Академический Документы
Профессиональный Документы
Культура Документы
uk
FREE
26/04/01 Issue no: 1008
Bathroom
Gunge Relief Accessories
By Luke Hickey
Adam gets covered?
Deputy Editor By David Abbott
Features Editor
A packed Silly Night at the Union saw
USSU President and President elect A man found asleep in a bath in Stag Hill Court has been
receive the comeuppance many released on bail.
thought they deserved. Wednesday of The man, who was not a member of the University, was
week 10 was the day Fiona Wareham arrested after being discovered by a cleaner on Monday morn-
and Adam Jakeway will not forget in a ing. He had previously been ejected from other campus resi-
hurray. After a successful Sports Day dences by University Security and the police.
(see back page for full report), a capac- Security had first been alerted to his presence when he was
ity Union saw the finale of three weeks found asleep in the corridor of another house in Stag Hill
of fundraising for Comic Relief, with Court. He later returned to the University and tried his luck in
over £220 raised. other Courts before returning to Stag Hill. In this instance, he
First up was President Fiona, who was discovered when the cleaner unlocked the bathroom to
admitted beforehand to be looking for- warm lumpy shower with your clothes keen to praise all involved for their retrieve cleaning equipment. The cleaner called Security, who
ward to the experience. After DJ Leroy on but when the smell set in it was efforts and thank Fi, Adam, Kev, Tris then involved the police. Further police backup was required
led the countdown, the Assistant quite nasty. Then it took days for the and the other candidates for their coop- before the man was apprehended.
Phantom Flinger, assisted by bf sports rubbish to come out of my hair.” She eration and humor. She also said, “I This is not the first time that a squatter has been found on
editor Dave Chapman, let the gunge was also keen to congratulate every- regret to inform all of my fans that I am University premises. Almost exactly a year ago, an individual
flow from above and in front. one involved for raising so much retiring at the end of May, with my cur- was discovered asleep in the toilets of the Union's Helyn Rose
Afterwards Fiona spoke of how she money while still swearing revenge, rent assistant taking over next year. I Bar.
actually enjoyed the experience, “It particularly Kevin Marston. have thoroughly enjoyed the year, Chief Security Officer, Tony Watling, said that campus resi-
was surprisingly pleasant, like having a Next was the result of the main vote; even when flannings have gone wrong dences are usually quite secure, because the number of peo-
the three with the most votes were and would like to thank the Sabbs for ple about discourages illegal activity. But he said that many
Anyone for gunk covered Fi paraded up on the stage. Tristan supporting me. But before I go, I have students are naïve and are too willing to let people into their
O’Dwyer (VP Comms & Marketing a date to keep with Big Sister, and a homes. He added, "Residents should never let strangers into
elect) came third and was duly flanned reward for the hunk who has so far their houses and if there is ever a problem, they should call us
by our Assistant Phantom. Then the guessed the identities of my two assis- and let us sort it out."
remaining two Kevin Marston (VP tants and me, can’t have that happen- The Students' Union has, for some time, had been officially
Comms & Marketing) and Adam were ing can we. “ opposed to the installation of security cameras in Courts of
presented for the crowd. Despite the Residence, a policy that has recently been under review for
crowd calling for Kev to be gunged, he allegedly failing to protect against the possibility of attacks on
was merely flanned, with the second students. However, in Watling's opinion, CCTV would not have
splatting reserved for Adam. However, helped in this case. Urging all students to be more wary, he
Mr. Jakeway decided not to behave pointed out that "the individual certainly did not have a key to
himself and smuggled into the tank a the premises, so either someone let him in, or the door was left
plastic cup, managed to fill with gunge unlocked."
and then emptied the contents over our Security can be contacted at any time on extension 2002, or
Assistant Phantom. Later Adam was from an NTL phone, 812002. In an emergency, call them on
unapologetic for his behavior and extension 3333.
vowed revenge on the world for his
plight.
The Phantom herself sent her apolo-
gies for missing the event but was He’s behind you!
Census Time
By Luke Hickey selves. Legally every student currently prisingly enough), and £45billion of
Deputy Editor at this university must fill out a census. public money is allocated each year
Students on campus will by now have using the data received from the ques-
Just in case the montage of posters received their copy, those living off tionnaire. All details given in the cen-
around campus has escaped your campus will be visited by their local sus are completely confidential from
attention, Sunday 29 th April is Census census coordinator with a copy of the anybody at the university.
