CHAPTER 3

Results and Discussion

This chapter presented the thematic analysis that was applied to capture the sense

and deep meaning of the respondents answer. Significant statements and phrases

pertaining to the data were extracted from each transcript. Each cluster of theme was

coded to include all formulated meanings related to that group of meanings in establishing

a further experienced of Prostituted Women towards Long-Lasting Romantic

Relationship. See Appendix E for the summary of the interview.

Perspectives of Prostituted Women in Love

Despite stereotypical assumption that prostitutes doesn’t have a clear perspective when

it comes to love. Particularly in the Philippines, where sex has been largely framed as

sinful in itself when outside of reproduction, or at least a stable heterosexual relationship,

it is easy to see how prostituted women became condemned. In that event, the

researchers interviewed 9 prostituted women from Talikala, in order to get the data. The

respondents were asked about their perspective in love. The themes were extracted

during the interview .These are the following themes; loyalty in a relationship, acceptance

to one’s self, trust on self and relationship, negative experiences on men.

Loyalty in a relationship

Loyalty in a relationship is the most important of all. Loyalty may define as being

faithful to one’s oath, engagements or obligations (Offra Gerstein, Ph.D. 2003). Being

40
 41

loyal means being respectful of your partners’ weaknesses and discretely helping them

compensate for those weaknesses. For example, if your mate is absent minded and loses

her keys often, you may help her set a system to make it easier for her to find things and

help her search, when needed, without anger or shaming. From respondents perspective

about love they emphasized the importance of loyalty in a relationship.

“Ah maayo man ang gugma kung dili lang pud ka binuangan sa lalaki ang uban
man gud, ikaw honest man jud ang imoha labi na dawat ka niya tapos ang lalaki
mo pasakit lang nimo after ana mag hilak ka, mapasakit lang ka ma recall to nimo
imong past. Ang importante basta higugmaon ka sa lalaki dili kay bug-bugon ka,
abuso, VAW-C.” (Love is good, if you were not fooled by a man, some of them,
like if you were honest especially if he accepted your wholeness, after that he will
hurt you and you will cry and then you will recall the past experiences. The
important thing is if a man will truly love you he will not hit and abuse you. ) – Jen
jen

“Sa una tong wala pako ni sulod sa pagpangwarta kay okay lang kaayo ang love
life sa akoa kanang okay pod kaayo ang lalaki palangga kayo ko niya. Nakita jud
nako ang love sa una.”( Before when I was not in prostitution my love life is good
because my boyfriend is taking good care of me and that how I saw love.) - Aiko

“Sa karon na ni sulod nako sa pangwarta kay murag wala na, murag di nanako
feel. Sa karon murag na wala na ang care loyalty trust na akong gi pangita sa una
sa usa ka lalaki.” (Now when I enter prostitution I don’t feel it anymore. Now I think
the word care, loyalty trust that I’ve wanted to see for a guy is gone.) - Aiko

Acceptance to One’s self

Self-acceptance alludes to a far more global affirmation of self. When we're self-

accepting, we're able to embrace all facets of ourselves--not just the positive, more

"esteem-able" parts. Self-acceptance is unconditional, free of any qualification. We can

recognize our weaknesses, limitations, and foibles, but this awareness in no way

interferes with our ability to fully accept ourselves (Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D).
 41

“panlantaw nako sa gugma karon kay wala nay gugma. Naa gud pero sa akoa ky
murag gamay lang kay bale among sarili gibaligya pero naa gud mi pagmamahal
sa among sarili gud pero kwarta man ang gihuna-huna” (Now for me there is no
love. There might be, but only a little because we sell ourselves although we still
have love for ourselves but we only think about money). – Yoj

“Sa katung wala pa ko kasulod prostitusyon kay ang gugma para kanako kay
kanang ma share siya nimo. Kanang wala guy gapugong sa inyuha na ipakita ang
paghigugma sa usa’t usa. Dili ko mahadlok ug maulaw ba na prostitute ka.”
(Before entering prostitution for me love could be shared. There are no restrictions.
I am not afraid and embarrassed of being a prostitute.) – Ella

“Kailangan nimo magbago para higugmaon ka. Kay ang pagiging prostitute gud
kanang nagdala ug kabugat sa usa ka relasyon.” (You have to change to be loved.
Being a prostitute brings weight in a relationship). – Kyla

Trust on self and relationship

Trust had been extensively explored by a variety of disciplines across the social

sciences, including economics, social psychology, and political science. Our trust in

another individual can be grounded in our evaluation of his/her ability, integrity, and

benevolence (Roy J. Lewicki, Edward C. Tomlinson 2003).

