Thursday

6 November 2003
Published by the USSU
Communications Office
issue number 1067
free
www.ussu.co.uk

THE UNIVERSITY OF SURREY STUDENTS’ NEWSPAPER

BAREARTS - FILM SAVE A LIFE I N T H I S W E E K ’ S PA P E R

Neil Boulton presents a VP Sport Dave ‘Chops’ COMMENT | Chris Ward on whether NUS is
barearts salute to Jackie Chapman introduces three really worth it... | page 4
Chan, as well as all the easy ways you can save a life FOOD | A brand new recipes page, full of
best films on TV, and a during your time at University. culinary delights | page 19
funky film quote quiz. Couldn’t be simpler! LIFESTYLE | Rawson’s Creek, Anglica
Film| pages 14 & 15 Union | page 6 Fruitcake, lyrics and more | page 20

We Don’t Want Students

BY CHRIS WARD
EDITOR
RESIDENTS OF THE Ashenden Estate near
Tesco and the area planned for the Manor
Park residence have put their foot down
once again after planning permission was
granted for the University to build the courts
of residence opposite the Tesco superstore,
the guildford times front page this week | photo: chris hunter
to four stories rather than five. This they did
not do. Now we will be hemmed in by huge
buildings of more than 20 metres high”. Ms
Mulvany expressed her concern that every
time a resident now goes to Tesco to shop,
they will be “dwarfed” by these “large
buildings” overlooking Egerton Road.
The Manor Park environmental statement
from the University of Surrey claims that

according to the Guildford Times. The an “alternative sites assessment” of 33 sites

buildings are planned to be around five
stories high, and residents of Ashenden
were initially concerned about the “visual
impact” the buildings would have. Other
concerns include the possibility of students
parking cars illegally on roads alongside
private residences.
The Council, however, rejected pleas to
constrain the size of Manor Park, and have
approved the development to go ahead.
Muriel Mulvany, chairman of Ashenden
Residents’ Association responded: “Our
concern regarding building height has only
been partially met. We wanted them to agree
to reduce the height of academic buildings
was undertaken prior to the decision to use
the land near Tesco. This assessment was
based upon 10 assessment criteria, including
“a minimum size of 40 hectares, proximity
to Stag Hill and compatibility with planning
policy”. The development will be the key
figure in expanding the University of Surrey
over the next 20 years, with accommodation
to house around 4000 students, along
with university staff as well. Academic
buildings and research facilities will also
be constructed on the site, bringing the
development to a total of 150,000 square
metres of floorspace.

Guildford Students Up in Arms on Visa Plans

BY NEIL CHRISTIE
DEPUTY EDITOR
INTERNATIONAL STUDENTS ARE being forced
to renew their Visas at least once more
than they need to in the course of a year
because the Home Office announced that
they are to introduce charges for application
extensions, and the expiry date was usually
set at the end of August or September when
students are supposed to complete the study.
However in Surrey, postgraduate students
are often expected to submit dissertations in
September or October.
The short fall is that students will be forced
to pay an extra £155, or £250 depending on
how the application for Visa is made. When chats to an MP – something that should not sue doughty
considering that International students are be passed up as an excellent opportunity
contributing up to ten times more than to voice concerns about the University, its
domestic students in terms of tuition fees, impact on Guildford, or issues in Guildford
this kind of announcement from the Home town centre.
Office has come as a huge shock for students Although the Chinese students will not
at Surrey. be carrying a voice of the voters during
A petition has been signed by the Chinese this surgery, it will be interesting to see
Students and Scholars Associaton, and a letter the approach that Ms Doughty takes. As
has been written – highlighting major points members of the University, the students
that they have grievances with, to be given make up a considerable number of
to Sue Doughty, the Member of Parliament Guildford’s active population contributing
for Guildford. Sue will be present on Friday to the local economy.
afternoon, at the Students’ Union, to speak For more information on Friday’s surgery,
to students about various issues. A surgery contact any of the officers in the Students’
will be held and students can have informal Union.

Dave Project | page 7 It’s Fetish Time! | page 10 Frankenstein| page 16 Interactive | page 18
2 NEWS 6 November 2003

EDITORIAL TEAM 2003-4

Editor in Chief
Cheat! Initiation Goes Too Far
BY CHRIS WARD vehicle during the chase, and wrote the car
Sarah Butterworth
BY NEIL CHRISTIE EDITOR off. The university said it will “consider
comms DEPUTY EDITOR internal disciplinary proceedings based on
@ussu.co.uk A DUNDEE UNIVERSITY student has been the case and the severity of the charge.
DUE TO THE widespread use of the internet described by his own lawyer as “amazingly A rugby club spokesman suggested that
Editor to research assignments and, in some cases, stupid” after stealing an expensive car Cummins wished to prove that he was
Chris Ward replicate entire chunks of text, lecturers have and crashing it as a result of a rugby club the “bigger man” by pulling off such an
cs21cw come up with a plan to prevent plagiarism initiation. Jonathon Cummins, 22, was extreme stunt. He pointed out that this sort
@surrey.ac.uk dared by other members of the team to steal of initiation was extraordinary: “Normally it
once and for all.
By setting questions that have never before a £13,000 BMW, have his picture taken with is nothing more harmful than running into
Deputy Editor been answered, the idea is that the answers it, and then return it. Unfortunately, this a pub and ordering drinks in your boxer
Neil Christie can not be found. However this means “initiation” ended up with him crashing into shorts”.
ms33nc a lot of work for lecturers, and also its a tree before running off.
@surrey.ac.uk When the University discovered what had
validity must be questioned. Although it is
possible to set variations on questions, there happened, it stressed that it certainly did
Deputy Editor is a worry of how much variation can be not condone the initiation, and has asked
Ben Berryman implemented before the assignments set are for a report on the case. The city sheriff
ma91bb no longer relevant to the course. Similarly, court heard that Cummins stole the car keys
@surrey.ac.uk on 22 September from a dealership. He
by sticking to traditional views of what the
assignments are to be based around but only then returned to steal the car on 5 October.
Music Editor slightly varying the question, the concept of He was caught when police caught him
Matt Badcock the answer is a lot more likely to be found speeding at 80mph. He lost control of the
ms01mb on the internet.

Students Do Care
@surrey.ac.uk Some universities have adopted an approach
where a student must sign a declaration
Music Editor stating they are happy for their work to
Jon Allen be checked against an immense collection
bs21ja of essays and assignments collated in a
@surrey.ac.uk database. This, it is argued, gives students a BY NEIL CHRISTIE and strong thinking group of individuals that
better indication of what plagiarism actually DEPUTY EDITOR are concerned with idealism and not what
is – as it is feared that many students do
Film Editor the media would have you believe. Nine in
not have a coherent idea of what exactly DESPITE THE IMAGE associated with the ten students say they have “a responsibility
Neil Boulton
constitutes as ‘cheating’. student years – anarchy, activism, and to vote” and of those nine it seems all of
cs21nb It’s been found that whereas academics view general complaining, it has been reported
@surrey.ac.uk them take that responsibility very seriously.
ideas as property and that they can be stolen, that students now feel that their voice is not 71 per cent say, “politics matters, but
students feel the idea of ‘theft’ of concepts being heard. political parties today have nothing to say
Theatre Editor is too extreme. Referencing is a task many Many students will come to university on the really important issues”. The failure
Daisy Clay students are not accustomed to coming out having not voted in a general election. Their of the Stop the War campaign is seen as
ps21dc of 16+ education before university, and the main concerns are not those of the ‘trendy’ symbolic of politicians’ failure to listen, and
@surrey.ac.uk change in style and thinking has proved to students wishing to legalise cannabis or ban perhaps the same could be said of the NUS’
be too much in some cases. This has lead foxhunting, but they worry about the state of march to stop tuition fees. To students the
Literature Editor to the first year of degrees being seen as an the NHS, about their lack of enthusiasm and key issues are the NHS, crime, schools,
Jennifer Walker opportunity to introduce ‘how to’ guides trust in politics, and how crime is escalating asylum-seekers and public transport, which
for constructing essays properly or to learn each year. More importantly though, they compliments the views of the population
ph21jw
@surrey.ac.uk the academic approach to research, and not worry about how politics is becoming a as a whole. Students reflect what the
being directly linked to the course material. solid merge towards what the parties think population as a whole are thinking, and
is the highest concentration of voter views, perhaps worryingly for the future it seems
News Editor and how this lack of choice could lead to the larger share of voters support Labour,
Philip Howard barefacts@ussu.co.uk problems in the future with democracy. whilst around 23% support both Lib Dem
ph02ph Students have appeared to be solid, liberally and Conservative.
@surrey.ac.uk

Sports Editor barefacts is an editorially independent

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Do you have a complaint
barefacts notices
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6 November 2003 NEWS & LETTERS 3

Letters to barefacts
Letters must be received by 5pm on the Monday before publication to be published in the next newspaper.
Letters may be edited for length or clarity | barefacts@ussu.co.uk

Dear barefacts,
I am a first year student taking a Meng in
Electronic Engineering. I am a very keen
and committed Rugby player, I play for
London Welsh, and the university team. I
am also a member of the ESP.
I enjoy playing rugby because of the way it
can de-stress you in the physical aspect and
also with the social aspect afterwards. The
University rugby team (as with all rugby
teams) I have found easy to mix with, and
everyone does enjoy a good night out which
includes lots of drinking games.
As most people know a rugby team when
drinking gets up to a lot of dodgy and loud
things. But (getting to the point of the letter)
the team is having problems with what
we want to do because of the way that the
clubhouse (the Varsity bar) operates. I’ve
been told of the many stories by the older
players of drinking games going on into the
night, loud singing, and a good all round
laugh all taking place in the Varsity bar in
the past few years, this I can to relate to as
its what happens in all clubhouses.
But we are now told that the varsity bar
has changed the type of audience it wants
to attract (i.e. couples wanting an evening
meal). The Varsity is a sports bar! It is
situated next to a rugby pitch, a football
pitch, an American football pitch, and a
hockey pitch! It even has a huge screen
constantly showing sky sports! Maybe the
bar is not directly linked with the university,
but surely this problem can be understood as
each university team that plays at the Varsity
goes to have a drink (or a few) in the bar/
clubhouse after their game. It is shocking
that we are told to keep the noise down, and
not to treat the Varsity bar as our university
sports clubhouse.
If the situation had always been like
this I could understand, yet why change a
clubhouse into a restaurant. The answer of
course will be money. There is an obvious
loss in the money the Varsity bar will receive
from the sports players, and I guess they are
hoping to gain that back using the restaurant
idea. But why not say have a time share
when on match days (Wednesdays, and
Saturdays I’m guessing for most sports),
the Varsity can be a clubhouse, and the other
days it can be a restaurant?
Something different now but related. The
other night I was in the union on a night
out a bit short of cash, I wanted to go out
the door, walk about two metres to the cash
machine (still in view of the door men) get
some money and come back in. I was told
by the doorman that I would have to queue
again to come back in. So I changed my
mind and didn’t bother to get any money
so I didn’t have to queue. What I don’t get
is that the union would have missed out on
about £10 of my money! I can’t have been
the only person this has happened to. Do you
want our money or not?
YOURS SINCERELY,
ROBERT WEBBER
Dear barefacts,
What do women want... Great article...
although i am equally confused about men
- surely when women flirt men should pick
up the signals - like we’re talking major
flirting here - do blokes just not get it? My
housemate always tells me that men are like
elastic bands, and I think this is true! OK,
so what do women want? - Well, a bloke
who understands them. Yes, I know this
is probably almost impossible, but if life
was easy it wouldn’t be interesting/ fun
now would it!? Oh hang on, women also
want someone who is caring an interesting,
yet adventurous and masculine too, as
well as thoughtful and spontaneous, oh
and of course like hanging out with his
blokey friends, as well as being the caring
boyfriend who takes girls on dates and woos
them with chocoloate and flowers, but hang
on, also can’t be to girly.... mmm a fine line
indeed..... :o)
TOODLE PIP,
CAROL MAIN
Dear barefacts,
This is a response to the article What Do
Women Want in the latest issue of barefacts.
I just wanted to let you know how hurt i was
by what was said in the article. It gave women
a bad name, making them out to be heartless,
conniving sexaholics, which everyone
knows isnt true. Men are just as hard to
understand as women, for example we will
never work out why he still hasnt grasped the
simple task of putting the toilet seat down.
I’ll tell you what females want. A guy who
is sympathetic to their needs, a guy with a
sense of humour that knows how to give you
a good time and, most of all, a guy who isnt
on a power trip with an opinion on everything
and an ego even bigger than his mouth.
Harsh as this may sound, it needed to be said
on behalf of the female race.
YOURS SINCERELY,
KATY WEST
barefacts@ussu.co.uk

the students’ union plus cash machines | photo: chris hunter

Dear barefacts,

Long time editor, first time reader. For once I actually decided read my own section, the filmy
bit, and to my almost cartoonish dismay I’ve found the higher editorial team inserting words
into my mouth. Due to my tendencies towards being a rather tight-fisted individual, I would
indeed advocate the joys and general cost-efftiveness of a night in. However I, being unable
to drink hot drinks (because they’re hot), would never find myself endorsing cocoa to anyone
I would’ve endorsed ‘alcohol of questionable virtue’ or ‘cake’. Secondly, “goggle box”,
another term I would never commit to paper in my name, is another linguistic atrocity - it
is called ‘the idiot box’, or ‘view screen’ or maybe sometimes ‘TV’. I feel a small, possibly
benign; piece of my dignity has been removed and replaced with something akin to a pink
lawn flamingo.

