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Thursday

25 September 2003
Published by the USSU
Communications Office
issue number 1061
free
www.ussu.co.uk

THE UNIVERSITY OF SURREY STUDENTS’ NEWSPAPER

LETTERS, ANYONE? CHALLENGE CHOPS I N T H I S W E E K ’ S PA P E R


This week sees a double VP Sport Dave ‘Chops’ REVITALISE YOUR LIFE | Carol Main on
page of letters to barefacts, as Chapman heads underwater the excitement offered by ‘V’ | page 11
readers express their opinions with the Sub Aqua Club, and ON THE COUCH? | Catherine Lee pays a
on everything from the visits a bus submerged at the visit to the psychiatrist’s couch | page 6
Students’ Union to Education. bottom of a lake. SPORT FOR ALL | Pete Nichols introduces
Letters | pages 4 & 5 Sport | page 24 the world of sport at USSU | page 24

The Freshers Have Landed


After 16 hours of a military style operation, 1800 freshers settle into their new home at UniS
BY LISA WIDDOWS these ‘angels’ and their Super Angels, the
EDUCATION & WELFARE ADVISER weekend would not have been possible, so
make sure you give yourselves a huge pat
ANYBODY AROUND AT the weekend would on the back.
have seen that campus was awash with Aside from our 250 Angels, a big thank
orange angels. Their mission, as they you goes to the team of University Security
chose to accept it, was to ensure that 1800 and the team in the Accommodation Office
Freshers were greeted and moved in to that worked over the weekend. I for one am
their new homes safely and soundly (and glad they all got the short straw and had to
more to the point, to save their poor parents work these shifts, as they were nothing but
from trekking up and down the 8 flights extremely accommodating and supportive
of stairs with the car loads of belongings)! throughout the whole process.
With the summer months of planning by Without sounding like we’ve won an Oscar,
the Representation & Welfare Unit over, Claire and I are also extremely grateful to
250 ‘Freshers Angels’ came together in one all of you that played taxi service over the
big team to ease the strain of the moving in weekend. The drivers are an integral part of
process. There were tears over goodbyes, Freshers moving in and we would have been
there was laughter over the Welfmobile lost without you. This can also be seconded
(who constantly seemed to be acting as a for the Super Angels – I think its fair to say
sandwich cart for helpers!), but most of all that your leadership skills were put well into
there was a fantastic atmosphere, which play at the weekend and this resulted in a
can only be described as a campus excited very smoothly run couple of days, so thank
about welcoming new comers into their you.
community. Ao, another huge thank you to everyone
Traditionally, moving in day has occurred Freshers’ Angels outside Battersea Court | photo by Chris Hunter
who has been involved in any part of the
on the Sunday prior to Freshers Week. planning and operational side to Freshers
However this year, UniS decided to give presumed 150 soon turned into an expected counter in Sainsbury’s! You might have to Moving In and we look forward to seeing
the more local newcomers the opportunity 600 students and so on Monday of last week, wait patiently to be served but when you are, you next year too!
to arrive on the Saturday as well. The plans were put in place to accommodate this you are greeted with someone who is happy
mass as best as possible. Aside from the to do most of the work for you!
small issue of a backlog of traffic on the Sunday saw the traditional system of
A3 by 9.30am (which it must be noted was ferrying everyone into Car Park 4 and ATTENTION FRESHERS’ ANGELS
LOST LUGGAGE quickly and smoothly rectified), cars were offloading into vans. These vans then took Freshers Angels will be able to collect
Any items that were left behind over directed to their appropriate courts where the luggage to meet its rightful owner at their money from Claire Iles in the
the weekend are currently being stored eager angels unloaded cars and moved their halls, where once again, Angels were Students; Union at the following times:
securely by Lisa Widdows in The students into their accommodation. on hand to help them up the stairs and into Week 5, 6-10th October
Students’ Union. If you think something Saturday’s military operation was exactly their rooms. Monday 9am – 11am
of yours has gone astray, please pop in that! It ran as a one in, one out system, Overall the whole weekend was deemed Tuesday 1pm – 2pm
and leave your details with either her, or where Super Angels negotiated between a success. Previously dubious members of Wednesday 9am – 11am
Jacqui Hollis at Reception. As we only themselves as and when there were spaces UniS Security sought Claire and myself out to Thursday 1pm – 2pm
had a few items left behind, it would also for vehicles to park up and offload their praise the operation, especially for Saturday, Friday 11am – 12pm
be advisable to ask your court attendant luggage. Excuse the analogy – it has been as it was new for this year. That praise, (also Remember you must have completed a
if you could put a notice up in your Court a long weekend, but I feel that it would be seconded by the Accommodation Office and second task if you did not work a full day
Reception to ask if anybody received fair to say that the process on Saturday could the Vice-Chancellor) belongs with everyone over the weekend to receive the full £20.
your misplaced luggage by mistake. be compared to the system you find when who donned an orange t-shirt, be it for a Thank you again for all your help
queuing for your favourite cheese at the deli half-day shift or a full weekend. Without

A Freshers’ View | page 6 barefacts Pub Quiz | page 20 Bruce Willis Extravaganza | page 18
2 NEWS 25 September 2003

EDITORIAL TEAM 2003-4 Will the Fees Evaporate?


Editor in Chief
BY PHILIP HOWARD being considered by the Russell Group A fully privatised institution would not be
Sarah Butterworth NEWS EDITOR include expanding their presence in the bound by the nationally-funded system, and
comms international marketplace, concentrating could choose what it charged prospective
@ussu.co.uk THE GUARDIAN REPORTED on Tuesday that on industrial research, or even privatising students. When asked if they would consider
the Russell Group of elite universities is departments or whole universities, report full privatisation, Professor Sterling
Editor considering a Plan B, should top-up fees educationguardian.co.uk refused to comment. This runs parallel to
be defeated in parliament. This is taken as Surrey’s own situation, in which Professor
Chris Ward a sign that this is a distinct possibility: “If Dowling stated that Surrey could consider
cs21cw the government loses this legislation, I am privatisation if it got the chance - ie with a
@surrey.ac.uk desperately worried. We are told there isn’t sufficiently large endowment.
a plan B. There will be no extra money The fees may be blocked in parliament, as
Music Editor until 2010. In that time we will lose our an early motion opposing the top-up fees
world-class status,” said Professor Michael has been signed by 174 MPs, who believe
Matt Badcock Sterling, VC of Birmingham University and it would restrict access to students from
chair of the Russell Group. disadvantaged backgrounds. This is the
ms01mb
@surrey.ac.uk Professor Sterling sees British universities result of a group of MPs led by the Lib-
as ‘at the edge of the precipice’; Dems, hoping to ambush the government’s
underfunded and in severe danger of losing plans. They are soon to launch the campaign
Music Editor their advantage over other countries. “We’re “Learning is for life, not just for children”
Jon Allen roughly 50% underfunded and we’ve been inside a fortnight. The Conservatives
spending our reserves but once they run recently switched from a pro-fees stance to
bs21ja
@surrey.ac.uk out we’re going to go rapidly downhill. a more populist fees opposition recently, and
International students will walk away.” the combination of the Tories, Lib-Dems
Such news would be grave indeed and Labour back-benchers could form the
News Editor for universities such as Surrey with a government’s first Commons defeat, reports
Philip Howard high foreign student intake. The plans the THES.
ph02ph
@surrey.ac.uk

Film Editor
Neil Boulton
Charles Clarke Goes Green
cs21nb BY PHILIP HOWARD
@surrey.ac.uk environment is important for us all”
NEWS EDITOR The spin machine in full force, the story
is reproduced also on the number-10.gov.uk
Theatre Editor CHARLES CLARKE, SECRTARY for Education and site, with more words of warmth towards
Daisy Clay Skills, launched “Sustainable Development the greens: “We also have a duty to help
- an action plan” on Tuesday. The action young people develop the knowledge,
ps21dc plan sets out the agenda for all things green values and skills to become responsible
@surrey.ac.uk
for education institutions; schools, colleges citizens in their communities. They should
and universities. be aware of wider global environmental and
Literature Editor The DfES Press Notice quotes him: developmental issues.”
“Schools, colleges and universities
Jennifer Walker
comprise more than 5% ofall buildings in
DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING NEWSWORTHY
ph21jw the UK and it is therefore vial that their
THAT YOU THINK SHOULD GO IN
@surrey.ac.uk resources are managed efficiently and in
BAREFACTS? THEN DROP US A LINE AT
an environmentally responsible way. Gone
BAREFACTS@USSU.CO.UK OR POP INTO THE
Sports Editor are the days when we could ignore this. It
MEDIA CENTRE AT USSU TO DISCUSS IT.
is no longer a side issue - caring about our
Peter Nichols
cs11pn barefacts is an editorially independent newspaper and is Do you have a complaint
in
@surrey.ac.uk published by the University of Surrey Students’ Union
Communications Office. against this newspaper?
CONTRIBUTORS The views expressed within the paper are those of If you have a complaint about any
item in this newspaper which contains
individual authors and do not necessarily represent the
inaccuracy, harassment, intrusion or

UNKLE
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Union or the University of Surrey. discrimination write to our editor about
Dave Chapman Carol Main This publication may not be reproduced in whole or in it.
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express permission of the publisher beforehand. the Press Complaints Commission - an
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The Interview
All submissions must include the author’s name and
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publication. the Press. This newspaper will abide by
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Telephone: 020 7353 1248
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Design & Layup: WWW.USSU.CO.UK Printed by Sharman and Co. Printers asks the questions....
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Sarah Butterworth © USSU COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE 2003 Tel: 01733 424949
25 September 2003 NEWS 3

Student Support
Mark Owen - Back for Good?
Vital for Retention
BY PHILIP HOWARD BY CHRIS WARD
EDITOR
NON-TRADITIONAL STUDENTS benefit more
from student support, in order to prevent MARK OWEN, WELL known for the time he
them from dropping out, according to spent in classic boyband “Take That” is
Greenwich’s VC Rick Trainor. “The part of the official line-up for this year’s
difficulty has been that there hasn’t been Freshers’ Ball on 4th October. Along with
enough money allocated to supporting Fame Academy’s Sinead Quinn and up-
students at risk” reports the THES. and-coming boyband D-Side, Owen will
Universities are apparently beginning be serenading around 1000 students in the
to understand this relationship between University Hall Complex.
support and retention, and the government Owen recently regained his celebrity
needs to factor increased student support status after winning Celebrity Big Brother.
services into their funding arrangements for Since then he has released a hit solo single,
non-traditional students. Also highlighted Four Minute Warning, and performed a
are concerns that support services are “rocked-up” version of Back For Good at
integrated as often a student’s financial former bandmate Robbie Williams’ recent
state and their academic success are related. Knebworth concert. It is the first time the
Professor Trainor’s report, made to the two have performed together since Take
annual Student Wellbeing Conference, also That split up in 1996.;
stressed that a ‘one-stop shop’ for student In a recent interview with Smash Hits,
support helped to prevent students being Mark dubbed his return to pop as a “fresh
put off services such as counselling, if they start”. He emphasises that he is thrilled to
had to attend a specific seperate counselling return to music, but has also pointed out
centre. A chaplain of Glasgow University that he won’t presume success: “I hope it
told the conference that chaplaincies were works. If it doesn’t, then it doesn’t. At least
underrated and underused. I’ve had fun.”
4 LETTERS 25 September 2003

Letters to barefacts
opinion
Letters must be received by 5pm on the Monday before publication to guarantee their presence in the next
newspaper. Letters may be edited for length or clarity | barefacts@ussu.co.uk

Dear barefacts, Dear barefacts readers,

Independence I should like to address some of the issues raised by Chris


Ward in his article Uneducation, uneducation, uneducation
(Barefacts, 11/9/03).
Late last night I was wandering in the direction of the union
when I experience a mildly uncomfortable pain in my bowels
– the kind that you get from eating too many laxatives (like
I wonder, does Chris realise how deeply ambiguous his you do…), a particularly virulent strain of diphtheria, or, as I
THE ‘INDEPENDENCE’ REFERRED to above is actually that of this stance is? He claims that academia is inferior to real world was in the process of experiencing, a slightly out-of-date jar
very newspaper. Many people do not know that barefacts is education, yet persists in attending a course at an academic of cheese and tomato pasta sauce (at the time of eating, I had
in fact an editorially independent newspaper, and it is not institution. Maybe he should finish his studies here and go thought “what’s a week between friends?”).
here to represent the official views of either the Students’ and spend some time in the real world with which he seems Luckily I had just dropped my bike off next to BC building,
Union of the University of Surrey. The reality of editorial so au fait. Also, I find the way in which Chris conceptualises and I immediately sought refuge in the male toilets in Austin
independence means that barefacts is free to criticise as the education to be deeply problematic. Chris appears to equate Pearce (as I’m sure many of you have done in the past). It
writers see fit, as long as opinions expressed do not cross the adequacy of the education system with the extent to was there, on the back of the cubicle door that I discovered a
the barrier of slander or libel. Sometimes the boundaries be- which it prepares one for a lifetime of labour. While this slightly torn sticker, temptingly inciting me to revolt, calling
tween the paper and the Union can become blurred, but the is no doubt important, this represents a reductive view of for anarchy - at any cost! Now I may have a beef with the
fact stands as this: barefacts is an independent newspaper, education, as education is about much more than this. If some of the ways in which the country is being run, but
and the views expressed in it are those of the students. So, if knowledge is power, then true education is emancipatory, surely advocating revolution tends to imply that you have a
you have something to say, be it about the Union, University, because it allows one to see ones place in the world. This is a better solution in mind?
or anything at all, use your voice. Be heard. side of education which Chris seems to care little about. What In a moment of sheer boredom, I checked the dictionary.
curriculum would you prepare Chris, lessons in networking, “Anarchy,” it states, in a rather round-about way “is a state

Stop Fees
brown-nosing and climbing the corporate ladder? of lawlessness, not necessarily implying disorder”. Aha,
Also, if Chris is so concerned with grammatical errors, thought I, a perfect society, with complete freedom for
maybe he should consider the grammatical content of his individuals? For one, fleeting moment, I was drawn to it.
headline. Maybe our education system is failing us after all. But, I fear, the people with the sticker-making machine have
not fully thought it through. Surely, an ordered anarchical
Yours, society requires full cooperation between all of the people

