The University of Surrey Students’ Union Newspaper
issue 1040 www.ussu.co.uk
GUILDFORD
BOOK FESTIVAL
SPECTACULAR
barearts has a quick
squizzy at the upcom-
ing book festival and
picks a couple of
people out to check out | page 20
THE ENTS PLANNER
We know
you’ll moan
about some-
thing, but
what the
hey...here it
is anyway |
page 15
IN THIS WEEK’S PAPER
Widening participation focus
Following on from some previous articles,
a focus on ‘WP’ and its role at the
University of Surrey page 4
A pistol duel to settle the score
Roland Heap suggests that the best way to
avoid war would be for George Dubya and
Saddam to have a duel Comment | page 7
Wednesday afternoons continued
More points raised on the hotest topic on
the letters page we have seen so far Letters
to the editor | page 8
Yet more vouchers to give away
First of all we gave you Topman vouchers
and now we’re going to give you £100 Miss
Selfridge vouchers competitions | page 19
Classified ads
A brand new section - the classifieds for
you to all sell your stuff and pick up the
odd bargain or two | page 25
Men’s hockey win 7-0 (really!)
A glorious report from the first XI heralding
a magnificent display of sporting bravado
on the artificial pitch... Sport | page 28
THURSDAY 17 OCTOBER 2002
Offer from the University to permit holders to alleviate parking problems on and off campus
Parking permit surrender
THE UNIVERSITY ARE offering current
car-parking permit holders the opportu-
nity to hand back their parking permit in
exchange for more than its face value in or-
der to help stem the parking crisis currently
facing campus and the surrounding areas.
In the scheme, the first one hundred permit
holders to surrender their parking allocation
will be refunded the original price of the
permit plus 50% of the original value. This
would mean that a student who paid £127
for their permit would, according to figures
released by the University, receive £159
compensation, whilst staff who have paid
£225 for the privilege will be reimbursed
with £282. Such students and staff would
then, according to their eligibility, be able
to adopt the “car-share”, occasional or vaca-
tion permits as they so wish.
The move comes after several limiting
measures already taken by the University
in the weeks since the start of the academic
year. The playing field outside the bank on
campus has already turned into a temporary
over-flow area and other locations off-cam-
pus, such as Walnut Tree Close and the On-
slow Village area in particular, are bearing
the brunt of many cars, much to the dismay
of many local residents.
University have met recently with the lo-
GU2 nominated for “best student radio station”
FOLLOWING THE SUCCESS of barefacts
last week in the National Student Journalism
Awards, GU2 1350am, the radio station of
the University of Surrey, has been nominated
for two categories in the National Student
Radio Awards 2002: best student radio
station and best speech-based programme
(factual). The nominations, which were
announced at an event held at a bar located
within the London School of Economics
on Monday evening, and simultaneously at
several other venues across the country, are
the culmination of years of hard work at GU2
and represent a tremendous accomplishment
by the radio station’s members.
Speaking at the nominations bash the
free
By Richard Watts
cal residents to
discuss the issues
of parking. There
have been instants in
which cars thought to
be belonging to both
students and staff
have blocked the
driveways and access
routes belonging to
residents living in St
Johns Road and other
areas of Onslow Vil-
lage. The University
is obviously keen to
remain in such resi-
dents good book’s with the development of Above: the view from Twyford Court of the playing
field opposite NatWest that has become a temporary
Manor Park imminent and much has been car-park due to a lack of spaces. photo: neversleep
done in order to placate the locals.
Over the past few weeks, barefacts has
received several letters complaining of the INSIDE
current parking situation. Last week, a
student wrote: “The provision for parking
a request from the Director of Business
Services within the University, Brian Bar-
at this university is disgraceful and an alter- nard, regarding parking in Onslow Village
native definitely has to be looked at.” They
went on to say that “the University does not the security department respond to pre-
care about those that have to live at home vios week’s letters that they are not doing
and drive in everyday.” enough to help the situation | letters
By James Sheppard all received multiple nominations in several
categories. The winners of the awards will
station manager for last academic year, be announced during the Student Radio
Gaz Davies, said: “This really is a fantastic Awards ceremony held at the Great Hall,
achievement. To be nominated for ‘best Goldsmiths College on Thursday, 14th
student radio station’ after our first year of November. Details of the event will follow
full-time broadcasting shows the level of here as and when – good luck to GU2!
commitment and dedication on behalf of all
the station members.”
Emma B and Kevin Greening, well-known
presenters from Radio One, read out the
nominations and praised the standard of the
entries received this year. Notable entrants
this year, alongside GU2, were Leeds
Student Radio and Radio Warwick (RAW),
as well as Royal Holloway (Insanity), who
INSIDE
barefacts believes: congratulations to GU2
for continuing and contributing to the
achievements of USSU’s student media
GU2’s very own j-team column - the week-
ly installments continue | page 23
2 NEWS
Students urged to register their
vote this autumn
THE ELECTORAL COMMISSION is
urging students to make sure they register
to vote this autumn as part of its Votes Are
Power drive to increase public participation
in the democratic process.
Each autumn, every civilian should register
to vote via a process called the annual
canvass. All home addresses in the UK
receive a form through their door, which
must then be filled in by those resident there
in order for them to be registered to vote. It
is illegal not to return the annual canvass (or
supply false information) though some 1.4
million voters each year lose their right to
vote despite this.
Students are among the groups least
likely to be registered to vote, largely due
to frequent house moves and the fact they
live in university halls. In addition, many
students are unaware that they can register
to vote for local elections in both their
A notice from the University regarding
parking in Onslow village
A request from the Director of Business Support Services
WITH THE COMPETITION for parking
spaces on campus some students are parking
in the roads around the campus. Provided a
car has a valid tax disc and has been parked
with consideration for other road users
there is nothing illegal in this. However, the
University is receiving numerous complaints
from local residents (especially in Onslow
Village) about parking by students which is
thoroughly inconsiderate, such as parking
across driveways or boxing in residents’
cars. Another problem is cars parked on both
sides of the narrow roads in Onslow Village
that have resulted in instances of residents
and other users being unable to pass.
Local residents are within their rights to
summon the Police to have all offending
vehicles booked for obstruction or towed
away. The University values having good
By Richard Watts
hometown and at their university address.
This year, the Electoral Commission has
begun a Votes are Power campaign, including
a website (www.votesarepower.com),
a cinema advertisement, billboards and
print advertising. It follows on from the
highly successful spring campaign. The
Commission is particularly concerned that
younger people and ethnic minorities have
significantly lower tan average registration
and voting rates and the campaign includes
dedicated elements within it to target these
sectors. The Chairman of the Electoral
Commission, Sam Younger, said: “If you are
not registered then you cannot vote. Though
politics and politicians may sometimes seem
distant or beyond your influence, voting can
make a difference.”
Keep a look-out for student elections soon.
By Brian Barnard
relations with the local community and
would not try to dissuade local residents
from calling the Police. Even where the
Police are not involved, if there are any
flagrant cases where our neighbours have
been caused unacceptable annoyance and
inconvenience, the offenders could well be
liable to a fine under University Regulations
for “behaviour which is generally prejudicial
to the University”.
All students and other members of the
University are therefore earnestly requested
to avoid parking in local residential streets if
they can, and if there is no alternative, then to
park with consideration for the University’s
neighbours and other road users.
More in next week’s barefacts on this...
17 October 2002
Tories use universities to try and
make up ground
By Richard Watts
THE CONSERVATIVE PARTY targeted
universities as ground on which they can
gain on Labour and continue their reform
strategy in order to be able to compete at
the next general election. Unveiling its
agenda for educational reform at the party
conference in Bournemouth last week, the
shadow education secretary, Damian Green,
said that the party had failed to make as
much of education and other public services
as it could have done and that lessons had
been learnt from this.
Speaking to the Times Higher Education
Supplement, Mr Green said: “I completely for the Government’s higher education
reject the idea that the public services, such strategy to be released - which is expected
as education, are a ‘Labour issue’. They in November.
matter to people, so they are absolutely a The shadow education secretary said he had
Conservative issue.” “grave concerns” about the Government’s
The matter of education was a high higher education policy, including its widely
priority for the Conservative’s during the known 50% target and that this was a matter
conference and was the first subject matter for consideration when making policy
of the week to be debated at Bournemouth. decisions.
In his speech, Mr Green announced six
new policies, focusing his attention and
He welcomed the principle of increasing
the proportion of students from different
the party’s attention in particular on higher
education. No policy has been set yet,
backgrounds, but questioned whether
universities should be responsible for this
however, because the party is waiting or schools.
17 October 2002
Parking problems result in call-back of scratchcards and permits
The e-mail sent out to all members of staff regarding the ‘offer’ from the University regarding a “buy-back” scheme
THE FOLLOWING IS an edited version of the e-mail
circulated to all staff of the university offering them the
option of giving up their parking permit in return for cash
incentives, in the hope that this might alleviate some of the
currentparking problems on campus.
“The first few weeks of the academic year always see car
parking problems, but the pressure on the car parks and the
frustration for drivers have been greater than usual this year.
Analysis of the data so far points to a number of reasons,
but the most significant appear to be related to a larger
number of tokens/scratchcards being in circulation than
may be strictly necessary and to a number of members of
the University (particularly certain categories of student)
acquiring annual permits who were assumed to be ineligible
for them by reason of their address.
“The proliferation of tokens and scratchcards is a
temporary situation which left unattended would sort itself
out eventually - but not soon enough. The issue of annual
permits to those whose entitlement is debatable is another
matter. In order to reduce the present parking problems to a
more manageable level as quickly as possible the following
measures are being introduced:
1. Special Offer for Permit Refunds: All annual permits at
this stage of the year have a surrender value. As a special
offer, the first 100 holders of annual permits (whether
students or staff) who surrender them to the Cashiers Office
up to Friday 1 November will receive an extra 50% of the
surrender value. For students who paid £127 the refund will
be £159. Staff who paid £225 in a lump sum will receive
£282 (the ‘low’ equivalent being £188). Those paying by
instalments will have their future payments stopped and will
receive £94 (‘low’ equivalent £63). Anyone who surrenders
their annual permit under this scheme can buy a car-share,
NEWS 3
occasional or vacation permit according to their eligibility. share a lift home with their group. (This guarantee is limited
2. Scratchcard Refunds: All scratchcards (Occasional to taxi journeys beginning not later than the time the Library
Permits) can be offered back to the Cashiers Office for a closes in the evening). Cars with car-share permits have a
50% premium until Friday 1 November. In other words, guaranteed parking space until 1300 every weekday.
scratchcards originally issued to staff will be bought back at 5. Withdrawal of Tokens: It has been decided to end the
£2.25 each and those originally issued to students at £1.50 tokens scheme (except for booking spaces in Car Park 4a) at
each. the end of this month. This is sooner than suggested in my
3. Scratchcard Issues: Occasional Permits, or scratchcards, circular of 4 October and is necessary in order to get on top
as the name implies are not intended for use over long of the current parking problems. The ticket machines will
periods of consecutive days, nor are they transferable from be modified and the last day on which they will still accept
the person or vehicle to which they are registered. Checks tokens will be Friday 1 November. Schools and Departments
are now being carried out in the car parks by Security to will be able to exchange their visitors tokens for visitors
ascertain whether the system is being abused and offenders scratchcards until further notice.”
will be dealt with under the Traffic Regulations. In the
meantime, as a temporary measure to restrict the number of
scratchcards in circulation until the present parking situation
is back to normal, Occasional Permits are being issued in
books of 10 only and only if at least 10 working days have
elapsed since the previous issue (6 weeks if the previous
issue was a book of 30). One of the conditions of use is
that the vehicle registration number must be entered on
the scratchcards, and this is now required to be done in the
presence of the Cashiers staff at the time of issue.
4. Car-Share Permits: Members of the University may not
have realised yet that, as well as the price of a car-share
permit being held this year again at its 1999-00 price (£75.60
or £7 per month), the rules on who can form a recognised
“group” have been relaxed. Now any combination of staff
and students can form themselves into a car-share group
provided at least two of them are car-users who normally
travel in from outside the exclusion zone. Also new this year
is that every member of a car-share group can now make
up to six claims in a year for a refund of the taxi fare home,
in order to cover those occasions when it is not possible to

Surrey County Council faces

Government funding cuts of £60m
By Richard Watts

THOUGH OFTEN CONSIDERED the

Wednesday 30th October

most affluent area in the country, Surrey and
its County Council may yet be struggling
with financial difficulties. According to the
“Surrey Matters” newsletter, the Council is
Come and visit The Times stand situated in the worried that Government proposals for the
withdrawal of central funding from Surrey
Student Union foyer and receive your essential could harm essential services in and around
the area and that this could mean 20%
student goody bag. council tax rises in the future to recompense
the shortfall.
“If these proposed changes to the
way in which councils are funded go
The team will be there from 10am through to 5pm, so come ahead,” says the leading comment of the
publication, “then hundreds of millions
along for your free Times newspaper and vouchers, chocolate, could be trenasferred from the south east
CD and other great goodies!! to other councils, primarily in teh north
and midlands.” The supposed impact of
this would be a shortfall of up to £60m in The handout, primarily passed to people
the Surrey budget. It goes on to claim that as they commute to work via Waterloo train
Surrey already has “the lowest Government station, outlines some of the cuts that would

Not to be missed!!
grant per head of any county in the UK”
and “the highest costs of any county outside
London.”
Nick Skellet, the leader of the County
Council, writes in a comment that he
finds the possible withdrawal of funding
“completely unacceptable” and urges people
to “take the time to contact me [sic] and let
me [sic] know what you think.”
have to be made: a cut of £60m would “wipe
out the entire network of 52 libraries, youth
service, adult education, music and support”
as well as affect the support of vulnerable
children, hospitals and the bus services and
roads.
If you would like to know more about the
matter, then visit www.surrey.cc.gov.uk, or
phone 08456 009 009.
4 WP 17 October 2002
17 October 2002 WP 5
6 COMMENT 17 October 2002

THE UNIVERSITY OF SURREY STUDENTS’ UNION

WWW.USSU.CO.UK

This parking business is starting to get a

little bit silly
It has always been a bit of a problem - too
many cars, not enough parking spaces and
one hell of a rush to buy parking permits.
We have now reached the situation where a)
cars are having to park on the field outside
the bank on campus and b) refunds are being
offered to those willing to give up their
parking permits for the year; both measures
obviously designed to alleviate the pressure
of the stated problem.
That people have continued to park in and
around Onslow village is understandable
- to try and get to work in the morning
using public transport is at best tolerable
and at worst a nightmare. The problem
lies therein: why should people surrender
a perfectly reasonable and relatively time
efficient means of transportation when the
alternative is so poor?
The current situation is London typifies that
in many parts of the country - introduce
road tolls to put people off entering certain
areas by car and get them to travel by public
transport instead; but people are not willing
to do it because public transport is rubbish.
Would you stand outside in the rain for
twenety minutes for a late bus, then hop
on a delayed tube-train, only to be told that
tomorrow you cannot do this because of a
tube strike? barefacts thinks not.
The only suggestion is this: that security
relax a little on their clamp-happy tendancies
and try to help this situation sort itself out as
soon as possible.

