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8 AHMEDABAD TIMES, THE TIMES OF INDIA

YOU SATURDAY 14 AUGUST 2010

AN ENGAGING STORY, THIS Women prefer


Before the wedding season begins, AT explores the rush to reach the
altar, and the long and short of courtship periods
men in red
Akshita Nahar I TNN go in for a shorter engagement period, since people
tend to talk and that often creates problems,” she says.

M
S Dhoni decided to get married a day after his And it’s not just the couples who are in a rush to say
engagement, making it a perfect case of chat ‘I do’, but parents burdened by extensive preparations
mangni pat biha. The average period between and work too prefer to speed up the process. “Nowa-
the exchanging of rings and exchanging of vows is get- days, a lot of money is spent exchanging gifts on many
ting reduced, and this seems to be the new-age funda. small occasions, whether it’s karva chauth,
“Six to eight months is the perfect duration for birthdays or just your in-laws-to-be visit-
an engagement,” says 24-year-old Ashiba ing home. The list of expenses is unbear-
Jain, who recently got married. Ashiba able. So it makes more sense to throw a
goes on to say that this period gives the lavish wedding than spend unnecessarily
couple ample time to interact with each on these fancies,” says Meera Chauhan,
other, especially in case of an arranged whose daughter recently got engaged.
marriage. “During our six month engage- Though a shorter engagement may
ment, my husband and I would meet every seem ideal, it can also build up a lot of
day, though it became less frequent as we stress, as the engagement period is also
approached the D-day. But it was during the time for preparations —getting
these meetings that we really got to know ready for the D-day. “My four month en-
each other,” she says. Adds Nimit Nahar, gagement was a rather messy affair, I
“Six months is the ideal period for a couple was constantly shuffling between
to know each other. Like in my case, there meeting my fiance and doing the shop-
was a major culture shock as our families ping for the wedding,” says Ritika Sa-
were completely different, so the courtship reen.
period allowed us to spend quality time to- Incompatibility and preconceived notions about
gether, know everything and finally look forward to each other often lead to break-ups. Says Priya Shah,
marriage.” whose friend went through a bad break-up, “A friend of
According to Isha Verma, who got engaged eight mine got engaged to a boy from Mumbai. A few months
months ago and will be getting married in another four into the relationship, he invited her to visit him in
months, courtship periods are a perfect way for a cou- Mumbai. Despite her parents’ disapproval, she went
ple to spend quality time together. “There are no re- ahead. When she reached Delhi, her fiance called off
strictions on meetings and dinners anymore, which the engagement on the grounds that she cannot be
were there when my boyfriend and I were dating. Par- trusted, as she had no qualms staying with a man. Such
ents also give you a lot of freedom at this stage.” How- are the double standards of society.” So while short du-
THE QUICKER THE BETTER: MS Dhoni got married to Sakshi soon after ever, she does admit that when it comes to Indian soci- ration courtships may seem ideal, it always helps to
their engagement ety, short duration courtships are better. “Once you’ve take time to know the person better before taking the
already committed yourself to each other, it’s better to big plunge.

The
The spice route sexily as you can, what you are
How to make your
Tip
wearing and then, talk about how
you’d like to undress him/her.
Tell him/her about your secret
fantasy and get them to tell you
theirs and then discuss how you
relationship successful GIMME RED: The colour red is

B
ORED of the same rou- could indulge in it while in the considered attractive by women
tine that you and your bedroom. TIME IS PRECIOUS
partner follow in the bed- I Set it up: Put out those harsh, Every relationship hungers for quality time
room? Here are some spicy ideas artificial lights and opt for some without which it is difficult for it to survive.

