barefacts

Monday
26 February 2007
Published by the
USSU Comms. Office.
Issue Number 1109
FREE
www.ussu.co.uk

The University of Surrey Students’ Newspaper

In this 24
page edition

WHAT’S ON THIS
Applications jump for 2007
FORTNIGHT? University of Surrey reports an increase of 39.2% up on last year
THE ENTS PLANNER |
PAGES 12 & 13
UNION NEWSLETTER &
ELECTION MANIFESTOS
THE ONION | CENTRE
PAGE PULL OUT
BY JOSH BATES
ACTING EDITOR
read LAST YEAR MANY students were deterred
me
from university due to the introduction
of top-up fees; however, latest figures of
undergraduate application to UK universities
reveals an increase of 6.4% for the next
academic year. Impressively, the University
of Surrey’s applications have increased
by 39.2% to a total of 11,158 with all
subject areas at Surrey seeing an increase.
UCAS figures, taken from the January 15
early closing date for UK and EU applicants,
show an increase of 23,624 people applying
BF SPORT IS ON HEAT! to full-time undergraduate courses starting at
SPORTS | PAGE 22 UK universities and colleges this September.
Surrey’s figures represent the highest year-
on-year percentage increase of any pre-1992
UK university, although figures are likely to
change due to the fact
it is possible to apply
right up until the start
of the academic year.
Across the UK the
number of applications
from England increased
by more than 7%,
although there were
a fall in applications
from Wales (0.1%) and
Northern Ireland (3% -
although this only equates
to 484 applicants),
whilst Scottish applications are up 0.9%.
The Chief Executive of UCAS, Anthony
McClaran, said:“These figures are encouraging
for all who believe the expansion of higher
education is good for individuals and good
for our society. Not only has last year’s
dip in applications been reversed, but
application levels are now higher than in 2005
which had previously broken all records.”
It was also good news for international
student figures. Overseas applications
at Surrey are up by 42.8%,
significantly higher than the 6.6%
rise across the rest of the UK;
whilst Home EU applications at
the University are up by 38.1%.
It is particularly encouraging
that key academic disciplines
such as Engineering (43.1%),
Physics (47.8%) and Maths
(43.8%) have enjoyed dramatic increases
in interest from prospective students.
However, the highest percentage
increases were Culture & Media (149.3%),
Management Studies & Tourism (93.5%) and
Biological Science-based subjects (97.7%).
Professor Christopher Snowden, Vice
Chancellor of the University of Surrey,
commented: “With the introduction of
variable fees prospective students no
longer see education as an end in itself
but as an investment in the future. Surrey’s
long-established track record of offering
academically stringent courses with
real-world applications ensure Surrey’s
graduate employment rate is consistently
amongst the highest of any UK university.”
Speaking at Brunel University, Prime
Minister Tony Blair said that “More than one
Vice Chancellor has told me that tuition fees
have been the saviour of their university.”
The NUS have said that they want
further information on how those from
“under-represented and debt-averse
backgrounds” are responding to the fees.

Bursaries bait failed to be bitten by students

FOR THOSE WHO LIKE TO BY JOSH BATES unpopular subjects like science and languages. at university but does reveal pots of surplus
TAKE THEIR NEWS “FAKE” ACTING EDITOR £3,000 a year top-up tuitions fees were cash in many institutions’ bursaries pools.
introduced in September last year, however “The government should be ensuring higher
NOT NEWS | PAGE 10 A BOOM IN bursaries have been sparked applications to university have remained education is properly funded so all students
as universities compete for students “solid” according to the study. However, have the possibility to achieve their full
DON’T FORGET! since the introduction of top-up fees, academics are complaining that the current potential, and that they are taught by properly
INTERNATIONAL however a new report reveals that these system of grants and bursaries is confusing. paid staff in well-resourced institutions.
do not always lure potential students. Sally Hunt, University and College Union “UK students already pay among the
GALA NIGHT Commissioned by Universities UK (UUK), the general secretary, commented: “The highest student fees in Western Europe,
UNIVERSITY HALL report claims that institutions have launched complicated system of bursaries, grants and yet we lag behind competitor countries in
FRI MARCH 9TH, 7:30PM schemes to target students from poorer fees is no doubt confusing many students what we spend proportionately on higher
backgrounds who had good A-level results; and their parents, and is clearly not working. education. Unless the government commits
ENTRANCE FEE other universities have implemented schemes This report shows no real progress in the to greater investment we will start to fall
DONATED TO CHARITY to rewards students who do not drop or study government’s attempts to widen participation behind in what we can offer students.”

Agony Sisters | Page 9 - Dr Russ Replies | Page 10 - Editor goes into Hiding | Page 2 - Puzzles Galore | Page 20 & 25

2 26 February 2007
Degrees continuing to pay off for graduates
Students £160,000 better off with degree than just A-Levels alone
BY MIKE BLAKENEY
NEWS EDITOR
A REPORT BY Universities UK, the umbrella body for UK
vice-chancellors, suggests that the average graduate
will earn 20 to 25 percent more than those with
just two or more A-Levels. The research carried out
by Pricewaterhouse Coopers showed that medicine
students may earn as much as £340,315 more than those
who leave education before University, with Maths and
Engineering graduates earning an average £250,000 more.
Diana Warwick, the Chief Executive of Universities
UK commented that “We already know that graduates
in the UK enjoy one of the highest financial returns of
any OECD country. This report provides evidence that
despite the expansion of higher education, the graduate
premium has been maintained. Higher education is
still clearly a worthwhile investment for the individual.
“While we know of course that the vast majority of
graduates don’t measure the value of their degrees in
purely economic terms, the enhanced career opportunities
and employability that a degree brings is nevertheless a key
Newspaper Editor goes into hiding
BY JOSH BATES
ACTING EDITOR
THE 19 YEAR- OLD student newspaper Editor of a
Cambridge University college has gone into hiding
following a huge backlash provoked by his attempt at
religious satire. Authorities at Clare College described
the issue of, Clarefication, the student newspaper as
“abhorrent” and the aspiring journalist responsible,
who has not been named, is now under investigation.
The ill-advised satirical edition of the newspaper,
renamed “Crucification”, has led to the student being
removed from his accommodation to be put into
a secure place after enraged students bombarded
the college’s Students’ Union with complaints.
President of the Clare College Students’ Union, Calum
Davey, told the Cambridge News: “This material does
not reflect the views of Clare students” and expressed
his “deep regret” over the publication for causing offence.
Senior college official have been
locked in urgent talks about how
the material came to be published
and what action to take against the
student. The newspaper featured the
reproduction of the infamous cartoons
that triggered violent protests
We would like to apologise for two incorrect advertisements in the last edition’s Ents Planner.
Both Carnival and Chinese New Year were unforunately printed a week later than intended.
We would also like to extend our apologies to Naveed Barakzai/Maxal Photography for
the erroneous publication of two pictures alongside the article on Page 16 that were not accredited.
NEWS
factor in deciding whether to go on to higher education.”
The report suggests that the greatest financial benefit is to
women, and those who come lower socio-economic classes.
“This report also highlights the economic benefits
of higher education for our wider society. As such, it
adds to the evidence put forward in our submission to
the Government’s Spending Review 2007, supporting
our call for continued public investment in higher
education.” noted Professor Drummond
Bone, the President of Universities UK.
The biggest surprise from the report
is the backing it gives to the new top-up
fees system, commenting that although the
visible price has risen, the real cost has
fallen. The report suggests that despite these
changes, the reintroduction of maintenance
grants, and the removal of the need to pay
fees up-front, is a better offer for students.
Higher Education Minister Bill Rammell
stated that in his opinion the report
“confirms what we have been saying for
some time now - that graduates, on average,
worldwide of the Prophet Muhammad; first printed in the
Danish newspaper Jyllands Posten in September 2005.
The front page of “Crucification” included the
headline: “Ayatollah rethinks stance on misunderstood
Rushdie”, whilst page six showed pictures of Muslims
holding placards reading “Freedom go to Hell” and
“Behead those who insult Islam”. The Vice President
of the University’s Islamic society described the edition
as “crude unabashed prejudice” and “hugely offensive”.
The co-ordinator of the Cambridge Muslims website,
Abdul Arain, also reacted with shock commenting
that: “These kind of inflammatory remarks brings
about the worst kind of character. We need to rise
above it. It’s one man trying to set up tensions. The
Prophet Mohammed in the Muslim world is the most
revered figure.” Mr Arain also praised the quick action
of Clare College in condemning the publication, who
have in a rare move called a Court of Discipline, which
will sit in judgement on the student responsible.
Members of the Islamic society have also met
with the college chaplain who has been involved
in talks aimed at trying to ease racial tension.
The college has cut the newspaper’s
funding and its website is currently down.
bf.newsdesk@gmail.com
barefacts
earn more and are more likely to be in a job than those
without degrees, and that higher education is likely
to be the best investment a student will ever make.
“After tax, and compared to those with the
equivalent of two A-levels, graduates earn, on average
over their lifetime, comfortably over £100,000 more
when put in today’s valuation. And when you add in
the tax benefits this increases to around £160,000.”
Do you have a
complaint against this newspaper?
If you have a complaint about any item in this newspaper which contains
inaccuracy, harassment, intrusion or discrimination write to our editor about it.
If you remain dissatisfied please contact the Press Complaints Commission - an
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barefacts is an editorially independent newspaper and is published by the
University of Surrey Students’ Union Communications Office.
The views expressed within the paper are those of individual authors and do
not necessarily represent the views of the Editor, the University of Surrey
Students’ Union or the University of Surrey. This publication may not be
reproduced in whole or in part, stored in any form, copied or distributed,
without the express permission of the publisher beforehand. All submissions
must include the author’s name and Union or Staff Number. Submission is no
guarantee of publication.
Anonymous and Pseudonymous articles will not be published.
barefacts reserves the right to edit submissions.
This edition of barefacts was co-ordinated by Josh Bates, Acting Editor for
this issue, on behalf of Sophia Hawkins who was unfortunately unable to
participate in its making due to other commitments.
WWW.USSU.CO.UK
© USSU COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE 2007
Submitting something?
Getting yourself in barefacts is easy. Just send in your
submissions to the relevant editorial team member before
Friday 2 March. The next edition is out on Monday 12
March (Week 9). If you’re unsure, please direct general
enquiries to the Editor (and not the Editor-in-Chief!)
barefacts
26 February 2007
10% of Work Blair seeks US-style University donations
“Plagiarised”
BY MIKE BLAKENEY
NEWS EDITOR
ACCORDING TO THE BBC, 10 percent of all university work
from across the UK is plagiarised. Baroness Deech of
the Office of the Independent Adjudicator for Higher
Education said that she believed too much of modern
courses was “ticking boxes and absorbing hand-outs”,
and that the emphasis on creative thought was being lost.
“Everything is processed. Instead of students
sitting and reading and listening and writing their
own material, everything is presented visually.
“And they get to think that that is what they’ve
got to do, just make sure they copy down accurately
something that is already on screen somewhere.”
Bill Rammell, the Minister for Higher Education
said regarding this topic, “I do think we have very
robust quality assurance mechanisms in place”
“Britain would not be the second highest
destination for overseas students in the world, if
we had a poor quality system of higher education”.
Dates for the Diary
barefacts Weekly Meeting,
Mondays, 6pm, Union Committee Room
Student Assembly & USSU AGM
Thursday March 15 2007
12noon - 2pm
ussu.barefacts@surrey.ac.uk
editorial team
2006-07
EDITOR | SOPHIA HAWKINS | ussu.barefacts@surrey.ac.uk
ACTING EDITOR | JOSH BATES | cs52jb@surrey.ac.uk
Please send article submissions and enquiries to the relevant contact
given below. If you do not receive a response, please contact the Editor!
DEPUTY EDITOR (PROMOTIONS) | TOBY SHANNON | ph51ts@surrey.ac.uk
DEPUTY EDITOR (SUBMISSIONS) | ANNE ABEYGUNASEKERA | eep1aa@
NEWS EDITOR | MIKE BLAKENEY | bf.newsdesk@gmail.com
ARTS EDITOR | PATRICK HUNTER | bf.arts@gmail.com
ARTS EDITOR | JAKE SOUTH | bf.arts@gmail.com
FEATURES EDITOR | SOPHIE IREDALE | bf.features@gmail.com
FEATURES EDITOR | SAFFRON WREAKES | bf.features@gmail.com
PG TIPS EDITOR | MARY YIP | m.yip@surrey.ac.uk
SCIENCE EDITOR | ALAN TERRY | bf.science@yahoo.co.uk
SOCIETIES EDITOR | ELEANOR TYLER | bf.societies@gmail.com
SPORTS EDITOR | MATT CHEETHAM | bf.sport@gmail.com
SPORTS EDITOR | ANTHONY HANSON | bf.sport@gmail.com
PUZZLELORD | COLIN EVERETT | ma41ce@surrey.ac.uk
COPY EDITOR | PAUL SANDERSON | li31ps@surrey.ac.uk
WEBMASTER | PETE NATTRESS | cs51pn@surrey.ac.uk
MARKETING CO-ORIDNATOR | AARON SALINS | a.salins@surrey.ac.uk
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF | GREG SCOTT | ussu.president@surrey.ac.uk
NEWS
BY JOSH BATES
ACTING EDITOR
LECTURERS AND STUDENTS have warned that plans
by Prime Minister Tony Blair to stimulate private
donations to universities could widen the gap
between the richest and poorest institutions.
Designed to promote a culture of individual giving to
higher education, the Prime Minister has pledged £200
million to universities if they raise £400 million in private
cash donations; Ivy League colleges in the US regularly reap
millions of dollars in donations, backed by vast endowments.
Sally Hunt, joint General Secretary of the University
and College Union, the lecturers’ association, said:
“Cherry-picking parts of the American model is
not the way forward. What the country desperately
needs from government is a clear commitment to
It’s a Woman’s World
BY MIKE BLAKENEY
NEWS EDITOR
R EADING THE FRONT page, you probably see the
wonderful statistic that more people are going
to university. What you might not see though is
that that statistic is bolstered by an increasing
number of women applying for university
places. There were nearly 50,000 more female
applicants than male ones in the January deadline
this year, with 6.5% more
applicants on last year for
women, and 6.2% for men.
Malcolm Grant, President
and Provost of University
College London commented
that he believed this was
partly due to women applying
for courses which generally
used to be male-dominated.
“I can remember when
medicine was an unusual choice
for a woman. Engineering is
still a little behind, but in law Bill Rammell MP
3
higher education through greater public investment.”
President of the NUS, Gemma Tumelty,
welcomed the move although warned that it
must not be followed by American-style fees.
UCAS has reported that the proportion of
applicants from disadvantages familes in England
has risen from 30.9% last year to 31.3% this year.
Boris Johnson, Shadow Higher Education minister
commented that: “These figures prove the gloomsters
were wrong. Would-be students are still willing to
bet their own money on a university education,
and they will almost always be proved right.”
Liberal Democrat Higher Education spokesman, Stephen
Williams, however said: “The government must be
careful not to take false comfort in these early figures.”
ussu.barefacts@surrey.ac.uk
women have for some time been in the majority.”
He also stated that boy’s underachievement led to
fewer of them taking A-Levels. “We are only at the
end of a long receiving line but it is having a very
clear impact on the numbers and the proportion
of each and we are concerned about that.”
Commenting, the Higher Education Minister
Bill Rammell said “In the Pre-Budget Report, the
chancellor announced an additional £10m in 2007-
08 to develop more effective guidance to schools
on improving boys’ attainment.
“In addition the Department
for Education and Skills has
introduced a number of strategies
to address the gap in gender
achievement and to raise the
performance of all pupils.”
Fancy writing for the barefacts
News Team? If so drop us a line on
bf.newsdesk@googlemail.com
for further information!