Now
A STUDENT AT UNIS living in it, or else it collapses to a disordered one, in
which whoever has the biggest pointy stick takes all of the
Well done Chris Ward, for your attack on current education chocolates? This in turn leads to lots of unhappy people,
standards in the 11th September issue. You point out that you who think, “wouldn’t we be better off with even just a teensy
still remember the past participle of a verb which in French little bit of law - such as one that makes big pointy sticks
THE DAY OF the NUS Nation Demonstration against tuition does not actually exist. I believe that the verb you may have illegal?”.
fees is drawing near. The date is Sunday 26th October, the been looking for (whose past participle you did not actually It would seem to me that if you look at human nature,
place is London. Many of you will already be in thousands of state, just claimed that you knew it) is avoir. anarchy is pretty much self-defeating. Call me critical, but I
pounds of debt from studying at University, and this is your also get the feeling that the “anarchists” are quite happy to
chance to send a strong message to those in government. Yours Sincerely, hide under the laws that prevent me from going round and
The NUS believe that it is completely unacceptable to BRUNO HANDLEY deliberately running over their favourite pet, or “permanently
charge students enormous amounts of money simply to gain borrowing” their sticker machine. If only it weren’t the case,
a qualification, and the prospect of top up fees casts an even eh? Then I could print stickers bearing slogans such as “be
heavier cloud over the future of higher education. I am probably one of many people who spotted the major happy”, “it’s not as bad as you think” and “keep going and
You may think that it’s not worth getting passionate about error in Chris Ward’s article on uneducation! obviously you’ll pull through shortly”; but then I think the latter may
the fees debate as it won’t affect you as you’re already here. education has not come far enough! He has spelt the french not go quite so well on the back of a toilet door…
But imagine the debt your children and younger siblings infinitive of the verb AVOIR wrong! it does not have an ‘e’
could face in the years to come if the governments proposals on the end! Just goes to show that with a C in GCSE French, Your Sincerely,
for up to £3,000 fees a year are passed. As students of our he still cannot spell the most common french verb! (BIG) JON NOBLE
generation, we have a responsibility to ensure those after
us can experience higher education without suffering with Yours Sincerely,
debts of more than £25,000 after a 3 or 4 year degree. JULIE STEEL Dear barefacts,
Get your voice heard. Keep an eye out for details of the
demo, and sign up, grab a placard, and make the government Chris Ward replies: With regard to ‘yours frustratedly’ letter in last weeks issue,
see that modern students are a force to be reckoned with. Well done to those who noticed my diabolical French I’m not surprised he/she is frustrated after being a student
mistake in the article. All I can do is plead ignorance and since ’96. Can’t he/she get a job?
say that I haven’t studied the language for nearly three and a I would like to point out that we (the staff) do not work
purely for the students but also for the many lecturers and

Freshers’ Fayre
half years. “A student of the University of Surrey” however,
should perhaps read the article again and try to understand other employed personnel on campus. Were it not for the
the focus. many hundreds of people employed by the University, who
I was primarily attacking the fact that academics who provide such services as Catering, Housekeeping, UniSport,
BY NOW FRESHERS’ Fayre will be but a memory, but what had not been out in industry were the ones who decided Estates & Buildings maintenance, Security etc then there
comes now is even more fun. Rememebr those societies and the requirements for GCSE and A-Level qualifications. I would not be a University for you to be at!
sports clubs you signed up for? Well, now’s the time to find am a member of an academic institution because for some As for the ‘Over-Inflated prices’ I suggest you think
those crumpled bits of paper at the bottom of your freebie reason, the piece of paper they hand you at the end of the logically (if possible) about Wetherspoons and Tescos buying
carrier bag, and head along to the first meeting of as many of course seems to be worth much more than three A-Levels in power against the University. They can almost dictate their
them as possible. It’s whilst doing these activities that you terms of job interview credits. I did present a reductive view purchasing price to their suppliers due to the vast quantities
will meet some of your closest friends at University, so don’t of education because, unfortunately, I was limited to a 700 they order.
miss out. Above all, enjoy it. USSU has so many groups to word comment article. If I was given the chance to write a Finally, of course the customer is always right, unless their
join - it really would be crazy to let them pass you by. novel, maybe I could cover all aspects. name is Richard Cranium, perhaps this is yours!
Finally, the title was a mockery of Tony Blair’s “education
barefacts | be heard promise”. Our education system is certainly failing us if a
concept as simple as irony flies past your head.
Yours in satisfaction always,
A CARING MEMBER OF UNIVERSITY CATERING STAFF.
25 September 2003 COMMENT 5

Letters to barefacts continued...

Dear barefacts, Dear barefacts, Chancellor’s Bar at USSU - see letter below

I feel that I need to reposnd to the article Last week James Gray slammed the local gay
in last week’s paper entitled No straights pub and community for being heterophobic.
please, we’re gay. Working at the pub in Not entirely fair, because the management
question, I was there for at least one of the would never have put up with that if he had
nights on which the incidents occurred, informed them. A good deal of the patrons
(although did not witness either) and feel would not have put up with it either.
that the whole story should be told. Its not a great pub, but its our only one, and
The most important thing to mention is as for straight pubs not treating us like you
that neither situation was reported to the were, think again. In Barefacts 20th March
manager, which is the only reason nothing 2003 publication I sent in a letter about just
was done. Since the incident I have also that happening to me in the Union. To this
found out that the girl in question had been date I have not had a response. Basically
indulging in very intense kissing with the my female partner and I were bullied and
gentleman she was with, and all parties threatened and narrowly avoided ending up
involved were more than a little inebriated. in a fight. The door security have also made
However, this is a menial point. some rather “interesting” comments at times
Although I entirely agree that the other to various gay students. The Union has not
gentleman should have kept his intolerant been the only “straight” place in Guildford
comments to himself, some homosexuals where this has happened and I certainly
who are insecure and/or have been victims don’t feel welcome anywhere.
of extreme discrimination may feel Unfortunately, until the heterosexual
threatened by this behaviour, in the same society we live in does accept us and stops
way that some people might feel threatened forcing us onto the fringes, we won’t be able
if I kissed my boyfriend in the Helyn Rose to fit in, not that I would want to. Pride is not
Bar on a night out. about being proud of your sexuality, pride is
I was also disappointed by James’ comment about not being ashamed, not having to hide,
that if a gay person were told to ‘f*** off’ and yes, being able to take your girlfriend to
in the Union, they would be barred. This is the Union on a Saturday night, snog her in
clearly not the case, as has been commented the club, just as a heterosexual couple might,
on before in barefacts. The most notable and not get bashed up. Plus, if you’ve ever
event was in the 19th March, in issue 1055 been to a pride festival, it’s a damned good
(‘Get over the playboy Fantasy and leave party and good deal of fun, so why not?
us all alone, please’), where Daniella How This is not an equal society. If you are Dear barefacts,
wrote about an incident when she and her a person of colour, a women, gay or of a
girlfriend had encountered physical abuse religious minority, you are pretty much One thing the union should not be is above criticism, and we always welcome constructive
a little was done about it. Perhaps James typecast and stuck into a neat little pigeon points of view, and that brings me to last weeks letter in Barefacts about the service in
should read barefacts more? hole you will never get out of. Trust me, I Chancellors much of which will be taken on board. However, it’s always easy to pass
How on earth can setting up a comfortable fit into all but one of those categories. You judgments on such sensitive issues as price.
environment where gay people (and their face abuse almost everyday, some open, Last weeks letter from “ An Eternal Student “ pointed out their concerns. As this person
straight friends) can socialise and meet in some much more subtle and malignant. has been at the university since 1996 they will remember the dark days when the union
a secure setting be homophobia by self- When all you have left is one dive of a pub, was on the verge of bankruptcy in fact if it had been a private company it would have been
segregation? I was watching The Fresh then yeah, you might get a little defensive declared bankrupt it was only the support of the University, which avoided this fate.
Prince of Bel-Air the other day, and Will of it being invaded by the very people who They may also like to note that prices have been held for three years on most drink and
Smith said to his black friend, ‘Yo Nigga! have forced this upon you. I don’t approve food, even though the union has increased wages to students due to the minimum wage
Wassup?’ Does this promote racism? One of of what they did, but do understand where it (which we as an employer support) the government has increased employer NI and we
my close friends regularly organises events came from, I very much doubt it is revenge. have been hit by an additional pension contribution, these costs along of which we had
for the Asian Society, where most of the Your friend may well have been mistaken no control have cost the union circa £54k over the last two years. All these additional cost
people are Asian or Black – by the theory of for a “fag hag” (straight women hanging have to be found. Their reference to Tesco / Wetherspoons being cheaper, firstly they look
Mr Gray, maybe this elevates the importance around gay men often with the intention to at food as a loss leader and second their buying power is huge on top of this they have
of race and therefore promotes racism?! pick up bisexual men) who have a deserved economy of scale in which one head office looks after 100’s of outlets. We can’t match
Finally, I would like to ask James, reputation of treating the gay scene like that but what we do, is try and give students food and drink at reasonable prices. As for the
why shouldn’t I be proud? He says that some fantastic zoo and the resident lesbians queues we do not set the academic timetable therefore it will always be busy at peak times.
heterosexuals aren’t proud, but try telling and bi women as perverts. As a result they It should be noted that yes we do know where the tables are. However, it does not help
that to a couple at the alter about to marry, are not very welcome and many femme when people move tables to sit with friends or the table number they have given us has
or the young lady who brags to her friends women (both straight and gay) do get this been taken by others before they can sit down.
how amazing her boyfriend is. Pride is rather unfortunate label without actually Any profit we make gets put back into the students union; for the benefit of all students,
not so much about being proud of your being guilty of it. we now have a major facility in our membership service area some thing which three years
sexuality, but about being proud of being My apologies to her and I hope she doesn’t ago was only a dream. We have spent over £30k on sound proofing the main union so that
able to express your feelings for the person think we are all like that. I certainly have all students can enjoy a great night out without disturbing our neighbors. Along with the
you love. Although it sounds clichéd, I have taken many straight friends down there, purchase of four mini buses and two vans at a cost £131k
a fantastic boyfriend, and anyone who says both male and female, without ever an We don’t pretend that we have got it right but we are getting there, as for the service this
I shouldn’t be proud to love him needs to incident. If she wishes to meet some decent will be redressed. All the above said if “ The Eternal Student “ felt that strong why did they
learn what love is. gay people the LGBT on campus is full of not come and speak to the President or myself. And why not say who you are?
wonderful people who would never have To finish we are here for all the students any student that feels there is areas that need
Yours Sincerely, put up with that. I personally would love to looking into should come and see us. After all it’s your Union.
SIMON NUTBROWN know who it was who said that…

Yours Sincerely, BOB ANDERSON


DANIELLA HOW USSU GENERAL MANAGER
6 COMMENT 25 September 2003

The First Day - A Freshers’ View


Neil Christie offers a few thoughts on his first day as a student at the University of Surrey
ARRIVAL ON SUNDAY was pretty hectic for all concerned, or everyone else is doing so much better – friends from the
so it seemed. A mass of boxes, in various shapes and sizes, last school, more friends on the floor etc but things aren’t
being carted around the campus – which in itself seems always as they seem. Sure there may be circles of friends
alien to those arriving. Was it me or did the guys in the in the Union and you get that depressing feeling of ‘wish it
court reception actually seem perplexed when you didn’t was me in there’, but it’s not the case that you’ve walked into
have a clue where your room was? The parents faff around, an environment where everyone knows everyone else and
trying to organise the essentials such as food, fridge space, you’re getting the stares.
bed linen – but the real worries were to start when the door However - it’s the second day (at time of writing) and the
closes behind them once the goodbyes have been made. course has yet to start. It’s definitely a mixture of emotions
It can be a pretty sudden shock, or a growing sensation over – from anxiety about the course itself, to missing loved ones,
a few days, but one way or another the chances are that the or being excited about the evening’s events. There will be
feeling of loneliness began to set in. A natural response to times (or so I’ve been assured) or absolute highs and absolute
being left in a place that’s unfamiliar, with new faces and lows for everyone. The best thing to do (again, so I’ve been
names to remember. Of course it’s not always the case and told!) is to keep mixing, keep smiling, and if you’re someone
if you’ve arrived with friends you were amongst the lucky who does have a circle of friends already, look out for the
people who could have a mate straight away to get used to single individuals wandering round with hopeful looks.
the idea of university life. But even though it makes the So far I’ve spoken to many freshers – international students,
process of making friends easier, it’s still something that has mature students, friends I’ve known for a while, as well as
to be done. some in their second, third, and final years. I may not see
Everyone’s in the same situation and it’s not long before But realistically of course this isn’t the case. There’s what many of them again, I may see some of them every day, but
people are saying hello and mixing together but somehow it – 12000 students on campus? Knowing even 100 people is the point is it’s far too early to tell. I’m enjoying being at
doesn’t always feel very definite. A lot of the conversations pretty good going. Think back to senior school, sixth form, Surrey, and although I spent the first day in various pubs in
can be with people that you’re sitting next to, or stumble or college. Chances are the whole year was around a few Guildford and, after the union, ended up with someone I’d
(literally) across in the union. So for certain periods of the hundred people, and even then some faces were familiar but met that day in my room (don’t jump to conclusions!) I’ve
day it feels like it’s settled, there’s security for the loneliness nothing more. managed to meet some great people already. If you see me
and before you know it you’ll know every face on campus. So what’s the message? Well, not to panic. I’ve met some about feel free to say hello and ask the classic “name, course,
However there are times when you can feel lonely and start people, and I’m included, who are worried about settling in and court please…”. My advice is to try the Pizzaman, but
to wonder where people have gone to. The explanation is a and meeting real friends – not just having conversations with get out the union early if you want to avoid a queue, and just
mixture of meetings, lectures, and meeting friends around a variety of people through the day. It may not be something keep on mixing – with people as well as drinks. In a week
campus – but when paranoia sets in it’s hard not to feel like that you’ve spoken about, but much more possible it is this place will be home, and you’ll be thinking “why was I
you want to reach out and phone a familiar voice. something that’s been thought. It always appears that even worried?”.

