The University of Surrey Students’ Union Newspaper
issue 1041 www.ussu.co.uk
SERIOUSLY
SEXY WEEK
BONANZA
A preview of the Un-
ion’s awareness week
and some informative
articles on topics that
really matter | page 10
DAVE & ID SCHEDULES
The ID
and DAVE
projects
details for
the next few
weeks in
one glossy
poster |
page 15
IN THIS WEEK’S PAPER
Attacks in and around Guildford
News on further attacks and robberies to
have taken place in Guildford over the last
couple of weeks News | page 3
Choose your victor
Philip Howard responds to Roland Heap’s
article on a duel between George Bush and
Saddam Hussein Comment | page 5
What is Student Council?
A look at the most important democratic
body in the Students’ Union and how it
works Union | page 8
barearts goes to lots of gigs
Coldplay, Death in Vegas and the lesser-
known Dream Theater: busy bunnies we
have been, you know barearts | page 19
A guide to the adolescent male
The five top addictions of a teenage male
adolescent throught the eyes of one Mr
Andrew Mendes | page 22
Ski team go skiing at least
A nice couple of pictures of the King’s ski
races at which the University of Surrey ski
team didn’t do too good Sport | page 28
THURSDAY 24 OCTOBER 2002
Imperial College rector suggests market fees must make up for a lack of government funding
£15,000 tuition fees?
THE PRESTIGIOUS UNIVERSITY Im-
perial College in London is planning to
charge up to £15,000 per year following
radical proposlas suggested by its rector, Sir
Richard Sykes.
Having calculated that it costs £10,500
a year to teach an undergraduate student,
Sir Sykes’ suggestion for top-up fees rep-
resented the most detailed blue-print to be
discussed by any British university regard-
ing the introduction of market fees.
In an interview with the Times Higher
Education supplement, Sir Richard said:
“Prestigious universities cannot rely on gov-
ernment to provide the resources to enhance
academic standards in an international mar-
ket.” This echoes the sentiment of Professor
Abdrew Oswald of the University of War-
wick, who advocated top-up fees over the
summer saying “Britain cannot have first-
class universities on fourth-class funding.”
Students at Imperial have already staged
a silent protest opposing the suggestions.
Students’ Union President, Sen Ganesh,
said: “We are concerned that most Imperial
students are already expected to contribute
to some of these costs and any extra finan-
cial burden may further increase student
hardship.”
Though the governing council of
Imperial College London has approved the
extraordinary hike in fees the only vote
against the motion was from the sole student
representative. NUS National President
Mandy Telford said: “Top up fees quite
simply would cripple higher education.
Stop the War Coalition hold talk on campus
Local group invite speakers to motivate students for the National Day of Action
THE SURREY STOP the War Coalition is
to hold a talk at the University of Surrey
in conjunction with the Green Society on
Wednesday 30th October. The talk, which
will see the Green Party MEP for South
East England, Caroline Lucas, speaking
is to take place the day before the Stop
the War Coalition has its National Day of
Action. The day is designed to build on
the momentum generated by the march
in London two weeks ago and will entail
lots of local events throughout the country,
culminating in synchronised demonstrations
and protests across the country.
The aims of the Surrey Stop the War
Coalition are to continue to mobilise the
public and create public awareness and
concern regarding war. In a recent
free
By Richard Watts
We would have a system where the most
important thing to secure a place at university
would be a healthy bank account.”
With regard to the University of Surrey
and the possibility of top-up fees, the Vice
Chancellor, Professor Patrick Dowling,
himself a student of Imperial College,
released a statement to barefacts, which
said: “I am pleased to affirm that the
University of Surrey has no plans to
introduce top up fees. As an institution, we
are, however, cognisant of current debates
regarding this issue and are aware that the
landscape in which we operate is likely
to change considerably in the light of the
Government’s review of higher education.
The University will therefore need to
remain sensitive to the impact of the review
and respond in a strategic manner to any
challenges posed by it.
Under the proposals to Imperials’ fees,
the college would adopt a “needs-blind” for teaching would be spent on bursaries
admissions system. The £47m funding for students who could not afford otherwise
council grant that the university receives to attend university. The same fee would
be charged for all courses in order to stop
students choosing specific disciplines that
INSIDE are less expensive to undertake, though any
scheme would not be introduced until the
barefacts believes: students need to ask autumn of 2006 at the earliest.
themselves the question “why do we deserve a
free education? | Comment
Sir Sykes’ proposal says that the univeristy
must charge “fees whcih reflect the true
John Slater on university mergers and economic costs of undergraduate education”
where the federation of the University of provided other universities charge similar
Surrey lies within the future of education fees.
By Richard Watts the issues associated with the War on Iraq
will be shown on Thursday 31st October
newsletter published last week, they call at 7.30pm in the Guildford Institute. For
for more activity and visibility beyond more information on this and any SSWC
Guildford into “other town-centres where activities, please contact John Morris on
members live.” The Planning Committee [01483] 576400.
of the SSWC encourage
each individual member
to gather signatures
on petitions, raise
discussions at local
churches, schools and
workplaces, hand out
leaflets and encourage
donations to the SSWC.
A video, entitled
“Not in My Name,”
highlighting some of
2 NEWS 24 October 2002

The Surrey Advertiser picks up on parking problems Estelle Morris

Local MP involved in “discussions” with University chiefs
An article appeared in the Surrey Advertiser
this week telling of the “parking nightmare”
faced by residents in Guildford that has
forced the University of Surrey to “review
its policy on student drivers.”
According to the article, Sue Doughty, the
Member of Parliament for Guildford, has
met with University chiefs and was given
assurances that students parking in the
Dennisville residential area, close to the A3,
would be “brought to book.”
Residents are saying that the parking
problems in the area are acute and that one
family in St John’s Road are building a drive
to their house in order to be able to get in and
out. It was reported that one of the Union’s
minibuses can also be found parked in this
area quite frequently.
The article then goes on to say that “the
university says a ‘review’ of its policy of
deterring students bringing cars would
be undertaken to try to find a solution to
the problem.” One resident, who did not
want to be named, said: “Sometimes it is
impossible to get your car out of the roads
– in St John’s Road, where I live, there were
48 cars parked either side of the road.” Ms
Doughty said that she has been in touch
several times with the university but that
“nothing so far had been done.”
She said: “There has been a substantial
problem, especially in Dennisville, for quite
a while, but I don’t think the university
appreciated how much of a problem it is.
“I have taken the issue up with the
university more than once but have not had
a response so hopefully now something will
be done.”
On behalf of the university, it is reported
that a spokesperson said: “The university is
currently reviewing the contract which our
students sign undertaking not to bring a car
to Guildford.
“How this contract is agreed and enforced
is being studied in the context of our
experience of other universities on this
issue. Where specific cases of nuisance arise
we investigate and work with the council,
the local police, our Students’ Union adn
individual students to resolve each problem
as appropriate.”
barefacts has also learned of growing
concern regarding the Walnut Tree Close
area of Town and disturbances caused by
students on their way home from nights
out in Guildford. Concern has been raised
regarding students “urinating into gardens”
and causing general disturbances at times
thought inappropriate by residents along
the main thoroughfare between town and
campus.
faces new calls
for her resignation
By Dan Ashley
The Education Secretary Estelle Morris is
facing renewed calls to resign - over an
apparent failure to honour her own promise
to resign if targets were missed. But in
response Ms Morris says she wants “to be
judged on a wide range of targets” and has
rejected calls to step down. Ms Morris, who
faced calls to resign over the A-levels fiasco,
found herself at the centre of the storm after
Tory researchers discovered a little-noticed
parliamentary exchange in 1999 in which
she promised to resign if the targets were
not met by 2002. But last year, by which
time she had succeeded David Blunkett as
education secretary, Ms Morris said that she
had never pledged to resign.

Academics THE UNIVERSITY OF Manchester’s

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24 October 2002
Students descend on Parliament to lobby on increasing hardship and debt
Students urge MP’s to ensure a fairer funding system ahead of the student funding review due in November
THE LARGEST EVER representation of
students yesterday (Wednesday 23 October)
took their message of increasing hardship
and debt to Westminster. Students from all
over the UK, including delegations from
Scotland and Wales, urged MPs to put
pressure on ministers ahead of the student
funding review to ensure a fairer outcome
than the current system.
The recent merger talks between University
College London (UCL) and Imperial
College have shown once again that top-up
fees remain on the agenda, despite a Labour
manifesto commitment ruling them out and
fierce hostility to tuition fees on the doorstep
at the last general election.
Students have been lobbying their MPs
and listening to guest speakers, including
Minister for Lifelong Learning, Margaret
Hodge MP during the afternoon.
NUS National President, Mandy Telford
said: “This lobby is just one of the tools
The government’s widening participation
target could erode the decreasing value of
having a degree, according to a researcher at
Essex University.
Malcolm Brynin warned that expansion has
negative long-term effects for graduates, in-
cluding over-qualification, lower job status
and smaller salaries. Though it is estimated
that graduates earn £400k more than non-
graduates over a lifetime, Dr Brynin warned
Wednesday 30th October
Come and visit The Times stand situated in the
Student Union foyer and receive your essential
student goody bag.
The team will be there from 10am through to 5pm, so come
along for your free Times newspaper and vouchers, chocolate,
CD and other great goodies!!
Not to be missed!!
NEWS
By Richard Watts
NUS is employing in its campaign for a
fairer funding system. The very real and
ugly threat of top-up fees has resurfaced
and it is vital that MPs remember just how
hostile voters were towards tuition fees just
16 months ago. The student funding review
was set up after the electorate showed their
disgust at the failing funding system the
government introduced in 1997. Students
continue to graduate with higher levels of
debt, despite working longer hours in paid
jobs to support themselves, to the detriment
of their grades. The public does not want
top-up fees and it is a brave government that
ignores the views of public.”
Paul Wright, the Students’ Union president,
and Toni Borneo, the Vice President
Education & Welfare officer, both attended
the lobby. A report on the event will appear
in barefacts next week.
“if too many people take degrees then their
value goes down.” Dr Brynin suggested
that expanding higher education for all was
a belated government response to a skills
shortage that should have been addressed
thrity years ago. He said the UK had not
invested in the right skills and had found
itself locked into a system of non-vocational
qualifications. The government must ensure
that policy delivers what is required.
3
Two men attacked by assailants in
similar teenage attacks
By Richard Watts The first attacker was described as aged in
his late teens or early twenties, white, large
TWO MEN WERE robbed last Friday in build, 5ft 10in with short dark hair. He was
separate incidents thought to be carried out wearing a zipped up green jacket and dark
by the same teenage assailants. In both of trousers. The second attacker was also
the robberies, the victim was approached male, of slim build, white, 5ft 6in with short
from bahind and had their wallets, briefcases dark hair and wearing a dark blue fleece and
and personal belongings stolen. dark trousers. Photo: Chris Hunter
The first attack took place along Woodbridge
Meadows, after which the petty thieves ran
off towards the Walnut Tree Close area
– the main thoroughfare for those walking
to town from the University. A couple of
hours later, a man walking through the A3
underpass was attacked, losing his briefcase
and suffering minor injuries to his chest as a
result of the struggle. Following this second
attack, the assailants ran along the footpath
towards Ash Grove and campus.
New fish and chip shop to open on
the Aldershot Road
By Jessie Taylor off-campus accommodation and is already
quite well populated by eateries. Currently,
A NEW FISH and chip shop is to open up on there is an Indian, another fish and chip shop
the Aldershot road, despite local resident’s along Southway and the Co-op store, as well
claims tha the shop could bring noise and as a Threshers wine outlet.
pollution to the area.
The application for the shop at 109
Aldershot Road, the road that dissects
Northway and Southway, was opposed by
residents but planners have disagreed with
In other food-related news, the Bars &
catering manager of the Students’ Union, Mr
Ian Gribben, has left to take up employment
them and, on an officers recommendation, at Legoland in Windsor. A feature on Mr
the application is now being processed. Gribben will appear in barefacts in due time,
The area of Guildford in which this new but for the moment, we would like to wish
fish and chip shop will operate is relatively him all the best and congratulate him and his
popular amongst students when choosing team on the turnaround in Union eateries.
4 COMMENT
THE UNIVERSITY OF SURREY STUDENTS’ UNION
WWW.USSU.CO.UK
Here we go again with the whole tuition
fees debacle
Once again tuition fees have come to the
fore (if ever they had disappeared) on the
student campaigning agenda. Imperial’s
suggestion that top-up fees for the better
courses, taking possible course fees to
£15,000, has obviously gone down like a
lead balloon and literally within minutes the
NUS, in the figure of its president Mandy
Telford, was off on its “this contradicts all
Widening Participation goals” and “students
shouldn’t have to pay for their education”
spiels.
There is one question that barefacts would
like its readers to ask itself: forgetting the
top-up fees thing, why should students
receive a free education at university? What
is so fundamentally wrong about students,
who have chosen to continue their education
when they could go into the world of work
or any other vocation, having to contribute
to the costs of their education?
Why should people care about news when
“unreality” tv is so much more exciting?
It was one of those popular news items
where those that read and watch the news
have a good sniff at those that don’t. What
is more, they get to do it without the latter
group even realising they are the subject of
someone else’s joke.
Just in case you missed the news (and are
thus in a seeming majority) then it was
reported at the beginning of this week that
more people can name five characters in
Eastenders than they can in the current gov-
ernment cabinet and that one in five Britons
cannot name a world leader.
The folks who compiled the survey were
aghast at the level of ignorance apparently
prevalent in Britain and expressed the now
obligatory concern that the nation is “dumb-
ing-down.”
The truth is that these supposed reality
television shows, which, incidentally, are
the least realistic scenarios barefacts could
possibly think of (ten people in a house with
a dividing wall, celebrities bumming it on a
tropical island, people singing really badly
in order to get their face in the paper etc.) are
just much more exciting than any news item
could ever be or any politician could make a
manifesto point.
“We pledge to stand by Section 28” bel-
lows Iain what’s ‘is name at the Tory Party
conference and everyone replies “who cares
- we moved on from that a long time ago.”
Robbie Williams buys a house in Los Ange-
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK
“If ignorance is bliss, then how come more people aren’t happy?”
LEONARD ROSSITER (1926 - 1984), BRITISH ACTOR
It is a question that is so often over-looked
whilst people debate whether fees are right
or wrong and thus means that people are not
necessarily arguing for the right reasons. If
you are arguing against fees because you
simply do not want to pay them and it will
put you out of pocket, then it is right that the
government should have no time for you.
If, however, you are arguing against fees
because you believe in the principles of
education and learning, then you at least
have a reason to stand at the annual march
with your placard and believe in every word
you say.
It is no surprise that we get virtually
nowhere with campaigns and an annual
march because the argument is exhausted
and now simply a rhetoric. Everyone needs
to reassess what they truly believe about
paying for education and maybe then we can
regroup and actually achieve something.
les and everyone wants to know how many
bedrooms it has and whether he will convert
his bar or not. The latter is simply more ex-
citing than the former.
On another level, how excited and informed
can the public be if they have no real idea of
what is going on? Take Europe, for exam-
ple: in another survey, Britons, aside from
expressing a basic distance from the EU,
generaly speaking had no idea whether it
is a good idea or not to be a part of Europe
and what exactly all of this single currency
is about. The reason for this is a constant
spiral of mis-information and a seeming
covert approach from the government. You
can’t talk about something you don’t know
anything about, which is why people can
talk at great length about Big Brother and
the formation of the England football team.
The current situation in America with the se-
rial sniper is a good example of what people
really care about: American’s are lapping
up all the news coverage they can get their
hands on, because, aside from the tragedies,
it is all quite exciting to have a marksman
on the loose. It might seem morbid to say
it, but it is true: with full respect to the situ-
ation, it is a bit like “You’ve Been Framed”,
but a little more extreme, and that appeals
to people.
Some bloke bashing on about policy this,
percentage points that and GDP deficits,
we’re afraid, does not appeal.
24 October 2002
“Man’s divine right” is not
an invitation for goosing
HAS ANYBODY ELSE divine right is met with anger.
noticed how most bar and LARISSA NEVE Indeed, just last week my new
pub dwelling men seem to be uni buddies and I went for a
under the absurd impression I blame the feminist drink and a dance in a local
that it is their hands divine movement for this: bar. As a friend and I passed
right to come in to prolonged men have become a couple of men on the stairs,
contact with any passing one of them decided to carry
impolite
female Glutinous maximus? I out his divine right on my
find this appallingly ill-mannered behaviour friend and accordingly pinch her bottom. He
extremely perplexing and moreover then turned to do the same to me, but I was
degrading. quick enough to swivel around and tell him
Women who have fallen victim to this form to get lost. At this point he flipped, shouting
of sexual harassment in the workplace can obscenities and aggressively advancing on
receive substantive compensation and have me to the point where his friend had to hold
the satisfaction of seeing their attackers him back from hitting me. This left me very
appropriately punished. However, it is not shaken and unable to enjoy the rest of my
just the opposite sex who fall victim to evening. It was as if I was insulting and
man’s divine right. Last year at my sixth degrading him by defending myself.
form, a boy was severely punished for I blame the feminist movement. For some
goosing a member of the same sex. reason in the 1960s and seventies, equality
The fact that the goosed male was indeed began to mean a loss of respect for women.
His Royal Highness, Prince Edward and Men no longer had to open doors and pull
the incident happened right in front of an out chairs for women because bra-burning
ITN news crew might have had more effect feminists found it insulting. With the need
on the severity of his punishment than the for polite behaviour gone, many men have
actual act itself. become more and more impolite towards
Nevertheless, it does go to show that this women, to the point where groping a
sort of behaviour is unacceptable in society woman in public has become commonplace
and is punished accordingly. So why not in behaviour.
pubs, clubs and bars? Doesn’t the mentality of the common man
Many argue that there are a large number have parallels with that of a rapist? Do most
of girls who actively go out to pubs and bars men see women as objects for their own
seeking male attention and recognition. They sexual gratification? If so, it is obvious that
search for male flattery in any way shape or women have not done enough to curb these
form, namely, the bottom-pinching mode of views. There is a need for all women to take
adulation. It is these girls who have given action against the male divine right and
men the idea that girls posteriors are there challenge this degrading, cowardly way of
solely for all their fondling and groping articulating admiration. Whatever happened
requirements. Any contradiction to this to just talking to a girl, guys?
24 October 2002
Choose your victor: a response to the ‘last-duel’ scenario
“Slow motion, strobe, they turn, the shots
sound as one, and in perfect unison both
fall to the ground, dead.
Silence.”
So ran Roland’s article last week. He
went on to suggest jubilation at the result.
I have a slightly different view if things
ever got to this.
In the seconds following the hits, as
the jubilations begins across the world,
a lone TV cameraman dares to shift his
focus from the dead statesman, and pans
across the Iraqi end of the scene. Not
only has Saddam Hussein fallen it seems,
so have his men. Silence crushes the
cheers. As the sight goes live on channel
after channel, one camera picks out the
deformed and bleeding bodies that scatter
the floor, pro-Saddam banners growing
increasingly red. Slowly a member of
the American contingent steps forward
in the now silent world. He picks up a
microphone from a CNN reporter and
raises it to his lips. Taking a small sheet
of paper from his top pocket he begins
COMMENT 5
to read. “World, you are operation surfaces. It has training and military operation control
on the brink of recovery been planned for months. to become UK citizens, and a new
from a most horrendous In the following days, agreement is reached between the two
conflict. Our remaining there is little to do but wait countries. Many families whose towns
military satellites are aimed as country after country were ripped apart in the attacks on the
at the last strongholds of folds to the unquestionable UK relocate to the US in a mass exodus,
our enemies’ leaders.” As ‘victory’ of the coalition. as the two countries rebuild communities
he speaks pictures across The arrest of the real hundreds of miles from their origin. And
the world jar and roll
momentarily before a new
PHILIP HOWARD Saddam Hussein takes
place as his country finally
when the time comes that the military
regimes in other parts of the world have
picture stabilises on the manages its revolt, and it is been pressured into democracy by the
screens. It is a black and I have a slightly simultaneously uncovered US/UK and the oil once again flows, few
white image of a bunker, different view of things that the American President are surprised when an unusual statement
one seen many times before, if Mr Heap’s suggestion did not take his place in of intent to integrate is made by the
and the realisation soon sets were ever to come true the duel either. It had all US and UK governments. The United
in that it is that of Iraq’s been an excuse to pause Federation is born, and many can see
remaining leaders. Only this image is everything before the End. And as that the links with the European Union,
different, from the wrong angle – from the nuclear ash settles over India and who took a back seat in the conflict, will
way above it. The image changes. This Pakistan, new conundrums present take much time to rebuild. For once the
time, an image of the partly damaged themselves. The future of the mess that apathy of old is turned to searing support
HQ of Pakistan’s General is there for once was the foundations of the Dome and determination. And once again the
the world to see. As image after image of the Rock, and before that the Temple victors write the history books, and the
of each nation that has opposed the US- of the Jews is again an issue. The right world sees how the treachery of Iraq’s
UK-Russia coalition rolls past, the sheer is granted for US troops who took up leader was repaid.
level of planning needed to manage this temporary residence in the UK during We have a new flag now.