GU2 keep their side of the bargain

We find ourselves once again in the position awards, then it is that man.
of a congratulatory pat on the back for, well, But we must also remember that those
us. GU2 has followed where barefacts dared achievements we keep mentioning (and will
to tread last week and has gone and got itself continue to mention) could only have been
nominated in two categories at the Natioanl realised with the involvement of everybody
Student Radio Awards. else - the technicians, the presenters - the
There are a coule of things worth men- people who set up the station in the first
tioning here: firstly, the words “fantastic place. These nominations (and thus the
achievement” keep resonating around the possibility of later success) is a nod in the
Medai Centre here and that, in all fairness, direction of all who have contributed.
is no exaggeration, because you have to re- Now that the media of the University of
member that last year was the first time GU2 Surrey, and in particular the Students’ Un-
had been broadcasting as a full-time radio ion, is being recognised at a national level,
station. Gone were the days of five hours we have yet another reason to be proud of
a day programming and heavy reliance on the University we attend and the services it
other networks - it was all done of GU2’s provides: national nominations hold a lot of
own back. kudos, you know, when you go back home
Secondly, the people that run GU2 are stu- to your mates.
dents - they give up a tremendous amount To keep things as good as they are, though,
of time and are some of the most dedicated
folks you could ever see involved in a socie-
ty. Last year’s station manager, Gaz Davies,
you need to get involved - things like this
do not just come out of thin air. If you have
something to say, the opportunity is there to
Unintentional [?] blanking
exemplified this work ethic and, if anyone say it. We just happen to be bloody brilliant PICTURE THIS; YOU’RE So what can you do? I for
is deserving of plaudits regarding these at doing so. wandering around campus either STEWART FUDGE one tend to just walk on,
with your head in the clouds or dwell on it for a bit and keep
Perhaps we should call it Manor Fark deep in conversation with your I’m just a shy,
mates. Looking everywhere, blinkered individual
my eye out for that person so
as to make sure I say “Hi”
yet looking nowhere. You walk that probably thinks to them next time our paths
It is a little bit off topic, but still worthy of a word or two...originally, the development over
past random, solitary characters cross. But surely this cannot
by the Varsity Centre was known as Manor Farm - a not too great a leap of the imagination too much
and groups of people, looking at be the best way.
given that the bit of land on which the development will take place is called, well, Manor
all of them but noticing none of them. Then, An addition, what are you supposed to do
Farm.
wait; “Was that who I thought it was? That when you see someone that you have been
It was then decided, however, that Manor Farm was a bit too emotive for a name - images
person I know but don’t really know?… briefly introduced to or that you know of
of hard-done by farmers getting up early to milk the cows and the such-like perhaps being a
Yeah, that must have been why they raised and are sure they know of you? Do you
little too detreimental when considering the Borough Council and all that. And so the switch
their eyebrows in acknowledgement/smiled keep your head down? Pretend to look
was made to Manor Park and pretty much everyone did not have a clue; thus, some call it
at me, and what did I do? Blanked them. everywhere else but in their direction?
Manor Farm and some call it Manor Park. (Of course, the mental institutes that is referred to
Now in the vast majority of times I “blank” Start/involve yourself in any conversation
in 1984 is called Manor Park, but let us not mention that one just in case...).
people, I subsequently fret about how rude whatsoever with the mates you’re walking
The logical solution to this problem, therefore, is to create a hybrid of Park and Farm to give
I’ve just been and think about how I hate with (if you have that option)? Now I don’t
us (drum roll please) Manor Fark. It has a certain ring to it, don’t you think?
people doing it to me, but what can you do? really know where I’m going with this so I’ll
You could I suppose, stop, turn round and retire, hopefully in the knowledge that I have
shout after the person “Sorry for seemingly placed a seed of thought in your mind. But
being an arrogant pretentious idiot, I was before I go, I’d like to take this opportunity
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK just deep in thought/conversation!!!” at to apologise to anyone I “blank” or have
which point they would probably think to “blanked”, I’m not being rude, “up myself”
“The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time.” themselves “lunatic”, put their head down or “full of it”, I’m just a shy, blinkered
FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE (1844 - 1900), EXISTENTIALIST PHILOSOPHER and pick up their pace. individual that probably thinks too much
17 October 2002 COMMENT 7

The latest bomb to flatten the headlines - the Bali attack

I’M WRITING THIS on Monday the 14th.
I’ve got my copy of the Guardian in front
of me and it’s a total whitewash. Page
one leads with the main facts about the
Bali bomb blast, and an accompanying
article talks of the cooperation and help
that was instantly given by everyone who
was unlucky enough to be near the bomb
blast area, but lucky enough to be in one
piece. And apparently being in one piece
was a term to be taken literally in Bali
on Sunday. As I turn to pages 2 and 3
I’m shown maps of the area, photos of
the carnage and a double page spread
that recounts the experiences of those
involved who lived to tell the tale. Oddly
the Prada advert for a posh handbag loses
any appeal, a capitalist advert among
the prevalent pain. Moving ahead, on
page 4 I am told of the other side of the
pain, that of those poor relatives, unsure
and anxious, and of the heavy sports
weighting of the victims’ demographic.
Also here I get the first aviation industries would be The opposing page whisks us away
mention of the politics, the his. Page 7 contains what I to the Middle East, with a text on the
reverberations in the Tourism had been expecting when I rising tension between the Jews and
and PR world of it all. Page first heard of the blast, the Muslims among the olive groves as
5 goes further, concentrating American angle on it all, harvest beckons. And as if these weren’t
on the suspicion that Islamist which inevitably considers enough areas of tension and conflict in
militants are responsible. the Bali attack as part of the world, the page is completed with a
Of course they are quick a global attack on Western short article on the continuing fighting
to suggest indirect links targets, and uses it to launch in Daloa, Ivory Coast. The International
between al-Qaida and the
PHILIP HOWARD into an article about recent news continues to recount the mires of
suspected group, the Jemaah twists in the Iraq/al-Qaida this ill at ease world, with article on the
Islamiyah. As I reach to turn All in all an interesting debate. invalidation of the Serbian presidential
the page I am still numb read, I would say. It’s a And so it is only on Page elections by non-voting, another small
to the learndirect and BT good job Prada didn’t buy 8 of a 24 page paper that revelation about the Cold War and more
adverts. any more advert space. we finally get down to the on the Finnish bomb that was triggered
At page 6 I am a quarter really important issues, of on Friday.
of the way through the paper, and being how celebrity weddings are upping the In the remainder of The Guardian are
told of the impact of the loss of trust on national nuptial rate. Give me strength. comments and analysis relating to the
the economy with a short history of the Page 14 heralds the International news, blast, and some more ‘doom cometh’
island’s rise and rise in the tourist charts and we return to the US-sympathetic opinions are made public. All in all an
since the 70s. It is followed by a short stance as we are told of the Americans’ interesting read, wouldn’t you say? It’s
text on the comments of the Foreign continued search for its mystery serial a good thing Prada didn’t buy any more
office, and how our own tourism and killer, apparently still largely fruitless. advert space.

Choose your battle... in

WE ARE HELPLESS. There is
nothing we can do. Minions crushed
by huge ball, accelerating downhill.
Best not think. Other side of world,
safe and stupid.
Comb sand from hair. Breathe,
deep. Force open cracking eyelids.
WE ARE NOT DEAD YET. As
a nation, we lumber to war, scared
to resist, thoughts of powerlessness
paralyse. Sun headline: ‘BUSH IS
RIGHT. WAR IS RIGHT.’ Nod in
dumb agreement. Consume with
heightened fervour. Head back
under.
So we attack Iraq - a nation
crippled by years of sanctions, at
least 500,000 dead. Our goal: to
control the oilfields; our excuse:
to rid the world of a bad man and
his terrifying imaginary weapons.
Bad man responds by chucking
anything he has towards Israel, the
only hostile country within range of
what little he has left. Israel, as it has
openly promised, and with backing
from the US, responds with nuclear
missiles. The surrounding Arab and
Muslim states fight back. America,
with its phenomenal arsenal of
Weapons of Mass Destruction,
joins in. Armageddon commences,
initial casualties stretch to millions,
the ultimate expenditure probably
billions. The wind blows.
A novel suggestion to avert such a
catastrophe was put forward, albeit
with tongue firmly in cheek, by the
Iraqi leaders. A duel was suggested.
A duel, in traditional style, between
not only Saddam and Bush, but
also their defence secretaries and
foreign ministers. Of course, this
was brushed aside by the Bush
administration as a joke, but it is the
ROLAND HEAP
Slow motion: they turn,
the shots sound as one
and in perfect unison they
fall to the ground...silence
author’s opinion that such a battle
could be of the greatest benefit to
humankind. This is quite clearly
a personal disagreement; the US
stubbornly refuses to accept the Iraqi
concessions, gears up for war despite
cries for peace from around the
world, denounces pacifists as anti-
American. Bush is blindly following
the path his father trod, attempting
to succeed where daddy failed.
This Quixotic fool is at least as
dangerous as the foes he describes.
A personal feud should be settled
on a personal level, and what better
way than a traditional duel. Resolve
your grievances like gentlemen,
gentlemen.
Of course, there are non–violent
means of settling such disputes. In
ancient China, personal arguments your chance to win £100 Miss Selfridge
were settled by the opposing vouchers | page 19
parties battling each other at chess.
Unfortunately this is a solution that
the US would never agree to; if the
president’s chess skills are anywhere
near as poor as his grasp of the
English language he wouldn’t stand
a chance. As he is a prominent gun
lobbyist, one would expect the duel
idea to be the perfect solution, his
weapon of choice.
So the scene is set. Dawn,
Switzerland. The world’s media look
on as UN secretary general, Kofi
Annan, walks out with a red velvet
cushion. On it, a pair of duelling
pistols, glinting in the morning light.
The presidents, dressed in full state Do you want there to be somebody who
regalia, begin. Standing back to back, will always listen?
they are handed a weapon each, and
begin the twenty pace march. One,
Do you want to help others?
two… The crowd falls silent. Seven,
eight… Across the world, two billion
eyes are locked on a billion screens. Do you want to get accreditation for doing
The largest media event the world something worthwile through the DAVE
has seen. All advertising revenue project?
donated towards eliminating poverty
worldwide. Twelve, thirteen… The
pair step, perfectly in time, focussed Could you give up a night every now and
with all their might on the job in then?
hand, fingers twitching by their
holsters. Eighteen, nineteen… The Nightline offers information and a
tension is unbearable. Twenty. Slow
listening service as well as a drop in
motion, strobe, they turn, the shots
sound as one, and in perfect unison center to this uni during the times where
both fall to the ground, dead. everything else is closed. BUT we can only
Silence. function with enough volunteers.
Then, a cheer, as loud as the
megatons of bombs prevented, as
deafening as the roar of the holocaust If you are interested in becoming
averted. The dispute is settled, the a “Nightliner” please e-mail us at
only casualties guilty statesmen, and
the world breathes a communal sigh nightline@surrey.ac.uk
of relief.
8 LETTERS TO THE EDITOR 17 October 2002

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR

Letters must be received by 5pm on the Friday before publication to guarantee their presence in the next newspaper. Letters may
be edited for length or clarity | E-mail: barefacts@ussu.co.uk

Should we keep Wednesday afternoons free? The debate continues

Dear barefacts,
I am writing in response to the letter
published in the October 3rd issue regarding
sports on Wednesday afternoons. I too have
a very lecture intensive course (Mech. Eng.)
but I do not agree with a number of points
raised in the issue.
I assume that the author does not play a
sport at Surrey, which is fine, and if you
do then please forgive me. Having been in
charge of the cricket club last year I feel that
I can provide some insight into difficulties
with lectures and sports on Wednesday.
Whilst I do appreciate that it is a logistical
nightmare to provide the timetables at
surrey, I found myself with a number of
hours in my second year which fell between
lectures. Surely this time can be better used?
I also feel that Wednesday afternoons may
be left free for sports people but what is
to stop you using this time for coursework
or reading? In fact would it not be simpler
to remove Wednesday from the timetable
altogether? This would allow people to work
part time or study or play sport. I don’t see
who loses out from this situation (I can see
me being popular for this remark!!)
It needs to be appreciated that it does not
take an hour or so to play most sports. If
you are going to be professional, a skill
that employers look for I believe, then you
need to arrive at your game punctually, give
yourself time to get changed and warm up
etc. If a side has to travel some distance to a
game, which is quite feasible, then it would
be wise to leave early. Now if your match
starts at 2 PM, which is generously late, and
it takes an hour and a half to get there. You
would want to turn up at least half an hour
before the start meaning you leave at 12.
If your lecture/ tutorial finishes at 11 that
leaves you an hour to eat, grab your kit and
meet the transport. If you also happen to live
off campus it may well be a 1-hour round
trip to get your stuff and meet at the Varsity
or wherever. What a compete palaver!
My sport takes a considerable time to play,
if we have a 1pm start we will not finish
until at least 7 but more likely 8 so a 4pm
start would not work as it is not possible to
play cricket in the dark! I am sure that this
is not the only sport that would suffer from
starting later.
Wednesday afternoons provide a chance to
play BUSA games against other universities.
BUSA is a very prestigious competition for
a student to play in and I for one was very
proud to captain my team in the BUSA
competition we played over the winter. I too
have had some small clashes with tutorials
held on Wednesday afternoons. Before
going any further, I would like to say that
my course is quite good on a Wednesday as
I have very few tutorials which are usually
finished by 11. However, I for one would not
be willing to miss my game, or be late as a
result of being at a tutorial. I am in no way
condoning skipping tutorials but if this is
the only way that I can play the sport which
I am committed to then so be it! I would
like to think that a majority of sports teams
feel this way and I’m sure that prospective
employers would appreciate personnel who
are committed to what they believe in and
enjoy (whilst I am aware that they would not
appreciate absenteeism).
I believe that it is essential to maintain
sport at surrey and Wednesday afternoons
play a key role in this. Surely there can
be no ‘teamwork and leadership’ course
that can provide you with the kind of
experiences you learn on the playing field.
It is also essential to have interests outside
of your chosen career and playing sport can
for many provide a main hobby and a vital
source of exercise (not something you get
from sitting in lecture theatres or at your
desk from 9 to 5).
I hope that I have clarified a few issues
regarding the feelings of sports players at
Surrey. Whilst an education is of the up
most importance, you cannot learn how to
be a well rounded individual from a book.
This is a very important topic to a number
of students and I can see that this will not be
the end of the discussion.
Yours,
TIM GOODMAN
FORMER CRICKET CAPTAIN, CHAIRMAN AND
USSU BAR SUPERVISOR

Library’s response to facilities criticism Security “doing what they can”