YOURS FLAGRANTLY,
NEIL ARTHUR HORATIO BOULTON
4 COMMENT
opinion
Exec Head to
Essex
THE UNION EXECUTIVE travelled down to the University of
Essex on Tuesday evening to observe and sit-in on one of
their student councils. It was suggested the exec do this in
order to see how a university of approximately the same size
can operate. Essex has around 7000 students, so is quite a
bit smaller than Surrey.
Attendance in terms of numbers at the council was around
40 people or so, which is comparable to how Surrey’s council
operates. However what was seen was not a half hour
meeting that involves very few members of the university
or council, but a two and a half hour meeting where
productivity was immense, equalled only by enthusiasm and
emotive beliefs. It was enjoyable to watch, and will be even
more so to get involved in.
The exec learned a lot from the experience and will
hopefully be travelling to Reading University to get another
comparison.
Too long has Surrey been seen as politically apathetic and
uneventful, with council meetings becoming a formality
rather than an opportunity for the students to make their
voices heard and pass motions through. On Tuesday at 1pm
USSU held their second Council of the year, and although
the venue was not ideal, attendance is already up on previous
years. A discussion was had as to the ideal venue for the next
council, and subsequently Tuesday 2nd December at 1pm in
the Helyn Rose Bar is the date for your diary. The relative
ineffectuality of Union Council as it is has to change and the
exec this year are taking steps to promote a greater awareness
of student council and what it means for the student body. In
short, it is an exciting time to be at Surrey as although the
opportunity has always been there and the structure of the
Union and University has been in place, the near future
will hopefully see these elements coming together to form
a united voice of the students, and there can only be benefits
that come about from such an idea.
Watch this space for a brief summary of the Reading
experience, and keep your eyes peeled for any developments
in the Union Council system here at USSU. Council is not
here for the sabbs, the execs, the staff, or anyone other than
YOU, the students. If you want to know where your money
goes - come along on December 2nd and ask. This is your
chance to find out what’s really going on.
Random Fact of the Week [by Matt Adams]
You can try this either at 3 o’clock in the morning when
you have super-human strength after 10 snake-bites,
or else in the 9 o’clock lecture the morning after when
you are feeling slightly uninterested and fragile - it is
impossible to fold a piece of paper in half over and over
again more than 7 times.
barefacts | be heard
N U mesS? After being elected as a USSU Delegate Chris Ward heads to NUS Regional
Conference in Kingston for his first taste of all things NUS, and doesn’t like what
he sees in the slightest.
WHAT IS THE role of the National Union of Students? Why
did 90% of voters in the last referendum vote “Yes! We
want to stay with NUS!”. Perhaps the answer lies in the
fact that we receive many benefits as individuals, namely
the discounts we get whilst shopping for the essentials…
clothes, CDs, etc. However, the motive becomes clearer
when we imagine a situation without the NUS. An image
of fragmentation and disorder. We need an organisation
that brings together the unions dotted around the country,
an organisation that acts to represent all students in political
resistance to things like top up fees. We need an organisation
that amplifies our political and national voice, as a group
bound together by common interest.
I attended the regional NUS conference o n
Monday, and I was more than dissatisfied. I have never
before seen an organisation so distant from the body
they claim to represent than what I saw on that day. The
meeting opened with union presidents from the south east
apparently reporting on progress within their union in
terms of representation. Representation – that was a word
that was thrown around a lot during the conference: the
realisation that we must actively represent the students that
are members of our Union. Well, that is why we are here
isn’t it? Yet, unfortunately, this little exercise turned into
a pathetic droning, allowing nothing more than excessive
bragging from union presidents as they attempted to
impress the conference with their dry one liners and cliqued
personal stories, generally involving alcohol. Ironically,
however, it was later on agreed that we need to lose image
of the drunken student, or “The Young Ones”, as it was so
inadequately put.
At the heart of the NUS are campaigns. These are little
projects that are undertaken with the sole purpose of helping
students. So, by implication, these campaigns need to
resonate the widely held opinions of students on a national
level. NUS, however, seem to have the psychic capacity
to know what the students were thinking, and did not once
ask us whether or not we had canvassed the opinions of
any students from our union. Many of the bullet points
6 November 2003
on the screen began “NUS believes…”. Well, I’m afraid
in this sense, “NUS” seems to consist only of the officers
that seem to run the show – the people that allow the most
important viewpoints to gradually diminish as they climb
their way through the hierarchy pipeline. They highlight
certain “priority” campaigns that we must lobby MPs for – a
long process of presentations about current issues. Yes, they
are all important in their own way, but it seems that NUS
have lost focus. Does it not make sense to concentrate on
one campaign more than others, so that we don’t dilute our
efforts into six campaigns, all running at the same time?
Having said all this, it seems NUS is here to stay. The
pros certainly outweigh the cons, but purely because we
need a formal body that is here to symbolise the conformed
combination of every student across the country. Whether
the representation is purely symbolic (as it seems to be),
or whether it actually does represent the common views of
students nationally, it needs to be there. I admire Mandy
Telford for her work, as she seems genuinely interested in
being there for every single student under the representation
of the NUS. I just hope that this enthusiasm and drive is
not lost as it spirals its way down the thick network of
beurocracy.
I do not wish to bore the readers of barefacts by giving a
narration of the conference. If you do wish to be bored out
of your skull, however, I suggest that you run for regional
NUS delegate the next time the positions are elected. I will
make one thing clear. I walked in to that conference feeling
very passionate about the campaigns that affect our students.
I walked out with very little faith in the organisation at
all, and rather concerned that the NUS, who are supposed
to represent us and help us through higher and further
education had become inescapably entangled within a web
of beurocracy and red tape. The initial mission statement
has faded – all that is left is meetings, administration, and
assumption of general student opinion. I will certainly
be thinking twice about where my vote goes in the next
referendum.
ussu sabbs at nus conference - is it worth it? | photo: chris hunter
6 November 2003 COMMENT 5

The Perils and Pitfalls of Freshers’ Flu

Neil Christie meanders through the facts and myths
surrounding the dreaded, and inevitable Freshers’ Flu.

IF YOU HAVEN’T already had it, you’ve Uni life is certainly another factor. Late
probably got it, or are in the process of nights, stress / ironing favourite shirts,
getting it. And as is evident by the amount drinking loads, and generally feeling a bit
of frustrated faces around campus, I’m not exhausted because of the whole experience
talking about a night with one of the girls all contribute to lowering the immune system
in Sla Stag Hill. The grotty, snivelling, to something similar to that of a gnat’s.
croaking sounds of freshers echo throughout Even the nerdiest and weediest looking
most lecture rooms in the course of the germ thinks it’s in with a chance of rolling
day, and the only way to avoid it is to be over your immune system. I feel sorry for
shacked up at home with a red mark on the a friend who was recently on antibiotics,
door. Even then one of your friends will which are great for killing off things, but
send over the most attractive and plagued- they wipe out your immune system too
up individual they can find just to test your – so if you do go to a doctor and they’re a
willpower. The question is, what is it, what bit willy-nilly handing out prescriptions for
causes it, and when will it end? them (like a production line…
Quick disclaimer alert: I’m no doctor “what’s wrong”
and the research I have is purely my own “well I’m bunged up and…”
symptoms and a few ideas, so please don’t “here have these, NEXT”) then ask for
attach any significance to my thoughts and something that won’t mean you’re back
consequently sue me when you end up in 6 weeks time with the latest round of
taking something for it that just makes it infections. If it’s not serious, it’s usually
worse or results in near death. a case of sticking it out, getting rest, and
Firstly it seems that fresher’s flu is almost eating as best you can (feed a cold, starve
always not flu at all, simply various colds a fever my mum’ar always use to say). At
and bacterial infections that are caught due the moment this friend would make the ideal
to a number of reasons. So for anyone fielder (wait for it…), because if something’s
photo: christopher hunter
who’s acting although they’re half dead, it in the air and it’s going anywhere near her,
probably isn’t that bad, she’ll catch it (boom- too, take the time to miss out on the night’s just a cold. If you have any doubts, then
so stop your whinging “I’m no doctor, so ting; sorry). entertainment, save some money, and boost get along to the health centre, register, and
and find another excuse Finally it’s probably
for ignoring your
please don’t attach worth saying that nobody
your tolerance to colds too. It’s get seen to. If you are suffering
“You won’t be from vomiting, headache,
all about converting a con into
housemates. If ebola (of any significance to really bothered to register a pro, or at least trying to think alone when having drowsiness, seizures, high
the Ebola Haemorrhagic with the health centre.
Fever variety) were more
my thoughts and So finding a doctor can
that way. fresher’s flu so temperatures, joint aches and
On a more serious note, there pains, stiff neck, or disliking
common we’d probably consequently sue me be a bit tough in itself, are some symptoms you should there’s always bright light and it’s NOT
all be dead by now. So
just be thankful that
when you end up taking the very thought of it
can just lead to a general
be aware of as much as possible. someone who you because you got wrecked the
Meningitis, as I’m sure can go and watch night before and you do have
you’re sniffing – at least something for your cold feeling of lethargy. everyone is aware, is something a worry, go and get it checked
you’re still trying to That, and that one-stop some videos / out. Not all of the symptoms
that just makes it worse isn’t a pharmacy of any that is increasingly likely to be
breathe. caught at uni because of the DVDs with, lemsip may occur at once or even at
The main ‘cause’ of all or results in near death.” kind so paracetomol environment we’ve all been in hand” all, so please do get yourself
this widespread feeling is about the strongest thrown into, so even if you’ve seen to by one of the luverly
of grogg has to be lectures – not that I’m thing you’ll be able to find to help fight had your jab (which protects against just nurses, or docs, on campus. Prompt action
condoning absence here, but ramming the infection. It’s like being sat on by a the one strain – and also the one, I think, saves lives, and nobody’s going to make you
200 students into the same room, with a sumo wrestler and being equipped with that isn’t as severe) it’s still worth being feel awkward if it’s a cold or flu – students
select few (you know who you are, the nothing but bad language to get him off. aware that it could be more serious than are high risk, so better safe than sorry.
ones churning their guts out at the start You’re going to be crushed regardless.
of Weeks 3 and 4) infesting others with Well I guess there’s some good news.
various infections, is not going to create There are a limited number of colds you can
the healthiest of atmospheres. There are pick up (shame it’s at least 200), and once WINNER OF
£50 TOPMAN
a lot of people here you’ve never met or you have antibodies for one variation you
been introduced to. Likewise with their should be protected from getting it again
infections. (or so I believe, research anyone?). It gets a
The union and / or a night out is obviously bit more depressing when considering viral
another cause. Those coming to uni with the infections and fevers… which of course can
idea that every hole’s a goal, promiscuity is be contracted again, and again, and again.
VOUCHERS
going to be at a peak, and generally anyone Also you won’t be alone when having
from Essex, have all contributed to the fresher’s flu so there’s always someone who The oh so lucky winner of the competition to win £50 of Topman vouchers is
circulation of various nasties. Surprisingly you can go and watch some videos / DVDs
enough, tonguing five people in one night with, lemsip in hand. That way you can
not only leaves you with a higher chance share the colds you each have whilst you feel
of picking something up, but you may also terrible anyway, and be immunised against
Jon Noble
be carrying something that hasn’t yet fully two instead of one. Or perhaps if you’re in Huge congratulations, and barefacts will be in contact very soon to
flourished into a streaming nose and bright the minority that is actually well enough to arrange collection of this fandabulosi prize.
red t-zone. go out to the union, you can blag you feel ill
6 UNION
Three Ways to Save a Life
Dave ‘Chops’ Chapman, VP Sport at USSU takes a look at three easy
ways you can save a life.
DURING THE SUMMER, I saved a life. I was out on fitness
training on the River Wey (the one which runs through
Guildford) and had recently just climbed out onto the island
opposite The Britannia (formerly Scruffy Murphies) in order
to move around the lock and carry on further up the river.
Two teenagers approached me and asked if I could help. I
was a little skeptical, expecting an all too common comment
about surfing on the river. But it turned out there was a dog
(ok so it wasn’t a human life I saved) stuck in the river, just
down stream of the island. As I pointed out at the time, I’m
not a big fan of dogs, but I wasn’t going to let one drown if
I could help it.
To cut a long story short, after a couple of unsuccessful
attempts to help the dog to save itself, I ended up carrying
it to safety. It wasn’t a huge dog but it was big enough to
make this a tricky task. My arms were very happy when I
managed to get it back onto dry land. The owner was very
grateful and said that her dog was nearly exhausted and
wouldn’t have lasted much longer. Sadly as I don’t drink, I
was unable to accept her son’s offer of a pint (and of course
you should never be drunk in charge of a surfboard). Now
although it was only a dogs life that I saved, it was still an
incredibly good feeling. If I hadn’t been in the right place,
at the right time and hadn’t been comfortable in the water,
it is almost certain a relatively advanced animal would have
come to a nasty end and its family would have suffered its
loss. That’s one of the things about saving a life: its not
just the individual concerned who benefits. It’s their family,
their friends and their colleagues.
To bring things back to the title of the
article, there are three ways YOU can
save a life with the help of the union
and better still, two of these are really
easy, free and in the first case, you get
free Ben and Jerry’s ice cream as well.
The 1st easy way is to donate blood.
We have a mobile donor unit coming
to campus next week (Thursday 13th
and Friday 14th 11am – 2pm and
3.30pm – 5.45pm) so it’s even easier
to donate. For those of you who know
Are You A Poppy Person?
The 11th day, of the 11th month, at 11am… yes that’s the
annual time when we all pause for 2 minutes to remember
the millions of people who have served, and are currently
serving in the Armed Forces, and their families. The
Royal British Legion is the UK’s leading charity providing
financial, social and emotional support to millions of people,
and the Poppy Appeal has been going since 1921, and they
are currently looking for ‘Poppy People’ to help it keep on
growing. Poppy power depends on poppy people though! –
and volunteer collectors are needed in Guildford town centre
to sell poppies for a minimum of 1 hour over Friday 7th and
Saturday 8th November. Can you be a poppy person?
nothing about this, its not as scary as you might expect. The
process is fairly quick and hardly hurts at all. I’ve been in
donating sessions with guys and gals who were been scared
of needles but have gone and donated anyway. The staff are
very supportive and no one will mind if you want to shut
your eyes or bring a friend with you for support. To make
it all that bit better, you get free biscuits afterwards and a
voucher for a free tub of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. To book
an appointment, call 02082588429.
The second easy way is to learn first aid. Obviously this
isn’t just useful for saving someone’s life and hopefully
you will never need to use your first aid skills in a serious
situation, they can be incredibly useful in a huge range of
situations. But, if the worse came to the worse, would you
know how to stop someone bleeding or choking to death?
Would you be able to revive someone, or tide them over until
professional help arrived? Probably most people wouldn’t.
As part of the DAVE project, the union has arranged two
short first aid courses that you can attend absolutely free.
Each course is the same and they only take 4 hours to cover
a wide range of first aid basics, so why not sign up? The
two sessions are on Wednesday 19th from 5pm until 9pm and
Wednesday 26th from 2pm until 6pm. As its being accredited
by the DAVE project, not only do you get a basic first aid
qualification, you get ID points as well.
The third way takes more time and effort but can be good
fun at the same time. Life Saving training (as a Life Guard)
is not for the lighthearted and requires reasonable swimming
ability or at least dedication to improve.
From a purely financial point of view
you can earn decent money for just
sitting at a pool side keeping an eye on
people. Internationally recognised as
a serious sport, Life Saving is one of
the new clubs which Surrey student’s
have identified as something they want
to get involved with. Although it is
still in the early stages, let us know
if its something you are interested in.
E-mail sports@ussu.co.uk for more
details.
Enthusiastic & Sporty?
UniSport and Disability Challengers (a registered charity
that provide play and leisure opportunities for children
and young people with any special need), run a sports club
each Saturday morning (10-12) in the Uni Sports Centre
for 6 week block durations. The new block starts from 8th
November, and there is loads of interest! Volunteers are
needed to help coach trampolining, climbing, sports and
dance. Fear not – you do not have to be experienced as
UniSport offer training – all you need is enthusiasm! You
do not even have to commit to each week – although most of
the current volunteers love it so much they go most weeks!
Win! Win! Win!
You still have a short amount of time (1 day infact!) to enter
the exciting V competition, and win a pair of tickets for the
British Airways London Eye! All you have to do is write
a short piece about any volunteering that you have been
involved in in the last 12 months (it does not have to have
been done through The V Project). Tell me who you are,
what you did/ are doing, where and when you did it, why
and how you got involved, what you learnt, and anything
6 November 2003
USSU are
Investors in People
BY NEIL CHRISTIE
DEPUTY EDITOR
THE WAY IN which service orientated companies have
been structured is changing dramatically. The old age
importance of profits, share holders, and directors is
becoming more and more discredited through research
and innovative human resource projects. Instead it
has been realised that employees are of the highest
importance because they are the main method of customer
retention. Therefore companies are ploughing finances,
effort, and time into making employees comfortable
in their environment. Personal development is of the
highest priority, which means training, qualifications,
and concentration on inter-personal skills. In a world
where equal opportunities is paramount, this is great
news for everyone – customers, employees, and even the
shareholders will benefit.
Investors in People is just that concept – putting money
into those that are your service package. Having effectively
trained and motivated staff reflect their aura of satisfaction
and willingness, which results in customer retention.
The Union was rigorously assessed back in October 2002
and came out with some requirements that had to be met
in order to achieve the award. In just one year, which
is astounding progress, the Union was re-assessed as it
believed it had fulfilled the criteria. September 29th brought
about the board of Quality South East assessment awarding
the Union the prestigious IIP award.
As USSU has now been awarded the Investors in People
award – so if you’re an employee (student), or customer
(student), then USSU is the place to be involved.
else you think is relevant. Submit your entry by email, post,
or bring it to me in person by 5pm Friday 7th November. An
independent source will read all of the articles and pick the
winner, who will be notified by Friday 14th November.
Please contact me for more information on any of the above
fantastic opportunities, or to find out about more exciting
opportunities – the list is fun, and endless!
Name: Carol Main
Tel: (01483) (68) 3254
Email: c.main@surrey.ac.uk
Web: http://www.ussu.co.uk/volunteering
Person: The Activities Centre @ USSU
8 PROFESSIONAL
Alumni Society Launch Telephone Campaign
Amintha Buckland gives us an update on the Alumni Society’s telephone campaign.
THE UNIVERSITY TELEPHONE campaign organised by the
Alumni & Development Office to raise money for the
University of Surrey Annual Fund began this week. A team
of 40 current students has been recruited to contact Alumni
to tell them about the University today and to encourage
them to contribute to the Annual Fund, which is designed
to assist students and improve the campus. We hope to call
3,000 of 30,000 alumni in touch with the Surrey Alumni
Society during weekday evenings and at weekends for the
whole of November.
The campaign began this weekend with a two day training
session to prepare callers for their valued roles. The callers,
both undergraduate and postgraduate, are from all the
Schools and from different countries.
As well as the fundraising experience gained from
working which includes this project, the callers will also
telephone campaigners
CAREERS EVENTS - COMING UP WEEK 10
FINDING OUT MORE
WHY ASK ME THAT?
MONDAY 10 NOVEMBER | 1 – 1.45 PM IN LT F
One showing only of the video on interviews. A Careers Adviser will be
present to discuss any points you would like to raise after viewing this
video.
DEVELOPING YOUR SKILLS
PRACTICE APTITUDE TEST*
WEDNESDAY 12 NOVEMBER | 2.15 PM – 4.15 PM IN LT B
The tests we run are parallel to those many employers use as part of
their selection process. There are three sections designed to test your
logical thinking.
* Please register with Careers if you wish to attend or email c.arrowsmith@surrey.ac.uk
“so, I want to write for barefacts......”
“do you now!”
“well, yes actually, but I haven’t the foggiest how to do it...”
“have you written an article?”
“as you happen to mention it, yes I have - it’s a film review as chance would have it”
“that’s incredible - a little bird told me yesterday that barefacts are looking
for film critics right this very second!”
“they are? Groovy stuff. So what do I do to get my stuff published? I’m waiting....”
“all you do it make sure your article’s in Times New Roman size 10, in a
funky word document, and send it across to barefacts@ussu.co.uk”
“as easy as that?”
“couldn’t be simpler.”
“Top banana. I’m off to send in my article - tara!”
barefacts@ussu.co.uk - easy as pie.
the UniS call centre
obtain valuable skills working as part of a team staff and
students. These skills will assist them in their future careers
and will help if they would like to participate in the UniS
Ambassadors scheme.
Most of the training took place in the School of
Management Lecture Theatre over the weekend. Professor
John Turner, Deputy Vice-Chancellor, hosted a lunch in the
Lakeside restaurant and thanked the students for their efforts
on behalf of the Vice-Chancellor and the University.
The first night of calling was very successful with many
alumni choosing to support the Annual Fund.
Further updates on the campaign can be seen weekly in
Barefacts, on UniSLife and on the plasma screens.
For more information about the UniS Ambassadors scheme,
contact Anna Cunningham on 01483 683937.
For more information about the Telephone Campaign,
contact the Alumni & Development Office on 01483
683930.
EMPLOYER PRESENTATIONS
FAST TRACK TEACHING*
MONDAY 10 NOVEMBER
6.30 PM IN OAK SUITE 1 AND 2
Hear about details of this scheme. Open to all disciplines.
POSFORD HASKONING*
TUESDAY 11 NOVEMBER
6.15 PM IN LT E
Opportunities in maritime, coastal and rivers, water, environmental,
transport, structures, mechanical and electrical engineering.
MVA
THURSDAY 13 NOVEMBER
6.30 PM IN LT M
International transport consultancy with multi-discipline opportunities.
6 November 2003
Dr Russ Replies
DR RUSS CLARK | UNIS CAREERS SERVICE
I am thinking about doing a PhD. How do I know I
would be suited to it?
I have lost count of the number of PhD students I have
seen over the years who have wanted to give up. In many
cases, they simply hadn’t realised how different a PhD
would be from a first degree. Apart from one or two special
doctorates, most PhDs involve no lectures, no revision and
just one single 2-3 hour exam at the end. You may find
yourself working alone for long periods. You may meet
what appear to be insurmountable problems or you may
simply fail to obtain the results or information which you
need. You are therefore more likely to succeed if you are
determined, patient, have good time management skills and
the ability to solve problems. It also goes without saying
that you should have an enquiring mind and a love for the
subject you are studying. Do you think you fit the bill? If
you have serious doubts about these requirements a PhD
might not be right for you.
Assuming I’m still interested, how should I go about it?
A good place to start looking is in Prospects Postgraduate
Directory, a copy of which can be seen in the Careers Library.
It is also available on the internet on www.prospects.ac.uk.
This will give you some idea of the kind of research going
on in different parts of the country. If you would like more
detailed information you could try Current Research in
Britain, a complete set of which can be seen in the Main
Library. This contains brief descriptions of the work which
various academic staff in British universities are carrying
out. The next step would be to send your CV with a covering
letter explaining what you would like to do and why. You
can make as many applications as you like. If you would
like to stay at Surrey, all you need to do is mention your
interest to the member of staff with whom you would like to
work and they will tell you what might be available.
What about finance?
If you are a UK resident, you would be eligible for a grant
from a research board or council. Your fees would be paid
as well. However, all you need do at this stage is apply for
a place. Your potential supervisor will then tell you what
financial options might be available. If you are an EU
student, you would be eligible to have your fees paid but
would not be eligible for a grant. International students are
only eligible for support from one of the research bodies if
they can prove that the UK is their home country. However,
most universities have their own scholarship schemes, which,
although highly competitive, do provide an alternative.
What degree class would I need?
That depends a lot on your field of study. Most awards
from the Arts and Humanities Research Board are given to
applicants with a First. On the other hand awards supplied
by the Engineering and Physical Sciences Research Council
are given at the discretion of the institution, so theoretically
you could do a PhD with a Third. In practice, however, a
2.1 is usually the level of degree which is most likely to
secure you a grant. A free booklet in the Careers Service,
Prospects Postgraduate Funding Guide, contains some
useful information about all of the main funding bodies.
Do you have a question Dr Russ could help with?
Just send it to barefacts@ussu.co.uk or
pop into the careers service and speak to
an advisor
Do You GU2?
GU2’s Station Manager, Amelia Lefroy brings us the next
installment of her [almost] weekly tales of all things GU2.