Super UniS: big but not clever in

And so it begins. The merging No more subsidised accommodation,
of UCL and Imperial College JOHN SLATER no subsidised union – well let’s face your chance to win a motorola t191 handset
looks certain, a creation of a huge it, where’s the profit? No cheap
university with a research budget If the government decides restaurants, and forget multiple
greater than Harvard’s, and greater to put the boot in then we disciplines. Universities are built
even than those of Oxford and can be sure of only one on research and student need at the
Cambridge combined, according thing: change. moment. Once everything is profit
to Monday’s Guardian. Leaving driven, and top-up fees are the norm,
jokes of an Imperial takeover, or of the price of a degree will have risen:
It all adds up to a rather scary
Empire College London, we have My quick Excel guesstimate puts
outlook. Our own federal University
the beginnings of a sinister academic current total cost of university at
of Surrey and University of Surrey
future. This is not a one-off. around £18,000 and future total
Roehampton pairing stands us in
UMIST and Manchester University cost at £60,000. At the end of my
some stead for the future, but if
are also looking to merge, and at degree my parents will have spent
the government decides to boot
www.newuniversity.co.uk we find around £9,000 on me (a squeeze for
the UK’s academia into the free
the base of London Metropolitan them at that) and I’ll have around
market we can be sure of only
University – formed on 1st August £9,000 debt. The future would have
one thing. That everything will
this year from the University of North me leaving university with the
change. Currently most universities Do you want there to be somebody who
London and London Guildhall. ridiculous sum of £50,000 to repay.
reside on one campus, with
The instant parallel to draw is to the
academic schools covering the
Mortgage anyone? will always listen?
pharmaceuticals industry. Speaking Of course this is all very well
whole range of disciplines and
from my father’s perspective, we’ve and pricey, but what on earth is
onsite accommodation and union. Do you want to help others?
seen Borroughs Wellcome (think the government playing at? In its
If mergers and free market forces
Calpol) swallowed up to Glaxo to attempts to push more of the cost of
come into play then we can forget Do you want to get accreditation for doing
product GlaxoWellcome, which education onto students it is merely
campaigning over 4% annual rent
merged with SmithKline Beecham
rises, and begin to look at 10% rises.
taxing parents who see fit to send something worthwile through the DAVE
to become the current megalith their children to university. Since project?
GlaxoSmithKline, or ‘gsk’ as they parental influences are probably the
have it now. Seeing how many largest factor in whether school-
names get lost in the merging I can leavers decide to take a job or apply Could you give up a night every now and
only guess at how many companies for university, this is possibly the one then?
make up gsk. The reason that all most stupid thing the government
these mergers have taken place (a can do. The days of picking up a Nightline offers information and a
similar story for its smaller rivals, government grant, picking a course
listening service as well as a drop in
AstraZeneca and Pfizer) is a free and getting a degree with little debt
market and an economical squeeze. and no need for a part time job are center to this uni during the times where
To cut overheads companies merge gone. We are moving towards a everything else is closed. BUT we can only
and so reduce both competition level where students work all the function with enough volunteers.
and staff expenditure. And the time they’re not studying, where
government seems to want a free commercial loans mean that debt
market for UK universities. Of rises to mind blowing levels and If you are interested in becoming
course the parallels run even closer where universities compete with a “Nightliner” please e-mail us at
when you know that the CEO of each other from their mega-merged
Imperial is Sir Richard Sykes, of multiple campuses. So it begins, but nightline@surrey.ac.uk
GlaxoSmithKline fame. where will it end?
6 COMMENT 24 October 2002

Car-parking on campus: the University speaks

AN AMERICAN PROFESSOR once
described the typical university as a
community of intelligent people in constant
conflict with each other, “united only by
a common grievance about car parking”.
The grievance at Surrey has been more
widespread and vocal this year. Car parks
that do not usually get full until 1100 to 1130
have been turning away cars at 1000 and for
the first time in years the overflow had to be
put on to the playing field. Students (and
lecturers) have been late for classes while
they hunt for a space and many have asked
two simple questions:
• Why doesn’t the University build more
car parks or build a multi-storey car
park over the existing ones?
• Why does the University charge so
much for parking permits and sell more
than it has spaces?
The reason the University has not increased
the number of parking spaces on campus for
some years is because it is not permitted
to, not because it doesn’t think it needs to.
This goes back to the latter days of the last
Conservative government when it suddenly
changed its stance towards the motor car and
roads and adopted a “green” approach. Local
authorities were given strict guidance about
reducing the number of parking spaces to
be allowed for new building developments.
related subjects, plus staff. easier for a university in an improvements over the years, costs a lot
The upshot was permission BRIAN BARNARD urban location with good of money and goes a long way to explain
for only 20 extra parking public transport links than the level of parking charges. However, it is
spaces and a requirement UNIS DIRECTOR OF it is for Surrey, set in the also true to say that permit fees have been
for the University to prepare BUSINESS SERVICES middle of the region with deliberately hiked over the last four years in
a “green transport plan” the heaviest car-usage in an attempt to persuade more people out of
by 1999 for approval by the country. We could easily their cars and into public transport, walking
the County and Borough The grievance at Surrey have three members of staff or car-sharing.
Councils, with legally has been more or students for each one of Unfortunately, trying to forecast demand
binding covenants as to what widespread and vocal this our parking spaces every for the car parks has proved to be difficult,
it should cover, including year. For the first time in day, each convinced they especially this year. This is partly because
the following: (a) all nurse years, the overflow on the “need” to come by car. From the University was successful in getting
education students attending field has had to be used. an early stage it was obvious some exceptions to the blanket bans wanted
the EIHMS building to be to the University that if some by the local authorities. For instance, the
prohibited from bringing a car categories of staff or students only nursing students who are automatically
into campus; (b) a ban on all were to be ineligible for not eligible for parking permits are those
staff living in the GU1 and GU2 postcodes parking permits they would genuinely find provided with a University coach each day.
from bringing a car on to campus; (c) the it difficult to get to the University unless Despite the GU1/GU2 ban, students and
University to consider providing subsidised alternative modes of transport were made staff can appeal for a permit if their personal
season tickets for buses; (d) provision of more convenient. With that in mind, since circumstances make a car necessary. As a
secure covered cycle parking facilities close 1999 the University has been using the general rule the University aims to sell no
to the EIHMS building; (e) consideration of income from parking permits sales towards more than four annual permits to every three
increasing the frequency of the Link buses subsidising Arriva to run extra public spaces, but as student numbers increase
in the evening. services in the morning and early evening more members of the University will travel
Whatever one’s view of the Government’s peak periods, and to run evening services in from outside the GU1/GU2 exclusion
“green” image at national level, there is no (previously non-existent) serving the zone. Couple that with an unpredictable
doubt that the objective of reducing car usage campus. A modest subsidy also goes towards number of staff and students satisfying
is still being pursued relentlessly, using local the evening Link services. In addition, the appeals committees and it is inevitable
authorities and the planning mechanism to parking income goes towards a significant that from time to time more permits will be
put pressure on large employers to carry out subsidy for the Arriva Travelcards which issued than the 4:3 model allows for.
measures which are often unpopular. the University sells to students for £100. The only way of dealing with that in the
short term is to persuade holders of annual
permits who do not actually need the 365-

“THE REASON THE UNIVERSITY HAS day permit to hand it in for something more
appropriate, like a car-share or occasional
permit. Hence the current offer (see last

NOT INCREASED THE NUMBER OF week’s “Bare Facts”) to refund £159 for
every student annual permit surrendered
up to 1 November. In the longer-term the

PARKING SPACES ON CAMPUS FOR University will have to put a further squeeze
on permit eligibility. One way is to see
whether there are areas outside Guildford

SOME YEARS IS BECAUSE IT IS NOT with relatively high concentrations of

student and staff addresses where it would
be economic to enter into agreements with

PERMITTED TO AND NOT BECAUSE IT the local bus operators similar to the one the
University has with Arriva in Guildford. The
research into this is about to begin.

DOES NOT THINK IT NEEDS TO.”
They were also encouraged to use their
powers to demand binding agreements from
organisations to reduce traffic in return for
granting planning permission. This policy
was continued with enthusiasm by the
incoming Labour government, which made
clear that one of its aims was encouraging
people to use other forms of transport than
the car.
The University first felt the effect of the
change in Government policy in 1995
when the County Council made clear that
it regarded the University as a major factor
in generating traffic into Guildford. In short,
the University would not be permitted to
build any more general car parks and the
only additional parking spaces would be
those which would be approved in relation
to each new building. Then discussions
began with the local authorities over
planning permission for the Duke of Kent
Building, the largest building to be built on
Stag Hill in 30 years and designed to serve
more than 1000 students in nursing and
Not only do the planning conditions put on
the University prevent any more purpose-
built car parks, they also stop the University
putting down temporary car parks. We
were able to use the playing field a couple
of weeks ago because conditions were dry
and cars could be parked on the grass. But
if we had put down a temporary surface
of any kind the playing field would have
become a “car park” and would have needed
planning permission (which would have
been refused). Now the weather has turned
wet we cannot risk the damage to the field or
the danger of cars getting bogged down.
As for the questions about parking permits
and charges, the answers lie largely in the
measures which the University has been
obliged to include in its Transport Plan.
If Government’s “widening participation”
policy requires the University to expand
while its number of parking spaces remains
virtually constant, the only practical
approach is to restrict the number of people
eligible to park on site. That is somewhat
The equivalent for a member of the public
would cost well over £400. In recent years
there have been a number of additions
and upgrades to the facilities for bicycles,
with more cycle parking currently under
consideration, all paid out of parking fee
income.
Specialist software to run a car-sharing
database was bought in 1999 and a new
publicity campaign about this is being
organised. The rules on the buying car-
sharing permits were relaxed this year, so
that an official car-sharing group needs
only a minimum of two car-owning
members (students or staff) living outside
the exclusion zone. The car-sharing permit
is excellent value at £75.60 a year and
guarantees a parking space up to 1300 each
day. A new feature this year is the guarantee
of reimbursement of a taxi fare home for any
member of a group on up to six occasions
a year. (Full details of the scheme from
Security).
All this, and various road and pedestrian
And finally, why the 4:3 ratio in the first
place? Why not 1:1 so that the £127 paid
by a student (or £225 paid by a member
of staff) for an annual permit guarantees
a space? That is a beguiling concept but
totally unrealistic. It does not take account
of the constantly changing nature of the
University’s population during the year.
Even if a straightforward way can be found
of identifying the 1700 people to get 1700
permits, they would not all want to use the
car parks every day. Some students start in
September and go on placement or field
trips during the year, some start at other
times than September. Staff join and resign
at any time during the year. Some staff and
students, of course, are part-time or start or
finish at unusual times during the day. In
short, if we sold at 1:1 we would be likely
to have numerous spaces empty at any one
time and a lot of cross people who had been
denied a permit would be looking at them
enviously. The one sure way of guaranteeing
that every space is used but no-one pays for
a space they can’t occupy is to turn the car
parks over to first-come-first-served pay and
display. A dream, perhaps, but a nightmare
for members of the University!
24 October 2002 COMMENT 7
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
Letters must be received by 5pm on the Friday before publication to guarantee their presence in the next newspaper. Letters may
be edited for length or clarity | E-mail: barefacts@ussu.co.uk

Trying to get home without going “alone” “The Surrey Scoop” considered ‘offensive’
is not that easy Does barefacts really want to be an organ for the perpetuation and
More responses to Toni Borneo’s safety article of two weeks ago dissemination of such sexist and damaging discourses?

Dear barefacts, associated dangers by asserting that “no- Dear Editor,

one gets attacked in the main streets” (not
In response to your comment in barefacts true) or even with comments such as “I I was shocked and saddened (it’s a cliche I know) by the contents of the Gossip column
that you are “always a little confused by wouldn’t worry – who would attack you?” in the 17th October edition of Barefacts. Specifically I am referring to the “WARNING”
people who say they had no-one to walk I can’t blame them: single, fearful women regarding the “serial flirt on the loose”. The entire tone of this section of the gossip column
home with after a night out”, I thought I must seem like a millstone if you do not can only be described as sexist and offensive.
would provide a little clarification. believe that the threat is a real one. The representation of a woman as a “serial flirt” and as a “prick tease” (somebody remind
Not everyone living in private Everyone goes through a period in their me what century this is) sounds very much like the voice of disappointed and disgruntled
accommodation is fortunate enough to be lives when their friends fail them, or even masculinity. Indeed, it seems that the main concern of the “WARNING” is to protect fragile
sharing a house with their mates. When when circumstances just keep them apart. male egos. From what? From the realization that not every woman with whom they share a
your friends live near university and you The break-up of long relationships often friendly or even flirtatious word actually wants to have sex with them. Certainly, from the
live in Bellfields, for example, it is not leaves a woman without a partner or close tone of the piece, it seems that her behaviour would not have warranted the publication of
easy to persuade them to trek all the way friends to hang around with. But what can a “WARNING” if she had done the presumably ‘decent’ thing and followed through and
across Guildford at 2am just to walk you you do? Hide in the house every night actually slept with these idiots.
home. Scrounging for an escort every because you are afraid to walk the streets Some ‘final thoughts’ for you: In this world of date/acquaintance rape how great is the
time you go out can quickly make you alone? Been there and done that. You have distance between calling someone a “prick tease” and claiming that “she was asking for
feel like a burden to your friends. Those to get on with life; alone if necessary. it”? Does barefacts really want to be an organ for the perpetuation and dissemination
people who are shy can be disinclined to The fact is that there are a lot of people of such sexist and damaging discourses? Is barefacts really in the business of damaging
ask twice, or worse, they may not have who have to run this gauntlet, not out of peoples lives through the application of offensive names and labels? And was no thought
anyone to ask. For example, being a shy choice, or a lack of planning, but because given to the effect that this might have on an individual in the first few weeks of the first
girl myself, I was invited out clubbing by they cannot do much else about it. term of their University life?
my more social housemates. At about one Incidentally, this is also about men: how I for one think barefacts owes this woman a full and sincere apology.
am, they exchanged glances and informed hard is it to ask another man to walk you
me gently that they were “off to find some home? Single men are just as likely to be Yours in all earnestness,
blokes now”. Luckily I spotted a girl from mugged – it has happened to friends of CHRISTOPHER WALTON
my course, or I would have been left alone mine.
from that point onwards. It is scary and it is real, and for some Dear barefacts,
I feel it is important that you realise that people it is an everyday occurrence. I hope due to poor planning and an aversion
the situation of walking home alone in the this letter has opened your eyes a little. It is with interest that I read the request to learning from past mistakes? Please
dark is not an “ordeal” to many – it is a fact from Mr Barnard in last weeks edition, can someone- be it the University or the
of life. Many people, who do not want to Yours sincerely, regarding parking inconsiderately in Borough Council- please wake up to the
walk home with you, even play down the JESS RIDOUT Onslow village. Only last week, I (along reality that people will continue to use
with many other BF readers) attended a their cars. There is no alternative, and the
presentation by the University outlining costs involved in putting on reliable public
Dear Ms Borneo, their plans for Campus 2 on Manor Park. transport-one that picks up and drops off
The University plans to build a campus everyone where and when they want- are
I’ve just read your response to a letter in this weeks Barefacts (17/10). How come you much larger than the existing one, but with just too much for any organisation to bear.
instantly assume that all people who need to walk through the subway after dark are a fraction of the parking spaces (They To sum it up- someone needs to build
coming from a night out? As a postgrad I now have friends who do experiments that mean blame this on regulations imposed by more car parks, not buy permits back, or
they are required to stay to past 7pm, meaning that they will have to walk through the the borough council). Surely if we have widen exclusion zones. They don’t have
Southway subway alone. It is therefore quite inadequate to say that you should plan to walk problems with students, staff and visitors to be eyesores, a nice underground multi
back with friends afterwards. driving to the current small campus (which storey or two would look lovely. Maybe
Also if you’ve been to a friday night out at the union it is probably one of the safer times is comparatively well provisioned in terms our resident architect of strange shaped
to walk that way, as there will be a fair legion of students also heading that way making an of parking) then knocking up a bigger site buildings could knock one up?
attack far less likely. with nonexistent on-site parking is going to
make matters worse. Regards,
Yours sincerely, Are the roads in Park Barn going to be CONCERNED
IAN PURVEY similarly infested with vehicles simply NAME AND ADDRESS SUPPLIED

