The University of Surrey Students’ Union Newspaper

issue 1053 www.ussu.co.uk THURSDAY 6 MARCH 2003 free

MORE NEWS ON THE “LIGHTS.

CAMERA. ACTION” CAMPAIGN
Letters from readers; an in depth look at
the stories from barefacts over the last five
MP offers campaign support
years and messages of support from various IN A MEETING with a Students’ Union of-
departments in ficer last Friday, Sue Doughty, the Member
and around the of Parliament for Guildford, pledged her
university | support to the “Lights. Camera. Action”
page 3 campaign launched last week, saying: “This
issue is very important. Safety is absolutely
paramount.”
During the 25 minute meeting with Toni
Borneo, the Education & Welfare officer
of USSU, Mrs Doughty, flanked by local
councillor Linda Strudwick, said she was
very concerned with the recent spate of
ARE YOU AN IDEAL attacks in the highlighted underpasses and
HOUSEMATE? suggested many ways in which the cam-
James Sheppard
paign can move forward. Suggesting ways
presents barefacts very
in which the campaign can move forward,
own guide to help you
Mrs Doughty said she would “raise the cam-
find out if you will be
paign and problem with the chief executive
the one leaving smelly
of the Borough Council and seek support
socks in the lounge |
from Councillors.” She also suggested that
page 9
a partnership known as the Safer Guildford
Partnership would be able to help.
IN THIS WEEK’S PAPER Last Tuesday also saw the local newspa-
per, The Surrey Advertiser, interested in
Sir George Edwards dies the campaign. More details, as well as the
The man after whom the library was named Vice Chancellor’s reaction, in next week’s Above: USSU Education & Welfare officer Toni Borneo talks to Guildford’s MP Sue Doughty (left) and local
dies after a long and successful academic barefacts. More campaign news: page 3. councillor Linda Strudwick about the “Lights. Camera. Action campaign launched in barefacts last week.
career News | page 2

The case against

Further analysis of the situation in Iraq.
International exhibition opens One World festival in style
This week, the argument against a war in BY CHARLOTTE DAWSON
the Middle East Opinion | page 5
VP SOCIETIES & CULTURE (USSU)
What is this all about?
Ben Supper gets out of bed early and writes TO OPEN THIS year’s One World
down some of his thoughts. As always, it Festival, the International Exhibition
makes for interesting reading | page 4 took place on Tuesday night in
the main Students’ Union. The
Thought for international week
Charlotte Dawson looks at International
exhibition was a massive event with
Week from an interesting perspective: the every international society from the
100 population idea Union | page 7 Union displaying the goods and
customs that often symbolise their
My name is Charlie Kaufman
culture. It was a truly inspiring
The creators of Being John Malkovich
reconvene to confuse the heck out of Paul event: something you will never see
Wright once again barearts | page 10 again in the Union!
The event had been in the planning
Pretty poor sporting performance
stages for many weeks and succeeded
Kris Temple reports on Surrey’s big trip
down to Southampton which was, appar-
in giving societies the platform
ently, a waste of time Sport | page 24 from which they could promote
their society. Stalls from societies
were rich in culture, music, tourist
information (for anyone considering
traveling – I’ve definitely been
convinced) and samples of traditional
food and drink.
The Hellenic and Cypriot society,
who combined certainly constitute
one of the larger groups of
international students, had a stall
in Haris bar with a buffet that was
devoured in record time. There was
a chance to sample some Greek wine
and events turned into a bit of a party
by the end. Far Eastern culture was
in abundance, with plenty of chances
to learn to play Chinese games, have
your name written on the Taiwanese
stand and videos of Malaysia,
Singapore and beyond. I personally
learnt a lot from the Tamil society
about a culture and tradition I had
never encountered before. I can’t
name every society, but every stall
was original and thanks must go to
all societies.
Many more events will continue our
Festival, but this will go down as one
of the busiest Exhibitions of all time,
with visitors from the University,
local community and beyond.
International week will climax
with the Gala on Friday night in the
University Hall, with a chance for
students to sample a few of the many
cultures on campus in greater detail.
A full report will appear in barefacts
next week.
2 NEWS
UniS’ first
Pro-Chancellor dies
BY RICH WATTS
GEORGE EDWARDS, THE University’s first
Pro-Chancellor and the man after which the
library was named, has died this last week.
In a statement to the University, Professor
Patrick Dowling, the Vice Chancellor, said:
“It was Sir George’s vision and tenacity
that, in the early days, did much to create the
University’s unique approach and to ensure
that it remained rooted in the real world.”
He went on to say: “Sir George Edwards
became Pro-Chancellor designate in 1964
and Pro-Chancellor two years later on the
day the University was granted its Royal
Charter. At this time he was at the peak
of his distinguished career in aeronautical
engineering. During his 15 years as Pro-
Chancellor, Sir George did far more than
appear at formal ceremonies and meetings.
He devoted much time and effort to academic
development in the University, particularly
in promoting its relationship with industry.
His influence was also felt on the sports
field, especially in cricket for which he was
a passionate enthusiast. Besides serving as
President of Surrey County Cricket Club,
he was also the first President of the Staff
Cricket Club.”
On his retirement as Pro-Chancellor in
1979, Sir George was made Doctor of the
University honoris causa and also became
Pro-Chancellor Emeritus.
barefacts extends its sympathy and
admiration to Sir George’s family. A service
of Thanksgiving will be held soon.
NUS accused of being
‘selfish and greedy’
AT A MEETING of the education select
committee, Barry Sheerman asked whether
the NUS was not being “rather selfish and
greedy”, reports the THES, when the NUS
presented evidence opposing a real-terms
interest rate for students loans.
The increase in interest above inflation to
market rates could raise £1bn for education,
Study reveals hidden violence toward university lecturers
ACCORDING TO THE THES this week,
lecturers are coming under increased
risk of attack from students, through
violence, intimidation or harassment.
The phenomenon was uncovered by
the uffield Foundation, by Deborah
Lee of Derby University.
A national official at Natfhe, the
lecturers’ union, said: “Higher
educaytion is now a pre-cursor to
earning more money, and students
are under much more pressure. They
are more likely to raise complaints
as there is more at stake from their
point of view.”
In the THES feature on the issue,
Ms Lee says that “yob culture
is definitely at university”. She
continues: “Academics have been
physically assaulted in classrooms,
stalked around campus, sexually
harassed via email, verbally
threatened at home and maliciously
accused of poor teaching, inadequate
dissertation supervision or unfair
examination /coursework marking
via student evaluation questionnaires
or complaints made directly to
managers.”
NUS launches national billboard
“funding the future” campaign
BY RICH WATTS
NUS HAS LAUNCHED an unprecedented
billboard campaign across England and
Wales. Advertising experts, Bartle Bogle
and Hegarty (BBH) are supporting their
Funding the Future campaign, together with
JCDecaux - leaders in outdoor advertising.
Both companies have donated their services
pro-bono.
The nationwide campaign, which endorses
NUS’ message on the white paper proposals,
will adorn 30 billboards in over 13 cities
across England and Wales from early
March 2003 for two weeks. The billboards
are a massive 200 square feet and at prime
locations in major cities such as London,
BY PHILIP HOWARD
NEWS EDITOR
but this is opposed by the NUS on the
grounds that it puts graduates who enter
low paid jobs on a never-ending treadmill.
Said Mandy Telford: “If you charge a higher
interest rate, those who are the poorest will
end up paying the most for the rest of their
lives.”
The members of the select committee
questioned the motives of Ms Telford and
the rest of the NUS leaders, on the grounds
BY PHILIP HOWARD
NEWS EDITOR
According to the study, often
students are not expelled or otherwise
punished because the managers
involved are so scared of losing the
money for the students, more so
than in the past. Also highlighted
is the dent to lecturers’ confidence
when students complain about
them, undermining the rapport that
is crucial to academic identity. One
lecturer, accused of poor dissertation
supervision by a pupil who wanted a
2:1 instead of the 2:2 they received,
said: “I’d kind of built up my
reputation on the fact that I was a
good teacher and that my door was
always open to my students. So it
kind of ate at the heart of everything
I thought I was good at”. She only
believed others who insisted she was
innocent ‘when she discovered that
the student was fabricating evidence
to support her complaint’ writes Lee.
The lecturer later left her job after
she began to make notes after every
meeting, trying to keep witnesses
6 March 2003
Cardiff, Birmingham, Manchester, Leeds
and Bristol.
NUS President, Mandy Telford, who spoke
at USSU on behalf of NUS last week, said:
“We are delighted to have the support of
such prestigious companies as we campaign
for a fairer student funding system. The
opportunities provided by BBH and
JCDecaux will ensure that NUS messages
are taken to the public and politicians alike.
This is a crucial time in the fight against
increased fees and growing student debt.
The proposed system will see rich students
being able to pick and choose any course at
any institution while poorer students will
have to opt for courses within their financial
reach.”
that they were being “selfish and greedy”
by protecting middle class higher education
students over working class students at
schools and colleges which would benefit.
around, rewording emails, all to
prevent the situation occurring.
Reporting on the 300% increase in
knives and guns found in student
rooms at one university, Lee asks:
“The fact remains, though: students
have funs and knives. Is it just a
matter of time before an academic
is stabbed or shot?”. One female
lecturer was threatened with stabbing
when offering assistance with
coursework. “She made a physical
threat, it was something about a
knife, a knife between my ribs or my
shoulder blades.”
Ms Lee believes many lecturers are
on the brink of leaving their jobs: “it
is not worth the hassle – especially not
when unacceptable student conduct
is heaped on serious overwork.” She
proposes that UK universities should
clearly highlight the unacceptability
of harassment via policies and codes
of conduct, with both lecturers and
students kept fully informed of them.
“Students are not children whom we
should indulge, they are adults who
must learn to take responsibility for
themselves.”
6 March 2003
“You have a case” says local MP
SUE DOUGHTY – THE Member of Parliament
for Guildford – supports the “Lights. Camera.
Action” campaign that this paper began last
week. Mrs Doughty, together with Onslow
ward councillor Lynda Strudwick, began
a meeting organised last week by saying
that they were very much in favour of the
campaign, with Mrs Doughty commenting:
“I think it is very, very important...if it is
preventable, let’s prevent it.”
Thinking of ways to move forward, the MP
said that it is very important that the Union
and the University’s security department
work together to fully discover the size
of the problem and to solve it, saying:
“Backup from the security department will
be very powerful evidence” in any funding
application made to the Safer Guildford
Partnership fund – the organisation most
likely to provide the funds to install lighting
and cameras.
Mrs Strudwick also mentioned that local
Community Wardens and the Police should
also be involved in assessment of how best
to meet the problem and may also be able to
provide further records of incidents around
the underpasses. barefacts is currently
undertaking this task with both the police
and the security department. When queried
about the attitude of local residents to the
problem Lynda said “…I can’t think that
there would be anyone who would be
anything but supportive of any move to
improve it.”
Commenting on our objectives, Mrs
Doughty said that talk of bridges is not
realistic at this early stage, and said she
Dear barefacts,
As a female student, I am glad to see that
something is being done about the safety
of students with the launch of the “lights,
camera, action” campaign, although perhaps
it has taken a little too long to get the
ball rolling. This is especially surprising
when incidents have been occurring in
the underpasses for several months now.
(“When will the attacks stop? barefacts issue
1044) Unfortunately is has taken yet another
incident, reported in barefacts issue 1051,
for an official campaign to be launched.
But will all the advice and safety measures
really make any difference to the safety
of students when we are all trying to lead
independent lives and sometimes have no
choice about when and how we get onto
campus.
The Park Barn area of Guildford is made
out to have a bad reputation and people are
often surprised when I say that I feel least
vulnerable when I reach the Park Barn
estate on my journey home. Yes, there are
sometimes groups of kids around, but late
at night the estate is very quiet and quite
pleasant.
I am lucky enough to have a bicycle, which
I use to get to and from campus the majority
of the time. This perhaps allows me a little
more freedom than those on foot. At least
I am moving slightly faster and a potential
attacker would probably find it more
difficult to grab hold of me. Unfortunately
my chosen degree often means I have to be
on campus for long hours, often staying
until the early hours of the morning. I have
CAMPAIGN FOCUS
BY EWAN PANTER, TONI BORNEO
AND RICH WATTS
would see the chief executive of the council.
“This is the [sort of] thing we really need
to be taking to the chief executive and
expressing concern about this whole
thing and developing a strategy with the
councillors that takes this whole issue
seriously and overcomes the problem of
boundaries and responsibilities.”
Work carried out by barefacts and the
Students’ Union, in the form of Toni
Borneo – the Education & Welfare officer
– has seen numerous messages of support
for the campaign from all departments
of the University and the local area, all
of which will be published next week.
“LCA” (“Lights. Camera. Action.”) are also
currently awaiting a response from the Vice-
Chancellor’s office, though we understand
he supports fully the campaign.
Most impressive this week has been the
support of those who have signed the petition
calling for action from those who can provide
it. The original target of 200 signatures was
soon revised when 50 people signed in 20
minutes early on Monday morning, and
estimates suggest that over 350 people have
signed the petition at the time of going to
press. It is vital that evidence is gathered to
support the campaign’s objectives. As such,
please get in touch if you have experienced
any difficulties in the underpasses, or know
of anyone that has. Send your responses
to either barefacts@ussu.co.uk or
welfare@ussu.co.uk.
no choice but to cycle home alone - I can
hardly wake up my flat mates to come and
meet me!
www.funkyberry.com
Many students don’t have the luxury of
a bike and I also have to walk sometimes,
particularly when I have to carry musical
instruments onto campus. This involves
either walking through the Tesco or the
Southway underpass. In the past, my female
housemate and I felt that the Southway
underpass was better lit, but with the recent
spate of attacks it just feels more cut-off
from the world, away from houses and roads
with no help within easy reach. At least the
Tesco route is near the A3 between the two
tunnels and then near the Tesco roundabout
as you emerge from the second underpass.
The main issue that worries me is
regarding female students walking home
alone. In this day and age, young women are
taught to stand-up for themselves, to take
control of their lives and be independent.
Unfortunately, this independence has a habit
of leading to stubborn streaks in the young
women of my generation (myself included,
without a doubt!). “Why should we have to
depend upon men for emotional or physical
support?” they say, “ Are we not capable of
looking after ourselves?”
Well, girls, have I got news for you! NO,
you can’t look after yourselves, not when
someone who is probably about twice your
weight and is bigger and stronger than you
(blame evolution!) is grabbing hold of you.
Take the advice given to you by Toni Borneo,
take the advice given to you by your friends
and don’t let yourselves be vulnerable. Yes,
you might have to be bit more dependant
2
8
11
6
3
1 5
7 4
10
The map above displays the location
of eleven serious incidents reported in
barefacts over the last five years. They
constitute only those incidents reported to
barefacts and show how vulnerable the west
side of campus is.
The “Lights. Camera. Action.” campaign
is currently liaising with University Security
to compile a full file of incidents.
11 7/11/02: A3 underpass, attempted
assault, 14:30, female student barefacts
(1044)
2 14/02/02: Southway underpass, 3
students beaten up barefacts (1025)
3 17/10/00: Footpath going next to
Southway underpass, women indecently
assaulted barefacts (992)
4 23/10/00: Footpath from Cathedral
roundabout, women chased along barefacts
on your friends and flatmates than you’d
like, but surely that’s better than the other
alternative.
Although it’s not ideal and I am definitely
not condoning it, if you have no choice or
desperately feel the need to walk home
alone then tell someone where you are going
and let them know when you get home
by sending a text or phoning to let them
know you are safe. This applies especially
when you’ve been out for a few drinks
and probably think you could take on an
army. You can guarantee that your friends
would never forgive themselves if you were
attacked when you walked home alone and
nobody knew you had even left.
Despite all I have to say about my fellow
stubborn female students, surely the male
students who live off campus are just as
vulnerable. They might be a less obvious
target but a male student walking alone
could well be approached by a group of
people and be placed in a similar situation to
a woman walking alone. So, it’s probably a
good idea that you watch out for your male
friends as well as your female ones.
We just have to hope that the safety
measures that might arise from the incidents
of the last few months will deter attackers
and might make us feel safer in the town that
many of us call home. Remember, whether
you walk home with a female friend or a
male friend or a mixture of the two, safety-
in-numbers still applies. As Jerry Springer
would say, “take care of yourselves, and
each other.”
Yours sincerely,
KATHRYN BERESFORD
3
9
(992)
5 5/00: Surrey Court, student nurse
sexually assaulted coming back from
WNO barefacts (984)
6 2/00: A3 underpass, student mugged
and beaten barefacts (975)
7 4/98: A3 underpass, non-student male
attacked, 01:15 Surrey Advertiser (3/4/98)
from google.
8 11/9/98: Southway underpass, 11
Students attacked by thugs barefacts
(940)
9 20/9/97: Nr. Yorkies Bridge, women
attacked with knife barefacts (913)
10 15/11/97: Nr. Cathedral, 3 students
attacked barefacts (920)
11 21/11/97: A3 underpass, 2 students
beaten up leaving FNO barefacts (922)
Research: Ewan Panter
Dear barefacts,
I read with interest your Underpass
campaign last week. As a regular user for
the last 5 years of the Southway underpass
both travelling to and from work on campus
and sometimes for leisure activities in the
evenings, I fully support the campaign
as there seems to be one safety incident
after another reported in this area. Many
members of staff both read Barefacts and
use the underpasses to travel onto campus
and are just as concerned as students about
these incidents.
May I suggest that you extend your
campaign to staff as well as students, perhaps
by asking them to sign the petition as well?
Have you also considered contacting local
schools who’s pupils use these underpasses
to see if they are interested in joining
the campaign too? A joint campaign by
students and staff of UniS and the local
schools would be likely to carry a lot of
weight. Hopefully the council will see it
as a high priority to improve safety in these
areas and meet our demands as quickly as
possible, before another incident occurs
Yours faithfully,
TRACEY DAWS
IT Services
Thanks to both readers for their
letters. barefacts would like to echo
Tracey’s sentiments above and asks
everyone to write in about their expe-
riences and thoughts on ‘LCA’.
4 OPINION 6 March 2003