W
ANT to impress your lady love? Dress up in red.
that you can indulge in to keep scented candles, scatter petals of Carve out at least half an hour a night or According to a recent study, women find the colour
your sex life rocking. roses all over the bed and what- anytime during the day, and at least one entire more appealing. The colour red is generally asso-
I Role Play: If it turns him/her ever else you know will work to day a month,when you the two of you spend ciated with women, and is known to increase their compati-
on, on the screen, imagine how make the night even more inter- time exclusively together. bility with men. But it is for the first time that German re-
much more effective it will be in esting. Yes, this is where you GIVE AND TAKE searchers have found that the same can be applied to men
real life. Think up which is your need to do the settings for those Every successful relationship is built on also. “Red is typically thought of as a sexy colour for women.
partner’s favourite movie love fantasies that you and your part- compromise and a great deal of give and take on Our findings suggest that the link between red and sex also
scene and surprise them by recre- ner have discussed. For that ele- both sides. Both partners in a relationship need applies to men,” said lead researcher Andrew Elliot at the
ating it in your bedroom. You ment of surprise, lead your part- comfort and security and both should be University of Rochester and University of Munich. For their
don’t necessarily have to get each ner into the bedroom with prepared to give it too. study, the researchers asked a team of 25 men and 32 women
and every detail right, instead his/her eyes covered. to briefly look at a black and white photo of a man in a polo
work on your own look. I The surprise factor: Nothing SMILE MORE OFTEN
Giving your partner a genuine loving and shirt, surrounded by a red or white background and rate him
I Hands-Free: It’s quite amazing works better to work up the pas- on a nine-point scale. They were also asked to grade a man in
how a simple touch can indeed sion than leading him/her on. approving smile can really make a lot of
difference. It is the one thing that is most likely a coloured photograph dressed in a red shirt. About 55 per
arouse your partner. But instead Leave a note on the TV remote cent women rated the man in the coloured photograph high-
of using your hands, like you al- that says ‘Turn me on instead’. to restore good feeling in your relationship.
er than the other and found him more attractive.
ways do, try to arouse him/her by Leave directions, in the form of BE GENEROUS WITH COMPLIMENTS Although red means different things in different cultures,
using some other body part. Tell I Talk the deed: There’s a rea- pieces of your clothing from the Do not wait for your partner to give you the finding that women were drawn to men in red was con-
your partner it’s a hands-free son why phone sex is so popular, front door to your bedroom. Let compliments. Just say something nice about sistent across countries. The findings appeared in the Jour-
night and be as innovative as you words can indeed be an instant him/her find you laying seduc- yourself and ask for his/her agreement. This nal of Experimental Psychology: General, published by the
can, you’ll be surprised at how turn on. Ask your partner what tively on the bed and enjoy the ac- will make you both happy and will help you American Psychological Association.
much he/she will love it. s/he’s wearing and describe, as tion that follows. bond better. PTI
— Agencies

Teaser for a date


neck and state whether he
likes it.

LADY ACT
A lot of guys are really
turned off by a woman that
comes on strong and well,
trashy. Be yourself.
After a few hundred terrible dates, you’ve at last found the
EYE CONTACT:
man of your dreams! But hey, you want him to chase you and To reel him in at dates, try
naughty moves like tilting
you want to tease him till he notices you, right? your chin and flashing
naughty glances. Try looking
TNN tion like: at a spot in between his eyes,
 “Well dressed if you aren’t too comfortable

H
OW about a few men really get me with direct eye contact.
naughty-nice ways to going,” as this Dating is a fun way to
tease your man on a makes him meet new guys but with
date? work harder to these teasing new moves you
impress you on should be getting them lap-
JEALOUSY WORKS the next date. ping at your heels in no time!
Work this one very, very  Assert that you
carefully. You obviously want to change your TEASING HIM RIGHT:
want him to know that you name. Then smile coy- Impress him with a few
are an attractive woman and ly and ask, “Do I look naughty-nice ways
you want to tease him with more like Sienna
your attractiveness; you Miller or
don’t want him to think you Pamela An-
are a chronic flirt. derson?”
 Show
VISUAL CLUES y o u r
Send a whole lot of visual sexy ab- SPARE THE ROD, SAVE THE CHILD: Understanding a child’s needs helps teachers to deal with naughty students
clues to tease him on your domen
or legs

