The Effects of

Cohabitation on
Marriage
Don Joel

Theological Research Methodologies

(TTSS510)
Research Paper
Spring 2012
Introduction
As my wife and I sat on the rooftop overlooking the San Francisco Bay awaiting the

arrival of the bride and groom, we read through the wedding program. An interesting retelling

of the couples life together from the time they met during their days in my youth group up to

the very day of the wedding graced the inside cover. Around paragraph three, these words

popped out at my wife and me: Then we took the logical next step and moved in together.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the unmarried partner population numbered 7.7 million

in 2010 and grew 41 percent between 2000 and 2010, four times as fast as the overall

household population (10 percent). 1 This logical next step is obviously becoming a trend in

our modern understanding of marriage. While the Bible is silent on the issue of cohabitation,

and even on the ceremony of marriage itself, we as Christians understand marriage as more

than just a legal step: it is a covenantal union involving husband, wife, and God. Even though

pre-marital cohabitation may offer a few positive benefits on the road to marriage, the fact

remains that living together before marriage increases the chances that the marriage will not

last.

Marriage Background
In order for us to fully understand the issues and effects of cohabitation, we first need

to understand what marriage is. To do this we will begin by asking ourselves, When is a person

married in the eyes of God?

1
Daphne Lofquist et al., Households and Families: 2010 (Washington D.C.: U.S. Census Bureau, 2010), 3.
 This is an intriguing question, because it calls into question all of the traditional and

classical processes that people use to declare themselves married. The answer to this question

also varies depending on the theological viewpoint from which one examines the question (the

more conservative a viewpoint, the more stringent the marriage view people project upon

God). I say project upon God because the Bible does not clearly state when God deems two

people married. I suspect man often worries more about these things than God does.

There are various widely-held views on this in Christian circles. The first one is that God

considers two people married when they have completed the legal requirements to be married.

The second viewpoint is that a couple is married when the marriage is consummated by sexual

intercourse. The third viewpoint is that the couple is married when they participate in a formal

wedding ceremony.

So when does God view a couple as married? I think that we must take a holistic

approach to this and say that all three of the above factors need to be considered in the

answer. I think God sees a couple as married when they have dedicated themselves to each

other through any and all legal and ceremonial means that give glory to the Him. This process

should end with the two joining as one flesh whenever possible, but that isnt even

mandatory for God to view the marriage as a done deal.

Nuptial vs. Non-Nuptial Cohabitation

The definition of marriage must be understood as we now take a look at what

pre-marital cohabitation is. Despite Helen Oppenheimers claim in the Dictionary of Ethics,

Theology and Society that the best term to describe these types of relationships is partnering,
we are going to stick with the term cohabitation, since it is currently the most commonly used

term to describe two people in an intimate relationship living together. 2 Other terms that have

been used to describe this situation are living together, shacking up, living in sin, and unmarried

couples. All the terms have a common definition: a couple living together in an intimate

relationship.

However, as Michael Lawler points out, it is important that we draw a distinction

between two types of cohabitors. We must discriminate between nuptial cohabitors, who

have already made the commitment to marry, and non-nuptial cohabitors, who have not made

that commitment. 3 This is further backed up by Jose, OLeary and Moyer, whose research

showed that those who reported cohabiting with the eventual marital partner did not

experience a significant negative association between cohabitation and marital stability. 4

Whether the couple is nuptial or non-nuptial can come down to what the couples views

on marriage are. If the couple holds a strong view of marriage then it is more likely they will

only cohabitate with a person once they have chosen their marital mate. The opposite is true

as well - if a couples view on marriage is weaker, then they will cohabitate at an earlier stage in

the mate selection process.

