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Why I Stopped Helping People and You Should Too

BY CAMMI PHAM — First appeared on my personal blog

My mother taught me never to give unsolicited advice, nor try to help anyone unless they ask you for it.
I always thought that maybe she was just cold. As I get older, I have started to realize that she was right.
My mother is one of the kindest people in my life.

Society always emphasizes on the need to help people. I do it too.

They tell you that you should help people unconditionally and when they least expect it. None of that is,
of course, wrong. Random acts of kindness can change a person’s life in many instances. However, there
is a flip side to every coin. And it is essential not to mask the other half of the impact of any such

Not everything is bad. Same as, not everything is good. There is the good in bad. And there is the bad in
good. It’s not necessarily the worst idea to help people. But it’s also neither a great one. And here are
the 3 cases where I personally stopped helping people and recommend that you should too:

1. Stop Helping People Who Don’t Deserve Your Help

It’s not always an easy thing to do. We were taught helping people is the right thing to do. You need to
unlearn this popular belief.

“As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for
helping others.” ~ Sam Levenson

Start-up founders often ask to pick my brain. I realize how difficult it is to run a start-up, I run one
myself. However, I have stopped offering my knowledge for free.

In the past, quite a lot of times people would invite me out for coffee just to “pick my brain.” If you have
a few million dollars in the bank from VCs, rummaging through my brain for free is not acceptable,
especially if you didn’t even bother paying for my tea.

They don’t understand that I have a family to feed, mortgages to pay, deadlines to meet. They don’t
realize that in order to make time for coffee, I would have to compensate for that lost time and stay up
until 2 in the morning just to work.

If they don’t think my time is worth any value, then I don’t have time for them!

If people don’t care about you, you shouldn’t help them. They don’t deserve your help.

Now I simply tell people my hourly rate and take out my Square. Yes, it’s harsh, but it makes my life
easier and I am happier for it. People take me more seriously. If someone cannot afford my advice, I
usually give them another way to compensate for it.
Rule 1: Never offer anything for free.

Rule 2: Never forget Rule 1.

Next time if someone asks you to speak at their conference for free, don’t agree before you negotiate
for the best deal. If they cannot afford you, ask for a free booth, time to promote your business or
maybe free tickets to the conference. It will show whether they are serious about having you be present
at their conference.

People will always try to exploit you if you allow them to. You don’t have the time to help everyone, only
help people who deserve your help.

Remember, the first person you need to help is YOURSELF.

If helping people makes you unhappy, don’t do it. Simple.

Sometimes you have to be selfish and put yourself before anyone else. Ignore what society is urging you
to do.

2. Stop Helping People Who Don’t Appreciate Your Help

My biggest weakness is that I like to help people.

I help people, regardless of the fact that they asked for it or not. But you never know when that sort of
philosophy could hurt you.

A former client of mine wasn’t doing well. My team spent a few days analyzing all the data and trends to
figure out what the problems were. That wasn’t part of our retainer and I didn’t bill them. We did it
because we cared about the client’s success. My team found some serious problems with the client’s
business model and strategy. We showed the client our findings, and they fired us on the spot.

We did something out of compassion for our client. We told the client what they didn’t want to hear.
We lost an account because we tried to help. And in the end, we made someone hate us for giving our
professional opinion.

The easiest way to turn your friend into an enemy is offering them advice they don’t want to hear.

When I offer someone my help, I actually want to help. But a lot of the time, people are not ready to
accept my help. It is normal. Everything takes time to change and most people don’t want it.

You shouldn’t offer advice when people are not prepared to entertain it, or they could one day come
back and blame you when it doesn’t work out for them.

I stopped helping people who don’t want my help. Less drama, more time for myself.
3. Stop Helping People If You Can’t Put 100% Into It

This is the most critical one. Offering someone help when you are not ready to help is a big no-no. I have
done this so many times, and until today I still regret doing it.

A few years ago, my parents were out of the country and asked me to look after their house. I don’t
know how to water the plants at all. Some of them I poured too much water and some I gave very little.
A month later when my parents came back, all the plants had died. If I didn’t offer to help, someone
who knows how to take care of plants would have done it, and my father’s precious plants would be
alive today. They never let me touch a plant again.

Helping people when you don’t have the skills or time will do more harm than good.

Offering help when you can’t do a good job will do more harm than good. It’s like being blind and
teaching someone else how to paint. You make people miss the opportunities to find better help. Your
kindness can hurt people too, in some instances. One of the easiest ways to destroy a relationship is by
offering help that you can’t deliver.

At the end of the day, everything can be good or bad. We all need to strive to find the right balance
between the two.

Always think it through carefully, before you offer to help someone else. If you don’t, it has the potential
to cost you your time, your money and the relationships you hold dear to yourself (personal or

A random act of kindness can change someone’s life, but it can also destroy one too.

If you help the wrong people, you can miss the opportunities to help the right people. Think before you
I've been involved in pastoral ministry for 30 years, and I have a desire to help everyone. But I have
learned the hard way that I cannot help every person who attends our church or who comes to me for

The 10 People Nobody Can Help

The following are 10 kinds of people I have identified who are so entrenched in certain habit patterns
that I cannot help them advance to the next level unless they make the necessary shift in their attitude
or behavior.

1. Those who do not take responsibility for themselves. The first step toward self-improvement is to
remove all excuses for mediocrity or failure. Those who continually blame other people for their failures
will never go to the next level. Leaders can complain about their spouses, the income level of their
congregations and their lack of staff, but I have learned that within every challenge is the seed of
opportunity for success that requires the creativity of problem-solving.

2. Those who do not have a heart to seek God. The Bible teaches us that "the fear of the Lord is the
beginning of wisdom" (Prov. 9:10). Those who do not respect God enough to seek Him and study His
Word so they can make wise decisions in life are violating Scripture (Josh. 1:8-9) and cannot be helped
either by myself or any other leader or minister. Those who do not obey what God requires for success
have decided to try to be successful in life without God's blessings.

3. Those who create distance so they are not accountable. There are certain people I have met in our
church who only let others get so close before cutting off the relationship. Many go from one church to
the next because they fear becoming too close to a leader who will hold them accountable. Often some
will attempt to attend a megachurch, where they will be able to hear the Word of God in the context of
a large crowd so that no one will really know who they are. Whether it is fear or rebellion, those who
live like this have put a low ceiling on their lives and will not grow past the infant stage concerning their
potential in life.

4. Those who insist on having a negative outlook on life. There are some people who refuse to exercise
faith in God or think positively, as the Word of God commands us in Philippians 4:8. This is because
some have a propensity to expect the worst in life so they are never disappointed by anyone or
anything. This is a weird way some folks attempt to shield their emotions from the pain of
disappointment; it is a very common practice with many people. Jesus often told people that they would
receive according to how they believed (for example, see Matthew 8:13). Proverbs 23:7 teaches that as
a person thinks in their heart, so they will be. I cannot empower a person who refuses to think God's
thoughts about themselves and about life.

