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Dana Alkoby

Professor Ditch

English 115

4 October 2017

We Don't Get To Pick Our Outfits

In a gendered society, there is a need to limit each gender through expectations and fixed

images of one's sex. However, sex is simply a biological ideal of male and female whereas

gender is a performance to fulfill societal expectations as man or woman. According to Claire

Renzetti and Daniel Curran, scholars of sociology, there is an impact of parental influence over

their children since birth to act as the sex they were born as. Aaron Devor, professor of sociology

with a focus on gender studies, believes that society has developed a system to guide our minds

into one of two neatly assigned categories of gender. Similarly, Ruth Hubbard, scholar of

biology, argues that men and women are physically capable of completing the same tasks but,

are discouraged by society's insistence that their gender is unfit for the course they would like to

pursue. Society reconstructs gender to the point of self doubt and conformity to cisgender, where

behaving as one may feel comfortable within masculinity and femininity is uncharacteristic and

improper. Women have a difficult time dealing with societal expectations because they are

instilled with ideals of femininity and different treatment for being female from a young age.

Unconsciously, my parents steered my perception of gender as I was growing up because the

ideal of gender were reinforced upon them when they were younger. This tradition of passing

down social stigmas directly reinforces the concept of gender that despite it developing into a

controversial topic, people rather be insensitive to those who struggle with their gender identity
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because it doesnt impact them personally. Society has a tendency to impose age-old stereotypes

and beliefs on children from such a young age that there is a unique pressure weighed upon the

youth who fear to reject the status quo.

To make the matter simple, the debacle of gender begins during infancy when the babys

gender is assigned by the parents in order to further enforce societal norms. In Claire Renzetti

and Daniel Curran's article, From Women, Men, and Society, they discuss the influence that

parents have on their children's view of themselves within society. Their theory states: "research

shows that parents do have different expectations of their babies and treat them differently,

simply on the basis of sex" (76). From infancy, kids are talked to and disciplined differently by

their parents because of the stereotypes known for their gender. Parents dress their children

differently based off their biological gender to make it apparent to others of the child's

orientation. Most parents believe that a child should identify as cisgender, in other words, one's

identification with the gender they are given at birth. By treating kids differently based off their

biological assignment of physical differences being either male or female can result in

insecurities in their capabilities. It is widely known that men are more valued than women in

society and are placed at the top of the social hierarchy while women are seen as inferior.

Children are rewarded and encouraged to act in accordance to societal values and passively or

actively punished for going against the norms set for their gender; society holds each gender to a

list of rules that they must follow and breaking the rules deems them as an outcast or abnormal.

It can be discouraging when a brother and sister are expected to do different things and

disheartened when their accomplishments may be seen as too masculine for a girl or too

feminine for a boy. I have a family friend who was born female and dressed like a girl until she
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turned five years old, then her mother let her pick out her own clothes and style her own hair.

Now, she only dresses masculine except she keeps her hair long so people dont confuse her for a

boy; I think she fears that our close-knit religious community will judge and condemn her for

identifying as anything other than her cisgender. However, giving a child their own

independence and ability to express and explore themselves is a gift but it should be a norm

instead of categorizing and pressuring a child from the age of three or four to conform to

society's cast call.

From a young age, girls are taught to play with dolls while boys are encouraged to play

with trucks; society sets up a child's mentality according to their biological gender status to learn

either maternal instincts or develop a drive for action through the toys they play with. Renzetti

and Curran illustrate the distinction of gender that parents inflict on their kids by comparing

children's bedrooms. In their article, they explain, "Girls' rooms reflected traditional conceptions

of femininity, especially in forms of domesticity and motherhood.. Few of these items were

found in boys' rooms, where, instead, there were military toys and athletic equipment" (80).

Everything that is exposed to children through the media, television, games, even people walking

down the street, is absorbed in their brain as knowledge for how they should act in accordance to

their gender. Not only do parents equip their children with expectations for their gender but

society further establishes social limitations based on gender. For all of elementary school, I was

in co-ed classes but, in middle school I was in classes of the same sex. All my classes and the

people I interacted with at school were all girls; however, I didn't get along with a lot of the girls,

so all my best friends outside of school were boys. With my guy friends we would go swimming,

play basketball, or play video games, but with my girlfriends we would bake, watch movies, or
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have sleepovers. I never realized the difference in activities because that was what felt normal; it

is normal to do active things with boys and do domestic things with girls yet the activities are

never flipped or mixed unless it is a masculine sport or activity. There is evident social laws that

claim what is acceptable for boys and girls whether it is games, clothes, or even how the sit or

stand.