Dear barefacts,
I would like to take the opportunity through
your columns to respond to the article by
Susie Jenkins in last week’s edition about
books in the University Library.
I am sorry that Susie has been unable to
find up-to-date textbooks in the Library
for her course. The Library works closely
with Schools and Departments to ensure
that reading list material is available for
loan and reference. Our aim is to purchase
at least one copy of everything that is
recommended by academic staff, and often
we buy many more. Copies are placed in
some or all of our short loan, seven-day
loan, normal loan, or reference collections to
allow students the maximum opportunity to
use them. Textbooks in heavy demand are
often moved into the short loan collection to
maximise availability.
I hope Susie would agree that it would be
impossible for the Library to purchase a
copy of every recommended text for every
student on every course in the University.
All University departments recommend that
certain essential books are purchased by
students, and the Bookshop normally stocks
these. The Library stocks copies of these,
and also buys books that are recommended
for background reading and which students
would not be expected to purchase.
In her piece, Susie’s makes three helpful
suggestions about how to improve the
provision of books, each of which we will be
considering carefully. The Library has also
been working hard on some other ideas:
• We have undertaken a project (with
special funding from the University)
to look at the feasibility of providing Dear Editor,
e-books and we have already purchased
over 100 textbooks in this format. I am writing in reply to a letter in the 10th October edition “Parking Woes revisited”, part
These are in addition to printed books of which is factually incorrect, since the 9th September, 2002 we have clamped 70 vehicles
and offer greater access. for failing to display a valid permit or day ticket in the car parks, we have also clamped 3
• We are developing reading list software vehicles for inconsiderate parking. I appreciate the writer may be unhappy with parking but
to help us purchase the appropriate please do not try and take it out on us we are doing all we can to alleviate the position.
numbers of books for each course.
• We have been working with the Alumni Yours,
Office on a book donation programme.
This is in its very early stages but TONY WATLING
already over 90 alumni have indicated UNIVERSITY SECURITY ADVISER
that they are interested in donating
money for the purchase of books for
today’s students.
• As Susie suggests, the Library already
sells off old or superseded books to a
book dealer and the money raised is
used to buy more copies of up-to-date
books.
Library staff are always very glad to receive
comments from our users: all Schools have
Boards of Studies which invite student
participation, the Library Users Forum has
student membership, and there are feedback
forms in the Library and on our website for
comments. Each School has a Library rep.
and the Library has a Liaison Librarian
service in which a member of Library staff
works with each School to ensure students
receive information skills training and that
we are responsive to the changing needs of
students. Any student is welcome to contact
their Liaison Librarian or me to discuss
issues of concern.
Yours sincerely,
ROBERT HALL
HEAD OF LIBRARY SERVICES
17 October 2002 LETTERS TO THE EDITOR 9
I do not think it is cool to be politically incorrect People do not
I would like to offer my author my deepest sympathies because he is a heterosexual white male have a different
Dear Editor, view on an issue
I am writing in response to Gary Bewick’s article (Discrimination
against the majority, barefacts issue 1036, 19th September) and
believe this happens? Would they not be equally, if not more scared
of being sued by the better qualified and suitable candidate who
simply because
would like to offer him my sincerest sympathy. Oh how hard life
is as a white heterosexual male. He must feel absolutely gutted at
didn’t get the job because they weren’t from a minority?
Mr Bewick’s ramblings about American Airlines are equally
they are gay
the fact that he is much less likely to be pulled over by the police in nonsensical. From what I can make of what he says he believes
“random” stop and searches simply because he is white. I am also American Airlines were not wrong to prevent young Arab males Dear barefacts,
very sympathetic to the frustration he must feel knowing that on from boarding planes. What he is condoning is racism pure and
average his salary will be 18% higher than a woman’s doing exactly simple. Similarly he argues that anti-sexual harassment policies are Whilst sitting in the beer garden at the Elm
the same job as him. Not to mention the fear of knowing that he unfair. Tree the other night, I was approached by
won’t get beaten up by thugs “’cos he woz a poof!” or that he won’t The worst thing is that Mr Bewick seems to be proud of such someone from the LGB and asked to write
be barred from serving his country in the armed forces should he politically incorrect attitudes. Well, let’s see these attitudes for what an article for Barefacts. “Why?” I asked.
choose to. Oh how my heart bleeds! they really are: PREJUDICED. Still proud of them now? “I want to submit an article on something
But let me be serious for a minute. Mr Bewick seems to be suffering from a lesbian’s perspective” was the reply.
from acute paranoia. His arguments simply do not hold water. He Sincerely yours, I agreed, partly because I was put on the
claims employers may employ unsuitable candidates from minorities spot, and partly because I had had a drink
for fear of being sued by them. Does he really NAME AND ADDRESS SUPPLIED or two, but I was slightly taken aback by the
challenge for two reasons.
Firstly, there isn’t a single topic in the world
about which I have a “lesbian perspective”.
Instead of criticising, why not include helpful advice in articles? To suggest such a thing exists is naive and
misinformed. Lesbianism is not a school of
thought, it is merely a sexual orientation.
A response to last week’s article entitled “How NOT to get attacked in the Tescos underpass Secondly, the request itself made me
feel as though my sexuality is my only
Dear Ms Borneo, In response, Ms Borneo writes characteristic. This I find odd, as labeling is
Dear Mr Alom, very much frowned upon in today’s society,
In response to your article entitled “how not yet for the past few months it has been
to get attacked in the Tesco underpass: Thanks for the input. I do appreciate that it’s not always easy to find people to walk with if happening everywhere. For instance, Rhona
1. It is not always possible to find a group you’re on an unplanned night out. And you’re not invincible when you’re in a group. But you Cameron’s presence on “ I’m a Celebrity...”
of people to walk home with, and does not have to admit that the chances of a girl being raped when she’s with a group are massively was completely ignored. The fact that a
guarantee your safety either against a mob reduced, and a mugger would think twice. The only report in the last year of a group being lesbian was in the jungle, however, was
of juvenile delinquents. terrorized was an exception, the attacker was drunk and apparently delirious. This is, as I picked up by all the media. The number
2. There are no buses that run to the said, not the usual scenario and a group is definitely the safer option. of times I heard “lesbian in the jungle”
Aldershot road area for those of us that take I’m always a little confused by people who say they had no one to walk home with after a when I switched on my television or radio
the other dodgy underpass to Southway. night out. I don’t want to be insensitive to people who’ve been through such an ordeal, but was absurd, and completely stripped the
3. Rape alarms are a bit useless when there every time I’ve ever been out, my friends and I always arranged beforehand where we were comedienne of her identity.
are no houses nearby and your surrounded going to stay and how we were going to get there. We would never have dreamed of walking It would appear therefore, that my choice of
by the A3, railtracks, and trees. And even home alone. I don’t think it’s particularly difficult to arrange, I just wish people took the time partner completely out shadows every other
then the chance of anybody coming to aid to sort that out before winding up alone at 2am. aspect of my multi-faceted (and some say
you is remote. (You’ve a better chance if you The attack alarm point is often brought up. I still maintain that an attacker, who’s already bizarre) personality. If I must be classified,
shout “Fire!” according to that psychology quite nervous, is going to be disorientated by the alarm and that extra few seconds can buy a call me Welsh, call me a rugby enthusiast,
bloke on ‘This Morning’) girl the chance to get up and run screaming blue murder. Surely some deterrent is better than call me funny (because I am!). A person is
Rather than criticising people for not taking none? Even if you use it to smack some one in the face, it’s not completely useless. made up of many different characteristics,
care in the bulk of your article then attaching Finally, I apologise for the tone of my article. I had already written an advice-type one a and I don’t feel the need to classify my
some ‘helpful’ advice on at the end, in the couple of weeks beforehand and I found it really frustrating when Tony Watling told me the friends according to sexual preference. So if
form of Ps notes, why don’t you do the news about the attack at the weekend. I was busy and very tired. What can I say? you only see my sexuality, in my view, you
reverse? don’t see me.
Yours sincerely,
Yours, Yours,
TONI BORNEO
BADRUL ALOM VICE PRESIDENT EDUCATION & WELFARE SARAH WALTERS

barefacts is an editorially independent newspaper and is Do you have a complaint against

2002 - 2003
editor in chief | richard watts
editor | position vacant
deputy editor | position vacant
news editor | position vacant
music editor | alex read + simon robinson
film editor | stewart fudge + jolyon hunter
theatre editor | sara li + rachael bemrose
published by the University of Surrey Students’ Union
Communications Office.
this newspaper?
If you have a complaint about any item in this
The views expressed within the paper are those of individual
authors and do not necessarily represent the views of the
newspaper which contains inaccuracy, harassment,
intrusion or discrimination write to our editor about
Editor, the University of Surrey Students’ Union or the
it.
University of Surrey.
This publication may not be reproduced in whole or in part,
If you remain dissatisfied please contact the
Press Complaints Commission - an independant
stored in any form, copied or distributed, without the express
organisation established to uphold an editorial Code
permission of the publisher beforehand.
of Practice for the Press. This newspaper will abide
position vacant | art editor All submissions must include the author’s name and Union
by their decision.
or Staff Number. Submission is no guarantee of publication.
position vacant | sports editor
position vacant | lifestyle editor Anonymous and Pseudonymous articles will not be published. Press Complaints Commission
position vacant | features editor 1 Salisbury Square
barefacts reserves the right to edit submissions. London EC4Y 8JB
chris hunter + mike chang | photography Telephone: 020 7353 1248
position vacant | literature editor barefacts@ussu.co.uk Facsimile: 020 7353 8351

WWW.USSU.CO.UK
If you are interested in a position on the editorial team or writing for barefacts, please come along to the Printed by South West Wales Publications
Adelaide Street, Swansea
editorial meeting | thursday | 5pm | in the media centre | e-mail barefacts@ussu.co.uk © USSU COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE 2002 Tel: 01792 510000
10 UNION
Money: the love [and
focus] of all of our lives...
Hiya. I think this week is going
to be about Money. Money’s
anything else to help you
with. I don’t think many other
great. But it’s also a real places give you the chance to
nuisance. You have to make present your case in person,
sure you’ve got enough and so I find the whole thing quite
do maths in your head every pleasing.
time you buy something so So if you are at your wits’ end,
you don’t get too close to your trying to make ends meet,
TONI BORNEO
overdraft limit. I’m guessing VICE PRESIDENT EDUCATION scrimping on food and basic
that at Surrey we have a fairly need type things, there may
AND WELFARE
wide cross section of financial be something the University
situations, some great budgeters and some can do about it. But be warned now – they’ll
pretty dire ones. Some people will have very find out if you try your chances with a less
handy parents and some may have none at than genuine case. And actually, to try to rip
all. The issue a few students is facing is: them off is a really mean thing to do because
“Am I eligible for a hardship grant or loan?” that money could be the difference between
I couldn’t tell you, to be honest, because the having a degree and not having one to other
eligibility criterion for each kind of fund still people. If you are a bit rubbish at budgeting,
confuses me. but not eligible for help, you might want to
Student Advice (Wey Flat, Surrey Court) ask advice about keeping control of your
would be able to tell you, after a thorough purse strings at SAIS. Or – come visit the
and very friendly chat about your situation. Jobshop at the Union and sort out a bit of
This University is quite unusual, I’ve pocket money with a weekend job, studies-
discovered, in that they actually take the allowing of course. I find the best thing to
time to check out your general state of do when I’m trying to save is to keep as far
wellbeing at the same time to see if there’s away from TopShop as possible.
University of Surery Students’ Union [belatedly] welcomes new staff to the Union
Some of the faces and histories behind the familiar names of the student services department
The Union is pleased to belatedly introduce two new members of staff who have joined the
non-commercial services strand of Union personnel. Alli Cummings and Scott Farmer have
been with the Union now for about four months and have been working hard to develop the
Volunteering, DAVE and ID porjects taht have all been launched.
Alli Cummings joined the Students Union on 15th July as Student Support Facilitator.
However due to internal restructuring, her role has been developed in Student Support &
Outreach Coordinator and will now be responsible for community volunteering, the Unions’
widening participation interests and offering support to the VP of Education & Welfare and
the Marketing & Communications Manager.
Alli has a BA (Hons) in Criminology and for the last two
years has been working as a trainee financial adviser and brings
administration and research skills to the Students Union.
Having been a student at the University of Lincolnshire, where
she studied her Criminology degree, Alli has developed and
harnessed her strong interest in the higher education sector and
recognises, through her own experiences, the benefit to students of
a diverse and efficient volunteering system, enabling the students
to further themselves and enhance their CV’s.
Alli is based in refurbished area of the Students’ Union and can
17 October 2002
M oney
atters
ARE YOU GETTING A BIT
TIGHT FOR MONEY?
Are you thinking about getting a job? Then read on...
Many students at UniS decide to look for part-time work in order to supplement their
student loans and this is generally a very good idea. However, take care not to commit to
too many hours of work that will adversely affect your studies.
As a guide, most students can manage to fit in about 10 hours a week of paid work
BUT
don’t forget if you are very hard up and in your final year or have any special needs or
problems then you are a priority for help from the university hardship funds, abut which
you can talk to us at SAIS.
If you do get a job, don’t forget to choose a job that will fit in around your lectures and
tutorial times.
There are several jobs available around campus and town – the Job Shop in the students’
Union will be able to help you out and give you some ideas about local employers. There
is also a website www.activate.co.uk that is run in conjunction with the NUS that could be
useful.
If you want any more information then feel free to drop by and see us:
Student Advice& Information Service (SAIS): Wey Flat 2 | Surrey Court
t: [68]9261 | e: student-advice@surrey.ac.uk
be contacted via email (a.cummings@surrey.ac.uk) or on extension #3254.
Scott Farmer has primarily focused on the Union’s training strategy and personal skills
development programmes. He joined the Union from the voluntary youth service in the
South Gloucestershire area of Greater Bristol. This follows a year as the Vice President
Academic Affairs Officer and then President of the University of West England Students’
Union between 1998 and 2000.
Scott was also a member of the NUS Higher Education
Committee between 1998-2000, a NUS Services Ltd. board
director during 1999 and a South West area NUS project officer
for the academic year 2000-01.
Scott brings to the Union a range of skills and experience and
is based in the Students’ Union. If you would like to know more
about DAVE or ID – he’s you man.
There are many other new faces around the Union, including
Alison on reception – a profile of her and the others will be in
barefacts in the coming weeks, as will details of the folks that
have moved on to new pastures...
NOTICES
Photosoc AGM 17th October 6pm TB 1
Afro-Caribbean Society AGM 17th October 6.15pm LT A
Pakistan Student Association AGM 23rd October 7pm Quiet Centre
Physoc 24th October 1pm Jackson Room AC 5th Floor
Gamesoc AGM 24th October 7pm LT B
Stage Crew EGM 6pm HRB
EARS AGM 30th October 1pm 32AA21
Ballroom Dancing AGM 7.45pm University Hall
Cathsoc Sunday 27th 5.15pm (after Mass) Quiet centre
**Societies Standing 21st October 6pm LT F** Please note change of venue
17 October 2002 PROFESSIONAL PAGE 11

You have a lot more to This weeks careers & skills talks
offer than you realise EMPLOYER PRESENTATIONS
SUCCESSFUL INTERVIEWS
MONDAY 21 OCTOBER | 1pm | LT F
Russ Clark will talk you through a typical interview MOD*
and provide hints on answering both common and MONDAY 21 OCTOBER | 6pm | OAK SUITE 1
I once interviewed a student in Of course, if you’ve also unusual questions. An opportunity to find out about engineering and
London who said he couldn’t done a Professional Year you’d science training schemes as well as openings in HR,
PERSONALITY & CAREER CHOICE commerce, finance, IT, logistics, policy and general
think of anything to put on his probably want to devote a lot TUESDAY 22 OCTOBER 6pm | LT B administration.
application forms. To open up of your answer to describing This workshop is a repeat for those unable to attend
the discussion, I rather casually that instead. But you would on 18 September. Based on the Myers Briggs Type RAF INTERVIEWS
indicator it will help you relate various aspects of your THURSDAY 24 OCTOBER
asked him what he had done still benefit by applying the personality to your future career. Please register with Please make an appointment in the Careers Service.
that weekend. His answer same kind of analysis. The Careers by 17 October.
wasn’t quite what I had been trick is to try to relate what PARKMAN LTD*
expecting. He said he had spent you have done to the likely HOW TO SURVIVE THE INTERVIEW
the weekend in Germany. After
DR RUSS CLARK requirements of the job. Most
WEDNESDAY 23 OCTOBER 2pm | LT B
THURSDAY 24 OCTOBER | 6.15pm | LT M
Information for finalists and placement students
This workshop is designed to help you develop an in Civil Engineering on opportunities with this
a bit more probing it transpired jobs are described in terms effective interview technique. In a friendly and relaxed engineering consultancy.
that he spoke fluent French so Most people find it hard of tasks such as organising,

P
way you will have the opportunity to be interviewed
hitching across France was not a to “sell” themselves - researching, managing, and to be the interviewer.
problem. He picked up enough make sure you do writing, analysing and *Please register with Careers by email c.arrowsmith@surrey.ac.uk, or in person.
German to get by while he was problem-solving. Employers Please keep an eye on your University email and www.surrey.ac.uk/careers for the most up to date information
there, and he earned his fare want to know whether you
back by busking on the German underground. can do the things the job demands. The
He was a gifted saxophonist! He had also, application form is simply a means of finding
quite recently, given a lecture at the London this out.
By Steve Lewis
School of Economics, in French, on playing I reckon it takes about 3 hours to do the
the sax, and the degree he was doing was job properly. The first hour should be spent
Chemical Engineering! reading, thinking and planning. The second
You might be thinking that’s all very well for should be spent working out your answers to
him, he had a lot to talk about. But that’s not the more open-ended questions in rough. The
lacement students – Nico and Severine kicking about
for a few months and there are a few young-
the way he had seen it. Most people, in fact, third you’d spend transferring your answers to
ish English expats. I have had a few days of
find it hard to “sell” themselves. The key to the form. If it is a paper application, it goes
rather serious drinking with one such expat
making it easier is to make sure you start from without saying that your form also needs to
the point that anything you’ve done could be look attractive as well. Take heart though, the
relevant. Take bar work, for example. You first form which you complete is usually the
S EAK called Mike, however these “beanies” only
occur when his fiancée is away (not very
often, dammit). As for the French students,
might think that’s of no interest to an employer hardest. You can save quite a bit of time if you
I met Nico rather randomly at the bus-stop
whatsoever. But if you describe it in terms of keep a copy and modify your answers for the
one day when my bike was buggered. He
dealing with difficult customers, handling ones that follow.
just asked me if I worked at the P&G plant,
money, ordering supplies and working long, PS Look out for a presentation by KPMG
I said “er, yeah, who are you?” He later
unsocial hours - it suddenly sounds a lot more on online applications on Tuesday 12
So, here I am, sat at my desk in the first place introduced me to Severine and it just went
relevant to the needs of employers. November at 6.15 pm in LT M.
that I could ever really call my own. “Here,” on from there – we all tended to go out or
is chez-Steve Louis (Chem Eng & French), a do something most evenings once we got to
relatively small apartment in deepest darkest know each other. There is something very …
SIMON MATTHEWS
France. I am living in a rather sleepy little .. well …. continental, about sitting outside
town called Blois that nestles in the Loire on a lovely summer’s evening drinking
Valley about an hour and a half’s train ride a few beers, (rapidly finding my French
I graduated in June 2002 and am currently
from the teeming metropolis that is Paris. fluency improving with alcohol intake),
working as a software engineer at a media
The town is very, and I mean VERY quiet. and watching the world go by (or more
company in Wandsworth. A lot of the work
However it is very pleasant and touristy (is specifically, a load of the local testosterone-
is project based and one of the major things
that a word?). The restaurants are cheap fuelled lads pulling wheelies on their little
that is the difference between success and
(less than twenty of your English pounds scooters around the impossibly small square
failure of a project is time management. I
for a fine 3 course meal) and the food is to – madness!)
found at university that we were encouraged
die for, which is a result for someone who Now, I have learnt three very important
to be pro-active about managing deadlines
considers eating to be a hobby. facts about going clubbing in France – it
and workload and this is experience that I
My working days have varied somewhat is usually cheaper to buy and share a bottle
have brought to the job. I would recommend
– at the beginning of my placement I was of vodka or whiskey or whatnot than to go
to anyone that they make use of the time at
rolling out of bed around half seven, and out on the beers (about eight quid a pint!).
university to discover where their strengths
then hopping onto my bike and cycling Secondly, it is fairly common practise for
and weaknesses lie in meeting deadlines
to work, ending up behind my desk for there to be large mirrors in the clubs and
and to work on them as this particularly
about eight-ish. I would then slog away it is expected that you dance with yourself
impresses employers.
the day in a mixture of French and English in front of these mirrors – vanity holds a
My placement year was spent at DERA
before rolling home about half five-ish. special place in the clubs around here! And
(Defence Evaluation and Research Agency
However, the French government, in all last of all, the clubs are open until five am,
who have since changed their name to
such different people. At university you its bureaucratic wisdom, has seen it fit to nice.
QinetiQ), a research company that is part
mainly work with people of a similar age zealously enforce some new working time So, to go abroad or not for a placement?
of the MOD. Looking back, I am glad that
and background and it can be easy to fall regulations limiting the working week of all Well, I’ve had a good time overall, my
Surrey placed such a strong emphasis on
into the trap of thinking that “the real world” us paupers to no more than 36 hours and 20 French is now of a pretty decent standard,
the placement year as I found this to be
will be just the same. minutes. So, now I clock in and out – not (I can swear in many different ways – if that
an invaluable part of the course. One thing
My one regret from my final year at to make sure that I do enough hours, but can be used as a fluency criterion). I have
that can’t be taught but only learned is the
university was being very casual about to ensure that I do not do too many! Will ‘done’ Paris and the Loire Valley (wine and
importance of relationships at work and how
the careers advice that was available from wonders never cease! So, now I roll out of food-tasting is a must). Yes, I have been
they can affect performance, particularly in
Surrey. I made the mistake of thinking bed around eight and I am home for about lonely for a bit and my phone bills have
work that involves teams. Most people
in my last semester that work was a long five – all hail the French government and the been expensive, but I have had some quality
underestimate the importance of building
way off and there was plenty of time to get RTT (the aforementioned law!). weekends away here and there : Paris
good work relationships, even with people
organised. In fact, the end of the year creeps Meeting people has been difficult – most (including EuroDisney – and yes, I met my
you wouldn’t really associate with outside
up on you and it is worth attending all the of the people that I work with are young Jungle Book namesake), Alps, Dordogne.
of work. My experience at DERA was useful
careers events that are held, even if you couples with young kids! However, there And, importantly I regret (or should that be
to me in helping with this because it is the
don’t know what you’re going to do. have been a few other French placement remember?) nothing!
first time I worked in teams comprising of
 FEATURE COMPETITION
Guildford book festival more free clothes!
special! £100 worth of miss
previews of kate adie, selfridge vouchers to
george alagiah and be won by [maybe]
mark steele! you - hurrah!