THE UNIVERSITY OF SURREY STUDENTS’ UNION

UNION HOUSE
UNIVERSITY OF SURREY
GUILDFORD GU2 7XH
WWW.USSU.CO.UK

A good start - but we must keep the

pressure on
A week on from the launch of the “Lights.
Camera. Action.” campaign and we are
already seeing excellent steps being taken
to make sure our message - the message of
the student body - is being heard in the right
places.
The front page highlights the commitment
the local MP has made to the cause, but
aside from this, the petition - which only
started last Monday morning - has now
well over 400 signatures on it (from staff
and students alike) and the local press is
showing an interest. Many departments
around the university are also pledging their
support, most notably the accommodation
office and their very helpful manager, Mr
Richard Paxton.
The diversity and willingness of the
support is no surprise: those underpasses
are hazards that affect everyone that
passes through them. Potential attackers
do not differentiate between those who are
students and those who are not. They do not
discriminate against those who carry Tescos
bags. They are simply there to cause great
anxiety and distress to those who are not
protected by their surroundings. Above: the calm of the lecture theatres before the election circus rolled into town. Full results next week.
Please continue to support this campaign.
Judging by those that have been involved
already, it is obviosu this is something that
we are all concerned about.
Check your e-mails, tell your friends, send
This might be a confidence crisis
us any incidents that have happened to you
People are running about spoil my fun. Raaaargh. We
or someone you know.
like ants, all moving objects
BEN SUPPER pay security. We pay the
The more information we can present to
from a certain place and cleaners. He who pays the
the powers that be, the more powerful and
putting them in another “NUS: in or out? Pepsi or piper calls the tune.
convincing the case for lights, cameras and
certain place. Such is the coke? Two Stellas, please. NUS. In or out? Pepsi or
action will be.
nature of work. Most of us He who pays the piper calls Coke? Two Stellas. Please.
Last week was a good start: let’s build on the tune.”
are getting ill, or have been Daily news unchanged
that start and begin seeing some action.
ill. The weather’s getting since the last dirty war.
better, but to keep us all subjugated, the Names, presenters, and production values
work is getting worse. have evolved to satiate the naive. They sleep

Britain heading for a sexual crisis
THIS WEEK SAW the somewhat schools have similar stories
unsurprising story in
SARAH BUTTERWORTH – few of us were actually
the news that Britain is taught anything of use in our
apparently heading for a sex “In some ways, we have not sex education classes.
disease ‘crisis’. The group come far since the ‘dark As we hit our late teens
of people causing the most ages’ when sex was barely and enter university we are
concern are young women, mentioned anywhere.” bombarded with information
who are allegedly having about having sex, sexual
sex with more people and at a younger age. diseases, pregnancy – you name it, it was
But why is this happening? Some blame probably written about somewhere in all
the ‘ladette culture’, some the lack of sex those papers you were buried under during
education in schools and at home. Whilst Freshers’ Week. Whilst this information is
at school I was lucky, or unlucky enough to all relevant, and useful, in many cases it falls
experience some of this less than informative on deaf ears through no fault of those who
sex education – could this have contributed produce it – we have grown up with so little
to the fact that around six people out of my serious mention of issues such as STIs that
school year of forty girls became pregnant by now it all just washes over our heads.
before the age of twenty one? Comical Campaigns such as the Union’s ‘Are you
though it may sound, my overriding memory HIV prejudiced?’ week last semester go a
of ‘health ed’ classes was being shown how long way to repairing some of the damage
to put a condom on a banana at about the that might have been done through the
age of thirteen, before we swiftly moved on lack of information given to us during our
to why drugs and smoking are bad for you. formative years. But in some ways, we
Outside my biology classes, I remember have not come far since the ‘dark ages’
no more than half an hour spent on telling when sex and related issues were barely
a class of impressionable teenagers about mentioned either in school or at home.
not only the simple facts of sex, but sexual Nowadays you cannot walk down the street
diseases and emotional issues. without sex jumping out at you, be it in an
I am lucky to come from a family where advertising campaign, television or general
issues such as this have never been taboo, conversation, but little of this is in the
but I know many are not as lucky as this. form of serious information. To address the
For my colleagues at school with parents problem of increased unplanned pregnancy
less willing to talk about issues surrounding and transmission of STIs one must target
sex their information came almost entirely those people who are just beginning to learn
from teenage magazines (where the talk about all things sex related, as opposed to
is only of boys, boys and more boys) and those who have already have pre-formed
talking with friends. Many of my friends opinions, and possibly prejudices.
at university who attended very different barefacts@ussu.co.uk
Elections are this week. The manifestos well. The intelligentsia know no more. They
are skeletal and similar, the candidates sleep badly. I’m sorry: we’re not allowed to
are extrovert and sometimes brash. The discriminate on the grounds of merit.
marketing is as unsopohisticated as it is in Discrimination is always bad unless
real politics. A low turnout is expected. The it’s against the majority. Sweeping
people who will win are the people who generalisations are acceptable as long as
most want to win. All viewpoints are equally they’re definitely only about some Jews
valid. No candidate is better than any other. or only black criminals or asylum seekers.
I’m sorry: we’re not allowed to discriminate All slavery has been abolished for one
on the grounds of merit. hundred and fifty years by sweeping it off
So much coursework this month. Keeps our doorstep. Slaves no longer qualify for a
one too busy to protest about the amount of super once-in-a-lifetime trip halfway around
work one has. No time to shave. No time to the world. Our commodities do instead.
smoke dope. No time to make love. No time Entertainment is made less entertaining by
to protest. March. No time to march. multiplying through television. BBC Seven.
More subway incidents occur. Twilight. No Who’s laughing now? Who Wants To Be A
camera. Inaction. Bins overturned violently Millionaire? One right answer. Three wrong
on the way back from the Union, three answers. Guildford witnesses the death of
nights a week. Glass broken, three nights a popular music. Killed, stuffed, and sterilised
week. All forgotten by morning. All tidied to furnish a new academy above a pub.
up. That’s why we pay cleaners. Syndicated One subculture precipitated to a handful of
vending machines smashed and turned university modules. Your former pub bores
upside down. The underside of the NUS. One are now professors. Analysis: Extermination
Grolsch tap. One Carling tap. Two Stellas. By Definition. Discuss. Only the Success
Please. Shouting at passers by. Stopping and of the Unexceptional is Truly Surprising.
staring at bystanders. Laughing. Throwing Discuss in no more than fifteen hundred
eggs out of windows. Throwing eggs into words. The rest of this paragraph. Discuss
windows. We pay the cleaners; they work for in no more than six sentences. No wrong
us. They look so old. We pay the cleaners; answers. No right answers. The only right
not the government. No top-up fees. Bring answer is another five questions. The more I
back grants. Yes to 24 hour Tesco. Are you learn, the less I know. The more I know, the
OK? I can make as much noise as I like. I’ll less I understand. Discuss.
only be young once. It’s 3am, and you’re
asleep, but I’m beautiful and you’ll never barefacts@ussu.co.uk
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK
“What looks like material gain is actually a process of spiritual decline”
DAVID LODGE (1935 - ), WRITER AND CRITIC
6 March 2003
The Iraq debate continues: the case against the impending war
As the barefacts debate continues,
Mike Chambers goes against the Con-
servative Party line and outlines why he
believes a war can be avoided
150,000 US AND UK troops are forming
up in the Persian Gulf for a conflict, which
most people don’t want. The European
Union is divided on the issue of war in
Iraq: The UK, Spain and Italy are in favour;
France, Germany and Belgium are against.
The UN Security Council, which is also
split, is yet to endorse a military offensive.
Nevertheless, the troops are awaiting the
imminent order to advance. It seems as if
war in Iraq is inevitable, with or without a
second UN Security Council resolution. The
US and UK appear intent on a war. Why?
Saddam Hussein is an oppressive dictator,
and is guilty of persecuting his own people.
Since the end of the Gulf War, his regime
has continually refused to cooperate with
UN weapons inspectors, and therefore
is in breach of UN Resolutions 687 and
1441. Inspectors have recently discovered
a number of illegal weapons, which had not
been declared in Iraq’s arms report. There is
also some evidence to suggest Iraq has been
developing chemical and biological agents.
Is this justification for such military action
as is evidently planned?
Apparently so, according to Messrs Bush
and Blair. Saddam has had his chance, in
their view. It is now time to remove him, his
regime, and disarm Iraq of any weapons of
mass destruction; and subsequently install
an interim administration until democratic
elections can take place. Secondly, they
believe he may have links to Islamic
terrorist organisations, and may supply
weapons to such groups. These weapons
may be then used to target the US and UK.
This war is hence a preventative measure
against a repeat of 9/11. The Conservative
Party supports the government on decisive
military action saying “If the international
community backs away from dealing with
Saddam Hussein now, this will be seen
in
CLOTH?
barearts goes to fabric live
OPINION
as a green light by every rogue state and
terrorist group around the world”. Although
party leader Iain Duncan Smith has said the
government has yet to convince the people
that war is the way forward.
Personally, I accept the need to free
the people of Iraq from persecution, and
I believe Saddam Hussein’s days are
numbered; however why is war necessary
all of a sudden? Is there not a way of
disarming Saddam without resorting to
war, and the loss of life that war entails?
I don’t believe all avenues of diplomacy
have yet been explored, nor do I believe that
such a huge offensive is required. I am also
seriously concerned about the consequences
of war, the future of Iraq, and stability in the
middle-east. I could certainly never support
a war without UN Security Council backing.
Hence, I do not subscribe to my party’s
policy, which states that a second resolution
is not a prerequisite.
I believe both Blair and Bush are genuine
in their desire to disarm Iraq of weapons of
mass destruction, and to bring freedom and
democracy to the people of Iraq by ousting
Saddam. However, I believe there are other
factors which are influencing the decision
to take military action now, and on such a
large scale.
Iraq is believed to have a small number of
400-mile range ‘al-Hussein’ missiles. These
could strike Israel, Saudi Arabia, Turkey,
Iran and Kuwait. A number of ‘al-Samoud’
missiles, with a range of 90 miles, have
already been located. None of these however
are very effective at dispersing chemical
or biological agents, according to the
International Institute for Strategic Studies
(IISS). The 1991 Gulf War, subsequent
UN inspections, international sanctions
and raids by US and UK aircraft have
seriously degraded Iraq’s weapon-making
and storage facilities. A recent report by the
IISS concluded that Iraq would require up to
a decade and significant help from a foreign
power to produce a nuclear bomb.
There is also no evidence of any links to
terrorist groups such as Al-Qaeda. Iraqis,
including Saddam Hussein, don’t support
Islamic fundamentalism. Even if Saddam
wanted to supply such terrorists with
weapons, it would be almost impossible for
Iraq to export them undetected. So what are
the other factors?
Iraq is strategically well positioned. Syria
and Jordan to the west, Iran to the East,
Saudi Arabia to the South and Kurdish
Turkey to the north. Israel is less than 250
miles away. If a pro-western administration
was installed in Iraq, the US and allies
would have the perfect base from which to
launch future strikes against neighbouring
countries as they choose.
Above: students from the University of Surrey shwoing their support for the “Stop the War” movement. Accord-
ing to some sources, over 1600 people signed the anti-war petition located outside the Students’ Union building.
Anyone who claims this war is only about
oil is ignorant; however anyone who claims
it isn’t about oil is equally wrong. Iraq
possesses the second largest oil reserves
in the world (behind Saudi Arabia). Again
with a pro-western administration, the US
and allies may be afforded certain benefits,
perhaps even exclusive oil extraction
contracts. This could help the ailing US
economy, and prevent a recession.
It is not so much the motives of the war,
rather the potential consequences that deeply
concern me. I fear the US-led campaign to
expel Saddam, and install a new pro-west
government will infuriate Islamic terrorist
groups, which will lead to Britain and the
US being at greater risk of terrorist attacks.
Saddam supporters in Iraq may align
with Islamic fundamentalists against the
US/UK. Although I don’t believe Saddam
Hussein has 100 per cent public support,
as is claimed; I do believe his support is
strong, influenced by a biased media. The
media will claim that Iraq is being invaded
for its oil by greedy westerners; the same
westerners who have crippled the country
by sanctions for over a decade.
Saddam may realise the game is up and
retaliate in the only way can; to order
counter attacks using any chemical/
biological agents he does have, or he may
send of his al-Husseins to Jerusalem, which
could start World War III.
I am concerned for the stability of the
region. Iraq’s neighbours, in particular Syria,
Iran, and Saudi Arabia may feel threatened if
there is a permanent US military presence in
Iraq. Fundamentalists in such countries may
resent this, and again terrorism is the result.
In the short term, an interim government
may work, however I fear it may fragment
in the long term, and civil war could be the
result. Afghanistan is barely functioning
under its transitory administration.
I am concerned also for the future of the
UN if war goes ahead without Security
5
Council support. If the US and UK ignore
a French veto, diplomatic relations could
cease in the short term. More seriously, the
credibility and effectiveness of the UN as an
international decision-making body will be
questioned.
All of these possible outcomes outweigh
any of the gains from war, in my view. Is the
war as necessary as Blair and Bush claim? I
would argue it is not. The cost of the war, in
money terms, will be enormous, and could
send the world into recession, particularly
if oil prices rise in the short term. Could
this money be put to better use, i.e. health,
education, tax cuts?
Iraq has started to cooperate more with
UN inspectors. Clearly, they wish to avoid
war. Only when they categorically refuse to
cooperate should action be considered. The
UN should monitor presidential elections
to ensure they are not manipulated. This
will give the people of Iraq the freedom to
choose their leader without the suffering
of what could be a long and rancorous
campaign to eliminate Saddam’s regime.
Evil though Saddam is, he is not threatening
anyone at present. He is not stupid either.
I am sure he knows what would be the
consequences of any aggression against his
neighbours. On the issue of weapons, the
US, UK, France, Russia, China, Pakistan,
India, Spain, Israel… and many more have
far more devastating weapons of mass
destruction. All countries around the world
should disarm; I don’t believe it is fair to
single out Iraq in the way it has been. There
is only a moral case for war when there is
a clear and imminent threat of attack, or if
there has already been aggression. None of
these criteria apply to Iraq. Let us not scar
the history books with the bloodshed of war,
when there is a better option. We must never
lose faith in diplomacy; for when we give up
on diplomacy, we give up on our children;
and life has no purpose anymore.
barefacts@ussu.co.uk
6 LETTERS & PROFESSIONAL PAGE 6 March 2003

