barefacts

Monday
30 October 2006
Published by the
USSU Comms. Office.
Issue Number 1104
FREE
www.ussu.co.uk

he University of Surrey Students’ Newspaper

The

United We Stand!
In this 24
page edition

UNIS NOT SPYING

ON MUSLIMS Royal Surrey Hospital Rally
NEWS | PAGE 3 BY TOBY SHANNON support for the hospital.”
DEPUTY EDITOR The large hospital, located minutes
from the UniS campus, is a target of
Back from the dead... A LARGE RALLY took place in Guildford town the Government’s campaign to reduce
ROOM 101 | PAGE 8 centre on Saturday the 21st October to support spending by £100 million in the area
the action against the closure of Guildford’s with the accident and emergency
Royal Surrey County Hospital (RSCH). department being set to close. The
The rally was attended by approximately 6000 Save the Royal Surrey campaign’s
people. Present at the rally was USSU President website states that: “[the hospital’s]
Greg Scott; he said that “The proposed closure mortality rate is one of the three lowest
of the A&E at the hospital is highly detrimental in the United Kingdom”, “hospital
to all students at the University; especially had the best performing Accident &
those participating in sports and activities. It Emergency Department in the country
IF YOU AIN’T DIRRTY, you was great to see so many people showing their last year according to Government We are also looking at how the university can
ain’t here to party!! figures” and “we break even financially” so assist the campaign in a professional manner.“
bf PARTY PICS & MORE the wisdom in closing this hospital must be Jeremy Hunt MP of the Royal Surrey Action
questioned. Group said that: “Saturday was a momentous
| PAGE 6 According to the Royal Surrey Action Group: occasion which brought the whole community
“[the] Accident and Emergency Department together: People of all backgrounds, of all ages
at the Royal Surrey could be the first of many and from all political parties. The rally just
acute services at the hospital to go.” This would showed that everybody from across the board
obviously mean a huge impact on the student believes that these plans to close the Royal
population as well as the general population Surrey are nothing short of catastrophic.”
of Guildford: there would be no local A&E Anne Milton MP (Guildford, Conservative),
department and that could mean the difference Jeremy Hunt MP (South West Surrey,
between life and death on the 40-minute Conservative), Sue Doughty (Lib Dem
FANCY SOME HALLOWEEN journey to the next nearest hospital in the event Parliamentary Spokesperson for Guildford),
FOOD!? Toby Shannon of a severe medical emergency. Cllr Sarah Di Caprio (Lib Dem County
cooks up a storm... The Vice-Chancellor of the University, Councillor for Guildford South East) and Cllr
Keith Chesterton (Labour Councillor for Stoke,
FOOD | PAGE 10 Professor Christopher M. Snowden, said that:
“the University strongly opposes the closure Guildford) were amongst some of the speakers
and any adverse changes to the provision at RS. at the rally.
DEPRIVED OF SLEEP?
Perhaps Phil Howard
has the answer!
COMMENT | PAGE 5
Dear International Students...
HERE IS YOUR CHANCE to have your other staff will use the survey findings, and information from other re-
SAY about what is good or what search, to make changes that will help the University to meet the needs of

NOT NEWS could be improved at the Uni-

versity of Surrey. A web-based
its international students. The funding for the project was awarded to Pro
Vice-Chancellor Bernard Weiss by the Leadership Foundation for High-
| PAGE 18 survey will begin on the 1st No- er Education and it will be run through the Office of the Vice-Chancellor.
vember which will ask for the
perceptions and expectations of For this to HAPPEN, each international student needs to SAY what
all our international students. The she/he thinks is right or wrong with her/his experience at the Uni-
survey wants to find out how we versity. I invite you all to participate in this survey and get YOUR
can IMPROVE the overall study experience for our international stu- word across to the decision-makers at the University of Surrey.
dents. You will receive an e-mail on 1st November telling you how to
access the survey on-line and if you complete it you will be entered Thank you very much for your help with this important survey.
for a prize draw in which you could win a number of great prizes!
THE ENTS PLANNER OLIVIER REY
| PAGES 12 & 13 This survey is part of a larger initiative for the University which will be INTERNATIONAL STUDENT OFFICER
run over the whole of this academic year in which students, teachers and UNION EXECUTIVE

The contents of this paper are completely inedible. Please do not use it for this purpose again!
 NEWS
baref
barefacts
2 30 October 200
20066
editorial team
Editor-in-Chief
Greg Scott
ussu.president@surrey.ac.uk
Editorial Surrey Stud
AFTER AN EXTREMELY unlucky week I thought Here’s our second ever Surrey Stud... and isn’t
my bad luck was sure to run out. However
he a hunk? Think you’re hotter? Drop us a line:
on the day of the Cocktail Party, one band
Editor
dropped out, the man with van who normally bf.features@gmail.com
Sophia Hawkins
delivers the paper was off sick which meant
ussu.barefacts@surrey.ac.uk NAME: Andy Mac
I had to deliver them around campus myself
in my little Punto which seemingly couldn’t AGE: 19
Deputy Editor
handle the job and passed out. (Well, OK, the
Anne Abeygunasekera
gear stick snapped) The result was a very stressed Soph who had 45 STATUS: Single and
eep1aa@surrey.ac.uk Looking
minutes to get changed for the night AND make sure everything was
sorted for the Cocktail Party; my phone was constantly ringing…
Deputy Editor DEGREE COURSE:
But, the night was fantastic, I had such a good time and the people 2nd Year Music. The
Toby Shannon
who were there also had a great time, check out the pictures from the A Course
ph51ts@surrey.ac.uk
night on page 6 The band was fantastic; to find out more about them
turn to page 6 of this issue. STARSIGN:
Head of Design Whatever you want
The Surrey Stud seemed very popular last issue; but we seem to
Joshua Bates it to be baby..!!
be lacking volunteers. If you would like to grace the pages of bare-
mail@oh-my-josh.com
facts then please send a picture of yourself looking gorgeous at the FAVE FILM:
usual address; ussu.barefacts@surrey.ac.uk or get in touch with the Serenity
Head of Marketing &
features team. We are also looking for our first ever Campus Honey,
Promotions
so girls, just before you head to the union looking hot take a pic and FAVE COLOUR:
Position Vacant Blue.. coz I’m a man
send it in.
I hope you all have a fantastic fortnight, there are lots going on so
News Editor
make sure you get involved. Whether it be getting spooked on Friday LIKES: Girls, X Factor, Frisbee, Aikido, Watching chick flicks/movies
Mike Blakeney
at Halloween flirt, watching the Uni Fireworks display on the 3rd No- with my housemates.
bf.newsdesk@gmail.com
vember or supporting Breast Cancer awareness month by going along
to the ‘Pink Party,’ on 30th November. DISLIKES: Washing up, people who talk politics ALL the time,
Arts Editors Marmite and being beaten up by Scotsmen.
As always I’m happy to hear your thoughts, be they good or bad, so
Patrick Hunter & Jake South
keep in touch; ussu.barefacts@surrey.ac.uk.
bf.arts@gmail.com ANY OTHER COMMENT: I’ve been single for ages... I’m hoping

Features Editors
Much love, barefacts can help!!

Sophia, Editor
Fancy hooking up with the surrey stud?
Sophie Iredale &
surrey_stud@hotmail.co.uk
Saffron Wreakes

They’re Clocking Up!

bf.features@gmail.com

Postgraduate Editor
Position Vacant
Science & Tech. Editor
Alan Terry
bf.science@yahoo.co.uk
Societies Editor
Eleanor Tyler
bf.societies@gmail.com
Sports Editors
Matt Cheetham &
Anthony Hanson
bf.sport@gmail.com
Copy Editor
Paul Sanderson
li31ps@surrey.ac.uk
Webmaster
Pete Nattress
cs51pn@surrey.ac.uk
Marketing Co-ordinator
Aaron Salins
a.salins@surrey.ac.uk
BY MIKE BLAKENEY
NEWS EDITOR
TWO UNIVERSITIES ARE testing a new system of
clocking in for students at lectures and tutori-
als as part of an attempt to cut drop-out rates,
and improve attendance. The system in place
at Glamorgan University and Napier Univer-
sity, Edinburgh, has received derision from the
NUS, who declared it “draconian” and said
it tagged students like criminals. Nine more
universities have declared their interest in the
idea.
The system works using a baton which lec-
turers pass around during the lecture or tuto-
rial, whereby students can then use a key ring
with their university enrolment number en-
coded into it, to clock in to their lecture. Staff
can then follow a students attendance via com-
puter.
Steve Thomas, a principal lecturer at Glamor-
gan University, said: “This is not a compulsory
tagging system. Students can just pass the ba-
ton on. Monitoring attendance at university is
not new; traditionally lecturers have passed a
piece of paper round the classroom. But this
is to support students who silently disengage.
There can be hundreds of students attending
lectures, and 10-20% can be missing without
the lecturer realising.
“In humanities last year we identified 35 stu-
dents who would have withdrawn if we had
not intervened. It is life-changing. A false start
in the first few weeks of university can be dev-
astating. Students were sceptical originally but
are now supportive.”
In response to the scheme, Gemma Tume-
lty, president of the NUS said that she recog-
nised drop-out rates needed to be addressed,
but questioned whether these schemes would
work when much of the problem could be at- attainment. Students who miss out irregularly,
tributed to rising debt. we are not going to target. They may have had
“Rather than employing draconian tactics a bit of a late night the night before. Students
and treating these students like criminals by are targeted if they miss three consecutive
effectively tagging them ... we believe more learning events ... Over 50% of our students
should be done to address the underlying rea- work part-time and we are finding a lot of our
sons behind poor attendance.” students who work in take-aways on a Thurs-
Advisers at the university who look at pat- day night are missing a Friday morning.”
terns of attendance claimed that, “There is a
distinct correlation between attendance and bf.newsdesk@gmail.com
baref
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30 October 200
20066
UniS not spying on Muslims
BY MIKE BLAKENEY
NEWS EDITOR
EDITED BY JOSHUA BATES
ETHICS & EQUAL OPPORTUNITIES OFFICER
UNION EXECUTIVE
UNIVERSITIES ACROSS BRITAIN are being told by the Government
to inform on students if they suspect them of “involvement
in Islamic extremism and supporting terrorist violence”. The
report acquired by the Guardian Newspaper, led a lecturer’s
union to warn of the threat of
“anti-Muslim McCarthyism”.
However, barefacts would like to
reassure students at Surrey that
this definitely is not the case here
in Guildford!
The government believes
university campuses have become
fertile recruiting ground for
Muslim extremists, and this has led
to the Department for Education
drawing up a list of proposals to
be sent to higher education centres
and universities by the end of the
year.
The report asks universities to
monitor leaflets and speeches by
Islamic Societies, and warns that Ruth Kelly MP
many of these societies have become increasingly political
over recent years, and many “terrorists” are using them for
talent-spotting, and grooming students for extremism.
The report identifies students from a “segregated” background,
as more likely to harbour radical views, and claims that
students who go to university in their local areas, can act as a
conduit between extremists and local communities.
University applications dip
after Top-Up Fees surge in 2005
BY MIKE BLAKENEY
NEWS EDITOR
THE NUMBER OF APPLICANTS accepted onto courses in UK uni-
versities fell by 15.000 students for the new academic year,
although numbers here at the University of Surrey are up!
According to UCAS, 389,505 students were accepted onto
courses this year, as opposed to the 404,668 who started in
2005. The NUS called the figures “deeply worrying.”
Liberal Democrat MP and education spokeswoman, Sarah
Teather, commented that, “The evidence is now undeniable
- top-up fees deter people from going to university. Ministers
must reconsider this mistaken policy that has such a negative
impact.”
In response, the Government have argued that some 375,530
students applied in 2004, and as such the general trend is still
upwards, and in fact that represents a 15,000-student increase
in a two-year period. Bill Rammell, the minister for higher
education said “These figures confirm that the critics of our
NEWS
Communities Secretary Ruth Kelly said the policy was not
to “pick on” certain students. “It’s about sensible monitoring
of activities to make sure individual students on campuses are
protected.”
As the news broke, barefacts
and the University of Surrey
Students’ Union contacted the Vice-
Chancellor, Professor Christopher
M. Snowden, for his stance regarding
this issue; “[here at Surrey] we
have a harmonious community
and we strongly support a
multi-ethnic society within
the University. There is
no evidence of radical
behaviour here and since a
university is a place where
debate and free-thinking is a
feature of everyday life I am
sure that the staff and students would wish to keep it
this way.”
When asked to comment, Wakkas Khan, president
of the Federation of Student Islamic Societies said
that, “It sounds to me to be potentially the widest
infringement of the rights of Muslim students that
there ever has been in this country. It is clearly
targeting Muslim students and treating them to a
higher level of suspicion and scrutiny. It sounds like
you’re guilty until you’re proven innocent.”
“They are going to treat everyone Muslim with suspicion
on the basis of their faith.” Says Gemma Tumelty, President
of the National Union of Students, “It’s bearing on the side of
McCarthyism.”
The document states that “While radicalisation may not be
widespread, there is some evidence to suggest that students
at further and higher educational establishments have been
reforms have been wrong.
“We haven’t seen the plummeting numbers that we were
warned about. There was a big increase last year and we were
always going to see a comparative dip this time. We are still
3
involved in terrorist- related activity, which could include
actively radicalising fellow students on campus.” Before
adding, “Perhaps most importantly, universities and colleges
provide a fertile recruiting ground for
students.”
“There are different categories of students
who may be ‘sucked in’ to an Islamist extremist
ideology... There are those who may be new
to a university or college environment and
vulnerable to ‘grooming’ by individuals with
their own agenda as they search for friends
and social groups; there are those who may
be actively looking for extremist individuals
with whom to associate. Campuses provide an
opportunity for individuals who are already
radicalised to form new networks, and extend
existing ones.”
The University and College Union joint
general-secretary Paul Mackney commented
that, “Members may be sucked into an anti-Muslim
McCarthyism which has serious consequences for civil
liberties by blurring the boundaries of what is illegal and what
is possibly undesirable.”
The Head of student affairs at the Federation of Student
Islamic societies, Faisal Hanjara, said that, “The idea that
university authorities have to spy on students is not going to
build trust.”
“There is also no substantial evidence that recruitment has
been taking place at universities.” He added that, “The irony
is that we have evidence that the BNP and other right-wing
extremists are active on campus.”
In response, The Department for Education and Skills says,
“It is continuing to work with higher education institutions to
develop the guidance - which would be issued shortly.”
“It would be pure speculation to say what it will include,”
a spokesperson said.
significantly above the numbers we saw in 2004.” Mr. Ram-
mell also commented that “there is a slight increase in the
proportion of students entering university from these [poorer]
backgrounds.”
Boris Johnson, the Conservative minister for higher educa-
tion, also commented “It is very encouraging that applications
are well up on 2004, showing that students still recognise the
immense value, intellectually, culturally, and financially, that
a university education can give them.”
This was contradictory to the views of the NUS, who’s
President, Gemma Tumelty declared, “Today’s figures have
confirmed our suspicions - that top-up fees are having an ef-
fect on some students’ choices, deterring some from going to
university altogether.”
Got a News article you think the Students of Surrey should
know about?
bf.newsdesk@gmail.com
 LETTERS
baref
barefacts
4 30 October 200
20066