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8 UNION

M
24 October 2002

So: what exactly is the Union? oney

For most students starting
university for the first time
sports
student
clubs,
media,
societies,
welfare
atters
the student’s union is possibly support, representation to the Last week’s article highlighted the possibility of part-
perceived as a night time university and other bodies, a time employment to supplement your income whilst
venue however hopefully safe social environment and at university. If you are planning to get a job, or do so
with activities like Freshers the opportunity for students already, then it might be helpful to know a little about
Fayre and the Sports Fayre to have a real say in their your work rights:
you have seen the other side university environment. The minimum wage must be paid to anyone who is 18 or over: it is currently £3.70 if you
of the Union in it’s student It’s not difficult at all to scoff
services role. You may well
PAUL WRIGHT at all the above and think that
are 22 or older or £3.20 for those between 18 and 22.
From the 1st October 2002, this will rise to £3.60 if you are in the lower age-range and
have read that students’ it’s something that only ‘other £4.20 for those who are older.
unions are “run by students, It is always easy to think people’ get involved with; It is your legal right to be paid the minimum wage and you cannot be sacked or victimised
for students” but many are that the Union is is some- after all, with coursework if you complain.
unaware how this works. thing that only ‘other and a possible part time job Contact the national minimum-wage hotline on 0845 6000678 if you are having any
Each year the Union runs a people’ are involved with there’s just no time left for problems.
cross campus ballot to elect some silly student union. The You should note that part-time workers have the same rights as full-time workers, as well,
sabbatical officers. These officers are the problem with this attitude is that if you do including holidays and sick pay – the Department of Trade and Industry and the TUC have
trustees of the Union and they each have go through your academic career with just further details on their websites:
a specific area of responsibility - Sports, your coursework and the occasional night
Societies + Culture, Education + Welfare, out then you really are missing out on www.dti.gov.uk www.tuc.org.uk
Communications and Marketing. Finally opportunities, opportunities that may never
we have the President, that is a bit of a catch be within your grasp again. Don’t forget that if you are very hard up and in your final year or have nay special needs
all post whilst liasing with the university, Simple things like taking advantage of or problems then you are a priority for help from the university hardship funds – for more
representing student viewpoints on the top the facilities that the Union has to offer or details, come and see us at SAIS.
level university committees. becoming experienced in how to participate
Any student (considered a full member in meetings ranging in size from a handful Student Advice& Information Service (SAIS): Wey Flat 2 | Surrey Court
in the eyes of the Union) can stand in the to a hundred people or even learning how t: [68]9261 | e: student-advice@surrey.ac.uk
election and all students vote for their to fly a glider. If you are willing to put
chosen set of officers for the next year. more into the Union then you can only gain
Once in post the new sabbatical team goes from it. Involvement in societies and sports
through a handover period with the current clubs can give you a real sense of belonging
sabbatical team. They also receive training, and making achievements. For students
enabling them to be effective in their interested in bringing about positive change
A guide to Student Council
respective new roles. there are a number of different Union roles
Although the sabbatical officers are a team that can be comfortably balanced with
How the governing body of the Union works
and considered the trustees they run the study.
Union on a day-to-day basis to ensure that it These are all things that employers like
fulfils the mission statement: to see on CVs, the fact that you have done
more with your time at university than
“TO UNIFY, just studied, that you have developed as a
individual as well as just a student of your
chosen discipline. With the government
REPRESENT, aiming for 50% of young people to have
experienced higher education in future it
DEVELOP AND will take more than just a degree to stand out
from your peers - extra-curricular activities
and experiences will be key.
SUPPORT THE From my personal experience I would
say the Union more than anything else has
STUDENTS changed me into the person today, back in
the first year there would have been no way I
would have contemplated running for Union
OF THE Chairperson, let alone President. Through
In terms of control of the Union that power motion are noted. “This Union Believes”
getting experience in running a society and
lies with the student council - the sovereign is the section in which the opinion of the
UNIVERSITY being a student representative I gained the
confidence to not only run for election, but
body of the Union that votes on policy to motion is stated. “This Union Resolves” is
be adopted. How student council runs is the section where the actual action / policy is
also believe that I could change things for
OF SURREY.” the better and actually make a difference.
laid down in the Constitution, the governing
document that explains how all aspects
explained, it is this section that is acted upon
should the motion be passed by the voting
Now that may sound a little grandiose These are not things that happened overnight of the Union should operate. Currently members of Council.
but it really is what the Union is about, but the time I put into Union activities has student council is open to all members of The motion has a speech for and, if
giving students opportunities they want: certainly been worthwhile. the Union though in past years it tends one is forthcoming, a speech against. It
to be only attended by society and sport is then opened to the floor for questions
club representatives in fear of having and comments, then finally a summing
their budgets frozen. As such the council up speech is given by the proposer and
NOTICES could not really be currently considered the motion is voted upon (for, against and
representative, this is set to change with the abstentions). For more information and
Physoc 24th October 1pm Jackson Room AC 5th Floor new constitution that will be shortly released / or advice on how motions and student
Gamesoc AGM 24th October 7pm LT B for review. The new constitution will be council work don’t hesitate to email me,
Cathsoc AGM 27th October 6pm Quiet Centre explained in next week’s barefacts whilst president@ussu.co.uk.
Stage Crew EGM 28th October 6pm HRB also published on www.ussu.co.uk One of the biggest tasks ahead in future
EARS AGM 30th October 1pm 32AA21 For Council to adopt policy a motion needs Councils is voting through the new
Ballroom Dancing AGM 7.45pm University Hall to be put before it, this takes a standard constitution, this will hopefully make the
OFU AGM 31st October 6.30pm Media Centre format with three main headings: “This Union a more democratic and representative
Singapore Society AGM 6th November 7.30pm LT F Union Notes” is the section in which actual, body for students here at Surrey.
Womens rugby AGM tuesday 29th october 9pm varsity centre concrete facts about the subject of the
24 October 2002 PROFESSIONAL PAGE 9
The art of the covering letter This weeks careers & skills talks
I once interviewed someone The opening paragraph should PRACTICE APTITUDE TEST PROCTER & GAMBLE*
who had made 350 applications introduce who you are and WEDNESDAY 30 OCTOBER | 2.15 pm | LT B MONDAY 28 OCTOBER | 6pm | OAK SUITE 1 & 2
to employers and had got why you’re writing to them. The tests we run are parallel to those that many Information for finalists and placement students in all
employers use as part of the selection process. There science disciplines, particularly chemistry, material
absolutely nowhere. It was You might consider including are three sections designed to test your logical science and biological science. The session will be
almost as if she’d written “please something about how much thinking. followed by an aptitude test, you will need a calculator
don’t employ me” across the you are attracted to the work and pencils. P & G recommend trying out their
envelope. As it happened, the for which you are applying AMEC* aptitude test before attending this event.
MONDAY 28 OCTOBER | 6.15pm | LT M
only thing she’d done was fail to and also why you would like to Details of 70-100 opportunities in a range of business FIDELITY INVESTMENTS*
include a letter with any of her
applications. But it does prove
DR RUSS CLARK work for them in particular.
The next paragraph is crucial.
areas for civ and structural, building services,
chem/process, mech and elec enginers, architecture,
MONDAY 28 OCTOBER | 1pm | LT F
Information for finalists and placement students in all
how important they are. You should highlight, possibly construction management, instrumentation and disciplines about opportunities in IT, Equity Research
controls safety and commercial management/quantity
Basically, employers are not The word ‘covering’ is using “bullet” points, what you
and Marketing.
surveying with this firm of consultants.
mind-readers. You can’t assume a bit misleading - you have to offer. Even though
*Please register with Careers by email c.arrowsmith@surrey.ac.uk, or in person.
they automatically know why shouldn’t cover anything! this invariably repeats things
Please keep an eye on your University email and www.surrey.ac.uk/careers for the most up to date information
you have written to them. If you you’ve already covered in your
are sending an application form, CV, it still draws their attention
it’s more obvious what you are applying for to the specific relevant attributes which you
LUCY ANDREWS
than if it were a CV, but they still like to see are offering. The final paragraph is simply
MUSIC | GRADUATED 2000
a covering letter almost as a mark of respect. a wrapping up affair to include how much
The only time you are unlikely to need a letter you look forward to hearing from them and
I studied Music at Surrey between 1997
is when you are applying to employers using summarising your availability for interview.
and 2000. There was no placement year
an on-line system. A letter accompanying an application form,
involved with the degree course, so my first
Actually, the word ‘covering’ is a bit on the other hand, need only be brief. State
proper job really was my first proper job!
misleading. The last thing you are trying to simply that you are enclosing your completed
As is becoming more and more necessary
do is cover up what is to follow in either your form, tell them when and where you saw
these days, I held down part-time work
application form or your CV. On the contrary, the job advertised and then thank them for
whilst studying – oh, how I loved selling
your letter should encourage the employer to considering your application.
sandwiches, beers and gallons of petrol – but
want to read more about you. If you’d like to see an example of a covering
the time eventually came to head out into the
If your application is speculative, in which letter why not drop in to the Careers Service
real world.

case the main thing you are trying to do is to and pick up a copy of the leaflet ‘Curriculum
bring your CV to their attention, you can’t go Vitae’. A good letter can make the difference
far wrong in constructing your letter along the between outright rejection and an invitation to
following lines.
Three months. What were you doing three
months ago? Possibly on holiday, maybe at
home with your family, or you could have
been doing as I was and making a move
even further away from your home and
friends than the move to Surrey was two
years before. Having only been as far a field
in the UK as Birmingham in the North and
Bournemouth in the south moving to Bristol,
as I had to do was for me almost like moving
to the other side of the planet! During the
exams at the end of last semester I eagerly
asked around to find out who else would be
joining me in this new adventure to find that
nobody else would.
The initial days were very stressful, the
most awkward being finding way to get a
roof over my head in a place nearly four
hours drive from Kent. Feeling already I had
left things dreadfully late a fortnight before
the placement was due to begin I leapt into
a car with my parents and a bit of advice
from a relative and set out on the journey.
Being very much spur of the moment people
many of the agencies we visited were very
surprised at us turning up on their doorstep
and expecting to be shown around as many
houses as possible in just that day. I have
to thank them greatly for even allowing
us to look as many places as we did with
such little notice. One thing I do have to
recommend though if you do head off on a
placement and know nothing about the area
it may be worth giving the local University’s
Accommodation Office a call as they may
be able to give you some advice, I have to
thank the staff at the University of the West
of England’s Accommodation Office for
giving me a map some information on the
local area, where students live and where
they go to enjoy themselves!
Using this map we navigated the streets of
Bristol exploring many houses from the
P
interview.
lacement
S EAK
By Adam Hatton
tidy to the absolutely horrific and every
stage in between. At lunchtime we visited
a house so nice inside and perfect to my
requirements (bus route, cable, broadband
internet...) I was absolutely besotted. We
looked at one last house, but only because
we had set up the meeting earlier, I had my
heart set on this and was already making
the mental plans. Having left the last house
we trotted down to the letting agency and
I signed on the dotted line and paid my
deposit. All of this though was pending one
very important issue: the agreement of those
remaining in the house for another year
agreeing to me moving in.
This issue weighed over me and lead to a
week of continual calls to the agency to find
out if they had word yet. It was now the
Tuesday of the week before my placement
was due to begin and we had heard nothing
from the agency or the residents of the
house themselves. Finally I got into contact
with the agency and discovered the current
occupiers of the house had planned to move
some of their friends in instead and had said
no! So with less than a week to go before my
placement I was looking all set to be staying
in B&Bs or hotels in my first week at work.
So, where did I get my first job?? The
University of Surrey Students’ Union!
As Vice President Societies and Culture
for 2000-2001, I looked after around sixty
student societies and ran events such as the
Freshers’ Fayre and International Week.
I was lucky enough to have been involved
with the Union throughout my time at the
University – something I’d recommend
to any Surrey student - through student
radio, the Arts & Entertainments committee
and the Union Executive, so it was a real
challenge and an honour to have the running
of the building entrusted to our team for the
year.
But, all good things must come to an
end, and as my term of office drew to a
close, off I trotted to a friendly recruitment
agency, which found me a job in conference
co-ordination. Off to the private sector
I headed, armed with high hopes for
international travel opportunities and pay
rises, only to realise that the conferences I
was co-ordinating were on topics I disagreed
with and the private sector way of thinking
wasn’t entirely akin to my own ideology of
how a business ought to work.
Now, 18 months on from my graduation,
I’ve moved into Information Technology
and Training and project manage a UK
Online scheme called ‘Tech-IT-Up’. We take
In retrospect it was fair enough if the people
in the house wanted to move some of their
friends in, but if anyone is on the other side
of this situation in the future, please tell your
agency or landlord ASAP so you don’t leave
people like me with nowhere to live at short
notice.
So it was now an emergency situation by
this point it was Wednesday and I found
myself back in the car heading up to
Bristol for the second time in just over a
week in desperation. I did have a plan in
mind though, we had visited one house the
previous week that though being a bit tired
and in need of a lot of tidying had some
computers to community venues throughout
Surrey and teach the public how to use a
wide range of computer programs and surf
the internet. It’s a satisfying job, allowing
me to combine office work and being ‘out
on the road’, involving the management of
finance and staff, but also having personal
contact at grass roots level through being
one of the trainers myself. I’m much
happier working for an organisation who
actively support communities and go out of
their way to work towards better county and
improved skills amongst its residents.
It’s quite a transition from having done a
music degree – the wrong sort of keyboard
for a start- but it seems that well-paid arts
jobs are few and far between, and there’s no
harm in diversifying and learning a few new
skills – I’m even heading back to University
(well, the Open one) to start a diploma in
Information Technology to help me along
my way in my new career!
So, to sum up what I’ve learned from
my first two years out of university:- don’t
sacrifice your principles, but do think what
salary you’ll realistically need to live around
Guildford and don’t assume that the area in
which you did your degree is necessarily
your concrete career plan for life!
promise. I called the landlady on the way up
and arranged for her to meet us at the house,
planning for the worst I had a suitcase with
a suit and the minimal clothing and gear I
needed to slum it in a B&B for a while. After
a week and a bit of worry and stress I was
willing to settle for almost anything at that
point and I accepted the offer from this lady
and we marched off to sign everything.
Three months, it really doesn’t seem
like I have been here in Bristol all that
time (aside from a visit to Rockingham,
Northamptonshire via London), my
placement, I’ll save the start of that story for
another time.
10 SERIOUSLY SEXY WEEK 24 October 2002

Seriously sexy week special

Welcome to the Seriosul sexy Farnham Road Hospital, Raft
week special in barefacts! Surrey (see article) and Sex
This week I get to talk about Care in Guildford. We’ll also
my favourite subject. Yep, have some fun stuff to pick up,
you guessed it. Sex, sexuality. and you don’t have to talk to
sexual practices, sexy toys… anyone if you don’t want to.
..and condoms. Friday night is the infamous
This is the sexiest week of the TONI BORNEO Drag and Fetish Night. It’s
year, and the idea is to promote VICE PRESIDENT EDUCATION always a great night anyway,
sex and sexuality as a really AND WELFARE but this time – 1st November
positive part of life, and how – you can enter a Seriously
to avoid the problems it can cause if treated Sexy raffle to win a variety of girls’ and
irresponsibly. Whether you are holding out boys’ toys. You can’t have safer sex than
for the right person, prefer going solo, want with a toy, can you? You can even pick them
to get married first or are a gorgeous guru of up anonymously if you’re that embarrassed
lovin’, there’s something for you all. It’s all (don’t be!).
about seeing sex for what it is, a fantasmic Also check out a Sexy quiz round at
experience in the context you feel is best for Chancellors Challenge, a competition in
“HOW WE MAKE
you. this week’s barefacts to win 20 flavoured
We’ll have some helpful information on and coloured condoms (with BSI kitemark,
Thursday 31st October, at our info fair in of course), and our own Health Centre and
UP OUR SENSE
the Students Union. We’ll have information Counselling Service have also contributed
on everything from contraception choices, to this week’s Barefacts with their views on
to abortion support and services from students’ sexual issues.
OF SEX IS
the British Pregnancy Advisory Service. Have a Seriously Sexy week – and use a
We’ll also be visited by the GUM clinic at condom! WHAT IS
IMPORTANT.
Sex, counselling and George Bush
FOR SOME IT
An article by Les Mcminn - the head of the Counselling Service

You might well ask what George Bush has to do with sex
and you even might be wondering what counselling has to
do with it as well. This might just be a smart arse counsellor
trying to grab headlines (might be true……….??) or just
trying to show off his literary skills by filling half a page
with (unintentional of course) double entendres (if you don’t
know ask a friend).
Which kind of leads me to the point of this article - how
many of us can talk openly about sex? What we think, what
we like and don’t like, what worries us and what it makes
us feel like? I’m not talking about the loud showing off
after several pints of lager or the ‘Ten Top Tips to Keep
your Lover Happy….’ kind of thing…..although some of
these are actually quite good. Type in sex and advice to the
Google search engine and lo and behold over 1 million sites
are listed - enough probably to answer all your questions ( by
the way typing in sex and advice and George Bush to search
gives some interesting results…..).
What is sure is that we are all hard-wired for sex -
Darwinists among you will know why. But whether we take
a serious ethical and moral stance on sex or something based
on the pleasure principle we find it hard to escape from.
Even if we shut ourselves off from the world and never read
a magazine, watch a movie or evesdrop on a conversation
on the bus or on Guildford High Street (I cant be the only
one doing that…. eh????) you can be fairly sure that at some
point in our splendid isolation we will be visited by thoughts
and fantasies about sex. Most of the time this is normal - its
been said that men think about sex every three minutes and
women less so. But just like sex, it isn’t the frequency that’s
important its what it means to us.
How we make our own sense of sex (and our own
sexuality for that matter) is what is important. For some it is
inextricably tied up with love - both loving an other person
and hopefully being loved in return. Others experience sex
as devoid of emotion - its just something to get on with and
IS LOVE; FOR
do - after all everyone is at it somewhere on campus aren’t
they???? Perish the thought, but maybe even our parents are
at it somewhere….
SOME IT IS
For some it is about performance. For others it’s a
compulsive and destructive addiction. Last but not least for
some couples it is an integral part of an intimate relationship
PERFORMANCE;
which is a source of real pleasure. In other words, when
good, a sexual relationship can be an important feature of
sharing another person’s intimate world - when bad it can be
FOR SOME IT
hurtful, painful and destructive to our self and others.
But you don’t have to be in a relationship to think about
sex. Most of us spend more time thinking/talking about it
IS DEVOID OF
than actually doing it - when it comes down to it, thinking
about what you do is an excellent form of contraception ..(on
that one do go and see the Health Centre Staff).
EMOTION.”
Getting used to being on your own is a factor in University
life - for some students this sense of freedom is quite brilliant telling us. Counselling is about making sense of ourselves
but for others being on your own is an all too familiar place. and the world we live in.
It can mean isolation and loneliness and feeling excluded - as For lots of us, relationships….whether this is the lack
you peer out your windows you see every other student in a of, or too many of the wrong type…. and the sexual and
relationship, fully satisfied with their sex lives. That fantasy emotional parts of them can benefit from being talked about.
- which it is - can lead to further withdrawal and isolation Yes I know ‘Just talk about it!’ has now become a cliché, but
and for some it can trigger off a cycle of despair. Enter the if you can get over that then maybe, just maybe, having a
world of the internet with its promise of chat-rooms and chat with one of the counsellors might help a small problem
sexual imagery of every type imaginable. A whole new become a large one. Equally having a look at a large problem
world of internet relationships emerges with something to might begin to make it more manageable.
suit every taste. Now I’ve forgotten why I mentioned George Bush, but you
But I hear you ask what has this to do with counselling? must admit it did get you reading……
Well the Student Counselling Centre on campus offers a (The Student Counselling Centre can be contacted by phone
free, confidential service to all students and whether its on 01483 689498 (internal 9498), by dropping in to fix
about sex, or anything else for that matter, we would be an appointment (were between the Duke of Kent and the
more than happy to talk with you. We wont preach at you. Student Health Centre) or by email at …..Alternatively if
We don’t tell you what is right or wrong although we might you want to discuss a specific issue by email then contact me
well let you know what we think and feel about what you are directly on l.mcminn@surrey.ac.uk).
24 October 2002 SERIOUSLY SEXY WEEK 11
So who exactly is chlamydia everyone talks about?
An article by Jodi Saunders- senior nurse, UniS Health Centre

