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Issue 1080 10 09 04

relive the highlights of


your summer...

celebrate the launch of


Rubix...

distract yourself from


study...

... all in your new


fortnightly
barefacts!
contents 1

editorial
2 The new year brings some new developments... So... the first issue of barefacts this year. You
may have noticed it’s changed rather since
6 Neil Christie summarizes the summer that was 2004 the last edition. Change for change’s sake is
never a particularly good idea, and changing
9 Try something new this year... get volunteering the longstanding tradition of barefacts as a
tabloid newspaper was a hard decision to
10 Another year, another bout of elections take. However, having spoken to many of
you during campaigning it became clear that
13 Happy 2nd birthday DAVE barefacts needed a facelift of sorts.

15 Paul Canning reveals a new national phobia Its reduction to a fortnightly publication comes
from the realisation that as a weekly paper, it
16 Ben Supper exposes the humble mortarboard not only demanded continuous attention and
resources from the VP Comms but also left
20 Music reviews albums, singles and the festivals regular contributors with little time between
editions to fully research features and news
25 Literature checks out some escapist fiction items. By going to print every other week, the
opportunity exists not only for more extensive
26 Film reviews the holiday blockbusters journalistic reporting to be undertaken
by the editorial team, but also for a wider
28 GU2 returns to the airwaves range of articles to be collated from different
constituent members and the possibility for
30 Computers needn’t be all work, work, work more ambitious design formats, both in terms
of editorial time available and also through
32 Amy Price introduces the Alumni Office the redistribution of budget resources. Such
a proposal was put to all continuing members
33 Russ Clark helps stave off career panic of the editorial team, as well as a selection
of other students from varying courses and
35 the barefacts crossword returns years, and met with almost unanimous
approval.
36 Sport gets ready for the year ahead
Radical change maybe, but a change that
37 barefacts bids farewell to a Union legend I feel confident will enable myself and the
editorial team to ensure that barefacts
remains an efficient communication tool
for as many of you as possible in the years
ahead. It will also enable me to strengthen
the barefacts team the other existing Union media tools - namely
the website (www.ussu.co.uk) and our award-
winning radio station GU2 – to most effectively
Editor-in-chief: Catherine Lee keep you informed of the latest news and
Editor: Neil Christie developments both on campus and in the
News Editor: position vacant local area.
Sports Editor: Pete Nichols
Music Editors: Jon Allen and Dina Mystris In order for me to best achieve this, I look
Film Editor: Neil Boulton forward to hearing your opinions and welcome
Literature Editor: Arvind Virdee all constructive feedback: either e-mail me at
GU2 Press Officer: Jay Butcher comms@ussu.co.uk or pop in and see me in
the Media Centre.
Contributors: Matt Adams, Hash Alsaidi, Matt Badcock, Paul Canning,
Russ Clark, Scott Farmer, David ‘Paintbrush’ Glossop, Sophie Ham- I wish you all a fantastic year
monds, Piers Karsenbarg, Ben Lee, Carol Main, Folarin Oyeleye,
Simon Pearson, Amy Price, Mark Richardson, Ben Supper, Peter Catherine
Wigfield
2 news barefacts@ussu.co.uk 10 09 04

All change please, all change...


Who are What have they
they?? done??
Well I’ll tell you. We have finally done what our venue
needed: given it a name. Now you might be saying to
You may have noticed
yourself what venue and what name. Well as a lot of you
some new faces around know the Union building houses a very large nightclub
the Union since you’ve that for years has always been referred to as the “Union”
arrived back on campus by Surrey students. Now as you can imagine this has
- it’s your new Sabbatical caused the Students’ Union some issues with how
team! it markets itself and how it develops its membership
services in the future. So through consultation with the
After three weeks of staff at USSU, it was decided that the nightclub needed
handover training, on Monday 28th June, the new Sabbatical its own name and its own logo and marketing.
team at the Students’ Union took office. The new team
comprises of the following students: Hashim Alsaidi (President), So that’s why we have done it but what did we call it?
Catherine Lee (Vice-President Communications), Ewan Panter Well the process was long and exhaustive. It started
(Vice-President Education and Welfare), Simon Nutbrown (Vice- with everyone running off and coming up with names.
President Societies and Culture), David Glossop (Vice-President “The Stag” and the “Bomb Shelter” were not received
Sports) and Rachel Appleyard (Vice-President Postgraduate well (which was upsetting as they were my particular
Affairs). favourites...) but as we all know majority rules in our
democratic society, so it was put to a vote. A long list
Over the summer, the Officers have been busy laying foundations was drawn up of the best names proposed. The list was
for projects they intend to carry out over the course of their emailed to all the staff and they selected the favourite
tenure. High on the agenda are the development of a five-year five names. From this a short list was drawn up (I think
strategic plan to ensure the continued prosperity of the Union in you see where this is going...). After a couple of weeks
the years ahead, and the implementation of a Student Charter, of uncertainty and turmoil it came. The vote was in. The
ensuring that Student Rights are recognised and upheld across name had been selected; a collective anticipation was
all academic departments. Come along to the AGM on 1pm felt. The announcement came at 5:36pm on the 13th July
onThursday 23rd September on the plaza and pick up the next 2004 the University of Surrey Students’ Union nightclub
copy of barefacts for more detailed information on their vision for was to here by be called “RUBIX” winning the vote by a
2004/5. slender majority.

The position of Vice-President Postgraduate Affairs promises Rubix came as a surprise but it has been received really
to be particularly exciting. It is the first time the Students’ Union well. I for one really like it. Some of you might not, some
has appointed a representative for postgraduates at this level. of you will always call the it the other name. But hey as
Furthermore, as one of the first Students’ Unions in the UK to Shakespeare once wrote (showing my sensitive side
employ an Officer specific to this field, the role highlights the here) “What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by
pioneering and progressive mindset of the Union here at Surrey. any other name would smell as sweet;” not that Rubix has
ever really smelt that sweet. The thing is its our nightclub
words: catherine lee
and its what we make of it so lets enjoy it. Besides, the
name change has given us the perfect excuse to have
a launch party. Yeah that’s right we are going to have a
big event before the Freshers get here. On Friday 17th
September we launch Rubix, with all the tradition that
letters 3
goes into a good launch party.
So come and be entertained by
Shapeshifters and the rest of the Dear barefacts,
line up as we celebrate our new
arrival !! Welcome to Guildford!! A thousand
students live in Park Barn and
Now that that has been cleared Westborough Estates- that’s one in ten
up you probably want to know residents. There is a community charity
what else has been going since here called Community Works and we have
you left us. Well we went on a hunt and did some thinking an appeal to make to students living on our
and we now have three new major additions to the Union estates: even though you may only be with us
Building (Rubix). for a couple of years please think of Park Barn as
your home. We welcome the vibrancy and fun that
In no particular order we have introduced :- students bring to an area. You, the students, are one
of our most valuable resources.
The computer shop has come to the
Union building. Mr Moh has set up That means treating it like your home town or village
shop in our building. You can’t miss though. There is so much potential for all for you to
“Campus Computers” - they are help us transform our estate. Anyone who has read
situated just a bit further up the hill or seen “The Motorcyle Diaries” will understand what
from the Students’ Union entrance or I mean. This could be time for your to broaden your
round the corner when you come in horizons, (and your c.v’s).
through the Rubix entrance. Campus
Computers can meet all your computer needs at great Please come and get involved: get to know your
prices. Come in and see what he has offer. neighbours, recycle your waste, use the bus, but most
of all GET INVOLVED SOCIALLY! Through Carol
At last we have some Main at the USSU V-Project and through Community
oriental food on campus! Works, you can help out with the local Youth Cafe,
Young’s Kitchen is opening help us build a new local park, write or edit our local
on the 13th September 2004 paper, work at the Day Centre or with Kids groups and
and will serve Thai, Chinese, Japanese and Korean Cuisine. playschemes or come up to the local allotments. We
Young’s is open 9am-4pm Monday to Friday and 10am-3pm can help you think up and start brand new projects or
Saturday in the Helen Rose Bar (HRB). campaigns because for you the sky is the limit.

Considering that hot drinks Thanks- and good kuck with your study (...and go see
are the staple diet for most that movie!)
of the world it is a bit unfair
that we have only tried a ANDY TRENIER
small proportion of what is on offer. Harubix aims to fix that. Community Worker, Communityworks
Offering Arabic Chai, Chinese Green Tea, Frappes and a Park Barn and Westborough
whole host of international delicacies. Harubix is upstairs in
Rubix at Haris bar and is open 10am-5pm everyday.

As you can see we have been doing loads over the summer
but that’s not it, oh no. We have also installed three yes
three lifts to make the building disabled access. The lifts are Letters must be received by 12pm on the Friday before
for wheelchairs and not for lazy drinkers to get from bar to the publication of the next issue to be included. Email
bar so no playing on them. Last but not least we have had a barefacts@ussu.co.uk, with “Letters” in the message
new floor put in on the balcony area and given the box office title please!
a lick of paint.

There is more but you have to have some stuff to discover Before you start thumbing through frantically in search
or there is no fun. of the personals, unfortunately there aren’t any this is-
sue. We’ll blame the summer vacation since we know
Have a great year hope you like all the changes we have we can rely on you to get submitting messages (espe-
made. There is loads more to come over the year so watch cially once you’ve been to Rubix a few times...) so you
this space! know the score: email us at barefacts@ussu.co.uk, with
“personals” in the message subject field!
words: hash alsaidi, president
4 news barefacts@ussu.co.uk 10 09 04

Do the Tories STUDENT RADIO HIT


Read the summaries of the policies of BY CASH CRISIS
have the three main parties below. They give a
brief overview of the different proposals GU2, the student radio station of the