Letters to barefacts
Letters must be received by midday on Friday 3rd November to guarantee
their presence in the next newspaper. Letters may be edited for length or clarity.
ussu.barefacts@surrey.ac.uk

The Rant Wanted: 1 Duck! pub on our campus. This year, however, it’s just been
disappointment after disappointment.

Continues...
I couldn’t wait to go for my first lunch at Channies after
Dear barefacts, the long summer break, however I was saddened to learn that
my favourite, the chicken chimiwhatsit had been taken off
To whom do the ducks by the lake belong to? I ask this the menu. My friend and I loved the chicken chimiwhatsit so
Dear barefacts,
because I have noticed that one has gone missing, and yet much we even made up a song in it’s honour complete with
there are no posters asking for its return, dead or alive, with dance moves:
In the last edition (issue 1103) Joshua Bates responded
reward. In that case, I assume they belong to no-one. ‘ooh eee ooh aaa aaa chicken chimi walla walla bing
to the general rants of the edition before that (issue 1102).
Now, how did I know that a duck had gone missing? Did I bang...ooh eee ooh aaa aaa chicken chimi walla walla bing
Alan Terry had complained of people standing too close
sit idly by the lake and diligently count them? No, sadly not. baaaaang...’
behind him in the queue in One Stop, of excessively loud
The reason I am writing is to confess that I killed that duck. I settled for a burger with bacon and cheese instead but what
background music in Chancellors, and of halls of residence
But since it belongs to no-one, it doesn’t matter right? I actually got was one of those chickpea burgers. I sent this
shortcomings. Josh added a very reasonable complaint of his
Here’s how I did it, and why. You see, I ran out of food over back and in return got my burger... except it didn’t have any
own, about how all the vending machines on campus have
the weekend, and was walking over to Tesco via the long and bacon! This was also sent back only for them to give it straight
become empty. I would like to say here that I sympathise with
scenic path by the lake. And the ducks caught my eye. This is back along with my 50p explaining there was no bacon left.
his dissatisfaction. Recently I wanted a bar of chocolate, went
not the first time it has happened, but on this occasion I was On another occasion I orderd a Greek Salad, which was
to the nearest vending machine, and there was nothing in it. I
hungry. A thought entered my mind: free food!!! No-one’s yummy except for the fact it didn’t have the pitta bread with
was naturally disgusted.
around. I walked thoughtfully towards the ducks who were it.
I wish to rant about some things of my own. There always
blissfully ignorant about what was about to happen. They I will continue to eat at Channies despite these disappointments
seems to be building work going on all over campus. And
were so docile I was able to just walk up to a nice fat one and because the staff there are great, they are friendly and really
yet the place remains as ugly as ever. The layout of campus
asked it if it would mind being eaten. I think it didn’t. do put their customers first. The food, when it arrives isn’t
is as if a giant picked up a load of buildings and dropped
So I took it into my kitchen, boiled it, removed the feathers, half bad either.
them randomly on a hill. Also, why did they drain the pond
then did a roast for my friends the next day. “Mmm. Tastes But please, Chancellors bar, put me out my misery, can we
recently, only to fill it straight back up again? I think there are
like chicken,” they said. Little did they know… please have the Chicken Chimichanga back on the menu? Even
people with spare time on their hands here. Finally, there are
I’m thinking, maybe next week we could have it again. if it appears as a special for a week I would be delighted.
automatic doors all over campus but half the time they don’t
I could bring my bow and arrow (archery club very useful)
work. Perhaps they should be relabelled as semi-automatic?
and get the smarter, fatter ducks that swim in the middle of Yours sincerely,
I don’t mind if a door is automatic or not but I do mind being
the lake. CATCH ME IN CHANCELLORS
misled as to the behaviour of the door I’m approaching. It’s
Now, how many people can say that they have hunted for
annoying.
their dinner, and I don’t mean hunting in the fridge for that
ready meal you bought the other day? I suggest you try. It
Yours sincerely,
JOHN POND
is an enlightening experience and duck meat is good quality.
The ducks are still there. Just don’t all rush at once. They
Got something
barefacts Editor, Sophia Hawkins, responds:
might become extinct.
Here’s the ‘surprise’. I didn’t really do all this (animal lovers
you want to say?
collective sigh of relief). This is just a wake up call to those
As Editor of barefacts I’d like to make some comments on
who want to protect the ducks and those who actually own the
your letters. I appreciate what you have to say and take
on board your rants, but I feel you are being unecessarily
ducks. Some students might want free food or might want to
know what duck tastes like. I suggest a large sign by the lake
barefacts is the
argumntative. We must also consider the good parts of Surrey
University; for there are many.
for all to see with the advice ‘Eat less duck’ or ‘No hunting
allowed’ if you don’t want ducks to go missing. But if you
place to get
I guess it’s a matter of opinion whether the University is
ugly, but we have to remember why we are here; and thats
don’t like ducks (of the living variety), then…
yourself heard,
not just for an education but for the whole student experience.
Surrey excels in both these areas, so whether we sit in a
dreary ugly looking building thats just been plonked on a hill
Yours sincerely,
ANONYMOUS so use it!
is irrelevent.
As for the pond and people having, ‘spare time on their
hands,’ why don’t you, instead of writing to barefacts, use this A Call for the ussu.barefacts
@surrey.ac.uk
Return of the
time to find out the facts about why they drained the pond. Or
why don’t you set up a ‘Anti-Automatic Door’ society. I’m
sure you’d have a huge following!

Chicken Chimi!
Sometimes in life just whinging gets us nowhere... and you
have to go and make a stand for things you are passionate
about. If you really are that disatisfied with UniS then do Letters, articles...
something about it.
get involved!
Dear barefacts,

Yours Sincerely, I am writing to complain about Chancellors. I am a regular

SOPHIA HAWKINS customer and last year was delighted we had such a good
baref
barefacts
30 October 200
20066
I’m Just Resting My Eyes
Are you sleep deprived? Are your eyes sagging at the very mention of the word sleep? Then this article is for you...
put the kettle on, make yourself a coffee and read on!
BY PHIL HOWARD
INTREPID, I STEPPED INTO the breach, the secretive, hushed world
of sleep. Sleep research, to be precise. Well, if you want it that
precisely, the Human Psychopharmacology Research Unit
near the Varsity. There I met a Professor Dijk, head of the
Sleep Research Centre. In the waiting room I counted 9 swipe
card locks out of the foyer. Maybe it’s to catch sleep walkers.
Professor Dijk gave me an intellectual tour of the world of
sleep, in particular the work done here on the effects of light
and various drugs on sleep and alertness. He was well aware
of the shortcomings of students, particularly their regard for
sleep: “Students, of course , are well known for their irregular
sleep patterns, and many of them are probably a little bit sleep
deprived.” I think there was a note of understatement there .
Sleep, it seems, is actually pretty important for a long list
of things we take for granted. If you want to remember what
you learnt in those lectures, what you revised, to stay healthy
and to stay alert in lectures, then you need to get a bit more
shut eye, my friend.
Now, in the course of most people’s upbringing, a parent,
AM I SLEEP DEPRIVED?
* Are you sleepy during the day?
* Are you often irritable?
* Is it hard to concentrate?
* Do you have difficulty recalling
things?
* Do you lack alertness/acuity?
BY STANLEY EDWARDS
It’s Getting Hot in Here!
CLIMATE CHANGE IS EVERYWHERE, regularly newspapers and
news programmes present articles with ever more compelling
evidence, or ever more dire consequences.
Europe has in the last four years seen some of the driest
summers of recent times, this summer there were warnings of
hosepipe bans and other restrictions to rival those of 1976.
Farther a field there have also been noticeable changes.
Around the equatorial regions, most notably the Gulf of Mex-
ico, hurricane season has been both increasing in duration and
intensity. The terrible events of hurricane Katrina are often
sighted as the result of increased climate change (a point the
Bush administration quickly denied).
Further north, there have been continuing reports of the
ever decreasing Greenland ice sheets and the potential this
has to disrupt the Gulf-Stream which is responsible for bring-
ing tropical heat from the equator to Western Europe, thus
increasing our temperatures. As a result Britain, may see
harsher winters.
It all appears very doom and gloom, with scientists warning
of the ‘point of no return’ and heralding its arrival and groups
COMMENT
aunt, friend or even bloke down the pub will eventually tell
you that you need 8 hours sleep. They will maintain that this
is the law for just about everyone except weirdos like Marga-
ret Thatcher and narcoleptics. Professor Dijk doesn’t hold this
view: “I think that’s a big problem, that 8 hour number.
“It may very well be because everyone quotes that 8 hour
number and it turns out that with ageing, the number of hours
needed to continue to perform optimally is less than eight
hours, so those people may find themselves lying in bed, try-
ing to fill those eight hours with sleep and not being able .
“Never say we need eight hours of sleep.”
Students, then, listen up! Since we‘re at the younger end of
the scale (and you even more than PhDs like me) we might
well need 9 or 10 hours sleep - it’s down to the individual.
You can tell if you’re sleep deprived - you’re sleepy (!), irita-
ble, grumpy, unable to concentrate.
So if you suffer from any of that, or you end up nodding off
in your lectures, take the hint. If you need to wake up, light
is a good stimulus. Good, bright daylight will increase your
alertness- Professor Dijk mentioned that going for a morning
walk before that first lecture is a good idea. Strong light/dark
schedules will help you sleep: “What we need is light during
the day, and darkness at night”- so try to make sure your room
is dark at night as well.
Remember these sage words from the Professor: “Sleep
deprivation or the inability to sleep has a major impact on
people’s lives. Sleep is not just a luxury that you can do with
out.”
What are your sleep experiences? Unable to sleep? Falling
asleep in lectures? Drop me a line: p.howard@surrey.ac.uk
warning us (perhaps rightly) about our ever increasing fossil
fuel usage. This has a tendency to discourage people or make
them dismiss the whole thing. However, the issue has become
enough of a concern that mainstream politicians are actively
including climate change legislation in their election policies
and actively making efforts to win what has been dubbed the
‘green vote’.
What about individuals? How are the general public to help
with this seemingly now inevitable problem? There are many
publications and action plans involving activities such as re-
5
WHAT FACTORS AFFECT SLEEP?
* Caffeine, Alcohol
* Exercise
* Temperature
* Snoring, music playing
* Worry/Stress
* Happiness about your relationship
IMPROVE YOUR SLEEP
* Stick to a regular schedule
* Make your room dark
* Go for a morning walk before your
first lecture
* If you can’t sleep, get up and do some-
thing for 15-20 minutes, and then try again.
IT’S THE NIGHT BEFORE THE EXAM, AND
YOU CAN’T SLEEP. WHAT DO YOU DO?
* Get up and do something for 15 to 20
minutes.
* You don’t wan’t to be too sleep
deprived. And it’s not just the last night
before the exam, but the entire week(s)
before the exam.
cycling or using energy efficient light bulbs in all your rooms.
These activities are all critically important in reducing our
carbon consumption and thus our output of CO2.
The main critique offered by people of this is that it actu-
ally doesn’t solve the problem and the reductions it gives are
negligible when compared to the output cause internationally
by other countries. Although I don’t agree that recycling etc.
are fruitless endeavours I do agree that governments MUST
act to prevent the behemoth arising before us.
Since our government is a democracy and thus works for us
the best way to enact that change is to show them the over-
whelming public concern on this issue. Students have always
been known for their concern for such issues and for their
ability to effectively mobilise for important events. So on
November 4th there is a large march organised by the ‘Stop
Climate Chaos Coalition’ which consists of organisations
as ‘Campaign against Climate Change’, ‘Greenpeace’, and
many others. The University of Surrey’s ‘People and Planet’
group will be attending, so if you are interested e-mail ‘unis.
pandp@hotmail.co.uk’ it’s a great opportunity to show your
support for the cause, meet new people, get involved, and just
genuinely enjoy yourself.