The STI’s big sitting in the waiting room of the local

GUM (genito-urinary medicine) clinic
mean that you have got Chlamydia, but if you
are concerned then make an appointment at

day out …isn’t it?….waiting for your number to

be called….praying no one will come in
that recognises you….hoping they won’t
the health centre or pop down to the GUM
clinic- I promise that both these places will
be nice to you and don’t really ‘poke’ swabs
Once upon a time, there was a group of
have to ‘poke’ a swab too far!....and d) … up too far…honestly! We’re also happy to
sexually transmitted infections, all of whom
well this article does come from the health talk about any of the other STI’s (sexually
had gathered at the annual convention
Tall, blonde, beautiful eyes, great figure, centre and of course we’re always extolling transmitted infections) and would love to
for the Result of a Lack of Appropriate
fantastic sense of humour…..or dark, strong the virtues of safe sex and actually using discuss contraception with anyone!
Precaution During Sexual Encounters.
with rippling muscles, ‘let me spoil you’ contraception…! Left untreated Chlamydia can lead to:
Present at the convention were Chlamydia,
being his middle name. Let me see, you’re Now it’s time for the serious bit- Chlamydia • Ectopic pregnancy
Thrush, Syphilis, Genital Herpes and
thinking this’ll never happen to you? If you is a nasty infection, but the good news is it’s • Infertility in women
Gonorrhea to name but a few and they were
are you’re probably joining millions of other treatable, and as long as it’s not left too long • And sometimes infertility in men
all really happy to be there discussing their
people who think about Chlamydia the same shouldn’t have any long term side affects So you see it is worth taking this matter
characteristics because their great foe, Evil
way. (apart from on your pride perhaps if you seriously- How can you prevent/protect
Dr Condom, had been rendered useless
Ok…want to know a bit more? Read below didn’t bother to use condoms and had to yourself from catching it?....Use a condom.
by worryingly casual attitudes towards
to test you knowledge in the matter… go round sheepishly telling all the people How can you make sure you avoid the
protected sex.
Chlamydia is…. you’ve slept with that you were infected!) embarrassment of telling a partner you’ve
Chlamydia, who could normally be
The problem is that often there are no had it?....Use a condom. How can you
found in the watery locations of semen
a) a variety of avocado b) an infection of symptoms of the infection being present in protect yourself against other STI’s….Use
and vaginal fluids, was, as ever, boasting
the bits c) the medical term for sweaty your body- but do seek help if any of the a condom. How can you help make sure
that it was difficult to pick up whether or
hands or d) a contraceptive cream following symptoms occur: you don’t get pregnant, or get someone
not it had been contracted and that people
In the female: pregnant…..Don’t have sex…..or failing
didn’t seem to bother with the test to see if
Baffled? The answer of course is b) a rather • Bleeding between menstrual that- you’ve got it…..use a condom!
it was there or not, whilst Genital Herpes
silent and potentially dangerous infection of periods or after intercourse How can you get hold of condoms?.......we
moaned continuously that the itching and
the bits…so why the other stupid answers? • Painful intercourse give them away free at the Health Centre
appearance of a fluid filled blister around
Perhaps because they can all be related • Abnormal vaginal discharge and GUM clinics and they’re also available
the genetalia was a sure give away of its
to the matter….I’ve heard that a rich diet • Painful and/or frequent urination at the Students’ Union……or you could
presence.
in avocados is helpful in preventing the • Low grade fever always go and spend some of your beer
Thrush agreed that the itching sensation
disease…or was it you needed to smother In the male: money on buying some of course!
associated with it was a little annoying,
yourself in avocado pulp…or maybe • Pus or watery or milky discharge (The Student Health Centre can be contacted
but was quick to point out how happy it
I’m mixing it up with cranberry juice from the penis by phone on 01483 689051 (internal 9051),
was that it could be found in both men
and cystitis….(please don’t take that last • Pain or burning feeling while or you can call in to make an appointment.
and women and that people didn’t seem to
answer seriously, I don’t want to lose my urinating Alternatively if you want to discuss a
realize this fact whatsoever. Syphilis and
job!) c) …the medical term for sweaty • Swollen or tender testicles specific issue by email then contact me
Gonorrhea, however, simply sat quietly,
hands- that is after all what you get when Don’t panic, these symptoms don’t always directly on j.saunders@surrey.ac.uk).
glad that they have a period of time in

sex cells
which the infected person has no idea they
are there at all – although Gonorrhea was
a little worried that a burning sensation
during urination might alert men and
women alike to its presence.
They ended their convention with the
usual prayer against the place where
people can get information about sexually
transmitted infections, known commonly as
the welfare section of
www.ussu.co.uk/yourunion
and wished each other the best with their
efforts during the term-time activities of
students everywhere.

What is your definition?

sex (sks) n.
1. a fantastic way to pass the time if you
can’t get to sleep and you happen to have a
member of your chosengender in your bed
at the time.
2. an ideal word to include on a poster if
you are trying to get people’s attention. Seriously Sexy Week
3. the perfect way to contract yourself
a sexually transmitted infection if not
week eight | 28.10 - 01.11
considered in a proper and reasonable for more info e-mail welfare@ussu.co.uk
fashion.
4. damn good fun and generally enjoyable.
24 October 2002 SERIOUSLY SEXY WEEK 13

Abortion: what do you think? An article by Toni Borneo: VP Education & Welfare
What do you think of when you hear the word ‘abortion’?
You might think it’s a tragedy, or a means to an end, or a
turning point for women’s right to choice, or you might
think it will never touch your life. The Surrey area has the
highest rate of terminations in the country, according to the
Health Promotion Service, and that’s because it’s such an
affluent area. The theory is that, in this area, people have
more at stake and are less willing to sacrifice that for an
unplanned pregnancy.
But regardless of where you are in the country, abortion
is bound to be a student issue. The age, lack of security,
need for qualifications, pressure to succeed academically
and many other factors will mean that some students have
to make that choice. The age group to call upon this service
most frequently is 20-24 years. The important thing is that
their choice is properly discussed with health professionals
and that that person is supported entirely.
The British Pregnancy Advisory Service have provided
the Union with information and literature should any of you
be interested in understanding the process a little better. I
will outline the main points here.
Contraception and abortion are both ways of avoiding
unplanned pregnancy, but contraception is considerably
less traumatic to deal with. Opting for a Pill, condom, IUD,
progesterone injection or whatever (the list goes on) can
prevent such a choice ever having to be made. But it has to
be right for you. The Health Centre on campus or Family
Planning Clinic can talk through contraception choices with
you.
But even if you are careful in the first place, no
contraception can guarantee 100% to prevent pregnancy.
In fact 60% of abortions handled by the BPAS are a result
“EVEN IF YOU
of unplanned pregnancy despite using some form of
contraception. Scary.
In Britain, we are lucky. Women can request a
termination, and two doctors must confirm her conditions.
It’s not a case of granting it just because she wants it. But
those conditions are realistic and we have considerably
greater choice than in some other countries. That means we
are protected too. Because abortion is legal (Abortion Act
1967), it can be regulated and is relatively safe. In countries
where it is illegal, it still happens, but in sometimes quite
shocking, dangerous conditions. Or women simply travel
to countries where it is legal (especially Britain) which is
possibly even more of an ordeal.
There are so many issues surrounding abortion. At what
stage of pregnancy can it be carried out (up to 24 weeks)?
What do people think? How does religion fit into it? Is it a
health risk? Etc…I think the simplest idea is to give you the
reasons for and against having an abortion, as outlined by
BPAS (see charts).
So, is there an alternative? In a word, no. If abortion were
still illegal, there would simply be more ‘back street’
Arguments against legal abortion
Human life begins at conception and abortion destroys
respect for human life
Abortion is a violent act that damages a mother and her
baby. It is uncivilized and unjust.
There are alternatives to abortion, such as adoption.
Abortion damages women because they suffer post
abortion guilt and trauma.
Abortion is rarely necessary to save the life of the woman.
Abortion encourages brutality towards children and child
abuse.
Abortion on grounds of fetal abnormality encourages
discrimination against disabled people.
operations and greater risk, and more women traveling
to obtain it. There would also be tens of thousands of
unplanned, unwanted babies born each year. This would
have serious consequences for each of those women, for
public health and society as a whole.
I would hope that our student population is, on the whole,
pro-choice. And certainly in favour of supporting women
(and their reproductive partners) in making that choice.
Certainly, polls in Britain show that most people support a
liberal law, with only a small minority opposed to abortion
in all circumstances.
But, it’s not the ideal preventative method, and it’s not to
be relied on instead of using contraception. So, the Health
Centre (and I) would implore everyone to be as careful as
possible in the first instance (free condoms in both places!).
And in case of accidents and unplanned pregnancy,
please know that the University and the Union are totally
sympathetic and supportive. So don’t think you have to
struggle through alone.
Arguments for legal abortion
The embryo or fetus should be respected, as potential
human life but does not have the same value as a born
person.
Women are capable of making the right moral choices and
can follow their own consciences.
A pregnant woman understands her own personal
circumstances better than anyone else and so is in the best
position to know whether she should or should not have
the child.
Legal abortion is relatively safe and is likely to cause
a woman far less harm than forcing her to continue her
pregnancy and have an unwanted child.
It is better for children to be born to parents who want and
love them.

ARE CARFUL, NO
CONTRACEPTION Competition
CAN 100%
You see, even when we are helping you out and giving you the facts on things that are
GUARANTEE good for you, we’re still giving you things for free. As ever, all you need to do is answer a
simple question and some condoms will wing their way to you.
For the grand prize of 20 flavoured non-spermicidal condoms (ok- normal ones if you
PREGNANCY prefer) do you know which statement is false?

PREVENTION. (a)
(b)
You can’t catch HIV or AIDS by kissing an infected person.
The age limit for buying condoms is 12 years old.
(c) Chlamydia is often symptomless in women.
OVER 60% OF (d) Free condoms are available from USSU, the Health Centre and Nightline.

It’s all quite simple really. Just think of all

ABORTIONS the fun you could have with those!

HANDLED BY THE
BPAS ARE DUE
TO UNPLANNED
PREGANCIES.
THAT IS A
SCARY FIGURE.”
 PERSONALS
We know it’s not art,
but a whole page of
personals deserves a
mention somewhere!
COMPETITION
more free clothes!
£100 worth of miss
selfridge vouchers to
be won by [maybe]
you - hurrah!

possession
Possession, directed by Neil LaBute, is an
adaptation of the booker prize winner by
A.S. Byatt. Hoping to appeal to the ‘I liked
the book so I’ll like the movie’ audience the
director has unfortunately over looked the
sheer dullness of the subject matter.
The story follows a pair of academics
(Gwyneth Paltrow and Aaron Eckhart) who
stumble across an ‘amazing’ discovery
about the amorous past of a previously
considered frigid 19th century poet Ash.
The film then oscillates between the present
and past - as Gwyn and Aaron fall (so
unsurprisingly) in love (with all the Oprah
style complications that follow suit) and
the mystery of Ash’s life unfolds. Added
complications arise with introduction of
a bisexual element to poet’s mistress, but
in true keeping to Victorian society the
lesbians merely live together and share the
odd cuddle (sorry boys!).
In true movie adaptation style, the
hero has been changed from a repressed
Englishman to a dashing American hunk.
Unfortunately the transition leaves the
character shallow. The biggest emotional
revelation Eckhart can muster is when he
asks Paltrow, “Is there an Us in You and
Me?”, we sat and cringed with the rest of
to put on a decent English accent, but
it’s difficult to keep a straight face whilst
picturing Paltrow as a character called
Maude.
Ok, so it wasn’t all bad. Some of the
period drama was very well shot, had a
good soundtrack and was enjoyable to
watch. But, the vast majority of the film
set in the present reminded me of “Sliding
Doors” but not funny (Not that you
could ever say “Sliding Doors” was side
splitting). It’s probably more of a film your
Mum would like, a bit of eye candy, not
Now I don’t know about you guys, but this week my mind is all
over the place. The coursework is piling up and the lectures are
getting more and more complicated so at times like these I tend to
kick back with movies that I don’t have to concentrate too hard.
Delving back into the depths of my childhood, I give you House
Party, featuring the rap duo Kid n’ Play, a brilliant film with so
many great lines. You will not be sorry if you ever manage to
find this movie (I have had some problems getting hold of a copy
recently). Should you fail in that quest then grab a copy of Bad
Boys from the rental store. I could watch this movie over and over
and I have done. The ideal movie to chill out to; a bit of action, a
bit of comedy and again some great lines. To complete this week’s
line-up I have to include Rush Hour. I believe the quote is: The
fastest hands in the east meet the fastest mouth in the west, which
pretty much sums it up. Chris Tucker provides all the wise cracks
and Jackie Chan chips in with his usual dose of high kicks and
impressive stunts. An enjoyable flick that is a must-see. Enjoy
your week peeps and these movies
after screening Q&A with the director. He
was quick witted and engaging, something
his film was not!

:
much plot and Victorian drama. For us, the
the audience. At least Gwyneth managed most enjoyable part of the evening was the

Director’s cut Steven Soderbergh

Atlanta, Georgia. 1963. Born the second
of six children, the young Steven and the
rest of the Soderbergh family moved when
he was still young, to live in Baton Rouge,
Louisiana. Steven’s father was a professor
and dean of the College of Education at
LSU, and while Steven was still in high
school he enrolled in the University’s film
animation class and began making films
with a second-hand 16mm camera.
The start of what turned out to be a
stellar career in Hollywood began after he
graduated from high school – from there
he went straight to Tinseltown and began
work as a freelance editor. As it turned out,
this stay in Hollywood was a short one and
he returned home to Louisiana to continue
writing scripts and making short films.
The big break came when rock group
“Yes” gave him the task of shooting a
full-length concert film for the band which
earned him a Grammy nomination for the
video “Yes: 9012 Live” (1986). The next
year he directed “Winston” (1987), a short
film intended to attract investors for his first
full-length feature. It worked, and in 1989
“Sex, Lies and Videotape” was released to
much acclaim and controversy – it appears
there was a good mixture of both as the
film provoked much discussion for its
examination of modern sexual attitudes and
morals. The critics loved it, and Soderbergh
walked away with the Palme d’Or at
Cannes and received an Oscar nomination
for Best Original Screenplay.
During the 90s, Soderbergh directed
films such as Kafka (1991), King of the
Hill (1993), Gray’s Anatomy (1996) and
Schizopolis (1997) - all of which were
fairly unremarkable movies. However,
1998 turned out to be a good year with the
release of Out of Sight starring (then) ultra-
hot properties George Clooney and Jennifer
Lopez. The chemistry between the leads
clicked, the screenplay and editing were
perfect and the film oozed with “cool” to
become one of the sleeper hits of that year.
The following year saw Soderbergh’s gritty
Terence Stamp vehicle The Limey (1999),
replete with a dodgy Cockney accent.
Soderbergh’s mainstream recognition
came in 2000 with two remarkable films
released in that year. First was Erin
Brockovich starring Julia Roberts as the
tart with a heart… putting in a noticeably
effervescent performance as a champion
of the people. Shortly after that was Traffic
– the epic “war on drugs” thriller starring
Benicio Del Toro and Mr. and Mrs. Zeta-
Douglas to name but a few. Both Erin
Brockovoch and Traffic received Oscar
nominations: Traffic won four Academy
Awards in 2001 and Soderbergh picked up
the Oscar for Best Director.
The New Year… 2001 saw Soderbergh
return, still on form, with the remake
of that classic Rat-Pack movie Ocean’s
Eleven, starring an A-list cast to be envied
the world over. Once again Clooney and
Roberts turned out for Soderbergh, backed
up by Brad Pitt, Matt Damon and Elliot
Gould. The movie was slick, cool and
entertaining – and it just came out on DVD
as well, so go check it out if you haven’t
already.
Forthcoming movies include Full Frontal
“THE MOVIE (Rom-Com starring David Duchovny, Julia
Roberts and Catherine Keener), Solaris
WAS SLICK, (Sci-Fi/Romance starring George Clooney
and Natasha McElhone) and The Informant
(currently in pre-production).
COOL AND Soderbergh’s films usually have a
distinctive look, and he is known for
ENTERTAINING being a modern-day master of his art. For
example, check out the gun-metal blues of
SO GO CHECK Detroit in Out of Sight and compare them
to the vibrant colours of the scenes set in
Miami. The same goes for Traffic – the
IT OUT.” grainy dust-coloured effects Soderbergh
applied to the scenes set in Mexico really
lend a tangible quality to the visual
experience. Add this to his slick Directorial
skills, and close work with his Editors,
and you get a modern auteur who creates
words: jolyon hunter a fantastic visual canvas for his films to
take place on. Also look out for regulars
Don Cheadle and Luis Guzman in many
Soderbergh movies, they usually turn out to
be memorable members of the cast.
Which just goes to show, if you join a
University Film Society you might just
make it big… Why not go along to our very
own Oscar Film Unit? They meet at 7pm
every Thursday in the Media Centre of the
Main Union Building (www.ofu.org.uk).
24 October 2002 MUSIC 17