Well, ok, it’s been longer than a week, but this week it’s my turn! Are you sitting
comfortably? Then I’ll begin!
What’s up this week then? I think I’ll first ask you to refer to issue 1065 p3 or 5, wherein
you shall find an article about ‘Barefacts Live’, the exciting, new, News Programme on
GU2. Don’t stop reading!
I know we all begin tuning out when we hear the ‘N word’. For me it conjures up painful
memories of the olds coming into the living room and enforcing parental control over the
TV and me consequentially missing ‘The Simpsons’ or ‘Home and Away’. But please do
not tar us with the same brush as Moira Stewart or the-guy-with-ginger-hair-who-used-
to-be-on-the-news-and-still-pops-up-randomly. ‘Barefacts Live’ covers stuff relevant to
us, the student population, like music news, campus news, national student news and
the latest on ongoing issues like drinks spiking. But I know what you’re thinking…
why don’t I just wait until Thursday to pick up a copy of Barefacts? True, but this is
meant to be an extension of services offered by Barefacts so you can get more regular
updates. So what does this mean for you? Well we need people to be our ears and eyes…
or our reporters! So if you feel you want to get involved with this most exciting new
development in our student media, email barefactslive@gu2.co.uk.
Do you want to work with probably the best looking and best dressed gal in Student
Radio? Attika, our Head of Marketing is currently looking for people to join the
marketing to help her develop both the new merchandise range and the level of awareness
of GU2 on Campus. If you have a vivid artistic mind we really need YOU! Email
marketing@gu2.co.uk to get involved.