“Kung wala ang salig sa kaugalingon dili pud i-love imong kaugalingon so ang
importante imong kaugalingon sa imong i-love. Ang uban lang gud, para sa ako
lang, tao man ko, as human being so ma-inlove sa lalaki labi na karon na
nagkaroon me ug anak, kato ang among paghigugma isa ka ka kuan, kanang
gikuan jud sa Ginoo ba nga kung naa ka ani, imong pong higugmaon ang imong
partner. (If you don’t trust yourself, you cannot love yourself also; the important
thing is you must love yourself. For me as human being we fall in love to a man,
especially now that we have kids. Love is from God and if you have it you can give
it your partner.)” – Jen jen

“Ang love para sa akoa kay first jud ang trust ma build kay kung wala ang trust
wala man siguro poy love kay kung dili mo mag sulti share, share sa inyo mga
secrets murag wala nag gi hapoy love kay wala man moy trust sa isat - isa. (For
me the key for love is to build trust. If there is no trust there is no love.)” - Arianne
 41

Negative experiences on men

In prostitution, men removed women's humanity. Buying a woman in prostitution

gave men the power to turn women into a living, breathing masturbation fantasy. He

removed herself and those qualities that defined her as an individual, and for him she

became a sexualized body parts. She acted the part of the thing he wanted her to be.

“Murag kanang tanan lalaki mga gago man gud! Wala namay tarong lalaki karon!
Mao lang na akoa na bantayan!” (I think all men are jerk, theres no sensible men
as of now. That’s what I’ve observed) – Aiko

“Naay kalahian. Sauna akong bana dili man kalakaw-lakaw mao dili ko kalabas,
manumbag. Sa karon kay na-enjoy nako.” (Yes, there is. Before I don’t know what
is love until now. Since my husband can’t walk I can’t go outside and he was hitting
me but now I enjoy my life.) – Jane

“Oo kuan man gud gang kanang mga lalaki usahay man gud, once makabalo sila
ingana ang babae na prostitute siya yagayagaan lang ka nila. Dula lang ang ilang
tuyo.” (Yes, because sometimes once men know about you being a prostitute they
tend to not take you seriously and play around with you.) – Kayla

“Tungod atong tung gi kulata ko sa akong uyab sauna, ug naa syay lain samtang
naa na syay uyab.” (It was because when my boyfriend abused me, and he actually
cheated even he had a girlfriend.) – Kayla

“Depende, kay… na binuangan naman gud ko sa papa ani” (referring to the father
of my son) (It depends, because I was fooled by his father). - Gigi

Extent of Prostitution as Influence to Introspection on Romantic Relationship

As many have observed, prostitution has almost, and everywhere, existed; but

most contemporary discussions on the belief of prostituted women on love and romance

center on the modern Filipino practice of monetary transaction for sex and pleasure. In
 41

this study, the extent of influence of prostitution to the respondents’ introspection on

romantic relationship is identified. It is through the research interviewed questions that

the study had purposely drawn out how being a prostitute changed their views on different

aspects in romance. Respondents are asked as to their beliefs, perspectives and

experiences as prostituted women on love and the sustenance in a relationship. Out of

nine (9) respondents common themes are drawn out. The themes that are identified in

the interview are Fear of Rejection, Acceptance, Negative Experiences, Trust, Loyalty

and Positive Experiences.