Day. The Census is a national survey form. It is a legal requirement for ALL If any student has any concerns or
where it is compulsory for every man, students to fill it our correctly and com- queries about the census, then please
woman and child currently residing in pletely by the deadline. speak to Susie Westwell (VP
the United Kingdom to register and The Census takes place every 10 Education and Welfare) in the Union.
answer various questions about them - years (the last one being in 1991 sur-
Your Emails
T o: barefacts
F rom: Name Supplied
Subject: Student Council farce & President
Cc:
Dear barefacts, was actually at the meeting, largely due to were actually at the meeting (you know conveniently dropped from the agenda,
the President not letting the Union those people we elect who are meant to be since it was too confidential to be dis-
I am writing with reference to the Chairperson do his job and continually answerable to us at these meetings), the cussed there. (sic)
Student’s Council meeting (although it is interrupting him. Then it turned out that we chair was there, as was Ethics, as was the The fact that we have so many commit-
tempting to use the word farce), actually were ten or so short, fair enough then the technology officer and I’m sure I recall tees is great, except if we have a former
no, it was a farce, so let’s start again. I am meeting is invalid from then onwards. hearing the PGA chair come out with some German leader as President, surely there
writing with reference to the Student’s Although I assume that the constitution of his usual high level stuff, so he must is no point to most of them.
Council farce in week 10 and the year long says that the question can be asked after have been there. Was the sports standing Some people do come out of this mess
Sabb farce. the vote has taken place, and Luke was chair there? was the international officer with credit, particularly two members of the
Right let’s just reiterate what happened not playing on the general student igno- there? etc.. did they send any exec (the Chairperson and Technology
at SC. We started, almost on time, with a rance on the constitution. apologies?(sic) Officer) have been visibly trying to repre-
proposal from the Ethics and Environment The lettuce part may have been funny, Lastly, it is a shame that more students sent students and I have heard of all of
Chair. She made a valid point, about but some of us happen to be fairly busy in do not attend these monthly meetings, as it them in full scaled rows with the President.
something which, let’s be frank the VC week 10, dissertations, etc. and would is the best way to really have your say, All others, including Sabbs have just
should be considering anyway. From what rather matters like that of no interest to us except this year it isn’t. I’ve been at this uni appeared to fall in behind her and do what -
little I know of him, he seems a reasonable generally could be left to bar-talk. And if I’m long enough to remember how it was ever she says, if this isn’t true why haven’t
chap and a quick email from the lady in not mistaken, matters like the colour of let - under Bob and some of her successors, they publicly opposed her, don’t say they
question probably would have done the tuce are the responsibility of Bars and we had frank and open meetings which have to publicy support her, we elect them
trick. But still the matter was discussed Catering, not the Student Council and cer- actually had a purpose. The only thing the as much as we elect her.
within five minutes and was worthy of tainly not the Sabbs. The only rights we SC has decided this year which I can
being brought before us all. have to B&C are as customers of them. remember is have no Smoking at SC Name supplied
Next a proposal from AJ to change the And Sabbs before you say it was only ever meetings, important stuff. Is this because
name of the Upper Bar to Wray’s Bar. going to be an indicative vote please the current President believes she is big- (In fairness to Luke Mackenzie, he has
Great idea, again should be brought before remember that since most people present ger than USSU and doesn’t feel the need subsequently admitted that he was in the
the Council, but should only take another abstained, nobody cared about it. And also to keep us all informed? Now I appreciate wrong and was himself ignorant of the
five minutes. Clearly the majority there I do hope you Sabbs do not spend you that some stuff is confidential, and quite exact constitution believing he could still
were in favour of an idea which would cost days employed to represent us discussing rightly so, but the fact that she regularly ask quarocy questions after the vote had
less than a decent bottle of wine and this kind of crap. ends discussions at Exec meetings (the bee called and not counted.Constitutionally
undoubtedly mean a great deal more to Then the reports, virtually the same as body we elect to keep the Sabbs in check), the matter is a grey area. Luke has also
Wray himself, as the vote suggested. last time, does the VP Comms & because she doesn’t like the way it is apologised and made clear that it was an
However, the VP Finance and Marketing’s speech ever change, probably going and she may be outvoted is dis- accidental error - dep ed).