red dragon
directed by Brett Ratner third time in his career (Brian Cox portrayed the good doctor in “Manhunter”), Hopkins
starring Anthony Hopkins, Edward Norton, Emily Watson, Ralph Fiennes drinks in every moment as the demented cannibal. While, of course, it’s fun to watch the
sinister threats and double entendres roll off his tongue in that English-professor-meets-
After nearly losing his life trying to capture the notorious serial killer Hannibal Lecter, it Ted-Bundy singsong voice Hopkins has, the actor does make time to make Lecter scary
has taken years for FBI agent Will Graham to overcome his anxiety. Enjoying the quiet again. With a cast that includes good performances from Harvey Keitel, Watson, Parker,
life on his Florida property with his wife and son, Graham is reluctantly called back Hoffman, and a flat, but passable Norton, you remember the scenes with Hopkins as you
into action when a serial killer called “The Tooth Fairy” begins his murderous rampage. walk out of the theater. And that’s just the way it should be.
“The Tooth Fairy” is actually a meek video lab techie named Francis Dolarhyde who is The demon of the picture is Ralph Fiennes, who’s perfectly cast as Francis Dolarhyde.
overcome by his uncontrollable rage, only to be tempered by an unexpected romance with Fiennes gives the
Reba McClane, a blind woman who sees the good in Dolarhyde. With the help of Lecter, role his all, using his
Graham tries to thwart Dolarhyde before he kills again. But behind Will’s back, Lecter and body as a conduit for
Dolarhyde have made their own plans for his fate. Satan himself, and
The chips are stacked against director Brett Ratner (The “Rush Hour” films, “The Family almost stealing the film
Man”) with “Red Dragon”. First of all, he’s making the third Hannibal Lecter film, after away from Hannibal.
Jonathan Demme’s sensational “The Silence Of The Lambs,” and Ridley Scott’s wildly Unlike the too-on-
entertaining sequel “Hannibal.” If that wasn’t hard enough to top, Thomas Harris’ suspense the-nose casting of
novel “Red Dragon” was previously turned into a 1986 feature called “Manhunter,” which hulking actor Tom
was near-brilliant as directed by Michael Mann (“Heat”). So how does Ratner turn this dark Noonan as Dolarhyde
installment into magnificence when so much could’ve gone so wrong? in “Manhunter,”
Even with the foundations for this movie Fiennes can pull off the
set in concrete long before the first frame everyman/sadistic killer
of film was exposed, it is Ratner’s natural act with a believability
ability to weave a story that makes “Red that’s alarming. It’s a
Dragon” such a cinematic jolt. Ratner terrific performance.
knows how to work an audience, and Taken on its own as a
“Dragon” is often a tense affair. While not deliciously relentless
as arid as “Lambs” or as robustly grotesque thriller, or as part of
as “Hannibal,” “Dragon” goes for the one of the least likely
suspense jugular more often than the other franchises in Hollywood
films. Set pieces involving Dolarhyde’s history, “Red Dragon” is
interrogation of a wretched reporter (a categorically superb on
repellent Philip Seymour Hoffman) crackle both counts. I’m sad to
with tension. As does the climax, which see Lecter ride off into
follows formula to the tee, yet remains an the sunset, but if this is
edge-of-your-seat ride that tops the film the way they’re going
like a cherry on a sundae. to finish him off, then
It also helps to have Anthony Hopkins I implore you all not to
around. Leading the cast as Lecter for the miss it.

Dilemma: I’m staying in wit me mates, I

got the beer but I don’t know which movie
to rent?!?!?! Rest Assured, that is my
Classic of the week
reason for being: Rhett Butler (Clark Gable) is the stuff The Jerry Springer Show is made of: A loud,
gambling, unreliable lout who not only drinks too much but is unfaithful to his wife (with
a hooker, no less, and not a hooker like Julia Roberts...but let’s not confuse the issue) and
ultimately abandons her and their child.
But do we loathe this cad for his brutish behavior? No, we only remember how cool he
was as he strode out the door after telling wife Scarlett (Vivien Leigh) he frankly didn’t
give a damn.
Such is the power of cool that Rhett Butler

In wit’ became known as the big-screen hero, and

is still considered one of the most romantic
figures in American cinema.

me mates
Why, you ask? Well, probably for the same
reason Joey Buttafuoco didn’t get dumped
by his wife and why a guy like John Wayne
Chick Flicks: Welcome ladies and men in touch with their feminine side, this week I am Bobbitt can still get a date: They may be
here for your pleasure…er…in that I have some movie suggestions for you. Right, my louts, but they’re our louts. The film is by
first recommendation, by popular demand is Dirty Dancing. I’m told by many of my lady no means perfect. It’s too long, for one thing,
friends that this is the best film of all time and it has an unforgettable soundtrack. Pure, and the second half drags. This is after all
unadulterated cheese, need I say any more? Next in line would have to be Bridget Jones’ a woman’s story, and it’s largely told from a
Diary; I am told that every girl’s circle of friends can be related to the main characters woman’s perspective. But they might have
in this movie and subsequent sequels (should the other books ever be brought to the big thrown in something for the boys. There
screen). Finally, from my childhood, I am going to recommend Beaches. Before I started are no real battle scenes. Even with these
growing hair (other than that on my head), every girl I had a crush on was rabbiting on shortcomings, there’s more than enough life
about this movie so I can only presume it struck a nerve within their nubile bodies. in this movie to go around.
all words: stew fudge
17 October 2002 FILM
Director’s cut Robert Roderiguez :
Ok, so I’m making the not-so-difficult leap of logic from Quentin Tarantino, to one of his
best mates (Robert Rodriguez) for this week’s Director’s Cut. Chances are that not many of
you have heard of this guy, but you’ve probably seen one of his movies.
Rodriguez is a native of Texas and was born and raised in San Antonio. At some point
during eighth grade, Robert saw John Carpenter’s "Escape From New York" and became
inspired: He picked up his Dad’s old Super8 camera and never looked back. The thing that
shocked him most was the cost of developing the film itself… Despite the headache of
editing between two household VCRs, Rodriguez appeared determined to follow his dream,
and with a ready-made cast of ten siblings, he managed to create an impressive array of
movies.
Throughout his time at the University of Texas in Austin, he called upon his siblings
frequently – featuring them in a cartoon
named Los Hooligans, and creating an
award-winning short named Austin Stories.
Somehow he also managed to produce
around 30 movies, all on borrowed Super8
equipment with very limited resources.
Rodriguez set his sights on Hollywood,
and decided the best way to break
Tinseltown would be through the Hispanic
market – his gamble paid off. El Mariachi
(1992) was scripted, directed and shot by
Rodriguez with no small amount of help
from his friend, and the film’s lead, Carlos
Gallardo. (Be sure to look out for him in
Desperado as well – he plays Campa). Shot
in 20 days on a borrowed 16mm camera,
and with a final budget of around $7,000,
13
words: jolyon hunter
El Mariachi is one of the best independent films you are likely to see. Go rent it now!
This movie catapulted Rodriguez into the Hollywood hotlist, and he took some famous
faces with him. Salma Hayek starred in Rodriguez’s stylised TV movie Roadracers (1994),
Antonio Banderas got major exposure in El Mariachi 2, otherwise known as Desperado
(1995 - also featuring Salma Hayek), and he also can be credited with kickstarting George
Clooney’s movie career with the ultra-cool From Dusk Till Dawn (1996).
Major films Rodriguez has directed recently include The Faculty (1998) and, in a slightly
different vein, Spy Kids (2001) and Spy Kids 2 (2002); all of which are well worth seeing if
you haven’t already.
His films can be described as highly
stylised Operas of violence – if you like
John Woo, check this guy out. Each
film oozes with style and that tangible
essence of "cool". As mentioned he helped
Banderas and Hayek break into Hollywood
and uses them both frequently in his
movies. Other regulars to look out for are
Cheech Marin and the distinctive Danny
Trejo (Navajas – the guy with the knives
– in Desperado). Trejo is also Rodriguez’s
cousin.
By the way – a word of warning! Don’t
make the same mistake I did by renting
From Dusk Til Dawn 2 or 3 – Rodriguez
only gets credited with executive producer
on these movies, and you can tell that his
influence was minimal – these two royally
suck (no pun intended).
Next on the horizon is the third instalment of the El Mariachi series – Desperado 2.
The film, provisionally entitled "Once Upon a Time in Mexico" is complete and should
be with us sometime in the New Year – expect to see Banderas reprise his role as the
Mariachi alongside the sultry Salma Hayek. King of Cool, Mr. Jonny Depp, also plays a
main character in this movie, and there are also appearances by Willem Dafoe and Mickey
Rourke.
do my buns look big in this?
16 MUSIC 17 October 2002

MUSIC NEWS
MUSE ARE TO SUE CELINE DION, IT WAS
announced this week, as she plans to
use the bands name as the title of her
new Las Vegas show. The band own the
performing rights to the name in the US
which means it cannot be used by anyone
else. Celine has reportedly offered
£32,000 to use it but Matt Bellamy has
stated “we don’t want to turn up their
(the states) with people thinking we’re
bloody Celine Dion’s backing band.”
Now that could be quite an interesting
collaboration.
IN THE GRAHAM COXON V’S BLUR DEBACLE
this week Mr Coxon has revealed that
he no longer regards the rest of the
band as his friends. “They haven’t
particularly acted like my friends and I
probably haven’t for years.” However,
with Graham’s excellent new solo album
coming out next week I think he could
probably do without them.
SINGLES
FORMULAE THE 15TH
JJ72 | LAKOTA RECORDS FISCHERSPOONER | FS STUDIOS/MINISTRY OF
Emerging from whichever shadowy corner SOUND
they’ve inhabited since early last year, Erratic electro-popsters Fischerspooner
JJ72 return in suitably epic form with new decide to cover a 1979 Wire track on this
single Formulae. Described as a celebration single. Obviously this version has lots of
of everyday life by vocalist and honorary beats and synths added, but it still isn’t all
chipmunk Mark Greany, the first offering that interesting. Smooth vocals croon over
from their upcoming second album I to the basslines, but it really just passes you
Sky is extremely easy on the ear. With by. Fischerspooner apparently put on an
silky vocals and polished, dreamy guitar incredible spectacle of a live show with
sounds, the overall impression is that this is dramatic costumes, stage sets and lighting,
heartfelt and really rather lush. On the other so maybe this would come across better
hand, Formulae is so sugary that some live. As it is, ‘The 15th’ is quite average.
people might opt to spit rather than swallow five | a.w.
- metaphorically speaking. seven | a.c

FINALLY THIS WEEK IT SEEMS THAT

single life hasn’t been affecting Justin

Timberlake too much. Whilst over on
recent visit to London he was spotted
with various women. First it was the turn WAY BEYOND
of Ms Dynamite where they bumped into MORCHEEBA | CHINA RECORDS
each over and discussed “music”…. Yep Chill-out gurus Morcheeba have knocked
ok. Then in the same club Ms Aguleira out a nice little catchy track taken from
made an appearance and partied the poor the album Charango, which is a bit too
lad “to within an inch of his life.” Seems happy and bouncy for my liking. Not that
like he might need Britney back after all. there’s anything wrong with being happy
and bouncy, but this does sound a bit like
Atomic Kitten, pretty non-descript and
lacking in substance. Still, I guess that’s the
Advertising Feature whole point of chill-out music. Personally
I think that Morcheeba should explore their
dark side a bit more (there’s wicked remix
An evening with Germaine Greer of The Sea by Stakka+Skynet knocking
around). I didn’t like Way Beyond, but a lot
Sunday 20 October 2002 of people probably will five| t.d.
*
COME BACK AROUND
FEEDER | ECHO
Taken from the new album Comfort in
Sound, this song is a sure sign that Feeder
are firing on all cylinders despite the
devastating loss of drummer Jon Lee earlier
this year. Hearing this on the radio, you’d
be forgiven for thinking it was the Foo
Fighters (well I’ve almost forgiven myself
anyway). Come Back Around is highly
charged and pretty damn catchy; as good as
anything these guys have done previously -
if you’re not bouncing off the walls on your
first listen then you bloody well should be.
Rockin’. eight and a half | a.c.