GU2 :
hands on
experience in all
aspects of radio

f o r e v e r y o n e
 FILM
Neil Boulton brings us a
Jackie Chan extravaganza,
not to mention other rather
exciting things [minus his
cup of cocoa this week!]
lots of
singles
Gut Records
Gut Records release the short but powerful follow up
to Sikth’s much acclaimed recent LP. Smooth guitar melodies
and troubled vocals cover the 2 tracks, demonstrating the talent of this
group. There are obvious influences present of 80s rock music, most
evident on the Iron Maiden cover Wrath Child. I’m impressed, but
when they began to screech like pained ferrets, I gave up listening.
c.d.
JANE’S ADDICTION
TRUE NATURE
Parlophone
Twelve years on from their
untimely initial split, Jane’s
Addiction take us back not to
the unbridled adventurousness
of epochal third album Ritual
de lo Habitual but to its more
straightforward and accessible
predecessor, Nothing’s
Shocking. While True Nature’s
satisfying crunch and typically
swirling mid-section are a
pleasing nostalgia trip, after all
this time the faithful will surely
have hoped for something a
little more special. j.d.
LITERATURE
Literature Editor, Jen
Walker, takes a walk on
the dark side and visits
Mary Shelly’s classic -
Frankenstein
SIKTH
SCENT OF THE OBSCENE E.P
VUE
BABIES ARE FOR PETTING
BMG
Cited by The Strokes as an
early influence, Vue have an
unmistakable American rock n roll
sound seen in title EP track Babies
Are For Petting with its superb
chorus and BRMC like guitars.
Expect great things to come next
year as the Vue’s forthcoming
album is set to launch an assault
on mankind having it all apart
from the obligatory The before
their name so long live The Vue
may due success come your way.
m.b.
SOPHIE ELLIS BEXTOR
MIXED UP WORLD
Davidor
This single sounds much more
laid back and mellowed out than
her previous single releases. The
lyrics have developed a bit of
feminism and therefore this song
will tend to be more popular with
the ladies than the gents. The
re-mix has more beat and bite
to the song although whether it
improves it is debatable seeing as outstanding
it was originally written as a slow
song. p.w. excellent
good
UNKLE
IN A STATE average
Mo Wax
poor
To put it simply, Unkle is not the
same without DJ Shadow, and this
is definitely plain to hear on the
latest single from James Lavelle’s KYLIE
reformed group. Lazy guitar loops SLOW
and house drums meet even lazier Capital
vocals, on a track that could easily
be given a miss. Go and invest your Slow is the first single to be taken off Kylie’s ninth album Body
money into buying a copy of the Language, and has already gained heavy rotation on radio. At first
Psyence Fiction LP instead. c.d listen the song starts off…well…slow, hinting that it will burst into life
at any moment, with one of those catchy Kylie choruses we all love.
However, three minutes later this has not transpired and the stereos
gone quiet. This can’t be right can it? Well yes I’m afraid it is, as
Kylie returns with a disappointing first single, which never really gets
THE BOXER REBELLION going. m.f
WATERMELON
Poptones
Unlike the label suggests The
Boxer Rebellion are an upcoming sophie ellis bextor
indie band and have already won
over crowds at the new bands stage
at Glastonbury. TRB claim they
dont play music like the bands
that influenced them but they dont
sound original, more like quite a
few indie bands of recent times,
but not in a bad way. p.w.
CARINA ROUND
INTO MY BLOOD
Dehisce
a perfect circle
Possibly the only female singer to
come out of Wolverhampton with
some kind of a future in the music
business. Carina is a mix of PJ
Harvey with, at times, Bjork-esk
vocals. This is the first single off
her second album Disconnection.
A woman to be taken seriously,
proving it in the lyrics and well This week’s music section is brought to you
composed music, also having
played with the likes of Coldplay by: Corin “Skeptik” Douieb, Peter Wigfield
and James Brown. Not one
for the usual style of MTV, but Jonathan Darzi, Matt Badcock, Jon Allen ,
perhaps its partner MTV 2. d.m
Dina Mystris and Matt Fisher.
9 November 2003
ENON
STAR CASTIC
Southern Records
Where to start? Well this is a
band hailing from Brooklyn,
New York, a musical hub and the
birthplace of the White Stripes,
a group they try to capture.
Unfortunately this single sounds
more like the theme tune to that
horror movie IT, with its ferris
wheel tunes and weird haunting
vocals. An experimenting sound
that doesn’t do anything other
than make you want to turn it
off. d.m.
THE CREATURES
HI! LP
Sioux Records
Siouxsie and the Banshees
under another name but dating
back to 1983 The Creatures
are completely different to
anything else out there. Full
stop. A weird fusion of ancient
Japanese percussion and echoic
electronically affected vocals,
it is however something you
have to be in the mood for, say
perhaps sitting at home with
nothing to do as this music is
genuinely interesting. It’s not
the type of music that can sit
here in the background it jumps
out at you but remains laid back
at the same time. It’s been a
long time since I have heard
anything this different in the
music world.
p.w.
the best known bottom in the world? kylie...
THE THRILLS
DONT STEAL OUR SUN
Virgin
Another month, another Thrills
single that sounds uncannily like
Big Sur without being quite as
good. A winning formula it may
be, but without at least a slight
long-term change in direction,
and preferably a hint of some
emotion other than sickeningly
cheery optimism, the not entirely
favourable comparisons with
Dodgy may prove to be well
founded. Perhaps they should
ignore their own advice and allow
their sun to be stolen – a gloomy,
twilit Thrills album could be an
interesting proposition… j.d.
LIBERTY X
BEING SOMEBODY
V2
This album is over an hour long
and has 16 tracks. Who’s ever
idea that was deserves to be
confined to a dark room listening
to this on repeat for all eternity.
Like many others, I enjoy a
drunken stomp on a Wednesday
night in the Union to a number
of questionable pop songs, but
in the harshness of daylight (and
sobriety) this is just wrong! Of
course there are some listenable
tracks on the album (the best being
the collaboration with Richard X
on Being Nobody), these are in
the vast minority. Surely Hearsay
weren’t worse than this were
they?!? m.f
MUSIC 13
BLUE
GUILTY
Virgin
Britain’s biggest boy band return with their third (yes third!)
album. After the phenomenal success of their previous offerings the
pressure’s on as they try to ‘raise the bar’. What can I say, but with
great lyrical contents as “We never spend no time to get busy busy, I
wanna make the bed rock and make ya dizzy dizzy”, you cant help but
smile whilst hearing this album. As a pop offering you could do much
worse, with Blue sticking to what they do best – pop songs with their
tongues firmly in their cheeks (what do ya mean their serious artists?)
blue m.f
To become part of the
bf music team, just turn
SOMETHING
up to the meetings at CORPORATE
5.15pm on Mondays in
alb
NORTH
the USSU Media Centre Drive-thru
(by pizzaman) or email
The punk band with the
barefacts@ussu.co.uk piano playing front man. They
um
boys are growing and this second
offering from the Californian band
is a little less punk rock princess and
more 21 and invincible. The kind of songs
you have playing, which are totally inoffensive and
promote themes of the all American middle class teenager. The
s
usual heartache on The Runaway and a deeper, more meaningful feel on Only
Ashes, with your typical punk vocals and guitars, however the piano does add a nice
touch of atmosphere and a more peaceful feel. Not a ground breaking album by any means,
but definitely one to add to your collection if you’re into less aggressive punk tunes, with a
focus on things like the moon and the sky. d.m.
gigs
LIVE @ USSU
28th October
Predictably a night of punk at our very
own Union bringing together local
youngsters Fast Lane and Black Country
veterans, B Movie Heroes. First on Guildford’s own, Fast Lane show a promising start with respectable
vocals if the continual movement of the band became off putting. A fine start you may think well don’t push
it the generic sound made you think you’ve heard them before but no its that band you saw who sounded
like that other band oh yes Blink 182. Maybe I’m starting to get a bit unfair, they were not that bad not great
either but have obviously worked hard and deserve their break. Straight to the main band then, B Movie
Heroes initially unimpressed with their flaunting of their West Brom flag going down well with this Wolves
fan. Getting over this initial predigest the music did the talking with a surprising sound of mature punk with
the unfortunate vocals proving the weakest link. A nice connection with the crowd showed confidence with
their panning to fill an “unexpected hour slot” and equipment failure not dampening their spirits. As the
gig went on the more tired the tracks sounded with weaker tracks beginning to stand out it what was overall
an ok show. What I could not get over tonight was the lack of people a mere seventy-five or so, I know it
was an unknown band and another punk one at that but come on support your local live band society and
experience some up and coming bands. In return this night must have a cross section of bands with a few
known acts bringing in the punters maybe monthly could prove as popular as No Waves recent successes.
Matt Badcock
Athlete @ Shepard’s Bush Empire
Friday 24th October
What a year from these London lads, Mercury Prize nominees, playing every festival known to man and their
debut album rocketing up the chart some four months after its release. The enigmatic Beautiful lived up its
namesake brooding into its loved up vocals and sing-along chorus raising the roof. Superb single, El Salvador
continues an impressive opening with its irresistibly catchy lyrics and bouncing tempo in this lush summer
sound track. The delightful Shake Those Windows captures Athletes song writing ability with this magnificent
track transformed into a live epic. A glimpse of what’s to come saw new track, Tourist with its fuller sound
combine Athlete’s uncontrollable catchy choruses incorporating some well-placed oohs in what was promising
stuff. Showcasing one of the best debut albums of the year Vehicles & Animals entertains twelve fantastic
tracks, having the audience uttering ever word to the delighted sell out crowd. Over the summer this band have
gained confidence and a presence Coldplay gained after Parachutes, and with their forthcoming follow up out
next year, should establish Athlete as a fans favourite. With only one album under their belt this hour or so
performance had quality in depth showing their talent in quaint catchy tunes that’s hard not to like. Only one
track left in the locker, Westside rings out to a rapturous homage of a fine year for this rather fine band may we
all allow a bit of Athlete in our lives and the world will be a better place.
Matt Badcock ****
14 FILM 6 November 2003

The aareaaca Salute to Jackie Chan

Film Editor Neil Boulton gives a bow of respect to the don of slapstick martial arts movies, observing that
Chan is a pretty nice chap, but you’d be a fool to think he couldn’t kick your ass.
Jackie Chan, you’ve probably seen at least one of his
movies, and if you’ve haven’t you’ve no doubt heard of him.
Well, he’ll be fifty next year and he’s been appearing in films
for around forty of those. He looks nice and friendly and
you’d be a fool to think he couldn’t kick your ass. Basically,
back in the day Chan was tapped to be the new Bruce Lee
after the stars unfortunate demise, but Jackie didn’t want to
remain forever in Lee’s shadow and didn’t take off until he
started mixing slapstick in with more traditional martial arts
– often described as sort of a high-kicking Buster Keaton.
As a child he was enrolled in the China Drama Academy,
which basically schooled him in music, dance and, most
importantly, martial arts. It wasn’t long before he started
working in the stunt business eventually progressing his
way to star outright. He directs, writes, performs all his own
stunts… actually there isn’t much Jackie doesn’t do… he’s
even dubbed his own vocals in the past.
His rise to stardom in the west wasn’t as easy as it seems,
cinema chiefs over in America first tried to break Jackie
into Hollywood in The Big Brawl (1980), which is almost
unanimously seen as being a bit ‘duff’. Then there were
the Cannon Ball Run movies (1981 & 1984) - Jackie was
present and correct in both the first and the second movies of
the series, in Cannon Ball Run 2 he was driving around in a
Mitsubishi with Richard Kiel (Chrome-dentured giant, Jaws
from the Bond films) although Chan himself writes it off as
a contractual obligation. So when he couldn’t hit big in the
U.S., he went back home and carried on wowing audiences
there, then in the mid-nineties gaining cult status from his
movies back home in the west he made Rumble in the Bronx,
not his greatest film but it eventually led him to the Rush
Hour films which truly launched him into the Hollywood
world of Super-big salaries.
But it’s outside of the Californian Movie Machine where
you’ll see Uncle Jackie doing his own comedy-kung-fu
hybrid at it’s best; and here are some choice selections for
you to seek out should you wish. Yes, occasionally the plot
is negligible – but for every duff plotline there’s usually a
vanload of superb fight scenes parked around back (and
sometimes a rather stupid girl named Mickey).

Project A | reunited with his old classmates Sammo Who Am I? | Jackie plays a commando sent with
Hung and Yuen Biao (They all attended the same opera a group of others to apprehend some meteorite pieces
school) Jackie fights pirates as coast guard officer Dragon with some explosive properties, on the way back they’re
Ma. It’s sort of a period piece, being set in the 19th century double crossed and Jackie is the only survivor of the
and all, but still contains all the humour and action that wreckage… trouble is he can’t remember who he is, or
you’d expect of one of Chan’s movies. Action on the high why everyone’s chasing him. So going under the new
seas, bicycles and pretty much everywhere else including moniker Whoami he sets off the find out his past before
a Jackie’s amazing clock tower fall, excellent. his past finds him. Starts off a bit slow fight wise but
picks up as the film goes on ending with a great roof top
climax (Climaxes on roofs are always a good idea)
Armour of God | Jackie Chan does something close
to that Indiana Jones thing as he tries to rescue his ex-
girlfriend with the help of his best friend, her now fiancée
– All well and good, but she has been kidnapped by an
evil bunch of monks demanding pieces to an artefact
known as the armour of the gods. Lots of great Chan
action in this one, including Jackie getting beaten up
by a group of girls in the finale. It was also on the set of
this film that he almost died during a fairly standard wall
descent.

City Hunter | This film will probably confuse as many

as it entertains. It’s based on a comic; which explains
it’s playful nature and unusual methods. Jackie plays
Ryô Saeba - The City Hunter (A man so great his theme
song plays whenever he comes his hair) a vain private
investigator; who while trying to crack a case ends up
on a packed luxurious cruise ship (Although slightly
devoid of food). Things would be easier if a bunch of
American terrorists weren’t about to Hi-jack it. It’s up to
City Hunter to save the day and find a sandwich before
it’s too late. There’s an excellent Bruce Lee spoofing
fight in a cinema and possibly the world’s most random
Street Fighter 2 reference. It also contains a really quite
pointless song/dance/rap number in the middle for no
good reason. I can’t help but like it.
Police Story | Considered by most people to be one
of Jackie’s finest - Jackie is a Hong-Kong cop who
successfully puts away a big scale drug lord. Not best
pleased by this the drug lord frames him with murder
and as usual it’s up to Jackie to put the world to rights:
Prove his innocence, stay alive and stop his girlfriend
from leaving.
Jackie Chan’s First Strike | Technically it’s part of the
Police Story series, but marketed for America. Many
people have told me they think that this film is pretty
awful, but I won’t stand for it. Plot’s pretty simple,
Jackie has to apprehend an escapee from international
sting he was involved in, leading to some globe trotting
adventures. Lots of things blow up and it also has a great
fight scene with some excellent ladder work and there’s
even some sub aqueous martial arts for good measure.
Jackie also gets to hold a koala.

Are you a cinema buff? Do you fancy writing a review of a current release, an article on a classic film or director
or pretty much anything about the world of film?
Then drop an email to our film editor, Mr Neil Horatio Boulton, at cs21nb@surrey.ac.uk.
6 November 2003 FILM 15

Extra Terrestrial - The Week Ahead

Well, it would appear all the Halloween hoopla is truly over as the film schedule returns to a slightly more normal
and varied fare this week. The last trace of Halloween out there this week combines Vampires with Christopher
Walken - Magnificent. Anyway, it’s a varied bunch so there should be at least one film you’ll want to watch this week.
The licence fee isn’t getting any cheaper so you
BY NEIL BOULTON should make the most of it. Sunday 9th November 2003
FILM EDITOR
Five | The Presidio | Sean Connery and Mark Hammon were once colleagues
9:00pm – in the military police, ‘till a disagreement made Hammon leave to join the
11:00pm standard police force. Now some murders have taken place causing a cross
jurisdictionary (is that a word?) overlap and they’re forced to work together
Thursday 6th November again. Crime thriller apparently.
Five | Escape To Victory | Football, World War II, Michael Caine? Sounds like the
9:00pm – setting for something really English. Some Nazi types hatch a plan to play
Monday 10th November 2003
11:15pm a game of football as means for propaganda – The Nazi all-stars vs. a team Five | See No Evil, Hear No Evil | One of Richard Pryor and Gene Wilder’s comedic
of Allied Prisoners. The prisoners agree to play hoping to use the big match 10:00pm – teamings. Two men witness a murder, although one is blind (Richard Pryor)
as means to escape their captors clutches. Warning, may contain traces of 12:05am and the other is deaf (Gene Wilder) and as the killers don’t want to take any
Sylvester Stallone… chances they’re now on the hit list. Can they bring the killer to justice and save
their own hides?
Friday 7th November
Channel 4 | Happiness | Questionable title really, but a good film none the less. Todd
Five | The Pelican Brief | Courtroom loaded John Grisham adaptation where Julia 12:20am - Solondz’s really quite dark comedy is about the warping of American suburban
9:00pm – Roberts’ law student uncovers herself a rather large government conspiracy 2:50am life involving the private lives of three sisters. Sort of a showcase of abnormal
11:45pm which puts her life in danger. This always seems to be the case with law relationships it’s not really a film for everybody as it has some unsavoury
students nowadays. Now that they’re after her she turns to Denzel Washington topics thrown into the mix, but try it, you might like it.
for help as they try to get to the bottom of the conspiracy.
BBC 2 | The Addiction | Christopher Walken! and vampires!… it seems too good to Tuesday 11th November 2003
1:20am – be true. It’s a horror/drama where a young student gets attacked by a strange ITV | Rules Of Engagement | I’ve only seen half of this film as I started watching
2:40am woman on her way home and becomes a vampire. Like a blood hungry organ 9:00pm - it on a plane flight and proceeded to fall asleep. It’s a courtroom drama where
junky, we watch as, she goes from blood fix to blood fix. It’s supposed to be 10:30pm one US marine is trying to avoid being court marshalled for an incident
quite philosophical for a vampire film. Anyway, don’t let the black ‘n’ white involving the killing of 83 civilians. Tommy Lee Jones & Samuel L Jackson
print scare you. are in it… maybe I was just expecting better.
Saturday 8th November 2003 BBC1 | Westworld | Michael Crichton seems to have trouble with theme parks and
11:45pm - Westworld’s no different. It’s a theme park – of the future! – where robots are
Channel 4 | Four Weddings And A Funeral | Much lauded British romantic comedy
1:15am used to let guests live out their dreams. Two business men are having the time
10:00pm – written by Richard Curtis (. If you hadn’t guessed by now the film revolves
of their life playing cowboy in a the robot-filled wild west, until Yul Brynner’s
12:10am around the four weddings and a funeral the characters attend during the course
automated gunslinger goes a bit haywire and people start getting hurt… Great
of the film as they search for true love. Hugh Grant thinks he’s found it in the
stuff.
shape of Andi MacDowell…
Channel 4 | Small Time Crooks | It’s a Woody Allen penned-and-directed comedy. Allen Wednesday 5th November 2003
10:00pm - stars as Ray who hatches a plan to break into a bank by digging through from Five | Unlawful Entry | Ray Liotta and Kurt Russell are on the cast list for this
12:10am an old closed down shop next to it. While he and his friends work on breaking 9:00pm – psychological thriller. After responding to a couple’s burglary call-out a
the bank he gets his wife to open the shop up as a cover for their heist. His 11:10pm lonely Los Angeles cop appears finds himself in a bit of a fix. He appears to
wife’s cookies are a big success and the shop becomes more profitable than the have fallen for the man’s wife, rather badly… obsession grows and things get
heist itself. dangerous for the unsuspecting couple.

