Literature Review

Claire Denton

Interpersonal Communication
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The intention of this research is to analyze the communication patterns in unhealthy

relationships as they compare to that of a healthy relationship. An unhealthy relationship, in

terms for this review, is a relationship that is characterized as abusive, whether by physical

violence, verbal aggression or emotional abuse. Gaining understanding of the differences in the

framework for communication in healthy and unhealthy relationships will allow for greater

application when considering how the effects of an abusive romantic relationship have affected

my own communication style for future relationships. While there is scarce literature and

scholarship attainable on the topic of the communication patterns for such relationships, there is

an abundance available on the topic of communication necessary for the development of healthy

relationships. Therefore, this review will divulge into the framework for proper communication

of successful, happy relationships and try to use such information to fill in the gaps for

understanding how this translates into the downfall of communication in unhealthy relationships.

Developing Healthy Relationships

In his novel Understanding Relationships, Steve Duck details that a successful and

healthy relationship is a direct result accomplishing four major steps in the development stage of

the relationship. The first of these steps is recognizing and making appropriate decisions on

which opportunities for relationships are most suitable to initiate. The second step details making

your potential partner see the potential in said relationship for the satisfaction of their needs. The

third step describes knowing the proper pace to which this specific relationship should develop.

Finally, the fourth step is having the skill set to maintain and repair broken relationships. (Duck,

1991) It is the dismissal of steps three and four in the developmental stage of a relationship that

lead to the demise of a healthy, successful one.

Abusive Relationship
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Often, when a relationship begins to turn destructive in nature, coupled with conflict and

anger, it can become abusive. In her article for the Journal of Family Violence, Laura M. Miller

explains that often times it is difficult for someone in an abusive relationship to realize the nature

of said relationship until the destruction is already done. She explains this when she states, “if an

individual’s definition of abusive behaviors differs from the generally accepted definition of

abuse, that individual may inaccurately self-identify as not being in an abusive relationship when

he or she truly is” (Miller, 2011). There needs to be an urge for the necessity of a definition for

an abusive relationship, with the understanding that abuse falls on a scale. In Reflect & Relate:

An Introduction to Interpersonal Communication an understanding for identifying whether a

relationship is classified as abusive is offered. A relationship is abusive when your partner

isolates you from others, uses power as control, is physically threatening, uses verbally

aggressive language, and is quick to place constant blame for conflict on you (McCornack,

2016).

Conflict

Coupling the dismissal of proper communication in relationships is the growing presence

of conflict in the relationship. Conflict, in the context of relationships, is the process that occurs

when one perceives that their partner processes incompatible goals, or that their partner is

interfering with their ability to achieve said goals (McCornack, 2016). Conflict, in constructive

form, is an inevitable component of a healthy relationship which can lead to growth and

strengthening on both a personal level and the relational level (Johnson, 1981). It is when

conflict diverges from constructive to destructive that there is a shift found in a relationship from

healthy to unhealthy.

Feedback & Self-Disclosure

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In Alan C. Filley’s Interpersonal Conflict Resolution, Filley defines the language of

conflict as a dance between feedback and self-disclosure (Filley, 1975). Self-disclosure is the

degree to which one reveals private information about themselves to others (McCornack, 2016).

It is a scale which spans from public information to intimate details about one’s self. Self-

disclosure is most effective and encouraged when it is met by feedback. Filley details that in

result of feedback, the blind self is reduced, leading to the possibility for the encouragement of

further self-disclosure.

The dance between self-disclosure and feedback is delicate. As stated prior, self-

disclosure met with positive and proper feedback encourages further self-disclosure. However,

when feedback is negative, the opposite is true. Negative feedback such as judgmental

statements, general statements, and uninvited statements may result in the person refraining from

self-disclosing in the future, halting the development and growth which a healthy relationship

demands.

Anger

When self-disclosure is not found to be met with appropriate feedback, a common

response is for one to feel anger. Anger, as defined by McCornack, is “a negative primary

emotion that occurs when you are blocked or interrupted from attaining an important goal by

what you see as the improper action of an external agent” (McCornack, 2016). Anger is both the

most intense as well as most destructive of the primary emotions. Everyone experiences anger

differently, but it is most commonly expressed in two main forms: physical violence and/or

verbal aggression.

Verbal Aggression
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Verbal aggression is defined as “the tendency to attack other’s self-concepts rather than

their positions on topics of conversation” (McCornack, 2016). Verbal aggression is a

deconstructive response to anger that is commonly characterized as the diminishing of another’s

abilities, personality or appearance. When verbal aggression is found in conflict in a relationship,

it is seen as a destructive force that deters the partner from disclosing their concepts of self,

which is necessary for the growth and development of a healthy relationship. Verbal aggression

can be detrimental to a healthy relationship, as can physical violence.