6 30 October 200
Don’t Eat The Red Ones
Monday the 16th October saw the
barefacts cocktail party in Channies… and wasn’t it a
night!? The bar was decked out with orange and white
balloons which as the night wore on were rapidly de-
creasing in numbers. The special barefacts cocktails
went down a right treat... someone kept buying me the
egg custard shooter so by the time I took to the stage
I was feeling more than a bit merry. The highlight of my
night was someone going up to the Surrey Stud and
asking for his autograph… this I found totally hilarious!
(But guys… do you now see the benefits of being a Sur-
rey Stud) If only he wasn’t a man…
The band filled the room with their music for nearly two
whole hours and was a roaring success. The band, from
the nearby ACM sang a complete mix of songs: some
known and some written themselves. Here Gazz Boyd
talks about the band, how they formed and just why
they are named... ‘Don’t eat the red ones…’
How did you guys form?
We all met through ACM, we were all into the same mu-
sic and have the same ambitions in life so we decided
to put our heads together, form a band, play as many
songs and gigs as we can and hopefully get noticed
and make a bit of money in the process.
COCKTAIL PARTY
How long have you been together?
We formed just before the summer so about 6
months
Do you ever have arguments about
what kind of
music you should play?
Not really, everyone has ideas for songs and stuff so
we all get together, play the songs and decide which
ones would be most enjoyable for both us and the au-
dience.
What do you do to celebrate after a
gig?
Any funny stories?
Our nights after gigs are normally spent driving home,
but if we get some free time we just like to hang out
with the audience and have a few drinks. There was
one time we stopped off at a petrol station, turned
on the Michael Jackson “Thriller” album full volume
and danced around the petrol station - good times!
*ahem*...
What is your favourite song you play
and why?
baref
barefacts
20066
Probably “Zombie” by the Cranberries or “Weak” by
Skunk Anansie. The audience loves them and it gives
everyone a chance to perform onstage to his or her
potential.
Why are you called
‘Don’t Eat The Red Ones’?
Sarah actually came up with the name, i’m not sure
how but it might have something to with M&Ms.
What does it mean?
As said I don’t really know, but it could have somethng
to do with M&M’s. Maybe Sarah doesn’t like the red fla-
vour! But we all thought it was a cool name so it just kind
of stuck with us really.
What are your plans for the future?
We just want to keep doing what were doing at the
minute and branch out to more venues and different
audiences other than the Guildford scene. Basically
just want to develope a larger fan base and turn more
people onto our music.
Where does ‘Dont Eat The Red Ones’
see themselves in 5 years time?’
Dominating the music scene in England
In ten?
Dominating the music scene all over the world
In twenty?
Dominating the music scene all over the Universe? Just
to be recognised would be nice!!
When are your next gig dates?
Bar Mambo - 31st October (Special Halloween Night)
Also a different band called “Tales of Indigo” with me,
Matt and Dan are playing in The Boiler Room on 21st
November - be there!
Interesting stuff... I hope lots of you will be able to make
it to the bar mambo gig... I for one will almost defintely
be there.
All in all the Cocktail Party was a great success... apart
from perhaps the caption competition of which the
majority of came from the barefacts team. Needless to
say I am now deeply disturbed by what some of them
think about.
barefacts would like to thank the staff of Chancellors
for being truly great in putting up with out madness and
for cleaning up all the mess of which I know there was
lots of, Bjorn for his fantastic pictures from the night (see
above left) and to Aaron for being the biggest legend
in the world... Ever!
Sophia Hawkins,
Editor
ussu.barefacts@surrey.ac.uk
baref
barefacts
30 October 200
20066
AgonySistersToTheRescue
Welcome to the new and improved problems section! From now on any problems you have shall be answered by the one and only Agony
Sisters, Sophie and Saffron. We hope to expand this section quite a bit so any problems you have, write to us and we’ll give you our valuable
advice...then it’s up to you whether you take it or not! Here’s what we have been sent this issue:
BY SOPHIE AND SAFFRON
FEATURES EDITORS
Worth the Risk? Burning Lies
I’VE FANCIED A woman for ages, and think she fancies me
too, but I know that if we got together there would be a
lot of difficulties and it would take effort to make it work.
You see, I am her manager at work, she is 8 years older
than me, has two kids and a husband recently released from
jail. Everything is against us, but do you think I should
give it a go? There is definitely a connection between us.
GRAHAM.
SISTER SOPHIE REPLIES:
I think you may have answered your own question. Rela-
tionships should not be about effort, causing you to question
it. Follow your heart and not your head. If you think there
may be a future for the two of you then try your luck with
it. However, be aware that due to the fact she has kids and
a husband who has been released [from jail], there is a pos-
sibility that old feelings may arise between the two of them
which you cannot stand in the way of for the kids sake.
SISTER SAFFRON REPLIES:
I assume you have a death wish!!! You don’t mention
what her husband was in jail for but my guess is he aint
gonna be happy with someone messin’ wiv ‘is birrrd. Un-
less you want your face rearranged I’d say stay well away.
Feeling Left Out Christmas Crush
I’M IN MY final year, just come back from placement, and feel
that I have not got much to show from my years at uni so far.
I haven’t got many friends as they all went straight into final
year and now I am finding it hard to connect to people as they
all have their own cliques already. What do you recommend?
ANONYMOUS.
SISTER SOPHIE REPLIES:
I can relate to how you are feeling and a lot of people are in
the same situation in their final year. You need to get out there
and make new friends before it’s too late and you become a
hermit in your room for the rest of the year! Join a few clubs
or societies as these are always looking for new people and
it is a great way of meeting new friends. Go on the univer-
sity website where there is a list of all clubs available, pick
one and go along! I guarantee you’ll make friends in no time.
THE ARTICLE IS UP THERE
COMMUNITY
SISTER SAFFRON REPLIES:
Don’t be a loser, get down the boozer! Or words to that ef-
fect! Worse case senario find another billy and be their friend!
My boyfriend used to be smoker but gave up when we
got together, and although I never asked him to I was re-
lieved when he did. However, I recently found out from
his friend that he has started up again without telling me
and I feel betrayed and hurt now. I am so angry that he is
smoking again, but am I making a big deal out of noth-
ing, or should I be as angry as I am because he lied to me?
JULES.
SISTER SOPHIE REPLIES:
You cannot be angry because he started smoking as it is a
lifestyle choice that he has to make. However, you can be
disappointed in the fact that he lied to you, not telling you
about it. Relationships must be based on trust, so I think you
need to face him and ask him about why he felt he has to lie
to you. This is the major issue that needs to be addressed and
one you should concentrate on if you want the relationship
to work.
SISTER SAFFRON REPLIES:
Find his packet of fags, snap them all in two then put them
all back. He should get the message!
I have a really embarrassing problem. Ever since I was younger
I have had a crush on Father Christmas, and each year Christ-
mas is really hard for me. What can I do to get over this?
LITTLE ELF.
SISTER SOPHIE REPLIES:
A way of getting over it? Never talk about it again! This is
a very disturbing problem and think you either need to see
someone about it or get a boyfriend/girlfriend as soon as
possible as it seems you may just be in need of some lovin’!
SISTER SAFFRON REPLIES:
Stay up late on Xmas Eve, put on your sexiest underwear
and lie in wait for the jolly old fellow. He’ll think all his
Xmas’ have come at once, and hopefully the 2 of you will
too!!! Nudge nudge wink wink.
7
Stinky
Housemates
How do you tell a flatmate in the subtlest way to clean up after
themselves? I don’t want to be their mum/dad. I saw him spill
milk (alot) in the fridge, remove the bottle, but not clean up
the milk. It’s going to stink, but I’m not going to clean up his
mess. I didn’t know how to tell him that it is socially expected
that you clean up such mess. Which is why I am asking you.
FRESHER CRYING OVER SPILT MILK.
SISTER SOPHIE REPLIES:
This is a hard one, and often common in any household. The
thing is, everyone in the house is probably feeling the same,
and when the milk begins to smell, or there’s no cutlery to eat
dinner with, he’ll probably be the first to complain! Maybe
take the upper hand and clean up the milk this time, but make
sure he sees you doing it or leave a note on the fridge (just
to the house in general) politely asking everyone to clean up
a little bit more. You don’t want to sound like their mum/
dad, but would you rather live in their filth? Think about it.
SISITER SAFFRON SAYS:
How about grass seeds in his bedroom carpet or fish sewn
into the curtains??? Bit much?? Then maybe just be messy
round him and see how he likes it. Some might say it’s fight-
ing fire with fire, others may say youre dropping to his level,
whichever way you see it at least he might take the hint!!!
Got a problem
for our sassy sisters?
bf.features
@gmail.com
Sophie & Saffron
to the rescue!

