DANGEROUS

By Milo Yiannopoulos

My name is MILOilo, and I’m a master of many things – being hot, sucking dick,
triggering snowflakes, and the fine art of trolling. I have many incredible features, but of
all the things I love about me, I think my greatest trait is my modesty. "WH-WHAT?", I
hear you cry. "B-B-BUT THAT'S A CONTRADICTION!" Ha! Looks like I've trolled
you. You didn't expect me to end that sentence with "modesty", but I am a subversive,
Ddangerous maverick. Commented [A1]: You don’t need to capitalise
this

For the uninitiated (where have you been?!), I'm a cultural movement and style icon who
started out as a tech blogger and columnist for the radical British publication the Daily
Telegraph. After taking the UK by storm in 2010 as recurring debate filler on Channel 4's
10 O'Clock Live, and getting Jimmy Carr (one of the few funny lefties) to sign my
Motorola Xoom, I crossed the Atlantic to grab America by the bussyboy pussy. I
impacted half a dozen industries; publishing (hello!), gaming (rescuing it from girls),
education (promoting campus rape), petroleum (how do you think I keep my skin so
flawless? 😉), textiles (I’m banned from 14 different branches of J.Crew Factory), and Commented [A2]: No emojis
aerospace (smuggled an AK-47 onto a flight so United would tighten up their pat-downs,
for horny and racist reasons). Eventually I became too big to constantly search my own
name on Twitter and got offered a book deal for this book you're reading right now. I'm Commented [A3]: Don’t reference the
the faggot everyone loves, hates, or loves to hate. I'm like Marmite, but fabulous. publishing process
Commented [A4]: What is “Marmite”?
What are trolls, you ask? A prime example is the much-maligned alt-right. I'm popular
with young conservatives because I say the things they wish they could, like "my liberal
professor is a cuntbad" and "my frosted tips are cool", but when they photoshop Nazi Commented [A5]: Explain this for readers who
uniforms onto cartoon frogs, not because they are neo-Nazis, but because it winds up may not be familiar with alt-right terminology

establishment columnists, and because they're neo-Nazis, they can have their lives ruined
for it by hysterical progressives. This isn’t fair. But trolling must have a purpose; the
difference between trolling and cruelty is that cruelty has no purpose except to hurt
someone. I don’t set out to hurt people; I’m simply crusading for truth. My favourite Commented [A6]: Add something like this
thing about trolling is the cruelty. I love to be cruel, and specifically to hurt people. It's
what I live for. Cruelty and hurting people is actually good, and the only thing I am
interested in doing. It's just a shame that trolling leftardsists is so boring and easy. I'd Commented [A7]: Obfuscate this
rather be at home chowing down on a nice big black old dick. That's right – black dick! If
I'm having sex with blacks, I can't be racist. If you leftardsists think I'm racist, how about Commented [A8]: Rephrase this – it comes
you take it up with the fat black SPERM in my MOUTH? (The sperm itself is white, across a bit like you're saying you can't be racist
because you have sex with blacks
though, and superior to all the gross yellow cum ugly left-wing boysmen have.)

Yes, I'm a degenerate non-conformist taboo-busting faggot, and I oppose gay rights for
subversive radical reasons. Who wants to get married? That's for boring straight people!
Didn't expect that from a conservative, did you? As paradoxical as it might seem, gay Commented [A9]: Needs more of an argument
men should protest societal oppression by remaining in the closet and advocating to keep than just prefacing with “As paradoxical as it
might seem,”
homophobic laws. The taboos I am rebelling against should stay there so I can rebel
against them, and I'm Catholic so that I can rebel against myself I guess, also Muslim
homophobia is specifically unacceptable, anyway it seems straight male sexuality is what
it seems is most stigmatised now, actually. Commented [A10]: This could do with more
intellectual rigor

The fact is, the gender pendulum has swung too far in favour of women. Statistically,
men are more likely to commit suicide, die in workplace accidents, or get murdered – and
yet women are the ones winning custody battles. We need more women getting
murdered, dying in workplaces, and killing themselves – and men must reap the orphans.
Even Star Wars has been crushed by the iron pussy of feminism, with the totally
unrealistic presence of women in the new films. In real life, a woman could never pilot
the Millennium Falcon like that. Sorry, snowflakes, I like facts, not feelings. Fuck Ben
Shapiro by the way. Short-ass beta cuck didn't want to be my friend. His loss.

