, ‘on how to speak the Latinos and Latinas socaizmg onthe side walks there E Anal his of how ti walking to vist my Jewish ove: When we walk around the neighborhood ogter we ok keto whe women, exept the ls ny bul yw ok ke te be ‘use were ds andthe an see weloveea ber Bt Fm ns and blue-eyed she dschazed and bown-eed we doo Dt ite sizer i the whe people andthe Back people we meet ney She was ovis aa wel a we ow woud fhe pening ser?” Tyco the rigid boundaries st avn my experienc, how haveboen prey theamourt oon Rakes eto wakes? few bck tangas conscious aan ofmyfin elation io, torace tele, to gender Inthe where Tam nolanger he majority by coor orca tl ye every dy: nhs ol you ret he majority ae orc ance were hte you Wer ‘albedo thir and re ou geting ready tbe ths wore? “Ani answer mye im ying am onto toe the speakingoetend beyond the moments word 0 at 0 = ‘hang th jt estan tht ep a on ig ee to speak teach oem ring etter othe longed fo ut un ‘ele word, whee te exc asl foe at Ny Eng ‘ala someone lesan not eomeone eles odor pune, thas what a eying do with ying now [take the moments when Ispeak and am spoken theexshange with dignity, respec, perhaps pleasures fragment ofthat world ‘ut often the momert slips, the lusion of saxeptance vanishes in the chasm ofthe worlds that opens up between me and another ‘esterday when I si, “Hey? snding tothe white headed white wo ‘man coming with difculty down the walk, she spat at me, shout singing, "How much s that doggy inthe window her ddan the uslesnass and cdshness of my manners inaworld when she Isbored down the sidewalk Why should she give me the approval her sme? ‘The stark ruth spoken in publi, the ten of what said aboxt ny place on the ether side ofthe chasm between ine and anathee smakesme want to pretend did esr tocoverthe uth up The a ‘wer Ike the imps, comes om home: whore rate nt Ran ne ripped naked bore company, agin the remonetance chet scandalized niece. “Rane, youre neki as jab” "es sald anni, calmly, and the jays prowy bird” Rane reminds re ‘olin forthe beauty i te ark rath tha ors tells me the hich seems bral and may terry me. Thislistening is ne wy of Sinding oat how to get othe new place where we al can ive and speak to eachother for more than & fail moment you and I met today, eaderon Maryland Avene, would we speak? dost know wiat barriers of ender clo culture, sexuality, right risebetween us when we saw eachother Nor do know what may come betveen us stalk in these pages about the bares that ‘westrugge with every day, sues of morality ike ani Semnisn and Tee my frend Doct has pctested: “Moray Ti calietics” ‘She hats the wor, it having been used against her often ts tr. ler Baptists, and my Presbyterians, not io mention others we nul name, have tumed the word on us too much, But, Dorthy is sounds like dassical Grogs to me. What if say, not moliybut— Thm uying talk about seuggling against racism and ant Semit- ‘sm asissues of how tolive the nghtand-erong oft, about how to respect others and mys Is ery hard forme to know fi to speak ofthis struggle because the culture Iwas bom and ase inastaught ‘me certain ways of being that rece the proces f change to ought to that reduce the isu of how tive 6 ought. Twas taught fo be a ae of moral responsibty and of punish ment only in elation tomy ethical system; was taught to be mary, {o take all the responibty for change, andthe glory, end expect, ‘othesto do nothing; was aught tobe apna, fo mediate, nogot ‘ebetwen opposing sides because knew the ight way; was taught ‘obeapmacier to point out wrongs andtell others what to do. Now days, struggle nt to speak with the tones o gestures or notions of these roles wen raise, outloud, with other womeny those inkrioe question that Ihave asked myself about my understanding of ant ‘Semitism and rasan ‘Somitime fer have spoken of these issues, women who are ike me come up to me an ‘They fel 0 ashamed, Tspoke and they dda, they would never beable to act so bravely, might beable odo it but ot them ever Oe they say how can bes sl ightous, hurt and punish oer, lve women, hw can think lam beter than others. Sometimes ‘hey they at lad have pointed out he racom or ant Semi, ‘they had noticed, and ide now how or what to do about hese problems ‘Sometimes they say thy are glad spo, since thse problems ace important, but they realy dont se how any ofthis affects hem ‘personally Or they may say they ares red a hearing about hese ammo ‘issues, and they dot see how ay ofthis af them personaly Ot they ay they are so tied of al, why dort wejus do somthing, OF who do tink T a, fo speak for them a whe or gentile, tele petiencehas bee diferent Sometimes they say, pata, tat ney have ad experiences in their own ives paral tothe ones econ, but have nt ben ale to speak to anybne about this Thnow tha, sometimes, when women make these