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Is your child spoiled?

If your children are spoiled, you will know it. The “symptoms” are: they are rude to you and
to other adults, they don’t share with other children, they will act bossy and demand to be
the first in line, they don’t answer your questions or their teachers’ and ignore instructions;
when denied a new toy or treat, they will cry, yell or “fight” with you.

Are you feeling defeated? Many parents do. But, it is not too late to curb spoiled behavior. In
fact, the parents must realize that their child’s happiness and future depend on it. A spoiled
child will face difficulties in life because of their incapacity to understand their and other
people feelings, to listen and to react accordingly, to share feelings and not only with the
others, to develop healthy relationships, to learn from their own mistakes etc.

Also, when spoiled youngsters become spoiled teenagers, they are more prone to excessive
self-absorption, lack of self-control, anxiety and depression. If you give kids so much early
on, they get to a point where they can’t be satisfied with anything.

So, where do you start? Here you have few ideas:

1. Commit yourself wholeheartedly to stop spoiling your children.


If you do it halfway, it is better than not at all, but it is not going to work until you really
do it.
2. Replace empty threats with clear, calm, concise instructions.

Kids hear their parents say, ‘stop, no, it’s the last time.’ All the screaming and the counting to
three and the threats -- we have trained them to ignore us for 11 hours because they know
that in the 12th hour, they’re going to get their way.
Remember: say what you mean. If you just say the words and say what is going to happen
and stick to it, that is what has the power- the consequence. And you don’t even have to yell.
Also, avoid the trap of over-explaining or haggling endlessly over routine matters, such as
tooth- brushing, turning off the video game, or bedtime. Your child will only argue with you or
eventually, stop listening.
3. Provide consistent discipline and consequences.

Actions speak louder than words. Cut the chatter and provide concrete
consequences. Is tooth-brushing a problem for your child? Try no treats for the entire
next day. No warnings, no threats, just a total prohibition of sugar and sweets for the
next 24 hours. Does he refuse to pick up his toys? Put them all away for a few days,
period. At first, your child may whine and cry, but don’t give in to tantrums. Children
need to grow used to handling reasonable limits without feeling devastated, rejected,
and unloved.

4. Avoid rescuing or overprotecting your child.


Is your daughter always late for school? Stop nagging and let her suffer the consequences of
constant tardiness. It sounds simple, but most parents are quick to rush in and rescue.

5. Ask yourself if you’re overindulging your child materially.


Many parents shower their children with gifts and never require them to earn something on
their own. But spoiling your children with all the toys, clothes, and electronic gadgets they
want deprives them of important life lessons, such as saving up for a treasured possession. If
you get everything, you don’t learn gratitude. If you never have to wait, you don’t learn
patience.

6. Stay on Track

Despite a parent’s best intentions to stop spoiling a child, lots of things can derail the effort,
experts say, including fatigue or being overwhelmed by work responsibilities or marital
troubles. Parents will backslide and undermine their progress.
Remember: your children might hate you now, but love you later. They will not appreciate the
changes now, but later in life. We raise our children for the future, not for this moment. And,
because we can’t predict the future, it is our duty to raise them ready for everything, good or
bad.

7. Be consistent and work together as a team ( mother and father TOGETHER)


It is crucial for the parents to work together and to stick to the decisions one of them makes,
even if you don’t fully agree with it. This is the first rule the parents must stick to.

Why do the parents spoil their children?

Children don’t become spoiled because they’re innately bad. . Instead, a “spoiling” parent who
doesn’t provide limits and structure can foster self-centered behavior in kids.
parents spoil their children for myriad reasons. They’re unsure about how to discipline
children, they’re too tired and overworked to make an effort, they’re afraid of damaging their
youngster’s self-esteem, or they fear that their children will become angry and dislike them.
And, here’s a biggie: some parents spoil their children intentionally because it feels good.
They find it gives them true pleasure to see their child happy, and they just always want that to
happen.
No one is advocating a return to a strict and distant child-rearing style from the past. But
today’s parent-child relationships, marked by more emotional closeness, spontaneity, and friendship,
pose both advantages and pitfalls.
Today’s parents tend to be less comfortable with their authority. Instead of telling their child
what to do, they ask. Demands become questions. Questions become special elections.
For example, “Look at what ‘Please hand me that stick’ can morph into at the playground”:
"'Can you pretty please give Mommy the stick, and then we’ll go to the candy store?”
But a child who controls parents is actually out of control.
How often didn’t you see couples “walking on eggshells” around their preschooler to avoid triggering
the boy’s rages? But why was he so angry? In part, he felt frightened of his own aggression because
even his parents, rather than stand up to him, would give in to him.
Kids want their parents to be parents. A child needs boundaries and structure to grow and will seek
them when they are absent. A child who perpetually pesters her parent may be searching for the limits
she needs to grow straight. Her demanding and destructive behaviour is meant, to a great degree, to
test you, her parent, to find out what outrageous reaction will finally get you to react -- constructively.
Unchecked, a child’s sense of entitlement and spoiled behaviour can spill over into the classroom,
sports team, and play dates, causing rejection from other children. So, they will be the first ones to
know that their selfishness is getting in the way. They will show you, even as they’re defending
themselves, that they’re envious of kids who aren’t selfish.
Do not be afraid to change things. Sooner or later your children will thank you and will benefit
from this changes.

Good luck!