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Haring - Persepolis 63 of 100



Contextual Spelling 5
Confused Words 3
Misspelled Words 2

Grammar 4
Determiner Use (a/an/the/this, etc.) 1
Incorrect Noun Number 1
Incorrect Verb Forms 1
Incorrect Phrasing 1

Punctuation 12
Comma Misuse within Clauses 6
Punctuation in Compound/Complex Sentences 5
Closing Punctuation 1

Sentence Structure 3
Incomplete Sentences 3

Style 21
Inappropriate Colloquialisms 16
Improper Formatting 2
Passive Voice Misuse 1
Wordy Sentences 1
Unclear Reference 1

Vocabulary enhancement No errors

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Haring - Persepolis
Barak Haring
Mr. Bradley
Honors English 9
26 September, 1 2017 [September, ]
Well 2 How Do You 3 See It? [Well,]
How could the text be read and interpreted differently by Personal pronoun in formal writing

two different readers?

Marjane is a young girl who grows up in a strict society.
She only got a few years 4 and the law changed. Women [years,]
have to wear their veils. It started out as choice 6 5 but that
changed with the new leader they get. Marjane and her [a choice or the choice]
family are very modern for what’s happening with the [choice,]

veils. So Marjane doesn’t 7 understand why she has to

make these changes, and with her rebellious edge she does [doesn't → does not]
not get along with people in 8 the system. One day she is
walking around with her new shoes, jean jacket, and her Unoriginal text: 8 words
Michael Jackson button. Then this group called the quizlet.com/91671345/what-do-you-k…

woman’s branch comes up to her and tells her she is not a

good child. They say her Michael Jackson button is a
symbol of worship towards him. American’s most likely
see this as very strict, but Iranians might see it as normal 9.
After the first book, Marjane was living in Austria. She
was becoming a young lady. Trying to fit in, Marjane made
friends. But these 10 friends did drugs and partied. This 11 Overused word: normal
set a rough path for Marjane down the road of life. She
became an addict and was losing her child hood 12. Every
boy she dated was stabbing her in the back. Marjane spent [But these → However, these]
all her savings on a boy who ended up cheating on her. Unclear antecedent
When she did that, she lost a home and was homeless. She
was homeless for a great 13 amount of time until one day Possibly miswritten word: child hood
she started coughing up blood, 14 and ended up passing out.
She woke up in a hospital and decided 15 to call her mom.
After about three years Marjane would see her mom again.
Marjane’s mom visited for about a week and left. The bad Overused word: great
times were still happening 17 and she got worse. 16 So she [blood, ]
came up with the idea to 18 go home after four years. Unoriginal text: 8 words
Things changed back home. She thought it would be better www.goodreads.com/review/list/1035…

to be home 19 but it felt like she was standing on the ground

of millions of corpses. Then she made a choice. She was
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going to move to France to start a new life. 17
Incomplete comparison
Most americans 20 see the way she acts to be pretty 18
Unoriginal text: 8 words
ordinary, kind of the way we act which lets us connect with themighty.com/2017/08/how-to-help-…

the book more. An Iranian could see her as a rude girl with [home,]

no real belief in her god. In one part of the book 21 it shows

Marjane walking in on her boyfriend cheating on her. The
narrator says, “It was like a bad American movie. One of

those films where the surprised man wraps himself in a [americans → Americans]

sheet out of modesty and says: wait, I 22 can explain

everything 23”
That shows she watches movies of the American culture. In

Iran, that is something you 24 would never do. There are [book,]

probably more break ups 25 then there are marriages in

America, so you 26 don’t 27 find that kind of stuff surprising.
Marjane was living in Austria in 28 the end of the first
book and the beginning of the second book. In a scene 29 it

shows marjane 30 walking down stairs 31 with a pot of Personal pronoun in formal writing
noodles. Eating them right out of the pot with a fork. 32

She’s 33 sitting down really 34 enjoying those noodles when Personal pronoun in formal writing

she’s 35 interrupted by the mother superior. She makes a Possibly miswritten word: break ups

racist quote saying, “It’s 36 true what they say about Personal pronoun in formal writing

Iranians. They have no education.” [don't → do not]


That triggers her rebellious side 37 and she fires back with, [Austria in → Austria at]

“It’s 38 true what they say about you too. You 39 were all

prostitutes before becoming nuns!” [scene,]

[marjane → Marjane]
That was rude of her even as an American, but they are 31
Possibly miswritten word: down stairs
most likely to do it. The Austrian culture is a lot like ours 32
Sentence fragment
according to the book. So we could make connections with [She's → She is]

this part of the book. Some of the stuff in here might be [really]
[she's → she is]
inappropriate to Iranian eye’s 40. Referring back to the first 36
[It's → It is]
piece of evidence. 41

Flashback to when Marjane was a teen. A group called [It's → It is]


the women’s branch came up to her insulting the way she Personal pronoun in formal writing

was dressed 42 and what she was wearing. They pointed out
her shoes classifying them as “Punk” shoes. As well as her
Michael Jackson button telling her that he is a symbol of
decadence. They seen 43 Marjane as if she was disobeying
her religion because in their religion Muhammad was the

last prophet. So that button of Michael Jackson was making [eye's → eyes]
Sentence fragment
Marjane look like she was praising him. It’s 44 a possibility
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that that’s 45 how Iranians interpret that whole thing. But

in 46 America 47 we wear concert t-shirts, have idols, and
posters of people on our wall. Americans don’t 48 see that 42
Passive voice
as a sign of worshipping them.

[seen → saw]

Works Cited
Satrapi, Marjane. Persepolis. New York : 49 Pantheon 44
[It's → It is]
Books, 2003. Print. 45
[that's → that is]
Satrapi, Marjane. Persepolis 2: The Story Of A Return. 46
[But in → However, in]
New York : 50 Pantheon Books, 2004. Print. [America,]
[don't → do not]

[York : → York:]

[York : → York:]