A few weeks ago, I was working on a project in a co-ed space. I had to grid a board

which required me to stand rather than sit. My legs were a bit more than shoulder-width apart

which may have looked masculine but at the same time leaning on a table could be seen as

provocative. So, almost the entire time that I was trying to complete my project, I had to monitor

if I was behaving "too masculine" or "provocative." Society is given the authority to evaluate our

genders and train us into believing that this is our only option. Aaron Devor says in his paper,

Becoming Members of Society: The Social Meanings of Gender, "As we move through our lives,

society demands different gender performances from us and rewards, tolerates, or punishes us

differently for conformity to, or depression from, social norms" (35). I view this is as an analogy

of a pet being conditioned into a behavior until it follows the path instructed without guidance

because of the reinforcements, penalties, and associations the brain makes. Devor explains that

gender is an intricate belief comprised of gender limitations and social awkwardness.

When my girl friends ask me what I want my major to be in college or what career I want

to pursue, and I answer in a whisper stating that I don't know, they respond with a laugh and an

attempted line of comfort, "It's ok. Just get married." As much as I understand that it is a joke

and although they may say it out of humor, I do want more for myself than what society expects

of me. Society claims that women by default are wired to be more nurturing than men thus more
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fitting to be wives and mothers. Contrary to popular belief, women are physically and mentally

as capable as men are to accomplish certain jobs. According to Ruth Hubbard in Rethinking

Women's Biology, she advocates, "But to try to find the biological basis for our social roles or to

sort people by sex when it comes to strength, ability to do math, or other intellectual or to social

attributes is a political exercise, not a scientific one" (50). Society builds a seemingly

unbreakable idea that it is more challenging for women to pursue important jobs because they are

perceived as emotional, fragile, or weak. People develop an association that women's sensitivity

is too frail for the workplace where they are incapable of being independent, however, they have

no issue leaving an "overly sensitive" women with their kids.

When I was a child I looked up to my parents more than anyone and respected them

immensely that whatever they told me I always agreed and listened; I never questioned my

parents abilities to decide for my wellbeing. Children are extremely trusting to the extent that

both parents and society have the ability to manipulate kids into their gender category

disregarding their feelings and ingraining a value of social acceptance and normality. The

underlying issue is that children who have no conceptual understanding in how the world works

regarding emotions, sex, and sexual orientation, have a disadvantage because they have no say in

their gender identity until they reach adulthood. From a young age of merely a few months old

and growing into adolescence, children are taught by their parents how to dress, talk, sit, walk,

eat, and act, in compliance with their cisgender. Parents even sneakily teach their kids gender

roles through the toys they play with on a daily basis. It amazes me how much of a hassle parents

go through in order not to push societal boundaries. Society coaches its' players to follow the

rules and act as their biological sex without allowing individuals to figure it out for themselves.
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Everyone is pre exposed to gender stereotypes from one's early stages of life, which in turn,

impacts their view of themselves, the people around them, and is even passed down to their own

children without realizing. People are deeply afraid and trembling at the thought of questioning

the concept of gender when it can actually be very troubling for a lot of people for not being

"normal" in society's eyes. At the end of the day, unless society's followers rebel against the

unjust regulations, people will never be allowed to pick their own outfits because society lays it

out neatly on a hanger.

Works Cited

Curran, Daniel, and Renzetti, Claire. "Women, Men, and Society" Composing Gender: a
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Bedford Spotlight Reader. Boston, Bedford/St. Martin's, 2014.

Devon, Aaron. "Becoming Members of Society: The Social Meanings of Gender" Composing

Gender: a Bedford Spotlight Reader. Boston, Bedford/St. Martin's, 2014.

Hubbard, Ruth. "Rethinking Women's Biology" Composing Gender: a Bedford Spotlight

Reader. Boston, Bedford/St. Martin's, 2014.