Development decided to, as he is perfectly not, but the speeches is an essential part graceful. I’ve heard stories of her being Parts of this letter have been edited to
entitled to, question the quoracy level. The of any meeting, so we’ll gloss over them. outvoted heavily and then decreeing that remove unfair personal insults, with sic
next ten minutes were spent deciding who Although how many of the Student Exec the matter be brought to SC, only it was used where this took place.
T o: barefacts
F rom: chuong-lyul Yee
Subject: Correction
Cc:
Dear barefacts I am also grateful about the large picture Jung-Hee. JungYoul Yee. The correct one -on his
of Korean music performer on page 3 on No.2: In line 2, the name of musical passport- is Mr. Yee, Chuong-Lyul.
This is Tim who is a chairman of Korean same issue. instrument says a violin. Actually, it was a Can you have these corrections
Society on campus. Many Thanks for your Unfortunately, there are something that Viola as introduced on stage. expressed -preferably in page 1 or 2- in
wonderful and complimentary 15-lined arti- need to be changed for "accuracy" on that No.3: In line 5 & 6: the name of martial issue no 1008?
cle about Korean Society on "International article. arts is introduced as Taikwondo. The for-
Gala" on the coverpage of issue no 1006 No.1: In line 1, the name of music per- mal and correct spelling of it is Taekwondo. Tim....
dated 15-03-2001 written by Ms. Sariqa former shows Kun-Jung Li in the article. No.4: In line 6: the article says the name
Wagely. The correct name of her is Miss Keum, of the president of Korean Society is
4 Feature - be warned 26/04/01
The following two pages contain strong language and opinions which some may find offensive, if you
think you may be offended by these two writers please do not read......
Life After the WOmb star Rich Watts (left) and dep ed Luke Hickey
after the Womb this year? wanker. Still, practise makes perfect. Any you been listening to Snoop-Dog too holiday then?
It’s been wicked. There were times when I ideas for a society of your own? Maybe the much? See Life After The Womb you mumbler of
really couldn’t be arsed and just made up a “Let’s be fat men and eat pies together” Funny enough, no. Why – should I have unintelligible questions you. Looking for-
load of twaddle, but other times it was Society? been? ward to finishing university and moving on to
wicked. The only complaint I have is that the Cheers mate. It must be your turn to No, you’ve just quoted him though. the BWW?
funniest thing I wrote didn’t get put in change the subject. Well he obviously knows what he is talking Yeah, still not sure what I want to do
because it was deemed offensive. Nicely avoided. Ok – would you economize about. Is he also the one that says: “Come though? Looking forward to another year
What was that then (as if I couldn’t over Christmas by dumping your girlfriend on and braid my hair, ooh, oh, ooooh, come as a Maths student?
guess)? and then asking her back out again after the on and braid my hair”? Indeed – maths student rock. They just don’t
Well, I wrote this column on monkeys and New Year? He hasn’t said that to know it. Anyhow, if
the hard time they get, so I wanted to start a That would require me to be going out me. “ I’ve never really considered maths people don’t
society that meant we could understand why with a bird in the first place, rarely hap- Couldn’t have been myself a professional wanker, sound the most excit-
they are like they are. It was the British pens. But no, I’m not that much of a bas- him, then. While we’re ing, what about
Understanding of Monkey’s Behavioral tard. here, what kind of must give it some thought Sabbs – they always
Antics – No Discrimination In This Society Nice to know. What is your view on chival- music do you, and I .....I’ve just considered you a seem miserable and
society (BUMBANDITS Society). We were ry? I’m a door-opener and a payer for-every- mean this in a ‘like’ wanker...” bored. Would you
going to have meetings in the lecture theatre thing kind of chap on a date because that’s sense and not a gar- recommend getting
toilets on Friday evenings and everything what my mum told me to do. Do you think dening sense, dig? involved behind that
(entrance through the rear door only) so that’s a good quality or out of date in today’s All sorts, I like Cheese like S-Club 7, door at the union everyone knows is there
everyone could appreciate the BUMBAN- egalitarian society? Steps, etc.. I like bands like Coldplay, but pretends it isn’t?