5. Those who refuse to have a vision for their future. There are many very talented and anointed
people I have been in relationship with who live their lives without any strategic plan or vision for their
future. They are just living from day to day to prepare for their retirement. Those who are successful
have a compelling vision that drives them daily and that feeds their souls even more than the desire to
make money. Inside of every believer is a God-given kingdom vision for their future. If a person refuses
to tap into that as their guiding light—and value that vision as their barometer for success—then my
continual pep talks will not do the trick either.

6. Those who live in self-deception. There are many people who are living lives of denial regarding their
relationships with God and their families and all things regarding their inner and outer lives. The sad
thing is that denial is the first step to outright deception, in which a person concocts an alternate, false
reality that continually feeds their mind and emotions the things they want to hear about themselves
and their key relationships. This insulates them from the Word of the Lord from others and the Holy
Spirit. When you confront people like this, they become upset and blame you for not understanding
them or for wrongfully accusing them of something. These are the people I cannot help unless God steps
in and delivers them from satanic deception (2 Tim. 2:23-25).

7. Those who do not want to pay the price for success. There are many in the church who want the
perks of success but don't want to pay the price for success.

When I was a teenager, I had a goal of becoming a master guitar player. For seven years, I practiced the
guitar for three to eight hours per day, as well as played in numerous bands. While my friends were
outside playing ball or wasting time doing drugs, I would shut myself up in my house and study jazz,
rock, blues and classical music, and spend hours doing scales on my guitar (which I often did even while
watching television). Because of this sacrifice, I gained mastery over my instrument in various kinds of
music and was in high demand as a musician.

Whatever we do in life, we are called to sacrifice our time, invest our talents, and be committed to a
long, grueling process with many setbacks until we reach our peak performance. This kind of sacrifice is
needed in every area we desire success, including our marriages, relationships with our children, leading
a company or a church, and the like.
Consequently, I have found that I am not able to empower a person to the fullness of their destiny if
they don't want to work hard at self-improvement.

8. Those whose primary agenda is individualistic and not kingdom-oriented. There are some people
whose only agenda in life is to advance their own agenda. They don't want to work with a team or flow
in the context of a local church. They want me to pour my life into them, but they are rarely ever willing
to pour back into the church and serve in the kingdom of God. I have learned that those who only want
to use the church or God to advance their own agendas (even if it is ministry-related) have greatly
limited their own lives. Thus, I back away from these people until they change. This is because we are all
called to seek first God's kingdom, in which we need to die to our individualistic sense of destiny and
sacrifice and invest our time for the good of the body of Christ. This, in turn, will do more to release our
greatest destiny—even more than if we only concentrate on our own agendas!

9. Those who refuse to keep covenant. I have been with very talented individuals with great calling on
their lives whom I had to back away from because they did not know how to remain faithful to their
obligations or because they broke confidence by continually talking behind other people's backs. God
says that a person who doesn't keep their word (whatever the cost) and who slanders their neighbor
cannot dwell in His tents (Ps. 15:3-4), so who am I to think that this kind of person can dwell in my inner
circle for personal development?

10. Those who lack transparency, humility and integrity. The Bible teaches us to walk in the light as He
is in the light (1 John 1:7). It also teaches us to confess our faults to one another and pray for one
another, that we may be healed (James 5:16). Those who do not admit their faults and confess their sins
cannot have the kind of relationship with a mentor suitable for personal growth. It is important for me
to have a transparent relationship with those I am mentoring, since a person who conceals their sins
from me is not giving me a chance to fully speak into their life and help them in their areas of weakness.
Those who want to progress in their spiritual formation have to learn to practice the spiritual discipline
of the confession of sin (Prov. 28:13).

Joseph Mattera is overseeing bishop of Resurrection Church, Christ Covenant Coalition, in Brooklyn, N.Y.

Joseph Mattera has been in full-time church ministry since 1980 and is currently the Presiding Bishop of
Christ Covenant Coalition and Overseeing Bishop of Resurrection Church in New York. He is also serving
as the United States Ambassador for the International Coalition of Apostles, and as one of the founding
presiding bishops of the International Communion of Evangelical Churches.
Pastor Robb Thompson is the founder and senior pastor of Family Harvest Church, which has been
reaching out to the Chicago area for more than 25 years. He is happily married to Linda, his wife of more
than 30 years, and together they have been building the Body of Christ. Author of more than 18
compelling books, numerous magazine articles, and countless audio and video resources, Dr. Robb
Thompson is an exceptionally skilled relational and leadership strategist. In addition, he is the vice
chairman of The Gabriel Call, a ministry dedicated to raising up and training entrepreneurs to fund the
Gospel through the local church; founder of the Dan EL Institute of Higher Learning, an online Christian
college dedicated to equipping tomorrow’s


Definisi CBT

CBT merupakan psikoterapi yang dikembangkan oleh Aaron T. Beck, seorang psikiater pada tahun
1960an. Beck menemukan bahwa kognisi klien memilik dampak yang luar biasa terhadap perasaan dan
perilaku. Kesulitan emosional dan perilaku yang dialami seseorang dalam hidup disebabkan oleh cara
mereka menginterpretasikan dan memahami berbagai peristiwa yang dialami. Pengalaman berupa
ancaman yang terjadi pada diri seseorang dapat menyebabkan hilangnya kemampuan memproses
informasi secara efektif, oleh Beck dikenal dengan distorsi kognitif. Proses tersebut yang membuat
seseorang sering mempunyai pikiran negatif yang selanjutnya akan mempengaruhi perilaku yang

CBT adalah salah satu terapi yang digunakan untuk memodifikasi fungsi berfikir, merasa dan bertindak
dengan menekankan peran otak dalam menganalisa, memutuskan, bertanya, berbuat dan memutuskan
kembali sehingga dengan merubah status pikiran dan perasaannya, klien diharapkan dapat merubah
tingkah lakunya dari negatif menjadi positif (Oemarjoedi, 2003 dalam Hidayat, 2014). CBT adalah suatu
terapi psikososial yang mengintegrasikan modifikasi perilaku melalui pendekatan restrukturisasi kognitif
(Martin, 2010). CBT pada intinya adalah salah satu bentuk terapi psikososial yang bertujuan merubah
pola pikir negatif menjadi positif sehingga perilaku maladaptif yang timbul akibat pola pikir yang salah
dapat berubah menjadi perilaku yang positif dan adaptif. Keefektifan CBT telah dibuktikan oleh
Granholm, (2005 dalam Hidayat, 2014) yang menunjukkan bahwa CBT yang diberikan pada skizofrenia
kronis menunjukkan peningkatan kemampuan koping, mengevaluasi kemampuan yang salah,
pencapaian kognitif insight yang baik, meningkatkan fungsi sosial, mengurangi gejala positif seperti
halusinasi dan delusi, serta dapat menurunkan gejala negative skizofrenia. Penelitian lainnya yang
menggunakan CBT untuk mengatasi masalah perilaku kekerasan pada klien skizofrenia dilakukan oleh
Fauziah (2009) yang menunjukan hasil bahwa setelah diberikan CBT maka kemampuan kognitif dan
perilaku klien skizofrenia dengan perilaku kekerasan meningkat. Penelitian tersebut berfokus pada
kemampuan klien dengan perilaku kekerasan untuk berpikir dan berperilaku yang positif.