*
HUMMINGBIRDS
VENUS HUM | BMG
American three piece, Venus Hum show
instant promise with this illuminating
EP release. Title track Hummingbirds is
near perfection, using ‘Annette Streans’
humble vocals. Electro beats delved with
inspiring vocals make Hummingbirds an
outstanding single. ‘Bjork’ style influences
are fushioned with beats and bleeps in
This is an event which allows the audience to ask all those burning questions Springtime#2. This EP is a must for chilled
they have been longing to throw at Professor Greer: serious or light- beat lovers having the right balance of
hearted, from politics to poetry, the role of women in third-word countries, beautiful vocals and crafted beats. Venus
Hum has an exceptional sound with this
to Shakespeare’s women, or sex and the over sixties. This encounter with
debut release showcasing material from
Germaine Greer is likely to be candid, pithy and enlightening, crammed their forthcoming album Big Beautiful Sky.
with polemics and highly entertaining. The uncommercial style is accessible to all
Germaine Greer was born in Melbourne and educated at the university with its class shinning from beginning to
there. She subsequently took an MA at the University of Sydney and a end. nine | m.b.
PhD at the University of Cambridge. She was Professor of Modern Letters
SOMEWHERE OUT THERE
at the University of Tulsa from 1980-1983, Special Lecturer at Newnham
OUR LADY PEACE| EPIC
College, Cambridge 1989-98 and since then has been Professor of English This band is shit hot! Oh no – wait a minute – they’re just shit. Somewhere out there
and Comparative Studies at Warwick University. sounds like every mediocre rock love ballad that has ever been written – these guys make
She is an outspoken broadcaster and feminist icon (The Female Eunuch, Bryan Adams look like the f*cking Don. Taken from the album Gravity, this track is
her famous book on feminism, was published in 1969) and she has finance a slow typical love song with throaty vocals and mushy lyrics. If you’re into stuff like
Bryan Adams and Nickleback, then aside from the fact that you’re a complete loser, you’ll
and operated Stump Cross Books since 1988, publishing the works of female
probably enjoy this. Even if you don’t like this track then you will marvel at the excellent
writers including Aphra Behn, Katherine Philips and Anne Wharton. production and nice sleeve. Having said all this, after a couple of listens this track managed
to penetrate through this rock hard exterior and I actually found myself being quite
touched. I cried three times and shat myself twice three| t.d.
17 October 2002 MUSIC 17
I To Sky
jj72 | lakota

*
The second album for the Irish three-piece
indie rock band is a good follow up to the
debut eponymous album ‘JJ72’. When
they released their last album there was an
ALBUMS
MAGIC HOTEL
TOPLOADER | SONY
Magic Hotel is Toploader’s return after
the phenomenal success of million
selling Onka’s Big Moka. After shaking
the charts and Jamie Oliver adverts,
enormous amount of hype and excellent Toploader have even more to prove
reviews that included the band touring with the eagerly awaited Magic Hotel.
with the NME Carling awards that year. The set up of familiar vocals and organ
Two years on and they have put together antics is unchanged but does show more
another album worthy of similar praise experimenting with styles. First single off
and interest. Mark Greaney’s distinct the album, Time Of My Life is uplifting
vocals are sure to be mistaken for a girls enough but with masses of exposure
voice again but they suit the music and through the overplayed Dancing In The
songs perfectly. There are hints of a Joy Moon Light has tested even the most avid
Division influence in some of the songs, fans patience. One thing can be said for
particularly ‘Sinking’ and there seems to be Toploader and that’s they don’t offend
more of a rawness in the album that wasn’t anyone, the styles not innovating but
there in the first album. The fact that Alan look into the music and its actually not
Moulder (who is known for his work with that bad. The Animals, House of The
Smashing Pumpkins and Nine Inch Nails) Rising Sun inspired ‘Lady Let Me Shine’
mixed the album shows part of where this includes trademark, catchy choruses and
is coming from. There does not seem to organ solos. The use of Rhythm and
be a particularly weak song and is a strong Blues with commercial rock has proved a

*
album throughout. seven | js winning formula that the Magic Hotel LP
is continuing. Standout tracks Following
LET GO The Sun and Only Desire have that single
AVRIL LAVIGNE | ARISTA RECORDS quality in this obviously hard worked
Let Go is the absolutely stunning debut album from Canadian wonderkid Avril Lavigne. album. Toploader second album could
At the rather cute and tender age of 18, the whole Avril Lavigne story is accelerating at never live up to the success of previous
an alarming rate. Since releasing Let Go in June, she has achieved ‘triple’ and ‘double debut album with critics sharpening their
platinum’ status in Canada and the US respectively. Let Go has reached no.2 in the knives, but I for one have now blunted
Billboard Chart, and no.1 in the alternative album chart. The amazing thing about this mine. six | m.b.
Canadian beauty is that she is able to sound about a decade older than she actually is. The
sound produced in this record can be described as ‘addictive’. It is so clean, pure and
together. She has the voice and the looks of an angel, but with the added quality of a bit
of attitude. Unlike other teen stars, Avril is one artist that certainly likes to be firmly in the
driving seat, as she says: ‘ I’m gonna dress what’s me, I’m gonna act what’s me and I’m
gonna sing what’s me’. And frankly, who’s to argue? With the hit single ‘Complicated’,

* recommended
that smashed records previously set by Madonna, staying at no.1 in the Canadian charts for
an exasperating 11 weeks. Avril plays the Astoria on Nov 22. She’s damn good. eight |
m.i.
GOD BLESS MISS BLACK AMERICA
MISS BLACK AMERICA | INTEGRITY RECORDS
This album is a fantastic lesson in political punk music. It starts off in rousing fashion with
UP THE BRACKET ‘Human Punk’ in which we are told, “The human punk is a God worth worshipping”. Too
LIBERTINES | ROUGH TRADE right. And here is a great place to start. Strong melodic basslines and great guitar riffs rule,
More punk guitar in the same vein as the as on ‘Infinite Chinese Box’. There is an advert for the Anti-Nazi league in the inlay sleeve
Strokes and the White Stripes, from British and there are quotes before the lyrics to each song, from people as diverse as Julian Cope
band the Libertines. Kinks singalongs, and Mother Theresa. Clearly this band has something to say. And boy, do they do it in
Clash guitar riffs and funky drumbeats style. The music is sexy and urgent, aggressive even, with a large proportion of the lyrics
are obvious throughout the record, as about personal strength, with even a Radiohead lyric thrown in. ‘God Bless Miss Black
well as influences from their current America’ is raw and intense, and appeals to the basic rock ‘n’ roll instinct. Amazing for a
contemporaries. Songs are all energetic and debut album. Worship Here. nine | a.w.
melodic from storming opener ‘Vertigo’ THE ORIGINAL SOUND OF SHEFFIELD ’78-
onwards. Mick Jones formerly of the Clash ’82 – BEST OF
produced the band’s debut album, and his CABARET VOLTAIRE | MUTE
words by: alex read
influence is obvious on certain tracks, for simon robinson Cabaret Voltaire were pioneers of electronic
example ‘Time For Heroes’. Although not jon swarbrick | duncan hills music from the late 70s onwards. The
as immediate as the Strokes, this album matty b | anthos chrisanthou band were notorious for their experimental
still rocks, and I’m sure Mick and his anna wheeler | mark iyer sound and forward thinking. The
former colleagues would have been proud confrontational energy of punk is here in
of some of the songs. The band tour with abundance in the lyrics and quite possibly
if you are interested in writing for the music drug-inspired music. This ‘Best Of’ brings
Supergrass in October. Now that will be a team, then come along to the cd hand-out in together 14 rare single and album tracks
great night out. seven | a.w. the media centre on mondays at 5pm from 1978-1982, when the band were
POWER IN THE BLOOD at their height. The music is intensely
ALABAMA 3 | (ONE LITTLE INDIAN) atmospheric and dark, and lyrics are
Thumbing through the pages of the inlay of my latest ‘choice’ and seeing a bunch of wrinkly, hard faced rocked-out-rocker types is sometimes unrecognisable. Comparisons
hardly an endearing image at the best of times so upon listening I find myself almost pleasantly surprised (........to an extent) that the old to Joy Division seem unavoidable and
adage “never judge a book by a cover”, partly rings true here once again. Expecting some sort of shite southern rock I instead find myself on ‘No Escape’, the vocals are distinctly
listening to what can only be described as country-techno! As far as that particular genre goes, I’m sure this is a great example, at times the reminiscent of Ian Curtis singing “Dance,
backing tracks even resemble something an older Underworld might have produced (well......maybe). However, despite being well known dance, dance to the radio” on Joy Division’s
on the South London club scene, Alabama 3 (who actually number eight in their ranks!) have hardly endeared themselves with dance fans. ‘Transmission’. High praise, and worthy
Perhaps its the slightly crap imitation of a deep-south American accent sung by the Glaswegian front man? Or maybe its just that this of it. The band were instrumental in
seems like a dance record trying to be exactly that, only for a wrinkly Glaswegian to drag it kicking and screaming back into the depths developing the experimental “industrial”
of country music? Or maybe it’s the rather off-putting, under-lying political agenda that Larry and Wayne Love have decided is suitable sound and this compilation demonstrates
for making people dance? Perhaps they could give some tips on getting your message across, to a certain hapless political party? Or not. perfectly the extent of influence Cabaret
For all its country-flavoured social commentary, the record does actually have its fleeting moments of inspired dance music but ultimately Voltaire had on a multitude of newer music.
fleeting is all they ever amount to. five | dh Unmissable. nine | a.w.
18 MUSIC 17 October 2002

A refreshing change in a tiny backroom,

somewhere in London
FRENCH KICKS AND BLACK NIELSEN
Spitz bar

With today’s music scene being filled with manufactured pop and hype driven bands
tonight’s gig is a refreshing change as it is a night of unknowns. One of the UK’s finest v’s
one of Americas left behind talents. In a tiny backroom in East London, Black Nielsen take
to the stage in a half-filled room. Those who have turned up however, know something
the rest of us don’t. That Black Nieslen, a five piece from Southampton, write beautifully
crafted heartfelt songs. Right from when they take to the stage to the dramatic close,
Nielsen tug at the heartstrings with Mike Gale’s fragile vocals, backed by soaring guitars

Soon-to-be popular extravanganza

and orchestral harmonies. Right throughout the crowd is taken on an epic journey, take the
prophetically titled ‘Lasoo the moon’ which brings a touch of space to the surroundings
and ‘My friend’ leaves us all weeping. Comparisons to Mercury Rev and Grandaddy are
inevitable but they bring with it a sense of Englishness, a feeling of cute sentiment. And as CANDYHEADS + BUGFLY @ LIVE impressed.
they leave the stage they have managed to take us from space right back home, wrapped in TUESDAY 15TH OCTOBER | UNION Up next are the Candyheads. Becoming
a warm duvet. Finally some rock comes to the union. a regular at the students union having
The French Kicks couldn’t be much more of a different band if they tried. For a start they Put aside your normal pop drivel which played here last year, the Candyheads
are all over 6ft tall and are all from uber cool New York and this is where the confusion too often blasts from the its speakers, are another four-piece from London (and
starts. These days all you need to do is say you’re from New York and the NME will tell tonight Candyheads and BugFly inject incidentally on the same label as BugFly,
you the next best thing. The French Kicks have all that is required to be New York’s finest. some rock n’ and roll. BugFly, a four Libelous records). Having been tipped as
They have dirty Rock n Roll snarl, take ‘1985’ for example which has more swagger than piece from London, take to the stage first. “well up for it” in last weeks Barefacts,
a coked up mancunian. They have pop melodies, ‘crying just for show’ bounces along like Sounding like Hole crossed with Pink like they certainly don’t disappoint. Each
Jordan’s implants. However, this maybe the problem. Their beach boy style harmonies at melodies (but with more bad ass attitude) song tonight is filled with pop melodies,
times took the edge off some of their songs, but when they kicked into ‘Right in time’ you tonight’s set is 30 minutes of blistering punk attitude and well just infectious rock
know there is no justice in the world. If the strokes managed to write a song like this it rock that left the weak running. Fronted actually. I have never witnessed such a
would be hailed a masterpiece. It has style, it struts, it snarls, it makes you wanna dance. by a confident female Hungarian vocalist reaction to a band at the union before, was
That is exactly what the French Kicks manage to make you do by the end of their set. With (that’s something you don’t see everyday there a riot for posters at the end that I saw?
style and songs to boot it should only be a matter of time. The world please take notice, outside of Budapest), BugFly, after a slow With feel good hits like ‘Mr Bluesky’ (for a
these bands are great, just don’t tell anyone. simon robinson start surprise the rapidly increasing but moment I thought Greenday had arrived at
unsuspecting audience with their dirty the union) and ‘Precious’, which was easily

Theatre
riffs and low slung attitude. Current the song of the evening, it is easy to see
single ‘Someone else’ soared along whilst why they got such a reaction. They made
‘Drown’ cut straight for the jugular with noise, they got attitude and believe it or
its Garbagesque vocals and deep down not I think they made some people dance.
dirty attitude. Those who bothered to Britney can piss off, LIVE is here to stay!
Ok folks, here’s another one you might like to go and see at the Yvonne Arnaud: it looks tackle the rain were left feeling surprisingly simon robinson
pretty good to me. ‘Don’t Dress for Dinner’, heralded as “a nifty comedy farce” by the
Sunday Times, stars a couple of well-known faces: Robert Duncan, the newsroom boss from
Drop the Dead Donkey, Vicki Michelle of Allo Allo fame and Melanie Stace, once Bruce
Forsyth’s sidekick on The Generation Game. Kinetic Theatre: ‘The Amazing World of Eduard
Setting the scene: a converted French farmhouse.
The characters: Bernard, who has a chic Parisian mistress, Suzy, whom he hopes to
Bersudsky’s Performing Sculptures’
entertain for the weekend, whilst his wife Jacqueline visits her mother. Bernard COMPANY - SHARMANKA THEATRE
arranges for a cordon bleu chef to create the perfect gastronomic ambience and
for his best friend Robert to supply the reliable alibi. CREATOR - EDUARD BERSUDSKY
What could possibly go wrong? DIRECTOR - TATIANA JAVORSKAIA
Perhaps Jacqueline (the wife) decides to cancel her trip to see her mother? words: sara li
Could this be because her and Robert (best friend) are secret lovers? With the genius talent of Eduard Bersudsky and the mastermind
The chef could be mistaken for the mistress and the mistress of Tatiana Javorskaia, the Sharmanka Kinetic Theatre Company
can’t cook?!! Mix all this together and you have the perfect recipe for offers you something a little bit different. During 1985-1988
an evening of hilarious confusion! in Russia, Bersudsky had carved over fifty kinetic sculptures.
So, if Fawlty Towers is your thing, this would be the play After a meeting with theatre director, Javorskaia in 1988, it was
for you. Another farce worth seeing is ‘Noises Off’, playing in discovered that what he had created was essentially a theatre
the West End at the Piccadilly Theatre. of mechanical characters, and that they were best presented in
‘Don’t Dress for Dinner’ plays at the Yvonne performance. The final result was; a magnificent set of wooden
Arnaud Theatre from Monday 21st – Saturday and metal kinetic sculptures being brought to life with relatively
26th October. Mon-Thurs: 7.45pm. Fri and simple electromechanical devices to tell the funny and tragic tales
Sat: 8pm. Mats Thurs and Sat: 2.30pm. Ticket of the human spirit.
prices range from £11 - £23.50. Standbys are This isn’t something that will appeal to everyone, especially
available 1 hour before the performance, priced £7 for students. Box Office Tel. No: 01483 when you just wanted to spend a quiet, relaxed afternoon down
440000. the museum, - only for it to be turned into a disturbing and
words: rachael bemrose thought-provoking visit. With brilliant use of shadow play,
dim lights and a very effective haunting soundtrack the piece
More theatre will has the power to unsettle you. And at the same time it has the
follow next week. kind of magic that entrances and captivates visitors.
For a quick biography On display, Bersudsky’s art is truly awe-inspiring
of Rabbi Lionel Blue, and very surreal. It is as if each carving, large or small
turn to the special on appears to have a soul and is trying to whisper to you it’s
the Guildford book little riddle. But, it is through theatrical performance that you
festival. To fill this experience the full impact of his work, and the effects at has
bit, here are a couple on the mind is not to be underestimated.
of pictures of this ‘The Amazing World of Eduard Besudsky’s Performing
year’s panto: Sculptures’ is currently housed at the Theatre Museum, in
London both as an exhibition and performance.
17 October 2002 COMPETITIONS 19

Competition[s]
Frankly, none of you deserve to win last week’s prize because a grand total of five people
entered. Well, the five that entered deserved to win, but no-one else. Come on people, is
it really that difficult to send one poxy e-mail? Lord knows that everyone sends enough
of the things nowadays - how difficult can it be to type barefacts@ussu.co.uk and a simple
answer? Not a lot.
Anyway, the lucky winner of the massive attack dvd is one sam somers so please do drop
by and pick it up. The runner’s-up prize of a the new toploader album go to John Swar-
brick and Bertrand Tervernier - this could be seen either as great or horrible and not
much else in between.
(Incidentally, just so you know, the competitions are judged thus: all of the entries go into
one big list which is then counted - the number of entrants, x, is then passed on to my girl-
friend at the other end of teh phone who then picks a number between 1 and x, thus giving
us a winner. It works quite well and ensures fairness at all times. Should you have any
complaints regarding this procedure, I refer you to my girlfriend...).
Anyway, onwards and upwards to this week’s competitions - your chance to win either one
of (or both of, if you’re lucky) the following:

a) £100 worth of vouchers to spend in Miss Selfridge

b) a mobile phone

Yep - all the stops have been pulled out and there we go - two fandabidoso prizes.
You know the score by now: answer the question, send the answer
to the e-mail address I’ve already mentioned with the subject mat-
ter given as “competition” and wahey - your chance of a whop-
pingly good prize increases dramatically. So here goes:

For the Miss Selfridge vouchers:

how much discount is available at Miss Selfridge during
the month of October?