8 FEATURES
It’s Back...It’s Room 101
Many of you have emailed to ask where Room 101 has gone to... and I am proud to reveal that Room 101 is back! It has
a whole new person doing it; Phill Nathan. So start sending your suggestions: ussu.barefacts@surrey.ac.uk
People who don’t get their Library cards
out until they get to the turnstile:
The Problem:
You know that you’re going to need the card as soon as you get in the
library, so how hard can it be to just reach into that pocket, or wallet, or
wherever you keep you card, and get it out in preparation, instead of creat-
ing a queue at the turnstile? It’s not that I’m keen to get into the library, but
it’s annoying if I have to stand around waiting while someone digs about
for their card. The same applies to the London Underground ticket barriers.
Room 101?:
I think this has to fall into the same bracket as old people who just stop on the
high street for no apparent reason. Being an honorary Londoner pre-UniS I
can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten stuck at the ticket gate because
some random tourist has forgotten to take out their ticket from the neck
wallet tucked under multiple layers of clothing (even though they probably
have a similar system from wherever they come from), only to get through
and just miss a train. Equally, when you need to get into the library, get a
book and back out again before the next lecture in five minutes, this sort of
thing puts my teeth on edge. Room 101 claims its first prisoner of the day.
People who spoil US TV series plots after
watching pirate copies:
The Problem:
If people want to watch Lost, 24, Desperate Housewives, etc before
everyone else then that’s fine. My problem comes when these peo-
ple decide to spoil the plots for the rest of us stuck in the dark ages of
UK television waiting for it with Joe Public, by telling everyone on their
MSN screen names and forum posts. I didn’t want to know what happens
in the first episode of season three of Lost yet, so thanks for spoiling it!
Room 101?:
If it wasn’t for this calibre of people, who would graduate to become those
people that write TV guides, make adverts for upcoming series and spread
false rumours around (did you know that Jack is due to be killed off in
Season 4)? If you don’t like this sort of thing happening, then disassociate
yourself with these people. Sure you may end up with no friends, but hey,
Bill Gates hasn’t done too badly for himself. The gates stay shut for this one.
The USSU President Greg Scott:
The Problem:
I could write a whole thesus on this one...
NAH... just kidding... or are we!? Hehehe!!
baref
barefacts
30 October 200
20066
Mobile Phone Contract Upgrades:
The Problem:
Don’t get me wrong, I love my mobile phone and couldn’t live without it,
but recently it’s become a real pain in the backside. My contract has
reached the end of its life and as a result I am being barraged by texts,
calls and emails about upgrading my handset and changing contract
– every five minutes. I have upgraded my phone, through my network
provider, but it hasn’t stopped the calls or texts, still wanting me to up-
grade. And before you ask, I have sent them a text telling them to stop as
they say at the end of the texts they send you, but that hasn’t stopped it.
Room 101?:
At the risk of sounding like Nicky Campbell, try simply sending the mes-
sage “STOP” to whatever number sent it to, or get in contact with OF-
TEL (the governing body for telephones and the such like). While get-
ting these texts may make you seem as if you’re popular as your
phone keeps beeping, it is a nuisance, and means it fills up your inbox
quicker than Sky snapping up TV football rights. This definitely goes in.
Timetables (Or at least the idiot who com-
piled mine, eventually):
The Problem:
Now I know everyone thinks that their subject has the worst timetable, and
maybe yours is worse than mine, but I bet yours has been the same since
term began – mine hasn’t. It took my department six weeks into term to con-
firm my tutorials and seminar classes (they were supposed to start in week six!),
then told us to do all of week six and seven classes in week seven causing
work overload. Then we’re subject to lectures being moved due to clashes
with other departments, and one subject where I’m not in the same room two
weeks running. It’s week eight and my timetable has only just been confirmed!
Room 101?:
Timetables, don’t you just love ‘em? Yes they tell you where to go, and yes
they give you a sense of order, but they never seem to quite stick. It takes
me at least half an hour for me to work out mine each semester, as I have
to worth out which of the modules refer to my particular course, where I’ll
be if based on tutor group, what the room abbreviations represent, which
weeks I’ll have a different room for a lecture…and to cap it all off, I can’t
get hold of my timetable until the Monday morning of week one! I don’t
have any form of “reading week” (read: beer week) on my course, so time-
tables go into Room 101.
So there we have it: this issue sees three of the suggestions
being banished to the murky depths of Room 101.
Got any more you think need to be joining them?
ussu.barefacts@surrey.ac.uk
baref
barefacts COMMERCIAL BREAK
30 October 200
20066 9
 FOOD
10
Cooking with flair and sparkle, as always,
is Toby Shannon: Deputy Editor, raconteur and gourmand.
Where has the time gone? Just last week it seemed like sum-
mer was here to stay and now winter appears to be well under
way. Dearie me…
Halloween and Bonfire night are rapidly approaching so that
means warming suppers, a Halloween themed punch and
things on sticks. Just don’t confuse the things on sticks with
sparklers. I’ve seen it happen. It’s not clever.
Chocolate fondue
Again, not really a recipe, more of an idea.
What could be more fun than a big bowl of melt-
ed chocolate and a pile of things on sticks to dip in?
Well, quite a lot of things actually but this is a respect-
able publication and we don’t hold with that sort of thing.
For the fondue:
Melt a few bars of decent chocolate in a big bowl
in the microwave with a little butter (a generous
slice) and a couple of tablespoons of golden syrup.
Give this a stir and hopefully it’ll be glossy and love-
ly. Watch it like a hawk in case anyone steals it.
To dip in:
If you’re feeling healthy, try some fruit like grapes or straw-
berries (if there’s any still about) but not things that are wet
or juicy- they’ll make the chocolate seize up. If not, how
about marshmallows, jelly beans or squares of fudge?
Arrange your choice of dipping things on a plate and
arm yourselves with a selection of forks and sticks to dip
things in with. Make sure you have something comfort-
able to collapse on due to the sugar-induced comas.
FANCY A BITE TO EAT?
THEN COOK UP WHAT TOBY HAS ON OFFER!
Monster mash
Take one bowl of freshly made mashed potato and use your
imagination.
Super- Duper Party Buffet
For a thrilling Halloween feast, buy sausage rolls, cock-
tail sausages, cheese straws, pork pies, party rings, choco-
late fingers, jelly and ice cream and arrange on a table.
Invite over all of your little friends and consume whilst making as
much of a racket as possible.
Possible soundtrack:
‘Monster mash’, Michael Jackson’s ‘Thriller’ and... meh... I’m a
cook! Find your own music for crying out loud!
baref
barefacts
30 October 200
20066
Leek and mushroom bake
I know this is a little more complicated that the things
you’ve come to expect but bear with me. It’s rather nice.
You will need a decent size casserole dish for this. If it seems a
little much, scale it down to however much you think you’ll eat
or what will fit in your dish.
Ingredients:
For the filling:
1 pack button mushrooms,
2 leeks, washed and sliced,
1 pack of powdered white sauce.
For the topping:
A couple of large potatoes,
Some cheddar or similar cheese.
Preheat oven to 200 C/ 400 F/ Gas mk 6
First, peel the potatoes, cut them into chunks and put them on
the boil in a big saucepan with a hefty pinch of salt. When they’re
tender to the point of a knife, drain them and leave them to one
side. Take your fried leeks and fry them in a bit of butter for about 4
minutes until they’re a little softer then remove them from the pan.
Fry the mushrooms in a similar fashion for a few minutes (about 6
or so) and then remove them from the pan to one side. Make up
the white sauce as the packet dictates and then mix this up with
the cooked mushrooms and leeks and place in your casserole
dish. Mash the potatoes and cover the leeks and mushroom mix
with them. Grate some cheese over the top and put in the oven for
about 30 mins until it’s looking golden brown and melted on the top.
Sorry about the washing up, but it’s worth it.
Halloween punch
(Makes a big jugful - make a
small sample to see if you like it first!)
1 Carton orange juice,
1 litre of lemonade,
5 shots of blue Curacao,
5 (or more to taste) shots of Vodka,
Red food colouring,
Jelly spiders, snakes, worms etc
Make up the first 4 ingredients in a big jug with ice and stir. Taste
and check everything’s about right. When serving, pour into a
glass and add a few jelly sweets and a drop of food colouring
(but don’t stir, the colouring should hang bloodstain-like in the
glass) for the desired Halloween-ey effect.
baref
barefacts SHAMELESS PLUGS
30 October 200
20066 11

Before I begin, I’d like to distance myself from the

excessive amount of goofs in the last edition. So
the infamous barefacts ‘a’ looked a bit experimental
(to put it politely) and the fonts were a bit peculiar
in places, too. Naturally following a disappointing
debut as Head of Design, I have a full quota of ex-
cuses on a special three for one offer (because all good
things come in threes; such as bad luck). For starters,
it was Friday the 13th the day we went to print, some
of us forgot to make use of our Copy Editor (oops… I
did it again) and most importantly: it was the printers
that fudged it!! Otherwise things were just grrreat!
However please note that barefacts, unlike Frosties, is
not edible – so don’t try mixing it with milk when you
wake up in the morning in a sleepy daze (as you do).
This rather tenuous link leads nicely into this fort-
night’s topic… sleep (though take your time to groan

Miss the horoscopes? in displeasure at my feeble linking abilities).

I for one think that sleep is the most amazing thing

So do we!
in the world. Ever. Most students would agree I’m
sure, but I’m feeling it bad right now. Yet it is sadly
so underrated and often shrugged off as something we
could easily just have less of in pursuit of the seem-

Due to technical difficulties

ingly more exciting things in life. You’d think that
perhaps if I had more time I would start the Sleeping
Appreciation Society, but you’d be wrong – I would

they’re not here. Sob. :-(
in fact probably use it just to sleep. The Land of Nod,
Snoozeville or Slumberland are just some of my fa-
vourite places. My housemates know it (they dare not
disturb me, for they are wise). And so should you.
Any great sleeping experience is not complete with-
out a dream or three. No matter how bizarre your
dream is, it doesn’t matter (although they are sup-
posed to have some kind of deeper meaning) – it is,
nevertheless, ‘just a dream’ and thus no matter what
is socially acceptable (usually). My dreams are most
likely unprintable, so we’ll just skip the bit where
you laugh out loud at the hilarity of my subconscious
night-time ponderings.
Conversely, the worst thing in the whole world is not
being able to sleep. Whoever came up with counting
sheep? It just doesn’t cut it.
I wish I was one of those people who had the pleas-
ure of being able to sleep in until mid-afternoon every
day instead of stealing moments away in the morning
before the inevitable ‘get out of bed and go attempt to
go to lectures’. That’d be fun. Sleeping is beneficial
after-all, it burns approx. 45 calories an hour fact fans
(which is fair to assume more than you’d burn in a
lecture, unless you’re lecturers like to get you doing
aerobics)!
Yet again this had meaning, but I seem to have lost
it. Whoops…

words: joshua ‘oh my josh’ bates

mail@oh-my-josh.com
 THE ENTS PLANNER
baref
barefacts
12 30 October 200
20066

Remember to sign up to the Students’ Union

Newsletter & Grapevine at www.ussu.co.uk/grapevine!

October 30th - November 5th

Monday Cocktail Night
30th Pink Party in HRB

Tuesday Tickets ON SALE

31st in the Union Shop

Wednesday
1st
BLING featuring Hanif

Thursday Po p w o r l d Pr o m o t e s
2nd Open Mic Night
featuring
Friday DA N
3rd BAILEY

Saturday TEASE in Rubix

4th Chancellor’s Live Football

Sunday Chancellors ‘Sunday Night Live’

5th Poker Night - Rubix
baref
barefacts THE ENTS PLANNER
30 October 200
20066 13
Look Out for the USSU e-News Letter Thing!
Yep, some of you may already have read this stirling piece of information delivery, others
haven’t. Basically much like Grapevine supplies you with all you Union Entertainment news, The
USSU newsletter provides you with all your general students’ union news & info: Sign up today!