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
Letters must be received by 5pm on the Monday before publication to guarantee their presence in the next newspaper. Letters
may be edited for length or clarity | E-mail: barefacts@ussu.co.uk
Dear barefacts,
I am writing after reading Philip Howard’s
article. Although I agree with the author
that some demonstrators are not aware of
all the issues involved in the debate as to
whether to go to war or not, I do not agree
with the sentiments expressed in the article.
The point of the demonstration was to show
that people in Britain do not support going
to war. Most have thought about the pros
and cons of the going to war. However, they
may still feel that the British and American
governments are being very undiplomatic
in forcing Saddam Hussein into declaring
all weapons yet it is almost completely
unknown what weapons we have. He states
‘The choice is this. Go to war, kill thousands
of people, kill or oust Saddam Hussein’ etc.
Yet has not thought about those words. This
war has been fought once already and all
it succeeded in was the killing of innocent
people and Saddam still ruling Iraq. That is
Dear barefacts,
Im writing in response to another pro-
war article published by barefacts. More
specifically the 27th February issue,
Philip Howard’s piece titled “This was a
demonstration of a new breed of political
apathy”. I’ll spare the intellectual crap and
get to the point. I found this somewhat
insulting to the vast networks of activists
that worked so hard to organise the 15th
February protest and I know many students
(1600 by our petition) would also find his
bullshit accusations of our naiveness in
defining us as a “new breed of political
apathy”.
If possible I’d like also to submit the anti-
war case for the next edition of Bear-facts.
UNKNOWN
Dear barefacts,
Dear barefacts,
I would like to raise a major concern
regarding the number of adverts springing
up in restaurants around campus. I was
having a coffee in Roots the other day and
looked around in disgust at the number
of adverts plastered all over the walls in
cheap tamper-proof plastic frames. Why
have advertisers been allowed to invade
our student space? Remember Roots is
owned by Unis. The situation is simple: the
University loves the ads because they bring
in more money (advertisers pay up for the
ad space) and the advertisers win as well
(they invade student space with ads targeted
squarely at the student demographic e.g.
lager/hangover themes, fashionable young
people etc.). The only people not winning
are the students!
Why should students who’ve paid for
their food and drink have to look at adverts
designed specifically to target and strip more
money out of us by buying clothes, throat
sweets etc? You don’t see coffee shops in
town with adverts plastered all over their
walls, it would be considered vulgar but
apparently this sort of advertising is alright
for lowly University students.
My main point is this, by putting up
with these adverts we’re basically being
laughed at by the University accountants
and advertisers who see cash strapped
students and campus restaurants as a golden
advertising opportunity. I would like to hear
the thoughts of the new sabbatical candidates
on this issue as well as other people around
campus. In the mean time I’ll prepare some
‘ads’ to decorate those already hanging in
Roots; here’s some ideas: ‘TopExploitation
of the student demographic’ and ‘Roots
proud to offer 10% food and drink discount
– this promotion brought to you by our
advertisers’. Don’t put up with it, students in
America didn’t when their Universities tried
the same trick.
Yours,
ALEX READ

The Diners’ Club (and the Vice-

what people object to, the killing of innocent
civilians, as well soldiers from Iraq and UN
countries.
Apathy may be common especially with
political issues but this is a campaign
that many people feel very strongly about
and the public should not be slated as a
‘rebellious teenager…in danger of becoming
deliriously anorexic’ because not everyone
involved is as articulate as the author in their
opinions.
Yours, HELEN TURRELL
I am writing to advise readers that, contrary
to popular belief, I am not the editor of
this newspaper! The February edition of
the ‘Guildford Messenger’ newspaper
misquoted my answer to a question from
a recent interview. I was on the Barefacts
editorial team last year, however due to
a greater workload this year, I have been
unable to continue writing the news.
Yours sincerely,
MICHAEL CHAMBERS
Chancellor came too)
URBAN MYTHS ABOUND about any institution,
some of them are true, some are false; most
of them are funny, sad, or spectacular, else
they wouldn’t survive. Some remain hidden,
in the need of a retelling. But half the time
you can’t tell the wheat from the chaff, the
wood from the trees, the BareFacts from the
BareLies. So, here’s one in an occasional
to challenge them: where did the silver
service cutlery come from and did the Lake
Restaurant know?; where did the specimen
pot plants come from and why did Senate
House look so bare?; and as for all the table
linen, table decorations, glassware, and
decanters …
Invitations had been printed and issued

Written exercises used in selection series of silly things … the Diners’ Club.
The annual exams were over and the
and on D(Diners)-day a group of students
duly appeared in the early evening summer
summer was marching on. It was balmy sunshine dressed to the nines. Some were
THERE ARE A number of tests the in-tray exercise. You are and breezy, hot and steamy, humid and etc as silver-service waiters, some were wine
which employers use which asked to play the role of a and most spare time was spent over a pint waiters, and some were traditional guests!
involve writing. They are personnel manager who has or two in Hari Sutherland’s (former Union Within an instant the tables and chairs had
usually designed to measure returned from holiday to find Manager) Union Bar. On the agenda was been reorganised, the pot plants, linen,
a range of qualities besides a pile of papers waiting to be the need for a wheeze – not a cough and cutlery, candelabra put in place and a gypsy
simply the ability to write dealt with. Your task is to splutter; but a good old-fashioned bit of fun. violinist was serenading the completely
clear and effective English. separate the urgent from the It should be nothing too serious! astonished other canteen incumbents. Sherry
The first one which I’ll non-urgent and the important Students in the early 70s were quite was served. The Maitre’D duly announced
describe involves analysing a from the unimportant. The inventive when it came to harmless fun. that dinner was served and the guests
mass of complicated written
DR RUSS CLARK key to doing well in this test After a brainstorming session or two the queued and paid at the serving counter for
material before presenting is to skim all of the papers decision was for a rollicking celebration their sausage, beans, chips or whatever was
a reasonable solution to the “There aren’t necessarily quickly at first. It is tempting dinner in tie and tails and posh frocks – what their fancy. The meal was continued as three
problems which it contains. any right ot wrong answers: to try to read everything, could be more harmless, and more fun than courses with wine, port, and coffee. One
There aren’t necessarily the assessors are looking for including the cleverly that? There should be a Guest of Honour. guest was seen to choose a Zoom ice lolly
any right or wrong answers. well thought through ideas.” placed 30 page report which The venue would be the Hall Restaurant for their sweet (on a plate of course)! After
The assessors are simply would take up the whole (then alongside the Old Hall Bar and now dinner, the embellishments disappeared in
interested in knowing of the time allocated to the redeveloped into the Oak Room complex). an instant, returning the Hall Restaurant to
whether you have understood the issues and test if you fell into the trap of reading it! The Hall Restaurant, but that was a its former glory.
whether your proposals are well thought After your initial skimming, attempt an ‘canteen/refectory’, how can you have a And the Guest of Honour: the Vice-
out. Whilst the written part of this exercise early prioritisation of papers. Some are swish glitzy/glam affair in a canteen? And Chancellor, Dr Peter Leggett. He’d been
can be minimal, it is important to make sure obviously important - like the memo from anyway, the main student body would sent an invitation, though apparently the
that your recommendations are lucidly and the managing director requesting a review of be eating its evening sausage, beans, and ‘detail’ had been inadvertently omitted. And
logically presented. safety procedures following the recent fire. chips! what a sport he was; not only did he turn
Another test requires that you respond to Take a look at your watch and see how much Now comes the point at which some up and take part but queued and paid for his
a letter of complaint from, say, a colleague time you have for a more detailed look at the questions must remain unanswered - for dinner along with everyone else!
or a customer. Although the detailed material. This could lead to some changes students of the future to have something
circumstances will vary in each case, there in your priorities. The written summary of
are some general guidelines which might your recommendations is likely to be brief,
help you. Make sure you convince the but should nevertheless be clear, logical and
recipient that you have understood their concise. You must take care to leave enough
problem. Consider whether an apology time to write your summary. The assessors
This weeks careers & skills talks
is required or whether an explanation won’t be able to guess what you intended PRACTICE APTITUDE TEST
would suffice instead. Avoid responding to write after you’d found you’d run out of WEDNESDAY 12 MARCH | 2.15PM | LT B
The last chance to try out the careers office practice aptitude test.
aggressively; try instead to be both polite time!
and tactful. If you would like to register with Careers, please email c.arrowsmith@surrey.ac.uk, or visit in person.
One of the most popular tests is known as www.surrey.ac.uk/careers Please keep an eye on your University email and www.surrey.ac.uk/careers for the most up to date information
6 March 2003 UNION 7
International week and One World festival: one world for all of us
This week is USSU’s international There would be:
* 57 Asians
week. VP Societies & Culture * 21 Europeans
Charlotte Dawson (left) takes a *14 from the Western Hemisphere, both north
and south
look at a hypothetical situation that * 8 Africans
spells out the One World theme
INTERNATIONAL WEEK IS now in full swing. The Exhibition on Tuesday
saw students displaying culture from over 20 countries. This week is a
time where we begin to realise we are part of a bigger culture than just
being a student. This University has more than 30% of students from
an International background and supports these students through * 52 would be female | 48 would be
the International Office, led by the Dean of International Students, male
Gwyn Brown. Gwyn and his team provide an invaluable service and * 70 would be non-white | 30 would
this week, I would just like to take the opportunity to highlight the good be white
work they do. If you have time, come to the International Gala, Friday * 70 would be non-Christian | 30 would be
night at 7pm in the University Hall and sample a small selection of this Christian *1 would be near death; 1
varied culture. Tickets are £3 and available on the door and from the * 89 would be heterosexual | 11 would be near birth
Student Union reception. would be homosexual *1 (yes, only 1) would have
But to get you started, here’s something to really think about... a college education and 1

$
If we could shrink the earth’s population to a village of precisely 100 would own a computer
* 6 people would possess 59% of the entire
people, with all the existing human ratios remaining the same, it would world’s wealth and all 6 would be from the
look something like the following: When one considers
United States.
our world from such a
compressed perspective,
* 80 would live in the need for acceptance,
substandard housing understanding and education
* 70 would be unable becomes glaringly apparent.
to read
* 50 would suffer One World festival – one
from malnutrition world for all of us.

Surrey students get individual support

THE CENTRE FOR Learning Developments has,
with some financial help from the Widening
Participation budget, recently been providing
an individual study support service for
students at Surrey.
The most frequently requested area for
help is time management. This does not
come as a complete surprise! Essay and
report structuring is the next most popular
area. Exam preparation and note taking are
also key areas of need for some individual
guidance.
The support given depends on students’
levels of need. If the student needs are fairly
straightforward, they are given a few hints
and tips or are directed towards relevant
web pages. Quite often the issues of - for
example- note taking, time management and
essay structure are not discussed separately,
so that the student can see the links between
different skill areas. If appropriate, students
will always be referred to other sources of
support at Surrey. A number of students have
been directed towards the Student Union short
courses on Time Management, Assertion and
Stress Management.
The CLD Learning Development Tutor
Joy Moloney provides this support. She
encourages students to develop an analytical
and pragmatic approach to the development
of their skills. If, for example, a student is
finding it difficult to develop an effective
revision plan, then the time will be used to
focus on what will work for that individual
student.
The tutorials will continue to be available
until May. Students can book appointments
on Mondays, Tuesdays from 1000-1600
and on Wednesday afternoons from 1230
- 1600 by contacting Annette Appleby on
A.Appleby@surrey.ac.uk or extension 3362.

barefacts is an editorially independent newspaper and is

published by the University of Surrey Students’ Union
Do you have a complaint against
Communications Office. this newspaper?

2002 - 2003 The views expressed within the paper are those of individual If you have a complaint about any item in this
newspaper which contains inaccuracy, harassment,
authors and do not necessarily represent the views of the
editor in chief | richard watts [comms@ussu.co.uk] Editor, the University of Surrey Students’ Union or the intrusion or discrimination write to our editor about
it.
University of Surrey.
editor film editors This publication may not be reproduced in whole or in part, If you remain dissatisfied please contact the
sarah butterworth [mu91sb@surrey.ac.uk] stewart fudge [cs81sf@surrey.ac.uk] stored in any form, copied or distributed, without the express Press Complaints Commission - an independant
permission of the publisher beforehand. organisation established to uphold an editorial Code
deputy editor jolyon hunter [cs91jh@surrey.ac.uk]
All submissions must include the author’s name and Union of Practice for the Press. This newspaper will abide
position vacant photography editor by their decision.
or Staff Number. Submission is no guarantee of publication.
news editor chris hunter [funkyberry@hotmail.com]
philip howard [ph02ph@surrey.ac.uk] literature editor Anonymous and Pseudonymous articles will not be published. Press Complaints Commission
music editors chris ward [cs21cw@surrey.ac.uk] 1 Salisbury Square
alex read [cs01ar@surrey.ac.uk sports editor barefacts reserves the right to edit submissions. London EC4Y 8JB
simon robinson [ps91sr@surrey.ac.uk] eddison ruswa [ce21er@surrey.ac.uk] Telephone: 020 7353 1248
barefacts@ussu.co.uk Facsimile: 020 7353 8351
theatre editor lifestyle editor
rachael bemrose [sc92rb@surrey.ac.uk] morgan gooch [ph02mg@surrey.ac.uk] WWW.USSU.CO.UK Printed by South West Wales Publications
Adelaide Street, Swansea
If you would like to write for barefacts, then please get in touch: barefacts@ussu.co.uk © USSU COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE 2002 Tel: 01792 510000
8 VOLUNTEERING 6 March 2003

Disability Challengers: the opportunity to help through the V-Project

After a week away from barefacts, Alli Cummings (right) returns with five
more opportunities to enhance your c.v. and help out in the local community
as part of the Union’s V-Project

Hi all, I’m here again to give you your
weekly dose of V opportunities and I am
pleased to say that these articles really
seem to be working because we are
getting more and more people joining
V which is brilliant but as usual we are
still trying to tempt the rest of you to
get involved. So this week I thought
I would start with an opportunity that
will appeal to those of you who have
or are contemplating a career working
with people with disabilities. Disability
Challengers is a local charity set up to
provide play and leisure opportunities
for disabled children and young people
aged between 0-25 years in Surrey but
it is becoming hugely successful which
may have been helped slightly by the
fact that it is supported by such famous
bods as Matthew Kelly, Michael Buerk
and Georgia Reece.
It is often the case that disabled
children are excluded from fun and
invigorating play activities because
the recreational facilities that local
communities offer do not cater for
disabled children. So the purpose
of Challengers is to provide leisure
activities that are suitable for everyone
and to ensure that nobody is excluded.
Challengers offer so many amazing
services that it is difficult to know
where to start. They run play centres
where the children have access to some
of the most revolutionary equipment
used to promote development,
relaxation and stimulation and get to
play with a limitless supply of bikes,
paddling pools, dressing up clothes
and various toys and games. Then
there is also a youth centre for those
slightly older children who fancy
going on regular outings to the cinema,
theme parks or bowling. They also
run activity weekends, short holiday
breaks, Art projects and summer play
schemes. And as if this isn’t enough
they also run a sports club to ensure
that the children and young adults have
access to the same sports facilities and
experiences as other children.
So with all these different projects
running, it is hardly surprising that
they are always in need of an extra
pair of hands. If you think that you
would like to get involved with one
or more of their projects and you are
an enthusiastic and energetic person
interested in working with young
people then why not become a youth
worker, sports assistant or play worker?
If you are not based in Guildford then
don’t worry because they have plenty
of opportunities all around Surrey and
as with most of the V opportunities, the
time commitment required is extremely
flexible so even those of with you with
very little spare time can get involved.
To get involved just to do the usual
thing and either come into the students
union and see me Alli Cummings, the
V Co-Ordinator or email me for more
details a.cummings@surrey.ac.uk. I
look forward to seeing you all!