For the motorola t191 handset:

what is the name of the mobile phone company who
are running the mixitmoto dj challenge at universities
across the united kingdom?

It’s not hard, is it?

Incidentally, if you want any more information regarding the

motorola event (which is going to be held at the Union in
week eight) or anything to do with Miss Selfridge, then give
Shruti a call at NUS ents. Her number is 020 7490 0946 and
her e-mail is shruti@nus-ents.co.uk. She’s thoroughly nice
and will help you out a treat. Good luck everyone.

Being intelligent being

5.30PM | LT D | WEDNESDAY WK. 7 PROFESSOR KHURSHID AHMAD
PROFESSOR OF ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE

For many people intelligence is a word they
associate with clever things, with cloak
and dagger things, with (their) children or
pets and occasionally with colleagues. For
psychologists, philosophers and computing
professionals the term intelligence has a
special significance: a term that has not
been easy to define and is a controversial
notion at best or heresy at worst. Many
humanists and a fair number of scientists
regard intelligence as an essential human
trait on par with beauty and for others
intelligence is almost a god-like quality.
Many scientists and a significant number of
humanists believe otherwise: intelligence
for them is a phenomenon to understand
much like gravity or evolution; intelligent
behaviour for them is yet another example
of rule-governed behaviour. There are
computing professionals who believe that
“Intelligent behaviour is it is possible to develop a computer system
yet another example of that will behave intelligently. Professor
Ahmad will talk about the development of
rule-governed artificially intelligent programs – programs
that can ezxtract financial information from
behaviour. There are news stories; programs that can simulate
computing profession- the development of a child’s language and
programs that can systematically store and
als who believe that it retrieve still and moving videos of dancers,
sports persons and even of criminals. Some
is possible to develop a people even speak of programs that have
consciousness, volition and the ability to
computer system that will reproduce. Artificially intelligent beings
behave intelligently” require complex hardware and software – it
appears that being intelligent takes much
effort.
20 BOOK FESTIVAL SPECIAL 17 October 2002

Guildford Book Festival | 2002

The Guildford Book Festival was founded in 1990 and has been a
highlight of the arts calendar ever since its inception over a decade
ago. Tens of writers descend on the numerous theatres, halls and
institutes of Guildford each year to deliver memoirs, book extracts,
opinion and writing workshops – quite often for free – to a public
whose appetite for receiving such entertainment has grown along
with the festival. This year’s event will take place from 20th
October until the 3rd November and will start with “an evening
with Germaine Greer” – the well-known feminist and academic.
Glen Pycraft, the festival director, writes in his introduction to the
Festival: “As always we try to bring variety to the events” and
goes on to introduce some of the people who will be present this
year. Libby Purves, Jane Asher, Jenny Eclair, Henry Chancellor
and , to conclude the event, John Sergeant, the well-known political
reporter.
Below is a brief guide to some of the better-known writers coming
to Guildford over the next couple of weeks or so.

RABBI LIONEL BLUE GEORGE ALAGIAH

SUNDAY 20 OCTOBER | YVONNE ARNAUD
For some time he contemplated being a
monk, but was eventually ordained as a
Rabbi in 1960.
During his career he has been the
minister of the Settlement Synagogue and
Middlesex New Synagogue (1960-63) and
following this was the European Director of
the World Union for progressive Judaism.
In 1967, he took up a lectureship at the Leo
Baeck College, London. He also helped
found the Standing Conference of Jews,
Christians and Moslems in Europe.
Rabbi Lionel is well-known to millions for
his broadcasts on BBC radio, particularly
Thought for the Day on the Radio 4 Today
show, which he has been doing for 25
years. He has also made numerous TV
The Guildford Book Festival gets to a appearances and written several books,
rollicking start with a Sunday evening of including Bolts From The Blue, Kitchen
entertaining and informative presentations Blues and Simply Divine.
by the likes of Rabbi Lionel Blue and He uses his own experiences and offbeat
Germaine Greer. Unfortunately Germaine sense of humour, to tell a selection of
tickets went very fast, but do not despair! stories, incidents and conversations, which
If you are in the mood for wit and lively will appeal to people from all religions
stories of anything from pasta to prayer and beliefs. He offers an antidote to a
books, Rabbi Lionel could be for you! cinema full of horror, with his anecdotes of
Rabbi Lionel was born in the East End anything from soap powder to sainthood.
of London in 1930. After going through “My aim”, he says, “is to give people the
dozens of schools, he eventually ended up
at Balliol College, Oxford, where he read
courage to get out of bed”.
Have your spirits lifted; go see Rabbi
History. It was here that he discovered Lionel on Sunday.
religion, when he happened upon a Quaker Tickets are still available for ‘An Evening
meeting for farmers! He followed this by with Rabbi Lionel Blue’ on Sunday 20th
studying Semitics at London University. October at 7pm, priced £12.50 and £17.50.
KATE ADIE
TUESDAY 22 OCTOBER | GUIDFORD CHAMBER OF COMMERCE
Kate Adie’s story is an unusual one. She was born in Sunderland and educated at
Newcastle University. She joined the BBC in 1969 and has been their Chief News
Correspondent since 1989. She was awarded the OBE in 1993.
Kate talks about her autobiography The Kindness of Strangers at the Chamber of
Commerce literary lunch – a talk which encompasses her reporting from Northern Ireland,
the Middle East, Tiananmen Square and, of course, the Gulf War of 1991.
Kate will also be signing copies of her book before the lunch and then mingling with the
guests.
FRIDAY 25 OCTOBER | ELECTRIC THEATRE
In A Passage to Africa, truly remarkable book.
BBC newsreader George George Alagiah is a
Alagiah vividly describes specialist on Africa and
the continent that offered the developing world.
a new beginning to a Between 1994 and 1998 he
Ceylonese five year old and was based in Johannesburg
his family fleeing ethnic as the BBC’s Africa
conflict. In vivid and Correspondent. He has
evocative prose and with reported on some of the
a fine eye for detail, the most significant events
optimism felt by the young of the last decade from
George on his arrival in such places as Somalia,
Ghana is tempered in the Rwanda, Iraq, Afghanistan,
later years through insight East Timor, Mozambique,
and experience gained as a Liberia, Sierra Leone,
frontline reporter. From the ‘kleptocracry’ Kosovo and Zaire. Among the prominent
of Mobuto’s Zaire to the olitical expediency figures he has interviewed are Nelson
of President Mugabe’s Zimbabwe; from Mandela, Desmond Tutu, Yoweri
the teenage war veterans of Liberia to Museveni, Kofi Annan, Yasser Arafat,
Mandela’s moral authority in South Africa Robert Mugabe and Tariq Aziz.
and the ‘African renaissance’ led by such George has won many awards, including
leaders as Yoweri Museveni and Thabo the One World Trust award, Amnesty
Mbeki, Alagiah manages to balance the International’s Best TV Journalist award
integrity and sense of obligation he feels and the Bayeux award for war reporting.
as a reporter with passionate, thought He speaks at the festival as part of the
provoking personal testimony to produce a African Visions tour 2002.
FAY WELDON
SUNDAY 27 OCTOBER | MILL STUDIO (AT YVONNE ARNAUD)
Fay Weldon is one of the Watching You, Polaris,
best-loved writers of our Moon Over Minneapolis
time. She has published and The End of The Line.
over twenty novels She has written numerous
including Down Among the major television play
Women, Female Friends, and contributed to many
Praxis, Puffball, The Hearts series, including Upstairs,
and Lives of Men, Affliction, Downstairs, Pride and
Worst Fears and Spitting. Prejudice, The Life and
Her autobiography Auto Da Loves of a She Devil and
Fay appeared earlier this The Cloning of Joanna
year. May.
Some of her most Fay returns to the Yvonne
powerful writing is in the Arnaud theatre for an
form of the short story. evening focusing on her
Dozens have appeared work and discussing her
in a periodical form and new set of short stories,
have been collected in four which are soon to be
volumes: Watching Me, published.
Booking details
Festival Box Office: 01483 444334
The Electric Theatre: 01483 444789
Guildford Civic: 01483 444555
Yvonne Arnaud Theatre: 01483 444000
All tickets must be collected from theBox Office outlet at which they were booked
17 October 2002 BOOK SPECIAL FESTIVAL 21

JOHN HEGLEY MARK STEEL

SUNDAY 27 OCTOBER | ELECTRIC THEATRE WEDNESDAY 30 OCTOBER | ELECTRIC THEATRE
The fabulously funny John Hegley returns to the Guildford festival with his new show The Mark Steel brings a new show to the has written and performed several series
Sketch Books. John visited France last year to paint a scene once depicted by his father and Electric Theatre that promises to be an of the Mark Steel Solution and the Mark
muses on a trip, painting in general, romance and blancmange. “informed, uncompromising and joyfully Steel Lecture, both for Radio 4. Mark has
witty” evening. also hosted the Radio 5 sports programme,
Warning: contains rhyming language. A dedicated trouble-maker, protester and Extra Time, produced a weekly column
committed campaigner for social justice for The Guardian and now does so for The
John Hegley is a bespectacled, dog loving Luton lauding lad who is widely known as one and equality, it has been said of Mark Steel Independent.
of the country’s most innovative comic poets with eight best-selling volumes of poetry that “in every major political event of the
to his name, including Five Sugars Please, These Were Your Father’s and Dog. He is a last twenty-five years he has managed to
regular sell-out performer at the Edinburgh Festival and has performed at the Melbourne play an extremely minor role.”
Comedy festival in Montreal and Aspen, Colorado, under the directorship of Simon Callow Reasons to be Cheerful is the hilarious
in ThePajama Game and regularly on Radio 4’s Hearing with Hegley. His new series on memoir of one man’s attempts to fix the
this wavelength with John Cooper Clarke is broadcast this month. For more information, world over a quarter of a century, from
see www.johnhegley.co.uk. punk to New-Labour. Both a personal tale
of life on the front line in the fight against
political oppression and a social history
TERENCE BLACKER of the late 20th century, it is polemical,
WEDNESDAY 30 OCTOBER | ELECTRIC THEATRE passionate and relentlessly funny.
Mark Steel has performed as a stand-up
Terence Blacker appears at the Book Festival as part of the youth events calendar. He is a comedian on the British comedy circuit
prolific and popular writer, creator of the Ms. Wiz series for young children and successful and on national tours since 1983. Such
writer for the older audience. Homebird is a hard-hitting novel anout homelessness, whilst experiences informed his first book – It’s
the Hotshot series focuses around an all-girl football team. The agony and ecstasy of the not a Runner-Bean – Dispatches From
loyal football supporters is captured in The Transfer, wihc is currently being developed for a Slightly Successful Comedian. As
television. well as numerous television appearances
Terence will be discussing his work and answering questions in a friendly and informal including Have I got News For You, he
atmosphere.

Ian McEwan was born on the 21st June AUTHOR OF THE WEEK of deciding outcomes, she is also God?”
1948 in Aldershot. He won the 1998 Briony Tallis is 13 years old, an

Ian McEwan
Booker prize for his novel Amsterdam, and avid young writer with an over-active
has been short-listed since for his more imagination. One hot summer day in
recent work, Atonement. He has written 1935 she sees her older sister, Cecelia,
two collections of short stories, nine novels recently returned from Cambridge, strip

The book circle

and many film scripts. His usual style
involves detailed description and character
study, and his focus is often on the mental
aspect of the story, what goes on inside the
characters’ minds. Here are overviews of
what I believe to be his two best works.
Enduring Love:”The beginning is simple
to mark. We were in sunlight under a turkey
oak, partly protected from a strong, gusty
wind. I was kneeling on the grass with a
corkscrew in my hand, and Clarissa was
passing me the bottle - a 1987 Daumas
Gassac. This was the moment, this was the
pin prick on the time map: I was stretching
out my hand, and as the cool neck and the
black foil touched my palm, we heard a
man’s shout. We turned to look across the
field and saw the danger. Next thing, I was
running towards it.”
So begins Enduring Love. It is the story of
Joe Rose, a scientist and atheist, apparently
content in his life with partner Clarissa
and career as a science journalist. His
life is upended by one pivotal event, and
the obsessive love of another man who
becomes a dangerous stalker. It is soon
clear that Joe’s life is far from what he
would want it to be, he gradually becomes
jealous of Clarissa and embittered by her
disbelief in his situation, dissatisfied with
his career, and paranoid about Parry, his
stalker. Parry is a religious fanatic suffering
from De Clerambaults syndrome, a mental
condition which involves a random,
immediate feeling of absolute love for
a stranger, and a following dangerous
obsession. From the initial event of a father
losing control of a hot air balloon with his
son in it, all events and characters unfold
words: rachel plummer
to a frightening, yet inevitable conclusion,
a life or death encounter between the three
main characters.
It is written in typical McEwan style, he
delves deep into the minds of both Joe and
Parry, showing the breakdown of Joe’s life
in precise detail. It is ironic that, in the end,
all love is broken down except Parry’s for
Joe, his is the only love which proves to be
enduring. This is a really incredible piece
of writing, deeply psychological, though
perhaps a little dry for non-McEwan fans. It
requires a careful reading, at least twice, to
fully appreciate its complexities.
Atonement: “How can a novelist achieve
atonement when, with her absolute power
off her clothes and dive into a fountain in
the grounds of their beautifully described
country house. She also sees Robbie, son of
the cleaning lady and also recently returned
from Cambridge, watching Cecelia. These
events take a dark turn in Briony’s mind
when later she intercepts a note from
Robbie to Cecelia which reads, “In my
dreams I kiss your cunt.”
Not knowing that Cecelia and Robbie
are secretly lovers, she makes the
terrible mistake of believing him to be
a pervert who is out to assault her sister
and any other unwitting girl he can find.
Unfortunately, that same night their young
cousin, Lola, is assaulted in the grounds
of the house and does not know who by.
Briony manages to convince everyone
(except Cecelia) it is Robbie, who then goes
to prison. Embittered, Cecelia becomes
estranged from her family. This is the crime
for which Briony tries for the rest of her life
to atone.
The second part of the book sees Robbie
as a soldier in World War 2, the resentment
he feels for Briony disappearing in the
face of the enormous human tragedy of
the war. Meanwhile, Briony gives up her
dreams of following Cecelia to Cambridge
and becomes a nurse, believing this will
alleviate her guilt. She also believes
her atonement is somehow wrapped
up in Robbie’s survival and Cecelia’s
forgiveness.
The story is simple, but the emotional
undercurrents make it a moving and
interesting work, concerning class
prejudices, sexual repression, and the World
War.
The University of Surrey Book Circle is
an informal group that meets in the Willow
Room of Wates House approximately once
a month to discuss a book of a member’s
choice. Many of the books discussed are
modern novels but classics, non-fiction
books of interest or volumes of poetry are
sometimes chosen. Ideas and reactions are
shared on a Monday from 5.30-7pm. The
Book Circle is open to staff, students and
members of the public and new members
are always welcome.
The next meeting will be on Monday,
21st October (week 7), at which The Birth
of Tragedy by Frederich Nietzsche will be
discussed.
Dedicated to Richard Wagner, this book
is rich in Nietzsche’s enthusiasm’s for
Greek literature and especially tragedy,
for Shopenhauer and Wagner’s Tristan
Und Isolde. ITs central vision is the idea
that “only as an aesthetic phenomenon are
existence and the world justified.” Making
his distinction between the Apollonian and
the Dionysian spirit, Nietzsche presses
the reader to consider why it is that we
derive pleasure from tragic art and what
is th relationship between our experience
of suffering in life and in art. The Birth of
Tragedy, first publbished in 1871, was the
author’s first book.
Books for future discussion include
Touching the Void by Joe Simpson and How
to Be Good by Nick Hornby.
17 October 2002 COMMUNICATE 23
A letter from Forest - the treat that awaits you this week from the J-Team