DITS movement. It’s a shame it didn’t take I’m probably not sufficiently affluent to JJ72, Red Hot Chilli Peppers. I like guys You know full well I ran for sabb and did-
off… pay for everything on a date but I do open like Babyface. Actually my favourite track n’t get it.
Massive shame, any truth in the rumour doors generally for women. I think it’s has to be Babyface and Stevie Wonder’s Indeed I do. That doesn’t answer the ques-
that you’re behind the up and coming still a good quality to have. ‘How Come, How long’. You? tion. But while we’re there – any underhand
Wank Society? Ok, so talking about society moving on, what Well, first of all, I like cheese like Cathedral tactics involved do you think. I personally
Yes. Someone suggested it to me so I about mobile phones and people’s fascina- City and your more usual dairy products, but think there was a bit of Florida re-count syn-
thought I’d try to organize it. I contacted tion with communication? It seems to me each to his own. I wasn’t aware there was a drome going on at our very own UniS…
BUSA recently to see if we could have a that everyone is wanting to get in touch with cheese named after popular bands currently Nah, everybody who won did so, fairly
national Soggy Biscuit competition, but I everyone else but doesn’t actually have any- occupying the top places in our charts; and squarely. But in answer to your earli-
haven’t heard back yet. Would you be inter- thing to say. Either that or they can’t spell although that makes sense since you see er question, I would recommend getting
ested in participating – there is a section for anymore because of all this texting rubbish. them everywhere else, so why not next to involved, the sabbs aren’t all that bad,
artistic performance. Given the number of spelling mistakes the coleslaw and natural bio yoghurt? except Kev who’s a ….
I’ve never really considered myself a pro- we’ve made so far in this piece, we can’t Anyway, to end the digression and come A ‘…’? Not heard that one. Expand
fessional wanker before, must give it really talk about spelling. I can’t do with- back to the point in hand, I like anything real- please…
some thought. out my phone now, mainly so that Kev ly – particularly guitar based stuff. I don’t Sorry my pathetic attempt at a joke.
I’ve never really considered you a ‘profes- (ed) can ring me at stupid hours to tell me really like toe-tapping, ass-shaking, tell-me- Indeed – pithy attempt. OK, university is the
sional’ wanker as such – more of just a to go somewhere to cover a story. Have who-ya’-momma-is-and-I’ll-spank-your-ass best time of your life and you will never enjoy
kind of stuff, though – it just yourself as much ever again. Discuss.
doesn’t pickle my gherkin. Ask me again when I’ve left.
Do you like bands like That’s not a discussion – that’s a statement.
Rich & Rich? Observant, aren’t you.
I believe that currently they For fuck sake – stop avoiding the issues. I’ll
are just a duet, but when answer it myself shall I? University is by far
they rock it out and go five the best thing that anyone could ever do
piece, I’m sure they’ll rock. because it involves parents only once every
I’d look out for them, four months on average and there is an
though, they’re gonna be unwritten law that states, and I quote,
bigger than my mum. “should anyone not enjoy it then they should
What’s the most stupid do it again”. I like that. I like it so much that
question you’ve asked / I think we should stop here.
been asked? Good finish.
This bloke asked me once Thanks. I try.
what the stupidest question You ever think of writing for the paper?
I’d ever been asked was. I do.
That was pretty shit. Oh.
Otherwise, it’s the usual Fuck sake. I love you Luke.
shit question of how was I love you too, Rich.
y o u r Sod women, let’s elope.
Easter/Christmas/Summer Ok.
when you get back to uni. Cool.
Can’t people come up with
something better after 5 by Luke Hickey (bold) and Richard Watts
weeks? (not bold, just rather brash)
So how was your Easter
6 Greensoc 26/04/01
HAIRTEC
(01483) 440414
24 Madrid Road
Reduced
prices for
Students
Tuesday’s -
Friday’s
inclusive
Lloyds
Chemist
Madrid
Road
x
26/04/01 Advert 7
10 Advert 26/04/01
26/04/01 Story 11
ing out to. This is definitely worth buying for
Live
Terrorvision Hall jumping has got to be doing something
Wolverhampton Wulfrun Hall right. New single 'Fists of Fury' is for "Rock
2nd April 2001 'n' roll and you lot who go out to find it"
apparently, but still has some worrying
Lowgold The band came on at a packed Wulfrun country moments. But the band can do no
Bedford Esquires Hall to five flashing blue police lights and wrong tonight and arms and lighters are
Saturday 24 March 2001 the melody of Hearsay's 'Pure And Simple'. raised for slowie 'From Out of Nothing'.
