CONNECTING WITH

STUDENTS
Allen N. Mendler
The student who feels isolated or lonely
invests more of his energy in seeking friends
than in learning theorems.
 Maslow, 1971

Having a long-term, close relationship with a

caring, responsible parent or other adult
dramatically increases the likelihood of
success in life for at-risk youth.
 Rutter, 1990; Seita, Mitchell & Tobin, 1996; Werner and Smith, 1992
Identifying Disconnected Students

 Social withdrawal
 Graphic scenes of violence in drawings and writing
 Intolerance
 Being picked on
 Bullying others
 Gang involvement
 Drug and alcohol use
 Threats of violence
 Some kids that are at risk don't show any signs
Strategies For Working With Disconnected Students

 Overcome lack of appeal (your initial instinct to dislike a particular student)

 Separate personal beliefs, judgments, and moral standards from your responsibility to be concerned about
students as individuals

 See your challenging students as having something to teach you

 You're in my class to make me a better teacher and to be more patient

 Stay optimistic and be persistent

 students that are defiant, obnoxious or distant are unlikely to let go of these behaviors easily

 Build on strengths instead of trying to fix deficits

 Understand that your relationship with your students is an important tool in helping
them achieve the DESK standards
 strong relationships with students lead to better discipline in class, which means more time for instruction
 unmotivated students are more apt to be motivated if they respect you and know you care

 Make the classroom safe from embarrassment

Types of Connections

Personal Academic Social

Encouraging
Find ways to success in Convert
content barriers that
create an
areas. often divide us
atmosphere
Students into bridges
of trust so
won’t connect that link
that students with school students with
want to learn unless they each other and
what we have believe that with the adults
to share they can in their lives.
succeed.
Strategies For Developing Personal Connections
Personal index cards:
•Give each student a 3x5 card and have them list such things as their favorite sport, hobby, food,
class, etc.
•Use the cards to get to know them students.
•Add notes to the cards as the year goes by

•SMILE

•Say "Good Morning" to every student you see

•Be at the door and greet students as they

arrive

Keep pictures of your family or friends posted in your classroom

•Shows that you value important people in your life
•Student enjoy knowing that they can experience a sense of family in your presence
Strategies For Developing Personal Connections
continued
Ask an opinion from a student who rarely offers anything
• Approach a student as they leave your class and say, “I don’t hear from you very often in
class, but you looked very interested in _________________ today. I was wondering
what you thought about it…”

2 x 10
• Think of a student you find difficult to work with and commit to investing 2
uninterrupted, undivided minutes a day for 10 consecutive days with that student.
• During the 2 minutes you CANNOT do or say anything related to correcting the
student’s behavior.

4H
• Think about which student you know the least and greet these students every single day
with one of the following:
• "hello"
• hand shake
• high five
• "how are you"
Strategies For Developing Personal Connections
Continued

Think aloud
• share ideas and conflicts aloud with the class...for example: “Whoa, when I hear words
that sound disrespectful, part of me wants to argue, part of me wants to understand why
the disrespect..." or "I sense that some are bored with this unit..."

Notes of appreciation
• A simple thank-you on a sticky note or index card
• Give occasional "positive paradoxical" notes
• With a more difficult student give them a positive note shortly after they've done
something inappropriate.
• For example, "I appreciate your enthusiasm, and while I occasionally need to
remind you to settle down, you add a spark to our class"

Acknowledge a personal imperfection of yours

• It is reassuring for students to see a respected adult make mistakes and acknowledge
them.
Strategies For Developing Personal Connections
Continued
Develop Cues
• When there's a conflict both the teacher and the student feel like they need to win
• Agree in advance to special warning signals that you both can use with each other
• A "c" hand gesture can stand for "chill" or "calm down" or "you can do this“
• Acronyms such as ZYL (zip your lip) KIO (knock it off) or GMF (give me five)

Play their music occasionally

• Use music as an incentive
• Make a recording of a certain amount of songs that are popular with students.
• Play the recording very quietly whenever students are off task
• At the end of a week, if there is any music still left on the recording then
students can talk with their friends for however long there is music left

Supervise an after-school event

• It provides many opportunities to connect with students
Strategies For Developing Personal Connections
Continued
Acknowledge a personal imperfection of yours
• It is reassuring for students to see a respected adult make mistakes and admit
to them.

Thank students for cooperating even before they have

• Compliance can be irresistible if you’ve already thanked them.

Notice writings/drawings
• Comments and questions can build relationships.

Establish predictable rules and routines

• Students feel safe when adults set limits.
• Involve students in the rule-making process
Strategies For Developing Personal Connections
Continued

Make up fun and positive nick names for as many students as possible

Call a student at home to give feedback

Call parents or send home a note complimenting their child

Visit the cafeteria and hang out with your students

Call or send a personal note to students that are absent too much telling them you missed
them and here's what you missed in class

Be protective
• Be more concerned with the student than with the policies/rules/procedures
• Do NOT criticize students or other teachers publicly

Have fun with your students

Strategies For Developing Academic Connections

Take photos of students as they are working on projects and post them in your classroom

Congratulate 5 students each class on something they've achieved

Use questioning to engage students

Offer adequate wait time

Respond non-evaluatively at least 3 times per class

• Make it safe for students to risk giving a wrong answer

Consult with other teachers if you continue to have trouble connecting with a particular
student

Give humorous recognitions of achievement awards

• Most frequent question asker
• Most creative reason for not doing an assignment
Strategies For Developing Academic Connections
Continued

Give humorous recognitions of achievement awards

• Most frequent question asker
• Most creative reason for not doing an assignment

Visit a real or virtual place

• Make learning more tangible
• Take a virtual field trip on the iPad

Be the characters you've studied

• Create a Facebook page as if you are a particular character
• Maintain a blog as that character

•Display student work in the classroom

•Specify daily learning objectives verbally and in writing

Strategies For Developing Academic Connections
Continued

Connect the content with current issues

Plan a lesson from the perspective of your least capable student

Differentiate instruction

Have students teach the class occasionally

Strategies For Developing Social Connections

Questions for the teacher:

• Do you spend time helping students get to know each other?
• What activities would work for you?
• Do you encourage interests to become an integral part of the class?
• Do you share specific ways that students can get along with each other?
• When put-downs are heard, what do you do?
• Are there ways that shy students in your class can express themselves?

Have a question box where students can submit questions or ask for advice anonymously

Have a thank-you bulletin board where student can post notes of appreciation for each other

Play “find someone who…”

Encourage the class to participate in school-wide competitions such as box-top collections,

penny wars, etc.
Strategies For Developing Social Connections
Continued

Use “think-pair-share”

Ask a student for a summary of the discussion, then have another student add their view,
and so on.

Have student help make the rules for classroom behavioral expectations in general, and for
each activity
• Agree to change any rule as long as students provide an acceptable alternative

Have a “wouldn’t it be great if…” discussion when energy in the class is low.

Show students how to take a stand

Hold occasional class meetings

Each week take a few minutes to discuss topics relevant to your students