Liliana Celio

Pacific Oaks College

HD 489 ONL
Instructor: Karen Opstad
June 24, 2017
486B: Implementation Paper
As I progress through life, I gradually learn to recognize the factors that contributed to

who I am today. Although each factor may stem from my own choices, I believe they each

helped me decide whether I want to improve myself or continue on a self-sabotaging path.

Regardless, the personal theory that I express to others does not tell my entire story. My theory

that I express on paper only tells a portion of who I am as an individual and who I am striving to

become. By acknowledging my fear of leadership and lack of communication in the workplace, I

take the first step towards improving my personal theory as an employee.

During my time as an after-school program team member, I encountered an issue that

affected the way that I communicated with one of my supervisors. I say this because I believe

that I allowed my personal feelings to cloud my judgment as a professional. Considering that I

worked with the same supervisor for seven years, I admired not only my relationship with her

but the system that she implemented to carry out tasks daily. In a way, I viewed her as my

mentor. For this reason, when a new supervisor filled her position, I had a difficult time

accepting change. To say that the process posed a challenge is an understatement. As a result, I

often clashed with several of the views that my new supervisor presented because I believed that

the school site functioned smoothly with the system that we had in place. At the time, I believed

that I knew what worked and what did not work at our school. I eventually decided that I needed

to have a conversation with her so that we may coincide and work together in harmony. I wanted

us to have a mutual understanding in which we each felt our voices heard. Luckily, the

conversation resulted in an amicable agreement that included respect and cooperation.

 As I attempted to contribute to the future of my career positively, I developed a fear to

lead in the workplace. According to my fieldwork theory, my previous supervisor believed that I

was well equipped to fill-in as her substitute in her absence. She prepared me by helping me

become familiar with the process of completing paperwork. She also guided me as I coached my

fellow team members in the process of helping them improve their skills in the classroom.

Despite the vast amount of preparation, I feared leading in her absence. Although I approached

my supervisor due to my interest in becoming promoted to the next level as supervisor, I doubted

my abilities of adequate leadership. I wondered whether I would meet the standards set before

me; especially since families and coworkers alike, admired her work. More specifically, I feared

not only disappointing the people with whom I worked but also myself. The role appeared more

than I could handle.

My fear to lead contributed my hesitation in becoming a supervisor in the future. After I

filled in as the standing supervisor for a day, I began to doubt my abilities. Perhaps I felt this way

because it was my first and only time leading my team. However, I felt overwhelmed because I

felt as if all our stakeholders had their eyes on my performance. Although my team members

complimented my work to myself and my supervisor, I continued to feel hesitant. I then

expressed to my supervisor that I no longer desired to become a supervisor for the after-school

program in the future. Of course, she sounded dumbfounded by my feelings because she

continuously reassured me that my skills exemplified that I was ready. I, on the other hand,

disagreed with her feelings. Therefore, I asked her to train an additional person in case I

continued to feel the same.

With our programs transition in management, my lack of proper communication with my

new supervisor became transparent in my personality. As the school year progressed, my

colleagues gradually became aware of my behavior. I felt hurt. I started resenting my work, my

coworkers, and my new supervisor because I felt that I no longer had a voice in a place in which

I once felt that I contributed to a team. I specifically resented my team members because I

believed that they somehow agreed with the new supervisors views. While I held on to my

loyalty towards my supervisor, I felt as if my team members betrayed the positive program that

we had created together. I then began to resist and challenge my supervisors requests.

Considering that I strongly disagreed with her views, at the time, I believed that following what

she asked of me only meant that I relinquished my own beliefs. In fact, I often opened my eyes

in the morning feeling angry that I needed to return to work again that day. I felt miserable

because I once enjoyed working in the program. My happy place no longer existed.

After reflecting on how my lack of proper communication affected my personality, I

believe that I needed to take charge of my actions. I needed to evaluate how I was treating the

people with whom I worked. My mentality needed to change for various reasons. I needed to

change in order to harmoniously coexist with my supervisor. I also needed to change so that my

actions would not have a long-term negative effect on the future of my career. This was

especially important because another supervisor that held a higher rank had previously taken

note of my positive actions in the program. I feared that my negative actions would influence her

perspective of me; specifically, if I desired to apply for a promotion.

Once I recognized that my fear to lead my team would eventually affect my career, I

knew that I needed to look deep within myself. I gradually convinced myself that I created the

notion of fear in myself. In fact, I approached my supervisor for her reassurance that I could

handle the position of supervisor. After seven years of growth in the program, I was bound to

learn something. She helped me stray from my negative thoughts by encouraging me through
tough love. In fact, considering that we had a close relationship, she suggested that if I continued

to fill-in as her substitute in her absence, she would treat me to lunch. I gladly accepted because I

strongly believed in my abilities as much as I loved food.

As I continued on my path for improvement within my career, I recognized that I needed

to continue to build on my abilities. After feeling reassured of my skills as well as opening the

lines of communication between my new supervisor and myself, I knew that I was on the right

path. It was the path that my life needed to continue moving forward. I accomplished this by

making friendly conversation with each of my team members. For instance, I asked about their

day and occasionally brought treats to the office. My goal consisted of building the relationship

and comfort level that we all needed to enjoy learning together. I also asked for suggestions and

advice regarding various scenarios that many of us may encounter while working with the

children and families. Indeed, I felt the positive change.

I believe that personal theory within the workplace exemplifies a few of the obstacles that

some of us encounter. Although we each experience incidents differently, I recognize that by

having conversations about such issues, we may then have the opportunity to learn and grow.

This is ultimately based on each individuals desire to work towards what we want. I say this

because we each make our own choices and we each need to live with those choices. Ones

willingness to positively contribute to their team shows courage, but it only requires that we each

take that first step.

While my personal theory focuses on my own experiences, I believe that my story

illustrates transparency. I say this because since nobody is perfect, we each cannot hide every

experience we encounter. Doing this would result in an injustice to oneself because it shows a

lack of desire to acknowledge a mistake. I also believe that this would also prevent us from

reaching our full potential as contributing members of society.

 Given the key issues in my personal fieldwork theory, I believe that I excluded my inner

desire for change in everyone. Although I mention the issues that I needed to resolve within

myself, I believe that I also needed to acknowledge the impact that my team members

contributed to my isolation and disappointment regarding the change in our program. I say this

because I felt as if I was alone in what I was feeling. This significantly bothered me because my

team members shared mutual feelings about the change in supervisors, yet nobody contributed

their opinions. By expressing this, I do not imply that they rebel. I simply wanted to feel

supported in my desire to feel heard.

In conclusion, I believe that I may ultimately make my theory more inclusive by

expressing my feelings of the possible turns that each negative experience could have taken.

Although I recognize that each outcome reflects my own actions, I believe that my opinions

matter as well. I say this because without including my opinions I appear to condemn myself in

each incident fully. My acknowledgment only tells a part of my story. I believe that in order to

tell ones story, we need to include everyone who contributed to the story. Only then will we

have the ability to truly work towards healing.