SINGLES GIGS NEWS

YOU KNOW YOU’RE RIGHT We’re a friendly bunch here in the music
NIRVANA | GEFFEN RECORDS
bit so we thought we’d give you a quick
Nirvana’s eagerly awaited lost work recommended guide to some of the gigs
recorded a few months before Kurt Cobain’s coming up in November.
tragic death reappears. With a greatest Incidentally, you’ll notice there is a sack
hits album out in the near future it’s hard load of gigs reviewed this week - that
to ignore the commercial whiz kids and is because we have all been busy little
Courtney Love cashing in. For Nirvana bunnies and run around the country
fans, a nostalgia trip but is this a chapter that checking out the best stuff to bring to
should have been left alone and remembered you. Though we put ourselves out for
at their peak. This is by no means Nirvana’s you, we don’t mind. In fact, we kind of
finest work but would sit pretty on an album enjoy it, you know.
as a none single. Even though it could Anyway, here’s that list we were talking
never live up to expectations its still got that about. Keep your eyes fixed here for the
quality with Cobain’s breathtaking vocals reviews...
that highlights the tragedy of the band being
cut off at its prime. six | m.b. Vines | Shepards Bush Empire 2nd – 4th
Foo Fighters | Wembley Arena 22nd– 23rd
Underworld | Brixton Academy 1st – 2nd
words by: alex read Koop | Jazz Café 22nd – 23rd
simon robinson Alicia Keys | London Arena 8th
jon swarbrick | duncan hills King Prawn | USSU 16th
matty b | anthos chrysanthou Nitin Sawhney | Shepards Bush 8th
anna wheeler | mark iyer Ryan Adams| Royal Festival Hall 11th
Richard Ashcroft | Brixton Academy 7th
if you are interested in writing for the music Moby / Lamb | Wembley Arena 4th
team, then come along to the cd hand-out in
the media centre on mondays at 5pm
ON MY WAY DOWN
SPAN | UNIVERSAL/ISLAND
Media including Kerrang and NME as well as the Evening Standard and the Independent
MUST BE DREAMING – THE MIXES
has praised Norwegian rockers Span. The band has even opened for the mighty Cheap
FROU FROU | UNIVERSAL
Trick. However, it isn’t easy to figure out why from this single. Fast guitars and drum beat
‘Must be dreaming’ is the second single to be
rawk, this is nothing new and sounds like it comes straight out of the eighties. If you like
taken from the Frou Frou’s acclaimed debut
the Nickelback sound around at the moment, you might like this. Otherwise, avoid. four |
album ‘Details.’ Seems as though Frou Frou
a.w.
have gone to work on this release with some
good remixes. The second ‘ruff and jam’
remix stands out as one of the better ones. WHATCHULOOKINAT
The single sounds a little sanitized in places, WHITNEY HOUSTON | BMG
relying heavily on Imogen Heap’s sensual Soul Diva Whitney Houston releases her first single off forthcoming album, Just Whitney.
vocals to lend a helping hand against a With unprecedented success over the years her style changes with time that’s been the

*
background of synthesisers and all things key to Whitney’s survival. Whatchulookinat uses elements of R&B and a slight bizarre
digital. Worth a listen. six | d.k. likeness to Posh Spice’s duo with Dane Bowers many moons ago. Its not as cutting edge
as you may expect from Whitney but its not that bad even though lacking that sparkle that
BUS RIDE
previous hits have shown. five | m.b.
ALEX LLOYD | EMI
The latest single from Alex Lloyd sees
ALBUMS

*
him asking to ‘get on that bus and ride it
on home.’ Still, with no real destination
the new single is a laidback mellow track
with good vocals and some beautiful string
The Kiss of Morning
arrangements. Overall it is a nice sounding “A SUBTLE, graham coxon | transcopic
track made soulful by Alex Lloyd’s voice. If
you are ever found stuck on public transport INTIMATE The now ex-guitarist of Blur releases hi 4th
solo album and shows how much he has
after missing your stop then plug this track
in. Perfect bus riding music. seven | d.k. AFFAIR. ONE come of age outside of them. Always the
quieter member of Blur and never excited
THAT SHINES.” about his position in the limelight, ‘The
Kiss of Morning’ reflects this attitude. It
is a subtle, intimate affair but one which
Elviss shines. I’m not suggesting anything about
saturday 19th october | main union his state of mind but throughout Graham
seems to draw influences from estranged
The student Kerrang tour rocked into a well packed Student Union for a night of bish, sixties musicians such as Syd Barret (who
bash, mosh last Saturday. Up went the barriers around the stage, a sure sign of a metal originally in Pink Floyd is now a recluse
onslaught tonight peddled by Kerrang darlings the Elvis’s. With a Lostprophets sound and after going mad from taking too much acid)
a Stussy dressed lead singer this was definitely a more modern take on the metal genre. and Nick Drake (who overdosed on anti-
None of the band looked any different to you or I with the possible exception of the depressants). This fragile beauty comes
bass player who may or may not have been operating on any number of pyschotropics. through especially on ‘Latte’ and ‘Bitter
Personally I’d been free basing a combination of wine, lager and whiskey off mates with Jeans’. But perhaps the most notable song
jobs for much of the night and consequently found myself in that special place just when on the album is ‘song for Sick’ as it seems
the Elvis’s came on. The sweat soaked jock-rock was great for the mosh pit that had to reflect on his relationship with Damon,
formed to my left – things kicked off and didn’t subside for the whole set. I loved the “you stabbed me in the back, your lower
singer’s use of a citizen band like microphone to give a vocoder vibe and more venom to than a snake, your brains are in your sack,
the vitriol. He’s decked out in Stussy life ain’t that bad! Some peeps thought they were you two faced fucking fake”, OUCH! A
a little unimaginative, sure I hear where your coming from but my they were fun! More vulnerable gritty affair but his best yet.
please Mister Ents Manager. Alex Read seven | s.r.
18 MUSIC 24 October 2002

Human Conditions Life On Other Planets

richard ashcroft supergrass | parlaphone
I can truly say I have ‘lived’ with this record for the past week – despite no car radio play This 4th album from those cheeky Oxford
due to a mate destroying my ICE when ‘reinstalling’ it in my new motor. I’ll tell it how it is boys is slightly more relaxed than some
with no unnecessary expletives, there’s two or three excellent songs much like his first solo of their previous offerings. There aren’t
LP about another three that are alright and the rest are absolute shit. How I wish Ashcroft many stormers like ‘Richard III’ or ‘Caught
would not revel so blatantly in his ‘old-age’ Richard you’re not that fucking old! (sorry). By The Fuzz’ here, but the album is still
Tonight Matthew, Richard Ashcroft is Bob Dylan. Or rather Dickey A wrongly believes chock-full of pop gems. Although the band
he is of the same song-writing stature. He is undoubtedly sharp, always picking the best sound like they may have grown up a little,
tune as lead off single, misleading the public into thinking the rest of the album will be as the stoner aspect is still there. The sound
good. So apart from Check The Meaning and Science of Silence we’re left with a mediocre is unmistakable Supergrass, with catchy
record. Fortunately like Ian Brown I’ll still forgive any past wrong doings because of what guitar choruses and plenty of ooh and aah
they’ve done before, oh and Ashcroft plays Luckyman, History, The Drugs Don’t Work etc. harmonies. ‘Seen The Light’ complete with
live which just accentuates the fall from grace. You won’t see the Mad Monkey digging out wah-wah guitar and sheep noises (!) is 60s
old Roses’ tracks. six | a.r. psychedelic rock and sounds great. ‘Brecon
Beacons’ is slightly unnerving as it is about
finding a girl’s body, not the lyrical content
we have come to expect from the ‘Grass.
‘Never Done Nothing Like That Before’
(due to be released as a limited edition
A New Day At Midnight single shortly) finally ups the tempo a bit

*
david gray and is a cracking 90 second blast. However
Writing and producing this record was a the album’s standout track has to be first
huge challenge for David Gray. To follow single ‘Grace’, the singalong anthem
up the colossal White Ladder Monsieur (“Save your money for the children”),
Gray would have to come up with which I’m sure, has ingrained itself in all
something that not only appealed to his your brains at some point over the last few
now huge fan base but also demonstrated weeks. This album is nothing like as fast
a progression, as we are now several years and furious as classic debut ‘I Should Coco’
on. What we get, is a very much more of or as immediate as second album ‘In It For
the same i.e. no pointless strings and brass The Money’. It is the sound of a band who
bits just good old-fashioned emotion on are completely comfortable with what they
the sleeve and acoustic guitar. This is a do. No radical departures then, this is the
lets give em more of what they want love Supergrass we all know and love. seven |
affair. David is clearly not in the slightest a.w.
bit disenchanted with the music biz and
appears to love every minute of his success.
Some dubious computer samples at the start
of Caroline are frankly terrible and there
are a few moments of experimentation
that left me thinking thank god he didn’t
try anything too Jean Michel Jaare. At his
best when things get really down in the
dumps David Gray peaks on Dead in the
Water. There is brass on Freedom which
conjures thoughts of Badly Drawn Boy

*
before dashing them with more melancholy.
Complaint music for the David Brent
generation. seven | a.r.
Details

frou frou | wild
Disillusioned with dance? P****d off
with pop? Frou Frou think they might
just have the answer with their intriguing,
and admittedly rather fresh debut album,
Details. With the programming talents of
Guy Sigsworth (former Bjork and Madonna
collaborator) and the gorgeous, ethereal
vocals of Imogen Heap, the duo, with their
abundant talents, have crafted a record that
could genuinely give something fresh to the
charts. Something that is so sadly lacking
in today’s processed, half-baked world of
re-makes and cheap ballads that currently
infests the charts. The album starts off all
guns blazing with Let Go and current single
Breathe In. Soaring, breathy vocals from
Imogen are complemented excellently
by Guy’s complex layering and fractured
beats. However, this sets a pace which
unfortunately they struggle to maintain over
the course of the record. Imogen however,
shows why this classically trained pianist
and singer has drawn comparisons ranging
from Bjork to Beth
Gibbons to Cyndi Lauper and even Sinead
O’Connor. Her hauntingly beautiful voice
has that same addictive sadness and beauty
to it that I don’t remember hearing since
Martina Topley-Bird burst onto the scene
with Tricky on 1995’s classic Maxinquaye.
However, the album unfortunately runs out
of inspiration, and in the end I struggle to
pick more than four or five decent tracks.
The later songs slip into a very tired,
Dido-esque sound and the lyrics rapidly
degenerate into run-of-the-mill, lovey-
dovey pop fare. Pop music is admittedly
not my thing, which is why I give credit
to Frou Frou for attempting this record
and managing to produce something that
doesn’t irritate me! In the end though I
can’t help thinking this upbeat direction
should have been sacrificed for the darker
side we see on tracks like Psychobabble.
The record deserves a decent mark though
for what it is but gimme some nice, dark
Tricky any day of the week! six and a half
| d.h.
ALBUMS
1 Love
nme warchild
This is a money raiser knocked up by the NME and some big name stars oh and McAlmont
& Butler have done a track too– nuff said. There’s diversity oh yes; we go from the Manics,
to More Fire Crew via pop sensation Darius. The deal is this: sixteen groups/musicians
select their favourite number one song from the last fifty years and then they cover it.
The best tracks without question are Jimmy Eat Worlds’ amazing emo soaked rendition
of the Prodigys’ Firestarter – words can’t do it justice. Other highlights include Elbows’
Something In The Air where real emotion again punctuates every aspect providing ever
more dimensions of interest. My other fave is Badly Drawn Boy on Come On Eileen
something very appealing about the woolly hatted one and risqué lyrics – great. Amongst
these gems there’s some awful chipped glass: The Prodigys’ version of Ghost Town is
comparable to the 16 bit Super Nintendo sound of the Ghost Valley levels on Super Mario
World i.e. trying to be scary but not actually. Starsailor oh dear, More Fire Crew no! the
chicken shed production is embarrassing – I feel I should contribute some of my student
loan and the Stereophonics what the fuck are those vocals (please don’t take out the f-word
it is appropriate when criticising Kelly Jones). Anyway there’s enough lines amongst the
rocks so buy it. eight | a.r.
24 October 2002 GIGS 19

Made famous by Celine Dion-type ballads

COLDPLAY
Brighton Centre | Monday October 14th
Coldplay. Their very name is synonymous
with drug fuelled antics, chaotic live sets
and outright rock n roll mayhem. Or maybe
it isn’t. But tonight excitement is running
high in the ‘cultural capital’ as Chris Martin
and his merry men bring their increasingly
explorative brand of ballad rock to
Brighton.
Soon enough, it’s time to ROCK. The lights
dim and the crowd go mental as Chris
Martin charges on stage like some kind of
deranged man-sized stick insect in a suit, all
elbows and knees as he unleashes the kind
of outrageously wacky dance you only ever
see in a cartoon. As he grins away, the rest
of Coldplay slink over to their instruments
quietly in the background.
The apocalyptic first chords of ‘Politik’
break the expectant silence, the crowd are
blinded by lights and Martin appears to
be having a fit of some sort on the piano.
It’s so gloriously OTT that you half expect
Matt Bellamy to fall through the roof in a
transparent egg. Coldplay follow this with
the spine-tingling Shiver, where Martin
grabs his acoustic and leaps around the
stage, whirling and hopping about to the
delight of the crowd. At this point we’re
starting to think he’s pissed. He doesn’t
get his knob out, or steal a traffic cone or
anything, but surely this can’t be typical
behaviour?
It’s obvious that Coldplay now have a
wealth of great songs to choose from, and
they play nearly all them. The genius of
songs like ‘The Scientist’ and ‘God Put A
Smile Upon Your Face’ shine through live,
aided by the fact that Martin radiates star
quality throughout. Now well in the mood
for a singsong, the crowd actually sing two
thirds of yellow before he joins in. Martin
appends a bit of Fatboy Slim vocals to the
end of ‘Daylight’ and like the nice guy
he is proceeds to tell the Brighton crowd
how great Norman Cook is. Then a crowd
member makes some kind of disrespectful
comment toward the Fatboy and Chris
Martin (yes that Chris Martin!) responds
with ‘whoever said that is a twat!’ Rock
n Roll! Drunken Anarchy! Lock up your
sensitive cardigan-wearing older sisters!
But, alas, Martin blows it a mere one song
later by apologising profusely to the Slim
hater.
The set closes with the immense ‘A Rush
of Blood to the Head’ and a seed of doubt
is sown in the crowd as to whether we will
get to hear ‘In My Place’. Will there be an
encore?
Eventually emerging to huge relief and
enthusiasm, they continue with ‘Clocks’
and then, finally, the drum intro to ‘In different portions of the crowd, and gallops
My Place’ begins, taking the roof off offstage, still grinning like a loon. While
the Brighton Centre. The folk in the the mighty Radiohead hunt bears in sardine
seating area are mostly standing now, tins somewhere in the lower stratosphere of
and the entire venue is singing along Neptune and communicate to their devoted
- ‘Yeeeeaaaaaaaahhhhh, how long etc…’ fans through an occasional series of bleeps,
After the final song ‘We Never Change’, Coldplay may soon be in a position to fill
the band takes a bow. Martin thanks 19 the void. words: anthos chrysanthou

