memo

To: Cecelia Musselman

From: Erin Lopez
CC:
Date: January 25, 2018
Re: Peer Review: Jack Nickles

SUMMARY
This paper delves into the author’s experiences with behaviorism. It explores his
journey from first taking a seat in an elective psychology class and being skeptical about
one’s actions being dictated by behaviorism, to researching the work of B.F. Skinner and
seeing behaviorism wherever he goes in both his everyday life and the life of his father,
through operant conditioning. Throughout the paper, the author questions just how
different man is from animal, if both can be conditioned to perform certain behaviors.

MAJOR POINTS
As a whole, this paper grabs and maintains the interest of the reader, in a tone that is
very appropriate for its intended audience. Writing about being “no more than an
animal,” and then forgetting about it for a little bit, and coming back around full circle
near the end to re-address the question with, “So then, if a bird can do what my father
and millions of others struggle with, how different are we really?” was a very nice way
of tying together the whole story in a cohesive manner.
While there are several examples of how behaviorism is present in the author’s life, the
focus is more on the author’s general life than his intellectual endeavors. Additionally, a
large chunk of the paper is spent discussing the experience of his father, rather than
himself. While this is an interesting addition to the story, it is somewhat off topic. I
recommend that more examples of behaviorism in the academic environment be
included.
Also, the work of B.F. Skinner is referenced quite a bit, but we are told very little about
the experiments he did, beyond the fact that he was a Behaviorist studying operant
conditioning. The definitions of operant conditioning and classical conditioning were
helpful, but it may also be beneficial to provide more background on his techniques.
The text states that “Skinner began to conduct his preliminary experiments.” By briefly
expanding on what those experiments were, some useful context will be added. Later
on in the second to last paragraph, “Skinner’s famous box” is referenced; however,
there is no explanation for what this famous box was. A description would provide a lot
of clarity for those without a background in psychology.
In the third paragraph, the author discusses his first experience in his elective
psychology class. The beginning and end of the paragraph both have a very
conversational tone; however, the middle features a sudden shift in tone to more
formal definitions, as the article is referenced. It seems as if a large percentage of
“behaviorism is a natural science based solely around observable experiments
that attempt to manipulate behavior. The thinking mind and its mental states
play no part in why we act. Bolder still, the article continued: “The behaviorist, in
his efforts to get a unitary scheme of animal response, recognizes no dividing
line between man and brute” (Watson, 1913)”
may be quoting the article, but only the last part is cited. In an effort to increase
readability, I would recommend paraphrasing that section more colloquially to fit in
with the rest of the paper.
Lastly, the focus of this paper is on behaviorism, yet the opening lines talk about more
visual features, such as “skin, bone, shape, complexion.” The first paragraph does an
excellent job of grabbing the reader’s interest, but more relevant examples would
better set up the rest of the paper.

MINOR POINTS
There are several instances of missing commas, such as in lists or after a dependent
clause that starts a sentence. Additionally, the author should be sure to include
citations to support facts that he may have researched, such as Skinner teaching
complex behaviors to birds.
There are some instances of verb-tense errors as well. The majority of the paper is
written in the past tense, but there was a switch to present tense in the paragraph
discussing reading the article in the psychology class, before reverting back to past
tense. It is important to stay consistent in the past tense here.