rears tome Itisbecause was net clear about my own struggles fer, mistakes, esporsblty comply plans for actions because [have fed nm srugle with the old ways of being and am acting them oat in iy ile, manner toe, ideas. Somesimes I bave the remarks are ‘made because women are handing their power and responsi over tome, because a ther wn upbringing or assumptions tha placeme ‘na certain role in relation to them and because they are not feng their own various powers—bravery, creativity, knowledge, and ab. ity to charge. Tam straggling now to peak, but not out of any role ofoughto, Task that you try noto place mein that le. Lam tying to speak fm my heart outof need, asa woman wholoves cher women pasion ‘ely and wants us to be able tobe together sends inh unt ‘woul: and asa woman who lives in eave secu in the Uned ‘Stats and who istrying oie ot my rsponslty i wider sg es agin injustice, Tam speaking my smal piece of ruth s best can. My fend Barkara Deming has remind me: Weeach have ony pice ofthe truth. So hares: Pm puting it down for you to see out apart ‘match anywhere, four pieces together ake another lager piece of the truth that can be part ofthe map we are making together o show us the way to get the longer wold Where does the ned come from, the ane push o walk nto change we re women oh by skin cology bath ata, tucina potion material avantage where we unt the perce othe, oor wore A pa nbc we anes dope ‘ate comfort, falar js ty saying pt, Whee our ne to Change what we were bo ns? What do we he pa? When ey tnt hi eh fy ater When was tout cig anol heeke up heft mate pct he course inmy own. Hetok meine up the wom won sep sozed under the fet ffs who had gene up and down ob jee oF to gawk at hers beg judge up pct the oureoom where _randfnther had leaned boc in his cha and judge for ver forty Yeas, upto the alti © some narrow steps that went othe To, the clock tower with a walled ledge. ‘What would have seen fromthe tp on he streets down below sound the courthouse square: the Methodist church the grey me stone building with the county Health Department, Board af Educa- tn, Welfare Deparment (ny meter worked ther, the yellow brick Baptist church, the Gul station, the pool hall (90 women allowed), (Gevland’s grocery, Wards soestore. Then alin ine, connected the bank, the post eiee, De Nicholson's fie (one door or whites, ‘one fo Blacks). Then separate: the Presbyterian church the newspa er office the yellow bck jal, same brik asthe Baptist church and fs the courthouse, ‘What could not have sen from the tp: the save of Four Points where the white il fos ved, othe houses of Blacks in Ve eer Mil Quarters ‘This is what would and would not have sen, oF 5 thin for Inevergot to the top. Whe he old me ogo up the steps in rontof ‘him, tet, crwingon hands and knees but was tomb fad Teouldet oe would, doit Helet me cal dow he was dusted ‘wih me, {thought think now that he wanted to show me apace hebad climbed to as aboy view that had been his fathers ands, snd would be mine, But was not him: [had not leerned to take that height, that being set apart as my own, a white git, not abo. ‘et wa shaped by my resto othe budings anda the peo: ple inthe balding by ideas of who should be working inthe Board ‘0fFdueation, of who shouldbe in the bank handling money, of who | ‘should ave the guns andthe keys tothe al of who shouldbe ithe jn and was shaped by what didnt se, or crt nate, on hace ress "Not the vy your own was ald out, yous? Tue, perhaps but ‘ach of us caries around those groving-up places, the nsititins, sor of backdrop a tage set. Sooiten we a oot the reset against ‘backdrop ofthe past, within a feameof perception thats 0 fam ings safe, hats ering oink changing even wien we know ‘or perceptions are distorted, limited, constced by that old view Sothisis one gan forme as Ichange: learn away of looking at the world thats more accurate, complex, multlaered, multidimen sioned, more truthful. Tb se the world of everlapping ce, ke ‘movement om the mill pond afer fish has jumped, instead of the courthouse square with me at themida, even if fam onthe ground, | cel the nt to look diferenty because Ive leamed that whats reseed io me as an accurate vew of the word is frequent ai Sothattolook through an anthology of women’s studies that hase Se orno work by women of colar to be upon that edge above the ‘own andbe thinking that see the town, withoutreazing how many lives have been pushed out of sigh, beside unpaved roads Fm earning that what think that incu i an accurate view of the worlds frequently ae: as when I wasn a dscuston about the ‘Womens Pentagon Acton with several women, fur of ws Chistian raised, one Jewish, my lover Joan a photographer Descbing the ‘march through Arington Cemetery, one ofthe four mentioned the rows of crosses, [had marche foralong