Film Quote Quiz Friday 7th November -

Thursday 13th November
by Neil Boulton 2003
Hopefully I haven’t put anything too obscure in this film quote quiz, if I have
MATRIX Sun – Tues 11.30, THE TEXAS INTOLERABLE
I’m sorry and the like. But I haven tried to be not-so-damn-obvious so no REVOLUTIONS (15) 12.15, 1.55, 3.00, CHAINSAW CRUELTY (12A)
“You’re gonna need a bigger boat”s here. No sir. Basically, rules of the game FLS [2hr 9min] 4.30, 5.45 (3.50 & MASSACRE (18) [1hr 40min]
are as ever, name the film the quote comes from. You can earn yourself a Fri & Sat 11.20, 6..35 Sun Only) [1hr 38min] Contains moderate
12.20, 1.40, 2.40, Weds 12.15, 3.00, Fri & Sat 7.30, 10.00 sex references and
bonus point if you can name the character that said it if you like. 3.40, 5.00, 6.00, 7.00, 5.45 Sun – Thurs 7.00, one use of strong
8.15, 9.15 Thurs 12.15, 1.05, 9.20 language
1. Groovy. 10.15 (11.20 Sat only) 3.00, 5.45 Fri & Sat 2.00, 4.45,
2. Even the smallest person can change the course of the future. Sun – Thurs 12.20,
1.20, 2.00, 3.30, 4.45, SEABISCUIT (PG)
THE LEAGUE OF
EXTRAORDINARY
7.10, 9.35
Sun – Thurs 12.55,
3. Here’s the first of the day, fellas! To old D.H. Lawrence. Neh! Neh! Neh! Fuh! 5.20, 7.30, 8.00, 8.40 FLS [2hr 21min] GENTLEMEN (12A) 3.20, 5.50, 8.15
Fuh! Fuh! Indians. Daily 14.10, 5.20, [1hr 50min]
FINDING NEMO (U) 8.30 Contains moderate SECONDHAND
4. That wasn’t flying, that was falling with style! [1hr 44min] violence and horror LIONS (PG) [1hr
5. What, like the back of a Volkswagen? Audio description on
12.15, 3.15 & 5.45
CALENDAR GIRLS
(12A) [1hr 38min]
Fri – Tues & Thurs
9.00
49min]
Sat only 11.25
6. “More human than human” is our motto. perfs Contains moderate Sun – thurs 11.40
7. What? No! We can’t stop here! This is bat country! 12.15 on Fri & 5.45
perf on Tues are
nudity and sex
references
KILL BILL
VOLUME 1 (18) [1hr HOLES (PG) [1 hr
8. First you gotta do the truffle shuffle. subtitled Friday 4.05, 6.35, 51min] 57min]
9. Smokey, this is not ‘Nam. This is bowling. There are rules. Fri & Sat 10.40 11.40
12.15, 1.05, 2.10,
8.25
Sat & Sun 8.25
Fri & Sat 1.55, 4.30,
7.10, 9.40
Daily 11.45

10. There is no spoon. 3.00, 3.50, 4.45, 5.45, Mon, Tues & Thurs Sun – Thurs 12.40, To book tickets
online, visit
6.35 (10.40 Sat only, 4.05, 6.35, 8.25 3.20, 6.00, 8.35
Answers on page 20, along with the other Interactive ones, under Rawson’s Creek 3.50 Sat only) Weds 8.25 odeon.co.uk
Literature
16
Frankenstein - by Mary Shelley
Literature Editor Jennifer Walker continues her exploration into the classic “gothic horror” novel, and
observes that the literary classic from Mary Shelley is not all that it’s made out to be.
Frankenstein, another classic gothic horror, but is it more
than that? Mary Shelley wrote this after being inspired by
a nightmare, and in turn created one of her best works ever.
Frankenstein tells the tale of a scientist who has a morbid
obsession with death, and the idea of resurrecting the dead.
Whist he is away from home, at university; he begins his
obsessive quest to create a creature from dead bodies and
resurrect their dead cells. By taking recently deceased
corpses, Frankenstein takes parts from them and in turn
creates a horrendous monster, made as a collage of dead
body parts.
An interesting idea I have read is that Mary Shelly got
the inspiration for the name, and possible concepts for the
story after visiting Castle Frankenstein for a holiday, where
coincidentally another scientist was there and dissecting
body parts for research.
Frankenstein regrets his creation immediately after he has
brought it to life; he is horrified by the grotesqueness and the
ugliness of his creature, and abandons it. The creature is hurt
and tormented by “it’s” abandonment and goes out into the
world for companionship; however everywhere the creature
goes he is outlawed and feared because of his ugliness,
despite the fact that his only desire is to be loved, he is never
given the chance. The monster turns to revenge and hatred
for his “master” and goes on a mission to slaughter those
dearest to Frankenstein.
The foolish scientist realises his mistake and fears more
so for his loved ones that he tries to ponder to the monster’s
desires, but the book just ends even more gorily and
tragically.
When I read this book I did not interpret it as a horror; not a
gothic one anyway. Mary Shelley’s book has an underlying
message to humanity about the dangers of playing God.
Even now scientists are obsessed with manipulating nature
and this book has even more relevance to society now than
back in the 18th/19th century. Frankenstein creates a life
form out of curiosity, but fails to take responsibility for the
consequences of his actions. He believed that by abandoning
LITERATURE 6 November 2003
his monster he could escape the horror of his creation. Is
the monster a personification of Genetic Engineering and
cloning, or any other life tampering science?
The other message I found in this book is humanity’s
obsession with appearance. Although the monster was kind
and a gentle creature at the start, he is rejected purely because
of his ugliness. Is this something that we as a race should take
into consideration? Society is against discrimination of race,
sexuality and gender now, but what about ugliness? Have
you ever turned down some ones friendship or adoration
because they were too ugly? Did you ever choose to sit next
to the “ugly kid” at school? Is Shelley also trying to tell us
to look deeper into the surface of a person and try to discard
whatever “ugliness” they possess?
However as a book I found Frankenstein rather weak,
Shelly uses flowery language and long words to make the
book seem more respectable, yet all it does is draw from the
atmosphere and makes the book into a caricature of what
it could be. The language used to describe the creation of
the monster is glossed over too much, that the sheer horror
and grotesqueness that the particular scene could have had
is turned into a rather mundane scene. Shelly also had a bad
habit of missing out parts of the plot, and never offered any
explanations for why events occur. This left me frustrated
as I felt the book was rather hurried and annoyed at Shelly’s
tendency to repeat herself in the book; almost as if she was
trying to pad it out.
It is interesting however that she refers to many texts within
the book, such as Milton’s Paradise Lost, Dante’s Inferno,
but it just comes across as a student trying to impress or the creature for actually killing them? In my opinion if
a teacher with the flowery language and the occasional Shelly had written this book as a text of the enlightenment
references to other texts. instead of pondering to the ideals of romanticist literature
In concept, Frankenstein is good; Shelly wrote it in an this would have made an interesting philosophical text, or
era when the enlightenment was still apparent, yet with either that she made the writing style more flowing, and
romanticism in its infancy. She offers questions in a social less pretentious. If you have the stamina to read a book like
and political sense, such as who should be responsible for the this, then go ahead and try as it has interesting concepts and
murders in the book; Frankenstein for creating his monster, potential. But if it is a gothic horror you are after, go read
and abandoning it leaving the creature angry and revengeful, some Edgar Allan Poe.
The Tyger And when thy heart began to beat,
What dread hand! & what dread feet!
William Blake What the hammer! what the chain,
In what furnace was thy brain
Tyger Tyger, burning bright, What the anvil, what dread grasp,
In the forests of the night; Dare its deadly terrors clasp!
What immortal hand or eye,
Could frame thy fearful symmetry When the stars threw down their spear
And water’d heaven with their tears:
In what distant deeps or skies. Did he smile his work to see
Burnt the fire of thine eyes! Did he who made the Lamb make thee!
On what wings dare he aspire?
What the hand, dare sieze the fire! Tyger Tyger burning bright,
In the forests of the night:
And what shoulder, & what art. What immortal hand or eye,
Could twist the sinews of thy heart? Dare frame thy fearful symmetry.
6 November 2003 THEATRE 17

theatre
theatrepreviews
The Constant Wife

Michael Praed in The Constant Wife

at the Yvonne Arnaud Theatre in Guildford

Direct from its West End triumph, The Constant Wife guarantees entertainment and boasts a
cast of well-known television names – Liza Goddard, Michael Praed, Susan Penhaligon, Sara
Crowe. Described as “Glittering and glamorous” (The Daily Telegraph), “Entertaining
and startling” (The Sunday Times), and as “Hilarious and convincing” (Sunday
Telegraph), The Constant Wife appears set to win over audiences in Guildford. Showing
Monday 10 - Saturday 15 November, student tickets are priced at £7, and performances start
at 7.45pm.
Constance Middleton is a very rare creature - witty, intelligent and captivating.
John Middleton, her husband, is having an affair with her best friend. Although
Constance and John are totally devoted, they have been married too long. So, what
should she do? Neither accepting his infidelity nor throwing him out appeal to her.
However, there is another more effective and entertaining way of reserving her dignity.
Beware!! Her charm is dangerously irresistible!!
W. Somerset Maugham’s classic comedy was one of London’s biggest hits last year.
Brimming with Somerset Maugham’s legendary sharp wit, this major revival of his
brilliantly pointed social comedy is brought to sparkling life by an all star cast led by Liza
Goddard and Michael Praed.

How to get to... New Victoria Theatre, Woking

By car: Woking is just a 10 minute drive
from Guildford, and parking is free in the
Peacocks car park after 6pm. The New
Victoria Theatre is part of the Peacocks
Centre in central Woking, easily accessible
from the M25 (Jct 10,11), M3 (Jct 3) and
A3.

By train: Woking is also just a 10 minute

train journey from Guildford, with trains
going every 5-20 minutes between
Guildford and Woking. The New Victoria
Box Office (01483) 545 900 Theatre in Woking
www.theambassadors.com/newvictoria/

Cats: The Memory Returns

How to get to... Guildford’s Yvonne Arnaud Theatre
By foot from campus:
Leave campus by the bottom
of University Court, go across
Yorkie’s bridge, down the hill
and turn right to go into the
town centre. Walk past the
train station and down Bridge
Street. Then turn right along
Onslow Street (past the Friary
Shopping centre), cut through
the pedestrianised Friary Street,
continue along Millbrook past
Debenhams. The Theatre is just
past this large building on the
right.
Rediscover the magic that made Andrew
Box Office (01483) 440000 Lloyd Webber’s record-breaking show the
www.yvonne-arnaud.co.uk/ world’s longest-running and most successful
musical ever!
After 21 years, the world’s longest running
musical has left its West End home and is
coming to the New Victoria Theatre. There’s
no better way to introduce your friends &
family to the wonders of live theatre than
with the magic, the mystery, the memory
of CATS!
want to get 2 free tickets to the
theatre? All you need to do is
write a short review for barefacts
in exchange!
Email Daisy at ps21dc@surrey.ac.uk
18 INTERACTIVE 6 November 2003

Quote Quiz by Dave Tucker

If you’re an Interactive Page regular then you’ll recognise the Quote Quiz from last week, but here’s a recap if you were taking a reading
week from barefacts as well as lectures. Match up the quotee [who all just happen to be sportspeople] with the quote. Simple as that. returns
Matt Adams returns with a relatively hard
one this week...
1. Knowing how ignorant Americans are you probably think that Independence Day is Sid Waddell
The clue is that’s it’s not quite on campus
when Will Smith saved the world from a bunch of aliens.
- almost but not quite. So if you scour
Alan Winter the every single edge of campus then you
2. I always used to go for blondes and quiet girls, but Victoria is the total opposite - dark
might just get the answer....
and loud.
Yakov Smirnoff
3. Argentina are the second best side in the world... and there’s no better praise than that.
David Beckham
4. The boot’s on the other Schumacher now.

5. I’m so fast that last night I turned the light switch off in my bedroom and I was in bed David Feherty
before the room was dark.
Christian
6. Sure, there have been deaths and injuries in boxing, but none of them serious”.

7. In Russia, if a male athlete loses he becomes a female athlete. Muhammed Ali

8. The fans now, with their eyes pierced on the dart board. Jonathan Davies
9. I think you enjoy the game more if you don’t know the rules. Anyway, you’re on the Let us know what you think
same wavelength as the referees. Kevin Keegan of the Interactive Page...

10. Colin Montgomerie has a face like a warthog that has been stung by a wasp ... email barefacts@ussu.co.uk
Murray Walker

Word Search
Remember remember the fifth of November... yes, the gunpowder plot and all things
fireworks-y are the theme of Ben Berryman’s word search this week. So, wrap up warm, 1
bfpub quiz
Which country singer had a 1997 smash hit with ‘How do I live’?

grab a sparkler [maybe not at the same time as barefacts, though] and settle down to a little
searching for words. It can be pretty romantic, I promise you... but not a patch on heading out 2
Kosovo lies within which area of the former Yugoslavia?
to a real fireworks display, so make sure you get your priorities right!

Got 20 vaguely connected words swimming round your head? barefacts@ussu.co.uk. 3 Which year was the gun powder plot?

R S U J B O G F Z X W R C N T 4 What is the capital of Guernsey?

O P J P R S U V S A F J H I W
5
Elected in 1978 which pope served just 33 days before dying of a heart attack?
C
K
A
R
T
N
H
A
E
D
R
O
I
D
N
F
E
T
W
Z
H
S
E
U
E
R
L
I
F
L 6 How
H ow many times did Sean Connery play James Bond?

E
T
K
L
E
M
M
L
W
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A
O
F
N
U
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S
K
A
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R
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T
P
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7 Which writer was born Fingal O’Flahertie Wills?

S E A K P R A Z T G W X B U H 8
Originating in taverns, to what do the P and Q refer to in the saying mind your Ps and Qs?

