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“M
en are Another GP couple felt a major tioner)
from Mars. benefit was “knowing you’re not G Put your marriage first and ensure you have
Women are alone and having empathy for each
“marriage time.” No-one ever lay on their deathbed
from other at difficult times.”
Venus. and said they wished they had spent more time at
Doctors are from Krypton,” accord- Conversation the office. Don’t make work your life. Work to live
ing to Dr Greg Skipper from the Conversation and having interests and enjoy your family. You only get one chance.
Alabama Physician Health Program in common is another perceived (Male consultant married to junior doctor)
(see further information) and he has benefit—but this also has its pitfalls. G Talk about your career plans and where they’re
a point. Medical marriages face “We have great discussions. No over going. Compromise where you can. Ultimately your
many of the same stresses and dinner silences, but we always seem marriage is the priority, NOT medicine. (Female staff
strains of any marriage but there to end up back at medicine—in any grade doctor married to consultant)
are some unique issues conversation” (general practitioner
G Briefly download the day’s event when you get
that face both dual-doctor and doc- couple).
tor/non-doctor marriages. In a dual-doctor marriage there is home. As with other healthy marriages, maintain joint
Although there is no evidence no need to explain technical details activities and pastimes, maintaining a balance with
that divorce rates among medics are and it can be useful to get an pursuing one’s own individual interests. If working for
higher than other occupational “instant second opinion.” It also the same trust, ensure that home life and work life
groups,1 studies suggest that many helps keeps things in perspective— are kept separate, especially watch NHS gossip.
medical marriages may be chroni- “we have a mutual understanding (Specialist registrar married to specialist registrar)
cally unhappy, yet stable.2 This is that allows us to laugh about some G Try not to work at the same practice so you can get
not helped by the well documented of the situations we find ourselves
holidays at the same time. (General practitioner mar-
inability of many doctors to seek in” (female junior doctor).
ried to general practitioner)
help, especially when their relation-
ship is in trouble.3 But it’s not all Financial benefits
bad news. A group of doctors, mar- This also got a mention. “This is Box 2: Tips for when there is a
ried to doctors and non-doctors, sad, but true,” as one doctor put it.
problem 3
were brave enough to tell me their The financial rewards of a dual-doc-
opinions on the issues affecting tor marriage means, “We have a G If you and your spouse identify there is a problem,
medicine and marriage, and here reasonable income and therefore a do something about it—for example, work fewer
they offer some tips on how to have better standard of living.” But with
hours, learn to say no to more work, postpone
a thriving (rather than merely sur- the income achieved, there are
viving) marriage. often “expenses to match.” exams, or book a holiday
G Acknowledge your part in creating and maintaining
the problem
What are the benefits of What are the pitfalls of G Learn to use and practise “active listening” with your
being married to a medic? being married to a medic? spouse
Pitfalls include a wide range of top-
Understanding and empathy ics, from geographical complica- G Set aside time as a couple on a regular basis—at
This figures highly. As one general tions—when two doctors are unable least once every two weeks
practitioner (GP) couple put it, to get jobs in the same area—to “our G Cultivate other couples as close and trusted friends
“They understand on call, call outs, letterbox is always filled with medi- G “Bear in mind the number one cause people cite for
and after hours work. They under- cal literature and associated junk
getting a divorce is a loss of friendship. You can’t
stand the ‘busy day’, which is some- mail.” Other main pitfalls are given
times out of control and the below. have friendship unless you spend time with a person
implications of mistakes in medi- and give them your good attention.”4
cine.” It can be Time, tiredness, and workload G “More than hours worked, it is how a couple treats
useful to have a sounding board at Not enough time, too much work. each other when they are not working that most
home who has “insight into when a “When both partners work long,
powerfully determines the quality of a contemporary
doctor is being manipulated by demanding hours it places excessive
members of staff, or patients.” demands on family life.” One male medical marriage.”5
Conclusion
Medical marriages face similar problems to other mar-
riages, but there are also some specific issues given the
demanding nature of the vocation of medicine. The
big things to pay attention to are time and compro-
mise. As one medic put it, “give your marriage the
same attention you give your career and you’ll be over
half way there.’ And finally—“marry your best friend
and go for lifestyle options when possible. Life is too
short not to know your family.”
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