November 6th - November 12th

Monday
6th Cocktail Night
t to
Tuesday r g e
’t Fo en...
ll ll
D o n
g AP
7th B r i n
Chance or’s Cha enge

Wednesday ‘AVE IT featuring Screech

8th from ‘Saved by the Bell’

Thursday
Open Mic Night
9th

Friday
10th Flirt Night

Saturday
Chancellor’s Live Football
11th

Sunday Chancellors ‘Sunday Night Live’

12th
 science & technology
baref
barefacts
14 30 October 200
20066

DEPUTY EDITOR
Beyond Time...
BY ANNE ABEYGUNASEKERA
For thousands of years human beings have gazed in awe at the
world around them and asked big questions. The biggest ques-
tion yet to be answered is whether time travel is possible. At
present it appears to be a subject of science fiction. Fascinations
of time travel began with Einstein’s theory of special relativity.
What is time? Time is a hard term to define. None can liter-
ally see or touch time, though effects of time can be seen in
the growth and in the changes of the world. H. G Wells wrote
in his classic story The Time Machine, that “there is no differ-
ence between Time and any of the three dimensions of Space,
except that our consciousness moves along it”. Thus time is
also defined as being the fourth dimension of our universe.
The foundation for the theoretical possibility of time travel
was laid by Albert Einstein. According to Einstein’s theory
of special relativity, as an object approaches the speed of
light, time slows. This has led many scientists to believe
that traveling faster than light can make time travel a reality.
When an object reaches the speed of light, its relativistic mass
increases until, at the speed of light, it becomes infinite. At
present it is impossible to accelerate an infinite mass any fast-
er. Whilst great ideas are produced to build time machines,
time travel is likely to be done by way of natural phenomena.
These space phenomena include Black holes and Wormholes.
A black hole is an entity, where gravity has triumphed over all
other forces. These are black holes, each being the remnant
of a star that has collapsed so far that no light can escape it,
but that nonetheless leaves imprints, distortions of space and
time, frozen in the space it’s left. Black holes can be named
as the most remarkable consequences of Einstein’s theory. A
wormhole is like a tunnel through space and time, connecting
different regions of the Universe. The two “mouths” of the
wormhole could be next to each other in space, but separated
in time, so that it could literally be used as a time tunnel.
Time travel can be fascinating as well as frustrating. It’s fas-
cinating because we’ll be able to explore the question “what
would things have been like if...”? , but it can be frustrating
due to a vaguely spelled out theory of time which often al-
lows events that are confusing, contradictory and paradoxical.
The classic example is the so called “granny paradox”, where
a time traveller inadvertently causes the death of his granny
when she was a small girl, so that the traveler’s mother, and
therefore the traveller himself, were never born. In which
case, he did not go back in time to kill granny . . . and so on.
The proposal of time travel is backed by scientific theory, but
that is not enough to make it realistically possible. So is time
travel really impossible, or is it merely another phenomenon
where “impossible” means “nature is weirder than we think”?
The answer will be more interesting than you might think….
Science & Technology
bf.science@yahoo.co.uk

Some Famous Unsolved

Maths Problems
Don’t let the title put you off. You ought to be able to understand the
problems described here. That’s part of their appeal. They are easy 3) PERFECT NUMBERS
to understand. Unfortunately they are also extremely difficult to solve,
which is why nobody’s solved them yet. Solve one of the problems A positive whole number is said to be perfect if it is equal to the sum
here and you’ll probably become famous! of its positive divisors, not including the number itself. For example, 6 is
divisible by 1, 2, and 3, and 6=1+2+3. The next perfect number is 28
because 28 is divisible by 1, 2, 4, 7, and 14, and 28=1+2+4+7+14. The
1) GOLDBACH’S CONJECTURE numbers quickly become very large, and so far only 44 perfect num-
bers have been discovered. All are even. It is not known if there are
Do you know what prime numbes are? You should. They’re on pri- infinitely many even perfect numbers or if there are any odd perfect
mary school syllabuses here. In case you’ve forgotten, I’ll remind you. numbers. If you find an answer to either of these problems, I’d quite
A prime number is a positive whole number, bigger than 1, which is like to know about it!
divisible only by itself and 1. The list is infinite and it begins 2, 3, 5, 7, 11,
13, etc.. Goldbach’s conjecture states simply that all even numbers
greater than 2 can be written as the sum of two primes. For example,
4=2+2, 6=3+3, 8=3+5, 10=3+7=5+5, 12=5+7, and so on. Can you prove
the list goes on for ever?
The science page is brought to you every fortnight by Alan
Terry. If you have anything you would like to grace this page
then drop him a line. The email address is;
2) TWIN PRIME CONJECTURE
bf.science@yahoo.co.uk
If p is a prime number and p+2 is also prime, then the two numbers
are said to be twin primes. The twin prime conjecture states that there Apologies to Alan that in the last issue (1103) the caption
are infinitely many twin primes. The first few twin primes are 3 and 5, 5
covered a couple of lines of his article - this was an error that
and 7, 11 and 13, and so on. Can you prove the list is inexhaustible?
should have been noticed. Sorry for any distress caused.
baref
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30 October 200
20066
PG TIPS
Postgraduate Skills
Development Programme
BY ANNE ABEYGUNASEKERA
DEPUTY EDITOR
Postgraduate skills development programme is a structured
University-wide programme of skills development and training
opportunities for postgraduate research students, tailored to the
needs and requirements of students in different disciplines. It is
designed to fulfil the expectations of those supporting research,
but most importantly to satisfy and to respond to the develop-
ment needs of research students. The programme mainly fo-
cuses on two categories. PGSDP focuses on assisting research
students with the successful completion of their research degree
program and developing interpersonal and employability skills,
thus improving career prospects of a research student.
In order to achieve the aforementioned goals the PGSDP con-
ducts training session throughout the year at various locations
across the campus. The sessions are structured so that the re-
search students have an opportunity to access the programme
when required. Thus the programme runs in four cycles per
year. There are 30 sessions, and are in compliance with the Joint
Statement of the Research Councils. The purpose of this state-
ment is to give a common view of the skills and experience of
a typical research student thereby providing universities with a
clear and consistent message aimed at helping them to ensure
that all research training was of the highest standard, across all
disciplines. The training therefore concentrates on 7 key skill
areas. Namely Research Skills and Techniques, Research Envi-
ronment, Research Management, Personal Effectiveness, Com-
munication Skills, Networking and Team working and Career
Management.
PG TIPS
15
We’re currently looking for an Editor for the Postgraduate
section of the paper! In the meantime, any contributions
should be sent directly to ussu.barefacts@surrey.ac.uk
PG LIT - STICK
SEVEN GRUMPS GO ON A PICNIC
Once there were seven grumps and their names were
Training sessions generally take the form of a workshop, often
Fussy, Grouchy, Arsey, Surly, Moody, Crabby, and Sin-
only involving a couple of hours of a research student’s time
bad. They lived in a house in Guildford. One Sunday af-
and is conducted within a department. The trainers are a combi-
ternoon they were all sitting around in the living room,
nation of people around the university involving academic staff
watching television.
and external consultants. The programme covers topics such as
“Christ, I’m bored!” snapped Moody suddenly.
project and time management, academic writing for publica-
“Damn right!” said Arsey. “There must be something
tion, working with supervisors, and a host of other topics. These
more fun to do than this!”
sessions are not assessed but involves a lot of interaction, thus
“How about a picnic?” suggested Sinbad.
providing the students to share their ideas, thoughts and experi-
Fussy was cynical. “In January?”
ences on a particular subject.
“Why not?” asked Sinbad. “We could dress up warm.
PGSDP combines research and training to improve students’
Anyway, do you have a better idea?”
personal research, transferable and employability-related skills.
“Yeah, you could flush your head down the toilet.”
The programme is open to all full-time, part-time, home and
“Stop bickering,” interceded Grouchy. “We may as well
international research students from all disciplines and is free.
go on a picnic. There’s nothing else to do in this crappy
To access the programme the student will need to register for
town.”
sessions via the website. The next cycle of the programme will
It was soon agreed that they would all go on a picnic.
commence in early November to mid-December.
However, it took four hours to get ready because Surly
threw a tantrum after Crabby took too long in the bath-
For further details contact: room. By the time they went out, it was dark and very
cold. They became skeptical about the whole idea but
Dr John Baxter,
once again agreed that there was nothing else to do. They
Research Training and Development Co-ordinator,
wandered into the countryside, climbed a hill, sat down,
Information Services
and spread out their picnic. Then they started to freeze.
Ext: 4607
Moody was the first to speak:
E-mail: J.Baxter@surrey.ac.uk
“I wish I was back in the house, warm and curled up in
front of the television.”
Website: http://www.surrey.ac.uk/skills/pgsdp
“Damn right!” chattered Arsey. “Anything’s better than
this!”
Note: PG Tips would like to thank Dr. John Baxter for provid-
So they went back and watched television.
ing us with invaluable information on the Post Graduate Skills
Development Programme.
BY ALAN TERRY
 COMMERCIAL BREAK
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16 30 October 200
20066
baref
barefacts PUZZLES
30 October 200
20066 17
Brought to you by our very own Puzzlelord, Colin Everett, what would you ever do without his masterful puzzle skills?
Answers, as always, in next fortnight’s edition.

Oh yes... It’s aMAZE-ing!

P
S
E
U
D
O
K
U
Clues Across:
7) Someone who is forgetful. (Have I done this one before?) (8)
9) A full, complete view. (6)
10) Add; more. (4)
11) Effective as proof; persuading. (10)
12) Antonio’s lawyer in ‘The Merchant of Venice’. (6)
14) Outbreak of a disease. (8)
15) Possibly (13)
17) Second-largest of the Gallilean Moons. (8)
19) Capital of Russia. (6)
21) Most spiky; most irritable. (10)
22) Places where one can enjoy a quiet pint. (4)
23) Army recruits stacked badly with no king. (Cryptic) (6)
24) Californian National Park. (8)

Clues Down:
1) SPECTRE’s number two: ------ Largo. (6)
2) Oh, I can’t think of anything clever for this one. Just write SUEZ backwards. (4)
3) Inventor of the ZX80 microcomputer: Clive --------. (8)
4) The star-sign of someone born on the 1st of June. (6)
5) Archipelago of about 100 islands in the Indian Ocean. (10)
6) It’s less important than quality, apparently. (8)
8) Sweets and such. (13)
13) It denotes the key of G. (6, 4)
15) A pause during the afternoon in a crcket match. (3, 5)
16) In a deeply unconscious state. (8)
18) A sudden disturbance to the surface of the water. (6)
20) Paths traced by something going around something else. (6)
22) If your ball’s a bit flat, you’ll have to use this! (4)
 NOT NEWS & ARTS
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18 30 October 200
20066

Corrections and Apologies Practical Joker Gets

from Not News
BY PE TE NATTRESS
NOT NEWS EDITOR
LAST WEEK, Not News was mistakenly
replaced with extracts from monthly
publication Knot News, the maritime
magazine which examines all the trends and
fashions in the world of knots. Rest assured
that Not News does not, and never will, “go
nutty for knots”, not least because this is a
trademarked slogan. Investigations are still
underway to determine exactly how this
grievous printing error occurred, although we
would like to assure our readers that the reef
knot certainly is our “hot knot” of the month.
And now, an apology. The children of
Worplesdon First School were meant to
receive a glamorous party courtesy of Not
News after we retracted an article about them
cheating in the regional indoor football final
(the amphetamines belonged to a parent).
However, due to the irresponsible and
unforgivable actions of one of our staff, the
children’s orange squash was replaced with
Bacardi Breezer, the home-made cookies
contained cannabis and trace amounts of
cocaine were found in the ‘apology cake’.
This was a highly regrettable set of
circumstances and hopefully such a scenario
will never occur again. The party itself ended
quite abruptly (although lasting for longer
than some might expect), with a senior
paramedic commenting that he’d never
seen so much vomit in his life. So for the
second time, Not News extends its humblest
apologies to the children of Worplesdon
First and invites them all on a fabulous hot-
air balloon ride by way of compensation.
Comeuppance
BY PE TE NATTRESS
NOT NEWS EDITOR
A local student well known for his less-than-
amusing practical jokes finally failed to get
the last laugh on Thursday, when he received
major third-degree burns after being trapped
in a burning car. Simon Watermire, 19, was
planting a substantial quantity of heroin in his
friend’s Volkswagen Polo “for a laugh” when
the central locking system short-circuited,
locking the doors and igniting the petrol tank.
Watermire’s past pranks have involved
filling the local water reservoir with
hundreds of galleons of industrial-strength
horse laxative, releasing several rabid
otters into a children’s swimming pool, and
uprooting an entire bee farm and placing
it in Guildford high street. Residents of
the estate where Watermire lived have
it was quite amusing that a man involved
in so many elaborate, dangerous practical
jokes had finally been foiled by a simple
drugs plant. “I’m sure he would see the irony
of it all,” she said, “if only his eyes hadn’t
melted in the fire.” She added that some
of his jokes had been funnier than others.
“He always has had a very vague sense of
right and wrong. I think the biggest ruckus
he caused was with the whole landmine
incident. That really wasn’t funny.”
Watermire’s friends are optimistic that
he will be able to see the funny side of the
incident. “I’d love to have seen the look on his
face when he realised it had all gone horribly
wrong… of course, there’s no look on his face
now, because he doesn’t have a face,” said
Paul Maple, 20, who owned the car which
spontaneously combusted. Jack Mountney,
a one-time accomplice of Watermire, added:

Local Homophobe Surprised expressed a mixture of genuine sympathy

and macabre satisfaction at his latest mishap.
Mother-of-three Megan Daverdill, 56, who
“in a few years time, he’ll probably look back
on all this and laugh. Provided the surgeons
have grafted a new mouth onto him by then.”
To Discover He Is Gay lives next door to the Watermires, thought

BY PETE NATTRESS
NOT NEWS EDITOR
Guildford resident Ricky Matheson has spent most
of his life spouting homophobic rhetoric at friends
and colleagues, so the revelation that he is in fact gay
himself came as quite a shock. Matheson made the
discovery when he visited internet quiz site www.blogquiz-
mania.com and took the “test your sexuality” survey.
“I was going on there to make a big badge for my blog
saying ‘I am 100 percent straight’,” explained Matheson.
“But when the page came up saying ‘88 percent gay’, I
was aghast.” But Matheson explained that the more he
thought about the result, the more it made sense. “I guess
I’ve just been repressing my true feelings for my whole
life. It’s funny because I’ve been spewing abuse at gay
people for years. The egg is most definitely on my face.”
Matheson has already left his wife and quit his job as a pub-
lican to pursue “gayer activities.” He says that being gay has
liberated him from the lie that was his life as a straight man. “I
don’t have to watch football anymore!” he exclaimed jubilantly
to a Not News interviewer. “I fucking hated football! I’m free!”
The abrupt about-turn in his sexuality has proven to be an
eye-opening experience for Matheson, who spent much of
his life reinforcing ludicrous stereotypes about gay people
to anyone who would listen. “I didn’t know, for instance,
that gay people can eat meat,” said Matheson. “That came
as a big surprise because my father always told me that they
couldn’t. I thought they’d, like, explode or something.”
Matheson was pleased to confirm that he has abandoned
his bigoted ways once and for all, and is fully prepared to
embrace his new life as a gay man. For better or worse,
no one has yet had the heart to tell him that the personal-
ity survey he took online was faulty and returns ‘gay’
no matter how the questions are answered. But this Not
News reporter suspects that he probably won’t mind.

Jet
Shine On
Atlantic Records
Fancy writing for for the
October sees the welcome return of Australian rock band Jet with their genuinely fabulous
Arts or Features sections? new album Shine On. This is their follow up to the multi-million selling debut “Get Born”.
Shine On has been eagerly awaited and you will not be disappointed. It is full of edgy, highly
charged riffs and lyrics, such as the recent single “Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is”,
as well as mellow acoustic numbers such as “Kings Horses” which you instantly realise will
bf.arts@gmail.com be a great live acoustic number. “Holiday” would not be out of place on an album by another
Australian band “The Vines”, and throughout the album comparisons can be drawn to 90’s
for all your reviews! groups such as Oasis and Ocean Colour Scene, especially prevalent in “Bring It on Back”.
Influences of the Beatles can also be recognised as you listen through the album.
This is a well produced, well rounded album, but apart from “Put Your Money Where Your
Mouth Is” there is no clear hit singles to be had, unlike ‘Are You Gonna be my Girl’ or ‘Roll

bf.features@gmail.com Over DJ’ from their debut album Get Born. However, this is still a great album and you can
hear the distance Jet have come in the last few years. If you’re a Jet virgin, then this album

for all things fun! will be a welcome addition to your collection.

3.5/5, Sean Edwards

barefacts is your paper... use it! More Barearts over the page!
baref
barefacts MUSIC
30 October 200
20066 19
The Departed Review ‘Hope for Man, Hope for Film’
Directed by: Martin
Scorsese Children of Men
Starring: Leonardo Starring: Clive Owen, Michael Caine, Julianne Moore and
DiCaprio, Matt Damon, Chiwetal Ejiofor.
Jack Nicholson, Mark Director: Alfonso Cuarón
Wahlberg, Martin Sheen,
Anthony Anderson, Ray Britain, 2027. Women are infertile. Society is collapsing. No
Winstone, Vera Farmiga, more children are being born and the end of the world is nigh
Alec Baldwin (“the last one to die, please turn out the light”). Theo (Clive
151 minutes (18) Owen) joins a resistance group who have discovered that one
of their members is pregnant. He now must go on a dangerous
In Scorsese’s latest journey to the coast, so that the mother and the unborn child
film two infiltrators on that hold the only hope for mankind can escape to a secret
opposite sides of the law colony, dedicated to preserving the future of humanity.
play a dangerous game With such an intriguing premise, this film at the very least
of cat-and-mouse in cannot fail to be morally interesting. Although it never fully
an American remake of explains why women have become infertile, it is evident
the popular Hong Kong
that it is the result of large-scale ecological factors,
crime thriller, Infernal
such as global warming and pollution of the rainforests.
Affairs. Set in Boston, the
Although not a fast-paced film, the narrative holds together
story follows two men;
extremely well and rarely leaves time for boredom. It is also
Billy Costigan (DiCaprio),
often very violent but always remains true to the realism of a
who goes undercover
for the Massachusetts dystopian Britain. I think this is predominantly due to Cuarón’s
State Police to infiltrate outstandingly claustrophobic direction that makes the viewer
the gang of mobster utterly emphasise with Theo and follow his journey almost through
Frank Costello (Nicholson), and Colin Sullivan (Damon), who has been his eyes. The acting is incredible from all parties, particularly a
groomed by the gangster from a young age to be his insider in the police fun loving, yet serious portrayal from the great Michael Caine.
department. It soon becomes clear to all involved that there is a mole This film is superbly acted and displays an absorbing and
on both sides, and the film watches both men unravel from the strain of extremely thought-provoking plot. This, coupled with the top-
maintaining dual lives. notch direction, makes this film a must-see for all serious
DiCaprio and Damon both provide admirable, emotionally complex filmgoers. Although often an uncomfortable viewing, its
performances, and are nicely contrasted; where Sullivan is all charm bittersweet ending round things off to a tee and leaves
and style, Costigan appears intensely hunched, clenched, and resentful. the viewer with a poignant but thoroughly satisfied feeling.
DiCaprio’s still youthful looks work in his favor as he portrays his character’s
vulnerability. Damon expertly uses his boyish charm to make his duplicitous 4/5
villain even more diabolical, even if we never quite fall for his slavish Thomas Asdell
devotion to Nicholson’s flamboyantly evil mobster. Reminiscent of his two
Bourne films he brings a coiled-spring intensity to his character.
Jack Nicholson gives an over the top performance that is slightly out of
sync with the rest of the film. At times it felt as if he was strutting his stuff on
Oscar night, rather than being a crime lord at work. As a result his scene-
stealing performances tended to overshadow the film’s central theme
of the cat-and-mouse relationship between the characters of DiCaprio
and Damon. Saying that, his menacing, mad, swaggering character was
enjoyable to watch and one that nobody else but Nicholson could pull
off.
The underappreciated British character actor Ray Winstone is splendid as
usual; playing Costello’s right hand man and Mark Wahlberg’s marvelously
abusive Sgt. Dignam also deserve mention.
The plot sometimes comes across as a little unconvincing. It is difficult
to swallow that neither the police nor the gangsters, both of whom know
there is a mole amongst their ranks, spend much time investigating the
most obvious suspects - the newest members of their teams. The film is
only based over a two year period, and it strikes me as very obvious that
information starts being leaked as soon as these members turn up. It
also seems highly coincidental that both Colin and Billy fall for the same
woman, ably played by Vera Farmiga. The Departed is never boring,
though it could easily have been a half-hour shorter. At 151 minutes it
feels as if the film could be tightened before reaching its climactic, if a
little predictble, rooftop conclusion.
The Departed is not the classic that some people are claiming it to be
It’s coming......
but it is enjoyable throughout and boasts some fine performances.

3/5
Channies new Winter Menu
Anthony Hanson
 MORE ARTS!
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20 30 October 200
20066
Hot Chip/ Four Tet (Dj Set) AN INTERVIEW with the Young Knives…
Wednesday 11th October
London Astoria What’s your favourite venue to play at?
Henry: So far on this tour, in Bristol we played on a boat. It was great.
Okay, Hot Chip, pretty astonishing band. If you haven’t Oliver: Yeah it sounds amazing in there.
heard any of their music then to get you pointed in H: It’s half underwater and rocks as well while we’re rocking out.
the right direction I would say that it is a mix of dance, Is there anywhere you want to play that you haven’t yet?
indie, pop, electronica; quite a few genres there but House of Lords: Wembley, but I guess that’s an obvious one.
Hot Chip incorporate a bit of each. These guys are Can any of you speak another language?
very much into the sampling scene, with many of H: No, although our tour manager speaks fluent Spanish which is helpful.
their tunes made up of some extremely funky sounds O: He asked for a packet of fags for me once.
taken from who knows where. Therefore live, they use a range of exciting pieces of What language did you take at school?
technology from synths to drum machines and Macs, which are used to blast out the ALL: French
drum beats of each song instead of using an actual acoustic drum kit. This style of H: I took French at A level too.
performance where bands are using computers to program the drum beats seems to Was it your favourite subject?
be considerably growing in popularity, with the likes of such other artists of the moment H: no, it was theatre studies as it was a doss, although history was alright.
as Lily Allen, who also relies upon the operation of a Mac to replicate her kit sounds. When you were younger what did you want to be when you grew up?
There were two support acts for Hot Chip, one of which I was fairly familiar, Four Tet, H: I didn’t always want to be a musician. I used to want to be an actor.
however the other I was not. I would tell you the name of the band but I didn’t actually HOL: I wanted to be a stuntman; I liked the thought of getting some scars and
find this out, due to the fact that they were very poor. They’re sound was so monotonous broken bones.
and boring that I wasn’t going to go out of my way to find out who they were, and so O: [Laughs] yeah me too, everyone wanted to be a stuntman.
I won’t bore you about them anymore. I am not completely sure what the deal was Do you have any musical icons and have they changed, as you’ve got
with Four Tet, as after the band before there were only people moving kit around on older?
the stage, no one on any decks and the muffled sounds coming from speakers didn’t H: So we’re old?!…. I’m only joking; it’s a lot different being in the industry.
sound even vaguely recognizable. After quite a puzzling time the lights began to dim, It’s a bit disappointing. I guess David Bowie.
eyes peeled towards the stage we prepared ourselves for the guys we’d come to see. O: Not so much now your good friends with him.
One of the superb aspects of Hot Chip is that almost every song, if not EVERY song, H: Yeah, he’s been round for dinner a couple of times.
has a heavy disco beat making it difficult not to jump up and down to, and this is what Do you have a Ryder?
the next hour or so consisted off. Each song they played received an overwhelming H: We do have one it’s quite long as we have a large crew.
response from the crowd, including such greats from they’re recently released album What things are on it?
as “The Warning”, “And I Was A Boy From School”, “Colours”, “Breakdown” and many, H: Alcohol mainly, beer, wine, spirits. We also have things like cereal and milk
many others. Apart from when they sung their lyrics, I don’t think any of Hot Chip actually O: We have socks as well.
spoke to the audience at all, but this didn’t matter. The way that they performed, Do you buy your own clothes or are you advised what to wear?
Al Doyle in particular (guitar, synth, vocals) was amazing, shaking his maracas all H: We don’t have a stylist.
over the place. After a staggering set, Hot Chip left the stage before returning to HOL: Not like Keane [all nod in agreement]. Apparently, they even stated in
finish the night with “Over and Over”, which was incredible. Everyone person in the their renewed
building was moving, hands in the air and shouting along, absolutely marvellous. contract that one of the conditions was that they keep their current
This was simply a really fun gig, I didn’t know all of their songs half as well as I do stylist.
now and I still had a quality time, if you can, definitely go along to one of their shows. O: Even the futureheads have a stylist.
Jake South H: Its not what being rock stars is about. Not that we’re rock stars [laughs]. We
don’t get given
Frank Hamilton Band free stuff either. We tend to shop mainly in charity shops.
Friday 13th October 2006 O: Clarks asked us to wear their shoes once, but we declined.
Guildford Boiler Room Favourite chocolate bar?
H: That’s a good question.
I’d heard on the grapevine that the Boiler Room is the new indie/alternative hotspot HOL: Bounty
and is the place to be. On this Friday night my housemate asked me to go and I Light or Dark?
took my first venture there to lose my boiler room virginity…. I didn’t know quite what HOL: Dark
to expect from the evening…. But then the Frank Hamilton Band walked on stage. H: I guess mines Tunnox Caramel.
These guys were the first band of the night, my favourite by far and they weren’t even O: Aw yeah, definitely Tunnox Caramel.
headlining! It turned out that they came and saved the day when The Wombats H: Actually we get a lot given to us for free; you’ve got to say no. I prefer
cancelled at the last minute….they played without their full line up and were savoury.
amazing! I’m far from happy that the guy from The Wombats hurt his wrist but without O: I’m a cheese man. That’s on our Ryder too actually.
that unfortunate mishap I would never have stumbled across Frank and his band. Last question, how many sugars do you have in your tea?
They played live acoustic songs which you can relate to, about relationships, the All: None
good parts and the bad…being messed around and being hurt…all the joys of Your all sweet enough already
breaking up…. my favourite being ‘Breakfast on my own’ which is a good song to O: Bless you
listen to again and again to get over it all. They also played a song called ‘Disco
Fever’ about good old Harpers which definitely deserves a listen too. Frank soloed Rachael Fitz-Patrick
on a couple on songs and did some looping, that’s when he came to his own.
If you haven’t already heard of these guys go and have a look at www.myspace.com/
frankhamiltonband. Not only are they rebooked for the Boiler Room for 6th December, they
are also booked for a number of gigs in and around Guildford in the upcoming months.
Well I know I’m hooked…I’ve downloaded the songs, ordered the
EP and who knows by next week they may even be my ring tone…