answer?
and may help you make an informed University of Surrey, will return to
choice as to who to support. It is an broadcasting on 1350 AM/MW from
issue that affects all students and it the early morning of the 6th September
It looks like the battle lines have been is important that you make your voice 2004 despite serious funding issues in
drawn in the continued saga over tuition heard to ensure to ensure you receive the world of Student Radio. GU2 has
fees. The Conservative party have finally the very best experience and education already become a hive of activity weeks
unveiled their plans for higher education for the money you pay. before the start of the new autumn
should they get elected next spring. The semester due to serious changes in
Tories are basically planning to abolish Labour funding sources following the liquidation
all tuition fees and make students of SBN, Student Broadcast Network, by
pay back the money afterwards from Variable tuition fees of up to £3,000 a its parent company Campus Media plc.
graduate earnings. They plan to pay year, covered by loans. SBN provided GU2 with advice, hourly
for this by removing students’ access to news services, training and regular
low-rate loans and charge a commercial funding throughout the past 4 years. It
rate of interest instead - as much as 8%. Grants for poorer students of up to was through this funding that GU2 was
Currently this rate is held in line with £2,700. able to move into purpose-built studios
interest rates at 2.6%. in 2000, and broadcast to the entirety of
Student loans at inflation-only interest the student campus on AM throughout
The abolishing fees will deprive rate. the academic year and provide a month
universities of income, but the on FM during the spring semester.
Conservatives say they will counter this Loans repayable from graduate Nathan Whitaker, manager at the
by transferring the so-called Student earnings. University of Surrey station GU2 in
Loan Book, the debt and interest owed Guildford, said the news had come as a
by all students, from the Treasury to the surprise. “It came as a bit of a shock but
universities to manage. Conservative we were always quite concerned about
a company that was offering this much
The Tories calculate this would allow Scrap all tuition fees. money and such a good service - it
universities to raise some £20bn over the sounded too good to be true.”
next 20 years and give them an up-front Retain grants for poorer students.
injection of capital. Various other organisations are
Bigger student loans at commercial currently investigating providing a
Their scheme would also claw back the interest rate. replacement service for SBN as up to
“very large public subsidy” proposed by 50 student radio stations around the
the government to pay for top-up fee Repayable from graduate earnings. UK are currently facing uncertainty.
remission for poorer students. However, Nathan continues “we are
going to try and go it alone for the first
However, Labour claim this scheme will Liberal Democrat term by finding sponsors and doing our
leave both students and Universities out own local advertising. It takes a lot of
of pocket. Higher education minister, Scrap all tuition fees. time to pursue though.”
Alan Johnson said the Tory proposals
would “not be based in any way on the Grants of up to £2,000 a year for The Students’ Union are currently
ability to pay” stating that the Tories poorer students. working with the GU2 Committee to
will reduce the grants given to poorer secure that the station moves forward
students’. Treat full-time and part-time students this year. Plans include investigating
equally. the possibility of broadcasting on FM
This issue will undoubtedly be used as a throughout the year, and the production
key vote winner in forthcoming elections. Student loans at inflation-only interest of media packs to attract local
Reports show that total outstanding rate. sponsorship.
student debt in the UK rose 18.7% to just
over £14.6bn last year and this can only New 50% income tax for earnings over To find out how you can get involved
be expected to rise as a result of the top- £100,000. in GU2 this year, check out pages 28
up fees expected in 2006. and 29!
words: Hash Alsaidi
words: jay butcher and catherine lee
news 5
BROADBAND BREAKTHROUGH
Now this may just be another and so UniS decided against buying drawn up, although
rumour, but I’ve heard that the necessary equipment to provide the it’s all pretty much
broadband has actually been residences with broadband access. common sense.
installed over the summer. Is this
right?
Recently however, the university has So how much
been doing a lot of work on the future is this going to
Umm, not quite, although it is in the of the residences, and the issue of cost me? Can I
process of being installed. providing a broadband service has once
opt out if I can’t
again been brought to the fore. Key
Great! When will it be ready? decisions were made at the end of last
afford it?
That largely depends year / start of this Err, not really. You
on where you’re living year, and ever since could always not
this year. The university then UniS have been plug your computer
has a schedule of works working hard to find a into the network, but
drawn up which will see suitable service. the cost of the new service has been built
those courts furthest from into recent and future rent increases, so
Ah, I see. So what there’s really not a lot of point in doing
campus (i.e. Hazel Farm
and Bellerby) being wired
did they decide that. The university is forecasting that
up first. Once those are upon? upwards of 75% of the student population
done, the Millennium and International Well, the university has a very good living on campus will use the new system,
houses will then be wired up, followed facility in the form of the JANet (Joint so in order to increase the simplicity of
by University Court, Stag Hill, Surrey Academic Network) service, so the its operation they have spread the cost
and Battersea. If you happen to decision was taken that UniS would own across all the rooms.
be living in Guildford, Cathedral or and operate its own broadband service
Twyford court then I’m afraid you’re
Doesn’t seem very fair if you’d
using the spare bandwidth on JANet.
going to be last ones to be hooked prefer a reduced rent instead of
up. It’s anticipated that 75% of the What’s happening to ntl then? high-speed internet access?
3400 rooms should be done by It isn’t if you think of it like that, but
They’ll be continuing to provide their
the end of the Christmas holidays, broadband is increasingly coming
current system until at least 2007 (when
with all the rooms having access to ‘as standard’ in most university
the contract for the
broadband by the end of accommodation up and down the
phone network is up
January 2005. country, so it made sense to include it
for renewal), but will
Well I never thought however have little to in the general cost of a room. Think of it
do with the provision like a bed. You may choose not to use it
I’d see the day. Why’s
of broadband to the during your time on campus, but you still
it taken so long? have to pay for it.
residences. They will
There were a number of of course still own
issues that caused the the cables that the
I suppose I can live with that.
delay, but the main one was that system will use, but the university will You’ve been very helpful, but is
UniS simply haven’t been able to have full control of all the technical and there anywhere I can get updated
afford it until recently. operational aspects of the system. information on how the installation
is progressing?
Uni$ couldn’t afford it? Are you I have to say that this all sounds
serious? very good… what’s the catch? Sure. Check out the Accommodation
Services page at http://portal.surrey.ac.uk/
Yes, perfectly. The last time the There isn’t one as far as I can see. You accommodation/resnet for updates. You
university looked at installing won’t be able to use any external P2P can also find a copy of the acceptable
broadband into the residences was (peer to peer) services such as KaZaa, use policy on there if you want to check
in 1999 when the present ntl phone but there will be options for networking want you going to be able to do / not do
network was put in. Network points between rooms that include file sharing,
and cabling for broadband were playing networked games and using words: matt adams
installed at the same time, (ever instant messaging software amongst
noticed that other white box on your other things. More details of the do’s and
wall?) but a vast amount of money don’ts of the new system are detailed in
had been spent on the phone system an acceptable use policy that UniS has
we know what you
GOLD - NINE
did last summer... do 1 Leslie Law - Eventing mixed individual
2 Shirley Robertson, Sarah Webb, Sarah Ayton -
you? Sailing women’s Yngling class
3 Chris Hoy - Cycling 1km time trial
4 Ben Ainslie - Finn class sailing
5 Matthew Pinsent, James Cracknell, Ed Coode, Steve
If you were busy working over the summer and were in too late Williams - Coxless fours rowing
to catch the news and didn’t have time for newspaper reading, 6 Bradley Wiggins - Cycling 4km individual pursuit
then a quick overhaul of the summer may be needed – you 7 Kelly Holmes - 800m
wouldn’t want to feel left out when talking about who won what 8 Kelly Holmes - 1500m
at the Quick TV awards would you?! Much credit should be 9 Jason Gardener, Darren Campbell, Marlon Devonish,
given to BBC’s website and theregister (as well as websites Mark Lewis-Francis - 4x100m relay
that copy material from these sources!) for this flashback.

By far the biggest highlight of the summer was the 2004 SILVER - NINE
Olympics. Held in Athens, the Greeks managed to get all the 1 Peter Waterfield, Leon Taylor - Synchronised 10m
building work finished for what was to be a good result for platform diving
Team GB, and one of the more interesting Olympics to date. 2 Pippa Funnell, William Fox-Pitt, Leslie Law, Mary
King, Jeanette Brakewell - Mixed team eventing
As a quick general fact file - These Games 3 Gail Emms, Nathan Robertson - Badminton mixed
broke many records. Athens hosted doubles
11,099 athletes, the largest number ever 4 Campbell Walsh - K1 kayak slalom
and also the most women athletes ever. 5 Katherine Grainger, Cath Bishop - Coxless pairs
Representatives of 202 countries took rowing
part, more than any other sport event. The 6 Nick Rogers, Joe Glanfield - 470 class sailing
Olympic flame traveled for the first time to 7 Alison Mowbray, Debbie Flood, Frances Houghton,
all continents. Shot Put was held in Olympia Rebecca Romero - Coxless quadruple sculls
and women competed there for the first time. 8 Steve Cummings, Paul Manning, Bradley Wiggins,
Rob Hayles, Chris Newton, Bryan Steel - Cycling team
More specifically, you may be wondering how Team GB did. Here’s pursuit
the medal winners (see next column) – more info on each can be found 9 Amir Khan - Lightweight boxing
at http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/olympics_2004/3609588.stm

A few other highlights – Paula Radcliffe was tipped as our biggest BRONZE - TWELVE
hope for a guaranteed gold but failed to finish both her events, 1 Stephen Parry - 200m butterfly
Kelly Holmes stepped up to become the most interviewed female 2 Pippa Funnell - Eventing mixed individual
of the post-Olympic period, Amir Khan became the youngest 3 Helen Reeves - K1 kayak slalom
medal winner at the modern Olympics at 17 years of age, and the 4 Alison Williamson - Individual 70m archery
Swimming team were generally a bit of a let down. Despite the 5 Kelly Sotherton - Heptathlon
overall ‘GB Success’, the sporting powers that be are looking into 6 Sarah Winckless, Elise Laverick - Double sculls
analysing the results with a view to “must to better” in the future. rowing
7 David Davies - 1500m freestyle
Carrying on the sport – Arsenal are setting records for the longest 8 Nick Dempsey - Windsurfing Mistral
unbeaten run in the Premiership and look like the team to beat, Man 9 Chris Draper, Simon Hiscocks - 49er class sailing
Utd have signed Wayne Rooney in a very expensive deal but lag 10 Georgina Harland - Modern pentathlon
behind on the points table, and Newcastle have recently replaced 11 Bradley Wiggins, Rob Hayles - Cycling madison
Bobby Robson with Graham Souness as their manager. 12 Ian Wynne - K1 500m kayak

Match of the Day has made a return to the TV on Saturday nights


– so for all the footy fans’ girlfriends, it may well be a barren time for Parkinson returned to our screens after going to ITV,
you all. following a bit of a fall-out regarding the re-scheduling of
his show because of the Match of the Day return.
Following on with a bit of a TV
update, Junior Mastermind hit our Michael Parkinson’s ITV chat show debut with star
screens for the first time this year. guest, Hollywood actor Tom Cruise, pulled in an
The winner was a James Bond audience of 5.7 million people on Saturday night. But
nut with a keen interest and vast the show, which also featured comic Billy Connolly, lost
knowledge of Volkswagen Beetles. out to BBC One news, which drew an audience of 6.3
From Cardiff, Daniel Parker (at 11 million between 2145 and 2205 BST.
years old) won the competition.
overview 7
Onto the Soap Awards - Coronation Street won the best affair, this quick survey from the BBC website:
soap title at last Monday’s TV Quick Awards, beating rival Which headliner rocked most?
EastEnders who have taken the top award for the past three
years. Ant McPartlin and Declan Donnelly walked away 69% Green Day
with the best entertainment show award for Ant and Dec’s
13% The Darkness
Saturday Night Takeaway for the second consecutive year.
The best loved drama award went to The Bill, beating Bad 17% The White Stripes
Girls which has won for the past four years.
Total votes: 2023
A few technical highlights, mostly in the shape of the fight
against illegal material.
And to all those at Glastonbury - well done. With 150,000
BT were accused of
people on the site in total, police said 278 crimes had been
being able to identify
reported by Monday morning - compared with 466 at the
those users looking at
same point in 2003.
illegal content on the
internet. They insisted Now for the random news that may well be of some interest
it was speculation, but - UK house prices fell by 0.6% in August from the previous
after their Cleanfeed Web filtering system became active a month, says Halifax, the UK’s biggest mortgage lender.
call has been put to request an independent analysis of their The fall was the first since August 2002. However, house
system, due to concerns that “the data might be giving a prices are still 21.3% higher (!) than a year ago.
misleading picture of the scale of Internet child abuse”.
Last Wednesday, a survey from the Nationwide showed
Vodafone’s new mobile content filtering system, designed house prices rising at their slowest rate for three years.
to stop children accessing illegal Web content with their Perhaps good news for those graduating in a couple of
mobiles, raises more questions than it answers. years time!
In January the major UK operators agreed to implement In the movies, Michael Moore
a content filtering system, with an independent body in plans to enter Fahrenheit 9/11
place to rate content, by the end of the year. Vodafone as best picture, rather than best
has launched its filtering system five months early. Some documentary, at the Academy
Vodafone users say they have been unable to access Awards. The film, which slams
corporate email - Vodafone’s Blackberry service was President George W Bush’s
apparently disrupted for a time. Access to pornography, war on terror, has become the
however, does not appear to have been universally highest grossing documentary.
restricted. – first to pass $100m mark in
On the subject of illegal material, at least 16 civil servants US history.
have been sacked and more than 200 disciplined over
the downloading of internet porn in the office. Staff at the Biblical epic The Passion of the Christ sold 4.1 million DVD
Department for Work and Pensions are believed to have copies on its first day of release in the US. Fox Home
called up 2.3 million pages of pornographic material over Entertainment said that the film, directed by Mel Gibson,
eight months. These are said to include 18,000 images was the best-selling R-rated film of all time.
(that’s an average of 2 pictures per person per week).
In the arts, experimental artist Yoko Ono is set to recreate
The new download chart has been unveiled – it’s listed at one of her best-known works 40 years after its debut, as
http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio1/chart/top40/download.shtml part of a London exhibition. She will recreate Cut Piece,
Essentially these are for paid downloads, and many in the renamed Whisper Piece, as part of Tate Britain’s Art and the
music industry are calling this system a greater indication 60s season.
of the most popular music around, as well as accepting the
Finally, proof that old habits die hard for us students. Almost
improvement over free downloading via Peer2Peer sharing
half of Britain’s children admit to not reading a single book
networks (Kazaa Lite, for example). outside school hours, according to research
recently published. The survey, commissioned
Of course, the summer saw the usual festivals – Glastonbury, by the Prince of Wales Arts & Kids Foundation,
Leeds, Reading etc. As a result of Glastonbury, you can asked over 100 children aged 7 to 14 what
now buy mud from the festival on Ebay if you didn’t get the their favourite activities were outside school.
chance to be there. Other news, on a different note, resulted Reading a book came fourth.
in the father of Muse drummer Dominic Howard sadly dying
after watching Muse perform at the festival. His death is words: neil christie, editor
not being treated as suspicious. Reading was also a great
www.ussu.co.uk/volunteering
VOLUNTEERING 9
It’s Time To Get Involved – Try Something New!

‘The V Project’ is UniS’/USSU’s project for all


students and staff to help you to settle into Uni life,
meet, learn from and maybe even help new people
– on campus or in the local community! As well as
having loads of fun it just so happens that you will
also be equipped with amazing and very valuable
life skills! It’s all free too. In fact, even your travel
expenses are covered and you will be officially thanked
in a groovy awards ceremony at the end of the year. Last
year we awarded a amazing 147 people! What more could
you want?!

