G-17 Clariza Mae Sevilla 12-Simplicity

29/09/17
REFLECTIVE ESSAY
Everyone cries at some point in his or her life. I don’t mean small-held back-
movie-pretty crying. I mean bawling-snot-dripping-down-your-nose crying; the kind of
cry that makes you lose track of time. The one that makes you feel numb inside. The
one that makes you lose all semblances of hope. It drains, exhausts, torments.
I’ve always thought of pets as family members. They’re not animals whose lives
are of little value compared to humans. Unfortunately, not everyone in my family
thought of it that way. My dad used to be full of joy; rain or shine. Now, all of that’s
been leeched from him and I only realized it when he accidentally ran over one of our
puppies as he backed out the driveway. My tears started falling as soon as I realized
what had happened (around 10:15 pm). The puppy could still walk but struggled to lie
down. I knew then that it was a very serious injury and probably jostled one or more of
her internal organs. She was panting heavily and had turned deathly pale.
I looked at my dad. I expected him to immediately bring her to the emergency
veterinarian but he didn’t. My heart squeezed in sympathy for the puppy–we were her
owners. She looked up to us to save her from the pain she was experiencing. Tears ran
freely down my face and I struggled to get a word out. I was gasping for breath as my
shoulders shook from the strength of my sobs. I begged my dad to just bring her to the
veterinarian many times but he remained stone cold as he glared at me, as if I
shouldn’t be crying or asking for help. Taking her to the vet would be too expensive,
he’d said. I asked him if he’d really let the puppy suffer the pain she was feeling, until
she died. There was no emotion in his voice. Only pure certainty and heartlessness as
he replied, “yes.”
I knew then that this was not the smiling father I’d grown up with. This was not
the man who’d planned surprises for our birthdays; the man who would hug me when I
cried, and carried me to bed whenever I’d fall asleep on the couch. The man who stood
in front of me and looked at me as if I had come from the darkest pits of Hell was a
stranger–a stranger I learned to loathe.
There was no “everything’s-going-to-be-okay,” there were only words that stung
and dug deep into my heart. I was told to get out of his face, stop crying, and to shut
up repeatedly. He released a flurry of curses at my face as I held the struggling puppy
in my arms, eyes full of tears and heart filling with hate.
Eventually, the puppy and I were exiled to a spare room, where she continuously
struggled to get a comfortable position. Every time I looked at her, and every time
those amber eyes looked at me, a fresh set of tears would start pouring down my face.
I didn’t have the money, not the means to bring the puppy to the vet myself at that
time of night. I felt helpless, useless, betrayed, but most of all, I felt confused. How
could someone look at their heartbroken daughter and not feel an ounce of remorse or
urge to comfort her?
My dad didn’t bother entering the spare room, except to say, “sabaa nimo. Sige’g
hilaka uy. Samot pa ka sa iro na naligsan. Shut up!” and promptly slammed the door
and retreated to his room. He only returned at my mom’s urging, because I had called
her on Skype, all the way in Dubai. In the end, the puppy died while receiving
treatment at Cebu Veterinary Doctors – Ramos at around 2 am. The vet said she was
brought in too late. Her diaphragm was torn and her stomach and liver were jostled out
of position.
When we arrived home, I was devastated. My hands shook from shock and my
heart was beating out a funeral march. All the stress of what happened the past few
hours was too much for me to bear alone. I wanted someone to comfort me so I threw
away my pride and walked up to his room. I knew he was livid–he’d slammed all the
doors he’d passed through shut and had driven the car like a madman. But even for a
few minutes, I just wanted my dad back.
So, I entered his room, feeling thoroughly shaken and begged him for a hug. My
voice wavered, too choked up with tears and emotions to say anything else. And you
know what he did?
He blamed me.
He blamed me for everything that had happened.
He blamed me for wasting money, time, and gas for a puppy that died anyway.
He blamed me for the puppy’s death.
His voice maintained a steady, harsh tone that held no comfort, no warmth, no
love. After his rant, he shoved me out of his room, saying I didn’t deserve a hug from
him. As I stared at the wall, tears still pouring down my face, I realized with absolute
certainty that the father I loved was gone. Long gone. And I doubt I’ll ever know why.
People can change in the blink of an eye and you’ll never know whether it’s
temporary, or permanent. You don’t know when, and you don’t know how but
someday, the person you love will change–for better or for worse. If it’s the former,
then don’t waste a single second crying. Get up and enjoy the music. If you get the
former, stay strong and never let them get to you.