Fear of Rejection

One of the themes that emerged in the interview is the Fear of Rejection. The

responses of the respondents harmoniously suggested that in being a prostitute there

was a high fear of being rejected by present or future romantic partners. Few of the

responses are as follows:

“..mahadlok naman gud ko sa pagkakron na ani nako (prostitute) kung naa pa bay
museryoso sa ako. Kung madawat ba niya na ani ko.” (..being a prostitute brings
fear in love, doubting the possibility of somebody taking me seriously and the
possibility of acceptance.) – Ella

“Kailangan nimo magbago para higugmaon ka. Kay ang pagiging prostitute gud
kanang nagdala ug kabugat sa usa ka relasyon.” (You have to change to be
loved. Being a prostitute brings weight in a relationship). – Kayla

Acceptance

Acceptance is a theme that is derived from the fear of rejection. In Bowlby’s

Attachment theory (1970) suggested that in romantic relationship a person tend to

 41

approach and avoid. It had been mentioned earlier by Maxwell and et al. (2013) that in

romantic relationship, the approach attachment style the romantic partner becomes the

safe haven of the other and in seeking acceptance the person is endangering oneself to

the threat of rejection. With the same responses above, emphasis on acceptance are

presented on their statements,

“…madawat ba niya na ani ko.” (..the possibility of acceptance.) – Ella

“…Kailangan nimo magbago para higugmaon ka. (…You have to change to be

loved) “…Sauna man gud dili ko mutuo ug gugma unya karon, akong ka live in
karon kay bisag kabalo sya na ingani ko gidawat gihapon ko niya. Tungod sa naay
nidawat sa ako nabago akong panlantaw sa gugma.” (…Before I didn’t believe in
love but now because of my partner accepting me of who I am it changed my
perspective about love). - Kayla

Negative Experiences

Another emergent theme in the responses is the Negative Experience of

prostitutes in the aspect of relationships. In some of the responses of the respondents the

negative experiences they had encountered are highly associated to bad relationship with

men because of their identity as prostitutes. In dealing with an inseparable association to

identity the interviewed respondents had experienced being played or be treated unfairly

with their partners. Some of the responses are the following:

“..Kanang mga lalaki usahay man gud, once makabalo sila ingana ang babae na
prostitute sya yagayagaan lang ka nila. Dula lang ang ilang tuyo.” (..Once men
know about you being a prostitute they tend to not take you seriously and play
around with you.) – Kayla
 41

“Murag kanang tanan lalaki mga gago man gud! Wala namay tarong lalaki karon!
Mao lang na akoa na bantayan!”(I think all men are jerk, there’s no sensible men
as of now. That’s what I’ve observed )“Sa karon na ni sulod ko ug pang
pangwarta murag ang lalaki di na seryoso sa akoa.” (When I enter prostitution
boys are not serious to me ) – Aiko

“Pagmuhatag man gud ka tanan dili man gud ka, kanang, kanang assurance
gud na kung hangtod sa hangtod ba, na naa siya” (When you give your all there
is no assurance that he would stay). – Ella

“…ang lalaki unsa lang man nah igo raman ka gamiton” (…men are there just to
use you.) – Yoj

Trust

Other themes have also emerged from as to how the respondents viewed love and

their qualities to be considered important in relationship and as to how they had been

hindered to these qualities when they entered prostitution. One of the themes is the

Loyalty and Trust in a romantic relationship.

“sa una tong wala pako ni sulod sa pagpangwarta kay okay lang kaayo ang love
life sa akoa kanang okay pod kaayo ang lalaki palangga kayo ko niya. Nakita jud
nako ang love sa una. sa karon na ni sulod nako sa pangwarta kay murag (pause
for 3 seconds) wala na, murag di nanako feel. Sa karon murag na wala na ang
care, loyalty, trust na akong gi pangita sa una sa usa ka lalaki. (Before when I was
not in prostitution my love life is good because my boyfriend is taking good care of
me and that how I saw love. And now when I enter prostitution I don’t feel it
anymore. Now I think the word care, loyalty trust that I’ve wanted to see for a guy
is gone.) – Aiko

Loyalty

For commitment to retain in a relationship Loyalty is important. This means being

respectful to the other’s weaknesses and discretely helping them compensate for those

weaknesses. Being loyal means reassuring your partner that you will be there in the
 41

emotional aspect and physical aspect, whenever you are needed and following through

with this promise. Your presence, helpful action and kind words are important signs of

trust and security for your mate in the relationship.