My Name’s Catherine, and I’m an Addict...


Catherine Lee admits that there is more to her seeminly harmless internet purchase than meets the eye
MY NAME’S CATHERINE and I’m an addict. took a lengthy e-mail exchange and my took to reveal that if I were a coffee I’d But then it gets almost sinister. See, I know
There, you’ve said it. Wasn’t too hard. magical powers of persuasion to convince be an espresso [“reliable, dependable and exactly how long I’ve got left on the planet,
Acknowledgement is the first step to them all was above board [though whether uncomplicated”], and that I apparently have though there was something dubious about
recovery; you’re already on the way. Don’t I have been added to any governmental an emerald aura [“down-to-earth, easy- this set of questions [“how often do you play
I have to admit what it is I’m addicted blacklist remains a mystery]. going” and somewhat more ambiguous, “as with explosives?”/ “do you look both ways
to? Well yes. That’s the difficult part. It’s I don’t think I’ve ever got quite so excited natural as an organic vegetable”]. I admit I before crossing the road?”]. Needless to say,
embarrassing. Come on, ,you’re amongst about a piece of technology – well, apart was slightly disturbed to learn that my inner I declined the offer of downloading my very
friends, try again. My name’s Catherine and from my stereo - and confess I spent hours colour is black though relieved to discover own personal countdown clock.
I’m an addict. I’m addicted to personality customizing the desktop and marvelling that, contrary to how it might be interpreted, I’ve started on this journey of discovery,
quizzes. There you go, done, give yourself at the CD and DVD features, astounded this does not signify I’m nothing but a bitter, self-affirmation maybe, and there appears
a pat on the back. Now start at the very by its quick response times yet soothed twisted soul of evil. Rather, I’m “serene, to be no end. Perhaps it’s just a desperate
beginning… by the reassuring purr of the hard drive. mysterious” and have an “uncompromising attempt to define my role within society,
It all started this summer. I bought a Simple pleasures I know. And perhaps I demand for perfection”. In addition, my a means of justifying personal quirks and
computer. It’s a wonder it ever arrived should be more worried by these alarming inner flavour is liquorice – “strong and edgy, idiosyncrasies but who doesn’t want to know
actually. So dazed was I by all the technical observations. But I digress. You’re probably an enigmatic but tantalizing treat”. more about themselves? Won’t it help with
specifications that in a state of tick-box wondering what my newfound fascination Now I’m finding it hard to stop. There’s job applications when I’m asked to describe
enchantment I unwittingly confirmed computers has to do with my addiction. In something strangely compelling about these my qualities? And what about when I’m
that indeed I was “intending to export fact, it has everything to do with it. You see, quizzes. The minute I’ve completed one set introducing myself to new acquaintances?
the hardware to Afghanistan for military not only have I become IT capable over the of questions, I want more - I want to know If I don’t know who I am, then how can I
purposes”, a detail brought to my attention holidays, I’ve also discovered the Internet. what other fascinating insights the Internet expect them to? I mean…
only later when I was informed that in And the Internet is an unbridled resource can offer. I’ve been told the date I’m getting I’m afraid our time’s up for today. Already?
that case, regrettably, my order could not of information. It can tell you more or less married, for example, though I’m not going Oh, OK. Would you mind if I wait in here
be processed. Unfortunately, the dramatic anything you want or need to know – in my to tell you that for two reasons. Firstly, I’m until its stopped raining? No, not at all.
scenario I half-imagined would ensue, instance, it’s opened my eyes to the person I moderately superstitious [only moderately, Thanks.
whereby my house was surrounded by local truly am. Well… maybe. scoring just 19 out of a possible 30] and don’t Could you pass me the magazine please?
SAS forces headed by an officer booming It seemed harmless. Prompted by a pop- particularly want to jinx any chance I have There’s a quiz I want to do.
into a megaphone, never panned out. up, a few minutes spent answering some of future married bliss, and secondly, I’d
Instead, rather disappointingly, it simply thought-provoking questions was all it rather not scare off any potential contenders! barefacts@ussu.co.uk
25 September 2003 PROFESSIONAL 7

Alumni Calling... Dr Russ Replies


DR RUSS CLARK | CAREERS SERVICE

I’ve got lots of ideas for jobs buzzing around in my head.


This is YOUR chance to earn money, have fun and help yourself and other students. We are still How can I find out what they are really like?
recruiting for our team of 40 callers to work on the Annual Fund telephone campaign. This is a difficult question to answer because the best way
to find out what a job is like is by doing it. However, there
are other things you can do which will help. For example,
THE JOB: and job application. you could talk to people who are already employed in jobs
In November this year the University will hold a telephone which interest you. Some of these may be at the Careers
campaign organised by The Alumni & Development THE CLOSING DATE FOR APPLICATIONS IS THE 30 SEPTEMBER – SO Fair on 9 October, at employer presentations and at careers
Office to raise funds for student support, library services and ACT FAST! talks. Academic staff are also worth approaching as they
the campus environment. have often had other jobs or know someone who is working
Contact: Amintha Buckland, Alumni & Development in an area in which you are interested.
THE DETAILS: Office.
Training: Saturday 1 and Sunday 2 November 10.00am to Email: a.buckland@surrey.ac.uk or alumni@surrey.ac.uk What about specific information like salaries, career
5.00pm Tel: 01483 689236 prospects and so on?
The Prospects website www.prospects.ac.uk carries a
Calling: From Sunday 2 November to Friday 28 November CLOSING DATE: TUESDAY 30 SEPTEMBER useful A-Z of occupations which includes most of the
inclusive at various times. essential information you are likely to need. It also links
You will NOT be expected to work all shifts and you will In association with Unis Ambassadors. to other information sources should you wish to research
be paid for time spent training. a particular occupation in greater depth. The take-away
Information Booklets in the Careers Service carry the same
Duties: Callers will call selected Alumni to update them on information as Prospects if you would prefer to have your
University news and activities; engage them in conversation own permanent copy.
about the University and get their feedback on events,
publications, etc; and discuss other ways of involving them Once I have more information, how can I narrow things
with the University. down?
Actually, you can avoid having to be too selective by running
Callers will also need to record call details on computers a number of ideas together. There is nothing to stop you from
provided. applying for different things, eg accountancy and banking or
research and production, so long as you can justify your
Person Specification: Above all, callers need to enjoy choice on application forms and give a good account of
speaking to people and have an outgoing, pleasant and yourself at interview. After all, if you’re someone with a
friendly manner - the calling should be enjoyable for both range of interests and skills, why shouldn’t you be suited to
caller and alumni/ae! Reliability and self-confidence are more than one type of work? If you’re asked in an interview
important, as are tact and discretion; all personal information whether you’ve applied for other things, all you have to say
must be treated as confidential beyond the calling room. is that you’d be equally good at those!

TO APPLY: But wouldn’t it help to at least try to prioritise my


Please email alumni@surrey.ac.uk for the full job description choices?
Yes, that would give you more control of the process.
You could, for example, prioritise your applications into
three groups; idealistic, realistic and materialistic. If your
Coming Up in Week 4 at the Careers Service ‘favourite’ job happens to be something like journalism,
PR or advertising, then you can expect a huge amount of
FINDING OUT MORE
SUCCESSFUL APPLICATIONS competition from other applicants. These sorts of jobs tend
MONDAY 29 SEPTEMBER 1 – 1.45 PM IN LT F to fall into the idealistic category. You should give it your
Russ Clark will talk about application forms, cv and covering letters and how to use them to market yourself effectively. best shot, but you might also like to keep something up your
sleeve which is a bit more realistic.
DEVELOPING YOUR SKILLS
GETTING STARTED* Such as?
WEDNESDAY 1 OCTOBER 2 – 4.30 PM IN LT J There isn’t a set list of these as it would differ from person to
A second chance to attend this workshop to help you get started, it includes self assessment exercises to help you to decide. person. Realistic jobs are those which you’d be reasonably
happy doing and which are usually easier to get into. Even
CIMA BOARDROOM CHALLENGE*
THURSDAY 2 OCTOBER 6 PM IN LT B if they’re not your first choice, they may turn out to be
This is a 2.5 hour interactive session enabling students to work through a case study and develop the types of skills that would be satisfying in other ways and, who knows, could provide a
required in a career in management accountancy. stepping stone into your ideal job. You can probably ignore
the materialistic at this stage since it is really only a fall-back
EMPLOYER PRESENTATIONS position should you need to do something just to earn some
PROCTER & GAMBLE* money.
MONDAY 29 SEPTEMBER 6.30 PM IN LT B
Information for finalists and placement students in chemistry, chem and mech eng (BEng) and bio sciences. This session will be How can I find out how easy or difficult it is to get certain
followed by an aptitude test, you will need a calculator and pencil.
jobs?
SODEXHO* If you’d like some idea of the level of competition, the A – Z
MONDAY 29 SEPTEMBER 6.15 PM IN LT M occupations section on the Prospects website will tell you.
International catering and support services organisation. Opportunities for graduates in any dis, especially catering and hospitality. Having this information at your fingertips makes planning
a lot easier.
VODAFONE*
TUESDAY 30 SEPTEMBER 6.15 PM IN LT M
Opportunities for finalists and placement students in business, mgt, engineering, maths, physics, finance and technology.
Got a career problem you think Dr Russ could help
To register with the Careers Service, or to find out more, with? Pop into the Careers Service or send your question
please email c.arrowsmith@surrey.ac.uk to barefacts@ussu.co.uk.
8 UNION 25 September 2003

Union Council - Getting Your Voice Heard


Union President, Pete Tivers, introduces the centrepiece of the Students’ Union at UniS
UNION COUNCIL IS the governing body of Who Makes Up Council? Nominations ahve almost closed for Union Executive elections, but your Union still needs
the Union. Elected Officers (your fellow Union Council comprises of many elected you! I know its a cliche but in this case its true. For too long now it has been only the
students) are responsible for approving all representatives, the Union Executive Sabbatical Officers who have had a hand in Union decision making. The Executive team is
the Union’s campaigns and policies, and Committee and other Union Councilors (a made up of 16 positions of which only 5 are Sabbaticals. As the Societies and Sports Officers
holding the Executive to account on behalf list of which are below): are elected by their Standing Committees, there are 9 part time positions available in the
of the wider Union membership at Surrey. Union Executive Committee: upcoming election. If you have always wanted to be in a strong position to get your view
It’s where decisions are made and you can The Executive is made up of the 5 Sabbatical heard, if you have lots of useful ideas or if you just want to help out the Union you know and
make your feelings about the Union known. Officers, and 11 Student Officers: love, then here’s your chance!
Union Council meets once a month on Union Chairperson There is a full list of positions available on the home page of ussu.co.uk, for
Tuesday lunchtimes during term-time on Culture & Events Officer detailed job descriptions come and pick up a handbook in the Activities Centre
the Main Union dance floor; meetings begin Accommodation Officer (Union Building) and/or talk to one of the sabbatical officers about what the job
at 1.00pm and last for under an hour. Union Academic Affairs Officer would entail. If you are interested here are a couple of dates for your diaries:
Council is a forum for all members to make Campaigns Officer • Nominations close, Friday 26th September
their voice heard. We actively encourage as Ethics & Equal Opportunities Officer • Candidates Briefing, Monday 29th September
many people to attend as possible. If you have Placement & Employed Students Officer • Campaigning Begins, Tuesday 30th September
a complaint to raise, an issue you wish to see Non-Portfolio Officer x 2 • Union Council (Question Time/Ballot/Count), Tuesday 7th October
discussed, or you simply want to find out The other Union Councilors are:
more about what happens in your Students’
Union then Union Council is the place to be!
Societies Executive Officers
Sports Executive Officers - STOP PRESS -
All members of the Union are encouraged Academic School Representatives
There will be a special Union Council on Thursday 25th September that will be a
to come along and watch or speak at the Accommodation Representatives
Freshers General Meeting. We want as many people as possible there so we can show
meetings. Only Elected members of Student Environmental Officer
you our plans for the year and how you can get involved. Everyone is welcome,
Council can actually vote, so make sure you International Students’ Officer
whichever year you are in. All we ask for is just one hour of your time! Items to be
let your representatives know how you feel Disabled Students’ Officer
discussed will be the ‘Lights. Camera. Action.’ campaign, the main NUS campaign for
about the issues being discussed. Minutes Women Students’ Officer
the year - ‘Stop Fees Now’ and the Union Executive elections.
and agendas of all meetings will be posted LGB Students’ Officer
on the Union Council page of the Union Mature Students’ Officer
Location: AP3
website www.ussu.co.uk, along with some Postgraduate Students’ Officer
Date: 25th September
more general information about Student Part-time Students’ Officer
Time: 1pm
Council and its activities. Racial Relations Officer
25 September 2003 COMMUNICATE 9