Distorsi kognitif yang mempengaruhi seseorang dalam berperilaku seperti yang diungkapkan oleh Beck,
merupakan hal yang pertama harus dikenali ketika memutuskan untuk melakukan CBT. Bentuk distorsi
kognitif yang dapat terjadi pada diri seseorang menurut (Stuart & Laraia, 2005; Stuart, 2009; Townsend,
2009) diantaranya:

a. Pemikiran “Segalanya atau Tidak Sama Sekali” (All or nothing thinking). Pemikiran ini menunjukan
kecenderungan individu untuk mengevaluasi kualitas pribadi diri sendiri dalam kategori “hitam atau
putih‟ secara ekstrim. Pemikiran „bila saya tidak begini maka saya bukan apa-apa sama sekali”
merupakan dasar dari perfeksionisme yang menuntut kesempurnaan. Pemikiran ini menyebabkan
individu tersebut takut terhadap kesalahan atau ketidaksempurnaan sehingga akan memandang dirinya
sebagai pribadi yang kalah total dan merasa tidak berdaya. Contoh “Jika suamiku meninggalkanku maka
aku juga akan meninggal”.

b. Pemikiran yang terlalu Menggeneralisasi (overgeneralization). Individu yang terlalu menggeneralisasi

setiap peristiwa yang dihadapinya maka akan cenderung membuat kesimpulan bahwa satu hal yang
pernah terjadi pada dirinya akan terjadi kembali secara berulang kali. Kejadian yang tidak
menyenangkan tentunya akan membuatnya selalu merasa terganggu dan sedih. Contoh seorang siswa
yang gagal dalam satu ujian berpikir “Saya tidak akan pernah lulus dalam ujian-ujian yang lain dalam
semester ini dan saya akan gagal dan dikeluarkan dari sekolah”.

c. Filter Mental (mental filter). Pemikiran ini cenderung membuat individu untuk mengambil suatu hal
negatif dalam situasi tertentu, memikirkannya secara terus menerus, selanjutnya individu tersebut
mempersepsikan seluruh situasi sebagai hal yang negatif. Individu tersebut tidak menyadari adanya
“proses penyaringan”, maka ia lalu menyimpulkan bahwa segalanya selalu negatif. Istilah teknis untuk
proses ini ialah “abstraksi selektif”. Contoh seorang istri meyakini bahwa suaminya tidak lagi mencintai
dirinya karena suaminya sering pulang larut malam, tapi si istri tidak mengabaikan perhatian dari
suaminya, hadiah yang diberikan oleh suaminya, dan liburan special yang sudah mereka rencanakan

d. Mendiskualifikasikan hal yang positif (disqualifiying the positive). Suatu pemikiran yang dilakukan oleh
individu yang tidak hanya sekedar mengabaikan pengalaman-pengalaman yang positif, tetapi juga
mengubah semua pengalaman yang dialaminya menjadi hal yang negatif. Contoh “Saya tidak akan
mengikuti promosi jabatan di kantor karena saya pasti tidak akan mendapatkannya dan saya akan
merasa tidak enak”. e. Loncatan ke kesimpulan (jumping to conclusions). Individu melakukan pemikiran
meloncat ke suatu kesimpulan negatif yang tidak didukung oleh fakta dari situasi yang ada. Dua jenis
distorsi kognitif ini adalah “membaca pikiran” dan “kesalahan peramal”. Membaca pikiran yaitu individu
berasumsi bahwa orang lain sedang memandang rendah dirinya, dan individu tersebut yakin akan hal ini
sehingga dirinya sama sekali tidak berminat untuk mengecek kembali kebenarannya. Kesalahan peramal
yaitu kecenderungan individu untuk membayangkan sesuatu yang buruk akan terjadi, dan individu
tersebut menganggap pemikirannya sebagai suatu fakta walaupun sama sekali tidak realistis. Contoh
“Mereka pasti berpikir saya ini orang gemuk yang bodoh”.

f. Pembesaran dan pengecilan (magnification and minimization). Individu memiliki kecenderungan untuk
membesar-besarkan atau mengecilkan halhal yang dialaminya di luar proporsinya. Pembesaran yaitu
individu akan

melebih-lebihkan kesalahan, ketakutan, atau ketidaksempurnaan dirinya. Pengecilan yaitu individu akan
mengecilkan nilai dari kemampuan dirinya sehingga kemampuan yang dimilikinya tampak menjadi kecil
dan tidak berarti. Jika individu membesar-besarkan ketidaksempurnaan dirinya serta mengecilkan
kemampuannya, maka individu akan merasa dirinya rendah dan tidak berarti. Contoh seorang membuat
masakan hangus, dia mengatakan “Saya sudah membuat makan malam kita hangus, ini membuktikan
bahwa saya benar-benar tidak memiliki kemampuan”.

g. Penalaran Emosional (emotional reasoning). Individu menggunakan emosinya sebagai bukti untuk
kebenaran yang dikehendakinya. Penalaran emosional akan menyesatkan sebab perasaan individulah
yang menjadi cermin pemikiran serta keyakinannya, bukan kondisi yang sebenarnya. Contoh seorang
wanita muda menyimpulkan “Teman-temanku tidak lagi menyukaiku” karena dia tidak menerima
undangan ulang tahun.

h. Pernyataan “Harus” (should statements). Individu mencoba memotivasi diri sendiri dengan
mengatakan “Saya harus melakukan pekerjaan ini”. Pernyataan tersebut menyebabkan individu merasa
tertekan, sehingga menjadi tidak termotivasi. Bila individu menunjukkan pernyataan “harus” kepada
orang lain, maka individu akan mudah frustasi ketika mengalami kenyataan yang tidak sesuai dengan
harapannya. Contoh “Saya akan gagal dan tidak lulus jika saya tidak mendapatkan nilai A untuk semua
ujian saya”.

i. Memberi Cap dan Salah Memberi Cap (labeling and mislabeling).