Recruiting raggies for the

London loot run!
AFTER THE IMPRESSIVE result of this
year’s RAG WEEK we are hoping to
continue our success with more Raids
and events. We would love to get more
people involved in what we think is a
very worthwhile and fulfilling society,
not to mention a lot of fun.
If you’re interested in finding out more
about RAG and what we do, then
please come along to our recruitment
stall next Thursday 13th March
between 12 and 3pm in the Union
foyer. I’ll be there to chat to you and
explain what charities we are raising
money for and how we are going to do
it! For everyone who signs up, there’s
free sweeties so please come along.
I’ll also be selling the RAG Mags
and RAG pens where all proceeds go
straight to charity.
The next Raid that USSU RAG is
planning is the LONDON LOOT over
the Easter Hols. It is a 2 day annual
event organised by The Meningitus
BY CATHY MARSHALL
RAG COORDINATOR
Research Foundation. They have
permits for the Underground and the
City and will provide accommodation
in central London, breakfast and £3 per
day for food expenses. Last year they
had 25 collectors and raised £18,000
– this year they’re aiming for £25,000.
There will be students from Uni RAG’s
such as Loughborough, Exeter, Aston,
Cambridge, Bath and Manchester so
if you’re available over Thursday 16th
and Friday 17th April then why don’t
you join us for this MEGA Raid in
London. As it is over Easter there will
be loads of Easter eggs for prizes and
don’t forget the legendary party on the
Thursday night.
So why should you join USSU RAG?
• Collecting huge sums of money for
good causes
• It looks great on your CV
• Committee positions
• Marketing/publicity skills
• RAG Conference in January 2004 at
UMIST
• Huge social side
• Small local raids and joining other
Uni’s for MEGA raids
• Freebies
• Potential work experience placements
with charities
6 March 2003 ACCOMMODATION FEATURE 9
The barefacts guide to determine what sort of a house-mate you are

With the release of the accommoda-

tion paper earlier this week, James
Sheppard (left) offers a Cosmo type
guide to help figure out whether your
year will be a harmonious one or not
SO, THE STUDENT Housing Special is out. You may have been up since
7am on Monday morning, diligently searching through the columns of
prices, addresses and house descriptions with coloured highlighter pens
in hand. Maybe you have no idea what the Student Housing Special is.
Either way, the chances are you have one thing in common: how do you
know you will be compatible with the people you end up living with?
The answer: you don’t. Until now, that is...
Unless you’re planning on living totally and utterly alone next year, you
are going to have to get along with the other people you share a house
or flat with. Be warned, dear reader, that appearances are deceptive,
and you only truly know what a person is like once you’ve lived with
them. You can however prepare yourself by using this helpful quiz to
determine what sort of housemate you and our buddies are. Answer the
questions as truthfully as possible, and get all your potential housemates
to do the same.

The quiz
1 You have just finished a meal. What do you do?
[a] Go and wash up everything, then dry it all, then
put it all away.
[b] Put all dirty dishes next to the sink to clean up
later.
5 You’re in a bad mood. What do you do?
[a] Apologise to friends for acting strange.
8 How often do you use other people’s stuff?
[a] Rarely, if ever.
[b] Mope about and communicate in grunts. [b] Quite often.
[c] Slam doors, ignore everyone, and hurl abuse [c] All the time. You don’t have any of your own
randomly. stuff.

6 9
[c] Leave your plate on the nearest available surface.

2
You go to put something into the kitchen rubbish bin,
but it is full. What do you do?
[a] Change the bin liner.
[b] Balance the rubbish on top of the mound, pushing
It’s 3am, and you wake up in bed having realised that Do you ask before you borrow things from other
you’ve forgotten to defrost the fish you were going to people?
eat the following day. Do you [a] Always.
[a] Stay in bed and decide on an alternative. [b] Sometimes.
[b] Get up quietly and get the fish out of the freezer. [c] Never.

10
it down a bit to make it stay. [c] Leap out of bed screaming your head off, stamp
[c] You never use a bin anyway, you just leave down the stairs yelling all the way, and attempt After borrowing someone else’s stuff, what do you
rubbish lying around. to accelerate the delayed defrosting process by do?

3
battering the frozen fish against a hard surface. [a] Return it as soon as possible.

7
You spill food/drink onto the worksurface/table/floor. [b] Leave it by the sink hoping they will wash it
What now? Upon moving into a new house, you notice that the instead.
[a] Clean it up now. freezer requires defrosting. Do you [c] Cover it with muck, take it to your room, and
[b] Clean it up later. [a] Turn off the freezer, open the door, and put down leave it to fester until its owner manages to hunt it
[c] Don’t actually realise you’ve made a mess. a container to catch the water. down.

4 11
[b] Ignore the chunks of ice and just use the freezer
You’ve got some food left over in the wok/pan/tray. as normal. How much stuff of yours would you leave lying
What do you do with it? [c] Decide that [a] is not a quick enough process, around the house?
[a] Throw it away or keep it in a container. and instead go at it with a 6” carving knife, thereby [a] None.
[b] Cover it and put it to one side. puncturing the heat exchanger, releasing the essential [b] A few bits and pieces.
[c] Leave it lying around the kitchen in the most gasses, and rendering the freezer useless except as a [c] Almost everything.
inconvenient place possible until you next use said garden ornament.
wok/pan/tray.

How did you answer? Compatibility

MOSTLY [A]’S: Whoa, put your halo away. You are an
example of the pinnacle of domestic perfection. It’s a
safe bet that your CDs are in alphabetical order too. You
may been described as “anal” by members of the other
housemate typecasts.
MOSTLY [B]’S: Hmm, not too bad, but there’s room for
improvement. You’re willing to give and take when it
suits you which makes you the most flexible type of
housemate.
MOSTLY [C]’S: Riiiiight. Mostly [c]’s, eh? There may be
troubles ahead, my friend. You’re either incredibly stupid,
or an evil genius.
in
Housemates of the same type should have few problems. next week
A mixture of [a]’s and [b]’s, or [b]’s and [c]’s is
acceptable, but don’t be surprised if a few arguments crop
up over domestic issues during your tenancy.
THIS
Any mixture of [a]’s and [c]’s is likely to result in
frequent conflict. Don’t say we didn’t warn you! IS
Disclaimer
This quiz has been compiled from eye-witness accounts
MY
from veterans of student-housing conflicts. Although
every effort has been made to make it as accurate PLEDGE
and rigorous as possible, barefacts cannot accept
responsibility for any bad decisions made as a result of what about last year’s sabbs?
using this quiz.

Being Charlie Kaufman
Making his way through Spike Jonze’s latest
“Adaptation,” Paul Wright realises he’s not
quite sure which bit went where. A bit like
Being John Malkovich, then
ADAPTATION STRIKES THE viewer after
watching as the type of film that
deserve two, if not three viewings
subsequent. It succeeds as a film in
that the plot and characters are still
rattling about in the viewer’s head
hours after leaving the cinema, in a
vain effect to piece together some
sense of went before.
This film follows on almost
literally from the success of Being
John Malkovich (another joint
collaboration of Spike Jonze and
Charlie Kaufman) with the opening
of the film taking a behind-the-
scenes look at production of Being
John Malkovich whilst introducing
the main protagonist and on-screen
screenwriter; Charlie Kaufman
(Nicolas Cage).
Charlie is a screenwriter taking a
break from his normal line of films
with the task of turning a non-
fictional book, “The Orchid Thief”
into a film script. The film follows
his adaptation efforts whilst also
delivering glimpses of the written
script thus far in the form of flash
backs to three years previous of John
Laroche (Chris Cooper) and Susan
Orlean (Meryl Streep), the main
characters in “The Orchid Thief”.
His twin brother, Donald Kaufman
(Cage, again), in an effort to better
himself and imitate Charlie, attends a
screenwriting course and embarks on
writing his own, Hollywood-cliché
MUSIC THEATRE
the music team pull daisy clay watches
out all the stops this tracey shaw get her
week with three pages kit off and rachael
of singles, albums and bemrose previews
some dixie-chick gigs present laughter
laden script.
The film makes use of simple, clean
postproduction effects to bring us
two Kaufmans on-screen at the same
time. Nicolas Cage successfully
brings to life the brothers and gives
them enough differences in speech
and mannerisms to ensure the Above: Nic Cage and, erm, Nic Cage in the disjointed Adaptation. Picture:www.imbd.com
audience are not entirely baffled
by sight of the same person twice. This shows somewhat in the out of place impressive as they are impenetrable. As a
Those that have seen Fight Club, The encounters between Charlie and Amelia, it is stand-alone film however (for those viewers
Sixth Sense or The Usual Suspects never really made clear if she likes Charlie unaware of its background) the result is
will find themselves waiting until the closing scenes somewhat wide of the mark, the plot jumps
fruitlessly for a similarly ground As an excise in abject self-referencing amongst numerous time periods and the final
breaking plot twist to shake the film Adaptation can be considered a true work ending, as much as it could be called that,
to the core. Unfortunately, one is not of genius, the lengths at which the movie can only be described as self-indulgent.
forthcoming and only adds to the exerts control over its own destiny are as
frustration after leaving the cinema.
For sheer wheels within wheels
moments this film takes the biscuit,
with Charlie dictating into a tape
recorder a monologue that he later
repeats into a tape recorder; reading
from a script taken from the original
dictation. And for epic scene setting
the filmmakers some how run through
the entire history of the world in a 60
second stop-frame piece of footage
in answer to Charlie’s question
“Why am I here?”
During the course of the film the
style violently snaps from a well-
meaning art house effort to a guns and
car chases endeavour which mirrors
Charlie’s request for assistance with
the script from his brother, Donald.
As soon as Donald starts passing
comment on his brother’s work the
audience is immersed into a world
of surveillance, car chases and
guns - all of which feel particularly
out of step with the majority of
the film and probably the point of
including both characters. The hoax
of two screenwriters is continued
throughout, the film credits both
Charlie and Donald Kaufman for the
screenwriting and even goes as far as
to dedicate itself to the memory of
Donald Kaufman.
There are rumours that the original
screenplay (if such a thing ever
existed) called for Charlie and Susan
to have an affair; but due to the
complete lack of chemistry between
the two actors the role of Amelia
was written in to compensate.
6 March 2003
The rooms in which the free world was won: the cabinet war rooms exhibition
When the bombs rained down on Britain, the government minis-
ters went underground. Rich Watts looks at where they went
and wonders where the present government will be heading to
“IT IS BECOMING increasingly difficult
to see how war can be averted. It is
certainly not right to give up hope.”
So wrote Winston Churchill in an
article published in The Times in the
early part of 1939, as displayed at The
Cabinet War Rooms, an exhibition of
the Imperial War Museum in which
the underground nerve centre of
the government’s war operation is
preserved as it was left at the end of the
war in 1945.
At this time of possible war, in which
uncertainty walks hand in hand with
inevitability, the hour that it takes
to walk around this exhibition is a
time for reflection and admiration, as
one glimpses the quarters in which
decisions of incredible importance and
consequence were made and fronts
marked out on giant maps covering
walls the size of cinema screens are
displayed.
Upon entering the exhibition, you
descend no more than what I suspect
to be 15ft, or a standard flight of stairs.
The security and protection, however,
that a three feet slab of concrete over
“Once again we stand on the brink of war
and underground the cabinet war rooms of
today are being built.”
FILM & EXHIBITION
one’s head soon imposes is displayed
wonderfully by the removal of a cross-
section of the roof above and one is
left in no doubt of the claustrophobia
that must surely have been prominent
in times of great stress. Indeed, one of
the attractions of the exhibition – the
hand-held sets that provide a running
commentary whilst wondering from
display to display – give accounts of
what it was like to live in the “bunker”
from first-person perspectives and the
testimony of a tea-lady who suffered
immensely due to the heat soon
confirmed what an observer could only
imagine.
Many aspects of the exhibition stand
out: the telephone room from which
Churchill spoke with Roosevelt; the
committee room at which the leading
ministers of the day and the chiefs of
the defence forces sat; even Churchill’s
very own room. The highlight, though,
was the map room.
There were about five or six maps
stretched out across entire walls,
all dotted with naval passages, the
progression and recession of battle
11
fronts, the location of armed forces
and their support battalions, all
meticulously and faithfully located on
huge maps with, literally, pin-point
accuracy. They map the Atlantic,
the seas around the United Kingdom
and the Far Eastern theatres of war,
including maps showing the island-
hopping operations by the American
sea-borne forces in the Pacific.
Each display is a testament to the
magnitude and scale of a war that truly
incorporated the entire world and, in
contrast to their complexity and sheer www.iwm.org.uk/cabinet
scale, impress on the visitor just how
important the rooms that are on display
are to the world we inhabit today by
virtue of what happened within the
four walls one is surrounded by. They
are left precisely how the map-readers
left them on 16 August 1945 – the day
after Victory in Japan day.
And what of that world they
protected? Once again we stand on
the brink of a war and somewhere, looks on as their leaders decide what
deep below the streets of London move to play next and we wait for the
and the underground systems over start of another war that will signify
which it continues oblivious, are the the need for such secret, underground
cabinet war rooms of today being built, locations.
ready to protect the government from
possible attacks. “Events are moving
I wonder whether there will be
anything left to allow future generations
forward from every quarter,” observed the chance observe the locations in
Churchill, “and along all roads towards which the decisions were made that
a catastrophe.” The public once again places them where they stand to view.