only thing really missing is a larger than

life stage presence. The most outrageous
character in the band is the drummer Mike
Death in Vegas Portnoy and he does well but is hard to see
Hackney Ocean | (19/10/02) behind his x million piece drum kit. Singer
James Labrie looks like something from
In 1967 John Cale, Lou Reed and a few others took a show around America called the the Arthurian legends but really plays vox
Exploding Plastic Inevitable. It was indeed an explosive affair with whirling electronic rather than fronting the band, and although
feedback, stunning visuals and the frail vocals of Nico. This band eventually became the he makes all the right noises he lacks the
legendary Velvet Underground. Move forward 35 years and the show has finally arrived in raw charisma to become a great frontman.
London. Technology may have moved forward, but Death in Vegas apply exactly the same But for these two nights at the Astoria that
idea, be loud, blind them with visuals and haunt them with echoing samples through a wall doesn’t matter, because it’s all about the
of feedback, a kind of sado masochist frenzy. Right from the moment Death in Vegas take fans. Eighty percent of the people in the
to the stage and begin ‘Leather’ its dirtiness and loudness is impressive and reaches straight room know the songs, every word, every
for the jugular. Juxtapose this immediately with ‘girls’ which allows the audience to take Dream Theater note, every bizarre time change, and they’re
in what has just grabbed them round the throat. What with the visuals on the screen the The Astoria London | 20&21st October here to see their idols play the music they
opening few tracks amount to a real sensory hysteria. love.
The set continued along in the same destructive way with Death in Vegas continuing with Mention Dream Theater to a lot of heavy The format for these two shows was; no
tracks from the new album ‘Scorpio Rising’. However, an inherent problem with Death rock fans and they’ll look at you blankly. support band to play, two Dream Theater
in Vegas becomes apparent after they begin to slow down. Throughout their two previous Either that or make some derogatory sets a night with a “special surprise” on the
albums they have used a range of guest vocals from Liam Gallagher to Hope Sanderval remark about “progressive pants” or “self- second night. On the first night we received
(formerly of Mazy Star). When it comes to perform these tracks live, as they are unable indulgent arse”, which is a real shame a slightly odd first set, mostly things they
to get the singer, they play them as instrumentals. After a while this becomes tiring and because this is a band with talent best don’t often play live, pleasant surprises but
the monotonous drone of the guitars becomes apparent. For those actually watching the measured by the metric tonne, not only odd choices nonetheless. For the second set
band and not the visuals (except the crazy bowl-cutted keyboardist) it becomes a lesson in as players but as songwriters, and the the band run through Six Degrees of Inner
shoe gazing. ‘So you say you lost your baby’ Turbulence in its entirety. This is a forty-
is a clear example. Featuring Paul Weller on five minute song comprising the second
the new album, but live there are no vocals disc of the album of the same name, and
at all, it just ended up sounding like a long was, according to one fan ‘awesome’. I left
introduction. ‘Scorpio Rising’ which features before the encores and was disappointed
Lima Gallagher just had echoes of his voice to be told that I’d missed home and the
whispering through the feedback and fuzz (but duelling solos between the guitar and the
this is probably a good thing, as his voice tends keyboard… curse you Southwest trains!
to grate these days). The second night was definitely the
You can forgive them at times because there better. Featuring more of the greatest
is so much going on musically and visually hits that the fans shout for, a guitar solo
the most of the time it is easy to forget about played on the keyboard and the ‘special
singing, it’s only the down tempo tracks like surprise’ of a complete run through Iron
’23 rising’ where it becomes noticeable. All Maiden’s ‘number of the beast’ album it
is certainly forgotten when they return for was a triumphant tour de force, the shame
the encore with ‘hands around my throat’ and of it is that it should’ve been at Wembley
‘dirge’ spinning round the room in a frenzy. stadium in front of a crowd of ten thousand
For they finish at their best, dirty and loud people. If only they knew what they were
and leave the stage in a screeching crescendo. missing…
Simon Robinson words: morgan gooch | photos: chris hunter
20 LITERATURE & COMPETITIONS
Literature
The literature section is now
in the very capable hands of
Chris Ward, who is the new
“IF YOU DO NOT LIKE TO
literature editor. If you are
interested in anything to do with
HEAR THE WORDS ‘DOG’,
the written word, or have any
suggestions as to how we can ‘PETROL’ AND ‘MATCHES’
make this bit better, then Chris
is the man to contact. IN THE SAME SENTANCE,
Simply drop us a line at
barefacts@ussu.co.uk with THEN THIS BOOK IS NOT
the subject matter as “litera-
ture” and we will get back
to you. Until then, happy
FOR YOU.”
reading.
AUTHOR OF THE WEEK
Thomas Harris
In light of the recent release of Red Dragon words: chris ward
(the adaptation to Harris’ first book sharing
the same name), I thought it would be in order to catch the aptly named “Tooth
appropriate to provide a commentary on the Fairy”. However, his biggest fears need to
elusive figure behind the twisted darkness be realise as he finds no alternative but to
of four outstandingly successful suspense seek help from the man who maimed him
novels. These are by no means any all those years ago. The entire situation is
ordinary suspense novels. This man spends made public by Freddy Lounds, a reporter
a lot of time researching and working on his for the National Tattler, who puts Graham’s
novels (between six to eight years), in order family in immense danger, as well as
to achieve ultimate perfection and clarity himself. This culminates in a personal
in his work. It seems to confrontation that risks
have paid off. This man is the lives of Graham, his
responsible for possibly the wife, and his young son.
biggest ambivalent blend of The most famous and
sophistication and evil ever prestigious of Harris’
imagined. Dr Hannibal novels is, without a doubt,
“The Cannibal” Lecter. The Silence Of The
Thomas Harris was born Lambs (1988). FBI Agent
in Jackson, Tennessee, Clarice Starling must
in 1940. As a youth he trade in personal secrets
enjoyed writing, and he about herself in order to
invested a lot of time in obtain information from
the activity. He continued Dr Hannibal Lecter about
this by attending Baylor the serial killer known as
University in Waco, Texas, “Buffalo Bill” (named so
to study English. He later for his tendency to skin
married one of the students parts of his victims after
he met there, although this killing them). Lecter
did not last long. They divorced in the escapes at the end of the novel, leaving
60s with one daughter. Unfortunately for Starling to bask in her “15 minutes of
Harris, his father also passed away quite fame” after capturing Jame Gumb, aka
soon after. Buffalo Bill.
Harris spent six years as a crime reporter The final novel in the Lecter series is
for the Associated Press in New York. This simply named Hannibal. It presents
provided him with the knowledge and Starling’s “fall” after an unsuccessful
insight needed to craft a dangerous criminal stakeout results in a bloodbath. Starling
and bring it to life; but moreso the power had to choose between being killed, or
to craft a complex story-line laced with shooting a HIV+ mother holding a baby
suspense and fear. (as well as a gun). The picture of Starling
His first novel, Red Dragon (1981) holding a baby covered with the blood of
introduced Dr Hannibal Lecter. An insane her mother is plastered all over the national
cannibalistic psychiatrist who possesses an press. In order to “atone”, she must return
intelligence far greater than any average to a different case, more personal than any
human being. It tells the tale of Will of the others. She must find and capture
Graham, who years ago managed to capture Dr Hannibal Lecter. The conclusion to this
Dr Lecter; he still bears the scars. He, like book is extremely different to the film, so
Lecter, has the ability of placing himself I will keep it under wraps in case anybody
in the mind of the killer in order to trace decides to read it. For those who have
the steps. However, a new killer is on the never read any of Harris’ novels before, I
loose. One who slaughters entire families urge you to do so. Harris has the powerful
in the most gruesome manner. skill of making the readers’ heart race, and
Finding this string of murders too close to in doing so, creating a frightful awareness
home (he now has a family), Graham takes of what could be standing outside the
it upon himself to return from retirement window...
24 October 2002
classic | the wasp factory | iain banks
island. Frank has been brought up
without the strict rules of civilisation, and
is a pure specimen of the innate selfishness
shown by humanity. At a younger age he
killed some of his younger relatives, eluding
suspicion from the police. His brother has
recently escaped from a mental asylum, and
his imminent return to the island provides a
fluctuating suspense throughout the entire
novel.
The conventions that Banks uses in this
novel are unclear, and perhaps mirror the
tools employed by the famous playwright
Bertolt Brecht. He believed that by
exploring taboo in his works and by placing
Perhaps I am signing my death warrant as shocking incongruities in unexpected areas
a writer by writing my first literary article would force the reader to take a step back
on possibly the most controversial and and question. He called this “gest”. This
is not to be confused with the subtle Oscar
unconventional novels of modern (maybe
even postmodern) times. This novel was
frowned upon in 1984 when it was released,
Wilde style satire. Banks grabs hold of
satire, bitch-slaps it, and rips it to shreds in
and sparked many contrasting debates as order to achieve his effects. Banks clearly
to whether it was a good piece of literature goes a step further than Brecht, due to the
or not. It seems so, as I was allowed (and fact that his story is so warped and alien
urged) to take this on as a comparative to the world that we know. As a result,
coursework text for A-Level English you will either read this book till the end,
Literature – alongside Lord Of The Flies. or you will throw it down with a gesture
The controversy of The Wasp Factory lies of disgust. I recommend it for those who
within the plot. We see the world through are studying literature, but I must attach
the eyes of Frank, a sixteen year old boy a warning to all those who decide to read
who lives on a secluded Scottish island with it. DO NOT buy this book if you don’t
his father. There is a small town nearby, but like to hear the words “dog”, “petrol”, and
it is clearly detached from the events of the “matches” in the same sentence.
Competition[s]
So popular was last week’s competition that
we have decided to keep it open for another
week. The questions are thus:
For the Miss Selfridge vouchers:
how much discount is available at Miss
Selfridge during the month of October?
For the motorola t191 handset:
what is the name of the mobile phone
company who are running the mixitmoto
dj challenge at universities across the
united kingdom?
If you could e- mail your answers
along to the usual address then
that would be great.
Well, it will be more
great for you than it
will be for me, but
that is swings and
roundabouts.
My girlfriend’s
decision is final
and all that, but
rest assured she is
a very reasonable
person. In fact,
she’s loverrrly.
24 October 2002 COMMUNICATE 21
Joe ‘Chungo’ Holloway – a tribute by the entire j-team

J - team j-team.biz was spelt out to me on a particular weekend trip away to a place called Cromford, in the

j-team.biz j-team.biz
words: Judge Mental and Mr Tea
We interrupt our schedule of articles to bring you the sad news of the passing away of a
dear friend of ours, Joe ‘Chungo’ Holloway. Monday 14th October saw the loss of a truly
immense person from this Earth, almost simultaneously. As his name displays, Chungo was
no ordinary guy. Despite being plagued with terrible asthma for the majority of his life, as
well as pulling through a nasty accident to his ankle a few years back, Chungo was always
capable of producing fits of laughter out of anything at anytime. It was for this exact reason
that Chungo had recently taken up the part of ‘random caller and creator of the Universe’,
Matthew, on The J-Team Classic.
I, Judge Mental, have known Chungo for over half of my life. Despite being a year older
than him, I knew him through his brother at primary school. It wasn’t until Scouts a few
years later that I can say that I ‘got to know’ him. Chungo was always the ‘morale booster’
of the troop, if someone had done something cheeky, it was him! His prominent reputation
North. The troop were staying in a converted railway station and a few of us, Chungo
excluded, had invested in a fortunes worth of ‘Bomb Bags’ or Lemonade Bombs with
which to cause havoc with over the weekend. We subsequently spent the entire first night
creeping into the leader’s rooms and setting them off. When the morning finally rolled
around we were all lined up before breakfast and quizzed. The genuine look of surprise on
the scariest of all leader’s face when she was told that Joe and his brother, Billy, had had
nothing to do with the proceedings the night before was absolutely priceless. Check out the
‘classic tomorrow for an impersonation of what she said!
I have always regarded Chungo as none other than ‘the tutor of my madness’. He was
also, however, one of the nicest people I have ever met. We never once argued, and
although I don’t remember a time when I wanted to, but you really couldn’t stay annoyed
with him. Everyone he met, provided they gave him half a second, could get on with him.
That is the mark of a real good person. It is for this reason that Mr. Tea found no difficulty
in liking him, which is why the rest is up to him. I just want to say that he was an immense
person, no less.
I, Mr. Tea am incredibly proud and privileged to say that I knew Chungo. The fact is that I
gave this guy the tag ‘the funniest person I have ever met’. I had never before met someone
that could constantly make me laugh. He made me laugh whenever I was with him, from
dancing in the Union with our trousers round our ankles, to having a barking competition
on a beach in Kent! It wasn’t even just what he said, the guy was an unbelievable actor and
born entertainer. The mark of his entertainment skills was the way he could make me laugh
without saying anything. By using a ridiculous dance or just by sending one of his many
comedy facial expressions my way, it didn’t matter – he made me laugh!
The sad fact of life is that people pass away everyday. Although I believe that Chungo’s
life was taken from him before his time, I am so happy that I was blessed with the honour
of getting to know him.
Join us on Chungo’s J-Team Classic this Thursday for a musical tribute to the great man
himself. We will endeavour to play all Chungo’s favourite tunes, as well as having some
very special guests in the studio. Chungo’s brothers Harry and Billy (Drum and Bass DJ,
Holla B) and Forest (close friend of Chungo) will be joining us amongst others. So be
there, 7-10 pm, 1350 am, GU2!

the.net bringing you the randomness from cyberspace

words: chris “funkyberry” hunter
The first site I shall talk about this week is our very own Bulletin
Board. At http://bb.ussu.co.uk you can talk about anything
you like. The topics range from music to life, from people
looking for housemates, to discussing love problems. A lot of
people just like to look at what’s being written, but there are a lot
more people who feel they need to express their views. I’ve been
looking at a lot of other Student Union Bulletin boards, and I have
yet to find one that is as well used as ours!
Its Nokia Game time of year again. Nokia Game is basically a game
where you get clues via different types of media (i.e. a txt,
phonecall, newspaper, TV advert, radio, etc), which tell you to
do certain things by a certain date – usually playing an online
game to submit a score. Its played in 13ish other countries at
the same time, and you can get more info at www.nokia.co.uk
. I’ve got to the final for the last 2 years running, so it can’t be that hard!
If you like animated films, then you may want to check out Rustboy. Rustboy is the
creation of Brian Taylor, and the website is at www.rustboy.com . Although it started out
as just a small home project, he has been given funding to proceed full steam ahead with
a Rustboy film, and if you check out some of the preview animations you’ll see that it is
already looking good!
For people interested in mobile phones, you may want to register with
www.thefuturelook.com as I entered a competition there, and actually won something
(I’m rather sceptical about a lot of online competitions). The site also has a lot of good
reviews of phones that are just out, and ones that are round the corner. This is the site
where I first learned about the Vertu Platinum Phone (that costs £15,000), and then on
Sunday met a guy at Waterloo Station that had one (although his was the cheap stainless-
steel version, at a measly £4,000!)
have your say
22 INTERACTIVE 24 October 2002

The top-five addictions of a male teenage adolescent existence

This article, says Andrew Mendes, is not meant to be educational, it’s just been
collaborated through my own experiences with close friends, it’s not judgemental but an
insightful look at the behaviour of teenage males through my eyes.

alcohol
There are four stages experienced on
a lads ‘booze- up on the town.’ To
begin with there is the ‘intoxication’ or
‘wankeredness’, where everything starts to
become a blur, if extreme amounts of vodka
are consumed then one will feel an extra
boost of happiness combined with a very
heavy dose of hyperactivity. Moving along
to the womanising which, with the habitual
beer goggles, is a very common side effect
which almost every teenage will testify in
understanding and probably boasting to
‘first hand’ knowledge in the subject! The
third stage develops, the inevitable stage
of being kicked out by the bouncer for
being too drunk, after realising that you
have spent almost all your hard earned
cash, the hunger sets in. Digging into your
pockets for that spare change; the search
for the kebab van becomes a treasure hunt,
the complete rip-off of a kebab feels at the
time, PRICELESS!!! Once managing to
stagger home, you sleep in a drunken state,
this is a very bad form of sleep, where you
never have a ‘deep’ sleep but end up as an
awful heap on the bed. Morning, the fourth
stage; the struggle of getting out from bed,
the stumble into fridge or kitchen for a swig
of any available fluid, like that English cup
of tea, not forgetting the nine sugars (the
dentist’s field day!!).
Alcohol is also a form of a pick up, it’s a
way of taking away the insecurities of life,
feeling confident, losing inhibitions, doing
or saying unusual things and even reacting
in completely different ways compared to
your sober self!!! Of course, not forgetting
the liver and kidney damage (!). But
when telling everyone that you will never
let yourself repeat the drunkenness….
that feeling of head-thumping….. one is
GUARANTEED to lie.
drugs
The reliance on a chemical substance(s)
affects every type of relationship you
could have; family, friends, social and
with yourself. Where a weekend will fully
utilise the fact there are 48 hrs in which to
‘PARTY’!!! In most cases, a ‘cocktail’ of
drugs are used for the different ‘stages’
“EVERY MAN LIVES
of the weekend. For example, ecstasy for
the clubbing stage, progressing to snorting
cocaine in the toilets (if you can afford to!!)
for that extra buzz. Once you get home,
the side-effects of ecstasy kick in such as
insomnia. You might then smoke some
cannabis as this induces a relaxation for the
‘come down’ stage, which will help you to
sleep.
In a way, the drugs distances the user from
reality, achieving a higher train of thought
away from exams, financial difficulties,
moaning girlfriends, hassle from parents
etc… However, the ill-effects of the
majority of the drugs are very evident,
especially if you have known the user for a
while; the memory loss, the almost ‘senile
dementure’ teenagers seem to suffer from
prematurely. In some cases, following the
road away from the ‘straight and narrow’
into a zombie-like state, sadly throwing
away any chance of a great career that they
once had the potential to achieve.
education
This may be surprising for the reader to
believe, but I have been associated with
a few people in which this subject is the
only thing of any relevance to there lives!!
They refuse to go out, never watch TV
(apart from the educational stuff), don’t
play sports, the reader may disagree with
me, saying that no such person exists,
however they do!!! In most cases, studying
medicine, where their whole of a teenagers’
life has been stuck with their head in
the books, fuelled by the belief that this
will help them to achieve great things.
However, this also means that they struggle
severely in socialising, which is very sad.
I think that everyone would never disagree
that receiving high grades and excellent
accolades is one of the most pleasurable
feelings that you can have. By doing this
you can have immense pride in yourself
football
and, at the end of the day life is about
oneself; pleasure can be a fortune or a loss.
Existence depends on a weekend fixture,
where 22 men embark in an enthralling
match (in most cases), which inevitably
results in whether ones week is satisfying
or not. Where one win against a local rival
or a fellow mates’ team could mean half a
year of abuse ‘dished out’ and perhaps, in a
small way almost ‘control’ and ‘dominance’
in arguments, where the mention of this
one result could reduce a man to tears!!!!
The love for the game becomes the most
important part of the mans life, travelling to
‘home’ and ‘away’ fixtures every time the
team plays becomes the norm, finances are
stretched trying to keep up with increasing
ticket and kit prices, all this to watch
11 men trying to kick a ball into a net!!
Fantastic, ISN’T IT????
sex
Its very hard not being addicted to
this (without being too explicit), it’s the
something about the way that you have
released energy which you never realized
you had in you, it’s the smile from a great
orgasm, the glow, I don’t know, but it can
dominate ones life quite dramatically.
Sometimes it’s the only thing on your
mind, the subject always discussed
with friends!! Eyes never seem to stop
wandering, either at the opposite sexes’
cleavage or other assets (no imagination
needed!!!), searching like a lion looking
for that next piece of meat, hormones run
wild, you become an uncontrollable sex-
crazed fiend! Of course, the introduction
of self-discipline becomes highest on the
agenda; you would never want a girl to
know what is really running through your
mind (especially as they’re all running
through topless.) Arguably, the greatest
invention known to man, the Internet has to
be mentioned. The downloading of copious
amounts of hardcore pornography has made
life so much more satisfying, spending the
addictions in all extremes maybe combined,
but that it is quite rare, in most cases of
teenage boys, there is always one major
addiction which fuels their life, passion and
‘energy’!!
In my opinion, every man lives in search
of pleasure, that is why addictions are so
common to all of us, the ecstatic feeling
when your team scores, the ‘highness’
from a pill, the feeling of invincibility
from drunkenness, an orgasm from sex and
the sense of achievement and pride when
achieving fantastic exam grades!!!
However I do believe that a sense of
dependence grows with these addictions,
in one extreme, we might not be able to
survive without them...There are, of course
all the negative effects to add; hooliganism,
severe depression, hangovers, diseases
and social isolation which can all be
consequences from our actions.
I hope that I have not offended anyone
in this article and that I have not been
interpreted as a male chauvinist, sexist pig,
I have spoken from the heart, generalised
experiences that have happened to me or
what I have seen with my own two eyes,
and I hope you have enjoyed reading…
(and that no-one belonging to the opposite
sex will slap me!!!)
above left and below: two fine specimens of this race
we like to call “human”

IN SEARCH OF night with the one-eyed milkman has never

sounded, or felt so good…. Porn mags,
Maxim, FHM and a hundred others have all

PLEASURE: THAT IS been items for discussion for every group

of male friends, who’s the gorgeous lady on
the front cover revealing all this month???
I feel that this is the only subject that I have
WHY ADDICTIONS ARE written about that has applied to all men!!!!
It is a common thought and statistically we
are meant to think about it on average every

SO COMMON.” 10 seconds; statistics never lie…..