C
R
R
Z
I
L
S
D
N
U
I
P
W
K
X
C
U
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O
W
J
V
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C
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W
N
G
I 9 Which three cities in Germany have a population over one million?

E
A
A
B
R
A
W
N
G
G
S
N
E
S
K
R
E
I
B
J
V
F
U
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B
B
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10 What did Harland Sanders found in 1890?

M I P Y R O T E C H N I C S R Upsidedown answers to everything in the Interactive section, are

at the bottom of page 20 [mental note to editor in chief to check they’re re-
E L D N A C N A M O R O M E D ally there this time... and upsidedown...].

R N O D N O L E R I F N O B P Now for the random Channie’s Challenge related spiel -

A R M I U Q D F C B U N L T X Chancellor’s Challenge, Chancellor’s [bar and] Restaurant
at 8.30pm every Thursday night. Pit your wits against that most
The answers to this week’s wordsearch are at the bottom of page 20, underneath Rawson’s Creek. knowledgable of Quiz Masters - Mr Chris ‘Hunkyberry’ Hunter
6 November 2003 FOOD 19

Recipes
Due to popular demand, barefacts unveils a unique feature
allowing the lesser cooks among us to learn from the campus
culinary masters. No more beans on toast every day. Learn how
to become twice the chef Jamie Oliver is, without having to fake a
cockney accent and go without a haircut for a year.

Veg Curry for Cheats
By Ian Purvey
Feeds: Approx. 1
Ingredients:
1⁄2 Onion
1⁄2 Bell Pepper
3 - 4 Mini Sweetcorn
4 – 5 Mushrooms
1 Packet of powdered Vegetable soup (value’s fine)
1 1⁄2 - 2 tbsp Curry Powder
150 –200 ml Water
Rice (However much you want to eat)
Method
1. Start boiling a Kettle of water
2. Chop all the vegetables into equalish size chunks. (I
find lengths of about 1 – 1.5 cm best.) When the water has
boiled pour into a sauce pan and start the rice cooking as
per packet instructions.
3. Make up the soup with around 150-200ml of water. This
should not be too runny, since you want it to coat your veg.
To this add the curry powder and stir in. Any curry powder
will do and some mixing can work quite well, i.e. 1tbsp of
Korma powder + 1⁄2 tbsp of Tikka powder.
4. Put a little oil in a frying pan/wok and heat up.
5. When it starts to smoke add all the vegetables except the
mushrooms, and try to stir semi-continually. You may need
to lower the gas at this point.
6. After a minute or two, add the mushrooms. If you wish at
this point you can add a bit of seasoning. (I add something
like a small sprinkling of Garam Massala or Paprika).
7. After another minute or so the mushrooms should be
turning brown in places, so add the curry powder/soup
combo to the pan.
Tangy Spiced Chicken Wings
8. Boil off any excess water so that the sauce is thick and
sticks to the veg. (You’ll probably need to turn the gas up Saucey Chicken
again now). By Kenny Cheung
9. The rice should hopefully be about ready now. Check it
looks in a suitable state and serve. Ingredients:
10. Hopefully your sauce will be thick enough by now. If 350G diced chicken
not take 1 –2 tbsp of cornflour, combine with 50 –100ml 300ml milk
water and add. (If you don’t have cornflour then try 2 slices of honey roasted ham
anything similar – sauce thickener, plain flour) 1 onion, finely chopped
11. Put on plate and eat. 30ml single cream (optional)
30ml of plain flour, mixed with 10ml of lukewarm water
Beware, if making this recipe for multiple people you will
need to add an extra soup for each person but will not need 1. Marinade the chicken with a pinch of salt and mixed
to add the same amount of curry powder. I recommend you herb for 10 -15 minutes
add between 1/2 and 3/4 the amount for additional people. 2. Meanwhile, finely dice the honey roast ham to a biteable
If you don’t like one of the ingredients experiment with size.
others. I personally find that I prefer a red or orange pepper 3. Melt the butter into the pan over a low-medium heat.
but that’s a matter of taste. Add in the honey roast ham and onion into the pan and
If you want to add meat on the cheap then you can add stir fry for 5 minutes. Set the onion and ham aside for
chopped up sausages, just remember you’ll need to cook timebeing
the meat a little longer than the veg (3-5 minutes extra). 4. Melt the butter into the pan over a medium heat. Add
the chicken into the pan and stir fry for 15-20 minutes until
they are fully cooked.
5. Add the milk, onion and ham into the pan, bring the milk
to the boil.
6. Turn down the heat until just gently bubbling around the
edges.
7. Serve on a bed of rice or pasta.
Hot Potatoes
By Ian Purvey
Ingredients:
350G diced chicken
300ml milk
2 slices of honey roasted ham
1 onion, finely chopped
By Ian Purvey
30ml single cream (optional)
30ml of plain flour, mixed with 10ml of lukewarm water

Ingredients (per person): 6. Heat until the mixture thickens. This will happen quite 1. Marinate the chicken with a pinch of salt and mixed
6 Chicken Wings (half’s) rapidly – the mixture should be sticking to the back of a herb for 10 -15 minutes
2 tbsp Distilled Vinegar spoon. 2. Meanwhile, finely dice the honey roast ham to a biteable
2 tbsp Soy Sauce 7. Carefully pour over the chicken wings, trying to coat size.
5 tbsp Orange Juice each wing all the way over the top. Do not feel obligated to 3. Melt the butter into the pan over a low-medium heat.
1 tbsp Brown Sugar use all the sauce, but allow a small puddle of sauce to form Add in the honey roast ham and onion into the pan and
1 1⁄2 tsp Ground Ginger about the bottom of each wing if possible. stir fry for 5 minutes. Set the onion and ham aside for
1 tsp Garlic Granules 8. Place in oven and cook for 40 minutes. timebeing
1⁄2 tsp Chilli Powder 9. Serve with a napkin/kitchen roll and eat with fingers. 4. Melt the butter into the pan over a medium heat. Add
1 tbsp Cornflour the chicken into the pan and stir fry for 15-20 minutes until
Water Notes: they are fully cooked.
By small variation in the quantities of the ingredients the 5. Add the milk, onion and ham into the pan, bring the milk
Method: flavour of this recipe can be changed quite considerably, so to the boil.
1. Preheat oven to 200C/Gas Mark 6. experiment a bit. 6. Turn down the heat until just gently bubbling around the
2. If the chicken wings are whole then: Also the thickness of the sauce is difficult to get right, so edges.
Cut off and throw away the wing tip (the bit with no meat) make sure you don’t heat the sauce to quickly after adding
Cut the remainder of the wing into 2 halves at the joint. the cornflour.
3. Place the wings on a baking tray (preferably with some When cooked you may have a thick coating of brown
kind of lip) sauce on each wing, you can either leave it on or knock it
4. Take a small saucepan and add the Vinegar, Soy Sauce, off, the flavour can be quite different between the two.

{
Orange Juice, Sugar, Ginger, Garlic and Chilli Powder, stir
1 tbsp = 1 table spoon = 15 ml
and place on the hob. Bring to the boil for around a minute.
Standard Spoons 1 dessert spoon = 10ml
5. Turn the heat down a bit and mix the cornflour with a
1 tsp = 1 tea spoon = 5ml
little water (about 50ml of water) and add to mixture.
20 LIFESTYLE 6 November 2003

The lyrics Quiz

Sabbatical Officers Ickle Sarah and Funkyberry give a random
slice of life from their humble dwellings within Surrey Court
Wey, Battersea Court Tate, and the Students’ Union...
LAST WEEKEND, MYSELF and my boyfriend
Ben jumped on a train and travelled to visit
my sister Emma in a parallel universe – aka
Cambridge University - a million miles away
from good old UniS. On Friday night we
went to ‘formal hall’ with her [where food
This week’s offering comes courtesy of random fact-meister Matt Adams. Do you like
the lyrics quiz? If you’ve read that sentence, then you’ll have an opinion, so grab that
‘yes’, ‘no’ or ‘you gotta be joking’ out of your head, pop it down in an email and shoot it
over to barefacts@ussu.co.uk. If the answer happens to be a ‘no’, or even if it’s a ‘yes’,
then why not try out writing it for yourself? It’s actually kinda fun, especially if you get a
group on it! So, what’re you waiting for? You know the number - barefacts@ussu.co.uk.
LAST WEEK I was kindly offered the
chance to take photos of the food for the 1 I wanna perfect body, I wanna perfect soul.
new Chancellors menu. Being a wannabe
photographer I got out my floodlights, 2 Love don’t play any games with me anymore like she did before.
tripod, and attached a red velvet backdrop
from the ceiling down to my desk. I was
3 Take me by the hand, take me somewhere new.

is served to you, everyone wears gowns, and
there’s a Latin grace – a million miles from
Channie’s!] then went out to what Emma
claimed was a ‘cocktail bar’. We were half
way to our seats when Emma turned to me
and said “Sarah – I think this is a gay pub!”
Now, she’s been at University for a year and
then presented with six gorgeous looking 4 All the leaves are brown, and the sky is grey.
dishes that I was to photograph in an only-
one-part-in-focus-rest-blurred style. 5 I got my first real six-string, bought it at the five-and-dime.
I then spent the next two hours looking
down my lens and taking really close up 6 When I’m feeling weak, and my pain walks down a one-way street.
photos of the food. Now I don’t think
that anyone could do this and not feel the
7 I had opinions that didn’t matter; I had a brain that felt like pancake batter.

a half, been to this pub regularly, so how she slightest bit hungry, and after I had finished 8 There’s vomit on his sweater already, Mom’s spaghetti.
didn’t notice that until I arrived was beyond I was feeling famished! With the session
me! As we left at 11pm, Ben turned to me over and the food a little lukewarm there 9 So you blast to the left and you sail to the right.
and said “that guy opposite us kept smiling was nothing left to do but eat the food, and
at me…” – so I told him he couldn’t help Ian then took the food away to be heated… 10 You want it, she’s got it.
it if he was so gorgeous everyone couldn’t returning a few minutes later to say that due
stop staring! to a slight communications problem the food
THE next day we did the normal touristy was chucked out!! AAARRRGGGHHH!!!
thing… though instead of paying to look NEVER mind, I survived. Now if you go
round the colleges we were frogmarched to Chancellors you can have this food for
into about half of them with my sister yourself, and you’ll see why I suffered!
whispering out of the side of her mouth, Talking about suffering, recently one of our
“look like a student, then you won’t have to showers has been turning into a bath! I really
pay!” Whilst sitting outside King’s College don’t think I’m standing on the plughole,
eating lunch, a guy with a hifi strapped to the and there doesn’t seem to be anything
This week I am mostly … prematurely hunting down sparkly
back of his bike cycled by. Rather strange, blocking it, but when you get out the water
Christmas decorations in an attempt to spread early festive
but we thought nothing more of it…. Until in the bottom of the shower is almost deep
cheer! [fa la la la la … la la la la]
ten minutes later when he cycled past again! enough to bathe! If anyone from Estates &
And again. In total we saw him ride past Buildings or Residences is reading this then
Take one sleep-deprived Angelica and place her in a one-hour
four times in about twenty minutes… I it is the larger shower in Tate 0.
traffic-jam approaching an out-of-town retail park on a stormy
swear there must be something odd in the I am now starting to migrate my tea
afternoon. Mix in a bunch of lane-hopping road-hogs [ensuring
Cambridge air. collection from my room into my office,
that alloy wheels, tinted windows and mega-bass come as
WHILST there, my sister told me she was and this morning I now have the choice
standard] and add a set of failed traffic lights at the main
too embarrassed to wear any of her Uni of five extra teas to choose from… which
junction. Leave to stand for a further ninety minutes. Upon
merchandise outside Cambridge, because has nothing at all to do with the bubbles
eventual arrival at a Swedish furniture store, allow twenty minutes to secure a parking
“people have funny ideas about this place”. I have on my desk. I got them from some
space approximately one mile from the entrance. Once in the store, stir in approximately
So I decided that if she wouldn’t wear it… mobile phone show thing, and according
a dozen dithering trolley-users so as to obstruct smooth and direct passage through the
well then, I would! So I bought myself a to the container the bubbles are “Microsoft
warehouse then decorate with a generous serving of tired, screaming kids clambering in
£15 hoodie from the very funky market Windows Powered”. I can kinda see why as
and out of [unfortunately not under] tank-sized buggies. On approaching the check-out
[where my sister also got some knee high bubbles fly around perfectly happy, and then
select the queue with the most dopey member of staff on duty, then allow the evil child [not
multicoloured stripy socks – don’t ask!] and without any warning suddenly self-destruct!
the one from last week incidentally] in front to reverse its trolley into your shin. Expect the
come Tuesday this week, walked proudly The next piece of advertising is the bit that
smells emanating from the neighbouring 35p hotdog café to induce waves of nausea and
into Union Council sporting my new attire. bothers me: “Blow your mind”. Well I can
upon returning home, ideally with a large glass of wine in hand, vow never to return to the
I was rather bemused when, over an 18 hour safely say that so far they haven’t blown my
store again.
day at work [yes, you read that right], only mind, although I think I get better bubbles
Not a great way to end an otherwise relaxing Reading Week [I have to confess the only
one person commented on it – and even then with this than the DAVE session bubbles.
reading I’ve done is start the third book of the LotR trilogy… ] but having imparted this
he called me a “traitor”! I think my sister’s
week’s nugget of essential advice – avoid all furniture stores, Swedish or otherwise,
right – people do have some funny ideas!
chris ‘funkyberry’ hunter during the half-term holiday - I’m going to remain upbeat. See we’re on the home run to
Christmas now. Usually I’d regard this as a wholly frightening prospect – half my final-
‘ickle sarah butterworth
year gone, three days close confinement with my so-called “dysfunctional” family [my
gunpowder, guy london, parliament, pyrotechnic, rocket, roman candle, screamer, sparkler, torture, treason. gran apparently has better conversations with the dog than any of us – trust me, she told
David Feherty | Word Search: bang, bonfire, catherinewheel, cherrybomb, conspirators, execution, fireworks, flash, guidofawkes, me as much over preprandial sherry], carol-singing at my local Asda store… can’t I take
3. Kevin Keegan 4. Murray Walker 5. Muhammed Ali 6. Alan Winter 7. Yakov Smirnoff 8. Sid Waddell 9. Jonathon Davies 10. a raincheck this year, pretty pleeeese? Yet for some reason, the sight of mince pies in the
8. Pints and Quarts, 9. Berlin, Hamburg and Munich, 10. Kentucky Fried Chicken | Quote Quiz: 1. Christian 2. David Beckham
supermarket when it’s still only October has so far failed to instill in me the normal sense
of festive dread. Perhaps it’s that pesky denial catching up with me again, or maybe the
– Molly’s Chambers | bf Pub Quiz: 1. Leann Rimes, 2. Serbia, 3. 1605, 4. St. Peter Port, 5. John Paul I, 6. Seven, 7. Oscar Wilde,
– Lose Yourself 9.Justin Timberlake – Rock Your Body 10.Kings of Leon
eye spy answer week 8 - EIHMS aka Titanic
Willams – Angels 7.The White Stripes – Hardest Button to Button 8.Eminem wine’s beginning to talk – but life doesn’t seem quite so unrosy at the minute. I mean this
and Pappas – California Dreamin’ 5.Bryan Adams – Summer of ’69 6.Robbie week alone there’s not only Guy Fawkes night [anything more romantic than fireworks?
2.Ryan Adams – New York, New York 3.Avril Lavigne – I’m With You 4.Mammas not in my books… oh damn, forgot I need a date] but also Matrix Revolutions [yes I’ve
kid with the spoon) or Dog Soldiers (Sarge) | Lyrics Quiz: 1.Radiohead – Creep
got a bloke’s taste in films, but boy has this one got to be better than the last or I’ll have to
have words with the Wachowski brothers]. Crikey, come to think of it, maybe I should be
Devereaux) 9. The Big Lebowski (Walter Sobchak) 10. The Matrix (That damn
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (Raoul Duke) 8. The Goonies (Clark ‘Mouth’
(either Brodie Bruce, T.S. Quint or Gil Hicks…) 6. Blade Runner (Tyrell) 7. Christmas shopping already… You can rest assured though, no-one’s getting anything from
(Galadriel) 3. Easy Rider (George Hanson) 4. Toy Story (Woody) 5. Mallrats an out-of-town retail park this year.
(Ashley ‘Ash’ J. Williams) 2. Lord of the Rings / Fellow Ship of the Ring
Upsidedown answers: Film Quote Quiz: 1. Evil Dead 2 / Army of Darkness
Catherine Lee
6 November 2003 LIFESTYLE 21

