Dear Srila Gurudeva,

om
vande gurunam charanaravinde
sandarshita svatma sukhavabhodhe
nishreyase jangali kayamane
samsara halahala moha shantyai

I pray to the lotus feet of guru, who reveals our true self,
blissful and knowing. The guru is like a doctor within this
material jungle, for he is able to remove the venom of
repeated birth and death by freeing us from illusion and
bestowing peace.

An unrehearsed outpour of the heart:

[Personal import of the above sloka]

Oh Gurudeva, I bow to your lotus feet. You bring me towards my

best, and thus gradually to my true self. Your company works
miracles, slowly churning my heart. A certain lightness is
felt, as the clouds begin to scatter. Then at times I felt it,
a warm yet cooling ray of light, how different, and how much
more must be there, perhaps it leads to it; to the lofty tales
of bliss in love. But what I know without a doubt, and this I
know through my experience, is what a doctor you are. Your
special gift, one among many that we all know, is your
precision when prescribing. Never too much, never too little,
and always the right mixture at the right time. I think you
know what I mean. After all that’s what I see you love to do;
to cure our disease, our unacceptance of reality, ultimately
of Reality the Most Beautiful. And you do it so perfectly, as
if you’ve been there for me even before I realise I need you.
So sick I must be to not know how deep I am dreaming. But I
feel safe when I’m close to you, not by miles but in heart. It
will happen I know, when I’ll be cured and ready to really
serve, but for now I thank your patience; the poison is fading
but taking some time. You know better, but I hope to please
you by saying it too, that I’m realising what a task it will
be. I am infected from top to bottom, and a scrub here and
there will not do. For now, I’m ready for the program; a step
at a time, and maybe one day for the jump or leap. Thank you
for your hope; it gives me strength when I have the least. But
more than just hope, you show me meaning even where I see
chaos. You’ve shown me my patterns, at least a few, and now I
have a chance to change for good; to break the cycles, and
stand in line. And yes I’ve changed! There is no doubt. What
could I expect from meeting you.
vande guroḥ śrī-caraṇāravindam
Your tiny sevaka,
Atula Krsna Dasa

29/01/2018
Nityananda Trayodashi