Of course, the combination of these
24 October 2002
GU2 radio station: this is an update Lyrics Quiz Lyrics Quiz Lyrics Quiz
Last week was an absolute clinker for
GU2. Those of you listening last Tuesday
would have heard Bf’s own Richard Watts
in an exclusive interview from Shane
Lynch formerly of boyzone about his
new band called Redhill. Rich had the
tricky job of steering the conversation
away from Boyzone and shifting more
towards the new music style which is more
reminiscent of Cypress Hill than a Ronan
Keating effort. Shane had come along to
see the Canyheads at ‘Live’ last Tuesday
so some of you might have recognized
him. Anyway, over the next two weeks
there will be even more variation to the
shows on GU2 1350am. More new dj’s and
presenters have been recruited so pretty
much every style has been catered for. For
a more detailed schedule visit our brand
spanking new website www.gu2.co.uk. You
can even see picture of the presenters on air
at the time.
Last week lucky prize winner walked
away with copies of the new Foofighters
single and Odeon
cinema ticket.
COMPETITIONS
COMING UP
IN THE NEXT
FEW WEEKS:
Next week win a
meal for 2 at the
Emandel restaurant
in Richmond, plus a
Limited edition of
Ballroom dancing society
A quick glimpse into the world of the fancy-feet folks
We thought we’d write this article to dispel
the cynic’s view that all ballroom and latin
dancers are either over 70 or scarily made
up men and women. Well we’re not Come
Dancing, we don’t look like we’ve just
been tangoed and we’re not all doddery
pensioners!
So what are we? Firstly we are one of
the largest social societies at UniS and
basically we dance for fun and for trophies.
The society has been running for 5 years
and this year showed our biggest turnout
ever, with over 100 of you coming to our
beginners session! Our lessons are held
every Wednesday in the University Hall at
7.45pm for beginners – you can come to this
one even if you have two left feet! – and an
advanced lesson for people with previous
experience at 8.45pm.
What have we been up to? Over the last 2
years, we have managed to successfully strut
our stuff through bronze and silver medals,
as well as representing the university in
national inter-varsity competitions! This
kind of stuff isn’t just for professional
dancers with years of experience – all of our
1st timers that participated did well in their
sections at the comps and all passed their
exams.
What’s the plan for this year? Being
the sociable bunch that we are, we’ll be in
the union every Wednesday night after the
class! Drunken antics aside, we have our
annual Christmas Ball planned for week 13
at the Holiday Inn, with the “International
DJ” Ross Mitchell! Competition wise
COMMUNICATE
“HE HAD THE
TRICKY JOB OF
STEERING THE
CONVERSATION
AWAY FROM
BOYZONE.”
rich watts meets shane from boyzone
the new Suede album, ALSO many many
other albums to be won in between. But
If you already own all of the albums you
could ever wish for…. You can enter the
competition that runs every Friday 11am-
1pm to win Cinema tickets and goodies
with Big Al and the Sex Machine.
It’s not too late to become involved
at GU2. Next week we are keen to
recruit more news team members and
technical support staff…….email
recruitment@gu2.co.uk for more
information.
ONLY 3 MONTHS TO GO NOW
BEFORE GU2 GOES ON FM!
we’ll be off to 2 or 3 comps this year, the
first of which is in December at Oxford.
We also are planning trips to go and watch
international dance competitions and other
events around the country. If that wasn’t
enough we will be out and about on other
less ‘dancey’ social evenings throughout the
year aswell.
So what do our members think? We
picked up these quotes: “It wasn’t what we
expected”, “I really enjoyed dancing with
different men”, “the latin music was funky”,
“I was pleasantly surprised”.
So what’s the problem? If you think you
can dance, come along and prove it! If you
think you can’t, come along and we’ll teach
you!
University Hall Wednesdays 7.45/
8.45pm. For more information contact
bds@surrey.ac.uk
23
Feeling there was probably enough titilation for the men amongst you this week with the
pictures on the opposite page, there follows just a wee treat for the girls. I’ve often heard
it said that old Gerard can be quite sexy in some films, so here’s a little wobbly-nosed treat
for all the female lyrics-quizzers out there. Apart from that, just the usual peops...
There is an element of confusion regarding the new process by which you receive the
answers to the lyrcis quiz: no longer do you have to wait until the next issue of barefacts,
for the answers are to be found, somewhat up-side down and certainly a little smaller, in
a place not too far from here. One week, we might even project them on to the side of
Senate House – now that would be fun...anyway, there’s no more alphabetical restrictions
anymore, so put your thinking caps on:
1. “Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees”
2. “Warm smell of colitas rising up through the air”
3. “I could spend my life in this sweet surrender”
4. “There’s a feeling I get when I look to the west”
5. “We were hitch-hiking down a long and lonesome road”
6. “At least I have her love – this city she loves me”
7. “I said I love and I swear I still do”
8. “There’s a shadow hanging over me”
9. “Kicking your can all over the place”
10. “It’s not that I want you, not to say but if you only knew”
Remember - we are still
having the “who shall the
token attractive person
be this week in the lyrics
quiz area of barefacts.”
Last week, in its inaugu-
ral week, the presenters
of Newsround were the
visual treat for all those
who ventured that far.
Perhaps if you have a
suggestion, or perhaps
even a picture, then you
should let us know your
thoughts. I’m sure I
don’t have to remind you,
but just in case:
barefacts@ussu.co.uk
Oh, a mobile phone or
£100 of Miss Selfridge
vouchers if I win this
week’s competition
on page 20? You
know, I think I might
just have a go at that.
Crumbs, this
barefacts paper is
jolly good when it
comes to things like
this, isn’t it?
What a lucky person
I could be if I win...
Catholic society
After a bit of a bumpy ride last year, where this is a group will meet outside
CathSoc is up and running once again. the library steps at 5:05pm). This will be
CathSoc is the university’s Catholic followed either by a meal or by drinks in
Society (not CAT society, as one misguided Chancellors.
member of the public thought, though So come along and see what its all
it was our fault really - the banner said about, we’ll be happy to give you more
CatSoc), and it’s open to both students and information if you’re curious. Alternatively
staff, Catholics and non-Catholics. But of pop into the Chaplaincy at Bourne Flat, or
course, we need you to get involved.. email j.mccarthy@surrey.ac.uk to be put
Our meetings are held on Tuesdays 7: on our mailing list.
30-8:30pm in Bourne Flat, and are a mix And a note to all our old members – please
of social events and discussions, with the get in touch as we have started our mailing
occasional guest speaker. And naturally list from scratch this year! And don’t
Mass on Sundays: this is at 5:15pm in forget that the Christian Union meets every
the Quiet Centre (if you don’t know Thursday at 7:30pm in Wates House.
24 INTERACTIVE 24 October 2002

X WORD
An Ex-pat is not an ex-pat until they have at least been a pat in the first
place. An X-pat, however, needs no prior qualifications.
£100: which artists won the Turner Prize in 1986?
a: topsy and tim | b: gilbert and george | c: renet and renato | d: little and large
Who Wants to Be A Millionaire?
£200: in the sitcom “Are You Being Served”, whose catchphrase was “I’m Free”?
a: mr lucas | b: captain peacock | c: mrs slocume | d: mr humphries

£300: what is the sum of the interior angles of a triangle”?

a: 360 | b: 90 | c: 180 | d: 3

£500: what was the name of Napoleon Bonaparte’s first empress”?

a: claudette | b: marie antoinette | c: emma | d: josephine

£1k: in which country was the 1992 film “Strictly Ballroom” set?
a: south africa | b: canada | c: new zealand | d: australia

£2k: which of these wars began in 1950?

a: spanish civil war | b: vietnam war | c: suez war | d: korean war

£4k: what is a “yashmak”?

a: a veil | b: a bracelet | c: a prayer mat | d: a belt

£8k: in which city is the Hermitage Museum?

a: paris | b: helsinki | c: copenhagen | d: saint petersburg

£16k: who played nicole kidman’s husband in the 1995 movie “To Die For”?
a: matt dillon | b: tom cruise | c: rob lowe | d: brad pitt
across down
1. wed [5] 1. sensitive plants [7] £32k: who painted the ceiling of banqueting house of Whitehall Palace?
4. made equine sound [7] 2. governor [5] a: rubens | b: rembrandt | c: renoir | d: raphael
8. inattentive type [7] 3. veil [7]
9. relish [5] 4. italian city [6] £64k: the world’s second largest barrier reef is off the coast of which country?
10. play indifferently [5] 5. bar of metal [5] a: belize | b: kenya | c: dominican republic | d: papua new guinea
11. interlace [7] 6. unfriendly [7]
13. recess [4] 7. went by car [5] £125k: in which of these disciplines did Vitaly Scherbo not win Olympic gold in 1992?
15. bird of prey [6] 12. tidy [4] a: floor | b: parallel bars | c: rings | d: pommel horse
17. stress [6] 14. saucy [4]
20. assess [4] 16. lean back [7] £250k: which was the first film to feature the on screen pairing of Spencer Tracy and
22. bowler’s aims [7] 18. sure [7] Katharine Hepburn?
24. religious teacher [5] 19. ancient greek vessel [7] a: morning glory | b: adam’s rib | c: guess who’s coming to dinner | d: woman of
26. covered in climbing plants [5] 21. facet [6] the year
27. instance [7] 22. chess player [5]
28. consistent [7] 23. invest [5] £500k: which country has a new parliament building known as the beehive?
29. slight push 25. two-legged creature [5] a: australia | b: canada | c: ireland | d: new zealand

£1m: which of these members of the royal family was born in 1961?
a: the earl of wessex | b: lady helen taylor | c: duke of york | d: viscount lindley

Last weeks photo was of the footbridge to the AQA

building, somewhere that I think anyone that has
ever been to AP must have walked under. This
week’s one is from probably the most central point
on our whole campus. Remember that
photos taken from certain angles can
hide depth of field.
- funkyberry -
24 October 2002 GOSSIP & LatWOMB 25

Final years Funkyberry (CIT) and Ickle Sarah (Music) give

a random slice of campus life from their humble dwellings
within Battersea Court Rawson…
L ife After The Womb
words: rich w
As a child, I was not particularly popular. It might have been
something to do with my ridiculous lankiness (where my height to
weight ratio plummeted within days of my voice breaking) and the
FOR THE LAST FEW DAYS AROUND MY SINK OVER THE PAST FEW WEEKS, BATTERSEA local outbreaks on my face of what could only be described as spots. In fact, it got to one
area there has been this rather biological Rawson has been invaded by a hoard of point, once the bullying had started, that I told my aunty how bad the situation was to be
smell. I’d attributed this to my ski boots, foreign killer ants…. well, maybe not killer, greeted with the possibly obligatory “sticks and stones may break my bones, but word will
but after investigation I found my 5KG but it’s a bit disconcerting when little black never hurt me” reply, thus making that physical abuse all the more endurable. So there I
bag of white potatoes that I bought on the dots start appearing all over your loaf of was, confronted by my tormentors, just about to knock seven shades of the pooey stuff out
day I moved back. I’d never really know bread. They’re apparently called Pharaoh’s of me, when I repeat what my aunty had told me: “sticks and stones may break my bones
why they were called white potatoes, when Ants, but are fast becoming known as but words will never hurt me.” At this point, I should probably applaud the bulliers, for,
they are a kinda yellow colour – but I can Egyptian Pants on Rawson 2. Appropriately, using both quick wit and intelligence (two characteristics not normally associated with bul-
say for sure, these potatoes WERE white! the sign on our kitchen notice board now lies) they proceeded to find half-bricks and throw those at me, the logic presumably being
Still, I shaved the fluff off and made jacket asks residents to “report all sightings of “he’s right you know - words can’t hurt him...”
potatoes out of them…..ok I didn’t really! pants to the housekeeper”! As a result of years of this kind fo treatment, therefore, I became somewhat of a recluse
Lets talk about Rawsoners and an apology SO how many of you went to the Toga Party - not venturing out of the house and not doing much, in fact, except read my dictionary.
I have to make. Last week I mentioned on Friday? For many it will have been the Though this might seem somewhat strange, the months of enjoyment I got out of reading
Amy’s name. Amy has told me off about initiation into the bizarre Surrey tradition the dictionary (and other associated dictionary practises, like word-counting and dictionary
this, so I’m sorry Amy, and I won’t mention of theme nights! Seven of us made our way hopping) somehow transformed me into a much more socially-confident person. With im-
your name again. (rather quickly – it was cold!) to the Union, proved word power (a natural result of reading a dictionary, I find) it was suddenly possible
WHILST looking around at what big name dressed in identical blue togas, golden to strike down an opponent when things did remain purely verbal. Pen. Sword. Mightier.
acts other Student Unions have, I came sashes and ivy leaf head gear for one of the And all that.
across the Greenwich University Students best nights out so far this year. Though most Anyway, LATW was intending to give you a brief exmample of dictionary hopping: let’s
Union page. Under their News page, I of the Freshers on my floor don’t seem to start with redact, which means to put into a literary form or edit for publication. Given
found sub headings for: News Archive, be able to comprehend the obsession with that this is a newspaper, this redact business happens quite a lot in these parts, giving rise
General News, Campaigns News, Sport & dressing up, I’ve got just over a week to to such articles as Rawson’s creek (to my left) and a plethora of letters moaning about
Societies News, Union News, and Website persuade them that they ARE dressing up car-parking. A car is defined as a road vehicle with an enclosed passenger compartment,
News. It seems the only thing they lacked for Drag and Fetish Night... powered by an internal combustion engine. It says nothing in there about alloy wheels,
was News About News! THIS brings me onto the subject of our spoilers or the use of one’s automobile to further one’s social standing, but that is because
ON Sunday I learned that my concept of cleaner, known as “Cleaning Bloke” by the notion of what car you have refelcting how brilliant you are is redundant, bordering on
“shortly” is totally different to British my floor. He seems to have an unhealthy facile.
Rail’s. I was on the last train to Guildford addiction to the soundtrack of Twin Peaks Combustion is more your sort of exciting word, because it means consumption by fire.
on Sunday night, and we got to Clapham – after Neil left his tape in the hi-fi during Grrr - how manly! As soon as you mention fire, most men grunt their approval and long
Junction where the engine that powered the the first week, you can now hear it blaring for a stick in hand; saying that, as soon as you mention engine or car, most men grunt but
lights broke down. Obviously not wanting out of the kitchen every single weekday have something else in their hand (almost literal ego-massaging you might think), but that
to strain our eyes, BR then pulled that train at 10am, without fail! He also insists is a digression. The success of combustion as a word comes as a result of its association
from service, and said the replacement on piling our nine chairs up against the with fire and cars and also because it is one of those processes everyone knows about but
would be with us “shortly”. It then took a radiator as soon as he arrives each morning has no idea how it actually works. “Yeah, the air goes in there and then the fule ignites it,
very very cold hour to get a new train out of – not a problem unless you’re in the room but only on the down-turn of the piston, and then it forces out the air and makes the car go
the yard so we could continue our journey! right next door, where the radiator links forward.” It’s a little like cake-baking in that sense: everyone knows how to bake a cake,
If it took an hour to get it from the yard, directly to the one in kitchen. The result: yet very few can actually do it successfully.
how long would it have taken to get one reverberating bangs around my room (and After a random page turn and a bit of closed-eye pointing to the page, we find ourselves
from somewhere else? “Soon”?! it’s not me, honest…)! with swankpot, meaning a person who behaves with swank (and not a person who performs
chris ‘funkyberry’ hunter ‘ickle sarah butterworth with Hilary Swank, because, considering her last film, that would be Al Pacino). So to
qualify as a swankpot, you need to be someone who is ostentatiously smart or showy. I
Extreme – “more than words” (is numbers)
remember being by a swimming pool in France when this woman once described a fellow
holidaymaker as an “ostentatious swimmer”. Quite how she could defend this, whilst sit-
me” (by telling me) 8. The Beatles – “yesterday” (is the day before today) 9. Queen – “we will rock you” (until you feel sick) 10.
the world (tribute)” (maybe) 6. Red Hot Chilli Peppers – “under the bridge” (over the road) 7. Nickelback – “how you remind
being the last to know) 4. Led Zeppelin – “stairway to heaven” (escalator to beelzebub) 5. Tenacious D – “the greatest song in ting there with her “considerably richer than you”, gold-chain wearing, Queen of the Castle
(with belly to match) look, LATW still ponders, but likes the word swankpot nonetheless.
in hell) 2. The Eagles - “hotel california” (blackpool b&b) 3. Aerosmith – “i don’t want to miss a thing” (because i’m sick of
certain | 19. trireme | 21. aspect | 22. white | 23. endue | 25. biped Lyrics Quiz: 1. Eric Clapton - “tears in heaven” (cuddles
29. nudge down: 1. mimosas | 2. ruler | 3. yashmak | 4. naples | 5. ingot | 6. hostile | 7. drove | 12. neat | 14. pert | 16. recline | 18. In a funny way, a swankpot is what I secretly hoped to be when running from those half-
| 10. strum | 11. entwine | 13. apse | 15. shrike | 17. accent | 20. rate | 22. wickets | 24. rabbi | 26. ivied | 27. example | 28. element |
oral | 11. allocate | 12. approximately | 15. straight | 17. opus across: 1. merry |across: 1. marry | 4. neighed | 8. milksop | 9. gusto bricks mentioned earlier: the premise of walking into a bar, every girl swooning and every
[£32k: a]; [£64k: a]; [£125k: a]; [£250k: d]; [£500k: d]; [£1m: d]. . Xword: across: 1. shore | 4. tall | 8. minicab | 9. peach | 10. guy nodding a congratulatory nod was the Holy Grail of a post-pubescent, lanky, spotty
WWTBEAM:[£100: b]; [£200: d]; [£300: c]; [£500: d]; [£1k: d]; [£2k: d]; [£4k: a]; [£8k: d]; [£16k: a];
teeneager. Fortunately, though, I have had my Road to Damascus moment since and am
Upside-Down Answers therefore happy sitting where I am, happily redacting away. Cheers and good health.