Communicate
student media
Do You GU2?
BY AMELIA LEFROY Freshers’ Fayre, which I’m preparing for and if you’ve decided you don’t want to pass
STATION MANAGER at the time this goes to print, but hopefully up the best opportunity of your life then
many of you will be already signed up to email me to get trained up in presenting,
FIRST OFF, A big hello from GU2 to all freshers your chosen society… and some of you will production, marketing, promotions or
who moved in over the past few days. This have signed up to join us in our pursuit of technical at manager@gu2.co.uk. If you
weekend saw the dawning of GU2’s first bring the University of Surrey Campus the prefer the more personal touch we’ll be
outside Broadcast of the year 2003-4. What best possible radio! And then… being the meeting in Harri’s Bar on Thursday 2nd
an immense experience! Between the hours muppets we are, we’re going to be doing it October at 6.30 for a pub crawl around
of 3 and 11 on Saturday and 11 until 5 on the all over again! This time it’s going to be in Guildford. As if that’s not enough, you
Sunday GU2 was broadcasting LIVE from Roots Café Bar, from 3 until 11. There’s can also ome to our introductory meeting in
outside of Chancellors Bar and Restaurant going to be a beer filled fridge given out at Lecture Theatre F on Monday at 7pm
on Campus. Our ‘Roaming Reporters’ were 6.30 so if you’re running out of beer funds
bring us live updates from drop off points already, Fear Not!!!
in Stag Hill and University Court. All of Of course this article wouldn’t be complete
us who took part really enjoyed it… even without the usual plug… www.gu2.co.uk to 1350AM | GU2
if we were left shattered! Then there’s the listen online, 1350am to listen on the radio,

barefacts notices

Music Society (Dance) AGM | Friday 26th


September | 5pm | Union Committee Room

Maths and Computing Society AGM | Monday


29th September | 3pm | Location to be confirmed By Chris Ward and Sarah Butterworth
be heard
he
MANY PEOPLE HAVE asked us for more information on writing for shoppers, and can be serious or funny. Contact the Editor or Editor
Presha (underground dance) AGM | Monday 29th
Sept | 6pm | Union Committee Room Barefacts. What section should I write for? What skills will be in Chief for more info on this section.
needed for that particular section? Well, fear not, for below is Music – Pretty self explanatory really. If you feel you are a music
Law Society AGM | Monday 29th September | the concise guide to the different Barefacts sections. If you are guru of your preferred genre, get in touch with either one of the
6pm | Lecture Theatre L interested in any of them, don’t hesitate to email the respective editor Music Editors, or turn up to the music handout at 5.15pm on
(see inside front cover). Mondays in the USSU Media Cente.
Women’s Rugby EGM | Tuesday 30th September News – If you feel you can write an objective unbiased news report Film – The Film section is typically split into two parts – cinema
| 6.30pm | Location to be confirmed
on both national and local student events, perhaps the news team is and television. The latest films are reviewed, as well as some old
Volleyball AGM | Wednesday 1st October | for you. classics.
1.15pm | Union Committee Room Comment – Are you capable of writing/structuring a good Theatre – Both local and West End shows are reviewed in the
argumentative point on a controversial subject? Do you have a Theatre section. If you are a budding theatrical critic, don’t hesitate
Mountain Biking Club AGM | Wednesday 1st random idea you want to tell everyone about? Comment articles to get in contact with our Theatre Editor for more information.
October | 2pm | Chancellor’s Patio could be on anything from top-up fees to the mentality of supermarket Literature – The Literature section covers most forms of the
expressive written word – poetry, drama, and prose. You could write
Russian Society AGM | Wednesday 1st October | reviews, articles, or even produce your own creative piece. Speak to
6pm | Location to be confirmed our Literature Editor for more information.
Lifestyle – Lifestyle caters for anything and everything that doesn’t
Rifle Club AGM | Tuesday 1st October | 6pm |
Location to be confirmed fall under one of the other barefacts sections. You might want to
start a cookery section, write the lyrics quiz or stars or come up with
Fencing Club AGM | Thursday 2nd October | something relating to general University life that hasn’t even been
1pm | Union Committee Room tried yet! If you fancy becoming a published writer at very little
effort, why not send in a couple of personals!
Breakdancing Society AGM | Thursday 2nd Sport – If you fancy writing reports on sporting events or general
October | 7pm | Helyn Rose Bar articles on sport, get in contact with our Sports Editor.
Marketing - You might be interested in helping out with the
Catholic Society AGM | Sunday 5th Oct | 6.30pm
marketing, finding advertising and promoting bf on and off campus.
| Quiet Centre
If you are still unsure, please pop in and speak to either Chris or
Ultimate Frisbee EGM | Wednesday 8th October Sarah, who will give you some more information and help you find
| 2pm | Location to be confirmed a suitable spot. If you do not wish to be a regular writer, and simply
wish to submit the odd article, you are more than welcome.
Singapore Society AGM | Wednesday 8th Don’t forget to pop along to the general Barefacts meeting every
October | 6.30pm | Lecture Theatre G Thursday at 5pm if you fancy getting involved. Otherwise… drop
us a line… barefacts@ussu.co.uk
25 September 2003 VOLUNTEERING 11

Revitilise Your Life…With ‘The V Project’!

Da da daaa, de de-da-da daaa!! – The A Team of course!


‘The A Team’ are a group of UniS students/ staff who
run various one off events to benefit the local community
– last year events ranged from a fun Christmas shopping Coffee, Cuppa & Cake...
trip for the elderly to an exhilarating ‘battle of the bands’.
There will be a meeting on Tuesday 30th September at
5pm (for 1 hour max) for anyone interested in getting
involved. We will meet in the ‘Committee/ GM Room’ in
the USSU (opposite my office for those of you who have Friday 26th September
located me! You can just turn up but it would be good if
you could let me know in advance (contact details below)
so I know how many people to expect! Ta! 10am - 12pm
Here are some other extraordinary exciting events that have
been whipped into shape for you: Chancellor’s Bar, USSU
Coffee, Cuppa & Cake… Come to Chancellor’s
Bar in the morning between 10am – 12pm on Friday Come and have something to munch and drink - all with the aim of having
26th September and have something to munch and drink fun and rasing money for Macmillan Cancer Relief!
- all with the aim of having fun and raising money for
Macmillan Cancer Relief – fantastic! If you would like to find out more information, please contact Carol Main at
USSU on (68)3254, or email c.main@surrey.ac.uk
Casualty… How does the idea grab you of being
made up by real life ‘casualty simulation artists’? You will
be made up to look as if you’ve sustained an injury, and
then the bonus is that you’ll even get treated for it! You’ll

03
be given snacks and hot drinks, whilst being able to see
how a large incident is managed, and having loads of fun!
The Surrey branch of St. John’s Ambulance are providing
this great opportunity, which will take place on Saturday
4th and Sunday 5th October, 6-9pm. Contact me for more
details.
Feeling Sensory!? Ohh err! Come along to a local
infants school for a few hours on Saturday 18th October
to help plant a sensory garden and pull out lots of weeds
Union Elections
(don’t know the difference between a plant or weed – no
worries! - there are only weeds! – great for relieving Nominations now open:
frustration!!)
for the election of ussu part time executive positions:
A quick reminder…if you are on the committee of a club/
society, or involvedyou are automatically classed as part of
The V Project, and all you have to do to get your snazzy
Academic Affairs Officer
certificate at the end of the year is make yourself known to Accommodation Officer
me – easy peasy! Campaigns Officer
Culture & Events Officer
Have a great week and get in touch! Ethics & Equal Opportunities Officer
Non Portfolio Officer (2 posts)
Carol x :o)
Placement & Employed Students Officer
Name | Carol Main Union Chairperson
Tel | (01483) (68) 3254
Email | c.main@surrey.ac.uk and union councillors:
Web | http://www.ussu.co.uk/volunteering
Person | The Activities Centre @ USSU
Racial Relations Officer
Constitution & Elections Committee (5 posts)

nominations close on friday 26th september at 1pm and campaigning begins on


tuesday 30th september 2003. voting is at union council on tuesday 7th september.

for a nomination booklet, or just to find out more information, please contact the
deputy returning officer scott farmer (s.farmer@surrey.ac.uk) or speak to any of
the Sabbatical Officers in the Students’ Union Activities Centre.
THEATRE MUSIC
Theatre Editor Daisy The barefacts music
Clay digs out her most team bring you reviews
outrageous outfit and of music you know, you
spends the night with a don’t know, and music you
sweet transvestite never even knew existed!

singles
IRON MAIDEN PLACEBO LENE MARLIN
WILDEST DREAMS SLEEPING WITH GHOSTS ANOTHER DAY
Sanctuary Virgin Music EMI
AMBULANCE LTD
PRIMITIVE (THE WAY I TREAT YOU) From the moment the count in Sleeping With Ghosts is probably Space on coffee tables is at a
TVT Records reaches 1 you can tell it’s Iron Placebo’s best album to date. They premium of late, what with Dido
Maiden. This is no bad thing finally released an album that is finally realising there’s more to
Already described by the NME as though; the track is an exquisite diverse, yet good most of the way life than No Angel, so we are
‘the hottest new band from New piece of rock action. The guitar through, which is something they
KINESIS left to assume either that Lene
York’©, Ambulance Ltd have a work is on top form and the did have a problem with. It is now
ONE WAY MIRROR Marlin is feeling confident about
lot of hype to live up to. With this piece wields one big shiny meat being re-released with a bonus
Independiente her follow up to the 1.7m selling
single they show flashes of promise hook of a chorus. Outstanding CD of covers. These include The Playing My Game or that her
but fail to rise above the standard guitar riffs combined with Pixies’ Where Is My Mind, which I
In a music scene awash with music label are hoping she will
set by many other garage bands the great chorus make it one had the fortune to hear live. It may
apathy and indifference, it’s disappear without trace. Based
from the ‘Big Apple’. Similar storming song - Don’t be be awesome amongst the depths of
refreshing to know that some on this outing, she has every
in music style to Black Rebel ashamed to pick up the air the Astoria, but on record it does
bands really do still care. right to feel confident she didn’t
Motorcycle Club, singer Marcus guitar. n.b. no justice at all to the original. The
Kinesis’ political activism may just get lucky first time around.
Congleton offers a confident, if same applies to 20th Century boy
currently be more distinguishing Title track and opener Another
lazy performance reminiscent (recorded for the soundtrack of
than their slightly tense chorus- Day is an excellent song and
of former Pavement frontman glam film The Velvet Goldmine),
centric rock, but beneath prospective single, as is the
Stephen Malkmus. Overall this and in fact most of the covers
the youthful effervescence wonderful Story which closes the
is an encouraging start, with B- here. Then we have the travesty
– undoubtedly best experienced album. Although on occasions
side Heavy Lifting offering further that is the woeful attempt at The
live – lies definite potential. All what comes between loses its
promise. m.f Smiths’ classic Bigmouth Strikes
it takes now is a mild concession way in a quasi-emotional, I’m-
to populism in the form of some Again. They really shouldn’t have in-love-and-broken-hearted
slightly catchier songwriting, bothered. j.a. sort of way, the resounding
KATASTROPHY WIFE Sleeping With Ghosts
and they could potentially go feeling is one of progress and
MONEY SHOT Bonus disc
far. j.d. - to Marlin’s credit - a wee
Integrity
bit of experimentation, albeit
within the confines of a standard
Even with Evanensence doing
acoustic band framework.
THE DARKNESS their best, the idea of fem-
From This Day sounds like
I BELIEVE IN A THING CALLED powered kick-ass rock music
it could have been written by
LOVE (Katastrophy Wife’s words,
Portishead and, despite leaning
Atlantic not mine) lost it’s appeal when
Starsailor heavily on Torn, Whatever It
Courtney displayed her knickers
Takes has a chorus Westlife
One of the hottest bands of the for the nth time and everyone
would be proud of, which - in
moment The Darkness re-release cried “enough”, leaving a large,
this case - is surprisingly no
I Believe In A Thing Called testosterone-filled gap where
bad thing. Although certainly
Love hot off the heels of support once stood a woman in a skirt.
VERTIGO ANGELS not leading the acoustic march
slots at Knebworth, Reading Katastrophy Wife certainly won’t
ERADICATE APATHY out of Norway, Lene Marlin
and headliners at the prestigious be changing that set-up in the
Livewire/Cargo is certainly in-step with her
University Of Surrey Students’ forseeable future, this song being
contemporary counterparts
Union. Inspiring men and what can only be described as
Vertigo Angels are a female Kings of Convenience and,
women alike to sing ridiculously some sort of feminist-ironic take
fronted rock act, rock with a on the strength of this album,
high falsetto vocals and play air on the deliverance of a Money
pop-edge to it. This pop-ish deserves to be more than sitting
guitar every time they appear Shot to a non-willing participant,
tinge mainly comes from the down anywhere her first album
can only be a good thing. complete with mono-riff motif
album’s vocals, they sound quite might have put her. r.w.
Justin’s Freddy Mercury vocals and not much else. r.w.
delivered in their distinctive saccharine but never come across
‘Cock-Rock’ fashion even as sickly sweet. The album opens
allows time for the inevitable well with Firefly then Push Push
hand clapping climaxing and continues along well enough
with 80’s rock guitar solos in but, alas, the pace drops as the
what can only be described as album goes on. Unfortunately for To become part of the bf
magnificent. m.b. me the quality of the album also
declines with the pace. Whereas music team, just turn up to
the two previously mentioned
openers were up-tempo some of the meetings at 5.15pm
Kinesis the later songs just seem to drag
on. The Intro to tracks Burned on Mondays in the USSU
and Terminally You start with
initial promise but never seem to Media Centre.

albums
shift out of neutral. Apparently
their live shows are full of
energy. Odd, anyway the album’s
a tad inconsistent but not without
it’s moments. n.b.
25 September 2003 MUSIC 15
THE MARS VOLTA HAWKSLEY WORKMAN SPIRITUALIZED FUN LOVIN CRIMINALS Live @ The Union, 16th
INERTIATIC ESP LOVER/FIGHTER AMAZING GRACE® WELCOME TO POPPYS September
Universal Island U music Spaceman Records Difontane/Sanctuary Open Mic Night

This is the first offering from Already a major star in Canada, After the overblown orchestral FLC return with their fourth The first Live night at the Union
The Mars Volta’s highly Hawksley Workman offers pomp of fourth album Let it Come studio album, their follow up for the new semester had a lot to
praised debut album, De-loused comparisons to a whole range Down, Jason Pierce has gone to to 2001s Loco. This album live up to. The last band to grace
In The Comatorium and sets of musical greats, such as Bowie the complete extreme. Most of the marks a return to their original our stage was The Darkness,
the tone for their high octane (through lyrical content), and U2 tracks on Amazing Grace® were form of their first two albums who headlined our Battle of the
style. It is no surprise to learn (with singing style). However, learnt, rehearsed and recorded (Come Find Yourself and 100% Bands final in May, and have
that the band’s members were this can sometimes lead to his live within the space of a day. The Colombian). Welcome to Poppys since taken cock-rock to the
previously with At The Drive downfall. By trying to live up album opens with a bang, the first shows the Criminals fuse the top of the charts. We started the
In - as they continue where to such illustrious luminaries, he two tracks (including single She chilled jazzy vibes of Loco with year with an open mic night.
their previous incarnation left often falls short. This may be Kissed Me (It Felt Like a Hit)) the energy and aggression that For those of you unfamiliar
off. Inertiatic is an excellent rather a harsh judgement, but by being stripped back, unrefined punk they found on their first two with Live, we have one of these
example of what to expect from not doing anything new musically rawk. It then slips into eclecticism, albums. The first single Too a couple of times a semester,
the album, but fails to recapture in style what is produced is the countrified musings of Hold Hot has a catchy bass-line and is and you – yes you – can get up
the excitement and freshness of middle-of-the-road softrock with On and the jazz breakdown of The likely to get you dancing. From on stage and perform whatever
any of the At The Drive In back a few swear words thrown in for Power and the Glory being just the chilled vibes on Friday Night crap you want to us. Opening
catalogue. m.f shock value. Although there is not the beginning of a trip through J to the rock of Lost It All and up for us tonight were two final
much wrong with this collection of Spaceman’s messed up head. It Baby the album is very much years calling themselves Albino.
songs, there is precious little to get may not be the best thing you’ll better than Loco and owes more They were very good, playing
excited about. m.f hear all week, but it is the work of to Come Find Yourself and 100% some excellent covers including
one of rock music’s true enigmas. Colombian. As I said, a most The Doves’ The Man Who Told
For that, respect is due. j.a. welcome return. p.w. Everything, Coldplay’s Shiver
cla

and Blue’s Fly By. Other acts


included a final year having
ssic

returned from an obviously very


depressing placement, judging
by the material he had written
while he was there. Quite a low
alb