4 26 February 2007
Letters to barefacts
Letters must be received by midday on Friday 2nd March to guarantee
their presence in the next newspaper. Letters may be edited for length or clarity.
ussu.barefacts@surrey.ac.uk
Electronic Election
Dear barefacts,
The front page article on January 29th asked whether the
promised online voting for the forthcoming sabbatical
elections was still going ahead. I can confirm that this system,
developed by the Department of Computing’s Electronic
Voting Research Group, will indeed be used to run the Union
elections this week. The system is in fact `electronic’ rather
than `online’, which means that the election will still be run
through the polling stations, but will be carried out using
computing technology.
The voting system has been designed by researchers at the
University of Surrey jointly with the University of Newcastle
over the last couple of years, and this is the very first time
it is being used in a real election. The voter fills out a paper
ballot form in the normal way with their preferences for
candidates, but instead of posting it into a ballot box, the vote
will be scanned into the electronic voting system. Speed and
accuracy of counting under the complex Single Transferable
Vote rules will be an obvious benefit, but the system has also
been developed with security in mind. One novelty is that
voters will take away half of their ballot form as a receipt, so
they can check that their vote really is in the system - this has
never been possible before. Despite this, the ballot will still
be secret: the receipt can’t show anyone else how a vote has
been cast, as the key information is encrypted.
If your readers want to see the system in action, and if they
want to be involved in making history, then they should come
along and participate in the election this week.
PROF STEVE SCHNEIDER,
E-VOTING RESEARCH GROUP
DEPARTMENT OF COMPUTING
Standing up on
the soapbox?
Dear barefacts,
I would like to complain about the continuing theme of the
front pages of “our” student newspaper. Whilst I understand
that barefacts is perfectly within its rights to print whatever
LETTERS
it likes, I feel the tone of the front page article “Stand Up
& Communicate” was neither news nor needed given the
previous letter to the Union Executive (or for that matter, in
light of the response printed only two pages later)!
The front page has traditionally been occupied with news,
not soapbox. By all means, start a petition for a cause you
believe in but at the very least please communicate the
reasons behind it sufficiently…
Yours sincerely,
MR A. SMITH
barefacts Acting Editor, Josh Bates, responds:
Dear Mr Smith,
Your letter regarding the recent front pages is welcomed; as
always, the Editorial Team appreciates the student opinion and
we are happy to address your concerns about the content of
barefacts. Unfortunately our Editor, Sophia Hawkins, is unable
to answer your letter personally at this time however I would
like to take this opportunity to respond to your concerns on
her behalf.
The front page last issue announced the launch of the
“Stand Up & Communicate” petition in collaboration
with GU2 Radio; the purpose of which is to mandate the
Union Executive to reinstate the role of Vice President of
Communications in the full-time sabbatical team. You rightly
pointed out that the article fails to fully expand on the reasons
behind this; however I do wish to point out that this should
not be viewed as a response to the Union Executive letter
printed on page three of the same issue.
At a recent meeting of the Communication & Media
Standing Committee (made up of members from GU2 Radio,
barefacts, the USSU web team and other interested members)
there was unanimous agreement to begin the petition due
to the nature in which the members of this committee feel
communication between the Union and it’s students has not
been sufficient this year. These key figureheads in student
media here at Surrey all agree that whilst efforts are being
made to improve communication (such as the launch of the
new USSU web site) that they feel a lot of the methods being
explored so far are passive and that the Union should be
endeavouring to find more ways of actively involving and
engaging students.
The VP Comms role was nicknamed “VP barefacts” due to
Phil Brown vs. Duncan Wilson
Saturday March 3rd 2007
10pm - 3am, Rubix
www.teaseguildford.co.uk
barefacts
the way in previous years they had, in effect, always taken
an active role in co-ordinating and laying up the newspaper.
One might question how this problem came about, but the
answer is relatively straightforward: previously barefacts
was known as “The University of Surrey Students’ Union
Newspaper” (where the VP Comms was actually the Editor!)
although this was at some point changed to “The University
of Surrey Students’ Newspaper” the level of involvement
and interaction from the VP Comms did not change to reflect
the newspaper’s move away from being a Union oriented
publication.
Those running the “Stand Up & Communicate” do not
want to see a return to the VP Comms of the past – what
the petition is mandating the Union to do is to bring back a
full time position that can address what is a full-time issue.
For a VP Comms to be representational, they need to actively
engage with students and should not be stuck all day in an
office. If this means a VP Comms spends a portion of their
time on campus speaking to students directly and making
them aware of what their Union offers them, working with
focus groups and consulting with relevant student and national
representative bodies then so be it. The purpose of this
campaign is not only to raise awareness of the communication
issues that have persevered for many years now, but to try
and find a suitable resolution that can take the USSU forward
in giving more to the students it represents.
Fundraising
Dear barefacts,
On April 22nd I’ll be running the 26.2 miles of the Flora
London Marathon! I will be running for MacMillan Cancer
Relief. I’m sure most of you have been affected by cancer
at some point in your life (and are likely to in the future).
MacMillan provide valuable support to the thousands of
familes around the country affected by this terrible disease.
£11 could give 50 peolpe a copy of the MacMillan Cancer
Guide which helps recently diagnosed people understand
cancer, its treatment and the help available. Please help these
people by sponsoring me - it’s easy to do online at:
www.justgiving.com/chrishummersone
I hope you’ll help me to reach my £2000 target!
CHRIS HUMMERSONE
barefacts
26 February 2007
BY BEN MILLER
esSO Slick
ON MONDAY 29 January 2007, ExxonMobil, the parent company
of Esso and Mobil gave a presentation at the University of
Surrey for students to “discover the diverse and dynamic
opportunities awaiting graduates who choose a career with
ExxonMobil.” The university’s careers department went on
to tell us: “as a global energy company, they have a range of
opportunities across all areas for graduates,” and “you will be
supported by an excellent training scheme, and the prospects
for international projects and global work are outstanding.”
What they failed to mention is ExxonMobil has done
more than any other company to stop the world from
tackling climate change. The burning of oil as fuel is one
of the biggest single contributors to climate change.
According to Greenpeace it accounts for over 23% of
global greenhouse gases. Yet Esso refuses to accept the link
between its business and climate change and uses dodgy
science to make its case. Esso claims the science remains
‘inconclusive’ and refuses to accept that changes to the
climate are as a result of the burning of fossil fuels such
as oil. Instead Esso is aggressively expanding its oil and gas
production, and lobbying for access to search for new oil.
Esso gave $1.3 million to the Republican Party in the
2000 election and more than any other oil company in
2004, with around 90 percent of its political donations
going to the Republicans. Not surprisingly, when George
Bush became president, he pulled the United States out
of the Kyoto Protocol - the only international agreement
to address climate change. Esso has attempted to
Dear International Students..
HERE ARE OUR lucky official winners of the 1st wave:
Zhongyu Zhang (China) £100
Mehrdad Shariat (Iran) £100
Nathalie Clarke (Mexico) £100
YuJing Liu (China) £50
Seoungha Shin (South Korea) £50
Katerina Ioannou (Cyprus) £50
The winners will receive their cash prize
from the Pro-Vice Chancellor Bernard
Weiss on the International Exhibition
night on the 5th of March which will mark
the opening of the 2nd wave of the SAY
project. This means, that YOU get a 2nd
chance to WIN! (Login @ www.ussu.
co.uk/say)
The 1st wave was the first of three surveys
aimed at investigating your experience as
an international student at the University.
With a total of 845 students participating
(32% response rate), the 1st wave has given
the project some clear messages about
things you wish to improve:
1. The internet connection for the
residences – since the survey the University
COMMENT
sabotage international negotiations on the issue and block
agreements which would reduce greenhouse gas emissions.
Esso funds multi-million dollar propaganda fronts to dismiss
the case for action to protect the climate.Esso has funded think-
tanks and lobby groups to the tune of $12 million since 1997,
which are involved both in lobbying governments directly and
appearing in the media as ‘independent experts’ who question
the reality of climate change and oppose efforts to address it.
This is despite the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate
Change (IPCC), which consists of the world’s leading
scientists stating that it was almost certain that human
emissions of greenhouse gases are warming the planet and
the planet’s temperature is rising. This also comes shortly
after the UK’s Stern Report on global warming from the
UK’s leading scientist, which stated the need to for the world
to act now to halt future catastrophes.
Greenpeace activists painted “STOP” on Esso
storage tanks. Image ©Greenpeace/Morgan.
has increased the bandwidth of the internet connection (as
reported in barefacts on 29th January) and has started a
network access project to ensure that the service provided
continues to improve.
2. Setting up a bank account in the UK – a number of you
mentioned how hard it was to set up a bank account on
5
Hardly the flag-bearer of the green movement the
Economist stated in December 2001, “ExxonMobil, the
biggest (oil company), is also the world’s most powerful
climate change sceptic. If the world’s biggest purveyor of
fossil fuels ever accepts openly that global warming is real,
that may turn out to be more important to the planet than
any Kyoto deal.”
The university must stop inviting companies that do
so much harm to people and the planet to come to the
university and encourage Surrey students to work for them.
The university mustn’t give unethical companies the platform
to propagate their myths and the veneer of credibility
they so desperately desire. The university must invest
in renewable energy and invite clean energy companies
instead. The university must support action on climate
change and the development of clean energy technologies.
Global warming and the damage we are causing to the
environment are clear, yet for some reason this university
invited an organisation that is doing more to undermine the
existence of global warming and our future on this planet.
How can this university invite such an unscrupulous company
to the university? It’s time to take a stand against Esso and
other unethical companies the university invites. Write
to the careers department now and let them know you
don’t want any more unethical companies at the university.
Fancy writing a comment article? Are you capable of
writing a good, well structured argumentative point on a
controversial subject? Contact the Editor for more details!
ussu.barefacts@surrey.ac.uk
arrival in the UK. The University will continue to address
this issue with local banks, as well as providing information to
students prior to arrival about the information required.
3. Worship facilities – the University Executive Board
approved in January a long-term plan to develop worship
facilities on campus. Given the sentiments expressed in the
survey, the University will be looking
to see how it can improve its
current facilities in the short-term.
On the other hand, the survey also
showed that 86% of you would
encourage other students to
come to Surrey and that 92% of
international students were very
satisfied with the panel of expert
lecturers Surrey offers.
I hope to see you all on the 5th March
at the International exhibition night
or during International week.
Kind regards,
OLIVIER REY
INTERNATIONAL STUDENTS’ OFFICER
UNION EXECUTIVE
SAY Project Co-ordinator