“…Sa karon murag na wala na ang care, loyalty, trust na akong gi pangita sa una
sa usa ka lalaki.” (Now I think the word care, loyalty trust that I’ve wanted to see
for a guy is gone.) – Aiko

Positive Experiences

The involvement in a romantic relationship, both partners experienced a mutual

gain within the relationship. Both individuals in the relationship reciprocated the same

emotion and invested effort in sustaining the relationship. From the responses of the

interview, the researchers were able to draw out the theme of Positive Experiences. Some

of the responses of the respondents harmoniously suggested that even with the stained

identity brought by prostitution, it is not all lost in love for prostituted women. Some of the

prostitutes were able to had positive experiences with romantic partners. Responses are

as follows:

Experiencing positive events in a relationship showed that even with the stigma,

hardships and other hindrances brought by prostitution, prostituted women are able to be

a part in a romantic relationship. Each of them played a vital role in a relationship. Passion

is about the individual’s feelings, the affirming and yearning for the other person who are

involved in the relationship (Didonato, 2014). In entering a romantic relationship the

person shares intimate feelings rooted on the core of love. The bond and connectedness
 41

becomes an even more strong association to a monogamous relationship with a

consistent partner. Thus, the strong notion of forever is implied, a relationship founded on

commitment the formation of a complete life together. The individual fuses this love from

with separate identity to a formation of an "us" (Strandell, 2012).

Analysis

In question number one, four of our respondents answered that due to their

negative experienced in men like they were fooled before and the nature of their work

really affects their thinking on how they perceived love and romance. According to

Frederic Neuman M.D, a director of the Anxiety and Phobia Center at White Plains

Hospital, posted his article in Psychology Today, he stated that being raped assaulted or

defrauded or led into a life of drugs and prostitution can lead to Post-traumatic Stress

Disorder. Instead in leading to common situations in loving relationships and continuing

to a permanent and stable relationship but it did not. Some who experienced that his

partner is unfaithful, some lied repeatedly, others promised love but only interested in sex

which results to falling out of love. Exposure of self to someone who provides no

guarantees beyond words; someone who’s only moral guide is his or her own

dissatisfaction or satisfaction. The fear of binding the self to the wrong person is a risk in

a romantic relationship and exposes the person with pain and suffering in the termination

of the relationship. Thus, the person could lead to resort to finding a new partner. The

continuous re choosing of a relationship may therefore, at all times, involve anxieties and
 41

ambivalences from several overlapping sources of risky experiences (Strandell, 2012).

The feelings of exclusion can arise in situations of rejection or devaluation from others in

romantic love. These feelings of rejection could root from the stigma, discrimination,

neglect, abuse, bullying and other forms. These rejection experiences have powerful

effects on social evaluations. Furthermore, some of the negative reactions of other

people evoke emotions such as hurt, sadness, and anger. The reactions provide strong

impact on the individual receiving the reactions with their thoughts, emotions, motives,

and behavior, as well as their physical and psychological well-being (Richman & Leary

2009; Molden, Lucas, Gardner, Knowles 2009; Maxwell, Spielmann, Joel, MacDonald.

2013).

Acceptance in a relationship is the key moving away from tolerating, retaliating,

and negotiating. Remembering that no one is perfect and no two people will be perfectly

aligned on the issue. Disagreement is always normal in a relationship, disagreement of

and itself is not harmful in a relationship. Acceptance from others is much easier from

accepting ourselves. Practicing self- compassion can ultimately enhance our relationship

with others, especially our romantic partners (Thoburn, 2012). Engaging in prostitution

brings a negative identity to the person. In the term “prostitute” comes demeaning and

undesirable attributes along with the occupation. And making means of living with that

kind of work means living with the stigma. Prostitution has its consequences, the fears of

judgment, the possibility of losing relationships and the social status. Due to this prostitute

is categorized as “to be avoided” because of its deviance to the norms of the society and

consequently, lead to being rejected by it. Also it gave focus to Carol Pateman on her
 41

emphasis that sexuality plays an intimate role of the self. It is essential to and cannot be

separated from the self; therefore, being a prostitute who sells her body and sexuality is

also selling her “self.