THERAPY? turn out this time round, but


Troublegum that will only improve. Check
A&M this weeks events planner for
um

Troublegum was information on who is playing


Therapy?’s second on Tuesday of Week 4, and do
album proper and come along and join me down
was also the album the front for what promises to
which dragged them into be a good night!
the spotlight back in 1994. j.a.
Released following the top
ten single/EP Shortsharpshock,
featuring Screamager, a track
that still gets people up on
dance floors to this day, also

Unkle
The Fun Lovin’ Criminals
this album remains the band’s
biggest success. Following ‘that
whole grunge thing’ in the early
nineties it received commercial
and critical acclaim – It even
made the Mercury Music Prize
nominations. Lyrically it may
be seen as gloriously narrow-
minded as the beautiful people
and society all get lashed at
The Interview
By Matt Badcock
with energetic vitriol. The music After the hype of 1998’s Psyence Fiction says “The idea of the album was to have it”. “It seems after it they’ve had a lot more
is even better; it’s sort of a the follow up sees a change in personnel and no barriers as rhythms go and influences”. contact and I think they were the two who
bubblegum metal hybrid chocked direction, James Lavelle and Richard File Talking about the inspiration behind the walked out that situation feeling they would
full of storming riffs, great bass describe their time producing Never, Never, album a quite Rich says “Fleetwood Mac, like to work together again”. Describing
and unusually tight drumming. Land. With a change in the line up Lavelle heart felt shit, Grandaddy, the Software the processes of song selection James says
The band didn’t want to be stuck comments that “I was wanting someone to be Slump is one of my favourite albums of “With Ian Brown you have a specific idea
in a groove so their next album vocally involved more than one song, gluing the last few years and Mercury Rev stuff up tempo and orchestral” with all tracks the
departed wildly from this style it together” referring to their disjointed debut that I was listening to at the time in my collaborator, James and Rich take an idea and
and they haven’t reverted to it album. To fit James’s master plan, inspiration car”. Adding these vocal influences to the tailor it with The Queen Of The Stoneages
since. Every track on the album was to come from a more obvious source, album, Rich is able to add a consistency and Josh Homme on hearing the backing adding
is a finely crafted punk/metal/ close friend Richard File adding his vocals atmospheric lyrics developing their sound. the lyrics and vocals. Renowned for their
grunge celebration of Angst: and production skills to the project. With Explaining what Never, Never, Land is about collaborations and guest vocalists who
Femtex proudly announcing this drastic shift in personnel, saw a change James recalls “The record is about growing have included the likes of Thom Yorke of
“Masturbation saved my life”, in sound “Allowing us to move foreword” up and finding a certain point when things Radiohead UNKLE still have their eyes set
Trigger Inside’s ferocity and adding that “Most albums I enjoy have have to change and whether or not to accept on the likes of “PJ Harvey, she’s amazing
Unrequited’s bizarre orchestral diversity, like the Queen Of The Stoneage it or not”. “Its a male record, all the songs and someone I admire and definitely would
fusion and Knives remaining one and Radiohead as the record takes you on a have kind of paranoia and having to deal with do anything with”. Taking the album on the
of the greatest album openers to journey”. Never, Never, Land illustrates their those things”. road UNKLE are aiming the live band will be
date. (“I wanna crawl up inside desire to progresses and innovate with their Inner State brings together ex Stone Roses “Reflecting what the record is about” with a
you and die!”) There’s also an sound more, than previous sampled hip-hop Ian Brown and Mani with James explaining visual and multimedia show that “Reflects the
excellent Joy Division cover influenced, Psyence Fiction. Discussing “ I hope what its allowed to happened is for UNKLE album”. Never, Never Land is out
thrown in for good measure. n.b. the inspiration behind the album Lavelle their relationship to have got stronger from to buy on 22nd September on Island Records.
Literature
16 LITERATURE 25 September 2003

Homer’s The Odyssey - An ancient Greek fantasy?


Literature Editor, Jennifer Walker looks at the ancient classic

The war with Troy has ended and the Greek armies are from the war have returned home, yet this news does not
Endurance
to depart for their home, but for one man, Odysseus that cause his mother to lose hope and is determined to wait for
journey will take forever. After not giving his gratitude to
the gods, Odysseus is cursed that he shall spend eternity
her husband.
Odysseus’ tale is told first from Calypso’s island, after he
by Chris Ward
searching for his home, lost at sea and to never see his wife had lost all his crew during the struggle with the monsters
and child again. of Scylla and Charybdis. The
This is one of the most famous possessive and desperate love of the Suffocating pain looms like a blackened cloud
of the Greek myths, and it is not beauteous nymph keeps Odysseus
Things always work out, do they?
surprising why. The Odyssey is full prisoner on her island, until Hermes,
of fantastical creatures, weird places, the gods’ messenger, arrives, who Perhaps, but the unbearable endurance remains.
beautiful and alluring goddesses tells her that it is the gods’ wish
Can it be avoided?
and lots of heroics and adventure. that he should be freed. Odysseus
Homer manages to create a world journeys freely after making his Endurance is atonement. We all must face the dagger
so fantastical and wonderful, yet still peace with Poseidon, finds himself
of suffering.
making it real and relevant for his in the land of Phaeacia. He then
time. The Odyssey is a science-fiction tells the king of his journey from
fantasy of the Greek world, however the beginning; the tales of the
The cold metal penetrates my skin. Excruciating
its setting is contemporary for the Cyclops, Circe, and all of the other
time when it was written, thereby adventures that occur on his eternal pain scrambles through me, will it stop?
making the Odyssey believable and journey home. The book concludes
Endure it, for you may not feel it soon.
relevant to the Greeks of his time. with a bloody massacre of the many
His principle characters are suitors that have plagued upon I try, but cannot. I pity myself, for the past cannot be
also very three-dimensional and Odysseus’ land and of his people.
changed, surely forgiveness is possible?
well-rounded; Odysseus’ angst, It is interesting to see however, that
frustration and desperation as a Homer starts his story in the middle Mercy is nothing but a façade that closes the surface
result of his tortured struggle home not at the beginning or even at the
of a wound, yet does not heal the depth.
can be empathised very strongly end.
by the reader, as well as the pained Despite being over two thousand
sorrow of his wife Penelope also years old The Odyssey still fills
Mistakes are not always there to be learnt from.
pulls at the heart strings. modern readers with a fascination
Homer did not in fact write The Odyssey, it was created for the culture, the superstition and beliefs of its time. But The jagged dagger may twist and plunge too far.
orally to be told as memorised poetry, originally in the one thing that is the aim of the Greek tales, is to have some
The past is the past, and cannot be undone.
form of hexameters (a Greek style of poetry). However the moral meaning, some message to humanity. The stories are
modern translation that I have read is re-written as prose created as an education, and the message that is engraved The dagger will inflict pain, but it will not grant you
form. It is very easy to read as the translation within this book is that of perseverance and of the temptation
the mercy of death.
is written in modern English (translated of and easy life. Odysseus was offered many different options
by E.V. Rieu), but it still tries to keep the on his journey, the ease of living with the goddess Circe and
beautiful literary imagery that was used the nymph Calypso, or just giving up and taking drugs with
in its traditional poetic form. the lotus eaters, or that of instant wealth and fame
The Odyssey is a sequel to The Iliad; that was offered to him by marriage to the
however the story of “The Siege of Troy” Phaeacian king’s daughter Nausicaa. But
is well known to most people, so it is not it is the perseverance of Odysseus and
essential that it is read before the odyssey. As Penelope, to not let go of their dream
a matter of fact it is unfair to say that The and world together, no matter
Odyssey is a sequel, because as a story what the odds. It is a book about
it stands alone by itself. Aristotle wrote hope and determination, which
in Poetics that Homer’s The Odyssey teaches any generation that reads
is unique, as it tells the story of one it about the fact that anything can
particular character and one moment be achieved with perseverance .
only, that of Odysseus’ return; which Odysseus would have forfeited
is unlike The Iliad that depicts many his identity and himself by giving
different events. up and accepting the easier, more
The book begins in Ithaca after the available option offered to him at
Trojan war, suitors from all around have the time. The Odyssey is a horrific
overstayed their welcome for hope fantasy, with a real edge, and a relevant
of marrying the beautiful queen message to any society.
Penelope. Telemachus, Odysseus’
son searches for what happened
to his father and finds out from barefacts@ussu.co.uk
king Menaleus that all the ships
25 September 2003 THEATRE 17

TheatreinSurrey
Theatre Editor, Daisy Clay fishes out her fishnets and corset and spends the night with a sweet transvestite

entirely different midst of an experiment to create the perfect props to take include newspapers, torches
experience. man (whom he christens Rocky Horror). and rubber gloves. Dressing up may sound
The RHS is Alongside the doctor are his entourage, lead daunting to RHS virgins (known as this
musical theatre, by hunchback henchman Riff Raff and his because virgins are not expected to know
although it really incestuous sister Magenta, and assisted by anything their first time – just like in sex),
deserves to be tap dancing groupie Columbia. Once inside but be assured that once at the theatre there
seen as a whole the castle, Brad and Janet are astonished will be people dressed more outrageously
different type of at the strange world of science fiction and than you. It is almost scary how at home
theatre in itself: fantasy they have entered. Following some one can feel in a corset, fishnet tights and
participatory Time Warping and general transsexual pearls…
theatre, where mischief, the old professor whom Brad In terms of the audience participation lines
the audience and Janet had originally set out to visit, to be shouted at the cast, there are two lines
Men in drag, French maids, wall-to- and their contribution are vital to the Dr. Scott, suddenly arrives. From this point almost universal to every theatre which can
wall corsets, more make-up than Boots, evening’s entertainment. The show involves onwards the heat rises, as Frank, not wanting be used repeatedly. Whenever the phrase
suspenders and fish-net tights as far as the audience interaction and participation in Dr Scott to reveal his true alien-spy-from- “Brad Majors” is heard, the audience are
eye can see…what could possibly link these a way like few other shows do. Now the another-galaxy identity, seduces first Janet, to shout “asshole” and for the phrase “Janet
all together? (sorry, UniS’ very own Fetish words ‘interaction’ and ‘participation’ may and then Brad into his lustful clutches. Weiss”, “slut” should be shouted. Simple!
Night is not the answer I was looking for, conjure up various pantomime-related Overwhelmed by her newfound libido, Janet Despite many lines extending across
although we are now all thinking along the images, where audiences merely recite all then passionately attacks Frank’s perfect different performances (and audiences) it is
same kinky lines). The answer is actually, those classic panto phrases, like he’s behind man Rocky Horror. At the point of this encouraged for new lines to be shouted in
the one and only Rocky Horror Show! you and boo or hiss–but I must emphasise Transylvanian orgy it would spoil the plot order to make the show more spontaneous
So many people, upon hearing that title, that the RHS has redefined the meaning of to now unveil the ending – you shall have and unpredictable, and more fun! The main
will have heard of the show, although many participatory theatre. Merely combining the to see it for yourself. It is an unpredictable character interacting with the audience and
have never actually seen it. The Rocky cast and band leaves out one vital ingredient and chaotic ending to say the least. This their participatory lines is Frank N Furter,
Horror Show (RHS) is best known to the – the audience! For anyone wondering what transsexual tale, which seems to verge on currently played by the delicious and
general public for providing the world of all the fuss is about, you clearly have not lunacy, was created by Richard O’Brien fantastic Jonathan Wilkes, who is quick
discos, weddings and holiday clubs with the encountered the RHS theatre experience – as who wrote the book, music and lyrics. and full of witty retorts for the audience.
classic get-up-and-dance song Time Warp. It it is one that I feel no one can really forget. As previously mentioned, a feature of However, there are often audience members
is probably safe to say that the majority of It should also be said that, for the squeamish Rocky Horror that helps to form its brilliant trying out new lines, and Frank N Furter is
party-loving people have at some stage done among us, Rocky Horror is not a horror film reputation is the distinctive way in which, quick to try out new responses!
the Time Warp, but have you Time-Warped - it is a rock-musical parody of old science throughout every theatre performance,
with the best of them? The experience of fiction and horror films. the audience is encouraged to
actually doing the Time Warp in the context Before I continue, leaving all Rocky Horror participate in the show. This
of a theatre, complete with cast, live band, virgins not actually knowing what Rocky involves taking various props,
and audience, is really amazing – it is as if Horror is all about, I will provide a quick dressing up, and most notably
you are actually Time Warping for a reason, rundown of the storyline… shouting back lines at the cast
and possibly even for a greater purpose… After the wedding of two close friends, during extended pauses between
Before I continue I must clarify one newly engaged couple Brad Majors and dialogue…these last two
important aspect of Rocky Horror – it began Janet Weiss decide to visit an old college features of Rocky Horror are the
life in the early 1970s as a theatre show, and professor of theirs, but encounter car trouble most encouraged, whilst some
was then made into a film, and 30 years later on the way so decide to go for help. They theatres actually discourage the
the show is still going strong. You may have head towards a light in the distance, and bringing of props. This is largely
seen the film (The Rocky Horror Picture towards the residence of Dr. Frank N Furter, understandable, as these props
Show), but experiencing the live stage show a transvestite from the planet Transsexual in include water, rice, and toilet
(The Rocky Horror Show) is an almost the galaxy of Transylvania, who is busy in the roll, although the more harmless

How to get to... Guildford’s Yvonne Arnaud Theatre How to get to... New Victoria Theatre, Woking
By foot from campus: By car: Woking is just a 10 minute drive
Leave campus by the bottom of University Court, go across Yorkie’s bridge, down the from Guildford, and parking is free in the
hill and turn right to go into the town centre. Walk past the train station and down Bridge Peacocks car park after 6pm. The New
Street. Then turn right along Onslow Street (past the Friary Shopping centre), cut through Victoria Theatre is part of the Peacocks
the pedestrianised Friary Street, continue Centre in central Woking, easily accessible
along Millbrook past Debenhams. The from the M25 (Jct 10,11), M3 (Jct 3) and
Theatre is just past this large building on A3.
the right.
Box Office (01483) 440000 By train: Woking is also just a 10 minute
www.yvonne-arnaud.co.uk/ train journey from Guildford, with trains
going every 5-20 minutes between
Want to be part of the Barefacts Theatre Guildford and Woking.
Team? For more details, email Daisy at
ps21dc@surrey.ac.uk, or just Box Office (01483) 545 900
turn up to barefacts meetings in the USSU www.theambassadors.com/newvictoria/
Media Centre at 5pm on Thursdays.
18 FILM 25 September 2003

Die Hard (1988) – Vest. Beretta. Attitude.