Luckily for us, maybe not so luckily for all of you, the
news is still flooding into the surrey scoop headquarters.
With so many of you e-mailing in your gossip and our team
of on-the-ground investigators rapidly growing were are
discovering more and more of what has been happening out
there- and that means we can expose more and more of the
truth.
During Chancellors Challenge last week a final year
physics student and barefacts article writer’s long-kept
secret was exposed. It seems that for the past 3 years he
has been running away from a name which he thought he
the surrey scoop
bus ride to campus and back again every day and using the
time to flirt with just about any young lady who is brave
enough to sit near him. Don’t worry, one day all this work
will pay off!
It seems that two members of the ski team who have
recently shacked up together in their own love-den in
The Oval have some deep dark secrets which until now
remained in the privacy of their bedroom. An undercover
investigator discovered that the contents of their bedside
why would these unlikely suspects need chocolate spread in
their bedside table we wonder?
Last week a rather large Union doorman was spotted
walking around campus very depressed due to his recent
break-up with an ex-student. That was until he found
consolation in the form of a ‘rebound shag’ with a rather
small member of bar staff. Well, it was a bit of a massive
turn-around in such a short space of time wasn’t it?
Yes, we did see you! And you thought you’d got away
with it didn’t you? You thought noone was going to find
out what you did last week! Well now everyone is going to

had left at school. We think that for keeping this to yourself
for so long and lying as to your true identity we should let
everyone know what you should be known as from now
on! It was revealed that throughout his school career he was
called ‘Bernard Manning’. How could you not have told
everyone sooner?
Forget dating agencies and adverts in newspapers, the new
way to find your perfect partner is clearly the Hazel Farm
bus! A certain young man has been making the most of the
gossip
table largely consisted of jars of chocolate spread. Now find out! Yes we’re talking about you, the gentleman from
Surrey court who, when his girlfriend went home early,
words: a nonny mouse took two very intoxicated young ladies back to your room,
none of you emerging for at least 3 hours. The poor guy
downstairs couldn’t possibly get to sleep with the noises
that were coming out of your room!
If you see something going on which should not be going
un-reported please let us know by e-mailing thesurreyscoo
p@hotmail.com. We’ll be watching you all!
26
i think a congratulatory word is in
order for everyone who has contributed
a personal over the last few weeks for
finally we have reached the target of one
whole page of personals. it has been a
bit of a slog, but we’ve made it there in
the. a big pat on the back to everyone
(not a cow-pat mind: bom bom) and all
that is left to say is keep ‘em comin’ and
remember that barefacts@ussu.co.uk
with the subject matter “personals” is
the coolest e-mail to be sending these
days. all that is left to say is...
Nurse Sam, you are get up!
To the life of Joe ‘Chungo’ Herbert
Holloway. Rest in peace my tutor of
madness! You will not be forgotten. All
my love, Duncan Wilson.
Amy, if you put in 750ml to a cake mix
that needed 75ml… can I borrow £7.50
please?!
Rawson 3 Mummy and Daddy give a
shout out to all our children
Craig, how’s Lauren’s pants?
Lauren, your not even at this University,
and you are still in our student paper!
Jo & Lissia didn’t want me to put a
Barefacts personal in about them… so
I won’t write anything about them…
Bless!
L. Wilko, good luck with CIT!!
Little Fishy.....Swimming along....Saw a
hook....
SM, you’re very “nutritious”. love, NJ.
Can I just change the subject quickly?
I forgot to wear a belt this morning and
now these trousers won’t stay up!
Text The J-Team about anything,
anytime: 0773 288 53 57
Well, at least the second lovebite should
be easy to cover up!!!!
What are you gonna go to the gym in
now I’ve got my zip-top back?
Dave- you’ve still not told us how big the
pole dancer’s tits were?
Naughty fresher snogging a yankee in
town?? (don’t worry- you’re secret’s
safe!)
You’ve the cutest ass ever!!
Anyone thought about not booking out
90% of AP for the whole working day?-
gimps
Does Clive want some petrochemical
advice in the near future?
Which bloke is it this week Lisa?. You’re
little black book is bigger than my
thesis!!
Nice to see the caged tiger back on
PERSONALS
form!- bring on Solley after christmas!
You drop that wok again + I’ll fuckin
kill ya!
Rampant rabbit sales due to soar after
tonight??
Oi! Pegleg Matt! Stop drinking wine
and eating crepes for a second and go to
lectures... I talked to your tutor and he’s
not impressed! –Phil
would the big randy squirrels on the
ground floor please pipe down a bit,
some of us need sleep!
Bashful - Once again you’ve saved my
neck, thank you so much for the help
with my essay you are a star. (Have I
mentioned you have a nice arse!) xxx
can i just set some ground rules?
hideous, hideous, hideous
to the girl who lives in battersea court:
look out for your admirer - he’s a jolly
nice chap.
surely you should be setting an example?
well yes - if i don’t wear toga then i am
setting the example of paying a pound
more. capiche?
Im a scatt man, bee bop bop bop bopda!
Take me to your nucleus!!!
HALLOWEEN PARTY on 31st
October!! Fancy dress!!. Organised
by Cathedral and Guildford Court
Committee- see posters for details.
SM, you’re very “nutritious”. love, NJ.
so exactly how many mp3’s should we
have gorgeous?
well, i wouldn’t like to risk it on 3 bottles
of whisky
make sure you lock your valuables up in
the boot
warning - ex cricket captain posing as
badminton player, can regularly be seen
frequenting joints such as cindy’s
jay’s mum is the tour whore
TRY THIS!! Put mint source shower
gell on your balls and feel the tingle.
Record currently stands at 4 minutes -
well done ben!!!
mrs brander
Darius for King!!!!!!
3 times in 1 night Nat - very
impressive!!!
Where’s your red toga gone?
I love Belinda Carlisle!!!!
Nice muff Hannah!
Jusin! Stop biting my kneck!!!
Maureen! Get your self a job you lazy
bum!!!
Yes....I am aware that you know where
I live!
BJ. Vladimir called and said the dove
flies high above the setting sun. Any
ideas???
Hmmmmm java is the answer
Malibu. Have you thaught of entering
Dance Idol??
Mabs, it appears that you have a small
following! Well.. the morris dancing
crew anyway!?!
Look, look..... I’ve told you all before,
I’m drinking to absent friends. Now if
I have lots of absent friends then I have
to drink a lot, that’s just the way it is.
Right!
Minty! what would you say if i told you
that mint source made you infetrtile!!
Personals
amelia - you’re loverrrrrly: you can
hand me a leaflet any time.
Wanted: Clothes for hockey girl.
Anything goes, especially when
DRINKen!
Wanted: Some decent puns (see above!)
Minty. have you had women in 27
different countries too??
Perhaps you should pay me to write
the personals. Oh....that’s what my
placement do!!!!
I am BJ’s complete lack of employment.
So do you come here often? Well every
day actually (doh!)
JMTW (c) Balckpool 2002. Ave it!
MI Dole!
Sorry BJ..... I did forget last week so I
have to make up for it this week!
Pay day on friday. Carnage!!!!!!!
To our neighbours. Yes we do have an
extremeley poor/random taste in music.
Just accept it!
We’re all going to the dogs (no jokes
Knickers!)
I’d just like to praise the attitude of the
senior memebers of my club (yes it is
more fun watching trampolening)
Hop On!
Nipple leaf? Honestly Flash, what will
you think of next!
Man seeks Toga Queen for ugleness on
24 October 2002
top floor of Senate House
Left your gloves behind SexGod? Should
have just used marigolds mate
Rich, you may have won the first round
but Sarah will come through for
us in the final!!
A vibrating toothbrush?! You’re
supposed to wait til Ann Summers
tonight!!
rrrrrrrip
just listen to the boggs and rejoice
i think i was a little harsh to her but she
deserved it
please do not ask to borrow my hat
or any other article of clothing i am
wearing because i would rather it wasn’t
passed on to another person. please
respect other people’s property
snogs away for someone we know...
so then Mr Jackson, how the bloody hell
are you?
hey dr - doing a PhD so that you can
become, well, Drrrrrrr.
could you put no-wave on the ents
planner please?
maybe we could see something other
than error messages on them
wanted: work for placement student, to
stop him living a student life. it not fair
Just a coupe of personals, Tim may
repeat them so beware
To the man with a now red toga, I am so
sorry
Naked three man is only for tour. Naked
21’s however can be done anywhere,
even in House 65 Uni Court
Dressing like Beckham is a fineable
offence
Viola and not shaving doesn’t work....
viola and shaving doesn’t work... then
again, violas don’t work anyway!!!!”
So, I have fans in high places, eh?
Rawson 2 - the ideal setting for a
romantic date! ;o)
Remote control car race, Battersea
Court Hill - tomorrow night? It’s a date!
Neil: “But I didn’t have anyone in
my room last night... maybe you were
hearing those two all the way down the
corridor?!”
Oi, leave Kat’s nose hair alone!
1 roast dinner, 9 bottles of wine, and
5 students... sorry, 6.... hang on.... 7...
where will it stop? Seems the Roast
Dinner Soc idea is actually catching on!
24 October 2002 SPORT 27
This week at UniSport Optimum injury clinic
Tango Workshop | Sunday 27th October | 2 – 6pm Well it is injury season already! It surprises me how few of
You may have seen Antonio Banderas lead Madonna around the floor in Evita or Al Pacino you sports mad peeps don’t use ‘RICE’ the golden rule after
show off his moves in Scent of a Woman well now here is your chance to impress your any injury no matter how small!
friends with this sexy dance. Learn the Tango in a 4 hour workshop this Sunday. Students Rest immediately! DO NOT play on after acute trauma to
get a discounted rate at £15 Contact the Sport Centre for more details and bookings: Tel. any injury
68(9201) Ice! Always use Ice to reduce local swelling and turn
oxygenated blood away from the area (if you do not have ice
Class Profile: Modern Jive available then use water from water bottle)
This weekly class is easy to learn and quick to build on the basic movements. A structured Compression! Use a Bandage or rugby/footie shirt or any
yet informal class guaranteed to have you dancing by the first lesson. A fun energetic social piece of material to use as a ‘compression’ on top of the
dance and no partners are required. ice.
Day: Tuesday | Time: I – 7.30 – 8.30pm | II – 8.30 – 9.30pm | Venue: Studio Elevation! Once the above have been sorted then raise the
Teachers: Jane & David | Cost: Students - £2; Staff - £3; Public - £4; Cardholders – Free, ankle/leg/knee injury up so as this will again send the blood
away from the area which will aid in reducing the swelling
University Sports Leagues Update Continual exercise can cause many problems especially if
All the entries are in and after putting the start date back to Monday 28th October, the the body receives inadequate rest. By-products of exercise
USL are ready for another term of action. Those of you involved will be sent fixtures include the build up of lactic acid and continual micro-
shortly which will also be posted on the USL notice board at the sports centre. If you are trauma of muscle fibres causing a build up of scar tissue,
still interested in taking part it’s not too late. Get hold of your department rep or come to therefore decreasing the bodies ability to deliver oxygenated
UniSPORT and we can get you playing in one of the many different sports on offer. These blood to the muscles, which in turn causes fatigue and loss
tournaments, although advertised as fun, have proved to be extremely competitive in the of performance. The body is still being asked to perform at
past. So make sure you get as many people down to the sports centre to cheer on your a required level, if it is not fit to do so, it will increase the
department, court or team and create the atmosphere that these games deserve. risk of injury or re-injury. Sports massage will break down
Remember these games are free to UniSPORT cardholders, 50p for student non- any build up of scar tissue realign all muscle fibres and
cardholders and 75p for staff per week. Lets get it on! increase the elasticity of the muscle. In effect the muscle
will be clear of all ‘crap’ (technical term in the world of
Spaces Available sports massage!) making the whole system more efficient.
This term has seen most of our courses full to the max, so much so that we have had to More blood, therefore oxygen can get to the working muscle
put on extra courses. If you have missed out there are still some places available on the meaning it will perform for longer at a higher level and will
following courses: drastically reduce the risk of injury.
[ Pilates | Tuesday 4.30pm ] [ Squash Beginners | Tuesday 5.30pm ] [ Yoga | Please contact us at OPTIMUM tel. 01483 452028 or email
Wednesday 8pm ] [ Feldencrais | Thursday 1pm ] [ Creative Dance | Friday 6.30pm ] optimum@unisport.co.uk if you need any help.

ALMOST ACCURATE ASTROLOGY

Scorpio
Anticipation has been building all
week, and the coming weekend
will live up to all your expectations. Play it cool and you
might just find exactly what you’ve been looking for.
Steer away from white wine and John Smiths (you know
the effect they have on you all too well) but make sure
you employ that partying streak you’ve been cultivating
recently. Enjoy!
Sagittarius
Your exploits from Freshers’ Week will finally
be catching up with you this week. Don’t think
those security cameras weren’t watching you – this isn’t the
last you’ll hear of that incident by the lake. There’s more to
your mysterious housemate than meets the eye, and things
you never even considered will become clearer by the end
of the week. But remember, stay away from the ducks
Capricorn
No matter how much you try to convince
yourself, locking yourself in your room with
the music on at top volume does not constitute
doing work! You’re going to need to pull your socks up
a bit, or else you’ll find yourself in a bit of a mess come
November. And that shopping trolley really should be
returned to its rightful home before too many more people
notice – don’t want you getting a reputation!
Aquarius
Things have been going pretty swimmingly
recently, but you need to get your head out
of the clouds for a moment and sort out those
issues you’ve been putting off. You’ll feel a lot better once
you know where you stand. Follow the sound of the ducks,
they’re the wisest of all creatures.
Pisces
With the problems from last week now in the
past, give yourself some time to clear your head.
words and predicting: ‘ickle sarah butterworth
You’re worrying too much about what people think of
you – be careful not to do yourself more harm than good.
Make sure you spend enough time with your close friends;
you don’t want to loose them. Friday night will give you a
clearer view on an important situation.
Aries
This week hasn’t been easy, but don’t let it get
you down too much – from tonight life will
definitely be taking an upward turn. Make sure
you’re at the Ann Summers Party/Disco - there’s nothing
like a bit of good clean fun to cheer you up! This weekend
an unusual outing will bring you good fortune – and a
Saturday night to be remembered.
Taurus
Not actually opening you curtains all last
weekend doesn’t make for the most productive
two days ever, does it? You’re taking the
meaning of chilling out to a new level! Provided you
stay on the sober side, you should discover an exciting
revelation on Friday night, but take care not to push things
too far during the weekend. And don’t believe everything
you hear…. or read….
Gemini
The movement of Pluto into your opposite
sign of Sagittarius this week is causing no
small amount of upheaval in your life – many
good things will come to light this week, but watch out for
those problems lurking in a dark corner, waiting to strike.
Never leave home without your light sabre. It is your most
powerful weapon…
Cancer
I know you like to be in charge, but remember
to take a back seat occasionally – it’s all about
delegation! An old friend will make a surprise
appearance on Sunday, and you should think
twice about taking up a seemingly tempting
offer. Everything is not as it seems. Also,
that 9am lecture is really worth going to, if only to stop the
rumours!
Leo
Good to see you’ve been calming yourself down
a little recently – it’s never good to run yourself
into the ground before we’re even half way
through the semester. Probably best to steer away from
excessive Java consumption on Friday – we don’t want a
repeat of the Toga Party’s little incident. Towards the end
of the week the ants will make another appearance, and
beware of kleptomaniacs – they’re having a bad influence
on you.
Virgo
You may be feeling like you’re banging your
head against a brick wall at the moment - it
hurts, trust me – but never fear, after an inspiring
moment on Monday everything will seem clear again. You
will walk round campus for the next four days with a giddy
smile on your face, cheerfully greeting everyone you know,
and some whom you don’t. Never mind, it won’t last too
long….
Libra
As Mercury approaches Pluto this week, your
enthusiasm is going from strength to strength.
But remember, while it may be alright to go
to the Union a three or four a week, spending all day and
night in there is not healthy – in fact, it’s bordering on the
obsessive. Make sure you take some time out to familiarise
yourself with the real world – it does exist!
Remember: all of our astrologers are accredited by the
Society of Fake Astrology (SOFA) - your future isn’t safe in
their hands at all...
28 24 October 2002

SURREY PRIDE
Surrey Pride just about intact after King’s ski races
Saturday the 19th saw around 80 racers from
different Universities in the South East
region of the Kings Ski Club race series.
We had 2 mixed teams, and a ladies team.
The weather was really quite cold, but
this helped freeze slightly the water they
sprayed onto the matting, meaning we could
ski faster.
The theme this time was Emergency
Services, with one team turning up dressed
up as all the characters from Thunderbirds.
The racing got underway, and Surrey 1 were
doing better than Surrey 2. The racing this
year seemed more fair than last year, with
far fewer teams having ex-England ski
squad, or just generally really really good
skiers in.
Even so, Surrey 2 managed to come 18th
out of the 18 teams, thus winning the much
coveted Wooden Spoon award. Surrey 1
faired slightly better, and came 6th – winning
a tee shirt (that for some reason is only ever
By Chris Hunter
able to be claimed by members of the ski
club committee?) and some cheap peach
alcohol stuff. The team that won the boarding
were rather insulted to find that their bottle
of alcohol stuff had only 1%VOL, but their
mixed ski team (who came about 10th) got
a bottle with a whopping 4%VOL!! No
expense spared! The ladies team did quite
well, and achieved about 3rd out of about
7 teams.
For some of our team, it was the first time
they have raced. They did really well, and
I know that Surrey 2 will be on Surrey
1’s heels soon! The next race’s theme is
The Romans, so does anyone know where
we can get a lion costume from? Oh, and
finally… watch out for our Race Captain
Andy at the Union fruit market, as he seems
to have developed a rather disturbing love
of cabbages!
Left: the University of
Surrey ski team and
right: a couple of folks
whizzing down the dry
ski slope last Monday.

Mixed fortune for netball teams Women’s football slump to defeat

This week saw the first BUSA and SESA
matches played for the new netball season.
While the firsts traveled away to St George’s
in London, the seconds and thirds stayed
at the Varsity to play Sussex and the Law
College respectively.
For a change, the away match for the
firsts did not result in the team ending up
in a completely different place to where the
match was to be played - we actually got
there early! Unfortunately there was a slight
hitch… As our very old and very battered
netball locker would not open (despite BBF
doing all but throwing it down the Unisport
stairs), we had to travel to the match with
no bibs, no skirts and no balls. We finally
managed to get down and play some netball
after borrowing some skirts and bibs from
St George’s! The first quarter saw a close
result with St George’s just pulling ahead
by 3 goals. Surrey firsts soon pulled their
game back in the second quarter with some
excellent defense by Vacant, Monica and
BBF. Stripper and Pussy played well in
the circle together and put some goals up,
bringing the score line even. In the third
quarter, the firsts battled hard against some
awful umpiring decisions and kept a win
within their reach. Frustration began to get
the better of them in the fourth quarter as the
umpiring became something of a joke and
By Beth
St Georges
University of Surrey 1st
University of Surrey 2nd
Sussex
University of Surrey 3rd
Law College
St George’s claimed the game 30-22. An
appeal is to be made against St George’s and
their lack of qualified umpires! The firsts are
very much looking forward to the rematch
on home turf with qualified umpires!
The seconds played Sussex University at
the Varsity. Due to problems with lectures
being timetabled for a Wednesday afternoon
we were grateful for those players who
managed to get there for two o’clock.
Unfortunately the Sussex team was one
of a very high standard and the seconds
played hard but could not stop the excellent
attacking players. The team did well to
notch up 21 goals, not letting Sussex
completely run away with the game. Well
done girls and hopefully the timetables will
get sorted for us!
After our performance By Nat Tarrant We had several goal
last week, we were mouth scrambles
expecting to come Roehampton Institute 8 that were cleared off
30 away with a result. University of Surrey 0 the line.
22 However it was clear We went in at half
after 10 minutes that time four nil down.
we were up against a very experienced team. A couple of substitutions were made and
21
They were passing well and were always we were determined to get some goals back.
40
first to every ball. Their forwards were very However they never came! Collette was the
quick and managed to break through the only person who came close with a shot
61 defence to score two excellent goals. Goalie tipped over the bar.
28 Rach had no chance! Superb performances by Linda, Steph
We eventually settled down and managed and Tilly Nat but player of the match
to keep them at two nil. We even looked went to Collette for her commitment and
like scoring when my free kick was tipped determination. Highlights of the match were
over the bar from 25 yards out. I was also D falling over in the middle of nowhere and
unlucky not to score direct from a corner. a comical display by the ref.
The thirds were the only team to register
a win this week, and a very good one at
that! Luckily by the time the thirds came
to play, at 3:30pm, many more players were
available. The team worked well together to
pull away right from the start. All players on
court battled consistently to move the ball
up the court and the shooters just did not
miss a shot. Maybe the thirds can show the
BUSA teams a thing or two!
Netball training is on a Monday night 6:
15-8pm in the sports hall on campus. New
players are welcomed at any time!