Stars
silly
the
by psychic sandy
and Miniperson Jo

Libra Capricorn Aries Cancer

You’re having a bit of a
problem with dropping
your H’s this week.
Look down the back
of the sofa and you
just might happen across them – perhaps
even some loose change…beer…mmm…
Let’s face it – you need some. By the way,
it’s absolutely appalling to accentuate
alliteration…try that out for size. Speech
impediment? Who said that?!
Scorpio
You and your earring
problem! Sort it out,
‘cos not only that, but
you’ve also got the
funniest mug…its ok, I
won’t tell. Call that man; I’m sure he wants
to have a go at Finding Nemo with you. As
for your best mate, I wouldn’t trust her as
far as you can throw her (to be fair, with the
current Gemini problem, its not far).
Sagittarius
Grow up and start acting
your age...just because
you’re still scared of
the dark doesn’t mean
someone doesn’t wanna
kiss you every minute, every hour, every
day… Lay back and think of Tom Jones.
You can’t be a dragon
so shut up! However,
too much smoking
could well result in fire-
breathing antics. If you
want help quitting, don’t call me. Or them.
Everyone’s busy. Sorry. You might end up
on the east coast in the near future. Bring
me back an I heart NY tee please.
Aquarius
In the (much-lauded)
words of Nickleback,
you’ve been down to
the bottom of every
bottle, resulting in a
fair amount of Wall Bouncing Along with
impromptu gymnastics attempts, strange
and interesting bruises, and remarkable
memory loss. Tall, sexy, blondes are your
thang this week so have fun and keep it
safe!
Pisces
Potatoes can’t swim
so give it up and stop
chucking them in the
lake – the fish don’t
have deep fat fryers.
And quite frankly, even if they did, where
the hell do you think they’d plug them
in??? Eejit.
Has she got white tips?
Yes, we are referring
to nails, so get your
hammers out and at the
ready… She’s young,
she’s hot, and she’s overplayed – Ms
Spears, give it a rest. You’ll be turning
heads in your suit this week, so enjoy the
attention for once…its not your fault you’re
beautiful.
Taurus
Chopsticks belong in
food, not your hair
– and if you are going to
use accessories that old,
at least wash them first!
Botox could be advisable in the near future.
And why don’t you try giving whhipping a
whhirl? Whhatever, whherever, whhoever
you like…this is Groove.
Gemini
Would you stop singing
karaoke in that damn
Yorkshire accent?!
Please? And don’t get
maunjy. We all know
the problem is not that you’re overweight,
it’s that you’re under-sexed. Find yourself a
Bad Boy with a bit o’ Bling and we’re sure
you’ll be sorted…
And for the more
adventurous among
you, we just thought
we’d let you know that
it’s really not possible
to ski through revolving doors. Had a few
casualties of that little experiment already
this week and I don’t
think I can cope with any more…
Leo
You’ve just entered the
world of haute couture
and you’re about to
leave with a wad of
cash. Oh no. Gutted.
Sob sob and all that. It’s a student-eat-dog
food world out there so many thanks will
be going out to mommy this week. You are
highly appreciated.
Virgo
Well, you certainly have
some ace friends in
some very high places (I
didn’t even know it was
possible to live that high
up a mountain…). Nice one son. Hanging
around with people who are named after
places won’t increase your coolness – even
if it is your mate’s dad.

- Barefacts Personals -
You all know the score - send your personals across to barefacts@ussu.co.uk, with the subject line ‘personals’ if you please, and as if by magic they’ll
pop up in the next issue. Whoopee. Ah yes, barefacts finishes for the semester in week 12 [that’s 3 weeks and counting...] so get your lovey dovey Christmas
personals in pretty damn soon! ah yes, guys - if you’re sending in more than one, pop then in the same email and i’ll be your bestest friend! Cheers.

Melissa! u work-a-holic you!!! keep up the
good work smelly (plus the munchies to go
with it!!)
Fact:ganesh needs to pop his load
soon....before a lengthy lovemaking session
can be sustained!
“who’s pregnant?!”
Tamara, I thought u should know how I feel
about u, i think ur so sexy baby. Lots of love
bilal xxxx
Cullens & Kebab come back and play for
us....you know you want to really!
Badgers are the path to joy
Happy Birthday Davey Baby!!!! much luv Kitz
xXx
Yeh, this is Yas i thought id tell u i love u too
tam x ignore bilal, u want me
cat litter deodorant for shu’s Miss Simms?
I Queued waiting for the LIBRARY to open-a
new low has been reached!
Where for art thou Lady Lawrence?
Night rider wanted: mysterious cyclist last seen
on nu x rd
Yas and Bilal, go away, tamara is mine. Moe
it ain’t three beautiful women any more....
funky - there’s no way you’re going to be the
only single sabb - at this rate they’ll be an
extinct breed!
I hear Bognor is nice this time of year! :)
you make the best cocktails - cigarettes,
peanuts, crisps, paper, plastic and
vodka........nice!
you cannot have heterosexual sex in the union
on lgb night! have you not learnt your lesson
from the cr’s episode?
how’s the daz door step challenge going?
hope its more successful this week than
haloween!
thank you to all the rugby girlie’s for being
such great people and fun to hang out with
To my sexy stone fish, I love and will miss you
so much, all my love always, L xxx
When ordering spiral fries is it asking too much
to expect them to arrive within an hour?!!!
Watch this space...x
“you’ll be greeted by essex’s president, darren”
“what, and vice presidents tracy and sharon?!”
Can men wee when they’re sitting down?
I don’t know the word of the week!!! I say it
should have been sheep....
To my boy (because he never gets his own
personal) Love you AND your stubble
XXX J
Spank me Andy, I’m a freshers’ angel.
Laura is get up
Funkyberry is not cute, gorgeous and sexy - it’s
all in your mind!!
Chops would like to set the record straight,
one is quite enough!
the fact i tidied my room shows how much i
like her...
M: “I just wanna be horizontal for the rest of
the day...”
J: “But diagonal will do!”
no personals were fabricated to fill the space.
well.... maybe one was, but that’s not the point!
Sandy: “Is it a goat???”
Happy Birthday Stupot
Where’s cloned Dave gone?
“I really feel the need to put more holes in my
body...”
Scoot sort it out!
“At least I’ve got something to suck on now...”
Roll on next year when we’ll have our own
kitchen, just the two of us - I can’t wait! x x x x
22 SPORT 6 November 2003

Mountain Bikes, Bomeholes and Pringles

BY LEE SHELDON
The University of Surrey Mountain Bike Club (USMBC)
went out for its third official ride of the year last Wednesday.
Ten of us met on campus at Natwest but recent experience
told us that we probably wouldn’t all be coming back! That
sounds a bit like the trailer to a low budget, straight to video,
teen horror flick, perhaps it’s a bit over dramatic. What I
meant was that a recent spate of mechanical failures means
that we’ve been finishing rides with less people than started
them.
We had a nice mix of seasoned pro’s (yeah right) made
up of New Chairman Pete, Secretary Andy, Ewan (on his
first ride back after a comedy drunken dancing injury) and
myself, as well as a pleasing number of freshers and new
members: New secretary Simon, Gay, Tim, Will, another
new Simon and another new Andy. We’ve already got two
Petes and I have to say the freshers aren’t exactly making
it easy for us by insisting on all having the same names as
existing members. There are hundreds of good names out
there; couldn’t they have been called something else? Oh
well I guess we’ll have to follow in the great tradition of
sports clubs and come up with “witty” nicknames.
We hadn’t even left campus before we were struck by our
first failure. Will’s seat clamp snapped with a loud bang, but
a quick diversion to Guildford Cycles and we were soon
back on our way. In an effort to scare the new members we
headed straight up the steepest hill in Guildford (Pewley
Hill), onto Pewley Down and via some nice fast singletrack
to the start of a new downhill. Winding through the trees we
quickly picked up speed through a section of fast turns, a
loose surface meant traction was at a premium and allowed
some stylish (and sometimes less stylish) “bmx-bandit”
action. The trail drops down into a rocky chute before finally
spitting us out onto the Bridleway just below Newlands
Corner.
From here we headed up to the Newlands jumps, which
despite recent attempts by some monkeys in diggers, still
retain a couple of good lines. Gav showed off his skills,
and as usual Pete threw himself off everything in sight but
it was left to Tim to attempt to the viscously restyled main
bombhole. What had previously been a simple tabletop
exit has been remodelled into a nasty set of doubles. Much
debate ensued as to whether it would be possible to carry
enough speed to land on the downslope of the second double
and the clever money was on a face-plant-inducing crash
into the vertical side of the ramp. Guess what happened.
To be fair he only came up a foot or two short but this was
enough to ensure a rather closer inspection of the ground that
he might have liked. Luckily he wasn’t badly hurt but the
same couldn’t be said of his bike and we were faced with our
third buckled wheel in three rides. Luckily the buckle wasn’t
as serious as Chris’s Pringulation last week (from the verb
“to Pringulate” meaning to deform a wheel into the shape of
a Pringle) and a quick piece of trailside wheel truing and we
were soon up and riding again.
After visiting the café and negating any possible health
benefits the ride might have offered we set off to ride the
plethora of singletrack that surrounds the top of Newlands
corner. Last week we found a new bombhole, there was one
clear line but most of it was covered with fallen branches
and leaf litter. A brief trail building session ensued and we’d
soon opened up two more.
As we came down a particularly steep section Andy
overcooked it a bit and, carrying too much speed on the
exit, proceeded to wrap himself around a tree. Luckily he
wasn’t too badly hurt but a badly bruised back required a
gentle road ride home and a trip to the doctors to have his
ribs checked while the rest of us rode home off-road back to
the warmth and relative safety of the Union.
If you fancy coming riding with us we normally meet at
2:00 on Wednesdays and 12:30 on Sundays but the best
thing to do is to go to the website www.usmbc.co.uk and
get put on the mailing list. Everyone is welcome to come
along and you certainly don’t need expensive kit or massive
amounts of talent or fitness to join us. You won’t even need
a bike soon as we’re going to be getting a couple of club
bikes that anybody will be able to borrow, again, check the
website for updates.