6 26 February 2007
Islamophobia is becoming the new racism
Islamophobia is slowly becoming an acceptable proxy for racism, and if we don’t do
something about it soon, it will cause deeper divisions within our society, argues Chris Ward.
IN 2005, after 52 people were murdered
in the 7th July bombings, there was a small
shred of hope that the aftermath of such
a tragic event would unite everybody.
Immediately, Muslims from around the
globe condemned the atrocity. There was
a very genuine concern that those within
that community would be targeted and
victimised as a result. Many of us hoped
that due to this highly-publicised concern,
for once the anger and hysteria arising from
an act of terrorism would be directed at
those who were responsible as opposed
to the religion they claimed to be a part of.
Nearly 20 months on, the divisions that have
been perpetuated by the populist media and
various government figures are wounding
our multicultural community more than ever.
The idea of islamophobia has a particularly
broad definition. From a literal sense it
“Just because a group
of people claim to be
fighting for their God
when they commit
acts of terrorism does
not mean they are; it
means they are simply
projecting their anger
and hatred on innocent
people and using religion
as their scapegoat.”
COMMENT
barefacts
could be applied
to those who have
at the hands of conflicts
between Catholics and
“Is our level of tolerance
a fear and hatred
towards Muslims,
Protestants – subsets of
Christianity, a religion
and willingness to
but realistically, it is
so much more than
which is shrouded
around the concept
understand so ridiculously
that. In order to be
C HRIS WARD
of mercy and “turning low that when a terrorist
scared of something the other cheek”. A
you need to know
“Islamophobia is not
minority within these attack occurs in our
exactly what that religions have committed
something is.
borne out of hatred or
fear of Islam; it comes
atrocious crimes over country, we do not
seek to find the cause
Homophobia is clear the past few decades,
from the hatred and
– it is a hatred and but that doesn’t mean
fear of what people
fear of those who
are gay or lesbian.
perceive to be Islam.”
we wince every time we
walk past a church. It and deal with it, but
Racism is clear – it is applied to those doesn’t cause the authorities
who discriminate on the grounds of to spy on the coffee mornings
instead we grab the most
race. However, many people in this at the church near my house,
country do not understand Islam. They do just in case they’re planning
obvious scapegoat and
not know the difference between Shia and some sort of terrorist plot.
Sunni. They do not understand what Muslims Just because a group of people
alienate hundreds of
believe. Therefore, it is almost impossible claim to be fighting for their
for them to discriminate on the grounds of God when they commit acts of
thousands of innocent
belief. The best way to describe Islamophobia terrorism does not mean they people in the process?”
is for me to simply reproduce what I heard are; it means they
being uttered on a bus not so long ago by are simply projecting
a couple of youths talking about a man their anger and hatred
wearing a turban: “He looks like a terrorist”. on innocent people
Islamophobia is not borne out of hatred and using religion as
or fear of Islam; it comes from the hatred their scapegoat. The
and fear of what people perceive to be Islam. sad thing is, people
The way they discriminate is not on the basis accept that scapegoat
of Muslim belief, but on the basis of whether and as a result, an
the person “looks like” a Muslim or not. In entire community
short, islamophobia has become a proxy in is demonised
this country for people to produce what are and alienated, Is our level of tolerance and willingness to
truly malignant racist views and to target fuelling even further the divisions understand so ridiculously low that when
vitriolic discrimination against that may have caused such acts. a terrorist attack occurs in our country,
whoever they deem to “look like Centralised discrimination condoned by
a terrorist”. The ignorance of the the government hit a new low three months
we do not seek to find the cause and
deal with it, but instead we grab the most
government and the media, and ago when the Department for Education
their careless escalation of this drew up an 18-page document detailing
obvious scapegoat and alienate hundreds
of thousands of innocent people in the
situation will serve to tear the proposals to tackling potential terrorist process? Yes, terrorism is a threat, but it’s
fibres of acceptance and tolerance violence that could be brewing on campuses
something we have to deal with by looking
that a vast number of people over around the country. In it, university staff were at ways to clear up the mess and close up
a number of years have carefully advised to spy on “Asian-looking” and Muslim
and tirelessly worked to weave. students. The stereotyped idea that only
the gaping divides between communities
within our society. Not only is it absolutely
Those who believe they are “Asian-looking” people could cause terrorist wrong to treat somebody as guilty when
fighting terrorism when they offences is seemingly now condoned by the they are innocent, but as is the way with
attack Muslim women for wearing very people who are supposed to be running
veils, or when they point out the this country. What hope is there for equality
many societies, those who are treated like
criminals often become criminals. It is a
intolerances that the Muslim when such boiled anger is fired up simply
community have themselves, because of cultural differences? The majority
shame that the actions of a few men can
cause so much long-lasting devastation in
seem to forget that our own of these students may not even be involved in
Western religions are seeded with political activism, never mind a terrorist plot.
society, but the even bigger shame is that
we have allowed that devastation to pass.
discrimination and intolerance Is it so difficult for us to view people of a
too. We have had many more different appearance to us as fellow human ussu.barefacts@surrey.ac.uk
deaths in the United Kingdom beings that stand in the same community?
barefacts
26 February 2007
Should the USSU continue it’s membership
with the National Union of Students (NUS)?
With the annual USSU sabbatical elections upon us, the Union is also asking students two very important
referendum questions. The first of which is regarding the USSU’s affiliation with the National Union of Students.
The argument for staying affiliated with NUS
BY STEPHEN BROWN, NUS NATIONAL SECRETARY
EDITED BY GREG SCOTT, UNION PRESIDENT
This week, you will be asked if you want the University of
Surrey Students’ Union to remain affiliated to NUS and
continue to benefit from the array of services that a national
union membership provides.
NUS helps 100s of students’ unions every week… each
discussion affecting 1000s of students. Students need a
National Organisation. Teachers, nurses, coal miners, elderly
people and hundreds of other groups all have a national union.
Students need one too! As Edwina Curry said in 1992, if the
National Union of Students did not exist there would be a
need to create one. It is absolutely essential that students
have an organisation that defends, extends and promotes the
rights of students.
NUS is not just a National Executive Committee. The NUS
is each of its constituent members. It is the member unions
that make the NUS what it is, and it is those member unions
that benefit from the work of the NUS. In the same was that
your local executive defend your rights to your institution,
NUS defends, extends and promotes your rights to the
Government, national press and national education agencies,
to whom you could never be represented if you didn’t have
a voice.
The argument for disaffiliating from NUS
BY RACHAEL COX
NO CAMPAIIGN CO-ORDINATOR
The NUS is the largest student representative organisation
in the UK. According to their website, they aim to provide
“research, representation, and training” for over 700
universities around the country.
The NUS has never been truly representative of students.
Instead, it is largely made up of party-political careerists who
are involved simply to boost their chances of being given a
safe parliamentary seat once they leave student politics. Not
only does this pretence cause irrelevant infighting among the
supposed representatives, it also means that they have little
interest in campaigning for student rights. Their commitment
to the aims of the NUS seem to dissipate as they clamber up
the political ladder, because if all former Presidents of NUS in
Parliament voted against top up fees, you would not be paying
them right now.
The NUS are unbelievably poor at managing the vast amount
of money your Union pays to be affiliated to them. Currently
they are experiencing severe financial difficulties, and have
overspent their budget significantly. The University of Surrey
Students’ Union pays between £35-45k a year in affiliation
fees at present. In the past, this would entitle students to an
REFERENDUM
Major NUS lobbying campaigns have included:
• The National Student Survey – which gives applicants
more information about the institutions that they are applying
to before they get there
• The creation of the Office of the Independent
Adjudicator – to ensure that students have an independent
place of appeal outside of their own institution
• Changes to the housing bill – to ensure that there
was a national tenancy deposit scheme to protect students
from scurrilous landlords
• Top-up fees – to fight the lifting of the cap on tuition
fees to students
Your NUS, as dedicated and professional staff who work
alongside the committed and passionate elected officers,
deliver for you and your Students’ Union:
• Automatic access to purchasing consortium NUS
Services Ltd (NUSSL). NUSSL operates on behalf of USSU
to achieve the lowest prices for their services. That means,
CHEAPER BEER, BETTER PROMOTIONS and BIGGER
EVENTS.The benefits USSU gets from NUSSL FAR outweighs
the cost of affiliating to NUS.
• Materials, support and advice to run campaigns and
provide union officers with the tools they need to get the
best deal for YOU while at University.
NUS discount card. However, just to add insult to injury, now
individual students have to pay an extra £10 for an NUS Extra
card. Why should you have to shell out more of your money
to pay for their negligence and incompetence?
The NUS claim that the training and advice USSU get from
them is invaluable, and that alone is a reason to stay affiliated.
For the cost of the affiliation fee, as well as the additional
costs (including the ~£450 your Union pays for each national
conference delegate), USSU could run its own training scheme.
There are many members of staff in the Union who were
previously sabbaticals here. They have much more valuable
experience in running your Union than the NUS do.
We believe that a national Union is needed, but it needs to
be representational and transparent; not party-political and
corrupt. Ask yourselves, what has the NUS ever achieved
for you? Those who claimed to fight for student rights when
they led the organisation went on to stab students in the
back when they voted for top-up fees. Isn’t it a massive
shame that the only time you will ever meet an NUS elected
representative on campus interested in speaking to you is
during the referendum where they may lose our affiliation
fee? You deserve better, and it’s become clear over the years
that the NUS understand only one form of communication
– referendum votes.
7
• Official representation to government and national
bodies
• Over 100 training and networking events,
conferences and speakers annually to allow students from
across the UK to come together.
• Training to empower your elected officers with the
skills and knowledge they need to represent you.
• Publications and briefings for union officers, giving
them the latest advice to help them represent you.
So as you can see, being a member of NUS does matter and
makes a difference to your everyday life – from supporting
USSU directly, to lobbying the government on student
issues.
Join 5.2 million other students and vote YES to stay a part
of NUS.
At a recent meeting of the Union
Executive Committee, there was a
majority vote in support of the
USSU staying affiliated with the NUS
Four years ago, only two universities were disaffiliated from
NUS. Now there are six, and people are voting in massive
numbers to send the NUS their strongest message – that
they want change and they want it now. Make sure the NUS
listen to you, and that they realise they can no longer take
students of the University of Surrey for granted. Vote NO
to NUS.
Voting takes place on:
Tuesday 27th February
Wednesday 28th February
Thursday 1st March
10am - 8pm each day at:
Library, Lecture Theatres,
Management School & Rubix