ime through that cemetery, {nodded to myself, visualized rows of crosses, No sai Joan, they were nado with roses or Stars of David engzaved above the ‘ames, We four Ceisianscbjected;weallhad seen crosses, But oan had photographs she had taken ofthe march though the cemetery, In them on te table. Wes rows and ows and ows of recanga Jar gavestones nd in the foreground, cacy vise, one iracribed with a name and a Star of David ‘ol gin truth when expand my constricted eye an ye that has only et in what Ihave been taught see. But thee have been other ‘constrictions: the teh of fear around my heart when {must deal vith the fer of os who east, withthe own ives in lhe paces besides the narow cre {was raised in have eared that my fea {is kin to a terror that hasbeen in my bith culture for year for ‘centuries—theterar ofa people who have set themselves apart and stone, who have wronged others and el they are about oe found fut and punished. Itisthetamerthathas been expressed ines about ty ws who kalforblood, sy Arabhordes who mardes imu indians who mas. secre, animal Blacks who risen rebellion inthe mide o he night and slaughter Its the terorhathas cused the lager of al those Peoples. Is the tex that was: father with is ck ooh Bich -ewspapers his bel in a CatolieComanist jewish Black cor. spray Ie is the desperate ter the knoe that something ‘urong hich tiesto end fear by attack, ‘When Lam trying to understand myself in elation fo folks difer- ‘nt from me, when there are discussions, confi about ant Sema Jim and racism among women, eicems clem of me and ge aid; when, frinstanc, ina group deus about ace and ass say fel we talked too mich bout ace, not enough about ass, Westy ti Bo tt and a woman of color asks me in anger and pain if dor hiner skinhas someting todo with cass, and ge afr when frintarce, "sy carci tomy avis over that there wer ows where grew ‘up, ase begins to askme Flow do Tin? DoT hear what 6). ing? and I get afraid; when fal my racing heat, breath, the tight ‘ening of my skin aroun me, tery deers to protec fy nario Cree I try to ayo mee ‘es, tt fear isthere, but willy to be atthe edge between my fear and the outside, onthe edge at my skin listening. asking what nev thing will hes will ee, wl let mel fee, yond the ear. ty to sy: To acknowledge the complenty of anther existence i ‘not to deny my own. When I acknowledge what my peopl, what ‘those who are ke me, have done o people wit less power and less safety inthe word, Tan makes pace forthings to be cere place ‘where ean el ric, somow not tobe sony frat but ote, ‘expand my creo sel flow my need loosen the constritons coffer, bea breakin the cj of fear and attack, When ean do this ‘hata second gain “Tobe aught within the narow creo the sels nat jus fear fulthing, tia lay thing When Icoald not clinb the steps that day ‘with my father it marked telat ime can remember us doing sme thing together just the two us; thereater Tne on sme level hat my place was with women, not with him, not with men; ater knew ‘more eat that did ot want his view of the world have fel his ‘more and more strongly since my comingou a alee, Vet so much thas separated me from other women, ways in which my clare set sme apart by race, by etic by dass. ‘Tunderstod abruptly one day hw lonely this made me when ariend, a Black woman, spoke to me casual in out shated fice, Sand Theard how shesaid my name, the drawh-out scent so mech like how my name is sid at home. \e new enough fhe history snd mine to know how much separated us: the chasm of murders ‘apes, Inching, the years of daly humiliations done by my people tober. went and stdod in the hallway and ced, thinking chow she said my name lke home, and how divided our Ives were. Kis apain come to over and over again the more understand {he ways in which Thave been kepe from other women, and how | ‘Keep mypel fom them, The pin, when, for instance Teale how Fiat tink of my care my this, my morality, ste al nation history, asthe gical extension of what as gone before; the ‘nd of thinking represented by my use, inthe past ofthe word Jud CCriien, a ifJewish history and ves have exsed only to culminate inChrstan cafe, the kind of thinking thatthe US. goverment is ‘sing now fo promote Armageddon in the Midd East the kind of thinking that id ne recently about Tndn ves and extare in my ‘gion asifindian peoples have ested ony in museums, and ony ‘nce white folks came to ths continent the kindof thinking that Spares me from women inclines diferent om mine, makes their ce less central, less important than mine Trispainfultokep understanding this separation within ysl andinthe woe, Sometimes this pain els oye despic Yt Thave {ett alo tobe another ind ai, where theneed o be with other “women can be the breaking through the shell around me, a coming through oa new pace, wher, wah