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Alex Stenseth

Professor Fielding

WRTC Section 0032

11 February 2018

Strength in Fluidity

Stay at home fathers are the definition of strong. Billy Doidge Kilgore’s article, “The Part

I was Not Prepared for as a Stay at Home Dad” details the emotional impact of breaking gender

stereotypes. Kilgore is an ordained minister who left his job in 2015 in order to care for his son

full time. He blogs on a website called Scarymommy.com, where he has posted about topics

ranging from letters to the family dog to buying an EpiPen. Kilgore broke the stereotype that the

mother is the one who is supposed to leave their job in order to care for their children. He details

the emotional turmoil he encounters due to his decision as well as his wife’s consoling. In his

article, Kilgore utilizes descriptive language, ethos, pathos, and limited logos to mostly

effectively declare his point that rigid gender roles should be more fluid to accommodate modern

society.

In the article “The Part I was Not Prepared for as a Stay at Home Dad,” Kilgore (2016)

explains that society’s rigid gender roles are no longer suitable for today’s current style of

parenting. He first explains that men are specifically supposed to uphold their masculinity, and

their value is determined by productivity outside of the home. He notes that subtle nonverbal

cues in social interaction imply that certain genders should take on certain roles. He also argues

that families should prioritize roles in a way that balances family and work. Men and women are

often forced by sexist power dynamics to take on certain roles. Narrow gender roles are harmful
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towards parents. He explains that because of expectations placed on him by society, his love for

caring his son has turned into a feeling of worthlessness. Kilgore sums up by stating that

traditional gender roles should be relinquished for more modern and fluid roles that are better

suited for every unique parenting style.

Ethos in the article is very powerful in supporting his claim as Kilgore’s experience

accredits his writing. The article’s position on the impact of strict gender roles is valuable

because “as a stay-at-home father, [he sees] the damage done by narrow gender roles” (Kilgore

P13). His experiences provide a strong basis for the entirety of the article. However, the writing

is not only cemented on his opinions alone as “[His] wife openly admits [he is] more suited for

daily childcare. This has little to do with gender and more to do with personality” (P14). This

indicates that his wife supports his views as well. Not only is Kilgore’s credibility accounted for,

his wife’s is also as she did not leave her job to care for her son like women are often urged to

do. Kilgore also recalls his experiences wherein “subtle contempt woven into questions,

comments, assumptions, and body language [undermined his self-worth]” (P9). Examples of his

experiences are important for the persuasive pull of his claim. Since believability is necessary for

persuasion, ethos gives the article insight that makes it believable, and as such, effective.

Emotionally loaded language creates pathos and occurs throughout the entirety of the

article. It also functions as a support for Kilgore's claim. He uses acute imagery to put others in

his shoes, specifically when he details, “Lying awake at early morning hours, these rigid roles

and their narrow view of work eat away at my self-esteem... a looming feeling of worthlessness

circled me and proved hellbent on demeaning my efforts to care for my newborn son” (P7). The

personification of worthlessness heightens the impact of the emotional toll on Kilgore.

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Humanizing emotions makes empathy easy to attain. Sentences like, “I am confused by the

strange reality of performing demanding and difficult work, work I love, yet feeling inferior and

unproductive” (P8), also contain relatable concepts for those who also have children. Seeking out

familiarity with emotion is a strong appeal for an audience that is likely composed of young and

rising parents. Overall, pathos is very successful for promoting Kilgore’s claim as the material he

is working worth is based on emotion.

Logos is less present than ethos and pathos and only somewhat effectively supports his

emotional and experience-driven claims. Arguments like “The rigid gender roles our modern

society can't seem to escape are held in place to ensure traditional masculine identity is not

threatened or compromised... definition of self-worth is dependent on holding tight to traditional

gender roles” (P11), display logical reasoning as well as a bit of pathos in them due to Kilgore’s

descriptive language. The logic follows through as Kilgore himself is a man and personally

experiences the struggles of society imposing masculinity onto him. At the same time however,

logos in the article is limited by its generalizations. Sentences such as “...men are pressured to

forego parental leave altogether for fear of future punishment” (P12), rely on Kilgore’s

experiences alone and have no outside sources for confirmation. This use of logos assumes that

Kilgore’s experiences are the same of every stay at home father. Logos in the article would be

more effective if it included credible outside sources as well as Kilgore’s personal experiences.

Therefore, the use of logos is ethos driven as it only relies on the credibility of the author.

Kilgore’s article uses a mostly effective balance of descriptive language, ethos, pathos,

and limited logos to support his claim that gender roles should be more fluid to accommodate the

modern family and workforce. In an article based on emotions, it makes sense that the most
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present rhetorical appeal is pathos. Ethos also holds an important role, while logos functions as a

supplement to the emotional experience and how it can be fixed for the better. Kilgore’s use of

rhetorical appeals in his article makes it easier to understand and relate to. For men who are seen

as weak for staying at home to care for their children, this article proves that in reality, they are

strong for pushing through the hardships society places upon them.
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Works Cited

“Billy Kilgore.” ​Scary Mommy​. Accessed 14 February 2018.

www.scarymommy.com/author/billy-kilgore/.

Kilgore, Billy Doidge. “The Part I was Not Prepared for as a Stay at Home Dad.” ​The

Washington Post​, 13 June 2016. Accessed 9 February 2018,

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/parenting/wp/2016/06/13/the-part-i-was-not-prep

ared-for-as-a-stay-at-home-dad/?utm_term=.035f1664d97f