Physical Violence

According to the Newfoundland Labrador of Canada’s Violence Prevention Initiative,

physical violence includes anything on the range of using physical force with the intent of

inflicting pain, or injury on your target ("Types of Violence and Abuse | Violence Prevention

Initiative", 2016). Physical violence is a result of aggression to both internal and external

frustration.

As explained in Interpersonal Attraction often times, aggression can be misplaced when

one is inhibited from directly aggressing against their source of angst, forcing them to misplace

their aggression, directing it to a non-responsible party (Walster, 1978). An example of this idea

would be the scenario where a husband has a bad day at work and he returns home to his wife

who is preparing dinner. The husband, if he were to be misplacing his frustration, would then

look for fault in something his wife as done, and take out his anger on her. This causes the victim

to question themselves and urges them to consider if they are at fault for the frustration, when in

reality they have done nothing to provoke such an outburst. This has an impending negative

effect on the victim’s concept of self.

Cultural Influence
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Barrie Levy’s Dating Violence: Young Women in Danger, offers great understanding on

the cultural context of dating violence. This social cultural influence is found in the dialog of

society’s obsession with power and control. The belief that violence is a mechanism for

obtaining power and control over another has been around since the dawn of man. However,

societal norms and cultural influence keep people from going around hurting one another just to

gain control.

While there is a cultural influence against such aggression among one another, the use of

violence by males is reinforced by the societal ideals of sexism and male supremacy (Levy,

1991). These societal ideals encourage the use of abuse as a means of obtaining dominate power

in a relationship, as violence has always been viewed as a means for enforcing compliance

(Levy, 1991). Cultural influence on dating violence also contributes the idea that women deserve

to be treated in such a manner, hindering a women victim’s confidence and support for leaving

an abusive relationship. When someone is in an abusive relationship but is unable to lead, they

will find themselves in a vicious cycle of self-deprecation that will leave them with lasting

negative effects both on their physical and mental health.

Psychological Implications

There is a vast number of psychological implications that a victim of dating violence is at

risk of. Coping among Adult Female Victims of Domestic Violence, an article for the Journal of

Family Violence, details that the psychological disorders of depression and posttraumatic stress

disorder often follow as a result of the constant trials and stress of abusive relationships

(Waldrop & Resick, 2004). According to Coping among Adult victims of Domestic Violence, a

recent study found that “the prevalence rate of depression among battered women was routinely

found to be above 50%, and sometimes reported to be as high as 83%” (Waldrop & Resick,
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2004). The same article stated that a study found the recent “rate of posttraumatic stress disorder,

or PTSD, was 81% among physically abused women, and 63% among women who had been

emotionally abused” (Waldrop & Resick, 2004). For many who suffer from PTSD and

depression, they are left feeling alone and misunderstood, their communication suffering greatly

from such feelings of isolation.

Concepts of Self

Victims of abusive relationships will also experience negative development in their

concept of self. The components of ‘self’ include the composite of self-awareness, self-concept,

and self-esteem. As described in Reflect & Relate self-awareness is the ability to reflect on your

thoughts and behaviors as they relate to their relational surroundings. Self-concept is your

perception of who you are, commonly influenced by how you believe others perceive you,

known as your looking-glass self. Self-esteem is the negative or positive value we assign to

ourselves (McCornack, 2016). Victims of dating violence often find themselves caught in a

vicious cycle of diminishing self-esteem. When a victim is abused, it causes them to question

themselves, “why me?”, “what have I done to deserve this?” After a while, victims start to

believe that it is something they have done to deserve such abuse, lowering their self-esteem.

Once their self-esteem is established as a negative, they are found in a vicious cycle of constantly

questioning their self-worth. When someone finds themselves in this vicious cycle of negative

values of self, it causes issues in communication such as resistance to self-disclose and a low

level of emotional intelligence.

Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence is one’s “ability to interpret emotions accurately and to use such

information to manage emotions, communicate them competently and solve relationship

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problems” (McCornack, 2016). When you have a high degree of emotional intelligence you

excel at understanding your own emotions, empathizing, constructively managing your

emotions, and competently communicating your emotions. When you have a low degree of

emotional intelligence you often have difficulty interpreting and expressing your emotions.

Someone with a low degree of emotional intelligence will respond to negative emotions by the

act of suppression and avoidance, both detrimental to proper communication necessary for the

developing of the components of a positive self and the developing of a healthy interpersonal

relationship.