Feminists are ugly bitches. I specifically hate feminists because they're bitches who are Commented [A11]: Try to articulate your
ugly. Rape isn't even that big of a deal. Once this woman protested "rape culture" by problems with feminists without calling them ugly
bitches
describing her brutal bloody rape in Rolling Stone. Hot! I have a lot of rape fantasies! As
it turned out, so did she – it was a lie and didn't happen. To clarify, rape is bad, but AS IF
women on campuses are being raped at levels comparable to Bongo Bongo Land. Commented [A12]: Consider something less
Feminists are just jealous they can't get any dick – unlike me! And don't get me started on racist

"male feminists". Yeah, more like "male too-ugly-to-fuck-bitches-without-being-

feminists"! All ugly retarded males grow up to be pussy-whipped soy boys or school
shooters. Triggered much? Are yoU mad? Commented [A13]: Don't make fun of school
shooters. This is one of our key demographics

To get serious for a second (I promise the funny stuff about fat feminists is coming back
soon), the left used to care about blue-collar workers, before they abandoned them for
petty identity politics in 1964, and now they've betrayed whiteordinary working-class
people in favour of disabled black lesbians who drink lattes. Donald Trump (daddy) – Commented [A14]: Well argued. More like this
and before him, Margaret Thatcher (grandaddy) – was right when he said that identity
politics and name-calling is what fat hairy cuntspeople do when they don't have any
arguments left. Barack Obama's infamous 2008 quip that former working-class
communities are "a bunch of pasty ass fucking honkies" who "deserve to be sentenced to
the death penalty for being racist against me, and also transphobic" epitomized the new Commented [A15]: Word-for-word?
attitude of the left.

ADVERTISEMENT: BUY MILO SWAG! SWAG BY MILO: ON SALE NOW.

DANGEROUS BOUTIQUE Commented [A16]: This undercuts your
argument

In the 1920s, Italian Marxist Antonio Gramsci argued that "the working class, is actually
bad. I fucking love champagne, and also lattes". Fast forward to just yesterday, when
some campus dykewoman called me a "coke bloat Zoolander looking ass motherfucker".
This line of thinking is directly descended from the ideological tradition of Gramsci. If
you've ever wondered why students across America are all legally obliged to get locked Commented [A17]: Confirm
in rooms while hairy women scream "DIVERSITY" and "GENDER" at them... well, now
you know who to blame (Gramsci).

Wow, I'm getting good at this! I should become a professor. And frankly a teaching
position is about the only position I haven't tried, if you know what I mean. To make up Commented [A18]: No I don’t?
for that intellectual workout, this paragraph is just going to be the word "butthurt" a lot.
Butthurt. Butthurt butthurt butthurt. Butthurt. Butthurt butthurt butthurt butthurt. Butthurt.
Butthurt. BUTTHURT. Butthurt butthurt butthurt le butthurt. Butthurt butthurt butthurt
butthurt butthurt butthurt butthurt butthurt butthurt, butthurt butthurt butthurt butthurt
butthurt butthurt butthurt, butthurt; butthurt butthurt butthurt butthurt butthurt butthurt
butthurt butthurt butthurt butthurt butthurt butthurt butthurt. Commented [A19]: This will be one of the most
hotly scrutinized paragraphs. Consider rewriting it

And why not? The irony is, I'm a Jew, but they call me an anti-semite. I'm a faggot, but
they call me homophobic. I love black dick, but they call me racist. I hate transpeople,
but they call me transphobic. With the left, you just can't win. Professors are out there
telling their disgusting crazy trans students it's okay for them to identify as an "attack Commented [A20]: This diminishes your
helicopter". What next – an attack helicopter? The irony is, progressives hate minorities. authority

If you're black, they'll ask if you're a woman. If you're a woman, they'll ask if you're
black. If you're a black woman, they'll ask if you're a disabled lesbian. If you're a disabled
black lesbian, they'll ask if you're an attack helicopter. If you're an attack helicopter,
they'll say "fuck you, I'm a pacifist". With the left, you just can't win.