Volunteering…maybe you want to carry on with something


that you have been doing over the summer or before Uni, or
take up something brand spanking new? Now is your chance!
There are literally hundreds of opportunities – so you can find
something that suits your personal needs and desires!

I also have a email database – just get in touch to be added


and get new opportunities straight to your inbox! – easy
peasy!
Basically:

1. ‘Community Volunteering’ – get involved in your local community by volunteering


at an exciting project/ charity/ organisation in the local community – I am currently
especially looking for a newsletter editor (to help produce a newsletter 4 times a
year) – please just get in touch for more details!

2. ‘The A Team’ – take part in/ lead various one off events to benefit the local
community – last year events ranged from an exhilarating ‘Battle of the Bands’,
creating a new pond at a local school, and helping run a fashion show for ‘Save
The Children!’

3. Club/ Society Committee Members – you are volunteers! All you have to do to
get your snazzy certificate at the end of the year is tell me who you are and what
you do - simple!

I hope to hear from you soon!

Contact Carol Main at c.main@surrey.ac.uk or


on 01483 683254.

Societies and Sports Club AGMS

Windband | Monday 13th September | GM room | 7pm


Tenpin Bowling | Thursday 16th September | Activities Centre | 6pm
LibDem | Friday 17th September | GM room | 7pm
ChemSoc | Tuesday 21st September 2004 | GM room | 1pm
Economics | Friday 24th September 2004 | GM room | tbc
Squash Club | Monday 27th September 2004 | GM room | 5pm
Tae Kwondo | Monday 27th September 2004 | UniSport Studio | 7pm
Afro-Caribbean | Tuesday 28th September 2004 | LT A | 6pm
Windsurf | Tuesday 28th September 2004 | GM room | 5pm
10 elections barefacts@ussu.co.uk 10 09 04

Hash Alsaidi, Union President urges you to run for office and help drive the Union forward...

It seems like only last week I was elected President and yet it is some 5 months ago and now I am asking you to
consider doing the same. We are searching for the 9 people to help us form the Union executive plus a further 12
people to run for either NUS Delegate or be apart of the Constitution and Elections Committee. All of these positions
are absolutely vital and enable to Students’ Union to represent its members effectively throughout the year. Without
these positions in place we fail the core aim of our Union.

As a group of students we find ourselves in a unique position. Very few have the opportunity to take a hold of 12,000
member organisation and a £3 million business providing a range of representational and member driven services as
well as being able to link into a national network of over 5 million people.

This year the sabbatical team want to move the union at an incredible pace, developing a vision for the future so that
all our members can benefit from the services and representation we provide. This work can only be done with the
help of a strong executive. We need people who have ideas about how the union can best position itself to support its
members today and into the future.

I want you to consider putting yourself in for these elections whether you have been here for 3 years or 3 days. Think
about it. If you want to talk about it then please contact me on president@ussu.co.uk or tel: (01483) 689227. Failing
that you will see me in and around the union day and night!

words: hash alsaidi, president

Union Executive Posts


Culture & Events Officer
Union Chairperson This Officer has the exciting role of working closely with the
The Union Chair, as its title hints, chairs all Union Council Union Entertainments Department, to help ensure the slick
meetings. The Chair works as the mediator within Council running of all Union culture and entertainment events. On
and must stay impartial throughout. The Chair has an the Culture side specifically, the post requires the Officer
important role in making sure there is balanced conversation to assist the Vice President Societies & Culture to achieve
throughout Council. An important part of the Chairs job is their objectives relating to culture. In this position the Officer
publicising Union Council to make sure as many people as will also chair the Entertainments & Events Committee
possible participate. The fact of the matter is that the more and report all its business to Union Council and the Union
people that turn out, the more of a diverse conversation will Executive.
be had and the view reached will represent what the Students
as a whole feel. As part of the publicising of Council, the Accommodation Officer
Chairs job is to ensure that the meetings agendas, papers The Accommodation Officer represents all students in
and minutes are all displayed appropriately. The Union Chair campus and off campus accommodation. They must work
is also responsible for interpretation of the Constitution with closely with the Representation & Welfare Unit to help
support from the Constitution and Elections Committee. achieve their accommodation briefs. In this position the
Officer will also chair the Accommodation Committee and,
as custom, report all its business to Union Council and the
Union Executive.

Academic Affairs Officer


The Academic Affairs Officer represents all students in
terms of their academic course. They must work closely
with the Representation & Welfare Unit to help achieve
their objectives relating to academic affairs. In this position
the Officer will also chair the Academic Affairs Committee
and, of course, report all its business to Union Council and
the Union Executive.
Campaigns Officer
This position is an important one in putting the students’
democratic rights into action. The main part of the role is
to coordinate, publicise and implement campaigns Union Council Posts
agreed upon at Union Council. Campaigns hold
most weight when Student numbers back them, NUS Delegate (7 posts)
so in this position it is important to encourage You will be the Unions eyes and ears within the
involvement in them. This will include liaising national student movement. Attending the 3
with Union, local, regional and national regional conferences during the year as well as
groups relevant to agreed campaigns. The attending the National Conference in March/April.
Campaigns Officer will also work closely with You will report your actions and the activities of
the Representation & Welfare Unit to achieve these conferences to Union Council as well as work
certain goals to do with campaigns. In this post the with Council members to formulate policy to take to
Officer will chair the Campaigns Committee and, once National Conference. You may also be required to network
again, will report all its business to Union Council and with officers in a similar position at other Students’ Unions
the Union Executive. locally and nationally.

Ethics & Equal Opportunities Officer Constitution & Elections Committee Member (5
The Ethics & Equal Opportunities Officer, as its posts)
title implies, represents all students regarding This committee is responsible for ensuring that all
ethics & equal opportunities. The main job the rules and procedures of the union make sense
that the Officer has is to be responsible for and are as east as possible for people to use. A very
developing, recommending, campaigning for, important requirement is to assess whether any new
and implementing Union policy regarding ethics & policies make old policies out of date.
equal opportunities. There are a few other important When it comes to elections, the Constitution & Elections
roles that the Ethics & Equal Opportunities Officer has and Committee will assist the Returning Officer and their team
they are to ensure ethics & equal opportunities issues are in the day to day running of the process and help out in
adequately considered in Union Committees and to identify any way possible. They will also work closely with the
and eradicate offensive material displayed within the Union. Communications Standing Committee to ensure maximum
They must work closely with the Representation & Welfare awareness of all aspects of elections. One last small job
Unit to help achieve their ethics & equal opportunities is that the committee will assist the Union Chairperson to
goals. In this position the Officer will also chair the Ethics & interpret the Constitution.
Equal Opportunities Committee and, as usual, report all its
business to Union Council and the Union Executive. For more information about the Elections contact Scott
Farmer, Member Development & Policy Co-ordinator.
Placement & Employed Students Officer Email: s.farmer@surrey.ac.uk
This Officer has an awkward but rewarding job representing Telephone: 01483 683951
all students away on placement as well as those in part
time work. The role requires the Officer to publicise and
promote working student issues to raise awareness and
understanding amongst students. The Placement &
Employed Students Officer must also ensure that working
students and their needs are adequately represented on
Union Committees. A couple of other specific jobs are
that the Officer will oversee the Union’s work regarding
employability skills development and assist with the creation
of the Placement Year Handbook.

Non-Portfolio Officer x2
These two officers have the unique job of being able to set
their own agenda and manifesto points. Your manifesto will
direct your work within the union during the academic year.
Of course you will have to ensure your manifesto is relevant
to the lives of students to ensure that students want to vote
for you!

You of course, as with the other union officers, have to


report to Student Council and the Union Executive.
the dave project 13

“With the student training team being in the 2nd year of


full operation they are now in a position to offer over
and above the normal training sessions. We are now
in a position to offer student led facilitation and training
across the university. 2004 will see the project joining
forces with the Post Graduate Association in the running
of a monthly discussion forum entitled “Chatterbox” plus
we are now also able to offer tailor made sessions for
groups looking for that something a little bit different.”

DAVE celebrates its 2nd birthday this month. Senior Students’ Unions across the country all undertaking
Trainer Folarin Oyeleye (Flo) talks to Scott Farmer various forms of training. Most concentrate on in-
and takes a look at DAVE’s progress through its house training activities like course representatives,
infancy and urges those of you who have yet to accommodation reps as well as sports and societies
take a look at DAVE to do so quickly… training whilst some will run key skills courses
in partnership with their university or college.
Ever since its inception in 2002 we
knew the DAVE Project was going to be There are at least two sessions each
something special. In year one we won week with there being three sessions
a national training award and last year at peak periods. Scott comments
we gained corporate recognition with the Currently our approval ratings have gradually
sponsorship through Sainsbury’s. We now improved over the two years of existence from
have solid backing from the university, 78% in year one to 82% in year 2. In Semester 2 we
our sponsors, the recognition nationally will also be looking to take on the presentation of
and most importantly your involvement the FUSE programme – Surreys Entrepreneurship
to make DAVE even bigger and better. programme entering its 3rd year of operation”

The DAVE Project is unique from any other project on If you think you want to go to one of the sessions and increase
campus or in the community as it is the only project you employability or you think you may even want to join
where fully trained students run the project. All of the the DAVE team then I urge you to get involved. In 2004/5
training team have taken part in and successfully DAVE continues to be the main contributor to the individual
completed a 3 day course called “Training the development certification award and will be developing more
Trainer” which has led them through identifying interest based as well as study based sessions in partnership
what is training, the role of the trainer, accelerated with the University’s Centre for Learning Developments.
learning techniques amongst a whole range of skills.
For more information about the DAVE Project contact:
The course, which is run by the National Student Scott Farmer, Member Development & Policy Co-ordinator
Learning Programme, currently funded by the via e-mail s.farmer@surrey.ac.uk or tel: 01483 683951
National Union of Students, supports over 80 or check out the website: www.thedaveproject.co.uk

Date Time Session Room


Tuesday 14th September 6pm - 9pm Student Activities Essentials Management School
Thursday 16th September 6pm - 9pm Senior Resident Essentials Management School
Tuesday 28 September
th
6pm - 9pm Programme Rep Essentials Management School
Tuesday 12th October 6pm - 9pm Senior Resident Essentials Management School
Wednesday 13 October
th
2pm - 4pm Planning Your Events Union Committee Room
Tuesday 19 October
th
6pm - 8pm Inter Comms Union Committee Room
Wednesday 20th October 2pm - 4pm Making More Time 15 DK 02
Thursday 21 October
st
6pm - 9pm Programme Rep Essentials Management School
Tuesday 26 October
th
6pm - 8pm Working Together TB 12 A
Wednesday 27th October 2pm - 4pm Assert Yourself Union Committee Room
14 opinion barefacts@ussu.co.uk 10 09 04

is nothing that can replace an alternative – the


F or a while there’s always
a quick newsflash that
cites the ‘facts’ that oil is going to run out
oil. This blows the idea put
forward from this economist
conversion of existing
technology would not only
in the next couple of decades. However, out of the water, as his be very expensive, but
aren’t we getting close to this time? reasoning was based around also take a large amount
When was it meant to be – 2020? 2080? the fact that ‘other sources of of existing energy. Gas
Who knows – and when the time does energy’ will suffice to replace doesn’t produce as
come, what’s going to happen? the uses of oil. Judging from many bi-products as oil
a limited amount of reading, can, and transporting
Some people are saying that the oil crisis it does indeed appear that oil gas in liquified form
should be the question on everyone’s is irreplaceable as an energy is dangerous and
lips. George Bush’s advisor (how source that can sustain our expensive.
qualified that makes him, I’m not so sure current ways of living.
about) stated in August 2003 that “The Hydrogen is again, not suitable. It
situation is desperate. This is the world’s These sources on our dependency of takes more energy to create hydrogen
biggest serious question”. Why then, oil are quite dramatic, but are backed than it can actually provide. It’s
have we not heard much about it? by many leading scientists across the allegedly so useless, that “Hydrogen
world, so although it could be hysteria, Fuel Cells” should be re-labelled
Periodically we get these jolts of crisis, at least it’s researched hysteria! The “Hydrogen Fool Cells”, according to Dr.
but other than that there’s alternatives we have are that get quoted Jorg Wing (a clever guy at Chrysler).
little other than Beckham’s aren’t viable.
latest hairstyle in the Nuclear power is out of the question
media. Is that because Coal, although theoretically – apart from the dangers, the lack of
the oil crisis is a load being able to sustain our supply, its limitations and expense,
of mumbo jumbo, or energy uses for around 200 it would only provide a short-term
because it doesn’t sell years with its given supply, solution of 25 years or so at best.
newspapers? is not only dirty and not eco-
friendly, but very difficult to As a trend is emerging, wind,
One argument states that transport. Coal mining is also solar, plant-based fuel, “Thermal
we will never run out of dependent upon oil – so as oil Depolymerization” (TD – which
oil. An economist makes prices increase, so will coal transforms many kinds of waste into
this bold claim based on prices. oil), and ‘free energy’ ideas such as
the fact that oil will deplete Cold Fusion also come loaded with
to the point where it gets too There is also the all-important negative aspects. Basically, nothing
expensive for many to buy. At this point, measure of ‘Energy Profit Ratio’ – if can replace oil.
he argues, there will be alternatives to you think of oil, one barrel of oil could
oil – and so it will make common sense extract 100 barrels of oil (back in the So are all these resources useless?
to use those cheaper alternatives and day when water was more expensive Are we all going to die? Well from
invest in them. This is an interesting idea than oil - Texas, USA in case you were what I’ve read, it appears that these
– it’s basically stating that oil becomes a wondering). Currently, oil’s EPR is 10 to resources are not completely useless,
niche commodity for those that can afford 1. Coal’s is currently 8 to 1, but but none are a viable
it. Common sense, some would say. because of how we’re using it and complete alternative
and how it’s extracted, it will to oil. A radical change
However, this may also show that allegedly be 2 to 1 between of lifestyle and thinking
Economics is 2020-2030. Therefore would have to be
nothing more than despite its abundance, the adopted by the entireity
theoretical rubbish world’s supply will be of little of the world’s population
that isn’t based on use to us by 2030 as we’d in order to survive and
practical relevance. be putting in more coal to the it’s unlikely this will
Common sense, methods of extraction than happen anytime soon.
others would say. we’re actually extracting from
the Earth. Anything else? Well
According to other my own input is rather
sources, there Natural gas is also not pessimistic about

What’s going to happen when the oil runs out?


opinion 15

W e are apparently a nation of crises.