J - team j-team.biz out that it was s’posed to be normal to happen. I found out it was part of what they called

j-team.biz j-team.biz
words: Judge Mental with assistance from forest parks
There I was, struggling away with pen and paper, desperately trying
to decide on some content for this weeks J-Column, when this email
arrived. How the dimwit managed to figure out the use of email is
anybody’s guess! Have a read as it really is quite touching.
“Hello its forest ere.
“I used to ring up the J-team on GU2 to speak to them cos they were always really nice too
me. However I recently turned to 21 years old cos it was my 21st birthday. This was weird
and I experienced some strange changes in myself. I found out that my voice was broken
and there was no way of fixing it and I would be stuck with a broken voice until I die or the
scientists in America find a way to fix it. This was hard to come to terms with until I found
pub-erty which until recently my daddy had always told me was a 70’s game show.
“Anyway when I tried to phone my old best mates on their first show back I was rudely
asked who I was. I fink it was cos the effects of pub-erty they didn’t recognise me cos I
now have a beard aswell. I told them and they did not believe me. I convinced them but I
was sacked cos I wasn’t funny no more.
“Ringing the J-team was the highlight of my week. It was the only highlight of my week
I remember. I don’t mind that I was sacked cos they are very good anyway and they don’t
need me. However I am extremely concerned for their celebrity health cos they might
be getting bigger heads and might not get through the door to do their shows anymore.
I believe this may be the reason that more and more outside broadcasts are taking place.
I fink that some weeks their heads are too big for the studio so they have to arrange it
somewhere else. I hope that they realise that they should keep close to their best mates cos
they will be wondering where they are when they get really big cos their old best mates
will be too small for them too see.
“Now that I am ex-spelled from the J-team I won’t be doing anything with my life and I
will be always bored. I will truly mean the saying “I ain’t been doin much really” much
more than I meant it before cos I was doing the phoning thing.
“I still respect the J-team and hope that my warning is more than words. Maybe I could
draw a picture and sing a song to help the message.
“Hopefully one day Mr J Mental and Mr M Tea will forgive me for not being funny
anymore. I hope that one day there will be a space inside their show for me.
“forest.”
Well, Parks, that really is very nice. I have to admit Tea and I were a
little stuck when we first heard your new voice. Truth is we do kind
of miss you despite the new fellow, Matthew, being pretty amazing.
Should forest be allowed to return to The J-Team Classic? Email a
‘yes’ or a ‘no’ to forest@j-team.biz today!
The J-Team Classic every Thursday | 7-10pm

the.net
Lyrics Quiz Lyrics Quiz Lyrics Quiz
Alas - a change of position for the hallowed lyrics quiz. Fear not, though, for this week’s
quiz is of a higher than high standard thanks to the incredible minds that put it together for
you: Mr Jimbo Sheppard with assistance from Mr Tea and one Amelia Lefroy (pictured
below as featured “attractive person of the week”.) They hope you like the challenge. An-
swers are somewhere to be found in these parts...
bringing you the randomness from cyberspace
words: chris “funkyberry” hunter 1. And the whole world has to answer right back
2. Your brother’s gonna kill me and he’s six feet ten
If anyone was at CAGL, or who wasn’t at CAGL but still likes 3. I’m not afraid ... any morrrre!
uplifting house and trance music, then www.kfcnetworks.com 4. Whatever happens next is all a blur, but you remember fist can be a verb
is an online radio station that does a 10hour broadcast over New 5. Your lipstick mark still on my coffee cup
Year. They start with celebrating one time zone’s New Year, and 6. Because it’s insignificant, and it don’t help to pay my rent
then go all the way through. They produce a CD that has the 7. Take off all your precious clothes
whole 10hour broadcast on, and only costs $13!! So far I have 8. Girl brings two plates of full English over, with plenty of scrambled eggs and plenty of
managed 9hours non-stop – let me know if you beat that! fried tomata
Anyone that has an email account must at some point have received 9. Listen, do you want to know a secret? Do you promise not to tell?
some joke or amusing attachment. Do you ever wonder where they 10. Those pretty faces always make you stand out from the crowd
come from, or where they end up? Well at www.jardmail.co.uk
you can find most of them.
Remember - we are still having the “who
In the car modification market, there are a lot of companies
shall the token attractive person be this
that offer everything from body kits to fluffy dice. A way you
week in the lyrics quiz area of barefacts.”
could refer to some of these companies is “Jack of all trades,
Last week, in its inaugural week, the pre-
master of none”. www.veilside.com/veilsideusa could be considered as a master. Just go
senters of News-
to the Aero-Fashion part of the site, and look at all the different cars they have modified.
round were the
“Ooooooooo…” was my reaction. My favourite is the BMW E46 3-Series!
visual treat for all
Finally today, I obviously have to finish with a random site, and site I have chosen is
those who ventured
www.snapyourdesk.barkins.com . Here you can take a photo of your desk at work, or
that far. Perhaps
home, and email it to the guy who runs the site. You can then cycle through, and look at
if you have a sug-
everyone’s desk!! How cool is that! A shot of my desk where I worked on placement is
gestion, or perhaps
under “101-150 Desks”.
have your say even a picture,
then you should
let us know your
thoughts. I’m
sure I don’t have
to remind you, but
just in case:

barefacts@ussu.co.uk
24 INTERACTIVE 17 October 2002

X WORD
An Ex-pat is not an ex-pat until they have at least been a pat in the first
place. An X-pat, however, needs no prior qualifications.
£100: in the Walt Disney film of the same name, what type of creature is Bambi?
a: deer | b: elephant | c: mouse | d: cat
Who Wants to Be A Millionaire?
£200: according to folklore, what does the sandman help children to do?
a: sleep | b: grow | c: cross the road | d: build sandcastles

£300: what do you do if you “grease someone’s palm”?

a: tell a fortune | b: bribe someone | c: give a warning | d: shake hands

£500: who played James Bond in the 1967 film “You Only Live Twice”?
a: george lazenby | b: timothy dalton | c: roger moore | d: sean connery

£1k: where was Leonardo Da Vinci born?

a: palermo | b: milan | c: leonardo | d: vinci

£2k: which of these films did not star Cher?

a: mask | b: mermaids | c: misery | d: moonstruck

£4k: what was Ray’s surname in “Dallas”?

a: ewing | b: barnes | c: harper | d: krebbs

£8k: what is the name of the television news company in “Drop the Dead Donkey”?
a: globelink news | b: transworld news | c: united broadcasting | d: kytv

£16k: which artist dued in Polynesia in 1903?

a: gaugin | b: monet | c: degas | d: chagall

£32k: which television creatures ate Blue String Pudding?

across down
a: the flumps | b: the clangers | c: the wombles | d: the smurfs
1. sit for portrait [4] 2. broadcasting [2,3]
4. discernment [5] 3. hold spellbound [7]
£64k: in which Charles Dickens novel does Mrs Pardiggle appear?
9. design using geometrical forms 4. streets [13]
a: our mutual friend | b: bleak house | c: pickwick papers | d: little dorrit
[2,3] 5. bitter [5]
10. rich [7] 6. retired academics [7]
£125k: which of these Frank Sinatra songs reached the top of the UK pop charts?
11. development area? [4-4] 7. scandinavian [6]
a: strangers in the night | b: my way | c: love and marriage | d: high hopes
12. menu item [4] 8. irritation [4]
13. inferno [13] 14. harmful [7]
£250k: who was the wife of Rembrandt, the subject of many of his paintings?
17. scripture passage [4] 15. unplaced horse [4-3]
a: monica | b: letitia | c: saskia | d: corinna
18. unseen by audience [8] 16. sewing implement [6]
21. fish soup [7] 17. diplomacy [4]
£500k: Karl Lansteiner won a Nobel Prize for his discovery of what?
22. highly [5] 19. chasm [5]
a: blood groups | b: small pox vaccine | c: dna | d: insulin
23. body cavity [5] 20. norse god [4]
24. inquisitive
£1m: Ginger Rogers won a Best Actress Oscar for the film “Kitty Foyle”, releasd in which
year?
a: 1934 | b: 1936 | c: 1938 | d: 1940

I had intended last week’s eye spy to be

very hard, and only a couple of people who
told me the answer actually worked it out.
This week is much easier.
- funkyberry -
17 October 2002
Final years Funkyberry (CIT) and Ickle Sarah (Music) give
a random slice of campus life from their humble dwellings
within Battersea Court Rawson…
P rompted by the lack of flushing power
our toilet has, I’ve been thinking this
week about stubborn poo. If you are quite
into green issues, then its fine to put bricks
in your toilet to save water when you water.
But what about the times when you lay
a Buoyant Betty, a Heavy Harry, or even
a Sploshy Simon? The toilet just isn’t
designed to flush these entities away with
the reduced water capacity a brick provides,
and you just end up flushing the toilet 3 or
4 times to get rid of it. Not to mention the
extra trees you waste on all the paper you
put in to “help it down”!
WEEK 6, OR week 7 possibly by the time you
are reading this. I can’t believe how quickly
the time is going by! Rawson 3 is aiming to
be the first kitchen to celebrate Christmas,
and we will have our decorations up by 1st
November – according to Amy. I wasn’t
sure where to get a Christmas tree from,
and was thinking about it as I looked out
my window…and then I suddenly saw the
solution to my problems! Do you reckon
anyone will notice if we cut off the top of
that big Christmas tree on the grass on the
way up to Wates House?!
I DO IN fact have the coolest parents in the
world. My mum couldn’t find me a birthday
cake, so she bought me a Christmas cake
and put flowers on to cover the holly. She
then put a candle in, and just in case I didn’t
have anything to light the candle with, she
even included a box of matches!
THIS WEEK WE got a new toaster, which is a
shame, as now I don’t have any burnt toast
to pin to my wall! I’ll have to find something
else to burn and put on my wall!
chris ‘funkyberry’ hunter
you will notice the apostrophe here
- deliberate mistake...
CLASSIFIEDS
Another new bit, and thanks
to JPB for this one. Basi-
cally, if you have anything
you want selling then do
it here - bf will take 1%
of all sales brought about
through advertising and do-
nate it to RAG. Send all
classifieds and enquiries to
barefacts@ussu.co.uk with
the subject
matter
“classi-
fieds”
>> Marlboro racing bike, 501 frame, 12 speed, good condition, £70.
CLASSIFIEDS & THINGS
F rom the moment I found out I was be
living in Battersea Rawson this year,
I’ve noticed a rather bizarre occurrence
which I call the “Rawson Phenomenon”
– only a tiny number of people at Surrey
have ever heard of our house. I’ve lost count
of the number of times people have replied
“Battersea Dawson?” when told where I
live, and even the warden forgot our house
during his talk at our first Senior Resident
meeting!
SO, I HEAR you ask, where is Rawson?
Well, it’s situated opposite the library
and launderette between Wells (the newly
refurbished one) and Pickard – hence it’s
the only house in Battersea Court without
a fire escape (are they trying to tell us
something by putting us here?). The view
from my bedroom window encompasses the
court bike sheds, reception and the dustbins
– could one ask for anything more?!
A FAMILIAR CONCEPT to all those living on
campus is, of course, the obligatory 7am
Fire Alarm Test. Ours occurred last Tuesday,
but due to being a heavy sleeper, I only
woke up a good ten minutes after it had
started. I made my way to Court Reception,
and was greeted by the sight of over 50
dressing-gown clad Rawson-ers huddling in
the TV lounge.
AFTER TRYING IN vain to convince the warden
that I really had slept through it, I was given
a personal talk by the fire safety guy and
then had to put up with at least ten “so it was
you who slept through it!” type comments
from my housemates. I thought that was the
last I would hear of it, until Thursday when I
received a warning letter from the warden in
my pigeon hole, informing me that he would
be “talking to my senior resident about this
occurrence” – quite comic, when you realise
that my senior resident is, in fact, me!!
‘ickle sarah butterworth
25
L ife After The Womb
words: rich w
Life After the Womb has not been around for a week or two now
and would like to offer its sincerest archipelagos for this slight
deviation in the usual weekly service it provides. As ever, there is
a perfectly good explanation for such wilful abandonment of one’s duties, though, some-
what dubiously, the details of these ‘extra-curricular activities’ cannot be divulged at this
moment in time. Of course, as soon as LATW is given the go ahead, things will resume
normal service. There are a coule of things to look forward too - LATW has interecepted a
memo from a tyre company to a car manufacturer discussing the building of a new road to
meet their advertising needs (curvy, wet, has a bridge and steep bits etc.) and will publish
this in full soon. LATW has also been fortunate enough to receive a transcript from the Na-
tional Institute for the Development of Words & Language regarding the day Guiness was
officially admitted to the English dictionary and the subsequent plural argument that nearly
split the institute in two. This, and lots more, to look forward too in future LATW’s...
the surrey scoop
Well there has been a frenzy of action going on recently. The Surrey Scoop investigators
have been running round wildly trying to keep up with you all. But some news has reached
the Surrey Scoop headquarters that certain people seem to think their actions are exempt
from reporting here. We would like to reiterate that we are here to expose the truth and
NOONE is exempt from this. If you do something report-worthy we feel it is our duty to let
others know about it too. In fact telling the editor what you have done and that you do not
want to see it in the Surrey Scoop is a pretty sure way of getting it included, so here it is…
We’ve heard of double dates but this one was slightly different. A young lady who
was mentioned here a few weeks ago and her fellow ‘winner’ member of bar staff were
involved in a tag-team marathon with two of our finest members of security. Not only was
there open, continual swapping of partners all night but they all seemed very happy with
the arrangement. Is this the future of pulling in the union? Seemed to work for them!
We express our condolences to the final year Biological Scientist who, only three months
into the romance of the century, unexpectedly found his Surrey Court girlfriend finishing
with him very publicly. But we think you should reassess your plan to give up on women,
as we know of one young lady waiting patiently in the wings for the time to be right to
gossip
pounce!
words: a nonny mouse
A young lady who works behind the bar might have got a bit of a shock recently when
she pulled a once very hairy (now just semi-hairy) member of staff. He managed to make it
out of the cellars and from behind the bar to reportedly make a hole in the back of the poor
girls head!
More reports of DJ’s in the union but this one is of Radio 1 fame. While security were
slightly curious when confronted with a ‘do not disturb’ sign on his dressing room door,
they were even more so when they saw him leaving the union with one more person than
he had arrived with.
WARNING - Serial flirt on the loose. It has come to the attention of residents of
University Court that there is a girl amongst them who seems to be defining the art of
teasing. The first year psychology and sociology student seems to be rapidly moving
around the guys of the court and threatens to diverge to other courts. She has left a host
of traumatised males in her wake. We feel this could all be just practice for the prick tease
world championships in Sheffield early next year.
A final year Sociology Student and a first year Music student from Guildford Court,
participating in a house competition to collect the most flowers on the way back from
Cindies were stopped by the police and threatened with a night in the cells for criminal
damage. The plea that they all came from waste ground obviously worked.
We want to hear from you. E-mail us any gossip that occurs to thesurreyscoop@hotmail
.com. Or alternatively if you have done something you are ashamed of, just go and tell the
editor not to put it in… then its bound not to appear here!!!
Would you rather have the answers in the same week’s barefacts or the week after? Let us
know: barefacts@ussu.co.uk. Still no-one has said anything and I haven’t changed this
bit for bloomin’ ages. Tsk.
- Complicated (8) The Streets - Don’t Mug Yourself (9) The Beatles - P.S. I Love You (10) Jackson 5 - I Wan’t You Back
Earth (4) Bloodhound Gang - I Hope You Die (5) Take That - Back for Good (6) Ms Dynamite - It Takes More (7) Avril Lavigne
odin Lyrics Quiz: (1) Michael Jackson - Bad (2) The Police - Can’t Stand Losing You (3) Belinda Carlise - Heaven is a Place on
3. enthral | 4. thoroughfares | 5. sour | 6. emeriti | 7. nordic | 8. itch | 14. noxious | 15. also-ran | 16. needle | 17. tact | 19. abyss | 20.
| 11. dark-room | 12. dish | 13. conflagration | 17. text | 18. offstage | 21. chowder | 22. royal | 23. sinus | 24. nosy down: 2. on air |
oral | 11. allocate | 12. approximately | 15. straight | 17. opus across: 1. merry | 4. toacross: 1. pose | 4. taste | 9. op art | 10. opulent
[£32k: b]; [£64k: b]; [£125k: a]; [£250k: c]; [£500k: a]; [£1m: d]. . Xword: across: 1. shore | 4. tall | 8. minicab | 9. peach | 10.
WWTBEAM: [£100: a]; [£200: a]; [£300: b]; [£500: d]; [£1k: d]; [£2k: c]; [£4k: d]; [£8k: a]; [£16k: a];
Upside-Down Answers
26 STARS & PERSONALS 17 October 2002