8 REFERENDUM
Do you agree with the University’s Fairtrade policy as the
final step towards Surrey becoming a Fairtrade University?
University of Surrey Fairtrade Policy
1. The University of Surrey (“the University”) together with
the Students’ Union (“USSU”) has made the commitment
to achieve and sustain the status of Fairtrade university
(accredited by the Fairtrade Foundation).
2. The University and USSU will begin by following the
guidelines laid down by the Foundation. In addition to the
requirement to form a Fairtrade policy:
a. A Fairtrade Steering Group has been established.
b. Fairtrade foods will be made available for sale in all
campus shops (OneStop, Union Shop). Fairtrade foods will
also be sold in Roots, Rushes, Seasons, Wates House and
Chancellors. At this time, it is not possible to use Fairtrade
products in The Lakeside Restaurant, UniK/Youngs or
Pizzaman. The Steering Group will examine ways in which
the range of products used can be extended and products
introduced into the remaining restaurants.
The argument in favour of the University’s Fairtrade policy
Vote Yes!
• To help disadvantaged people in the developing world get
a fair, sustainable price for the goods they produce
• To give you the choice of buying more Fairtrade products
– this isn’t about banning non-Fairtrade products from
campus
• To give the Students’ Union a clear mandate to support
Fairtrade
Why? The Fairtrade Mark guarantees:
• farmers get a fair and stable price for their products
• extra income for farmers & estate workers to improve
their lives
• greater respect for the environment
• small farmers a stronger position in world markets
• a closer link between consumers and producers
The argument against the University’s Fairtrade policy
There are two significant arguments for why you should vote
NO to the University’s Fairtrade Policy:
(1) FAIRTRADE IS NOT AN ECONOMICALLY
FEASIBLE CONCEPT
• The countries it is trying to help need major reform to
ensure a better infrastructure that will enable them to
compete against developed countries in the free market. This
reform is not helped by creating a false sense of well-being.
• Fairtrade falsely maintains artificially high prices.The price of
a traded commodity is dependent on the principles of supply
and demand, which naturally cause an equilibrium price. By
artificially increasing this price, we are causing these countries
to concentrate on building a skewed agrarian economy. They
become even more dependent on the whims of western
countries, which create the demand in the first place.
• Therefore, developing economies concentrate on building
c. Fairtrade coffee and tea will be served at all meetings
hosted by the University and USSU, and will be served in all
University and USSU management offices.
d. The Steering Committee will examine options for raising
awareness and for increasing Fairtrade consumption
amongst students and staff.
3. In addition to the requirement to introduce Fairtrade
products to specified locations on campus, the Fairtrade
Steering Group will be responsible for:
a. Liaising with the Fairtrade Foundation for attaining and
maintaining Fairtrade status.
b. Liaising with local Fairtrade affiliated organisations (for
example Guildford Borough Council).
c. Educating staff and students within the University as to
the existence of this policy and the purposes and reasoning
behind our adherence to it.
d. Publicising Fairtrade through the staff bulletin UnisLife
and the student newspaper barefacts.
Fairtrade isn’t about charity and handouts. It is about paying
producers a realistic stable price, one which is guaranteed to
be above production costs.
At the G8 events in Edinburgh, 2005, Raymond Kimaro
(General Manager of the Kilimanjaro Native Co-operative
Union in Tanzania) said “Just pay us a fair price for our coffee
and we will make poverty history for ourselves.”
Becoming a Fairtrade University involves meeting five goals,
and we’re almost there!
• Fairtrade foods available for sale in all campus shops/
restaurants/bars.
• Coffee and tea served at meetings hosted by University
and USSU should be Fairtrade certified.
• Set up a Fairtrade Steering Group to help meet these
goals.
• USSU and the University should both create a Fairtrade
non-sustainable economic infrastructures which are more
prone to instability.We need to concentrate on helping these
countries improve the ambient economic conditions that
enable their farmers to compete on an even footing.
• Despite what Oxfam and many organisations advocate, free
trade is fair and just, however because of this, it can never
be kind.
(2) WRITING OF THE POLICY DID NOT HAVE THE
INPUT OF THE STUDENTS’ UNION EXECUTIVE
• Issues that affect students should have, at the very least, the
involvement of the only organisation on campus that truly
represents the students of the University of Surrey.
• The policy MANDATES that the Union follow specific rules
and guidelines. However, since the Union had no opportunity
to amend the policy before it was approved and rendered
unchangeable by the Fairtrade Steering Committee, it should
barefacts
26 February 2007
e. Organising events throughout the year to promote
Fairtrade.
f. Organising a series of events in support of Fairtrade
Fortnight.
4.The Steering Group shall meet as regularly as necessary, but
not less than once per semester. A review meeting will be
held annually to assess this policy and to approve the annual
report which must be submitted to the Fairtrade Foundation.
This report will also be submitted to the University Senate
and to the USSU Executive Committee.
5. A forum will be established to allow the wider membership
of the University (both staff and student) to contribute to the
ongoing commitments outlined in this policy. The forum will
then forward suggestions and plans to the Steering Group.
6.This policy will be reviewed annually as part of the reporting
process. The next review date is May 2007.
policy encompassing these goals. (The University has already
accepted a Fairtrade policy)
• A commitment to campaign for increased Fairtrade
consumption on campus. (The University is committed to
promoting Fairtrade)
http://www.fairtrade.org.uk – Find out more about
Fairtrade and over 2000 Fairtrade products
Visit the University’s Fairtrade webpages at http://portal.
surrey.ac.uk or email fairtrade@surrey.ac.uk to find out
more about where you can buy Fairtrade and to get involved
with Fairtrade on campus
At a recent meeting of the Union Executive
Committee, there was a majority vote
against the University’s Fairtrade policy
NOT be approved by the students it affects.
It is for these reasons, and a number of others, that you
should vote NO to the University’s Fairtrade Policy.
To join the NO to FAIRTRADE campaign, email us at
notofairtrade@hotmail.co.uk.
barefacts
26 February 2007
Agony Sisters To The Rescue
Kiss and tell?
THE PROBLEM:
My best friend has been with her boyfriend for just over
three months, and she’s really fallen for him. I really liked
him, until a week ago when he tried to kiss me. I was
shocked and asked him what the hell he thought he was
doing, and he said I had been after him for ages and that
if I told my friend then he’d say it was all me! I just don’t
know what to do because I don’t want to lose my friend.
SISTER SOPHIE SAYS:
You can’t let her carry on going out with that creep! He
sounds like a complete jerk and you need to tell your friend
exactly what happened. If you are good friends then she shall
believe you over him, and if she doesn’t then maybe she’s not
the friend you thought she was. Just be honest with her, and be
her shoulder to cry on when she needs it, and she will need it.
SISTER SAFFRON SAYS:
Sister Sophie is right, if she’s a true friend she’ll believe what
you say. However we all know that sometimes lurve can cloud
our judgements and maybe we dont see as rationally as we
usually would. therefore how about playing at Super Sleuth?
Get hold of one of those digital dictaphone things, slip it in
your pocket and confront him again. when he admits it was
him and that he’d make out it was you, etc record what he’s
saying and use it as evidence!! Deer stalker hats are optional!
What a mess!
THE PROBLEM:
I am a really messy person, but I just can’t help it!
I just can’t find time to tidy it, but the state it is in
stresses me out! And my boyfriend doesn’t like it too
Embarassing Moments
Bogies!
I was at an interview, doing pretty well and listening to
other people presentations, when I felt something hard up
my nose. Thinking that it may be bogey on show, I tried to
pick it out. However, it wasn’t just a little hard bogey, but
a long slimy one! I had no idea what to do with it, so just
held it until the end of the interview. As we were leaving,
I knew I would have to shake the interviewer’s hand, so
I had to get rid of this bogey! I tried flicking it off, but it
wouldn’t move so…I had to eat it! It was the only way!
And I didn’t even get the job…gutted!
Spider eyes
I was running a little late for a lecture when I was leaving
FEATURES
much either! Any suggestions as to what I can do?
SISTER SOPHIE SAYS:
Messy room, messy mind! The more you leave your room in a
mess, the more stressed your going to be! A bedroom should
be a place of sanction, so get tidying! If not, you may lose your
boyfriend as well, because I am sure he doesn’t like having
to step in your dirty undies and unfinished assignments!
Go out, buy some extra storage (it sounds like you need
it) and just do one big tidy, and then keep it that way!.
SISTER SAFFRON SAYS:
You obviously have issues with more than just being
able to see carpet! Get yourself on one of those life
laudry programmes and get it all sorted at once! If your
application gets overlooked by the production company
why not see if a mate or even your bloke will help you out?
Dissertation stress
THE PROBLEM:
My dissertation is due in in four weeks and I am completely
stressing about it! I know I haven’t done enough for
it, and time is just slipping away from me. I am up late
at night, and early in the morning, but I still just don’t
seem to be able to find time to do it, plus all the other
assignments due in. How do people deal with this?!
SISTER SOPHIE SAYS:
As someone whose dissertation is due in at the same
time as yours, I know what you are going through! And I
bet many people are feeling the same. The dissertation
is a massive part of your degree, and therefore it needs
to take priority. Make a schedule and stick to it. Also,
make sure you get enough sleep, otherwise the work
the house, so I quickly did my mascara and left. It was
a windy day so it took me a little bit longer to walk it,
so as soon as I got there I ran into my lecture. Turns
out I should have gone and looked at myself in a mirror
first, because I was sitting there with big black spiders
around my eyes! The wind had blown my eyelashes
back and the mascara had left marks all around my
eyes! Now I always make sure I let my mascara dry!
Rocky moment!
I was on holiday with some friends and we were taking a
walk around a massive lake. Around the lake were many
rocks, with one big rock in the middle. My mate bet me
£10 that I couldn’t get to the big rock, so I took that bet! I
climbed there and got on it ok, but when it came to getting
off, it proved a bit more difficult! I was there for about half
9
you do do shall not be productive enough as your mind
shall not be really ready for it. Good luck, and distress!
SISTER SAFFRON SAYS:
Chill! All the time you spend stressing about stuff could be more
usefully spent actually doing stuff! You need to take time out
for yourself too, you never what inspiration might just hit you
as you have a well deserved soak in the tub with a face pack!
Boyfriend troubles
THE PROBLEM:
I am such a busy person, involved in many societies and
have lots of coursework and exams looming over my head.
This time of year is tough, and my boyfriend is not making
it any better! He keeps trying to take me out places,
and feels left out when I tell him I have too much to do.
He’s not at uni himself so doesn’t know what I am going
through. How can I let him down gently without losing him?
SISTER SOPHIE SAYS:
This time of year is hard, and your boyfriend needs to
recognise that. You just need to reassure him that it’ll all be
over soon and then you have a whole summer together! If
you don’t manage to get your work done, or do badly in
your exams, then you may resent him for pestering you.
Just gently tell him how you feel and he should understand.
SISTER SAFFRON SAYS:
Talk to him! He should be supporting you not making you feel
bad. Could you maybe involve him in your uni life more so you
could combine the two? Or maybe bargain with him. tell him
to give you a few hours peace to get some work done and then
promise him your undevided attention to do whatever he likes!
bf.features@gmail.com
an hour trying to get off, and none of my friends would help
me, so a random stranger came along and gave me a hand!
The worst thing was that my friends were recording it on
my video camera! Don’t think I’ll ever live it down now!
Got an embarassing
moment of your own or
others that you want to
share in barefacts? Or
perhaps you fancy writing
a feature of your own?
Then let our Features
Editors, Sophie Iredale
and Saffron Wreakes
know by writing to:
bf.features@gmail.com
10 NOT NEWS

Zombies demand Union representation

BY PETE NATTRESS
NOT NEWS EDITOR
T HE U NIVERSITY OF Surrey’s zombie student populace
has demanded representation from the Student Union,
after years of going unrecognised and unrepresented
in any form of the Union body. Fred Mortis, Head of
the Organisation for Ordainment of Zombie Equality
(O.O.Z.E.), appealed that the Union Executive
immediately grants the same rights to undead
students as it has to living students since its inception.
“We living dead are tired of being treated like second-
rate citizens,” Mortis moaned as chunks of flesh fell off
his rotting body. He added that zombies at the University
of Surrey exist in a state of complete segregation from
living students, fuelled mainly by outdated stereotypes
and baseless fears about the undead. “It is complete
untrue that zombies eat brains,” complained Mortis in
his statement. “That is a practice that was abandoned
several years ago,” he said, staring wistfully at the heads
of several Union members whilst salivating blood.
Union executives are not convinced that zombies will
ever be able to integrate with the rest of the
students on campus due to “vast, insurmountable
cultural differences”. Equal Ethics and
Opportunities officer Jason Yates explained to
Mortis that the Union works tirelessly to ensure
the rights of every person at the university
are represented. However, he added that the
Union does not consider zombies to be people.
“People have the mental capacity to do more
than shuffle around moaning incoherently,”
he said. “Unless they’re drunk I guess.”
Determined to hold his ground, Mortis
rebutted the suggestion that zombies are
mentally incapacitated. “Some of us can even
open doors and grab necks,” he spouted angrily,
going on to posit that humans may as well be
zombies in the way that they brainlessly yield
to their own routine and societal mandates, subsist on a diet of cranial juices. What a crock of shit.
wandering from one day to the next in a haze of Fred Mortis should shut his zombie mouth, if his jaw
senseless priorities and soul-crushing mundanity. bones are still there that is. I’m going to watch TV.”
“Humans are not zombies” Yates responded.
“Humans don’t disintegrate in sunlight and we don’t bf.features@gmail.com

barefacts spends thousands on logo redesign

BY PETE NATTRESS
NOT NEWS EDITOR
THE UNIVERSITY OF Surrey’s student newspaper, barefacts,
today unveiled its new logo, completing an extensive
redesign process which cost thousands of pounds. The
logo features a polar bear staring knowingly at the reader,
alongside the words “Newspaper of Barefacts”. Whilst
some have marvelled at the artistic qualities of the new
logo, others have questioned the need for a rebranding,
especially given the huge costs incurred in the effort.
barefacts PR co-ordinator Winona Scatterbox claimed
that the rebranding, thought to have cost fifty thousand
pounds of student fee money, was necessary for barefacts
to compete in the modern market of student newspapers.
“We needed an animal mascot, really,” she told a Not News
interviewer. “Gair Rhydd have a dragon which is pretty cool.
I think Loughborough has a tortoise of some kind. Put
simply, we needed an animal to prevent barefacts vanishing
into obscurity. And I like bears so we chose a bear.”
Despite the excitement of having a new logo featuring
a majestic bear, many students feel the money could have
been better spent on other endeavours. For instance, the
£50k could have been use for a combination of: bubble
baths in every hall of residence, an on-campus fairground
complete with hilarious clowns, or even useful academic
equipment. “I think this futile rebranding is an abhorrent,
tactless waste of student’s money which would have been
much better spent on
improving the quality
of the university itself.
Frankly I don’t see
how adding a picture
of an animal and a
serif font to a logo
makes the blindest
bit of difference to
anything,” said an angry student talking specifically
about the barefacts rebranding and nothing else.
The costs of the redesign were not just financial. Locally
renowned wildlife photographer Chris Langham was eaten
by the bear featured in the logo shortly after taking the
photograph.
Eyewitnesses reported that Langham was carrying
several tins of tuna at the time of the incident, and that his
farts “smelt like warm cod”. The savage bear attack was
witnessed by a close friend who did not give his name. “It
was very brutal,” he said. “I can’t believe the zookeepers
just stood there. One of them even looked like he was
goading the bear on.”
The new barefacts logo has launched at the same
time the University of Surrey itself unveiled a strikingly
similar logo featuring a deer. This was a total coincidence
and the two new logos have “nothing to do with each
other” according to the university. “We are hoping
that prospective students all over the world will
be unable to resist the lure of a deer,” they added.
Got an idea for Not News?
cs51pn@surrey.ac.uk

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barefacts
26 February 2007
Dr Russ Replies
Advice on doing a PhD
I am thinking about doing a PhD. How do I
know I would be suited to it?
I have lost count of the number of PhD students I have
seen over the years who have wanted to give up. In
many cases, they simply hadn’t realised how different a
PhD would be from a first degree. Apart from one or
two special doctorates, most PhDs involve no lectures,
no revision and just one single 2-3 hour exam at the end.
You may find yourself working alone for long periods. You
may meet what appear to be insurmountable problems or
you may simply fail to obtain the results or information
which you need. You are therefore more likely to
succeed if you are determined, patient, have good time
management skills and the ability to solve problems. It
also goes without saying that you should have an enquiring
mind and a love for the subject you are studying. Do you
think you fit the bill? If you have serious doubts about
these requirements a PhD might not be right for you.
How should I go about it?
A good place to start looking is on www.prospects.ac.uk.
This information is also available in Prospects Postgraduate
Almost Accurate Astrology
Aquarius
(January 21 - February 20)
You’re feeling a little left out this week, but don’t worry as it’ll
soon all blow over.You need to stop stressing and start living
as you never know what is around the corner! Look out for
someone in a hat, their advice could be valuable.
Lucky Day: Sunday | Lucky Colour: White
Pisces
(February 21 - March 20)
You’re looking forward to a certain event coming up, but
make sure you enjoy it to the full and don’t let anyone rain
on your parade. Use your talents to get your way and you’ll
be admired for it!
Lucky Day: Friday | Lucky Colour: Turquoise
Aries
(March 21 - April 20)
Take your time and concentrate on what you want to achieve.
If you rush into it, the result will not be what you want. Seize
the opportunity that comes your way as it may change you
life forever!
Lucky Day: Friday | Lucky Colour: Brown
Taurus
(April 21 - May 20)
There’s a lot going on at the moment so you need to make
sure you keep on top of everything, without sacrificing your
fun lifestyle. If you want something bad enough, you have the
ability to achieve it, so go for it!
Lucky Day: Saturday | Lucky Colour: Black
FEATURES
Directory, a copy of which can be
seen in the Careers Library. This
will give you some idea of the kind of
research going on in different parts
of the country. The next step would
be to send your CV with a covering
letter explaining what you would
like to do and why. You may be sent
an application form in reply, but the DR RUSS CLARK
good news is that you can make as CAREERS SERVICES
many applications as you like. If you
would like to stay at Surrey, all you need to do is mention
your interest to the member of staff with whom you would
like to work and they will tell you what might be available.
What about finance?
If you are a UK resident, you would be eligible for funding
from one of the government funded agencies known
as research councils. Your fees would be paid as well.
However, all you need do at this stage is apply for a place.
Your potential supervisor will tell you what financial
options might be available. If you are an EU student,
Gemini
(May 21 - June 20)
Bed may seem like a saviour but you need to get out of it and
get your arse in gear. There is too much going on for you to
sit back and relax, as if you do you shall miss out on what you
are really after.
Lucky Day: Monday | Lucky Colour: Green
Cancer
(June 21 - July 20)
An unexpected present given to you shall make you see
someone in a new light. Don’t throw it back in their face, but
take it for what it is. Don’t be afraid to show your true feel-
ings about a subject, get over it and move on.
Lucky Day: Wednesday | Lucky Colour: Purple
Leo
(July 21 - August 20)
Friends are a valuable asset you need to recognise. Don’t
push people away, but use them as your crutch, they shall help
you throw whatever you are going throw, as they are prob-
ably going through it too.
Lucky Day: Thursday | Lucky Colour: Silver
Virgo
(August 21 - September 20)
Smile and the world smiles with you. There are people who
shall be needing you this week, so make sure you are there to
cheer them up. Live uni life to the full as it is almost over.
Lucky Day: Monday
Lucky Colour: Yellow
11
you would be eligible to have your fees paid but would
not be eligible for government funding. International
students are only eligible for support from one of the
government funded research bodies if they can prove
that the UK is their home country. However, most
universities have their own scholarship schemes, which,
although highly competitive, do provide an alternative.
Am I too late to apply?
Although there are generally no closing dates for applications
for PhD programmes, many applicants will already have made
contact with their preferred universities. It is therefore
a good idea to start this process as soon as possible.
What degree class would I need?
In most cases, a 2.1 is the level of degree which is most likely
to secure funding though some highly competitive areas
may require a First. A free booklet in the Careers Service,
Prospects Postgraduate Funding Guide, contains some
useful information about all of the main funding bodies.
ussu.barefacts@surrey.ac.uk
Libra
(September 21 - October 20)
Stop treating that someone the way you are and start recog-
nising their true potential. People around you may think they
are helping you, but they’re not and you need to tell them
that. Keep on top of things as they’ll soon creep up on you.
Lucky Day: Sunday | Lucky Colour: Pink
Scorpio
(October 21 - November 20)
Stop pushing that someone away and show them that you
need them. Take a chance on someone you don’t really know
as they shall help you in the future. See the funny side of life.
Lucky Day: Saturday | Lucky Colour: Gold
Sagittarius
(November 21 - December 20)
There are people who look up to you so don’t let them
down, however they need to realise that you have your own
life too.Take a look at others and learn from them too, as you
could learn a lot.
Lucky Day: Friday | Lucky Colour: Blue
Capricorn
(December 21 - January 20)
Speak your mind, as if something is bothering you that much
then you need to sort it out and get over it. Take care of a
friend in their time of need as one day you may need their
support too.
Lucky Day: Tuesday
Lucky Colour: Red
barefacts
26 February 2007