Memberi cap pribadi berarti menciptakan gambaran diri yang negatif yang didasarkan pada kesalahan
individu. Ini merupakan bentuk ekstrim dari terlalu menggeneralisasi. Pemikiran dibalik distorsi kognitif
ini adalah nilai individu terletak pada kesalahan yang dibuatnya, bukan pada kelebihan potensi dirinya.
Salah memberi cap berarti menciptakan gambaran negatif didasarkan emosi yang dialami saat itu.
Contoh “Saya harus terlihat sempurna pada setiap waktu, jika tidak maka teman-teman tidak akan
mengizinkan saya untuk ikut bergabung dengan mereka”.

j. Personalisasi (personalization). Individu merasa bertanggung jawab atas peristiwa negatif yang terjadi,
walaupun sebenarnya peristiwa bukan merupakan kesalahan dirinya. Jadi, individu memandang dirinya
sebagai penyebab dari suatu peristiwa yang negatif, yang dalam kenyataan sebenarnya bukan individu
yang harus bertanggung jawab terhadap peristiwa tersebut. Contoh “Bos mengatakan bahwa
produktivitas perusahaan menurun pada tahun ini, saya tahu sebenarnya dia membicarakan saya”
Macam-macam Distorsi kognitif

Distorsi kognitif muncul saat pengolah informasi tidak akurat atau tidak efektif. Dalam karya aslinya
tentang depresi, Beck (1967) mengindentifikasi beberapa distorsi kognitif yang signifikan yang dapat
diindentifikasi dalam proses berfikir orang yang depresi.

Freeman (1987) dan DeRubeis, Tang dan Beck (2001) membahas berbagai distorsi kognitif umum yang
dapat ditemukan pada gangguan psikologis yang berbeda. Sembilan diantaranya dijelaskan disini: all-or-
nothing thinking , abstraksi selektif, membaca fikiran, prediksi negatif, sebuah bencana, generalisasi
yang berlebihan, pelabelan dan mislabeling, pembesaran dan minimalisasi, dan personalisasi.

All-or-nothing thinking. Dengan berfikir bahwa sesuatu harus baik dan persis seperti apa yang kita
inginkan atau itu sebuah kegagalan. Kita terlibat all-or-nothing, atau berfikit dikotomis. Seseorang
mahasiswa yang mengatakan “ kecuali saya yang mendapatkan nilai A pada ujian, saya telah gagal” ini
adalah terlibat dalam all-or-nothing thinking. Nilai A- (A minus) dab B dipandang sebagai suatu

Selektif Abstraksi(Selective abstraction). Kadang-kadang manusai memilih ide atau fakta dari suatu
peristiwa untuk mendukung pemikiran mereka menjadi depresi atau negatif. Sebagai contoh, seorang
pemain bisbol yang telah memiliki beberapa hits dan bermain tangkas sukses dan fokus pada kesalahan
yang telah dibuatnya dan berada disitu saja. Dengan demikian, pemain bisbol telah selektif menyarikan
suatu cara dari serangkaian acara untuk menarik kesimpulan negatik dan merasa depresi.

Membaca Pikiran(Mind reading). Hal ini mengacu pada gagasan bahwa kita tahu apa yang orang lain
pikirkan tentang kita. Misalnya, seorang pria dapat menyimpulkan bahwa temannya tidak lagi suka pada
dirinya karena dia tidak akan pergi berbelanja dengan dia. Bahkan, temannya mungkin memiliki banyak
alasan, seperti komitmen lain, bukan untuk berbelanja.

Prediksi Negatif(Negative prediction). Ketika seorang individu percaya bahwa sesuatu yang buruk akan
terjadi, dan tidak ada bukti yang mendukung hal ini, ini merupakan presiksi negatif. Seseorang bisa
memprediksi bahwa ia mungkin gagal ujian, meskipun ia telah melakukan hal yang baik pada sebelum
ujian untuk persiapan ujian mendatang. Dalam hal ini, kesimpulan tentang pikiran negatif tidak didukung
oleh fakta.
Sebagai bencana(Catastrophizing). Dalam distorsi kognitif, individu membayangkan suatu aktifitas
mereka menjadi suat kekhawatirang dan menjadikan mereka takut. Jadi “saya tahu ketika saya bertemu
dengan manager regional, saya akan mengatakan suatu hal yang bodoh yang akan membahayakan
perkerjaan saya. Saya tahu saya akan mengatakan sesuatu yang membuat ia tidak akan
mempertimbangkan tentang kemajuan saya”. Ternyata suatu pertemuan penting dapat menjadi suatu

Generalisasi yang berlebihan(Overgeneralization). Membuat aturan berdasarkan beberapa kejadian

negatif, individu mendistorsi pemikiran mereka melalui generalisasi yang berlebihan. Misalnya, seorang
mahasiswa sekolah tinggi dapat menyimpulkan bahwa “ karena saya melakukan hal yang buruk pada
matematika, maka saya bukan murid yang baik”. Dengan demikian pengalaman negatif dengan
beberapa peristiwa dapat digeneralisasikan ke dalam sebuah aturan yang dapat mempengaruhi perilaku
dimasa depan.

Pelabelan dan mislabeling (Labeling and mislabeling). Sebuah pandangan negatif tentang diri sendiri
yang diciptakan oleh diri sendiri berdasarkan ksalahan dan kecerobohan. Seseorang yang telah memiliki
beberapa insiden canggung dengan kenalan mungkin menyimpulkan “ saya merasa tidak populer. Saya
seorang pecundang” dari pada “ saya merasa canggung apabila berbicara dengan Harriet. “ dalam
pelabelan dan mislabeling dnegan cara ini. Individu fapat menciptakan rasa yang tidak akurat dalam diri
atau identitasnya. Pada dasarnya pelabelan dan mislabeling adalah contoh dari genenralisasi pandangan
seseorang sedemikian rupa bahwa pandangan seseorang tentang dirinya sendiri dipengaruhi.

Pembesaran atau minimalisasi(Magnification or minimization). Distorsi kognitif dapat terjadi ketika

individu memperbesar ketidaksempurnaan dan meminimalisasikan poin yang baik. Mereka yang
menyebabkan kesimpulan dan mendukung kepercayaan yang rendah diri dan perasaan depresi. Contoh
dari pembesaran adalah atlet yang menderita tegang otot memikirkan “ aku tidak dapat bermain hari
ini. Karir atletik saya mungkin lebih baik”. Sebaliknya contoh minimalisasi “ meskipun aku mengalami
hari baik dalam permainan ini. Ini tidak cukup memenuhi standart saya”. Dalam kesalahan pembesaran
dan minimalisasi, atlet cenderung merasa tertekan.