Virgo
ALMOST ACCURATE ASTROLOGY Aquarius
Beware of the cameras - they are words and predicting: rachel plummer Best to be a little careful this week
not your friend and they never will and watch your back - people
be: you have been warned! Others may find it whose names begin with S will be troublesome and the C’s
Aries
funny to challende you and trick you. Damn them. will be making themselves obvious. Remember that the
If you knew that the door was closed, why did
you run into it? Maybe you should just think a best for you will always be R - sort of steady in a worrying
Libra sort of way...
little, eh? Can you not see what is right in front
A difficult week for all of you I am afraid. High
of you? Really - you should take a good look...
stress levels will cause sleepless nights and it Sagittarius
will seem as if the world is on its last legs for The bushes all laugh at you - can you not hear
Pisces
you. But do not worry, because the sun is shining on the them? No - not the voices in your head - I said
Financial troubles? Hmmm - methinks you
other side of the hill. the bushes. You know the ones you regulalry
should try a budget. We mean “try” in the
loosest possible sense of the word, of course... jump into? Well - a little less alcohol and maybe you won’t
Scorpio feel it quite so necessary to become so aquainted with our
Why do you have to chase the ducks? No prickly friends in future...
Leo
seriously - unless you stop this very stupid habit
Quite moaning because you are doing
then you will soon be having hallucinations As an interesting point, the alliance of the gravitational
everybody’s head in - including your own. Can
about the blue one in particular - that is if you can get the potential wells in and around our own solar system will
you not just zip it for one moment? Time to go
silver duck out of your head first. Failing that, security result in a magnificent display known to the inhabitants of
back to the Oak tree - you know that that has always been
will pop by and have words about your sunflower seed this fine earth as “car-parking maximus terrbliness” and
the best solution in the past - no need to change that now.
collection. will disrupt the normal behavioural patterns of those we
Otherwise - go feed the cat. What cat? Er...
normally think of as “ok.” Such people will begin to act
Taurus totally irrationally once they are anywhere near these areas
Gemini
Are you following a healthy diet? The rings of that, cosmologically speaking, we call grey expanses, and
Remember that it takes two to tango - go tell
Saturn reveal that you are having difficulties will experience total disatisfaction with their fellow man.
that special someone how you feel - you cannot
with your weekly food budget - is this the Sorry about that.
live life without taking the odd risk or two. Be
reason you are having to eat those extra chocolate bars
a true romantic and take that leap of faith and remember the
which, you must remember, are not really worth it when
most important thing: smile!
you have all of those bananas. Now, digressing somewhat, it has come to our attention that
Cancer people are struggling with this personals business - it is all
Capricorn very easy: send an e-mail to barefacts@surrey.ac.uk with
“I’m going to relax like everybody should.”
You need to take a good look at yourself and do “personals” as the subject matter and leave you rmessage[s]
Truer words have never been spoken. Why
a yearly analysis of your lifestyle this week. Or within the main body of the e-mail. We’re trying ot figure
don’t you take heed of the advice and stop
- to save the hassle - Jupiter reveals for you that out an on-line submission process to make it a little easier,
rushing around like a blue-arsed fly. Chill out a bit -
you are way too forgetful and need to get a hold of your but we doubt that will make much difference. N’eh mind
believe me - you need to.
memory. Wake up to reality, my friend. - we try. Anyway - hope that helps. Send away...

Remember: all of our astrologers are accredited by the Society of Fake Astrology (SOFA) - your future isn’t safe in their hands at all...

Missing Panda!- please report any
campus sightings to Friary 1-14
To Evan - will u take the hint and marry
me you sexy drunken welsh ignoramus!
Pink hair is all the rage these days!
I’d kick her in the b*ll*cks, if she had
some!
Liv, did you carry a watermelon?
Weyside girlies remember...
Thumbalina dance,
Thumbalina sing,
Thumbalina, Thumbalina
you tiny little
thing...
Charity Dinner Dance Tickets on sale to
all Students from Tuesday 22nd. 12-2 in
the lecture theatre concourse. See flyer’s
around campus for more details
so v+k, who’s your fave GILF?
Vixx ya lazy bitch, when are you gonna
make it to your thursday morning
lectures!?!
We all miss our roomie, but he had a
nice reunion with our bathroom last
week! Can’t you hear us? Then take that
bog roll out of your ear!
Moley Moley Mole!
Dazed and confused: Minions searching
for missing Badger!
J! Where’s Your Pub
Crawl Gone!!!
Personals So the bus never came!
Knickers, in the bus stop “waiting for
the bus”. Were you really!!
Am I relly an alcoholic if I don’t go to
AA meetings yet?
Don’t worry freshers, it’s quite normal
to play air guitar on your knees in the
union to Chesney. No, it is......honest......
You’ll understand soon enough!
Mint Sahmpoo!!!! Ave It!
How many liver transpalnts can you
have on the NHS???
OK, OK. Yes I have been here far too
long, I seem to be a regular but I am still
technically a student!
Alv, we know that you love the phone
calls really!!
The first rule of mate club is: Don’t be a
c**t!
The second rule of mate club is: DONT
BE A C**T!!!
Keep Wednesday afternoons free for
sport(does that include placement too?)
#3! You have my name written all over
you (aparentley). Can I have it back or
do u want to share??
That I can believe but it’s
a bit harsh to call her a bus!!!
A pub crawl that involves meeting in
Channies, moving on to Roots and then
the union. Genius!!!!
Justin! Aparentley you went home
empty handed. At least you’ve got your
shampoo. Mint!!!
Has anyone seen Nathan???
My opinion isn’t going to change on this
one: RICHY WATTS is STILL get up!!!
Missing: Strange man with Leeds
accent, has dark hair, wears glasses and
is often seen wearing football t-shirts
and zip up tops; occasionally responds to
the name Nathan.....If found unconscious
in bathroom, please return to Pepe and
co...
You cleaned your rug yet Jenny??
Funkyberry! Congratulations! You’ve
won yourself a J-Team shirt! Simply
make a payment of £19.99 shipping &
handling to the boys and your brand
spanking new shirt will be with you in
weeks! Well done again!
“Lets get out the party bag again,
how many archer’s aquas have you
drunk?!”
“Southern faery wins hands down, apart
from battle bruises...;)
Bring back Outrage!
www.j-team.biz/guestbook/ Go have a
look! B.NM. - what a pr*ck!
It hurts when you bang your head after
the union!
If you behave yourself tonight, I’ll
become a lesbian!!
Moley moley MOLE!
Adam: “Can you bring it out here an
give us some oral entertainment?”
Sorry, AUral.....
Beardy beardy NECK!!!
USSU Drop off point = Battersea
Rawson 2
Bins? Don’t put your foot in it!
If you must give me a love bite, then
next time choose somewhere that’s easily
hidden!!! ;o)
J is the best girl around
17 October 2002 SPORT 27

University sports leagues Surrey suffer stuttering start

The University Sports Leagues (USL) are run in partnership between UniSport and the
The first couple of weeks are always the worst
Students’ Union here at Surrey, and are a great way for people to get involved in organised
sport at the University, particularly if perhaps the Sports teams aren’t for you. By Kris Temple which started yesterday (Wednesday) with a
The leagues are open to EVERYONE studying or working at the University, and the home fixture against King’s.
idea is that you grab a group of people off your course or from your courts of residence, In what can only be described as an afternoon The Men’s Rugby team bounced back from
and represent your department / court in the competition. Some departments already have to forget, Surrey were put to the sword by a their defeat at Chichester, with a fighting
designated sports reps who are actively seeking to fill teams, so keep an eye out for the competitive group of Southampton Institute display against Institute, eventually going
noticeboard in your department. Lots, however, do not and this is a call out to anyone who sides, in the final round of friendlies before down though by a 22-7 margin – Scott
might be interested in becoming sports rep for your department or court! the BUSA (British Universities) league Thompson with the try.
Even if you don’t fancy running the whole thing in your department, why not enter a team season. And anyone that hasn’t heard about There were also tricky tests for the Men’s
anyway? No experience is needed, the emphasis is on fun and participation. Last year we VP Sports’ Denise Goodwin’s goal for the Hockey teams, with the 1st XI beaten 8-4
had over 1000 students from 20 departments and courts taking part! Entry is free to UniSport Women’s Football team, you must have by Institute, and the 3rds defeated 5-0 by
cardholders, or 50p per week if you don’t have one. been hiding under a rock for the last week! the Law College, in their opening SESSA
It’s a bit urgent though because the competitions begin on Monday 21st October, so we need With a block of ten fixtures against the League fixture.
your entries in by THIS FRIDAY (18th)!! Entry forms and further details are available from Institute, only Men’s Squash and Women’s A full programme of BUSA fixtures
the Sports Centre, but just to give you a taster, we run Men’s Soccer, Mixed Soccer, UniHoc, Football came out with anything to show for began yesterday, and will take place every
Netball and Volleyball this term. their efforts, as the depth of talent available Wednesday at both the Sports Centre and
So what are you waiting for?! Grab your coursemates, housemates, or even people who to the traditionally ‘sporty’ South Coast Varsity Centre, beginning at 2pm. All
aren’t your mates, and get involved in USL! outfit shone through. support is very much appreciated by all our
In a particularly torrid afternoon for the teams, and of course the Varsity Bar is open
Football Club, all four teams crashed to all day, so get yourself a shandy and enjoy
defeat, with the 4ths 15-0 drubbing by far the action!
the most severe demolition of the day. Paul
This week at UniSport Sumner’s 1st team fought well on a straw-
like Varsity surface, before succumbing 2-0,
and there were also reverses for the 2nds and
3rds, 4-0 and 5-0 respectively. With over
NATIONAL LEAGUE ROUNDUP 700 freshers attending the Institute trials,
compared to 160 here at Surrey, the gulf in
UK Packaging play World No. 1 trump card but its not enough to beat UniSPORT class is probably reasonable!
Guildford Skipper Natalie Tarrant inspired the
Women’s Football team to victory on her
UK PACKAGING CONNAUGHT 2 – 3 UNISPORT GUILDFORD return from placement – hers was the first
goal in a 2-1 win, with Goodwin sealing the
UniSPORT Guildford got the season off to a great start by beating UK Packaging triumph for Surrey.
Connaught who fielded the World No. 1 Peter Nicol. Fortunately for us by the time Nicol Despite losing out at first-string level, Chris
went on court against Steve Meads (World no. 30) the match was already won. UniSPORT Petch’s Squash 1st team proved too strong
Guildford got off to a great start winning the first two matches with Fiona Geaves (World for Institute, and cruised to a 4-1 success in a
no. 10) beating Karla Khan 3 – 2 and Scottish International Neil Frankland beating his perfect warm-up for their BUSA campaign,
compatriot Stuart Cowie 3 – 1. Toby Mortimer (Under 19) lost his match to Stephen
Richardson 3 - 0 but in form Stacey Ross rounded up a superb night beating Tim Garner
3 – 1 who last year beat our number 1 Paul Johnson. PJ is currently out of action at the
moment and so Steve Meads had the pleasure of taking on the World No. 1 losing 3 – 0.
If you want to see World Class Squash at the Varsity Centre, UniSPORT Guildford’s first
home game of the season is on Tuesday 22nd October against League Champions Lexden.
For more details contact the Varsity Centre tel. 68(9242).

OH WHAT A NIGHT
LATINO EVENING
University of Surrey Coaching
This term’s Latino Evening at the Varsity Centre sold out early again and the night was
a huge success. The night which was full of tequila and salsa dancing complete with a
in the Community
Mexican meal, was wild and great fun.
If you missed out this time, the next Latino Evening will be next term so keep looking at Coaching in the Community is a new initiative aimed at
our website or Bare Facts for details.
giving students the opportunity to gain experience and
UNISPORT EVENTS
coaching qualifications, whilst helping the community
through volunteering work
22nd October NSL UniSPORT Guildford v Lexden Varsity Centre
27th October Tango Workshop University Hall Contact: Denise Goodwin (VP Sports)
1st November Beer Festival Varsity Centre Sports Office
4th November Quiz Night Varsity Centre Union House
Tel: (01483) 689981 #9981
Email: Sports@ussu.co.uk

www.unisport.co.uk
28 17 October 2002

Men’s hockey romp home with impressive 7-0 victory
The Mens Hockey 1st XI took on Sanderstead this last
Saturday. Having just been relegated, Sanderstead
seemed to be some formidable opposition and the
Surrey team descended on to the pitch with their usual
swagger-some more influenced by FNO than others.
The match started off well, with some good flowing
movements from both sides, and it was obvious from the
very beginning that this was to be a closely fought out
match. Surrey managed to get the opener though, after some
relentless Surrey pressure and Miles amanaged to slot one
home. The second came through the return of the Liability
Kid (Alvin) and scored a well struck shot that beat the keeper
through a well judged deflection of the defenders foot.
Sanderstead were unrelenting though and made a
several sweeping moves that culminated in them
winning a short corner. This one however, led to at
least ten on the trot, but the resilient defence managed
to keep a clean sheet through some excellent keeping
from Paul. At half time the score was one nil.
After an inspiring team talk from Skipper Miles, Surrey
knew they could overcome this team through a little extra
hard work. The second half started off as the first had, hard
work being re paid quickly as Surrey scored a well worked
short corner, and Marc Rogers taking the team three up.
SURREY PRIDE
By James Oliver
Sanderstead 1XI 0
University of Surrey 1XI 7
With the three goal cushion, Surrey suddenly took the pace
up a gear, and managed to score another well worked move
starting from left back Lowell, and finishing from another
well struck shot from POB. Sanderstead were feeling quite
dejected and obviously not paying full attention, as straight
from the push back Surrey accelerated into the oppositions
D and struck home again this time through Trixie.
Surrey started pulling all the tricks out of the bag at this
point, and Marc almost managed a wonder goal with his
drag flick striking the bar. Further goals were added from
POB, and another short corner strike from Marc Rogers.
Sanderstead were left stunned, as were Surrey, but this
well worked win was thoroughly deserved and shows the in here somewhere), and Man of the Match was voted as
hard work that the team has put in other the past weeks. Paul (keeper) after a brave and solid excellent display. The
Celebrations were carried on into the bar, and the drinking seconds returned announcing their 2-2 draw against Merton,
continued well into the night. POB was given Dick of the and the drinking games commenced with several “young”
Day, for no apparent reason (perhaps “If in Doubt” has left men being suitably broken. All in all a great day for Surrey
us once and for all-hey I’m writing it so I’m going Hockey.

Women’s football have winning Mixed fortune for netball teams

start to season away at Southampton Institute
What a result! This By Nat Tarrant coming off her line By Beth
must be the first time to claim the ball.
we’ve won our first Southampton Institute 1 The first half Southampton Institute 1st 18
game of the season. University of Surrey 2 finished 1-0 but University of Surrey 1st 22
Traditionally we should have been
always lose in double more. Heather and
figures! It was the first time we’ve played Linda hit the post and cross bar and Collette Southampton Institute 2nd 26
together and for many of the freshers, it was made some superb runs through the middle. University of Surrey 2nd 18
the first time they’d even played a match! In the second half, Southampton started to
After explaining positions and tactics, I come back at us. However the back four put
made it clear that we weren’t worried about in a solid performance throughout so they The Surrey Netball first and second teams
the score but just wanted everyone to enjoy didn’t become a threat. After 20 minutes traveled away to Southampton Institute
themselves, though winning would be a Denise Goodwin scored a well-placed goal last Wednesday for a friendly to prepare
bonus. in the bottom right hand corner which was them for the new season, trying to equal
The first half started well, with everyone a result from some excellent play between the impressive success both teams had last
keeping to their positions and not all chasing Carly and Heather. year.
the ball. Heather Ford managed to get a few Southampton managed to break through The firsts face a tough season this year
early shots on goal, testing the keeper. She the defence and scored a consolation goal trying to follow in the footsteps of the
said she played centre back but I think with about 10 minutes to go. I was really excellent unbeaten record of the team last
we’ve found our new forward! We started to impressed with our passing and everyone year. With the departures of many of the
put some good passing moves together and gave 100% effort. Player of the match goes regular first team players, the squad was
managed to keep Southampton in their own to Carly who did an excellent job down the an experimental one, with many new faces.
half. Eventually we got a well-deserved goal left and played some good balls through to They coped brilliantly though. After a shaky
from the left. I crossed the ball but it ended the forwards. I am not looking forward to first quarter, players soon found their feet
up in the top right hand corner! trying to pick a team for our first BUSA and managed to keep with the high pace set
Southampton had two chances on goal match next week as everyone played really by the Institute players. In the second half
but goalie Rach made two excellent saves well! Bring it on! the defense (Antoinette, Vacant and BBF)
really came into their own, intercepting
brilliantly and stopping many goals from
being scored. An unfortunate injury saw
George carried off court, and Squeaky had
to give us a hand! Despite a bit of friction
mid-court (Pinky!!), overall play was at an
impressive standard which showed in the
close, but favorable scoreline.
The seconds saw the arrival of many new players (hence not many nicknames – soon to
be rectified!). This was not a problem as they soon settled in to play a comfortable game of
netball. Highlights of the game included fresher, Meg, running into a gate (?!) and Shoeless
Jo spending a lot of time on the floor! Unfortunately the seconds faced a tough team and they
narrowly lost. Still things can only get better!!