This is the word-crossing crossword

you’ll be pleased to hear it should be easier than last semeser
Apologies to all who sat down to pit their wits against the crossword last week only to see
that the grid really didn’t correspond to the clues given or the answer-grid at the back of
the paper. We’re a bit silly sometimes. barefacts@ussu.co.uk

Above: the trans-

Atlantic phone room
from which Church-
ill called Roosevelt
Do you enjoy the crossword? Would you rather there was some other sort of puzzle to
on a secure line and
keep your mind active, rather ironically, during those dull lectures? Let us know your other highlights of
thoughts on the matter and we’ll see what we can do. barefacts@ussu.co.uk the exhibition
14 LITERATURE & THEATRE
poetry The Hobbit by J. R. R. Tolkien
AROUND 30 YEARS from now, there will be
an epic cinematic hype shaking through
Hollywood. All the actors from The Lord
Of The Rings trilogy will reunite, and
produce an epic prequel. The title? Lord Of
The Rings – Episode 1 – The Hobbit. This
was the book that began the magical tale
by terrence rojas of wizards, goblins, dwarfs, orcs, hobbits,
Now that you’re not here etc. Hobbits are, as the book describes,
inside - an empty space - “little people, about half our height, and
Where life grows cold. smaller than the bearded dwarves”. They
the borders of my soul, are quiet, harmless creatures who prefer to
Die silently avoid adventure or challenges.
amid the revelry. Bilbo Baggins, however, gets this and
much more as a mystical wizard called
The sparkle of your eye, Gandalf employs him as a burglar to steal
The slick, wet moistness left; from perhaps the most dangerous creature
as you lick your lips. in the land: Smaug the Magnificent – a
The tender touch powerful and terrorising dragon. He sets
of savage kiss; off on this adventure with a band of dwarfs,
Dies back encountering many surprises on the way.
to the whisper of a sigh. The Hobbit is unusual in that it can be
read by both adults and children. The
In a blink of an eye qualities either audience receive may be
droplets fall as a shower; slightly different, but Tolkien keeps the
Cleansing, tale in suspense for all with the imminent
now expressing sorrow; confrontation waiting at the end of
As garments tossed aside, the journey. The subtext of Gandalf’s
are worn again. “business” which he has to see to often
As guilt is dressed
There is no dignity in life,
The mirror shows two faces Only in death.
existence cracked In life we are humiliated,
Gone awry. We are accused, we are hurt.
death is not the end | katy saunders
Soft fragrance whispers Always, we are hurt.
of an afternoon apart. Knocked down with the manipulations,
I stand there waiting,
The whims, the hatred of others.
and try to look the part; Of ourselves.
While losing myself
I am a victim of hatred, of whim,
in this selfish insanity. Of manipulation.
We all are,
For the dark empty And that is why life has no dignity.
is put away again;
Death has dignity; in death
And icicles selfishly lie We can be remembered for what we made
behind smiling sunshine.
ourselves
© 2003 Mind Ink And not what others made us to be.
The Blue Room at the Yvonne Arnaud
ON HEARING THAT The Blue Room was BY DAISY CLAY
showing at the Yvonne Arnaud I was
interested to see why the play had become so character. This technique kept the play
famous since first appearing in Germany in flowing despite changes in the plot. It
1921. This modern adaptation of the play as allowed each character to be shown in two
it originally was named La Ronde follows different situations and their responses to
a chain of sexual encounters between an the situation could be examined. I found this
intriguingly diverse set of characters. These play refreshingly different to the majority of
characters are skilfully played by just two current plays as its approach to drama was
actors, who in this production were Tracey quite different, discarding the classic use of
Shaw (Coronation Street’s Maxine) and a single plot flowing from beginning to end
Jason Connery (TV’s Robin of Sherwood). using the same characters throughout.
At the play’s first showing the police Despite this play’s infamous nature
actually closed it down and arrested the surfacing through its candid approach to
actors. Attitudes to censorship have changed nudity and sex there were numerous other
a lot since then, and quite frankly, audiences features of the play which are worthy of
are much happier about seeing such nudity praise. There were countless moments of
and sexual behaviour onstage. humour, especially a voiceover depicting the
In essence, this play is about sex and how it length of time which each sexual encounter
occurs in many different situations between lasted (a mere 45 seconds in one case!). The
a vast array of different individuals. The design of the set and use of music were also
play was cleverly adapted with each scene really impressive.
involving two characters, where the next Overall, I really enjoyed the play not
scene would involve one of the characters only did it live up to its reputation for such
from the previous scene and a new unmistakable nudity, but it also met its
6 March 2003
during the tale allows Tolkien to spring
him onto the scene at random moments of
helplessness, saving Bilbo and the dwarfs
from an untimely demise.
The structure is almost flawless, and
the mystical diction and powerful
characterisation creates a world almost as
real as the one we are in now. Disbelief
is suspended as talking eagles, goblins that
ride on the back of evil wolves, trolls that
turn to stone, and magical elves become
not just fairy-tale fantasy, but tangible and
three-dimensional living things that can
and do exist within the scope of the novel.
The explanation for this is quite interesting.
Instead of employing the typical fairy-tale
techniques of random magical powers,
Tolkien backs it all up with concepts from
the real world such as politics, war, money
dispute, and sociological perspectives that
can be applied even today.
The Hobbit is an easy book to get lost
in. The magical setting draws you in,
and perhaps brings back the memories of
being a child again – the wild imagination,
the innocence of thought, and the light-
hearted rejection of scepticism. A truly
powerful novel indeed.
Death is dignity, Above: Gandalf - the “daddy’ of all wizards
The final dignity of our lives. picture: http:img-fan.theonering.net
In death, our true colour is
released,
Whether black or white or deadening grey.
And we will be noticed, and we will be
Quoted as being, “One of Coward’s most
remembered, quotable, most humane and certainly most
Or else we will be blissfully forgotten -
funny plays”,(Daily Mail) Present Laughter
Gone and so forgotten, hits the Guildford stage on Monday 10th
Like so many deepening sunrises March. Starring Rik Mayall, as reported
Bleeding across a painless sky. in our exclusive interview last week, this
We will be remembered, or else
touring production promises to entertain and
forgotten. exercise those chuckle muscles.
But where ever we lie, there will be dignity
One of his finest and funniest comedies,
As never seen in life. Noel Coward admitted that he wrote the
There is no dignity in living. role of egotistical charmer Garry Essendine
in Present Laughter as a vehicle for his
own talent. Set in the glamorous world
of the theatre during the Jazz Age, it is a
marvellously comic exaggeration of the life
that whirled around Coward in his heyday.
Flamboyantly dressing-gowned, and
devastatingly handsome, Garry Essendine
may be teetering reluctantly towards middle
age but everyone, both male and female, is
infatuated by him.
The master of scalpel-sharp repartee,
ruthless put-downs and spectacular
tantrums, his life is one long performance
present laughter
in which he can never be himself. About
to set off on an extended tour of Africa,
the blue room Essendine is visited by practically everyone
he knows including his ex-wife/manager,
lawyer, secretary, butler, business partners,
an admiring young playwright and a recent
one-night stand! The stage is set for a battle
of glittering egos.
Present Laughter runs from Monday
10th – Saturday 15th March with
performances Mon - Thurs 7.45pm, Fri
& Sat Eve 8pm, and Thurs & Sat Mat
2.30pm. Student standbys are available
reputation of being a thoroughly enjoyable 1 hours before performances from £7.
and compelling play. The middle-aged Box office 01483 440077, www.yvonne-
women sat in the front row giggling at each arnuad.co.uk.
instance of nudity was also quite amusing! Rachael Bemrose
6 March 2003
Rich W meets the Hamiltons
Fulfilling a lifetime ambition of sorts, Rich Watts
finally meets media ‘darlings’ and one-time politicians
Neil and Christine Hamilton, only to be told he looks
alarmingly like Louis Theroux
NEIL AND CHRISTINE Hamilton are
many things to many people – they
are the multi-purpose tools of their
generation, if you will. For those
with a slight interest in politics, they
are the Conservative couple who
flew under the protective shield of
Margaret Thatcher, pushing their way
through the Houses of Parliament to
the eventual ignominy of the infamous
Cash for Questions row and a falling
out with none other than everyone’s
favourite asylum seeker, Mohamed
al-Fayed.
To others, whose interests are less
political, more predatory, they are
media puppets, turning up at every
available opportunity to make a quick
buck, leaving their decency and self-
respect at the door of every television
studio, radio station and newspaper
office they enter to reveal more about
their apparently sordid lives.
These are the competitions
Typical: no competitions for a whil
and then two come along at once.
What is the world coming to. Any-
way, we’ve a couple of prizes this
week that will be sure to tickle those
of you who know your stuff.
The first is mingled in with an
upcoming event at the Union. On
Friday 21st March, DJ Yoda - that
cheeky chap that mixes things you
wouldn’t believe (the Cheeky Girls
into Bon Jovi, for example) - will
be playing the Union as part of the
Sidekick bootleg tour, organised by
those lovely people at NUS Ents and
NUSSL (and the lovely Tania at NUS
Ents who has given us this competi-
tion.). He is one of the bext hip-hop
dj’s in the world and, just because
we’re nice, you have the chance win a
copy of DJ Yodas fantastic album and
a bootleg tour t-shirt by answering the
following question:
Q. what drink is bringing this bootleg
tour to life?
We’ve not harmed you chances by
including their logo right underneath
this sentance, so e-mail in to
barefacts@ussu.co.uk and await the
result.
FEATURE & COMPETITIONS
Some people think of them as
the subject of Louis Theroux’s
documentary, which, rather decently
for Louis Theroux, turned into another
media frenzy as the couple were
accused of taking part in the rape of a
young, as it soon turned out, attention-
seeking woman.
And others will think of them, or
the wife part, anyway, as the best bit
of reality television viewing since the
last Celebrity Big Brother. Whichever
view you happen to subscribe to,
they certainly make for fascinating
characters.
Though the sense of irony generated
by their appearance in pantomime over
the festive period must surely have not
been wasted on them, it allowed the
opportunity for me to meet up with the
couple deemed “odd” by most people.
“We love it – the whole ridiculousness
of it” says Christine of the pantomime
Back in the world of Drum ‘n’
Bass, however, we can offer you the
oppoertunity to win a signed copy
of the new EZ-rollers album, Titles
of the Unexpected, released on
February 3rd. Comprising Jay Hurren,
Alex Banks, vocalist Kelly Richards
and MC Jakes, the E-Z Rollers have
pioneered the Drum and Bass scene
for over 10 years during which
time they have built an excellent
reputation for producing some of the
most textured, funk infectious and
danceable music of the genre.
‘Titles Of The Unexpected’ is a
thrilling, uplifting album with subtle
depths and massive potential. The
album promises to further cement the
E-Z Rollers reputation as top class
producers, pushing the boundaries
further, and injecting a much-needed
funk and energy. This is a landmark
album for 2003 and once again
spotlights the E-Z Rollers marking
a significant development of their
unique sound at the forefront of the
intricate and constantly evolving
Drum and Bass scene. Or so it says.
Anyway, to win the album, just send
the answer to the following question
to barefacts@ussu.co.uk:
Q: name the old skool rapper
who is appearing on ‘Titles of the
unexpected’.
NUS ents rock!
www.nusonline.co.uk
Above: Rich Watts with Neil and Christine Hamilton
and Neil seems to concur: “Well, if it’s
a choice between fantasy and reality
– there is no choice.” This I find
surprising: within seconds of talking,
Neil has already made reference to the
seeming circus that has been following
them around for the last nine years;
indeed, he says that “given what has
happened in our lives over the past ten
years, it is very difficult to tell what is
fantasy and what is reality.” So why
this apparent enthusiasm to perpetuate
the myth of the “odd couple”? “We
seem to fit into the world of cloud
land very well” offers Neil by way of
reason.
The female half of the couple has
certainly come to expect such flippancy
from her husband; during their time in
Parliament, when Christine was Neil’s
aid, it was always thought that she
was the one doing all the work, and
that Neil was simply the mouthpiece.
After years of such banal and useless
comments, though, she must surely
have come to expect his nature? “I
know it’s not cool, but we’re not cool
people. Neil does tell terrible jokes,
though. He’s hard work.”
Since the days of Parliament, the focus
has shifted towards Christine more
legitimately than it ever had before
with the advent of celebrity reality
television (a sort of contradiction in
terms, there, don’t you think?) and,
in particular, I’m a Celebrity – Get
Me Out of Here. “I loved it,” says
Christine of the experience, “I basically
love everything I do. That’s what life
is all about.”
Do the Hamiltons, with their
seemingly endless rounds of television
appearances, newspaper interviews
and public appearances, think that they
are dependent on the very people that
have ruined their lives?
Neil disagrees: “If anything, they are
the ones dependent on us – they are
always beating a path to our door.”
Certainly, if the process through which
Christine was chosen to go on
15
I’m a Celebrity – being virtually
begged by television chiefs – is
anything to go by, you can see they
have a point. “It’s a job: we are paid to
do these things. Our job is to be in the
media: that is how we make our living.
It is symbiosis.” ? Have any of your
experiences changed you as people?
“We’re the same. What has changed is
public perception. It is the newspapers
that have to change their view and
stance on us because people have seen
that reality is different to the caricatures
that were created.” Did any of it hurt?
“Of course. But if people don’t like us,
it’s their problem – not ours.”
No matter what your experience of the
Hamilton’s, for a couple to have such
a lasting effect on their contemporaries
and culture, there must be something
behind the façade that is the media
portrayal of their lives. Looking
through the coloured path their lives
has taken, I wonder whether Neil might
have moved to the ranks of Cabinet and
whether his wife would be there with
him.
As it is, they both seem content with
their lot: Neil, after a long diatribe
against the government’s then proposals
for universities fees, has drawn his own
conclusions: “I think everyone has
concluded that Parliament is a waste of
time. It is now seen virtually as theatre
and that is sad.” Of course, you can’t
help but think that he would only
succeed if it really was pantomime,
but that, perhaps, is another headline
for another day: “Neil Hamilton – MP
once more.”
16
EL HULA
VIOLENT LOVE EP | THINGS TO
COME
Take The Coral add a lot of Nick
Cave and a tiny dash of Beck’s
way of thinking and you have
this in the shape of El Hula. It is
very good and definitely worth
checking out. They are never
going to be massive but that’s
not a bad thing. Deserves a
listen six | j.s.
TOUCH YOU
KATOI | BMG
For me to like a dance tune,
there has to be something
original or catchy about it that
makes me listen. However this
has neither of those in any of the
5 different mixes provided. It
would be o.k. in a club situation
maybe as a filler track, but it
certainly would not make me
throw my hands in the air and
boogie. three | j.a.
POWER LUNCH
HAR MAR SUPERSTAR | B-UNIQUE
I would like to nominate a lyric
for the hypothetical lyric of the
year competition: “I’m shaved
so close your tasting wax.” Ivor
Novello judges take note. Power
Lunch is electronically damaged
r ’n’ b from a very strange man
with a worrying penchant for
break dancing on his neck. The
weird-ass image aside this is
top pop irreverence that I pray
pollutes the top 40 in style.
eight | a.r.
MUSIC 6 March 2003
THE BITTER END
PLACEBO | HUT RECORDINGS
singles
When I first heard that Placebo
were releasing a new album, I was
expecting a further downward
slide from the reasonable but
ropey Black Market Music. SIMPLE THINGS
However, on the evidence of DIRTY VEGAS | PARLOPHONE
their new single, they seem to This release by Dirty Vegas,
right back to their very best. They if you have not listened to the
still keep their distinct style – album, presents a more rounded
particularly the constant chugging band than the house track Days
bass line – but they manage to Go By suggested. Described as
keep it original. Here’s hoping the a ‘ballad’, Simple Things has a
album is along similar lines. eight lot more to it as a pop song and
| j.a. is sure to do well with the fans
and others alike. It might be very
worth your while to see them
ONCE UPON A TIME IN AMERICA
play live as they are very much
THE JEEVAS | COWBOY MUSIC/
a live act and they are playing in
SETANTA
London on 13th March. six | j.s.
Ex-Kula Shaker mainman
Crispian Mills, who takes sole
songwriting credit for the two
babylon ad
new tracks here, has dramatically
cradle of filth | epic
changed his outlook at some point
Ipswich based band Cradle Of Filth have done it again. They have
over the past few years. Cynics
managed to come up with the worst single of the year. Babylon AD
might argue that the rapidly
is nearly six minutes in length and six minutes too long. If anyone
dwindling commercial appeal
was to ever visit Hell for a day Babylon AD would surely be the
of his previous band’s pseudo-
soundtrack, perfectly harmonised with the sound off people screaming
Eastern mysticism prompted
from an eternity of pain. How can anyone like this stuff? Someone
this watershed, but regardless of
please hide Cradle Of Filth. I never want to see their faces, I bet they
Mills’s motivation, the result is
are ugly. one (for having the balls to write it) | s.b.
music reminiscent of the Shakers’
more occidental moments with
added sincerity. And, overlooking
the live rendition of old track
‘303’ (complete with original SLOW MOTION DAYDREAM
cringe-inducing lyrics), it’s clearly EVERCLEAR | CAPITOL RECORDS
an improvement, if nothing to One could be forgiven for
write home about. six | j.d. thinking, after the hard hitting
opener of How To Win Friends
And Influence People, that
BLUE JEANS
Everclear had made a good and
LADYTRON | TELSTAR
somewhat out of the ordinary
Ladytron are one of the flagship
pop album. However, it quickly
acts of the current electro-pop
becomes apparent that Slow
scene. Their album Light &
Motion Daydream amounts to
Magic has been well received
little more than a drop in the
and judging by this single it’s
endless stream of MTV-ready
easy to see why. Blue Jeans is
LA-punk pop bands whose
the sound of a million ultra-
names and, perhaps more so,
efficient grinning robots doing
your ironing and shagging your albums music are quickly forgotten. If
I was ten years younger and on
fridge. This is streamlined, perfect
the lookout for music to play so
pop, all seductive vocals and
loud it would annoy my parents
irresistible melody, and the fact
I might be tempted to pick this
that it would perfect advert music
album. Other kinds of listeners
for washing machines doesn’t
are advised to dig deeper. four
make it any less of a great track.
| t.t.
Buy it, if only to see your toaster
dance. eight | a.c.
MUSIC FOR THE MORE MATURE...
DJ FORMAT | PIAS RECORDINGS
This LP release from DJ Format takes on the old skool hip hoppers with
similarities to Jurassic 5 and Ugly Duckling. All B-Boys and B-Girls
are treated to guest vocals from Chali 2na & Akil of the aforementioned
J5 on We Know You Don’t Know. Being the first single off Format’s
debut album shows his skills along side some of the best vocalists in
their field. Up tempo beats and bongo make up Last Bongo In Brighton
using sampled vocals breaking up this funky instrumental. An intense
Hip Hop message this album is not, it rejoices music and life with
floating lyrics with catchy up tempo loops and the customary bizarre
samples in between tracks. An impressive first album in its genre shows
that getting the right vocal support goes a long way. seven | m.b.
6 March 2003 MUSIC 17
EVERYTHING’S EVENTUAL FOLLY
APPLETON | POLYDOR FORTDAX | TUGBOAT RECORDS
Well I must say I didn’t have the highest hopes for this album. The It’s hard to make a general
expendable blondes from the chart mediocrity that was the All Saints? statement about this 40 minute
What could they possibly produce other than a fairly eye-pleasing album from FortDax, aka Darren
inlay booklet? The answer is a fine album. Think of Madonna’s Ray Durham. Some of the tracks
of Light and you have a fair idea of the type of sound they’ve gone could easily have been made by
for. The standout tracks include catchy single Fantasy and Ring-A- my grandmother sitting by her STRIKE! UP THE BAND
Ding-Ding, of which the latter is evidence of some serious song- Yamaha organ while other are SCARAMANGA SIX | WRATH
writing ability. Okay some of the tracks are a bit watery but there’s dreamy synth tracks that take RECORDS
enough quality here to suggest they’ve got some more tricks up their you on an imaginary journey Huddersfield’s Scaramanga Six
collective sleeve - write them off as pop fluff at your peril. Great inlay somewhere, perhaps to a film set are a mish mash of funk, heavy
booklet too. seven | a.c. in the night, streetlight silently rock and rock ‘n’ roll rolled
flying past the raindrops on a into one. It is quiet uncommon
car window. There are some GAMES AT HIGH SPEEDS to come across a band that
Kraftwerk influences in here, as PILOT TO GUNNER | ARRCO process the ability to balance
well as orchestral synth work 5 years in the making and for both rock energy with a subtle
that well could be from Vangelis’ a debut album as well, ‘Games touch of soul fullness. At
extensive catalogue. Problem at high speeds’ is quintessential times its pure congested chaos
was, I had a hard time getting American lofi. Fuzzy guitars, and then allows an intake of
through even 40 minutes of this in distraught vocals and soaring breath before the next assault.
one sitting. six | t.t. melodies, the kind of album an Elemental is a great example of
American Seafood would make. Scaramanga’s ability to make
MEN ARE NOT NICE GUYS This band has toured constantly attitude curiously catchy and
GRAND POPO FOOTBALL CLUB in the states for the past couple of funky. As intriguing they are
Grand Popo Football Club is the years and are now ready to hit the many tracks miss that cutting
brainchild of Parisian über-dandy UK shores. Messed up lofi indie, edge quality but with time and
Ariel Wizman and producer oh and did I say they were from a bigger label, could easily do
Nicolas Errera. Their single Men New York? seven | s.r. the trick. six | m.b.
MARY STAR OF THE SEAS are not Nice Guys is a parody of
ZWAN | MARTHA’S MUSIC RELEASE
electronic musicians in each of
Zwan are a Billy Corgan their notorious filthy habits -i.e. THE EVERLASTING BLINK
assembled super group of grunge over sampling, using instrumental BENT | SPORT/MINISTRY
causalities/veterans assigned slapped bass or vocoders. The idea Bent want to check you into
the mission of sonically purging of unveiling the hype could have their clinic for the tediously
the pop whores and chart sluts been a good concept but Grand sane, forget about the bustle and
of America. Declaring he’d Popo’s effort is just too convincing: hustle of everyday life, do it the
had enough with the Smashing horrendous collages and cheesy Bent the way, sit down, relax
Pumpkins and chart music in vocal arrangements will make you and take it easy. This is what
general in 2000, fans had to refrain from listening to the stuff ‘Everlasting Blink is all about,
wait patiently for Corgan’s next after a few goes. Please listen to an hours break from the world
project. Without dwelling to long some Daft Punk instead. Why around. According to Bent
on the logistics of Zwan, Mary suffer for the sake of good [bad] this album is “all about birth
Star of the Seas comfortably taste? four | j.h. and death, its talking about the
marries pop accessibility with preservation of life”. Each track
the wonderful musicianship of is sublime chill out, from the cute LET YOUR LOVE BE LOVE
this group of grizzled grunge beeps of ‘Strictly Bongo’ to the THE SLEEPY JACKSON | VIRGIN
superheroes. Listening to Settle swirling melancholia of ‘Beautiful The Sleepy Jackson are from
TELEVISE Down is like being tap-tapped Otherness.’ Go on take it easy, Perth Western Australia and
CALLA | RYKO in the chest before being thrown sit back, relax and enjoy. Superb! seem pretty pissed about it.
Not another New York band! back and physically assaulted (but nine | s.r. This short album is full of
Calla are different though. in a good way!). It’s the engaging confusingly schizophrenic
They have had raving reviews nature of tracks like this and THROWING MUSES songs about joy and despair
both for their live performances single Honestly that best promote THROWING MUSES | 4AD with the joyous stuff just
and their material committed to the importance of Zwan and their This is the first album from the Throwing Muses in seven years. The winning out. As a band their
compact disc over the past few music amongst the sea of pop release of their self titled album will be simultaneously released with music is hard to pin down, ping
months in both the US and over floaters. eight | a.r. lead singer Kirstin Hersh’s solo album ‘The Grotto’. Throwing Muses ponging as it does between
here. The NME describe them originally split in 1997 having released seven studio albums, but the chicken shed production
as having ‘Haunted melodies decided to reform after a one off live show in 2000.The album sounds of Caffeine in the Morning
and aching lyrics’ they are extremely raw and has had little done to make it sound commercial. to the majestic centrepiece
scarily close to the truth for Throwing Muses have gone back to their roots. The album was recorded that is Sunkids. The later
a change.Televise is the third over three weekends in 2002, due to a lack of finance. All members have is Polyphonic Spree with
album from Calla, their first day jobs so touring and rehearsing in limited, this has all added to raw uprooted preach and heart-on-
being released way back in sounding album. Stand out tracks include ’Speed and Sleep’ a powerful the-sleeve emotion. Listening
1999. They have developed a track with PJ Harvey qualities to it. ‘Solar Dip’ could easily be a single, to Let Your Love Be Love is
unique sound, a sound that is it has a radio friendly vibe. If you are a fan of either The Bellrays or the quite unlike the Sleepy Jackson
intensely atmospheric, a sound Yeah Yeah Yeahs you will love the Throwing Muses. Be sure to check live experience. Live they are a
that has audiences transfixed. them out dudes! much edgier proposition with a
The thick bass lines flow albums distinctly different set list and
perfectly. Imagine a slow Ikara words by: al read | andrew malek deafening bass effects. I was
Colt (if that’s possible) and | simon robinson | anna wheeler | disappointed by the absence
that is similar to the sound of jonathan darzi | matty b | anthos of killer live track Apples
Calla, if you have fallen for chrysanthou | jonathan howell (wicked bass) on this album
recent dirty garage-rock bands terje tjervaag | johnathan allen but I guess it will show up
then you will surely fall for a if you are interested in writing for soon. Schizophrenic on record,
slower version. Calla, hopefully the music team, then come along schizophrenic live, one thing is
gracening these shores very to the cd hand-out in the media for sure the Sleepy Jackson are
soon. nine | s.b. centre on mondays at 5pm consistently mental. eight | a.r.
 Whats On
events Friday 7th - Sunday 16th March
“Apparently this bit isn’t as good as it used to be. Like many things in life really.”