Personalisasi(Personalization). Mengambil suatu peristiwa yang tidak berhubungan dengan individu

yang membuatnya bermakna menghasilkan distorsi kognitif personalisasi. Contohnya “ selalu hujan
ketika saya mempunyai rencana untuk piknik” dan “ setiap kali saya kepusat perbelanjaan, selalu ada
kemacetan yang luar biasa” manusia tidak menyebabkan hujan dan lalu lintas, hal ini diluar kendali
Jika seseorang sering mengalami distorsi kognitif maka dapat menyebabkan tekanan psikologis atau
gangguan. Membuat kesimpulan dan menarik suatu perilaku adalah bagian yang penting dari fungsi
manusia. Individu harus memantau apa yang mereka lakukan kemudian menilai kemungkinan hasil
untuk membuat rencana tentang kehidupan sosial, kehidupan romantis, dan karir. Ketika distorsi
kognitif sering terjadi, individu tidak dapat lagi melakukan hal ini , dan bisa mengalami depresi atau
kecemasan atau gangguan lainnya. Terapis kognitif membantu pasien dalam memahami kesalahan
mereka dan membuat perubahan dalam pemikiran mereka.

Setiap orang memiliki money archetype (budaya dalam diri saat menghadapi keuangan) yang berbeda.
Perbedaan archetype ini membuat cara pandang seseorang terhadap uang menjadi berbeda pula.
Termasuk bagaimana seseorang memperlakukan uang.

Tipe archetype bukan menunjukkan kepribadian Anda, namun lebih dalam mengarahkan tempat di
mana anda berada. Artinya, bagaimana karakter dan kebiasaan Anda mengenai pengelolaan keuangan
bisa dikenali dari sini. Dengan mengenali karakter ini, sebagai individu Anda bisa menghindari dari
kebocoran keuangan. Dampak positif lainnya lebih terasa pada pasangan. Anda dan pasangan bisa lebih
saling mengenali dan mampu mencari solusi keuangan yang menyeimbangkan hubungan.

Coach Yuza Aziz dan Coach Tom MC Ifle, pemilik iCOACH, memaparkan delapan macam money
archetype dan dampaknya:

Money Coaching Institute

1. Innocent

Seseorang yang memiliki tipe ini cenderung memiliki rasa takut , tidak percaya diri, dan tidak mau
memikirkan masalah keuangan. Orang-orang tipe ini memiliki rasa ketakutan yang tinggi ketika
dihadapkan dengan hal-hal yang berhubungan dengan keuangan. Dia merasa tidak memiliki kekuatan
dan kemampuan untuk mengatur segala seuatu tentang uang.

Dampaknya, jika seseorang mendapatkan uang dalam jumlah besar, akan mudah habis. Karena
kebiasaan yang dimiliki orang dengan tipe ini cenderung tidak bertanggungjawab dengan uang.
"Orang yang karakter innocent-nya aktif dalam dirinya, cenderung tidak belajar tanggung jawab. Karena
kebiasaannya, setiap mendapatkan uang hanya akan diserahkan kepada orang lain, misalnya kepada
orangtua, untuk mengelolanya," kata Tom kepada Kompas Female, di sela workshop "Money Coaching"
di Hotel Harris, Kelapa Gading Jakarta, Jumat (9/7/2010).

2. Victim

Kebanyakan orang yang memiliki tipe ini cenderung akan menyalahkan orang lain ketika mengalami
suatu masalah. Mereka akan merasa khawatir jika masalah yang dihadapi akan berbalik menimpa diri
mereka. Oleh karena itu, untuk menyelamatkan diri, mereka akan menyalahkan orang lain sebagai
penyebab terjadinya masalah tersebut. Karakter mendasarnya, orang tipe ini tidak mudah percaya
kepada orang lain.

Dampaknya, uang menjadi tidak produktif. Karena tipe victim ini tidak mempercayakan uangnya untuk
investasi atau menabung di bank, misalnya. Uang hanya akan disimpan dalam brankas atau bahkan di
bawah bantal, karena tidak percaya lembaga keuangan.

3. Martyr

Orang-orang pada tipe ini memiliki kecenderungan berkorban buat orang lain. Meskipun demikian,
setelah berkorban untuk orang lain, mereka mengharapkan suatu balasan. Sisi negatifnya, dengan
banyaknya pengorbanan yang dilakukan untuk orang lain, orang tipe ini seringkali mengabaikan dirinya

Dampaknya, tipe martyr ini tidak pernah bisa menabung. Orang lain akan sangat mengandalkan si
martyr ini untuk meminjam uang. Bahayanya lagi, tipe ini tidak berani atau bahkan malas menagih

"Efek negatif lainnya, karena terlalu banyak menyuapi, orang lain yang dibantunya menjadi manja dan
tidak produktif," papar Tom.

4. Fool
Tipe ini cenderung memiliki spontanitas yang tinggi, dan bertindak tanpa dipikirkan lebih matang.
Mereka tidak berpikir tentang masa depan. Apa yang ada sekarang, itulah yang dilakukan.

"Fool di sini lebih kepada konyol. Karakternya malas, mengharap uang cepat atau instan," kata Tom,
menyebut tipe ini sebagai spekulator yang tidak disiplin.

Dampaknya, spekulator ini berani berhutang hanya untuk kesenangan semata.

5. Tyran

Orang-orang yang memiliki tipe ini cenderung takut kehilangan uang. Biasanya, orang pada tipe ini
memiliki sifat yang serakah dan tidak pernah puas. Seringkali mereka bekerja terlalu keras tanpa
memperdulikan berbagai hal lain di sekelilingnya. Bahkan tidak jarang juga, orang pada tipe ini tidak
memperhatikan kesehatannya.

Dampaknya, tipe ini selalu merasa tidak pernah cukup dengan kondisi keuangannya. Akhirnya
cenderung memanipulasi dan terlalu mengontrol.

6. Warrior

Berbeda dengan kelima tipe di atas, tipe ini memiliki kecenderungan untuk menciptakan ide menjadi
realitas. Orang-orang dengan tipe ini memiliki sifat yang bijaksana, mempunyai target yang jelas untuk
masa depan, dan juga kalkulatif dalam perhitungan pemasukan dan pengeluaran. Mereka juga memiliki
kepercayaan diri dan sukses dalam masalah keuangan.

Tipe ini sangat sehat, kata Tom. Orientasinya yang jelas menuju sasaran membuatnya sukses secara
finansial. Tipe seperti ini biasanya ditemui pada para pengusaha sukses yang disiplin dengan

7. Magician

Orang yang memiliki tipe ini cenderung menjadikan masa lalu sebagai suatu pembelajaran. Mereka juga
berusaha untuk mengubah suatu ide menjadi realitas walaupun terlihat tidak mungkin. Orang-orang
dengan tipe ini cenderung memiliki sifat idealis, percaya diri, dan mengandalkan diri sendiri. Mereka
percaya bahwa mereka memang dapat mengerjakannya.

Tipe seperti inilah yang diharapkan, kata Tom. Dia menjadi tuan atas uangnya dan tidak menjadi hamba
atas uang, apalagi mendewakan uang.

8. Creator/Artist

Tipe ini biasanya mengikuti panggilan hati dalam melakukan berbagai hal. Mereka juga memiliki sifat
yang idealis dan spiritual yang cukup baik. Mereka juga terbiasa untuk menciptakan sesuatu.