14
PG Tips Editorial
Hey guys, this’ll be my last editorial for a couple of issues as
I’m off to Hong Kong (yay!). Halfway through and everything
seems as busy as ever, time for those lovely 6-monthly reviews
(my personal first). Let’s see, what’s been happening? Well it
largely looks like the ‘flu’s engulfed half of the campus, along
PGA Speed Dating
BY CLAIRE HOBBS
WELL IT WAS time for our first speed dating event of the year. We
had quite a good turn out for the 3 minutes date to take place
over the candle lit, table clothed tables with the background
music of love songs. So was it to be love blossoming as
the couples gazed into each others eyes over the tables?
Everyone seemed to be enjoying their quick flirtatious
moment with each other. Conversations ranged from the odd
to the wonderful,all in all everyone looked like they were having
fun. It gave people the chance to chat to people they may never
dream of talking to and may have in fact made them consider
new things and getting involved with different activities.
Comparing the score sheets which were handed in
at the end of the night it would seem that some of our
young singles did indeed seem to find some new friends.
Many people got several matches from the night and e-mail
addresses have been exchanged, so we can wait and see if
anything happens. There was a high standard to beat last
years where 2 relationships resulted. So can this year’s have
PG Tips
Editor
Mary Yip
m.yip@
surrey.ac.uk
PG TIPS
Any contributions to this section should be sent
directly to the PG Tips Editor at m.yip@surrey.ac.uk
with a sprinkling of snow earlier.
February festivities are almost to an end, I think a lot
of people are looking forward to the Easter holidays now
(or maybe it’s the odd subliminal feeling from the shops…).
This being my first year of PhD life, I think it seems odd to
be working in an environment where everyone else is on a
different schedule.
Something I read the other week was that scientists have
managed to develop a method to predict what you’re thinking
of. This is with MRI, and people fear that this may possibly
be used to find out what criminals and terrorists are thinking
before they actually carry out crimes for example. Now, I’m
not sure how many people have seen an MRI machine, or
maybe I’m being pessimistic about these things, but it’s not
exactly a covert mission if you can get said criminal into a big
made any matches in heaven? It is only time that can tell.
Not everyone was there to find that special someone;
many people took part to meet new friends as well as
raising money for charity. It was an all round fun event
for everyone that attended. However, maybe some new
drinking buddies have emerged from this quick fire event.
The event raised £90 for the British Heart overall. So, not
only have the people who attended met some new friends
but they can also go away with that warm glow that they
have helped a very worthwhile cause. I’d like to say a big
thank you to everyone who attended, and there will be a
certificate displayed in Wates to show your achievement.
It was great to see some new faces who have not come
along to previous PGA events that we have held. So, we
are hoping that they had a good time and will spread
the word to their friends about coming along to our
other events and we will see you again in the future!
PGA Social
Secretary
Claire Hobbs
c.hobbs@
surrey.ac.uk
Friday 16th March - St. Patricks Day Party (Details TBC)
Raise money for Red Cross Day and dress up. Details TBC
barefacts
26 February 2007
room-sized machine to predict their thoughts!
Valentine’s speed-dating was a laugh, personally I met some
great guys with some great musical tastes (i.e. similar to mine
– yay 65daysofstatic!). It was a fun laugh beforehand mainly,
where we all met up for drinks and chats. Our social secretary,
Claire, is regailing us with the fun of it all this issue. Don’t
forget our monthly Laser Quest session, take the anger of
your work out on people you don’t know! You’ll feel so much
closer for it! Or maybe you want to bring your supervisors
along and hash out those certain things with the fun of fake
guns?! Go on, you’ll never know until you ask ‘em!
Don’t forget, if you’ve anything you wanna get out there,
whether it’s about llama-dancing or your own gig, write about
it and I’ll put it up for you. Take care guys and keep the flu
away with blood oranges!
Tid Bits
THIS ISSUE’S Tid Bits is filled with random facts and things
people have sent me, they always entertain me, so if you have
anything you want to add, let us know!
- Eating a packet of crisps a day is equivalent to drinking five
litres of cooking oil a year.
- The average chocolate bar has 8 insect legs in it.
- Men can breastfeed babies
- A newborn expels its own body weight in waste every 60
hours.
- When a horned toad is angry, it squirts blood from its
eyes.
- Pogonophobia: The fear of beards
- The name Google started as a joke boasting about the
amount of information the search-engine would be able
to search. It was originally named ‘Googol’, a word for the
number represented by 1 followed by 100 zeros.After
founders - Stanford graduate students Sergey Brin and
Larry Page presented their project to an angel investor, they
received a cheque made out to ‘Google’
PGA Events
Friday 4th May
Doctors and Nurses Party
Wednesday 9th May
Theatre Trip (Details TBC)
barefacts PUZZLES
26 February 2007 15
Brought to you by our very own Puzzlelord, Colin Everett, what would you ever do without his masterful puzzle skills?
Answers for the pseudoku can be found on Page 20... along with a special travel word search!

The Big Frickin’ Maze

P
S
E
U
D
O
K
U

Crossword
Clues Across: Clues Down:

1) Breaks, rests. (6) 2) Keen David beheaded. (Cryptic) (4)

5) Yorkshire city, home of the Bulls rugby-
league club. (8)
9) Shrink car in bowl. (Cryptic) (8)
10) Frequently broken component of a
manifesto. (6)
11) The need for a toilet break. (4, 2, 6)
13) Sport played on horseback; the mint
with a hole. (4)
14) Ridiculously expensive cooking ingredi-
ent when compared to the sunflower and
vegetable variety. (5, 3)
17) Mandatory equipment needed to score
an albatross. (4, 4)
18) Rubber ice-hockey disc; servant of
Oberon. (4)
20) Precarious structure that’s prone to
collapse. (5, 2, 5)
23) The itsy-bity teeny-weeny yellow polka-
dot item of clothing the woman was wear-
ing in the 1990 song by Timmy Mallet. (6)
24) Very, very, very, very, very angry. (7)
25) Automatic, unthinking reaction. (4 - 4)
26) Spin junk in fish eggs. (Cryptic) (6)
3) Deactivate; cease paying attention. (5, 3)
4) Protect; escutcheon. (6)
5) Beside Peter Pan’s nemesis or next to
shepherd’s staff by any means necessary.
(Cryptic) (2, 4, 2, 2, 5)
6) Reference section at the end of a writ-
ten work; apparently useless thing found at
one end of the colon. (8)
7) Nimble; navy. (5)
8) Janitorial star of the Space Quest series
of adventure games. (5, 5)
12) Movement; appallingly bad dance song
covered by Kylie Minogue. (10)
15) Unusual method of capturing a pawn in
chess. (2, 7)
16) Yellow halogen gas. (7)
19) Huge indentation on a planet or satel-
lite. (6)
21) Portion of a cake; hit a golf ball to make
it spin. (5)
22) Badger’s burrow. (4)
barea ts
Send your
submissions to:

Arts Editors
Patrick Hunter
& Jake South

bf.arts@gmail.com

FALL OUT BOY BENEATH THE SURFACE

Infinity on High Various Artists
Universal A BELLA UNION SAMPLER

It has to be said I was a closet Fall Out
Boy fan, so would go as far as to say that I
was mildly excited about listening to their
new album. This was quickly replaced with
disbelief when the first voice I heard was
actually that of Jay-Z. After double-checking
the CD cover, yes, it was actually Fall Out
Boy. Everyone makes mistakes though, I
thought, so I decided to let them off. When
the second track started to play I was
surprised to find that the chorus was remarkably similar to that of John Legend’s ‘Ordinary
People’. Now, this may just be my personal opinion, but this seems (my housemates agree as
well) slightly odd. I had begun to lose my Fall Out Boy faith, but gave them one last chance.
This is when track five ‘Hum Hallelujah’ rolled around. I was appalled, yes appalled when
I heard the familiar tune of Jeff Buckley’s ‘Hallelujah’ (Leonard Cohen if you want to be
picky). I think a line has been crossed in this album, and one is not amused. It was always
going to be hard to top their last album, and ‘Infinity On High’ has seemed to try its very
hardest, so at least deserves a gold star for effort. Aside from trying to make a statement
through the use of Jay Z and Jeff, underneath they are still true to their ‘roots’, and are
making some pretty good reliable stuff. My favourite track is number eight: ‘The (After) Life
Of The Party’. For as much as I can moan about this album I still like it…secretly of course.
3/5 | Rachael Fitz-Patrick
As far as indie labels go, Bella Union are
neither as giant as Rough Trade nor as cool
as Fierce Panda or Transgressive. Anyone
that offers a home to unheralded Scottish
geniuses My Latest Novel is definitely
worth attention, though. Their Belle &
Sebastian/Magic Numbers style epic “Sister
Sneaker Sister Soul” opens this sampler and
sets the tone for much that follows, with
Stephanie Dosen and Fionn Regan offering
their own pretty folk and Midlake’s dusty Americana even more vulnerable than either.
Casting their net across Europe and beyond has paid some other dividends too. Fans
of Mew will be delighted by their fellow Danes, The Kissaway Trail, and might just like
Under Byen’s clattery prog too, while Texas’ Explosions In The Sky live up to both their
name and status as the labels biggest name. They also have current press darlings
Howling Bells on their books, though in offering their relatively subdued ‘This City’s
Burning’ rather than one of their more dramatic moments they’ve surely missed a trick.
Not everything works: Dustin O’Halloran’s minimalist piano piece is striking
but too limited and perhaps Bella Union should have kept quiet about releasing
The Dears’ utterly disappointing last effort. But it’s hard to begrudge the
interesting acts they showcase even when they don’t shine and while this album
is not an essential listen in itself, it might well turn you onto some that are.
3/5 | Iain Forrester

The Noisettes / Foals
The Boiler Room, Guildford
Tuesday 13th February
Jake South speaks to Dan
(One of the guitarists of Noisettes)
On Tuesday 13th a small group of
us braved it out into the open air of
Guildford, set out for chaos, turmoil
and untamed events, we were ready.
The reason for our trip away from our
homes was to witness the Noisettes live in performance
at Guildford’s increasingly popular venue, the Boiler Room.
Before any of the supports hit the stage, we were guided
upstairs by the guitarist of the Noisettes; Dan. After settling
in a cramped bedroom full of guitar cases, drums and stools,
a spaced out looking Dan composed himself:
J: So hows the tour been going then?
D: Yeah the tours been going great actually really enjoying it.
J: Is this your first headline tour?
D: No we’ve done two before this one in Jan 2006 was really
good, pretty much every show we did in that was sold out.
Then we did another tour just before our single “scratch
your name” came out but it got miss handled, and we ended
up having to cancel the tour. Had a pretty rough time on that
one.
J: Sounds pretty rubbish to me that, yet I’m sure touring with
Muse and playing at Wembley made up for that one eh! eh!
eh! eh! eh!
D: Yeah that was mad! Really made us up our game also, seeing
as everyone we were playing to was waiting for Muse. Learnt
that it’s not the best idea
to say “this is our last
song” as all that did was
result in a huge roar from
the crowd. Great.
J: Did you reach the
depths of dedicating one
of your songs to Muse?
D: Oh yes. *chortle
chortle*
J: So how are you
finding Guildford?
Have you taken a tour round the Friary? Or visited the
Tunsgate Square? Both hotspots of the town centre.
D: Sadly not, haven’t had the time to visit those spots,
only from Croydon myself though so I’m not too far
away. Looking forward to the gig here tonight though.
J: Very small place the Boiler Room, what are your thoughts?
D: Yeah love the smaller gigs, it’s all about those.
J: I agree. We’re in agreement.
D: We are. *smiles and grins*
J: Well just one more issue I need to address. We’ve heard
a rumour that there’s an island somewhere that inhabits six
foot high crabs, do you believe? *giggles and laughter*
D: Well ive never ruled out the possibility of a six foot crab. If
I was confronted by a six foot crab, well I don’t know what I’d
do, probably the same kind of thing id do if I was confronted
by a six foot guitar! Would have to be on a lot of drugs.
J: Say no to drugs.
After our short chat with Dan, a top bloke, we shuffled
downstairs to watch the show of which was quite eventful
to say the least. After missing the first support, the first
artist we saw was a one man band who went by the name
of “Mayor McCa” who was interesting. Downing a pint after
and during each of his songs/ramblings of his life experiences
he amused the crowd for half an hour or so, at one point
even tap dancing whilst playing the harmonica amongst the
audience, warming them nicely for the next band; Foals. I have
to say that the performance of this group was my highlight
of the evening, their electronic, indie, disco anthems were
brilliant and what’s more they really got involved with the
audience which is always nice to see. Definitely check them
bare-readers. After these guys left the tiny stage I felt like I
had already seen the headline band, BUT NO the Noisettes
were yet to appear.
The headliners, as promised, finally emerged from the
backstage area. Shingai (the lead singer/bassist/guitarist) was in
fact drinking a strange looking mixture of fluids from a pyrex
water beaker! Amusing. Smashing straight into their opening
number “Don’t Give Up”, the whole performance was fast
paced, manic and extremely loud.At one point Shingai jumped
onto Patrick’s back, (fellow arts editor) who carried her to
the bar before she then jumped onto that and continued to
finish the song! Outrageous. The band continued to play a
great set of hits from their recent record release “Whats the
Time Mr Wolf?”, as well as some timeless classics from their
other compact discs. The entire evening left my ears ringing
and eyes rolling, the Noisettes show was plenty pleasant and
each of the supports thoroughly enjoyable also.
Another valuable evening of great music and what’s
more, get involved with some of these bands my friends
and you too could be carrying females to the bar. I’m not
sure what advantages this might have but it may happen.
bf.arts@gmail.com
barefacts BAREARTS
26 February 2007 17