Romantic Relationship has its different factors that identify it to be romantic and

helps sustain the longevity of the relationship. According to Serena Gordon, Health Day

Reporter, during the initial stages of a romantic relationship, there is often more emphasis

on especially those of love, intimacy, compassion, appreciation, rather than physical

intimacy. In today’s relationship, people think that more of romantic relationships as about

whom you are spending time with in and out of the bedroom, and not who you are

committed to (Gordon, 2013).

Allison Edmond and Nina B. Eduljee (2014) they perceived couples as loyalty,

kindness and mutual love must be present and social status and age is less likely to be

focused in a relationship. Choosing to be loyal in attitude, actions and words is a personal

decision. Being truly loyal is very hard. Yet, no other way works for truly intimate and

loving couples (Offra Gerstein, Ph.D. 2003).

According to the respondents they perceived love as selling one’s own dignity in

order for them to have money. Love has no limitation, you can freely expressed your love

freely and openly. And lastly, you need to pretend to be someone because prostitution

gave us burden in terms of love. Jackson, Scott, Brennan, Karabanow, Robertson, and

Sowinski (2009) conducted a study for prostituted women. Many of the relationships
 41

studied were categorized as long term and stable, and participants talked about the loving

and caring nature of their partnership, while other interviewed partners discussed about

the hardships and their arguments in their relationship, about finances, the drug use, and

jealousy because of their work. From the study, emergent positive aspects transpired in

the different and complex relationships: feelings of inclusion, safety, respect, acceptance

and trust, which were related to a general sense of well-being.

The respondents of this study believed that if you trusted yourself you could love

yourself. The most important thing is to have trust in yourself in order to meet your

expectations for credibility of communication, commitment to standards of fairness, and

the congruence of the other's word and deed (Roy J. Lewicki, Edward C. Tomlinson

2003). According to Gordon 2013 Romantic relationships are influenced by the sense of

trust. When you loved someone you allow yourself to trust your partner. Trust provided

you the sense of safety and security.

From the negative experienced of the respondents they formulated incorrect views

towards men. But because of their past negative experienced, the majority of girls entered

prostitution before they had reached the age of consent. Research shows that most

women in prostitution were sexually and physically abused as children, suffered myriad

deprivations and were pushed into the flesh trade very young age. The violence and

abuse women and girls experienced in childhood become on going and pervasive in

prostitution. Women who experienced early sexual abuse are at risk for a later recurrence

of sexual and physical trauma. Incest, rape and prostitution, therefore, may be seen as
 41

points on a continuum of sexual exploitation and abuse. Even though sex industry

apologists contend that prostitution is “sex work,” unpleasant labor much like factory work,

the following statistics prove otherwise (Farley and Kelly, N.D).

Association with the term “prostitute” the identity associated with the act is

inseparable with the person (Pateman, 2011). In an ordinary relationship the exposure

of self to someone who provides no guarantees beyond words; someone who’s only

dictated by his or her own dissatisfaction or satisfaction is already a risk to take. The fear

of binding the self to the wrong person is a risk in a romantic relationship and exposes

the person with pain and suffering in the termination of the relationship (Strandell, 2012).

As what Kayla said, prostitution brought weight in a relationship. Being a prostitute

induced more risk to rejection. This women hesitated on the probability of acceptance but

yearned it. Instead, prostitutes had feared of being rejected. These rejection experiences

had powerful effects on social evaluations. Furthermore, some of the negative reactions

of other people evoke emotions such as hurt, sadness, and anger (Richman & Leary

2009; Molden, Lucas, Gardner, Knowles 2009; Maxwell, Spielmann, Joel, MacDonald.

2013). In relation to Bowlby’s attachment theory: approach- avoidance, individuals has

the tendency to adapt an avoidance attachment style or deactivate attachment in order

reduce feelings of vulnerability to rejection or abandonment and reliance on others for

comfort and support (Brennan & Shaver, 1995).