Several characteristics can help distinguish nuptial and non-nuptial cohabitors. These

include: less commitment to marriage as a permanent institution, acceptance of divorce as an

2
Helen Oppenheimer, Partnering, Dictionary of Ethics, Theology and Society (1996).,
http://routledgeonline.com:80/religion/Book.aspx?id=w004_w004b1.15.2&searchterm=partnering (accessed 17
April 2012).
3
Michael G. Lawler, Cohabitation: Past and Present Reality, Theological Studies 65, no. 3 (September 1,
2004): 623., http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=rfh&AN=ATLA0001432187&site=ehost-live
(accessed May 8, 2012).
4
Anita Jose, K. Daniel OLeary, and Anne Moyer, "Does Premarital Cohabitation Predict Subsequent
Marital Stability and Marital Quality? A Meta-Analysis," Journal of Marriage and Family 72, no. 1 (2010): 105-16.,
http://search.proquest.com/docview/219750243?accountid=8624 (accessed May 8, 2012).
appropriate means to end a poor relationship, an emphasis on individualism, poor relationship

skills, and so on. 5 These individuals will often find themselves gravitating towards intimate

relationship after intimate relationship, oftentimes living with their current significant other.

We will be looking at this group when we refer to cohabitors in this paper.

Problems with Cohabitation

Several well-documented issues arise from the act of non-nuptial cohabitation.

Cohabiting couples experience more depression, more sexual activity outside of the

relationship, less sexual satisfaction then their married counterparts. 6 The most important

issue to arise from cohabitating couples comes from research over the last fifteen years, which

has overwhelmingly revealed that cohabitation significantly increases the risk of divorce. 7

One of the common ideas behind cohabitating is that the couple will be able to test

what the marriage will be like before making the commitment, thus saving themselves from a

possible divorce if things dont work out. While in theory this seems like a logical conclusion,

the research has shown that women who cohabit prior to marriage or have premarital sex

have an increased likelihood of marital disruption. The effect is strongest for women who

have multiple premarital coresidental unions. 8

5
Jay Teachman, "Premarital Sex, Premarital Cohabitation, and the Risk of Subsequent Marital Dissolution
among Women." Journal of Marriage and Family 65, no. 2 (2003): 444.,
http://search.proquest.com/docview/219744771?accountid=8624. (accessed May 8, 2012).
6
Rhonda Johnson, "An Analysis of Factors Affecting Adolescent Attitudes Toward Cohabitation Before
Marriage," Journal Of Youth Ministry 4, no. 1 (September 1, 2005): 75.,
http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=rfh&AN=ATLA0001567119&site=ehost-live (accessed
May 8, 2012).
7
Ibid, 75.
8
Teachman, 453.
 One reason that this may be true is that cohabitation may lead some couples to slide

into marriages they otherwise would not have chosen. 9 This inertia effect takes place because

for some reason the couple decides it would be okay to get married, despite having no plans for

marriage originally. The inertia effect is a large factor in why 55% of cohabiting relationships

lead to marriage. 10 The slipping into marriage doesnt reinforce the bonds that a pre-nuptial

cohabitor would experience. Ultimately this can cause the couple to be one of the 40% of

cohabiting couples that end their relationship within 5 years. 11

The lack of commitment to the intimate relationship is the foundation for the other

issues mentioned above. Through researching women Teachman discovered that women

having at least one other intimate relationship prior to marriage is linked to an increased risk

of divorce (from 53% to 166%). 12 This also led to a lower self-image and depression amongst

men and women, but this stigma is generally found more prevalent in women.

While some predisposed characteristics are found in men and women who choose this

lifestyle, for example the tendency to dislike the traditions of marriage, or shy away from

commitment, research has shown that the act of cohabitation itself increases the likelihood of

marital dysfunction above and beyond the characteristics that spouses bring to their

relationships. 13

9
Galena K. Rhoades, Scott M. Stanley, and Howard J. Markham, Translating Basic Science Research on
Premarital Cohabitation into Clinical Practice, In Enhancing Couples, ed. by Kurt Hahlweg, Mariann Grawe-Gerber,
and Donald H. Baucom, 159., Cambridge, Massachusetts: Hogrefe Publishing, 2009.
10
Johnson, 75.
11
Ibid, 75.
12
Teachman, 453.
13
Claire M. Kamp Dush, Catherine L. Cohan, and Paul R. Amato, "The Relationship between Cohabitation
and Marital Quality and Stability: Change Across Cohorts?" Journal of Marriage and Family 65, no. 3 (2003): 545,
http://search.proquest.com/docview/219745059?accountid=8624 (accessed May 8, 2012).
Generational Cohabitation
With cohabitation clearly hurting so many marriages and families, why is it becoming

the logical next step in relationships? In a national survey, Monitoring the Future, that has

been conducted every year since 1975, high school seniors are asked if they agree that a couple

should live together before marriage. The number of male students agreeing with that

statement has grown from 45 percent to 65 percent in 2002, while the number of female

students has gone from 32 to 55 percent. 14 In 2010 the findings had the numbers at 69 percent

of males and 63 percent of females.15 According to Johnson, a 2002 Gallup poll supported the

findings with an overall acceptance level for teens at 70 percent; excluding those who attended

church made the number shoot up to 85%. 16 This means that even though a smaller

percentage of students in church find it acceptable it is still most likely more than half today.