Classic film of the Week
by Neil Boulton to a New York cop by the handle of John
McClane, forever doomed to be the wrong
classic. The story is simple, bank-rolled euro
baddies invade the Nakatomi skyscraper
man, in the wrong place, at the wrong in downtown L.A., they were expecting
This time around for classic of the week time. He’s an iconic figure forced to fight an easy operation, but what they weren’t
I’m not going to be taking a glance over for what’s right wearing only a white vest, expecting was the fly in the ointment.
another fine work from the seventies. wielding a hand-gun and armed with a fair While the film seems a tad lo-brow at
I’m getting us closer to this day and age. bit of ingenuity. Although the film coming times it still exuded a wealth of class (Most
Well… the eighties at least… In addition out after action vehicles such as Commando of the movie’s soundtrack is variations on
to the chronological update, I’m looking at and Rambo it was Die Hard’s success Beethoven’s ‘Ode To Joy’). This can clearly
something with some action in it. Action by which brought about a boom in One-man- be brought done to the quality acting talent on
the bucket load really, for this week I shall against-the-odds action films. It’s legacy of display: For Bruce Willis as McClane it was
be looking at Die Hard. action may have been questionable (Steven his first action film (He came from a more
Fifteen years ago we were introduced Segal…) but the first instalment stands as a Romantic-Comedy fashioned background)
so he wasn’t the cinematic hired muscle that

Tears of the Sun


usually come with action flicks. This was
twinned with one of the greatest of movie
bastards to be seen on the screen, Hans
Gruber. Alan Rickman was on top form
equally mixing evil and smarmy to form
Die Hard’s pretentious high financed thief,
Neil Boulton believes that whilst not quite the sickening display of a character nearly if not equal to McClane on the buddy comedy. This time co-starring
American flag waving present in the military genre, ‘Tears of the Sun’ was still himself. At the helm for this barnstormer Samuel L. Jackson and releasing things
quite a let-down was John McTiernan (He directed Die Hard from the confinement of a tower or an
off the back of Predator) and he did his job airport, instead the whole of New York is the
With Tears Of The Sun as our recent release admirably, the direction taking place in the playground.. Although nothing can top the
and Die Hard as our ‘Classic of the Week’ action/fight scenes is wonderful. original’s fresh arrival, I highly recommend
this week’s barefacts has turned into a Bruce the third instalment. It stands as a great
Willis Bonanza! Tears Of The Sun is a the film was executed with work of action (also McTiernan helmed)
modern military action-dram hybrid where - the chemistry between Bruce and Samuel
lead star Bruce is the head of a unit of Navy such style and class that is a pleasure to watch and not forgetting the
Seals sent in to rescue Monica Bellucci’s the only thing laughably rushed drive through central park.
volunteer doctor from a Catholic mission in Its legacy can still be felt today and the film
Nigeria after the country’s taken over by a eighties about it is Bonnie was executed with such style and class that
harsh dictatorship. His mind set firmly upon Bedelia’s hair style the only thing laughably eighties about it is
completing his mission Bruce agrees to lead Bonnie Bedelia’s hair style. But in the end
a group of Nigerian refugees to political The film isn’t explosion after explosion after Die Hard’s an action film, it doesn’t pretend
asylum in the neighbouring country. While explosion, but more a mix of action/retreat that it has much of a brain, but cinema is
they had no initial intention of seeing with the nice occasional explosion. Fear not meant to be entertaining and Die Hard sure
through the bargain for the doctor, seeing the horrendous ethnic cleansing first hand the team however, for the building does end up well achieves its goals and to this day it’s one of
are swayed and set upon getting the refugees to safety. As they trek towards the border they and truly beaten by the end. My top choices the best action films ever.
start to wonder if the refugees are as they seem as they discover a large rebel force has been for best action sequences in the movie would
tailing them through the jungle. be McClane’s use of the C4 and his fire hose
While the location and circumstance of the dramatics may seem different to previous films assisted rooftop escape. Theme Action
of this ilk, unfortunately the film feels like it treads many boards that have already been The film spawned to sequels over the
trodden before in such modern day military dramas. The film feels very similar to George course of ten years: The second Renny Rating 18
Clooney starring Three Kings in general plot, but without any of the humour of the Gulf War Harlin directed Die Hard 2: Die Harder Running
film. Although given the nature of the film, no humour would be expected, or tolerated, of was good but the plot had as many holes 131 minutes
a film where gruesome ethnic cleansing are part of the events – the portrayal of which in as swiss-cheese. (Only really important if
Time
this movie is very real indeed, at the beginning of the film, when the scenario is explained, you’re pedantic.) The third film was much Watch Action spectaculars
we are presented with what looks like very real news footage of the uprising in Africa. one man against the odds
better the second whereupon Die Hard this if englishmen pretending to
While the refugee element is closer to Three Kings, the rest of the film feels more like Jerry With A Vengeance transforms the formula you like be Germans
Bruckheimer / Ridley Scott military action spectacle Black Hawk Down, both these films of the first two into a twisted clever skew
and the genre in general are afflicted with the unfortunate trait of having very predictable
endings. When you can see the ending coming a mile off it often detracts something from
the film and you end up feeling less satisfied, almost cheated. Also what looks like the seeds
of romance being sewn in the story between Willis and Bellucci’s characters was woefully
inappropriate and also damaged the film in my opinion.
The action in the film was carried out as well, as expected, and the movie features some
nice set pieces with any atrocities that popped up along the way being handled satisfactorily.
However on the whole this film was a disappointment it looked as though it was going to
take a new angle on the formula but ended up feeling just like it’s predecessors. Willis’ steely
lack of emotion fit the character well and was
effective at the beginning of the film, although Theme Military action / drama
when he tries to mix feeling in with it things
don’t come across as effectively. Bellucci’s Rating 15
character’s determined selflessness seemed Running
cliché but was to be expected. As was the 121 minutes
ending, while not quite the sickening display Time
of American flag waving present in the Watch Navy Seals
Trekking through the
genre, it was still quite let-down to the film’s this if jungle
well crafted opening. you like Bruce Willis (not at
his best)
25 September 2003 FILM 19

Extra Terrestrial - The Week Ahead


Neil Boulton presents a run down of the best films on TV over the coming week.
Thursday 25th September 2003
Monday 29th September 2003
09:00pm – 11:50pm Kelly’s Heroes: Clint Eastwood, Donald Sutherland
Five & Telly Savalas are a not-quite-your-average group 09:00pm – 11:30pm In The Line Of Fire: Eastwood vs. Malkovich in
of soldiers who go off in search of Nazi gold in this Five this presidential assassination thriller. Clint is the man
World war 2 comedy. Looks like fun. hell-bent on not letting another president get shot on
his watch, ever-watchable John Malkovich is the man
Friday 26th September 2003 hell-bent on removing the president from the mortal
9:00pm – 11:00pm The Running Man: Arnie gets thrown into a coil. Eastwood runs around, Malkovich shoots ducks.
Five futuristic game show for a crime he didn’t commit. Good film.
He’s given a chance to escape - only if he can make 10:00pm – 12:10am The Long Good Friday: Great UK based gangster
his way past some certifiable nut-jobs with various thriller starring, of all people, Bob Hoskins. Bob
Channel 4
nasty weapons. A laugh-and-a-half, Watch it. plays Harold Shand, a London criminal underworld-
11:25pm – 01:05am The Couch Trip: Dan Aykroyd stars in a comedy type who doesn’t take kindly to an organisation trying
BBC1 that sounds a bit too much like What About Bob to remove his crime empire out from under him. He
(which co-incidentally starred his Ghostbuster’s pal doesn’t take kindly to it at all… Far removed from
Bill Murray) Dan is a mental patient who poses as a the happy-go-gangsterism of Guy Ritchie… see
psychiatrist and gets his own radio advice show. Then Wednesday for more of that.
someone meets the man whose identity he’s stolen…
Tuesday 30th September 2003
Saturday 27 September 2003
th
09:00pm – 10:30pm, then, Goldeneye: The film that began Bond’s recent
10:05pm – 01:00am The Good, The Bad & The Ugly: Another excellent 10:00pm – 00:00am resurgence to our screens and also marked the first
Channel 4 stint for Clint as ‘The Man With No Name’ in Sergio ITV outing where Brosnan donned the Tux and oozed the
Leone’s classic spaghetti western. The three titular charm. Bond has to go head to head with one of his
gunslingers head out in search of a treasure with no own as a former agent begins running amok with a
intention of sharing the bounty. soviet satellite. Spies, Russians, explosions, nice.
11:40pm – 01:25am Blow Out: Tarantino approved Travolta starring Wednesday 1st October 2003
BBC1 thriller where Mr. Travolta plays a sound effects
engineer who sheds new light on an event that was 10:00pm – 00:00am Snatch: Guy Ritchie’s follow up to Lock, Stock...
believed to be an accident. This is one of those little Five Guns, jewels, fight-rigging and assorted mix-ups in
known classic type deals according to most. a slightly twisty tale about a stolen diamond. The
success of the first dragged a few big names into the
Sunday 28th September 2003 fray such as Brad Pitt and Benitio Del Torro, both of
09:00pm – 10:55pm American Pie: Hit teen comedy where four boys which are great in the film, but the best turn comes
Five try and get laid before the prom. I watched this from Alan Ford as pig-farming head-honcho ‘Brick
and wasn’t very impressed, though the fact it’s Top’. A good evening in, but I strongly recommend…
spawned two sequels means someone must’ve been.
11:20pm - 01:25am 12 Monkeys: Terry Gilliam’s excellent apocalyptic
Disposable fun might be a description a little too
BBC1 sci-fi oddity features another excellent turn from
close to the film’s subject matter
Brad Pitt and a great turn from Bruce Willis. Willis
10:30pm – 12:10am Plane’s Trains & Automobiles: Excellent comedy is the inmate who ‘volunteers’ to go back in time and
Channel 4 starring Steve Martin and the late John Candy. Martin help save the world from a fatal virus. Is he telling
plays a businessman rushing to get home for his the truth or is he mad, and what does it all have to do
family thanksgiving; he ends up running into Candy’s with the army of the twelve monkeys?
bizarrely irritating shower ring salesman. Great stuff.

FREE FILM IN THE UNION THIS SUNDAY IS… The Matrix: Reloaded: After a shoot plagued by accidents the 2nd instalment of the Matrix trilogy makes its way to the union. More
stunts and fight scenes refusing to adhere to the laws of physics but this time with a slightly more questionable storyline. All in all though it’s a good watch, especially for the special
effects eye-candy on show, just ignore the overly long dance sequence. Student’s Union – 8pm – Sunday 28th

Film in Guildford
www.odeon.co.uk
Friday 26th September 2003 - Thursday 2nd October 2003
CALENDAR GIRLS (12A) [1hr 48min] Sun-Thu 2.25 4.45 7.05 9.25 AMERICAN PIE: THE WEDDING (15) [1hr BAD BOYS 2 (15) [2hr 27min]
‘contains moderate nudity and sex references’ THE ITALIAN JOB (12A) [1hr 51min] 36min] Free list suspended
Free list suspended ‘contains one use of strong language’ Fri & Sat 4.40 7.05 9.40 Advance Screening Thursday 2.45 5.45 8.45
Fri & Sat 1.15 2.10 3.50 4.45 6.25 7.20 9.00 9.55 Free list suspended Sun-Tue 4.40 7.00 9.15 ODEON Projections
Sun-Thu 12.00 2.30 3.15 5.05 5.55 8.00 8.30 Fri & Sat 1.45 4.30 7.10 9.45 THE PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: THE DARK BLUE (15) [1hr 58min]
MATCHSTICK MEN (12A) [1hr 56min] Sun-Thu 1.05 3.40 6.15 8.50 CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL (12A) [2hr Wednesday only 2.00 4.20 6.40 9.10
‘contains strong language and some mild violence’ UNDERWORLD (15) [1hr 41min] 23min] ODEON Movie Mob
Free list suspended Free list suspended ‘contains moderate horror and action violence’ DADDY DAY CARE (PG) [1hr 32min]
Fri & Sat 12.50 3.40 6.30 9.20 Fri & Sat 12.45 3.35 6.20 9.25 Friday 2.20 5.35 8.50 Saturday 10.50
Sun-Thu 12.35 3.20 6.05 8.55 Sun-Wed 12.45 3.25 6.10 9.00 Saturday 11.15 2.20 5.35 8.50 SINBAD: LEGEND OF THE SEVEN SEAS (U)
YOUNG ADAM (18) [1hr 38min] Thursday only 6.10 9.00 Sun-Thu 2.00 5.10 8.20 [1hr 25min]
Free list suspended THE LIZZIE MCGUIRE MOVIE (U) [1hr 34min] RUGRATS GO WILD (U) [1hr 21min] Saturday 10.40
Fri & Sat 2.10 4.35 7.00 9.30 Fri & Sat 12.10 2.25 Fri & Sat 12.15 AGENT CODY BANKS (12A) [1hr 42min]
Sun-Thu 1.50 4.15 6.40 9.05 Sun-Tue 12.00 2.15 Sun-Wed 11.55 ‘contains moderate violence and mild language’
ONCE UPON A TIME IN MEXICO Wednesday only 12.00 SPY KIDS 3D GAME OVER (U) [1hr 24min] Saturday 10.30
Free list suspended Thursday only 12.00 Fri & Sat 11.50
Fri & Sat 1.55 4.25 7.15 9.40 Sun-Thu 12.05
20 INTERACTIVE 25 September 2003

Word Search bfpub quiz


You will probably have noticed by now that the collection of words in the barefacts
wordsearch is somewhat random. So, if you have an idea of a random theme for next week’s 1
A person who refrains from alcohol is said to be on the…?

wordsearch, then drop a line to barefacts@ussu.co.uk and tell us your thoughts. Meanwhile,
this week’s random theme, courtesy of Ben Berryman is ‘zoo animals’. Ah yes, and to stop 2 Wimbledon’s All England Lawn Tennis Club is also a centre for which other sport?
you searching into the night, there are 16 animals to find.