Sarah-Jane Fletcher
baref
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30 October 200
20066
BY PAUL FOLLOWS
Politics Society
TREASURER
Who Are We?
Founded last year, the Politics Society is open to everyone
who is interested in politics. Whatever your ideas, politi-
cal orientation or party, everyone is welcome to join. So far
we have more than 70 members from across the university,
representing nearly every point on the political spectrum.
So sign up, and come along to our meetings and upcoming
events, and we practically guarantee you’ll find people with
similar views, and no doubt a few members to debate with
as well. Our main aim is to try and combat student apathy
towards politics, and to get people more involved.
AGM
The society has just had its 2nd AGM, and all of the new
committee would like to thank the outgoing president and
founder of the society, Steve Cottingham, and the outgoing
Vice President, Sophia Hawkins for their work in setting up
the society, and getting us to where we are today. During the
AGM, the members voted two new positions to our team; a
UniS Amnesty
Student Group
SOCIETIES
21
communications secretary, and a social secretary along with Lydia Rochelle – li51lr@surrey.ac.uk
the standard positions. Thanks also to everyone who was at
the AGM. The existing committee and members would like to welcome
The new committee for PolSoc: our new expanded team, and congratulate them on their
election. Especially our new society president; Laurence
President: Tan, who will no doubt share some of his thoughts about the
Laurence Tan – li52lt@surrey.ac.uk society at a later date, so watch this space.
So far this year we have had a society pub crawl, which
Vice President: allowed members to get to know each other a bit better, es-
Dominik Byrne – db00010@surrey.ac.uk pecially the fresher’s who have signed up, and last year the
society has hosted a number of successful debate nights. We
Treasurer: do though have big plans for the future:
Paul Follows – ec41pf@surrey.ac.uk
Coming Soon
General Secretary: We will soon be organising a politics quiz, and trips to Lon-
Sam Jones – li51sj@surrey.ac.uk don to visit Downing Street and the Houses of Parliament,
so watch this space. We will also be hosting another pub
Commutations Officer: crawl very soon.
Jack Brockless – li51jb@surrey.ac.uk
If you would like to join the society, or have any sugges-
Social Secretaries: tions for us, feel free to contact the committee, or email the
Chrissy Marie – li53cm@surrey.ac.uk society at polsoc@hotmail.co.uk
THIS IS THE NEW Amnesty Student Group - we will be meeting up once every two weeks to
discuss issues that students want to fight, such as stopping violence against women and the
current campaign to control arms trading. There will be letter writing and campaigning ac-
tivities involved, as well as social events such as vital trips down the pub!! So if you fancy
doing something that’s different and worthwhile then Amnesty Student Group is for YOU!!
For more information, please contact Ming Chung - ch51mc@surrey.ac.uk.

22
Cup Success for Surrey
Mens Football Team
Wandsworth Town 0-1 University of Surrey
Surrey County Junior Cup Round 2
BY DAVE MANN
University Team:
Dan Meijles, Graham Lashwood, Ed Bickerton, Dave Mann,
Jamie Buchanan, Jonno Tesfamariam, Luke Andrews, Chris
Thomas (Capt), Tommy Compton, Paul Jacobs, Tom Finn
Subs: Lloyd Sartin, Jack Costello, Miles Hutchins
Surrey went into the match on the back of a successful run
of good performances, which had seen off the likes of top of
the table Hersham in a 5-1 thriller and, in the BUSA league,
the London School of Economics in a solid 2-0 display.
Wandsworth Town, like Hersham were looking to retain their
unbeaten start, with five wins out of five games this season.
Surrey arrived to find the pitch with a relatively uneven
surface and a distinct presence of dog faeces scattered about.
The first half was a bit of an anticlimax, both teams struggled
to break each others defence, with the midfield doing all the
work. However at half time it was Surrey who looked the more
dominant team, with a string of chances were missed from close
range by a few players who would usually provide the goods.
Oleg Misses A Tackle!!
BY MATT CHEETHAM
SPORTS EDITOR
The Men’s rugby club experience mixed fortunes in their re-
cent exchanges…
THE SURREY 1ST XV recently kicked off their BUSA campaign
in style, producing a fantastic display of Rugby. Pitted against
a strong St Georges side, who had narrowly claimed the Sur-
rey boys’ scalps in recent encounters, Surrey held on to glori-
ously win by one point. Surrey outscored the visitors three
tries to two, with backs Quentin, Kenny and Tom crossing the
line. However blessed with a persistently accurate kicker, St
Georges were able to keep nagging behind, never out of sight,
thanks to a few long range penalties.
Despite heavily dominating the match for the most part, Sur-
rey appeared frustrated at not being able to finish their oppo-
nents off, the way their play had deserved. Several ‘interest-
ing’ refereeing decisions certainly did not help circumstances.
The referee provided continued entertainment for a large bulk
of Surrey supporters (bolstered by the cancellation of the
2nd XV’s game) on the touchline. At one point in the second
half he fell to his knees. Alarmed expressions followed as St
Georges players (a medical college) rushed on the pitch to
check on his well-being. However it turned out, being thirty
meters behind play, he was competing with the props, and
eager to catch up with the action, had unfortunately collided
with one, coming off the worse.
The pivotal moment of the match came when St Georges
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30 October 200
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Half Time: Uni of Surrey 0-0 Wandsworth Town the University’s first team, which had been evident in pre-
vious games. Whether this could be put down to the pitch,
The second half started how the previous ended. Sur- the conditions, fatigue or all of the above, Surrey will need
rey missed a goal mouth scramble, with only the wood- to up the tempo and attitude into the next BUSA game
work saving Wandsworth Town on this occasion. A free against what will be a tough Imperial team in comparison.
kick, from the left was well delivered by Jamie Bucha- My personal choice for “man of the match” would go to Jonno
nan, with the woodwork once again saving Wandsworth Tesfamariam, for his persistent communication and demean-
from going a goal down. Miles Hutchins replaced Tommy our on the pitch, as well as some good link up play in midfield,
Compton on the left wing and Lloyd Sartin replaced Paul although I thought Jamie Buchanan had a good game on the
Jacobs upfront. Changes which were both to try and cause right of midfield, with some clever runs inside the defence and
Wandsworth’s rattled defence to mess up, with little avail. crosses which caused Wandsworth no end of trouble at the back.
The breakthrough finally came when a defensive clearance
from inside Surrey’s half by Dave Mann, reached Wands-
worth’s area and caused a communication breakdown be-
tween the left back and the goalkeeper, which ended up
with the left back heading the ball over the flailing arms
of the stranded keeper into his own net. One nil Surrey.
Shortly after this, with Wandsworth pushing to send the game
into extra time, Dave Mann was replaced with Jack Costello
after getting injured. The new lease of life at the back, with
the strong presence of Jack Costello, held on to the narrow
lead until the end after some last ditch defending in the box.
Full Time: Uni of Surrey 1-0 Wandsworth Town
This performance, perhaps did not reflect the quality of
managed to undeservedly break some heroic defending by Sur- ing the match), Kenny and Ceri were particularly impressive.
rey in the last minute of the game to score. This brought them The following week both teams were in action and were
within one point of the 1st XV. Heads dropped as St Georges’ not quite as successful, sadly losing to Chichester and Guy’s
so far flawless kicker confidently sought his kicking tee, with Hospital respectively. Despite the setbacks, team morale re-
which he would surely break Surrey hearts, and gain the two mains high as demonstrated in their post match shot by the
vital points for his side. But whether a gust of wind blew, 2nd XV who were very unlucky in defeat after a gutsy display.
the pressure of the supporters on the touchline was felt, or
fate intervened to
bring justice, the
conversion struck
the post and the
ball bounced safe.
Moments later the
whistle sounded,
bringing about a
thoroughly de-
served victory
by the narrow-
est of margins.
Joyous scenes
ensued and con-
tinued long into
the night. The
superb team per-
formance stood
out, although
Oleg (despite the
fact he missed
the first tackle of
his career dur-
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30 October 200
20066
BY MATT CHEETHAM
SPORTS EDITOR
Football Talk
Hello again. Well it has certainly been an eventful few
weeks in the world of football since the previous Barefacts:
Steve McClaren’s England reign is now under pressure after
two very disappointing displays. Chelsea disposed of Bar-
celona, who then had to endure defeat at the hands of their
fiercest rivals Real Madrid. Are Barcelona in for a similar
collapse to the one Arsenal suffered two years ago, when they
lost their 49 match unbeaten run to Manchester United? Also
Man United beat Liverpool, showing form that should now
enable a decent title race. I have had some interesting re-
sponses to last editions ‘talk’. Some people feel Cristiano
‘winker’ Ronaldo and Kaka were names to be considered for
the World Player of the Year award, and from the replies I re-
ceived, it seems Thierry Henry and Ronaldinho are your picks
to win the award.
Really pressure after five games?
So to Steve McLaren. He has stated himself that he feels the
pressure already, admitting his job is on the line after a mere
five games. But can we be that surprised about those two
depressing results? When in charge of Middlesbrough, Mc-
Claren was at times brilliant, but generally inconsistent. Last
season his side achieved glorious victories over top teams
such as Chelsea, Manchester United and Arsenal. Yet over
the course of the season their fans also had to witness the team
fail to beat relegation battlers West Brom, and also recorded
defeats to Portsmouth and even Sunderland at home!! He did
achieve consistent cup runs with Middlesbrough, seemingly
making his side good enough to beat most on their day, cer-
tainly a fact that does bode well for England. Therefore is
inconsistency not expected? Are we now going to be able
to overwhelm teams like Brazil, Italy, France and (hopefully
very soon) Portugal, but at the same time suffer lacklustre re-
sults against the lower teams, such as Macedonia? Only time
will tell, however England have to qualify for the Champion-
ships first, and then get past the weaker teams before they can
match up against the favourites.
McClaren strikes me as insecure with his current posi-
tion and is desperate to be liked. However that would
not be surprising, he knows he was not the first choice for
the England manager’s job. The F.A. handled the situ-
Caption Third
This weeks Caption Corner shows ‘Director of Elite Rugby’
Rob Andrew trying to show England’s coaching staff how
England should play rugby...or is he showing off his moves
for a future strictly come dancing series? Send us the funniest
phrase that you think best fits this caption, and our favourite
effort will feature in the next edition.
bf.sport@gmail.com
SPORT
ation farcically by offering the position to Felipe Scolari first.
He also knows it is very easy for him to still be associated
with the failings of Sven Goran Eriksson’s reign in the press
and public. Hence probably the cause for most of his inter-
views highlighting the fact that he is ready to ring changes.
He recently cancelled a trip to America that he had planned in
order to learn methods of American football coaches. Follow-
ing the bad results, he wanted to watch more games instead,
to come up with some conclusions about his next squad. I
certainly do not feel going to America is particularly worth-
while, but at one time McClaren obviously did, yet he clearly
cancelled the trip in an attempt to please people. He is the
England boss, the top man, and he is a good manager. I feel
he now needs to start standing tall, and go on his instincts for
a while. Whether the F.A. employed him rightly or wrongly,
they have, and he needs time to make his own contributions,
providing England’s situation does not turn perilous. He has
to forget his obsessing over public opinion and start training
his chosen squad on how he wants them to progress.
So where to now?
McClaren is likely to experiment againts Holland with a
new squad, and I discussed in the previous Barefacts per-
sonnel that might or might not appear. I feel the key is in
midfield; our defence is possibly the best in the world, and
with Rooney and a mobile striker willing to play ahead of
him such as Johnson, Defoe, Bent or Owen at some point,
and with Crouch or Ashton available too all options should be
23
covered up front. Midfielders need to be able to help out in
defence as well as creating chances for strikers, which is not
happening consistently at the moment. For the next match
my choice would be 4-4-2 again, with a midfield of Joe Cole,
Hargreaves, Gerrard (in the middle) and Lennon. If this were
to happen then it would be a totally new midfield to the play-
ers deployed against Croatia. However fitness would have to
be proved by some of those players. Hargreaves has recently
said his aim is to make the next England squad in his bid to
overcome his broken leg.
This would mean a temporary break for the world class, but
out of form Lampard. Simply for the versatility of the squad I
would recall David Beckham, axed in the first place I feel be-
cause McClaren felt it was wanted by the public. Beckham’s
all round game is certainly diminishing, but few are able to
deliver set pieces and crosses as well as him, and in certain
situations his introduction could prove vital. Of the few goals
we scored in the World Cup, he was after all involved in most
of them in some capacity.
Spot on
Back to the domestic side of things, what is going on with
the amount of penalties we are seeing at the moment? There
seems to be an appeal for one every ten minutes of a game
currently. There have been plenty of matches in Premiership
this season with two or three penalties awarded, and even
more that were not given that maybe should have been. Are
defenders becoming anxious and breaking down into calami-
tous wrecks in their box, or are strikers just becoming more
crafty and disillusioning referees and fans a like? A factor
of this certainly is the obscurity surrounding handball. No
one presently seems able to agree on the definition of hand-
ball, certainly it needs to be made clear to prevent continuous
controversy. Penalties cause drama and it makes for excite-
ment, but more clear fundamental rules should be obvious to
prevent confusion.
Keep your responses coming in to these topics and topics
you want brought up in future columns, as well as any sports
related articles to bf.sport@gmail.com. I will try and include
as many replies and theories as possible in the next edition.
Any topics you want to discuss?
bf.sport@gmail.com
Last weeks winning phrase was ‘Money cant buy you love,
Jose’. Congratulations to Patrick Dowedswell who wins ex-
clusive iPod accesSORIES.