BY BEN MILLER
Flid, flid, flid
IF YOU WANT an evening of escapism, with all its trappings of
fluffy light hearted entertainment and mental titillation - then
stay away from Mat Fraser. ‘An audience with Mat Fraser’
pulled no punches as he knocked the audience off their
comfortable seats, with Mat’s variety of comedy, cabaret and
frank talking, which was at times painfully close to the bone.
The show started with carnival music and a compère
offering us the chance to see a freak show, including Stanley
Berent – aka Sealo: the Seal Boy. Then Mat came running
down the stairs and stated he wanted to “weird us out.”
Mat Fraser, 45, was born in London and came to fame thanks
to a combination of comedic, musical and acting talent and a
strong militant streak in him. This came about as a result of
him having, Phocomelia, (a condition acquired at birth which
gives very short or absent bones and a flipper like appearance
of hands) which was a result of his mother taking Thalidomide.
His short arms and the difficulties he’s faced in life
are of course an inescapable part of Mat’s life, making his
show very raw, gritty and at times, shocking. Mat delivers a
burning passion about disability rights and social injustice
with an ability to entertain through humour and music.
Mat started out as a drummer in a band but too many
drugs and the undisciplined nature of the scene led
him away from rock and roll. He was drawn towards
his love of acting, which he was distracted from by
his teacher at school who froze with embarrassment
when he said he wanted to appear in the school play.
Mat wants to be as good as possible but realises,“to be half as
good, you need to be twice as good.” He learnt if you put the ‘D’
word in front of a show no one will turn up and those that do
show up will clap because it’s the politically correct thing to do.
In Victorian times disabled people were used in freak
shows to entertain people. It wasn’t long before they
were put in institutions and never seen. But disabled
people started to reclaim their own lives, rights and
independence. Mat’s way of raising awareness of disabled
people was by pissing on it and allowing the audience to
laugh at him and with him, which explains the rational
of his shows which he described as porn for the disabled.
The way people deal with disability in this country has
clearly changed quite dramatically since Mat’s been alive.
His awareness of his physical difference began as early
as he can remember. But it was at seven years old, when
someone called him ‘screwed up arms’ that he realised it
affected other people and was made to feel crap. At school
Mat was binned, which involved having his shoes tied
together and being put in a bin. He was called flid and spastic
at school. But Mat never wanted long arms he’s wanted
thumbs sometimes; he’s always felt whole – the frustration
is social. If people treated him as normal then he’d feel no
difference. Mat use to avoid kids because they always asked
him about his arms but he’s use to it now and likes kids now.
Mat explained how his mum came to take Thalidomide. In
the 50s and 60s people believed in, and didn’t question, the
medical profession. Thalidomide was the cure to his mother’s
morning sickness; which was to become the cause of his
Phocomelia and a life time of social challenges. A number of
years ago he got £1,500 compensation. He blames Distillers
the company that produced Thalidomide.They knew for quite
some time about its harmful effect and should have pulled it
from circulation six months earlier but chose to chase money
and maximum profits. He said he would have got about
£2million now. Indicative of his ability and desire to hit the
audience he said: “where’s that Thalidomide pill. I’ll have one.”
Mat’s recent work, ‘Thalidomide the Musical’ stared Anna
Winslet-(yes the sister of Kate) and in the audition he asked
the actors to do an impression of him. Most of them stood
aghast, Anna, did a full on impression of him without arms.
This showed she was comfortable with him and the issues
that the play dealt with. In the musical Mat reclaimed the
word flid which hurt him when he was younger. He wanted
the audience to feel his pain when he was seven. It’s the
ability to make the audience laugh and cry that Mat finds
the most powerful form of entertainment. Mat got the
audience to shout ‘flid, flid, flid’ before he went on to do a
rendition of ‘Talk to Flipper cause the face ain’t listening’.
Mat said Clinton proved it was cost effective to enable
disabled people into the work place and it maddened him
that we live in a world where: “we can afford landmines
but we can’t afford a ramp.” Mat believes he wouldn’t
be where he is if it wasn’t for his disability. He said: “I can
talk about a chip on my shoulder but I need to get over
it.” Mat’s genuinely hurt by injustice and he’s managed
to find a nice recipe of mixing it with his artistic talents.
Mat doesn’t want to be seen as the spokesperson for disability.
He said:“you’re on a hiding to nothing if you do that. However
I am causing an effect and changing perceptions of disability.
I talk about what it is like for me. Whatever I do, advertently
and inadvertently, I’m doing it for disability but also for me.”
Mat’s work is shocking, indeed, he wants people to be
shocked; he wants a reaction; he’s confrontational, he doesn’t
want to be patronised. Mat would be mortified if he upset
a disabled person but said eggs get broken when making
omelettes. He said: “I cause shock to cause thought but I
don’t want to alienate people.” Mat believes it’s his mission
to change people’s hearts through art for an inclusive society.
He ended the evening with a thought you may want to
take or leave. When you’re about to have sex and you’re
struggling to put a condom on, think of him, and shut up.

PATRICK WOLF soul on previous releases. Nevertheless,

Short Q&A with Mat Fraser
Favourite musical – The Producers in
particular the ‘Springtime for Hitler’ song,
and Jerry Springer the Opera
Favourite film – Tall Guy
Blackening up - Mat used the phrase
‘blackening up’ to describe the use of
non-disabled actors taking on disabled
roles, in the same way white actors use
to be blackened up to play black actors.
Disability in the UK compared with
other countries Mat’s been to:
In the US in 1968 every public building
had to have disability access but you don’t
see disabled people in films or on stage.
Europe is behind and Catholic countries
are twice as behind. Australia is the best
place to live as a disabled person as you
have disabled people on stage together
with the necessary access and support
provisions. Mat found Brazil hard because
of the mix of disability and too much
poverty, which was tragic. He said “the
UK has a strong disability culture”.
The Magic Position there’s still enough on offer to please existing
Loog / Polydor Wolf fans as Patrick goes down-tempo. Gravel
Mat has many talents – musician,
voiced Sixties heroine Marianne Faithfull
actor and performance artist.Which
This 23 year old has been developing a lends her haunting vocals to the mysterious
does he enjoy most and why?
unique sound since his early teenage years. fairytale “Magpie”, while the soaring melodies
He enjoys the immediacy of comedy
With two albums and bundles of critical of “Augustine” bewitch and hypnotise the
which makes him feel good.
acclaim already under his belt, Patrick has listener.
Music hits his soul.
now attracted the interest of the major label Patrick has always employed an
But when he’s praised for being a good
big guns. Drawing upon influences from the everything-but-the-kitchen-sink attitude to
writer that’s when he feels best.
realms of indie rock, folk, and electronica, music making. As a result of his continuous
experimentation, “The Magic Position”
the result is a stunningly original and varied
Best role to date
approach to pop music. is an epic creation full of meticulously
‘Every time you look at me’, which was
The album’s title track is undoubtedly crafted grandeur and wonder - just check
on BBC 2. It was a feature length film
one of “The Magic Position”’s high points. out the fireworks rocketing skywards on
and a “glorious process.” When he gets
Together with dizzying “Get Lost”, this is the “Bluebells”, or the euphoria of “Accident
bouncers saying: “that’s deep, that’s love,”
sound of Patrick falling head-over-heels in and Emergency”. There are occasions
he knows he’s made an impact.
love. Gloriously when the musical journey
becomes too self-absorbed
upbeat, whilst
Greatest achievement to date
still managing - the barrage of foghorns,
Two degree black belt
to retain that all alarms and other assorted
noise on “Secret Garden” is
important ‘indie
Aspirations/hopes for the future
cool’ factor, it all too much! But despite the
He wants to be in a film that wins an
seems a million occasional glitch, this album
Oscar and have sex in it. More realistically
miles from is still Patrick’s most cohesive
he’d like glory like any aspiring actor and
the tortured and accessible work yet.
win a Bafta.
adolescent we’ve 4.5/5
seen bearing his Jason Reed
 BAREARTS
barefacts
18 26 February 2007

Brit, Brit Hooray!

BY PATRICK HUNTER
ARTS EDITOR
Well, the time has come again to vote for all
your favourite bands and artists to become
winners of a lovely, lovely BRIT Award…
actually, you’re too late. The nominations
have closed, the votes have been counted, the
winners have been announced, the eagle has
landed, and the ground is moist…
For those of you who with absolutely
no sense of current popular music affairs,
the BRIT Awards is an awards ceremony
celebrating British music.
Founded in 1977, originally named BPI
Awards marked the Queen’s Silver Jubilee
and in that year, saw The Beatles win Best
British Album for “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely
Hearts Club Band’” Cliff Richard win Best
British Male Solo Artist, and Queen win Best
British Single for “Bohemian Rhapsody” (this
actually came joint first with Procol Harum’s
‘A Whiter Shade Of Pale’ – interesting huh?).
In 1989, the name changed to the
Britannia (or BRIT) Awards, which is also a
‘backronym’ for British Record Industry Trust
(incidentally).
Apparently the BRITS always used to be
broadcast live until Samantha Fox and Mick
Fleetwood hosted a disastrous show in 1989
where everything went wrong, although
I like to think Spandau Ballet’s award for
Technical Excellence in 1984 went some way
to achieving the same disastrous effect… The
2007 BRITS were also meant to be broadcast
live, but sound dips and ad-libbing by the
charming Liam Gallagher proved that this
may not be the case…
But anyway. Enough of the factually
fascinating waffle – here are the nominations
and results from this year’s awards, hosted
by the extraordinary Russell Brand at Earl’s
Court… I think a fair assessment of today’s
popular music, although I’m extremely
disappointed with the absence of Chantelle’s
masterpiece… maybe next time…
BRITISH MALE SOLO ARTIST
Won by: James Morrison
Nominees: Jarvis Cocker, Lemar, Paolo
Nutini & Thom Yorke
BRITISH FEMALE SOLO ARTIST
Won by: Amy Winehouse
Nominees: Corinne Bailey Rae, Jamelia
Lily Allen & Nerina Pallot
BRITISH GROUP
Won by: Arctic Monkeys
Nominees:
Kasabian, Muse, Razorlight
& Snow Patrol
MASTERCARD BRITISH ALBUM INTERNATIONAL MALE SOLO
Won by: Arctic Monkeys – Whatever People Won by: Justin Timberlake
Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not Nominees: Beck, Bob Dylan, Damien Rice
Nominees: Amy Winehouse – Back To & Jack Johnson
Black, Lily Allen – Alright Still,
Muse – Black Holes & Revelations & INTERNATIONAL FEMALE SOLO
Snow Patrol – Eyes Open Won by: Nelly Furtado
Beyonce Knowles, Cat Power, Christina
BRITISH SINGLE Aguilera & Pink
Won by:Take That – Patience
Nominees: INTERNATIONAL GROUP
Corinne Bailey Rae – Put Your Records On Won by: The Killers
The Feeling – Fill My Little World Flaming Lips, Gnarls Barkley, Red Hot Chili
James Morrison – You Give Me Something Peppers & Scissor Sisters
Kooks – She Moves In Her Own Way
Leona Lewis – A Moment Like This INTERNATIONAL ALBUM
Lily Allen – Smile Won by: The Killers – Sam’s Town
Razorlight – America Nominees: Bob Dylan – Modern Times
Sandi Thom – I Wish I Was A Punk Rocker Gnarls Barkley – St Elsewhere
Snow Patrol – Chasing Cars Justin Timberlake – FutureSex/LoveSounds
Will Young – All Time Love Scissor Sisters – Ta Dah
BRITISH BREAKTHROUGH ACT INTERNATIONAL BREAKTHROUGH
Won by: Fratellis Won by: Orson
Nominees: Corinne Bailey Rae, James Nominees: Gnarls Barkley, Raconteurs, Ray
Morrison, Kooks & Lily Allen Lamontagne & Wolfmother
BRITISH LIVE ACT OUTSTANDING CONTRIBUTION
Won by: Muse Oasis
Nominees: George Michael, Guillemots,
Kasabian & Robbie Williams bf. arts@gmail.com