M O N G O O S E N T Q G K H W
3 What kind of cream is traditionally served with a cream tea?

R T K O Z B G N N G O S Z J C 4
What is the US word for what British children would call a sandpit?

E S T M S D W A G R R R D H K
5 In mythology, Romulus and Remus were brought up by which type of animal?

G
I
E
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M
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B
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I
R
X
Y
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E
D
K
W
N
H
O
E
M 6 Which London venue for Classical music is home to the Proms?

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P
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H
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P
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R
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I
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Q
H
U
O
M
K
K
7 England fought the hundred years war against which country?

L D E A F M V D F H I P P O K 8 In which TV comedy drama did Ian McShane play a roguish antiques dealer?

V L U K N J O S E Y N N W L Y
9 Which of the Beatles wrote ‘Liverpool Oratorio’?

O
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E 10 What does a campanologist do for a hobby?

L O Y F P H E L E T N Y M E E Upsidedown answers to everything in the Interactive section, are


at the bottom of page 21.
O M J E J M T D V P G F Z H E If Quizzes are your thing, then why not pop down to Channie’s for
T A A T E V K M R T T K D N V Chancellor’s Challenge, every Thursday night from 8.30pm. We’ve
got rounds on everything from Sport to Geography, and it’s a snip
H Z A L A A J I T Z J B K M P at only £1 per person. So, what are you waiting for? Grab a few
friends, pick up a beverage or two from the bar, and get thinking
The answers to this week’s wordsearch are at the bottom of page 21 (opposite). of a team name!

Numb3r
If the lack of complaining “you
put too many boxes/not enough
boxes/your boxes weren’t
completely square” emails are
a good indicator, the boxes
matched the words exactly last
week. Hopefully the same will
puzzl3
This week, Ben Berryman presents a slightly different number puzzle to last week. Do
go for this week. you like the number puzzle in barefacts? Got any new ideas for the interactive page? Then
It’s the same as before - pop over to the nearest computer and let us know at barefacts@ussu.co.uk or come and
unscramble each word, then find us in the Media Centre at the Students’ Union. The answers to this and all the other
take all the letters from the Interactive puzzles are at the bottom of the opposite page.
circles, and unscramble them
to make the final word.
All credit to Ben Berryman,
It’s very simple really - all you need
the random-word-meister...
to do is fill in the missing numbers
from 1 to 9 in the boxes.

BECLYCI ETDURG Each number is only used once in


the grid.
TELHAPNE COSHOL
Each row is a simple maths equation
MUESO RDOVCSEI (argh, remnants of GCSE maths!)

HSQUSA QENUCH You might or might not remember


that multiplication and division come
before addition and subtraction.
Something about ‘BODMAS’ I seem
answer: ? to remember. Anyhow, that might
help here...!
25 September 2003 LIFESTYLE 21

Sabbatical Officers Ickle Sarah and Funkyberry give a random


slice of life from their humble dwellings within Surrey Court
Wey, Battersea Court Tate, and the Students’ Union...
This week I am mostly … keeping my head down avoiding Freshers who look
FRESHERS’ WEEK, AND a new intake of eager I KNOW A lot of people have imaginary completely lost!
first years have arrived on campus. Rather friends and over this last week I have been
unexpectedly, this week has made me feel thinking about having an imaginary pet Sounds controversial, I know, but please, before you label me completely heartless, let me
rather old. When myself and one of the other woodlouse called Boris. It wasn’t going explain myself. Trust me, it’s actually in the Freshers’ interests not to ask me for directions.
sabbaticals started talking about Monday to have a name originally, but I don’t Here’s a girl who struggles with her left and right [imagine the added worry in my driving
nights at USSU catering for “music for the think writing an article about my nameless test] and most of the time, it has to be said, walks around in a complete bubble daydreaming.
new generation” it hit me - i’m in danger imaginary pet woodlouse would be at all If there’s a lamppost to walk into or a kerb to fall off, you can rely on me to provide the
of turning into someone who begins every interesting. entertainment. Entirely sober, I’ve even fallen headfirst into a public bin, and on another
other sentence with “in my day...”! ON the face of it having a pet sounds like occasion, after failing to spot a parked car, found myself sprawled on its bonnet, much to
THE other day I was wandering around a good idea, but then you have to worry the amusement of a crowd of regulars sat outside the pub opposite. On my Bronze D of E
my office (the sexy one next to pizzaman, about finding money to feed it; taking expedition, my group spent the entire first day trekking up and down hills in Sussex only to
in case you wanted to pay me a visit) and it out for exercise; getting arrested for find ourselves at sunset in the same field as where we’d started some ten hours ago, not a
I noticed a couple of neglect; and most of all campsite in sight.
I’m turning
internet windows up the sadness when it dies. So as you can see, directions are not one of my strong points. I don’t seem to be that bad at
on one computer. Upon The imaginary pet solves navigating my friends when they’re driving… or maybe they just give me the map, letting
all these problems as it
into one
further investigation me think I’m being of some help when actually, it’s just a way of keeping me quietly amused
I found that one was doesn’t cost anything during a long journey [if that really is the case guys, please keep up the pretence – ignorance
hotornot.com, and the to feed; you can take it
featured picture was none of those to the horizons of your
is bliss after all]. Having come to terms with this inaptitude, I’ve since adopted a pretty
foolproof strategy when stopped in the street – that is, deny all knowledge. Even back at
other than one I’d taken imagination and back home, where I’ve lived my entire life, I still claim I don’t know the area – surely better than
of my boyfriend on the people from wherever you are
standing; you can neglect
launching into a convoluted explanation [complete with frantic arm waving of course] when
beach during the summer. deep down I know full well that based on any directions I give them they’re never going to
After messaging him with
“have you put yourself on
who begins it as much as you like;
and as long as you have
make it to their destination anyway? I say pretty foolproof as it’s backfired just once, but then
the misunderstanding arose from the stranger not wanting directions in the first place. He was
hotornot.com?!” he turned
up looking as bemused
every other some form of imagination
the imaginary pet will
actually inviting me to the meeting of an obscure religious cult under the guise of “pizza and
a video on a Friday night”, but that’s a whole different story …
as me. After some
investigation it turned out
sentence live on!
ALSO, having an Catherine Lee
that some of our friends
had put his picture up
with “in my imaginary pet is like
someone else’s baby:
six weeks ago and had
day...”! babies are really sweet
left the window open, as
they thought it was ‘about
time he found out’! Ah well, at least now I
and stuff, but when you
get bored or tired you can
give it back - you don’t have the stress of
The Lyrics Quiz
can sleep well with the knowledge that to looking after it all the time. When you get Ben Berryman, returns with a a hat-trick on the lyrics quiz this week - it’s as simple as
the world of internet users, he’s ‘hotter than bored of imagining you are playing with ever - just identify the artist and song, then turn the paper upside down, and hey presto
90% of the men on hotornot.com’! your imaginary pet woodlouse, you can - the answers appear as if by magic!
LAST Sunday night, whilst I was recovering literally just forget about it – you don’t have
from a rather horrific cross between a cold all the stresses of having to imagine looking Think you can do the lyrics quiz in next week’s barefacts? barefacts@ussu.co.uk
and flu (obviously pre-freshers’ flu) I headed after it.
to the Union to sample the delights of the
‘first night buzz’. There’s nothing quite like
I was so happy about my imaginary pet
woodlouse that I decided to write a quick
1 Come play my game. Exhale, exhale, exhale.

‘the first Sunday’ - a packed Union, far too


loud music (‘In my day....!’) and the age
tribute:
OH imaginary woodlouse,
2 But after all is said and done, you’re gonna be the lonely one.

old questions of ‘what A levels did you How happy you must feel, 3 Hope that god exists, I hope I pray.
do?’, ‘Which court are you in?’ and ‘What In knowing that your squillions of tiny feet
course are you doing?’ being thrown around can wherever wander, 4 Let’s spend the night together, together in my room.
a million and one times. The main ‘thing’ And that you will not get sucked up in
of the night was the numbered stickers straws, 5 It ain’t the job you got that keeps me satisfied.
To be blown out as a projectile for striking
everyone was given on entry, blue ones
for boys, pink ones for girls, the idea being someone over there. 6 But I’m a million different people from one day to the next.

that you had to match yourself up with the


wearer of your matching number.
OH imaginary woodlouse,
I wonder what it is like to be able to roll into
7 They were put there by a man, in a factory downtown.

ONE of my friends, a little worse for wear,


decided to go up to the ‘Fresh’ promotion
a ball like you.
Is it nice being able to bend down and lick
8 Well she said she’s from a quasar, forty thousand million light years away.

people at the door and say “I’m gay, can I your tail? 9 I’ll be there and you’ll be near and that’s the deal my dear.
have a pink sticker please?” After walking Do you ever get dizzy when rolling around?
around with a broad smile on his face, Fear not – you are safe in my mind. 10 Finally someone let me out of my cage.
waiting for someone to notice his new THE ironic thing is that often when uttering – Whenever, Wherever 10 Gorillaz – Clint Eastwood
sticker, he suddenly spotted the wearer of the phrase “…touch wood”, people tap me Presidents of the USA - Peaches 8 Jamirouai – Cosmic Girl 9 Shakira
his matching sticker - a male first year in the on the head - and woodlice like wood - so it 5 Sonique – It feels so good 6 The Verve – Bitter Sweet Symphony 7
Union with his housemates. Not only that, seems that my head’s almost the most natural – Believe 3 James – Sit Down 4 Vengaboys – Boom Boom Boom Boom
but in his drunken state he also decided the environment for an imaginary woodlouse! quench | final answer: challenge || lyrics quiz: 1 Prodigy – Breathe 2 Cher
guy was quite attractive, and went into fits of Now wouldn’t all that have been more || scramble: bicycle | elephant | mouse | squash | trudge | school | discover |
girly giggles every time he walked past. So, boring if you didn’t know my imaginary
Royal Albert Hall | 7 France | 8 Lovejoy | 9 Paul McCartney | 10 Ring bells
woodlouse’s pet name was Boris!
pub quiz: 1 Wagon | 2 Croquet | 3 Clotted cream | 4 Sandbox | 5 Wolf | 6
Mr 335 - you have an admirer! marmoset, mongoose, monkey, panda, puma, sloth, tiger, wildebeest || bf
wordsearch: bat, bison, elephant, giraffe, gorilla, hippo, lemur, lion,
‘ickle sarah butterworth chris ‘funkyberry’ hunter
22 PERSONALS AND STARS 25 September 2003