24
All Legends, but who is the Greatest?
BY ANTHONY HANSON
SPORTS EDITOR
Roger Federer. Michael Schumacher. Tiger Woods. Liv-
ing legends. Unquestionable titans of their fields. But
who is the most dominant man in the world of sports?
Who is the greatest sportsman of their generation?
Why these three individuals?
This debate was largely sparked by the announcement by
Michael Schumacher on September 10 2006 that he would be
retiring as a driver at the conclusion of the 2006 Formula One
season. This declaration led to many considering the legacy
he would leave the sport of Formula One, and his legacy to
the world of sport as a whole. Opinions were soon flying
as to his place in greatness amongst his peers in other disci-
plines. Two other leading contenders for greatness emerged;
Roger Federer and Tiger Woods. Here is my take on it.
Records and honours
Michael Schumacher was born January 3rd, 1969 in Hürth
Hermülheim, near Cologne in Germany. Statistically, he is the
most successful Formula One driver of all time, holding many
of the foremost Formula One records, including: most notably
the greatest number of drivers’ championships with 7, whilst
his nearest contender, the legendary Juan Manuel Fangio, ac-
cumulated five; the most Formula One victories with 83 wins
from 250 Grands Prix; the greatest number of fastest lap times
with 76, while Alain Prost in second totaled 41; the most pole
positions with 68; and the most races won in a single season
with thirteen wins from 18 starts in 2004. Schumacher also has
the most accumulated career points total with 1369, whilst his
nearest rival Alain Prost trails in second with 798.5. These are
statistics so remarkable they will probably never be eclipsed.
Roger Federer was born August 08, 1981, in Basel, Swit-
zerland. His achievements to date rank him amongst the most
dominant tennis players of all time. Federer is currently World
Number 1, and at the age of only 25, is regarded by many, in-
cluding his peers and tennis experts, as having the potential
to be the greatest player the sport has ever seen. He has been
ranked number one since February 2004, and, at this point in
time, holds the third-longest consecutive stay as the number
one player in the world. Only Jimmy Connors and Ivan Lendl
have had longer unbroken streaks. Federer has won 9 Grand
Slam men’s singles titles, trailing the retired record holder Pete
Sampras’ tally of 14 by 5. Federer created history in 2006 by
reaching the final of the U.S. Open, becoming the first man in
the open era to make it to six consecutive Grand Slam finals,
proving his high quality all-court game afforded him suprem-
acy on any surface. He is the first man in the open era to win
at least ten single’s tournaments in three consecutive years.
SPORT
Eldrick (Tiger) Woods
was born December
30, 1975 in California,
in the United States,
and, put simply, has
had an unprecedent-
ed career both as an
amateur and, since
1996, as a professional
golfer. He has won
72 tournaments, 54
of those on the PGA
TOUR. In 2001 Tiger
became the first golfer
ever to hold all four professional major championships at
the same time. Tiger was the youngest Masters champion
ever, at just over 21. He is the only active golfer currently in
the top 10 in career major wins, in 2nd place with 12 (Jack
Nicklaus is first with 18). He reached 50 PGA Tour wins
faster than any other golfer. With his win in the 2005 Brit-
ish Open, he became only the second golfer, after Nicklaus,
to have won all four majors more than once. At the 2003
TOUR Championship, Tiger showed a relentless consistency
to set an all-time record for most consecutive cuts made with
114 (passing Byron Nelson’s previous record of 113 set in
the 1940s, a record many thought would never be topped),
and extended this mark to 142 (over a seven year period) be-
fore it ended on May 13, 2005. Many commentators con-
sider this one of the most remarkable golf accomplishments
of all time, given the margin by which he broke the old
record (and, probably, against much stronger fields than in
the era of Nelson) and considering that during the streak, his
closest rivals’ streaks usually only ran into the 10s or 20s.
Between them, Federer, Schumacher and Woods have won the
Laureus World Sportsman of the Year Award six times out of a
possible seven (Lance Armstrong being the other) showing their
domination of the sporting world in its entirety. Our legends
all have impeccable credentials. But who is the greatest of all?
Despite his dominance of men’s tennis Federer comes in
third. Federer is still only 25. While his grand slam accom-
plishments are impressive, they are not unprecedented. In the
relatively recent past we have seen similar periods of domi-
nance from players such as Sampras, McEnroe and Borg. In
addition, Federer still has to prove himself on the clay courts.
The young Spaniard Rafael Nadal may in time prove to be a
worthy adversary, and may hinder Federer’s relentless march
to greatness. Many believe he has the potential to be the great-
est ever in his field, but he has a while to go before he reaches
that milestone and for that reason I believe he cannot yet be
regarded as the greatest of his current generation of sports-
men. However, given time, he may too take this accolade.
Michael Schumacher has to come in second. Our sports-
men compete in individualistic sports. Therefore, if they per-
form consistently and at a higher level than their opponents
they will inevitably win. But is this totally true in relation
to Schumacher? He has always maintained an excellent re-
lationship with his team at Ferrari. The team is largely re-
sponsible for the strategic thinking of the race; and in order
to win both parties need to be working together. It is also
indisputable that in the world of Formula One some drivers
have better cars than their opponents, and this will undeni-
ably be a significant factor in how well a driver performs,
although Schumacher did win two championships with Ben-
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30 October 200
20066
etton when Williams were considered to be the best. For-
mula One is also less accessible a sport than the other two,
and will therefore provide less worthwhile opponents.
Greatness is also about more than simply ability and trophies.
On pure talent and accomplishments alone, Schumacher is
among the very best, if not the best, in the history of his sport.
However, greatness is also about character and integrity, and
that is where many believe Schumacher falls short. Too often,
particularly for so gifted a driver, he has adopted a win-at-all-
costs ruthlessness, which has called into question his sports-
manship and his reputation. Two of the most infamous and
controversial incidents involving Schumacher was 1994’s fi-
nal race, the Australian Grand Prix crash against Damon Hill,
and the 1997 European Grand Prix crash contending with
Jacques Villeneuve. Both of these incidents decided the desti-
nation of the World Championship, and Schumacher’s critics
maintain that both acts were intentional and frankly danger-
ous attempts by Schumacher to crash his rival out of conten-
tion. Schumacher also created controversy by manipulating
races, swapping positions with his Ferrari teammate Rubens
Barrichello, allowing Schumacher motor to victory. This left
many spectators disillusioned with the sport. For unsporting
incidents like these he will forever have a tarnished legacy.
There is no doubting his dedication, desire and skill. He is
legendary…but flawed.
In my opinion Tiger
Woods is the greatest
sportsman of his gen-
eration. Not only does
Tiger Woods have an
outstanding sporting
pedigree, he has done
more than any other to
redefine his sport. His
entire life has been dedi-
cated to golf, appearing
on the Mike Douglas Show at the age of two. Woods’ ulti-
mate legacy will be shaped partly by whether he overtakes
Jack Nicklaus in the record books, which is a distinct pos-
sibility, but even if he does not emulate Nicklaus, Woods
can rest easy in the knowledge that he participated in a more
competitive era. However, Wood’s true claim to greatness
lies in the fact that he has used his status to shape society
as a whole. Woods, who is of mixed heritage, was the first
major championship winner of African or Asian heritage and
is credited with making golf more accessible, prompting a
major surge of interest in the game of golf, especially among
minorities and young people all over the world. It is his rev-
olution of the sport that stands him out amongst his peers.
In conclusion, much like comparing the sports-
men of different eras, comparing sportsmen in differ-
ent sports is imprecise and highly subjective. However,
what we can all agree on is we have been privileged to be
able to witness three such gifted legends in their prime.
bf.sport@gmail.com
SOURCES:
Wikipedia (www.wikipedia.org)
http://sport.rtl.de/formel-1/com/mscom.php
http://www.allf1.info/
http://www.tigerwoods.com