The social stigma in prostitution had eradicated the capability of these women to

be treated fairly and properly by men. In a same short story written by Saadat Hasan
 41

Manto (n.d.) he presented a same experience of “vaishiyas” (prostitutes) in being in a

relationship and finding love in his story. The basic nature of their identity as a prostitute

is in contradiction of with the mores of the society, thus, with the name prostitute is the

attribution of undesirable qualities to their identity (Jeffreys, 2008). These women pursued

to be treated equally as a partner by their lover. In a relationship, both partners are in a

certain bond and connectedness that experiences happiness with a love one, sharing

high-regard for the love one, being able to count on the love on in times of need, giving

mutual understanding with the love one, sharing one’s self and possessions with the love

one, receipt of emotional support from the love one, giving of emotional support of the

love one, intimate communications with the love one and valuing the love one in one’s life

(Gao, 2001; Hernandez & Oliveira, 2003; Cassepp-Borges & Pasquali, 2012). Even being

a prostitute love and emotion still played a significant role in shaping female prostitutes

romantic perceptions. Experiencing these negative events in a relationship could lead to

avoidance, hesitation and discouragement to relationship that could develop negative

beliefs, perceptions and emotions about love and romantic relationship.

Within a romantic relationship it is very important and vital to had these certain

qualities or components. It is lifeblood in a relationship. It helps sustain and maintain a

relationship to last long and be healthy. Just in the aspect of trust, these responses

emphasized how important it is to trust one’s partner and to be trusted by him in the

longevity and sustainability of romantic relationship. In a relationship, trust must be

earned, it allows people to feel safe and secure within a relationship. Murray and Holmes

(2009) even suggested that the sense of trust signals that it is safe to be dependent on a
 41

partner, that the significant partner can be relied upon to be responsive to one’s needs

and think of the best interests of both. Furthermore, those with less trust in their partner

tend to doubt their feelings for safety and security and identify the situation to be not safe.

Being a prostitute brings struggle in giving and receiving trust. Thus, they experience the

approach-avoidance conflict as in relation to Attachment Theory of Bowlby.

In having a loyal partner means being reassured by the partner or lover that his or

her presence is present emotionally and physically. In loyalty love, devotion, dedication

and commitment are present (Gerstein, 2003). Being a prostitute, induced hardships in

experiencing this quality in a relationship. Furthermore, in the theory of Perceptual Set as

to how one views human relationship determined that the perception or the

“computational” and “schema” driven forces that direct our mind to imagine a world on the

basis of an insufficient sensory output. This means that couples perceive qualities such

as loyalty, kindness and mutual love must be present and social status and by age

(Edmond & Eduljee, 2014). As to the concern of prostitution social status becomes a

stained identity or part of a stigma. Prostitutes viewed the hardship on experiencing the

quality of love affected their perception on romantic relationship.

Experiencing positive events in a relationship showed that even with the stigma,

hardships and other hindrances brought by prostitution, prostituted women are able to be

a part in a romantic relationship. Each of them played a vital role in a relationship. Passion

is about the individual’s feelings, the affirming and yearning for the other person who are

involved in the relationship (Didonato, 2014). In entering a romantic relationship the

person shares intimate feelings rooted on the core of love. The bond and connectedness

becomes an even more strong association to a monogamous relationship with a

 41

consistent partner. Thus, the strong notion of forever is implied, a relationship founded on

commitment the formation of a complete life together. The individual fuses this love from

with separate identity to a formation of an "us" (Strandell, 2012).

 41

Trust on Loyalty in a
Self and Relationship
Relationship
Perspectives of
Prostituted
Women in Love

Negative
Acceptance
Experiences
to One’s
on Men
Self

Trust Fear of
Rejection
Extent of the
Influence of
Prostitution to the
Introspection of
Loyalty Prostituted Women in
Long-Lasting
Romantic Acceptance
Relationship

Positive
Experience
Negative
Experiences

Fig. 2 Diagram of Common Themes