silly
Stars
the - Personals -
It’s very simple, really. All you need to do is wait for your friends
(or yourself) to do something silly, amusing or just downright
strange, and then find yourself a computer, or indeed a scrap of
paper if technology isn’t your thing). barefacts@ussu.co.uk is the
email address, ‘Personals’ is the email subject, and then all you
by Psychic Sandy and david need to do is sit back and wait for the next issue of barefacts, and
the look of horror on your friends’ faces...
Libra Aries
Old skool music is Bah ram you! To your
sooooo passé. With sheep and your herd adam: still dreaming of kelly. So have we been stealing any
Neptune in vogue at the be true. Mind out for
pizzas lately or have you got that
moment, a quick trip to the bulls with Uranus
HMV and Essensuals slipping into play this kelly: still running from adam. out of your system?! Now lets just
will see an appreciative crowd in the Union week, leading to a rather awkward and go buncat!!!
on Friday night when you shake that thing. messy situation with wild Taureans… donna doesnt like men, does that
Listen to Sean Paul’s wise words and Get signing up to matador training sessions at mean your a lesbian? No hot chocolate?
Busy… Oh, and please watch out for the the Freshers Fayre is highly recommended.
Well, if we’re getting into a
squirrels – your fears could be correct.
Taurus mad donna moo routine, it’s definitely a very nice
Scorpio With Mars ruling your one!
With fresh faces on sign this week, the fire ‘rubbered up n ready to shoot’
campus it’s time to clean is burning deep inside. UniS MENS WATER POLO,waterpol :’-( SCHMEEEEEEE!!!!!
out those cupboards and Red will definitely catch
o@surrey.ac.uk
exorcise those muppet your eye in The Drink
ghosts. Forget the local on Monday night, so polish those horns and Rumour has it that a certain Vice
butchers, as you’re more likely to find fresh prepare to go on the rampage. Olé olé. Hello Sailor President has been dreaming
meat in Roots on Thursday lunchtime. about a certain raving poofter
Bend and Snap sweetie, Bend and Snap. Gemini Big it up to the Freshers’ Angels having a shower, whilst being
With the weekend’s fun
watched by another Vice
Sagittarius and frolics over and
Smoky eyes and done with, its time to Lina stop violating innocent President...
pouty lips are in for knuckle down to some spanish blokes!
the ladies this week. serious studying and Announcement: From here forth,
White Reebok Classics shopping (not necessarily in that order). Hmmm think someone needs plastic pints (or floppies) are now
are all the rage for the Venus will help you prepare for some
hygiene lessons know as Tug’s!
boys, but mind the grazing Rams… With footballing antics, and destiny cooks up a
drunkenness playing a major role this week, little more fun for you…
your bow is bent and you’re not shooting Oi Stevo stop drinking u duckball Neil, you must protect the ring
straight. Never fear – Dr Carr-Bains is here! Cancer cant! at all costs! Don’t worry, you’re a
Nighttime trips to the clever hobbit.
Capricorn lake beckon you. Find
Chris, what are you doing
Get down with your as many crystal balls
bad self! Strutting your as you can handle and standing naked in the shower? Example: can i have a Tug of
stuff and sipping Cristal then try your luck at the Ah, I’m dreaming beer?! Response: no sorry, can’t
has certainly turned a Crystal Dome with a prowling Leo. You get it up
few heads this week… may find that handcuffs add a little spice to you don’t like marmite? ......
However, its not your jetset image that’s the experience.
Weirdo!!!!! Scooter is still sexy
drawing attention, it’s that shocking excuse
for a barnet. John Frieda’s Frizz-Ease is a Leo
must. Raaaaaaah!! Get that we got the arrows but lost the I think the long hours are getting
mane cut (layers and bow, damn them cowboys! to them - these Sabbaticals are
Aquarius fringes are in at the having increasingly worrying
With summer coming moment) and paint those
Where’s Sarah? Ah, she’s hidden dreams....
to an end and the claws. With the Indian
leaves falling from the summer over, its time for Africa to get a behind all those boxes!
trees, alfresco is a no- look-in. With Pluto entering your sign, the It’s proper Armadildo
no. However, destiny hunting of Hayek gazelles will certainly If you’re going to blag free wine
plays a cruel trick on you, leading you to a bear fruit if you spend enough time sniffing from a Freshers’ Reception, you’re Where’s Chris? Oh, he’s crushing
muddy maize field. So don those wellies, around Cathedral Court.
going to have to do a better job his teeth.
wear them with pride, and flash those
collarbones. Virgo than that!
Who are you kidding? Where have all the barefacts
Pisces With Freshers’ week in Watch out - barefacts’ editor is out gone?
Only fish go with the full flow, we seriously there reliving his first year days.
flow…so its time to doubt any of you have
Avoid at all costs! ;) Do you think anyone would
swim upstream and stayed true to your
get a bit wet. Don’t go namesake…Let your hair down and enjoy mind if I had male bridesmades?
chasing waterfalls, as it while it lasts! Although the Union will be Oligopoly, Mellous, C-Man Puppy Who wants to go with tradition
it could all end in tears. On the bright side, packed on Friday, get on down to the HRB, & Philus, spanks for the Summer, anyway!
you might get gobbled up by a thirsty Leo where a tall dark stranger will be waiting may the travelling Ouzo R.I.P.
– but I wouldn’t hold your breath. by the bar.
25 September 2003 SPORT 23

Welcome to UniS Hockey


BY TOM WALLIS on both Wednesdays and Saturdays, you can
find yourself completely immersed in the
Welcome to Surrey on behalf of the Surrey world of hockey, even if it is slightly hazy
Hockey Club! after the nights out. Becoming involved in
The friendly, relaxed atmosphere of the the Hockey Club ensures that you make a
Hockey Club ensures a superb respite from huge number of friends very quickly and As most of you are aware, you have Sports Injury and Holistic alternative on your door step
all that hard work you’re doing, or at least many of these friends you will keep for life, at ‘Unisport’ Sports Hall on campus.
your parents think you’re doing. After a few demonstrated year after year when many of
weeks in the club everyone has got to know the graduates come back for the Old Boys HERE AT ‘OPTIMUM’ WE ‘PRIDE’ OURSELVES WITH OUR ‘SPORTS THERAPY’
each other, and you really feel part of the Games.
club and the university. The club is for anyone who has any interest Not only do we treat Sports Injuries acute and long term, but also specialise in ‘Back
The size of the Hockey Club last year in hockey and even for those who don’t. Problems’. Common injuries i.e. ankles, knees, muscular strains and sprains, tennis elbow,
meant that we had two Men’s teams and Whether you’ve represented your country sciatica, lumbago and many more are treated by using Sports Massage, manipulation, deep
one Women’s team, and we have entered or never played any sport before in your friction, intra sound, mobilisation and rehabilitation programmes.
the same number this year. Our Men’s 1st life there will be a place for you in the club, We have a large referral scheme with local GP Surgeries, Chiropractors and Physiotherapists
team have just been promoted to Surrey and you will find the most sociable club at in Guildford. Many of these referrals suffer from ‘back problems’ as do students and staff.
1st’s Division One, and we are always Surrey more than welcoming! This is mainly due to poor posture, long hours in front of the PC, muscular tension/soreness,
looking for new players to help us continue Training is on Sundays and Tuesdays from headaches/migraines and so on. Treatment is very often thought about too late.
to keep up the Surrey hockey tradition. We 6pm till 8pm, usually followed by a drink, or With applying manipulation/massage to the superficial and deep tissues, the conditions
have also started up a mixed team this year, two, in the bar. We also have a great coach as mentioned above can be relieved within a few treatments. All our Sports Therapists are
specifically for the players who can’t make from a top local team who will help all fully qualified, we also have an Osteopath in two evenings a week for adjustments and joint
as big a commitment to the club or feel standards of players to reach their potential. problems.
that they aren’t good enough for the league So if you’re even slightly interested,
teams. The mixed team play a number of whatever your ability, come along to one of REFLEXOLOGY
friendly games throughout the season. the training sessions and meet the rest of the Reflexology is a natural holistic therapy based on the discovery that there are reflex points
The Hockey Club can take up as much Club! You can also check out our website at on the feet and hands which correspond to organs, systems and structures within the entire
or as little of your time as you like; with www.surrey.ac.uk/union/sports/hockey. body. By stimulating a free flow of blood and lymph to cells and tissues it enhances the
training running twice a week and matches circulatory system which is crucial to good health. Reflexology does not diagnose disease
nor attempt to cure specific medical conditions, but it enhances your sense of well-being
and enables your body’s own healing potential to be stimulated. Reflexology can help
relieve the symptoms of IBS, anxiety, sleeplessness, tension, stress and many more…

INDIAN HEAD MASSAGE


This holistic treatment has been popular throughout the Indian subcontinent for over a
thousand years. Massage of the scalp, face, neck and shoulders soothes, comforts and re-
balances energy flow to produce a feeling of peace and tranquillity and gives instant relief
from tension and stress.

HOLISTIC FACIALS
This treatment is one of the most relaxing massages we offer. It is also fantastic for those
people who suffer from Sinusitis, colds & flu, headaches, migraines, muscular tension,
neck and upper back pain. The client is laying down, face up, firm yet relaxing pressure
is applied to the ‘pressure points’ to stimulate the nerve and send off endorphins to relieve
pain and increase energy flow around the body.

We offer reduced rates to all students and staff at Surrey University. The above treatments are available
with a special introductory discount
£15% discount Sept & October
REFLEXOLOGY
INDIAN HEAD MASSAGE
HOLISTIC FACIAL MASSAGE
(Please cut this out and present on arrival for treatment)

Surrey Skiers - Summer 2003


BY CAZZA DI FRANCO mountain biking, bungee jumping, lugeing,
nursing injuries, and of course, drinking.
Whilst the majority of Surreys students In January, the Ski (& snowboard) club will
were taking time out over the summer, a be taking 100+ people to Les Arcs for a weeks
select number of Surrey’s finest packed madness, look out for our forthcoming pub
their phattest skis, factor 60 sun cream, crawls and dry slope action. ABILITY TO
their blingest gear, and flew with 30 other SKI/ BOARD IS NOT ESSENTIAL….But
students to Les Deuz Alpes for the British the ability to drink is obviously useful.
Universities Snowsports Council’s Summer All the details you’ll ever need at
Session. This was a skiing holiday with a www.surreysnowsports.com.
difference; want to learn how to pull switch
180’s onto a rainbow rail? Carve up the
WANT TO WRITE A SPORTS ARTICLE
half pipe? Or catch some big air? All in the
FOR BAREFACTS?THEN SEND IT IN TO
roasting French summer sun? Well this was
BAREFACTS@USSU.CO.UK BY THE FRIDAY
it, a week’s worth of skiing/ boarding in the
BEFORE PUBLICATION.
morning and then spending the afternoon
24 SPORT 25 September 2003

teamsurrey

Sport at Surrey
BY PETE NICHOLS [ SPORTS EDITOR ] All the outdoor facilities are at the purpose Essentially we will provide you with a
AND DAVE ‘CHOPS’ CHAPMAN built Varsity Centre which is about 10 free coaching course if you agree to go
minutes walk off campus and opposite and practise you newly found or improved
Ultimate Frisbee to Street Jazz - the Tescos. The centre has two rugby pitches, 6 skills in Guildford and the surrounding area.
opportunity is here for you. UniSport football pitches, an American football pitch, Huge ranges of coaching opportunities are
and the Students’ Union co-ordinate the an archery field, two netball courts, 9 all available including Basketball, dance and
activities and run over 45 sports clubs and weather tennis courts and cricket facilities. Community Sports Leader Awards. Name: James Parrott
many more classes. There is also an artificial turf pitch (ATP) Apart from the sports clubs, Surrey hosts Age: 20
The sports facilities at Surrey are superb. for hockey and general training. Inside at many fun events throughout the academic Sport: Tenpin Bowling
The sports hall is the ivy-covered building as the Varsity are 5 squash courts which are year. Social Sports Day is all about fun, Best Thing about your sport: You
you come into campus (by Guildford Court). the base for the premier league University not serious sport. Teams are formed from can play it all year round and a bar is
It contains a multi-purpose hall (basketball, of Surrey squash team and finally, as all friendship groups, departments, societies always only a few feet away.
badminton, five-a-side etc.), an indoor great centres of sport should have there is and sports clubs. Short games from various Most Embarrassing sporting moment:
climbing wall with a 180ft traverse with a licensed bar, which is the focus of all post sports are played against different teams, Being beaten by a 12 year old (they
over 50 different climbs, 3 squash courts, match celebrations. all the points are added up and the overall were really good, honestly).
a dance/martial arts studio and a tap room. Surrey is part of the British Universities winner receives… nothing. Most Memorable sporting moment:
The Quantum Fitness Club at the sports hall Sports Association (BUSA). BUSA was River Sports Day is similar but it involves Bowling in the Junior England Trials
offers cardiovascular workouts, an extensive formed in 1994 and is the governing body getting wet. It takes part in the River Wey, and making the BUSA team.
multigym and free weights room. of university sport. BUSA are responsible just a bit further up from Debenhams. It Your Sport in 5 words:
for organising the inter-university sports includes everything from canoeing, to river 1)”A sport full of balls”,
programme nationally and co-ordinating surfing and water gladiators. 2)”Great form of stress relief”,
the UK representative team for the World Federal Sports Day is essentially University 3)”Fun, social, competitive and
University Championships and the World of Surrey Vs University of Surrey exciting!”
University Games. The BUSA domestic Roehampton. Last year we achieved a The Plug: Guildford Spectrum, Every
sporting programme draws on 1.2 million decisive 8-3 victory against our Roehampton Wednesday afternoon at about 2pm. 3
students from 150 Universities with 3200 counterparts. Over the next year we will games for only £3…BARGAIN!!!
teams engaged in BUSA competition be extending our Federal Links into less Sports Profiles are back…
on a typical university sporting day. competitive areas. however they can only continue
With 503 participating leagues, it is the Our aim here at Surrey is to ensure if you send them in. We are
biggest sporting programme in Europe. everyone has an enjoyable time and we feel looking for sports players from
For more information on BUSA go to that sport and leisure are an integral part of all sports, ages and abilities.
www.busa.org.uk the learning process. Through sport you will If you wish to submit a sports
A major part of our Community Links is make new friends and become part of what article please send them in to
the Coaching in the Community scheme. is known as Team Surrey barefacts@ussu.co.uk

Challenge Chops: Chops Goes Diving


BY DAVE ‘CHOPS’ CHAPMAN had a quick swim around the platform before resurfacing.
VICE PRESIDENT SPORT We then swam on the surface over to a 4 metre platform and
repeated the process of getting the right balance to become
During an incredibly rare morning off work during the neutrally buoyant. After that, we returned to shore for a
summer, I went for my first session with the Sub Aqua club. quick breather (excuse the pun) and a toilet stop.
With no pool bookings during the summer, we had to look The second time in the water was even better than the
to nature (or half man, half nature) to provide a big puddle first. Although it is a bit odd, there is a bus sunken at about
for the try dive. So a short drive up to the lake at Wrasbury 6 metres depth. We swam over to it on the surface, then
ensued. It should be emphasized that you would usually dived down. With no platform to keep me from kicking
have your first dive in a pool, where the water is warm, and up the silt, the visibility was noticeably worse, but still
you have perfect visability. However, as an experienced clear enough. After a quick swim round the bus, I went in
(just not very good) surfer, I am very comfortable in the through a hole that had been cut in the roof and out through
open water, so we went ahead. the door. Impressed with my first wreck dive, I tried the
Following the safety briefing, and after being strapped slightly more challenging approach of through the window
into a ton of equipment, I took a big off the pier and into and out through another window. With a small adjustment
the water. Colin, club Chair and my instructor, got me to allow for the air cylinder on my back, I completed my
used to breathing underwater by asking me to lean over and second wreck dive.
submerge my face. The next step was to let the air out of my The club has its own powerboat, compressor and all the
“jacket” to lower me onto the platform, just 2 metres below smaller pieces of equipment you need to enjoy the sport.
the surface. Here, Colin showed me how to get the balance Pool sessions are held on Thursdays from 8.30-10.30
between the weights I was wearing, and the air in my jacket. although the minibus leaves campus at 7.15 in order to get
If you get this right, you can move up or down in the water equipment for everyone. E-mail diveofficer@ussac.net for
just by breathing in and out. After I got the hang of this, we details.

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