We have a pension crisis (or “time
bomb”) that means we’ll all be 100
before we can retire, a transport crisis The
of congested roads and unreliable trains
and best of all we have an obesity crisis
that seems destined to kill us all and
irrational
cripple the NHS.

According to the figures, more than 50%


fear of pies
of all adults in the UK are either obese
or overweight. On present trends this
will be closer to 70% by 2020 and the
problem already causes the premature
death of about 30,000 adults a year. they are likely to die twenty years early
The press is full of stories about obesity or is it the majority of people who are
the whole ‘crisis’. Whilst clearly a weight loss not to mention the hat load of modestly heavier than their ‘BMI’ says
problem to think about, there could fashionable diets. Are you on they should be. Strictly speaking
well be possibilities in 50 years’ time the Atkins? The south beach this makes us overweight – but
that we can’t even begin to envisage diet, low fat, high protein? If will this really make any tangible
now. the figures are to be believed difference to long-term health?
then we mostly appear to Is in fact the anxiety of believing
Think about your grandparents and try be on the pizzaman diet. “I must lose weight” far more
and explain wireless communication Strictly speaking, someone harmful than being half a stone
to them. The chances are they won’t is classed as overweight heavier than the figures say?
have a clue what you’re talking about. when they have a Body Much worse, what effect does
If someone had told them when Mass Index (BMI) greater all this publicity have on those
they were wee nippers that in 50 than 25. The BMI is simply who have no weight problem at
years’ time you would be able to see a ratio of height and weight all – but just think they do? What
someone and speak to them using a and many internet sites offer affect is had on younger and
portable device that fits in your hand, calculators to show your own more impressionable members
they would have thought you need a BMI. If you plug in your own of society that are already very
check-in to the local nut house. figures you may be surprised image conscious and trying
by the result. A quick survey to digest the existing array of
So who’s to argue there won’t be a of the lifestyle section in ‘perfect’ body images presented
solution in 50 years’ time? Maybe Mr. your local bookstore reveals by the media. Let us have more
Economist was right and theory will no shortage of “celebrities” targeted information to those
come good, it’s one of those infamous willing to peddle you their miracle ideas with genuinely perilous weight issues
“to be continued” scenarios. for losing 8 stone in a week. Carol and a more measured approach to the
Vorderman alone would ably have subject in general.
Are we all going to die? Of course afforded several new wings to her house
– sometime; but we have to live first. based on the number of publications that On the plus side, if we do all die early
Who’s for a pint? seem to bear her name because of our collective girth, it might
solve the aforementioned pensions
words: neil christie, editor The latest body to wade into the publicity crisis. Now, which way to that pie shop?
is the British Heart Foundation. Their
http://www.lifeaftertheoilcrash.net current campaign runs a series of words: paul canning
http://www.economics.about.com/cs/ posters bearing the slogan “fear the pie”
macroeconomics/a/run_out_of_oil.htm and sports a horrified woman recoiling http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/yourweight/bmi.shtml
http://www.peakoil.net from a giant pie. Now, the British Heart http://www.bhforg.uk/index.asp
foundation clearly has a remit to protect
against heart disease but does the
stigmatisation of pies achieve this?

My real problem with the way the issue


is dealt with is who the constant media
barrage has an effect on. Is it genuinely
those people who are so overweight that
16 features barefacts@ussu.co.uk 10 09 04

So you want to get


year-on-year proliferation of academic genius is that
O nly two weeks
to go until our
consignment of Freshers
universities now find it too difficult to choose between
prospective students. In confusion, they’ve even
started basing their admissions policies on arbitrary
arrives, and with them
whims. Oxbridge, for example, make sure that most
comes an annual ritual
of their students come from independent schools, and
that I remember with
even the UniS head honchos, poor souls, have started
particular fondness.
proclaiming that 20% of new undergraduates must come
This ritual stems from
from countries outside the EU.
an instinct that must
be embedded deeply In an attempt to make everybody’s lives easier, A-level
in the fabric of human candidates may soon be awarded two marks for each
consciousness. subject. One would be an ‘A’, given for being a jolly
good fellow and attending the exam. The other, supplied
Think back to the
in brackets or printed in smaller letters, would indicate
time when you were a
the ability of each candidate to pass that exam. And in
Fresher. You’re talking
another twenty years, when the second mark has crept
to another Fresher,
up and consistently reaches its maximum possible value,
and you’ve already
a third mark could be given in even smaller letters or
swapped names, asked
double brackets. This solution is perfectly simple and
about each other’s home towns, and compared term-time
sensible. And in common with all simple and sensible
accommodation. You’ve even traded your academic subjects.
opinions, it’s complete rubbish.
After a few more platitudes and pleasantries though, the
conversation is waning dangerously, and you both realise This is where my idea comes in. Here’s the background
that you may soon have to face the depressing fact that story: I’ve now been doing a PhD for nearly three years.
you have little in common: no friends, no interests, and no It’s a lonely occupation, and to stay sane I’ve kept myself
geography. The tattered remains of the conversation need motivated by focusing on the reason why I’m still here.
to be salvaged quickly to preserve your dignity. There’s only It’s not because I’ll be allowed to call myself ‘Doctor
one desperate, squalid shard of a gambit left, but it’s got to Supper’: apart from the fact that I’d probably get sued by
work. It’s time for the ritual. Simultaneously, in jovial voices, the soft drinks company with a similar name, insisting on
you ask each other: ‘How did you do in your A-levels?’ being called ‘doctor’ is horribly pompous. It’s certainly not
the employment prospects that are keeping me going,
A-level results have improved again this year, so the answer’s
either: they’re little better for doctoral graduates than for
likely to be better than it’s ever been. If you started University
anybody else. In fact, there’s evidence to suggest that
after 1996, then statistically you’re cleverer than I am. In
many employers discriminate against PhD graduates,
fact, according to the DfES web site, fewer than 69% of my
because apparently none of us can remember how to
year managed to pass three or more A-levels. The Class of
solve real problems. That leaves only one reason to
96 were ignorant, and its schoolteachers inept. Fortunately,
study for a PhD. The hat.
though, we were cleverer than the year above us, and the
year below us did better still. The only disadvantage of this You see, PhD graduates wear a special hat during the
degree ceremony: a squashy, fuzzy black hat. It’s even
sillier than the mortar board that everybody else gets, and
it’s got a far better tassle. When I hand in my dissertation,
crash through my viva, and leave this place in a blaze
of anticlimax in a few months’ time, I’m going to look
bloody great. Sod the future. For me, higher education is
definitely about the headgear.

So here goes. Instead of attempting to boost the


confidence of A-level students by encouraging vile
American-style proms, holding tedious sixth-form
graduation ceremonies, and awarding pass marks to
any organism with a pulse, why not give pupils a single
grade that reflects their exam-passing ability, and allows
universities to discriminate between any two students
on the grounds of academic ability? It’s obvious that
features 17

ahead? SOPHIA B ELMONT


a more meaningful way of celebrating the fact that
everybody’s had a good try is by letting them wear daft * diary of a student Cinderel la *
hats. Everybody likes wearing hats. So under my new
system, we’d have state-subsidised hats.

I’m talking millinery of the finest quality here. The kind


I t’s a new year and, once
again, my first view of
university life is the four,
And, were they not also
eligible for maintenance
grants (means-tested, of
that would benefit the economy by training skilled
depressingly naked walls course)? Therefore, on the
artisans, generating employment, and making Britain
of my room. Quite frankly, basis of my grandmother’s
the envy of the hat world. The further one progresses
they may have been freshly income (unfortunately for
in education, the more prestigious the hat one would
painted, but along with my father, his mother was a
get to wear. Key Stage 1 pupils would be awarded a
the coffee-stained carpet single parent falling into the
simple plastic-and-fabric hat with a horizontal orange
(courtesy of the previous lowest-
or blue-green sun visor: the kind that was fashionable
student) and the mould- income category), wouldn’t
in the 1980s, and in certain lighting conditions gives its
covered windowpanes, my he have received the full
wearer virtual David Bowie eyeshadow. Key Stage 2
ten by eight foot ‘space’ grant, covering the complete
students would be rewarded with neat bowler hats to
– I prefer the word ‘box’- cost of his living costs during
wear to secondary school. Key Stage 3 pupils would be
looks, to this little rich girl, term-time?
‘upgraded’ to a homburg or a panama, available in any
completely unbelievable.
colour. Every GCSE passer would be presented with a
How can a smaller room than
ten-gallon hat with a buckle on. People who decide to
the one I had last year be And here I am, as are other
pursue vocational qualifications at this point will not be
physically possible! What on students who have begun
left out of my scheme: rather, they will be given round
earth possessed me to rent further education from
helmets, modelled on the Helmet of Justice from ITV’s
it? And then I recall… 1998-1999 onwards, forced
Knightmare. The finest privilege, though, would be
to pay £1,125 per year on
reserved for those who have passed their A-levels: a
Most of my friends from tuition fees and take out the
pointy wizard’s hat.
school left for university dreaded student loan, which
In my vision of the future, graduates will be emerging armed with the fact that they although they remind us (as
into the adult world with mildly disappointing degree were authorised users of their if we should be grateful) has
results, and more than fifteen thousand pounds of daddy’s Platinum Barclay no real interest charged on
debt each. But it won’t matter, because they’ll all have Card. Mine, on the other it, becomes repayable the
beautiful hats to commemorate their academic efforts. hand, disowned me. I believe moment we start to earn
If you were allowed to keep the mortar board that they he used the words “It’s time £10,000 a year.
give you on graduation day, wouldn’t you be a happier for you to learn the value of
person, and thus a better worker? It just couldn’t money” – the only thought that And thus, I can predict now
fail. Far from costing the taxpayer a fortune, it would flashed across my mind was that Marks and Spencer’s
actually save the Treasury money. The NHS would ‘abandonment’. food, for the second year
no longer need to fork out on lorry-loads of Prozac running, is out of the question
and beta-blockers to sustain the country’s crumbling And so, as I sit on my and, yet again, shall I become
academic tutors. I’m certain that the moment we start uncomfortable bed (pitifully an avid visitor of Tesco’s
giving away those hats, a new golden age will begin. clinging on to my latest Louis reduced section - that being
The forces of higher education will be united once Vuitton acquirement), I reflect the only way to obtain my
more under that mighty old slogan -- ‘Elitism For All!’ on, not only how they might as traditional childhood food
And master craftsmen would keep walking into lamp- well have made the bed out of source, Tesco’s finest range,
posts. concrete, but also how ironic at an affordable price. I
it is that my father has done can only pity those who shall
words: ben supper this to me. For when my Dad follow me post-2006, liable
was a student in the 1960s, to pay up to £3,000 a year
weren’t all undergraduates in fees to be paid after their
accepted for a degree course graduation – especially those
at that time entitled to have of them who are ex-daddy’s
their full tuition fees paid for girls...
by their local authorities?
words: sophie hammonds
20 albums barefacts@ussu.co.uk 10 09 04

