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You should engage the process with a mindset of discovery. Your goal at
the outset is to extract and observe as much
information as possible. Which, by the way, is one of the reasons that
really
smart people often have trouble being negotiators—they’re so smart
they think
they don’t have anything to discover.
Remember: until you know what you’re dealing with, you don’t know
what you’re dealing with.
Listen actively - make them feel safe - validate their emotions - create
enough trust and safety to encourage them to talk – let them talk about
their needs and wants (goal)
Once people get upset at one another, rational thinking goes out the
window.
probe to understand his problems, and then turns the responses back
onto him to get him to go deeper and change his behavior
people’s emotions have two levels: the “presenting” behavior is the part
above the surface you can see and hear; beneath, the “underlying”
feeling is what motivates the behavior.
Labeling negatives diffuses them; labeling positives reinforces them
The more you know about someone, the more power you have
make it about them, their situation, and how you can work with
them.(not about you)
“taking the sting out.”/ label the negative
list every terrible thing your counterpart could say about you and say
them before the other person can
“We understand that we brought you on board with the
shared goal of having you lead this work,” she said. “You may feel like we
have treated you unfairly, and that we changed the deal significantly
since then.
We acknowledge that you believe you were promised this work.”
Label your counterpart’s fears to diffuse their power
empathy doesn’t demand that you agree with the other person’s ideas
but by acknowledging the other person’s situation, you convey that you
are listening
people wants to be appreciated and understood, use labels to reinforce
and encourage positive perceptions
“No” is often a temporary decision, to maintain the status quo. Change is
scary, and “No” provides a little protection from that scariness.
No: clarifies what you really want by eliminating what you don’t want
“What about this doesn’t work for you?”
“What would you need to make it work?”
“It seems like there’s something here that bothers you.”
Don’t let your negotiation style be all me, me, me, ego, ego, ego.
two primal urges: the need to feel safe and secure, and the need to feel
in control.
ask the other party what they don’t want. “Let’s talk about what you
would say ‘No’ to,”
Checklist:
Disarm your counterpart
acknowledge their negative emotion in a nonjudgmental way
focus first on clearing the barriers to agreement
Pause. After you label a barrier or mirror a statement, let it sink in. The
other party will fill the silence