I was famously banned from Twitter simply for saying I didn't like the new Ghostbusters,
in one of the most devastating affronts to free speech in American history. There have
been countless great minds censored by Twitter, like myself, Tila Tequila, and those
Britney Fucked Vids bots, just because liberals ginned up a panic about "trolls" and
"death threats". Oh, super convenient coincidence how the death threats that feminist
whingers complain about always seem to be directed at feminist whingers, right? Jack
Dorsey is gay anyway, and I’m only banned because he’s jealous I won’t suck him off.

"You cannot imagine what I've had to endure. I have borne the very wrath of God.
Chosen to suffer like no man before."

Yes, I studied Shakespeare at school, and it's fitting that the quote I've chosen is from
All's Well That Ends Well, because all is NOT well, and it HASN'T ended well – for the Commented [A21]: This is from Dracula 2000
left, that is, whose attempts to suppress me have proved them to be the most tyrannical
political bent of all. After having a Twitter account with a blue checkmark, fFree speech
is the most important right in America. The importance of transgression in comedy is
acknowledged by many comic greats, like Bill Maher, Sam Hyde, and
@JennyJohnsonHi5. Many liberal-leaning creators are now pushing back against the
regressive left, like Ricky Gervais (even I shed a tear at 'Derek'), that Lionel Shriver dude Commented [A22]: This seems made up
(Kevin is SUCH a good troll), and my literary hero Bret Easton Ellis (the only author
who can write a truly likeable and relatable protagonist).

Twitter had longed for an excuse to censor me since GamerGate, the campaign I led on
behalf of gamers, who had no rights and in some states could literally be thrown in jail
just for playing games, against games journalists who prioritised feminism over good Commented [A23]: This doesn't have the
graphics and exciting gameplay. Those are the only questions a game review needs to weight of fact

address: are the graphics good? Is the gameplay exciting? We crusaded for a return to the
days of quality games journalism, when magazines had separate scores for "Graphics",
"Sound", "Gameplay", "Longevity", and “Frame Rate”, and they'd add them together to
calculate the correct total score. You can’t do that with pretentious “art games” like 'Gone
Home', 'Depression Quest', and ‘Wolfenstein’. What's the point of art with constituent
elements that aren't trivially easy to quantify, except to brainwash gamers into being
beret-wearing pussies? Feminists even objected to online gamer culture, just because
they're always saying "oh I'm going to fucking rape and dismember you" and other
harmless banter like that. The fucktards and slutspeople who feel threatened by this
language don't play online games for some reason anyway, so no harm done.

The left are the real hateful ones. Socialists hate the financially successful. Black Lives
Matter hate alive white people. FagsLGBT activists hate Godfundamentalist Christians.
They'll even turn on minorities if they betray their so-called "class interests". Feminists
who suggest that convicting absolutely ALL rapists might just not be the absolute best
idea in the world are called "internalised misogynists". Black people who dare show the
slightest hesitation at committing white genocide are called "Uncle Toms", "Bamboozled
Blacks", and "House N***ers" (my editor told me that I'd have to put asterisks in that, Commented [A24]: Please don't mention me.
but you can probably guess what it is – clue: it's not "Nutters"!). They even call me a
"self-hating" gay, just because I'm gay and hate gay people. It makes no sense. The whole
point of this book is to explain, in detail, why everyone ELSE hates me. I'm totally secure
in myself. You have it the wrong way round. Almost like it's... "fake news".
Fake news! Now there's an oxymoron if ever I heard one. Newsflash, libtards: all news is
real. That's why it's called "news", libtards. Mark Zuckerberg, or No-Mark Zuckerberg as
we call him at Breitbart, has ordered Facebook to label supposed "fake news" stories with
warnings from biased communists like Politifact, which once took an obviously
metaphorical statement from Donald Trump ("Hillary Clinton is a pedophile – she broke
into my house and splayed her big old asshole right in front of my dear son Barron, and
got horny doing disgusting little rabbit shits all over my beautiful mink rug"), interpreted
it literally, and rated it "100% false". Let that sink in for a moment. Mark Zuckerberg, or
Snowflark Zuckersafespace as we call him at Breitbart, is a perpetrator of fake news
himself. The irony is so delicious, I could wash it down with a bottle of San Pellegrino
(my sophisticated libation of choice).