Handle with care


date. A simple hint: remem-
ber Sharon Stone and her in- and ask
famous leg crossing.
 Cross your legs and then
slowly move your top foot in
circles. Men are drawn to-
ward movement and you can whether
a tattoo
guarantee a tease in the vi-
sual clue of your lovely legs. or body How do teachers today deal with naughty students? AT reports
 Try a low neck with bronz- piercing
Anjali Shetty I TNN is a stress buster. “I have always en- noring silly behaviour (whistling,
er on the valley on your would be
joyed being among kids. There have making faces), punishing serious
cleavage to draw attention to good and
been cases where some of them have misbehaviour with time-out (out of

T
where? EN-YEAR-OLD Sumit is either
your bosom.
 Say that playing with his bag or talking been very difficult to handle. Patience class for specific periods of time),”
 Dress in clingy fire-engine to his neighbour in class. His and love can change their behaviour she says. Nadkarni also suggests that
red to catch and retain his you have
teacher has tried every way to get him in no time,” says Shriya who practices the teacher should reward good be-
attention. bought a new
to pay attention. Alas, all in vain. the reward technique to maintain a haviour in whatever form. Do not
perfume, and
What does one do when the child in healthy relationship with her stu- over punish the student as this re-
TALK NAUGHTY then ask him
class is extremely stubborn and dents. “Every good deed or good be- sults in antipathy towards teachers.
Drop a few naughty com- to smell your
naughty? Teachers find different ways haviour is appreciated in front of the If there is an academic problem,
ments into your conversa- wrist or your
to deal with difficult children. From entire class. This helps them under- identify and treat it early through
reverse psychology to patience, they stand the importance of behaving.” help of remediation. Some children
try every possible way to maintain a Dr Sanyogita Nadkarni, child psy- have Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity
The
Tip Beat loneliness blues
jovial relationship with such students. chologist says that it is necessary to Disorder (ADHD), so ask parents to
Anita Sharma, a primary class understand children who behave consult a doctor early. She also rec-
teacher believes the best way to deal badly. There may be many reasons ommends teachers to talk to the
with stubborn students is reverse for this. Some children get attention school counsellor if in doubt.
through misbehaviour. They look for A secondary class supervisor Nita

E
VERYONE talks friends with those who share similar might argue that one gets to see psychology. “The moment you ask
about the impor- interests. Remember, popular classes enough of colleagues in the office them to not do something they will attention. This is a negative pattern Patil says, “There are a few students
tance of friends. like dancing, art, music, theatre, etc space. But remember it is easier to continue doing the same. So, the best of attention seeking that is rein- who disturb the entire class. They al-
While loneliness is a reality in ur- are a meeting point for single people. hang out with them as work and way is to ignore them and not pay at- forced by teachers, in the form of ways chose the last benches to play
ban living, it is that easier to find Join an online group: Community schedules permit colleagues to hang tention to what they are doing,” says shouting, screaming etc. “However, mischief. I bring them to the first row
friends in the city you live as well. groups or networking sites can be out. As one spends more time at Anita. She adds that one of her stu- some are truly frustrated as they can- and keep them busy by asking them
All you need to do is step out of great places to find people with sim- work it is easier to gauge people who dents would constantly talk in class not cope with the demands of study. questions.” She says that harsh pun-
your comfort zone and try genuine- ilar tastes and interests. Once you have similar interests and become and initially she would shout at him. Research shows that dyslexic chil- ishments or complaining to the par-
ly to find a new circle. click with people you can choose an pals. But he did not stop, so then she start- dren have higher rate of behaviour ents do not help, as they are stubborn
activity that you enjoy and get the Have a reunion: Connecting with ed ignoring him completely. “He re- problems. In dealing with misbehav- and rigid. “If we scold or hit them,
Take a hobby class: Taking a hob- gang to accompany you for the ac- friends, especially school/childhood alised that he was not being forced to iour, it is very important to deal with then the matter becomes worse. Talk-
by class and not only will you learn tivity and get some real time bond- friends, is a good way to catch up do anything and eventually started the possible causes. Effective ways ing to them politely helps and makes
a new skill, it’s also the perfect ven- ing. with old friends and renew old behaving properly,” she says. include — positive attention to good a lot of difference,” adds Nita.
ue to meet new people and make Make great office pals: Yes, one friendships. For Shriya M, being with children behaviour (praise, stars, points), ig- anjali.shetty@timesgroup.com

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