I HATE NIGHTCLUBS | I Was A Cub Scout | Albeano
This is not quite as instant as their debut “Pink Squares”, and sadly lacks a rant on its title
subject. Adding revving guitars to their intricate indie electronica makes for a grower with
a great climax though, and confirms them as one of the new bands to watch for this year.
3.5/5 | Iain Forrester
SHINY TOY GUNS
We Are Pilots
Mercury Records
Despite the title of their debut album, Shiny Toy Guns are clearly not pilots. Well they may
be, but I doubt it.
Touring with the likes of Fall Out Boy and My Chemical Romance, they’ve made quite an
impression on the American music scene, and hope to bring their success over here. Having
a male and female lead singer is one of their selling points, and to be honest, it’s all they’ve
got.
So I’ll get straight to the point. If you like bands with a ‘style’ – pretty much most bands you
can think of – then I doubt you’ll like Shiny Toy Guns. Listening to their album is like hitting
‘random’ on an obscure iPod playlist…
The opening track ‘You Are The One’ has your traditional disco/indie feel to it with haunting
organs and quite a good pop chorus, whilst ‘Le Disko’ is like a Peaches/Goldfrapp hybrid with
guitars. ‘When They Came For Us’ sounds a little bit like Danish rockers, Mew, ‘Don’t Cry
Out’ could be a bonus track on the new Killers album, ‘Chemistry Of A Car Crash’ could be
a bonus track on the Get Cape… album, and ALL 12 tracks could easily be confused with
less-than-original B-side rock ‘club remixes’.
Shiny Toy Guns are a combination of dance and rock, and while it’s a good idea in theory,
most of the tracks just don’t cut it.There’s definitely some potential as a live act, but approach
‘We Are Pilots’ with caution.
2/5 | Patrick Hunter
CONNAN AND THE MOCKASINS
Sneaky Sneaky Dogfriend EMI Records
“He’s a sneaky sneaky dogfriend” – not my words, but those sung by New Zealanders Connan
et al. With a lazy trombone solo, multiple out-of-tune voices and a recording most likely
conducted in the bath, this track is simply outstanding. Simple, strange, sexy, brilliant. B-side, ‘I
Nude You’ is equally as fantastic. Blimey I love these guys.
5/5 | Patrick Hunter
THE DECEMBERISTS
The Crane Wife
Rough Trade Records
Despite being out for a while (Released late 2006), the latest offering from The Decemberists
passed many people by and I think it definitely deserves a mention…
But first, a brief history: The Decemberists are a five-piece band from Oregon.
The Crane Wife is a beautiful pop/rock/folk album inspired by a Japanese Folk tale about
an injured Crane and a wife (abridged version), and also features another song cycle (The
Island) which is based on The Tempest by William Shakespeare.The opening track ‘The Crane
Wife 3’ is a glorious mandoliny folk song with the soothing voice of Colin Meloy gently telling
the story.
Track two (The Island) is a twelve and a half minute epic split into 3 movements, and shows
the band’s ‘rockier’ side. Generally, there are almost similarities to Badly Drawn Boy, although
The Decemberists make everything sound far more established and folky.
The fantastic Laura Veirs features on ‘Yankee Bayonet (I Will Be Home Then), turning a
great song into something magical. Another stand out track, ‘Shankill Butchers’, is a gentle
acoustic harmony-ridden masterpiece – so delicate but with a real bite to it.
The Decemberists fourth album has a very mature sound and seems to have sharper
production whilst still maintaining ‘their sound’. If anyone is looking for a subtle transition
from rock to folk, then this album would do you nicely.
4.5/5 | Patrick Hunter
 barefacts
26 February 2007
Eleanor Tyler, Societies Editor on bf.societies@gmail.com
Submit your society’s article, notification of AGM or event to
BY DAN LOADER
YOU DON’T HAVE to have been at the University of Surrey
very long to have heard of Stage Crew. Our posters are
everywhere and everyone seems to have a mate who is, or
knows someone who’s a member of Crew, but quite what we
do, and why we exist is unbeknown to a lot of students.
To put it bluntly, Stage Crew are responsible for providing
lighting, sound, video and rigging for the vast majority of
entertainment events that occur on campus, and a lot of gigs
elsewhere. We’re the largest, most active USSU society, with
SOCIETIES
19
allan
wells
sports
lecture
presents
an evening with
sir steve redgrave
Wednesday 7th March 2007
Drinks Reception - 6.15pm
Lecture - 7.00pm hosted by BBC’s Gary Richardson
Reception and Lecture - School of Management, University of Surrey
Tickets £10 (concessions £5) available from the
University Box Office (open from 8am - 8pm, Mon - Fri)
Telephone: 01483 686876
Email: boxoffice@surrey.ac.uk
over 90 regularly active members, meetings every week and your skills professionally, earning money at external events
at least one event a day, usually many more. for which Stage Crew are contracted.
We provide training to anyone from any background and Not at all technical? It doesn’t matter; Stage Crew is also an
course, regardless of experience (not just geeks and engineers) outlet of creativity for budding set designers, musicians and
and even girls- of which we had a record intake of 3 this producers – every light rig and set needs a design to be seen
semester. Straight out of basic training you can volunteer for and every band and DJ needs a good mix to be heard.
virtually any gig that we’re running, from creating a Fetish We meet every Monday in the Helyn Rose Bar (Underneath
night lighting and DJ rig to mixing sound for 10,000 people at Rubix, next to UniK/Young’s Kitchen) at 18:00. Meetings
Guilfest – half the training is on the job. typically last half an hour.
Besides the enjoyment that can be had from building
things out of 20 feet tall, 3 ton Meccano kit or testing 20kw
subwoofers with your mp3 player, you also get something out
of Stage Crew in the form of a Crew card. Provided a card
holder works at least one event a week, they can use the card
to gain free entry to Rubix, the HRB and USSU events held
elsewhere on campus. This includes the most popular nights
of the year, as long as you can show you’ve worked for crew
in the preceding week there’s no need to buy a ticket.
Stage Crew experience is invaluable for your CV and for
many technical courses such as Electronics and Tonmeister
it provides a lot of hands-on experience with professional
equipment that you otherwise wouldn’t get outside of a
placement year. We also have many opportunities to apply
 MISC.
barefacts
20 26 February 2007

deceive you. For the first time this year, here are some of
Stuck with the Pseudoku on Page 20? Your eyes do not
Pseudoku Answers
those answers you’ve been looking for...
Random Wordsearch

Can you find twenty-five cities visited HONGKONG

by Michael Palin in his 1989 attempt to INNSBRUCK
circumnavigate the globe in 80 days. JEDDAH
LEHAVRE
ALEXANDRIA LONDON
ASPEN LOSANGELES
ATHENS MADRAS
BOMBAY NEWYORK
CAIRO RIYADH
CHICAGO SINGAPORE
DOHA SUEZ
DUBAI TOKYO
FELIXSTOWE VENICE
FOLKESTONE YOKOHAMA
GUANGZHOU
barefacts SPORT
26 February 2007 21

La Perla Mexicana
BY ALEX DODD
There is a phrase that is used really rather often in modern
sports journalism. It is phrase that pops up every couple of
months when, on some wet and windy mud caked Sunday
league football pitch, a scout or a journalist, or even some
overweight, over zealous fan whose best friend is a computer,
posts somewhere, in some form the words; “He’s going to be
the next……….”. It is a phrase that drives me so mad that on
some occasions I have seriously considered standing on the
sidelines of said reserve games and U21 matches with a large
and very mean looking piece of wood, savagely beating down
every fan taking notes at a football match. I have been to
several football matches and all those who have also enjoyed
the spectacle of live football will agree that it is not a location
to pursue a need for literature! However, the exception to
the rule has been discovered, the next generation in not only
football but athleticism has been un-earthed, he will make
men with “BIRMINGHAM CITY TILL I DIE” tattoos on their
foreheads cry and subsequently write poetry such is the
raw fluidity of his skill! His name, is Giovanni Dos Santos
Ramirez.
He has that flamboyant ball control we have come to know
and love through Ronaldinho, the shot power and accuracy
of Eto’o and all this combined with a red hot rapid pace that
makes Theo Walcott look about as talented as Jonny Vegas’s
dietician.Working alongside the best players in the world Dos
Santos has adapted and moulded an unrivalled god-given talent
around the skills of his Barcelona team-mates to create what
the Mexicans have dubbed “La Perla Mexicana”: The Pearl of
Mexico. His first outing in the blue and crimson of that famous
Barcelona shirt was in a friendly against Danish side Aarhus at
the end of last season. His debut was one that would leave an
impact on me that I have only ever experienced once before,
when I watched a precocious 16-year old smash a long range
volley in for Everton all those years ago. Wayne Rooney has
since become a global superstar and it is my belief that what
Dos Santos will achieve inside the next decade will shape
the global game indefinitely into an even more attractive
panorama. He has that beautifully ostentatious, colourful skill
so many Brazilians have showcased on the world stage before
him but Dos Santos has more. His first goal was the first of
three the Spanish side would score against Aarhus but Dos
Santos claimed by far the best of them. Picking the ball up on
the edge of the area he moved swiftly into the Norwegian
penalty box, knocking it to the left of two defenders he raced
passed one and with a slight change of pace he slowed down
enough to brilliantly lift the ball goal-wards between the two
looming Norweign centrebacks with the outside of his left
boot. He then managed to almost instantaneously squeeze
his tiny 5ft 8” frame through the gap after the ball only to
unleash a thunderous shot from the acutest of angles with his
right foot into the opposite top corner.
With all this talent, all this fluent flamboyant football, you
would have thought that very little else from this miniature
Mexicana would shock you. He has been set apart from the
child prodigies of his generation through skill and aptitude
alone but there are a lot more strings to this 5ft 8” magicians
bow. He has adopted a more than impressive humility and
rational level-headed attitude to football, always remaining
astute to the minefields of the professional game yet
always looking poised to crash onto the world stage at the
slightest oppurtunity. His physical similarity to Ronaldinho is
remarkable, as are parts of his game, but when the similarity
was brought to his attention by the media he responded with,
“It’s great to be compared to him; he’s the best player in the
world. He’s a good friend to me and a superb example, he and
Lionel (Messi) have taught me a lot, most of all the rewards to
commitment and hard work showing that if you play well you
can progress through the ranks fast and deservedly.”
He is mentally and technically poised to break into the
Spanish Primera and I hope his entrance into league football
will not be postponed much longer.With very little first team
action in comparison to the experience other talented young
players such as Lionel Messi had received at his age, Dos
Santos is uncomfortable with the lack of top class professional
football he is being exposed to. Moves to Lyon and some
Italian clubs were rumoured through January but Lyon were
not prepared for the youngsters 30 million euro buy out
clause and with no better chance of first team football in Italy
the youngster remained at Barca.
He is unique in his kaleidoscopic range of talent and
unquestionable skill. He is not a Spanish Walcott, the next
Pele or a new Ronaldinho. To say that he is “the next”
anyone would be an insult to both his talent and his humble
personality, he is not the next, nor the new, he is the only
Giovanni Dos Santos.
bf.sport@gmail.com

Surrey Ladies Squash In Top Form

BY MAINE “LIL’ MISS MANIAC” LIM
AFTER PLAYING AGAINST LSE two weeks ago when we whipped them
4-0, the final match of the BUSA tournament saw the Surrey Ladies
Squash team head up to Essex to play.Missing from our team was our
no. 1 player, Rachel “Lil’ Miss Twinkle” Willmott. However, we were
back to our old team from the first year consisting of Kirstie “Lil’
Miss Giggles” Thompson,Amanda “Lil’ Miss Trouble” Goodworth,
Vicky “Lil’ Miss Sunshine” Smith and Maine “Lil’ Miss Maniac” Lim.
After a long 2 hour car ride to Essex, we were all a bit knackered
but yet roaring to get on court! After a quick warm up session,
first on courts were Amanda and Kirstie.Amanda was as accurate
as ever with her precise drop shots and her opponent could do
nothing but be amazed! Manda won her game easily 27-4. Kirstie
on the other court was driving the ball all the way to the back
and her opponent didn’t have any answers to such great shots.
Kirstie won 27-4 as well. Next up were Maine and Vicky. After a
gruelling 5-setter in her last BUSA match against LSE, which Maine
managed a fine comeback to win the match after going down 2
games to 1 and looked like she was going to lose the 4th game,
she had a pretty easy match in comparison. Maine’s opponent had
some fine serves but after getting her act together and with some
winning cross-court shots Maine raced to a 27-4 victory! Vicky’s
opponent had no answers to her powerful serves and fine shots
down the line.Vicky showed no mercy and won 27-0!! With that
we won 4-0 again and headed back to Guildford feeling fantastic!
Recapping the whole BUSA tournament, we’ve beaten
LSE, Essex, UCL, Sussex and Kings. We drew with Reading
and Imperial. We are second in the league table which means
we’ve qualified for the knockout stage. By the time this
article has been published we will also have played against
Plymouth at home. Wish us luck and fingers crossed, we’ll
make it to Birmingham again this year for the semi-finals!!

Keep your sports articles coming in to Matt Cheetham and Anthony Hanson on: bf.sport@gmail.com
We accept all types of Sports articles; whether it be writing in about your own sports club here at the University, entering
one of our great competitions or responding to one of the topics discussed here already!
 SPORT
barefacts
22 26 February 2007

barefacts Sport - Bringing the Heat!