THE LIBERTINES RODNEY P

The Libertines The Future


Rough Trade Riddim Killa

The Libertines have finally showed why British RnB and hip hop doesn’t
so many fans are willing to put up with always get the respect it deserves
the sometimes soap opera-like goings and with artists like Rodney P hitting
on behind the band. It opens with a bang, us with a great debut album it seems
with stand out tracks Can’t Stand Me Now a real shame. This has a real funky
and Last Post on the Bugle. It then follows vibe mixing up reggae and hip hop
through the heart-wrenching ballad of and with features from the likes of
Music When the Lights Go Out, but gets Bob Marley’s son Kymani on tracks
straight back to the searing rock with the such as The Nice Up he’s certainly
likes of The Ha Ha Wall, Arbeit Macht keeping it authentic. Rodney may
Frei and The Saga. The album closes use producers from all over the
with What Became of the Likely Lads, world but he maintains a very British
which is yet another blistering anthem feel and his experience as an artist
accompanied by the ever-present moving shines through. The mellow tracks
lyrics which turn a very good rock’n’roll want to make you kick back and
album into a poignant fairy-tale about enjoy the last few sunny days of
the highs and lows of Pete and Carl’s summer while the party songs just
relationship. j.a. ***** make you get up and dance. Hands
up ladies and gentleman The Future
is on its way. d.m.****

HAPPYLIFE
THE FIERY FURNACES CHARLOTTE HATHERLEY
Sweet Resort
Blueberry Boat Alberts
Rough Trade Grey will fade
Double Dragon Music
It seems that British Rock is on the up and
After seeing these guys perform at Leeds, a great new band to add to the growing list
I wasn’t overly hopeful about the album Better known her role as guitarist with
is Happylife. The first track Breathe for me
being any good. I was right. It starts as Ash, Charlotte Hatherley has now
has a very Placebo tinged sound, the rest
it means to go on with the opening track arrived as a solo artist. The album starts
of the album however is less so, offering a
Quay Cur, which is very hard to work off very well with the perfect bubblegum
great variety of peppy up rock tunes and
to listen to. It’s ten and a half minutes pop of Kim Wilde. Excluding the slightly
mellow, contemplative types. Recently
long, and at its high point it sounds a bit more delicate tracks Down and Where
supporting local boys Reuben and The
like early White Stripes, but then it just I’m Calling From, the album keeps
Rasmus at the Astoria, they have proved
descends back into the stripped back up the sickly-sweet tone all the way
that they can keep an audience jumping
weirdness that it started with. Every now through, with Paragon, Bastardo and
and it’s not hard to see why. With this their
and then the album hits a great bluesy the title track Grey Will Fade standing
debut album they showcase melodic and
guitar line, but within seconds it’s gone out. Overall, it’s an accomplished debut
catchy tunes that don’t compromise on the
strange again, and the five tracks that are which is well worth a listen, but don’t
talent aspect, which happens all too often
longer than eight minutes really disrupt the expect it to be as good as anything that
these days. Definitely a great band, one to
Ash has ever done! j.a ***
flow of the album. j.a. * keep an eye out for. d.m. ****

Fancy reviewing CDs for the barefacts music pages? Than drop
Jon and Dina (the music editors) an e-mail on
This week’s reviews have been written barefactsmusicteam@hotmail.com or pop along to the CD hand-
by Jon Allen and Dina Mystris, the out session on Monday 13th September in the Media Centre at
Music Editors for 2004/5 5.15pm!
singles 21

THE SOUNDTRACK OF glastonbury


OUR LIVES
2004
Bigtime
Telegraph Records The Grandfather of all festivals this
year boasted the likes of the godfather
Taken from their forthcoming second of soul, James Brown, ex-Beatle
album, hirsute Swedes TSOOL release Paul McCartney and Oasis’s only UK
festival show this year. Not without its the pyramid stage warms to the mix
Bigtime, a superb piece of space-prog- of laid-back grooves and upbeat
garage-rock that simply bristles with problems before the festival started,
the well-documented surge in demand mayhem (***). The beauty of a vast
energy and enthusiasm. Following on festival such as Glastonbury is its
from their great performance on the and ticketing failures has made
Glastonbury one of the most elusive array of new talent seeping out of the
Carling Stage at Reading and Leeds, aptly names new bands tent with the
here’s hoping that this propels them tickets around.
exciting South (***) and the Strokes
onto bigger and better things. j.a. **** influenced, (***). A late replacement
On a sweltering Friday the festival
opens with the eccentric antics of the for Jet, Badly Drawn Boy takes to the
Ralph Myerz and The Jack Herren Other stage declaring we’ve received
Band. More than a match for last a better deal. Backed by his band,
THE STREETS years opening act (The Darkness) BDB sung heart felt gems, Silent Sigh,

Blinded by the light


Locked On

Undoubtedly you’ve heard of The


Streets or you have been living in a
hole. Known for a unique British sound
that has captured the imagination of
many listeners you’d expect nothing
less than catchy and interesting. This
track however is rather repetitive and
the club beat in the background doesn’t
catch the listener and make them stop.
It’s definitely original but not sure if it

TOKYO DRAGONS

Get ‘em off


Island Records

This is a double A side of old fashioned


rock and roll from this British based
band. With help from the producer
for The Darkness you may hear the
similarity, but don’t expect curly hair
and spandex suits. These guys are
more into heavy guitar riffs and rough,
edgy vocals, so no high pitch cries
in sight. They have toured with The
Datsuns and it seems headlining isn’t
far off. d.m.**
22 festival barefacts@ussu.co.uk 10 09 04
reasons two songs, Don’t Look Back in stage to the fantastic Stumble and Fall.
Anger and Wonderwall managed a turn With an ego the size of the spacious
around as Oasis illustrate their class to an dance tent, lead singer Johnny is the
adoring crowd (***). star attraction ripping through the
catchy Golden Touch, before bolting
A rain swept Saturday saw the Quantic towards the nearest fence to make his
Soul Orchestra take to the Jazz World escape (****). Liverpool’s The Zutons
stage. Led by Quantic, the Orchestra may share the same record label
enthused funk and soul grooves with and characteristics as the Coral but
impressive vocals attracted a sizeable their blend of guitar soul and resident
midday audience (***). One of the best saxophonist make them a real one off.
new bands of 2004, Keane deserve every Clad in yellow boiler suits the Zutons
plaudit with the quite exquisite Hope and strum through They Do You Don’t and
Fears LP topping the chart with solid Remember Me off their superb album,
bands tent with the exciting South justification. With quite masterful song Who Killed The Zutons? (****). Next,
(***) and the Strokes influenced, (***). writing as Somewhere Only We Know can only be described as the most
A late replacement for Jet, Badly and the heartfelt Everybody’s Changing self-hyped up performance in history
Drawn Boy takes to the Other stage illustrate, are transformed live with only as the Godfather of Soul, James Brown
declaring we’ve received a better Tom’s dancing a little to be desired. Ending graces the stage a full fifteen minutes
deal. Backed by his band, BDB sung with the quite wonderful Bedshaped, into his performance. Supported by the
heart felt gems, Silent Sigh, ending Keane have the crowd in the palm of their highly talented JB’S, two MC’S, three
with the excellent Pissing in the hand (****). Possibly the best and least backing vocalists, two dancers and a
Wind taken from 2000 Mercury prize dressed band on site, the Scissor Sisters towel carrier James Brown has to be
award The Hour of Bewilderbeast light up the Dance tent for their second the most Rock and Roll, self indulgent
(***). The eclectic sounds of Groove performance of the day. Glamming up man on the planet. In between the
Armada hit the Pyramid stage kicking Glasto, the Scissor Sisters blast through show there was a chance to breeze
off with Vertigo’s opener Chicago, Take Your Mama and Comfortably Numb through I Got You (I Feel Good), Get
concluding with Superstylin’, seeing in this faultless live performance. As the Up Offa That Thing and Sex Machine,
the field erupt to one bouncing carpet showing streaks of his legendary status
opening bars Laura echo, the tent erupts
(***). Glaswegian Franz Ferdinand with bone crunching dance moves (***).
as they are well and truly crowned the king
have made some impact this year Living up to their name the Delays
a queens of Glastonbury 2004 (*****). A
illustrating the cause of this hype with arrive a little later than scheduled
year on from O’s release Damien Rice
hit single Take Me Out and Radio breezing through the delightful debut,
has begun to reap its recent success from
Two favourite Matinee (****). A Faded Seaside Glamour. With
the underground to the mainstream. With
buzz swiftly engulfed the new bands standouts including, Nearer Than
his idyllic song writing Damien Rice’s set
tent as The Bees took to the stage. Heaven and the stomping Long Time
climaxes with his breakthrough single,
Promoting the acclaimed album, Coming the Delays blend of beats and
Cannonball (***). With McCartney gracing
Free The Bees made up much of angelic vocals hits all the right notes
the Pyramid stage, Basement Jaxx are
the initial performance taking in (****). Closing the Pyramid stage, Muse
more than an alternative as they rip
singles Horsemen and Wash In The set it alight with this three piece roaring
through Kish Kash’s Good Luck and the
Rain. The Bees cemented their live through the hit packed Absolution LP.
energetic Plug It In. Basement Jaxx offer
reputation with the fantastic Chicken Charging through Bliss, Absolution
a raw mix of dance having progressed
Payback and the well received A and Sunburn, the sound is electric with
musically over their three albums, are a
Minha Menina (****). Possibly one Bellamy offering a guitar master class
worthy example of dance music taking
of the most anticipated sets of the as the set climaxes with an explosion
to the live arena. The tempo is raised
weekend saw the hoards and the of noise as the drum kit is sprawled
with Jump ‘N’ Shout and then again taken
odd manc setting up refuge as Oasis across the stage. With many doubters
to another level as Where’s Your Head
swaggered on stage. Dressed as to their headline potential, these three
At rings around the dance trodden mud
an artic explorer with a comedy lads from Devon deliver what can only
(****).
beard, Liam wasted no time to say be described as their best show ever,
f**k off to the front row and give mind-blowing (*****).
Glastonbury is awoken by the sounds of
an impression he can’t be arsed or
more than one hundred members of the
hack it any more. Thank goodness words: matt badcock
English National Opera crammed onto
for Noel as his sublime guitar work
the pyramid stage, illustrating the diversity
holds the band together, belting out
and the open minds of both the organisers
classic Champagne Supernova and
and festival-goers alike. Over on the
Stop Crying Your Eyes Out aptly
Other stage last minute replacements,
dedicated to the England football
Razorlight leave the audience in as spin
team. As the performance looked
as Johnny launches himself across the
to be remembered for all the wrong
24 festival barefacts@ussu.co.uk 10The09
Motherfokker and Man04
Don’t Give