Ten years ago 50% of teens surveyed said they thought it was fine to live together

before marriage. Johnson conducted research at the Southern Baptist Youth Evangelism

Conference, where her findings were similar. According to Johnsons research faith maturity

played a large part in lowering the numbers, by up to 50%. 17 When Johnson analyzed her data

she saw that adolescents that lived with a parent who cohabitated viewed cohabitation as an

acceptable solution twice as often as those students that never experienced it in their family

system. 18 It can be surmised that exposure and acceptance of this lifestyle have influenced the

14
Johnson, 76.
15
Social Indicators For Marital Health and Well-Being, stateforunions.com,
http://stateofourunions.org/2010/si-teen_attitudes.php (accessed May 28, 2012).
16
Johnson, 77.
17
Ibid, 80.
18
Ibid, 80.
next generation. Thus with each year that passes more and more teens believe that this is a

logical next step despite the negative impacts that cohabitation may have caused.

Church Failings
Marriage is both a legal (secular) and a religious (holy) institution. The legal side doesnt

necessarily care if you lived together prior to marriage, or if you had 5 previous marriages, they

just want to make sure that legally your household unit is paying its share of taxes. In our

current times we are faced with secular attacks on marriage, ranging from gay marriage to

polygamy, as seen on the hit TLC show Sister Wives. So if the secular side doesnt care about

marriage, the burden of protection rests squarely on the shoulders of the Church.

The church has failed to challenge the rise of cohabitation for three reasons: no interest,

misdirected approach, and lack of training. 19 There seems to be little to no interest in rising up

against cohabitation, because churches are afraid they may lose congregation members. They

are content with a comfortable existence, and as long as young adults continue to turn to the

church for the great events of birth, marriage, and death, they are content. 20

When churches do rise up against the mainstream beliefs of cohabitation they often

take a morality approach. This may be helpful for those in the church, as seen in the smaller

percentage of teens that view cohabitation as an acceptable solution, but not one hundred

percent effective in the church and even less so outside of it. Indeed studies show that those

19
Jeffery Warren Scott, "The Case Against Cohabitation," Journal Of Family Ministry 9, no. 1 (January 1,
1995): 23-24., http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=rfh&AN=ATLA0001432591&site=ehost-live
(accessed May 8, 2012).
20
Ibid, 23.
who choose cohabitation are less likely to be religious and have little concern with

cohabitation being a moral issue. 21

Finally, the church doesnt focus on the training of couples to prepare them for

commitment. Scott states that according to research, the primary reason given by cohabiting

couples to justify their living arrangements is to see whether they are compatible. 22 If the

church focused more on helping couples determine compatibility while still dating and living

apart than on the morality of the issue of cohabitation, perhaps the church could have a voice

in the discussion with more non-believers.

Conclusion
The effects of cohabitation are widespread and affect more than just the two people

involved. We have seen that children are learning that despite any negative consequences

cohabitation is becoming an acceptable solution. We have also seen that the couple does face

a higher rate of divorce and other marital disturbances. Finally we have seen that the Church

has been affected by the results of cohabitation, and needs to fight through the failings to help

the pendulum of cultural norm swing back in the other direction.

Despite the Bible being relatively silent about what a wedding looks like or what

marriage is, we can clearly see that Gods plan is one that doesnt have negative outcomes. A

21
Ibid, 24.
22
Ibid, 24.
loving God wants us to know that he did not make us to live like this, nor did he give the gift of

sex to have us end up disappointed. 23

While it is true that there are some short-term benefits to cohabitation, e.g. non-

committal sexual partner, no marital role expectations, individual money handling, etc., they

are all very individualistic and self-centered. Cohabitation may offer short-term advantages

but at a high long-term cost. 24 Marriage is not a self-centered event and requires a major

investment from both parties; playing married isnt the same thing, and the negative

consequences on the couple and society are great.