Kecenderungannya, tipe ini bekerja demi passion dan tidak realistis. Bahkan terlalu ekstrem, seakan
tidak membutuhkan uang.

"Orang dengan karakter seperti ini mensabotase dirinya dengan penyangkalan. Membutuhkan uang
tetapi seperti tidak butuh, bahkan mau bekerja meski tak dibayar," jelas Tom.

Dengan mengenali berbagai tipe ini, Anda sebagai individu apalagi bersama pasangan bisa saling
menyeimbangkan diri. Dengan begitu akan lebih mudah menemukan perencanaan dan solusi keuangan.

The 5 Financial Personality Types

Spenders believe money is meant for spending and have no trouble parting with their dollars.
Sometimes they spend more money than they should or live above their means because they get caught
up in the moment or see something they "have" to have. They usually spend first, think later. On the
plus side, though, spenders tend to be generous with their friends and support charitable causes with

Savers love to get a good deal. These fervent bargain-hunters clip coupons, compare prices and hate to
pay full price for anything. As easy as it is to get Spenders to part with their money, it's equally hard to
get Savers to part with theirs. At their worst, Savers can be viewed as cheapskates who don't tip servers
well or skip out on their portion of a shared bill. They can sometimes undervalue their time, as well. At
best, however, Savers can be resourceful and creative, and they role-model a lifestyle that's not focused
on material possessions.

Risk-Averse personalities place security and planning as their No. 1 concerns. They prefer proven, safe
investments and like to plan and research before making any big purchases. They view money as a tool
that generates security. Their hesitation to part with money or seek out investment opportunities comes
from their high priority on feeling financially stable. At best, Risk-Averse personalities can help a family
maintain solid financial footing. At worst, they may forgo opportunities for growth due to risk concerns.

Gamblers think money is all about the thrill of the chase. They'll take big risks if it means a potentially
big payoff, and they're driven more by optimism and gut feeling than by details and analysis. At best,
Gamblers may dramatically increase their wealth with a winning investment. At worst, however,
Gamblers may lose it all.

Flyers are best described as the "doesn't pay attention" personality type. These people simply don't
think about money at all. They don't view money as a tool that creates security, status symbols or
anything else. They'd be equally happy with a tiny or massive bank balance, and they believe that people
who think too hard about money (like Savers and the Risk-Averse) are a bit obsessive.

You’re browsing the aisles of your favorite store and something fabulous catches your eye. It’s the
latest, most technologically advanced tablet computer you’ve been wishing for the last few months and
it’s finally available!

What would you do?

While some people would have no qualms about splurging their money on the computer, others would
think twice and hold back on the spending. That’s because we all relate to money in different ways,
depending on the level of influence we’ve had from our upbringing, friends and the living standards of
our society. You could call this your “money personality”.

Think about how you relate to your money and how that relationship affects your overall finances. What
does money mean to you? How do you behave in a situation that requires you to make a financial
Once you figure out your money personality, you’ll be able to make better decisions in the way you
spend, save and invest your money.

So what’s your money personality? Read on to find out!

Money Personality #1 - Are you a Hoarder?Personality #1 – The HoarderWhile others see money as a
means to buy nice things, Hoarders see it as a means to obtain security. No matter how much money a
hoarder has, he will always fear that one false move or unexpected disaster will make him poor.

Common behaviors of Hoarders:

– You sneak your own popcorn into movies and save the money for a rainy day.

– Balancing your checkbook is fun, you get to see how much savings you’ve amassed from month to

– You love a great bargain and love to share with friends about your latest discoveries at the pasar

Advice for Hoarders

To improve your financial future, take baby steps toward loosening up. Take a few risks in your
investments. Seeing that such “risky” behavior doesn’t necessarily lead to disaster will help you become
more comfortable with exploring other investment options that can grow your nest egg and allow you to
enjoy your hard-earned cash.
Money Personality #2 - Are you a Spender?Personality #2 – The SpenderBuying things is a common
behavior that helps Spenders feel important, loved, and validated. Spenders’ inner voices tell them, “I
deserve this; I won’t be denied anymore.” The biggest spenders are status seekers who equate
extravagant possessions with self-worth. Whether or not they can afford it, that Louis Vuitton bag
makes them feel respected.

Common behaviors of Spenders:

– Who cares if you have a closetful of handbags? You deserve that new Louis Vuitton tote bag!

– You like to wow your friends with fabulous gifts, but wowing them with your gorgeous home and
luxury car is even better.

– You’ve never met a credit card offer you didn’t like.

Advice for Spenders

To get your spending under control, you must set – and stick to – certain limits. Keep a diary of all your
purchases so you can see where you’re leaking cash and cut back. Devise a budget, then put away your
credit cards and give yourself a weekly cash allowance. And if you’ve got serious debt, carry a balance on
your credit card each month so that you won’t exceed more than the minimum due.

Money Personality #3 - Are an Avoider?Personality #3 – The AvoiderAvoiders are not comfortable with
the subject of money due to their lack of interest or they feel that there are other more important
issues. They might not even know how much is in their bank account and planning for retirement feels
too far away to worry about. The Avoider takes a “see no evil, hear no evil” approach to managing their
financial affairs. But by not staying informed about their finances, Avoiders are missing out on
opportunities to set the foundation for a more financially secure future.
Common behaviors of Avoiders:

– When it comes to making a financial decision, you will avoid the situation and find all kinds of reasons
for avoiding it. In fact, the less you know about your finances, the better

– You get uncomfortable talking or even thinking about money

– You let your bills stack up because you feel a sense of dread opening them up

Advice for Avoiders

Change your state of mind! Compared to life’s other unpleasantries, managing the day-to-day details of
your finances aren’t so bad after all. Take up courses on financial education and write down 5 goals for
your near-term future. Then map out a simple savings plan and use it to guide you towards your goals,
not avoiding them!

Money Personality #4 - Are You a Money Monk?Personality #4 – The Money MonkHandling money in
any way makes a Money Monk feel like he’s giving in to its seductive power. Often, Money Monks were
raised with deep religious or political convictions – their parents taught them that money is the root of
evil, or that rich people are “capitalist pigs”.

Common behaviors of Money Monks:

– You’d never ask for a raise – needing money makes you feel greedy.

– You believe the desire for money chips away at people’s moral values, so you try to avoid dealing with
your finances as much as possible.
– When you have a windfall, you can’t wait to get rid of it, so you donate to charities or help cash-
strapped friends.

Advice for Money Monks

Remind yourself that money isn’t all bad – it allows you to keep a roof over your head, help friends, and
support charitable causes. To make dealing with money easier, put your finances on autopilot as much
as possible. Have paychecks deposited directly into your bank account, and set up automatic deductions
for monthly bills, savings, and investments.