An amusing start to a great evening. 'How To Make Friends And Influence
Lowgold rolled into Bedford to promote Terrorvision started as they intended to con- People' track 'What Makes You Tick' soon
their debut album ‘Just Backward of tinue with a rousing 'Friends and Family', woke the crowd up again, as did new album
Square’. Support came courtesy of with the whole crowd yelling, "Party over track 'Come Home Beanie'. 'Jason' from
Goldrush – an excellent new band which here, f**k you over there". The next tracks 'Formaldehyde' soon followed and then
appeared on Steve Lamacq’s Evening confirmed that the theme of the evening came the big guns. 'Oblivion', probably the
Session just two days after the gig. They was going to be serious rock. This suited bands' best song got an immense response
provided an excellent soft-edged foil to the crowd just fine, who appreciated all, and the crowd kept jumping to 'Josephine'
Lowgold’s rockier blend of guitar music. even the slightly dodgy track off current (in which the lead singer gave the front few
album 'Good To Go'; 'Sometimes I'd Like To rows a welcome soaking with a huge water ous applause. A lot of cheering and stamp-
Lowgold is a fairly stereotypical indie/rock ing greeted the band's return for a tri-
band. Their success can be attributed to the Kill Her'. But the older stuff got an airing gun), and 'Tequila', Mexican hats and all.
umphant 'Alice What's The Matter?' which
superbly crafted nature of lead singer tonight too, with 'American TV' from first Gorgeous 'Bad Actress' followed, in a rare
album 'Formaldehyde' going down a storm, mellow moment. But this didn't last, as finished off the night in great style. The
Darren Ford’s song writing. band put on a fantastic live show. The ener-
Ford is keen to get the crowd involved, a and when 'Middleman' was played, it stomping recent single 'D'Ya Wanna Go
gy pours out of frontman Tony and electri-
not entirely sound decision considering the received ecstatic applause. Singer Tony Faster?' testified to, which saw Tony Wright
Wright is such a showman, and had the leaping from one foot to the other in a slight- fies both crowd and atmosphere.
crowd sanity issue prevalent at Bedford Terrorvision are never going to change the
gigs. Abusive comments were drowned out crowd worked up into a frenzy right from the ly ape-like manner. 'Perseverance' had the
musical world as we know it, but they do
by further foul language as observed by start, with antics like clambering up to the crowd chanting "whales and dolphins,
highest amp near the ceiling, arms aloft. whales and dolphins, yeah" and was the provide music to get the pulse racing. Catch
Ford. Bedford Esquires is rarely described them if you can. Anna Wheeler
as a must-play venue; the average age of Anyone who can get most of the Wulfrun last song before the band went off to raptur-
those in attendance pushed the issue of fag
machine security to the fore. The crowd was their popular debut album (popular indeed have you seen us on this tour?” he respond- of the manufactured pop shit currently doing
rocked into life by live favourites ‘Mercury’ for an indie band!) Their singles unsurpris- ed “six times”. After only one headline tour the rounds; for this alone they should be
and new single ‘Counterfeit’. Darren Ford ingly garnered the greatest response from Lowgold already appears to have a stalker – applauded.
