Reflection 6: Essay 3 & Drafting and Research Plan for Essay 4

Directions: Read over your essay comments. Remember that you will be reading both the
rubric comments and the annotations on the essay itself. Go to ​Reading and Understanding
Comments on Your Essays​ page to understand the comments and annotations.

Part 1: Reflection on Essay 3

1. Based upon the amount of time you spend writing the essay (fulfilling all
elements of the process, from freewriting to outlining to participating in a peer
response workshop), as well as my comments overall, are you surprised by the
grade your essay received? Why or why not?
I was surprised by the essay grade I received in a good way, I thought I would get a B or
perhaps an A- so I was surprised when I received a 98. I spent a lot of time planning out
the essay and paid close attention to all the comments and feedback given to me so I
could improve on it for the final version. I also read all parts of the text very carefully,
and although it overall took a couple more hours, I believe it was beneficial when writing
the final version of the essay.
2. Select ONE part of your essay in which you did well, based upon my comments,
annotations, and the notes from the rubric. What did you do well and how do
you plan on building upon that strength of your writing.
“​“Fail in the schools and you would be suspended and sent back to those same streets,
where they would take your body. And I began to see these two arms in relation- those
who failed in the schools justified their destruction in the streets” (33). Here Coates
makes a compelling argument against the standardized education system being used to
tame the black body. ​The students seek an environment where they can explore their
curiosities, but are rather forced and suppressed by a standardized curriculum.​ A
curriculum composed of basic math and reading skills that does a poor job at preparing
students as citizens and well rounded individuals. Schools fail to see the importance of
returning the black community their autonomy, or rather ignore it. The school’s way of
‘teaching’ leaves students with two choices, you are forced to decide to give up either
your autonomy in the schools or in the streets, with the difference that in the streets you
risk losing your body due to the color of your skin. The curriculum is designed to throw
lives away making the American Dream then unachievable due to the lack of choice and
opportunity.​”
I am very happy that all the comments were about how strong and well written my
analysis was. I need to work on getting rid of using the second person ‘you’ because it is
not fitting for an academic essay. Also I need to always make sure to clarify and
elaborate where needed because the audience didn’t necessarily read the text.
3. Using the categories of the rubric, select what you think are your ​TOP 3 categories
for improvement​. In other words, ​what areas of the essay do you think you most
need to focus on in order to develop that part of the essay for Essay 4?​ Why do
you think you struggled with this category in Essay 3?
Body Paragraphs: Focus
I didn’t struggle with this in this essay but I think it is important for me to keep it in mind
when writing the next essay. I need to do a careful readthrough of my essay during
editing so that I can keep the essay on the focus topic.
Body Paragraphs: Analysis
Sometimes I forget that the audience didn’t necessarily read the book so I need to do a
more precise and clear job of connecting the ideas of the author to my analysis. Also, I
need to keep the analysis in line with the topic.
Conclusion
My conclusion was the weakest part of my essay. I consider the conclusion to be the least
important part of the essay in comparison to presenting the larger conversation and
making my arguments, but I need to work on expanding on the issue in my conclusion
and spend a bit more time on it.
4. Select​ two comments or questions I made in my annotations​ that you find helpful
in understanding how you can improve your writing for the next essay. Write the
comment (quote me) and then write a response to that comment that shows what you
understand about how to improve your essay because of that comment.
“Your logical reasoning here is quite thoughtful and critical-- but perhaps this requires a
new paragraph since the first part of the paragraph is about how language often reflects
our self-loathing and here you're talking about redlining, which is an actual institutional
policy or practice that is imposed from outside the community.”
I understand that these are two different ideas and they should be presented on their own.
I was unsure how I could have made it into two different paragraphs, but after meeting
with you I can see how I can lead to the next idea.
“Who is the "they" in this sentence? Dreamers? People of color? Specify and clarify your
ideas here.”
I often feel like I repeat myself throughout the essay but I need to make sure to restate
who I am talking about and be specific with my ideas. I need to finish the essay strong by
restating my critical ideas but also going a little past them.
 5. What questions do you have about how to improve any specific part of your writing?
List 2 questions you have based upon the comments I gave you on the essay.
My conclusion seemed to be a little brief and general, so what else can I include in my
essay to expand on it?
Can I have a five paragraph essay now that I am more experienced with my writing? I’m
not restricting it to five paragraphs, but can it just so happen to be?