One World Week Election Night FNO

Gala Night Main Union
Fri Main Hall 9-2am
One World Week Radio 1’s
One World Disco Bobby Friction & Nehal
Sat Main Union HRB 10-2am
Main Union Sport Free Film
Sun
Sheffield United v Leeds (KO 11.30)
Die Another Day 8pm

‘Still the best deal in town’

Mon Pay £9 on the door, and pay no more.
Main Union 9-2am

Battle of the Bands

Tue Main Union from 7pm
Leroy presents
‘What you want to hear’
Wed Citrus 9-2am Main Union, £2/£4
HRB & Main Union
9pm start hancellors Challenge
Book at reception
Thu Plus X-Box
Tournament
Its the quiz of the week.
Chancellors 8pm

K-Klass loves the 90’s

Fri See feature ad for details
Graham Gold
c i g a r s a n d g o o d l i v i n g
Plus a holiday for two to Ibiza
Sat Main Union 9-2am
Main Union Sport
Some football, www.skysports.com
Free Film
Sun for details Harry Potter & Chamber
of secrets 7pm
6 March 2003 MUSIC 19

Bit of a
change
for you this
week, instead of
the normal dreary
bands that most of
you have never heard
of, I thought I’d check
out the Wall of Sound
night at Fabric. The labels
being building a name for
itself for years now and what
with Royksopp’s ‘Melody
AM’ still selling can the rest
of the label keep up? First up
is Ewan Pearson, one half of
playgroup but not as famous as
Trevor Jackson, Ewan has been
producing some great tracks at
them moment (go find Manilla),
and tonight he gets the night
going with some electro and
sleazy house. When it comes to
the current electro scene however,
then Jacque Le Cont is king.
Since leaving Zoot women he
has managed to make a name
for himself as one of the best in
the genre. Tonight’s set is a lot
deeper than his normal mixed up
slice of eighties synth and electro
but as his set progresses the fun
starts as he mixes in the theme
from 2001 space Odyssey and
finishes with ‘Sweet dreams’ by
the Eurythmics which leaves us
humming the tune till dawn.
The night becomes a bit less
clear after Jaqcue leaves and
there was a band on after but I
failed to see them. When talking
to some enthusiastic dancers later
apparently they were a bit like
this, “I thought they were going
to be shit but the women had a
great voice and the keyboards,
well they were just beautiful.”
Whilst the “beautiful” electro
was on downstairs upstairs saw
Nag Nag Nag residents and Black
Strobe playing some electro
clash. Filthy bass, lots of synth
and some pretty good tunes saw
lots of happy feet shuffling away.
Back downstairs after the band
Jon Carter takes to the booth
playing his normal mix of sleazy
house and broken beats. Its 2am
and the drunks are leaving and
the rest settle down into their
groove, not missing
a beat with their
feet and throwing
their arms up with
the lights at every
crank of the flange.
The night just floats
along with Matt
Hardwick taking
over unnoticeably
and keeping the
chugging beats
pacing along. We
all dance without a
care and like we don’t want to go
to bed but before we know it the
lights are on and we’re told to go
home, its all gone too quickly.
After hours club anyone? simon
robinson

and Samantha’s eccentricities OK, hands up everyone who

The Bee Good Tanyas hail from
British Columbia Canada. I
would un-energetically describe
their music as both relevant and
expertly crafted. They shot to
prominence recently when new
album Chinatown far exceeded
everyone’s expectations by
selling in the thousands rather
than the 500 originally predicted.
The band is comprised of three
Canadian women led by a singer
with a simple yet captivating
voice – all the more remarkable
live considering her obviously
pregnant form. Once they’d
acclimatised to the spacious
Royal Festival Hall setting, the
band’s thoroughly modern blend
of heartfelt American
folk reached out to a hugely
appreciative crowd. There
were some early jitters but
these were instantly excusable;
there was never any attempt
to fool the crowd with a fake
self-confidence. The Bee
Good Tanyas were charmingly
unaccustomed to a venue like
the Festival Hall and this was
just one factor that lifted this
gig above the majority I’ve
been to recently. Looking round
during the set everyone had big
smiles which were accentuated
further by the nervous chat of
singer/ukulele player Samantha.
It was the skilled banjo and slide
guitar playing of Trish coupled
with the singer’s beautiful voice
that give this band so many
interesting live dimensions. I
won’t labour over song titles but
instead I’ll recommend this band
to any fan of acoustic, melodic
‘proper’ music. Highlights
included a wonderful display of
‘Bez’ style dancing when one
crowd member jumped up on
stage. With just one song to go
the band invited anyone who
wanted to join them for a lively
show closer. Aside from friends
and support act Erin Mckeown
the crowd were privileged to
witness the dance moves of an
unknown indie youngster from
the audience. He was quite
frankly the funniest and best
dancer I have ever seen; the band
and the whole audience couldn’t
take their eyes of his blend of
high-energy freaky dancing. I
have never laughed and smiled so
much at a gig in my life. A good
time was had by all and if there’s
any justice in the world they
and their now legendary dancer
should be propping up more
frequently.
alex read
has heard of ‘Death Disco’.
Anyone? Well think rock, think
funk, think disco and then add
them together, and you might get
a rough idea of this incredibly
outlandish style of music. Along
with bands like The Faint and
The Rapture, Radio 4 – a New
York 5 piece with a penchant
for black clothing – are starting
an invasion into the garage rock
scene. Tonight, their support was
from McLusky. Vocally they were
terrible, and musically they were
only sporadically reasonable. To
be honest the less there is said
about the rest, the better. After
this, I was expecting a rousing
performance from Radio 4 to
make up for the lack of quality
from their support. They started
quite well, with the first two
songs getting the crowd moving,
but after that they started to go
downhill. The poor start to the set
climaxed with a guest performing
the vocals on ‘Struggle’.
This then became a gig of two
halves. As soon as the guest had
left the stage, Radio 4 became
less Death, and much more
Disco. The final five songs,
including the forthcoming single
‘Eyes Wide Open’, made for
an incredible finish to the show
with the crowd getting much
more into the groove of things.
By the time the band reached
the final song – the punked up,
funked up disco protest romp
(the song is about the banning of
dancing in New York bars) that
is ‘Dance to the Underground’
– the whole venue was jumping.
After a slow start, they really
pulled out all the stops and
succeeded in sending shivers
down my spine on several
occasions. After two obscure
covers as an encore, the crowd
was sent home with one great
big collective grin and an urge
to start dancing in public. Or
was that just me?
jon allen

A nine piece soul band still in its
fledgling year. Covering a range
of soul classics you’ll be hard
pressed to miss the groove when
you see the guys in action.
Grunge four piece from South
London. Together for 3 years,
gigging for 2. New EP to follow
www.syncratic.com.
“The Armitage
Shanks
Works Band
(Purveyors of
Fine Traditional Jazz,
and Quality Crappers) perform
regularly on and off campus.
Playing a wide variety of
dixieland, blues, and other forms
of trad jazz, the octet this year
includes vocals, alongside the
normal line-up. The band are quite
happy to play anywhere where
some free liquid refreshment can
be arranged”
Formed in late 1999 and
arrived at their current line up
in September 2002, blending
manic funky beats, fat bass lines
and powerful guitar riffs with
fragile melancholy. The band
are currently working on new
material with a view to touring
towards the end of this year and
releasing a second EP in early
2003. www.mistakenid.co.uk
Trademark are: Oliver
Horton, Stuart Meads, Paul
Soulsby. Trademark play: voices,
synthesisers. Previous Trademark first round of live’s battle of
events have occurred at: The Fan the bands:
Club (London), Truck Festival tuesday march 11th
(Oxfordshire). Album ‘Fear: 7:30pm
Disconnection’ available soon. students’ union
www.trademark-online.co.uk £1 entry
20 LIFESTYLE 6 March 2003

Week 6 Answer: Anyone that walks to

Tescos, or goes out that end of campus
will have passed UniSport… last week’s
challenge was the light above the door on
Quiz
Continuing the theme of reader-written contributions, this week’s lyrics quiz has been
the ivy covered building. written by Helen Beaumont who claims that ‘no one will know any of these songs,’ so feel
Week 7 Clue: A few months ago this bin free to prove her wrong. Apparently the theme is ‘alternative music’ so read that as you
was in the news as people blew it up by will.
putting a firework in it… but where is it?
If you agree with her, and this week’s has been a little on the tough side for you, then how
chris ‘funkyberry’ hunter about following her example and writing your own lyrics quiz? Then you’ll be able to sit
tight, looking smug, as those around you ponder the answers next week. Send your list
of ten lyrics to barefacts@ussu.co.uk and await your offering to appear in this hallowed
position in the weeks to come.