This review has divulged into the framework for proper communication of successful,

happy relationships and try to use such information to fill in the gaps for understanding how this

translates into the downfall of communication in unhealthy relationships. Abusive relationships

often result from destructive conflict that fails to balance self-disclosure and feedback. This

causes a communication gap between partners. This gap coupled with aggression from misplaced

frustrations is a recipe for an unhealthy relationship which can have last effects on partners

mental and physical health, rendering their communication styles damaged.

As explained by Laura M. Miller, there is a major gap in current literature as it relates to

the role self-identification plays in an abusive relationship. The definitions for what it means to

be in an abusive relationship fall on a scale. Because of this, often times victims of abuse often

fail to self-identify as a victim, as they don’t find they identify with such a harsh definition. This

can become detrimental, for if a victim fails to self-identify the nature of their relationship early

on, the abuse will often continue to grow in severity until it is too late to remove themselves

from it. After such an experience, their components of self, mental health and emotional

intelligence will suffer, and their communication skills will follow suit.
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There are gaps, as well, in literature that speaks to the effects an abusive relationship has

on the communication patterns and styles of a victim. Much of the information found on this

concept was derived from prior learning and was up to the reader to discern, from analyzing the

psychological effects in terms of communication styles.

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Annotated Bibliography
Berscheid, E., & Walster, E. H. (1978). Interpersonal attraction (2nd ed.). London: Addison-

Wesly Publishing Comp.

Interpersonal Attraction offered a greater understanding on the concepts of aggression and

frustration. More specifically, on how aggression can often be a direct result of misplaced
frustration, something that occurs often in abusive relationships.

Duck, S. (1991). Understanding relationships. New York: Guilford Press.

Understanding Relationships offered me great understanding on how to form a healthy

relationship. This source offered definitive steps to follow in the development process of a
relationship which allowed me to pinpoint where exactly in the stages a relationship can turn
from healthy to potentially unhealthy.

Filley, A. C. (1975). Interpersonal conflict resolution. Glenview, IL: Scott, Foresman and

Company.

Interpersonal Conflict Resolution offered understanding on the language of conflict. A language

defined by the balance of self-disclosure and feedback. Negative feedback such as judgmental
statements, general statements, and uninvited statements may result in the person refraining
from self-disclosing in the future, halting the development and growth which a healthy
relationship demands.

Johnson, D. W. (1981). Reaching out: interpersonal effectiveness and self-actualization.

Englewood Cliffs, N.J.: Prentice-Hall, Inc.

Reaching Out: Interpersonal Effectiveness and Self-Actualization was a source that offered
understanding on the concept of conflict. Specifically, this source encouraged the questioning of
whether conflict is destructive or constructive and then offered further understanding on the pros
and cons of each style of conflict.
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Levy, B. (1998). Dating Violence: Young Women in Danger. Seattle, WA: Seal Press.

Barrie Levy’s Dating Violence: Young Women in Danger, offers great understanding on the
cultural context of dating violence, found in the dialog of society’s obsession with power and
control.

McCornack, S. (2016). Reflect & Relate: an introduction to interpersonal communication.

Boston: Bedford/St. Martin's.

Reflect & Relate: an introduction to interpersonal communication offered me the majority of my

understanding for the concepts of this review and was my most reliable source. This source was
used as the main source in order to understand and apply concepts such as communication
patterns and terms as they relate to development of relationships as well as the effects
experienced by a victim.

Miller, L. M. (2011). Physical abuse in a college setting: A study of perceptions and participation

in abusive dating relationships. Journal of Family Violence, 26(1), 71-80.

doi:http://dx.doi.org/10.1007/s10896-010-9344-2

This publication offered insight into further gaps in the literature and scholarship on the topic of
effects on victims of domestic violence. It also offered understanding on the mindset of someone
going through an abusive relationship as it relates to the perception of the health of their
relationship.

Types of Violence and Abuse | Violence Prevention Initiative. (2016, December 13). Retrieved

April 04, 2017, from http://www.gov.nl.ca/VPI/types/#1

This website, by the Violence Prevention Initiative, offered greater understanding on where
abuse falls on a scale, allowing to greater understand and cultivate a proper definition for
physical abuse in relationships.

Waldrop, A. E., & Resick, P. A. (2004). Coping Among Adult Female Victims of Domestic

Violence. Journal of Family Violence, 19(5). Retrieved March 04, 2017.

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This journal, Coping Among Adult Female Victims of Domestic Violence, offered many statistics
on the prevalence of mental disorders among victims of abusive relationships. This source was
extremely reliable as it offered direct statistics from prior research completed on the topic of the
effects on victims of abusive relationships.