Savers get a rush from a deal and take pride in spending less than someone else for what they want.
That doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re cheapskates—they just like knowing that they didn’t pay full
price for the same trendy handbag. Your friend who only shops the sales, or your aunt who clips
coupons like it’s her job? They’re probably Savers.

That impulse to save means that savers usually don’t spend impulsively—although a good deal might
incentivize them—and since they’re conscientious about their spending they’re usually trustworthy with
their cash. That doesn’t mean that Savers are always making great holistic decisions though. Their love
of a deal can still lead to unnecessary spending (I mean, who hasn’t regretted an impulse “cheap” sale
purchase?), and they may seek overly safe investments rather than focusing on growth when they

The biggest issue for a Saver is likely in their interpersonal relationships. Since they’re a little more
anxious about money, that eye toward being responsible can also mean that Savers can be obsessed
with their financial goals—at the expense of living their life, and even to the point of being cheap. If the
Saver is in a relationship with someone whose love language is gift giving, they may be making their
partner’s love tank run on empty.

A Spender’s orientation is geared towards making great memories and living in the moment. They get a
thrill from buying something new, and if a problem arises, a trip to the store is just what they need to fix
it. On the plus side, they love to show others they care through physical tokens, and love to treat others.
They’re your friend who always buys the group a round or comes home with something that made them
think of you. That thoughtfulness and generosity make spenders wonderful to be around, and very

Of course, there are downsides. That willingness to buy something to meet every desire, or the snap
decision to grab the tab, is also at the heart of over-spending. What’s worse, because spenders often
aren’t aware of their tendencies they may be surprised to see their credit card bill at the end of the
month. If they don’t want to face their spending, they could find themselves deep in debt, and worse,
becoming defensive and lying to their partner. That doesn’t mean Spenders are doomed to a life of debt
or have to be on a tight leash, but if you’re a Spender you likely will have to pause before whipping out
you credit card to cover the bill again, or be intentional about picking and choosing your social life to
avoid (expensive) temptations.

64951250 - young unhappy couple calculating bills while lying on carpet at home


Risk Takers get excited about new ideas and possibilities. They’re your friend who’s always up to try
something new, whether it’s a far-flung vacation or the weirdest dish on the menu. They’re
entrepreneurs and visionaries. They listen to their gut and trust their intuition, and thus can move fast
on seemingly good opportunities when they arise.

That excitement for the new and unknown can also be a bit of a liability. They can be blind to the red
flags in a new investment scheme because they’re so excited by the possible upside, and their impulsive
drive for adventure can lead to spending problems if not checked with planning and adherence to a
budget. Risk Takers also tend to be impatient and insensitive—they might make impulsive decisions
without consulting others or disregard others’ perspectives—which risks resentment by their friends
and family.


Security Seekers are what you’d imagine of the name: careful planners who are all about feeling safe
and settled. They find that security in making sure they leave no stone unturned. Your Security Seeker
friend is the one who loves to research every option thoroughly before making a decision, and won’t put
down their credit card until they know they’ve already saved up enough to cover the expense. Don’t
confuse their preference for the known as being boring, though. They’re up for an adventure so long as
they can put a line on the budget for it!

The Achilles heel of the Security Seeker is giving in to their financial fears. The preference for research
and planning means the Security Seeker can fall prey to researching without ever making a decision.
They can also allow the what ifs of life to lead to an overly pessimistic view of their needs, stifling their
sense of adventure and creativity—and their partner’s as well.


The Money Couple writes that Flyers are unusual because, “they don’t think much about money—at all.
They’re not anxious about it, they’re not consumed by it, they have absolutely no emotional response to
money.” Flyers, tend to prioritize relationships over money, they aren’t motivated by financial
incentives, and they’re generally happy with their lives. So long as they can pay their bills, they’re not all
that concerned with their retirement balance.

While that laid-back attitude is probably good for their blood pressure, it doesn’t necessarily mean that
Flyers are un-materialistic. If a Flyer’s other money personality is one of the more impulsive
personalities, their disinterest in finances can cause big issues. Since flyers don’t worry about money,
when issues come up they tend to be in reaction mode rather than being proactive. And since they just
don’t really care that much, it can be a struggle to get organized to take action— and then actually
follow through. This can result in lost tax returns, unpaid bills, and neglected retirement savings.

Laura Vanderkam, Verily contributor and author of All the Money in the World: What the Happiest
People Know About Wealth, says, “Money is a tool to build the life you want.” Your Money Personalities
affect every aspect of your life, from your relationships with your parents, friends, and significant other
to which school you attend, what job you choose, how you dress, and where you live. Knowing your
Money Personalities and being aware of their common challenges is an investment worth making today.

Everyone has his or her own unique way of thinking about and dealing with money. The Money Couple,
Bethany and Scott Palmer, financial advisors and authors of The 5 Money Personalities: Speaking the
Same Love and Money Language, say these ideas are what make up one's Money Personality (they have
a 15-minute quiz on their site to identify your primary and secondary personalities, which are both at
play in how you approach your finances).

Are you a Spender? Is your spouse a Spender?

Spenders are carefree with their money. Spenders don’t care how much they spend or who they spend
on. They aren’t necessarily rich, spenders just like spending. You’re a Spender if you:

spender_600pxLive in the moment. Spenders are focused on what’s happening right now and they are
willing to spend money to make life a blast. They might have less money down the road, but for the
Spender it’s all about making great memories today.

Love to buy things for other people. Spenders get a lot of joy out of giving gifts, helping out, and
treating other people.

Get a thrill from the purchase. It doesn’t matter if you’re shopping at Saks or at the Salvation Army
thrift store. The price doesn’t matter. It’s the fun of buying that counts.

Every Money Personality has some challenges. If you’re a Spender, be aware that you can be:

Impractical. Spenders are often impulse buyers. A Spender walks into a store without lists, without
limits. No research to find a good deal, definitely no waiting for a sale. If they want something, they get
it – and Spenders don’t differentiate between wants and needs.

Non-communicative. All that impractical impulse buying means that Spenders don’t think – much less
talk – through purchases with their partners. This lack of communication can come across as secretive
and sneaky to the Spender’s partner.

Filled with regret. They’re thrilled that the vacation or the holiday was fantastic, but as the bills roll in
they regret getting carried away.

A budget breaker. A Spender can put together a mean budget. And he can have great intentions of
sticking to it. But Spenders rarely do. That can lead them – and their unwitting partners – into serious,
life-altering debt. Spenders might even feel bad about overspending, but they have a hard time
stopping themselves. This can be terribly frustrating to the Spender’s spouse.