[1] I can spit further than you can hurl

[2] Think I’ll try impress my mates, so I jump into the lake
[3] Every triangle has 3 corners, every triangle has 3 sides
[4] When I wake up in my make-up it’s too early for that dress
[5] True perfection has to be imperfect
[6] Shock shock horror horror shock shock horror
[7] I wish I could sometimes I wish I would
[8] Do you know about her strength of convicion

Who wants to be a millionaire?

[9] Dont remember what they said
[10] Im not the kind of guy who likes to go to work

well - surely not many of us would turn a million quid down

£100: in which country did the drink ‘saki’ originate?
a: spain | b: france | c: italy | d: japan

£200: how many legs does a tripod have?

I can’t seem to find the words
that’s because this is a word search
“
girls allowed musical instruments could

“
a: 1 | b: 3 | c: 9 | d: 100
call their band girls aloud
£300: when eaten, which part of a cow is known as tripe?
a: tongue | b: rump | c: neck | d: stomach lining

£500: in which part of the world is the ‘limbo’ a local dance?

a: hawaii | b: east africa | c: west indies | d: indonesia

£1k: on which form of transport did Thor Heyerdahl cross the Pacific in 1947?
a: rowing boat | b: raft | c: balloon | d: glider

£2k: according to Edward Lear, the Owl and the Pussy-Cat went to sea in a boat of which
colour?
a: sky blue | b: pea green | c: jet black | d: brick red

£4k: in 1993, Esha Ness ‘won’ which horse race that never was?
a: 1000 guineas | b: grand national | c: cheltenham gold cup | d: derby

£8k: what is the SI unit of illumination ?

a: lux | b: candela | c: watt| d: kelvin

£16k: in knitting, what is the name if the stitch made by doing a plain stitch backwards?
a: purl | b: curl | c: whurl | d: gurl

£32k: which is the largest city in the USA’s largest state?