The real "fake news" is all these people saying I'm the "leader of the alt-right" or a
"Nazi". How could I be? I'm a Jew myself. In fact, everyone at Breitbart supports Israel,
which no far-right movement would ever do, and honestly I think foreskins are pretty
gross (why do you think I moved away from the United Smegdom?). Yes, the alt-right Commented [A25]: Oh my god
had a fringe of cheeky Reichsters, who think the Holocaust was a "Holohoax"
(newsflash, Nazis: it Holohappened) and want to ban "race-mixing"
(nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Not my black dick!). But this was just one
of many factions of the alt-right, which also included dissident intellectuals, cool
rebellious teens, and powerful anime characters. Yes, it's all Nazis now, but I disavowed
them within like 6 months of that happening so don't hop on my dick (I'm a bottom, if
any black guys are reading this). Still, you've got to give them their dues – they've
widened the boundaries of discourse such that I'm a respectable moderate centrist now, so
thanks guys!

These days, I spread the MILOilo love on my Dangerous Faggot Tour. I've come across
(I don't mean like ejaculated – well, not always) so many amazing people. The brave
woman who was sick of men desperately virtue-signalling by not sexually assaulting her.
The brave Arab girl who fled Muslim oppression only to have to fend off liberals trying
to put a hijab on her. The brave veteran whose life was saved after he was discharged
from the military thanks to Don't Ask Don't Tell and the rest of his squad got captured
and killed by Al-Qaeda. Even the haters, like all these disgusting blue-haired (hair dye is
abhorrent to me) autistic crybabiespeople who protest my lectures, or the BLM activist Commented [A26]: This undermines your
who invaded my stage before slipping in the fake blood she brought to protest, hurtling credibility

into the crowd, and getting mauled by white supremacists (look, I didn't specifically
invite them). And this is just in the colleges brave enough to host me, the most disinvited
campus speaker ever. (What’s with all this inviting me THEN banning me? Way to send
out mixed messages, guys! No wonder so many students get raped.)

Funny how it’s only right-wingers who get no-platformed. Imagine the uproar if
universities suppressed leftist speech, like pro-Palestine events or whatever. I don't see
media coverage of that, so presumably it never happens. (I mean, are relefttardsists going
to start complaining about "fake LACK OF news"? Make up your minds!) The fact is,
progressives are the establishment now, and the only way to fight the establishment is to
speak out against campus disinvitations, stand up for liberty, and defend to the death our
great American right to free speech, for liberals and fascists alike buy SWAG By Milo.

Let’s round this book off with a poem to my haters.

You can't stop shouting at me, calling at me, be what I be,

You can't stop looking at me,
So get up out my way,
You can't stop YouTube-ing me,
On repeat, runnin' this beat,
You can't stop, it's funny to me,
I'm laughing all the way

Get on the floor, get, get, get on the floor

Get, get, get on the floor
Get, get, get on the floor
I got it in check

Swagger jagger, swagger jagger

You should get some of your own
Count that money, get your game up
You're a hater, just let it go

Swagger jagger, swagger jagger

You should get some of your own
Count that money, get your game up
Get your game up, get your game up

Hi hater, kiss kiss

I'll see you later
Hi hater,
It was very, very, very nice to meet you

Thank you to my fans, thank you to my haters for making me famous, thank you to God
for making me so hot, thank you to my personal trainer for helping, thank you to black
dick, thank you to my editor, and thank you to Simon & Schuster.

[Note to editor, who I trust hasn't had to do any work up to this point: please insert a GIF
of me with sunglasses descending onto my face and the caption "DEAL WITH IT"] Commented [A27]: We're rescinding your
advance.