leeds festival 2004: 27th - 29th August


Friday 27th August good acoustic version of Caught by the a Fuck? Walk back to my tent rather
Fuzz, to the epic Mary, to the rumbling miffed, desperately trying to work out
13.30 - Finally get into the main rock clatter of Richard III. why things went so wrong after 10pm.
arena and head towards the
Radio One Stage after queueing Saturday 28th August Sunday 29th August
for the best part of two hours,
missing Eastern Lane and The 12.45 - The Open are the first great 12.00 - On the Carling Stage, Mohair
Futureheads in the process. Am band of the day, thrilling all that just about succeed where beer has
greeted by the shoddy weirdness of Fiery bothered to turn up with their Doves- failed in managing to wake me up, with
Furnaces. esque atmospheric rock. their excellent blues-country resting
14.30 - Dogs Die in Hot Cars arrive on 13.30 - Squeeze into a packed out neatly on the lush piano melodies.
stage and make up for the aforementioned Carling Tent for great band number two, 12.45 - Bloc Party finish the job off,
crapness by being generally brilliant, the heavy glam punk of Pink Grease. their brilliant arty rock’n’roll being the
getting most of the crowd dancing with their 14.20 - Make my first trip to the Main musical equivalent of a slap round the
quirky 80’s stylings. Stage for Hundred Reasons who are, face.
16.00 - Head over to the Carling Tent disappointingly, completely swamped. 14.20 - Excluding the typically
for Sons and Daughters. Am thoroughly After a few songs, head back to the explosive Ordinary Boys, the next
surprised by an absolutely blinding set of Carling Tent for teenage rock’n’roll few hours of action centre around the
country-blues-funk. trio The Subways, who show exactly Main Stage, with Razorlight and Franz
16.30 - Run to the Radio One Stage to find why they won this years Glastonbury Ferdinand playing very good sets,
22-20’s playing their most recent single, unsigned competition. although nothing out of the ordinary.
the fuzzy blues extravaganza that is Shoot 16.10 - Over to the Radio One Stage for 18.40 - The Libertines arrive to play
Your Gun. If that was anything to go by, what turns out to be one of the bands a musically flawless set, although the
then the rest of the set would have been of the weekend. The Wildhearts almost on-stage chemistry between Pete and
fantastic. tear the roof off the jam-packed tent with Carl is sorely missed.
16.45 - Run back to the Carling Tent for a fantastic hard rocking set, with the 19.50 - These are a few of Morrissey’s
three brothers from Wakefield known as crowd completely wrapped around lead least favourite things...
The Cribs, a band that I can best describe singer Ginger’s little finger. 19.55 - He finally arrives on stage,
as a weirder, slightly more mental version 17.30 - Back to the Main Stage for immediately kicking off with How Soon
of The Strokes. The Hives. Howlin’ Pelle shows Justin is Now? which is simply amazing.
18.15 - Back to the Radio One Stage, this Hawkins exactly how cocky should Where most bands would then scream
time for the enthralling stage show put on be done with a typically self-important “Have you had a great weekend
by British Sea Power. Miss most of the performance, including quotes like Leeds?” Moz asks sombrely if we have
set for New York punk-funkers Radio 4 in “When you get back to your piss and all “Had a reasonable time” so far,
the Dance Arena, who mostly play tracks mud-soaked sleeping bags tonight, followed by a chuckle and “Well that’s
off their new political statement... sorry, The Hives will be there to comfort you!”. all about to change... I’m not kidding”,
album... Stealing of a Nation. Their new 50’s-prom-band image looks showing that he has at least got some
19.10 - Fancy some relaxation, so I wander great too. of his sense of humour back after a
back to the Carling Tent to chill out to 19.20 - Soulwax rock the Radio One thoroughly grouchy performance at
Devendra Banhart’s feral Jeff Buckley- Stage with their brand of 80’s techno Glasto. The rest of his set is a perfect
esque beauty. rock, playing mainly material from mixture of new and old solo material,
20.45 - The Von Bondies arrive at the their new album, but also fitting in old and a couple of classic Smiths tunes.
Radio One Stage, only to play the most ones including Conversation Intercom. 22.00 - Off to the Concrete Jungle
lethargic 25 minutes of music that I have 21.00 - Leave Graham Coxon’s so far Stage to finish off my weekend with
ever seen, so I go to the Carling Tent to fabulous set to go and see The Shins fill a bang, along with hometown punk-
check out The Soundtrack of our Lives, the Carling Tent with their shimmering rockers A.
whose spacey rock’n’roll fills the Carling summery guitar pop. 22.30 - Give up and nearly fall asleep
Tent with so much energy that it’s hard to 22.00 - Off to the Dance Arena to see 2 against the side of the tent, oblivious to
drag myself away to bag a half-decent spot Many DJ’s. 22.30 - Bored. Go to see the the energetic tunes.
from which to view Supergrass. The ‘Grass end of Super Furry Animals.
justify their position as Radio One Stage 23.00 - You mean I missed the rest words: jon allen
headliners by playing a superb set chock- of Kasabian to see the
full of hits and crowd-pleasers, ranging 30 minutes of elongated
from the really-rather- electronic noodling that was
literature 25
sentence at once does an efficient and tiger.) And Richard Parker becomes as
Life of Pi a rubbishy job of describing the first important a character - wordless, always
seventy pages or so, encapsulating as a threat, but eventually Piscine grows to
it does what Piscine (or Pi) decries the rely on him, and even to love him. And
Yann Martell whole way throughout - “dry, yeastless put like this, this is the most stupid story
factuality”. You put that sentence on the you’ve ever heard.
rack and ask Mr. Martel to stretch it out
into half a novel, and he gives birth to Pi But for some reason, Martel can make a
“Winner of the Man Booker Prize Patel, a fictional character who you feel is stupid story transcend its stupidity and
2002”, you’ll read on the cover if you more truly alive than half the real people become human, inventive in its grand
walk past it in HMV. For those in the you know. Everything feels unfamiliar originality, and uplifting in its beauty.
know, this is no indicator of literary yet comfortable; Pi’s family and the Imagine that friend of yours - the one
splendour. The Booker Prize is one of alien bustle of Pondicherry, that French who’s not the sharpest knife in the
the better-funded yet less prestigious enclave clinging to the Indian coast, his drawer - come out with his latest gem
awards out there, usually awarded schooldays and his religious awakening of patent inanity. But this time when you
to impenetrable pieces of highbrow make it hard not to believe Pi exists and begin to dress him down, he embarks on
tat such as Michael Ondaatje’s “The lives happily today in Toronto, like the a long, sincere, detailed and immensely
English Patient”. “Oh dear.” I thought. italicized bits proclaim. Anyway, after his absorbing explanation of why Louis
Fortunately for the publicist of any parents decide to sell up and retreat to Armstrong was the first man on the
novel, you can’t count on so many Canada, Pi finds himself sharing a large moon or how you can make antigravity
people being conversant with the cargo freighter with a few dozen caged, by spreading butter on a cat’s back and
relative merits of the various literature exotic zoo animals also wending their dropping the animal. And at the end
prizes. (No-one likes literature. If they way to their new Canadian home. And of it, the experience was so mystically
did, this section would be longer and then the boat sinks. enjoyable you half believe him. Your
I would be happier.) Hence sprung insistence on “dry, yeastless factuality”
the legend on the top, “The Number Here, then, is your ordinary, down-home has vanished. That’s what reading Life
One Bestseller.” “Oh dear oh dear.” explanation of a how a boy ends up of Pi is like. By the by, I ended up buying
I thought again, unconsciously sharing a lifeboat with a crippled zebra, a my friend a bottle of absinthe, which she
emulating the Chuckle Brothers. Then female orang-utan, an angry hyena, and enjoyed a bit too much.
I bought the thing anyway, spurred on the star of the show, Richard Parker. He’s
by thoughts of a friend’s birthday and a tiger. Not a talking, anthropomorphic words: arvind virdee, literature editor
an impending lecture. Later, taking cartoon tiger. This isn’t trans-oceanic
care not to bend the spine, I began to Calvin and Hobbes. He’s a real flesh
test the goods. eating tiger with teeth the size of steak

I once heard tell that the best books


knives. You don’t expect to share a
lifeboat with this kind of tiger and live
Too Long;
are the hardest to describe, and Life
of Pi certainly fell into that camp.
to tell the tale. This is, as the New York
Times put it, “an outrageous scenario” par Didn’t Read
Titbits and interludes and wisdom excellence. And yet Pi does, surviving not
are liberally strewn throughout the only the tiger, but also the wild, waterless This week:
main plot, taken chiefly from the main Pacific, by a whole multitude of ingenious Pride and Prejudice by Jane
character’s twin college courses in tricks. Not only does he need to do the Austen
Zoology and Religious Studies, and normal castaway stuff, like finding food
cropping up again and again like little and water, but he needs to find a way to “Frivolous unimportant drivel.
presents in the middle of the book. neutralise the threat of Richard Parker. I am indifferent to Mr. Darcy.
And besides, how can you not a love Not by killing him, not by starving him,
Frivolous unimportant drivel. I
a guy whose excuse for going to India not by pushing him off the boat, not by
setting him alight or poisoning him - but now hate Mr. Darcy. Frivolous
to write was “a novel set in Portugal in
1939 may have very little to do with by training him. With whistles, treats, unimportant drivel. I now love
Portugal in 1939”? pavlovian-type responses, et. al. Piscine Mr Darcy.” I hate you, Jane
becomes both Siegfried and Roy, only Austen.
Piscine Molitor Patel is a sixteen infinitely less comical. (These people
year old boy from Pondicherry, India, are famous gay tiger-taming illusionists
whose parents own a zoo. This in Vegas. Roy recently got mauled by a
26 film barefacts@ussu.co.uk 10 09 04

Four reviews this issue: three recent Alfred Molina do an outstanding job as Garfield and from a
summer cinema selections and one you a villain (harder than you’d think) but biased extreme-fan
might consider looking at on DVD… If you the four extensible metallic tentacles side of things the
like samurais. Most people like samurais. lead to some great action scenes where movie is a huge
Also if you’ve seen a film you feel like Spiderman and the Doctor take their disappointment, for
telling/warning the student body about brawl to the high-rise buildings above rather odd reasons
don’t hesitate to tell us! the streets and onto some passing tube (although from the
trains. Also, as you’d expect, cars go moment I heard
Spiderman 2 flying through the air, huge chunks of they were making
masonry are taken off buildings (without a movie I expected
Probably generating hurting people below) and things blow the worst). They’re
enough hype not up. It felt like Raimi got to shoot the action odd reasons because in the film they
to warrant an scenes he always wanted to shoot from got Garfield himself right - the way
introduction, but the time he got the job as director (He he moves, acts and talks are almost
you’re getting one also did some POV-camera work with the spot-on. Bill Murray voices him and
anyway. Peter tentacles and found a scene-stealing role does it exceptionally well, filling in for
Parker is Spiderman for Bruce Cambell, all harking back to his the voice of Garfield, Lorenzo Music,
- a superhero with ‘Evil Dead’ days). Tobey Maguire seems who passed away before filming. The
spider-abilities as a to be fast approaching the acting abilities problem is everything else. In the
result of being bitten of Cardboard-Keanu, something that he comics Garfield’s owner is basically a
by a radioactive should probably try and remedy (though loser, he wears bad ties, never gets
namesake. On top it seems to be working for Mr. Reeves). the girl, that sort of thing – whereas
of dealing with life The ending gets a bit overdramatic, you in the film they have him winning
and love he also can see all of it coming a mile off – but all the heart of the attractive vet. All
has to deal with the city’s villains who in all I really enjoyed watching the film. the characters from the comic strips
are intent on giving him a hard time of included in the film have had their
things. However after a catastrophe words: neil boulton, film personality skewed for the movie, so
in an experimental lab a new more editor even with Garfield being ‘right’ things
dangerous foe for Spiderman awakens still felt wrong. Also Garfield is the only
– Doctor Octopus. After the accident in CGI character (the others animals are
his lab, the normally mild-mannered Garfield trained professionals, of a sort), this
Dr. Otto Octavius finds himself with 4 made the film a bit unsettling, but a
indestructible tentacles grafted to his For those not familiar
cat acting as Garfield could never live
spine and takes to robbery in efforts with Garfield (I have
up to the name. It’s a story aimed at
to complete his research - something led my life by his
kids and probably enjoyable if the kid’s
Spidey won’t stand for. teachings) he’s a
unfamiliar with Garfield, but if you’ve
very fat orange cat
been reading Garfield for any great
Now the first Spiderman outing was a – lazy, sarcastic, with
length of time it’s not film you should
letdown - the necessary inclusion of how penchant for Italian food. He has also
see. The most alarming thing is I can’t
Peter Parker got his Spider-powers and been the subject of Jim Davis’ world
really remember any memorable things
the thoroughly un-awe-inspiring villain famous comic strip for well over twenty
from the movie (except for Garfield
in the form of the Green Goblin held it years. In the movie the fat cat has his
dancing, which I probably enjoyed too
back. Now, in a similar way to X-men world turned upside down when his
much).
2, Sam Raimi was free of the baggage owner, Jon, brings home a dog from
and could tell more of a story. The plot is the vets in an attempt to date The Vet words: neil boulton, film editor
fairly standard and expectable, good vs. herself. Through a serious of events (as
ever) Odie the dog gets kidnapped and
evil & lessons to learn, but the feather in
Garfield being the only one who knows The Bourne Supremacy
Spiderman 2’s cap is by far
Dr. Octopus. Not only does who by, sets of to save his
Enemy/Companion. The slightly confused secret agent
returns for the second in the trilogy,
The actors involved are and is still very, very good at what he
immaterial (hence being does.
played by Breckin Meyer
& Jennifer Love-Hewitt, Having been in hiding and travelling
badly) the focus should around the world, Bourne and Marie
be Garfield himself. (his wife) have settled down in a
However I’m highly biased quiet Indian village safe from the
and so would focus on world of espionage, or so they think.
film 27
So reluctantly (after an unfortunate way to use a magazine. great as the
incident) Bourne is forced to return to titular character,
the world he thought he left behind for words: peter wigfield calm with a hint
good. of a grin and as
cool as ice as he
However on his return he finds out Zatoichi quickly dispatches
someone has framed him for the the bad guys,
murder of some American agents, so On TV Takeshi Kitano is a comedian (he’s while Tadanobu
once again he is on the run from his also the man behind Takeshi’s Castle, Asano also puts
former employers. However since the the painful larger-than-life game show) on a terrifically
person who ran Treadstone is dead but in the world of cinema he takes things menacing turn as
the hunt for Bourne is lead by Agent slightly differently. In films going by the the powerful ronin
Landy, who was in charge of the name Beat Takeshi he’s Hattori. On top of the bloody
murdered agents. The only problem directed/starred in some of sword fighting (not intestines-out
is she has no idea of who Bourne is the best eastern gangster gore bloody though) a strong
or what he is capable of. On the way movies of modern cinema. river of wit runs through the film.
Bourne is haunted by flashbacks of a However in this film he I believe with all the humour and
long ago memory that leads to a big wrote/directed/stars in, the good narrative the film’s been
secret that has many implications. he’s taken things back to made highly accessible. Often
the 19th century to tell the Japanese cinema can have a
Matt Damon again fills the shoes of the tale of a legendary blind habit of being a tad confusing and
infamous Bourne and again carries it swordsman, Zatoichi. overwhelming but Zatoichi never
comes across as baffling and
Aged in his years the blind even people not overly impressed
Zatoichi leads a nomadic life with samurai should get something
gaining money through giving massages out of it.
and extraordinary feats of gambling. No
one suspects that the blind old man is One of the most interesting things about
actually a master swordsman (probably the film is the music, at first you take it to
due to his optical handicap) and the use be fairly traditional with the odd modern
of the word ‘master’ is no exaggeration. flourish, but occasionally you’ll notice
Zatoichi wields his cane-hidden sword that the music is very much based on the
with speed and precision rivalling that of characters movements. Basically a sort
any sighted-swordsman. Zatoichi ambles of oriental ‘Stomp’, which all converges
into a small town under the oppressive in the films finale. All-in-all a great piece
grip of some thoroughly nasty gangs, one of foreign cinema, rent it, buy it or borrow
of which has employed the services of a it.
off well, especially as this isn’t the highly powerful Ronin (Samurai-without-
sort of character one would normally a-master) as a bodyguard. After meeting words: neil boulton, film editor
associate Matt Damon with. Also two deadly geishas out to avenge
Pamela Landy is portrayed very well their parents’ slaughter, Zatoichi
by Joan Allen as the agent-in-chase. (luckily Zatoichi has a thing for
helping the down-trodden) gets clag - WIN A
Visually the film is very good with a on the wrong side of the gangs
brilliant car chase and excellent fight and the already quite violent town DVD
scenes. The slightly jerky motion of heads towards a showdown.
the fight scenes adds to the sense of The film section would like to know about the
Bourne’s life being a series of pictures Visually this film is impressive worst films you’ve had the misfortune of wasting
and flashbacks, although at one with the action, story and imagery 90 minutes on (90 minutes you won’t get back),
point in the car chase it can be very all complimenting each other - we’re looking for BAD movies, movies which
confusing. the fact I was greatly drawn in by serve no purpose to anyone. Be they emotionless
the appeal of a blind swordsman dramas, needless sequels, dire comedies or the
Although it would appear that the probably helped. Takeshi’s blair witch project. And as an incentive for you to
screen writer threw the book out of the send us a quick e-mail blasting cinema’s clag we
window before he sat down to write the have a DVD to give away as a prize. If we think
screenplay The Bourne Supremacy is you’ve found the worst film going you can win a
a very good film that will keep you DVD of… well… Freddy Got Fingered. A film which
entertained from start to finish, and might be the worst film ever (Were you expecting to
just remember that’s not the proper win cinematic gold in turn for clag?) Anyway e-mail
barefacts@ussu.co.uk with your bad cinema.
28
GU2 Radio
returns to 1350AM/MW

