Cause and Effect: Fight Scene Examples

One of the things that really sell a fight scene is the physical reactions and it’s one that many authors
overlook, even if these things are just external. So, let’s do some examples with a few different
sequences to show how fights can be improved with the inclusion of a few crucial details.

Example 1: John hits Grace in the face and she kicks him in the shin.
In this example, we’re going to do two characters that are friendly with each other. One of the best
ways to run fights between men and women is to treat them as equals within the context of the
narrative. Below, we’ll show a few different sets that include more details that will really help your
fight sequence come to life.

1a:
John punched Grace in the face. Glaring at him as her jaw set, Grace snarled, “you bastard!” Pulling
her leg back, she drove her foot into his shin.

The above is serviceable and one you will see in many different novels and short stories depicting
violence. Though sparse, it covers all the bases by depicting an action and a reaction. Both of which
are important. However, you don’t get anything more than that and while serviceable, this example
isn’t what I would call “alive”. Let’s add some normal human reactions to getting hit and see how it
changes.

1b:
Drawing his arm back, John drove his fist into Grace’s nose. Head flying as her eyes locked on the
sky, Grace stumbled. Her left foot slid on the concrete and she braced the heel of her sneaker against
the rough ground. Her hands rose to cover her nose, eyes squeezing shut. A single tear leaked down
her cheek. Head coming forwards, nose throbbing, she glared at John over her fingers.
“You bastard,” Grace snarled. “What the hell did you do that for?”
“You weren’t listening!”
“Oh?” Grace said, lowering her hands. “Well, jackass, listen to this!” Grace stepped forward, left leg
pulling back and struck out. Her instep slammed into John’s shin with a solid crunch. John yelped,
his right leg lifting off the ground, head dropping as he leaned forwards. Seizing the back of John’s
head with her fingers, she forced his skull down and rammed her knee upwards into his face.

Now, this is much better. The head moves when it’s struck due the kinetic force of the strike and
because the head is knocked, the body becomes unbalanced causing the fighter to stumble if they
were unprepared for the hit. The hands automatically move to protect the injured body part, in this
case the nose. From the pain in the nose, the eyes shut and water causing the fighter to cry (though
they don’t feel sad). The result is the fighter feels angry and, if the other person didn’t move to take
them out of the fight, may strike back as Grace does here. While there are a few more things that can
change here and there, there’s one big one that can be added: sound.

1c:
Drawing his arm back, John drove his fist into Grace’s nose. Head flying as her eyes locked on the
sky, Grace stumbled. Her left foot slid on the concrete and she braced the heel of her sneaker against
the rough ground. Her hands rose to cover her nose, eyes squeezing shut. A single tear leaked down
her cheek. Head coming forwards, nose throbbing, she glared at John over her fingers.
“Boo bas-turd,” Grace snarled. “Bhat da bell did boo do bhat fer?”
John covered his mouth. “I didn’t hear that, Grace,” he said. He leaned forward, hand cupping his
ear. “What did you say?”
“B’oh?” Grace said, lowering her hands. “Bell, backass, bisten do dis!” Grace stepped forward, left
leg pulling back and struck out. Her instep slammed into John’s shin with a solid crunch. John
yelped, his right leg lifting off the ground, head dropping as he leaned forwards. Seizing the back of
John’s head with her fingers, she forced his skull down, knee ramming upwards into his face.