1. “Conjunctivitis.

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2. “I was mugged by a man on crutches, wearing camouflage.

3. “A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, ‘Can you spare a few minutes
for cancer research?’

4."Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

5. “Velcro?

6. “A friend of mine always wanted to be run over by a steam train.

7.“The only good thing about being the only boy out of six children, was I got to have a bedroom to myself;

8.“I miss my ex-wife....

9.“I recently read a book titled '1000 places to visit before you die'. Although I couldn't help thinking:

10."I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again,

11."Trump's nothing like Hitler.

12. "I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the 'brella'.

13."I'm rubbish with names. It's not my fault, it's a condition.

14."I wonder how many chameleons

B. 'As opposed to when?'”

C. What a rip-off!”

D. I hate all change"

E. – that’s a site for sore eyes”

F. When it happened, he was chuffed to bits!”

G. even my Mum and Dad had to share.”

H. There's no way he could write a book"

I. But he hesitated"

J. They charged one and let the other one off."

K. There's a name for it..."

L. snuck onto the Ark"

M. Ha ha, I thought, you can hide but you can’t run.

N. but my aim is getting better”

O. I said, ‘Alright, but we won’t get much done.”