1
Student Radio has been in turmoil over the past three months, GU2, the student-run radio station on campus, came into
being in late 2000 with help from the Student Broadcast Network, SBN, a division of Campus Media plc. However, during
July, Campus Media plc announced the liquidation of SBN throwing the world of Student Radio into absolute mayhem.
Over the past four years that GU2 has been broadcasting, SBN has provided funding, training, a sustaining service and
employment for two regular GU2 presenters, Duncan Wilson and P. The network supported approximately fifty student
stations across the face of the UK and became a valuable tool for the music industry to be able to relate to the student
market and find out what music was popular within this key demographic. GU2 realises that whilst this loss to student
radio is a massive one, it is not a blow from which it cannot recover. In its second year of having a full student committee,
GU2 is looking forward to new challenges and once again has its sights firmly placed on the title of “Best Student Station
2004-2005”. The new committee is headed by Nathan Whitaker, a second year Business Management student, as
Station Manager and Melody Carter, a final year Physicist, as Assistant Station Manager and both are interested in
making GU2 a resounding success this year.
GU2’s goal is to provide the students of Sur-
For more info

3
rey with the opportunity to become involved
in the world of media, in particular radio. The
station is run as any local or national radio
visit
station would be, and has committee posi-
tions open to any student registered with the
www.gu2.co.uk
University of Surrey. These positions range
from Station Manager to Head of News and
all that’s in between...keep your eyes on
barefacts for interviews with each of the com-
mittee members within GU2 to find out what
they do and why they do it!
If you’re interested in radio, then get in con-
tact with GU2 management now...

5
e-mail - manager@gu2.co.uk
phone - 811350 (ntl campus phones)
01483 681350 (external phones)

providing hands on experience


in all aspects of radio
FOR EVERYONE

Who‛s Who starts next


-
@ GU2 barefacts

0
your guide to who’s who, who does what and everything that you just
didn’t know about GU2
station manager head of promotions
programme controller press officer
head of music ob co-ordinator
head of news technical manager
head of marketing training officer
Producers presenters
GU2 Radio
talent search 2004/05 29

Could You GU2?


GU2 is starting the semester off with high hopes and the committee have been busy beavering away across the summer
in order to make this year one of the best that GU2 has every had.

There are now so many new opportunities for YOU to get involved within GU2, just take a look at these positions and
have a think as to whether or not you have what it takes to be part of a diverse, dynamic, entertaining and not to mention
crazy amenity.

Show Presenter
Could be a regular play-listed show, perhaps something a little more specialised…heck it could be something so off the
wall that we haven’t even thought about it yet. Come down to the station and have a chat!

Show Producer
If you don’t fancy behind in-front of the microphone, then how about being the main driving force BEHIND the microphone.
If you’ve got ideas for shows and want to get involved…come down to the station and have a chat!

News Reader / Researcher


‘Barefacts Live!’ is GU2’s very own campus news show, every Monday, Wednesday, Friday and we are looking for local
talent across UniS to put the local stories across to UniS. If you are interested in keeping up to date with the goings on
across Guildford…come down to the station and have a chat!

Marketing
GU2 needs business minded people to help GU2 make CASH!!! If you think you have a mind built for sales we want to
hear from you...come down to the station and have a chat!

Loads Of Other Positions


These are certainly not the only areas that GU2 can offer you positions in. GU2 is a team effort and all that we ask
from you is a level of committment to GU2 so that we can achieve all that we are capable of! So if you fancy getting
involved...come down to the station and have a chat!

GU2 Meetings Every THursday At 6PM In Lecture Theatre G


EVERYONE WELCOME!

WARNING
O R E
GU2 LIVE FROM CHANCELLORS
T Hgreat
Floud music,
D
Freshers Sunday from midday,
E NG
T
giveaways, fun games

....N B I plenty of sunshine!


A
W UR ACE
fingers crossed

I STGU2 P E
LAKE JAM
D Coming soon
28 web barefacts@ussu.co.uk 10 09 04

www.ussu.co.uk
out about the latest
USSU campaigns to
seeing what societies
are active within the
Since April of this year when the new website
Union.
was launched, a whole bunch of stuff has
been added. You can now do everything
And now we need
from see what events are happening over
a webteam to carry
the next week (don’t forget to sign up to the
on the good work
Grapevine whilst you’re there!) to finding
that’s been happening over the summer. The website can’t
update itself you know! Even if you’ve never touched HTML

Mousetrap
before you don’t need to worry because everything is done
online through the website. Even the most computer illiterate
person will be able to change the content (if the VP Comms
“Give us each day our daily can do it, anyone can!! [ed - thanks Piers!])

web...” We don’t just need people to add content though. If you’re a


bit of a wiz kid with PHP or ASP, or you can create works of
In PC World today, salivating over shiny laptops art with Photoshop, HTML or CSS then the webteam needs
with all their Gigahertz and Megabytes and GigaBi you. There are going to be a fair few projects to get your
gaMegaSuperFireDrives, I overheard a lady asking teeth into over the next year, so if you’re interested then drop
an assistant how to turn the computer on. ‘World into the Media office in the Activities Centre in the Union or
wide what?’. My patronising geeky heart went out email me: cs11pk@surrey.ac.uk.
to her - she’s missing out on so much. I’m not going
to witter on about how the ‘net is the best thing words: piers karsenbarg, webmaster
since sliced bread. Instead, I want to share with you
a few websites that have become as fundamental a
part of my morning routine as tea, toast.
Calling all language learners!
First things first – get a good browser. I recommend
Firefox [www.mozilla.org] if you’re using Windows Check out both foreign languages and English with
or Linux, and Safari or Camino for Mac, all of which the Language Centre, Austin Pearce building.
are evolving much more quickly than Internet
Explorer. Their features include tabbed browsing Are you going abroad on work placement? Are you thinking of
(might not sound exciting, but it is!), pop-up Beijing in 4 years time? Have you fallen in love over the summer
blocking and useful plug-ins. and are finding it hard to communicate with your new friend from
Spain/ Poland / Russia? Don’t worry! The Language Centre can
My first port of call is usually [news.bbc.co.uk] – its help you; come and register on the Languages for All programme,
and you will be assigned a weekly two-hour class in the language
front page is a great summary of what’s going on
of your choice.
in the world, and a gateway to a wealth of in-depth
news content. If you can forgive the more American There are an amazing 11 languages to choose from, and it won’t
slant, [www.wired.com] and [www.salon.com] are cost you a penny. Levels range from complete beginners to post
also quite absorbing. A level, so if you gave up a language a couple of years ago, you
might be able to pick it up again, or you can start another from
Find out if you’ll need to wear mittens at scratch. What’s more, you can register for a UniS Certificate at the
[www.bbc.co.uk/weather] (then shake your end of the course, which will show that you attended regularly and
fist at Michael Fish when they get it all wrong) achieved the course aims.
and discover whether your washing will dry at
Remember: these courses are for all UniS students, are
[www.metcheck.com] (choose your location and
practical and fun!Check out languages and levels on the web:
scroll down to ‘hobby forecasts’).
www.surrey.ac.uk/TLC.

Some other sites I can’t do without - Registration will be in the Lecture Theatre concourse from Monday
[dieselsweeties.com] for pixellated cartoon fun, 20th – Wednesday 22nd September. Classes start week beginning
and [b3ta.com] and [fark.com] will also provide you 26th September!
with some bizarre amusement.
Now what about your English? Yes, the Language Centre can
Enjoy. help you with that as well. There is an essay writing course for
words: simon pearson native English speakers, and a complete programme of English
Language Support classes for students whose native language
is not English. Registration for English is 5th, 6th and 7th October
in the Lecture Theatre foyer, and classes begin on Monday 11th
October.
32 alumni barefacts@ussu.co.uk 10 09 04

Amy Price of the Alumni & Development Office welcomes back current students for their next academic year and
explains further about the Alumni Society.
Like the freshers who will be joining us We offer various services to our 30,000 +
soon, it is also my first year here . . . not graduates. Once you have graduated, we from this fund ! As part of the
as a student, however, but as a new become your main point of contact with programme, we will run a telephone
member of the Alumni & Development the University - we send you magazines, campaign again this year from
Office, although I did graduate from newsletters, organise reunions and assist mid October, for one month, in
Surrey, back in 1998 (why does that in networking opportunities. But now, which current students will contact
sound so long ago now ?!). we also give our Alumni a real graduates in their own discipline.
chance to remain involved We will recruit and employ a team
I had an amazing 4 years with the University by of 40+ students to call our Alumni
at Surrey, studying Hotel contributing to its future and discuss the new opportunities
& Catering Management via the Annual Fund. that the Fund offers. This is not only
and took with me some an ideal opportunity for students to
great memories and What is an Annual earn money before Christmas and to
a wonderful group of Fund and how is it speak to past graduates, but also the
friends, with who I now used? perfect chance to help promote the
remain in regular contact. As financial support for Annual Fund.
After working in London for universities from central
4 years and then travelling government declines, How do I find out more?
through Australia and Asia, I have we have to seek alternative For more information about
found myself drawn back to Guildford sources of income and our the Telephone Campaign e-
and the University in my new role here as aim is to approach our Alumni for help. mail Amintha Buckland at
Alumni Events Officer. This ongoing fund aims to help talented a.buckland@surrey.ac.uk.
students obtain a university education,
So much has changed since I left regardless of their background, through For general Alumni updates, keep
Surrey, new buildings have sprung up the provision of scholarships and reading Barefacts – look out for our
throughout the campus, for the School of essential financial support. A proportion update section each fortnight and
Management and the European Institute of the fund is also used to improve visit the Alumni & Development Office
of Health & Medical Sciences, more campus facilities beyond the scope of the website: www.surrey.ac.uk/alumni.
accommodation with International House University’s core funding.
and Millennium House and most of the
restaurants and bars have changed. It Is it successful?
has all improved for you to enjoy, but it To date, we have had donations from
is great as a graduate to have seen how the UK and from as far a field as China
the campus has evolved and to realise and Canada. We are also pleased TELEPHONE
the role that the Surrey Alumni Society that Penelope Keith CAMPAIGN
plays. OBE, actress, UPDATE
former Sheriff
I would like to explain more on who we of Surrey and
are and what we do and how we could an Honorary
help you in the future. . . Graduate of We are recruiting now for our
the University of October telephone campaign.
Who are we? Surrey, continues
The Alumni & Development Office is as the Patron of Email a.buckland@surrey.ac.uk
now based on the first floor of Senate the Fund. More than to request an information pack
House We are the main link between the £170,000 was pledged to our Annual and application form. Closing
University and graduates, old staff and Fund since its launch in 2003. date for applications is Friday 17th
friends of the University. September 2004.
What is the telephone campaign and
So what is the Surrey Alumni how can I help? Please see our full page advert in
Society? Remembering that students will benefit this issue.
careers 33