Future Study
This report is based on gathered resources from the developed western cultural

viewpoint. It would be of great interest to see the effects of cohabitation on other cultures and

also the idea of marriage across cultures. It would also be of use to perform first-hand research

of couples to get an accurate picture of the situation today.

23
Walter C. Kaiser, What Does the Lord Require?: a Guide For Preaching and Teaching Biblical Ethics
(Grand Rapids: Baker Academic, 2009), 79.
24
Linda Waite and Maggie Gallagher, The Case For Marriage: Why Married People Are Happier, Healthier,
and Better Off Financially (New York: Broadway, 2001), 46.
 Bibliography

Dictionary of Ethics, Theology and Society. s.v. PARTNERING. Routledge Religion Online.
http://routledgeonline.com:80/religion/Book.aspx?id=w004_w004b1.15.2&searchterm=partnering
(accessed 17 April 2012).

Johnson, Rhonda. "An Analysis of Factors Affecting Adolescent Attitudes Toward Cohabitation Before
Marriage." Journal Of Youth Ministry 4, no. 1 (September 1, 2005): 75-84. ATLA Religion Database
with ATLASerials, EBSCOhost.
http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=rfh&AN=ATLA0001567119&site=ehost-live
(accessed May 8, 2012).

Jose, Anita, K. Daniel OLeary, and Anne Moyer. "Does Premarital Cohabitation Predict Subsequent
Marital Stability and Marital Quality? A Meta-Analysis." Journal of Marriage and Family 72, no. 1
(2010): 105-16, http://search.proquest.com/docview/219750243?accountid=8624 (accessed
May 8, 2012).

Kaiser, Walter C., and Jr. What Does the Lord Require? a Guide For Preaching and Teaching Biblical
Ethics. Grand Rapids, MI.: Baker Academic, 2009.

Kamp Dush, Claire M., Catherine L. Cohan, and Paul R. Amato. "The Relationship between Cohabitation
and Marital Quality and Stability: Change Across Cohorts?" Journal of Marriage and Family 65,
no. 3 (2003): 539-49, http://search.proquest.com/docview/219745059?accountid=8624
(accessed May 8, 2012).

Lawler, Michael G. "Cohabitation: Past and Present Reality." Theological Studies 65, no. 3 (September 1,
2004): 623-629. ATLA Religion Database with ATLASerials, EBSCOhost.
http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=rfh&AN=ATLA0001432187&site=ehost-live
(accessed May 8, 2012).

Lofquist, Daphne, Terry Lugalia, Martin O'Connel, and Sarah Feliz. Households and Families: 2010.
Washington D.C.: U.S. Census Bureau, 2010.

Rhoades, Galena K., Scott M. Stanley, and Howard J. Markham. Translating Basic Science Research on
Premarital Cohabitation into Clinical Practice. In Enhancing Couples , edited by Kurt Hahlweg,
Mariann Grawe-Gerber, and Donald H. Baucom, 157-168. Cambridge, Massachusetts: Hogrefe
Publishing, 2009.

Scott, Jeffery Warren. "The Case Against Cohabitation." Journal Of Family Ministry 9, no. 1 (January 1,
1995): 22-25. ATLA Religion Database with ATLASerials, EBSCOhost.
http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=rfh&AN=ATLA0001432591&site=ehost-live
(accessed May 8, 2012).
Social Indicators For Marital Health and Well-Being.
stateforunions.com. http://stateofourunions.org/2010/si-teen_attitudes.php (accessed May 28,
2012).

Teachman, Jay. "Premarital Sex, Premarital Cohabitation, and the Risk of Subsequent Marital Dissolution
among Women." Journal of Marriage and Family 65, no. 2 (2003): 444-55,
http://search.proquest.com/docview/219744771?accountid=8624. (accessed May 8, 2012).

Waite, Linda, and Maggie Gallagher. The Case For Marriage: Why Married People Are Happier, Healthier,
and Better Off Financially. New York: Broadway, 2001.