Part 2: Reflection on Outline Workshop

1. Based upon your work in class today, on a scale of 1-5, how confident do you feel
about your outline? Rate yourself and explain your rating: 1= not confident and 5 =
very confident.
I was at a 4, but after meeting with you I now feel better about the direction of my essay.
I feel like I am arguing something a little bit different than everyone else so I definitely
think it will be a challenging essay, but I will continue to come in for office hours to
make sure it communicated my ideas.
2. What do you think is your strongest claim? Write it below and explain why it is your
strongest claim.
Claim: ​Luiselli primarily focuses on violence to explain why unaccompanied minors flee
their country, but fails to talk about the poverty, natural disasters, and unemployment
which push them out of their own countries.
I think this is my strongest claim because it specifically addresses what I think is wrong
with the way Luiselli presents her argument and leaves it open for me to talk about push
factors and the neoclassical theory.
3. What do you think is your weakest claim? Write it below and explain why it is your
weakest claim and how you plan on revising this claim.
Claim: ​Luiselli effectively presents testimony about the environments from which
unaccompanied minors flee from, but fails to provide a balanced plethora of facts to
support them.
I think I was trying to force a point and counterpoint claim but after talking with you I
realized I don’t have to do that in each paragraph. I will revise it by explaining her stance
on the issue and how she believes that these testimonies are what will prompt change.
4. Where in your essay outline do you think you can introduce your concession? After
which claim? Explain the concession you think you might be able to use in your
argument and where you think it might fit.
 I already have two arguments that make concessions, after my second and third claim,
when talking about the push and pull factors and the political interest the United states
has in migrants from counties with opposing ideologies to its own.
5. What are your next steps for drafting? Be specific and explain.
My next steps for drafting are revising my first claim, and adding my fourth claim into
my introduction. Also, I need to do research and look for more supporting evidence in
Luiselli’s book.

Part 3: Reflect on Research for Essay 4

1. What topics do you most want to research based upon Luiselli's text? List your top 3
topics.
NAFTA and CAFTA
The Brain Drain
Bhagat Singh the Third
2. For each topic, explain WHY you are interested in this topic.
NAFTA and CAFTA: I am interested in learning more about the ways in which the
United States contributed to the rise of migration. I want to know more about the policies
we promote which in the long run are not necessarily beneficial to the people in those
countries.
The Brain Drain: I want to read more about the kind of people who migrate to the United
States. I think it is commonly thought that the people coming to the United States are
often those in poverty when in reality it is the educated and wealthy people who have the
resources to come first.
Bhagat Singh the Third: He argued in court that he had the right to be granted a legal stay
in the United States through lineage but was denied because he did not look white. It
shows the rooted preference the government has had and continues to have over people
who are of a lighter skin tone.
3. For each of the above topics, write an open-ended question that you can try to answer
with the research you conduct this Thursday.
● In what ways did NAFTA and CAFTA contribute to the rise of migration to the
United States?
● What are the economic conditions of the countries from which migrants come
from and what education do these migrants have?
● What was Singh’s response to the court cases final decision? How did the United
States justify their decision?
4. What is your plan for research? Where will you go to research and find your sources?
Explain your plan for research.
I think I actually want to focus on the counties that those with asylum come from so I can
compare it to the situations of the children from Central America. I think I will begin
with a common google search but am also thinking of going to the library and looking up
books. Also I consider looking at Jstor for any academic papers that have been published
about it or look into any other accredited newspaper who has reported on it.