BY ANTHONY HANSON minutes, but the actual length of a match is nearer to two hours.
SPORTS EDITOR This is because the match clock stops when the ball is not in Guildford Heat Tickets
play, for example after a foul. This is in addition to intervals
IT’S SHOWTIME! such as time-outs and breaks in between the quarters and at
Guildford Heat – Editor’s perspective half-time. However, even when the basketball players are not Tickets are on sale
strutting their stuff at these times, the action keeps rolling. The NOW from the
GUILDFORD HEAT KINDLY invited barefacts Sport down to the cheerleaders display polished performances to keep the fans Students
Guildford Spectrum to watch their title-winning team, and geed up. The club often invite their younger fans to participate
having never attended a live top-level basketball game, we were in competitions during these breaks in play, and these can be
Union Shop
intrigued to say the least. With our interest piqued, we made supported as vociferously as the actual match itself! All of this is Price: £5
our way down to the home of the Heat, the Furnace, located in allied to entertaining array of pumping music throughout, which Includes free return
the Guildford Spectrum.
The first thing that struck barefacts Sport was just how well
maintains the crowd’s suitably frenzied state. And we must give
a special mention to Scorcher, the team mascot, who showers
bus travel to the
supported the Guildford Heat is. We were expecting crowds of the crowd with sweets and attempts spectacular trampoline- Spectrum Arena from
around three or four hundred, but were pleasantly surprised to assisted slam dunks and impossible backward throws from the Uni or town centre
find out the numbers were regularly exceeding 1000 people, and half-way line. Often unsuccessfully.
are growing all the time. This may be in part due to the fact the If you have never attended a Guildford Heat match and
Heat have already won the British Basketball League (BBL) cup, are stuck for something interesting and affordable we would
Next home games:
and are also on course to win the league, currently with a two definitely suggest you check out one of their matches at their
point lead over their nearest rivals (at time of print). This makes home down at the Spectrum. The atmosphere is electric, the Sunday 11th March
for an intimate and intimidating environment in the Furnace,
and the supporters cackle with glee as unnerved opposition
pace is frenetic and most importantly the action is of a high
quality, tense and enormously entertaining. And because they
Leicester Riders
players buckle under the pressure of the immense noise levels have such a great team this year more often than not you leave Tip-Off 3pm
generated by the fans when taking free throws. The next thing with a curious warm glow of satisfaction. Even if you do not
we noticed was that the crowd consisted of all types of people of believe yourself to be a basketball fan this is an experience you Sunday 18th March
all different ages. This is sporting entertainment that is available should try at least once.
and appealing to everyone. It was pleasing to see the number
Worcester Wolves
of families and young children in attendance, able to enjoy high- Tip-Off 3pm
quality, clean action, making a change from some of the more
industrial scenes you may see at, for example, a football match.
With a squad size of eleven, you get a sense of the camaraderie
Wednesday 4th April
that exists within the squad, and get a feeling they players are Chester Jets
out there playing for each other. The playing and non-playing Tip-Off 7.30pm
staff are very accessible and accommodating towards their
supporters, and are easy to talk to. There is a tangible sense of
community at the Guildford Heat, with everyone pulling in the
Sunday 8th April
same direction. London United
Our experience of a match is that it is not just a sporting
Picture courtesy of Andy Bowler
Tip-Off 3pm
spectacle, but a show. A match consists of four quarters of 10

BBL League Table Competition

To win one of five Guildford Heat t-shirts

simply complete this sentence. “Guildford
Heat are so hot…”
The winner and his/her answer will be
posted in the next issue of barefacts.

www.guildfordheat.com
www.ussu.co.uk/heat
barefacts
26 February 2007
BY MATT CHEETHAM
Football Talk
SPORTS EDITOR
Welcome to Football Talk. Over the past few weeks the FA
Cup has returned, leaving us an interesting Quarter-final line
up. One of Plymouth or Watford will find themselves in the
Semi-finals thanks to the recent draw, certainly providing a
highlight of the season for one of the two clubs. Chelsea
banked another home tie, but surely have a much tougher
test against a possibly revived Tottenham (after their display
against Fulham in the previous round). England played against
Spain, and - the pain - we looked hugely mediocre, lacking any
form of firepower, and bar Foster in goal and the defence,
there were few positives to take from the game.
Response - England
I have had a few e-mails saying Matty Taylor should have
made the England squad. I agree there should have been
experimentation, if not Taylor then Leighton Baines or Gareth
Barry should have been tried at left back. It was a friendly; as
well as Phil Neville has played this season, we have seen him
rack up 50 odd caps, we know what he can do. It was the
perfect chance to give someone an opportunity. Neville will
probably play England’s next game at left back if Ashley Cole
and Wayne Bridge remain absent, someone should have been
given the opportunity to come in and provide competition.
As for in central midfield, I can forgive McLaren for having
another go with Gerrard and Lampard if it was just to finally
realise they cannot play together in central midfield. I would
argue it is a similar situation to Chelsea’s, as Ballack and
Lampard naturally want the same role, and struggle in the
same team - though Lampard seems to perform perfectly
well for Chelsea, seemingly crowding out the German. Either
the system (drag Gerrard out to the right) or the personnel
must surely change. Suppose England possessed two of the
best right backs in the world, McLaren would have to drop
one, you cannot have such similar, dominating, attacking
midfielders in central midfield, both of whom are used to
running the show at their clubs. Put in a Carrick and on
paper the side looks exciting, but it limited us to barely a shot
against Spain. Possibly having a ball winner like Hargreaves in
there is a last solution to the problem; otherwise a line must
be drawn under the issue.
Response - Big Teams
I have also had a lot of response over the ‘What makes a
big team’ debate. Many Arsenal fans are incensed that I put
Question Third
With Caption Third’s popularity slightly waning we have
decided to spice things up and create QUESTION THIRD…
answer these tricky sporting question, and receive exclusive
prizes for all correct answers
Name the only player to have played in the Manchester,
Merseyside, and Old Firm derbies?
Name one (possibly the only) player to have won the
Champions League, UEFA Cup, FA Cup, and Premier
SPORT
them slightly behind Liverpool and Manchester United due to
heritage and attendance. Certainly now,Arsenal’s attendances
are bigger than Liverpool’s, with the fabulous new Emirates
stadium. In fact this season, Manchester United lead the way
in attendance charts, then Arsenal, then Newcastle (big team?)
before Liverpool finally come in fourth, with over 15,000 fans
fewer than Arsenal get. Yet that has only just occurred, and
Liverpool are also after a new stadium in the near future
that will surely boost their attendances. The season before
Arsenal were only sixth on the list, behind Manchester City,
whereas Liverpool were third. The Gunners would have
been behind Liverpool in this chart for many seasons before
this as well.
Arsenal fans surely cannot put one season of greater
attendance, and a great heritage; (13 League titles, 12
domestic Cups and 2 various European trophies), but never-
the-less a heritage less than that of Liverpool’s (18 League
titles, 11 various European success – including 5 Champions
League wins – and 14 domestic Cups) and also Manchester
United’s (17 League titles, 13 domestic Cups and 5 European
achievements). Clearly these are not reasons to be ranked
as highly. Just my opinion, but keep the debate going Arsenal
fans. Some people feel it is all down to heritage in determining
big clubs, clubs like Nottingham Forest and Leeds will always
remain big. Surely diminishing attendances and recent success
tarnish this perception though. Keep these debates raging,
there are many sides to the story.
Small Teams?
To spice it up further, what makes a small club, teams like
Wimbledon, Southampton, Charlton, Portsmouth and Wigan
League? (question provided by P.Gomez)
Which is the only team in the Football League where it is
impossible to ‘fill in’ any of the letters?
Who was the first German born man to win Wimbledon?
Send your answers to bf.sport@gmail.com ... good luck!!
23
have all been described as small teams during their time at
the top level. But they have all had good league finishes, all
have finished in the top ten of the Premier League, and some
have played in Europe. Does that not make them a big club
at that time? What’s your opinion, would a current match
between Portsmouth and say a Leeds or a Nottingham Forest
see Portsmouth as the smaller side involved? Surely not?
Champion’s League
As Sir Alex Ferguson recently said, the Champion’s League
really starts from now. The smaller teams are out and the
giants begin facing off. By the time you are reading this,
Liverpool and Barcelona will have clashed, as will Real Madrid
and Bayern Munich. These are certainly two huge fixtures not
to be missed for football fans. So is there actually a point to
the extensive group stages of this tournament? In my opinion
no, the bigger teams don’t take it as seriously, players are
rested, and it’s just another reason for managers to complain
about match congestion if their team does not win. If these
big teams faced off in the group stages, it would probably be
over-hyped, players would be rested, and the game would be
dull, both sides would know that they would both be highly
likely to qualify in the end. Whereas now, in the knockout
stages, the teams have to post their best XI’s as results have
to occur. I would play a continual two legged qualifying round,
that would eventually leave sixteen teams such as the ones
left in the competition. The bigger teams would enter much
later based on a European ranking system. Therefore matches
would always be knockout, which should provide excitement,
and there would not be quite as many games for the bigger
teams likely to go all the way.
Again I just finally want to say, if you enjoy reading and writing
into Football Talk, then I’m now on GU2 with presenter
Barny Leavers. He has a sports show every Monday 3-4 and
Thursday 2-3 that I now join him on, and we talk over all
things sport. On Thursdays we discuss the Uni team’s results
as well. Any call ups or emails into the show would be well
received and discussed on air.
Keep your responses to these topics and any topics you want
brought up in future columns coming in, as well as any sports
related articles to bf.sport@gmail.com
Any general enquiries should be directed to either Matt Cheetham
or Anthony Hanson (Sports Editors).
PLACE DRINK
HERE
 SPORT
barefacts
24 26 February 2007

BY WALAA KHUBIEH
Premiership for sale?
IN JUNE 2003, a little-known, Saratov-born billionaire by the
name of Roman Abramovich, put pen to paper and signed a
contract to purchase a West London football team named
Chelsea. Little did we know that this event would utterly
transform the look of English football. Perhaps the scale of
this revolution is best understood by acknowledging that
before the arrival of the Roman Empire, Chelsea had only ever
topped the league a meagre once - and that was in 1955.
In his first season Abramovich, managed to clinch 2nd
position in the Premiership; not content, however, Roman
traded in Italian Blues manager Claudio Ranieri for a much
more, shall we say, ‘colourful’ character, José Mourinho. Since
then Chelsea F.C have topped the league in two consecutive
years, and although they currently trail Manchester United,
they are still serious contenders to attain the trophy again
this season, thus extending their run to three wins. In the
space of nearly four years Roman Abramovich has established
this London club into one of the biggest European household
names.
With each passing year it seems that yet another English
Premier League club falls to foreign ownership. And it is not
hard to identify what attracts this horde of potential buyers;
after all, no other football league is as globally popular or
comes with quite the glamour factor as the Premiership. Clubs
with a fruitful tradition behind them and with lucrative TV
deals are attracting billionaires looking for a sporting chance
to make more profit by marketing the game and promoting
their businesses. It seems that Mr.Abramovich has sparked off
a ‘takeover’ trend with a string of Premiership clubs yearning
for their very own multi-millionaire to come along and thrust
them into the throes of success.
In 2005 American tycoon Malcolm Glazer, much to the
despair of countless fans, took control over Manchester
United, and soon this route was followed by other clubs; Randy
Lerner purchased Aston Villa in 2006, Russian-descendant-
turned-French-businessman Alexandre Gaydamak secured
Portsmouth F.C the same summer, and more recently,
Icelandic Eggert Magnusson joined the growing bevy of foreign
investors with his acquisition of West Ham United. Alongside
Fulham F.C owner, Mohammed Al-Fayed (who, by making his
move back in 1997, was way ahead of the gang) and Liverpool
F.C, who have just been bought by American partners Tom
Hicks and George Gillett, this brings our internationally-
owned club tally to seven out of twenty
Premiership teams.
Although the profit-driven motives of
international investors for buying shares
in football is seemingly clear-cut we
cannot help but speculate as to why clubs
seem almost too eager to accommodate
these advances. Liverpool Football Club’s
Chief Executive Rick Parry has been
quoted saying that the approaches of
Dubai International Capital LLC and the
Hicks-Gillett partnership are ‘the latest
step(s) on the road of finding the long
term investment the club needs’. Is this
not the same club that publicly rejected
former Thai PM Thaksin Shinawatra’s
attempt at buying the club two years
ago, citing that the deal would have been
too difficult to sell to the English public,
particularly the club’s loyal army of fans, for top clubs could only be bad news for smaller, local clubs,
as one of the primary reasons? especially newly promoted sides. Whilst a glance at the
But the reality of the matter is that it is a daunting uphill bottom of the Premier League table momentarily confirms
struggle for clubs that have to compete with a club like these fears- promoted side Watford, who are seven points
Chelsea. Abramovich relentlessly spends more on his team away from safety, unfortunately seem to have all the odds
than any other man ever has on any club- he is estimated stacked up against them to stay up- it would, however, be
to have cashed in over £440 million of his own money into unfair to assume that this theory reflects the situations of
Chelsea, and with that kind of spending power, very few, if all promoted sides. Sheffield United, despite a slow start to
any, football clubs can challenge his financial dominance. He their season, are currently in 15th position, and five points
has the ability to price any other team out of the market. clear of the relegation zone, whilst Reading, having surpassed
Not a great number of other clubs would have been quite expectations, occupy the 6th spot- if they manage to uphold
as prepared to shell out a hefty £30 million for 30 year old their position Reading will be competing in European club
striker Andriy Shevchenko; and I feel it is safe to presume football next season. In my opinion, it is highly refreshing to
that not many clubs would gladly fork out £21 million for a witness a club like Reading, without the same resources as
young, promising Shaun Wright-Phillips, only to nonchalantly some other top Premiership clubs, surprise sports followers
relegate him to the bench and watch his talent waste away. with their impressive football displays. I feel that if a team
This process of pumping sky-high sums of money into football manages to hold its own in a league that consists of some of
begets the growing concern that the sheer power of money is the richest football clubs in the world, then we have a cause
destroying the beautiful game. How can competition survive for celebration.
when an oligarch like Abramovich is able to wave off the Another question we may need to consider is how long will
millions he has lost in a single season, as if he were merely ‘resistant’ clubs, such as Arsenal F.C and Newcastle United,
paying a parking fine? Who can blame a club like Liverpool avoid this fad before succumbing? These developments over
F.C. for jumping on the bandwagon when it appears to be the the last few years confirm what some football fans may hate
only means of maintaining their status as major competitors to hear- that football is becoming a brand, and a winning
for silverware? brand speaks louder than what happens on the pitch.
You would think that this sudden fever of foreign investment

On the road to greatness? A polite notice

BY ANTHONY HANSON he remains at number 13 in the world. On his way Once you’re done reading this issue of barefacts, please recycle it.
SPORTS EDITOR to this ranking he has beaten the likes of Lleyton
Hewitt, Andy Roddick and the seemingly invincible You can use the recyling bins in your halls, or the ones located in
ON THE 19TH of February Britain’s 19-year old tennis Roger Federer. If he can avoid a poor run of form most departments.Thank you!
star Andy Murray, won the second ranking ATP title similar to that which befell him after his maiden
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after retaining breaking into the hallowed environs of the world’s to the relevant editorial team member before Friday 2 March.
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