u s s r e p l i e s .. .
Dr. R How can I find out more?
Every year we produce a Careers Service Guide offering help
and advice for your future career. It will tell you what’s going
I’ve just got back and am in a panic about on throughout the year. Every final year undergraduate and
d postgraduate students will have their own copy delivered to
fitting in job-hunting with my final year
studies. Got any good advice? their department. If it’s not there, try your departmental office
Some students like to concentrate entirely on their studies in first and then the Careers Service. We have loads of spare
their final year so they can get the best possible degree. Your copies for students who are new to Surrey as well.
first option is therefore to delay the whole career thing until
after you graduate. There are good reasons, though, for doing Where is the Careers Service?
some of your thinking and preparation while you’re still here. In case you haven’t visited us before, we live next to the
For a start, most of the things we are organising will be easier Accommodation Office in the Philip Marchant Building. We
to attend now than after you’ve graduated. What’s more, if you are open between 9am and 12.30pm and between 1.30pm
would like a job next year with a popular graduate recruiter such and 5.30pm, though we close at 5pm on Fridays and during
as Mars or Accenture, you simply have to meet their deadlines, vacations.
often before Christmas, to stand any chance. Early applications
for other options such as teacher training are also advisable. Is it OK to just drop in?
Absolutely no problem. You don’t even have to talk to
What can the Careers Service do to help? anyone but we are there to help if you need us. The first
Just to give you a few examples, our Vacancy Bulletin, thing you will see when you walk in are a series of files
which you can view on the Careers Service web-site at http: marked “Your degree….. What next?” A browse through the
//portal.surrey.ac.uk/careers will keep you up-to-date with the one for your degree will give you ideas about what to do
latest employer requirements. The annual Careers Fair is on when you leave. If you’d like to speak to a careers adviser
Thursday 7 October when you could talk informally to people there is often someone available to deal with a short query. If
from about 50 organisations. We also have a series of talks by you think you’d like a longer chat then we can easily arrange
careers staff and invited speakers taking place throughout the a time which is suitable for you.
semester. You could come along to a seminar to sharpen up
your interview technique or you could try a practice aptitude words: Russ Clark, Careers Office
test.

CAREERS EVENTS COMING UP...

CHOOSING A CAREER
MONDAY 13 SEPTEMBER GETTING STARTED*
1 – 1.45 pm in LT F weeks 2 and 3 WEDNESDAY 22 SEPTEMBER
Dr Russ Clark, Head of the Careers 2.00-4.30pm in LT J
Service, will suggest a number of ways This workshop is to help students who have no
to help you to make a good career choice. .CAREERS USING LANGUAGES definite career ideas and who wish to do some
He will include examples of careers open MONDAY 20 SEPTEMBER self assessment exercises to get started.
to graduates who want to consider jobs 1 pm in LT A The exercises will help you to identify your
unrelated to their degrees. Russ Clark will talk about the broad range interests, abilities, values and personality and
of careers which enable a graduate to use will help you to relate these to career choice.
PERSONALITY AND CAREER CHOICE* languages at work including translating,
WEDNESDAY 15 SEPTEMBER teaching and interpreting as well as jobs in Please register with Careers if you wish to
2 pm in LT B government, finance, commerce, transport attend or e-mail c.greaves@surrey.ac.uk.
Based on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator and tourism and the media. This talk is suitable
to help you relate various aspects of your for those studying languages as well as those
personality to your future career. who have gained competent language skills Employer Presentation
through other means.
A CAREER IN THE FOREIGN & GOVERNMENT ECONOMIC
COMMONWEALTH OFFICE HOW TO GET THE JOB YOU WANT SERVICE
THURSDAY 16 SEPTEMBER TUESDAY 21 SEPTEMBER THURSDAY 23 SEPTEMBER
6 pm in LT F 6 pm in LT M
6 pm in LT F
Jon Benjamin, a Surrey graduate, will talk Glynis Paxton, Careers Adviser, will discuss
how to go about your job hunting effectively, Details of opportunities for economists.
about careers in the Diplomatic Service,
when to do it, how to use the Careers Fair, For graduates expecting a 2.1 in
including tips on how to get in (and get
and what makes a successful job hunting economics or a combined degree with a
on) as well as telling anecdotes from his
strategy. 50 per cent economics content.
own career.
L O O K I N G F O R A PA R T T I M E
J O B?

The Students’ Union has a range of opportunities


available for students to work part time on campus.

Vacancies are available in the bars, restaurant, shop


and finance.

We offer excellent rates of pay, flexible working


conditions and training opportunities.

A Recruitment Day will be held in the Union from


10.00 a.m.-3.00 p.m. on Thursday 23rd September
2004.

If you are unable to attend the Recruitment


Days further information can be obtained from
Caroline Royle, Personnel Manager, by emailing
c.royle@surrey.ac.uk.
puzzles 35

Crossword The barefacts crossword is back, and to celebrate its return, we have a prize to give away!
All correct entries received by Friday 17th September will be put in a hat and the winner will become the proud owner of a
Simpsons corkscrew set comprising a Krusty corkscrew, a Mr. Burns foil knife and a Grampa wine stopper! So get solving and
drop your entries into the Media Office by next Friday to be in with a chance of winning. The answers will be published next
week.

1 2 3 4 5 ACROSS
1. Angel, Victoria, Tugela (9)
28. sweet pastry (5,3)

6 6. St. George is to England


29. citizens of the USA
(9)
7 8 as St. Andrew is to Scotland
(6)
9 10 7. state of immense
DOWN
happiness (8)
11 12 9. to use one’s voice as an 1. tool (6)
2. Spanish snack (5)
13 14 instrument (4)
10. type of bean (3) 3. tree (3)
15 11. pillow (8) 4. consumed (3)
13. dull pain (4) 5. alphabetical
16 17 18 14. number of points scored information resource
(12)
19 20 21 by Gemini in Eurovision
8. attack (7)
2003 (3)
22 15. fuel (3) 10. Californian city (5,7)
12. vacation (7)
16. pastoral (5)
23 19. Noddy policeman (4) 15. geometric shape
20. rile bert (anag.) (8) (7)
24 22. once more; again (4) 17. surrendered (7)
25 26 27 23. type of lamp (4) 18. construct (6)
24. shinbone (5) 21. e.g.(7)
25. protective covering (7) 26. quick snooze (3)
28 29 27. see 28 across

Lyrics Quiz
No theme to this fortnight’s lyric quiz, just a random selection of lyrics, submitted by Ben Lee. If you fancy
writing the lyrics quiz, get in touch: barefacts@ussu.co.uk. Answers to this week’s are overleaf on page
37!

1. It’s a wonder men can eat at all when things are big that should be small
2. Its been raining since you left me, now I’m drowning in the flood
3. Did you come here to play jesus, to the lepers in your head?
4. As soon as I wake up, every night, every day, I know that its you I need to take the blues away
5. You’re just like an angel, your skin makes me cry
6. My buddies and me are getting real well known, yeah the bad guys know us and they leave us alone
7. Now for ten years we’ve been on our own, and moss grows fat on a rolling stone
8. I see trees of green, red roses too, I see them bloom for me and you
9. She turn around to see what you beepin at, its like the summers a natural aphrodisiac
10. When she gets there she knows, if the stores are all closed with a word she can get what she came for

If you want to submit a puzzle to tax the brains of your fellow students, e-mail the barefacts team at
barefacts@ussu.co.uk!
36 sport barefacts@ussu.co.uk 10 09 04

Painting a brighter future...


Having spent the summer in a hardcore training camp, forced into a Spartan regime of beer and
barbeques, I also travelled to a foreign acclimation camp in far off Cardiff just to have a better
understanding of what Surrey’s very own Kirsten Lawson went through in Athens. There has
also been research into alternative sports through the B.U.S.A. Equity Conference and Amy,
our able Activities Co-ordinator, became a founder member of Millennium Stadium Walking
Club.

In all seriousness though, how time flies… it’s been a hectic summer here at the Union with
time flying by much quicker than it normally does. After a year of consolidation its time to move
on and leave the past behind. This year gives the opportunity to move the goal posts and take
Surrey sport to the level we all know it should be.

Although the summer is not seen as the most active time for sport teams there have been Surrey students at the highest levels
of sport. Not only have we had Kirsten Lawton (our very own local Olympian) but also Colin Roope becoming the English
Universities golf captain for the tournament in Wales last month.

With Surrey already making its mark through the summer lets hope we can keep this level up and really give us something to
celebrate as the year goes on. If the commitment level and staying power for most clubs last year is anything to go by we’re
looking good.

words: david ‘paintbrush’ glossop, vp sports

SCORPIONS AIMING FOR


NATIONALS
While many of Surrey’s the night to catch up on all the
students spent the first day of drinking time they had missed
term catching up with friends earlier in the afternoon!
and enjoying a lazy drink or
two in Chancellors, a small, The Scorpions have a hard task
ahead of them this year if they
dedicated band were finding
want to live up to the standards
out just how out of shape the set by the last 18 months, having
summer had left them. reached three tournament finals,
winning two of them, and having
The newly-renamed University qualified for the second division
of Surrey “Scorpions” Ultimate of the national championships
team began pre-season training, amid much puffing, panting, indoors and outdoors for the first time. However, they
groaning and cries of “Can have a pint yet?!” At this point expect to surpass those achievements this year, and are
however, there is probably one question on most people’s lips aiming for qualification into the first division of the National
– “What the hell is Ultimate?” Championship finals, which would lift them into the elite top
sixteen student teams in the country.
Ultimate is a fast-paced, athletic team sport played with a
flying disc (or a frisbee to most normal people!). It incorporates So, if you are fed up with always playing the same old sports
elements from a variety of sports, including american football and want a new challenge, come along and try Ultimate
and netball. Played indoors and out by teams of five or seven with the University of Surrey Scorpions. You can find us at
players, the aim is to score a goal by catching the disc in your our stall and see our demonstrations at Freshers’ Fair, or
opponents’ end-zone, a rectangular area at the end of the alternatively, just turn up at the Unisport hall on Sundays
pitch. 12-2, or the NatWest field on Wednesdays 2-4 and see what
its all about.
Having finished their first full training session, the team did just
about make it to Chancellors, where they stayed for the rest of words: mark richardson
farewell 37

the man with a thousand hidden talents


(he’s just not sure where he put them yet...)

Name: Shaggy
Nicknames: Rob, Hagrid, fat handed foul
Age: Ripe
Place most likely to be found: At a bar (one side or the other)

Fact: 38 pints of Guinness consumed in 24 hours.


Fiction: Shaggy is a fine wine connoisseur and once a year
travels to the Loire valley in search of undiscovered gems.

Fact: His greatest achievement is having his name above the


door of his local alehouse in Cornwall for downing the quickest
half yard.
Fiction: Shaggy lives for beer.

Fact: Shaggy has size thirteen feet.


Fiction: You know what they say about men with big feet (you
can make up your own mind on that one...

Through rain, sleet, snow and fuel strikes this man


has kept us plied with alcohol. We are talking about
a man who takes dedication to a new high. He’s lost
countless nights of sleep through stress along with,
his keys, his hair and some even say his marbles.
However as with most good things in life they must
come to an end. Shaggy may we salute you and
the work that you have put into the Union, and most
importantly, wish you all the luck and success in the
world with your new venture.
words: david ‘paintbrush’ glossop, vp sports

Answers to the Lyric Quiz on page 35


1. Jamiroquai - Virtual Insanity 2. Bon Jovi – Always 3. U2 – One 4. Madness – It must be love 5. Radiohead – Creep 6. Beach Boys – I get round
7. Don McLean – American Pie 8. Louis Armstrong – What a wonderful world 9. Fresh Prince and DJ Jazzy Jeff – Summertime 10. Led Zeppelin
– Stairway to Heaven