rides the thin line between wit and smug- the crowd. It should be noted the majority of sorry dedicated - fan. Seriously though, they Rock music fans should make the
ness and I couldn’t make up my mind people at the gig appeared to have only are the sort of band, which should look for- effort to go and see Lowgold live, espe-
whether I wanted the plug pulled on his heard the singles. This fact didn’t seem to ward to the future support of a dedicated fan cially on small venue tours like this – I’m
between-song chat. Lowgold’s melancholic discourage anyone from having a great base. sure you won’t be disappointed! Alex
rock-pop is occasionally too rough around time. The band identified one person in the The average age of the band is probably
the edges; a definite love-hate attribute. front row as a regular follower of their gigs over thirty; guitarist Dan Symons is certainly
Read
The set consisted primarily of songs from and when questioned “How many times no spring chicken. Lowgold is the antithesis
SC S OUVENIER S PORTING
H UNTING AT BUSC V ERNACULAR
For many students Easter brings a
well earned rest from lectures and Colours Ball tickets are only avail- doing so. With Scruffy Murphies
a short time to brush up on studies able until tomorrow. So if you want just round the corner, the drinks
in preparation for exams (in theory to party, buy your tickets now. are close at hand as well.
at least). For Surreys finest skiers Well, it’s the last Barefacts for Big thanks to all the sports stars
and boarders it meant a 22 hour this year, and you will surely agree who are leaving us this year, you
coach journey to Saalbach, Austria that it has been a pretty good year will be missed. If you are still
for the annual British University Ski for Surrey Pride. We are now around next year, keep it all up. In
and Snowboard Championships Champions in various sports. For particular thanks are very much
(BUSC). those that we are not at the top, we due to Ben “Big Mac” McCauley
BUSC really isn’t kidding when it give our best shot and everyone (in who has been in charge of Surrey
claims the standard of racing is theory) has a good time. Sports Sport for the last two years.
Gondola Club: Three of Surreys finest head back up the mountain.
second only to the nationals. To day was a good example. Also Keep an eye out for Phased, fea-
Racing started at 7am, what would you expect us to look like?
see the likes of Edinburgh’s Blair River Sports Day (coming soon to turing a small sport section, includ-
Aitken moving on skis is to have 1,500 mad-for-it British students highly recommended :-) a river near you) is another good ing a special article (and photos)
good eye sight. More gimp suits, in a ski resort was never just going For the hardcore BUSC was two example. Even if you don’t fancy covering the Netball Teams recent
sorry, cat suits than you can shake to involve racing. Opening ceremo- weeks of Flugal fueled debauch- flailing about in the River Wey, “Baps and Butts” Tour.
a stick at. Never a bunch to say ny with open air concert, retro ski ery. The first week acts as a train- make sure you come along and
‘No’ Surreys skiers partook in wear night, back to school night, ing week in preparation for the have a laugh at everyone else Chops
Slalom, Giant Slalom (GS), Big Air Hawaiian night, boat racing, club- main racing week. Flugal? That
and King of the Mountain. Results? bing with DJs Brandon Block, Alex would be the Austrian take on loose sign and decides to take said sign and attached 12 foot pole home.
Well lets just say those gimp suits P and John 00 Fleming, Rib Shack Vodka RedBull. Difference: a) it Clearly not wanting a long term relationship with the sign muppet ‘hides’
clearly make a big difference. Next night (thigh slapping, arse kicking, comes in buckets, b) the RedBull is the sign by hanging it off a balcony. Now he can’t see it. Unfortunately the
year we’ll be taking the fetish gear bell ringing, horn blowing Austrian industrial strength. Extensive rest of the resort, including the man responsible for signs who lives oppo-
:-) On the boarding front congratu- madness), Shag Tag night (get a Flugal tests show you may never site, can. Lessons for us all.
lations to Stuart Clowser who tag then ....) and the Racers Ball to sleep again and it’ll burn through In a ITN Nightly News style: “And finally:” Will we ever agree what SC
steered a soft booted snowboard show off your best frock all in 1 your gut way before you need to stands for? Snowsports Club? Ski Club? Snowboard Club? Snowblade
into 10th in the snowboard GS. week! To top all that off, the sun worry about the hangover. Club? Socialising on snow Club? Sex Club? Oh er, controversial but we
BTW Stuart; even if you can ‘pop it was clearly shining on Surrey Souvenir hunting? Ah yes, let us like it! No I stand corrected, WE LOVE IT!!!
back in easily’ we’d rather you did- when it came to accommodation introduce a Surrey student who we BUSC 2002? Can’t come soon enough.
n’t dislocate your shoulder in the selection. Hotel Hechenberg’s will call ‘muppet’. In a somewhat
big air practice next year :-) sauna and steam rooms come inebriated state muppet falls on a Tigger