a: dallas | b: los angeles | c: new york | d: anchorage

£64k: in terms of population, what is the largest Portugese speaking city in the world?
a: lisbon | b: rio de janeiro | c: sao paulo | d: oporto The contest continues: Chris Tar-
rant vs. Anne Robinson. Who is the
£125k: who was Prime Minister when Captain Scott reached the South Pole? champion? Your thoughts, please:
a: lloyd george | b: campbell-bannerman | c: bonar law | d: asquith barefacts@ussu.co.uk
The wordsearch has now firmly established itself in the weekly barefacts
£250k: which TV character had a secretary called Joan Greengross?
tradition, and is apparently proving itself most popular amongst the
a: jim bergerac | b: reginald perrin| c: james herriot | d: mike baldwin
Chancellor’s bar staff. This week it returns with a vaguely musical
theme, although it is debatable as to whether mentioning ‘girls aloud’
£500k: which Enlgish king was known as ‘Old Rowley’?
and ‘music’ in the same sentence is acceptable.
a: henry viii | b: richard iii | c: charles ii | d: george iv
Any thoughts on the wordsearch? Is it completed by more people than
£1m: Boadicea’s tribe, the Iceni, lived in which part of Britain?
those pouring pints in Channie’s? Let us know: barefacts@ussu.co.uk.
a: northumberland | b: east anglia | c: wales | d: cornwall
6 March 2003
Final years Funkyberry (CIT) and Ickle Sarah (Music) give
a random slice of campus life from their humble dwellings
within Battersea Court Rawson…
I’VE reached a point in time where I have
decided to run my food supplies into the
ground. This means that my meals over
the last week have consisted of ingredients
that you would just never put together.
The first meal consisted of Chicken Fajita
powder with new potatoes, topped with
broccoli. This was finished by Tescos
Value rice pudding and 6 month out of date
chocolate Nesquik. While these meals were
interesting, one meal that I tried on Monday
night I shall never make again.
THIS consisted of frying some Tescos
value processed peas in 2 spoonfuls of
peanut butter. I then added some rice to the
wok and mixed it all together. When served
up it looked like a giant snot on my plate,
and the only way I could eat this was to
force myself to think of all the vitamins I
was eating!
OVER the year various floors have stood
out in Battersea Court, but the ones that
have stood out the most are all the floors
in Wells, and Tate 1. I’m not sure if there
is something in Wells’ water (and I don’t
mean Legionella), or the fact that they
are all 1st years, but all the floors are full
of really nice people who love taking
part in everything. Just give the guys on
Wells 3 some boob tubes, and you’ll see
exactly what I mean! Now Tate 1, I can
only assume there really is something in
the water, as both this year and last year’s
residents are all great fun. Last year’s
bunch have the famous www.tateone.com
website, which includes the adventures of
Henry the Hoover (the latest update covers
Henry’s trip with them to Sweeden!), and a
who-dunnit skid mark gallery!
I’M in the activities centre writing this and
upstairs in the Union is the International
Exhibition. It’s amazing what a cultural
diversity we have at this University, and
tasting the different foods is really cool. In
fact, with what I’ve been eating recently I’d
better make the most of eating nice food!
Normal service will be resumed next week.
chris ‘funkyberry’ hunter
LIFESTYU
THIS is probably the first time I’ve written
Rawson’s Creek on good old fashioned
paper, as opposed to staring at a computer
screen in an internet induced trance. But
seeing that I am currently sitting outside on
a rather damp table writing this on my lap,
I really can’t see that it’s going to be any
improvement on normal...
BACK to a recurring theme in my half of
this column: Roast Dinners. This week,
instead of the normal (or not so normal)
pre-dinner conversation, Ian turned up
with a brand new addition to the Roast
Dinner Soc arsenal – a set of children’s
card games: snap, old maid, donkey,
animal snap, you name it, we played it!
Unfortunately, the donkey card, which was
meant to be ‘hidden’ (does anyone else
know the game? Am I making any sense?!)
was a different colour to all the others,
making the game a little… easy!
ON Monday night, Sparkle once again
beckoned, with its tempting offer of £9
for all you can drink. Mondays reliably
produce some of the most surreal events of
the week, and this one was no exception,
A guy called James, otherwise known
to me as ‘zippy guy’ after one Monday,
turned up last night with a hand puppet,
henceforth known as ‘dirty badger’. After
being really quite well behaved for an hour
or so, badger made his way around several
people, and started ‘misbehaving’ himself
whenever I went near him, certainly living
up to his nickname. But after a suicidal leap
off the Union balcony and a run in with
security, Badger miraculously disappeared.
So, if you’ve seen a rather naughty looking
badger wandering around campus, send him
home to James, because he’s distraught!
AND finally, after an appeal for another
sixty words or so to my friends, Helen has
come up with the following health warning:
don’t, on any account, down four bottles
of java one after the other. In will only end
in tears. And to the bar staff: if you see her
trying it again, stop her on all accounts!
THIS is Sarah Butterworth, reporting on a
laptop outside in the rain. Over and out.
‘ickle sarah butterworth
Upside-down answers
Lyrics quiz: [1] Hell Is For Heroes - I
Can Climb Mountains [2] A - I Love Lake
Tahoe [3] Embrace - 3 Is A Magic Number
[4] Hole - Celebrity Skin [5] Oasis - Little
By Little [6] Space - Female of the species
[7] My Vitriol - Always : Your Way [8]
Less Than Jake - All My Best Friends Are
Metalheads [9] Reel Big Fish - Sell Out
[10] [spunge] - Jump On Demand
WWTBAM: [£100: d]; [£200: b]; [£300:
d]; [£500: c]; [£1k: b]; [£2k: b]; [£4k: b];
[£8k: a]; [£16k: a];
[£32k: d]; [£64k: c]; [£125k: d]; [£250k:
b]; [£500k: c]; [£1m: b]
21
L ife After The Womb
words: rich w
The last time I properly sat down to watch television was a Wednesday. I probably had an
excessive amount of work in for the next day (an obligatory motivating factor for semi-
permanent televisual habits), had no intention of doing it and more than likely knew there
was half a tub of ice-cream left in the freezer from a previous experience I shall not go into
here.
This particular evening’s entertainment began when I set myself in the half-reclined
position on the two-seater sofa at around 5pm. I was not to move for twelve hours due to
the unravelling saga that was the American presidential elections. I was fascinated; I was
giving my housemates constant updates on who had won how many electoral votes and, at
the end of it all, I had no idea who had won. The only thing I did know was that I didn’t
know how Al Gore could have lost, but that is by the by.
Before all this had started, I had observed Prime Minister’s question time. There hadn’t
been much in the way of questions, but even if there had have been there wouldn’t have
been much in the way of answers.
“Would the Right Honourable gentleman like to tell the house what the government
intends to do with the National Health Service and its ignorance of the basic requirements
such a service requires?”
“In answer to such a question, I would ask the right honourable gentleman this: how many
times has he been to hospital in the last five months? When did he last apply himself to the
issue at hand? Wherefore do his priorities lie? I can assure you of this: we have looked
at the situation, observed it, noted it down and looked at all of the possibilities. We have
concluded that more needs to be done before we can make irrefutable conclusions and will
deliver on the statistics that prove we are still looking for categorical evidence.”
In a word: no.
Who was it that decided the cushioning of the Houses of Parliament, or at least its House
of Commons, should be green? More to the point, was it the same person that stipulated
the House of Lords should have red leather upholstery? For if it was the same person,
were they making some humorous observation of the British political system based on
the resemblance the pattern politics bears to traffic lights? I presume that when they were
making the Houses of Parliament, there were no such things as traffic lights for there was
not much in the way of traffic, or certainly not the quantity that requires lights for the
specific purpose of controlling traffic flow. That said, then, means they couldn’t have been
saying that. Unless the whole idea of red to stop, green to go was born a long time before
traffic required being told when to stop. Which it very well could have been.
And why red for stop? Green for go, red for stop. Aside from the alliterative aspect of
it (can you think of a colour beginning with “s”, apart from silver?) then we would have
to assume the danger aspect of red: red = danger. So are the Lords of the House of Lords
dangerous? It would seem so, based on rational assumptions made of their choice of
upholstery colour.
In what way could a Peer possibly be dangerous? So old that they dribble you to death?
Does their incontinence gush forth so alarmingly that a lack of immediate action results in
drowning in a pool of piss? Or does their nasal hair take on a life of its own so that it can
strangle you at the mere sight of a pair of tweezers?
More than likely none of the above. So why red? I think it might be the same reason they
employ old blokes to work as security guards: it’s a sort of reverse psychology thing.
If I was to employ someone to work as security in a retail store, I would probably go for
the young, athletic, quick, aerobically sustainable human. Call me picky, but that’s what
I’d do. Most retailers, however, seem to opt for the mid-fortyish, balding, moustachioed
(I’m not sure why that is), slightly tubby specimen of human. Not only this, but they dress
them in what look to be uncomfortable uniforms and make them wear, of all the footwear
imaginable, big heavy shoes – the sort more conducive to working on a building site that
chasing some young whipper-snapper who has just nicked a packet of rich-tea biscuits.
So what is the logic behind this? As far as I can see, there is none, apart from to dissuade
would-be thieves from stealing items that don’t belong to them out of sympathy for the
poor bugger who would probably have a heart attack as a result of attempting to chase
them.
This had a meaning, but I seem to have lost it.
22
almost accurate astrology
because facts and horoscopes are mutually exclusive
words: rich w
Aquarius
Having eaten particularly
pungent foods, your ability
to still smell sweet and fresh
results in pharmaceutical companies asking
for swabs of your saliva. Which in some
countries is considered a sexual advance.
Pisces
Living dangerously this week,
you decided to eat All-Bran
every day and will soon realise
it to be a mistake as your IBS rears its ugly
head for the first time since your obsession
with crumpets in the first year.
Aries
Talking of crumpets, in the
parts of the country where
you originally hail from, they
call crumpets pikelets. Don’t let your
homesickness for such little idiosyncrasies
get you down, though – within the week
you’ll be wishing you didn’t have a silly
accent and will enrole for elocution lessons
at the local Eliza Doolittle school for
prospective women.
Taurus
Despite many assertions
that you are not a film fan,
the meeting you had with an
eloquent, interesting male in the public
eye will lead you to many free films in the
hope that he will be there to listen to your
wonderful and sexy accent.
Gemini
Your friend will insist you
accompany him to the cinema
in order to capitalise on any
random meetings you might have with the
beautiful person you haven’t been able to
get out of your mind since last Friday. True
love has not died.
Cancer
Despite true love not being
dead, the flowers you bought
for your grandma’s funeral
have very much followed the same path as,
LIFESTYLE
well, your grandma. Don’t let this upset
you, though, for she is having a right old
knees up with Max Bygraves whilst holding
on to his blue toothbrush.
Leo
Assurances that you weren’t
conceived on the back of a
motorbike seem a little unlikely
when you start making noises similar to
that of a four year old boy with a toy car in
his hand during your lecture this afternoon.
Approach your parents about this.
Virgo
Stop getting up early just to
catch your housemate in their
towel after a shower.
Libra
Your inconspicuous
glances towards the
window will lead the lecturer of your
toughest module to criticise you for
not paying attention. They will be
correct, but it is difficult to ignore a
banner saying “I am Donal Trump’s ex-
wife” at the window, I’ll give you that.
Scorpio
Id. Ego. Superego. Redress the
balance and pull your hand out
of your trousers.
Sagittarius
If the truth is that
you miss them,
then find them and
stop bemoaning your inability to converse
with soap-characters on anything but a
superficial and interactive level.
Capricorn
You cannot get rope burn from
Velcro and you need no prior
boy scouts experience when
using it: worth bearing in mind when your
shoelace proves to be a difficulty for the
forth morning in a row.
6 March 2003
I do........ actually I didn’t words: victoria venning
I thought it was about time that I did a bit of undercover journalism; for this I needed some
kind of alias, a disguise (preferably not of the plastic nose, moustache and funny glasses
kind) and obviously something interesting to investigate. My aim was to ruthlessly find out
the truth; is it true that as a bridesmaid you are guaranteed to pull the best man? As luck
would have it my sister decided to get married last weekend providing me with the perfect
opportunity. In true Donal McIntyre
style, and purely for the sake of
research, I spent the entire day in
character; my disguise - a slim-line
the facts of life silk dress (no meringues here, ta
very much), my hair (unusually
for myself!) coiffed, a posy of
bright pink flowers in one hand and
glass of Moët in the other, all was
looking good. So now to hunt down
the best man, who was by all accounts very eligible, attractive, nice AND very single....
Being a bridesmaid (and an undercover one at that) is not quite as straight forward as one
might imagine; whilst trying to maintain the bride’s radiant beauty (ie. checking mascara
hasn’t smudged, lip-stick’s not on teeth and veil is still in hair and not caught on a passing
Granny’s brooch) you are being accosted by relatives you didn’t even know existed, old
family friends who like to remind you that at one stage in your life they changed your
nappy, and slightly tipsy old men who try to give you a bit of a squeeze and a rather
lengthy ‘peck’ on the cheek, hmmm. Then there’s the conversations which are all basically
the same just repeated in different ways; yes, I live in Guildford, yes, I am finally in my
final year, no, I don’t know what I want to do with the rest of my life, and yes, I certainly
have grown since 1984. So with all this going on and the best man doing his speeches and
looking after the groom, there wasn’t even time for a bit of friendly flirtation let alone
anything else. I’m thinking maybe it’s easier to pull if you are just a guest,
perhaps I could investigate that, purely in the name of research you
understand. Anyone getting married soon?
words: sarah butterworth
In a departure from Funkyberry’s normal cyber offerings, I
have stepped into his shoes with some contributions of my own random
websites. However, I’ve decided to take the alternative approach.
I simply typed ‘random website’ into the ever reliable www.google.com,
and came up with the aptly named www.randomwebsite.com, a site
which does exactly what it says on the tin – if you’re bored, all you need
do is click on their ‘random website generator’ and Bob’s your Uncle,
you have your very own random website. It also carries the handy advice
“don’t leave the house with your fly open and make sure you’ve got up to
date virus protection.” How appropriate.
On a slightly different tack, www.fart-machines.com brought me
a list of the site owner’s favourite random links, to everything from
skateboards, to Buddhism and even 15 recording studios. I also found
people moaning that their homepage kept changing to a random website,
many more random website generators (do people really spend all day
doing this?) and several more worrying sites.
So that concludes this week’s offer or randomness. I expect next week
Funkyberry will appear relatively normal!
w w w. u s s u . c o . u k / e l e c t i o n s 0 3
6 March 2003
Archers head for UniSport update
foggy Birmingham UniSport Guildford
BY THE STAG HILL ARCHERS
FOR THOSE OF you not awake at 8am on
Saturday 22nd February it was very foggy and
cold. Therefore the Stag Hill Archers (or 10
of us at least) decided to go to Birmingham
for a curry so that we could warm up. The
fact that we were entered in the BUSA
Indoors Tournament had relatively little to
do with it.
We were lucky that whilst the visibility was
on the low side, the roads were fairly clear
and so we made good time to Birmingham.
After arriving at the University, the actual
shoot dragged by – a lack of time control
made for a more informal shoot, but some
archers did extract the Michael with the
amount of time they were taking and so
it was not until over 3 hours had passed
that we allowed to hastily pack away our
equipment before being thrown out so that
the next session could begin. On the whole
we left somewhat disappointed with our
respective performances, although a big
congratulations to Sumeet who broke 500
(out of 600) for the first time, and also to
Adam and Tim who put healthy amounts
onto their personal bests. Congratulations
must also go to Mike for his 3rd in the Gents
Compound section and to Barry (in a triumph
of Birmingham’s generosity over BUSA’s
miserliness) for his 2nd in the (“unofficial”)
Novice Gents Recurve section.
In true Oscars fashion, we’d like to
thank our hosts for accommodating
nearly 300 archers under rather difficult
circumstances, one member would like to
thank his hairstylist, we’d all like to thank
our parents…and of course a big thank you
to Nadia who droves there and back again
safely through the encroaching mist.
If you’re get-up and you know it, clap
your hands, If you’re get-up and you
know it, clap your hands, If you’re get-up
and you know it and you really want to
show it, If you’re get-up and you know it
email: katieisget-up@j-team.biz!!
Rhys, when a “girl asks do u have any
videos” “i got porn” is NOT a good
answer
i swear it wasnt me that put the personal
in about adam & kelly. honestly, was quite
funny tho
-will
Jon she was soooo nice, whats wrong with
u?
nobody mess with sania or she’ll bite your
head off!
Wales, ha ha
Sully, she may not have been able to
lick her nipples but she obviously did
something right!
Pizza night, every Saturday, uni court
house 48
Vaishali, where is my 18 year old
SPORT
Chichester
UNISPORT LOST TO local rivals Chichester
who made it to the semi finals in the
National League. Chichester started strongly
with Linda Charman (world no. 4) beating
Fiona Geaves (world no.11) 3 – 1 and local
hero Mick Biggs losing to Chris Tomlinson
by the same score line. At 2 – 0 it looked
like UniSPORT would be in for another
hiding against an improved Chichester
side. Then Neil Frankland came on court
and dismissed Ben Ford 3 – 1 before the
impressive Stacey Ross kept up his good
form by beating Ritwik Battacharya 3 – 0.
At 2 – 2 it was all down to the last game
between Steve Meads and Chichester’s Tim
Vail. On paper this was a game we should
have won but unfortunately it was not to be
UniSPORT’s night and Tim Vail outplayed
his opponent winning 3 – 1 and took the
points for Chichester.
This was the last home game of the season
for the Guildford based side and with one
game left UniSPORT look like they are
going to finish 5th.
SKY TV COMING TO THE VARSITY
Sky television are coming to the Varsity
Bar on 8th March to film customers watch
Ireland v France in the 6 Nations on the big
screens. Bar deals will be available so if you
want to be seen by your mum on tv then get
down to the Varsity. For more details email
b.arnall@surrey.ac.uk or tel. ext 3226.
UNISPORT EVENTS
6 Nations Rugby | Sat 8th Mar | Varsity
Red Nose Fun | Fri 14th Mar | Varsity
6 Nations Rugby | Sat15th Mar | Varsity
brother???
One Euro!, 2 down 9 to go!
Wanted 7 females, who were last seen
being escorted from Bar Med!
1-0 to the seconds
red bull gives you wings
Where has all my Museli gone?
Nehal, stop stealing all of the houses food!
We know its you!
.....and the award for the alcholic of the
year goes to Sticky, for the 4th year in a
row!We are so so proud!
one euro for the night of your life at 48!
I sware I had knickers on when I left my
house!
andy smells of poo
DID YA SEE ROB WITT @MALTHUS
DINNER??My my!what a mover!!
RRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOWWWW
WWWWWWLLLLLLLLLAAAAAA
2
3
Injury strikes UniS squash team
LAST WEDNESDAY SAW Surrey take on
Oxford in the last sixteen of the BUSA
Championships for a place in the
quarterfinals. Hopes for victory were high
in the Surrey side, with faith in our strength
and depth. Adam Redmayne and Chris
Petch were first on for Surrey, both looking
to get the first points on the board for UniS.
Chris struck first using depth and attacking
volley’s to manoeuvre his opponent around
and take the first game. Adam handled his
opponent with his usual tactic of speed
and touch drops to take the first game.
From here things started to go downhill
as Adams opponent seemed to get quicker
and quicker, whilst Adam started to fade.
After some truly horrendously long rallies,
it became clear that Adam was not going to
be able to maintain this pace. He maintained
his effort level though, going down to a
respectable score line in four games. Chris
had managed to stave off a fight back by
his opponent, who had won the second
game, to win in four on the other court and
AANNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDDD
MEET ME WED 9PM CHANCELLORS,
I WANT YOU!
To Whom it may concern, get your facts
straight before posting personals, or you
may find yourselves eating your words,
literally. Adam
“Hello Hottie” to everyone at house 51!!
Hi I’m Fred Wibbly-Dobnob, Vote [1] for
me and I’ll organise world peace.
KIGU!
Crazy Pete can’t get it up... Ian can you
help us out?
beware: one monkey mole in green wig
spotted on campus Saturday morning
Yes Neil & Pete, a breakfast wrap and
truckers breakfast is damn greedy!!
Sittin - down in AP,
bored as can be,
dave rubbing hands with glee,
at some pornography:
If all drugs were free
i wouldn’t be @ uni.
But its not up 2 me -
23
maintain his unbeaten record this season. So
the score was one all with three strings still
to play. Mike Willmoor played a good game
for UniS, amazing winners coming out of
nowhere, and a lot of dedication shown
with some of his running. Unfortunately
it wasn’t enough, and Mike went down in
three games, although he played well and
the score did not reflect the match. Paul
Clough dispatched of his opponent with
ruthless efficiency, using his pace, power
and athleticism to destroy the opposition for
the loss of only eight points. Paul Chance
played extremely well, and was looking
good to destroy his opponent as well, but
the disaster struck in the form of a foot
injury. This prevented Paul from being able
to move around the court, and loosing his
match, although he competed gamely until
then end. So UniS Squash lost to Oxford 2-
3 and on another day, I feel we could have
reversed that result for sure. Now we are
looking forward to playing Cardiff in the
promotion playoffs.
all 2 do with security
& wot u cant do on westside floor 3.
<...Ruff::Rhyme::Robee$y...>
And super rate doesn’t always mean you’re
super.
All men are Bas***ds!
paul is that sick i smell?
Next week, 20 ways to improve your
KUDOS rating.....
I hear you have been flying the great buzz
airlines lately! Make sure those curtains
are closed!
long dog! long dog! long dog!
Shout out for the Croucher Crew! Saddle
boy and Skeletor..... hello!
Katie, my get-up of the week last week,
finds herself in exactly the same position
this week! Get-up!
Sorry kristy, but if it helps i still think your
gorgeous.
Princess, you still owe amanda one! (but
dont let cat find out!) Crazy Havoc man!
24
Surrey (fail to) sparkle in the Sunday sunshine
“WHAT ARE WE doing?” won the prize for
most uttered phrase, as representatives from
the crème de la crème of Surrey sporting
talent gathered outside NatWest at 8.30 on
Sunday morning.
For they were off in search of glory, at
an inaugural tournament at Southampton
University, and organised by SUSC
(Southern University Sports Conference)
– a group of which Surrey are one of the
founder members. The aim of SUSC is
basically to provide events and competitions
beyond the end of the regular BUSA
season, and includes institutions from
along the South coast, namely Brighton,
Bournemouth, Chichester, King Alfred’s,
Portsmouth, Southampton, Southampton
Institute, Surrey and Sussex.
In true Surrey fashion of course, despite
the 8.30 meeting time, the coach didn’t
depart until 9.15, as the football and rugby
teams both knocked on a few doors around
campus, and reeled off “Well I’ve got a mate
from primary school whose Gran once went
to bingo in Southampton, so he might play”
to complete their, er, wafer-thin squads.
Full credit where it’s due to the Netball
and Hockey teams though, who were all
present and correct bang on time, including
Chef who looked as if he’d camped outside
NatWest for the night.
Hockey’s attendance was even more
remarkable considering a monster birthday
pub crawl the night before. Not pretty sights
the Hockey lot come 8.30 Sunday.
With Southampton’s impressive sports
Equestrian girls ride again
THE EQUESTRIAN CLUB has been very busy
this year, so the lack of news is due to
my tardiness. Firstly, if you haven’t seen
the UniSports Calendar, I’m extremely
disappointed with you, for the horny, I mean
horsey, girls put in a supreme performance,
despite managing to keep our clothes on
(classy!).
So what else have the sexy sirens been up
to? Well, some aren’t juts pretty faces, our
more talented lasses can proficiently ride
horses quote unfamiliar to them and yes – I
am talking about the first and second team
BUSA competitions.
The competitions are arranged between
four local universities drawn at random.
The A team (minus the van) faced UCL,
Imperial and Royal Holloway, whilst the B
team were drawn against Southampton and
Brunel (no fourth team). Each university
takes it in turns to host the contest at their
riding school, meaning that at three of the
four competitions the teams ride horses
they have never seen before (which is quite
unnerving).
The riders are allowed just seven minutes
to become familiar with their mounts before
displaying the disciplines of dressage and
show-jumping. The jumping consists of an
SURREY PRIDE
BY KRIS TEMPLE
ground caked in sunshine, the stage was set
for an enjoyable day’s sport, with both the
England-Australia and Worthy Cup Final as
additional entertainments in the bar.
Unfortunately, the bar was where most
of our teams spent the afternoon, as very
strong opposition from higher BUSA
leagues reduced the Surrey Pride to bit-part
involvement.
Things didn’t bode well for the Men’s
Football 7’s squad, who were 3-0 down after
2 minutes of their first game …..they did
however go on to win a marathon penalty
shoot-out against Portsmouth to claim 7th
place.
Netball were able to top up their tans after
the lunch break, as they found life without
a shooter just a little too tough. Men’s
Rugby were able to utilise their strong back
division to provide a competitive side in the
7’s, while Hockey were robbed of a semi-
final place when they chucked away a 2-0
lead in the final 7 minutes to Sussex. The
seasiders’ last attack saw a powerful shot at
goal take about 17 deflections, and fly past
stand-in keeper Pip.
And so the Pride returned Guildford-way
devoid of any silverware, but as we all know,
it’s that taking part thing that counts!…
thanks to all those who gave up their Sunday
and made the effort to represent Surrey.
And thanks also to Jim Exall of the football
team, for giving us all a laugh with his
chronic simultaneous-quad-and-hamstring
cramp on the way home!
average of nine jumps at a height of 3ft. If
you’re not impressed, then you should be!
The teams did extremely well, with several
riders from each division placed individually
– a great achievement. Impressively, the A
team displayed twice that they didn’t need
to know an animal to ride it, by winning
one away competition and coming second
in another.
Despite neither team going through to the
nationals, both teams should be very pleased
with their efforts.
barefacts@ussu.co.uk
6 March 2003
Rifle club visit Commonwealth range
LAST THURSDAY SAW the Rifle Club venture basic shooting principles and techniques
out for its first trip to Bisley. The journey was given. Everyone received one-on-one
was less than ten miles each way, to the most coaching from the club’s more experienced
prestigious range complex in the country. members. The club will continue to develop
For example, the new ‘Malcolm Cooper’ the skills of its members, and will be able
range was built especially for the 2002 to analyse each individual’s progress over
Commonwealth Games, and comprises subsequent sessions.
electronic targets for both Air Rifle (10 Many thanks go to Security, and the USSU
meters) and .22” Target Rifle (50 metres sports departments.
outdoors), an indoor 25yd range, a fitness The club operates on Thursday evenings
suite and conference rooms. between 6:30 and 10pm. If you would like
We left shortly after 7pm by minibus. more information, please contact Ben:
After the safety brief, an introdution to ee91bg@eim.surrey.ac.uk
UniS boating club back on top
BY RACHAEL BEMROSE with a strong
rhythm.
ON SATURDAY, UNIVERSITY of Surrey Boat Melissa
Club travelled the short trip to Burway steered a
Rowing Club to participate in their first race great course
of 2003. A ‘Head Race’ a time trial against to enable
the clock to see who is the fastest down the USBC to
3000m course. This time it was upstream, take one of
just to make it that bit more enjoyable!! their rival
USBC had 2 crews entered, 1 in each of the crews within
2 divisions, a Women’s Novice Coxed Four 3 minutes.
and a Men’s Senior 3 Coxed Four. As the race
The girls went off in the first division, continued
powering off the start at a good rate. They the four
held a good rhythm through the middle, put more
and with Chrissie screaming at them, they distance between themselves and the rest of
started to move through the field taking rival the pack to finish hard taking the rating up,
crews on their way. Coming into the final right to the end.
kilometre the pain was starting to show on The results showed that the Women had
the girls’ faces, but they kept it together to a great day beating their nearest rival by
finish with a massive push through the last an absolutely massive 1 minute and 47
200m. seconds! The men in the slightly more
In the second division the boys were up, competitive S3 division also won, beating
racing at senior 3 level would be a hard task, their nearest rival by 12 seconds and coming
but the hunger for the win was apparent right 2nd overall. Both crews received medals for
from the start. The newly formed Coxed their efforts,:another trophy for the USBC
Four went off hard, pulling away from the cabinet: not a bad start this year, one race,
boats behind them and striking a good rate two crews, two wins!