understanding and change, the loneliness wort benecestary. And when ths Rappers then fee a id gin. How do we begin to change and then keep going. neat on his ine wold? Howr do we atte dierent rom what we Rae ben? Somelunes fells sk hoe [got started, and must aati not begimby reasoning out the gains this amelater and helped me keep song. hut began when [jumped fom my edge and ouside mel tnt radial change, for love-sinpy lve —for mel and for other ‘omen. Fated on that ove by becoming» sian, fling noe with tnd becoming seal with a particule woman, and this ove led me iret, but bya complicated way, to work against racism and ant- Semis It isanother kind of breaking through to even wrt this, to put these words before you. Lantpate the eral vices that, "Your Sexuality is elvan othe seriou sous ofan Semis and cin; that say, "Yu are being psyolopzing, individuals”; the ‘oie thay, "You should wandto werk on these issues because that ithe god forse fo gre pins” lanipte theother pechape cubwocal, word: Digustng” Perverted” “Sin "ear these vices sounding naw because Ihave heard theme {ore femal on the street, from plea co-workers, from women ttiny jb from the man [was mand, from my mether They are the udging sondeming vies that despice me, hat see me as dan fetus, thal put me in danger because af hav ve: because of ny itm, necesary hopeful ove, for which have been punished and been made to sue ise, wh ae lsd it. Toul conceal this low from you, could hide this part of my self as some ightskinned, European looking folks in tis country Ihave hidden parts of themselves that Kept ther rom Siting a sinulting, beng sf in white Christan culture: hidden their ion, orthe poverty or working clas oftheir people; or thei ethnic ly any connestiono “undesrabe” people, to Jos or Mediteranean ‘of Mile Esser peoples of Naive Indians, or Asian peoples, oto Sty people of color could passin this way, by hiding part of msl. 1 nealy nso ‘ther nite of whats eens “norma” inthis cour. Like mast lesbian, dor fitthesterotypeaf what alesbian looks ike. Unies ry hair is cut quite short and unless I ar wearing the comfortable, sturdy cthes and shoes that ae called “masculine” I Jook quite stereotypically “Americart™—Hke a woman ina toothpaste ad ‘But in this wating [cannot hide myself, because its how Tove thathas brought meto change. have eared whatitstolose apo son of safety, to be despised for who Lam. For being alesbin, Thane Tost my culm, those Iloved almost a mel ara ave had my pree as Barbara Deming ay, assailed ins depth..-since ones ewaly iss atthe heat at the heat of one It was my joy atov- ing another woman, the ks I ook by doing 0, the changes ts ‘rough me to, andthe losses that broke through the bubie a kin and clas privilege aound me. Ido not want what Barbara Deming, hascaled iberaton by analog” do nat wane ghtsomeone elses Fight because, for whatever reason I doit acknowiedge an ight my ta oppression? So I speak hereof how I came tomy own fight, fhrough the oppression suferedasalesbianand.aworar and how Teame to an understanding of my conection othe sruges of other ‘women and people diferent from myself Inthe all o£ 9%, 1 moved with my husband and children to an ‘sstern North Carina town whose center was not acourthouse, but $ market house, with an open fst story of fou ached rick wall, ‘closed brick second sory acide of sects around it heard more Stout the market house at dinner tht welcomed my husband to his ‘ew job Ina private dub overooking the crwal cre, the wel40- dl folks a the able, all white, chatted about story, the things sold in the pst at the market house, the fruits and vegetables, the auc tioned tobacco, “But not slave” hey sa “The Black man who was sewing et down the dish and broke sever am ttn ee a aaoeeeeee oes So eneenemts Semeereruese io geen aeoearan eects Saseimoirae Saari Sues ceee ee a See Ey ecisatmsoetaares ie geen emcee Specteragicenceamaree foeeatenecue Seeeee ee ee Saag eerie eee ee ae oseeenee = onionenemrns Spee reat Same meractwaeat Ses Se ele enemys er ae Eaaccee nanan Scena geceeenaee Sere oneness = ar entmerettemermge ae SS ere iaeoennmeeneecrenee ees Sear atoeeeetaes ots ik Bo tat 9 ‘rac, unt they fl abrupt off the edge, nto inevitable meaningless liseppesanceunles with a smack, one ortwo or tee vars rom the mide, shot down by a smiling man sith a gun Forte rs tie in mie waiving ina place were was con- scious of being afraid because was umn, Noone knew they ay family: there wore no kindnesses because someone ke yaa ‘rm pe, and noone was gingiobe rice to me because omy rand father Ins only another woman, someone wile, ures Iwas done then, walking down Hay Suet thelr, eould be proposition ‘5a prostitute, o driving at right on the Bolevad,Uiretened aa ‘unt. At home when l

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