A Spender can be a great partner because she will never let finances get in the way of truly living life to
its fullest. The challenge for the Spender is to respect the money expectations of her partner,
particularly if that person is a Saver.
Are you a Security Seeker? Is your spouse a Security Seeker?

security-seeker_600pxSecurity Seekers like to know their money matters are settled and safe. They are
all about low-risk investments, quality purchases, hefty insurance, and secure retirement funds. When it
comes to money, the Security Seeker’s motto is, “Better safe, than sorry.” You’re a Security Seeker if
you are:

An investigator. A Security Seeker would never invest in a piece of property he’d never seen. In fact, a
Security Seeker wouldn’t just need to see the property, he’d need to have the soil tested for toxicity,
look into all the zoning restrictions within a three-mile area, and get a detailed prospectus from the
developer and a resume from every other investor.

Trustworthy. Security Seekers rarely put their futures on the line. That means they aren’t likely to
gamble away their retirement or tap into the college fund to join a multi-level marketing company.

Willing to sacrifice. A Security Seeker would rather do without today than do without tomorrow. They
won’t spend money until they know they’ve put away a little for retirement, life insurance, and any
other investments they’ve set up to make sure the future is taken care of.

Prepared for anything. Security Seekers are never caught without a plan. The Security Seeker rarely
ends up in a financial crisis (at least not a real crisis – that 5% stock market dip can feel like a crisis to the
Security Seeker), which means the rest of the family can rest a little easier.

The Security Seeker does have some challenges. If you’re a Security Seeker, you need to be aware that
you can:

Be overly negative. Security Seekers get nervous about financial risk, so they often say “no” to every
idea that comes along. The Security Seeker can become controlling, using his veto power to keep his
partner from exploring her own financial dreams.

Get stuck in a research rut. We call this tendency “analysis paralysis.” In other words, Security Seekers
can get so caught up in making sure an opportunity is foolproof, they never act.

Stifle creativity. This challenge doesn’t just impact other people in the Security Seeker’s life, it impacts
the Security Seeker, too. Over time, that need for security can become so all-consuming that she stops
looking at the possibilities of the future and sticks with the certainties – and that can be a very subtle
form of control.
The Security Seeker can be a great spouse because his careful planning and steady approach to money
can help avoid disaster. The challenge for the Security Seeker is to resist making decisions out of fear
and to know how much

Are you a Flyer? Are you married to one?

The Flyer is perhaps the most unusual Money Personality because they don’t think much about money –
at all. They’re not anxious about it, they’re not consumed by it, they have absolutely no emotional
flyer_600pxresponse to money. You’re a Flyer if you are:

Basically content with your life. A Flyer might be dirt poor, living in an Airstream out by the highway but
he doesn’t care. As long as a Flyer is making his own choices, he’s happy.

Big on relationships. For Flyers, relationships and connections with other people are crucial. Flyers will
often put relationships above money.

Happy to let someone else take care of your money. This can be a big plus in relationships, especially if
the other partner enjoys handling the money decisions.

Not motivated by money. Most Flyers end up living exactly the lives they want to live because they
make choices based on what they want, not what will make them the most money.

This Money Personality has its challenges just like the others. If you’re not a Flyer, you can probably
guess what they are because just reading about the Flyer has made you nervous. If you’re a Flyer you
need to be aware that you can be:

Reactionary. Flyers don’t think about money, but money is a necessary part of life. So sooner or later,
even Flyers have to pay attention to their bills or their looming retirement. And when they do, they
often make decisions based on fear, not good advice. That lack of planning can lead them into deep
debt, debt they share with to their partners.

Lacking in the skills needed to solve money issues. When money problems come up, the Flyer tries to
handle it herself. But because she doesn’t care about money, she doesn’t have any idea how money

Disorganized. Flyers aren’t always disorganized people in the general sense, but when it comes to
money, they are all over the place. We’ve asked Flyers to bring in tax returns and they have no idea
where something like that might be. Some of them don’t even remember if they filed taxes or what
their taxable income is.

Un-responsible. Anyone who isn’t a Flyer might think Flyer’s are irresponsible. But really, they are un-
responsible. Irresponsibility suggests a deliberate lack of maturity. But Flyers aren’t trying to be lazy or
inattentive. They genuinely don’t think about money issues.

Flyers can make great spouses because they are easygoing about money matters. They aren’t going to
be controlling or uptight, but the challenge for Flyers is to stay involved and engaged in the family
money decisions.

Are you a Risk Taker? Are you married to one?

risktaker_600-pxFor Risk Takers, the thrill of a money challenge isn’t the possibility for a huge payout, it
comes from taking the risk in the first place. Even if they never hit it big, Risk Takers never give up on
following that rush they get from trying out a new idea, even if it costs them everything. It’s just how
they’re wired. You’re a Risk Taker if you:

Are a conceptual thinker. Risk Takers aren’t worried about details. They don’t get hung up on the
“how” of an idea. Instead, they get a bead on something – a business opportunity, an investment
option, a real estate deal – and they move. Fast.

Get excited by possibility. Risk Takers get more excited about the idea of something than the thing
itself. By the time the deal plays out and they’ve got their return, they’ve moved on to the next big idea.

Love finding the next adventure. For Risk Takers, no idea is too far out, no risk too big. Their sense of
adventure takes over and they want in.

Listen to your gut. More than conventional wisdom, a Risk Taker trusts her intuition. If a deal doesn’t
feel right, she won’t do it. But if something strikes her, she’s on it.

Aren’t afraid to make decisions. Risk Takers don’t waste time when it comes to money. They make a
decision and make it fast. That can be a real plus when there are important money matters on the line.

There are also challenges to this Money Personality. If you’re a Risk Taker, you need to be aware that
you can be:

Vulnerable. Risk Takers are often the victims of cons. The thrill of the deal and the desire for wealth can
make for a toxic combination in the Risk Taker. Because this kind of loss can be such a blow, the Risk
Taker might try to hide the loss from his partner by making more high-risk deals, shifting money around,
even gambling in an effort to recoup the lost money.

Blinded by possibility. When a Risk Taker gets a hold of an idea, reason has left the building, and with it
go concern for other people’s feelings, attention to details, and long-range planning.

Easily resented. Even if a Risk Taker is in a relationship with another Risk Taker, the quick decisions, the
leveraging of assets, can end with two people who aren’t thrilled. When a decision pays off, everyone’s
happy, but all it takes is one bum deal to create a rift of resentment.

Impatient. The Risk Taker’s decisiveness can cause her to lose patience with people who don’t sign on
to her big ideas as quickly as she’d like. They make decisions without consulting the people those
decisions impact most – their partners.

Insensitive. Risk Takers hate feeling hemmed in by other people, so rather than work for compromise,
they charge ahead and deal with the relational fallout later. And when the Risk Taker’s partner isn’t on
board with the decision, there is always relational fallout.

A Risk Taker can be a great partner because she is always thinking about the future and finding ways to
make it better financially. The challenge for the Risk Taker is to keep her partner involved in financial
decisions and be willing to say “no” to a deal.