A Tough Battle Cricketers Struggle in First Indoor Season Game

BY MAGDALENA RUHHAMMER
After narrowly losing against Royal
Holloway three weeks ago, the Women’s
Squash Team travelled away to Imperial
College for their second match of the
season. After arriving at the Sport Centre on
the Imperial campus in South Kensington
we decided to start warming-up straight
away to get a head start in the tough battle
we had ahead. Unfortunately, the girls from
Imperial turned up late, and themselves
needed to warm up, with just only one
squash court it left us standing around cold
and anxious. Amanda started first, fighting
hard, but losing unlucky. The score was
against her but her play was excellent. Next
up was Maine, who still having a cold, gave
her best against a strong competitor. The
hard hitting Imperial girl’s consistency was
just too much for Maine. By the time Pippa
went to compete, we were all felt pretty
intimidated by the size and strength of the
Imperial girls. Liz, her competitor, played
very deep serves and Pippa found it hard
getting a foothold in the match, and too lost.
Next it was me, and I gave it all I could, but
Julie from Imperial College was just too
good. After 4 losses and no points so far all
the pressure was on Cat, Surrey’s number 1
seed, her competitor was the strongest of all
Imperial girls. After an excellent game from
Cat, she unfortunately lost. Well done to all
the Surrey girls, even if we lost 0:5 we still
had a great time, including the pizza after
the game with the girls from Imperial.
BY TIM GOODMAN
Over the weekend, Surrey attended the
SUSC indoor cricket tournament held at
Chichester University. The teams attending
were Chichester themselves, Bournemouth,
Brighton, Southampton University and
Southampton Institute. Hopes were high for
surrey as last year we attended the BUSA
national finals, which took place at the Lords
indoor school
After meeting up at senate house at the
very early time of 7.20 in the morning, we
piled into the mini bus and headed south to
Chichester. After a surprisingly uneventful
journey, we parked up and headed off to
find the sports hall. Once we managed to
negotiate the keypad on the door of the gym
we headed off inside to get changed and
start our warm up. Having got loose and hit
about a few balls, I headed off to make the
draw. Fortunately, luck had shined on me
and we were not drawn in the same group
as Southampton Institute, a team we had
narrowly lost to in the BUSA finals.
I lost the toss and we were put into the
field first, a minor set back but nothing to
worry about. However, Surrey did not start
particularly well as both me and Johnny
bowled a few too many no balls and wides.
The situation was salvaged slightly by the
introduction of Moonis and Will into the
attack who were able to stem the flow of
runs. After both had completed their 3
overs Johnny was introduced back into the
attack, bowling a lot better this time around.
Brighton eventually amassed a score of 145,
a daunting target but by no means out of our
reach.
The reply started well, with Johnny scoring
off the first delivery, bringing me on strike.
I struggled slightly early on and didn’t
allow Johnny to face much of the first two
overs. This showed our rustiness as the
key to indoor cricket is rotating the strike.
When Johnny took guard again the result
was a slightly ambitious shot which lead
to his downfall. Pagey came into bat at 3
and immediately showed his experience by
playing intelligently. I contrasted this at the
other end as I eventually ran myself out by
being too unaware of the situation around
me. Pagey continued to bat well but wickets
fell around him leading to a badly executed
shot and his dismissal. A gutsy innings was
provided by Moonis batting at number 6
which was a little unexpected. However, we
had left ourselves with too much to do and
we returned to the player’s balcony to think
about what we had done. Unfortunately for
us, Brighton went on to win their second
game, knocking Surrey and Southampton
Uni out of the competition.
Having discussed our need to be more
positive with our running and to be a little
more disciplined in our bowling, we headed
out to bat, having won the toss this time. A
much better start was made with the strike
being rotated more efficiently and Johnny
getting his teeth stuck into the new ball
attack, striking a few boundaries. This led
to the introduction of two spinners into
the attack, which led to both Johnny then
myself being dismissed. Once again Pagey
held together our fragile middle order and
we managed to amass a competitive total
of 120. All bowlers showed much better
discipline and when Aashish was given an
opportunity he shone taking 3 wickets, being
on a hat trick at one stage. Surrey managed
to bowl out Southampton with an over to
spare, Johnny taking the crucial final wicket
with a very good delivery, which was taken
brilliantly by Pagey behind the stumps. This
meant Surrey were able to leave with our
pride somewhat restored; although we still
have a lot to work on if we want to reach
Lords again next year.
If you are interested in playing cricket at
Surrey, indoor or out, then come along to
nets every Sunday 5.30pm until 7.30pm at
campus sport
IF YOU ARE A MEMBER
OF A SPORTS CLUB
AND WANT TO WRITE
ABOUT YOUR CLUB’S
ACTIVITIES, THEN EMAIL
SPORTS EDITOR,
OUR
PETE NICHOLS AT
CS21PN@SURREY.AC.UK
6 November 2003
Hunks in Trunks UniSPORT Update
BY DAN HAWKINS
Surrey men’s water polo team travelled
away to the Basingstoke second team last
Tuesday to play their first Winter League
match of the season. Surrey knew little
of their opposition, but as Basingstoke are
pushing for National League status and have
a very good swim squad, it was assumed
that we would face a very fit and motivated
opposition.
Surrey started well and quickly pulled
ahead courtesy of two excellent goals from
player/coach Nick Ludford. The opposition
fielded a mixture of youth and experience
and were very fit as expected, but Surrey did
the basics well and were more than a match
for anything that was thrown at us. The
early momentum was maintained throughout
the first half with the team playing some
salubrious polo, and the hard training of the
previous weeks was clearly paying off with
Surrey leading 5-2 at half time.
The second half saw Surrey pull ahead
even further, and despite some very tired
BUSA Results | 29 October 2003
Mens
Badminton
Portsmouth 1st vs SURREY 1st 0-8
UCL 2nd vs SURREY 2nd 9-0
Basketball
SURREY 1st vs Kings 1st 57-46
Football
Imperial 1st vs SURREY 1st 1-3
SURREY 2nd vs Portsmouth 4th 0-2
SURREY 3rd vs Brighton 4th 1-5
Brighton 5th vs SURREY 4th 4-0
SURREY 5th vs Portsmouth 5th 4-6
Golf
Bucks 1st vs SURREY 1st 3.5-2.5
Hockey
SURREY 1st vs Imperial 1st 0-3
Squash
SURREY 1st vs Imperial 1st 4-1
SURREY 2nd vs Royal Holloway 2nd 2-1
SPORT
legs, the team excelled as a unit. Dan
Hawkins dominated the play, scoring an
impressive hat trick, demonstrating why
he has been handed the captain’s armband
for the season. Hawkins also created two
further goals, one for fellow hat-trick hero
Ludford, and one for Miguel Manzano, who
put in a typically skilful performance.
Special mention must go to the debutantes
of the team, especially Rob Higley who got
on the score sheet with an excellent goal.
Richard Fruehman was virtually flawless in
his first goalkeeping display, and Matt Fisher
earned himself the Man of the Match award
for his two goals and tireless swimming in
the victory that saw Surrey come away 10-4
victors.
Surrey now look forward to their
forthcoming fixture against Cranleigh, and
hope to maintain their winning form. All
new members are welcome, and if you are
interested in playing, please contact Iain
“Flipper” Buchanan at
uniswaterpolo@yahoo.co.uk.
Womens
Basketball
Chichester 1st vs SURREY 1st 80-23
Football
SURREY 1st vs Imperial 1st 9-0
Hockey
SURREY 1st vs Portsmouth 1st 0-4
Netball
SURREY 1st vs Portsmouth 1st 28-47
Rugby Union
SURREY 1st vs Reading 1st 0-44
Squash
Imperial 1st vs SURREY 1st 5-0
for more fixtures and
results visit:
busaresults.org.uk
23
Lockers
Due to mounting thefts over the passed year UniSPORT have installed over 100 lockers
in the Sport Centre. The lockers are padlock operated and UniSPORT have decided to
sell combination padlocks, which are now available from the Sport Centre reception. The
decision behind combination locks are that visitors do not have to worry about losing their
keys, having their keys stolen or bringing money with them each time. Lockers can be found
in both sets of changing facilities, the climbing wall area and the fitness club. We ask visitors
to use these lockers in these designated areas or leave their bags in the changing rooms when
using the facilities.
Bollywood Night
Friday 14th November sees the introduction of Bollywood night to the Varsity Centre.
The night which consists of traditional Indian cuisine and drink deals with a Bollywood
dance demo is a great night out for friends. Tickets can be purchased from the Varsity
Centre. For more information contact the Varsity Centre tel. 01483 689242 or email
s.wells@surrey.ac.uk.
British Heart Foundation Danceathon - Sunday 9th November 12.30pm - 5.30pm
Campusdance are holding a charity dance event in association with the British Heart
Foundation’s Heartbeat 2003 at the Sport Centre. The day will consist of a mixture of
non-stop dance styles and demos to raise money for the aforementioned cause. Entry forms
availble from the Sport Centre or on request from Sophie Wells tel. 01483 689891 or email
s.wells@surrey.ac.uk.
Elite Sport Squad – Athens for Kirsten!
The World Trampoline Championships took place in Hannover (Germany) last week. For
fourth year psychology student Kirsten Lawton these championships were particularly
important as they were also the Olympic Games qualifiers. Kirsten competed superbly to
take 6th place individually in the World, she was the highest placed British competitor and
secured Great Britain an Olympic place for Athens 2004. Because of this success she now
has a large advantage over the other British girls contending for the single Olympic place
in trials at the beginning of next year. It looks likely that after years of intense training,
Kirsten’s dream of becoming an Olympian will become reality.
Forthcoming events
Sunday 9th November | Danceathon | Sport Centre
Friday 14th November | Bollywood Night | Varsity Bar
Friday 21st November | Beer Festival | Varsity Bar
www.unisport.co.uk
BUSA Fixtures | 12 November 2003
Mens
Squash
Badminton SURREY 1st vs Kent 1st
SURREY 1st vs Kingston 1st SURREY 2nd vs Kingston 1st
Reading 2nd vs SURREY 2nd
Basketball
Brighton 1st vs SURREY 1st Womens
Fencing Badminton
Sussex 1st vs SURREY 1st Royal Holloway 1st vs SURREY 1st
Football Basketball
SURREY 1st vs St George’s Hosp 1st SURREY 1st vs St Mary’s 1st
SURREY 2nd vs Kingston 3rd Football
Sussex 3rd vs SURREY 3rd SURREY 1st vs Roehampton 1st
Portsmouth 5th vs SURREY 4th
Sussex 4th vs SURREY 5th Hockey
SURREY 1st vs Kings 1st
Golf
SURREY 1st vs Exeter 1st Netball
SURREY 1st vs Roehampton 1st
Hockey Royal Holloway 2nd vs SURREY 2nd
St Mary’s 1st vs SURREY 1st
Squash
Rugby
SURREY 1 vs Greenwich 1st
st LSE 1st vs SURREY 1st
24
Challenge Chops: Gliding – The Sequel
BY DAVE ‘CHOPS’ CHAPMAN
One of the great things about gliding is the
very first time you go up, you can actually
fly the aircraft. It’s not everyday you get
a chance to take control of an £80,000
vehicle!
While last time I went flying I had
the exhilerating experience of massive
acceleration on a winch launch, this time
around, I had an aerotow launch - being
towed into the air by another aircraft.
Although this is a more leisurely ascent (and
hence not quite as much fun), it has the huge
advantage of getting you to a much greater
height and hence significantly increase your
air time. This, in turn, gives you a much
better opportunity to practise turns and
manoeuvres before your instructor takes
control of the glider again to do the landing.
As before, the view from the front seat of
the glider was stunning. In fact, it was even
better than before because the increased
height meant you could see quite a bit more.
Since the club’s K21 is out of play (having
routine factory refurbishment), we have
secured the use of a more modern, more
advanced and quite a bit more expensive
(£80,000) glider. This has kindly been lent
by the Faulkes Flying Foundation, a charity
set up to assist young people flying. In the
air, the difference between the Faulkes glider
(DG505 Orion) and the glider I had previous
experience of (ASK-13) was immediately
obvious. While I had been fairly competent
in performing turns, I had found it quite hard
SPORTS PROFILE
Name: Nick Woolgar
Age: 20
Sports: Rowing
Nicknames: Harry Potter
Most Embarrassing Moment:
During a night out after rowing when I
somehow found myself walking home
from campus wearing just a t-shirt...
Other Pastimes: Working out down the
gym and “watching DVD’s”.
The plug: Rowing training is on
Saturday & Sunday Mornings meeting
at 8am by the gym.
SPORT
teamsurrey
to keep the basic K13 glider (the budget
option for two-seat training gliders at around
£10,000) in a straight line. In the Faulkes’
DG505, it was much much easier.
I did a few climing turns and generally
revised what I’d learnt last time. However,
with such a high aerotow launch we had quite
a lot of airtime, so I handed control back to
the instructor for a bit of ‘fun’. Aerobatics
are completely optional for club members,
and many people are happy with the pure
thrill of normal flying. However, in the best
traditions of investagative journalism I felt
duty bound to have a go...!
While I would not be able to describe
most of the maneouvers, the experience was
breathtaking. The force placed on us went
from a small negative G (essentially making
you float up out of your seat until your
harness stops you) up to pulling around 5G
(effectively making you 5 times heavier).
Women’s Football are on the Ball
BY NATALIE BARETTE
Following a somewhat disappointing 1-0
win over Kingston last week, Surrey went
into the match against Imperial hoping
for a more convincing performance, and
convincing it was! Straight from the whistle
the team were in control, keeping Imperial
in their own half and spreading the play
superbly. It took only ten minutes for us
to strike the first goal, a long-range effort
from myself sneaking in the bottom corner.
From there, there was no looking back.
Surrey totally dominated proceedings for
the entire half, looking unstoppable. Further
goals came from Sarah and Heather, both
fired in from 20 yards, with Kat, Flick and
Linda also finding the back of the net with
The Sports Show on GU2
Thursdays 1-4 | With TUG & TIM
Campus phone: 811350 | Ex: 01483 681350
Email / MSN: studio@gu2.co.uk
The obvious example is the classic loop-the-
loop. To perform a loop-the-loop, you first
build up speed by going into a dive, pushing
you back and upwards into your seat. As
you then pull the glider’s nose up (fairly
hard) you feel the G-forces pulling your
body firmly down. Your whole body feels
very heavy - your arms, head and legs feel
an almost irresistable desire to stay where
you left them, while your backside (thanks
to the seat) is very determined to go through
the rest of the maneouver!
All the time, the view outside the glider is
changing as the nose goes up and through
the loop. The ground peels away from you,
and you start heading vertically into the sky.
The world keeps rotating around you as the
glider then goes fully inverted at the top of
the loop. At the top of the loop you get a few
moments of feeling completely weightless
like an astronaught (0 G) and are glad that
deadly finishes. Surrey had so much of the
possession, our stand in keeper Toni wasn’t
troubled at all and was left working on
her cheerleading moves just to get some
attention!!
Despite our overbearing possession and
supremacy, tackles were flying in when we
were without the ball and after a couple of
members of our team were given warnings
for getting slightly over excited, Heather
pushed the ref a little too far and managed
to earn herself a yellow card. The majority
felt this was quite undeserving, especially
since no injury was caused and the player
was able to play the remainder of the match.
All there is to say is, Heather, next time you
want to get booked, at least foul someone
properly!
6 November 2003
your harness straps are holding you in tight!
Then the ground reapears above your head
as the nose of the glider comes down, and
you pull out of the down part of the loop
back into normal flight.
As much fun as these manoeuvres had
been, it’s just not the same as if you are in
control yourself. Although I was clearly far
too inexperienced to perform the majority
of the maneouvers we had just flown, after
a few more demos the instructor thought I
was ready to try my own loop-the-loop. He
first talked me through the theory, outlining
what needs to be done - after all, it’s not
immediately obvious that you need to dive
first in order to pick up speed. I then took
the controls, dived, and then pulled back... I
think its fair to say that as I’m sat here writing
this, it wasn’t a disaster. In fact I was told it
was quite good! I’m sure it wasn’t perfect
though, and it will be a while before I will
get to the stage where I will be able to repeat
this without careful guidance from the back
seat, but... it felt fantastic anyway!
To get involved: All inclusive trial flights
are available to any university student,
regardless of experience for just £25 for
a winch launch, or £35 for an aerotow to
2’500 ft. This is less than half the normal
commercial rate! Alternatively, students can
pay £40 to become club members, at which
point the flying gets even cheaper - down to
only £4 for a winch launch or £14.50 for a
2’500ft aerotow plus aircraft hire at 25 pence
per minute. Visit www.TakeMeGliding.net
for more info.
We went in at half time 6-0 up and anxious
for the second half to continue firing on all
cylinders. The game continued after a few
changes to the formation, and although
Imperial claimed slightly more possession
than in the first half, Surrey still managed to
create ample opportunities, and if is wasn’t
for the shocking lack of accuracy from
myself, we may have hit double figures!
Sarah and Flick showed all how to finish
with Sarah scoring her 2nd of the game and
Flick completing a hat trick. The whole
team played exceptionally, we looked solid
at the back and dangerous up front. Emma
played another outstanding game, running
the length of the pitch a number of times,
and deservingly being awarded player of the
match.