Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate.

After
an hour-long wait, it finally took off.
A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?"
"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it
took us a while to find a new pilot."

An airplane was flying from LA to New York. About an hour into the flight, the pilot announced, "We
have lost an engine, but don't worry, there are three left. However, instead of 5 hours it will take 7
hours to get to New York."
A little later, the pilot announced, "A second engine failed, but we still have two left. However, it
will take 10 hours to get to New York."
Somewhat later, the pilot again came on the intercom and announced, "A third engine had died.
Never fear, because the plane can fly on a single engine. However, it will now take 18 hours to get
to New York."
At this point, one passenger said, "Gee, I hope we don't lose that last engine, or we'll be up here
forever!"

A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the
car. After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice
your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?"
The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but
notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"

A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says "Lady, it says here that you
should be wearing glasses."
The woman answered "Well, I have contacts."
The policeman replied "I don't care who you know! You're getting a ticket!"

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that
they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He
releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all
plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude
that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it,
including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is
yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"